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#batman and his birds: wat
judedeluca · 2 years
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For Lanae - Talking Turkey
Lanae selected “Turkey” and the Fab Five plus Lian Harper for the holiday gift prompt
“TURKEYS!”
“What the…?”
Roy thought for a moment his eyes were playing tricks on him as soon as he entered the main room of Titans Tower. But the incessant gobbling and scent of feathers betrayed his sense of disbelief.
Somehow, for some reason, Titans Tower was full of… turkeys!
It was the day after Thanksgiving, a holiday Roy Harper and his daughter chose not to celebrate due to its less-than-tasteful origins. The two abstained from any holiday dinners for an overnight camping trip, only to return to Titans HQ to find…
“Turkeys, daddy!” Lian shouted as she grabbed her dad’s arm, pointing towards the gaggle of gobblers which flooded the room.
“I, uh, can see that, Etai Yazi,” Roy answered as he scratched the back of his head with his free hand. Honestly he found himself feeling a bit uncomfortable; the way all of those turkeys seemed to be staring at him with empty, black eyes.
Like, like a DOLL’S eyes.
They turkeys ambled about the furnished living area of Titans Tower, pecking at the floor and making gobbling noises.
Lian let go of her dad’s hand and ran into the crowd of turkeys, petting them on their heads before Roy could stop her.
“I’ll name you Karen, and you’re Abigail,” Lian named the birds at random, “And you’re Carswell and you’re Joe and Mortimer-“
“So, um, I see Lian found the turkeys.”
Roy turned around to see his childhood friends Donna, Garth, Wally, and Dick enter the room. For some reason Dick straggled behind the other three, almost looking ashamed.
“-and Wednesday and Appleby and Monica-“
“What, um, what have you guys been up to while we were gone?” Roy asked, finding it strange that for once HE was being the sensible one to the oddball antics of his friends.
“You want to answer that one, DICK?” Donna replied.
“Yes, DICK, Roy wanted to know what happened,” Garth added.
“Please, DICK, tell him why we’re hosting an entire barnyard’s worth of turkeys,” Wally urged.
Now all four adult Titans were looking at Dick Grayson, eager for his response. Roy’s confusion matched with Donna, Wally, and Garth’s trollish delight seemed too much for Dick to handle.
“-and Juju and Spatula and Raspberry-“
“I, um…” Dick was blushing, “accidentallyturnedBatmanintoaturkey.”
“wat”
“LOOK THE PENGUIN TRIED TO HIJACK THE SHRECK’S DEPARTMENT STORE PARADE WITH AN ARMY OF TURKEYS AND TIM HAD THIS NEW GIRLFRIEND WHO CALLED HERSELF WARLOCK’S DAUGHTER AND I TRIPPED AND KNOCKED HER WHEN SHE TRIED CASTING A SPELL AND IT… turned Batman into a turkey.”
Roy just looked at the horde of turkeys, then at Dick, then at the other Titans, then at his daughter.
“-and Chartreuse and Yolanda and Mulva-“
“So,” Roy began, “you’re saying one of these is…” Roy finished by doing “Bat Ears” with his hands. Dick nodded in absolute shame. “And you don’t know which one is which.”
Dick nodded once more.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Roy fell to his knees, clutching at his stomach as he laughed harder than he ever laughed in his entire life. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!”
Pretty soon all the Titans sans Dick were laughing as Dick insisted “It’s not funny! She doesn’t know what spell she needs to turn him back and Zatanna can’t do anything until we know which turkey is which!”
“Oh here’s Unca Batman.”
Lian had left the crowd of turkeys with one by his side while the rest of the Titans kept laughing.
“How do you know that’s Unca, I mean, Uncle Batman?” Dick asked.
“I can see it in his eyes,” Lian simply explained.
The other Titans had calmed down from laughing long enough to crouch down alongside Dick to see what Lian was talking about.
Whereas all the other turkeys had soulless, dead eyes, something seemed to burn within this bird’s gaze.
Something dark.
Something cold.
Something vengeful.
“Oh yeah, that’s Batman,” Wally agreed.
“Absolutely.”
“Definitely.”
“OW!” Roy could only say as the turkey known as Batman began pecking at him. “Hey ow! Knock it off, Bats!”
While Bat Turkey chased after Roy, Dick looked at Lian and asked “But, where’d you-“
“He was right next to Switchblade,” Lian explained.
“Switchblade?”
“Yeah cuz he has a switchblade!”
“That is-oh dear God that turkey’s got a switchblade.”
11 notes · View notes
nightwingvixen23 · 3 years
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Red Hood : *inches from side swiping his motorcycle with Timmers when parking it*
Red Robin : watch where you're going
Red Hood : *dismounts bike* how about you watch where you point that delicate mouth, with your weak little candy ass
Red Robin : that's sure big talk comin from a `no dick havin Fruit of The Looms wearing mother fucker`
Robin : *miffed*
Red Hood : pardon me bitch but I cant even SPELL fRuIt Of ThE lOoMs
Nightwing: you do know that the real insult was when he said you have no dick--
Red Hood : and dont even get me STARTED on Gucci or Versace; a bad bitch like me dont fuck A R O U N D with no cheap ass shit like that !!
Red Hood : *squaring up nose to nose with Timmers*
Red Robin : *swallows*
Red Hood : there's only one thing that I'll ever wear under this uniform
Red Hood : *thicc thighed god of intimidation*
Red Robin : 👀
Red Hood : you wanna know what that is, Baby Bird ??
Red Robin : 👀 👀
Red Hood : Chanel No. 5
Red Robin : *lost*
Nightwing : . . . I knew it
Robin : gross Todd
Red Robin : *realizing* oh gawd, put some fucking underwear on
Red Hood : I'll put some fucking underwear on when you get yourself a life preserver
Red Robin : wat .
Red Robin : you know; a little somethin to preserve what little bit of life you've still got goin on for ya
Red Robin : are you insinuating that I have no life ??
Red Hood : you catch on quick shorty
*sudden break neck fight erupts *
Batman : *witnessing all nearby with Selena*
Catwoman : and so that's where all of my Chanel perfume went that you bought me, I'm guessing ??
Red Hood : *getting Timmers in a headlock* EXCUSE you miss KITTY CAT but I actually got it from B as a birthday present because I am, and will always be, his QUEEN !!
Red Robin : *kicking Jay's legs out from under him*
Robin : *sighing*
Catwoman : knowing your usual on again off again relationship with that one as a son, please dont tell me that you two actually--???
Catwoman : *suspiciously eyeing Bruce*
Batman : if you're going to be my wife, then the one thing that you must put up with is this one's antics when it comes to corrupting our no more then standard relationship
Nightwing : *pathetically pawing at Bruce's cape* Beee !! I thought that I was you're queen ! you said NO ONE could replace meeee--!
Catwoman : ok. and what about this one ??
Batman : *holding Dick close* this one is different.
Robin : father. since I have been nothing but absolutely impeccable, do I have permission to quit patrol early tonight and reward myself with a blizzard ??
Batman : permission granted
Robin : *sashaying through Jay & Timmers ongoing fight*
Robin : catch you down at the DQ bitches
Catwoman :
Catwoman :
Catwoman : so that one's my favorite--
178 notes · View notes
alixanonymous · 4 years
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How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 6: A Need For Clarification
From the phone of Damian Wayne: 
Chat Name: Unknown Number
Unknown Number: Hi, Damian? This is Marinette… 
Me: You’re late.
Unknown Number: I know, I’m so sorry! There was a bit of an emergency… 
Me: Oh?
Unknown Number: Yeah, sorry! I know you said you’d only be free for about another hour right? Can we work fast maybe?
Me: I suppose it’s better late than never, but in the future, know that I don’t tolerate tardiness.
Unknown Number: Look, things in Paris are kind of crazy right now. I can’t promise I won’t have to change plans unexpectedly but since we only have an hour to get things done, could we leave that talk for another time? I’ll try to let you know beforehand if something comes up. Okay?
Me: Fine, one second. I need to change your contact name.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay, let me do yours too!
Me: Do I want to know what you put me in as?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I bet you could guess :)
Me: … 
Me: It’s not Arthur’s little sister, right?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, it wasn’t! :P
Me: No. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Yes.
Me: Change it back!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: You don’t even know what it was originally!
Me: Anything is better than that. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Fine… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But that means you can’t complain about what it is since you’re the one who told me to change it back.
Me: Fine, I don’t even want to know.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But I do! What do you have me under?
Me: …  
Me: Your initials.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Isn’t that a little too on the nose?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: (Not to mention totally uncreative)
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But also, what if your brothers see?
Me: Well, not those initials… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: ???
Me: Weren’t you the one who talked about how we only had an hour to do this?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right! Sorry! Are you ready for some fast questions?
Me: Yes.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’m going to start with Grayson’s sweater.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: What in your opinion constitutes a “tacky Christmas sweater”?
Me: Aren’t you the fashion designer? Shouldn’t you know this?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, I can’t say “tacky” is a style I’ve had much experience in sooo… 
Me: Right… 
Me: Well I guess I’d imagine it’d have to have a lot of bright colors.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But you said Grayson likes navy blue, right?
Me: Right.
Me: Well before he liked navy blue, he used to wear a lot of neon red, yellow, and green.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: … 
Me: You know, as a child.
Me: Plus they’re sort of Christmas colors in a way, right?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I see… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: So when you said bright, you meant traffic-stoppingly bright?
Me: I suppose.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I see…
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: While I can’t say I would have ever thought to put those colors together before, if he wore them as a child I guess they would have kind of a sentimental value, like a nostalgic factor.
Me: In a way, it’s like an inside joke too, I suppose.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: How so? Me: Well, you see…
Me: After I moved in with my father, I needed clothes so I wore some of his. 
Me: Well, they were clothes in his image.
Me: Of course, they weren’t hand-me-downs.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Huh. Whenever I pictured you, I can’t say it was in traffic light colors
Me: You picture me?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Hahaha, no! Silly, it was only a figure of speech.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right! Well, we only have an hour so we better get back on track! I think the colors are a very good personal detail!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: So beside those, what else makes it a tacky xmas sweater?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Do you want a holiday design? Like Santa or a reindeer?
Me: Perhaps?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Or are there any other images you’d think he’d appreciate more?
Me: Well… 
Me: Maybe a bird?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: A bird? Like a penguin?
Me: No! Definitely not!
Me: A robin
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: A robin? Why?
Me: As a child he also really liked the superhero Robin. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh! Batman’s sidekick, right?
Me: He’s Batman’s partner!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right. Is that also where the traffic light colors come from? Me: I suppose you could say that, yes
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, doesn’t he have a logo or something? Would that be what you want on the sweater?
Me: No, he’s an adult now, even if he doesn’t act like it. 
Me: I think if the design’s the actual bird it would seem more subtle.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: And thoughtful too! Less generic.
Me: I suppose so.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Cool, I’m starting to picture it. So do you actually want any Christmas aspects? Like do you want me to put a santa hat on the robin or maybe some wording on it like Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?
Me: No, no santa hat and not “Merry Christmas” either.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay. Any text?
Me: Could you put “The First” on it?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I could… Why?
Me: Well, he is the oldest. So he was the first.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right, no that makes sense.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But I wonder… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Hey Damian, is your brother as… formal as you?
Me: No.
Me: Definitely not. He has no manners.
Me: Why?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, a lot of young people use the term OG now. Maybe he would like that more.
Me: … 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: It means like the original. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: You know, I think it actually stands for original gangster… 
Me: I see. 
Me: You know what, that’s actually very fitting.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Really?
Me: Yes. It seems like I should be grateful for not only your fashion expertise but also your knowledge of popular culture.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Thank you?
Me: Very well, is that all for Grayson?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Uh, just a few more things. So no Christmas details then?
Me: Nothing more than similarities in the colors and style. 
Me: What I’m picturing, at first glance, one might think it looks like a tacky Christmas sweater but if they were to look closely, there wouldn’t be actual references to the holiday.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Got it!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: So no hoods or pockets for this one?
Me: No. I think they’d be unnecessary.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay. Now, the main detail left is the thickness. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’m going to have to knit this by hand so would you prefer I use a thin or thicker, fluffier yarn?
Me: I guess it would depend.
Me: Would a thicker material be scratchy?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: No, Damian. Nothing I make is scratchy.
Me: I see.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: The only differences would be a thicker yarn would make for a thicker and fluffier sweater and it would also be a bit warmer too.
Me: Oh well Gotham is pretty cold most of the time.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Gotham?
Me: It’s where my family lives. Well, Grayson also spends a lot of time in Blüdhaven.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh, I see why you guys like Robin now! He and Batman are based in Gotham right?
Me: Yes.
Me: Paris doesn’t have any superheroes right?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh no, we do.
Me: I’m sorry, excuse me? I’ve never heard of any!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Ladybug and Cat Noir are the main ones.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: And our mayor tries his best to keep it out of international news to keep tourism going.
Me: So you’re telling me that those outlandish stories on the Ladyblog are true?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Most of them, yes.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Wait, you read the Ladyblog?
Me: I came across it while I was doing research on you.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I see… 
Me: Is this a joke? If there’s supervillains in Paris, why hasn’t the Justice League gotten involved?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I don’t know? 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’m not really the person to be asking about this stuff.
Me: Right, sorry. It’s just hard to believe.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Yeah, I get it.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: That’s actually why I was late today. There was an akuma attack earlier.
Me: What?!
Me: Are you okay?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh I’m fine, Ladybug’s powers reverse all the damage. 
Me: … 
Me: I think this is going to take some time to sink in.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right, well should we get back to the commission?
Me: Yes. Let’s.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay, so you’d prefer the thicker material then? 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: It will cost more by the way.
Me: Yes, and money is never an issue.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay, then I think I have enough to get started on the sketch! I know we have two more brothers to go through but it’s getting late here and I still have some things to get done tonight… 
Me: Of course.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Would you be free to talk some more same time tomorrow? 
Me: I believe so.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’ll try my best to not be late this time. :)
Me: I understand now that it may be out of your control.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Unfortunately, but hey what can you do?
Me: Right.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: If you have any time before we talk again, I’ve been thinking it might help if there’s any reference pictures you could show me. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: You know if you see anything online or in a store or even if there’s any pieces your brothers’ already own that you’d want me to take some inspiration from, could you maybe send me some pictures so I can have a better idea of what you’re looking for?
Me: I see. I’ll do my best.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: That’s all I can ask! Goodnight, Damian! Talk to you tomorrow!
Me: Goodnight, Marinette.
Google Search History 
What does P.S. stand for?
MDC
MDC Fashion Designer
The Ladyblog
Albert Einstein Human Stupidity Quote
What does fyi mean?
Aesthetic
What’s an aesthetic?
Aesthetic Urban Dictionary
How To Delete Search History 
OG Urban Dictionary
Parisian Superheroes
Ladybug and Cat Noir
Ladyblog
What’s an akuma?
How To Get Paris News Updates
Chat Name: Father
Me: Father, were you aware that there are superheroes in Paris? Why hasn’t the Justice League done anything?!
Father: I’m sure the Justice League is monitoring the situation. There’s no cause for concern, son.
Me: Right. Of course, Father.
From the phone of Jason Todd:
Chat Name: The Boys (Minus The Demon)
replacement: ummm…  sooo… 
replacement: just walked into my room and guess what I see?
big bird: A mess?
replacement: no!  the demon’s standing in front of my closet taking pictures of my clothes!
big bird: ? 
Me: uh wat
big bird: How the hell was I supposed to guess that?
replacement: so then I ask him what he’s doing… 
Me: anddddd
replacement: and he doesn’t even look at me but just says research… 
replacement: ???
big bird: (shrugging emoji)
big bird: Maybe this is a good thing? I mean what if he is doing research for Christmas and actually paying attention to what we like?
replacement: okay???
Me: i dont know he has been acting weirder lately
Me: like when i came home he was glaring at his phone and kept checking it for like five min without noticing i was there
big bird: Oh!
big bird: I passed him in the hall earlier and get this: he was smiling at his phone as he typed!
Me: what1!!
replacement: why didn’t you warn us?!
big bird: Because guys? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t like a threatening smile. I think it was an actual like happy smile.
Me: yeah right! demon spawn doesnt know how to do that
replacement: do you know who he was texting?
Me: ?
big bird: No! And I didn’t want to ask…
replacement: well we need to figure it out.
Me: agreed
big bird: Unfortunately, because she helped him with the encryption, Babs can’t hack into his phone.
Me: well then well ned to steal it 
Me: he has patrol with you guys tonight right
replacement: yes… 
Me: ill get it from babs after you leave
replacement: good plan but we don’t know his password… 
big bird: Oh, it’s I’m Batman!
Me: duh its im batman
replacement: ???
replacement: How do you know that?!
Me: like your password hasnt been it at one point
replacement: … 
big bird: We’ve all been there!
Me: its practically a right of passage
replacement: *rite
Me: shut it replacement
Chat Name: carrot top
carrot top: do I even want to know why you stole the demon brat’s phone?
Me: uhhh no?
carrot top: great
carrot top: just make sure you return it before he gets back
carrot top: I have no wish to get stabbed with a katana tonight
Me: great thx babs!
carrot top: oh and by the way, its programmed to delete all unsaved data after five hours
Me: what!!! 
Me: is there anyway you could retrieve his texts?
carrot top: of course I could!
carrot top: but Im not gonna
Me: why not???
carrot top: one word:
carrot top: katana
Me: fineee
From the phone of Damian Wayne:
Me: who is this?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Damian, it’s five in the morning.
Me: who are you and why are you texting this number?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Uh, it’s Marinette. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: remember me?
Me: hello, marinette.
Me: why are you in damians phone as t.g.y.t.t.b.?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: uh, I have no idea. it’s too early for this.
Me: so, tell me… 
Me: what business do you have texting my brother?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: ???
T.G.Y.T.T.B: oh, you’re Damian’s brother then?
Me: Yes, i’m Jason.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: You mean Grayson?
Me: i think i know my own name
Me: but to answer your question grayson is our other brother
Me: demon spawn likes to call by our last names
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Oh I thought it was just more… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: nevermind
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Wait, Demon spawn?
Me: damian
T.G.Y.T.T.B: thats… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: ironic.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: and kinda mean
Me: trust me he loves it
T.G.Y.T.T.B: So which one are you, Todd or Drake?
Me: todd
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Wait, why do you guys have different last names?
Me: uh cause all of us were adopted except for damian
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Oh
Me: but back to my question
Me: why are you texting my brother?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Uh well I’m not… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I wasn’t… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I was trying to sleep… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: And then I was texting you sooo
Me: Right but you were texting him earlier right?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: What does it matter to you?
Me: What business do you have texting my brother?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: None of yours
Me: … 
Me: Im his brother!
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Exactly, his brother. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Not his parent
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Not his warden
T.G.Y.T.T.B: So if you really want to know why I’m texting Damian, maybe you should ask him instead of stealing his phone and bothering innocent girls at five in the morning.
Me: well to be fair its only 11 over here 
Me: how was I supposed to know? 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: By talking to your brother instead of stealing his phone?
Me: how did you even know I stole it?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: … 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: really?
Me: hey now
Me: im only doing this because im concerned
Me: the kids been acting weird lately
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Gee, I wonder why.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Do you think it maybe has something to do with the fact that you’re all threatening to send him away?
Me: he told you about that?!
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Yes. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: So if that’s all, how about the next time you feel like sticking your head where it doesn’t belong, try talking to your brother first.
Me: wait
Me: can’t you give me anything to work with here?
Me: why did he tell you that he might be sent away? he barely mentions it
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Why does he even have to tell me in the first place? What kind of brother lets his sibling be shipped away?
Me: look
Me: you only know what damians told you
Me: there’s another side to the story.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I’m sure there is.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: But Damian is my friend not you, so I don’t particularly care to hear what you have to say.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: To me, you’re just the person who wants to send my friend away even though you say he’s your brother.
Me: So you’re demon spawn’s friend?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: No, I’m Damian’s friend.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Good night, Jason.
Me: wait
Me: i don’t really want him to be sent away or anything
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Have you done anything to help him stay?
Me: i’m trying to right now. 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: How is any of this helping him?
Me: my brothers and I are trying to figure out what’s he getting us for xmas so we can make sure its good enough to satisfy dad
T.G.Y.T.T.B: How about instead of that you have some faith in him and try to convince your father to stop threatening to send him away?
Me: our old man isnt really the type to change his mind
Me: again i dont want him to leave or anything but he does need to get better
Me: i mean hell he broke a kids hand! that stuffs gotta stop
T.G.Y.T.T.B: … 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: WHAT?!
Me: i see he didn’t tell you that
Me: look hes my brother 
Me: i dont want him gone but things cant keep going on like this
Me: i know your his friend but he has to change and our dad is just trying to do what he thinks is best for him
T.G.Y.T.T.B: That’s enough! 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I told you I didn’t want to hear from you.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Damian’s my friend. He gets to decide what he tells me and when and it was very wrong of you to breach his trust like this. T.G.Y.T.T.B: Whatever Damian has done, it doesn’t mean you have the right to call him a demon and steal his phone. I want you to return it now.
Me: … 
Me: your right 
Me: im sorry. 
Me: i guess we’re all just trying to do what’s best for him
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Maybe you should stop assuming you know what that is.
Me: i cant promise anything
Me: but im glad damian has you as friend
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Well… 
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I’m glad that he has a brother who wants him to stay.
Me: he has three
T.G.Y.T.T.B: That’s even better.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Surely the three of you would be enough to change your father’s mind?
Me: its not as simply as that
Me: but i can promise you our dad wants whats best for damian too
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I’ll hold you to that promise.
Me: Im sure you will, spitfire.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: ?
Me: thats your nickname
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I see
T.G.Y.T.T.B: :)
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Maybe one day I’ll tell the very first nickname I gave your brother.
Me: anyway that day could be today?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Considering it’s now only eight o clock and you woke me up at five in the morning, no. I’m afraid not.
Me: wait
Me: it hasn’t already been three hours has it?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: It wouldn’t have been if you responded faster… 
Me: uh oh
Me: crap crap crap
T.G.Y.T.T.B: What’s wrong?
Me: demon gonna kill me
Me: night sunshine
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Bye?
From the phone of Alfred Pennyworth:
Chat Name: Master Bruce
Master Bruce: Alfred, please hide as many of Damian’s weapons as you can.
Me: On it, Master Bruce. May I ask what happened?
Master Bruce: Jason stole Damian’s phone and used it to text one of Damian’s friends.
Me: Oh, I see.
Master Bruce: Hey, has Damian mentioned anything to you about a girl?
Me: A girl? No, not that I can recall, Master Bruce. 
Me: Is that who Master Jason was texting?
Master Bruce: Yes, but I wasn’t aware Damian made any new friends.
Me: Neither was I. Perhaps he is progressing?
Master Bruce: I suppose we’ll see.
Me: Indeed.
I literally posted this just so I could say that chapter nine is on AO3!!! 
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