The fake fangs stay on during sex

vampires have one (1) flirting mode

Something about the night changing

did you guys know that it’s free to daydream about vampires they can’t stop you

Something about The Lost Boys, a deeply, deliberately queer movie all about vampires (so necessarily obsessed with blood transfer/exchange), where being attracted to the wrong person, taking risks around them, taking their tainted blood into your body, will change your life irrevocably and doom you to death, coming out in 1987, and saying that the real source of the majority of the problems caused by sharing tainted blood is a respectable middle-aged middle-class white man obsessed with power, heteronormativity, and the replication and eternal enshrinement of the nuclear family structure, and that the only way to survive and cure the infection is to destroy him...whoooo.

the unintentionally hilarious side-effect of reading adult books as a preteen pure and ignorant as the stupid snow is that you will spend a number of years going "it seems like these two characters want to...do things to each other? special, married sorts of things? is that.....allowed?"

at the time it will be baffling, but in hindsight it was so, so funny.

“love, simon sucks!” “heartstopper is immature!” “first kill is so bad!” shut up shut up shut up shut up stop shitting on shows because it doesn’t live up to your impossible standards for “good queer media”. not every goddamn show starring lgbt people needs to be the next moonlight or brokeback mountain. y’all need to take a chill pill and stop being so fucking negative all the time. not every piece of queer media is going to check off every single checkbox on your thousand item list of what makes “good representation” and that’s okay. let people enjoy something for once jfc.

vampire homumado

the fact i'm not a vampire with a hot vampire partner is extremely homophobic ngl

I’m fucking dying, if you stake Astarion after he tries to bite you the companions comment on it and Wyll’s response–

Wyll: Absolutely flaming homosexual, I should’ve known he was a vampire 😔

me and the heatwave

"haaha... had your fill dear?"

"...not even close"

every time i think of chuuya’s weird ass horse noise in that one episode i hysterically laugh because now that we know he was faking it’s even more insane because that was literally him doing an impression of what he thought a vampire would sound like. why are vampires neighing chuuya where is the decorum

You come home late, lipstick smeared, edges fuzzy. Dizzy, delirious, you fall into the bed and lie there spinning, the night singing around you. It's cold outside, the window open to let the dawn bleed in. Your heart beats like distant thunder, there and gone, the throbbing of your veins an ebbing tide. Your funeral dress spreads across our cold bed, a lace shroud stained with gravedirt.

EX(SANGUINATE) is a short story following a woman struggling to survive in the wake of her partner's death. Written for the Queer Vampire Jam 2024.

Content warnings:

Grief

Self-harm

Homophobia

Alcoholism

Play the game here.

Stede bonnet 🤝 Aziraphale

Being killer queen's

Blackbeard 🤝 Crowley

Being good ol' fashioned loverboys

Kind of gay to want to stake a vampire. I mean, why do you, as a man, need to put something inside another man so badly?