i want to scream you guys have no idea how much i love chapter 219, it's one of my fav chapters from the whole manga if not my fav chapter altogether. also i honestly think it's one of the darkest moments in the manga, like. everything that was said... all the revelations about what's actually going on and on whom to actually put which part of the blame on... all the implications of everything that was said...

irie straight up says to tsuna's face, to all of them's that "if that was the case... [your deaths] couldn't be helped anyway..." are you kidding me are you kidding me i'm pretty sure it's the worst, darkest, most fucked up thing he says in the whole manga and it makes me go insane. he's talking about middle schoolers and non-fighters and five years olds kids, and that's the only thing he had to say about putting them at risk.

and for having everything that happened up until then fresh in my mind because of my reread, it's not like their potential deaths was a worst case scenario by no means--well, of course it was, but not in the way where he was trying everything so it wouldn't happen, if you know what i mean? because even if he didn't come out and say it, their potential deaths was the key to the plan, the cornerstone on which it was build on, it was absolutely inherent to it. because purposefully throwing them in life and death situations again and again, and having situations like those wait for them at literally every corner, hoping--hoping they'd pull through and grow stronger for it, and putting in danger people that didn't need to be involved while he was at it only to motivate them even further in pulling through again and again, was the "training" he came up with so to "increase [their] strength exponentially in the shortest time possible".

(and look, i'm not necessarily saying he's wrong considering the context in which all of this happens, tho morally he is for sure. i'm saying it's all wrong in so many ways.)

and then, literally just after he says this, he says tyl!tsuna was part of the plan too HELLO??? HE SAYS TYL!TSUNA AGREED TO THAT PLAN. like, he agreed to that plan, no matter how long he needed to come around to it, and you know what, involving his guardians (minus lambo) in this would have been one thing, but kyoko and haru? lambo and i-pin?

tsuna. are you screaming yet too because i am, i'm screaming so hard, tsuna--ZHDLSBSLSK my god--

and THEN what does lal say to that?? "that's impossible! i know sawada's personality!"

AND YEAH LAL YOU AND ME BOTH BABE THIS IS SO--!!!

and look, i don't think lal and tsuna became best friends tyl or that she became his most trusted confident or anything lol, so i'm not saying she's necessarily the voice of truth on this, but. she's the only one from tyl whose reaction is shown about this, and also she's cedef. so presumably she was there every step of tsuna's reign during those ten years, and knows of everything he did during those ten years, knows of every decision he’s made. so even if we say she doesn't know tsuna's personality enough to say something like that, she's still the one who knows vongola decimo's best in that room, and this is what she said. with no hesitation too and with absolute conviction, like, she didn't even consider the idea even for a second, that's how much it was unbelievable to her.

and look, look, i get it. much like irie himself pointed it out, this of course says little about tsuna and much more about how truly hopeless the future became at the hands of byakuran, about how much he backed everyone into a corner and forced them into acts they'd never have done and decisions they'd never have made otherwise. and of course the stakes are much, much higher than just present!tsuna & co's lives, and if byakuran was left to it eventually they'd have gotten involved and died at his hands anyway. something had to be done, a gamble had to be taken no matter how awful it’d be for everyone involved for the literal greater good, i get it, i do.

but still, the little it says about tyl!tsuna does still say something about him. and it's not little by no means from present!tsuna & co's pov. like, his hands were forced for sure, but he still chose to go that path, to bet everything on that gamble, however reticent or well-meaning he might have been about it. i mean, he could have stood his ground about not involving the girls and the kids to the very end, but ultimately he chose to give in. he still had a part in all of this willingly (relatively speaking of course), and it's like.

tyl!tsuna, my beloved, who did this to you... how much ten years in the mafia have changed you... what did it turn you into and how far along the way are you... would your present self even have been able to recognize himself in you...? would you have been able to recognize yourself in him...?

and it makes me lose my mind, and you know what, this IS in fact my favorite chapter from the whole manga hands-down