Things I cannot have
Batman Day Special
Paring: Batman/Bruce Wayne x f!reader
Genre: Thriller, mystery, with elements of slow-burn romance
Warnings: somber fluff
Summary: In a blissful solitude, away from the noise and distress, away from the struggle and suffering, free from cares and responsibilities, visible to no one. He was happy and he didn't want to hide it.
Word count: 1.7K
Note: The title picture is from Batman: War on Crime written by Paul Dini and illustrated by Alex Ross
Series masterlist
***
The darkness of night loomed around him, hiding everything in sight under its veil. On the moonless sky only single stars shone and the light of Gotham's quiet streets could not reach the high roof on which he stopped to enjoy the silence of the city immersed in deep sleep. A fleeting moment of rest, a moment of stillness just before dawn, as the night seemed to slowly give way to morning but still did not yield to its light. A passing minute of absolute silence when the hum of the city faded into hush just before the first ray of sun. His moment of solace. A time of meditation. A precious few fleeting minutes when the city was safe and the responsibilities of the day had not yet caught up with him. A time of peace and silence. A time of solitude. A time of deep breathing as he relaxed all his muscles, and freed all his thoughts disappearing into the darkness around him. He became a shadow.
Standing on the roof of the city's tallest building, he closed his eyes as he listened to the Gotham whispers carried on the wind. He listened to the sound of lonely raindrops falling down on his armor. He listened to the peaceful beating of Gotham's heart. He felt at peace. He breathed deeply feeling his nerves relaxing. He quieted his exhausted mind, slowed his heartbeat letting the cares and worries be taken away by the night. He became silence.
In a blissful solitude, away from the noise and distress, away from the struggle and suffering, free from cares and responsibilities, visible to no one. He became the night.
Yet he was not alone.
A gentle woman's hand slipped into his. Once he was alone here. Once he savored the fleeting silence in complete solitude. Now he listened to the sound of her cloak blowing in the wind right next to his, relished in her warmth close to him, eased into her quiet sigh as she rested her head against his chest and cuddled into him. He enveloped her in his arms and hugged her tightly.
"So quiet…" she whispered as if afraid to disturb his silence. He only nodded with a quiet murmur closing his eyes again feeling her arm wrap around him. It was peaceful. Once he would never have thought he could find peace in life.
She didn't say anything. Her quiet breathing gave rhythm to his heart, seeming to meld with the distant Gotham's hum. Her closeness brought solace, filled his stiff body with warmth, and his cold heart with a love he had not known before.
"Penny for your thoughts…"
There was so much he wanted to say to her. So many thoughts to turn into words, so many feelings to turn into actions, he couldn't. In all the languages he knew there were no words that could express how he felt about her. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was looking back. Her shining eyes hidden under the mask gazed at him with love and understanding. They expressed so much. He reached out to gently slide off her head the black hood that hid her smiling face freeing her unruly hair to dance in the wind.
"You are my light…" he whispered and kissed her deeply, "a star in the endless night sky."
"Bruce…" she whispered.
"I am fluent in over twenty languages and in none of them can I find the words to express how much I love you," he embraced her as he swept her off her feet to draw her close and lost himself in her lips, to pour all his love into a kiss. She wrapped her hand around his neck while the other she brought to his cheek, giving herself over to the embrace completely, with each kiss devoting her love to him, with each breath giving him new strength. He loved her. She was his light. He held her close, he held in his arms his entire world. He longed for the moment to last.
"We should head for home…" she whispered against his lips.
"Let's stay a little longer…" he smiled gazing deeply into her eyes.
"Boys are probably up by now. We have to get Damian to school," placing one last gentle kiss she found the ground beneath her feet again, "I'll drive him. You have a board meeting, remember?"
"I remember. I moved it to early afternoon."
"You remember we're going to Jon's game at five? You promised Damian. Besides, I don't want to have to explain us to Lois again."
"We'll make it. We'll take the jet," he smirked.
"Show off," she smirked back.
"Let's go home. Shower, I'll finish the report, you take Damian to school and if nothing happens we'll catch a few hours of sleep."
"At seven-thirty, I want to see you in bed."
"Only if you will be there," he kissed her again, "ready?"
"Always."
He observed her while fear crept into his heart when, without waiting for him, she jumped lightly off the roof to soar into the night. Her cape flew in the darkness disappearing quickly in the distance. He followed after her. The cold wind reawakened his senses as he glided between the buildings, as he watched her launch her grappling hook time and again toward the rooftops to rise above the streets. She didn't have to. She could fly and yet she chose to rise and fall like him. He gained speed and reduced the distance between them. In the darkness of the night, the silver raven wings on her chest glimmered. She chose to wear the symbol of the bird, just like them. She looked at him and from under the cover of her hood he was able to see her radiant smile. He smiled back at her, only she and the silent Gotham were able to see the sincere smile on his face. He was happy and he didn't want to hide it. Not from her. Not from his light.
"I used to wonder what it would be like to have it all. Family. Home. Nothing to hide…"
He watched as a barely discernible blur of pale blue mist spread around her granting lightness to her movements. How it lifted her higher than a line could, how it sent her farther than momentum could, how it made her disappear into the darkness of night. She soared and fell above the city streets, each time moving farther and farther away from him.
"Stay…"
He tried to keep up with her but her power carried her away from his sight. He rose and fell and with each passing moment, the darkness around him seemed to thicken. An implacable blackness in which there was no light, in which fear seemed to pour into his mind and heart stifling his happiness, taking away the warmth she gave him, filling him with cold reason.
"Where are you?"
She disappeared. He stopped on one of the rooftops and looked around cautiously. She was gone. He called her on the intercom but only silence answered him.
"Please no…"
Fear took over him completely. Cold, paralyzing dread. He brought up her signal on the Gotham map displayed on his gauntlet. She was close but he couldn't see her. She was nearby but he couldn't hear her. He was alone in the darkness.
"Where are you?"
A gunshot echoed from afar as his heart froze. He jumped down from the building to follow it. In the narrow alley, he could distinctly smell gunpowder. In the dim light of the street lamp, he could clearly see the bullet shells scattered on the ground. He called out her name but she did not answer. Fear quickened his steps, accelerated his heartbeat as he turned into a back alley hidden away from the light.
"Y/N?"
She was there. Low against the ground. Hunched over. Almost invisible in the gloom. His heart seemed to tear out of his chest as he rushed towards her with a heavy step to grab her by the arm and turn her to face him.
"He tried to rob some girl," she glanced at him while holding the unconscious man to the ground with her knee and tying his hands together, "she ran away."
He merely grabbed her, gently lifted her to her feet, and pulled her close. In his arms she was safe, his light had not faded.
"Don't ever do that again…"
"Do what? My job?"
"Don't leave…"
"My heart, I'm not going anywhere."
*
Bruce opened his heavy eyes trying to catch a grasp on reality again. The dreamy images seemed to still linger clearly as he disorientedly struggled to pull himself back to reality.
"Master Bruce?" Alfred's hand shook him gently, "Master Bruce are you alright?"
"Alfred…" his heart pounded in his chest, "yes, I must have drifted off," he muttered sitting up straight in his chair and focusing his eyes on the computer screen.
"You were dreaming, sir. This is quite unlike you."
"Indeed it is," he rubbed his tired eyes trying to chase away the dream, "could I trouble you for a cup of strong coffee?"
"Right away, sir."
"Thank you, Alfred."
"Master Bruce?"
"Yes, Alfred?"
"What were you dreaming of if I may ask?"
"It does not matter…" he sighed heavily.
"If you say so, sir."
The images lingered. Still clear in his mind, still filling him with warmth as they seemed clearer than the reality around him. Hopeful, they brought a faint smile to his face.
"I was dreaming about things I cannot have."
***
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Author note: Happy Batman Day my dear readers!
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