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thrashkink-coven · 7 months

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Ritual Report: September 26-7th 2023

“Tried to invoke Azrael, met… Jesus?

Disclaimer: I am not Christian or a Jesus freak. This is VERY weird for me. Yeah I know this sounds crazy, I know I’m probably insane and schizophrenic and whatever yes yes skepticism skepticism upgs whatever whatever. I’m not trying to convince you of anything. As a follower of Lucifer, I am not the type to try and pull this card. Let’s fast forward.

These last few months I have had the extreme inclination to work with and invoke Archangel Azrael. I work very closely with a few other angels and spirits who have been continually encouraging me to seek out the Angel of Death.

Yesterday I tried invoking him for the first time. At first I felt nothing for a long time and I felt like I wasn’t really getting anywhere. It wasn’t until I felt a very… heavy feeling blanket me that I felt any kind of presence. I remember I was laying back in my couch, staring into his candle flame and repeatedly thinking about his name, his sigil, and his correspondences. In another astral journey a couple weeks prior I’d identified the entity as one I have been in close proximity to for years. He asked me then to summon him with a red candle and mugwort which I did during this ritual.

Azrael never spoke, but rather he simply produced understanding. I understood very suddenly that Azrael could not necessarily be invoked, he was something that had to be “becomed” and it was clear to me then that in order to understand him, I had to understand what death was and what death meant.

There then a deal of sorts was made. I remember calling out to the candle that if I could truly experience death without fleeing or cowering, that I would be worthy to witness the angel.

I then began to feel very nauseous and cold. I started to tremble in a feverish way and I remember laying back in my chair and considering the consequences of my hubris. I then experienced the removal of all things, perhaps this is ego death. I lost my body, I was transformed into something else. And as I lay there I remember forgetting what I was. I had no name, I was no longer a human. I was just. And I was also everything before everything knew what it was.

Then I began to understand “nothing”. Not nothing but “nothing”. Nothing to be or to remember or understand. I thought then that this must be Azrael, the lack of. Just ___. And I lay there forever and I was

However, it was then that I saw him and I couldn’t fully understand what it was that I was seeing. I remember it being a horrible, massive and overwhelming thing of many blinking eyes that consumed me entirely. I had nothing to retreat to, I was no longer able to be anything else. I then understood that Azrael is not “nothing” but rather he is very much a thing. He is the thing that is the force of transformation. I found him extremely beautiful.

Then finally, after what felt like millennia, I was me again, and I was at the centre of the universe. There sat a robed creature who would not let me see its face, sitting upon a blazing ball of white light. We were the largest and oldest star in the universe, speeding through the cosmos with the rest of the galaxy chasing behind us in an endless game of tag, trapped in our gravity. In front of us was pure nothingness, as we were moving too quickly for time and light to catch up to us. We were headed into nothing.

And i remember remarking that it felt like we were moving so fast, and Azrael “said” that perhaps we were not moving at all.

What we spoke about I cannot fully remember but I know that I asked him about my book. I am in the process of writing a book that is essentially about the relationship between death and god. I told him that one day I wanted to read it to him, and that I would like his assistance with it. I told him that it was only fair that he help me with my book, as I will eventually become apart of his. He found something about that humorous.

When I awoke fully in my body and self, I felt extremely lonely.

This morning, having not cleaned up the ritual, I tried to make contact again. Now I am deeply confused.

I made an astral leap very very easily, with more ease than I ever had with hardly a warm up or an exercise. I was on a beach, at a campfire created with the trunks of white trees.

There was a man sitting there with a banjo or some kind of small guitar. He had thick black hair- it didn’t go past his ears- and and brown skin. He had on a red and cream coloured robe and white linens. He had very welcoming brown eyes. His smile for whatever reason made me want to cry. He was very cheerful. Very kind.

He was singing towards the ocean. I could tell that he was human, and he greeted me like we were friends. I didn’t say anything, I was very confused. This has never happened.

He then offered me a bowl of rice, told me to remove my sandals (which I suddenly had) and asked me to sit with him. So I did, though I didn’t eat the rice. He gave me a wooden cup which I assume contained wine as there was a red liquid inside. I drank it, it was very sour.

He continued singing towards the water - in a language I could not understand- and towards the horizon I could see many “things” maybe angels, watching us from a distance. He concluded his song and a group of men, maybe 5 or 6 came from down the hills and greeted him. The hooped and hollered (like frat boys) and laughed and hugged him, kissed him, very excited to see him. He looked at me and asked if I knew how to play (the instrument) I said no. The men then disappeared all together, though I could hear their cheers fade out long after they were gone.

The man asked me if I was an angel, and I very confusedly said no, I am a human, are you an angel? He didn’t really answer, just took my hands and looked towards the sky.

I knew altogether who he was, or I guess, who I thought he was and I asked him if he was Jesus. He didn’t really respond then either, just smiled warmly.

I told him that I was a witch and a pagan, that I revered his father but that I will not be Christian. I asked if he hated the fact that I work often with Father Lucifer. He smiled at me, and put his head against mine. We were eye to eye. He told me that I am very complicated- and that all his friends are very very complicated.

He then told me that I spoke to death, I said yes, he asked why. I said I wish to know it as I would know an old friend.

It was only then that I had a “realization” looking at this man. Is this actually Jesus Christ of Nazareth? Really? Oh my? All the things I could ask, what an opportunity! Not being Christian myself I could be so objective, I could get the real truth. But then I started asking questions that you wouldn’t think to ask Jesus. I don’t really know why I asked these questions now that I look back on it. I could have asked him anything.

I asked him how it felt the first time he breathed air, what did he think of water the first time he touched it? What did the smell of smoke or the feelings of digestion feel like to a God made man?? What were his first feelings of life like?

He broke out into a laughter and started putting sand in my hands. It was terribly vivid. I could feel every grain of sand running across my skin. He said he was so overjoyed to be able to experience creation first hand. I said that’s what I do with magick even though it is blasphemous, to understand the gods and the natural ways of the world was like experiencing the beauty of living for the first time.

He said he understood that very well, that “even Lucifer is brilliant to behold when beheld. That’s undeniable, don’t you agree?” and I did. He then told me that Azrael is his good friend and is a friend to all those who love life. He asked me if I am wicked, and I said that I could not stand near him if I was. Noting this, he asked if I believed he was the son of God, and I said that I believed he was a good man, I know nothing beyond that.

I asked him if I should “read his book”, he said he doubts I’d find him there.

He was always cheerful and continued to sing. I just sat with him there as he sung over the ocean waves and the loneliness that Azrael had afflicted me with had lifted altogether. His voice wasn’t perfect but it was beautiful. He wasn’t perfect either, he had some crooked teeth and some blemishes on his skin. He was handsome but not in the way that angels are. His feet were ashy from the sand he spilled a little bit of rice on himself when he ate. I cannot get his smile out of my head.

I’m… conflicted. I don’t worship God and yet this man seemed less concerned with that. He admired my pursuit of Azrael even though I had done it in such an overtly pagan way. I did not pray to Yahweh to see this man that I believe was Jesus, and yet he appeared when I invoked the angel of death. He did not preach to me about the glory of God, he just sang, shared a drink with me and held my hand. He had no problem with me working with Lucifer, he had no problem with me being a witch. He loved- adored creation. He was unlike any angel, he was extremely human and we were friends.

I don’t know what to do with this.

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