uuuuugh i hate going back onto my antidepressants after a short absence we had a miscalculation about the dates i could pickup my next batch from the doctor, so i was without meds for five days its annoying that even just five days is enough for me to get the first time symptoms again every time i start a new serotonin enabler mediciney thing its always a few days of feeling really really vomity and i cant even throw up to relieve the awfulness cos i need to keep the damn pill swallowed usually i just hope im lucky enough to be tired enough to take a short nap right after swallowing the pill, and that the side effects wear off before i wake up I think maybe its a little less bad with a just five days absence tho? I was feeling REALLY pukey yesterday but now its just a mild stomach urk a few hours after taking the pill. Hope it doesnt get worse! but lol it was bad timing yesterday cos i ate like a whole tin of applesauce right after taking my meds but now i havent eaten anything at all and i still feel sick, so probably it doesnt even matter lol

oh but I had fun buying some new clothes for the first time in a year! I feel bad that now I’ve spent £200 of this big money savings, but i got some good essentials that I;ve been putting off for a while and only splurged slightly on one or two cute shirts. I have a big ol stock of plain black trousers and socks again, woo! And one tye dye floral pattern shorts thingy, and a ruffled blouse that looked nice. i wanna try and become more comfortable again with wearing traditionally ‘feminine’ clothes. like.. before i knew i was trans i just knew that i wasnt female and wasnt male felt like nobody would believe me unless i proved i was male at least, cos there ‘wasnt any other option’. Even now i kinda feel like whenever i wear anything stereotypically associated with my birth gender I’m somehow not nonbinary after all and I was just lying... so yeah i bought a few pink and floral pattern type summer blouses and i wanna try and incorporate them into my style. I dont have to be a man to not be a woman, and honestly the gendering of clothes is complete bullshit anyway. I shall prove my binary defying status by wearing both instead of neither! (or instead of like.. one side, just the one i’m least often mistaken for... i dunno how that logic was meant to work..) Also stereotypical ‘male’ clothes are so limited and devoid of joy in my local shops. Its all fuckin ‘just wear a suit everywhere forever, casualwear doesnt exist and nothing can be anything but white and grey’. I’d like to hope that even cis men and women buy from the other gender’s shops every now and again, the gender division here is just SO WRONG that it must be hell for anyone who has even the slightest deviation from The One Societally Correct Fashion Sense. Please don;t limit yourself, guys, wear what you want and fuck anyone who makes fun of you! It must be a terrible life to force yourself to follow stereotypes 24/7, not everyone is lucky enough to just coincidentally coincide with those stereotypes. (Tho also, nothing against those people! none of this ‘overly feminine stereotypes are limiting thus no woman is ever allowed to wear high heels or like pink’) ... ANYWAY in conclusion before i started rambling: i bought some furniture and some clothes and i’m excited cos they’ll be delivered tomorrow. And I’ll have a nice big new mirror to try on the clothes, and try and feel better about my appearance. I usually have so little money that i just stick with one set of clothes i wear every day for a year, that i got in a second hand store or something, until it actually breaks and thats the only time i’ll buy a new shirt. I tried buying two undertale shirts and a pokemon hat last year and it made me feel way more confident just to know i’m wearing something I actually enjoy, so im happy now i could afford one small self indulgent shop for some nice summerwear. ^_^ Plus, of course, now i have my binder so I’m way more confident! I’m still not sure if I’ll be comfortable wearing this low necked ruffled blouse, cos people could see my binder strings and i mean its not easily mistaken for a bra. So maybe I can make it work if I wear another layer of blouse underneath in a nice colour. Tho probably yeah, gender stereotypes and all, i’d get tagged as a woman just for wearing the blouse at all, even when I’m binding *shrug*

oh and also i bought a new large trash can which is nice make the place a bit more organized than just having a bag hanging out in the corner to dump all my crud in they had some more fancy ones with flip top lids and stuff but i just went for the cheapest one cos id already spent too much on the rest

oh and also a new blender! i still feel REALLY BAD that i made the one luxury purchase of a blender last year but it was the wrong size so i completely wasted my money. ive still been trying to make smoothies like 100ml at a time in this tiny garlic grinder thing XD but this was on sale so now i can finally have a blender sized blender of juice and soups! YAAAAAY!! im gonna eat the more healthy! im gonna use up these 24 cans of tomatos that’re sitting on the desk for a year! why did i not check the blender before i bought those!