#be here each night this week
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Worry
#Midnight Mystery#secrets revealed#word of the week#Worry#be here each night this week#at 12am Eastern time#midnight#creepyclown
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One thing I really love about the In Blood/Space War arc is how it let us all know that no, Carlos wasn't a reasonable man slightly wary of this radio host who proclaimed love for him on his very first day in town.
No. He was equally as unhinged, bringing a random trinket he didn't even know the workings of just to have something to do, an excuse to go see Cecil.
This man truly heard Cecil say LIVE, in front of the WHOLE town, that he was in love with him, in the middle of a bunch of weird news and what not, and he thought "oh, I HAVE to go see him" and then panicked in the middle of his visit, made up an excuse and ran.
He's bonkers. I adore him madly.
#i've been here for sooo long#i remember the 'carlos is weirded out by cecil' era. the believed one-sided crush#but no!!! they're both apeshit!!!#they deserve each other (affectionate)#welcome to night vale#wtnv#cecilos#cecil gershwin palmer#carlos the scientist#carlos dave robles#i'm emotional over cecilos this week
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#tw suicide#no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family.#puddleglum hours#personal#its just i was thinking.#tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night.#and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed.#they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just.#what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here.#but i don't want to. i need them to save me#because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in#hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then.#at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me!#but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always.#i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way.#hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think.#because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters#and sometimes i just want to die.#im so tired of living guys. why#editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there#so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least
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A Thousand things I Could Tell You // I Can not Stop Crying
#five nights at treasure island#fnati#Ive been listening to these two songs like all week im obsessed#so heres some fnati art for each song ^_^#first guys jake btw . inspired by his official (?) design having no head n just bein a blob#it starts glowing after he kills mother or something idrk#anyways#myth.art
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i need to vent in the tags abt the housemate, and i need to find a new word for this person bc "mate" is much too friendly rn.
#( OUT OF SOULS. )#vent tw#rant tw#negativity tw#( so )#( we all get paid the exact same amount here )#( like our bosses divide the hours so the full-time staffers earn the same amount each month )#( and tomorrow it's my birthday so we planned to go out for sushi )#( last night on the way home from work )#( he tells me: 'you'll have to cover for me on thursday.' )#( me: you mean you can't go? )#( be aware that i said that as firmly as i can manage )#( and he goes: 'no no i can go but i need you to pay for me.' )#( 1) we both earn the same amount of cash )#( 2) he doesn't like sushi. he keeps acting like a fucking martyr over the sushi. )#( 3) it's my birthday dinner )#( 4) he's a grown ass man. he's 36 years old. )#( 5) this is NOT the first time i've given him money )#( and 6) in the next four months we have weeks off work )#( i got so stressed last night and panicked that i didn't sleep. )#( idek what to do anymore. )
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Week 1: People of Echor - The Goodest Boys
Zeus & Apollo!
Okay technically not people but Apollo & Zeus are iconic personalities of Echor
#Zeus & Apollo#Character moodboard#character aesthetic#Night Shift Podcast#NSP#30DaysofEchor#People of Echor#am pretty sure the cabins are a percy jackson thing#but they matched and so they are here#I'm going by week themes because idk how hard this week is gonna hit at work#but my intention is to try for something each day
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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it
#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet#I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through#idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself#& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy#I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem#I had 4 social plans this month. that's it#that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy#but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too#the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021#but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk#just one of those days#everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake#now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend#assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake#& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks#but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc#'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores#they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go#& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired#like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(
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Got the idea of getting a tattoo for my dad, & my sister said she'd be willing to get a matching one with me
This, of all things, has made me cry again for the first time in days
#speculation nation#not a bad cry necessarily. certainly not the chest aching breath gasping kinds of cries i had when things were more fresh#just a few quiet tears. the ache of knowledge that hes gone#and the quiet wish to keep a permanent memento of him. to match how he's formed my very soul.#i had another dream about him last night. another moment of unconscious acceptance.#the first one. i think it was near the start of the week. i was exploring what was in-dream an old school he went to#looking for signs of his old life.#& in the end i jumped down the center of a tall stairwell. with no fear bc i had something to break my fall.#it felt like release. and acceptance.#last night's dream. i dont remember most of it. but i remember seeing him in-dream#then remembering he was actually dead with an ache of true wrongness.#it felt like a different kind of acceptance. one step at a time the truth sinking into my psyche#because he still doesnt feel dead. not really. but with each passing day it becomes a little more real.#i still wish this was a nightmare i could wake up from. or a bad route i could reload a save to avoid.#i sometimes do dream of the deaths of people i love. and i have certainly dreamt of my father's death.#but this time it's real. and i cant wake up from it.#at this point i can only hope to have dreams of him alive again. just like how my dead cats still live in my dreams.#i wish i didnt have to dream of it. i wish he was still here.
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as an underclassman early morning classes and boring classes were what i detested and feared most of all. now it’s difficult classes and evening classes. my evening class last semester actively made me want to become the joker with how disruptive it was to my schedule. i sure would have never wanted to switch into a 9am yawnnnn history lecture class but at this point that sounds like a dream compared to all the tons of active work outside of class with every single professor trying to scare us to death on the first day. i would rather wake up early every day than suffer the hell that i’m currently slated for. last semester brutalized me so badly it’s not even funny i can’t do the same workload again yet worse i need a relative mental break. i do not have that dog in me. i will be going to my advisor screaming and crying tomorrow asking her to make some changes
#like i will take almost anything i can get into at this point#if it fits into my schedule contributes to my actual credit requirements and does not actively make me upset#sounds perfect#and like i am a night owl. it is known i am a night owl#but i can suffer the pain of waking up early for the greater good#i cannot suffer the pain of multiple classes at once in which the professor acts like we don’t have other work to do#like genuinely the workload hasn’t even started yet this semester we’ve had one day of each class so far#and i am like already in absolute dread and depression. just from how they’re making me feel right off the bat#i need out#i need to fix this i thought it would be ok back in november but i don’t know if the pain of last semester really sunk in until afterwards#during winter break i was like oh yay break :]#now that i’m back at school i’m like Huh. so there’s something i never actually recovered from i guess#like now that i’m here i’m like you’re telling me .. i have to do it again. even worse.#and like i was off for 3.5 weeks. but now i understand no amount of time would have ever been enough to prepare me for this#i don’t care if it means i have more work later i’m ahead on credits#this course i wanna drop isn’t strictly required anyway so like.#why kill myself. especially now of all times#sounds like a problem for a future me who isn’t having a mental episode#peach rambles
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Fault
#Midnight Mystery#secrets revealed#word of the week#fault#be here each night this week#at 12am Eastern Standard time#midnight#creepyclown
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arasawa 'but are they You Know' can be so funny check this out. literally any scenario involving ichiban being nosy
#snap chats#in the funniest and most ironic way i can say it its like when someones kids really wants their parent to be happy for once#yk what i mean there's like two ways a kid meeting a stepparent can go Abject Horror and Joy#i dont have to say who the first one is. i will though masato wants to scream Why Is Everyone But Me Happy#no listen if you've been reading the essays being posted here the past week i don think ichiban hates jo#and on TOP of that i think ichi thinks jo would be happy if he and arakawa could have One Nice Night and ergo he wont be so MEAN#just no worrying about the clan ichi and everyone else has it covered you can totally rely on them <- no you cant#its like when your parents go on vacation and you comedically wreck the house by accident while theyre gone#but then you SOMEHOW get it all fixed up right before they get home. cat in the hat kind of bullshit#i just think they should have their brooklyn 99 moment. you know the one#'RESPECTFULLY captain you and the boss need alone time'#jo doesnt even get what hes trying to say until he looks at mitsu who looks about ready to jump out the window yk#like 'aniki PLEAAASE shut the fuck up you're gonna get us hit'#and its BECAUSE they arent together Like That that its especially like Put A Cork In It You're Insane#in the alternate timeline/scenario where jo Does like arakawa like that i think ichi should be annoying about it too#listen if arakawa is the only thing that prevents them from maiming each other then it'll be fine#ichiban please be the worst wingman imaginable while jo tells you to leave him alone#hes going to bottle his emotions and store it in his chest and it'll just sit and ferment there until he dies#like are we seeing the potential here. its awful i cant open any new canvases or word docs EW#maybe if i finished my fuckin SHIT..
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#my wife just left on a work trip#she'll be gone for two nights. so that's two nights and two mornings with the kids 🤪#the baby still wakes up for her multiple times a night. he's NOT going to like this lmaooooo#that's the part that I'm most worried about#i already do most of the getting them ready in the morning so it's just adding bringing the 5yr old to school down the road#and the evenings will just be whatever... surviving lol. I'll clean during the day when i should be working#i can do this. i can do anything for just a couple days!#...and then next week my wife goes on ANOTHER work trip!! hagagaghahaahhahah 🫠#only one night though#to be clear. when she agreed to this first trip she had no idea that they would both be back to back like this#and travel isn't going to be a THING for her really. just one offs once in a while like this.#this is her first one and she's already been a consultant for like two years#one good thing about the pandemic. as much as the business newspaper articles want to convince you.....#remote work is here to stay. for people in specialized careers anyway. they will NEVER get us back into offices lmao#my wife never wanted to become a consultant because of the travel#if it weren't for covid she would still be doing emergency management and business continuity in-house#(and i would still be driving across LA county 50+ minutes each way lmao)#anyway. traveling to work for clients in person on a regular basis is pretty much over in her industry#thank god#I CAN DO THIS
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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
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gotta love my schools not-actually-optional optional classes :^)
#my school: oh and u can take electives during this study period in case ud like to get ahead on ur clerkship!#me: oh ok! that sounds great but id rather use that time to just study for this big exam instead#and the deadlines are absurd (each deadline for the classes is every single day. that is absolutely unsustainable what)#my school sends me an email about falling behind bc im not taking the classes 🧍♂️#so. its not optional. apparently.#i went back to reread the first email about it and they were like oh yes heres an opportunity for u to take these classes IF you want!#so like yeah for my own sanity i thought#ok id love to learn from these but its probably better if i just take care of myself and focus on studying#but nope!#im really contemplating more late nights and losing sleep but after last weeks conundrum after losing a whole night of sleep#and having subsequent panic attacks after that. Uh. No.#tw vent#vent#well. ok. i guess.#snow speaks#i sent an email to them about it so i can have a clearer understanding of wtf is going on#but they are sooooo slow#sometimes i wont get a response until the following week 🧍♂️#sighs... ok back to studying ig#i feel like the past two months is me constantly going 'i am THIS close to giving up on this dream and just going off the deep end to#do something else.' but no i wanna keep trying orz
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a dangerous thing.
pairing: diana x albert wesker
words: 22.8k
warnings: nsfw, body image, sexual dysfunction
��Take them off,” she whispered, motioning towards his sunglasses. “I want to see you.”
Wesker sighed, and despite the little voice in his head telling him not to entertain her like last time, he reached up and took his glasses off, nonetheless. Folding the temples slowly over one another, he made sure not to touch the lenses and leave any smudges – no doubt amusing her with how careful he was being with them – before he placed them down on the table. When he looked back up at her, he watched how her eyes were trained on his hands until they flitted up to meet his own, and the small smile that deepened the indents on her cheeks stirred that irritating sensation behind his sternum.
“Your fascination with my eyes is unnerving,” he said without thinking too much on the implications of such a statement, and immediately regretted it afterwards.
Diana chuckled, standing up straight as she stepped even closer into his space, the jasmine in her perfume seeming more potent than usual as it overwhelmed his senses; that familiar, almost comforting scent reminded him of the first time they had ever stood this close.
She searched his eyes for further clarification as her smile turned more teasing than sweet, and she lifted a hand to absent-mindedly walk her fingers up his chest. “Did you just admit that I unnerve you?”
[read on ao3]
#leah gets a burst of courage to post this#setting: april 1996. a few weeks after the 'offering the other your coat' prompt and the night before the 'running your finger down their#spine' one. // anyways this is the ridiculously long fic i keep referring to so like if you ever want context here you go. i don't expect#anyone to read this and that's all good cause it's so long lmao i'm just chucking it on here cause i felt like having it in their series on#ao3 just so like if people ever wanted to like idk skim through it for reference to what i mean sometimes or something like that idk what#i'm saying it's just there if you ever wanted to read it heheh. timeline wise they have been going on dates for four and a bit months at#this point but are denying that's what those actually are. and they've known each other for around 8 months sooo there's a lot of feelings#going on but they are absolute clowns#oc: diana#pair: ewskers#writing.
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god im tired
#had class at two then back to back exams#and was braindead and crying by the time i got back at like 7:15 so just played video games for a few hours#and now i need to start studying for diffeq on friday#god i cant wait till saturday#would say friday afternoon but of fucking course i have three different fucking assignments due friday 11:59#what fucker thought “yeah we'll just put strengths of materials and physics back to back then diffeq two days after”#and ofc it's “mEntAl hEalTh wEeK” at my school#so im just sitting here crying for the tenth time today over physics/strengths/diffeq#and the advisors are spamming “come to this three hour webinar about burnout”#like...really#fuck everything why the hell did i ever think i was smart enough for engineering#my senior self was like “ooh this is cool” about circuits and lil robots and power tools#and now im sobbing over free body diagrams#am entirely convinced electric fields are black magic bc none of that shit makes any sense#im just so tired like i spent hours studying for these exams#did 2-3 backexams for each got little sleep since sunday#and i fucked both of them up massively#course my professor was like “if you can do these you can do the exam”#and i did those problems easily the night before and was like okay! let's work on physics!#and then the exam hit me like a fucking freight train#i can't even do the basic shit like stay fully awake for all my classes#bc of course they only offer three of the engineering courses back to back to back starting at 8:30 in the fucking morning#and im fine in thermo but just start completely crashing during strengths and am just half dead in diffeq#accidentally put my head down during a five minute break once and woke up twenty minutes later 😭#i am not a morning person#starting at 10am is fine but 8:30am?#adrenaline gets me through the first hour but then im just dead
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