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audacitytomom · 6 years

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Izien's Birth Story

Every birth story since the beginning of time has been unique. Izzy’s has been no different. I've decided to share Izien's birth story today, knowing that there are plenty of moms out there that would relate to this story and may even find it helpful. Giving birth in a new country is no easy task. While it's amazing that Izien was born in Chicago, the birth as it is being quite a ride.

I had a healthy pregnancy. I gained about 12 pounds. I was regular with my runs and walks. Those who know me, know that I've always been plump. However, I managed to fall within the BMI during my pregnancy. I secretly believe Izien was conceived on my birthday last year, but I didn't know until March. And thus, begins the story of how Izien Marshal Joe came into existence.

While this post is about Izien and me, it is also about the information I wish I knew. I had just moved to be with Joe and so hadn't been in the country for long. My pregnancy was confirmed by a walk-in clinic. The doctor knowing that I'm new to the country handed me a recommendation for an OBGYN (Obstetrician & Gynecologist). Wanting to have more options, I turn to the Internet. I compile a list of names that I liked and called them. The first 2 asked when my due date was and upon hearing that I'm only 7 weeks asked me to call back when I was 12 because that was when they start giving out appointments.

The important thing to remember here is that the doctor doesn't become ‘your’ doctor till after the first appointment. Their office must first run your insurance, your credit card etc. and the visit - all culminate to it. This is a good thing because this acts as a safety blanket. We don’t need to commit to a doctor till after the first appointment.

The next 3 informed they had a waitlist and one of them had an opening in November. I was due in November (at least according to my calculations). At 10 weeks I still hadn't found a doctor. It was beginning to look as though I should have found an OBGYN and then got pregnant.

As soon as you enter a new country, start looking up doctors. You don't have to be pregnant to visit an OBGYN. This is the simplest way we can avoid getting stuck in the system and being at its mercy.

I called the recommendation given to me and I was set up with an appointment immediately. Here's tip number 2 for moms like me who has no idea about the system.

Know all about your insurance. There are mainly 2 kinds here and some doctors except only one or the other or some both. Call your insurance and get a detailed overview of everything that you can benefit out of it. For example, BCBS (Blue Cross Blue Shield) has an option where it completely covers $30.00 over the counter medicines every 3 months*. This is information that they don't just advertise around. So be sure to ask. Ask and you shall receive

She was good enough. That's what I kept thinking. She wasn't the best. She barely spent any time explaining anything.

Speak up! I mean it. It doesn't matter if you’re conscious of your accent or if she thinks you’re dumb. It's your body and you deserve to know each and everything happening to it. All the test should be explained in detail. Thankfully, I always had the reports looked over by my uncle who is a doctor back in Bahrain. But I really should have spoken up.

As I had predicted, my due date was on November second. I visited her for my 8-month appointment which was around Oct 15 and I was greeted by an older doctor who resembled a lot like her. She was my doctor's mom who co-owned the clinic with her. She informs me that as her daughter is getting married on the 4th of November, she will be taking over from here on. WHHHHAATTTTT?!!?!? I didn't react. I didn't let the anger, anxiety, disappointment show on my face. I just went through with the appointment. On hindsight, I really should have but the fear of not finding a doctor on time and of this medical system made me do nothing.

Hospital - This is another super important factor. You may have a hospital in mind but your doctor most probably doesn't 'visit’ there. Which means you need to ask for a list of hospitals that your doctor uses beforehand and review them and see if you like them and if you don't you get to move onto another doctor. A good NICU among other things are definitely on the top of the list and if you’re like me and like to have a say on where you're giving birth then you're better off looking for doctors who actually go there.

I was presented with 3 hospitals to choose from and I chose the one that was the closest. Thankfully, it also had a great neonatal unit. My last visit with her (my doctor’s mom) was on Nov 8th and she wanted me to get admitted immediately. She said my fluids were low. I got admitted. But it was because of her that I was in a situation where I may have to have a C- section. I really wanted to change my doctor.

The nurse told me that I can always change my doctor and that I’d be automatically transferred to the in-house OBGYN. It is 100% true in all states because I opted for that and I can’t tell you how happy I am with the decision.

They had not only hidden the marriage date until the last moment, but they also postponed my appointment to after my due date because according to her the I wasn't even close to giving birth on Oct 31. So, she made the executive decision to meet me well after my due date by which time I had to be immediately admitted. It wasn't fair to me, Izien or my body. Izien was born via c-section on November 10 at 11pm and it was such an out of body experience. I was so glad I chose to change my doctor and so glad that I knew I had that option. Nobody deserves to go through with something as beautiful as bringing a baby with people who lied to them and didn't have their best interest at heart.

Midwife & Doulas - Either/or guys! I wish at least one was present during all my nerve wrecking decision of changing a doctor. Ask your insurance about it. Midwives are usually covered and sometimes doulas too. And sometimes even lactation consultants. When the baby is born via c-section and the baby must be placed in NICU, it delays the feeding and often the baby will have a hard time latching. Izien and I struggled with this too, Therefore, lactation consultants. Doulas are so important for women like us who are in a new country. Doulas are birth companions, a non-medical person who assists the mama before, after and during the childbirth whereas Midwives are trained health professionals that can take the delivery with or without a doctor present. I most definitely plan on having a midwife for my next pregnancy.

He wasn’t making any effort on coming out and I was way over my due date so obviously C- section. It was scary but not as overwhelming as I imagined but I wish I had mentally prepared for both the scenarios (Natural and c-sec). I didn’t even consider C-section so everything after was a slow learning process for Izien and me. He came out 5.2 ounces while both trimestral ultrasound showed 6 and 7.5 ounces but somehow, in the end, my baby was so small. But he was healthy and kicking it and that’s all that mattered.

We didn’t get to click a whole lot of pictures of Izzy till he turned 2 months but here are some we got at the NICU, on the next day! We aren’t supposed to, but we be sneaky.

Love,

Mel

PS* - To all the mother who are experiencing struggles same as mine, my heart goes to you. Keep courage and speak up! Do reach out ladies, there is more help than you think.

PPS* https://www.bcbsil.com/mmai/plan_details/drug_coverage.html

Visit the link above on more info on the BCBS Drug plan coverage mentioned above. You can buy baby diapers, formula etc using it as well!

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