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#bc it makes me fear a romance plot

pennyserenade · 1 year

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i’m still pissed abt the fact that i don’t like romance novels bc it’s the genre my heart needs most. but they never write them abt regular ol’ guys. i’m not even talking about the jason batemans of the world or anything—just anyone without a six pick or who isn’t only supremely hot or someone who maybe isn’t 20. why are they all white and blond and young and stupid?

#misc.#and romance novels are so cheesy and i hate that too #it only makes me so mad bc i’ve read fics where romance was such a big part of the plot and i loved them to death #and no romance books have matched up to that for me #even when it comes to smut it’s like there’s either none or too much and it kills me #they need to take tips from fic writers i fear

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theetherealbloom · 1 year

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UNEVEN ODDS - CH. 5

Chapter Five: Our Mistakes Were Bound To Be Made

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, Swearing, Suicide, reader in this chapter thinking of unalive, tiny fluff, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing, TLOU is dark please read at your own risk!

Word Count: 10.8k

A/N: HELLO! WOW UM YOU GUYS ARE SO KIND AND SWEET AND AHHHHH every time I write I get so fricken nERVOUS bcs I want to do it right and I heckin’ put a lot of pressure on myself every time I create something and I want it to be good and now I’m slowly beginning to realize I’m a perfectionist AHKJFHAHA But it’s so worth it, I always look forward to your comments and feedback and warms my heart to see you all enjoying the series so far! ALRIGHT go go go go!

(P.S. UHHH THIS GIF MAKES ME GO FERAL DASKJJFHASKDGH WHY AM I SMILING SO WIDE RN PLS I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM HNGGGG)

Song: hate to be lame (feat. FINNEAS) by Lizzy McAlpine Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD - 2023

KANSAS CITY – MIDNIGHT

Joel has his large frame covering your body and you’re trying to steady your breathing. His fingers are still gripping your waist tightly, feeling them pressing onto your skin. You hear Henry speak in a commanding voice, “Eyes on me. Eyes on me.” You and Joel slowly bring your eyes to him, while yours are wide with fear like Ellie’s, Joel’s eyes are narrowed in anger. He’s pissed at himself right now.

Henry has the gun pointed at Ellie, who was kneeling with her hands up, he speaks again, “You don’t have to worry about what to say. We don’t want to hurt you. We wanna help you.” Joel only utters a single word, “Okay.” Henry shifts his weight, making it clear he’s never done this before, “Okay, um…” You try and speak up, “Henry, please put down the gun–” This takes him aback and he sputters in anger, “How the fuck do you know my name?” Your body flinches at the sound of his rising voice and fear of what he would do.

Joel’s gaze darkens, it was like as if a switch had flipped, his vein is close to popping out of his neck, he is the turbulence and wrath all at once, and he shouts at Henry, “Don’t fuckin’ talk to her like that. Only talk to me.” You and Ellie look at him, mouths slightly parting and blinking up at him in shock. There is a sudden pause that fills the fair, and Henry understands that you were important to him, just like the girl who was kneeling in front of him. He shifts his weight again to his other side and speaks calmly this time, “I don’t know what the next step is with something like this but if I lower my gun we didn’t hurt you so you don’t hurt us. Right?”

Joel stares at him with daggers in his eyes, and refuses to warm his tone as he replies, “That’s right.” Henry blinks twice and nervously says, “That’s a weird fucking tone, man.” Ellie is quick in trying to diffuse the situation, “That’s just the way he sounds. He has an asshole voice.” She turns to stare pointedly at him and says, “Joel, tell him he’s okay.” You softly say, “Joel, please.” A beat passes, but Joel doesn’t let up, his voice becomes colder, and stares unwaveringly as he looks at Henry, “Everything is great.”

Ellie lets out an exasperated sigh, “Dude.” While Henry lets out a curse, “Fuck!” His hands are shaking and you get to hear the rattle of the gun as he speaks, “Okay. Listen. I’m gonna trust you.” Henry lifts his arm to get Sam’s attention, the young boy turns his head to his older brother who begins to use sign language, “I’m going to trust him.” Sam signs back to him asking, “Are you sure?” And Henry reassures him, “Yes.” His voice rises again, “But if either of you guys try anything…” He points the gun closer to Ellie’s head, indicating what he means, “Yeah?”

Ellie replies with an unsteady, “Yeah.” And Sam steps off of you and Joel, no longer perched up above you. You feel his grip loosen a bit, but his presence is still there. Joel thinks for a second and asks Henry, “Can we sit up?” And he replies simply, “Yeah. Slow. Get up slow.”

You feel his hands leave your hips and slowly remove himself from you, and you and he sit up slowly, doing as you were told. Joel asks for verification, “Is your name, Henry?” He nods, “Yeah, my name’s Henry. That’s my brother, Sam. I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City. Although right now… my guess is you’re running a close second.” Henry lowers the gun from Ellie’s head, and the uneasiness of the situation dissipates a little bit. You feel your throat closing up as you stare at Sam and Henry, two characters whose futures were written with crayons and coloring books. It was misspelled and outside the lines, and you know their stories end in tragedy.

You, Joel, and Ellie sat across from Henry and Sam, in a fully formed circle. They had asked if you had any food and you nodded, grabbing the remaining packs of food from your bag. The lamp in the center illuminated the room, brushing aside the dark and making room for the bright. You were all chewing and eating quietly, discomfort hanging in the air, a scale waiting to tip off balance, this alliance that had been formed through force and tension.

While chewing, Henry decides to break the silence to ask, “Where’d you get these?” Ellie chirpily replies, “From Bill. He’s dead.” Your lips form into a frown at her words, even though you haven’t met Frank and Bill, the thought of them always causes your eyes to glaze over, your gaze now distant, over the memory of their love and how it ended. Not knowing what to say, the two brothers keep quiet at her statement.

Joel is busy glaring at Henry, unhappy and pissed at his presence, but his overwhelming sense of responsibility takes over and looks to the younger kid Sam, he crumples up the wrapper and gives his remaining food to him. He smiles and taps Henry’s shoulder, signing a thank you, and telling Joel, “He says thank you. I’m guessing you don’t have much, so this means a lot.”

Joel doesn’t say anything and he’s completely stoic, you decide to look at Sam and give him a small wave and you begin to move your hands and arms to sign and speak, “How old are you?” Everyone looks at you in surprise, not expecting what you had done, Henry raises an eyebrow, “You know ASL?” And you nod and signed as you spoke so Sam could also understand, “I’m close with my cousin, she’s deaf. I decided to take up classes early on so I could gossip to her about boys every time she came over after school without my parents finding out.”

Joel can’t take his eyes off of you, his compartmentalization is cracking and this close to shattering. He wonders how he got so lucky to have you with them, and this contrast with Joel’s abject terror at having to feel any sort of fondness or emotions towards you and Ellie. He’s trying to find a reason for him to be angry, to lash out at you for being so kind in an upside-down world, but he can’t bring himself to.

Sam smiles and signs to you, “Eight.” Ellie smiles and says “Cool. I’m Ellie.” And you sign her name for him, and he nods in understanding, you also sign your name and he smiles at you, what a beautiful kid. Ellie then wacks Joel on the knee so he could be polite and introduce himself, he looks at the girl with a frown, and she persists him, he sighs, “I’m Joel. Look, you ate, we didn’t kill each other let’s call this a win-win and move on.” Henry cleans his hands and swallows the rest of his food, “Well, I’m betting that ya’ll came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out. And when the sun’s up I’ll show you one.”

TLOU WORLD - 2023

OFFICE BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – DAY

“Welcome to Killa City.” Henry says as you three look out the large glass window, “No FEDRA.” Joel states and Henry confirms this, “Not as of ten days ago, no.” Joel has his arms crossed over his chest, while you stand beside him, he says, “We always heard KC FEDRA was…”

“Monsters? Savages? Yeah, you heard right.” Henry said and he recounts what happened in those walls, “Raped and tortured and murdered people for twenty years. And you know what happens when you do that to people? The moment they get the chance, they do it right back to you.” You shudder at the thought of that, for twenty years FEDRA raped, tortured, and murdered for sport, all because they had the opportunity and power to do as they pleased. “But your not FEDRA?” Joel asks him, Henry looks up at him, “No, worse. I’m a collaborator.”

“What’s a collaborator?” You ask, and Joel answers you, “He’s a rat. I don’t fuckin’ work with rats,” He’s turning and about to usher you away but Henry is swift as he retorts, “Yeah, you fucking do. Today you do because I live here and you don’t. That’s how I followed you here. I know this city, and that’s how I’m gonna help you get out.” Joel’s eyes narrow in suspicion, “Why help us?”

“I saw what you did. What you both did. The way you killed those men.” His eyes shift to look at you and Joel subtly steps in front of you to block him from staring at you, his protective instinct taking over, Henry stares at Joel again, “Now, I know where to go but I don’t know how to make it through alive. Not if it’s just me and Sam.”

“You seem capable enough. You’re armed.” Joel says and Henry shakes his head, “You’re wrong and wrong. Never killed anyone. And pointing an unloaded gun at both of you was the closest I’ve ever come to being violent. So that’s the deal. I show the way. You clear the way.”

A laugh from Ellie and Sam causes the three of you to bring your eyes to them. They’re reading Ellie’s pun book and giggling to themselves. Henry has made a major admission to the two of you, that their guns were not loaded. Joel faces the window again, trying to decide, and you hug yourself with both your arms and listen to Henry say, “Haven’t heard that in a long time.”

“So how are we getting out?” Joel asks reluctantly with both hands on his hips, he has no other option but to let Henry lead the way. He grabs a piece of paper, places it on the conference table, then uses a pencil and begins to draw a map of the area, he begins to explain how to cross the highway, “Highways, downtown.” He points to the center of the paper, “Us.” He circles a specific area of the map, “This whole area belongs to Kathleen.”

“She’s in charge?” Ellie questions next to you, “Leader of the resistance,” Henry confirms, “You can see the way we’re bounded by highways. They got people posted all around the inside perimeter. If we get close, we get caught. No question. So how do we get across?” Henry bangs on the table, the vibrations getting caught with Sam’s senses, he looks to Henry and signs to him, “How do we get across?” The young boy nods and writes across the Woody Woodpecker doodle pad, and he holds up the board, “Tunnels.”

Henry snaps his fingers, “Boom.” And Joel is perplexed as he questions, “Kansas City has a subway?” The older brother looks down before replying, “No, but they do have maintenance tunnels. There’s a bunch of buildings all put up by the same developers. And they share these tunnels, including… a bank building here.” He begins to draw on the sheet of paper again the graphite leaving marks on it, “So we enter the tunnels here travel underground, and pop up here. Westside North. Residential.” Joel has his mouth twisted to the side while you’re trying to process all the information being said by Henry, “There’s an embankment on the other side of the houses. We head down, pedestrian bridge over the river,” he claps his hand for emphasis, “free as a bird.”

“You’re right. That’s a great plan. So, what do you need me for?” Joel his voice was deep and stern as he asked, Henry, licks his lips nervously and takes a breath before replying, “You noticed anything strange about this city? I mean, other than the strange shit you’ve already seen.” You’re quick to reply, “There’s no infected above ground.”

“Bingo, damn she knows ASL and she’s observant, you’re pretty smart,” Henry says and you stare wide-eyed at his compliment, not knowing how to take it. Joel, however, is clenching his fist, and scowling at him. He clears his throat, uncomfortable and intimidated, “FEDRA drove them underground fifteen years ago and never let them come back up. It’s the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did.”

“So you want us going into a tunnel?” Joel states and Henry quickly defends himself, “Everyone thinks that it’s full of Infected including Kathleen, which means that we’re not gonna be running into any of her people. But you see, what I know is it’s empty.” He smiles smugly and Joel is skeptical, “You’ve been down there?” Henry replies with a meek, “No,” Joel takes a deep, frustrated, breath, about to chew him out but Henry pushes on, “but the FEDRA guy that I worked with told me that it’s clean, completely clean. They cleared it out. All of it.”

“When?” Ellie asks this time, “Like three years ago.” Henry replies, and Joel tsked at him while placing both palms on the table, shaking his head in disapproval, he responds with, “Okay, maybe, there’s one or two but you handle it.” Joel looks up at him, “What if there’s more?” Ellie adds, “And one of those blind ones that sees like a bat?” Henry looks surprised, “Wait, you ran into a clicker?” The young girl acts brave, “Two of them.” He then says proving his point, “And you’re still alive. You see? You’re the right people. If it gets bad down there we turn around and run right back out the same way we came.” Joel pushes himself off the table, puffing his chest, “That’s your great plan?” Henry shoots back, “No, that’s my dicey-as-fuck plan. But as far as I could tell,” he shrugs, “it’s our only shot.”

Joel sighs and you hear a thumping sound from the table, it’s coming from Sam, and he signs, “What are they saying?” Henry looks to you for an answer, and immediately your gaze is fixed on Joel, the temper in his eyes cool down and soften, this tells you all you need to know, you look to Sam as you speak and sign to the young boy, “We’re going to help you escape.”

TLOU WORLD - 2023

BANK BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – DAY

The group makes their way across the street and into the abandoned bank. The tall glass windows made you restless, if one of the rebels drove by someone could spot you easily. Joel reads your mind as he says, “We need to get out of sight.” Henry takes a look around and spots the entrance, “Uh, I think it’s this way.” Joel nods and the group breaks into a jog to the right-side hallway of the bank building. The squeak of the door fills breaks the silence and the shine of flashlights chase away the darkness. All of you enter, and Henry says to Joel, “This should be it. You ready?” Joel shifts his gaze to Ellie and then you, “Get your gun out.”

Ellie smiles and pulls it out of her jacket pocket and you do the same, Joel begins to take the lead and you trail behind him. He pushes the large metal maintenance door, shining his flashlight and making sure it’s clear. “See, it’s empty. The plan is good.” Henry says optimistically, and you shake your head, pinching the bridge of your nose. You hear Joel shush him, “The plan is good? We’ve been down here for two seconds. We don’t know anything.” Henry leans back a little, tilting his head at Ellie and you, “You’re dad’s kind of a pessimist.” And in synchronized fashion, the two of them reply, “He’s not my dad.” While Joel says, “I’m not her dad.” You nearly laugh and hide your face with one of your hands as the other was currently holding the flashlight and gun. Henry doesn’t say anything and Joel begins to give instructions, “Just point your light forward and be ready to run.”

You walk a few paces behind Joel with Ellie right behind you, the sound of footsteps echoes in the tunnel, and with every step, you hear the sound of the cement beneath your boots. After what seems like an hour, you take a left, to a section of the tunnel, and stumble across a colorful entrance, one you instantly recognize from one of the scenes in the video game. A castle is painted at the entrance of the door, and blue covers the walls representing the sky, people were drawn on them, child-like in manner. Flowers were painted, along with hills and rainbows.

Ellie lets out a quiet, “Woah,” as your lights bounced around the walls to admire and inspect them. You see Sam about to open the door but Joel stops him while shaking his head, “No.” He goes first, pushing the heavy door, taking a peek with his gun out, and finding no infected.

The rest of the group follows him inside to find chairs, tables, toys, and books scattered around the room. You see the large goal painted on the wall and find a ball right next to it. Joel looks up to find the ventilation fan and says, “I heard about places like this. People went underground after Outbreak Day. Built settlements.”

“What happened to them?” Ellie asks, and Joel looks at the whiteboard with the written house rules, “Maybe they didn’t follow the rules and they all got infected.” Ellie hums and walks over to one of the tables, Sam plops down on one of the chairs, and she messes around with him. Joel looks at a kid’s drawing on the wall, figures representing Danny and Ish. You look over his shoulder and then approached the wall, grabbing the drawing. Joel watches you and asks, “Do you know who they are?” You nod, “Yeah, Ish’s backstory might be different though. But the summary of it is that he established a community here with another guy named Danny, and Suzan and Kyle, with their kids. And several others, but at some point, a door was left open. Just like you said, someone forgot to follow the rules.” Joel sees you frowning and your eyes sad, “What happened to them?” You look up at him, “Ish, Suzan, and the kids escaped and made it out to the suburbs, after that their fate is unknown.”

You hear Ellie and Sam find a Savage Starlight comic and hear her excitement, “No way! I love these!” They begin to converse over the comic issues that they have, you shine your light around the room, looking through books and drawings. You hear Ellie speak again, “To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and Survive.” He begins to teach her how to sign the last two words, “Endure. Survive. Fuck yeah, man!” And they giggle and high-five.

“Keep it down. We’re not out yet.” Joel says and you’re busy grabbing one of the science books that was left behind, you hear Ellie groan, “Oh, c’mon. Can we just rest here for a while? There’s like actually shit to do here.” Henry pipes in, “Wouldn’t be so bad to wait the light out a bit. Safer in the shadows when we pop back out on the other side.” You also decide to mumble, not caring if they heard or not, “And let them be kids for a bit. It wouldn’t hurt them to have a little fun.”

Ellie looks at Joel, and seemingly outnumbered, he shrugs and lets them do whatever. The three of you sit at the table, next to Joel, while he and Henry watch both of the kids play. You are busy studying the book you found, was a bit outdated, but it still held the key information you needed to review, and for some reason, you’re having a hard time remembering important memories.

You hear Ellie and Sam having the most fun that they’ve had in years. Their life is a gorgeous broken gift, with billions of people waiting to be fixed. They were just kids who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up, and suddenly it fits. They grew up too quickly, but if only they knew, that the sunlight shines a little brighter, the weight of the world’s a little lighter all because of them.

You hear Joel lowly speak, “If you were… collaboratin’ to take care of him I shouldn’t have said what I said. I don’t know you’re situation. And I’m not sayin’ they should let it go, but… All things considered, seems kinda cruel… to send a whole army after you for that.” You raise your eyes from the book, watching the two men, Henry looks down before he admits what information he was hiding, “You know, I wasn’t… exactly telling you two the truth before about me not killing someone.”

Joel turns to look at him with his mouth slightly parted while your eyes are simply waiting for him to continue, “There was a man, a great man. You know, he was never afraid, never selfish, and he was always forgiving. Have you ever met someone like that? Kind of man you’d follow anywhere.” Your leg begins to bounce up and down in anticipation while you slowly bring your eyes to Joel. He wasn’t that kind of man, and despite that, you knew deep down you follow him anywhere. Henry continues and your eyes dart back to him, “I mean, I wanted to. I would’ve. Yeah, but… Sam, he… he got sick. Leukemia.” Your leg stops bouncing after that, you completely go numb and breathing becomes a little harder. A pause between you three, a dose of reality that there were plenty of other illnesses and diseases besides the cordyceps they had to worry about. The quality and value of human lives have deteriorated over the twenty years in their world, and the decisions people have collectively made, to fight each other rather than together inevitably cause the apocalyptic world they have today. You know so little, yet fear so much. You aspire not to expire at the hand of some infectious disease. Children can no longer have proper childhoods, and no more clumsy start to adolescence, the moment they were brought into this world, they now also carry the burden of the past.

Henry continues, “Yeah, anyway… there was one drug that worked and, whoa, big shock. There wasn’t much left of it and it belonged to FEDRA. And if I wanted some it was gonna take something big. So I gave them something big. That one great man. The leader of the resistance movement in Kansas City. And Kathleen’s brother. Yeah, so… you still think they should take it easy on me? Or am I the bad guy?”

You rub the side of your face in exhaustion and stress, while Joel gives him a one-shoulder shrug, “I don’t know what you’re waitin’ on, man. The answer’s easy. I am the bad guy because I did a bad guy thing.” You shake your head, “What was his name?” He promptly responds, “Michael.” You continue, disagreeing with his statement, “No, it will never be that easy. You made a human decision. You took a risk because of your love for Sam at the cost of an uprising that wouldn’t have even happened if you hadn’t done what you did.” Henry only looks at you with guilt then he stares at Joel, “But you get it, though. You might not be her father, but you were someone’s.” Joel doesn’t deny it and simply looks down at the table while Henry goes on, “See, I could tell.” He shifts his gaze at you again, “You weren’t a parent, but I see how hard you try to be there for everyone.”

Joel looks at you for confirmation, but you merely blink with a gaze full of denial, you turn away and stand up from your chair while grabbing your flashlight, gun, and bag, “It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. The sun is about to set, let’s go.” For the first time, you were the one to walk away.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

PARKING LOT OF THE BANK OF AMERICA, ON THE WAY TO THE SUBURBS, KANSAS CITY – NIGHT

The sound of the metal door opening fills your ears as you walk out of the stairwell, flashlights shine through the darkness as Joel asks, “Do you know where we are?” Henry replies with optimism, “Yep. The other side.” You begin to walk away from the parking lot and into the suburbs. You pull Joel to the side and tug on his arm, he leans down to your height before you could go on your tip toes, and you whisper, “Joel, I’m not sure Sam and Henry are gonna make it. So far it’s been good, and things might’ve changed but I’m not sure what’s going to happen next, ‘cause I can’t remember how it goes from here.”

He looks at you with great concern, “What do you mean?” Your eyebrows tense and your eyes nervously move and shift as the words spill out of your mouth, talking in circles, “Henry might kill himself, but I don’t know why, something is stopping me from fully remembering, I was gonna tell you as soon as I could, but everything was happening so fast and at first I couldn’t recognize anything until the settlement we found… but I can’t… I’m trying my hardest, I swear but–” Joel grips your shoulders and you freeze, “Look at me.” You can feel your heartbeat racing, the anxiety running through your bloodstream and crippling your ability to breathe, “Hey… Hey. Look at me. It will be fine, we’ll figure it out, together.” Your eyes slowly fix on him as the both of you stood there, you know Joel doesn’t make promises, he isn’t at that point yet, but his sense of needing to care for you, to find a way to get rid of your distress, is slowly overpowering his practicality right now. He feels it within himself as his eyes are steadily on yours, trying to keep you grounded, here with him. Slowly, you come back to yourself and take a deep breath, mimicking his breathing.

The world was brighter before you had learned to dim it down, now you call it survival, breath is borrowed and our compass within you stands still. Beneath your brave and trusting feet, all revelations come to you in recovery, you start to nod at the man in front of you, who had his hand still gripped on your shoulders, “I’m fine. I’m okay. Let’s keep going.”

You hadn’t realized that the rest of the group had stopped a few steps ahead of you to give you and Joel the privacy you needed, he lets go and you follow him forward, Ellie only gives you a reassuring smile and you gently smile back at her. There are rows of houses sound asleep, and only streetlamps notice you, while you look for signals, for a clue.

Joel continues to lead the pack and you hear Henry comment from behind you, “No one is here. No one’s gonna be here because my plan worked.” You look up to the sky in annoyance as you, “Can you not say shit like that. It’ll jinx us.” And Joel clicks his tongue at him, “So much goddamn talkin’.” Ellie smirks at both of your attitudes while Henry points out, “I’m just sayin’, I deliver.” He raises his arm and directs, “Make this right, go down the street embankment behind the last house… and we’re out.”

Ellie peers at Henry questioning him, “So we cross the river, and then what? Where ya gonna go?” He ponders for a moment, “Don’t know yet.” And Ellie can’t help herself as she says to him, “Well, we’re goin’ to Wyoming.” Joel turns his head to glare at Ellie, she shrugs at him, “What? It’s a huge state. It can fit two more people.” He looks ahead, not wanting to argue with her, Henry senses Joel doesn’t want them joining, “Yeah. Maybe we just call this one a success and say our fond farewells.” Ellie replies, “No. He’ll change his mind. Trust me. This is how it goes.” Then she begins to mock Joel’s tone and voice, “He’s like, ‘No, Ellie. Never, ever, ever happening.’ And then I’m like, ‘I’m gonna ask you a million more times.’ And he’s like–”

The sound of a bullet piercing through one of the rusting cars on the side of the street causes all five of you to flinch and duck your heads, you hear Ellie scream, “Fuck!” You’re all confused and puzzled, looking for the source of the sound. A second shot rings out and you all fully process you’re now in a potentially life-threatening situation. Joel shouts and covers you all, “Move! Move! Go!” You all run to hide behind a car, and get low on the ground, “Where the fuck is that coming from?” Henry asks and Joel hisses at him, “Shut up.”

Joel peeks to try and identify where the sniper is positioned, he sees a muzzle flash go off at the end of the road, the highest window of the last house, and he ducks back down. The sharp sound of glass shattering behind you. You hear Henry, “Shit. All right, fuck. Let’s move. Let’s go.” And proceeds to grab Sam by the wrist, attempting to run away, Joel yells at them for their naiveness, “What are you doin’?” He replies, “Gettin’ the fuck outta here!” But another gunshot rings out, hitting the rooftop of one of the nearby cars, Henry reacts and drags Sam back to the three of you, he asks panting, “What do we do?” Joel tries to peek again and luckily the guy misses and hits the car’s trunk.

After assessing the situation, Joel tucks his revolver back in his gun holster, “All right. Stay here.” Ellie whips her head to look at him and you do the same, all at once you both say, “What?” He brings his body to fully face the both of you, “If you don’t move, he’s not gonna hit you. I’m gonna go around, try to get in the house from the back, and then I’ll take him out.” Ellie brings up her valid concern, her voice filled with worry, “But if you go out there he’s gonna kill you.” Joel responds with confidence, “It’s dark and he has shit aim. Nobody’s gonna kill me.” She tries to argue, “Then he’s gonna kill us.”

A beat passes. Then Joel looks directly at Ellie, his eyes firm and steady, with no ounce of doubt, he asks her full of conviction, “Do you trust me?” Ellie swallows down her fear, blinks, and nods. “Birdie, watch over her,” Joel commands and leaves you no room or time to argue, he gets up and proceeds to make his way over to the house down the road.

You and Ellie anxiously watch from a distance, each second you’re secretly praying and wishing that nothing happens to him. Your heart is beating so loudly, the sound of drums beating and thumping non-stop, your worry so evident that you try and stop the oncoming tears that threaten to spill off your face. How quickly did you grow attached to someone who you once believed wasn’t even real? The truth is, the chances are you are alike, against the odds and the grain. Against what better judgment writes, you both ache like children for love. You have no stakes on the ground or an anchor tied down. There are no guarantees, you know nothing but your fears of attachment and neediness.

You toss your feelings away, letting them sink deep below the ocean floor in your chest. It doesn’t matter. You remind yourself and watch him make his way to the back of the house, no longer seeing the silhouette of his figure. Two more loud pops and then the gunfire stops, the four of you sit in quiet eerie silence. You couldn’t tell if minutes or an hour had passed, but a distant gunshot could be heard, this time not directed at any of you.

You hear a revving car from a distance, and Joel distant yell but is unable to understand what he’s trying to communicate. Ellie’s ears perk up and you all stand to see lights appearing from a distance. Shit. You grab Ellie by the wrist and yell out, “Run!” You feel your whole body working; your leg muscles running warm, cold air entering your lungs and blood flowing into all your limbs. Your calves burned, and your breath formed clouds in the air. You look up at the house while sprinting, and from a distance you see Joel trying to take out the driver of the plow that was barreling through the cars. You and Ellie try to shoot while running, but it does essentially nothing to stop the truck.

The tensions heighten when Joel’s rifle jams and you three are helplessly trying to evade the plow. But this jam provides pause for Joel to collect his breath and re-aim, so the next shot he fires takes out the plow driver. The large truck crashes into a house, causing it to go ablaze and a loud explosion occurs. Ellie falls to the grown and you pick her right back up, quickly ushering her to Henry and Sam, who were hiding behind one of the old and rotting cars, you ask her, “You okay?” She replies with a small, “Yeah.” You hear a loud voice coming from a woman, assuming it’s Kathleen, “Dead end, Henry. Gonna step on out? Save us some time? No? That’s all right, it doesn’t matter.”

Henry looks at Sam, who’s terrified and shaking, he yells out, “I’ll come out! Just let the girl and the kids go!” Kathleen clicks her tongue and in a calm tone, she responds, “No. Sorry. Those two girls are with the man who killed Bryan. And Sam… Well, Sam’s with you.” Henry argues, “You don’t understand!” And the rebel leader pushes back, “But I do. I know why you did what you did. But did you ever stop to think that maybe he was supposed to die?” His voice chokes up as answered, “He’s just a fucking kid!” You can hear the way Kathleen rolls her eyes, “Well, kids die, Henry. They die all the time. You think the whole world revolves around him? That he’s worth… everything? Well, this is what happens when you fuck with fate.”

You couldn’t help yourself, the lightheadedness you feel, the built-up stress, the adrenaline within you, the gasoline that had turned into a flame, an anger that could match a bull’s, recklessly you shout at her, “I’m sorry about Michael, I am. But, Kathleen, can you fucking look past your revenge? Past your hate? Did you even fucking realize that none of this would have happened, your so-called freedom and victory over FEDRA would have never happened if your brother hadn’t died.”

“You have no idea what it’s fucking like! To be without him! He was everything!” She shrieks and you raise your voice louder, “I fucking do! To have everything you’ve known and loved taken away from you? To lose? I know it all too well. Kathleen, can’t you see? We all lost. All of us lost the day the outbreak happened.” There was a pause, and you hear the gears turning in their heads, you continue, “Will killing us bring them back from the dead, or will it just validate your anger? The world ended and all this time we’ve wasted trying to kill each other instead of working together to try and fix the obvious problem. And for what? Tell me. What good did it do?”

A collective silence fills the air, save for the only noise coming from the burning house across the street, Kathleen shakes her head and shifts her weight from one foot to the other, sealing her fate, “I don’t care.”

You shake your head in disappointment, Henry grabs you by the wrist, “Get ready to take them and run.” You start to argue but reassures you, “Yes! Do it.” You grab Ellie’s hand while she holds Sam’s, ready to run. You hear Kathleen speak again, “It’s time, Henry. Enough!” He takes a deep breath before you watch him stand up, his hands in the air, walking into their view. Kathleen shrugs, “It ends the way it ends.” The click of a gun could be heard, and you anticipate the gunshot but instead hear a loud rumbling noise.

You peek past the cars to see the plow truck has damaged the basement of the house, caving a hole into the sewers below, and then you hear the familiar sound of groans and screeching. The Infected geyser up out of the hole, all at once, sprinting towards the rebels. The sounds of gunfire rang out and more infected came up out of the hole, they seemed infinite. Henry joins back to the three of you and hides behind the truck, a Clicker chases after him and stands atop the truck only for it to get shot by Joel. Henry grabs Sam and decides to run away, you and Ellie do the same. Only for you to get separated when a Clicker grabs Ellie, and Joel shoots it from the perch. The impact causes you both to fall, this is when you and Ellie spot an open car window. Knowing you won’t fit, you tell Ellie, “Go, I’ll help clear the way and then find another way to the house.” She nods and begins to crawl, and you raise your gun and fire at the infected, trying your best to protect Ellie, doing what Joel asked of you. Hearing the more shots from above, you knew Joel was also clearing the way for Ellie.

When she crawls through the window, your mind begins to race. You need to find cover and fast. Finding another car, you duck behind it, reloading your gun as you do. You shouldn’t draw attention, and make as minimal noise as possible. The screams of rebels being attacked fill your ears as well as cars ramming over dozens of Infected. A Clicker approaches you but you push down your fear and side-step it, twisting your body and then shooting twice at its head. It falls limp to the ground, a Runner tries to grab you but you manage to hit it with the butt of your gun, shooting it straight in the head.

You hear a large growl from the crater, and turn your body to look for the noise. Motherfucker. A Bloater begins to emerge from the underground, completely covered in fungal armor plating, its belly sagging and spores popping out from each part of its body. The massive beast tears into the army like it's made of paper people. No amount of bullets will do any damage to the Bloater, and you have zero molotov cocktails, the best course of action was to get Ellie and run. You spot and see Ellie hastily crawl out of the van, a child clicker screaming from the inside of the car. You dart your eyes to see where Ellie is going and spot Henry and Sam surrounded by two Infected.

You sprint your way over there, helping Ellie get rid of the first Clicker and Joel shooting the second one from a distance. A thin layer of sweat covers the back of your neck, and you can feel the aching of your back, as you fight off another Clicker, its mouth screeching at you and trying to bite you. Another loud pop of a gunshot rings out and the Clicker goes limp, you take a large breath and grab Ellie, along with Sam and Henry. The young girl yells out, “Come on… come on! Go… Go!”

You make it out past all the chaos to the front area of the last house, as you run, you hear Kathleen shout, “Stop!” All of you turn to face her, she has a gun pointed directly at Henry. Your heart is racing, and your breathing rate rises rapidly, you bring your eyes to an infected crawling from behind the fence, and Kathleen turns to see what you’re looking at. She was too slow to react, the child Clicker shrieked and jumped on top of her, and the leader of the rebellion fell to the ground screaming. The creature thrashes and mauls her alive as she’s screeching for her life. A car crash you couldn’t turn away from, as you watched her get bit, mumbling under your breath, “Comeuppance.”

Joel makes his way downstairs and outside the house to find all of you frozen, he yells to get his group's attention, “This way now! Move!” Joel is the last to follow, ensuring everyone’s safety. Even from a large distance, you could hear the hundreds of clickers making their way into Kansas City, ready to infect and destroy the foundations they have built.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

ABANDONED MOTEL SUITE, KANSAS CITY – NIGHT

With the fighting over, the five manage to find a safe refuge away from the carnage. A motel suite far away from the infected in the city, for now. The stars are a choir in the symphony of the black; they are lights that sing in limitless ways. Sometimes music is needed for the eyes, and the deeper the night, the sweeter the melody.

You, Joel, and Henry sit in the musty living room area. Henry is sitting on top of a bedside table, while Joel is sitting on the floor, one leg curled up to his chest while the other is stretched out, he has his back to the radiator, and you are next to him curled into a ball, elbows almost brushing, but they don’t. You can hear the chirping of crickets, indicating the bugs have come out to play and exchange stories. The only source of light is the yellow glow from the bedroom, you watch Ellie and Sam continue to read the comic book that they found from the settlement.

“You think they’ll be okay?” Henry asks, still eating the remaining food you’ve packed. Joel nods, “Yeah, I think. It’s easier when you’re a kid anyway.” There’s an audible gulp as he swallows, “You don’t have anybody else relying on you. That’s the hard part.” Henry nods, “Well… I guess we’re doing a good job then.” Joel agrees, “What’s that comic book say? Endure and survive?” And the other man confirms it, “Endure and survive. That’s shits redundant.” Joel gives a breathy laugh, “Yeah, it’s not great.” Henry chuckles with him, “Yeah, no.”

You get up from the floor, not having the heart to tell them how they were wrong. Those kids now felt an enormous amount of responsibility for one another. And to survive means to stave off death, but to endure means to emotionally harden oneself, and tolerate the pain of survival. You begin to walk out the door of the room and Joel calls your name but you don’t turn around, he calls for you again, “Where are you goin’?” You don’t look at him as you lie through your teeth, “I’m just gonna go look at the stars for a bit. I’ll be right outside the door.” You exit the room after that, quietly shutting the door, and sitting on the pavement that faces the parking lot.

You let out a loud sigh, close your eyes, and cover them with your hands. You’re completely worn out, your mind is full but you can't speak, these tired gears, and you’re here somewhere between, drained from the events of today. You remove your hands from your face and take the gun out of your holster, letting it lay flat on the palms of your hand. The heavyweight of your decision rests on a single action.

You nervously lift the left sleeve of your jacket, the bitemarks of the infection are there, but there is no sign of it spreading, no yellowing or puss seeping out of your skin. Your mouth partially opens in shock and confusion, with only one thought in your mind. What the fuck?

You pull the sleeve of your jacket down. This doesn’t make any fucking sense. Then again, you’re in a supposed fictional world with its main cast of characters. None of it should make sense. But you figured, the rules would apply to you as well, that you could get infected. You felt ignorant, humiliated, and painfully unmagical. You are old enough to distinguish a sorceress from a lonely girl, and magic from survival. You make every effort to leave the past alone; it is the result of living in the between, the weight of your found family, and the pull of gravity.

You slowly form your hypothesis in your head as to why you’re immune. Could it be because you weren’t supposed to be here in the first place? You recall something from your previous research notes, ‘In theory, it could be possible to analyze the state of every atom in a person’s body and transmit it to a new location, where the person could be reassembled atom by atom.’

You take a large inhale and rest your head on your hand, which means needing enough information and processing power by using a quantum system, and while measuring, there are multiple possibilities, until the measurement is conducted. But that processing power would have needed an immense amount of energy.

In the tug of war between the tide, you were swept ashore like bottles holding prayers. The courage you contained, and the flutter of your earnest heart, will fill the silent seas, and it has restored a part of your memory. Radiation has become a key factor in the multiple theories you’ve read over the years. So when your atoms had been reassembled, your body must have also mutated and adapted to kill foreign infections, including the Cordyceps.

You hear the sound of the door closing and you don’t need to guess who was there behind you. With the heavy footsteps and sound of the rustling jacket, he quietly groans as he sits next to you on the pavement, the smell of ash and smoke exuding from his being. Joel notices the gun, which was now on your lap but he remains silent, not knowing what to say or do, while you’re deciding if you should share what you’ve discovered with him. You didn’t even register that you were bouncing your leg up and down again until he cautiously and slowly placed his hand on your knee, which caused you to stop the action.

You tilt your head to look at him, and he sees the clear glaze around your eyes, this moment, where you recognize you have no idea what the future holds anymore and the story you’ve been silently telling yourself about what the future is going to be like, has fallen apart in a matter of minutes. It doesn’t get replaced with any new information, it’s simply vanished, an atmospheric tumult. You find no comfort in this discovery, it's like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark and mistaking one stair for another. Your foot slips through the air, and you have a sickening moment of gloomy astonishment as you struggle to reset your perspective.

You are desperate for some kind of clue, this kind of fear of the unknown terrifies you, the sudden obliteration of expectation, the overwhelming feeling of frustration and fear builds up and rushes down like a rapid river stream. You bite down your lip to stop it from trembling and fold your hands to stop them from shaking. You’re trying to find the best way to avoid confrontation or conflict, but Joel still has his hand on your knee, not letting you get up and leave again without explaining yourself. You could be described as a great river, one which can carry everything along with them but with a hidden dammed-up reservoir of energy. You have very little access to it, due to feeling bad for rocking the boat. For this reason alone, you are generally tired all the time.

Take a deep breath to center yourself, willing yourself to not stutter, and you tell him word by word what you’ve discovered and the possibility of how you got into this world. He stays silent, listening to every word coming out of your mouth, even the science jargon he’s not used to. But what he does understand is, you’re immune just like Ellie. He’s still silent by the time you’re done, and you’re so nauseous that you might throw up on him. You turn away from him, waiting for him to lash out at you, scream and leave you behind. He takes his hand away from your knee, you feel the air in your lungs refusing to leave, and you shut your eyes, anticipating the warm body next to you to walk away.

Instead, he removes the gun from your lap and places it on the ground right next to him, then he holds your elbow cautiously and gently, and your eyes open in surprise, you watch him roll up your sleeve to see the bite completely faded, leaving an almost unnoticeable scar. He brings his eyes to yours and he anchors you down safely, there is rage in his eyes, and you quietly whisper, “Joel?”

You feel his hands squeezing your arm as he hissed at you, “Are you out of your goddamn mind? You should’ve known better than to go out there fightin’ all those infected. How could you be so reckless? What were you thinkin’?” You’re befuddled by his sudden lashing out, you narrow your eyes and try to uncover what he truly meant, and you try to calmly reply, “Joel, it’s okay... Next time, I’ll be more careful, and since I’m immune–” He talks over you, stern and unsmiling, “There will be no next time.” You pull back a little from him, “What? Are you serious? I’m immune and there was barely a scratch on me when the car–” He doesn’t let you finish your sentence, his voice so cold as he says, “You got hurt. Twice. Because of me. Of what I did and keep asking you to do and you would’ve ended up like–”

You frown and can’t help the questions in your mind spiral, what if your injury had gotten worse or you hadn’t been immune? You could have turned. Just like Tess. Does he believe you’re her replacement? That you could be like her? Or you could end up like her?

You blink at him, putting more distance between you two, there is a war inside of you, you are out of depth at this altitude, it’s suffocating you, and feel your walls cave in. Your throat closes up at the thought of him thinking you were like her, that you could ever be her replacement, and your voice is soft and vulnerable as you admit the words you never wanted to say, “Joel… I’m not her. I’m not Tess.” He flinches and recognizes the hurt in your tone, and his heart sinks to his stomach faster than a stone hitting the bottom of a lake. You turn away from him, not wanting to give in to his warmth and strong protective nature, “I’m not her.”

The absence of sound between you two is deafening and consuming all that it touches. In your mind, you beg for it to stop, the need to fill the gaps with a problem you both don’t need. With folded arms and tired eyes, you try your hardest not to cry. The heavy ache in his chest leaves him restless and unable to find the right words to say. Sensing that there was nothing left to say, you stand up and turn to walk away but Joel grabs your wrist and you bring yourself to look at him to see his eyes silently pleading for you to stay. You bite the inside of your cheek and sit back down, expecting Joel to let go but he doesn’t. This causes you to lift your eyes and find him with his mouth open, trying his best to communicate with you without his pride and anger getting in the way of something good.

“You’re right, you aren’t Tess.” He said with his voice low, and can’t help the tears spill out from the rim of your eyes, you whip your head away from him, trying to pull your wrist from his grasp but he doesn’t let up, “Joel, let go of me.” He doesn’t, instead, he holds you tighter and says, “You aren’t Tess, Birdie. You are so much more than that… You are one of the good in my life that I… Hummin’ bird, I don’t know what I’d do if…”

He has trouble continuing, him admitting fragments of what he said shook you to your core. You’re incredibly clever but it takes you a while to process what he meant, so you tilt your head and try to see past his defenses, with these tall invisible walls he keeps himself in. You try to understand his perspective, it is why your mouth forms an ‘o’, not a gasp but the start of, oh, of course. He doesn’t see you as her. But he is angry, yes, but not at you, at himself. He wasn’t able to fully protect you. He made the tough call of crashing the car into the laundromat and you got hurt in the process. And then specifically asked you to watch over Ellie for him and you got bitten because of what he asked you to do.

You slowly lift your other hand to rest on his cheek, and he flinches, but after a moment he allows himself to relax, unsure and clumsy, you say, “Joel. I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m fine. I’m alive. I’m here with you. See?” You feel the want of thrill, of taking a risk. The pleasure of feeling the rush as feel yourself grow warmer. You let it happen.

The cracks begin to show, he feels his restraint slipping away, brick by brick and piece by piece. His struggle is not anymore with you, but with himself, his fears and desires, and the cognitive dissonance arising within. God, he’s so afraid, he wants so badly for his selfishness to win, and chooses to flutter his eyes close, with your hand still on his cheek, gently stroking his face, and for once, he thinks to himself, just for tonight, he leans closer to your touch, letting you become his sanctuary.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

ABANDONED MOTEL SUITE, KANSAS CITY – DAY

You had fallen asleep on the dark green carpeted floor next to Joel, using both of your jackets as pillows. Joel had moved in his sleep again and curled himself around you. His heavy warm arms wrapped around your waist and the ghost of his breath on your neck.

A loud thump and the sound of Ellie screaming jolts you and Joel awake. You sit up and see Sam tackle Ellie out the door of their bedroom. She hits the carpet, trying to fight off Sam, who’s scratching and shrieking at her, he has turned into the first stage of the infection. Ellie’s yells are piercing through your ears and you crawl to reach for the gun next to you, only for Henry to snatch it before you.

“Nope!” Henry says as he aims the gun at you and Joel, and Ellie is shrieking your names, for you and Joel to save her. You and Joel have a look of pure rage as you both try and take a step forward only for Henry to shoot at the floor, causing both of you to flinch back. Ellie tries again, wailing and crying out your names, and it only takes a second, before Henry turns the gun and shoots Sam right through the head. Blood splatters on the wall and the young superhero goes limp on the ground.

Your entire body is trembling, while Ellie is kneeling on the ground, looking at Sam’s lifeless body, you look at Henry, who is whimpering and sobbing, he blinks and watches his little brother’s blood stain the carpet, like spilling ink. Joel is heavily breathing and focuses on the young girl, “Ellie,” she turns numbly at him, “Are you okay?” He goes walk towards her, only for Henry to point the revolver at Joel’s head. Without a second thought, you step forward, protecting Joel from Henry. You raise your hands in front of you and plead, “Henry, easy, easy… Henry, please give me the gun.” His breath is shaking and erratic as he asks, “What did I do?” You try and calm him down, “Henry…” He doesn’t listen and still asks, “What did I do? What… what did I do?” He looks down at Sam’s limp and still body, the blood still pooling onto the carpet. A dark shade of maroon continued to seep out from his skull. “Sam?” He asks, lips quivering and his eyes full of fear, he looks back over to you, and you wail, “Henry, please don’t–”

He aims the pistol at his head, and you swore you saw before you blinked. There was no second thought, no going back or erasing. An avalanche now spent in white flag waking days. The loud pop, thud, and shriek follow in a sequence that will haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life, a memory wielded as a weapon. Every good intention is overshadowed by the stain of the past. Death is a blindfolded, bitter kiss. It's the finger put against your lips, emphasizing how they should have lived.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

OUTSIDE THE ABANDONED MOTEL SUITE, KANSAS CITY – DAY

You and Joel are outside, and the sound of shoveling dirt is a sound you’ve now grown to despise. The cold wind moves in only to meet the warmth of your blood, the only defense you have left. You feel it wash over your skin, again and again, only to be met by the beat of your aching heart. Fairness is a ghost, and its sightings take shape in such permanent truth. In the sullen silence, you were all taking turns shattering apart.

Ellie had gone back inside the motel room to get the rest of your things as you and Joel patted down the dirt, creating a small graveyard for the two brothers. If you could turn back the hourglass, you would. Reset every grain of sand, and give these two a proper chance at living the life they should have lived, you would. Your mind continues to spin webs of question marks and regrets as you stop your movements and stand there with instability. Ellie toses two backpacks on the ground, you watch her kneel on one knee and place the doodle pad on Sam’s grave, with ‘I’m Sorry’ written on it, the string of the pen is wrapped around the top and the pen is safely tucked in, making sure no one else will be able to write anything else.

Ellie stands up and asks Joel, “Which way’s west?” He only responds by tilting his head in the direction of it. She’s the first to walk away this time, a kid who grew up scared enough to hold the door shut and bury her innocence. You and Joel say nothing as you stare at the note, and hear her call for you both, “Let’s go.”

You both drop your shovels and grab your things, catching up to Ellie. Your steady true north fades, the three of you walking toward where the sun sleeps and casting your silhouettes as you do. Maybe there’s no answer here, at least neither one of you are ready to hear. No string of words will justify it or a simple equation to show you the solution and answer. In the meantime, you learn that you don’t have all the answers, just a little light to call your own, though sometimes it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows.

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter

END NOTES:

I am a hundred percent sure this was the fastest chapter I’ve written and felt so much easier than Episode 4 ohMYGAHD

HOW ARE WE FEELING?? ARE YOU GUYS OKAY??? DRINK SOME WATER BREATHEEE

YAY YOU’RE IMMUNE CONGRATS AHHH *confetti canon*

Wait why r u not happy you’re immune- oh right, you don't know what's gonna happen to you now that you have that information and it doesn't add anything good— it just makes you feel bad lol that sucks (the sudden obliteration of expectation) cause you’ve been telling a narrative you’ve always known and it’s changed and you have no fricken clue what's next

DID I GO BACK AND FORTH WONDERING IF THE READER SHOULD BE IMMUNE: YEP, A LOT… IT KEPT ME UP TILL 4 AM AND I CHOSE THIS BCS tbh it makes sense (??) you’re already a hecking anomaly, might as well be immune too :> Also, I’d like to hope this decision helped the story progress further… I think

Did the science make sense?? I hope so, I researched a lot on quantum teleportation and its possibilities. In theory, yes it’s probable. If you can manage to send every information about the atoms in your body, then send it to a specific time and place, which would take a massive amount of energy and processing power to do, yes u can teleport hooray! I'm just gonna assume radiation plays a part in the energy aspect and then since fungal infections can’t withstand that amount of heat from the radiation and your body has adapted— yeah you get the rest. (You’re not glowing radiation, it's just your immune system can fight the fungi lol)

I know a lot of people are gonna be rolling their eyes and saying, “why am I immune, goSH, so cliCHE, Y/N? knOWS ASL TOO?? WHY AM I SO SPECIAL?? I want to get bitten and be useless and not connect with anY chAracters–” well pretty thing, you’re one of the main characters! Ofc you’re special, you freaking discovered how to get to the TLOU world, I can’t have you dying on me… yet… silly!

Joel is having internal conflict with literally with his feelings about Ellie and yOU <3 I hope I portrayed that properly and well enough. Lowkey needed to write the miscommunication part because that question of if you were just a replacement for Tess was brewing in the back of your mind. Joel being him can’t fully express his feelings properly, so you settle for the broken sentences he has to offer and piece together the shards to find clues of what he means. Later on, it will be easier for him but for now, you both take baby steps.

But God writing that part had so many revisions and played every single possible scenario in my head— constantly questioning if it was good enough. Like was the thing I was trying to do between the reader and Joel natural and seamless? Did this conflict get resolved at all? Did I do this too soon?? Idk I’m just trying my best and I’m a sucker for Joel giving in bit by bit T^T (i mean i didn't make them kiss yet so I'm assuming wasn’t so rUSHED)

This episode centered around Joel rethinking his relationship with Ellie and YOU hehe. But I did want to give Sam and Henry the spotlight they deserved as well. I tried my best to find the balance in all of this, I hope I didn’t disappoint anyone with this chapter :<<

oKAY INTO EPISODE 6 I GO, time to rewatch the pain again T^T

Grace

TAGLIST:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonder11 @syd-vixious @kidkrow666 @soulofapatrick @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale @slurmp69 @gyllord @aerangi @mac5323 @friskynotebook @earth-to-lottie @chaotic-imposter @kodzuvk @hawkins-2000 @reallysparklychaos @trust-dreamcatcher @darkened-writer @memeorydotcom @welcomebackfelicia @rainbowpitofdoom @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @marvelsimpcz @dorck26 @evienorville @munsons-queen @little-miss-bi @mxltifxnd0m @ohjoelmiller @coalix @taestrwbrry @avengersheart @gyllord @valentine-babe@missdragon-1 @ponyboys-sunsets @ipadkidsworld @otternanamilolo @issybee0611 @technicallysassyfox @cupcakemachete

#uneven odds joel miller #joel miller x reader series #joel miller x poc!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x modern reader #unevenoddstaglist #unevenodds #uneven odds #alternate universe #joel miller x reader tlou #tlou rewrite #tlou remake #tlou series #tlou #tlou hbo

581 notes · View notes

izartn · 3 months

Text

So, about how I see Link Click's Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi relationship:

As it stands in canon? Queerplatonic partners. And it's convenient for the plot that they're like this.

Because of Chinese censorship it can't be explicitly romantic, yes I know it. Let me tell why it's queerplatonic for me. The way these two have intertwined their lives and futures together?!

Owning a business and living together, that hint in ep2 (comparing them to the subtextually older lesbian couple who also came across as queerplatonic bc censure) where Xiaoshi wonders/fears if years down the line he and Lu Guang will separate/break up implying their partnership is for life as far as he's concerned (the parallel can be taken as a subtext romance too but follow me we're talking text), the way they were already going also on vacancies together three years prev in canon, etc...

Without entering on their complimentary powers and the way the dives need both of them if they want security in not screwing the past, and the inmense trust and vulnerability the dives themselves require?

They're not simply best friends either.

Those aren't the actions of normal, totally not queer friends. Cheng Xiaoshi checks out women on the dives, sure, (and men too when the host is feeling it which I love bc they can't address it directly bc censorship and then it comes across as Xiaoshi being super confident in his own relationship to sexuality/gender) but I don't think he would ever date bc Lu Guang is already there, filling that place in his life minus sex and romance but all that same companionship and intensity of feeling.

These two meet in what, the last year/s of High School and then proceeded to latch onto each other with a commitment reserved for romantic partners.

And I know you want to say, "it's the censorship! they'd be romantic and canon if not for the censorship!"

Are you sure? Are you sure the story would work if there were explicit romance in it? (I mean, if they could I'm pretty sure they would have nailed it anyways but allow me my a-spec delusions) Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang feel so much like an already established pair, they work like one, and Link Click is not about them coming together like many other stories. Are you sure this would work as BL?

There's a distinct difference on the way they start the show already like six years at least since they're best friends and three or two since they live together. That's not usually how it goes. I'm talking not just romances but every buddy or nakama anime/show, where the protag has to learn to work with who will be his best friend or rival. These stories usually have the same kind of plot progression as a romance which is why they work so well when you make the subtext text.

But a story where the main romance is already established and we're following a plot that has nothing to do with it? Much more rare, even stranger to find them well done although there are some very good ones and with the friendships instead of romo they're more common. For example, Soul Eater, which is all about the trials of it and how they hace to truly come to understand each other. That's Link Click a bit, but not even then.

Link Click juggling a budding romance between Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi with all the other stuff is going on?? Messier for sure. I don't know if people would have liked it as much or if the donghua would have been as well done.

As it is, Link Click has the exact level of emotional connection between our protags it needs to have incredibly high stakes emotionally and at the same time not need a detour by romantic scenes/fanservice that would derail the plot or the other charas importance. That it happens to be pretty queer anyways in a platonic way?

Nice for the aroace-spec folks watching the show xD

Btw, I'm pretty sure in season 3 we're going to get more of Lu Guang's PoV, the origins of their powers and the past between him and Xiaoshi. It'll probably dig more into the aspect of "testing their bond and coming stronger bc of it" which is were the romantic subtext usually comes through...

—unless you're very very good at writing like Arakawa in FMA, who nailed the brotherly relationship without tipping into incest subtext which I've seen more than a few writers fumble. or the latest D&D film for the platonic childrearing and partnership for a no familial example between a man and a woman also very very difficult to get right for writers dunno why—

... but until then, for now I'm incredibly satisfied by the canon.

The other read of course it that they're already a couple since well before the start of season 1, and to mentally edit what we saw in canon with that lens (it wouldn't be very difficult honestly) but reading only the text? Queerplatonic partners!

There also how Xiaoshi and Lu Guang don't have that anxiety/insecurity of their bond that makes it so easy to read the want for something, like a romance for shipping purposes. Despite the disagreements on the Dives or the trials of season 2 or Lu Guang keeping secret Cheng Xiaoshi future/past death they read very steady which is fun. I love some good established relationship, you can go to deeper places when the base is already secure and the risk is higher for the characters. Plus I love domesticity! Yes, I do my angsty/Gothic leanings notwithstanding. Don't you know you need a home for the Gothic to be effective?

#link click #meta #link click meta #lu guang #cheng xiaoshi #shiguang #my thoughts #all of this to say that I don't exactly ship them #Although I've been tagging fanart and meta with their shipname #bc I dont not ship them #honestly?#it's because despite it all I'm very much a canon girl so I can't help but see shiguang on that same romo-not romo limbo #canon present us with #loving the fics though #and Lu Guang is so tragic timetraveler for love coded is not funny #which is the reason I'm sure season 3 will give me that shift towards a more romantic lense to their relationship #also the way they made sure to sibling-fy qiao ling and cheng xiaoshi was fun XD #in conclusion: I think Link Click being a danmei wouldn't have worked #precisely bc it wasnt created as danmei the story as it is works almost perfectly #and right now Im not sure if I would want the romance at the expense of everything else the plot is doing #....qiang jin jiu did it well on the second half though #but it had the first part to go from a enemies-to-lovers and establishing the romance #I don't think I've seen a danmei start with a established romantic relationship bc the genre being a romance tells you that's #what's going to be centered #link click would had to be a just a time travel thriller with queer elements (which it is)#and I don't know #I'd love it but I bet we'll have lots of people annoyed/annoying bc they're here for the romance #Instead of taking the story for what it is #but then romance (queer romance) doesn't devalue the storytelling #ah the conflict of wanting a-spec queer stories VS censorship

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friedbaekhyunandeggso · 1 year

Text

found you - ch. 2 (part I)

pairing: gojo satoru x female oc (ara natsuna)

tropes: psycho! rival! athlete! yandere! gojo x introvert! booksmart! oc

warnings: 18+ only babes, profanity, mentions of abusive parental figure, stalking/possessive themes, death, pet-names (princess, kitten, baby), grinding, fingering, dub/non-consented sex, begging, rough sex, creampie (pls don't b silly & cover ur willy irl), manipulation

word count/plot: [9.5k!] ara catches gojo's attention when news breaks that she is the top academically ranked student in their grade. he is ranked second. he tries to befriend her but she ignores him. despite her obvious disinterest, his obsession begins...

a/n: hi guys so yes, i've decided to make this into a mini-series. honestly i was a bit hesitant to post shi like this bc its obv hella messed up/toxic so pls read at ur own risk. i also want to mention that it is never my intention to glamorize or romanticize a relationship like this-this is simply a dark "romance"/smut story that i happen to write in my free time. i also split this chapter into 2 parts bc it got too long LOL. The second part of this chapter is already written so hopefully i can edit and upload it fast enough but pls look forward to that!

ch. 1 , chapter 2 [ part 1 | part 2 ]

“No. fucking. way.” Millie gasped through the phone, “You had sex with Gojo?”

Ara lowered her phone as she shot a nervous glance towards her bedroom door. It was the weekend so her Dad was home.

She raised the phone to her ear again, whispering-her tone laced with disappointment, “I just told you that Gojo might’ve hurt Noel, Jaemin and Arman just for talking to me and that’s what you're worried about?”

“Wait, you didn’t hear? Jaemin’s dead.”

Ara froze, “What.”

“You left when the cops came but when they searched the house they found his dead body in Nanami’s freezer.”

Ara went silent in shock as Millie continued, “Yeah, there’s like a whole fucking investigation going on. Nanami was pisssssedddd. Poor guy’s probably never gonna throw a party again.”

Ara sputtered, “What-how is that even-“ Ara shook her head, “Is Jaemin really dead?”

“Yes, girl. Why would I lie about that?”

Ara’s heart pounded in her chest. “I-I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah, it’s fucking insane. His pretty face will be missed-but how the fuck do you lock yourself in a freezer?”

Ara’s eyes widened, “He didn’t.”

“He did.”

“No-no, I’m saying he didn’t lock himself in. Someone else could’ve locked him in.”

Ara closed her eyes, fear making her voice waver, “It was probably Gojo.”

“What? Are you serious, Ara.. There’s no fucking way. I get the guy’s into you but that would just be extra.”

Ara swallowed, “Millie—“

“You really think Gojo would do all that cuz Jaemin talked to you?” she asked, doubtfully.

Ara spoke fast, “Yes, he was the one who laced Arman’s drink as well.”

“What? No way. Everyone knows Arman’s took Molly before, he probably overdid it and sent his own bitchass to the hospital.”

“Millie, you don’t understand. He showed me the Molly he used to lace his drink.”

“Huh—Girl, I know you're not super crazy about Gojo and yeah, he’s a total narc but he’s not the type to do that or commit murder.” she stated, flippantly.

Ara’s heart sank.

Millie continued, “Anyway, tell me how the hell you lost your virginity to him because that’s like, major.”

Ara closed her eyes once-more, her brows furrowing, “It wasn’t my choice.” she gritted out.

Suddenly she heard someone call Millie’s name through the phone.

“Shit, my mom’s calling me—“

“Wait,” Ara nearly yelled but quickly clamped her hand over her mouth-eyeing her bedroom door nervously. Her Dad could enter at any second if he wanted to.

“What?”

“I-I need plan B.” she whispered. (a/n: if u don’t know what plan B is, it’s a contraceptive)

Millie gasped, “For real? Jesus—y’all went at it, huh? No condom?!”

Ara squeezed her eyes shut, “Millie, I’m serious.”

“Shit, I don’t know if I can get it to you today. My brother’s out of town so he took the car but-why don’t you ask Gojo?”

“I did-“

Suddenly there was a knock on her window and Ara froze, her head swiveling to see a shadow behind the curtain. He was here.

Ara swallowed, “I-I gotta go.”

“Shit-okay, okay, I’ll try to get it to you by Monday, okay? You better tell me all the details about you and Gojo on the bus.”

Suddenly the sound of the window opening could be heard and Ara quickly ended the call.

Gojo popped his head from around the curtain and stepped out, a bright smile on his lips as he ran a hand through his tousled white hair.

“C’mon, princess—when you gonna open the window on the first knock?”

He had stayed over the whole night since the party. He’d even wanted to shower with her-which she adamantly refused. She just wanted him to leave.

He finally left this morning, telling her some excuse that she didn’t care for—she just needed him to go. She just hadn’t expected him to be back, especially so soon.

He tossed a McDonald’s bag onto her bed.

“You hungry? There’s fries in there. I don’t want em, I just wanted the apple pie. There’s one in there for you too.”

Ever since he entered he kept walking towards her and she kept stepping back.

He went still before raising a brow, “What’re you doing, kitten?”

Her throat felt dry as she stuttered out, “Y-you shouldn’t be here, my Dad’s home. He’s awake.”

“So? Isn’t your door locked?”

“He has a key.”

He smirked, smugly, “I’ll hide if he comes.”

He searched her face before adding, “Happy?”

When she didn’t respond-merely rooted in spot-he tilted his head, “Now let me give my baby a hug.”

Before she could move he sauntered over and pulled her into a hug. Due to her shorter height he had to hunch over to press his face into her neck—planting kisses under her jaw. His hands caressing her sides.

He squeezed her hips while nuzzling his nose further into her neck, “Just wanna squeeze you to death.”

His words sent a shot of fear through her body.

And yet, his intoxicating cologne filled her nostrils—the scent so inviting and rich it was almost seductive. The slight masculine husk at the end of the scent only enhanced its effect. He’d changed his clothes to a simple long sleeve and pants. The shiny watch on his wrist glimmered.

She pushed herself out of his grasp, shaking slightly. His blue eyes attentive as he stared at her.

“I- I need plan B.”

A grin split across his lips, “You’re still on that, kitten?”

“I’m not joking, Gojo. I can’t get pregnant.”

He reached over, placing his hand over her stomach. His hand so large it felt like he covered most of her torso.

“We’re both adults now, aren’t we? We’ll make it work—“

She shoved his hand off.

His grin widened, “You think your tits would get bigger?”

“That’s not funny.” she spat, face flushed, “I need plan B, Gojo—I’m not joking.”

Suddenly he moved towards her, easily cupping the sides of her face as he kissed the top of her head.

“Okay, okay—so stubborn,”

She trembled in his hold but did her best to not wrench herself away just yet. She needed to get him to bring it for her. She looked up at him.

He was already looking down at her, “Be a good kitten and I’ll think about it.” he mused.

He slipped his thumb past her lips and her eyes widened. His other hand moved to her nape-to hold her in place.

“Suck.” he ordered gently.

When she didn’t move, his fingers at her nape tightened, “Or do you want the real thing?”

She wrenched herself away from him. Fear bouncing within her body as she stared at him, out of breath.

His eyes flashed with desire as he stared down at his glistening thumb, “If you weren’t sore I’d fuck you so hard right now.” he murmured.

He’d tried to fuck her again last night. But the second he cupped her cunt, she’d writhed so bad—he decided to listen to her little mewls and whines. He figured she was sore due to the number he’d done on her.

He lowered his hand before looking at her, “I’m leaving. I won’t be back till Monday.”

She was frozen—keeping her face as blank as possible to not show her relief.

He stepped towards her, cupping her chin to keep her looking up at him, “You better answer my texts, okay? Don’t make me upset.”

She swallowed before nodding.

A light smile slipped across his lips, “Good girl.”

He bent low, tilting his face to kiss her. She fought the urge to wrench her face away. Her lips trembled as he pressed his lips into hers—letting him nibble on her bottom lip before he pulled back.

The small smile still on his lips, “Don’t miss me too much.”

She nodded slowly.

His eyes dropped to her lips once-again, his hand slipping around her back to draw her chest flush against him. She fought the urge to wince when she felt his hard-on press into her lower belly through his jeans.

Her heart raced a mile per minute as she looked up at him. She was terrified.

His hand on her chin slid to her cheek, his thumb playing with her bottom lip.

“So pretty, kitten. Too pretty,” he mused.

His hand on her back slid down to her ass, giving it a nice squeeze. She jolted a bit, a slight gasp leaving her lips.

“M’gonna miss you so much.” he muttered, before kissing her once more. His lips more insistent this time.

He finally pulled away, his eyes wistful as he looked her up and down.

“Don’t know how I’m gonna go without you.” he spoke huskily.

She closed her eyes, locking her jaw as he showered a trail of kisses down her temple to her neck. Each kiss making her pulse go faster.

His lips found hers once more, giving her one last kiss before finally stepping back, his face flushed and lips parted—as if he didn’t want to be done. His blazing blue eyes were half-lidded and hazy with lust.

She shivered.

He raised his hand to playfully tap her nose.

An easygoing smirk slipped across his lips, “See you at school, princess.”

She swallowed before looking away from him and nodding. School? How am I gonna face him at school? Just thinking about it made her uneasy.

He turned around and pushed the curtains aside. He easily pulled the window open and jumped out, disappearing downwards somewhere.

She waited a beat before running towards the window. She looked around to see that he was nowhere to be seen.

She swiftly closed the window and pulled the curtains over.

She stood still for a moment before falling to her knees. She felt like a complete mess. She covered her face with her hands.

What do I do?

Everyone was talking about Nanami’s party. Everyone.

People seemed worried, confused and shocked. Especially after it came out that Arman had died. He supposedly went into a coma at first and then his heart had completely stopped.

An unnecessary amount of police officers loitered the halls. They were calling in students-that had reportedly been to the party-to the office. Luckily, she hadn’t been called in yet.

To say Ara felt sick wouldn’t be covering it. She felt absolutely morbid. First, Jaemin and now, Arman. She had hoped that Arman would make it. Noel hadn’t shown up to school either.

The rumors were spreading like wildfire. Everyone seemed to think that Jaemin locking himself in the freezer was a drunk accident. As well as Arman overdosing. Just a bad mistake. But Ara knew the truth. Gojo had flat out told her.

But would anyone believe me?

She frowned as she remembered Millie’s reaction. She had completely thought she was crazy. Even when she’d met her on the bus and she tried to bring it up again, Millie dismissed it—saying that she must've been envisioning things because she was crossed. She even went as far as saying that she would trust Gojo with her drink.

As-fucking-if!

All Millie had wanted to know was how her and Gojo’s night had gone. Ara didn’t even bother trying to express that he’d forced himself on her. Simply just saying that he was horrible in bed and that she never wanted it to happen again. Millie had been astonished.

As much as Ara wanted to be mad at the girl she couldn’t help but be grateful for her because she brought her the contraceptive that she asked for. She was terrified of having waited too long to take one. She had googled it and heard that they were the most effective the sooner they were taken.

She needed to take it as soon as possible.

She stepped out of the classroom, readjusting her bag’s strap over her shoulder. She walked quickly down the hall.

She slowed down her pace when she turned the hall and saw a policeman walking down the opposite way. Her throat went dry.

For a second her mind wandered to what would happen if she just stopped the police officer and told him everything. From top to bottom what happened at the party—Noel’s and Arman’s parents deserved to know the truth. And the students deserved to know that their fellow ‘heart-throb’ classmate was a psychopath murderer.

And maybe she could get justice for herself—before it was too late.

But admitting that meant it was definitely going to get back to her father. And if her father had even heard about her whereabouts that night.. what she’s done and seen…

She stopped in the middle of the hall, indecision making her tense up.

The officer frowned, stopping mid-step before approaching her.

“You okay, miss—“

“Officer Miles!” a familiar, enthusiastic voice greeted from down the hall.

Ara’s heart stopped.

The officer’s face lit up, “If it isn’t Gojo Satoru.”

She took a couple steps back to watch Gojo approach the Officer, greeting him with a pat on the shoulder before effortlessly roping him into a conversation.

It was common knowledge that Gojo’s father was the past Director of National Intelligence for the former President. Despite that, money had always been flooding in his family for generations. Eitherway, it wasn’t unexpected that Gojo knew the cop by name because his family was closely integrated with law enforcement. It seemed not only on a federal level but also local.

Her throat was drier than the Sahara desert as she quickly scurried away—barely looking in Gojo’s direction. She did not need to catch his attention right now-but in the back of her mind she knew she had.

Questions ran in her mind a mile per minute. Did he interrupt the police officer on purpose? Did he know I was considering snitching? Does he think I’m gonna snitch? Is he going to ask me about it later—

She shook her head. She needed to focus on getting to the bathroom right now and downing that contraceptive pill—worry about everything else later.

She entered the bathroom and sighed in relief when she found it was empty. She glanced back to make sure no one was behind her-she felt the need to, for some reason.

Her heart raced as she placed her backpack on the counter before pausing when she realized maybe she should take the pill in the bathroom stall. That way if anyone entered the bathroom no one could see her.

She quickly went into the bathroom stall only for a hand to stop the door a second before it closed. Suddenly Gojo stood before her, locking the stall closed behind himself.

His platinum hair was left in its typical ruffled state. His uniform was perfectly ironed, as usual. His classic black sunglasses peeked out of his dress-shirt’s chest pocket. And his scent, that masculine, deep yet alluring cologne that felt too expensive to be filling the air between them.

Her eyes widened in fear. She was certain he was going to be angry-he’d just seen her almost speak to the police officer. There was no way he wasn’t—

“Fuck, I missed you so much, baby.” he cooed.

He reached out to touch her and she immediately backed away, despite the small space.

Her heart raced in terror. “Gojo, w-what are you doing?”

“What else? I saw you in the hall and followed you. You saw me too—“ he pouted, “but you ignored me, meanie.”

He reached out to grasp her chin, making her look up at him, “You didn’t miss me?”

She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. He felt too large in the cramped space of the bathroom stall. Her body had broken out in a cold-sweat.

Her instincts screamed at her to get as far away from him as possible—and yet, she was terrified to do anything too rash. She was still in shock that he hadn’t suspected her of snitching on him.

Fear made her voice waver as she looked into his intimidating, diamond-like cerulean eyes. She felt like they were going to swallow her whole.

“Gojo…”

His platinum brows drew together at her shakiness, “Yeah, kitten?”

She locked her jaw, hating the concern in his eyes. She was terrified to even bring this up but she knew she had to.

“Arman and Jaemin—they’re dead, Gojo. They’re dead.” her voice cracked.

Something dark seemed to blaze within his eyes before his fingers tightened around her chin.

His voice was tight, “You worried about them?”

She grabbed his wrist, attempting to pull away from his grasp.

“You killed them.” she spat-an undercurrent of hopelessness in her fierce tone.

Before he could respond the sound footsteps entering the bathroom was audible. Her eyes widened.

Suddenly his hands were on her, turning her around so that her back was flush against his chest. Her heart jumped in terror when she felt his hard-on against her lower back.

Just as she gasped, his hand clamped around her mouth. He leaned low, his lips brushing her ear with each word he spoke, “They died because of you.”

She writhed in his grasp, only to easily have her head shoved back against his chest by his hand on her mouth. His other hand pressed into her lower belly, making him feel more of his erection—this time against her ass.

“Don’t make a fuss, kitten, you don’t want anyone to hear you now, do we?” he whispered into her ear.

Her eyes widened as she heard feminine voices speaking a short distance away.

His hand at her navel slipped down to her leg, slipping right around her upper thigh to hoist her smaller frame higher so he could press his throbbing erection fully against her ass.

He began to grind his cock against her.

“Mmm, missed you so much.” he muttered, lowly.

Just as she made short noises of protest, his hand squeezed around her mouth. “Don’t whine, kitten. It’s your fault I’m hard. I couldn’t stop thinking about you all weekend.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, locking her jaw as she tried not to be too loud despite wanting to desperately get away from him. The feeling of his hard-on sliding between her ass was the oddest sensation.

“F-fuck,” he gritted out in a harsh whisper.

His hand on her upper thigh slid to her cunt, his fingers rubbing against her clit through her underwear. She jolted in his grasp-a light squeak leaving her lips.

The feminine voices in the bathroom went quiet.

Gojo froze-only to continue rubbing at her sweet spot when the voices resumed. He chuckled darkly in her ear.

She writhed against him as his fingers worked her clit through her underwear. She bit back the squeals threatening to leave her lips at each of his ministrations.

Her hands went to his at her core, attempting to shove his wrist away but he released her mouth to clasp both of her wrists in one hand. He held her hands to chest.

She attempted to get his hand away from her cunt by squeezing her legs together but instead his fingers dipped deeper into her core. Another low chuckle left his lips when she gasped.

His hand gripping her wrists tightened, “You’ve got to stay quiet now, kitten-since you wanna act so bad.”

She bit into her lower lip when he slipped a finger into her warmth. Somehow she was incredibly warm down there-almost slippery-wet.

She felt his chest vibrate when he groaned into her neck. She clenched her teeth when she felt his hard-on throb behind her. He began to grind himself against her once-more.

She resisted the urge to squeal when his finger slipped deeper inside her. His finger was just too long. Her body jolted when he slipped another in.

“Ha-aah,” he bucked his hard-on further into her, “So warm.” he groaned.

He nipped on her ear as he rubbed his cock against her, letting himself fully revel in the soft curve of her ass. Her breathing was all over the place as his actions made her cunt squeeze tightly around his fingers.

He stopped grinding against her, instead bending lower to drop a kiss to her temple. His fingers moved within her.

“You need some attention down here, don’t you?”

His fingers in her cunt began to pump in and out of her. Her body jerked forward—if it weren’t for his hand pinning her wrists to her chest she would’ve certainly fallen over.

His fingers never left her cunt, only traveling deeper when she jerked forward.

“You know,” his voice husky at her ear, “You never came last time.”

His fingers pumped in and out of her faster. She glanced down to see her skirt bunched up and a hint of her underwear shoved aside for his fingers to gain access to her cunt. His fist was slick with her wetness as he pumped in and out of her.

“Need to change that.” he spoke lowly into her ear.

Her thighs squeezed around him.

Suddenly the sound of the bathroom doors closing echoed. Before she could even think to get away from him, his hand at her cunt ripped off her underwear. Her body buckled at the action but he gripped her hip to steady her.

He then straightened up, letting go of her hip to unbuckle himself.

“Can’t wait anymore.”

Her eyes widened in realization and she shoved herself away from him. She struggled against his hold on her wrists but managed to make him let go.

Just as she moved towards the door, her head was slammed against the stall wall. His hand was at her nape, holding her still against the door. He pushed her head lower, making her ass stick out.

He flipped her skirt up, revealing her bare, slick cunt. He shoved the full length of his cock in her.

She cried out. His hand slid around her nape to her jaw—cupping her mouth. Her body writhed at the sensation of feeling so stuffed.

She shivered when she heard a low, relieved sigh leave his lips. His dick twitched within her.

He slammed his cock into her once more-making her body buck against the door. She cried out into his hand, turning her face aside to reach around and place her hand on him anywhere—in attempt to stop him.

Before her hands could make contact, he grabbed both of her wrists in one of his once-more. Pinning her wrists to her back.

She squealed when he delivered another harsh thrust of his hips to her bruised cunt.

“N-no, Gojo-please-please, not here..” she begged-her low voice muffled by his fingers.

His hand around her wrists squeezed. He bent over her, pressing his dick deep into her as he did so. The tip of his cock seating itself in places no one else had been. She writhed against the stall door.

He spoke right beside her ear, “I’ll keep your hands cuz you’re still being bad.”

“Gojo, please, let me go. Let me go.” she whisper-cried.

“Call me Satoru, princess, Satoru.”

She closed her eyes, tears slipping down her cheeks. How did I get here?

“Please..” she begged, helplessly.

His cock pumped in and out of her slowly. She felt her wetness travel down her thighs.

“C’mon, say it.” he urged, like a devil in her ear. “Satoru.”

She was silent, merely taking in the sensation of his cock fucking her slowly as quietly as she could.

Suddenly his cock snapped into her sharply, making her wince as she cried out. The tip of his cock hit somewhere deep enough to hurt, though she couldn’t deny the jolt of pleasure that ran up her spine.

“Please!” she whimpered.

His hand on her mouth tightened, “Say it.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, “S-satoru-“

Suddenly his cock slammed into her again and again—much, much rougher. Her body bucked against the stall doors. Tiny gasps leaving her mouth with each rough fuck. The sound of his balls hitting her cunt echoing within the bathroom.

“Again.” he ordered huskily into her ear.

“S-satoru.” she mumbled, her mind going blank.

His pace picked up. His cock pulsating appreciatively in her cunt. She swore it’d grown in size.

She moaned, her thighs squeezing together in pain.

“Ha-aah,” he breathed into her ear, his cock pummeling into her so hard she forgot how to think.

“Sounds so fuckin’ pretty coming from your mouth.” his voice rough against her ear.

Her cunt squeezed around him once more and he groaned. He ground his cock into her, letting the tip of his cock touch places that felt too deep for her. Suddenly he withdrew his hips, keeping his cock halfway buried in her before shoving his full length into her again.

Her body jerked against the door again, wincing, “Gojo!”

“Satoru.” he corrected, darkly before delivering a series of deep fucks at an unwarranted pace.

Her mind was too fucked out to think.

His cock moved too fast—too deep within her. Accessing spots she didn’t think possible. His cock felt too thick, too hard-pulsing as he moved roughly in her slick walls.

“How can you ask me to let you go when you feel like this?” he gritted out.

Just then, his cock hit a spot she didn’t know existed. The tip of his cock simply pressing a spot so delicious she crumpled in his grasp. Her whole body shook so hard, she lost all her balance.

She was too shocked to moan. Simply letting her body quiver as Gojo slid his hand down from her mouth to her neck, pulling her flat against him to hold her up.

He kept-up his rough pace, only slowing down when her body stopped quivering. She was completely out of breath, simply too overwhelmed.

He released her neck, letting his hand slide lower to squeeze her tits through her uniform.

“Fuck, that’s it, kitten.” He closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling of how her cunt continued to spasm around him. The feeling was heavenly, especially coming from the narrow space of her cunt around him.

He palmed her hard nipple, “I made my pretty princess feel good, didn’t I?”

Her cunt walls twitched from the aftereffects of her first orgasm—from anyone that wasn’t herself.

He drove his cock into her once more. Making her groan in pain. Bits of pleasure scattered throughout her body as his cock began to slowly thrust into her.

Her arms were still at a rather uncomfortable angle, pinned behind her back-causing her to arch against him. The angle all too perfect for his cock to continue abusing her cunt.

He pressed a deft kiss to her temple, “I know it hurts, baby, but it hurt too good just now, didn’t it?”

His cock gradually thrusted faster into her, “I’ll keep making you feel good.”

She couldn’t find it in her to speak. Simple too mind blown and worn-out by the overwhelming sense of pleasure she’d just experienced. It was almost scary how good she’d felt.

She winced as his cock seemed to take full advantage of how soft her cunt had grown. Her insides felt completely messed up as his cock pumped in and out of her.

His fingers tightened around her neck before he buried his face into her hair, “Missed you so much.”

Suddenly he thrusted into her far too deep, searing his cock completely into her. Her soft insides squeezing around him so tight, his cockhead twitched.

She felt the entirety of his cock pulsate before feeling spurts of something warm fill the narrow space between her legs. The substance all too sticky as it slipped down her legs, simply already too full inside.

Her eyes were wide in shock as he slowly thrusted into her a couple more times—letting her feel his cock twitch till it didn’t anymore.

Finally he went still, his breath completely haggard as he removed his face from her hair.

His diamond blue eyes scanned the side of her face before he slowly withdrew his hips from her. Just as his cockhead was about to slip out of her, he slammed himself back inside.

She flinched, moaning.

His fingers on her neck caressed her, “Sorry, baby, don’t wanna go just yet. Feels too good.”

She stood still for a moment. Completely stunned to silence as she caught her breath. She was absolutely terrified of how to proceed.

She squeezed her eyes shut-wanting to sob. He came in me again.

She slowly wriggled her hips, “L-let me go.” she whispered.

His hand on her neck tightened before he nuzzled his face into her shoulder.

“No.” he whined, reluctantly.

He pressed his cock into her slightly, making her shiver. He stayed like that for a moment before finally pulling out. He took his absolute time, dragging out the action enough for the sound to echo in the quiet bathroom when his cock finally popped out of her.

Her body trembled when she felt that familiar substance leak down her inner thighs. She glanced down to see streaks of white lining the insides of her leg.

Her insides twisted at the sight.

“Made a mess, didn’t I.” he muttered before reaching over to swipe a streak of his cum and stuff his finger into her. She jolted sensitively.

“Want you to keep every drop.” he mused through gritted teeth.

She immediately stepped away from him, yanking her hands from his grasp to turn around. She stood with her back pressed to the stall door.

His hands went to her hips to keep her upright as she stumbled.

“Baby.” he warned, subtly admonishing her for moving too fast.

She shoved his hand away, “Don’t call me that.”

A handsome grin split across his lips, “You like kitten better?”

Her eyes widened at the playfulness in his tone. She couldn’t understand how he was like this.

She sharply looked away, not wanting to look at his half-erect cock that he still hadn’t tucked away.

She quickly reached for the stall’s lock—the urge to get away from him growing stronger by the second. He blocked her hand a second before she could touch it.

“You’re not gonna clean yourself up?” he asked before his spare hand squeezed her hip. “Naughty girl.”

“I’ll clean you up.” he added.

She shoved herself out of his grasp. “I can clean myself up.” she spat-unsuccessfully trying to keep the shakiness out of her tone, “J-just get out.”

“Ara-“

“Get. out.” she bit out before whispering, “please.”

He was quiet for a moment, she couldn’t see his face due to facing aside. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears.

“Fine,” his voice was low, “Only if you look at me first.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, resisting the urge to scream. Instead she spoke-even quieter than him, “T-then zip up your pants.”

She thought she heard a faint chuckle before the sound of a zipper was audible in the silence.

She opened her eyes, facing him.

His face was completely devoid of emotion. The only emotion was a touch of softness swimming within his sky-blue eyes.

He cupped the left side of her face, “Don’t be mad at me, okay?”

She resisted the urge to flinch. She wanted to say so much but she was scared-terribly, terribly scared. He could react so differently-it gave her whiplash.

He pressed his forehead to hers, “I just missed you so much. I got so happy when you texted me y’know, but it wasn’t enough. I need you. Just you.”

She hated how strained he sounded, as if he were helpless to his impulses. As if those words could justify his actions. She had texted him over the weekend-her responses short, dry and inconsistent compared to his timely, emoticon-filled ones. She was just scared of what he would do if she didn’t.

Not that it mattered because he ruined her the second he saw her anyway.

“I just like you too much.” he murmured.

She squeezed her eyes shut-wanting to cry.

He pushed his forehead further into her, “Talk to me.” he urged.

Her lower lip wobbled before she burst out-unable to hold back as she whispered, “Y-you’re hurting me.”

His sterling blue eyes widened as he searched her face, wildly, “No-no, I made you feel good, didn’t I? Tell me-tell me what-“

Suddenly the bell rang and his expression grew distraught. They both knew the bathrooms were bound to fill up in seconds during the five minute breaks between classes.

She resisted the urge to shove him back, merely facing elsewhere instead. Her rapid heartbeat making it hard for her to focus.

“Shit, kitten, we’ll finish this convo after school, okay? Or later-at your house, okay?”

She froze at the idea of him coming to her house again.

“Okay?” he insisted.

She nodded, quickly. He pressed a deft kiss to her lips before unlocking the stall door and stepping out.

She stood still for a long moment after that-biting into her lower lip to resist the urge to break down and cry.

She shakily reached into her backpack, pulling out the contraceptive with trembling hands. She hoped-prayed-it worked. Out of all nightmares occurring in her life, she needed the nightmare that was pregnancy to not become real.

She was shuffling around the books in her locker. Too lost in a funk to realize she was already holding the book she was looking for in her hand.

“Ara Natsuna?” an unfamiliar voice spoke from nearby.

She looked over to see a girl she didn’t recognize, but from the aura the girl exuded she had to be a junior or a senior, like herself.

“..Yes?” she croaked out, before clearing her throat.

She hated the once-over the girl gave her. She didn’t miss the look of judgment that passed over the girl's face-though it did nothing to her state of confidence because her father's looks of judgment were much worse.

But she couldn’t blame the girl. She knew her skirt was slightly rumpled after what Gojo had done to her in the bathroom hours prior—and her eyes were probably still swollen despite the countless amount of times she’d splashed water on her face.

She just wanted to go home.

Instead of saying some nasty comment, the girl merely smiled. A smile so wide that Ara immediately saw through its fakeness.

“Are you and Gojo dating?” she inquired, with an innocent blink of her eyes.

Ara was instantly stunned.

It was then she noticed that a couple of the surrounding students were eavesdropping on their convo. Some were trying to be discrete but after one look at her surroundings it was rather obvious.

She spotted the girl’s friends huddled a little distance away, staring eagerly. It looked like a little fan club of juniors-or underclassmen.

Are you fucking serious?

Ara spoke fast, “What makes you ask me that?”

The girl’s eyelashes fluttered-Does that really work?—“Gojo said it.”

Ara wanted to scream-but instead her response was impulsive. Her voice tight, “No. We aren’t dating and we never will.”

She slammed her locker closed, not bothering to look back as she fast-walked down the hall. She needed this day to end.

I need to get rid of him.

Ara squeezed her eyes shut—terrified out of her mind. She’d come up with a short term-very half-assed-plan in the midst of doing her school work earlier.

She didn’t know how she’d managed to complete all her homework but she had. If there was one thing she wasn’t willing to fuck up it was her grades. Sure, she had her dad on her ass about them but it was her only ticket out of ‘here’—aka this hellhole called her family house and now high school. She needed to go to a good college-far, far away from here.

She glanced back at the window before hesitantly opening her bedroom door. It was a weekday so her Dad usually slept early. She peeked through to see her Dad’s bedroom light turn off through the crack underneath the door.

Perfect.

Her heart raced as she grabbed her pillow and blanket from the bed. She knew Gojo was going to try come over today and she was going to do everything in her power to avoid it, if possible. She knew she shouldn’t trigger him—that she should think of a better plan but she couldn’t help but feel bile rise up into her throat whenever she thought of him. So acting on her short-term plan would do.

She just didn’t want to see him.

She stepped out of her room and wandered downstairs. She was going to sleep in the basement. Lucky for her, the basement was furnished but she was sure when Gojo arrived he wouldn’t go there.

At first she had contemplated trying to find a way to lock the window—but it was no use, the lever on the window was broken. She wasn’t sure when that happened but she wouldn’t put it past Gojo to have done it on purpose.

Then she had contemplated sleeping in the living room and finding a way to lock her bedroom door from the outside-but then she knew Gojo would automatically know she was locking him out and she was terrified of what reaction that might invoke.

So she settled on simply sleeping elsewhere in the house-the basement. She would simply lock the basement from the inside and sleep within. She was sure he was going to search the house but she refused to think too hard about it. She almost hoped her Dad would catch him sneaking about. She just had to be cautious of making sure her Dad didn’t catch her sleeping in the basement.

Gojo had called twice and texted several times since school had ended. Giving her short random updates of his day and asking about hers but she hadn’t responded. She wanted to block him but she was scared—too damn scared. She was relieved he didn’t seem too angry over text just yet though.

But she knew she was playing with fire.

She shivered when she entered the basement. The heating wasn’t the best down here but it would have to do. She quickly locked the door before laying out her pillow and blanket on the couch and laying down.

Her fear made it hard for her to feel relaxed enough to sleep. She rubbed her eyes, a wave of exhaustion overcoming her.

She was so tired of feeling scared. First her Dad and now Gojo. When is it all gonna end?

She sighed, sleep overcoming her rather quickly as her mind wandered to dark places.

She hastily closed her bedroom window before falling to her knees. Her legs trembled as she buried her face in her hands.

Her plan had worked. She hadn’t seen Gojo last night—and she muted his messages so she didn’t see the 150+ unread messages he’d sent her throughout the night. But she was scared shitless—she didn’t want to go to school.

She’d set an alarm to wake up before her Dad so she could make it back to her bedroom in time-in case he decided to check on her. She was terrified that she might find Gojo in her room but he was nowhere to be seen. The only thing that signaled he might’ve been there was the curtains being pushed aside. She tried not to think about it too hard.

But it all came crashing down on her when she was trudging to the bus stop in the morning. She had been staring at the home screen of her phone, at the daunting number of 157 at the corner of her message app. She knew who all 157 of those texts were from. It didn’t help that there were about 23 missed calls either.

And she realized she couldn’t go to school. She knew-knew-something bad was going to happen. He’d violated her in school before so what was going to stop him from doing it again?

She started to sob.

The little voice in the back of mind reminded her that she needed to call the school before they called her Dad to notify him of her absence. She’d only done it twice before, but sometimes she pretended to be her Mom and call the school about her absence before they contacted her actual parents.

She threw her backpack off. She was so tired of having to worry about things like this. She felt like everything she did she had to overthink because of the egg-shells she had to walk around with everyone. It was exhausting.

Everything she did could cause a reaction. Like sleeping anywhere but her room would not only upset Gojo but her Dad. Just like taking a day off from school would make her Dad livid. So much so, that she avoided coming back home through the front door because she knew her Dad would see it through the camera.

Why couldn’t her life just be normal?

And now-on top of everything-she had a killer obsessed with her.

Why is this happening to me?

She wiped her tears, frustration making her weary despite her rather pleasant sleep. For some reason, she’d slept decently in the basement-even if she’d woken up in a cold sweat.

She slowly stood up, forcing herself to head downstairs and grab the home phone to call the school in the best Mom voice she could muster. Her Mom was still out of the country. Lucky her.

She plopped onto the couch in the living room. She grabbed the home phone from the coffee table and cleared her throat, making the call in the most assertive, motherly tone she could.

Once the call ended, she laid back against the couch. She turned on the TV for some background noise. The several churning emotions running rampant within her making her feel completely worn out.

She closed her eyes, telling herself that she’d just relax for a bit, only to become lulled into a deep slumber.

The sound of the TV turning off woke her up. She blinked, sitting up groggily as she looked at her reflection in the dark screen of the TV.

She squinted when she noticed a tall, white-haired male standing behind the couch-behind her.

Gojo.

She bolted up, scrambling to the other side of the living room.

His expression was blank as he watched her stand in front of the TV. Her eyes blown wide in fear.

He tilted his head, strands of his icy hair falling over his forehead in the process, “You’re avoiding me.”

She didn’t like how flat his tone was. Or how absurdly imperfect he looked. He always looked perfect but his hair was more messed up than usual, his uniform’s blazer nowhere to be seen-not that he ever wore it in the first place-and his dress-shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbow, showcasing the prominent veins crawling up his forearms.

He held up her phone and her heart jumped to her throat.

“You changed your lockscreen,” he mused, before a dry chuckle slipped out of him.

He had changed her home and lock screen to a shirtless mirror selfie of himself in her bathroom. An obvious thirst trap. He’d taken the picture the night he stayed over after their 'first time'. She assumed she was asleep when he changed it.

“Fine, I can take that but.. ignoring my calls, my texts-“ another dry, incredulous chuckle leaving his lips, “-you didn’t even open them. In fact, you muted me—and now you don’t show up at school?”

Her throat went dry. She had no choice but to assume he either knew her phone password or used her Face ID to unlock her phone while she was asleep. Eitherway, he clearly had seen that she silenced his notifications.

Suddenly his intricate blue eyes zoned in on her, any humor in his voice dissolving, “Where did you sleep, Ara.”

Her breath stopped short.

His eyes never left hers-his half-lidded gaze would’ve made him appear bored if his tone wasn’t so offhandedly calm, “I know you were home, but where.”

She took a hesitant step backwards.

He took a step around the couch, playing with her phone in one hand. “I know you weren’t with Millie so where’d you go? Did you leave your phone here and go somewhere?”

She couldn’t believe it. He must’ve activated her phone location.

His gaze hardened, “I’m asking you something, Ara.”

She couldn’t find it in herself to respond. How the hell am I supposed to respond to that?

Her whole body was alert with fear. She wanted to run but she was terrified he would outrun her. He was an athlete after all.

She hadn’t missed that the wire attached to the home phone on the coffee table was now disconnected. Undoubtedly, his work.

She needed to think ofsomething-anything to get out of this situation. And because she couldn’t think, she simply acted.

She ran so far down into the downstairs hallway, swerving into a turn into a wall. She was certain he could’ve easily chased her if he chose too but he somehow hadn’t.

She thought she heard a faint chuckle a distance away-probably still in the living room.

“Okay, we can play the cat and mouse game,” his voice seemed to carry into the hall, “but I’ll tell you right now, Ara. You won’t win.”

“I’ll always find you.”

Her body seemed to go cold at his words. She couldn’t go on like this-she needed a plan. She contemplated running straight for the front door-it would alert the front door cameras and automatically notify her Dad of her presence at home.

But contacting her Dad made her throat constrict. It didn’t help that Gojo might be anticipating that course of action.

She trembled. Maybe the back-door? Through the garage? But that meant passing the living room. He could still be there.

She had to do something. She had to try and check.

She slowly walked further down the hall, turning to peek into the living room from the opposite turn of the corridor. He was nowhere in sight.

Her heart jumped in her chest. Her gut told her not to do it—to not run across the living room. She was certain he was near. Her gut told her he was anticipating it.

But what he wouldn’t anticipate was her going upstairs. There was nowhere to get out upstairs. Except for the balcony attached to her Dad’s office and the master bedroom. Then there was her room window.

She dashed up the stairs as quietly as she could. A scream nearly ripping from her throat when she swore she saw his blurry figure move downstairs from the corner of her eye.

She ran into the guest bedroom, before scurrying into its attached bathroom. She quickly stepped into the bathtub, pulling the shower curtain to hide herself.

Fuck! That was too loud!

She silently jumped out-her heart pounding in her ears as she hastily stepped into the bathroom’s walk-in pantry. She slipped inside, hiding behind the pantry door just as the bathroom door opened.

She stopped breathing, watching his tall figure through the crack beside the door. The look of precision and focus in his gaze was unlike anything she’d ever seen. His straight posture exuding lethality.

His footsteps were soundless as he walked over to the bathtub. He harshly pulled back the curtain—making her flinch.

He stood there for a second before opening the other bathroom door. This bathroom was attached to two guest bedrooms.

He didn’t spare the rest of the bathroom a glance as he swiftly exited through the other door. He clearly assumed she’d left through there—and she nearly had, if she hadn’t spotted the bathroom pantry first.

She covered her mouth as she remembered to breathe. This was bad. He knew she was upstairs now. There was no way she could go anywhere.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

All he needed to do was chill in the main upstairs hallway and she’d reveal herself eventually. That was if she moved.

She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling incredibly uneasy. She couldn’t sit and wait like this. It was gonna kill her. She couldn’t risk Gojo coming back into the bathroom to catch her like this.

She shook her head, staring down at her wobbly legs as she ran her hands through her hair. Think. Think. Think!

In the midst of her despair, an idea flashed within her mind. Something so unlike her and risky, she wanted to puke. She wasn’t sure if it was even gonna work.

There’s no way I can do this. She wanted to gag, but in the back of her mind she knew she had to. It was the only way.

Suddenly-something within her turned off. Turning off the tremors running along her body. The tight feeling in her throat. The mind-numbing fear.

She waited a beat before stepping out from behind the pantry door. She walked into the guest bedroom he’d entered moments ago, her restless heart rate stuttering as she walked further into the room.

To her surprise, he was nowhere to be found. Instead the other door leading out the guest bedroom was left partly open.

She closed her eyes, she knew she wasn’t going to be alone soon enough.

She closed her eyes, “Satoru.” she called out, her voice sounding weak to her ears.

She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, resisting the urge to tremble as her hands shook imperceptibly at her sides.

“Satoru.” she called out, her voice clearer.

Suddenly the aura in the room changed and she knew. She knew.

Her body tensed instinctively. Every nerve in her body backfiring as her instincts screamed at her-telling her this was wrong-downright wrong. Signaling she was in danger.

She squeezed her hands into fists, forcefully willing herself to calm. Forcing her thoughts to go quiet at the pain of her nails digging into her palm.

She slowly opened her eyes and caught sight of the mirror in front of her. The large mirror was attached to the vanity and showcased the sight of him.

He stood as still as a statue, directly behind her—yet not close enough to touch her. His tall frame towered over her.

But his eyes. His eyes are what made her stomach flip flop. He was looking directly at her, jaw locked. He looked at her as if he wanted to rip her apart.

But since he was looking down at her, he didn’t seem to catch her alert gaze staring at him through the mirror. She felt her body tense up further. She couldn’t lose her resolve..

“S-satoru..” her voice a soft plea.

She saw him tilt his head, his eyes flitting closed. She swore she felt his cool breath run down her spine.

She saw him slowly open his eyes, “Why are you saying my name so prettily.”

Despite knowing he was behind her, she nearly flinched at the sound of his voice anyway. She bit into her lower lip-doing everything she could to resist the natural instinct of wanting to scurry away from him.

Her voice quavered, “Because I'm tired of running from you.”

“Quitting?”

Her breath caught. She didn’t know how he managed to sound so cold yet amused at the same time. He always caught her off-guard but she had to convince him.

She hung her head, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth. She didn’t want to say her next words.

She lowered her hand-her voice coming out oddly calm, “What’s there to quit, Satoru.. I’m already yours.”

His eyes widened.

Suddenly he grabbed her hair, pulling her back flat against his chest. He dug his face into her temple, nearly growling, “Then why ignore me?”

She gasped slightly before swallowing. The sight of herself in his immovable grasp in the mirror was doing something to her.

“Because I’m scared,” her voice cracked as she whispered, “I’m scared of falling for you, Satoru.”

She saw his eyes flash with surprise before his hand in her hair suddenly forced her eyes away from the mirror, turning her head up to look at him.

Tears swam in her eyes as he searched her face. His sterling blue eyes unreadable.

A moment of silence ensued before he suddenly pressed his forehead to hers, “But I want you to fall for me, kitten.”

Just as he lowered himself to kiss her, she impulsively turned her head away. Her heart thumped rapidly when she realized she shouldn’t have done that.

She came up with something on the spot, “I-I can’t fall for someone who doesn’t care about me.”

She saw his white brows furrow in the mirror, “You don’t think I care about you?”

She turned around, staggering out of his grasp. “I know you don’t. You don’t care about what I want.”

His gaze was attentive as he stared at her, “What do you want.”

She swallowed. She had to be careful about this..

She took a step back from him, “I.. I don’t want to be a Mother till I’m 25. J-just like my Mom.”

He paused before his gaze hardened, “You want me to wear condoms.”

She bit her lower lip, before speaking as softly as possible, “For now.”

His hand clasped her hip, drawing her close. “I’ll be the one to put a baby in you anyway.”

She closed her eyes, keeping her face down—resting her forehead against his chest. She had to see how far she could push her luck.

“What else.” he asked.

She paused, “I want to keep.. us private.”

He grasped her chin, forcing her to look up. She didn’t miss the subtle disappointment in his expression.

“Why.”

She hesitated before speaking quietly, “I think.. keeping things secret is funner.”

A devious smirk split across his lips as he teased, “Such a naughty girl.”

Suddenly he nuzzled his face into the side of hers. She resisted the urge to freeze up.

“I wanna show you off though.” he whined.

“L-later.” she stuttered out, half heartedly.

His hands found the sides of her waist, easily fitting his large palms into the slight curve. He squeezed her sides before sighing as he reluctantly withdrew his face.

“Anythin’ else?” he asked, weary.

She was terrified of even bringing this up. But he was being.. somewhat understanding right now, so she wondered..

She shifted slightly in his hold, her hands coming to lay flat on his chest before her.

“No more.. hurting people.” her voice wavered.

“What do you mean.”

She swallowed, her eyes searching his before she spoke hesitantly, “T-the party.”

Noel. Jaemin. Arman.

His eyes seemed to narrow slightly, his voice somewhat cold, “That’s not up to me, kitten.”

She tensed, unsure what to make of his words but she was too scared to speak on it further.

Suddenly his face was nudging hers, “Kiss me.” he ordered, gruffly.

She hesitantly tilted her face up and he took full advantage. His lips kissing hers intently—as if trying to take all of her in by the lips.

He tilted his head, letting his tongue slip past her lips to taste her. The action making her tense slightly but he easily took the lead. His hand went to the back of her head to hold her in place as he kissed her deep.

By the time he withdrew his lips, she was breathless.

His diamond-like eyes searched her face, “I can get you anything in the world you want. Just tell me and it’s yours.”

She didn’t doubt his quiet, confident words. She knew he had access to money like that. But how could she tell him that she wanted him to forget her.

His fingers caressed her hair, “You’re scared because it’s your first relationship, hmm?”

She merely nodded.

A small smile tugged at his glossy lips, “S’okay, it’s my first too.”

Everyone knew Gojo didn’t have to try when it came to girls. Ever since he moved here girls threw themselves at him. Maybe he hadn’t been in actual relationships but she was certain he’d fucked around enough for the both of them.

Besides his long-time fuck buddy, Katrina, liked to act like she was his ex.

She stepped away from him, her face red. “You don’t have to lie to me.”

His smile widened into a grin, his eyes glittering with amusement. “Jealous?”

Before she could look away, he caught her jaw–easily turning her face to look up at him as he said, “This is the only relationship that matters to me.”

He pulled her into a hug. His scent engulfing her, as did everything else of his huge stature. She closed her eyes, willing her body to stay calm and not cry. He hadn’t hurt her yet so she supposed she’d done well.

His hand ran over her hair as he murmured, “I’m gonna make you love me.”

Her eyes flashed open—her heart rate picking up. He sounded so calm, so definitive.. It was then that she realized getting rid of him was going to be a lot more dangerous than she thought.

a/n: wooooohoooo ty for reading this ish if u made it this far. the next part of this chapter still occurs on the same day which is y i didn't wanna make it a whole nother chapter but pls lemme kno ur thOTS or whatnot. ill link the next part of this chapter in this post once it's uploaded. also excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes bc i kinda skim edited this (oops) have a good dayyy ya'll

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st7arlight · 7 months

Text

meet the sims-blackwood family!! this is set post-200 in a new world where the fears are weaker and more hidden in the shadows, but quickly building strength as more avatars and artifacts are born. meet blaire and not-adam, two students in jon’s homeroom and english class!

worldbuilding and brainstorm notes under the cut :D

the student ocs i created here are

-a transfem student who straight up doesnt have a name. you can call her anything but her deadname. its a fun game the class plays. it started as a gag but jon went “yeah okay ive seen weirder and kids deserve a chance to explore” so he comes up with a different name every day during roll call. shes v chaotic and inspired (personality wise, not funky name lore) by an irl friend of mine

-the student she has a crush on and is best friends with, an AP art student who uses they/she pronouns

they both eat lunch in Jon’s classroom, where they eventually notice that he never really eats much? just. reads a book in his free time, maybe has cereal bars occasionally

they form really close bonds with jon and he sponsors their lgbt club,,,, the second student realizes she’s agender when hes explaining the ace spectrum,,,,,, they come across The Horrors that were released when jmart moved on to Somewhere Else and he saves them,,,,,,,,, after they start to understand that “something spooky is here bc of mr sims but he was a victim in it” they sneakily start categorizing what they call “The Horrors” into 9 groups and get into shenanigans. they save jon at some point

their romance follows the plot of jmart’s but jon notices student B treating student A like he did martin at the start of the year and intervenes

so theyre healthier

(maybe jmart adopt student b, as they’re in a rlly unsafe home environment and thats why they started lashing out at their buddy)

at the beginning of the year student A knows shes trans but isnt sure what name to use. her buddy suggests not-adam (as she isnt suuuper uncomfy with her deadname, just that its too masc for her) so they call her that for a good bit and it comes up occasionally until they learn about the fears and the joke kinda. sours.

jon called her anything but that. not-adam thought it was because he didnt want to deadname her (and she insisted she was cool with it and thought it was funny) but she said that he can use a name that isnt adam, just not to stick to one bc she didnt want to feel boxed in

so the joke of her being anything but adam began

!!! WHAT IF NOT ADAM HAS AN ENCOUNTER WITH A STRANGER OBJECT THAT MAKES EVERYONE UNABLE TO SEE OR REMEMBER HER??? AND (character B) IS THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS HER BUT STILL CANT SEE HER!!!! AND THIS IS HOW JON REVEALS HE KNOWS STUFF ABOUT THE SUPERNATURAL

student b breaks down only a couple days in when she realized something was deeply, truly wrong, earing lunch (seemingly) alone with jon in his classroom. she says something with “not-adam” and “nobody remembers her but me” and jon’s trauma plus eye powers helps break his illusion, even though he doesnt remember her still

WHAT IF THIS IS AROUND WHEN NOT ADAM IS STARTING TO SEE HIM AS A FATHER

he adopts her bc she still legally doesnt exist and her family doesnt remember her , and its not like jmart already have fake identities anyways. they break the curse but everyone but B and Jon are completely wiped of her memory, just can finally see her now. its a mush of stranger, spiral, and lonely bc the horrors work different here

…she eventually settles on a name because she desperately needs to be reminded that they know her, they remember her, and that they remember all of her. (jon doesnt remember *everything* still, but most. every now and then she or B references something and they pause when they realize it was another memory lost to The Horrors)

oh also jon wears combat boots bc of daisy now. unrelated but important

im realizing my plan of them adopting B is a little funky with them adopting not-adam. however, unconventional found family prevails in tma. B just stays at their house most of the time bc she is neglected a lot at home so it usually isnt noticed when she disappears. theyre both 16 so fighting for custody when they can move out so soon is deemed too much stress on the teens. not-adam’s family actually are v loving and great, they just. dont remember NA. they dont remember how to love her, that they ever did

(thats why B needed to remember her. also, the effect intended of the horror was to torture NA until she died unnoticed and she will either be remembered by everyone when her body is found or will rot unseen until shes gone. or become an avatar, if she chose to embrace it. B was an intended victim of the leitner, the fear of nobody believing you and losing someone you love feed the Horrors)

(jon and his funky eye powers are likely the only reason NA didnt die)

in the end A picks the name astrid, but jon still calls her any name he can think of that starts with A when calling her down for food n stuff

anyways jmart unofficially adopting queer teens bc found family is so themcore but i *know* the fates would never allow them to do anything conventionally or fully legal

(all of this copy-pasted from me infodumping in a tma chat in the past couple hours)

#tma #the magnus archives #magnusposting #ramblings #tma fanart #magnuspod #jonmartin #somewhere else #tma family au #my art #mine #art tag #digital art #artists on tumblr #art

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lindsayraindrops · 2 years

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So “A Taste of Gold and Iron” by Alexandra Rowland is an unmitigated delight.

I am not even kidding, I consumed this book in a haze and consciously made myself slow down while reading so I could better savour it. It’s unspeakably good. The world is so rich and detailed and woven into the characters’ personalities and quirks and how they experience their surroundings, it was a joy to read and I cannot stop thinking about it.

(I started writing this review after I read the advanced reader’s copy months ago. In March!! Rest assured I have not stopped thinking about it.)

In this fantasy romance novel with a limited though plot-relevant magic system, Kadou is the Prince of Arasht, struggles with chronic anxiety and his-sister-the-sultan’s annoying lover, and constantly tries his absolute best to do well by his kingdom and the people entrusted to him.

Evemer is a supremely capable bodyguard who gets assigned to Kadou in an effort to keep him out of trouble. He starts out being supremely unimpressed with Kadou. Take one look at the US cover of the book to see just how much he will become attached to his prince—

All of the characters are fleshed out and multidimensional, with realistic flaws and strengths and so much tangibility to them and the context in which they exist, I am absolutely FLASHED by the character work!

Do you like fealty?? Do you like Fealty with Feelings?? Do you like an achingly tender love story of growing devotion where they talk about their positions in each others’ lives long before they realise or admit they’re in love? You will love them. I love them.

Listen to me. Do you enjoy the liege/vassal dynamic but are particular about the power differentials in play? EXCELLENT NEWS the complications therein are addressed in the book, both in general ways relevant to the worldbuilding and relationships with side characters, and between the main couple themselves. Both of them broach the subject on several occasions! Laying open their expectations and fears in scenes most tender and caring and my god it is so well done.

Do you enjoy a world that is dealing intimately with mechanisms of fealty that is gorgeously constructed and thought through and then there is on-page deconstruction of that situation and dissection of what it means and what responsibilities come with it for both vassal and liege, and how the characters deal with that responsibility?? I know I do!!

Are you unsure about the fealty? Have you literally ever looked at fealty in fiction and thought to yourself, “This makes no damn sense—compels me though” ?? Rowland will make you look closer. They will hand you your own emotions and say, look at it. Hold it. Feel the weight of your own heart in your hands. You are allowed to have feelings about it. You are allowed to admit that this is intense, and it is not the same devotion as love is devotion, but it is just as Much, just as Heartwrenching, and NOW watch me add love to it and see how it transforms.

This author lays hands on this trope with absolute precision down to the molecular level and it is so. fucking. good.

And this is not even the only excellently executed and close relationship in the book. Kadou has family he loves, and who love him: the sibling relationship is politically strained and is immediately influenced by the plot. Another plot thread concerns a sexual relationship that ends, with the characters expending effort to transform it into a friendship, and it is not less valued for it.

The plot is gripping! There is a counterfeiting operation going on that threatens the kingdom’s economic stability, and our main characters are charged to investigate it. It flows seamlessly into the worldbuilding and character work. The world itself is queernormative, both regarding relationships and regarding gender, and nuances of it are discussed in narration and between various characters.

I cried about this book twice in one evening bc it has the ABSOLUTE AUDACITY to follow up an intense scene of fealty with an intense scene of the love that is developing underneath.

This book hits is like a needle-fine arrow directly into your heart.

The US edition came out today, the UK edition will be out in two days (September 1st), please read G&I, get it now, enjoy <3

#a taste of gold and iron #alexandra rowland #queer fantasy #queer lit #book rec #book recs #queer romance #bookblr #lgbt #fantasy #romance #fealty #a conspiracy of truths #a choir of lies #ALSO. do you like ariaste fanfiction?? THIS IS THEM. YOU WILL LOVE THIS.

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basil-appreciation-comic · 2 months

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IMPORTANT UPDATE!!

the comic is cancelled. you probably already assumed that since i havent posted anything about it in a while but yeah the things dead now lol. mainly because i dont care much about omori anymore, the comic sucked, and it was too much effort. i feel kinda bad about leaving you guys in the dark for this long tho, so i thought id go ahead and include all the scrapped stuff for the comic that never got finished

while i was writing the comic i started a google doc that laid out ideas i had for future pages. heres that if you wanna know how the story ends

it was written over several months and (most) things are in order of where they go on the timeline not when i wrote them so it might be a little hard to follow

also some art i never posted

(at least i dont think ive posted the last one)

i quoted not liking this comic as one of the reasons i stopped so let me explain that with a list of things id change about this if i were to remake it (which i wont)

remove the swearing that was so stupid

make omori mute (and probably use sign language)

omori does not express fear or stress in-game, thats sunnys job. quit it

he also does not cry and generally shows emotions (even the big ones) in more subtle ways (which i think i was trying to shift towards later in the doc) idk why he was so emotional all the time

literally everything about how i portrayed omori actually that was all just awful

the panic attack scene is fucking embarrassing i have no clue what i was thinking. im so sorry for writing it like that i did 0 research beforehand

make it shorter why did i think that would work out

id probably just make it a fic, comics take way too much outta me compared to just writing things

it does not need a big epic ending and probably shouldve ended not long after they escaped black space

the romance is horrible but thats the foundation of the comic so idek what id do about that

stop making everyone talk like therapists 24/7

and yeah it has a lot of problems but i still do care about this due to the ammount of effort and love ive put into it, i just cant and dont want to continue it

so yeah thats where this story ends ig. i had a lot of fun along the way, and thank you so much for all the support. bigger thanks to that one sunflower discord server (if you came from there you know which one) for being my main motivation and support throughout this journey. sucks this comic never got to see its full potential but im relieved to finally lay it to rest. the blog will stay up for archival purposes but i will not continue the comic any further obviously. the ask box will remain open if you wanna say anything or if you have a question about the story or whatever. thanks for reading.

#basil appreciation comic #survivor basil #omori au

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quillkiller · 2 months

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hiii jen, sending in marytunia for the ask game bc they’re all i think about….would love ur thoughts <3

hiiii i literally love them so much. i was sent an ask about them a few months ago and it changed me forever i fear but i haven’t thought about them in so long….. and i see your tags about them and now @sugarsnappeases is dming about them and im soooooo. so so so.

makes sense/compels me. i dare say

like even in canon i think they could make sense ?? im imagining mary spending the summer at lilys house/mary and lily being best friends and petunia resenting it and absolutely resenting mary. her and lily growing further and further apart from each other…. i imagine lily sneaking out at night, meeting some boy or girl. or when she eventually ends up dating james and sneaking out to see him. and it leaves mary alone in lilys room and thats when her and petunia get closer. maybe lily doesn’t even know…. and eventually mary and petunia are falling asleep together after staying up all night talking

i also especially love it if marys a muggleborn witch, which intrigues petunia will and at first causes a lot of jealousy and resentment. maybe even. dare i say. resentment from mary towards lily because lily is this wonder child, teachers favorite, everyones favorite ?? like mary loves lily but i feel like we’ve all been the ’funny friend’ or ’the ””ugly”” friend’ and that’s how i feel sometimes mary felt being best friends with lily. also none of this is lilys fault obviously she didnt ask for any of this. anyway!!!!!

petunia resents mary, shes obsessed with her, and why does lily even like her so fucking much, and is this what it could’ve been like between me and lily if i had also been a witch, and why are her eyes so golden anyway, and why does she give me these secretive smiles, and why am i up past my bed time waiting to hear lilys foot steps when she sneaks out so i know marys alone, and why am i even walking over there, normal people dont have these sort of feelings for other girls, and im normal, vernon likes me so much, hes a good respectable man, he’d be a good provider, but mary is just so nice, she’s so interesting, and is she falling asleep on my shoulder? i’ll never ever move again, what would lily say if she saw us like this, her lips are so close to my neck, what does mary see in lily anyway, lily is arrogant and gets whatever she wants, what about what i want, she doesn’t even appreciate mary, she leaves her alone nearly every night, how could she not want to wake up with mary every single morning, mary is magic, she makes me feel like magic

also especially good if mary is in love with/or thinks she is with lily.. i love a good angsty secret summer romance plot :/ also love it if petunia feels secretly vindictive whenever mary sneaks into her room. taking something that ’belongs’ to lily

ALSO. also. love it if mary shows up at petunias house after the first war. after lily is dead. thinking maybe they would grieve. be there for each other. but they’re blaming each other. why didn’t you fight? petunia asks, eyes glued the floor. why didn’t you protect my sister?

maybe i also wanted to live a normal fucking life, mary spits back at her, jugdment hot and heavy in her tone. petunia feels nothing but shame when she goes to bed that night. a bed made of it— and her perfectly normal house enveloping her in shame, suffocating her from within

anyway .

ask game!!!

#marytunia #did not mean to make the answer this long. 🧍

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accirax · 28 days

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initial thoughts on DCAS episode 6

THIS EPISODE WAS SO GOOD!!! the fact that it was a musical episode is totally the cherry on top; i love it when series come with their own music (cough cough me @ project sekai). but overall it was also really funny, and had some great character moments, too.

i'll save my thoughts on strategy and where the season might be headed for my next power ranking post (whenever that is :,( ), but were some of my other thoughts/highlights.

specifically the phrase "fuck my life" and Yul saying it made me cackle. seems like Emily ISN'T Yul's manager, but she might still kinda take on that role this season? we'll see. the lack of phones is really having an effect on the plot.

they hate her so fucking bad

okay, i guess i forgot to consider this angle when i was saying it would've made more sense for them to vote out Fiore. however, having started with 18 participants, the merge will probably happen at, what, 10 people? (modern Survivor describes the merge as "at least 11," but obviously this isn't survivor.) sure, Hunter is a bit of a challenge beast, but he can't protect all three of them every episode. if this trio is only 3/10 of the votes, you could literally split the votes on Ally and Tess in a 3-3-4 if you can get everyone else to unite against them. you know what you should be worried about? THE VILLAINS ALLIANCE HAVING 6/"10" VOTES AT THE MERGE!!! sigh. why am i relying on Jake to be smart (/j)

i'm more impressed that there was hot water in the first place. this thing is in the middle of a field, no?

i'm finally starting to see how Yul can be a hilarious "love to hate him" kind of villain. he had some of the best lines this episode hands down.

TREVEK BECOME CANON???

there was absolutely no reason to put the apple on the stick other than to fit in. love this for her.

idk if this is a winner's cut moment or not. glad that the money would go towards schools and NOT the police force, though.

man, now i want to go back and check the other episodes to see if Tess has had the "Cyan Team narrator" role the whole time. in Survivor, that's indicative of a deep run. ...i really need to stop applying Survivor logic to everything.

and why are you thinking about what would make Oliver laugh, Kristal? ',:)

i appreciate the s1 callback, but Trevor doing this dance move gives me so much second hand embarrassment that i keep inadvertently closing my eyes every time i have to "see" it again. anyways, given how most of the episode songs had lyrics related to the Team's emotional state, it's interesting to see that Trevor is singing a romance song. trevek become canon pt 2?

this was an interesting parallel. with Kristal laughing at Derek's joke, it seems like they were trying to show how she's growing closer to Derek, in a way which Trevor might fear is romantic. were there supposed to be romantic undertones to Alec being the only one to laugh at Connor's joke? and, if there were, was that just a fun nod to the aleconnor shippers, or will it actually be canon/relevant to later in the season?

NOT a surprise. i need to see the "i want you died" poetry he wrote about Fiore after last season.

of course you were, you fucking fruit (affectionate)

the anguish: i love my gf :D let's frolick through a field together

"trust me dude i'm the divorce man"

GABBY?????

mood but also damn is Ellie really leaning into the villain thing this season. this doesn't even help her win the season, she JUST wants to see him suffer.

i forgot that the s1 contestants didn't know that Nina was her own separate being yet

they were NOT lying, Aiden's VA is a great singer! Tom's backing vocals and Ellie and Gabby's harmonies(?) were also really nice too, though. this was probably my favorite song of the episode just bc i think Cyan had the strongest singers. all of the rocking, shoulder-moving dances are also impossible not to imitate.

well, there's the thumbnail. their choice of thumbnail made me laugh bc i remember, back when i was watching s1, seeing all the thumbnails of Aiden kissing both James and Hunter and thinking that Aiden was going to be some sort of troublemaking flirty antagonistic character only to be blindsided by his actual characterization. i'm sure the s1 watching me would have only added this to her arsenal of evidence, although hilariously idk if i would have been able to tell the other character was Tom at the time. anyways, i was pretty certain from the start that this must be part of the performance. although, while i'm happy that Aiden seems to think that James will be okay with the performance, i wish we could have cut to James somehow just to confirm that that was true. i don't want the next time we see James, whether in the finale or some other time, to show that he was actually really jealous and upset at Aiden for kissing another man while in a committed relationship. also gabbielle(?) super cute in the bg :D

he's so fucking stupid... (/pos)

bold of you to say this to Ashley, who has been in a two year relationship with the guy who went home in episode 2.

i also really liked this song :D i understand why they made Jake and Ally the main singers, because they best encompassed what the theme of the song was about, but i think i actually liked Ashley's vocals the best. i wish she'd gotten to sing more. also for a moment i thought Marcus had a trans flag on his hat. it's still close enough. trans Marcus canon.

this was probably my least favorite performance of the episode, although idk how much of that was just how much i hate Alec's outfit. glassesless Alec scares me so bad... no hate to the VAs, obviously, i think they have nice voices! it's actually the way that they didn't sound like they had confidence in their singing abilities that made the performance feel a little shakier to me. i do think that this song had the best lyrics in terms of encapsulating each member of their team, though. i really like how Yul and Riya are the ones to sing "i'm going to chase it" as a duo, because they're the ones chasing fame and the limelight, and then Grett sings that she can't ignore it, because eventually she's going to have to realize that her entire relationship with Yul was a result of him clout chasing. Connor only singing "live in the moment until i die" is also very fitting given his placement... in both seasons. L.

really surprised that Riya (or anyone else) didn't even mention Yul's foot injury as part of this equation. Riya just said that she didn't want to lose any more challenges, and Yul's bad foot could totally lead to a loss. maybe i'm just overestimating the extent to which that foot injury will stick around, though.

season 2 characters are REALLY suffering out here.

HELP??????

love to see Alec and Fiore's kinda sorta dual redemptions. i have high hopes for them.

and those were my initial thoughts, which got way longer than i expected. thanks if you wound up reading towards all the way down here. i have no idea who the leakers are, obviously, but i really hope that they stop acting up soon so that the series can continue. i would hate to have the artists have to take a pay hit and/or stop making the series just because of some people's impatience and delusions of power, or have the honest patrons lose out on being able to watch the episodes early to protect from others' immaturity. see ya!

#disventure camp #dcas #sorry for no image descriptions this time i'm lazy and this has already taken up more of my day than i anticipated #disventure camp spoilers #dcas initial thoughts

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lyekisses · 20 days

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🌵🥤🍄❄️🥐🦴

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

my pw playlist that is just songs that remind me of pete for various reasons <3

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

OBIVOUSLY i'm recommending television romance!!! get willapilled cucks!!!! and anything by uma @thatbluelight but especially anything she's written for me for my birthday bc i always feel so special and they're sooo good <333 also asking to be born. sorry that i need to give that man a baby NOW ....

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

patrick is a hamster who watches pbs kids and pete is a puppy who loves him very much and would never try to eat him<3

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

JOEWILLA FIC by well you know who. also i would read pete getting fucked nasty by patrick by pretty much anyone at this point we're in a drought i fear.....

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

this is so basic and maybe shows my age but SHOUTOUT TO ALL THE PEAR i say this like once per day. shoutout to all the pear

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?

is it a cop out to say fall out boy.... also the disney channel <3

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thebibi · 1 year

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starting to think that dracmina was invented because normies wanted the rest of the story to not be boring, since there's no romance and haunted house horror to keep them interested. granted, the part where the gang performs sterilization of 49 boxes isn't exciting but you can skip that and the rest is full of interesting characterization and fear etc even if there's no forbidden het romance

I think its there bc ppl love forbidden romance, and also in particular villains lusting after/falling in love with the heroine is a tale old as time...it humanizes Dracula in the later parts of the novel since he kind of becomes a boogeyman. Of course why drac//mina when drarker is RIGHT THERE, and why make drac//mina somehow reciprocated when he killed her best friend!! But to me its funny that this is angle to go with when you could do so much with other plot points in the novel.

The boxes sound boring, but who's to say it can't be elevated to another familiar plot device: the villain hid several artifacts throughout London to keep himself alive, or they are several familiars that the gang have to fight, etc etc. The dude squad TM break into Dracula's home twice, which gives ample room for haunted house shenanigans. Actually make that three times since we don't get to read about Arthur and Quincey sanitizing the other house.

You could also go with the real feminist angle of the story and have the conflict be between Mina and Van Helsing (I love him but he has real faults!). Their relationship is crucial to the mission's success. To me there is room to expand their subplot and make it interesting, beyond just bashing Van Helsing and making Mina a girlboss. And as a subplot, Jack being challenged on his beliefs of insanity and gender because none of his friends act "normal".

So yeah I also think people are kind of lazy and fall back on popular tropes instead of really playing with the text!

#dracula daily #dracula (novel)#dracula spoilers #thebibi answers

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felinemotif · 5 months

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!!!!!!!! stephcass arachne!!!!!! pls tell me more 👀👀

(and the perpollo fic!! would it perhaps be the one where percy works in a museum and accidentally releases apollo from his statue? i think i read it last year ish def need to re-read bc i forgot??? all of it and it was very good)

yess that's the perpollo fic!! it was such an enjoyable read.

okay so for the stephcass fic it's like. arachne myth adjacent. so the basic premise is a gothic retelling where it was cass' ancestor who was cursed and turned into a spider creature.

so cass is like this human-spider hybrid thing but in a delightful monster way. thinking this for the general vibes of cass:

hi, hello, hey

(pinterest links!)

enter my girl, stephanie brown.

stephanie is not from high society like cass and her countess' mother. instead, steph is just barely getting by as a tailor's apprentice. though shiva and cass are sort of recluses due to their shared affliction, the silk they can make is very valued.

i'm also reading up on shibari bc... hello webbing is right there but also for fashion bc i saw this image.

smth like this for cass perhaps but uh, more coverage. i really love the idea of her leaning into the whole spider thing and just running with the motif like how lucille is associated with moths in crimson peak. just. spiders and webbing everywhere. like! look at this and this.

i am not. super set on a plot direction bc mostly i just want to write smth gothic and magical and sapphic. just two gals falling in love <3

but no gothic romance would be complete without the threat of violence and fear of death that's just standard for the genre sooooo i know in one version of the arachne myth, she and her brother both were turned and it was said that their offspring would kill them which is really interesting esp in combo with cass' issues with murder.

soooo with that said possibly as cass ages she is combating more and more thoughts of violence towards her mother. did you know spiders will eat other spiders? (plus it would tie into the whole shiva training cass thing if shiva expects and wants her daughter to kill her when the time comes, like she did to her mother)

perhaps the only time cass doesn't have those thoughts is when she's with steph. which is such a cliché but i happen to like clichés a lot.

i don't know. is this anything??

#i just love gothic lit but very little of this would be. period accurate i just want the vibes without any set time frame #stephcass #waffleinator-inator #replies

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seasaltmemories · 1 year

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Mars Review/Analysis

Mars was a series I had vaguely known about for a while. I've seen the iconic statue kissing scene, the male lead ranked as one of ppl's faves problematic love interests, and even had a mutual who talked about reading the series once a year. However it wasn't until a discussion on the portrayal of sex and other mature topics in shoujo that I figured it might be useful for me to read such a foundational work

Cue me reading the first chapter and breathlessly telling people it alone would count as the one of the best of shoujo. I binged the rest of the 15 volume series in a week, and through so many familiar ups and downs, it still felt like something special.

CW: Suicide, Sexual Abuse, Homophobia, Transphobia

Summary time:

Kira, a shy high school student, lives only for her art. Rei, An arrogant, rebellious and violent playboy, wears his delinquency like a badge of honor. They are exact opposites in every way, but when Kira sees Rei kissing a statue of Mars, she overcomes her fears and asks him to model for her. And, to everyone's surprise, Rei agrees.

On the surface it seems just like a typical good girl/bad boy story, and it is hard to say it isn't, but so much of what makes the story work is the details. Their meet cute is subdued, nothing but an excuse to get them talking again, but as they talk more and more, their chemistry just shines through. I don't know if it just fits my specific tastes, but it really is the stuff of girlhood dreams. Rei has this easy-going charm that is hard to look away from, and you can see Kira start to fall fast and hard despite herself, and by the end of volume 1, they've shared their first kiss and are more or less an item for the rest of the series

It is a pretty fast courtship for most romance stories, but the fact we skip the pining to get straight to an established relationship means we get this sort of easy physical affection that is so refreshing. Frankly I would enjoyed just watching them be absolutely adorable, but as we uncover both their dark pasts, they take on this young, restless "us vs. the world" love I can't resist

I mention before how a lot of Rei's appeal lies in his laid-back nature, rather than brood in a corner, he's outgoing and popular but the same carefree nature means he doesn't put much stock in social convention or consider the consequences his poor impulse control can get him in. It's a much more thought-out portrayal of a "bad boy" even as the dramatic details of his backstory build up. Considering his mother's early death, his estrangement from his father, and the fact he saw his twin brother commit suicide in front of him, it is clear his ease with everything is more bc of a general apathy, even towards his own wellbeing

Kira we learned started the series still recovering from the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her stepfather, as her relationship develops with Rei, she has to process a lot of trauma she still has surrounding her sexuality. It is clear her introverted, passive nature is not just a means of making her more relatable/easier to project onto, and that the real Kira has only started to come back out of her shell

I'd be lying if I acted like these issues were explored in nuanced, subtle ways, but even through the melodrama there was something real to it all that captured me. Like I usually struggle to latch onto most contemporary romances where the biggest obstacles couples face are their willingness to go ahead an make the first move. But these are real problems that real ppl face, even if it is heavily dramatized, and so their determination to stick together and make a place where they can be happy and safe just tugs at my heartstrings, even the breakneck pacing from one arc to the next, felt true to the whirlwind that is young adulthood. Did Fuyumi Souryo forget a plot thread when Rei's dream of becoming a pro racer fell away from the plot for like ten volumes? Maybe, but in life you're usually not really following a laid out plan and are more trying to survive from one crisis to the next while discovering patches of stability along the way

The melodrama really started to test my limits with the introduction of the antagonist, Masao. In contrast to Rei and Kira's detailed history of violence, Masao's just plain evil and attracted to the both of them for extra "creepiness" It's not just tasteless, it's boring, his entire arc nearly killed my interest in the series

Thankfully he only shows up for one arc in the middle and then briefly at the end to stir up more trouble. He's more bearable in those chapters thanks to the fact he's reflecting how much our main leads has grown, but his existence is painfully utilitarian, which applies to most of the rest of the cast, clearly only existing to highlight our main duo better. This also leads to some transphobia and insensitive portrayals of suicide.

Rei's mother and twin also suffer similar "secretly evil all along" reveals as Masao, which I do think cheapen Rei's struggle. Frankly we don't get enough time to unpack either character's history to really understand them, but even if the narrative doesn't suggest it outright, it is hard to ignore the feeling their deaths aren't so tragic bc of their flaws. Even so, they bothered me less than Masao for some reason. For all her violent tendencies, Rei's mother is still given sympathy that Masao never gets. And even though Sei's suicide note expresses a lot of misanthropy and sadism, to me there were enough lines almost suggesting he feared those tendencies within him and was also struggling in his own way. Perhaps their underdeveloped nature all helps keep either plot point form having to overstay their welcome

And that's the thing, despite all the dark and shocking plot twists I casually mentioned, what really stands out as I look back on the series, is the strong love Rei and Kira share. Going back to the plot summary, what you see is what you get. If you aren't on board with the series after volume 1, then it probably isn't for you. But few pieces of media have ever sold me on two character's love for each other as hard as this did. I mentioned before that I tend to need my media to acknowledge tragedy before I can accept their hope, but even when Mars isn't pulling out its soap opera cliffhangers, I always wanted to see how Rei and Kira would come together to support each other through their next stages of life.

#mars manga #mars #fuyumi soryo #rei kashino #kira aso #my reviews

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mskinkyafro · 10 months

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Thoughts & Spoilers for S2 of FX The Bear

Overall it was a strong second season that for the most kept up to the same quality as the first, if not excel in some areas. I loved having specialized episodes for side characters and expanding on them.

It’s interesting to see if S3 will be having Carmy at a crossroads or questioning continuing this path and also still having to meet the profit deadline from Unc Jimmy.

Seeing the growth and different connections that each character comes to make The Bear successful and the dedication was truly just perfect and the writing for it blew me away.

Now I think my biggest critiques are regarding the romance aspects and the potential ships.

Claire & Carmy was so insignificant for me. Idk if they really wanted us the viewers to care about her and the relationship. But I felt mainly more upset that Carmy didn’t believe he can be happy and have a healthy work/life balance than Claire leaving.

I personally hope they don’t try to revive or bring this parking back. Not even as Chef Kiss shipper but the fact that we don’t see the impact that Claire really has on Carmy, what about her outside of outdated/pre-date canon lore to see why she’s so great for him and why he likes her?

After episode 6 to me it was made clear that Carmy is with Claire bc of what she represents than truly liking and “loving” her. She is a chance for him to feel normal and not too much of psycho or fucked up person.

I’d further say that his pursuing Claire and exploring this relationship was almost a way to “connect” to Mikey but also avoid “ending up”like Mikey. In the sense we learned how Mikey cared about Carm’s love life and happiness and was pushing him to be with her and so for him to years later be with her it almost like a sign to take his dead brother’s gift. But also the fact that she distracts him from the pressures of launching the restaurant, it helps eases his fear of following Mikey’s footstep and talking about a pipe dream restaurant but never completing anything or making it successful especially his runs with success were short lived bc he couldn’t handle it.

So then the big revelation falls flat and I don’t really feel bad for her bc once again I don’t see how he or even she could love someone in such a short span but what else did he learn about her and what did she learn about him. They both are in love of what they think they know but not the real person.

She understood he’s special but once again, I just felt like she was there to be a conflict engine and plot device for Carmy rather than a real character and it’s unfortunate but bc if that I really don’t care that she’s gone now. I just said hope we don’t see Carmy really going back to her bc I just don’t think the show establishes enough for me the viewer that he really loves this woman. It’s more of the potential than person.

Which goes back to what I said previously posted about that this very thing, perceptions and the understanding of these characters and would stop Carmy and Syd from being together. Now watching the full season I think there’s a clearer understanding of both shortcomings but also more discussion on not just the focus but what the need and expect from the other that’s outside of pristine persona or imposter syndrome that those two hide behind. And also it’s have to be a final season type of establish relationship if they did pursue Chef kiss bc it really is a slow burn that is remisncent of classic tv that I love. To keep the audience on the toes but watching the gradual affection and intimacy change. Shows keep trying to avoid that but I say keep creating bc that’s one of the most beautiful and profound parts of television imo.

Now for Syd and Marcus I peeped how they were trying to set it up and I’m sorry I’m not a fan. I feel like the dynamic should stay as brother/sister or friends. And it feels one sided rather than Syd is purposefully ignoring her feelings bc I don’t feel she has romantic feelings for Marcus and his reaction to her trying to place a boundary during dress rehearsal dinner me the wrong way.

Also in media and tv shows I find it telling when it seems that it’s more palpable to pair the “only” (in the case of the show they aren’t the only but you know what I’m getting at) two black characters just bc they black (that’s the vibes I get from the ships, but that’s my opinion. Others are welcome to disagree) vs having black female lead with the male white lead. Just saying especially how some in the fandom would rather not acknowledge the established connection whether you don’t interpret romantic or not between Syd and Carmy. But Marcus and Syd is just one of the ones that idk is slightly out of left field and doesn’t need to explore and once again, I bring up the point you’d want to maybe breadcrumb that but why the complete hell no for Syd and Camry? Just saying, bombastic side eye 👀

Anyway I get that like many modern shoes and comedy/frame does writers are hell bent on trying to be so cool and different and unlike others before them by being anti-romance but yet utilizing elements of it and trying add some side plots so it’s kinda like which is it?Just saying.

Anyway a great season, I love really dive into the characters and their history and especially the darkness and mental illness of the Berzatto family like probably the best fucking episode of tv I’ve seen. Just the writing the balance of characters to the acting and the direction like truly.

#fx the bear #the Bear #the bear spoilers #the bear s2 #the bear fx #syd adamu #carmy berzatto #the Bear marcus #the Bear Claire #the Bear Berzattos #can’t wait for s3 #interesting to see where it leads

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demonic0angel · 3 months

Text

The CN novels that inspired Ghost Games

All of these story recommendations have mlm or gay romances!! I wish I could offer other kinds of romance/horror CN novels but none of them inspire me much. Click on the names for the links!

Don't Pick Up Boyfriends From the Trash Bin: (recommended) A man dies and a system gets attached to him, before he goes into multiple worlds and saves the people he transmigrates into

(A brilliant webnovel that I absolutely adore because it manages to circumvent every bad stereotype of QT novels but the translations are slow. Ghost Games is specifically inspired by its 5th arc) [UNCOMPLETED]

Supernatural Movie Actor App: (recommended) A man finds an app where he has to "act" in horror movies to earn points for his wish to make his lover a body

(An amazing webnovel that is filled with fun, action, and suspense; the main characters are brilliant and I loved how each arc keeps you excited) [COMPLETED]

Card Room: A policeman and a forensic scientist accidentally fall into a game where they have to go through different trials in order to survive

(A fun and mysterious novel, tho it's very long (around 500 chapters) and I stopped halfway through) [COMPLETED]

Edit: I finished it! I recommend it only if you have the time to read it through, and although the ending suffered bc the author got lazy, it was actually a fun and interesting read! The cards/trials were all super interesting, so I had fun! (Recommended)

Kaleidoscope of Death: (recommended) A man accidentally enters the 12 doors, which is a supernatural event that can either save him or kill him

(Everyone and their mother is in the reviews section with EXACTLY identical reviews: "this novel is great but the plot twist is trash. Five stars" 💀. I agree with them. A fantastic and HELLA scary novel but as long as you avoid the extras (which holds the plot twist), the novel is amazing. After reading it, I was afraid to open cabinets for a while and no longer feared death 😔 it is so bloody) [COMPLETED]

High Energy QR Code: (recommended) A man tries to investigate his brother's death, and in doing so, falls into a game world

(I really enjoyed this fic bc it's similar to Supernatural Movie Actor App where the MC is naturally intelligent without seeming obnoxious, and the stories and arcs are all well thought out, creative, and fun. There's also somewhat found family, which I love. It was so much better than what I was expecting, but then again, the author has always made amazing stories (They’ve literally created the most highly rated novel on NovelUpdates and that novel inspired me as a person fr fr no cap. Highly recommend!!! It will change your life!!)) [UNCOMPLETED]

A Crowd of Evil Spirits Line Up to Confess to Me: A man who can see ghosts gets pulled into a ghost game, but there's always a ghost in it that seems to fall in love with him

(A fun novel with a protagonist that is kind but doesn't feel like Virgin Mary, but the translations are slow and I stopped reading bc of it) [UNCOMPLETED]

Non-Human Seeing Re-Employment: An ancient ghost finally gets his own human body before he gets sucked into a horror game

(A nonsensical and crackish webnovel with overpowered MC and ML; read it for fun, not for plot) [COMPLETED]

After the Little Crybaby Enters the Nightmare Cycle: A ghost gains a new body and then gets himself transported into a horror game to earn wishes

(Actually, I dropped this story really early on bc it was like… a less interesting and more boring version of Supernatural Movie Actor App 😶 like it had nearly all the same ideas but it was executed quite plainly and when I caught myself complaining about it, I realized I didn’t have to suffer through it so I dropped it. It’s not bad, just ordinary imo. One of its arcs DID inspire me tho so… you can make your own opinions about it) [COMPLETED]

#story recommendation #danmei #ghost game au #dpxdc #dcxdp #if you’d like to chat more about my recs or CN novels in general I am here and willing to talk :3 #don’t be afraid :))) ask me questions :))) go on :))) ask :)))#feel free to ask questions #cn novels #translated literature

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