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autisticlancemcclain · 2 years

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Other people — other people slouched when they weren’t watching their posture. But Lance? When Lance wasn’t paying attention, he stood straight. It was bizarre.

Shiro has been… watching Lance, lately. Observing. And he’s a little ashamed to say he’s been shocked at what he finds, again and again. When he first met Lance, he’d been worried. He hadn’t known Lance for long, but he’d seen obnoxious jokes and bad flirting and hyena laughter and he’d wondered what the hell the Blue Lion was thinking. He’d had a whole speech on maturity planned, expected a huge fight and dramatics and generally created an image of Lance in his head based on maybe three interactions that were stressful enough that no one would be on their best behaviour, let alone an 18-year-old kid who struggled with social norms at the best of times, ripped away from his family and told he would have to be a soldier in a 10 000 year old war.

Yeah. Shiro made a bad judgement, and the guilt eats at him, a little.

His wake-up call had been the Rover disaster, actually. Lance hadn’t hesitated a moment before bodily throwing himself in front of a man he barely knew, protecting him from a bomb. Shiro couldn’t reconcile that kid to the caricature of Lance he’d built in his head, so he’d started paying much closer attention. It was then that he learnt that Lance portrayed a very careful image of himself. It was almost intricate, really.

Aside from the bomb, the posture thing has been the first thing he really noticed. Whenever Lance was watching himself — hanging out with the team, bothering Keith, eating meals — he was hunched. All the way over, to the point it made Shiro wince, a little. That boy loved to slouch like no one Shiro had ever seen, it was ridiculous. But times when Lance was really focused? During training, a briefing, or his medic lessons with Coran (another thing that stacked onto Shiro’s guilt — those lessons were something Lance sought out of his own volition, his own desire to support the team in any way possible)? He stood as straight as a nail, as if a broom was taped to his spine. It always made Shiro blink, do a double take, remember that yeah, holy shit, Lance was 6’2”.

The next main thing he noticed was that for all Lance’s flirting, he had no actual interest in sleeping with or dating anyone. He flirted with pretty much any girl his age (well, presumably. Space is weird) they saw, and most of them rolled their eyes and walked away, but Lance genuinely did have some charm. Even statistically, some girls were bound to return his affections. But Shiro noticed that Lance would clam up immediately if anyone flirted back. Sometimes he wouldn’t even stammer out some form of farewell, he’d just straight-up leave. Shiro could not possibly understand why.

The next big thing was his whole rivalry with Keith. For as much as Lance claimed to hate him, he went out of his way to spend time with him — a good time, too, not just them arguing — to the point where the only person on the ship Lance spent more time with was Hunk, and maybe Coran. They sat next to each other at every meal, even often entering the kitchen together. Shiro knew for a fact that Lance often needled Keith into going swimming with him (although Keith had offhandedly mentioned once that since that first time, Lance has always worn a swim shirt. If Shiro was more confident in his and Lance’s relationship, he’d ask him about it, but he’s worried that at this point it would only drive Lance farther away).

All of this was only the tip of the iceberg. There were lots of strange behaviours and contradicting actions that completely baffled Shiro. Who was Lance, really? What were his goals? What did he want? Shiro knew that Lance had a big family, that he was from Cuba. He knew Lance had a nice smile and a really wonderful laugh when it was genuine. He knew Lance was talented, with all sorts of artsy things and especially talented with math (although this, too, took Shiro far too long to notice). But he really didn’t know Lance at all, not like he knew the rest of the paladins, and it bothered him. They were supposed to be mentally linked to fly a giant mecha, and Shiro was responsible for Lance, besides. They should have a relationship, and it was horrible that they didn’t. Shiro knew that the only way to develop this relationship in a healthy way was to be honest with Lance, communicate, and then spend time together after that. And as hard as the conversation was going to be, Shiro was determined to have it.

———

“Hey, Lance, can I talk to you?”

Shiro makes sure to ask as inconspicuously as he can, along with asking privately so none of the other nosy kids (namely Hunk and Allura) would have anything to say. Still, though, Lance tenses briefly, before forcing his face into calm neutrality and hunching his shoulders, hands in his pockets. Shiro’s heart sinks, even though he anticipated the reaction. It’s hard to watch someone be so visibly uncomfortable with you.

“Sure, Shiro, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to chat,” Shiro promises. “You want to head to the kitchen and make some hot chocolate?”

Lance brightens immediately, which makes Shiro smile. Lance’s rampant sweet tooth is another thing Shiro has noticed. It’s worse than Keith’s.

“Okay!” Lance chirps, skipping over. Shiro relaxes for a moment, as Lance babbles about his mother and sisters on their walk to the kitchen, until he realizes that Lance has told this story before and his hand is clenched tightly into the sleeve of his hoodie.

He’s nervous. Shiro swallows past the lump in his throat. How coldly has he acted towards Lance for the kid to be so scared to be alone with him? Shiro decides to take a risk.

“I remember you mentioning that! Your mom grounded your sister for two months, right?”

Please please please let this come off as me listening to him, Shiro prays, and not me finding him annoying.

Lance startles. “Y — yeah, that’s right. I don’t —” Lance winces. “Nevermind.”

Shiro grimaces as Lance looks away. This is… this is worse than he thought. He really and truly hopes he manages to fix this.

As soon as they enter the kitchen, Lance makes a beeline for the cupboards, pulling out a pot, some space cocoa, sugar, and some of Kaltenecker’s milk.

“You can just sit down, Shiro, don’t worry about it. I got it.”

This is another thing Shiro has noticed. Whenever Lance is overwhelmed — be it with anger, nerves, or even excitement —he defaults to acts of service. Washing the dishes, scrubbing the grout from the tile, collecting the laundry. Shiro has even seen him clean the pods, even though they make him uncomfortable and he doesn’t really enjoy being near them. (It actually wasn’t Shiro who noticed this. Pidge was the one who realised that whenever Lance and Keith argued at the dinner table, Lance would get up and start clearing the table, washing the dishes. Every single time. He did not seem to notice he did it. Pidge has since informed everyone but Lance and Keith themselves, and Shiro has caught her subtly inducing arguments between the two so she doesn’t have to do the chores. It’s something Shiro should put a stop to, but he’s not sure how to bring it up without making Lance defensive.)

This time, though, Shiro won’t let him do it himself.

“I’d actually like to help, Lance, if you don’t mind?”

Lance tenses, even more than he was previously. He seems to struggle with himself.

“If you help you’re going to stress me out,” Lance admits after a moment. “Sorry to be a control freak, but other people in the kitchen when I’m trying to do something irritates me. It’s — cluttered. Too much at once.” Lance bites his lip. “But, um, you’re the boss. Actually, nevermind, ignore that, you’re welcome to help if you want to —”

“Lance,” Shiro interrupts, “it’s absolutely fine. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Is it okay if I sit on the counter, or would you rather I stay back at the table?”

Lance exhales deeply, shoulders slumping in relief, even as he tries to slap a smile on his face and pretend he’s feeling normal.

“That’d be fine.”

Shiro hoists himself up on the counter a couple feet away from Lance as he begins to measure our ingredients. He’s silent for a moment, waiting for the right time. He waits until Lance’s spine straightens, and his tongue sticks out. Until he’s relaxed.

“There’s no easy way to say this,” Shiro says, and Lance tenses again. “But I owe you an apology.”

This knocks the tenseness right from Lance’s shoulders, and stops what he’s doing to look at Shiro in confusion.

“Pardon?”

Shiro takes a deep breath. “I assumed very poorly of you, our first couple weeks in space, for no reason. I decided off very minimal and skewed interactions that you were immature and shallow, and I was so wrong. I judged you unfairly, and for that I’m sorry. I’ve since gotten to know you and I realize you’re a genuinely good and kind person, and very smart, and I’m really sorry for assuming otherwise.”

Lance is completely frozen, staring at Shiro with a gaped mouth. Shiro holds his gaze, hoping his sincerity has come across. After a few moments, Lance’s brown eyes cloud with tears, although he blinks them away. He sighs, deep and long, and continues mixing the sugar into the heated milk.

“Yeah, I know.”

He sounds resigned. Disappointed, but not surprised. Shiro says as much.

“Well, you don’t look at me with fondness. Not like you look at everyone else,” Lance says matter-of-factly. Shiro winces. Lance is fair, and is completely right to say so, but it still hurts. It’s hard to be wrong.

“That was once true.”

“But it’s not true anymore?”

“I’ve been… paying better attention. Noticing some strange things, things that didn’t make sense with the person I assumed you were.”

Lance nods, carefully pouring the hot cocoa into two mugs. He hands one to Shiro, who accepts gratefully, then hoists himself up on the counter next to him with his own mug.

“I imagine I’m a little confusing,” he says.

Shiro inclines his head. “Yes.”

“It’s a long story.”

“I don’t mind, if you’re willing to tell me.”

Lance is silent for a moment, just sipping his cocoa. Eventually, he takes a deep breath, hands clenching forcibly before relaxing.

“My parents did not plan me. They completely believed they were done after Rachel, and that was the truth for years. But when my mom was fifty — well, I came along.”

Shiro inhales sharply. He doesn’t know a lot about pregnancy or childbirth, but that seems… late. Lance shoots him a joyless smile.

“Yeah, not great. But she chose to take the risk. She said she loved me the moment she knew about me.” Lance snorts. “She’s very sappy, my mother. Anyways. I was born four months early. Ma says I fit into her hand. It was… hard, for her and Papá. For everyone, really. It was a lot of time in the hospital and the constant fear that I’d just die. And I didn’t, obviously, but I had — and still have — a lot of health issues. My eyes were fused shut when I was born, I didn’t have a gram of fat on my body. I was even missing some organs. I have all my organs now, and my eyesight is actually really good, surprisingly, but I still have a lot of health issues.

“My lungs don’t expand all the way. My heart’s a little too small. I have a lot of deadly allergies, I’m anaemic, I can’t gain weight for shit. And even all my issues now aren’t bad, compared to when I was growing up. I grew out of a lot of my allergies, and my bones used to be really frail. I was a walking hazard, basically. My parents… they loved me so much. They only wanted to keep me safe. But eventually, after close call after close call, they got, like… really protective. Crazy. I wasn’t allowed to socialize with anyone as a toddler, they were too scared I’d get sick. I wasn’t even allowed to feed myself. Fuck, one of them slept on the floor beside my bed until I was ten goddamn years old. They were terrified I’d die in my sleep.

“And then —” Lance sighs deeply, swirling around the leftover liquid in his cup. Shiro sets his own cup down; he’s barely touched it since Lance started. He — he’s completely blindsided. He’d never have known this about Lance, by looking at him. Sure, Lance is scrawny, and he gets cold easily, but Lance as a walking health risk? Lance, who seems like the biggest presence in any room? Who consistently scores as one of the best in training? Who regularly chases Pidge around the castle? It just doesn’t seem real.

“Then came the ASD diagnosis. And like, I am not ashamed of it. In fact it was a relief to have a reason for all the different struggles I was having, for the shitty social skills and general other-ness. But Jesus fucking Christ, it did not help my relationship with my parents. They went from overbearing to suffocating. Before it was just —” Lance sits up straight, finger in the air mockingly, voice high and nagging — “‘Sit up straight, Lance, your lungs!’ ‘Careful, Lance, do you know what’s in that? Are there any nuts?’ ‘Lance, check your heartbeat, you just went up the stairs.’ ‘Lance, go grab another hoodie. There’s a bite in the air, it’s only 75°.’” Lance sighs. He sags forward, eyes closing. Shiro sees the exhaustion in him for the first time, in the very bones of him. Shiro — he knows how Lance feels, being so limited, but he can’t imagine his own parents holding onto him so tightly. How draining that must have been.

“My parents were never intentionally ableist. They never wanted to hurt me, they never intended to do anything but protect me. But I was diagnosed and then it was like they suddenly forgot that I knew how to think for myself. Like yeah, sure, I’m not great with social cues, but I can fucking talk to people! I’m not helpless, but they forgot that. They even tried to pull me out of school, but Veronica went ballistic on them. Fought them for three straight days. She’s always been the one who believed in me, did everything she could to give me as much freedom as possible. It strained her relationship with my parents. It was worse than mine, and at that point in my life I couldn’t even look at them without getting angry. Being in the same room as them was suffocating, I always wanted to just blow up, but I didn’t really. I had a lot of energy I needed to dispel.”

“Is that why you clean to often?”

Lance blinks. “Is that why I what?”

Shiro shifts, biting his lip. It seems that he was right, that Lance hasn’t noticed. “When you’re upset, or overwhelmed. You tend to clean. You clear the table whenever you argue with Keith. Pidge has been egging you on, by the way. So she doesn’t have to clean up.”

Lance snorts incredulously. “That little shit,” he says, shaking his head. “I guess I do clean when I’m overwhelmed, don’t I? I haven’t noticed. But that makes sense. There wasn’t much I was allowed to do, but I could clean, then I was doing something that wasn’t having a screaming match with my parents.”

Shiro hums, and sits with that, for a moment. All of Lance’s fronts — his obnoxiousness, blind hatred for authority, reluctance to follow vague orders — they make sense, now. If the main authority in Shiro’s life assumed he was dumb and helpless and kept him pretty locked up, Shiro thinks he would have some baggage, too.

“What made them let you go to the Garrison, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Lance grins, but it’s bittersweet. “Oh, they didn’t. I left in the middle of the night when I turned 18.”

Shiro blinks in shock. “You ran away?”

Lance shrugs. “Not technically. Legal adult, I was allowed to do what I want. I had Veronica’s help. She got me the applications, sent them in for me too. Had to get my passport in secret, same with the funds. It wasn’t easy, and it also kind of felt shitty. My parents were as distraught as they were furious. Marco said Ma cried for days. But… I had to get out. I honest to God would have died within a year if I stayed.”

Shiro believes him.

“You talk about your parents so fondly, though.”

Lance shrugs again. “Yeah, ‘cause I miss ‘em. I might never see them again, and like I said — they went about it the wrong way, but they loved me. Love me. Besides, our relationship actually really improved once I left. I called them after a month, was totally honest with them. It was a lot easier for them to treat me like a capable person when they saw me doing just fine in my own.”

“I see.”

There’s another silence as Shiro visibly processes all that information, before Lance takes a deep breath. He turns towards Shiro, looking him on the face.

“That’s why your judgement hurts so much,” Lance says, and Shiro feels his heart drop even though he knows he deserves the words. “I saw your medical bracelet.” He holds up his wrist, where Shiro notices the silver band for the first time. The same one he’s worn for years. “You — you were my hero, y’know? Another guy just like me, just as sick as me, who’s a pilot anyway. A great pilot. The best pilot. Having your hero look at you in disgust — it hurts. It was devastating. I know I definitely was acting like a bit of a fool, but —”

“No, no, Lance —” Shiro’s voice is desperate and he knows it, but he can’t help it. He reaches out to clasp Lance’s shoulder, but falters at the last moment, unsure if he’s allowed. His hand hangs there, in limbo. “You weren’t acting like a fool. You were acting like a regular teenager, and I was expecting you to act like a grown adult. It wasn’t fair of me, and I didn’t take the time to know you. I mean it, Lance, I’m going to do better by you. I swear it. I won’t disappoint you again.”

Lance’s eyes close. His breath shudders, as he takes several deep ones. His hands shake briefly before he stills them, opening his eyes and staring at Shiro with strength and — and with a deep kindness that Shiro does not feel like he deserves.

“I forgive you,” he says firmly. “You’re not perfect, man. You made a mistake and you apologized for it. I appreciate it.”

Shiro exhales deeply, and he lets himself let go of the guilt. Lance forgives him. It’s time for them to move on, build trust.

“Thank you.”

Lance hums, turning back away. They sit in silence again, but this one is comfortable. It’s filled with the promise of a new beginning, a new start. Filled with the opportunity to get to know the Blue Paladin, who supports from the sidelines and cares with a heart that outshines the darkest of nights.

Shiro can’t wait.

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ohposhers · 2 months

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troll who isnt allowed caffeine or she'll reenact the Hammy energy drink scene from over the hedge clay prefers tea anyway

#bruce is back home so hes not in the comic (i couldnt fit him in frame)#i stopped halfway through working on a different troll comic to make this troll comic this keeps happening #of the firm belief trolls have animalistic traits so they hashtag PLAY HARD #im talkin pouncin chasing biting etc etc #let my girls be rowdy at 8 in the morning (branch has babyproofed most of the bunker so they dont knock shit over when they run around)#trolls #trolls band together #clay trolls #john dory trolls #viva trolls #poppy trolls #branch trolls #brozone #im not tagging this as cliva cause imo they are found siblings fuck u but if u see them as lovers i support you barely #im kidding live your dream idc #my art #floyd trolls

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cheesecakethots · 7 months

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geto having a cute little non-sorcerer wife that he swears he hates.

he only marries you for your father’s riches, and so when you arrive on his doorstep he leaves the maids to tell you where you’ll be staying; the room furthest from his own.

you’ve been instructed not to so much as look at him, but he finds that he hardly sees you, anyway. you’re more like a ghost that haunts the manor than his wife.

most of the time he’ll happen to pass you sat alone in the garden, dressed in pretty kimonos that have most definitely been suited to his tastes. he hardly speaks to you, the only time he has was when the two of you had accidentally bumped into each other when turning a corner.

“watch it, monkey,” he had hissed, before continuing on with his day. he later found himself thinking on the nervous expression and faint embarrassed blush that had adorned your face. he had been tempted to smash his head against the wall to rid himself of the memory, as it plagued him the entire evening.

your father starts visiting and he has the basic decency to at least pretend as though he loves you. it results in awkward proximity and unloving kisses to your forehead, at least until your father leaves.

for some time, geto’s not entirely sure as to why you play along. you could go to your father and ask to leave this loveless marriage, could you not? then it dawns on him; your father doesn’t care, and you already know that. geto doesn’t like how a tiny part of his chest aches when he thinks too hard about that fact.

it’s not as though he leaves you locked up in some basement, withering away. you’re allowed to explore most of the manor, most of your needs can be met by asking the maids and very rarely he will permit you to visit the nearby town marketplace with some guards.

he starts seeing you more. he’ll sometimes find himself out in the garden, pretending that he has any business outside other than to keep an eye on you. he’ll never admit it, but it can sometimes calm him down, just watching you go about your day. to him it’s like watching a pet trot about, not realising their owner is watching with keen eyes. you’re still just a useless monkey, of course.

one day he discovers you crying in the garden you love so much. he’s never seen you cry before, hell, he’s hardly seen any emotions on you.

“what happened?” he finds himself asking before he can stop. you jump in your seat, not having expected him to be beside you.

“nothing, really,” you say, your voice still shaky and your hand wiping away at drying tears, “i’m sorry to have bothered you.”

he frowns, his patience quickly wearing thin. “tell me, now. what happened?”

you sigh, and some part of him can’t help but note how pretty your eyes look, despite the redness around them. he pushes the thought out before it can properly settle.

“my father sent me a letter,” you confess. “he’s… not happy with me.”

he steps closer to you. “why?”

you hesitate, your mouth opening and closing, but the expression he wears has you telling the truth.

“he wishes that i was pregnant with your child. i have told him that i am not, and never will be, and he… well, he’s not happy.”

suguru raises an eyebrow. “never will be… ?”

you blush, looking to the floor. “i know that you hate me. it may be easier for you to have a child with another.”

he scoffs.

“i don’t-“ geto pauses himself. “do you really think i’m the type of man to have a bastard with some whore?”

“w-well, no, but-“

“do you wish to stay married to me?”

you gulp. “no. i don’t.”

he pauses for a moment, seemingly considering something.

“if you give me a child, i’ll allow you to leave. you’ll still be married to me in name, but you won’t have to stay here, and you won’t be tethered to your father.”

your jaw drops for a moment, and then you collect yourself. “will i be able to see the child after i give birth?”

“sometimes,” he tells you. in reality, he doubt he’d ever let you near them, but you don’t need to know that.

“… okay.”

he finds it harder to convince himself that he hates everything about you when he has you beneath him, your ankles on his broad shoulders and your hands pressing against his back. he can’t help but fuck you even faster when hearing you whine and mewl. he wants to lick the expression you have off of your face, but refuses to indulge in the idea.

“su-su-suguru!” you cry. he stills inside you for just a moment. it’s the first time he’s ever heard you say his name. he was beginning to think you had forgotten it.

he grabs onto your wrists with one hand, pressing them above your head and manhandling you into another position, one in which he can somehow go even deeper than before.

he chuckles, low and raspy, “stupid fucking monkey…”

he’s starting to wonder if maybe he needs two kids. maybe four? hm. maybe you do have your usefulness. maybe he shouldn’t let you go, after all.

#i know this is ooc but idgaf #forgive me i haven’t watched jjk s2 and i barely remember geto but he’s hot so idc if it’s so ooc #allow me to dream #yandere geto suguru #tw yandere #tw.yandere #yandere #yanderecore #yandere jjk #yandere getou #yandere suguru geto #yandere getou suguru #geto smut #jjk smut #tw forced marriage #tw smut

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yaksha-lover · 7 months

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You were made in the image of the angel.

That’s what Rollo believes when he spots you, a speckle of light, amongst your tainted peers. You’re truly captivating to him; one so untouched by all the disgusting, dark miasma that swarms you, swirling it’s depraved fingers through your hair.

Despite magic’s presence in your life, it’s never taken root inside of you. For that, you are beautiful; the antithesis to the wicked fae that he so loathed.

He should have known Malleus would try to corrupt you. The dragon was alluring: dark tresses spilling around his broad shoulders, his piercing green eyes, and those magnificent horns upon his head. As gorgeous and charismatic as the fallen angel himself; that was what made him so dangerous.

It’s not your fault you gave into Malleus’ temptation. Rollo knows even he could have strayed from his righteous path had he been less disciplined than he was.

Still, he can’t end the burning rage when he sees the way you’ve been seduced by that man, the mark he’s begun to leave upon you.

He calms himself for a moment.

He’ll have to deal with it. For every drop of himself that Malleus has put into you, Rollo will have to cleanse you by doing the same.

Every kiss, every nip at your neck, every skirting of hands across your thighs will need to be replaced with a touch of his own, that of a pious man.

He’s sure you’ll understand - it’s only the price to pay for salvation.

#i despise him (he consumes my every waking thought)#me writing this even tho i barely know this man (sorry if it’s ooc) 💀#idc ab canon he’s depraved and weird and wants both yuu and malleus to me 🙄#also him just being delusional and lying to himself ab his true motivations #wym he likes yuu?? no he’s only doing the ‘right thing’#rollo flamme x reader #rollo flamme #malleus draconia x reader #malleus draconia #twst #twisted wonderland #yandere #(ish)#tw: yandere

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maxsix · 2 months

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#idc if there is new material WE AS A SOCIETY MOVED ON FROM THIS TOO FAST #choi san #san #ateez #ateez gif #san gif #maxsixgif #that's the problem with kpop: it moves so fast #you've barely processed one era but they've already moved onto the next #i still have not processed Guerrilla era and we're two eras beyond that #the lighting on his face here was amazing though #one of his best styling eras for sure #From The Real MV shoot #i just randomly came across this again today

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wriochilde · 3 months

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this is what i wished for, a night of insanity

#idc if ill hate this in the morning. whatever.#my art #vocaloid #kaito vocaloid #karchess crim #sateriasis venomania #kamui gakupo #<- well. hes there?#gakukai #evilious chronicles #guro #ok anyways listen i know this barely even happened in the actual story but this is based of a dream i had #so it doesnt have to make sense. im a free man #madness of duke venomania

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7roaches · 7 months

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sick asl rn nd drew these laying down

#my art #art #adventure time #simon petrikov #betty grof #petrigrof #trans #🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#lesbian #💥💥💥💥💥#i draw them soooo much but idc bc before this i would go like months barely drawing now i draw almost every day #but i’ll do other stuff soon i’ll draw diff at stuff nd maybe oc stuff nd also matbe do a tober challenge #i also might start posting art multiple times a day #idk why i dont do that already #also i lied i was only sick eyesterday and drew the first and a half ones laying down #today im better (good) but have to got o work (bad)#i put these in order but maybe itdve been better to switch the first nd third so they show up better in the more like this thing?#ok i have to go to work bye love you

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chickenoptyrx · 5 months

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....I just wanted to draw gators :T at this point these 2 are more 'a representation of my last 2 brain cells' then they are actual characters 😅

#im living vicariously through the cartoon guys #because i want to A. pick up gator (strong man style)#and B. ..pick up gator (hug)#ok but so i recently found out an area where i take stupid little walks for my stupid little mental health #has! GATORS!! (potentially. theres signs.)#and this is great cause seeing gators would def heal me as a person #but ok so when i look for hiking places i always look north cause the terrains more hilly #but now im lookin south more cause turns out i AM in fact far enough south to see gators!!#and yeah looks like theres a handful of nature reserves w hiking trails the same distance away as the little mountain trails i go to #its flatter and the trails are less extensive so ill hafta see if i think its worth it #but then too theres a really big black water swamp that.. further away then i wanna drive..#but also i drove 5 hrs once just to go to mammoth cave as a day trip so.. we'll see..#my friend says he wont go w me tho :T he'll just report me missing #this has been a tag ramble about my sudden outset intrest in seeing a gator #my bullshit #lol barely but still #also- i told myself not to over do it drawin the scales or coloring it #and as you can see i dont listen to myself ever #lol they look outta place but idc i got to draw 2 of my favorite characters and also ALLIGATORS :U #living the dream rn

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barawrah · 2 months

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oversaturated little guys

#breaking the jc crying segment to give u this #but still thinking of crying jc always and forever #i did the lines on goodnotes so they look wonky as all hell #wwx was barely salvageable i basically redrew him thats why he looks different #i have no clue what wwx's eye colour is btw . so its now whatever this is #anyway theyre pocket sized...take them with u they will keep u safe etc #ok yay ^_^ i love jc #jc and friends !!!!!!! i take his trauma and give it to his parents #art tag #mdzs #jiang cheng #nie huaisang #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #sangcheng #if u want idc #yunmeng bros #yunmeng shuangjie

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rapidhighway · 11 months

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be sure i will be there, and you will fall!

#hehehe #neo metal sonic #super neo metal sonic #sonic the hedgehog #metal sonic #art #fanart #digital art #ok i need to go the fuck to sleep #does this make much sense to use this song? barely #i like the song so idc #Spotify

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autisticlancemcclain · 7 months

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Pidge stares hard at her twisted fingers. Her eyes have long since begun to burn, and she holds her face carefully parallel to the floor, knees presses to the sides of her head, watching as her vision gets blurrier and heavier, until eventually the tear drops from her eyes and splatters on her glasses.

“How did you handle it?” she asks hoarsely, not even looking up. “The homesickness.”

For a while Lance doesn’t say anything. His breathing is steady and near-silent, quick little inhales and long, shallow exhales. Practiced breathing, when he’s choking back tears. He does it several times a day. Sometimes Pidge can’t stand to look at him. She doesn’t understand where he puts it all, the sadness that is constantly bubbling out of him. Doesn’t understand where he finds the strength to let his voice get choked up in the middle of a sentence and keep going like there’s nothing wrong. She feels hot shame heat up her own body, in the clear absence of his; a secondhand embarrassment at emotion that shouldn’t be advertised so easily, so trustingly, so constantly.

Eventually he sighs. When Pidge looks up there are tears in his brown eyes, as there so often are, but she fights the urge to look away and tucks herself under his open arm, instead.

It’s warm, in his hold. Bony too. But he holds her without fear of squeezing too tightly, winds his long arm around her back and shoulders and presses her face into his neck. He smells, as he always does, of flowers, although Pidge could not identify what kinds, and she imagines that she’s sat under the rows and rows of shelves in her mother’s greenhouse, watching her work. Her hands shake so she winds them around the creases of Lance’s jacket and grips tightly.

“I don’t,” he says after thinking about it. “I carry it with me. I always have.”

Pidge thinks she knew that, in her bones. She thinks she understood that about Lance from the very second she first saw him, two years ago at the Garrison auditorium in September; this boy who slouched and grinned and shot finger guns and laughed like a hyena and cried four times a day. The boy whose eyes were deep and dark and filled with an abyssal pain that hurts to look at. Off-putting.

“That sounds lonely.”

Lance hums. He shifts, resting his chin on the top of her head. She feels the slow drip of his tears, down his nose and plopping onto her scalp, and parcels at how his heartbeat doesn’t change, the ease in his voice. The shaky steel of it.

“It is. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t. Lonely. It’s just something I carry.”

Her breath shudders out of her, big and large and shaking her shoulders. She hears what he doesn’t say: I have gotten used to it. She thinks to herself: I will never get used to this weight.

She says: “I don’t understand.”

Ever so slowly, he begins to rock them back and forth, barest sway of their bodies. His lips press her hairline. Her face crumples and her breathing quickens as she forces down the tears, shoves back the mirroring feeling, the mixing of Lance and Matt happening in her head.

“When I was four my oldest brother moved away. He was getting married. I never got over that, I don’t think. He lived down the street longer than he lived down the hall but I never really stopped missing him.”

He pauses for a moment, and Pidge knows it’s deliberate in the way his whole body stops moving, pondering, before starting again.

“Sometimes I miss him on purpose.”

Pidge pulls away, enough to look him in the face, to watch his sad eyes and slight smile and the familiarity in the uncanny expression, the Lance of it.

“Why?” she asks desperately, hands twisting further in his sleeves. “Why would you ever — on purpose?”

“Because I love him on purpose.” The tears drip down Lance’s face as a steady waterfall and he doesn’t even flinch at them, doesn’t even blink. Lets his eyes fill and spill over again and again like cupped hands under a leaking faucet. “When I miss my mom I love her. When I miss my sister I love her. When I miss my brother I love him. When I miss Keith I love him. When I miss you, I love you.” He gently pulls his sleeves away from her clutched fingers, wrapping his hands around them instead and squeezing. “The grief hurts like a never healing wound. But I’m terrified of not having that. I don’t want to wake up one day without the reminder of how deeply I’ve loved and how deeply it will always be a part of me, that love. I don’t know how I’d ever function without it.”

“You don’t function with it,” Pidge argues. “It — haunts you. I see it in your face.”

Lance shrugs. “I function with it. I function because of it. Every day that I miss them I live because I will miss them until I see them again. It’s an — anticipation, almost. I miss you and I can’t wait to see you again mean the same thing.”

A strange noise bursts out from Pidge’s throat, gut-punching. I miss you and I can’t wait to see you again mean the same thing.

She misses her brother in her bones. Her father in her blood. Her mother in her heart.

Waiting to see them again pulses at every level in her body. That’s — manageable.

“Oh,” she says, and she means oh, in the way you blink your eyes open in the mornings. Oh, I see now. Oh, that hurts. Oh, it’s bright.

Lance squeezes her hands again. “There are worse things than loving so much it hurts you,” he says softly.

“Oh,” Pidge says again. “Oh.”

#i have been carrying this for a while i think #hm. anyways #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #pidge #pidge holt #pidge & lance #brown eyed lance #langst #pidge angst #pidge is so young actually #hurt/comfort #klance #like barely and if u squint but idc #my writing #fic #longpost

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0fps · 9 months

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BLADE ❖ death approaches until your sin is cleansed, my vengeance will pursue you

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr blade #blade #hsredit #honkaiedit #gamingedit #m:gifs #m:*#eye strain tw #flashing tw #i had so many technical issues with this set fucking hell afjkdlasdf #crashed ps multiple times had to restart my laptop bc it was bogging down memory then it crashed tumblr on upload and logged me out..#ALSO this video was just hard to gif in general so much flashing and fast moving segments #not even sure if i'm that happy with this coloring but i'm too scared to open ps again for this ajkfdljs #anyways. hsr is a game idc about saving in so i'm just gonna throw everything at blade and kafka's banner #and hope i get at least 1 of them if i get both though yay #i'm barely building anyone anyways i'm pulling people just to look at them LMAO #also i rly like his engilsh voice too???? should i be switching to the english dub????????

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xjustakay · 5 months

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(12/01) prompt: snow — 995 words (firefighter james & his grumpy boyfriend ft. an annoying fire alarm — pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4) @jegulus-microfic

Regulus tugs the drawstrings on the hood of the large hoodie he wears, securing it tighter over his head, dark curls poking out along the edges. He hears his brother snort at him when he pulls the too-long sleeves over his bunched fists and stuffs them into the pouch pocket, curling in on himself. He cuts a sideways glare at Sirius —Sirius, who had the forethought to snatch his coat off the hook on the wall inside their flat’s front door on their hurried way outside.

“I told you to grab your coat,” Sirius points out.

“Oh, bite me. I was half asleep,” Regulus argues through subtly chattering teeth.

Honestly, it’s lucky he even managed to roll out of bed and get a pair of joggers and shoes on; an additional small favor that he’d already been sleeping in his boyfriend’s hoodie, at least. It’s half-past one in the morning and it’s fucking freezing outside. A handful of other tenants have also come outside, though not everyone does each time the fire alarm goes off —a couple too many false alarms for people to stay concerned, especially so late at night.

The sidewalk outside their building is icy and slick, fresh flakes of snow beginning to stick as it comes down in slow flurries. Regulus hopes that whoever’s at fault for the fire alarm going off so late is having the worst night. If it’s another eighteen year old that doesn’t know how to use a damn toaster properly, he may actually lose it.

Sirius turns toward him when Regulus presses nearer at his side. He feels childish, incredibly small, when his brother keeps his hands in his coat pockets but pulls it open to wrap both arms around him as much as he can. It’s awkward and it hardly does a thing against the biting breeze, but Sirius has always been so warm that it’s still something.

“Fire department’s here,” Sirius comments over his shoulder.

Regulus glances the direction his brother faces, dark brows lifted. He sighs in obvious disappointment, breath a cloud in front of him, when he doesn’t recognize the two firefighters that he sees go inside.

Past the repetitive click of his teeth, he hears Sirius huff a laugh. “Relax, he’s by the truck.”

Turning fully, Regulus seeks out the specific firefighter in question. James is busy talking to one of the other building residents who’s undoubtedly questioning him about what’s going on inside. Sirius lets go of him when it becomes clear that Regulus intends to go speak with his boyfriend next.

Regulus looks down, stepping carefully around iced-over puddles and growing piles of snow, until he’s close enough to hear the sound of James’ voice. He’s reassuring the lady in front of him that everything is under control and everyone should be able to return inside to their homes soon. Regulus is buzzing in his damn skin at this point. James' hoodie and his joggers do next to nothing against the winter air, a full-body shiver shaking his frame as he slows to a stop behind where James stands.

James startles slightly as he finds Regulus standing right there when he turns around. Regulus can’t help it, he’s already glaring as if this situation has anything to do with James —he’s tired and he’s cold, okay? James seems unperturbed by his aggravation, hazel eyes flicking up and down over where he trembles, jaw still quivering.

And the absolute asshole has the audacity to laugh at him.

“Oh, love, look at you,” James coos, stepping nearer to him.

Despite the fact that he’s currently on the job, he wraps him in a tight hug, rubbing quickly up and down his back to warm him. Regulus thumps his forehead against James’ chest, ignoring that it’s not particularly comfortable with the stiff material of his yellow uniform jacket.

“Is it a toaster again?” Regulus questions irritably.

“Candle. Cat knocked it over,” James explains.

“Fucking stupid,” Regulus grumbles.

“It’s not too bad, all under control,” James continues to rub up and down along his back with both hands. “Shouldn’t be much longer, promise.”

“Your hoodie sucks,” Regulus complains, petulant.

“I mean, it would when it’s up against snow, baby,” James chuckles.

Leaning back, Regulus fixes him with an unamused look, but all it does is get James to smile at him. It’s not enough to have Regulus pull away from the warm comfort of his arms, all things considered.

“Your nose is so red,” James snorts, punctuating the statement by pressing a quick kiss to it.

Regulus scrunches it after the fact. “I’m going to get sick, I can already feel it.”

“They have these wonderful things called coats to help avoid that, you know.”

“I hate you.”

“Of course you do.” James kisses one cheek and then the next. His head turns a second later when one of the other firefighters comes out the building’s main door. “I’ve got to get back to work, love, I’m sorry.”

“How dare you, truly.”

“Mm, I know.” He leaves another lingering kiss against his forehead, murmuring against the spot, “Don’t worry, you’ll be able to go back inside to bed soon.”

“Potentially being ill is really not how I wanted to spend your weekend off, just so you’re aware.” Regulus curls in on himself once again when James’ arms regrettably drop from around him.

James tilts his head, nudges his glasses up the bridge of his nose, a playful grin appearing. “Think of how you do want to spend it, then. That ought to warm you up a bit, yeah?”

Regulus yanks one hand out of his hoodie’s pocket, wiggles it free of the sleeve, just to flip him off. James laughs and leans down to peck a rushed kiss at the held up hand before walking away to get back to work. Regulus watches him go, shaking his head slowly, but an unstoppable smile twitches at the edges of his mouth all the same.

#jegulus #jegulus microfic #“kay it's barely the 1st” idc idc i'm excited #and firefighter james has been haunting me #truly badgering me for more attention #so here we are -jazz hands-#kay’s writing #kay’s microfics #fic: you got the antidote #<- the origins

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