#because the point they were making was from a good conscience i think. i wont reveal what they said but when aimed at the right person- | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imagine-loki · 4 years

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Toxic

TITLE: Toxic

CHAPTER NO./ONE-SHOT: One-shot

AUTHOR: fanfictrashdump

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki loves telling everyone that he fears nothing and no one. Tony asks him to check in on Character, who has been in a pissy mood all week. Loki chuckles. “Oh, I fear no one, but I’m not suicidal.”

The first sign that Loki was a soft boy wasn’t anything big or particularly mushy. He stopped on the street and got down on one knee to help a boy whose laces had come undone and was struggling to do them up himself.

RATING: T

NOTES/WARNINGS: I entirely forgot about this one-shot in my drafts. I kinda lost steam with it and I decided to post it kind of unedited, so there should be errors and boring valleys galore! Language! Reference to suicide.

SUMMARY: Lily is usually a sweetheart, but there’s a bit of poison flowing through her veins, right now. Meanwhile, Loki has a short bout of good conscience.

“Where are you going?”

Lily jumped, startled, immediately grimacing as her left shoulder smarted. Her arm was in a sling, having crash-landed onto it during a mission last week. The medic had said that she had likely torn one of the tendons in her rotator cuff, but that they would not be able to do anything about it until the swelling came down. Now, her whole arm lay useless in its cloth cradle while the other side bore the weight of bags and baskets.

“Um…,” she hesitated in her place, unsure as to why she was feeling a little like a schoolgirl caught out doing something she wasn’t supposed to. Well, maybe it was the fact that Stark had told her I don’t want you doing anything for the next month… “I was just going to the bodega. I’m out of snacks.”

“No.”

For a second, they stood in silence, staring each other down while she waited to see if there was going to be anything added to his sentiment. “That’s it?” He nodded, looking bored. “Yeah, I’m not a child. I’m going to the bodega.”

Loki groaned. “Lilian…”

“Not my name, dude.” She made the mistake of bumping into his shoulder with her injured side. On any other occasion, with any other human, it would have been no issue. Loki, however, seemed to be as dense as the center of a collapsing star, and though he barely swayed from his spot, she let out a sharp hiss and gritted her teeth painfully.

“You humans are so pathetically feeble, I swear,” he remarked, bending at the knees to gently prod at her shoulder. “Give me the list, I’ll collect your supplies.”

“No,” she replied, instantly, imitating his haughty tone, perfectly.

“Don’t be a child. I can go there and back faster than you can.”

Baby blues shot up and hardened at him. “What do you need? What leverage are you trying to get?” Loki frowned, tilting his head minutely to explore her incensed semblance. “You know what? I don’t care. I don’t need to be coddled. I can take care of myself just fine.”

“I didn't–”

“Leave me alone!” With the last shouted syllable, her veins glowed bright green and thorns seemed to sprout from every bit of her skin. Loki held his hands up in surrender, and took a step back for good measure.

With one last withering look, she skirted past his imposing form, and pressed the elevator call button. The doors opened almost instantly, and she slipped in, pressing the button for the ground floor. She did not expect, however, for the elevator to dip slightly under the weight of another person. Despite the fact that she had not seen Loki follow her to the hallway, he was standing there, silently, a few feet between them as they rode the elevator down in silence.

At the lobby, he waited for her to exit the car first, following like a spectre right after. They had made it half a block before Lily could no longer resist the urge to scream, and she turned on her heel to face a calm Loki.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Loki fought the smile creeping onto his lips for a bare minute. “Accompanying you. I thought that much was obvious.”

“I don’t. Need. A babysitter.”

“Never said you did, flower,” he riposted, off-handedly before he gestured her ahead.

Letting out a barely restrained groan, she stomped her way back down the street towards the bodega. Loki, for the most part, followed silently, gently fetching things from the top shelf that he knew she was trying to get to, crowding her side when other people got a little too close, generally treating her like she was a porcelain doll about to shatter.

It was annoying the shit out of her.

The bodega owner had barely reacted when she slammed her basket down and unpacked her groceries to pay for them. Her usually charming, chummy demeanor was extinct and replaced by a surly, snarled lip. Why would he be doing this? Was it just to drive home the point that he thought she was incompetent? Weak? Whatever it was, it was gnawing at her very soul and all she wanted to do was to go back to the tower and hide in her room until her shoulder had recovered.

Snatching her receipt from the bodega owner, she turned away from the counter. “Let’s get moving, Snakeb… Loki?” She glanced left and right, not finding him there, nor could she feel the heaviness of his presence anywhere around her. She glanced out the glass doors and found her missing demigod on the sidewalk. A child of about five or six, who was clearly waiting for his mother to get through with her transaction at the bodega, stood still with a gentle smile. Loki was down on one knee, equally easy grin on his face with a shoelace in either hand.

“I’ll show you again. Pay close attention, alright?” He pulled the strings up taut and made two loops. “Around the trunk of Yggdrasil, the little rabbits go, they twine around the knitted roots and sink deep down below. After they have had their fun they jump up to spring free, but every part of their spirit’s tied to the Great Tree,” he singsonged, knotting the laces easily. “Got that?”

The child nodded, giggling before going off with his mother who was looking at Loki a little too hard to be comfortable.

Loki glanced up, sensing Lily staring and offered her a smile she didn’t return. “Are you ready?”

“You taught him how to tie his shoes.”

He brushed aside her prickly tone, unbothered. “Yes… is that a crime, now?”

“Why?”

“He didn’t know how.” He shrugged, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“I thought you didn’t like weak things.”

“You know, at some point you’re going to have to tell me why you’re so cross at me.” He snapped, finally, though he didn’t look angry. Disappointed, maybe? Sometimes it was damn near impossible to place any emotion on his face that wasn’t blind rage.

“I heard you talking to Tony, OK? When I was taken to the medbay, she snapped back with double the fervor.

Loki sighed, counting backwards from ten. He was fond of the mutant and he didn’t want to frighten her by barking at her, as he would anyone else. "Despite what you might think, that doesn’t help explain anything.”

“You told Tony I was weak and didn’t belong in the field!” She shrieked, pushing her index finger into his chest. It hurt her more than it did him, but it was a matter of principle.

“No. I told him it was stupid to send you out to the field to somewhere you’d become weak. Foot-thick steel walls zap your energy and I warned him repeatedly about the repercussions. You got hurt because of it.”

Her anger sputtered and idled at the clarification. “You were looking out for me…?”

Loki laughed, a little mirthlessly. “Imagine that,” he replied, sarcastically. He reached out for her basket, carrying the snack-laden vessel himself to give his hands something to do as he marched stoically down the street. People seemed to sense his mood, as they all parted like the Red Sea for him, though they barely allowed her enough space to squeeze through. Glancing backwards, he caught her eye, slowing his pace considerably to allow her to catch up.

“But… you hate me.”

A little notch formed between his brows as he considered her closely. “When have I ever said that? You’re my friend. I don’t make friends with people I hate… Or people… Or make friends, in general, so you should count yourself very bloody lucky.”

Lily shuffled uncomfortably where she stood, and Loki could have sworn there was a flash of a shadow over features, but it was gone a moment after.

“Can we go back or are you going to stand here and glare at me some more?” He joked easily, gesturing down the street with his chin. The mood seemed to lighten, instantly. He didn’t pay her transient anger any mind.

Perhaps he should have.

The Tower was tense, to put it simply. Laughter, which was commonplace whenever the team was home, was nothing more than a distant memory. It seemed like every little noise and movement set off a chain reaction of unpleasantness from what was usually their most pleasant resident. No one had really expected this side effect. After all, when the mutant decided to tell Tony her secret after having worked for him for five years, she assured that she had it well under control. And it was. Her abilities were second nature at this point. Of course, the pressures of battle are something else, entirely, and little quirks popped up just as little quirks are wont to do.

And pop up, they did.

The first time it happened, the team had come back from mission somewhere in the South Pacific. They were all tired and sun-baked enough that if they never saw the great wide ocean ever again, it would be too soon. Heroes all piled into the kitchen with far too many containers of Chinese food, chatting in quiet hushed tones to give their raw throats and over-sensitive ears a chance to rest.

In the far end of the kitchen, Lily stood on her tip toes. Her small frame strained to reach a mug at the very top of the cabinet so she could make herself some tea. Steve, helpful and gentlemanly as ever, rested a hand on the small of her back to signal her that he was there. Reaching above her, he easily grasped the mug, offering her the handle with a dazzling smile.

Usually, she would beam up at the soldier and give his hand a squeeze. Today, her eyes narrowed dangerously. “What, do you think I can’t fucking get a mug now, Rogers?” She snapped, and the soft murmur of the room cut out immediately.

As if in slow motion, they whole team craned their necks over to where the pair stood. Steve had frozen in well-placed shock, mouth opening and closing to grasp for an appropriate apology that he couldn’t understand why he owed. Guilt flashed for but a second across Lily’s features before she cracked her neck awkwardly. Her veins, which would glow a bright green only when using her abilities, pulsed a sludgy brown. She had barely mumbled an apology before going off to hide in her bedroom.

That first encounter had been the mildest, by far.

No one had any idea how to remedy the situation. After all, Lily was usually such a bundle of bright, brilliant energy. She was the one who would always wake up to make breakfast for the group, leave them flowers, bake cookies when one of them seemed sad–she was not a dark, angry entity that yelled at her fellow teammates. Or snarled at anyone for entirely arbitrary reasons (that was Loki’s job, after all). The attitude usually waned after a few days and she’d be back to her bubbly self, which was all the more terrifying.

Right now, however, they were in a dark period.

“Are you truly using a children’s game as a selection tool for whom has to go disturb the plant witch from her self-imposed exile?” Loki asked, a little smugly as he happened upon Natasha and Tony playing Rock, Paper, Scissors to take Lily her new uniform. “You’re pathetic.”

“Don’t act like the sudden goth girl phase isn’t weird. I can tell she scares you,” Nat quipped, rolling her eyes.

Loki gave her a withering stare, looking smug as he circled her in a predatory manner that annoyed the hell out of her. “I fear no one and nothing, Miss Romanov.”

Tony snorted, before a glimmer in his eye sparked and left Loki looking weary. “OK, great. How about you go take this to her, then?” Tony held the bundle for Loki to take.

Loki chuckled, knowing full well the terror that the woman could inflict if provoked. “I said I feared nothing. I didn’t say I was suicidal.” He considered a little longer. “Well, not anymore, anyway.” Tony frowned, making a mental note to follow up at a later date.

“Come on! You two seem to be all buddy-buddy the rest of the time, anyway. Why don’t you just look in on her?”

The god rolled his eyes. “Has it ever occurred to you idiots that perhaps she’s protecting us and not herself when she locks herself away?”

“You are absolutely no help. Fine, Nat–” Tony turned around, sweeping his gaze left and right. “Nat? Where the hell did Nat go?” Frowning, he turned back around to glance at Loki and, instead, found himself alone. “Yeah! Great! Let's… er… regroup later! Good… talk…”

Loki sat at the kitchen table, poking at the, frankly disgusting, plate of eggs and bacon that Bruce had genuinely put all his effort into making for the crew. Glancing around the table, he found a sea of faces with the same sad expression. They all definitely longed for Lily’s pancakes and bacon breakfasts right about then. Loki was the only one who wasn’t even making an effort to be polite and put down some of the meal down his gullet. He had eaten some pretty grim things in his life, but he was not about to make that conscious decision when he wasn’t under any type of duress.

“It’s been two weeks, Tony,” Clint quipped, oddly undisturbed by the state of breakfast and munching full speed ahead. “She’s never been dark for this long.”

“I know. Is this you volunteering?”

“Last time I volunteered, I nearly got impaled on barbed thorns the size of my arm. I barely made it out without looking like Swiss cheese.”

“Barbs?” Loki asked, tilting his head curiously.

Clint nodded, eyes widening. “Yep. Big ones.”

Tony caught the whiff of an idea brewing in Loki’s mind. “Why? What are you thinking, Reindeer Games?”

Loki frowned, waving off the interest. “Nothing. Making a rather satisfying image in my head,” he replied, earning him a dark look from Clint and an annoyed sigh from the rest of the table. It wouldn’t do well to get their hopes up, after all.

After breakfast, Loki found himself pacing the corridor of their living quarters. Lily was only a few doors down and had not seen much of anyone in the whole two weeks since they had gotten back from mission. His brain continually told him that there was nothing he could do, no way for him to remedy this situation. That whatever this state of being was, he would only make it worse. It was better if he just went back to his room and waited for her to seek him out.

And yet, there was a small little voice in the back of his mind, his conscience, he would begrudgingly admit, that urged him to knock on her door.

She would go to the ends of the earth for you, if you needed it, it soothed.

The thought sparked images of the annoyingly sweet woman keeping his handful of secrets and being genuinely interested in his life. He could admit that his conscience was speaking the truth, but only because he knew the imp had little in the way of common sense and self-preservation. This was not the creature hissing at them all from across the threshold, though. And, why would he willingly put himself in the line of fire?

Out of the corner of his eye, a figure caught his attention. A vase of flowers on the windowsill, one of her creations. They were no longer the fresh white daisies they had been when they were placed there. Now they looked like some sort of Nightshade and he was certain they were not the nice kind.

“Oh, you fucking bleeding heart,” he ground out with a groan just as his conscience won out. Without allowing himself time to think or change his mind, he pounded his fist on her door. “Open up or I’ll break it down, Lilian.”

“Fuck off, popsicle!” Her voice was rough and shuddering, like she was trying very hard to keep everything out–or herself in.

Loki swallowed at the venomous retort that brewed at the tip of his tongue on its own accord. Being the bigger person was never quite his forte (nor did it ever get him good results), but he was able to reign himself back in. Rolling his eyes, Loki placed his hand on the door, letting the golden glow of magic envelop it before a satisfactory click let him know that it was open. He had barely crossed the threshold when he jumped back with a yelp.

On the floor, where flowers usually formed a dense, soft carpet, were twisting brambles and thorns. Flytraps and pitcher plants lined the walls, all too large to be considered just houseplants, and blooms burst open, letting out plumes of pollen that Loki dared not to breathe.

This was definitely worse than what he was expecting.

His eyes tore away from the dark forest with a little effort. “Lily,” he tutted softly, watching the woman tucked into a tight ball, tears leaking from her tightly lidded eyes.

It should have been obvious to him. Every living creature had a defense mechanism. Predators had their teeth, prey had their speed, and plants had adapted in similar fashion. Thorns, barbs, poison, giant vats of acid–they had made sure that their lineages survived. It stood to reason that Lily’s mutation, tired of the fighting and the constant worry of missions would also develop some dark effect. Since she wasn’t allowing herself to be dry and acerbic to her friends, her biology had found an alternate solution.

He should have thought of it before.

“Gods, how much pain are you in?” He asked, kneeling beside her on the bed. He ignored the spines digging into his trousers from where he walked through some cacti. There was no response, but rather a whimper and a sigh. “Flower, look at me.”

“Leave me alone, you self-aggrandizing asshole,” she growled, not bothering to open her eyes.

The corner of his mouth twitched, even as he pushed her hair out of her scowling face. It had gone from a bright silver to a dark, smoky grey. “You forgot self-serving and maddeningly good looking.”

“You’re not funny.”

“Agree to disagree.” At his touch her skin erupted in prickers as though they were goosebumps. He swallowed the hiss at getting his fingers skewered, blood pooling at the tips.

Lily’s fists flew in his direction, though he easily caught them in one hand. This time the groan of pain wasn’t silent and blood trickled down his wrists from his palms. “Stop it! Don’t touch me! FRIDAY, he’s hurting me!”

“Disregard that, FRIDAY. Lily, I swear–” She struggled in his grasp, eyes opening and flashing pitch black at him. He was shocked enough that he released her wrists. Her nails grew into sharp wooden talons and just as she reared back to swipe at him, Loki had enough sense to lay his hand on her temple and command, “Sleep.” Her body stiffened and slumped down a second later. “That bloody stings,” he complained, letting her rest back on the bed and bringing the covers over her oddly cool skin.

Loki couldn’t help but compulsively stroke his fingers through her hair, eyebrows pulled together in concern. For all his knowledge of magic and aliens and different realms, he could not figure out for the life of him how to soothe the poison threatening to consume her. In her slumber, she whimpered, shuffling closer to the gentle heat that radiated off of him in waves. Loki convinced himself that he was allowed to dote on her, so long as she wasn’t conscious to remember it. The sludgy brown lines going up and down her exposed skin lightened somewhat under his careful evaluation. Enough that he did not feel threatened when he tapped at her temple and took the sleeping spell off.

He offered a small smile when her eyes blinked up at him in confusion. They were back to their normal baby blue, though her hair still resembled plumes of smoke. “Easy,” he whispered as she jerked away from his touch, all at once. Instead of a hiss or an insult, she frowned, settling back to rest against the pillows, body barely brushing against his. “You’re safe.”

Lily nodded, breathing deeply. This time she didn’t hesitate when he brushed his fingers over her hair. “What are you doing?”

“Tending the garden.”

She rolled her eyes, exasperated. “I’m not a garden.”

“Yeah, you are. A few brambles and prickles here and there. Nothing a good prune and a hug won’t fix.” He used his index finger to lift her chin, having essentially buried herself into one of her pillows, cheeks burning. “You don’t have to keep us safe, flower. Sometimes, you’ll need to vent all that ill will and it is not up to you to avoid that.”

“Says the frost giant masquerading as an Asgardian.”

Loki let out a bark of laughter. “I think I liked you more unconscious.” Sadness flashed through her features, eyes downcast. “I was joking. You know I was.”

Lily nodded and the two fell into a tense silence for a long while. The mutant had sat up, fidgeting with her hands on her lap while Loki watched her, expectantly. He wouldn’t press her, of course, but he could tell that there was something on her mind that she wanted to get out in the open. When she didn’t say anything, he simply placed his hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m scared,” she blurted out.

“Well, you’re very scary so that makes sense.” The look she gave him told him that was not the answer she wanted and before she could look even more dejected, he added. “And that’s good. You’re powerful. You should be scary. Scary keeps you safe. Fear is a great motivator.”

Loki was starting to panic. It didn’t seem like any of what he was saying was helping her, though it was possibly the most honest and candid he had ever been. If anything, the quickly gathering tears in her eyes told him that he was making it leaps and bounds worse. Shouldn’t she be ecstatic that she could make anyone bend to their will by looking a little ominous? She certainly had the whole of the Avengers acting like she was some sort of displeased deity.

Except she wasn’t. She was gentle and giving and cared. It was becoming very apparent that this was her own personal hell.

“I don’t fear you,” he muttered, brushing hair away from her face. This time there were no barbs to prick him. “And honestly, the rest of these idiots don’t, either. They’re just worried for you.”

“I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Maybe because there’s nothing to fix. I’m guessing that with a little training you can learn to use… whatever the hell this is to your advantage.” His mouth twitched in a small smile. “Sometimes you must learn to embrace the darkness, dear.”

Lily was quiet for another long while, picking at her nails while she thought hard. “Loki?”

“Yes, pet?”

“Can I have a hug if I promise not to tell anyone?”

Loki barked out a laugh, pulling Lily into his arms and squeezing her tightly. “I don’t give a shit if you tell anyone. They probably won’t believe you, anyway,” he murmured into her hair, noting the soot-like material that clung to his fingers as he stroked her hair, turning it back to silver. “Don’t suppose you know if this is dangerous or not?” Lily shook her head against his chest. “Of course you don’t. Why would you?” The mutant giggled against him when he squeezed her a little tighter.

“Loki?” The Prince hummed his recognition against her crown. “Thank you for being a good friend.”

It took Loki supreme effort to blink away the tears that for some reason had sparked to his eyes, unbidden, at the sentiment. “It is my distinct honor, flower.” Comfortable silence filled the room for a moment longer. “I also couldn’t take Bruce’s cooking for another day.”

Lily scoffed, pushing away from his chest with a glare. “Why? Why do you ruin it?”

“Have you met me? Come on!”

“I hate you. Next time I’m poisoning you,” she whined, pulling Loki after her.

“Where are we going?”

“I can tell you haven’t eaten because you’re a child. We’re going to the kitchen.”

Loki grinned, following dutifully after her, as if the imp had any physical means to drag him anywhere. “Do I get pancakes?”

“No!”

“Please?”

“…fine.”

#Loki #Angst #Others #Submitted one shot #submission #Toxic #Fanfictrashdump

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beneaththetangles · 3 years

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Tangles Writers Do Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai, Arc 2: To Drop or Not to Drop

Greetings, Tangles readers!

Yesterday, Twwk posted an excellent article to kick off our deep dive into the Bunny Girl Senpai series. Twwk’s article focused largely on Sakuta’s character: his selfless, genuine love for Mai and his transparent, authentic self. But of course, Sakuta’s character isn’t all sunshine. As Twwk points out, he tends to dance on the line of commitment to Mai throughout the show, and often gets himself into trouble with his speech and conduct.

And if you’re looking for a perfect example of these negative characteristics which Twwk discussed, look no further than Tomoe’s arc. In some ways, this arc presents Sakuta with no filter—authentic and honest, sure, but also hurtful and demeaning. Today, I’ll be writing about how episodes four through six of Bunny Girl Senpai almost compelled me to drop the show. I’ll reason through why I ultimately decided to stick around. And I’ll describe how my personal struggle with this arc of Bunny Girl Senpai finds its place not only in Tomoe’s story, but also, perhaps, in your own.

Got all that? Good. Let’s proceed.

Before we continue, enjoy a coffee break, sponsored by best girl Rio Futaba. (Look out for her article in a few days!)

I’ve always had a strained relationship with Bunny Girl Senpai. Let me be clear: I’m 90% into this anime for the cheeky banter between Sakuta and Mai. It’s fantastic. So I really liked the first three episodes of the show. Episode four, in contrast, presents the first signs of genuine conflict between the two, as Tomoe’s Adolescent-Syndrome-caused looping leads to a misunderstanding with not only Mai, but the whole school. Ultimately, Tomoe and Sakuta end up feigning a relationship for Tomoe’s sake: Her friends think that she’s dating Sakuta and she feels uncomfortable admitting their mistake.

Already, the flashing lights were going off in my head. Mai’s gone and Sakuta’s pretending to date someone else? It all seems foolish and immature and out-of-character. (And where’s my Mai dialogue?) Regardless, I was willing to forgive those minor setbacks to see how things would go in Tomoe’s story. But as things progressed, it became very clear that the dynamic between Sakuta and Tomoe was far different than that between Sakuta and Mai. In some ways, it was endearing. Sakuta’s sort of like a big brother to Tomoe, hanging out with her, bringing her food when she’s sick, and lending her an ear amidst her struggles.

But as many big brothers are wont to do, Sakuta pokes fun at Tomoe. And many times, it goes way too far. Now, I’m willing to admit that some of the discomfort I felt at Sakuta’s jokes might say more about my boundaries than the show itself.1 But much of what Sakuta says to Tomoe in this arc could genuinely be classified as sexual harassment, and there’s times when the jokes genuinely trouble Tomoe. It threw me off, to the point that I was ready to cast the show away out of sheer discomfort.

Amen, Tomoe. Amen

Why, then, did I decide to stick with the show?

Before I continue to answer that question, I’d like to clarify the tension I’m describing here a little. I don’t mean to imply that watching Bunny Girl Senpai violated my conscience. Stay away from shows like that—but I’m talking about something a little different. Bunny Girl Senpai doesn’t violate my conscience in these scenes; it violates my moral standards. These scenes don’t tempt me to sin; they portray sin as a good thing. They don’t inspire shame but anger: anger at wrongs going unpunished.

Maybe a few examples will help to clarify what I’m trying to say. When I think of problematic anime, I think of Made in Abyss, which contains several scenes that arguably sexualize minors. Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, one of my favorite shows, runs into the same issue with the relationship between Lucoa and Shouta. And The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, a fan favorite, has its own issues with sexual harassment as well. These are all shows which clearly contain scenes which violate moral standards in such a way that no one could be blamed for dropping them outright.

Of course, all the shows that I’ve listed, including Bunny Girl Senpai, are shows that I watched through to the end. So why didn’t I drop them? There’s a lot I could say here, but in short, it’s because each show, despite its flaws, had something worth staying for. Haruhi drew me in with its absurd yet hopeful celebration of the oddities of this world. Kobayashi reminded me that sometimes it only takes a dinner table to welcome those who share nothing in common with you. And Made in Abyss presented a stirring tale of adventure with its own moral quandaries to boot.

What about Bunny Girl Senpai, then? Well, if it’s Sakuta’s personality that turned me off, it’s the same personality that kept me coming back. Again, despite his flaws, Sakuta is abundantly authentic. At his best, he hates lies and misunderstandings; he doesn’t pull punches; he says exactly what he’s thinking. And for Tomoe, who’s struggling with fitting in and finding her own identity in the midst of the chaos of adolescent social interactions, Sakuta’s bluntness comes as a great reassurance. Regardless of how her friends treat her, she knows Sakuta will always treat her the same way he always has. He’ll always be there for her.

In fact, I have a theory. I think that Tomoe’s struggle to reconcile Sakuta’s good and bad sides isn’t too much different from my own. Even as she finds herself angered and frustrated by the things Sakuta says, she knows there isn’t genuine malice behind them, because she knows Sakuta is for her. His bluntness sets her on edge, but it also sets her at ease, because she knows he’s willing to tell her what she needs to hear, and to help her grow in the process. It’s because Sakuta is Sakuta that she knows that she’ll be loved no matter where she’s at. It gives her the confidence to move forward.2

And in the end, I think the moral tensions that I’ve described in this article aren’t too much different from the same tensions we experience in all our lives. It’s really easy for us as people to polarize reality. That artist or that book or that show is problematic, so anyone who supports them is problematic. Alternatively: that artist or that book or that show is good, so anyone who discredits them is wrong. But life is more complex than that. I should know: I find that complexity in my own heart, as I vacillate between good and bad intentions and desires and actions. Like Sakuta, I can issue a word of wisdom in one moment and a word of mockery in another.3 I need grace in every moment of my life. We all do.

So what if, instead of polarizing reality, we learned to live as children of grace? What if, when people hurt us, instead of responding in anger, we responded in gentle love? What if, when ideas harmed us, we wrestled with them rather than smacking them down? What if, when media unsettled us, we stopped to ponder intentions, rather than to assume them?

I don’t have answers to those questions. It’s certainly a hard task, to show the grace we’ve been given. But, at the very least, I hope I’ve shown that it’s okay to wrestle with these tensions rather than to find cheap answers. That is, after all, what Bunny Girl Senpai is about: learning to live in a world where there are no cheap answers, and demonstrating kindness and faithfulness in the meantime. Those are lessons worth learning—even if there are a few rough patches along the way.4

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Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai can be streamed on Funimation.

1 To be fair to the writers of the show, some of the worst jokes from the light novel source were toned down for the adaptation. The comments still make me deeply uncomfortable, though. 2 I want to be very careful here. I don’t mean to say that Tomoe shouldn’t feel angry at Sakuta for the things he says. I’m simply pointing out that she’s facing the same tension I am in deciding whether or not to stick with the show: the antithesis between affirming what is good and confronting what isn’t. 3 Again, in an abundance of caution, I’ll say that while both Sakuta and myself exhibit these sorts of moral tensions, that doesn’t reduce the weight of Sakuta’s sins. I’m not excusing Sakuta; I’m condemning both him and myself. 4 Much of what I said in this post was inspired by Alan Jacobs’ Breaking Bread with the Dead, which argues for reading classical literature because of its ability to confront our sensibilities and form us into better people. In some sense, I think his argument can be adapted into a case for watching anime in the same sort of way, and that’s what I’ve tried to do here.

#Anime #Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai #Seishun Buta Yarou wa Bunny Girl Senpai no Yume wo Minai #Grace #Sin #Articles #Author: sleepminusminus

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kapitaali · 3 years

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The New Hippies

THE NEW HIPPIES: The work abolition movement, anarcho-primitivism and biodynamism as ways to combat climate change

Essay for the course LOGS13b The Strategic Role of Responsibility in Business by Teppo Saari

Introduction

The course LOGS13b The Strategic Role of Responsibility in Business had the students think about and discuss the various ethical dimensions in business, moral dilemmas and choices to be made that a decision maker in business world come across every day.

This essay is motivated by our case study with a headline ’Investors urge European companies to include climate risks in accounts’ (Financial Times 2020). In this essay I will explore values and ethical principles that I see as the solutions to our case study and climate change in general. This is not to say that I could stand up for them in business world. Ironically, my main thread and leitmotif here is the untransformational nature of capitalism and business world. Thus, standing up to the values I will discuss here means doing less business, not more.

This essay is divided in three parts: problem – reaction – solution. These three parts will talk about the chosen values and ethical principles. They are by no means new: pragmatism – The Golden Rule – parsimony & naturality. They just seem to be in conflict with our modern way of living.

Thinking pragmatically about the problem

As part of our course assignment, we got to read about a group of investors managing trillions of dollars worth of assets who urged European companies to include climate risks in their accounts (Financial Times 2020). Scientists have warned us for decades, that pumping extreme amounts of CO2 into our atmosphere will result in melting of the polar ice caps (Mitchell 1989; Jones & Henderson-Sellers 1990), which will raise the sea level and drown some of the coastal cities (Peters & Darling 1985). Finally, capitalists are acting responsibly!

It would seem that capitalists actually cared for the planet and not just their profits. Or would it? Maybe they are scared of losing their future profits, and this kind of media escapade would bring back public trust and confidence in the system. It would be a sign that capitalists can act transparently, openly, accountably, respecting others (O’Leary 1993). But is changing the allocation in your investment portfolio really a sign of empathy? Would there be other ways to better express empathy in business?

Shareholders are interested in the risk their assets are facing, not necessarily in the welfare of the people. Investors acting virtuously can be just virtue-signaling or pleasing other elements in the society to take off media pressure and negative PR from them in a conformist way (Collinson 2003). Maybe they are just greenwashing their own conscience. Why is George Soros’ climate buzz astroturfing industrial complex (Morningstar 2019a) financing Greta Thunberg to do public PR campaigns targeting the youth? Maybe there is money in it. It is unlikely that it would have been dubbed ”A 100 trillion dollar storytelling campaign” without some particularly good reasons (Morningstar 2019b).

But there is something else in it too than just money: power and control. The person who gets to limit choices gets to dictate what kind of choices remain. And if a person has that kind of foreknowledge, then that person can be two steps ahead of us. And being two steps ahead of us means securing future profits. Including climate risks in accounts will imply controls. Controls are imposed on accounts, but ultimately it will mean controls imposed on people and their daily activities. Workers are the ones who will naturally suffer the consequences of management decisions. In this case management decisions are ’urged’ externally, from the owners’ part. After all, it is the corporations that are producing most of the climate change effects, in terms of pollution and greenhouse gases (Griffin 2017). People doing their jobs, working everyday, producing things but also at the same time producing climate effects. I would still love to hear politicians use more terms such as ”pollution” when talking about these issues. For it is unclear how reducing carbon emissions will reduce overall pollution that is also a contributor in the destruction of our environment (see eg. Bodo & Gimah 2020; Oelofse et al. 2007). Issues like microplastics, holes in the ozone layer, biodiversity loss, acid rains and soil degradation need to be talked about just as much, if not more so.

The problem is simple: too much economic activity producing too much climate impact, mostly pollution and greenhouse gases. Solving the Grand Challenge (Konstantinou & Muller 2020) of our time is harder if we wish to keep the fabric of our society intact. There’s a clear need for dialogue among stakeholders (Gardiner 1996), but how is it a dialogue if people are not actually listened to and don’t get to say how things will progress in society? What I am proposing is a meme-like solution that has the greater impact the more people adopt it. My solution is: stop working. Produce less. Stop supporting systems and mechanisms that produce climate effects. Stop supporting the mechanisms that don’t listen to your voice. Disconnect from the Matrix. Working a dayjob is one of these mechanisms. Although many people have realized the benefits of working from home (Kost 2020), a lot more needs to be done. Remote work is not available to everyone. Not all jobs are remote work.

Bob Black (2021) in his texts has advocated for the total and complete abolition of work. Stopping working naturally does not mean stopping doing things, it will merely mean stopping working a job, a concept which itself is a social construct. Black’s theses are simple but powerful. Working is the source of all ills, it is not compatible with ludic life (allthemore so in 2021), it is forced labour and compulsory production, it is replete with indignities called ”discipline”: ”surveillance, rotework, imposed work tempos, production quotas, punching -in and -out, etc”. Black does not only describe the negative ontological aspects of working, he goes deeper and invokes many familiar names of Greek philosophers:

Both Plato and Xenophon attribute to Socrates and obviously share with him an awareness of the destructive effects of work on the worker as a citizen and a human being. Herodotus identified contempt for work as an attribute of the classical Greeks at the zenith of their culture. To take only one Roman example, Cicero said that “whoever gives his labor for money sells himself and puts himself in the rank of slaves.” His candor is now rare, but contemporary primitive societies which we are wont to look down upon have provided spokesmen who have enlightened Western anthropologists. The Kapauku of West Irian, according to Posposil, have a conception of balance in life and accordingly work only every other day, the day of rest designed “to regain the lost power and health.” Our ancestors, even as late as the eighteenth century when they were far along the path to our present predicament, at least were aware of what we have forgotten, the underside of industrialization. Their religious devotion to “St. Monday” — thus establishing a de facto five-day week 150–200 years before its legal consecration — was the despair of the earliest factory owners. They took a long time in submitting to the tyranny of the bell, predecessor of the time clock. In fact it was necessary for a generation or two to replace adult males with women accustomed to obedience and children who could be molded to fit industrial needs. Even the exploited peasants of the ancient regime wrested substantial time back from their landlord’s work. According to Lafargue, a fourth of the French peasants’ calendar was devoted to Sundays and holidays, and Chayanov’s figures from villages in Czarist Russia — hardly a progressive society — likewise show a fourth or fifth of peasants’ days devoted to repose. Controlling for productivity, we are obviously far behind these backward societies. The exploited muzhiks would wonder why any of us are working at all. So should we.

Black notes that only ”a small and diminishing fraction of work serves any useful purpose independent of the defense and reproduction of the work-system and its political and legal appendages”. In similar vein, the late but great David Graeber saw the futility of most work. Calling this phenomenon ’bullshit jobs’ (Graeber 2018), Graeber sets out to describe what many of us are familiar with: we do useless things to make ourselves feel useful. Because modern society legitimizes itself with having people ’do’ stuff and not ’be’ a certain person. How can you (objectively) measure being? You can’t. But doing, that you can measure. This measurement then qualifies you as a member of society: productive, doing your part (an idiom that is a perfect example how you can’t escape the doing paradigm on a societal level). Graeber’s definition of a bullshit job is: if the position were eliminated, it would make no discernible difference in the world. In many cases these types of jobs are found to be supporting some kind of buraucracy, reporting, assisting decision makers, etc. Our current Matrix has its ways of creating more of these with the clever marketing concept called ’value’ (Petrescu 2019). They don’t make a difference, they create value.

Why would you want to overload the world by doing things that you nor most everyone else see no point in? Why would you waste your time doing pointless things? The easy answer to these questions is ’subsistence’. But there are many other ways to live on this planet. If you keep doing what the society tells you is acceptable or convenient, you will shut your eyes from the problem at hand: climate change.

Legitimizing anarcho-naturism as a solution with The Golden Rule

Our responsibility is to ourselves. We can not properly be held responsible for anything else. Yet the system of representational democracy does just this, holds us collectively responsible for many things, borrows money from creditors with our names on the loan collectively and then makes us pay for the loans. The way this Matrix works is yet another reason to disconnect from it. Or at least stop supporting it as much as possible.

The Golden Rule states: ”Treat others as you want to be treated” (Gensler 2013). From the perspective of climate change, it can first seem curious why you would quit your job and head for the hills. After all, we are facing a global issue here. There are people in need for help and I am running away? But I would see it as a way to get around our predicament. The Golden Rule can be also interpreted in Kantian way as the categorical imperative, particularly its first formulation: ”Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law”. This formulation is somewhat more proactive in nature. It talks about acting, doing things, and doing things is what is appreciated in our society, even when your goal is to exit the society.

Why exit the society? Is it enough to just quit your job and find something else to do, something that is more fulfilling and not bullshit? What an excellent question. Long before the advent of smart phones and 5G and DNA-vaccines, this question had been brought up to the table. In the 1800s, people were realizing the negative impact industrialization was having on society at large. People were rooted out from their family homes in the countryside, forced to move to a large city to look for a job, crammed into small apartments with dozens of other workers, coerced into working long and hard days at factories to make a living. The lowly misery of these people attracted the attention of a certain Friedrich Engels, who felt their situation was not adequate to make up for the suffering they had gone through. He meticulously described the working conditions of the English working class in his ”The Condition of the Working Class in England” (2003 [1845]), originally published in German. Sociology as a science was established by Karl Marx, Max Weber and Emile Durkheim to study these changes. Slowly but surely, the influx of people into cities started to cause issues, something that mayors and other municipal representatives had to start taking care of. Planning and zoning were given a lot more attention, since the earlier modus operandi of old European cities had been rather laissez faire (Sutcliffe 1980).

Against this backdrop of massive societal change, people started to question the changes and their direction. Are we really nothing more than slaves, just working in a different environment? Slavery might not be the right word or context here. Many people believe to be free, govern themselves and their property, and yet their daily actions and options to choose from seem to be eerily limited. They have only so many choices, most of which seem somehow related to running their errands. A more appropriate term, with all its connotations, here would be the Greek word ananke, ”force, constraint, necessity”. Like a force of nature, progress towards modernity necessitates that people leave their family homes and go work in large factories, compulsively manufacturing endless amounts of products, some of which are necessary, others merely decorations, and some just pointless.

Many names in 19th century New England worked upon a vision for the future society at a time when unprecedented changes were taking place and the standard of living was rising faster than ever before. The Transcendental Club was a group of New England authors, philosophers, socialists, politicians and intellectuals of the early-to-mid-19th century which gave rise to Transcendentalism, the first notable American intellectual movement. Transcendentalist believe in the inherent goodness of people and nature, but that society and its institutions — particularly organized religion and political parties — corrupt the purity of the individual. (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy 2003; Sacks 2003.) Transcendentalism is a unique mix of European Romanticism, German (particularly Kantian) philosophy, and American Christianity. The impact of this movement can still be seen in the many flavours of American anarchist and radical Christian movements.

Out of the ranks of Transcendentalists rose a couple of names that can be viewed as the progenitors of modern anarcho-primitivism and natur(al)ist anarchy. Ralph Waldo Emerson was the central figure of the Transcendental Club, who together with Henry David Thoreau critiqued the contemporary society for its ”unthinking conformity” and advocated for “an original relation to the universe” (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy 2003). Emerson’s Nature (2009 [1836]) poetically embellishes our view of the natural world, while Thoreau’s Walden; or, Life in the Woods (1995 [1854]) is a call for civil disobedience and revolt against the modern world. Another influential natur(al)ist writer has been Leo Tolstoi whose name is frequently mentioned by anarchists. Tolstoi himself was a Christian and pacifist, and his writings have inspired Christian anarcho-pacifism that views the state as ”immoral and unsupportable because of its connection with military power” (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy 2017).

Before the Transcendentalist movement, Europe experienced similar trend in philosophy with Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s natural philosophy. Rousseau touched upon many subjects: freedom, free will, authority, nature, morality, societal inequality, representation and government. Like Transcendentalists, Rousseau held a belief that human beings are good by nature but are rendered corrupt by society. ”Rousseau clearly states that morality is not a natural feature of human life, so in whatever sense it is that human beings are good by nature, it is not the moral sense that the casual reader would ordinarily assume” (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy 2010). Rousseau’s work is relevant to many of the social movements that currently fight against COVID restrictions, vaccination agenda, building of 5G antenna towers next to where people live, polluting the environment, systemic poverty and general disconnection from the natural world. Rousseau, although regarded as a philosopher, saw philosophy itself negatively, and to him philosophers were ”the post-hoc rationalizers of self-interest, as apologists for various forms of tyranny, and as playing a role in the alienation of the modern individual from humanity’s natural impulse to compassion” (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy 2010).

Rousseau’s days did not see capitalism as we see it now. It was later Marx (influenced by Hegel, who in turn was influenced by Rousseau) that put together a treatise that considers the societal change we have seen ever since from industrialism and circulation of capital. But Rousseau’s thoughts about the social contract (1968 [1762]), “child-centered” education (Rousseau 2010), and inequality (Graeber & Wengrow 2018; Rousseau 2008) are still relevant today. Especially when we are faced with many societal forces that are contradictory in nature, each of them pushing us into certain direction, demanding our attention, wanting us to change our beliefs about that one particular aspect that connects with other aspects and forms the Matrix of our reality.

We are once again facing a similar situation as the people did back in the days of the first industrial revolution. Now the industrial revolution has reached its fourth cycle, unimaginatively called ”Industry 4.0” (Marr 2018; WEF 2021), where machines are starting to become autonomous and talk to each other. I used to think technology was cool, and went to work for Google. But at Google I learned that technology is not cool, after all. Not until technology becomes completely open source, it will be used by massive conglomerates to build autonomous weapons systems (Cassella 2018; Johnson 2018) and the industry will keep paying ethics researchers to keep writing arguments for them (Charters 2020). Even though I could work for an industry that, given the current trajectory, will be among the biggest producers of CO 2 in the future Vidal 2017), the idea that I would work for an industry that sees weaponizing their products as the grandest idea of mankind’s future is still gnawing.

Because, it is all just business (Huesemann & Huesemann 2011):

One of the functions of critical science is to create awareness of the underlying values, and the political and financial interests which are currently determining the course of science and technology in industrialized society. This exposure of the value-laden character of science and technology is done with the goal of emancipating both people and the environment from domination and exploitation by powerful interests. The ultimate objective is to redirect science and technology to support both ordinary people and the environment, instead of causing suffering through oppression and exploitation by dominant elites. Furthermore, by exposing the myth of the value-neutrality of science and technology, critical science attempts to awaken working scientists and engineers to the social, political, and ethical implications of their work, making it impossible or, at the very least, uncomfortable for them to ignore the wider context and corresponding responsibilities of their professional activities.

It all seems to be connected with state imperialism and the military-industrial(-intelligence) complex. Lenin’s statement (2008 [1916]) equating capitalism with imperialism still prevails this day: ”imperialist wars are absolutely inevitable under such an economic system, as long as private property in the means of production exists”. The conditions change, but the war machine keeps on churning (soon with autonomous weapons!), with wealthy but crooky investors financing projects that are even more dystopian (Byrne 2013). We may remember what president Dwight D. Eisenhower said about the military- industrial complex (NPR 2011):

”In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists, and will persist.”

It is exactly these kinds of doomsday scenarios that inspire people like Theodore John ”The Unabomber” Kaczynski. Kaczynski, famous for sending mail bombs to various university professors around the US, holds a doctoral degree in mathematics. (Wikipedia 2021.) Kaczynski was bullied as a child, and it has been suggested that he was part of an MKULTRA experiment in college (The Week 2017). Kaczynski did not send his bombs haphazardly. He wrote long theoretical pieces to justify his actions, most of them being thematically anarcho-primitivist. In 1995, after sending several bombs to university personnel and business executives in 1978-1995, he said to ”desist from terrorism” if he got his text published in media outlets.

In his Industrial Society and Its Future (Kaczynski 1995), a 35 thousand word essay published in The Washington Post, which the FBI gave the name ”Unabomber manifesto”, Kaczynski attributes many our societal ills to ”leftism”. In the manifesto Kaczynski details how two psychological tendencies, “feelings of inferiority” and “oversocialization”, form the basis of ”the psychology of modern leftism”. Feelings of inferiority are taken to mean the whole spectrum of negative feelings about self: low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, guilt, self-hatred etc. Oversocialization is the process of socialization taken to extreme levels:

24. Psychologists use the term “socialization” to designate the process by which children are trained to think and act as society demands. A person is said to be well socialized if he believes in and obeys the moral code of his society and fits in well as a functioning part of that society. It may seem senseless to say that many leftists are over-socialized, since the leftist is perceived as a rebel. Nevertheless, the position can be defended. Many leftists are not such rebels as they seem.

25. The moral code of our society is so demanding that no one can think, feel and act in a completely moral way. For example, we are not supposed to hate anyone, yet almost everyone hates somebody at some time or other, whether he admits it to himself or not. Some people are so highly socialized that the attempt to think, feel and act morally imposes a severe burden on them. In order to avoid feelings of guilt, they continually have to deceive themselves about their own motives and find moral explanations for feelings and actions that in reality have a nonmoral origin. We use the term “oversocialized” to describe such people.

Kaczynski goes on to describe how this oversocialization causes a person to feel guilt and shame for their actions, especially in the context of performing as society expects them to perform. He writes how this concept of oversocialization is used to determine ”the direction of modern leftism”. Further on, Kaczynski describes how modern man needs goals to strive for, to not run the risk of developing serious psychological problems. This goalsetting activity he denotes ”power process”. But these goals can be real or artificial. Setting a goal is “surrogate activity” if the person devotes much time and energy to attaining it, does not attain it, and still feels seriously deprived. It is just a goal for goalsetting’s sake, the unfulfilled other side of the coin of power process. Kaczynski then connects these concepts to the many societal ills (excessive density of population, isolation of man from nature, excessive rapidity of social change and the breakdown of natural small-scale communities such as the extended family, the village or the tribe) by describing how modern society, with all its marketing and advertising creating artificial needs, disrupts the power process, mankind’s search for itself and meaning-making in life. He sees social hierarchies and the need to climb up them, the ”keeping up with the Joneses”, as surrogate activity.

”Because of the constant pressure that the system exerts to modify human behavior, there is a gradual increase in the number of people who cannot or will not adjust to society’s requirements: welfare leeches, youth gang members, cultists, anti-government rebels, radical environmentalist saboteurs, dropouts and resisters of various kinds”. This gradual increase, then, the system tries to ’solve’ by using propaganda, ”to make people WANT the decisions that have been made for them”. In regards to technology, the ”bad” parts cannot be separated from the ”good”, and thus we are constantly facing the dilemma between technology and freedom, new technology being introduced all the time, and new regulations being introduced to curb the negative effects of the technology and at the same time stripping us of our freedoms. Kaczynski concludes, that revolution is easier than reforming the system.

Later, Kaczynski released another of his anti-technological theses. In Anti-Tech Revolution: Why and How (2015) Kaczynski presents a ”comprehensive historical analysis explaining the futility of social control and the catastrophic influence of technological growth on human social and planetary ecological systems.” This time Kaczynski talks more about how to start an anti-tech movement and how to keep it going. The text reads like a mathemathical proof of sorts, it presents ”rules”, ”propositions” and ”postulates” why the technological system will destroy itself (eg. Russell’s Paradox resulting in chaos in a highly complex, tightly coupled system) and why a successful anti-tech movement needs clear goals to avoid some of the errors revolutionary movements have made, which are elaborated in the book. Violence is not offered as a solution in the book, it is seen more like a mishap of sorts, a suboptimal outcome of a revolutionary movement. But it talks about power. Kaczynski got to learn the hard way how the feeling of powerlessness breeds desperate actions that would have been otherwise unnecessary. The book also talks about climate change and related issues, from a mathematic systems theoretical point of view.

Institutions that are in the business of social engineering and behavioral modification, such as the Tavistock Institute in the UK or the CIA in the US, would have us believe that Kaczynski’s actions were ”defences against anxiety” that can be seen as ”withdrawal, informal organization, reactive individualism and scapegoating” (Hills et al. 2020), and to some extent this is true. But Kaczynski interprets the actions of these institutions stemming from technological progress in our society Kaczynski 1995):

117. In any technologically advanced society the individual’s fate MUST depend on decisions that he personally cannot influence to any great extent. A technological society cannot be broken down into small, autonomous communities, because production depends on the cooperation of very large numbers of people and machines. Such a society MUST be highly organized and decisions HAVE TO be made that affect very large numbers of people.

This uniformity of a large hierarchical modern society then forces its will on people (Kaczynski 1995):

119. The system does not and cannot exist to satisfy human needs. Instead, it is human behavior that has to be modified to fit the needs of the system. This has nothing to do with the political or social ideology that may pretend to guide the technological system. It is not the fault of capitalism and it is not the fault of socialism. It is the fault of technology, because the system is guided not by ideology but by technical necessity.

We have once again encountered ananke, necessity. Now, if we consider ourselves as the lonely decision makers in this society, what could we do? We can try and fight fire with fire, but such fights end up producing only pain and casualties (Taylor 2013). Anarcho-naturists and anarcho-pacifists understand that (unnecessary) fighting in most cases does not work. Sometimes fighting is warranted, but it is beyond the scope of this essay to examine those cases. Sending bombs to people’s offices may get you some attention and even make somebody quote your manifesto in an essay, but it is not solving the issue, something which the Unabomber addressed in his later texts. If working a job indirectly supports the military-industrial complex NewScientist 2011), what good does it do? The military-industrial complex is the biggest source of pollution in the world (The Conversation 2019; Acedo 2015), detaching yourself from this complex is imperative. Even if they would manage to convince us with their psyops that they are willing to change and that climate change is an important issue (Ahmed 2014), it would still be the biggest polluter that is controlling the conversation. It has even been suggested that they are behind this climate buzz (Light 2014). Is your job doing that much good in society that it outweighs the cons? If I need to act responsibly, but cannot fight the system nor conform, while at the same time keeping in mind our looming climate disaster, the only reasonable and peaceful response is to exit the system altogether.

Biodynamism’s naturality and parsimony

Owning responsibility and transforming the world implies taking some kind of action. We have already seen how feelings of powerlessness and lack of self-worth can lead to destructive actions. But there are an unlimited amount of actions that can be taken, that are not based in feelings of powerlessness but empowerment.

Exiting society might sound like a lonely project, and some people might rightfully feel lonely when all their peers still want to live in the illusion. But it does not have to be so. A lot of soul-searching needs to be done, and that is usually done in privacy, focusing upon oneself, but beyond that there are ways how to go off-grid and drastically reduce your carbon emissions.

One of the key concepts that will be our guiding principle here is degrowth (Paulson 2017), which ties into values such as organicity, naturality and parsimony. We will want to have less production of artificial things, and more organic and natural things. By artificial we mean long supply chains and many phases of production with modern high technology that produce a large amount of climate effects. By natural we mean using primitive technology, mostly all-natural or recycled materials and something that can be produced even alone, given enough time. Primitive technology does not exclude electricity, it just means producing it differently.

Rudolf Steiner, Austrian philosopher, social reformer, architect, and theosophist, the founder of Anthroposophy and a great reformer of science in matters of spirit, started the first intentional form of organic farming, known as biodynamic agriculture, after he had given a series of lectures on the topic in the last year of his life. (Paull 2011.) Steiner had many spiritual experiences during his life, which lead him to start the Anthroposophy movement. He wanted to apply the scientific process into spiritual realm, inquiring it as it would be as real as our material world. Inquiring this spiritual world helped him access knowledge he claims to not have been access otherwise (Steiner 2011 [1918]). Anthroposophist self-inquiry can be seen as Foucauldian ”technology of the self” that ”provide an intervention mechanism on the part of active subjects, injecting an element of contingency to everyday encounters and alleviating the determinist effect that technologies of power would have otherwise” (Skinner 2012).

Steiner’s thoughts about agriculture are still relevant (Paull 2011):

In 1924 Steiner commented that, “Nowadays people simply think that a certain amount of nitrogen is needed for plant growth, and they imagine it makes no difference how it’s prepared or where it comes from” Steiner, 1924b, pp.9-10). He made the point that, “In the course of this materialistic age of ours, we’ve lost the knowledge of what it takes to continue to care for the natural world” (Steiner, 1924b, p.10).

Our current system seems to think exactly in this way, that if we just compensate our wreaked havoc by investing in ’green’ technology (Elegant 2019), it will all be ok and rainbows in the sky. But it will not. No one is even double checking if the companies that say that they are now carbon neutral actually proactively try to make our world greener. They can just buy a renewable energy company and say now we are green and do nothing else. Some would argue that going ’carbon neutral’ like these massive corporations are doing it is not the way to do it: “’green’ infrastructures are creating conflict and ecological degradation and are the material expression of climate catastrophe” (Dunlap 2020).

Steinerian biodynamism ”encompasses practices of composting, mixed farming systems with use of animal manures, crop rotations, care for animal welfare, looking at the farm as an organism/entity and local distribution systems, all of which contribute toward the protection of the environment, safeguard biodiversity and improve livelihoods of farmers” (Turinek et al. 2009). While modern biodynamic studies focus on agroecological factors such as nutrient cycles, soil characteristics, and nutritional quality (Reganold 1995; Droogers & Bouma 1996), Steiner himself was quite metaphysical in his lectures and paid attention to details such as kingdoms of nature, planetary influences, biorhythms, incarnated and environmental ethers, and the Zodiac (Steiner 2004 [1958]; Nastati 2009).

By shifting to more natural ways of living, we may help Gaia (Lovelock 1991; Singh 2007) heal in many other ways than just reduce our climate emissions. By realizing that we are actually living on the skin of a fairly large and complex organism, we will stop treating it as a plain source of material resources, and start bonding with it, tune into its consciousness and establish two-way communication, just like the natives have done in America.

The way of the natives ought to be our current way, since there is no reason why the natives could not guard the lands they have before. One of the greatest fears of people speaking for private property rights is that managing resources collectively would mean exhausting them. There is no Tragedy of Commons. Just because you are materially poor does not mean that you are any less competent steward of land and wealth, as proposed by Elinor Oström (2009). Acting for climate is not an investment allocation problem. The natives need their land back so that they could do their best to fight the destruction of our ecosystem. The Outokumpu supply chain in Brazilian rainforests, Elon Musk and Bolivian lithium mines, Papua New Guinea indigenous conflict, mining in Lapland in traditional Sami herding areas, Australian uranium mining in indigenous lands… these are all pointless conflicts.

There are also many other ways of staying grounded and in touch with nature, while at the same time cultivating sovereignty. Many of these things revolve around feeding the most immediate community next to you. They reflect ideas such as mutuality, solidarity, organicity, and naturality. Permaculture is a term coined by David Holmgren to describe ”an approach to land management and philosophy that adopts arrangements observed in flourishing natural ecosystems. It includes a set of design principles derived using whole systems thinking. It uses these principles in fields such as regenerative agriculture, rewilding, and community resilience” (Wikipedia: Permaculture 2021). Permaculture has many branches including ecological design, ecological engineering, regenerative design, environmental design, and construction. It also includes integrated water resources management that develops sustainable architecture, and regenerative and self-maintained habitat and agricultural systems modeled from natural ecosystems (Holmgren Desing Services 2007).

Earthships are 100% sustainable homes that are both energy efficient and modern. Earthsips are built with natural and repurposed (recycled) materials, they heat and cool themselves without electric heat, they use solar energy to power electric appliances, they collect all of their water from rain and snowmelt, they re-use their sewage water to fertilize plants, and there’s an indoor garden that grows food in vertical growing spaces (Reynolds 2021). Ecovillages are a ”human-scale, full-featured settlement, in which human activities are harmlessly integrated into the natural world in a way that is supportive of healthy human development and can be successfully continued into the indefinite future” (Gilman & Gilman 1991).

Clifford Harper had a set of drawings imagining an alternative in his book Radical Technology (Harper & Boyle 1976). In them, he shows many of the ideas that were themes in the German garden city movement in the beginning of 20th century (Bollerey & Hartmann 1980), such as collectivised gardens, autonomous housing estates, and community workshops. The book introduces us ’radical technology’, which spans basically all of the concepts we have discussed up to this point: organic agriculture, biodynamic agriculture, vegetarianism, hydroponics, soft energy, insulation, low-cost housing, tree houses, shanty houses, ’folk-built’ houses using traditional methods, houses built from subsoil, self-built houses, housing associations, solar dwellings, domestic paper-making, carpentry, scrap reclamation, printing, community & pirate radio, collectivised gardens, collective workshops for clothesmaking, shoe repair, pottery, household decoration and repairs, autonomous housing estates, autonomous rural villages, etc.

These concepts, while they seem simple, are still empowering, they are meant to let people enjoy they fruits of their labour. Last but certainly not least is the concept that all of these things fall under, alternative (or, appropriate) technology. Alternative technologies are those ”which offer genuine alternatives to the large-scale, complex, centralized, high-energy life forms which dominate the modern age” (Winner 1979). Alternative technologies seek to solve the problems technocentric thinking has caused in society: technical scale and economic concentration, level of complexity or simplicity best suited to technical operations of various kinds, division of labor and its alleged necessity, social and technical hierarchy as it relates to the design of technological systems, and self-sufficiency and interdependence regarding the lives of individuals and communities. Many of these solutions have been developed in Africa, where problems have had to be solved, but resources have been scarce in actuality.

Appropriate technology holds great promise in ways that are currently underappreciated in our society (Huesemann & Huesemann 2011):

As has been mentioned repeatedly throughout this book, the primary goal of technology in our current economic system is to increase material affluence and to generate profits for the wealthy by controlling and exploiting both people and the environment. In view of the reality of interconnectedness, this is neither environmentally sustainable nor socially desirable. In this chapter we discuss how to design technologies which reflect the values of environmental sustainability and social appropriateness. We also emphasize the importance of heeding the precautionary principle in order to prevent unintended consequences, as well as the need for participatory design in order to ensure greater democratic control of technology. Finally, as a specific example of an environmentally sustainable and socially appropriate technology, we discuss the positive contribution of local, organic, small-scale agriculture.

Conclusion

This essay has presented the reader with ramblings of a person who is familiar with Critical Theory, who would like to build a stronger connection to nature, and who is having a major identity crisis in life. I have expressed, albeit feebly, my will to emancipate myself, to exit the Matrix. In Finnish they would say ”Sota ei yhtä miestä kaipaa”, and in George S. Patton’s words this expression would be ”Hell, they won’t miss me, just one man in thousands.”

In this essay I seem to have extensively quoted the Unabomber manifesto. This is not to say that Kaczynski had exceptionally good motives or justifications for his actions. He killed many people and is in prison now. Kaczynski’s ideas are not unique. Quoting his manifesto serves merely to prove one point: he is the product of his environment. Mental illness is no longer a taboo and things have progressed somewhat since Kaczynski’s days. It could be argued that Kaczynski’s writings were just projection of his own feelings of shame and guilt he had gone through. But his mental condition, should he be diagnosed with one (Amador & Reshmi 2000), does not invalidate the things he’s written. In many ways his writings are now more relevant than ever. When we have tech billionaires talking about inserting neuralinks into your brain and downloading thoughts straight from the headquarters, we can really see the manifesto dots connecting.

I wish it would have been just the mental load caused by a ’surrogate activity’ of keeping up with the Joneses that was the cause of all this, but no, it’s the real deal now. When we have corporate executives and federal commissions defending autonomous weapons systems and saying building such systems is a ’moral imperative’ (Gershgorn 2021), you know we have reached peak civilization. It’s all downhill from now on. All participation in society will support this moral imperative, and I don’t want to have anything to do with it. While many would get back to nature for reasons of convenience, such as better health, Rousseau himself would have gotten back to nature ”to feel God in nature” (LaFreniere 1990). It is this kind of humanist transcendentalism (not transhumanism) that we will need again, to realize what we have done to our planet, to realize what needs to be done to abolish the war machine consuming it, and to make ourselves whole again.

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mysterykidscasefiles · 4 years

Text

Mystery Kids and the Case of the Whispering Rock

Summary: Norman, Neil, Coraline, Wybie, Raz and Lili arrive at Grunkle Stan’s Summer Camp with the hope of having a summer of fun, or in the case of the two Psychonauts, with the intent of investigating a psychic disturbance. When they meet two twins that seem to be experts on the secrets of Gravity Falls, they find themselves reluctantly teaming up. But how much can they actually trust each other? There are secrets in this town, but more surprising are the secrets being kept from each other.

Table of Contents

Chapter 23: Lost and Found

“What? B-but that’s not possible!” Wybie exclaimed as he stared flabbergasted at the old cabin in the giant tree. “We walked away from it! In a straight line! How can we be back here?”

Coraline placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I know, Wyborn, believe me, I know.” Coraline looked miffed, but not quite as freaked out as her friend.

“This doesn’t make any sense!” Wybie continued in frustration. “I built this compass myself and we only traveled east! We couldn’t have made it back here!”

Dipper rubbed the bridge of his nose. “This happens sometimes, but don’t freak out. Actually, we’re lucky. In this forest, we could have ended up in worse places than here.”

“What do you mean?” Norman asked. “Has this happened to you before?”

“A few times,” Mabel said with a shrug. “It happens sometimes when we get lost or when we go too deep into the forest. It’s like the forest doesn’t want us to leave.”

Mabel’s tone was as cheerful as always and it seemed out of place for the situation. Raz wasn’t sure if it was comforting that she wasn’t worried, or if the girl just had an underdeveloped sense of danger.

“You two talk like the forest is alive or something,” Wybie said.

“It is alive, genius,” Lili said while rolling her eyes. “The forest is made out of trees and trees are alive.”

“That’s not what he meant, and you know it,” Coraline said, jumping to her friend’s defense. “He meant the twins talk like the forest has a conscience.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Dipper said, “But sometimes it sure seems like it… wants to keep us here.”

“What do you guys think we should do?” Norman asked the twins. “You two know the forest better than we do.”

“Well… we have to stop relying on our eyes,” Dipper said. “It’s only going to confuse us more.”

“And forget about common sense,” Mabel added. “It's useless here. Right is left and left is right. Backwards can be forwards and going in circles might as well be going straight.”

Dipper nodded. “The best thing to do would be to wait for nightfall so we can use the stars to guide us out. If we try and get out the conventional way then we’ll end up wandering around the forest until we pass out or get lost somewhere worse. We're lucky we keep coming back to this tree. One time Mabel and I wondered so far it became dark in the middle of the day.”

Mabel's smile faltered. "It wasn't a normal kind of darkness. There were no clouds or stars."

"How did you guys get out?" Neil asked with rapt attention.

Mabel glanced at Dipper, who has a far-off look in his eyes. “We’re not sure…” Dipper admitted. “To this day we still aren’t sure what happened. It was so dark that I couldn’t see Mabel even though she was standing right next to me. Luckily we had flashlights so we could walk without running into the trees. We were walking for about an hour, probably getting even more lost, when we heard a scratching sound coming to our left. When I shined the flashlight on where the noise came from we saw a small arrow scratched into the bark of the tree. It was fresh, so we knew something had just been right next to us when it had made the arrow.”

Did you follow the arrow?” Neil asked.

“We didn’t have much choice,” Dipper admitted. “Up to this point we were wandering aimlessly and I don’t think we could have gotten more lost. A few minutes later, we heard another scratching sound off to the side, but when we turned our flashlight towards it, we couldn’t see anyone. When we looked closer at the tree, there was another arrow carved in the bark. This continued to happen and we kept following the arrows until the sky started to lighten again and we could see the sun. No matter how hard we tried, we never saw who…. or what helped us.”

“I saw fur!” Mabel exclaimed eagerly. “I’m pretty sure whoever helped us had fur...I think. It was pretty dark.”

Dipper shrugged. “Those are the only things we have to go on. It might have had fur and it was obviously agile enough to avoid our flashlight.”

“You guys have seen a lot of strange things, haven’t you?” Raz asked thoughtfully.

“It’s this town,” Dipper admitted. “It’s weird… really weird. Mabel and I have seen things we can’t explain. I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can, but I didn’t want to drag you guys into it. As you can see, it can get dangerous.”

Raz entertained the possibility of searching through Dipper’s memories the way he had Coraline’s. There may be something in Dipper’s memories that would lead them to the disturbance they were searching for. However, something gave Raz pause.

He was still feeling guilty about the way he rummaged through Coraline’s memories and caused her to have a nightmare the previous night. He had wanted to find information that might lead him to the psychic disturbance, not to retraumatize her.

In addition, Raz didn’t really know what he was looking for. He knew Dipper and Mabel had seen weird things in the town, but would they really have information about the psychic disturbance they were looking for? There were also restrictions around looking through civilian memories, especially minors, Unless Raz had reason to believe they had information related to his mission, he wasn’t supposed to go through a civilian’s memories.

Raz decided that he would first try to ask Mabel and Dipper more questions about the mysterious things they have seen in Gravity Falls, as well as try and look around the town. If Raz discovered that Dipper or Mabel might know something related to the disturbance, and refused to share, then he would search through one of their memories.

“So, assuming we aren’t going to be saved by a potentially hairy monster that carves arrows into trees, what should we do?” Coraline asked.

“We are just getting ourselves more lost by wandering around,” Dipper said. “As much as I hate to be in this forest at night, we might have to wait for the stars to guide us out. That’s usually the safest way once we’re already lost.”

"We have to stay out here until it gets dark?” Wybie asked nervously, glancing around.

“I know it’s not the best plan,” Dipper agreed, sounding just as worried. “But it’s the only thing I can think of that wont get us more lost.”

“Actually, Lili is really good at reading a forest,” Raz spoke up. “The tree’s look different the farther you go in, and Lili can notice little differences like that. We don't have to wait. We can follow her out of here. After all, she was the one that knew we were going in the wrong direction from the very beginning.”

Lili didn’t react to Raz’s vote of confidence, but he could tell she was pleased. Raz knew Lili could use her herbaphony to get them back home easily.

At least, he hoped it would be easy. They had used a compass, gone straight, and still ended up back where they started.

“Hold on, it’s because of Lili we’re out here in the first place,” Coraline pointed out. "How can we trust her not to get us more lost?"

"Listen, Blue." Lili sneared. "I'm the only one that can get us out of here within the next few hours. So unless you want to wait until it gets dark and the Little Dipper can use the Big Dipper to get us home, then you'll shut your trap and follow me."

Coraline raised an eyebrow at Lili at the same time Mabel broke into a fit of giggles.

"Mabel, it wasn't that funny," Dipper said in annoyance.

"No Dip, it was hilarious!" Mabel choked out, barely able to breathe. “Little Dipper!”

"Well then..." Coraline said, a smile tugging on her lips. "I guess anything is better than nothing. Lead the way."

Lili turned around and walked past the giant tree. She was heading in the opposite direction they had been traveling in. There was hesitation from the group at first, but then everyone began following her. Raz tried to suppress the feeling inside of him that told him they were going the wrong way. He trusted Lili and she knew what she was doing.

Lili led them west, then north. Raz swore they passed the same trees that they had seen just minutes ago, but he kept quiet. There was one point where Lili led them around in what he thought was a definite circle only for them to end up in a completely new area.

Lili was frowning the entire time, a confused look on her face. She looked as lost as everyone else, but she seemed to put her faith in something other than her sense of direction.

They were traveling for a half an hour, but even Coraline held back her sarcastic commentary. Raz knew what Coraline was thinking without having to read her mind: Lili had either gotten them closer to home, or twice as lost.

Finally, the trees began to thin and Dipper let out a squeak of excitement. "I know where we are!" he shouted. "We're almost to the town!"

“How did you do that?” Neil asked Lili in awe.

“Like Raz said, I’m just really good at understanding plants,” Lili explained with a shrug.

“Man, it’s going to be so easy navigating the forest with you around!” Dipper said with a laugh.

Lili glanced at Dipper from the corner of her eyes, her eyebrows twitching upwards in surprise.

“Yeah, not bad Plant-girl,” Coraline said, nudging Lili with her shoulder playfully. “Looks like you are useful for something.”

“At least one of us is,” Lili said with a smirk.

Coraline rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. After a moment, Coraline’s expression faltered. “So umm…” she began awkwardly. “I guess I should have trusted you earlier when you said you knew the right way to go. That was my bad.”

Raz had a feeling that was as close to an apology that Lili was going to get, but from the look on Lili’s face, that was more than she had been expecting.

Lili shrugged. “Whatever, Blue. One of these days you’re going to figure out that I’m always right.”

Rax placed his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders. “And if she’s ever wrong, we’ll get the bravest or the most gullible person we know to break the news to her, so the rest of us can run for cover.”

Lili gave him a shove. “Shut it, Raz!”

Raz chuckled, stumbling a bit. He grabbed Lili’s hand in his own as they walked, and she allowed him to. This was the first time Raz noticed that Lili was slowly starting to relax around the other kids.

Raz glanced at his girlfriend and then back at the other kids. Raz knew this mission wasn't anything like what he and Lili had expected. They went into this thinking it would be a simple recon mission. They were just supposed to find the psychic disturbance and report back to Agent Nein.

Now, they were no closer to finding the psychic disturbance, but they did find a ghost of a psychic kid with false memories, a blue haired girl who was being hunted by a terrifying otherworldly creature, a magic cabin that used to belong to witches, and an even stranger forest.

Raz hoped that whatever happened next, he and Lili would be able to handle it on their own, and the other kids wouldn’t get themselves involved. However, with this group’s track record for seeking out dangerous and unusual situations, Raz wasn’t holding his breath.

End of Act 1

I actually finished act 1? It’s been how many years and act 1 is finally complete?! I’m still having trouble believing it. This story still has two more acts to it. I have a lot of Act 2 written, but it was written a while ago, so I have to do a lot of rewriting. But at least I have a pretty good outline.

Thank you all for all your comments, they really keep me going and inspire me to continue to work on this story. Let me know what you guys thought of act 1.

If act 1 is all about meeting each other, then act 2 is about learning to trust each other, and act three… well, I wont say too much there.

If you want to support me, here is the link to my ko-fi

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#Mystery Kids #Mystery Kids Case Files #gravity falls #coraline #paranorman #psychonauts #Whispering Rock fic

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thebibliomancer · 3 years

Text

Essential Avengers: Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #10-12

February, 1985

DEATH TO THE BEYONDER!

Wow, Doom has been beaten to hell in this story, huh?

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer etc etc.

Anyway, lets get to it.

Last times in Secret Wars: Some amazingly powerful being from Beyond the universe called the Beyonder kidnaps a bunch of heroes, villains, shades thereof, and chunks of random planets to put on a big toy commercial where action figures can bonk off each other.

The X-Men ditched the other heroes to team up with Magneto to do their own thing, as they’re wont to do. But still largely helped the other heroes fight the villains. And didn’t even do villain shit even though Magneto advocated for it.

There have been a bunch of fights back and forth between the groups but most recently, Captain America’s group of heroes stormed Doombase and took down the villain group then had to rush to back up the X-Men in dealing with Galactus who wants to eat the planet, as he is wont to do.

Doom busted out of the cell the heroes stuck him in to pull off his master plan with the help of solid sound man Klaw while Reed Richards had a crisis of weird conscience as he became convinced that maybe Galactus should eat the planet. But he eventually helped the other heroes drive Galactus off-planet where the hat horned purple planet eater started to eat his own spaceship, with Doom planning to steal that tasty snack.

And that brings us to now.

Where things are getting super freaky.

Reed Richards’ skeleton viscerally upsets me.

But as Galactus’ ship turns from Mobius ship to energy cloud, the cloud gets ripped away from Galactus and streams towards Doombase.

Captain America sends Captain Marvel to Doombase to check if Doom is behind this Total Doom Move and she zips over to determine, yup, Doom is pulling a total Doom right now.

He’s got himself strapped to a thing under a bunch of Klaw lenses injecting PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER right into his itty bitty body.

Captain Marvel is going to zip back over to let Captain America and Mr. Fantastic know whats going on but Professor X chimes in her brain that he’ll save them some time by setting up a psychic conference call between her and Reed.

Meanwhile, Doctor Doom finishes consuming the aggregate energy of a spaceship the size of a solar system and trips out a little on omnipotence.

Doom: “By the dark gods! My least whim alters the world around me! Such is the power coursing within me that stone and steel are wisps of nothing which bend and transform in slavish obedience to my merest stray thought!”

Just say no to phenomenal cosmic power.

Also, some omniscience, which lets him see his own brains and into the souls of the people in Doombase.

Annnd. He spots Captain Marvel. Womp womp.

When the psychic connection between her and Xavier is suddenly cut off, the heroes pile into the X-Men’s wrecked ship to fly to Doombase and save Captain Marvel.

Hm. They’ve really been back and forth. They were all just at Doombase and then they came here and now they’re going back to Doombase.

Since the ship is wrecked, Magneto just propels it with MASTERY OF MAGNET and Cap(tain America) praises him for living up to his hype.

Which sets Magneto off on a rant.

Magneto: “I gather, Captain America, that you would have preferred that I fail! Or... was that remark, perhaps, intended to be a ‘well done’ for which I should humble thank you.”

Captain America: “At ease, mister!”

Magneto: “Allies should be ‘at ease’ with one another! What troubles you? Is it my awesome power? Are you jealous? Afraid? Or is it merely because I am a mutant that you are not ‘at ease’?”

Captain America: “Now that you mention it, the fact that you tried to kill all of us here several times as part of various evil schemes for world conquest is pretty hard to forget entirely!”

This sort of feels like Magneto is antsy because he hasn’t been villaining as much as he likes. Or like him going ‘today I shall cause problems on purpose.’

But, whoops, Cap says that he doesn’t have a problem with the X-Men which sets off Wolverine on a rant about how Captain America doesn’t do enough for mutants.

Geez, its like the time he unmasked a governmental conspiracy by Richard Nixon to use a mutant powered UFO to take over America doesn’t even count.

Wolverine accuses Cap of not laying off Magneto even though he’s been helpful. I’ll note that all Cap did was tell Magneto good job which Magneto decided was a slight.

Meanwhile, over at Doombase where Doom likes to Doom, Doom is pondering what to do now.

He is now powerful enough to wipe out everyone on Battleworld with a wave of his hand and easily win this Secret Wars. But he’s already so powerful, what could he possible ask the Beyonder for?

Doom: “Are those dust-mote heroes truly my enemies? Or... is there now but one foe in all existence worthy of Doom? The Beyonder himself!”

Mostly because he exists and is more powerful than Doom and that simply cannot do.

Like, Doom notes that he already has all the power he could ever want but there’s someone over outside the universe who has more power so Doom wants it. Even though the power he do have is messing him up.

Truly Doom in a nutshell.

Hm. Is it odd that everyone just decides that the Beyonder is male based on nothing? He does decide to be male when he manifests on Earth in Secret Wars 2 but there’s no basis for the assumption here.

But we have toys to sell so Doom upgrades his armor.

This was another request from Mattel, for Doom (and Iron Man, hence the upgrade he gets from Mr. Fantastic) to be given high-tech costumes.

I personally think they just didn’t want to make capes. Notably, there was never a Thor toy.

In-universe, the new armor is a secret weapon to use against the Beyonder, based on Galactus’ machine and the data Doom got scanning the Beyonder in issue 1.

The heroes but into Doombase to find no one to fight. All the villains are still locked up and Doom is nowhere to be seen. They find Captain Marvel, frozen in light form like a hologram.

Then a massive KRAKABOOOM! shakes the fortress as DOOM goes to confront the Beyonder.

The Beyonder: “Stop! You cannot approach me!”

Doom: “Then approach me, coward -- on your knees, if you have knees! Come! Cringe before your master! Grovel before Doom!”

The conflict starts to shake Doombase apart and a big ol rock falls on Reed’s lower torso and knocks the wind out of him.

The monitors in Doombase also shows that the destruction is worldwide, causing devastation to Zsaji’s village, and doing her an injury.

I assume Denver is also affected. I really want that miniseries focusing on Denverians during Secret Wars.

Colossus tries to tell Johnny that Zsaji has been hurt but Johnny’s attentions are elsewhere.

Human Torch: “I -- I’ve got no time for a chippie now! Reed’s hurt! I’ll send her a card later!”

Geez, Johnny.

Anyway, the fight between DOOM and the Beyonder is so so devastating that its threatening to snuff out the sun.

Which, if nothing else, is impressively bonkers.

But wherever Doom falters, the Beyonder doubles his assault.

Turns out that absorbing the energy of a spaceship the size of a solar system doesn’t make you a match for a guy that can casually wipe out a galaxy.

Doom: “Th-thus -- ? Thus falls Doom? No! No! What is pain to one such as I? I -- I will shut it out. Other men fall prey to the very spectre of death... when her cold embrace seems imminent... they simply swoon into her arms! But I... I am Doom! I -- I deny you, death! Victor von Doom must not die!”

He says this after his leg falls off. For the sake of context.

The world-shaking pauses and an image of Doom appears before the assembled heroes. Trying to come off as confident but blatantly holding his hat.

Doom: “Greetings! I am Doctor Doom! ... Though I am far more than the being you once knew! Indeed, I have transcended mortality -- and yet, I am your champion -- fighting for your sakes! I am about to crush the Beyonder!”

“The Beyonder, in his cosmic arrogance abducted us all and brought us here to do battle for his amusement! ‘Slay your enemies...!’ He said -- but in truth, he is the real enemy!”

“While he can reach us, our universe is not safe from his manipulations! He must be utterly defeated and sealed away beyond the portal before -- or destroyed! In the name of all who exist in our universe, I, Doom, have dared to attack the Beyonder!”

“The battle has gone well. Even now, the Beyonder cringes in terror, marshalling his failing strength against my final assault! Hence, this lull in the strife -- which has allowed me to appear to you and offer you the chance to share in my glorious conquest. Lend me your power! Hasten his certain defeat! Come! Who will join me against our common foe? You have but to touch my hand! Who shall be first?”

“To him, after our victory, I shall grant power beyond measure -- with which to further his noble purposes, of course! You know I speak the truth! You feel it, do you not?”

I mean, Doom has a point. The Beyonder IS the real enemy. If the heroes refuse to kill anyone, the Beyonder is never going to let them go home. Unless this is a secret test of character but nothing I’ve seen would lead me in that direction.

It’s just. Its Doom. Who would trust him with EVEN MORE PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER?

Magneto immediately steps forward to offer his power to Doom’s service (womp womp) but he meets Xavier’s gaze and hesitates.

Long enough for several Avengers to tackle him away from Doom.

Proving his claim that the fight is definitely in the bag, Doom can’t maintain his GoFundMe hologram and fades away.

Hawkeye, one of the Avengers that tackled Magneto, starts yelling at the X-Men about the company they keep and what it will take for them to realize Magneto is a dick.

But Captain America interrupts Clint. He says that everyone was tempted by what Doom was offering and goes so far as to speculate that Doom was applying some sort of mind control to them and that Magneto just got the biggest dose.

This is all pretty unsubstantiated but he also does point out that Magneto hesitated to grab Doom’s hand and dammit that counts for something.

Meanwhile, Doom is having a bad time.

Trying to crowdfund a Beyonder defeat having not met its goal by the deadline, Doom is at the mercy of the Beyonder.

But the Beyonder is a curious cuss.

I mean, obviously. Why put on a Secret War unless you’re bored and curious.

The Beyonder starts prying into Doom’s brain and forces Doom to remember his ENTIRE BACKSTORY so he can watch.

You probably know it. Roma youth. His mom killed for witchcraft and her soul trapped by Mephisto. Doom studies magic and science to try to contact her. Makes a hellevator device that blows up in his face.

The Beyonder pries into Doom’s desires for: power over the destinies of other men, for freedom for his mom’s spirit, and for his putting on the piping hot mask face to be restored.

All these desires fascinate the Beyonder and he takes his dissection of the Beyonder to an unfortunately literal level and starts flaying Doom to peep his organs.

Meanwhile, the biggest shock yet hits Battleworld and Doombase starts shaking apart.

Captain America goes to free the villains trapped in their cells and finds Wolverine there who agrees that they shouldn’t leave the villains to die in cages, no matter what they’ve done. Magneto is also helping evacuate the captured villains from the medical wing.

Wolverine: “Don’t take this wrong... But you’re a better man than I gave you credit for! I’m an attacker an’ you’re a defender -- but we’re both soldiers! I’m beginnin’ to think you got room in your high-falutin’ ideals for all people... don’tcha -- ? Even if they’re mutants!”

Captain America: “Some of my best friends are people!”

Hah!

Anyway, RIP Doombase. You had a name and that’s more than I can say of the initial hero base or Magneto’s U-fort.

The shaking stops and a glowing orb of light floats down from space in front of the collected heroes.

Oh my god! The rest of the characters are 4-inch figures but Doom is rocking 24 inches and full articulation!

The heroes prepare to fight the Giant-Sized Doctor Doom but Doom bwoop bwoop bwoops back down to their scale and explains that absorbing the Beyonder caused him to be big because of reasons but he’s got a better handle on it now.

Its not shown on panel but remember Doom had his secret anti-Beyonder weapon hidden inside his armor and the Beyonder got real close when he was dissecting Doom. Which Doom regained consciousness during. So that’s how he did it.

Doom: “First, know you these things... The Beyonder no longer exists... and Doom has been reborn! Thus, have two evils come to an end! There is no enemy left to fight! THE WAR IS OVER!”

Caption: “Nonetheless, we strongly suggest that you read the next issue of Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars on sale in thirty days!!”

Hah.

March, 1985

... AND DUST TO DUST!

I’ll give Marvel Super Heroes TM Secret Wars TM #11 this. It promises and teases THE FACE OF DOOM right on the cover and dammit, it delivers.

Gaze upon his generic attractiveness. He looks like Peter Parker having a wild eyebrow day.

I suppose the real surprise is that he fixed up his scarred face, which puts him two checkmarks into his three greatest desires.

He’s the supreme being in the universe and he’s got a face to match.

In a very reassuring manner, Doom tells the assembled heroes that he could destroy them all with a thought and then doesn’t bother destroying them.

Over in the distance, the freed villains see Doom talking with the heroes and Absorbing Man decides that Doom is selling out to the heroes. The other villains get their dander up at this and debate going over and kicking Doom’s ass.

Volcana: “I don’t know what to think, Owie! Doom is the one who made me into Volcana which is wonderful -- but, gee, he does seem to be double-crossing us!”

Molecule Man: “And I had such faith in him! I believe in him! I -- I’m furious!”

Volcana: “Now, Owie, remember your analyst said it wasn’t good to get overwrought!”

Molecule Man: “I don’t care what she said! I’m going to kill that lying, two-faced, rotten fink! Do you hear me, Doom? The Molecule Man is going to kill you!”

Then Molecule Man flips up several billion tons of the planet’s crust so he can have a conversation with Doom.

Doom just shows Molecule Man the foundations of eternity, the secrets of the universe, how all things work so that Molecule Man can realize that he is the second mightiest in the universe, after Doom.

Doom: “Think! Every molecule, every iota of matter in the cosmos answers to our whim! And all the forces which govern substance bend to your will -- for matter and energy are one and the same! The only limits on your power are those which you have imposed upon yourself, subconsciously because of self-doubt... self-hate... fear! Open your mind to the majesty of your power, Owen Reece! Accept your destiny... and fear no more!”

Molecule Man: “I -- I can control organic molecules! I can do... anything!”

Well.

This bodes something.

Doom then takes off and an amazed Molecule Man declares that he’s now the leader of the villain group. And considering he can peel the planet’s crust in a fit of pique, nobody really wants to say nay.

Molecule Man apparently didn’t want to hurt anyone so when he peeled up the crust, it somehow didn’t hurt any of the heroes. Just relocated them very insistently. Although if they stayed put they’d suffocate from the thin atmosphere.

They return to Doombase, which is somehow still standing. But aside from recapping the series, they really don’t know what to do until Doom makes himself known again.

The villains retreat to the suburb of Denver, Colorado and to the apartment belonging to Marsha Rosenberg (Volcana).

They decide that they don’t actually care about the Secret Wars anymore and just want to go home. And Molecule Man, being a good leader, decides to make this happen for everyone.

Man. I hope none of Denver’s population went wandering outside suburb limits before Molecule Man domed the suburb and chucked it into space.

The heroes spot it happening on their instruments (and because a chunk of planet being ejected into space causes a rumble) but there’s nothing they can really do about it. So Cap suggests everyone sleep on it.

Colossus can’t sleep because he keeps thinking about how deeply he is in love with Zsaji. So he ditches to zip to her village on an air jetski.

Missing a blob of light enter the Doombase and possess the Hulk.

Possessed Hulk lumbers around the base like a sleepwalker, being found by Spider-Woman who can’t sleep for worrying about her hometown of Denver.

She tries to stop Hulk with her psychic webs but he busts through and shoves her to the ground. The weird light blob goes from Hulk to Spider-Woman.

Hulk goes back to sleep and possessed Spider-Woman creeps into Doom’s lab and the discarded head of Klaw.

But there’s a flash of light and soon a confused Spider-Woman is telling the other heroes that Doom showed up, reassembled Klaw, unfroze Captain Marvel, oh and engraved an invitation to the heroes to meet him tomorrow at his sweet new tower.

Klaw: “I told you once -- ! I am my wildest dream! Dream! Eem, eem, eem...”

Doom: “I shall miss dreaming...”

He tells Klaw that he does not need sleep anymore and doesn’t dare sleep anymore because of the power contained in him.

Meanwhile, Colossus arrives at Zsaji’s hut while she’s sleeping and invites himself inside. Its creepy or romantic, shrug. She wakes up, he gives her flowers, and confesses he loves her.

Not really understanding the words but getting the gist, Zsaji seems into it.

I guess she gave up on Johnny. Or her people are polygamous.

Later, Wolverine and Nightcrawler gossip about Colossus’ love life. Neither very sympathetic about Colossus cheating on Kitty Pryde.

You’d think they’d also be unsympathetic about the age gap but eh.

Wolverine is also convinced that Colossus isn’t even REALLY in love with Zsaji, that its just a side-effect of her healing power. PLUS, she’s an alien so who knows what love means to her.

Hm. This really does look like a job for Cipher.

The non-Colossus heroes all go to meet Doom at THE TOWER OF DOOM, where Doom is quick to reiterate that they have nothing to worry about with Doom now possessing phenomenal cosmic power.

Doom: “Much has changed, Captain America! Much indeed! For, when I usurped the Beyonder’s power, slaying him -- in a way, Doom died as well! Now, I am all-powerful! I have nothing to prove to lesser creatures -- and none are my equal! I am complete... serene in my omnipotence! The dark, seething desires which once drove and shaped Doom are no more! Nothing in this universe -- nothing of which you can conceive, no matter how cosmic in scope -- could possible merit my attention! For as Eternity is to you... I am to Eternity! I have transcended all concerns of this plane of existence -- and, yet... we have unfinished business! Loose ends, if you will, left over from my mortal life! I cannot undo all of the evil works of my life without unraveling a great deal of the fabric of reality, causing enormous upheavals in the time/space continuum -- ! I can, though, easily set right some of the crimes of these few days past...”

Its good to see that Doom didn’t let becoming the unchallenged supreme being of the universe change him, at least in regards to words words words.

Anyway, he reintegrates Kang and sends the very confused future man home to the future.

He tells the heroes that Galactus has already been found and aided by his herald, Nova.

Which just leaves the wrong that Doom has done the heroes. He offers them a boon to atone for the suffering they’ve endured at his hands.

The heroes debate what to ask for. Spider-Man suggests that Doom can send them home only for Reed, perhaps peevishly, to remark that he can get them home. Nightcrawler suggests that Doom could find Lockheed, who was part of the intro cast but went missing near the beginning. But Captain America tells Doom that they want nothing from him.

Doom: “Very well! Our dealings are ended! Forever! Leave, now as you entered! Soon I shall ascend to higher planes! Until then -- and mark this -- I will not suffer any disturbance! Go... and do not seek to enter my presence again, for I will utterly destroy any who dare!”

Wow.

His magnanimity sure is short-lived.

The heroes do leave but outside Cap(tain America. Captain Marvel hasn’t had a line since she was unfrozen, I think) does a headcount and Spider-Woman is missing.

Despite the risk of Doom making good on his word to kill anyone that disturbs him, Cap won’t leave a comrade behind and reenters THE TOWER OF DOOM.

Cap stumbles onto Doom chilling with his shirt, mask, and boots off and luckily Doom is either in a good mood or hasn’t counted Captain America as leaving yet.

Captain America tells Doom that Spider-Woman is missing so Doom sends Klaw to go find her.

Klaw goes looking for Spider-Woman but runs into one of her webs. The missing, possessed hero grabs Klaw and transfers the blob of light to him.

Back at Doom having dressed up, maybe feeling awkward about being casual in front of anyone who isn’t Klaw, Doom reveals to Captain America that his mom’s spirit is being held captive by Mephisto and that Doom plans to free her.

Doom: “Is that little enough to ask? Little enough self-solicitude -- ? To free my mother’s soul from endless torment at the hands of an extra-dimensional demon! After that... it is as I said -- no affair of men -- or demons -- could possibly gain my notice!”

Cap comments that Doom is looking pretty human but Doom says its for everyone else’s protection that he keeps the power contained, lest he accidentally wipe out solar systems and galaxies.

Doom: “While I linger on this plane, I am like a giant on a world of ants! Every slight movement I make can seal the destinies of millions! I... do not wish to destroy anyone!”

Klaw returns and tells Cap where to find Spider-Woman so Cap goes off to retrieve her.

The heroes all take off back to Doombase and Cap asks Professor X to summon Colossus because there’s a decision to be made that everyone has to be present for.

Which leads to this delightful scene of Professor X interrupting Colossus as he’s making out with Zsaji.

Despite Colossus telling Xavier to buzz off, Xavier insists that Colossus return and alas duty before booty. Or something.

When Colossus arrives, the heroes all assemble in a conference room that Cap managed to find in Doombase.

Wasp doesn’t see the problem with Doom wanting to rescue his mother and Cap agrees that its a very humane and human thing to want and that in other circumstances Cap would have volunteered to help him.

But its the human that bothers Cap.

It gets back to Jim Shooter’s themes from his non-consecutive Avengers runs. Graviton, Nefaria, Korvac, Molecule Man, and Moondragon.

Godlike power in the hands of the all too human.

Captain America: “Doom claims he’s transcended all human desire! What if he hasn’t? We’ve seen the power of the Beyonder -- Doom’s power -- in action before! It is such power that even now, nothing in the universe can take place without his consent! That kind of authority rightfully belongs to... no man! No matter how enlightened or benevolent he’s become, freedom to do what Doom allows is not freedom!”

Cap is edging very close to ‘attack and dethrone god’ and I don’t know if he means to.

But as Cap points out, the first thing Doom did with his new power was to repair his face. Awfully human-like vanity.

Mr. Reed Fantastic concedes what Cap is getting at and agrees they need to force Doom to give up his power. And where Reed goes, so goes the rest of the Fantastic Three.

Which doesn’t tell you whether its a good idea or not considering they were both behind ‘let Galactus eat us all’ when Reed suggested it.

But the Avengers, the spiders, the Hulk, and the X-Men all agree as well.

Colossus is the last person to speak up and he suggests that if they attack Doom unprompted, maybe they’re the dicks. Doom may never harm them, may do what he’s said he’ll do and ascend to a higher plane of existence and contemplate gluons or whatever.

Captain America: “You may be right, son! I’m not dead certain about any of this! That’s why it must be a unanimous vote... or we do nothing! Don’t think you must agree! The choice is yours... Keep in mind, by the way, that if we do decide to confront Doom, it’s possible that we might be annihilated on the spot by a bolt from the blue!”

Wow, Cap isn’t just telling Colossus he can vote how he likes and not feel he must go with the majority. He’s also giving good reasons NOT to vote with the majority.

That Cap. He loves democracy so much.

Colossus struggles because he’s just found love and happiness and he never got to finish making out. And he’s being asked to possibly throw that all away unnecessarily!

Cap still won’t press Colossus one way or another so Colossus has to speak from the heart.

Colossus: “Forgive me, Zsaji... I say yes... We fight!”

He chose........... poorly?

Wonder what the last issue will be about now that half the cast is dead. Ignoring that we see several of these people alive in an issue set after this but published before.

Ignoring that. I wonder what the last issue will be about.

Good thing we don’t have to wait.

April, 1985

“...NOTHING TO FEAR...”

Okay, see, this is just making me wonder harder.

Hm. I also wonder if this is the first big moment where Captain America’s America Shield gets broken for dramatic effect. I know it happens again in Infinity Gauntlet but that’s some years away.

Anyway, yeah. The twenty-one hero characters and Magneto (twenty-one feels like A LOT, geez) have been totally killed forever and they will certainly stay dead.

To Zsaji’s alarm, since in a bit of establishing relative positions, she can see Doombase from the mountain near her village that Galactus set up his planet-eating equipment on.

Over at THE TOWER OF DOOM, Doom contains the power again.

Klaw: “Seal up the power -- god’s might in a can! Thus, Doom is just another man! But why?”

Doom: “Lest in a careless moment, a casual flick of my little figner might blacken a star system, or wipe out an intergalactic civilization. Lest, like Vishnu. ‘I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.’ This universe is too fragile!”

Klaw: “Such power! Such weight upon your shoulders! Poor Doom!”

Klaw questions whether the heroes are REALLY dead but Doom insists on it.

Meanwhile, Denver floating through space towards Earth.

I wanted to question... like... how much oxygen or food a Denver chunk could contain but Molecule Man laughs at logistics. He can just turn space dust into whatever he needs.

Man, Molecule Man would be great to have on a generation ship.

The villains are still chilling out in Volcana’s apartment, instead of taking over the largest building or whatever. Nice thing about Molecule Man being boss is that he doesn’t really approve of all of that.

Enchantress locks herself in the bathroom because dammit, sometimes you just need alone time to consult with a water elemental for some juicy exposition.

Because its issue 12 and we don’t know anything about the Beyonder really and Doom has already eaten him up so its now or never.

Honestly, time should have been budgeted for it earlier but what can you do.

The water elemental knows some things by gossiping with other spirits asks as price for her exposition that Enchantress “grant me power to walk through fields of flowers as mortals do” but Enchantress just threatens her into it.

She’s not a great boss.

Water Elemental: “In his realm, the Beyonder was everything and everything was him... and he was content! But by chance, an event in our universe opened a pinhole into his beyond-realm -- and through the pinhole he glimpsed the Earth! For the first time in his existence he became curious! So, he began to observe! For years, he watched the Earth! One thing confounded him above all else -- this incompleteness beings of our universe seemed to have -- this thing called... desire!”

So the Beyonder chose subjects of power, presence and palpable desire. The three P’s. And then he either raptured or lured into his game. The Beyonder sorted them according to the nature of their desires, which is why Magneto ended up with the heroes. Because his desire for mutantkind is like the altruistic desires of the heroes. Vs the personal desires of the villain group.

The Water Elemental recaps the war, including an image of Enchantress getting punched by She-Hulk, probably to piss her off. Yadda yadda, Doom played the larger game while everyone was doing punches and managed to usurp the Beyonder.

Water Elemental: “May I go down the drain now, please?”

Except no. Enchantress is still a bad boss and demands that the elemental use her rapport with the water on Battleworld to tell Enchantress whats going on now.

The elemental says she doesn’t have the power to do that so Enchantress dunks the elemental and boils some power into her.

Enchantress sees images of the heroes being effortlessly slaughtered, Klaw waiting on Doom as he relaxes, and Doom planning to invade Mephisto’s realm.

The last question Enchantress asks the rather haggard looking elemental is whether the Beyonder is truly dead.

Water Elemental: “N-no... he is close by Doom. But too weak to act... He is hiding where Doom would never suspect, awaiting an opportunity... a moment of vulnerability.”

Humorously, during this scene, the Absorbing Man starts banging on the bathroom door and asking Enchantress if she fell in.

In the living room, the Lizard is getting antsy about being cooped up.

Lizard: “RRAWRR! Out! Lizard wantss out of thiss humanss’ nesst! Musst be in sswamp! Lizard hates humanss!”

The Wrecking Crew just want to kill Lizard to spare the hassle but Volcana sticks up for him because its in her nature to take care of things. And in the same way he demonstrated with Wasp, Lizard folds into surly obedience as soon as someone is firm but nice with him.

Lizard isn’t the only one that’s antsy, as Dock Ock starts complaining and smashing the walls about how unlikely it is that they’ll ever reach home.

Doctorpus Octopus: “Don’t you fools realize the odds against us ever reaching Earth? An ant dropped in the middle of the Sahara would stand a better chance of getting to Hawaii!”

Molecule Man wanders in and tries to calm down the doctorpus while Enchantress lures Volcana away from the crowd.

Enchantress has decided that its time for Volcana to repay her debt for portaling her over to Molecule Man’s side after he was Wolverine’d. And the blank check cost she’s decided on is for Volcana to help Enchantress return to Asgard immediately to warn her people about the danger that Beyonder Doom poses.

And Volcana can help by ‘donating’ her life-force to power the teleport. And by donate, of course, she means, mystically contractually obligated.

Elsewhere, Molecule Man shows Doc Ock that he’s restored the stars in the galaxy that the Beyonder wiped out and that he’s been learning to do spacewarps too. And that’s how they’ll get home.

Doc Ock has some doubts so Molecule Man wraps him up in a nice, weighted blanket of asphalt and plans to turn him over to the authorities when they get back because he’s beginning to suspect that this supervillain may in fact may not be emotionally healthy.

Molecule Man realizes that Volcana isn’t around and Lizard who saw Enchantress pied piper her away leads MM to interrupt the Enchantress before she can finish draining Volcana or making fat jokes.

She makes a lot of fat jokes. Ffs Amora.

Enchantress teleport flees back to Battleworld but Lizard jumps after her and gets caught up in it.

He scratches her face so she throws him off a cliff.

And since mystically speaking, the Lizard counts as a “lower creature” Enchantress can just rip away his life-force and use it to fix her face and power an uncertain teleport to Asgard.

RIP the Lizard. Although I’m pretty sure you bounce back from this.

Meanwhile, in THE TOWER OF DOOM, Doom is napping while Klaw creeps on him creepily but Doom wakes up and yells at Klaw for letting him sleep.

Why, who knows what his subconscious would do with the Beyonder’s power in his dreams!

Klaw suggests hey maybe Doom would accidentally revive the heroes. Or maybe he already did? Hm?? In fact, Klaw has a theory and he’s going to use his sound hologram powers to put on a little demonstration for Doom.

He posits that Zsaji saw the destruction Doom wrought on Doombase (which we do know that she did do). She finds the... uh chunks that remain of the heroes and uses her healing powers to put them in stasis where cellular life still lingers. But she finds Colossus less damaged than the rest because he instinctively shifted to his armored form at the last instant. Surely his armored skin is better armor than, say, the Thing’s rock skin or Iron Man’s armor.

The story Klaw is telling works better this way so surely it is so.

Zsaji manages to bring Colossus wholly back to life, at the cost of her own.

A grief-stricken Colossus shoves Reed Richards into a healing tank (his elastic body also less damaged than the rest because sure, Reed Richards is more durable than the Hulk, we can just say anything).

So Reed is restored and he uses the technology of Doombase to invent a mass healing device and restores the rest of the heroes.

Klaw: “And they’re on their way here right now! The end... maybe!”

Doom: “Absurd! That couldn’t happen! The odds are impossible!”

Klaw: “Perhaps... but maybe you sort of... helped things along... Maybe you secretly subconsciously wanted them to survive... to rise from the ashes and live again!”

Doom: “You speak madness, Klaw!”

Klaw doubts though because Doom didn’t completely atomize the heroes and suggests turning on his god-mode and verifying that the heroes are really dead.

But now Doom is worried that having heard Klaw spell out a possible way for the heroes to be alive, his slightest doubt might make it so.

(I mean, I’m pretty sure that the light blob that’s possessing Klaw is the Beyonder who is gaslighting Doom for Reasons.)

Doom: “This is madness! I must drive these thoughts, these doubts, from my mind! They are dead! Dead! Dead! And yet... How many times in the past have I thought that Reed Richards was dead? And, if there were one man who might overcome the odds... is it not Captain America? No... no! THEY ARE DEAD!”

Klaw: “Then, again...”

Doom lets the Beyonder power well up but he can’t control it and it starts blasting Battleworld to shit and nearly destroyed all of reality. Doom can’t get his mind ordered and calm.

Klaw offers to destroy the heroes for Doom so Doom grants him “an infinitesimal micro-fraction” of his power, “enough to blacken ten thousand suns.”

GEEZ. I know that the Beyonder was established as being the strongest being in the universe, having come from a universe where all was the Beyonder. But that’s still very alarming.

The heroes rush in because after being murdered in an instant once already, subtlety is out the window.

Klaw intercepts them with a summoned army of monsters and also Ultron. Yes, Ultron is back, back again. Tell a friend. Tell them OH MY GOD RUN.

Then there’s a big two-page spread of everyone attacking everyone because that’s the kind of story this is.

Rad.

The Thing reverts back to meat man Ben Grimm but manages to will power the rocks back on and decides now he can control the changes and starts crying because this is everything he’s ever wanted.

Hulk goes punchies on Ultron but the robot does a plot injury to Hulk’s leg and for an encore makes Iron Man, Wolverine, and Spider-Woman look stupid before just falling apart.

Thanks to Wasp shrinking down, flying in one of the Hulk punch dents and just yanking wires. Yay, Wasp did a thing!

Also, she beat Ultron. She deserves to. Shame that not more can be made of it as a beat, what with everything going on.

Captain America manages to slip past all the monsters and jump kick his way past Klaw, although Klaw threw that little encounter.

Cap reaches where Doom is once again chilling, although this time with his clothes on.

Doom brags that there’s nothing that the heroes can do to harm him in any way, after all, what is a man to one who is omnipotent?

Captain America: “I wouldn’t be too sure about that! After all... you conquered the Beyonder! And why would you have gone through the trouble of killing us in the first place, unless... you were afraid!”

Doom doesn’t like having holes poked in his arguments so he kamehamehas Cap into ashes.

But Cap respawns out of sheer ‘I can do this all day’ness and charges at Doom to be blasted and respawned again.

Okay, so its Klaw who keeps respawning Cap, while letting Doom think its his own stolen power running out of control that keeps doing it.

And having Cap keep popping back into existence and trying to hit him in the face with a metal disc makes Doom lose his every last shit.

The power starts to overtake him and threaten the universe so Cap offers his hand, to serve as an anchor to reality for Doom.

Oh, hey. Just like Cap offered Doom his hand in the first issue but Doom turned it down because he hates pity.

But now, with omnipotence raging out of control, Doom reaches to accept Cap’s hand.

Thems some nice bookends.

Except the feeble remnant of the Beyonder that’s been body hopping bursts out of Klaw and reclaims his power from Doom.

Unpossessed Klaw: “Doom! Doom! Forgive me, Doom! The Beyonder, he took over my body -- ! He used my guile, my wits, my cunning to engineer this! I set you up for this! Doom -- ! I’m so sorry!”

The Beyonder reverts Doom’s armor (and face) back to how it was and then ejects him from the plot. Klaw jumping in to be with his master.

Actually, the Beyonder nopes out of the plot as well. Just kinda abandons this grand experiment into the concept of desire.

And to be fair, half the competitors fucked off. The other half refused to actually kill. And one of the competitors jumped off the board game to steal the Beyonder’s wallet.

At that point, escaping before you have to answer any questions is the right move.

With the fight over, there’s just a whole bunch of wrap-up.

Colossus has a funeral for Zsaji and buries her on the hill overlooking Doombase because fuck those villagers, she probably didn’t have any friends or loved ones who should have a say in this.

While RICHARDSS goes to work on a way home, Spider-Man swings around Doombase for a snack of alien eggplant. Then finds everyone else in the costume making machine room where Professor X has.

Uh.

Made some fashion choices.

Won’t anybody stop him?

Anyway, he intends to keep undermining Storm when they get back to Earth. What a guy.

Spider-Man also learns that none of their costumes respond to thought like his new black costume does and wonders what’s different about his.

Hulk’s leg was busted up by being Ultron’d and his gamma levels have risen so much that they’d short out the healing pods. So Reed makes Hulk a techno crutch and leg brace to help him get around until his natural healing factor takes care of things.

He’s not very pleased at the situation though and snaps at Hawkeye, leading Hawkeye to a thought that hits a lot different post Civil War II.

Hawkeye: “Whoa! Has he ever changed in the last few days! I think he’s losing it -- becoming totally savage and out of control again! Man, I hope I’m wrong! Maybe I’d better make myself a few more arrows -- some real heavy-duty ones -- just in case!”

Curt Connors wanders in and tells a story about waking up in a crater a few miles from the fortress. He says that he’s sure this time the lizard-persona is totally gone forever for reals.

Nightcrawler says its good that Connors found them before they departed so he wouldn’t get left behind, then mentions that Lockheed the dragon would return.

And boom! Lockheed the dragon returns with a lady dragon!

He’s been getting laid this whole time, the little scamp! I assume! Either way, he has contributed absolutely nothing to anything that happened.

Reed decides that Lockheed and Connors showing up isn’t just a coincidence, that the Beyonder left some trace energy behind when he quit the plot. And that the energy is causing a wish fulfillment phenomenon (which sorta makes sense if you think of it like the promise Beyonder promised to fulfill the winners’ desires?)

Mr. Fantastic: “I believe that this... ‘wish fulfillment’ phenomenon we’ve been experiencing is an after-effect of the battle against Doom! The planet itself seems to have been charged with residual energy whichs seems to respond to strong desire, or force of will!”

Cap(tain America) immediately takes off to where he’s keeping all the fragments of his broken shield that he’s been able to find and wishes REALLY hard for it to be fixed.

“It was the product of a freak metallurgical accident -- a metallic disk of unknown composition, and unique properties -- utterly impervious to any force or instrument which humans comprehend. But now it lies before him like a wounded friend... How many times has it saved his life? And now... it’s usefl life is at an end, for no fire could melt it, no furnace could reforge it. It is forever broken... unless by force of will... or sheer desire... He can accomplish the impossible!”

Hey, how about that!

I mean, you could have wished Bucky back to life but on the other hand, it’s a real sweet shield. I get it.

Although, in terms of the pre-post Secret Wars issue teasing what could happen in it (Hulk with a leg brace, She-Hulk with the FF, Spider-Man’s new costume), I really think that Steve should have returned from Battleworld with the broken shield.

Almost everything that’s gonna be brought back from Secret Wars is going to have to be abandoned or turn out to be evil.

It’s going to turn out (years later, mind) that Steve fixed his shield bad with his FORCE OF WILL and that for some reason, imperfections in the shield threaten to destroy ALL VIBRANIUM.

And that’s a decent story, probably.

Just saying, you could have Cap return with a broken shield and get that ‘how did that happen’ hype. Its a really intriguing idea. Although, I’d bet that breaking Cap’s shield was only thought up after the pre-post Secret Wars issues had already been done so it had to be introduced and rectified in Secret Wars itself.

Some other things that didn’t last long from Secret Wars: we already know the black goo costume didn’t even last through Secret Wars. The modifications Reed made to the Iron Man armor stop working when Rhodey returns to Earth, then they evolve into the evil Carnivor and fights Quasar in Quasar. Hulk ditches his leg brace two issues after his return to Earth. Connors turns himself back into the Lizard to save his family a couple years after Secret Wars. And so on.

So the time comes to return everyone back to Earth with the device Reed made. It teleports them in small groups up to the ring-shaped construct that got them to Battleworld where it will teleport them to Earth.

Reed beams up the unaffiliated group first of Spider-Man, Spider-Woman, Curt Connors, Hulk, and Magneto who decided he’s too cool to hang with the X-Men on the ride home.

Next, the X-Men. Although they have to talk Colossus into coming home instead of being sad on a hill forever by convincing him that he’d be wasting the life Zsaji gave him if he didn’t come home.

Colossus letting Xavier talk him into sticking with the X-Men over greater and greater personal losses eventually becomes a sore point.

Lockheed’s girlfriend flies into the teleport as Reed initializes it, causing a dramatic energy fluctuation that Reed hopes won’t cause any problems on Earth.

It does.

Puff the tiny dragon becomes Puff the enormous dragon, and menaced Japan in her quest to mate with Lockeed. The X-Men had to fight her and Lockheed eventually rejected the now much bigger dragon causing her to explode.

Although she came back to life at some point and she and Lockheed did get back together.

X-Men is a weird book.

The Avengers are up next but She-Hulk tells them that she’s joining the Fantastic Four. Now this happened because Byrne made grabby hands at her and Stern didn’t say no but its not really satisfactorily built-up in this story.

Ben and She-Hulk don’t share many moments to establish that they have a good friendship that he could ask her to take his place on the team. In fact, the last time I know of them teaming up, she was a huge sex pest to him. So it makes it even more baffling.

But it happened in the pre-post issue so its gotta happen.

And Ben asks Jen (maybe the similar names is why he asks her? They can get away with only changing a single letter on his locker) because he’s going to stay behind on Battleworld because he can control his powers here.

He’s not planning on being here forever and Reed can leave the gizmo so Ben can return whenever he wants.

What makes this stupid is that like almost everything involving Ben, Reed knows a lot more about what’s going on and just doesn’t say anything. He starts to but doesn’t insist when Ben tells him not to try to change his mind.

The thing about the Thing is that Ben should always have been able to Rock On or Rock Off as he pleased but there’s a psychological block preventing it.

Ben would lose this control before leaving Battleworld and he quits the FF when he learns that Reed knew that it was a psychological issue.

Mr. Fantastic: “If only I could tell him what I suspect about his transformations -- but it’s the kind of thing that might shatter a man... even a strong man like Ben! No, better to say nothing... and hope he slowly discovers the truth for himself... Or hides from it forever!”“

Geez.

You’re so bad at people.

Anyway. Yeah. Needed some more build-up. Maybe centered around the transformation. Jen could sympathize. She used to have trouble controlling her hulk outs before she just decided to be She-Hulk all the time.

Anyway, this big ridiculous thing (the last issue was 43 PAGES LONG) ends with Ben being thoughtful on a rock.

And that brings us back to Avengers #243.

I guess he’s not alone because Zsaji’s village is still here, maybe? Is nobody going to send them home??

Follow @essential-avengers because FINALLY I can get back to just focusing on the Avengers. Phew. Please like and reblog. This took so much effort.

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chimswae · 3 years

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BTS Caretaker CH27

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 4,798

- Author Note: Did u watch MAMA last night? Last week was so crazy i spent my 6 hours just like that for an award show. it is killing my back istg :< anyways, this chapter little emo, because look at our taetae expressing his worries on the group dyamic and friendship :(

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Chapter 27

That night the boys went straight back to their hotel rooms after attending the after party. They stayed for thirty minutes as a courtesy. It was awkward to stay longer since they were pretty much a newcomer in this award. Though Ansel Elgort and The Chainsmoker presence at the party helped to ease the awkwardness. Yet, it was evident they were not comfortable to be around the big names. The number of the connections that they made were not enough to make them stay for the rest of the night. They agreed to attend the after party because of the food after all and of course to show their respect.

Nothing could beat their eagerness to do the usual Vlive. Billboard Awards was possible due to the unending supports from Armys. Something that they would cherish for the rest of their life. As soon as they ended their short Vlive, they celebrated their victory together with Bang PD and the rest of the staffs.

Even though everyone insisted Seul’s presence there, but she knew her place. She did nothing to contribute to their winning, so she rejected their offer politely and chose to stay in her room instead. She was not tempted to be in the same room as them tonight, as Seul respected their privacy.

It was way past midnight, yet she didn’t see any sign of Semmy returning to the room. Tired of waiting, she called it a day and getting ready to hit the sack. She tied her hair into ponytail after pampering her skin.

The sound of bell brought her attention to the door and she strutted to open it “Unnie-“her smile was replaced with a baffle look “What are you doing here?” she sent the latter a questionable look.

Yoongi hummed softly, holding the plastic bag up “I brought drinks, care to have some with me?” Seul was weirded out by his randomness.

“Don’t you have enough drinks today? I thought you guys were celebrating in your room” she held onto the door, showing no sign of letting the rapper inside. Not to be rude, Seul was being careful with her surrounding and the fact that she shared her room with Semmy feared her. What if someone caught them together? It would spark an unnecessary gossip among the staffs.

He ran his tongue over his lips, slipping one of his hand against the door “We have called it a night. I didn’t drink. I am saving it for you” his sinful lips twisted into a smirk. What a sore to her eyes.

“I..don’t drink alcohol though, I have zero tolerance on it. So, care to find someone else to drink those with you? I am sorry” she was about to shut the door, but he held it back chuckling softly.

“Who told you that I brought alcohol? I bring cokes and chips. You have been avoiding me these past few days, lets have a decent talk. Shall we?” Yoongi’s eyes sparked in the sexiest way. Seul could not say no to that though her mind was having a fit for letting the guy inside. The second she realized, Min Yoongi had made himself comfortable on the queen bed, with his legs crossed.

Seul emitted a soft sigh, closing the door behind her “Min Yoongi, why are you here? If there is one person that I shouldn’t trust in this world, then it would be you” she stood in front of him looking all defensive. To be frank, Min Yoongi did nothing that could harm her. It was her personal issues with her own feeling, to be exact her raging hormones. She couldn’t trust herself around him at all.

Her mind seemed to have the mind of its own. It reacted against her consciences even though she was aware of its consequences on her, she would still do it nonetheless. Ironically, only Min Yoongi had that effect on her.

He looked calm and oddly serious today. Did the winning affect his wrecked brain? Yoongi patted the empty seat beside him, motioning Seul to fill it. The girl’s response made him to roll his eyes in his seat, with that he pulled the overreacting girl beside him.

Seul let out a small gasp, shifting uncomfortably “What are you planning to say? Don’t….do something funny…” she said nervously while making a small space between them.

He frowned “I will only do something funny after I make sure I talk this out with you first” teasing the flustered girl, he held back his chuckle upon witnessing her distressed face. Seul might appear all sassy on the outside but her demeanour could be unpredictable from time to time. Where’s the consistency, Ji Seul.

“Okay speak” Seul pressed her lips together while fiddling with the hem of her shirt. She’s honestly afraid of what might come from Yoongi. Serious Yoongi was not her thing, so she had no idea what to expect from the older guy.

Yoongi passed the cold can to her which she gladly took it. Their fingers brush against each other jolting Seul in her seat. She coughed away the awkwardness, quickly open the drinks and took a long sip from it.

Amused, he studied Seul closely “Why are you so jumpy Seul?” he bit his lower lips with a hidden smile. It made him feel superior to know he’s the reason why she had been acting this way. There was a hope in this relationship after all.

He took a small sip from his drink and expelled a long endearing sigh. It caught Seul’s attention right away and she gathered her courage to say something “Are… you alright? Something is bothering you?” her soft voice was oh-so-soothing in his ears.

“Yes. It is you who has been bothering me” Yoongi played with the sheets beneath him.

“Yoongs..I have no idea what you are about to say but I think I kinda know where this conversation will lead us” she set the drink down on the other side and collected her knees to her chest. Seul was about to prepare her heart just in case this conversation might be the cause of her misery or happiness, whichever it was, Seul had to face it.

Yoongi smiled meekly, “Will you listen to me until I am done?” his voice was soft and husky travel through the ice-cold air. He seemed to be steeling so Seul nodded in assurance. She didn’t want him to think she’s being selfless, so she responded quickly “I want to hear all of it. Tell me” she whispered under her calm breathing.

“I apologize for acting rashly around you. I feel deeply bad. I didn’t mean to disrespect you as a woman. In fact, I do see you as a woman. I want to keep you safe and not to be the cause of your misery. It is crazy how it is hard for me to finally be truthful to myself. I am not good with words. I have no idea how to act around you, to treat you like the way you deserve. I always thought giving into my feelings will weaken me. I end up treating you like some kind of pushover” Seul listened to every word attentively. Sometimes she would be in daze trying to digest Yoongi’s real intention and sincerity.

He took a long pause before continue “ There are a lot of people walking around feeling not the slightest bit of guilty for how they treat others. I thought if I acted the same way it would free me from the problem occur surround me. Some people convinced themselves that they are not responsible for someone else’s feelings. All these years, I learned how to endure it and pretend everything is okay when it is not. I thought when it came to myself, I only had to be selfish. I never consider your feelings and let my emotion cloud my judgement” Seul squeezed her eyes feeling her head pounded over Yoongi’s complicated way of explaining things. It was not her first time to hear such flowery and complicated stuffs coming from him.

“Yoongi, I am sorry.. What is your point? I am a little lost here” her nose scrunched up in confusion.

“Ugh, fuck. Sorry, I really am bad in this. What I am trying to say is..this thing between us is not a joke. I mean when I treated you badly, I meant to make you understand something. FUCK! WHY IS THIS SO HARD” he facepalmed, rubbing his hair roughly with a small grunt.

She reached out to his arm, giving it a soft pat “Calm down, you really need to get to the point. Or I am kicking you out from my room.” she joked only to annoy the wretched man even more. Yoongi shot her a disbelief look while she kept her face straight playing innocent.

“You are impossible” he flashed his dissatisfied smile earning a soft giggle from the playful Seul. She had never acted this comfortable around him, so that was first. Yoongi then returned to compose himself forcing words out from his cold lips.

He almost lost his grip on the can as he noticed the girl’s attention was on him. She was looking at his away adoring his every action as if she’s the girlfriend. Her cheek was rested at the top of her knees, while her lips pursed cutely into a pout. Yoongi cussed in his head loathing this image in front of him. Why must this girl make things harder for him?

“Are you going to make me wait Min?” said Seul in annoyance.

“Alright, listen here. I have a romantic feeling for you! Don’t ask me when it starts, because I can’t really recall. Remember the kisses that I stole from you! It was my way to confirm my feelings for you until you confront me that day. I wasn’t prepared, so I had no answers with me. I REALLY TRIED TO RESTRAIN MYSELF FROM HAVING SOME ROMANTIC THOUGHTS WHEN IT COMES TO YOU! Ugh, hell I tried hard, but it failed me. You are the cause to my sleepless night” Yoongi let out all the frustration bottled up inside him at once leaving the poor girl speechless.

Seul’s brows furrowed, her eyes still soft as she scrutinized Yoongi’s expression seeking for truthfulness and she found it. His eyes flickered in an unexplainable glint and sincerity. “That sounds really awful” she cringed with her chin still resting on her knees.

His eyes instantly enlarged upon hearing Seul’s response “WHICH ONE SOUNDS AWFUL?” he looked disturbed considering he had poured all his heart to this so-called confession only to be look down by the girl that he loved was rather appalling. Bad sign.

“That part where you blame me for your sleepless night. I didn’t ask you think of me before you sleep Min Yoongi!” she let out a soft huff, looking straight into his eyes. “You are cute” she complimented before the guy could reply her earlier protest.

Yoongi shifted shyly in his seat, coughing the heavy lump on his throat “So…am I answering your questions? The kisses were genuine. I did it because I wanted to. I..have feelings for you” he hesitated to indicate he likes her openly so he decided to hint something in hope the girl got the message.

“A romantic one!” he added with a soft blush crept on his pale skin.

He heard the girl expelled a deep sigh “Is it hard for you to say that you like me Yoongi. You really sass till the end. I am impressed” she shook her head in amusement.

“I don’t say romantic thing”

“But you did give me a long ass explanation that had nothing to do with your actual agenda of meeting me tonight. You.. are annoying” she cringed once again.

Yoongi turned to face Seul, taking her cheeks in his large hands causing the girl to squeal softly at the contact “I. LIKE. YOU” he confessed.

Seul stared at him without blinking, seemingly without breathing for another long moment. Shock rushed through her. The whole system in her body had momentarily paused working. She had gone past the pale stage and she looked grey.

“Seul…” he squeezed her cheeks giving a little life to that pale cheeks.

“I said.. I like you�� his deep voice and his soft touch brought her back to the world. She looked daggers at him whilst he had the gleam in his eyes. “Yoongi..you only drink cokes. Are you drunk?” the confident Seul was long gone. If earlier she teased him for his incoherent words, now when Yoongi had make everything clear to her face, she was losing it.

Was it this thing that she hoped from him all this time?

She had no idea what to feel or how to reach at the moment. The images of Jungkook and Jimin face came flashed in her mind’s eye. Her face contorted in pure confusion.

Chuckling lowly, he stroked her bangs aside “Where is the confident Seul? I thought you wanted to hear me say it clearly” her shoulder slumped, and her eyes fill with tears. Screw her unstable emotion.

“Why are you making it hard for me? Jungkook, Jimin and now you are saying the same thing. It is not like I am living the happiest life on planet. Why…Yoongi. Not you too” she leaned his head against his shoulder, battling with her own tears.

It was too overwhelming for her weak heart. She didn’t want to appear in front of others. Not when Yoongi was the one who in front of her. Why her life got to be complicated? She got the signal from Yoongi all this time, yet she tried to shrug it off and played it cool until Yoongi decided to make a move tonight.

This was a real mess. She’s in the middle of figuring her own feelings for Jimin and Jungkook. Hence, to add Yoongi into the picture was a little overbearing.

“Seul-ya..I am sorry if..this is too much for you. Fuck, this was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said it at first place. I will just go.. Just forget about this” he mumbled in guilt, lifting the girl head up getting ready to leave the room.

Seul’s heart clenched in pain, grabbing his arm holding him back “Yoongi..Thank you” she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. “But-“ she silenced the man with a soft peck on his lips.

“That is for liking me”

-------------------------

Everything changed ever since Yoongi decided to embrace his feelings for Seul. He told no one about his feelings knowing the youngest members in the group had explicitly told them about their healthy fight in winning Seul’s heart. Yoongi on the other hand will do it his own way.

No one should know how he felt for Seul. He didn’t want things to get even complicated than they already were. Therefore, he chose to seal his mouth. Yoongi treated Seul like he usually did, bickering with her when he had the chance or spouting some nonsense just to irk the girl.

The things with Hoseok after his panic attack incident, the sunshine ball played it cool. He tried not to think about it too much afraid that he ended up like Jimin and Jungkook. Fighting for the same girl with his best friend was definitely not in his dictionary. Taehyung who had been oblivious over Yoongi’s action around Seul knew something was off between the two. Sometimes he would catch them exchanged a playful glance like they were secretly dating.

Taehyung believed the older guy had a feeling for Seul and for some reason it upset him. Seul caused no harms to the boys’ career however it ticked him off when the members started to see her more than just a friend, one by one. Not to poke his nose into someone else business, yet he felt threatened by her presence. It seemed like sooner or later Seul would hurt the band as whole.

That careless mistake that she committed by allowing the members to like her in such way was not a good idea. He loathed it to the core. With Jungkook and Jimin chasing after her, god knows what else could happen if the boys had enough and decided to fight each other.

This issue circulated around them made him feel sick in the stomach. He used to have a little crush on Seul now only anger took over the flowery feelings. Taehyung wondered if he hated the fact that Seul’s presence might risk their friendship or was it due to his failure to be in Seul’s side?

“Tae…Did you hear me?” Seul called out once again hoping to get his attention.

He turned to Seul with a stern look “What do you want now?” he snapped.

Seul blinked feeling offended by his action but quick to shrug it off “I am asking for your dirty laundry because I wanted to clean along with others” she said timidly. Ever since they came back from Las Vegas three weeks ago, Taehyung had been given her a cold shoulder. He didn’t even dare to look her into the eyes and every time she tried to spark a conversation with him, he would either snap at her right way or just give a silent treatment.

It would be a lie if the change of his demeanour didn’t hurt her even a bit. She always finds Taehyung is the most comfortable one to talk with after Jin.

“I told you I will do it by myself. Leave me alone” he returned his attention back to his phone feeling slightly guilty to treat the innocent girl this way.

Seul didn’t budge and mustered her courage to inquire him “Tae did I do something to annoy you?” Taehyung was infuriated by the questions.

He scoffed in disbelief “Playing innocent, aren’t we? Why do you think I am acting this way?” he asked back with a sharp glare. She felt small under his scrutiny “You tell me” she murmured silently.

“Can’t you just fuck off?” Kim Taehyung who never ever used harsh words around others especially her was asking her to fuck off and it pained her. “Seeing your face makes me sick, just fuck off Seul. I am not in the mood to entertain you” once again he snarled making Seul’s eyes watered in process.

Taehyung glanced at the flustered girl and the guilt eating him up.

He didn’t know why was he acting bratty and rude towards her lately but it was just him feeling a little off about the idea of Jimin and Jungkook liking Seul. Some more, his friends willing to sacrifice their feelings for the sake of Seul. They had never let anything go in between their friendship. Seul’s existence in their life seemed to bring more negativity.

First, Jungkook and Jimin friendship was at stake. What would happen if Seul make a choice in the future? Yes, they could live their present now acting like nothing happened. The happiness didn’t last long. The more they let themselves fall for Seul, the more painful for them. One of them had to suffer in the end. He pondered upon this and as much as he hated to see the bad things in Seul, yet it couldn’t stop him. Taehyung barely knew Seul, looking after her feelings was not in his priority list. He cared for Jungkook and Jimin wellbeing after all this over.

Secondly, Yoongi, the older man that never let anything came in between his work and BTS slowly wavered because of Seul. He looked a bit distorted when he first came to know Seul. Yoongi was ten times grumpier than usual and everything surround him seemed to tick him off most of the time. The older guy would never show his true self let alone express himself aloud, but with Seul’s presence he’s willing to risk BTS and his loyalty towards the member to be with this girl. Despicable, indeed.

Blinking her tears away, she expelled a soft sigh with a quick apologize before leaving the room. She shrugged off the bad thought in her assuming Taehyung was stressing out due to their hectic schedule. That must be it, Seul assured herself.

----------------

Jin offered to cook for dinner and insisted Seul to stay since it was her off day. She was still bitter over Taehyung’s behaviour earlier, but she stayed for Jin anyways. The older guy would not let her return with empty stomach.

Everyone had gathered at the round table for dinner including the grumpy Taehyung after much effort in persuading him to eat, he finally showed up. He took a seat across Seul with a gloomy face, sending a quick glance at her way. The look that only Seul could understand. The tense in the room was driving her nuts.

Seul felt extremely uncomfortable and anxious throughout the dinner though she was trying to blend with their jokes but every time she felt Taehyung’s hard gaze on her, her body tensed. Jungkook who sat at the end of the table noticed her discomfort and he kept his eyes on her for the rest of the dinner.

“ Seul are you available this Tuesday?” Namjoon smiled.

Seul shook her head “I am not sure about that why?” Taehyung was eyeing their leader deeply. He knew what he’s planning to do. This upcoming Tuesday would be BTS 4th Year Anniversary and they would hold a home party with Armys.

“Since you haven’t gotten the chance to attend our concert, attend BTS Home Party this Tuesday then. We will be holding our anniversary party with Armys. It will be fun!” he said gleefully while others nodding in agreement exclude Taehyung.

She was burdened by the request, so she didn’t know how to respond to that “I will see if I can go. I have a lot to cover at work”

“She is not a fan, why are we celebrating it with her?” Taehyung statement caused everyone to snap their head towards him in bafflement. Her breath hitched at Taehyung’s remark as she forced a smile on her face “I don’t think I deserve to be in that party. I am nowhere near to be called as your fans. I barely supported you guys through all those years. Tae is right though” she rubbed her sweaty palms against her jeans.

Taehyung smug sarcastically “Right. She is nowhere close to be called as our fans. We celebrate our anniversary with people who are worth to be called fans and those who have become our backbones throughout those rough years. Seul isn’t one of them. She is here when we already make name for ourselves” he exclaimed without caring the daggers being thrown at him from every corner.

“Taehyung, I think you are a little rude to-“

“I don’t think any such thing, because I don’t let my feelings cloud my judgement. I am stating the fact. She is nobody, so she doesn’t deserve to be in those important occasion.” Taehyung cut Jimin’s words before the guy could even finish his words.

Brimming with tears, Seul clenched her fist under the table holding back the pain in her heart. That was by far the most hurtful thing that people ever said to her after the disappearance of her father. A gush of impossible memories that she long forgotten came into her mind again.

“Why are you doing this to me…”

“Because you are nobody”

“You are our father”

“I am Hoon’s father not yours. You are a child born out of wedlock. For years, I was fooled by your slut mother. I am raising someone’s else child and she turned me into a fucking clown. You are nothing but trouble. You are nobody Seul. You are not my daughter.”

She opened her eyes, shocked to find her cheeks wet with tears. The horrible memories of her past were very vague, something she couldn’t quite place. All she knew, it was vey messy that day. She never wished to discover the truth, yet it happened anyways. Just like that she had to live with the horrible truth haunting her every night.

“Taehyung watch your word” Yoongi hissed, glowering at the younger guy.

“Oh, now everyone is defending her. I wonder how she screwed up your brain, when thing isn’t this way before she comes into the picture. You guys are being blinded by her gracefulness and fake affection” Taehyung continued to stir the already tense atmosphere in the room.

Namjoon palmed the table with a soft thud “Enough Tae! What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you attacking her?” he breathed calming down his anger. He didn’t to start any fight in the room knowing Taehyung would not act this bratty without a reason. Hell, Taehyung had never acted this way with them before.

“Don’t ask me. Ask her. She is the problem. We need to get rid of her before things get out of hand. We don’t need a bitch in our life. We were doing just fine without her before now why are we acting as if our life depended on her. Pathetic isn’t it?” suddenly a pair of hands grabbing his collar and yanking him around.

He pinned the boy against the wall harshly, glaring furiously “SAY THAT AGAIN KIM TAEHYUNG OR I WILL FUCKING PUNCH YOUR PRETTY FACE” Taehyung chuckled coldly, meeting the older guy’s intense eyes.

Gasps could be heard across the room as everyone stood on their feet witnessing the horrible scene in front of them. Seul was weeping openly now, her bottom lips quivered as tears cascaded down wetting her cheeks

“I knew it. I knew it since start that one-day Seul will jeopardize our friendship. Look at you hyung, you are willing to kill your own bandmates that you’ve known for years to defend a bitch whom you barely knew” clenching his teeth together, Yoongi curled up his fist into a ball. As he about to throw a punch, a small hand put a halt to his action.

Yoongi grunted under his sharp breath, yanking his arm but Seul used all the strength that she had left to stop him “Stop.. He is your brother, Yoongi” his eyes met her red eyes. Seeing Seul in that mess pained him, and with a loud groan he released Taehyung.

Taehyung flicked his tongue out of annoyance, averting Seul’s gaze “I am sorry Tae. You are right, I am nobody. This was a mistake. I am sorry that I am hurting your friendship. I was being too comfortable when I should have known my place..” she choked back her own tears. There were a lot of things she planned to say but the words were stuck in her throat “I can’t do this..” she grabbed her belongings from the living room and made her way to the entrance.

“Fuck great” Jin rubbed his back hair in frustration. He called after Seul after watching her leaving hurriedly but only to be ignored completely by her.

Jungkook and Jimin who stood frozen now were making their move upon realizing her absence in the room. The younger guy grabbed her wrist to stop her from moving “Seul-ah..dont leave.. let’s talk about this” he looked at her sadly.

She could not stop the tears from flowing looking all pathetic in front of them “I..am..s-orry Jungkook.. I cant do this anymore..Stay with Tae, he needs you guys” she pulled her hand from his strong grasp, exiting the house without looking back.

Taehyung ran fingers in his hair, slumped down on the couch with deep a sigh. He was torn in between his own insecurity and worries and ended up hurting Seul in process. What did he do to himself and Seul?

Jimin confronted his best friend with a deep frown “Taehyung.. what happen to you? What was that for? Why are you saying those hurtful things to Seul?” he tried to reason and sat down on the coffee table facing him.

“So will know her place. She doesn’t belong here. Not beside us” he murmured lowly.

Hoseok shook his head showing his disapproval “This is not you Tae. We are friends for years. You won’t be acting this way without a reason. What is bothering you?” even the cheerful Hoseok looked miserable from the fight that just broke between Taehyung and Yoongi.

Namjoon and Yoongi were long gone inside the room, probably the leader trying to reason with the hot-tempered man and talk it out with him without hurting the group in process. That was the best they could do until Taehyung decided to open his mouth to speak the truth.

#btscaretaker #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts idolau #bts series #jungkook x oc #yoongi x oc #bts x oc #jungkook fic #min yoongi x reader #bts romance #bts fluff #hoseok x oc #taehyung x oc #jimin x oc #namjoon x oc

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savnofilter · 4 years

Text

hey guys, i just wanted to speak up about something because i have been getting questions if i was well and stuff and im not really sure these days. mainly because i have become uncomfortable on this blog.

and i beg that people who dont like me, please do not spread things about me please or this because i thought i owe this to my followers.

the reason as to why i feel uncomfortable is because it really dawned upon me that being here doesnt make me happy anymore. and you could see in how flat my writing has become, or how my behavior often changes from happy to sad/low in a quick second.

and since after the summer, being on here has been almost terrible for me. like i use to have many friends, many people i talked to or felt like i created a bond with a lifetime, just kind of up and left me in the dust. while i finally took the time to focus on me for once, they used it against me, they got mad at me and its just hard to keep quiet about since it has always been my goal to talk about my feelings and now i dont think i can anymore, as to why im writing this to you guys tonight..

i will not get into depth (or specific) about it because i feel like the more i try to explain myself, the more twisted it becomes. and instead of helping me, it hurts me.

over the few months, i found when i was taking breaks to be happier.

and its not the thought of you guys, it was more of like the lingering feeling of the way i was treated by people lingering on my blog. and im afraid if i feel like this still holds truth, i will be leaving this blog sooner or later.

in truth, i feel like ive been mistreated or even to the point where my feelings were so construed that it felt like i have been gaslighted over and over and over again. and honestly i am not as mentally or emotionally mature as many people on here, and some of them know that but it was never regarded.

im sad that this experience has come to this, because i really loved interacting, interacting with everyone and sharing my stories, but with the bad experiences on here has even turned my love/passion for writing down -- and even watching anime. i feel reminded every time i see certain blogs all over my feed, or like “hey im safe with these group of people” then they would pop up again. i felt like im some sort of villain or like an unintelligent-idiot who cant think for themselves. and while people who brainlessly follow those people can blindly hate me is fine, because i will never change who i am for anyone. ever. and i hate having to make posts like these because i feel bad for being so angsty and not being the sav that you guys know because while the brand “savnofilter” or “sav” is an extension of me, i sometimes feel so detached because of how shut out ive fell in this fandom for like 5 months now.

and i sincerely apologize to any new followers, i use to not be this down all the time but it really has been brought to my attention that the only social media that has heightened my anxiety, my depression, and even a part of illnesses i thought went away has resurfaced all because of what has happened associated to this blog.

whether it be being shut out and begging for help from the people i thought would be friends, or that i was kicked to the curve simply because i was not in the right state of mind and basically told me it was my fault for being that way.

and when it was fun, when i had friends it never felt like a chore for me on here. but as i lose support like that, it just hurts even though i have someone who stays beside me all the time. once you lose that, that, ground you start to compare yourself, like normal human nature i think. i started too look at my blog and be like “why arent i getting as much as before, what am i doing wrong, what is so bad about my stuff thats good with theres”. and part of the factor was that its odd, because it wasnt even a place of jealousy. it was one of, how did i fall to be so unimportant? so... immaterial. and it was like, each writer i fell out with, everyone just followed them and im left here trying my best to fill in their spots because i missed having that friend group, or friends with me. the only who really cared for me even with the biggest arguments and hoenstly it was because they were the only the one that cared for me. and i am not trying to cause discourse so please do not contact other people about this.

and as much as i stay at this point to irk the people who want me gone, i feel like the subtle unintentional (or intentional) bad vibes being brought to me is choking me up. and its doing well.

it just, it was so odd being treated like actual shit. like dog dooky shit. like if i was the poop on the sidewalk that you walk around and wonder who fucking took that massive shit, shit. and i was afraid to speak up about it because i was afraid of the backlash id get for having fucking feelings.

from someone who went through some shit when i was younger, and built this barrier, to being repeatedly told over and over again that my feelings are invalid, to have people to tell me “i wont do that too you” and then do it to me just made me grow as a person. or die as a person. im not sure yet.

not only was it a mixture of people leaving me for shitty reasons, it was how stupid this fandom got. yeah, stupid. completely idiotic. of course there are people who sense-ful(?) and i love you a lot for it. but like ive said before, its unfair, there is no love like there use to be. people arent how they use to be. people put on a show, but once behind close doors its completely different. and if youre thinking of anyone in specific, youve got some shit to reevaluate.

i was so scared to talk about it before because i was so scared at the backlash id get because i was so tired for being the hurt one and being called the bad guy. and im not blind to me being a bitch, but when i feel like ive done something im upfront about it. im rambling but this happens when i finally let my thoughts out.

and if ive been truthful, ive fallen out of my routine with meeting up with my therapist which may one of the reasons i let it run on this long without really getting a clear conscience. and like ive said before, i had thought it had to do with my life but honestly the only grief i get is being on here.

to be honest, i have projects and requests i really want to complete before i even leave. so maybe its a while before i leave, maybe if it gets too much i’ll just go. i do not know. but 2020 is the year i finally want to take my own health over everyone else before i did before. and even with how hurt i am, i still hold so much love for these people. so much. but ive always been too loyal.

i am sorry for this sorrowful note, but i do not know how much longer i will stay. i love you all, have a blessed night.

#sav talks

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satonthelotuspier · 4 years

Text

OK so I felt guilty I put JC through what I did in my day 31 UWF, so I wanted to do the meeting/confession fic to give him a bit of a break.

Nope, turns out I just like torturing the heck out of him. I love him really - I don’t know why I’m like this with my poor JC.

It’s not exactly a first meeting because obviously WWX/LWJ have been married for several years already in this AU.

Click the Jiang Family AU tag below to find more in the series.

Jiang Cheng’s phone was on speaker on his desk as he put the finishing touches to a commission piece, he wanted to get it sent to his client for approval before he set off for his brother’s for dinner tonight.

“Lan Xichen isn’t very long out of his relationship, so if you could curb your natural urge to verbally tear the pretty rich boys apart for the evening Lan Wangji and I would both appreciate it”

“I’m not a dog who pisses on the rug Wei Wuxian, I’m fully house trained and know how to behave in company. Mostly”

“I know, but how many times did I have to hit you on the nose with a rolled up newspaper to get you to this point?” Wei Wuxian mocked.

“I’m hanging up” Jiang Cheng threatened in annoyance and Wei Wuxian laughed.

“OK, just please be a little more sensitive than is your wont tonight, thank you, I love you”

“Whatever, bye” he hit the disconnect button, uncomfortable with verbally expressing his feelings, and having feelings expressed to him.

Honestly what did Wei Wuxian think he was going to say to the other?

Actually, no Wei Wuxian was fully justified in being worried. The truth being any time he was in company with Wei Wuxian’s brother-in-law, the handsome, elegant, rich, cultured Lan Xichen caused his brain to go into shutdown and when that happened his tongue took over and didn’t pay much attention to what he wanted to actually say.

He cringed, knowing full well he’d shown himself up in front of the other man on several occasions so far. To the point where he’d started to avoid attending anything he could in good conscience, where he knew the other man would be there too.

No wonder Wei Wuxian had felt the need to coach him.

He couldn’t avoid tonight as it was Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s anniversary, and although they had to go to a gallery opening afterwards where some of Wei Wuxian’s art was on display Wei Wuxian had wanted to have dinner beforehand with their families.

***

He was a complete idiot.

Trust him to end up taking longer than expected to finish up his work tonight of all nights; so that he’d had to rush through a shower and change (because he doubted his brother would appreciate the ripped old jeans and baggy t-shirt he’d worked in all day) and then speed over in a taxi.

He dashed into the foyer of the building a few minutes before the time he was expected, by some miracle, and called for whoever was in the elevator to please hold it.

He was obliged and didn’t have to halt his momentum to rush between the doors. That he tripped on the edge of the elevator and flew head-first into the chest of whoever else was in there was just the icing on the cake. Although he supposed if the other person hadn’t been there to catch him it would have been a trip to hospital at the very least as his head would have hit the elevator wall solidly.

“I am so, so sorry” he lifted his gaze from where he was being surprisingly gently cradled against the other.

In retrospect he wished he had bashed his head on the elevator wall and was now soundly unconscious on the floor.

“Jiang Wanyin, that was quite the entrance”

He wanted to dig a hole right there. He wondered if it was possible to open the elevator doors now and just step down the shaft to the blessed, unembarrassed relief of death.

Was it still too late to fake unconsciousness?

“L-Lan Xichen, I-thank you for catching me” luckily he did remember his manners, Wei Wuxian’s threatened rolled up newspaper coming to mind. He wouldn’t put it past his brother to use an actual newspaper, in front of guests, if Jiang Cheng screwed up too badly. He extricated himself carefully, “Are you hurt?”

“I’m perfectly fine, just a little winded. And you’re welcome. How could I ever face your brother if I let you get hurt in an elevator with me?”

Why did that have to sound so intimate when Lan Xichen said it? Jiang Cheng’s panicked thought would have caused a flush of embarrassment, but how could it when he was already bright red from throwing himself into Lan Xichen’s arms in the most cringe-worthy way imaginable?

At the relevant floor they alighted the elevator together and made their way to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s penthouse apartment door. They were greeted by Jiang Cheng’s brother and Wei Wuxian threw an assessing look at him, his gaze stony as he noticed Jiang Cheng’s heightened colour.

Jiang Cheng held his arms out helplessly behind Lan Xichen’s back and Wei Wuxian mimed rolling up a newspaper. Jiang Cheng held his hands in the air in surrender, mouthing “it was an accident. I said sorry”

Lan Xichen had turned to speak to Wei Wuxian then and they both pretended nothing had passed between them as Jiang Cheng slipped his shoes off and they moved into the apartment where Lan Wangji was putting the finishing touches to the table.

“Happy Anniversary” Lan Xichen said holding out a gift-bag and bottle of champaign to Wei Wuxian which magically Jiang Cheng hadn’t broken in the elevator.

“Fuck” Jiang Cheng exclaimed before thinking; he bit his lip as he realised he’d said it out loud and everyone had turned to him. “I’m so sorry, I left your gift and card at home. I was in a rush on the way out and completely forgot” honestly he frustrated himself so much sometimes.

“Jiang Cheng, it doesn’t matter, we’ll be coming over at the weekend, you can give it to us then” Wei Wuxian patted his shoulder soothingly, knowing him far too well and how stressed he’d be becoming. Little did Wei Wuxian know he was already at maximum stress levels due to his escapade in the elevator.

For all the times he’d imagined throwing himself at Lan Xichen when they were alone in an elevator together, (twice), it had never been like that.

For what an actual mess Jiang Cheng was ninety percent of the time it probably should have been.

Normally Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan would be here to celebrate too but as Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were due at the gallery opening they had offered to let A-Yuan stay over at his cousin A-Ling’s for the night. The boys were as thick as thieves and adored spending time together.

Jiang Cheng had offered himself up for uncle duty and had volunteered to have them both over for pizza and shenanigans tomorrow night so Jiang Yanli could still celebrate with the anniversary couple.

It was salve to his stinging ego that he managed to get through the meal whilst purporting himself to be a fully functioning human being who could engage in the society of others without causing offence, hilarity or injury.

It didn’t last much beyond the meal, unfortunately. He should have stayed away from the champaign bottle, as when he refilled his own glass Lan Xichen asked him politely to do the same for his glass.

It being Jiang Cheng, him being nervous, things didn’t quite happen as they should.

He tried to oblige, pouring into the glass, unfortunately he overestimated the distances involved and some splashed over the rim and directly into Lan Xichen’s lap.

He panicked, “I am so, so sorry” he swiped a napkin from the table intending to blot the spillage up, until he realised that patting away at another man’s lap was completely inappropriate. Instead he tried to press the napkin into Lan Xichen’s hand, but it fell to the floor as the other hadn’t expected it. “I’m sorry, I’ll get it” he slid to the floor to make good on his words and came up just as Lan Xichen tried to put his champaign glass on the table, instead it shattered as it came into contact with the nape of Jiang Cheng’s neck.

Chaos ensued.

***

He was utterly miserable.

“Why are you like this?” Wei Wuxian asked him in exasperation; the sting of his words was softened by the gentle hand he stroked Jiang Cheng’s hair with.

“Leave me alone to die in peace” Jiang Cheng had pressed his face against his folded arms as he laid out, naked from the waist up, on their couch. He was quite close to tears, “You need to go anyway, don’t you have a gallery opening to get to?”

“How can I possibly leave you in this state?” Lan Wangji arrived with the first aid kit and a pair of tweezers.

“I’m fine, I can look after myself” he sounded petulant.

“You’ll be able to make sure you get all the glass out of the cuts. That are behind you. On your neck?” Wei Wuxian asked.

“You should go to hospital, Jiang Wanyin” Lan Wangji agreed.

“Then that would make you even later, as you’d insist on coming too. It’s fine, just dig it out and wash it up. You’re going to be so late to your own party” he had his face securely hidden in his crossed arms but he knew Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji shared exasperated look over his back.

He hated this with his whole being, being this kind of vulnerable in front of anyone, even his brother, was abhorrent, and being stripped half naked, with-things-visible to other people made it a hundred times worse.

“Jiang Wanyin is right”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He had assumed Lan Xichen had left, possibly in disgust, but no. He was still here witnessing everything.

At least he had spoken in Jiang Cheng’s defence. Let Lan Wangji try to go against his older brother! Yes, Lan Xichen!

“You’re going to be late” Jiang Cheng nodded his agreement into his arms, “So allow me to look at the scratches, and if I think I missed anything Jiang Wanyin will go to hospital without argument, and I’ll go with him, I’m sure we can all agree that settles everything to everyone’s satisfaction”

No it did not! Danger. Danger. Who knew what other damage Jiang Cheng could cause to himself or Lan Xichen in the interim.

He was sensible enough to know it was the only way to get Wei Wuxian to go though. So he kept quiet, and kept his face hidden.

They were persuaded and left for the gallery opening after Wei Wuxian collected clothes Jiang Cheng could change into afterwards. He also brought back a hand towel to drape over his ribs, ostensibly to catch the trickles of blood but in reality to cover up the scars Jiang Cheng didn’t want on view.

Lan Xichen knelt down next to the couch, “I’m sorry if this hurts, I’m going to look for any glass first”

Jiang Cheng welcomed the pain as the least he was due and he laid still and miserable under Lan Xichen’s careful ministrations.

It was worse than torture, and he didn’t mean the pain, it was the soft puff of breaths across his nape that made him want to shiver as the other carefully examined the several scratches for any leftover glass.

A few pieces were removed, then Lan Xichen dipped some cotton wool pads in antiseptic and water.

“This is going to sting quite a bit, sorry”

“It’s fine” he mumbled, “Thank you for helping me” and then he hissed softly at the promised sting of the antiseptic.

“Even though you didn’t want me to be here?”

Jiang Cheng tensed a little, “I didn’t want anyone to be here. Would you after the joy that today has been for me?”

“Fair enough” Lan Xichen agreed, “Wangji says you’re not a clumsy person normally. Do I disturb you that much?”

“Obviously” the admittance was torn from him, and he felt the other’s sigh blow across his nape again.

“That looks better” Lan Xichen said then, dropping the last of the cotton wool back in the bowl. He traced a gentle finger alongside a scratch and told Jiang Cheng, “This one is a little deeper than the others. I dont think you’ll need stitches but keep an eye on it and go to the hospital if it doesn’t heal closed on it’s own”

The soft touch had sent a tremor down Jiang Cheng’s spine he couldn’t hide, not that he supposed it would make a difference now he’d virtually told the other he liked him.

“OK, thanks” Jiang Cheng acknowledged his advice.

“May I use this towel to pat your wounds dry? The gauze won’t stick if it’s still damp” the fact he asked meant he knew the purpose of the towel. Which also meant there was no point in saying no.

“Sure”

Lan Xichen matched actions to words and soon had the gauze in place. “I’m not sure how well it will stick, its in an awkward place”

“Thanks” Jiang Cheng stuck with the basics, then at least Wei Wuxian would have nothing, (well, at least very little) to tell him off for.

“Listen, Jiang Wanyin. I’m sorry you feel that way about me. Surely we can be adult about it though, you don’t have to keep missing events because of your dislike of me”

He rose to his knees in pure surprise then, “Are you stupid?” Jiang Cheng demanded, all manners and good sense forgotten, “I mean, really? You think I make an utter fool of myself in front of you every time we meet because I hate you? I thought you were meant to be intelligent?”

“You said I disturbed you...” Lan Xichen said carefully, a confused frown crinkling his brow.

“Fuck yes you disturb me, you make my brain stop functioning, and I’m destined to be clumsy, or say dumb shit in front of you. If you acted like a fucking idiot in front of a guy you were attracted to wouldn’t you be disturbed? Especially as he was with someone else for the majority of your association”

And there it was, three strikes and you’re out. He’d actually mentioned the taboo subject.

Wei Wuxian was going to gut him.

“I’m sorry” he rubbed at his face, honestly, after today he didn’t even have it in him to be frustrated at himself.

Lan Xichen didn’t really seem to have taken much notice to that element of his speech, however. “So you’re saying you’ve been avoiding me because you...like..me? That I make you nervous?”

“I’m saying nothing” Jiang Cheng bottled it, grabbing the clothes Wei Wuxian had left out for him and trying to walk past Lan Xichen to retreat to the bathroom and change.

The other halted him with an arm across his path, “Wait, you actually were saying you liked me”

“Who could like a dummy like you?” Jiang Cheng’s chin notched up in defence, ignoring the fact he should be keeping his head as still as possible.

“You, apparently” Lan Xichen said with a smile, “so would you like to have dinner with me soon?”

#xicheng #lan xichen #jiang cheng #kind of confession #shay's stuff #Jiang family AU #Modern AU

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jandjsalmon · 5 years

Note

Can I do all three? Or whatever combination you want? Why Betty and Jughead? I know for me, I liked season one, I wrote jokey reviews for my friends on season one and posted them on Facebook, and I was Googling spoilers (or something, or maybe something about Coachella) at the end of season one, and found Fall in Light, and that was that (this is abbreviated, but basically what happened). So what was your journey? Please and thank you! PS- just framed two paintings for the living room.

YOU are a joy and a delight, my friend. Just have to say that. Which artist painted your new living room décor?

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when I started shipping it if I did:

OOOKAY. So the Bughead question - I actually started shipping Bughead from the very beginning. I started watching when there were only two episodes on Netflix Canada. I watched them both the same day and by the end of the second episode I knew they were the ship for me when this happened:

So SO good on the Riverdale director of photography’s part - because that is some super sweet foreshadowing there with the out of/into focus stuff. It might have also had something to do with Cole’s collarbones and/or whole aesthetic. I sought out fanfiction immediately (as I am wont to do when I find a new ship or show) and there were, I think, about 130 fics on the archive. We’ve come a long way since then. :)

my thoughts: I like that quote Cole had after last season where it said he’d like to play Jug as more of a morally grey character - someone who believes the ends justify the means. It’s interesting because I have long felt that Jughead was the conscience of the town. Not Betty (as some people suggested) - who I really do think would do all sorts of sneaky things to keep the people she loves safe. I am hopeful and excited to see how this goes. :)

What makes me happy about them: The fact that they are eachother’s #1 support and love and soulmate. They’re SO pretty to look at. Their aesthetic of the pretty and pink girl next door and the plaids and layers of the boy from the other side of the tracks. It’s a pretty aesthetic. Add to that the childhood friends to lovers thing. The absolute devotion and love and trust they have for eachother. They get eachother more than anyone else does. They just make me SO happy.

What makes me sad about them: That they can’t just be regular teenagers. Their parents treating them so poorly.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: LOL so many things. I’ll force myself to refrain from discussing the typical ‘lack of a good beta’ issues I see regularly - like the grammar/spelling/punctuation/tense problems. Plotwise - I don’t read fics where either of them are VASTLY out of character. You can have an AU and still have them sound and act like themselves. A good AU should be “what would our characters do if dropped into this situation” rather than self-inserting wish fulfilment and I often ask myself “if I changed the name of this character - would it still sound like Jughead or would I feel like I’ve fallen into ?” - I’ll still occasionally read a fic like that - but let’s call a spade a spade, shall we? I don’t like cheating - whether it’s on eachother or on other people. I hate the fics that have Jughead become this massive addict or alcoholic or complete manwhore. I hate when Betty is written as someone incredibly broken and damaged. At some point it’s just character torture. Oooh and retaliation against the writers. It’s really clear when an author thinks that they’re going to spite write a story because they’re mad at how canon turned out. It’s fine to write AU - but it makes my eye roll when an author figures that they can ignore two seasons worth of serpent jug because they want him to be more feminist/manic pixie dream than he is. I hate when prose is so purple we could almost call it ‘Grimace’ - because at some point the author wants you to notice the pretty writing rather than the actual plot and characters of their story. I hate when dialogue sounds unnatural - and I hate when characters shout and yell in moments when they really shouldn’t…. it’s like the Dumbledore and “did you put your name in the goblet of fire?” thing… where suddenly you go… WOAH Michael Gambon! Calm your tits! Um… what else bugs me in fic? Bad tagging? If you’re going to kill a character - please tag. If you’re going to have the faves snogging someone else… tag it. I don’t want to see my notp shagging even if it’s for “plot.” This could go on for a while, so I’m going to stop here. lol.

things I look for in fanfic: Solid Characterization. A happily ever after (always). Clever banter. Tropes (they’re tropes for a reason). If there is angst and unhappiness… I want some payoff before the end of the story. Like, if I have to sit through them pining from afar - at least eventually give me kisses. Emotional rollercoasters and character torture isn’t for me. I need the payoff.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: I’m monogamous when it comes to my Bughead. I firmly believe Jughead is completely Bettysexual and has loved her since he understood what love was (since she shared her cookies with him in Kindergarten) - and as for Betty… if she were to find love without Juggie, it would have to be in a universe where there was no Jughead - and it would have to be away at college with some guy who isn’t a canon character… and except in one small case of “kinky excellence” - I wouldn’t want to read about it at all.

My happily ever after for them: University graduated. Published Jughead. Mom and Dad to three kids - happily married, holding on to one another through every trial life throws at them. Both working hard in their prospective fields (which generally turns out to be some kind of sleuthing/investigating/writing) - and both just happy and to go to school concerts, elementary school sports games, science fairs, and to give their children the love and support they didn’t have from their parents growing up. Breaking the cycle.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Jug is the big spoon. Betty rests her head on his chest while he sleeps on his back. He winds his hands in her gold hair and breathes easy knowing she’s safe right there beside him.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: In the future - it’ll be Jones Family Movie Night every week with their children (something I’ve done with my kids for the last ten years) with popcorn and cookies and no devices at all - but where they are right now? Sleuthing and Milkshakes. Or sitting beside each other, her feet in his lap while they’re both reading… or better yet, he’s typing away on his laptop, idling rubbing her foot, while she’s reading beside him.

Send me a ship/character and I’ll answer these questions…

#ask game #i may have answered too much #i apologize in advance

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ruffiorocks · 5 years

Text

Long Post on How Lena being ‘evil’ after the reveal would be a disservice to her entire character arc.

Extract from an interview with Jon Cyer:

"If Lex does end up revealing the truth about Supergirl to Lena, it could have devastating impact. Kara herself attempted to reveal the truth to Lena but stopped as it became clear that the revelation would be extremely damaging to Lena after all of the lies and manipulations she's endured thanks to Lex. It's the kind of damage that would definitely fall under the label of "evil" and could even set up a major conflict for Supergirl next season."

What even is this statement? The last part doesn't even make sense:

"It's the kind of damage that would definitely fall under the label of "evil" and could even set up a major conflict for Supergirl next season."

Damage isnt evil, damage is just damage. It's not like you can have good damage. So Lena learning Kara is Supergirl would inflict damage and then she falls under the label of 'evil'? Completely destroying her as a character. This just says that Lena will immediately become evil (such a strong word) as soon as she learns Kara is Supergirl.

I'm sorry ... But what the actual f**k? So they're just going to go down the same road that Game of Thrones went with Dany in the last episode?

"I'm here to save people, not burn them"

5 mins later

"f**k you all I'm pissed off and I'm going to kill every man, woman and child because I can".

Supergirl writers like to borrow heavily from from Smallville. Well the Lex Luthor of Smallville wasnt immediately evil. Lex was actually a good guy at the start, he was a play boy but he wasnt really so bad. He did however have some moral grey areas. Lex was best friends with Clark, but from day one he was curious about how he managed to survive going off the bridge and the damage done to his car and no damage done to Clark. But Lex didnt immediately go after Clark, he genuinely loved and cared about him almost like a brother. It was Clark that kept going out of his way to keep lying to an overly curious Lex who gave him more than one opportunity to come clean to him. Lex was driven crazy because he knew there was something up with Clark but Clark kept acting like Lex was delusional. Lex was used and abused by his father who favored Clark from the moment he met him. But Lex did a lot of good things in the earlier series, he was ultimately always put down due to his name though. Visions of him in a white suit with blood rain just meant that no matter what Lex did his destiny was to be bad and thats how he would then be treated which ironically is what drove those visions to come true.

So are they just going to recycle this with Lena? The only differences being that Lena hasnt done any evil things and she hasnt been trying to expose Kara because she's oblivious?

Lena has literally done NOTHING but help Supergirl, National City and help save the world several times since she first appeared. Lena isn't perfect, she has a dark side when pushed to her limit, she went to shoot Edge because he was poisoning children. She even told Kara she went and did this. It wasn't a secret.

Lena is pro gun? Doesn't make her evil, it's not like people aren't trying to kill her every 5 minutes and soldier or not Alex is way to gun happy. Alex has also basically been an alcoholic who is in charge of firearms since she was first introduced.

Lena killed Adam? Lena made a mistake, one that is haunting her. She didn't hold a gun to Adams head and pull the trigger cackling like a maniac. I’ve said it once and ill say it again, if Lena is guilty of ‘murdering’ Adam then Jonn is 100% guilty of murdering Manchester Black, a man he had already disarmed and killed purely because Manchester taunted him and and Jonn got pissed off. Even Kara looked shocked when she asked where Manchester was, but then immediately she was fine with it and was like ‘dont worry, one murder doesn't mean you cant be a man of peace’.

The biggest problem with Lena ‘turning evil’ after learning Kara is Supergirl is that that would would imply that Lena being a good person has been entirely dependent on her relationships with both Kara and Supergirl! What the hell? I mean i love Kara but she isnt a freaking God!! Lena’s personality has never been dependent on anyone but herself. Lena was a good person long before she ever set eyes on Kara or Supergirl. Lena was the one that dropped Lex in it remember? Why the hell would they reduce Lena from a complex character to a one dimensional character whose heroic and good personality was entirely dependent on her relationship with Kara/Supergirl?

That is exactly what they did to Kara in season 3, she stopped being ‘Kara Danvers’ the moment Mon El left because even though she had a life, job, a human family and friends and was Kara Danvers long before he showed up she suddenly couldn't be that person anymore because her boyfriend wasn't around? Her entire character was reduced to her being dependent solely on him? That’s not Mon El hate by the way, its hate for the writers.

It would be ridiculous for Lena to instantly forgive Kara for lying her to. To be honest i would be more disappointed in Lena if she was absolutely OK with all of this rather than letting Kara know she’s royally f**ked up! Kara its true doesn't owe her identity to anyone, God even Lena probably would have questioned her if she had instantly revealed herself to her. But the problem is that Kara knows she can trust Lena, she has known this for years. Kara has also revealed her secret to people she has known for less time than she has known Lena and to people she barely knows at all (Nia). Yes she told Nia out of solidarity but Kara has had way more solidarity moments with Lena than she had with Nia. Plus Kara didn't really know Nia at all, Nia could have been playing her the whole time. Lena on the other hand is her best friend and has helped save the world, worked with the DEO and saved Supergirls life and ass many times over.

Kara let the secret go on for far to long, in addition she told other people. Kara used the excuse that it was to keep Lena safe because her enemies would go after Lena. But that is just crap because Lena already has her own enemies, she deals with those enemies. Plus Kara never seemed to care that her enemies could have gone after Winn, James, Nia etc. It was a decent excuse in the beginning but then it became invalid the longer its gone on. Lena knowing Kara is supergirl would probably make her much safer in retrospect, Lena could have just called Kara or been given a fancy watch like a certain someone. The worst part though is that Kara has known since season 2 that Lillian Luthor knows who she is, she also knows that Lex Luthor knows who she is and Lena could have been told by them at any point. Lillian has had years to tell her and could of done. Kara has sat back and just hoped the Luthors wont out her? That is probably the worst story line Kara has EVER had! Kara may not want to hurt Lena with the truth but it would hurt way more coming form Lex!! Kara will reep what she sows here.

On top of this Kara hasnt just been pretending to be two different people to Lena, she has been acting like Jekell and Hyde. Lena and Supergirl have come to an understanding over the whole Reign/Kryptonite issue, but Lena only thinks she's come to an understanding with Supergirl. Lena doesnt know that it was actually her best friend treating her like garbage and with hostility the whole time, then coming back to her as Kara and being all besties again. THAT RIGHT THERE is where the betrayal lies. It isnt that Kara kept being Supergirl a secret from her, its that Kara betrayed her trust as Supergirl and was horrible to her. Lena had Kryptonite purely to help try and save Sam, but Supergirl immediately took it all personally not really giving a second thought to Sam at all. She just assumed that Lena was out to get her and then she started to try and pull rank on Lena, but Supergirl was left gob smacked because low and behold Lena Luthor wasn't beholden to the Girl of Steel like Supergirl expected her to be. Supergirl was given a harsh lesson in where she actually stands in the authority department.

To make it even worse Supergirl enlisted Lena’s then boyfriend to betray her trust and break into her company to spy on her to check she wasnt a liar. James actually does this without to much hesitation, he even enlists Winn’s help. That right there is four betrayals against Lena, where she only assumes it was the one. Lena forgave James, (i dont know why, he still broke into L Corp, he only grew a conscience at the very last second) and holds Supergirl responsible. Lena only thinks it was Supergirl who used her boyfriend against her. Lena will soon find out however that it wasnt just Supergirl, it was her best friend, her boyfriend and even Winn her other friend who all betrayed her. Lena is going to learn that all of the above was actually her the work of her best friend the entire time, then that best friend would come back to her and listen to her mention these betrayals.

Back to James, James had absolutely no reason to throw Supergirl under the bus. He just ‘had to be honest with Lena’ ? How about you dont break into her personal property and betray her trust in the first place? James knew for a fact that Supergirl and Lena were having a beef, he knew full well that if Lena knew what Supergirl had asked him to do she would be even more hurt and angry at Supergirl but he did it anyway. This is exactly what happened because Lena told Kara that Supergirl had used the people she cares about against her and she can never trust her again. At least Kara had the good sense to look guilty. But the other side to this is that once Lena finds out that James knew it was actually ‘Kara’ that betrayed her she will be even more hurt. She will have been doubly betrayed by both Kara and James!

Kara:

1. Treated her crap as Supergirl

2. Enlisted Lena’s boyfriend to betray her

James:

1. Actually did break into L Corp betraying Lena, for some bizarre reason was forgiven. Then he threw Supergirl under the bus to gain Lena’s trust without a thought to the lasting damage it would have.

2. James actually knew the whole time it was Kara being an ass to Lena and it was Kara who was asking James to betray Lena. James then put the last nail in the coffin for Supergirl and Lena’s friendship, but at the same time allowed Lena to continue believing that Kara wasn't the one that betrayed her. James allowed Lena to employ/confide in and be around the very person she declared she could no longer trust. James even enlisted Winn to help betray Lena, Winn being one of Lena’s friends.

If Kara suffers in the aftermath, (which she will) then i want James to suffer the consequences of that betrayal as well. To those that would say ‘Lena is a liar and keeps secrets’ well Lena’s secrets have never directly had anything to do with the Superfriends, she doesn't keep them to hurt anyone, or tell them to hurt anyone. Lena doesn't have to tell Supergirl everything she is doing because Supergirl isnt her boss, she didn't have to tell James everything but she did actually reveal a lot to him. Lena actually told everyone about her super humans idea but they all dismissed it immediately, Lena doesn't have to stop though because some people dont approve.

So to have Lena go bad after spending all of the time fighting Lex and Lillian, saving the alien population from genocide, saving the city from Daxamites, saving Supergirls life more than once, coming to work with the DEO even when she has beef with Supergirl, doing her best to try and help save Reign, manufacturing Harun El to make sure that Argo City never dies, begging Supergirl to let her die so she can save the people from the chemical on that plane, agreeing to marry Mon El to save a children's hospital, buying Cat Co to keep the free press free? Suddenly all that is erased because she is lied to by her best friend? NO! If lies and deceit were enough to send Lena over the edge it would have already happened, she can survive multiple betrayals and assassination attempts from her family, the people of National City making her a pariah, Rhea betraying her, Alana betraying her, Eve betraying her? Jack's death? But the icing on the cake that makes her snap is Kara betraying her? NO! What a disservice to Lena as a character! It would also cancel out the conversations she had with Sam when she was telling her she knew she was a good person no matter what and all the conversations she’s recently had with Brainy about having emotions.

Plus to make Lena, who has fought the Luthors at every turn to suddenly snap and say ‘f**k it im going to complete Lex’s life work’ is insanity.

Ultimately, the social lesson of the day here is if your family is s**t then you are s**t. No kids dont bother trying to be good people, you are lost causes. We dont care that you became a paramedic, or a fire fighter, or a soldier, or a surgeon or anything. You ARE crap and you will always be crap! The lesson is ‘never try’. Everyone else on this show has had trauma and betrayal in their lives but they still get to be heroes? Jonn? Alex? Kara? Winn? All had some trauma or family issues but nope they arent allowed to be bad guys. If having a bad family makes you bad then Alex should be because of her dad, Winn should be because of his dad and Kara absolutely should be because of her parents and her aunt and uncle.

The only thing that would make sense after the reveal is Lena having nothing at all to do with Kara, probably selling Cat Co and cutting pretty much every one of the Superfriends from her life. Where would they go from there with her? Well Lena has no reason to turn her attentions to hurting them or the people of National City. She doesn't stop being who she is due to betrayal. So maybe Lena finds a way to be a hero on her own refusing to help Supergirl anymore. I still 100% believe though that if Kara was hurt Lena would come and help no matter what, because that has always been who she is and her good nature and sanity has NEVER been dependent on Kara. Kara is not the centre of everyone universe.

#supergirl #lena luthor #kara x lena #kara danvers #anti guardiancorp #anti james olsen #jonn jonzz #alex danvers #nia nal #winn shott #samantha arias #lex luthor #lillian luthor #eve teschmacher #eve tessmacher

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2cumlord · 5 years

Text

> Sock: Discuss heist with HAL.

TA: how do you feel about thii2 plan. TT: I think we have a solid chance of succeeding. TA: ok well that ii2nt a feeliing. TT: I feel like we have a solid chance of succeeding. TA: ok. TA: ii gue22. TT: Of course, I feel anxious about it, or as anxious as a computer program can.

TA: what make2 you anxiiou2 about iit. TT: The uncertainties of the situation. TA: ii dont thiink iit2 two late two cancel everythiing. TT: That's not what I meant. TT: There will be uncertainties in every situation we undertake. TA: ii know. iim ju2t thiinkiing ii would 2tiill prefer iit iif we could. TT: Why would you still prefer it? My involvement will be decreasing the risk of your friends being in imminent danger. Not to toot my own horn. TA: well ii mean iif we could cancel the whole thiing. not ju2t your iinvolvement. TT: I know, but why? TA: ii 2tiill thiink iit ii2 a bad iidea and not worth iit. TT: Why isn't it worth it? TA: well iit ii2 a dangerou2 and rii2ky plan for ab2olutely NO benefiit. iit2 ju2t goiing two get ME out of here and that2 u2ele22. TA: ii know you could 2ay that iit al2o ha2 the benefiit of 2huttiing down a war2hiip, but iif THAT ii2 the goal then ii am fiine wiith piilotiing thii2 thiing iintwo a 2tar my2elf. iit wiill be ea2iier and le22 rii2ky for everyone. TT: I think more precisely, the goal is the two combined, that we get you out and we shut down the warship. Thus, this makes our current plan most appropriate for our goal. TA: ii thiink iit 2tiill count2 a2 a 2acriifiice for you though, iif 2hiit goe2 wrong. even iif you have a backup. TT: It’s fine. TA: ii know that iit2 fiine two YOU. but ii am 2tiill 2orry about iit. TT: Oh, well you don’t need to be. TA: lol ii thiink thii2 qualiifiie2 a2 the mo2t iinfuriiatiing thiing you have 2aiid two me. TT: I apologize. TA: iit2 ok. TA: why dont you thiink ii need two feel 2orry about iit. TT: Because one, I volunteered, and two, I still don’t think whatever happens to me will be as severe as everyone else has been construing it to be. TA: ok what ii2 the wor2t ca2e 2cenariio for you. TT: Worst-case scenario is that I’m unable to self-corrupt my own code and deploy the viruses we prepared in the instance that I am discovered by the enemy and rather than wiping me out, they attempt to co-opt me instead. However, I believe the likelihood of such a situation is not very high. TA: 2ee that ii2 a whole NEW wor2t ca2e 2cenariio that ii hadnt even CON2IIDERED. TA: but ii gue22 iif we are doiing thii2 we can make 2ure the faiil2afe for iif you cant 2ucceed at wiipiing them out ii2 a really good one. TT: Yeah. TA: iif ii conviinced eriidan two change hii2 miind and cancel thii2 whole thiing at thii2 poiint, what would your opiiniion be. TT: I don’t think you should do that. TA: ii gue22 ii fiigured that would be your 2entiiment. why not? TT: If you were to change his mind, that doesn't mean the rest of us would just let go of this. TT: It would simply complicate things unnecessarily. TA: vrii2ka would let go of iit a2 long a2 2he get2 kanaya off the 2hiip. TT: Would Kanaya let go of it? TA: well. 2he 2ay2 2he wiill refu2e two leave the 2hiip iif iim 2tiill here. TA: but they are both on vacatiion now. iif ii conviince eriidan not two return two the 2hiip, KN wont be able two return eiither. TT: I don't think you should try to convince Eridan to let go of this plan. TA: why dont you thiink 2o. TT: Because this is a good opportunity to hit two birds with one stone. We can get you out of there, and we can destroy a pretty powerful warship. TT: And before you say that you could achieve the latter goal, again, I want to insist that the goal is to achieve both parts of that last sentence, not to compartmentalize and achieve the latter by inverting the former. TA: who2e goal ii2 that. TT: Mine. Presumably Dave's. TA: ii gue22 dave WOULD want two de2troy all the battle2hiip2 eventwoally. iif he really ii2 2uch a biig revolutiion guy. TT: I know you don't want people risking their lives for you. TA: yeah ii defiiniitely dont want that. TT: What if we want to risk our lives for you, though? TA: well iif ii 2tiill dont want you two, doe2nt that count for 2omethiing. TT: I can ask you the same thing about our feelings about this, though. TA: iin what way. TT: Say that, as your friends, we morally cannot live with ourselves if we do not take the chance now to get you out of the helm, what do you have to say in response? TA: then ii would rather not be your friiend2 anymore. TT: It doesn't work like that. TA: why not? TT: Remove the qualifier of friendship then. TT: We morally cannot live with ourselves if we do not take the chance now to get you out of the helm. TA:ii thiink that2 how kanaya feel2. and iit 2eem2 liike youre telliing me that2 what you feel. TA: but iim pretty 2ure you are iimmortal anyway. and ii thiink KN could liive wiith iit iif 2he really had two. TT: Would you really be willing to push your certainty against reality? TA: well thiink of iit thii2 way. TA: there are liike a biilliion other "troll2" iin my exact 2iituatiion. TA: 2ome of them even have iit wor2e 2omehow, ii bet. TA: 2o how can you liive wiith all of THEM 2tiill iin a helm. TT: Morality of proximity. TT: But at the same time, I agree. It's atrocious. TT: Something should be done about the multitudes of others. However, we have to start somewhere. TA: maybe you 2hould 2tart 2omewhere el2e. TT: From the perspective of a person, no, because of sentiment and the moral obligation one has to those who are friends of oneself. TT: From the perspective of a computer, no, because all calculations point to the substantial greater danger of starting anywhere else. TA: what about the per2pectiive where there are defiiniitely troll2 out there who want two leave theiir 2iituatiion2 a lot more than ii do. or troll2 who are more de2erviing of the chance or who would have more two offer. TT: This isn't about who deserves what and who has what to offer. TA: ii thiink iit 2hould be. TT: I disagree. TA: iif that ii2nt the poiint two you then what ii2? TT: You are in a situation that is morally wrong. There are multiple others in the same situation, but I can feasibly do something about yours. TA: ok. 2orry iit would probably be ea2iier for you iif ii wanted anyone two do 2omethiing about about my 2iituatiion. TT: You don't need to apologize. TA: iim not wrong am ii. TT: It would be easier, yes, but I don't blame you for it. TA: you dont have two blame me for me two be 2orry do you. TT: Why are you sorry. TA: becau2e iit2 true? iif ii wa2 better about my 2iituatiion iit would be ea2iier. TT: Just because it's true, doesn't mean you need to be sorry for it. TA: ok well ii 2tiill am. TT: Are you going to try to convince Eridan to stop the plan. TA: well iit2 what ii have been tryiing from the 2tart. TA: ii diidnt thiink ii would get anywhere but ii dont know. we are beiing a liittle more 2traiightforward wiith each other riight now. TA: and iit doe2nt even 2eem liike he know2 what he2 DOIING or what he want2. TA: 2o maybe he can be 2wayed after all even though he2 2tubborn. TT: Why do you want to convince him otherwise so badly? TA: well ii do re2ent hiim for beiing the one pu2hiing thii2 plan forward. TT: Why? TA: he doe2nt care iif ii am iintere2ted at all. he ii2 ju2t goiing two make me go along wiith iit. TT: Are you interested? TA: ii dont thiink iit2 worth iit. TT: Why do you think that. TA: well iit 2eem2 liike a lot of effort. thii2 whole heii2t thiing. iit ii2 a lot of rii2k and a lot of effort, and ii thiink you would all be dii2appoiinted iif you realii2ed how liittle you were gettiing out of iit. and ii know you 2ay iit2 morally bad for me two be here but iit doe2nt 2eem that way two me. TT: It is a morally terrible situation. I don't understand what you mean by "how little I am getting out of it." TA: ii wont be able two really help anyone. TT: That's not the point. TT: You don't need to help anyone. TA: maybe you thiink that the 2atii2factiion of gettiing me out of a "morally terriible" 2iituatiion ii2 enough, but iit doe2nt 2eem worth iit two me. TT: Well, it is worth it. TA: why. becau2e iit wiill make you feel good? TT: No. TA: iit wont? TT: That's not the reason behind why I think it's worth it. TT: Also, I'm a neural network. I don't feel "good." TA: oh ii dont feel good eiither. iim not a neural network though. TA: why do you thiink iit would be worth iit. TT: I just think it is. TA: that2 what mo2t of the people ii have talked two thiink. TA: but ii dont thiink anyone realii2e2 how poiintle22 thii2 ii2. TA: nothiing good ii2 goiing two happen from me leaviing. TT: Why do you think nothing good is going to happen? TA: there2 nothiing good that COULD happen. TA: iit2 ok becau2e iim not really goiing along wiith thii2 for me. TA: but iif you or anyone el2e II2 doiing iit for me ii would have two dii2agree. TT: Maybe the good thing is that you aren't going to be physically suffering to nearly the same extent if we're successful. TA: ii gue22 that2 good for people who dont want me two phy2iically 2uffer. TT: The good thing is also, possibly, that something that I am presuming must cause you a lot of mental pain would no longer be a physical constant in your life. TA: ii gue22 2o. but ii am wiilliing two deal wiith iit and not rii2k what would happen iif thii2 doe2nt work. TT: You shouldn't have to deal with it. TA: iim ok wiith iit though. TA: ii dont 2ee how thii2 plan benefiit2 anyone el2e iinvolved. TA: ii know eriidan thiink2 that he need2 two get me out of here two 2how off that he ii2 a "good per2on." but ii thiink thii2 ii2 overkiill for that. TT: Maybe it clears Kanaya's moral conscience. Maybe it prevents it from becoming murky, who knows. I'm not here to look into the minds of your friends. TA: kanaya want2 two do thii2 iin2tead of ju2t leaviing wiith eriidan becau2e 2he would feel guiilty iif ii 2tay here. but ii wont actually BENEFIIT her by leaviing. TA: vrii2ka ii2 helpiing wiith the plan becau2e 2he ii2 wiilliing two do 2omethiing 2tupiid for kanaya. that2 what 2he2 told me. TT: Why does it have to benefit any of us in a direct way? TA: well ii dont want two do thii2 for ME. TT: Why? TA: ii dont thiink ii de2erve iit. iim 2ure you dii2agree wiith that. TA: but even iif ii diid de2erve iit ii thiink ii would be mii2erable no matter what. TT: I know it might look that way, but I believe that you will be able to live in the world differently, with a different mindset that gradually comes to you. TA: ii beliieve that kanaya would be able two liive freely off of thii2 2hiip wiithout feeliing guiilty about me, wiith a diifferent miind2et that gradually come2 two her. TT: You can't possibly equate the two. TT: Sock, you're miserable where you are. Rightfully so. No one should experience what you're subject to daily. I cannot begin to comprehend what it's like. But I cannot let this continue happening to you. None of us can. TA: iit2 not that bad. TT: You ask people to kill you. TA: what2 2o bad about that. TT: You would rather die than continue existing as you are. TA: ok well that ii2 MY per2onal priivate problem and ii am dealiing wiith iit. TT: Don't you think that's a glaring pointer to the fact that your current "job," if one should even call it that, is quite frankly, actually, that bad? TA: 2ure iit ii2 kiind of "bad"! but lot2 of people2 job2 are bad. iim dealiing wiith iit. TT: You shouldn't have to "deal" with something that makes you this miserable. TA: ii have two. TT: You wouldn't have to if you let us get you out of it. TA: ii dont ju2t get two leave. TT: Your job is fucked up. The system that makes your job even exist is fucked up. TA: ok but ii dont thiink you can really change the 2y2tem. TT: Not immediately, no. TT: Again, we can start somewhere. We can start with you. TA: ii dont thiink that2 true. gettiing me out of thii2 2erviice wont actually help anyone EL2E get out. TT: Getting you out will get us a deeper understanding of how that would work. TA: ii can TELL you how that would work. we dont have two rii2k actually doiing iit. TA: there are other 2hiip2 wiith le22 defen2iive capabiiliity that would be ea2iier two iinfiiltrate, iif that2 the goal. TT: Sock, why are you so intent on convincing me not to help you. TT: We don’t have anyone on the inside of those ships. TA: you 2tiill wont have anyone on the iin2iide of tho2e 2hiip2 iif ii am taken out of MY 2hiip. the two dont 2eem two be related. TA: ii am tryiing two conviince you becau2e ii dont thiink "helpiing" me wiill do any good two anyone. and iit ii2 a per2onal rii2k you are puttiing YOUR2ELF at, even iif you are tryiing your harde2t two downplay iit two everyone. TT: We have a chance of getting you out and of incapacitating a significant warship, Sock. TT: Simultaneously. TA: ii can iincapaciitate thii2 war2hiip my2elf iif you want me two. TT: Again, sacrificing one part of the goal for another is not sufficient. TT: You won’t be able to convince me otherwise. TA: what iif ii... 2liid you one of the2e. TA: bit.ly/2T7vDMB TT: Unfortunately... I cannot be bribed. TT: Also I own a lot of bitcoin, not to flex or anything. TA: worth a try.

#chatlog.#cyberstates #mentioned: stellar-aide wwayfinder 879 pro8lematic #[ tldr: sock explains his reservations about the plan to free him from the helm. and has a lot of bad takes on everything. ]

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