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vfdbaudelairefile13 · 4 years

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Dear reader,

I must caution you about this next chapter. This is the chapter where we continue to explore creepy undertones pertaining to Olaf as a character. If you are not comfortable with reading about predatory behavior, comments ranging from vague to slightly explicit (on the topic of these predatory behaviors), a young girl being restrained, a young girl being threatened, physical violence against a minor, threats to a minor, or vague to slightly specific comments about pedophilia, a creepy fuck stroking a young girl's hair, cheek, and leg... I would suggest skipping specific parts of this chapter. Since this time around it's spread around the VIOLET half of the chapter (although a few vague hints could be found in Klaus and Sunny's section).

Please read with caution. If anything becomes too triggering or makes you too uncomfortable I am happy to summarize in vague details (when going over certain parts) so you are still able to follow the story. Please if you can't read this chapter in its entirely, I will be more than happy to explain the events of the chapter in a less descriptive way.

_______________________________________________________________ Friendly Reminder:

I, Susan, the author of Misery Loves Company also wants to make it abundantly clear that THE TOPICS/TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER are things I frown upon entirely. I do NOT condone pedophilia at all, whatsoever. And I believe it is NOW in my fic that I will say this: if you ship the disgusting vile mess of a 'ship' that is Violaf...I would prefer if you stop interacting with my page, my story, and any of my works. Just because I put it in my story does not mean I condone it. I am using it as a element to explain why this sort of shit is WRONG.

If we are being abundantly honest, it is these segments that I have the hardest time writing and editing. It is a long, hard process and it never gets easier. No matter how vague the comment Olaf or even Esme make is, it is never easy. It makes my blood boil, my skin crawl and my stomach churn.

I don't feel right saying 'enjoy' because this is a tough pill to swallow.

So read with caution. Let me know if you feel I went too far or if you just want to comment like normal. I am not perfect. I am open to criticism. I just needed to make sure all my readers understand where I stand on the topic of Count Olaf's creepy ass infatuation to Violet.

Read with caution. Love the support you guys have given this fic.

-Susan.

____________________________________________________

Chapter Fifty:

The One With Violet's Close Call

Klaus and Sunny paced around the small medical closet that they were currently hiding in. They had decided to be paranoid and barricade the door on their end so no one would enter their hideout. Before doing so, Klaus opened the door just a bit so he can peek around the hall and locate the security cameras. He feared that Olaf would catch them simply because he could be watching them on security cameras. After they blocked themselves in, Sunny explained to Klaus that she planned to watch the bottom of the door and she’ll notify him if she sees anyone’s shadows.

Klaus and Sunny were worrying about being recognized by anyone because of the ridiculous lies that had been written about Violet and Klaus in The Daily Punctilio, so the two Baudelaires knew that whatever they planned to do in order to save Violet they had to make sure they were undetected by not only the hospital personnel and patients but by Olaf, Esme, and the troupe who were undoubtedly lurking around the hospital in their ridiculous doctor costumes searching for the two younger orphans.

As the children paced around in silence, both siblings’ minds were racing. “We’ve got to rescue Violet and get out of this hostile hospital,” Klaus said aloud. He was talking more so to himself than Sunny, but Sunny replied anyway.

“But how?” she asked. Klaus sighed and shrugged his shoulders. Both siblings were trying their hardest to concentrate on their situation at hand. Both trying to ignore the fear that was lingering with them. Both were also focused on what Jacques Snicket had said.

Klaus ran his hand through his hair anxiously as he thought about the Snicket file that resided in his pocket next to his sister’s father’s wallet.

There’s a survivor.

Their trouble is over.

They were going to be okay.

They just had to find their mother.

Klaus sighed. He felt a bit bad when his mind focused on the possibility of his mother being the survivor, it was nothing against his father. Truth be told if his father was the survivor, he’d be equally as happy. He just...desperately wanted his mother.

He didn’t understand if there was a survivor, why weren’t they searching for their kids? He knew that his parents would be fighting tooth and nail to reunite themselves with their children. His mother and father were two kind, attentive, supportive, and loving parents. He gave a small smile as he imagined being reunited with his mother again, being able to feel her arms around him in a big bear hug as he feels her warmth and feels safe. His smile widened as he imagined his mother kicking Olaf and Esme’s ass for everything that they had put the kids through.

Sunny paced around the small room, walking in a different pattern than Klaus. She glanced around at all the supplies that were in the room, every so often glancing at the door to make sure that no one was trying to get in the room that she and her brother were hiding in. She took the small yellow ribbon out of her hair as she carefully twisted her hair into it, tying it out of her face. What would Violet do? She asked herself as she tapped her finger on her chin as she thought hard. She glanced over at her brother, who seemed lost in his own thoughts. She took the opportunity to open Violet’s locket again, she wasn’t entirely sure what this would do, but she felt like she needed to see one of her parents’ faces especially after the bombshell that Jacques Snicket had given the children during his briefing of the Snicket file.

She looked at the picture of her mother holding baby Violet and smiled. She missed her mother entirely but as she stared at the picture in her older sister’s locket, Sunny couldn’t help but frown when she thought about her father. Staring at the picture of her mother holding a baby girl in her arms reminded Sunny so much about how their mother used to hold her and sing to her whenever she was fussy. How her mother would clap enthusiastically when Sunny used a new word. She sighed as she ran her finger over the picture of her mother. All these memories made Sunny miss her mother, but they somehow made her miss her father more. She didn’t get to see any pictures of her father as often as she would prefer. The kids had two pictures of their parents stuffed away in Klaus’ pockets along with other documents and important scraps of paper the two younger orphans had been collecting ever since their unfortunate events had begun. So when Sunny gazed down at the photos in her sister’s locket, she wondered where in her world her father could be. Was he looking for them? Was it difficult for him to locate his children because they kept moving? She remembered spending afternoons with her father, who would be entertaining her with his poetry recitals. Sometimes he’d put on a show for Sunny, act out a silly poem or if he was reciting a serious think piece, he would analyze the poem with Sunny and even though she didn’t entirely understand what her father was saying all the time, she was happy. She never understood why Klaus would groan outwardly when their father would run up behind him and somehow still lift him up, ready to recite another poem of John Godfrey Saxe. She found it both entertaining and informational. She frowned when she realized that her actively thinking her father was the survivor meant that she wasn’t rooting for her mother. Like her brother, Sunny had nothing against their mother. She would be equally as happy if it were Beatrice who had survived the fire. But Sunny couldn’t shake the fun image of her father randomly showing up and kicking Olaf and Esme’s asses after putting the kids through all of this bullshit. Sunny smirked wickedly to herself when she thought about what her father might do to Olaf when she told him about what Olaf did to Klaus.

Dada…?

Mommy?

Where are you? Your babies need you.

As both siblings thought about the survivor of the fire and wondered where in the world the survivor could be, their faces turned sour simultaneously when, like clockwork, they both thought the same exact thing.

What if Lemony was the survivor?

Both siblings were blissfully unaware that they were thinking the same thing as Sunny bit her lip nervously and Klaus sighed miserably. Both too lost in thought to ask the other what was wrong.

What if Lemony was the survivor? As the two Baudelaire orphans thought about it...it made sense, didn’t it? For the survivor to be Lemony? The file was called the Snicket File, although Klaus had reasons to believe that it could have been named that simply because the star of the film was Jacques Snicket and Sunny could have guessed that maybe the makers of the film deliberately wanted to name it that just to cause this level of confusion. But again as the two orphans thought about it...their worries began to skyrocket. Jacques was Lemony’s brother, it would make sense that he’d investigate his brother’s death rather than their parents. But that wasn’t what was gnawing at the fragile minds of Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. What was gnawing viciously at their minds was one question.

What would happen to them if Lemony was the survivor?

Obviously, if Lemony was the survivor, this meant he would be reunited with his daughter. Both siblings sighed at the same time as they came to this realization. It was the first time that the table had turned and it was the Baudelaires feeling excluded rather than Violet. Both didn’t know what would happen to them if he were the survivor. Lemony had no obligation to Klaus or Sunny. He was not their birth father and he had not raised them.

Would he go through the trouble to adopt us? Sunny pondered.

He wouldn’t leave us to fend for ourselves? Klaus wondered.

Truth was the kids just weren’t sure. Although they had met Lemony Snicket on a few occasions, they didn’t get the pleasure in actually getting to know him, seeing that every time they had seen him, he was in disguise just as Olaf was and the situation was always too tense and dangerous where there was rarely ever a moment in time where the kids could have had a decent conversation with the man who was desperately trying to help them. Klaus remembered the brief conversation he had with Lemony back when the kids lived with Josephine and Lemony was disguised as Steve Barkin, how he mentioned having a daughter and tried to convince Klaus that he was a good big brother. But other than that, Klaus didn’t know much about him.

The Baudelaires could easily assume that Lemony would be a decent human being, as he was before he had died and he would adopt the children either officially or unofficially depending on what he sought as best with his complicated circumstances. But he didn’t have any obligation to the Baudelaire children. As much as they hoped that he would take them with him and Violet, he could just as easily take Violet and abandon the two Baudelaires. The children wouldn’t be surprised, by this point in their sad story, they were used to it.

Now they both knew that if either one of their parents was the survivor that they would take in Violet immediately. No questions asked whatsoever. But they were able to come up with that conclusion very easily because they knew their parents. They knew their parents wouldn’t hesitate to gain a relationship with their estranged daughter. Violet was Beatrice’s biological daughter and had fate not intervened, she would have been raised by Bertrand, which would have made their father her father as well. They knew their father would not hesitate to have another child even if that child was not his biologically, that’s how great of a man Bertrand Baudelaire was. The two siblings also knew that if their mother had the chance to simply lay her eyes on the powerhouse force that her eldest daughter was, she would recognize Violet immediately as her child and would rush up and grab Violet and probably never let her go as she sobbed and apologized for things out of their mother’s control. Because they both knew that their mother was a decent and amazing woman.

Both siblings imagined for a second, how life would have been like had Violet never been separated from their mother and father. Klaus could imagine all the siblings' arguments and bonding moments that he and Violet would have had had she been around. He imagined how holidays would have been and how normal days would have been. Would he and Violet be closer? Would they have grown to hate each other? He pondered to himself. He slowly smiled, he had a feeling that being raised alongside Violet would have simply made him idolize her more as a big sister. He could see his younger self rushing into her room when he was scared of the loud thunderstorms outside instead of his mother and father’s room. He could see her building them a small little fort where they could pretend that the storm couldn’t get to them because Violet had built the shelter with the full purpose of making it stormproof even if the fort was made out of the most basic of materials like blankets and pillows. He could see her wanting her to sit with him during his first optometrist appointment instead of his father. He could see her beating up schoolyard bullies for him and just doing all the things big sisters do. But as he thought about it...he didn’t give the negative aspects even a thought. He knew big sisters were supposed to relentlessly tease and annoy. He knew that they were the only ones allowed to pick on their younger siblings. He knew growing up with Violet could have been different when it came to the family dynamics. He would never have had all of his parents' undivided attention, he would have had to fight Violet for it and he had a feeling he would have lost that battle a lot. He knew that if Violet had been raised alongside him that he probably would have been compared to her a lot because that’s what parents do. But he didn’t care. He wouldn’t have minded if life turned out like that.

Sunny, on the other hand, thought about how if Violet had been raised alongside her and Klaus that Violet would have been there the day that she came home from the hospital. She would have probably been like Klaus, teaching her how to talk, read, and walk. She wondered what else Violet would have tried to teach her. Sunny smiled as she imagined how family game nights would have gone with Violet’s addition. How chaotic that would have been with the five of them duking it out over Uno or Monopoly. Sunny had a feeling if Violet had been there from the start, that she would have been able to see the treehouse that she and Klaus shared more often. Klaus wasn’t entirely fond of it because it was getting too old and he felt as though it was dangerous to be in there but she knew that Violet would have made it a special project to fix it up for Sunny.

But as the children thought about this alternate timeline, they both felt bad for taking Lemony out of the picture and it brought them back to their worries that if it was so easy for them to do to him...how easy would it have been to do for him? And as they went back to pondering about whether or not Lemony would help them if he was the survivor, the children felt a mixture of emotions.

Cause with Lemony, Klaus and Sunny wouldn’t be able to entirely blame him if he were to take Violet and leave. Hell, they wouldn’t blame Violet for giving up on them and leaving with her father if she wanted to. The Baudelaires both feared that Lemony and possibly even Violet would finally see the two orphans as far too much trouble. Which as they further thought about it, it made perfect sense as to why the kids could be described as ‘too much trouble’.

No matter what Violet tried to tell them, the siblings knew that they were the reason Lemony was dead. They were the reason that Violet got sucked into this misfortune. Even if Lemony was the one who had decided to come out of hiding with the hopes of helping them survive Count Olaf. They cost him his life and if he turned out to be alive and would rather stay clear of the danger magnets that they have been proven to be. They couldn’t...and wouldn’t fault him. They were also the reason that his brother was now dead. And there was no mistaking that on Sunny’s part.

Sunny knew Jacques was dead, she was forced to witness it with her own two eyes. Sleeping at night was difficult these days for young Sunny Baudelaire, although whenever she was able to cuddle up with one or both of her siblings, she felt safe enough that she could sleep and she found that when she was in the warm embrace of one of her older siblings it was as if a barrier is put around her and the harmful images of Olaf murdering Jacques couldn’t enter her head and torment her.

But Klaus didn’t need to witness Jacques’ murder to know he’s dead. He saw Jacques’ dead body being rowed out. Both children shuddered as they thought about the fact that Olaf had killed possibly two men in his wicked pursuit of them and now he had their fourteen-year-old sister in his clutches.

Both felt sharp pangs of guilt as a wave of sick, cruel realization poured over them when they realized that they were the reason why Violet was kidnapped and whatever Olaf was doing to her was on them. Klaus felt this pang of guilt harder than Sunny had because he knew what Olaf’s sick intentions with Violet were and he didn’t act fast enough to convince her splitting up was the worst thing the trio could have done. He hadn’t fought her hard enough to exit the mail chute and he allowed Esme and Olaf to take one of his sisters.

Klaus felt a few sharp pings of worry hit him as he thought about his doubts. The longer it took for him to come up with a plan, the more time the kids had to get caught and even if that didn’t happen it was more time that Olaf had Violet in his clutches. Klaus knew that he couldn’t let him and Sunny get caught because he refused to make Violet’s sacrifice fruitless. He also couldn’t let them get caught for obvious reasons. He knew Olaf wasn’t going to leave the hospital without all three kids. So he and Sunny merely had to avoid getting caught in their attempt to rescue Violet.

Klaus watched as Sunny did another routine check of the door. She watched for a few moments just to be extra cautious. He gave a small smile as he watched her walk-in tiny circles, tying her own hair. Klaus had a special sense of pride as he thought about how much Sunny had grown since that day on the beach when their lives first changed for the worst. Sunny was out of her infancy and was in the beginning stages of her toddlerhood and she was surely showing it. She was walking on her own and even talking in sentences for the most part, completely able to articulate her thoughts. Even going through everything she had been through, Klaus could see Sunny growing up into a chaotic mix of both of her parents. She had the best qualities of both Beatrice and Bertrand. Hell, Sunny had her moments where she reminded Klaus so much of Violet, like right now, as Sunny paced around silently, untying and retying her hair with her small yellow ribbon. The thing that surprised him the most about Sunny was that even after failing her so many times, she still believed in him so much. He didn’t understand why though.

Klaus felt tears spring to his face. You are the absolute worst brother in the world. You can’t protect them.

He turned quickly and glanced at Sunny once more. He couldn’t help but think this way. Violet was definitely the better big sibling for Sunny. She was proving it right now by being Olaf’s captive while allowing Klaus and Sunny a chance at an escape. While Klaus was hiding inside a large closet desperately trying to figure out a plan to save Violet. Sunny had definitely surprised him when she had compared him to Violet positively. That’s something he ever really did, always feeling inferior to his older sister especially when it comes to how they both were at being an older sister. ‘You are the best big brother I could ask for’ Sunny had said when she compared him positively to Violet. Then she had told Klaus that she loved in believed in them both.

Klaus’ thoughts shifted just slightly when he also remembered what Sunny now knows. His blood boiled and he felt the desire to punch a wall angrily. How dare Olaf haunt his baby sister with the gory, gruesome details of the pain he had caused her older brother after he had desperately tried to save her back when they were still in that bastard’s ‘care’. Olaf had absolutely no right and Klaus knew he only did that to try to scare Sunny and that made him even angrier. He hated the fact that Sunny now felt guilty about it even though he did not have a single reason to blame Sunny.

Klaus turned to Sunny, sighing, finally breaking the silence.

“We have to rescue Violet before it’s too late,” he explained to Sunny.

“But we don’t know where she is,” Sunny countered, although she nodded her head in agreement.

“ Violet must be somewhere in this hospital. Otherwise, Olaf and Esme would have left by now. He and Esme are probably hoping to capture us to,”

“Then we have to find her,” Sunny replied turning to her brother. “But how?”

Klaus sighed. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Olaf is watching us through the fucking security cameras and the rest of the hospital might recognize us from the bullshit Daily Punctilio.”

Both children looked at one another depressingly. They both wondered just how long Violet had had that photo of them hidden away in secret in her locket that now rested on Sunny’s chest. They both knew that they needed to act soon because they both did not like the idea of Violet being in Olaf’s clutches. Before either one can further the conversation they could hear an approaching crowd of cheerful singers.

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another and shrugged their shoulders. “Hide within crowd?” Sunny suggested as Klaus picked her up quickly.

“Better than nothing.” Klaus agreed. “We’ll just have to be extra careful today,”

Sunny nodded emphatically, a word which here means ‘as if she thought being extra careful was a good plan,’ and Klaus nodded emphatically back as he quickly unbarricaded the door, listening for the crowd to be right outside the door before exiting the room. Both Baudelaire children felt less and less emphatic about what they were doing as they waited by the door. Ever since that terrible day at the beach, when Mr. Poe brought them news of the fire, both Baudelaire orphans had been extra careful all of the time. They had been extra careful when they lived with Count Olaf, and Sunny had still ended up dangling from a cage outside Olaf’s tower room. They had been extra careful when they’d worked at Lucky Smells Lumbermill, and Klaus had still ended up hypnotized by Dr. Orwell. And now the Baudelaires had been as careful as they could possibly be, but the hospital had turned out to be as hostile an environment as anywhere the two children had ever lived. And as their hearts were beating faster and faster, they heard their opportunity to exit the small room and hide within the cheerful VFD.

“ We are Volunteers and we’re cheerful all day long! If someone said that we were sad, that person would be wrong. Tra-la-la Fiddle-dee-dee Hope you get well soon. Ho-ho-ho,” the members of VFD sang as Klaus hurriedly opened the door and forced him and his baby sister into the direct middle of the crowd.

“Could we have some balloons?” Klaus asked.

“Of course, brother!” Brandon said patting Klaus’ shoulder. He handed Sunny two balloons and gave the children a confused look. “Where’s the older sister, brother?” he asked confused.

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another. “She’s under the weather,” Sunny explained quickly.

“I’m sorry to hear that!” Brandon said cheerfully as he tied a balloon gently to Sunny’s wrist. “Give her this heart-shaped balloon! And to get well soon!” he said smiling. “Ooh, that rhymed. We should add that to the song somehow.” he addressed the other members who were all smiling and ready to partake in the singing again.

Sunny maneuvered the balloons to cover both her face and her brother’s face as Klaus carried her trying his best to sing along to the song so that the volunteers would allow him and Sunny to stay in the group. The song and the singing were too cheerful and annoying for Klaus to truly enjoy this plan. But what better place to hide than among people who believed that no news was good news, which means they don’t read the newspaper.

To the children’s relief, the volunteers paid no attention as Klaus and Sunny glanced around desperately looking for any signs of their big sister or Olaf and his group. As they followed the group from room to room, both Baudelaires concluded that this might be the best way for them to search the hospital. Maybe Olaf had disguised their sister as a patient since he was disguised as a doctor.

The children went into several rooms, watching as the Volunteers Fighting Disease ignored real ways to help the hospital’s patients and they cheerfully sang their song oblivious to exactly how useful or helpful they were being. They saw a man with both legs in casts and a woman with both arms in bandages. They watched a member tie a balloon to the woman’s cast because she wouldn’t be able to hold it. They watched as the group ignored the patients’ request of a glass of water and for their nurse to be called so they could receive their pain killers. Klaus and Sunny wanted to help these people but they were too afraid of whether or not the patients had read The Daily Punctilio so as the VFD members ignored their requests, the Baudelaires regretfully did, too.

“If we visit each and every room of this hospital,” Klaus whispered to Sunny as the group exited the room to go to a different room. “We’re sure to find Violet,”

“Agreed. Although seeing sick people makes me sad,” Sunny replied.

“Same here, Sunshine.”

The next room contained a man that reminded them of Mr. Poe because he had a severe, nasty cough. As they watched the volunteers sing their song and hand the man a balloon, the children believed that a good humidifier would be more effective way to fight this disease than a cheerful attitude and the two were tempted to run and find a humidifier for this sick man, but they knew Violet was in much more danger than a man with a cough and again, they couldn’t risk being recognized.

On and on the volunteers marched, and Klaus and Sunny marched with them, but with every ho ho ho and he he he their hearts sank lower and lower. The two Baudelaires followed the members of VFD up and down the staircases of the hospital, and although they saw a great number of confusing maps, intercom speakers, security cameras which they made sure to avoid looking directly into, and sick people, they did not catch a glimpse of their sister. As they entered each room, nowhere, in any of the rooms that the volunteers marched into, was Violet Snicket, who Klaus and Sunny feared, was suffering more than any other patient.

“We’ve been wandering all morning, and we’re no closer to saving our sister,” Klaus whispered to Sunny, but Sunny didn’t reply. As Klaus marched with the volunteers up another flight of stairs as he carried Sunny, Sunny had focused on something that kept her eye.

“Shh,” Sunny whispered back.

“Why?” Klaus asked in a whisper.

“Bald fucker,” Sunny whispered, pointing as stealthily as she could ahead of them. Someone coming down the stairs, he was several steps above the kids and he looked to be running down the stairs in a hurry. “And Hook-Man.”

“What do we do?” Klaus whispered worriedly, realizing that if the bald man and the Hook-Handed Man were descending down the stairs, that they would have a good viewpoint advantage on the kids.

“Kiss the balloon,” Sunny whispered back as she shoved one balloon in Klaus’ face. He shifted Sunny so that he can hold the balloon in his face while she used one of the balloons to hide her face and the third one, that Brandon had intended for Violet to cover the top of her head. She hoped that if the bald man were to look over at the Volunteers Fighting Disease he would just see the top of Klaus’ head and assume he was one person rather than two, carrying three balloons.

The children’s hearts were beating fast in their chests as they continued marching in the middle of the group of volunteers.

__________________________________________________________

Violet opened her eyes and groaned in pain. Her head was throbbing from Esme slamming it into the hospital wall. She glanced around the room to find that she had been once again tied down to the gurney. She felt tape once again around her mouth. She tried desperately to kick her feet but to her surprise, Olaf and Esme must have tied her ankles to the damn gurney, too.

Nonetheless, Violet struggled as hard as she could trying to make some kind of noise in a desperate attempt to get someone to rescue her. She didn’t have much time to struggle, though because the door to the room began to open. Her heart dropped.

“I’m just saying, Boss. Your name could use a little work,” The Hook-Handed Man explained.

“What do you mean? It’s fucking brilliant,” Olaf growled, rolling his eyes.

The Hook-Handed Man looked at him incredulously, “Really?” he asked. “Dr. Medical-School?”

“Like you could’ve come up with anything better,” Olaf muttered annoyed.

“You could’ve said literally anything else. Like...House...or Howser?”

Olaf growled again. “Watch the door,” he ordered his henchman as he turned towards Violet.

Violet’s heart sank further as she watched the Hook-Handed Man’s facial expression change almost immediately. “B-but don’t you need my hooks…to tear her to shreds?” the man asked meekly. Violet gave both men an intense glare.

“Just wait outside the door,” Olaf hissed as he watched his henchman turn around unhappily and walked outside the door. Violet glanced down at the bottom of the door to make sure that the man hadn’t entirely left, thankfully for her, she could see the shadows that his feet made as he stood in front of the door, guarding it against anyone who would try to enter.

Olaf walked menacingly towards Violet. He glared down at Violet. Violet glared back at him with daggers. She refused to show him fear or weakness so she was hoping that she looked more intimidating than she felt seeing as though Olaf most definitely had the upper hand.

Olaf reached down, grabbed the edge of the tape and pulled it off Violet’s mouth as quickly and painfully as he can. “You fucking bitch!” she hissed.

“Comfy?” he asked her, smirking at the helpless girl.

“Fuck off,” Violet hissed, still glaring at him. “Klaus and Sunny will find me.”

Olaf merely shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe they will...maybe they won’t. I mean I’m counting on it. Can’t let those brats live after causing me so much trouble.”

“You fucker,”

“But you see, if I were Klaus...I’d do the sensible thing and leave this hospital with that bucktoothed brat,”

“Well, it’s a good thing Klaus isn’t a damn thing like you, then.”

“Well, what do you expect to happen, Violet?” Olaf asked as he began to pet her hair. Violet moved her head vigorously, trying to move away from his touch. “I mean...if I had the option to save my real sister or some desperate little girl who just wants to belong...I’d save my sister.”

Violet’s glare intensified. “I am their real sister, you fucking piece of shit.” she hissed as he smiled down at her. The way that he was looking at her, made the pit of fear in her stomach grow.

Olaf rolled his eyes as he grabbed the edge of the gurney harshly. Causing Violet to flinch. He smiled at her reaction. She responded just how he wanted her to. “You know, Violet, it doesn’t have to end this way…” he muses slowly walking around the gurney. Violet tried her hardest to keep her eyes glued on him, to make sure she could see him at every second. But as he circled her like a shark circling its prey, she was feeling dizzy. “I see the way you roll your eyes at the mere mention of VFD.”

Violet shifted her gaze to where he had stopped moving. He was standing behind her head, she glanced up at him, still glaring but behind her eyes, she knew that fear was starting to show. She had no idea what he had planned. “I may hate VFD. But I despise you!” she hisses.

“I’m flattered,” he says as he caresses her cheek. She shudders under his touch. She whimpers softly, violently trying to move her arms and legs, to break her restraints but as Olaf watches her struggle, his smirk widens and her heart sinks further into her chest which Violet didn’t know it was possible. “But you don’t mean that…”

“Oh, believe me, I do!”

Olaf smirk widened. “You know...it’s not just VFD that is to blame for what you’re going through…”

“I know it’s…” Violet began before Olaf interrupted her.

“Your dear father...may he rest in ashes.” Olaf snarled leaning closer to Violet’s ear. Causing the girl to shrink to the farther side of the gurney as much as her restraints would allow.

“ Fuck you!” she screeches as she continues to struggle more.

“And...Beatrice…” Olaf added, he watched as Violet’s face turned from one of unbridled anger to pure sadness. ‘You know…” he began, his voice becoming gentler but not in a comforting way. His voice became patronizing and belittling, but softer in volume. He walked over to the side of the gurney once more, kneeling down so that he no longer towered Violet but he was nearly face to face with her which made her move her head as far away from him as she could. “Beatrice hurt me, too. You’re not the only person that she hurt.”

Violet couldn’t believe her ears, was Olaf truly trying to pin her misfortune on her birth mother. Was he trying desperately to shift the blame from himself and VFD to her parents? She continued to glare at him as he sighed. He caressed Violet’s cheek again.

“Since you’re such a pretty girl…” he explained. “I’m willing to give you a chance to join me, Violet.” He watched as her expression changed to one that he couldn’t read. He couldn’t tell if she was considering it or was entirely shocked by his mere suggestion. “Together...we could destroy VFD once and for all. All you’d have to do is two simple things... for me.”

Violet’s stomach churned uncomfortably as she grimaced. She didn’t know what he meant by that last part but as they say, curiosity killed the cat. She looked up at Olaf, her glare still present but her fear was coming through so it wasn’t as intense as it had been. Olaf took that as a sign of her already considering his offer before even hearing what she’d have to do.

Olaf continued to caress her cheek as he spoke, Violet tried her damnedest to move her face from his touch but he, unfortunately, had the advantage. “Would it be so awful?” he asked. She looked at him with a face full of confusion and discomfort. “Would it be so awful to spend the rest of your life...with me? In my troupe...at my side...at my beck and call? I’ve seen your inventions, you could be very useful to my troupe, unlike those pesky Baudelaires.” He leaned in close to her. “Think about it, my pet,” he whispered into her ear as he stroked her cheek. Her skin felt like it was crawling and her blood was boiling but she was beginning to feel paralyzed under his cruel touch. “We could burn down this organization together!”

“...keep...talking…” she replied meekly, narrowing her eyes. She wasn’t sure where he was going with this. But at this point, she’d do almost anything to help her siblings escape from Olaf’s treachery.

“When you’re of age, you give me your fortune,” He began. “You see, once I have your fortune...I wouldn’t dispose of you like I would that irritating bookworm and biting brat.”

She breathed a sigh of relief when she realized he was still more interested in her stupid fucking money than what she had been expecting for him to say. Although the second part of that statement was one that she didn’t really like. She would rather an option where Olaf didn’t dispose of Klaus and Sunny. But when Violet weighed her options on the financial part of his offer, there was barely any hesitation. It was just money. Who the fuck cares? She thought. The only thing I care about right now is my siblings. But as she opened her mouth to respond, she remembered he had said there were two things he needed her to do for him. Fear came crashing in once more as she began to expect the worst.

“And...what else?”

“You help me lure those bratty Baudelaires so I can destroy them.” He replied smiling wickedly at her.

Still surprised by his answer, since that was not where she believed he was going with this conversation. She took the time to weigh her options. She took into account everything that Olaf had said up to this point. Since the day that Violet had the absolute misfortune of meeting this vile and terrible man.

Finally, Violet smiled and in the most enthusiastic voice she could muster up she said, “Of course, I’ll join you!”

Olaf smiled at this. He placed his hand under her chin, turning her face to make her face him. “Pretty and smart,” Violet responded with another rough shudder as she tried to move her chin from his grasp. But he held her firmly. “Now...all you have to do is tell me where those brats are hiding.”

Violet nodded and he let go of her chin. “Of course, I’ll tell you where they’re hiding!” Violet replies using the same over-the-top voice. “Now, when you capture them you can’t tell them that I told you.”

“Of course. Of course.” He replied, a Grinch-like smile appearing across his face. This was too easy. He thought. She did her best to motion for him to come closer so that she could whisper her siblings' location in his ear. His smile somehow got wider and far creepier as he began to move closer to her.

“Now listen carefully,” Violet replied as Olaf could no longer contain his excitement. He was soon going to have all three orphans to torture and do whatever the fuck he wanted to and what made this even better is that Violet was going to sell out her siblings and hand them to him on a silver platter.

As he got closer to her face, Violet gave the vile man, a quick, sarcastic smile as she spits directly in his face. “ Snickets take care of their own!” she screamed in his ear as loud as she could.

Olaf growled, a loud, inhumane growl as he slapped her across the face with as much strength as he could muster. “ You little bitch!” he screamed as her head shot to the side harshly. One cheek feeling the wrath of Olaf’s anger and the other feeling the pressure of being slammed against the side of the gurney. Tears began to fall from her eyes as she winced in pain. She could feel her right cheek was on fire. Olaf wiped her saliva from his face as he grabbed Violet’s face in his hand and roughly pushed her cheeks in, applying pressure to her jaw. She groaned in pain.

“Stop…” she whimpers.

“Snickets may take care of their own...but Baudelaires are known for betraying and abandoning their own…” he said, applying even more pressure to her face. She tried to pull her head from his grasp. “And I have this feeling that the bookworm is just like his mother in that respect.”

Violet tried to spit at him again. “ Fuck you! You motherfucker!”

Olaf growled once more as he slapped her again, with the same level of strength as before even if this time she was unsuccessful when she tried to spit in his face. She started to cry. She bit her lip to suppress her sobs but the effort was almost pointless when her eyes began to water. Her cheek was definitely on fire now and she was beginning to feel her fear of her situation take over. She watched as Olaf turned and walked over to a small sink that was in the room. He picked up a tray full of medical tools and began to examine the tools.

“Out of curiosity,” Olaf asked, back turned towards a vulnerable and terrified Violet. “Has the bookworm shown you what I’m capable of?”

“You mean how you cut him, you fucking bastard!” she hissed. “Sunny told me.”

Olaf chuckled at that, as he lifted a rather scary looking knife as he examined it thoroughly. Still not even looking at her. “You see, I could do the same thing to you, my darling,” he turned to her as he carried the tray and the scary knife with him back towards her. He placed the tray of tools on top of her. “But...you’re way too pretty for that,” he explains petting her hair once more.

“I’m not your darling, you sick fuck.” she hisses through the tears, fear, and pain. “Klaus and Sunny are going to find me. We’ve outsmarted you every fucking time. We will do it again.”

Olaf grinned as he waved the big, sharp knife around, stroking his finger carefully across it, smiling wickedly at it. “I don’t think you will outsmart me...no, not this time.” he hisses menacingly as he glared down at the helpless girl. Violet glared back at him, her fear being suppressed once more as she continually reminded herself why she had to survive this. “Have you ever hunted, Violet?”

“Of course not,” she spat back.

“Well…” he said as he put down the large knife on the tray. “If you had, you’d be familiar with a particular experience. There’s a particular moment, at the end of a long hunt, ” he explained coldly as he picked up a rather scary drill. Violet, being only fourteen and never going to med-school wasn’t completely certain what this device in Olaf’s hand was but if she had to guess it was probably to drill small holes in the skull to help neurosurgeons perform their operations. As he spoke, he used a tone that sent several chills down her spine causing her to shift uncomfortably and breathe heavily. “When you have the animal cornered. And the animal looks into your eyes... deep into them, to see if there’s any mercy in there.” She looked at the device with uncertainty and fear as Olaf turned it on. The man looked from her to the drill, smiling as he imagined using it on one of the children. “And when it sees that there is not…” he turned the drill off and smiled at it happily. “... it gives up...it gives it life to you. ”

He smiled wickedly at her as he placed the drill back on the tray that still laid on top of her. She could no longer help it, she was trembling as he spoke. He stroked her now severely bruised cheek as she felt tears springing in her eyes. “Well, I have you cornered, Violet, and I have no mercy .”

Tears began to fall from Violet’s eyes as her fear took over. Is this how Klaus feels like? She wondered as she tried her best to hold it in. But this was all too much. His tone, his words, his touch. She couldn’t take it anymore.

He smiled viciously as he wiped a tear from her bruised cheek. “Don’t cry…” he cooed. “Sooner or later the Baudelaires will fall into my trap and when they do…”

Violet’s tear-filled eyes glared at the villain as he mentioned her siblings again. She shook her head defiantly, unable to speak because she was using most of her energy trying to hold back her tears. He gripped the railing to the gurney harshly as he knelt closer to her menacingly. He got in her face as close as he could get, even after she had shrunk herself down as far as her head would sink into the single pillow that held her head up. She grimaced and winced at how extremely uncomfortable she felt with Olaf that close to her face. She wanted to spit in his face again but the intense heat she could still feel from her right cheek convinced her otherwise. Instead, she stared back at Olaf with a face full of mainly fear with a splash of anger and defiance. “And when they do…” he reiterated getting even closer to her face. Violet held her breath as he spoke due to how close he was to her. She could smell his rancid breath. She tried to turn her head so she didn’t have to look at him but he caught her throat with his hand and applied pressure to keep her head in place. “I won’t be satisfied with just your fortunes. This time, I will obliterate you and the entire Baudelaire line in the cruelest ways imaginable…” he hissed into her ear as he held her down. Her breathing became rapid and her fear spiked entirely. “Now won’t that be fun?!” he asked her in a patronizing tone as he gave her an open-mouthed grin, showing off his disgustingly dirty teeth.

Violet’s breathing became heavy as she gasped for air the moment he lifted his face even an inch away from hers. By the look on Olaf’s face, Violet knew that he knew that he was terrifying her.

“...l-leave them alone!” she cried struggling as Olaf removed his hand from her throat. “You have me!” she reasoned, her voice thick with fear. “I can get you both fortunes! Just leave Klaus and Sunny alone!”

He snickered. “I do have you…” he said smiling. “And what a treat that is,”

Violet trembled and began to struggle when she felt Olaf’s hand on her lower leg. She shifted uncomfortably. He grins at her, again, his hand trailing up to her knee agonizingly slow. Violet jerked her leg again. Fear creeping slowly into her eyes, paralyzing her to her core. She felt frozen as she felt his hand stroke her knee. Her heart was beating rapidly as she started screaming for help as Olaf clapped his hand over her mouth. She desperately tried to bite his hand as she tried to break free from her restraints. She looked around the room desperately, her eyes locking on the door. She prayed that someone, anyone, would walk in here soon and stop him before he was to do anything too heinous. He seemed to revel in her fear, probably because he rarely got to see it.

Olaf smirked again when he could see her face full of fear as she unknowingly was looking at him trying to look into his eyes for an ounce of mercy or humanity just as he described in his little speech that was designed to scare her. His smirk widened when he remembered the same look on Klaus’ face back when he first traumatized the young orphan.

He kept his hand at her knee, which was a small relief to Violet but she knew it was not because he had any mercy or humanity, it was merely because he was getting a kick out of her trembling in fear that he wanted to prolong it for as long as he could to further torment the poor girl. And why wouldn’t he? He believed he had all the time in the world. He had his favorite little orphan captured and in his clutches unable to escape or save herself and he severely doubted that Klaus was going to attempt another rescue mission after his first one had ended in his own pain, misery, and blood being spilled. Olaf believed that even if Klaus was brave enough to try to rescue Violet, he would fail miserably and then he would have all three children in his clutches. His to torture in any way that he seemed fit.

He glanced up at the terrified Violet, who looked from him to his hand attentively. Only staring at one or the other for a few seconds before shifting her eyes. She closed her eyes and pushed her head against the gurney as if she were ready to give in. She sighed heavily and as she did, Olaf and even Violet, herself, could hear the tremble in her voice. “...don’t...please don’t hurt them…” she cried, tears once again flowing.

He once again reveled and rejoiced in her misery and fear as he used his free hand to wipe her tears from her eyes again. “Didn’t we talk about crying?” he asked in a tone that was softer than his threats but was far scarier. “ Pretty little orphans shouldn’t cry…”

She jerked her head once more. She felt sick to her stomach with each second that passed by. She stared at the door, pleading within her mind for someone to barge in and stop him before he went too far.

“I mean...I could just keep you...and let them live,” he mused. She groaned depressingly simply because of the way he said it. It didn’t sound like he was contemplating her idea, it sounded like he was planning to use it against her. “But...you’d have to do something for me first,” he explained as he began to lift his grip from her knee. Violet shuddered violently, understanding fully well what he had been implying.

Violet’s eyes widened. “Stop fucking touching me! ” she cried through her sobs, desperately pulling at her wrists and ankles. She needed the restraints to loosen but unfortunately for her, it didn’t seem to be happening.

Olaf smirked down at her as he lifted the large knife. Violet couldn’t tell if the knife was, yet another, scare tactic or if this was really what he was going to do. Merely cut her up. She didn’t know exactly how to feel about that. She stared at the large knife, her breathing becomes rapid.

No. She told herself as she felt herself shake. He wouldn’t do that to you. He said it himself. You’re too pretty for that.

She involuntarily gagged at her thoughts. On second thought, I’d prefer if he cut me like he did Klaus.

She looked at the knife fearfully when he set it on her leg, applying slight pressure to it. She froze under his touch, too afraid to continue to struggle because she didn’t want to cut herself. “Oh, Violet.. .I will touch whatever I want. ”

Violet shuddered at both the tone that he used to say that and the double meaning she knew that the statement had. He stroked the knife against her knee with one hand as he lifted his other hand, keeping it above her thigh. Violet had a feeling she knew now why Olaf had wanted her in the hospital gown. As his hand hovered over her thigh, she pulled at her wrists violently ignoring the sharp pain that was affecting her wrists.

“ No,” she cried. She glanced at the door, practically begging with her eyes for the Hook-Handed Man or anyone else to open the door now! As Violet continued to struggle against her restraints, she decided that she’d rather not see what was to happen next. She closed her eyes tight as the door swung open.

“Boss! Boss! Come quick!” The Hook-Handed Man cried urgently.

Olaf groaned loudly as he dropped the large knife on the tray filled with medical tools that still laid on top of Violet. “Can’t you see that I’m busy with my pet?” he asked stroking Violet’s hair.

Violet whimpered and tried to move her head as she watched the henchman slightly shudder.

“This better be important!” Olaf hissed, turning his body and attention towards his henchman, glaring at him. Violet took this opportunity to lift up her head and quickly scan the tray of tools looking for something sharp to cut her restraints. She glanced around at all the big tools knowing full well that she couldn’t take one of those because she needed to be conspicuous. Her eyes locked on a scalpel that was laying at the edge of the tray. She quickly glanced up at Olaf, who was still distracted by his henchman and she quietly reached for the scalpel. She looked up at the henchman to see if he was watching her, but he seemed to be focused on something else. She carefully took the scalpel from the tray and cautiously hid it under her body.

“We just found the other brats!” The Hook-Handed Man reported.

“What?!” Olaf cried excitedly, his eyes widening and shining with pure happiness.

Violet’s eyes widened for an entirely different reason. “ NO!” she screamed. Her struggling became a bit harsher as she groaned and winced from the pain that was going through her wrists. “ Please!”

“The others are in pursuit right now,” he explained. “But we need your help catching them, sir.”

Olaf groaned. “Where’s Esme?” he asked. “She caught this pretty little thing for me...why can’t she catch the other two?”

“She’s busy doing her own thing,” the henchman replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Must I do everything myself?” he asks as he glares at his henchman.

Olaf growls knowing damn well that that meant Esme was more focused on getting her damn sugar bowl than getting him the remaining two orphans. That would explain why she hadn’t followed him into Violet’s room. Olaf turned from his henchperson back to Violet. He placed a cold hand on her bruised cheek. “Maybe our fun should wait until I have those pesky Baudelaires.” he hissed as he caressed her cheek. She shudders under his touch, he could hear her whimpers.

“ Please! Leave them alone!” Violet pleads, choking on her tears. “ They’re all I have!” She began to harshly pull at her restraints careful not to move too much where the scalpel could be seen or where she’d accidentally bump it off her gurney. She grunted and groaned in pain as she twisted her wrists and ankles this way and that.

Olaf smirked widens as he watches her. He takes the tray from where it laid on top of her and placed it back on the counter that was far from where her gurney was parked.

He turned to her and viciously hissed, “Oh, Violet. You have nothing.” he lifted up the big knife as he examined it again. He turned to his henchman. “Do you think this is sharper than your hooks?”

The man shrugged in response. “Actually, the duller the weapon the better. The more pressure that needs to be applied." Olaf muttered to himself loud enough for Violet to hear. “Hmmmm...maybe we can use this drill on the little baby,” he said lifting up the drill and turning it on once more. "What do you think, pet?"

This time the sound it produced made Violet’s ears and heart ache. She didn’t care imagining it being used on her but to be used on Sunny...she couldn’t bear it.

“ Please! You have me! You don’t need to harm them anymore!”

He walks back to her as he glances down at her. “Don’t worry, pet, I’ll allow you to see them one last time. ” The words hit Violet to her core as her heart was beating too fast. She tried to look into Olaf’s viciously shiny eyes for mercy but he was right, there was absolutely none especially when it came to her siblings. “I mean, how else could you witness their demise?”

“ Olaf! Please! No!” She cries. Her tone a mix of anger and desperation.

Olaf pats her on the head. “A fake doctor’s work is never done.” he shrugged his shoulders as he began to walk out. “Oh, and I wouldn’t bother screaming...in a hospital...screams are perfectly normal. Am I right?” He gestured around as if to tell Violet that no one had come to her rescue and the only reason he was leaving her right now was to go catch her siblings. “It seems like your self-sacrifice was for nothing. You just made them easier targets to catch.”

“ You listen to me you piece of fucking dog shit! Don’t you dare touch Klaus or Sunny!” Violet cried desperately. Her anger taking the forefront of her mindset. “ When I get out of these restraints, I will make you pay for everything you’ve done to them! And everything you try to do to them!”

He laughed at Violet’s threats as he walked back towards the door to follow his henchman, he stopped at the tray and lifted the big, sharp knife once more. “On second thought, this will be perfect for subduing those brats. They’ll both be shaking to their cores at the mere sight of this and then we’ll snatch them,” he explained cruelly to Violet. “Let’s go, Hooky.”

“ No...no...you can’t! Please!” She struggled violently. Her desperation and anger were fighting for the forefront of her mind. “ If you harm them...I will fucking kill you! You hear me! I will end you so quickly if you even dare touch even a hair on either one of their heads!”

Olaf put his hand up in the air and waved at Violet tauntingly. “ I’m so scared.” He mocked as he began to laugh maniacally. “ Don’t worry, my pretty little pet, I’ll be right back.”

Before she could respond, he closed the door behind him and his henchman.

“ No!” she shrieked. “ You don’t need them! You have me!”

But she didn’t get a response...not a single response. Her fear had her paralyzed. She had just had a really close call with Olaf and now the only reason she was relatively safer than she was just mere moments ago was that Olaf had left to chase after her siblings, who have apparently been spotted in the hospital. Violet knew she had to get to her siblings before Olaf and his troupe could. So as she reached her fingers to the scalpel that she had stolen from Olaf, she maneuvered the tool at the perfect angle and with her right hand, she began to desperately cut at her restraints. Glancing at the door, looking for anyone’s approaching shadows. She only hoped that everyone in Olaf’s troupe was focused on literally chasing down Klaus and Sunny only because she knew that if everyone was focused on them that means no one was paying her any attention whatsoever and that’s exactly the kind of distraction she needed to escape from Olaf’s clutches.

As she cut through her first restraint, Violet knew she had to find Klaus and Sunny before Olaf could.

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unfortunate-stranger-losers · 5 years

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Six Baudelaires AU, Part Two {AO3} {Masterlist} {Part One}

Chapter Eleven → in which Klaus finds an Ersatz Elevator

“It’s not fair!” Klaus said, punching a pillow. “Olaf is right here, and once again, nobody believes us!”

“And it’s not just that.” Nick said, leaning off the top bunk as he glanced down at his siblings, and Solitude held Babbitt up to say hello to him. “It’s not just that nobody believes us. It’s that the Quagmires’ lives are at stake.”

“I just keep thinking of all the horrible things he could do to them.” Lilac said.

“Well, don’t do that.” Violet said. “We need to figure out his plan. Maybe he’s planning to auction us off?”

“It’s illegal to auction off children.” Klaus said.

“Squ?” Sunny asked, meaning, “Do you think the Squalors are working for him?”

“No.” Violet shook her head. “There’d be no reason for them to play along with him, they could just leave us with him.”

“How did he leave without the doorman seeing him?” Nick asked.

“Maybe the doorman fell asleep and was embarrassed to say.” Violet said.

“Maybe he left right before we arrived, and took the elevator.” Nick said. “That way we wouldn’t see him.”

“Out.” Solitude shook her head.

“Just because it’s out doesn’t mean it’s out of order.” Nick said. “He could’ve used it anyway.”

“Esme wouldn’t have let him.” Lilac sighed, rolling up her sleeves.

“And we can’t turn him into the police until we find the Quagmires.” Nick said sadly.

“Maybe he was bluffing.” Violet said.

“If he was bluffing, that means the Quagmires…” Klaus trailed off, looking ready to cry. “If he did anything to Duncan- or- or Isadora…”

“We can kill him after we find the Quagmires.” Nick said.

“Killing’s still illegal, Nick.” Klaus said, grabbing the pillow and hugging it to himself.

“I think we should have a pass by now.” Nick said.

“Maybe he hid them in the penthouse.” Violet said. “It’s certainly big enough that they could be here and we’d have no idea. And Olaf’s living here, too, and that’s why we never saw him leave.”

“We’ve been here for a week.” Lilac said. “Surely we’d’ve run into something.”

“Nobody asked you!” Violet snapped.

“I’m not going to let us chase red herrings!” Lilac shouted back, hurt.

“Oh, go tell us not to swear or some shit!”

“Stop fighting!” Solitude shouted, standing up and holding out her arms. “No fighting! ‘S what Olaf wants!”

Everyone fell silent. Then, Nick said, “Solitude’s right. If we fight, we can’t solve this problem.”

“Let’s…” Violet sighed, sitting beside Klaus and grabbing her ribbon to tie her hair back. “Let’s go over what we know. Olaf had to have gotten out of the penthouse, but he didn’t take the stairs. So he must’ve taken the elevator.”

“But he couldn’t have, not without pissing off Esme.” Klaus said.

“Unless she didn’t see him?” Violet said. “Maybe she stayed in the penthouse.”

“Wouldn’t she want to see him out?” Nick said.

“She’s not that polite.” Violet shrugged.

“It’s getting late.” Lilac said quietly, glancing at the clock. “Maybe we should get some sleep and figure it out in the morning.”

“How can we sleep when the Quagmires are in danger and Olaf is nearby?” Nick asked.

“We’ll do our best.” Lilac said. “We all know what happens if we try to defeat Olaf without sleep.”

They all fell silent, and then they nodded.

The next morning, however, to everyone’s surprise, they actually did figure things out very fast.

When they awoke the next morning, Jerome quickly told them that Esme told him that aqueous martinis were out and parsley soda was in, so he had to go into town and buy lots of parsley soda while Esme had brunch with the King of Arizona. As soon as he left, Violet said, “Well, now we have time to think about how Olaf got out of the house.”

“Maybe he climbed out the window.” Nick said glumly.

“He doesn’t seem the type.” Lilac shook her head.

“I still think he took the elevator.” Violet said.

“He can’t have-” Lilac began.

At that, Klaus sat up, suddenly thinking of something. “The elevator.” he said.

“What?” Nick slid off the top bunk.

“The elevator!” Klaus said. “Oh my gosh, guys, we’ve been so stupid!”

“Well, yeah, always, but why?” Nick said.

“Come with me.” Klaus said, and he leapt off the bed. “I think I know how Olaf got out… and possibly, I may have figured out a way to find the Quagmires.”

“Look,” Klaus said, as they exited the penthouse and went onto the landing of the stairs, “The elevator doors in the lobby would lead up to here, right?”

“Yeah.” Nick said. “That’s how elevators work.”

“What do you girls know about elevators?” Klaus asked, turning to Lilac and Violet.

“I know how to fix them.” Lilac said.

“I know quite a bit, actually.” Violet said. “Ben gave me elevator blueprints for my birthday. It’s essentially a platform, surrounded by an enclosure, that moves along the vertical axis via an endlessly looped belt and a series of ropes.”

“It’s controlled by a push-button console that regulates an electromagnetic braking system so the transport sequence can be halted at any access point the passenger desires.” Lilac infodumped.

“In normal-people speak,” Nick said, “It’s a box that moves up or down. But who cares?”

“Yeah.” Solitude nodded.

“Freijip?” Sunny asked, meaning, “How can you think of elevators at a time like this?”

“Here’s the thing.” Klaus said. “Outside the door to this penthouse, there are two pairs of elevator doors. There’s only one in the lobby, and one on every other floor.”

“That’s true.” Violet said, suddenly realizing, her eyes drifting to the second pair of doors. “It means only one elevator can stop at the top floor… but then where’s the exit?”

“I don’t think it’s really an elevator.” Klaus said. “There isn’t actually an elevator here.”

“Then it’s just an empty shaft.” Lilac said.

“It’s ersatz.” Klaus nodded. “Meaning it could, very easily, be a hiding place.”

“A hiding place.” Nick echoed.

“That’s why elevators are out.” Lilac said. “So Gunther can hide here.”

Nick walked over to the second elevator. “Well, then,” he said, “Let’s see what’s here.” He moved towards the panel. “Now,” he said, “Why would you need an up arrow if you’re at the top floor?”

Violet joined him and quickly pressed the Up button, and they watched as the sliding doors opened. The children peered into the shaft, and quickly, Sunny said, “Lakry,” meaning, “There are no ropes.”

“There’s no belt, either.” Violet said. “Nor a push-button console, or electromagnetic braking system.”

“There isn’t even an enclosed platform.” Lilac said.

“It’s ersatz.” Klaus repeated.

They stared for a moment, and then Lilac said, “We have to get down there.”

“The Quagmires could be there.” Klaus agreed.

Nick and Violet glanced at each other. “Maybe we should ask the Squalors for help, when they get back?” Violet suggested.

“We don’t have time to wait for them, and we definitely don’t have time to argue with them.” Lilac said. “If Olaf left this way, there’ll be an exit, so we won’t need a way up…”

“But he might’ve left a clue, so we have to look.” Klaus said.

“We could tie ourselves a rope to go down.” Lilac suggested.

“We’d need a lot of fabric.” Violet said. Then she paused, and said, “Or maybe not. Do you guys remember craft room number three?”

“The one with all the out items?” Nick huffed.

Violet pulled out her ribbon, tying back her hair. “I think it may just be useful. Nick, can you get us there?”

“Yeah.”

“Then that’s where we’re going. Come on, move your asses. We have some friends to save.”

As soon as they reached the craft room, Violet said, “Okay, everyone, gather up these items: Lilac, get that giant basket. It could fit all of us, right?”

“Yeah.” Lilac nodded. “Why-”

“Nick, get those blankets, and I’ll tie them together with the Devil’s Tongue Knot.” Violet continued. “Klaus, get some rope. Soli, Sunny, get me flashlights. We’ll need them.”

“What are you planning?” Klaus asked, grabbing the rope.

Lilac realized first, as she was pushing the basket over. “Oh, Violet,” she said, “This is a horrible plan.”

“Are you going to stop me?”

Lilac smirked. “Oh, hell no.”

Violet smirked right back, as Nick said. “What? What are we doing?”

“We’re making ourselves a parachute basket.” Lilac said. “We’re going to drop ourselves down the elevator.”

“Help me tie these.” Violet said, dropping to her knees. “Then we’ll attach the parachute to the ropes, and the ropes to the basket.

“This is an awful plan.” Nick said. “We could totally die.”

“So you’re all in?” Violet asked.

“Of course I am. What else can I do?”

“Leave a note for the Squalors.” Violet said. “Tell them we went shopping for pinstripe suits. Oh, Lilac, hand me that cup.”

“Lying! Fun!” Nick said.

“Why do you need this cup?” Lilac asked.

“Might be useful.” Violet shrugged.

Lilac sighed, tossing her the cup. “Solitude, make sure Babbitt is safe in your pocket. We don’t want them to fall out in the shaft.”

Solitude nodded seriously and patted her pocket.

“This could take a while.” Violet said, looking at the blankets. “We better hope we can get this finished before the Squalors come back.”

“We will.” Nick said, smiling at her. “You guys finally have a plan, meaning we’re totally gonna win this thing.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, First Matey!” Violet said, mockingly saluting him. “Now go write us a ransom note!”

“Aye aye, captain!” Nick said.

“Bull, I’m the captain.” Lilac protested jokingly.

“What am I?” Klaus asked.

“You’re the mermaid we pick up on the way.” Nick said.

“Sweet.” Klaus nodded. “And Soli and Sunny are the parrots?”

“Solitude is,” Nick said, moving past him to find a pencil and paper, “Sunny is the albatross that curses us.”

“Doom!” Sunny cheered.

“No, no curses right now.” Lilac giggled, starting to die. “We’re gonna need all the luck we can get.”

It took a long while, but eventually they got the basket contraption together. They all placed Solitude and Sunny inside, and then pushed the basket out into the hall. It barely made it past the doors, but it seemed like it would fit into the elevator shaft.

Nick climbed in first, grabbing Solitude, followed by Violet, and then Lilac and Klaus.

“Are you ready?” Lilac asked.

“No.” Klaus said honestly.

“None of us are ready, are we?” Nick asked quietly.

“If we wait until we’re ready,” Violet said, “We’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.”

They nodded at each other, and then they pushed the basket into the shaft.

For a few brief seconds, they were falling fast. And then the parachute opened up, and their descent slowed. They all breathed sighs of relief, moving to sit in the basket as best they could.

“Dark.” Sunny said.

“That’s what the flashlights are for.” Nick said. “Klaus, you have them?”

“Yeah, I…” Klaus paused. “Wait, no, that’s the spyglass. Shit… here, got it!” he turned a flashlight on, shining a light up onto their parachute.

“It worked.” Violet smiled.

“We never expected otherwise.” Klaus said.

“Question?” Solitude said, holding up her arm.

“Yeah, Sol?” Nick asked.

“If we find Olaf there,” Solitude said, sounding out her words very slowly, still getting used to speaking sentences, “What do we do?”

They froze a moment.

“We,” Nick said, “Suck at thinking things through.”

“We’ll…” Lilac sighed. “Guess we’ll go with Nick’s plan. Fight him until he stops moving.”

“Whoo! One for Nick!” Nick cheered.

“No! Still illegal!” Klaus said.

“I’m down for murder.” Violet shrugged.

“Shh!” Lilac said. “I thought I heard a voice!”

They all fell silent, and then the older four scampered to their feet, peering over the edge of the basket.

“I don’t see much.” Nick said. “Klaus, shine the flashlight over here.”

Klaus shined the light, and it hit, several feet below them and to their left, several metal bars.

“Holy shit.” Violet said.

They all backed up slightly in the basket, and Violet took the flashlight, grabbing the cup and shoving it over the flashlight to make a makeshift lamp. She held it up as the basket dropped to the floor, the parachute falling behind them.

Up ahead, in a large, metal cage, were the Quagmire triplets.

“Duncan!” Klaus called.

“Isadora!” Violet shouted.

“Quagmires!” Lilac and Nick said.

“Ypu!” Solitude and Sunny said, which meant something like, “Pick us up! We can’t see them!” Quickly, Lilac and Nick picked up the girls, but after a moment, as their eyes adjusted to the dim light, they started to wish they hadn’t.

Duncan and Isadora looked completely awful. They clearly hadn’t washed up in several days, and they still wore their Prufrock uniforms, though they were dirtied and ripped. Their hair was a mess, they both had a bruise or scar here or there, but worst of all, there was something dark behind their eyes. Like all the light inside had gone out. It took the Baudelaires a while to find the word for it.

Haunted.

The Quagmires stared at the Baudelaires, and Duncan said quietly, “Isa, are we seeing the same thing?”

He reached over, grabbing her arm and holding her very close to him. Isadora said, “I don’t know.”

“I remember reading that sometimes people in desperate situations hallucinate good things.” Duncan said.

“I read that, too.” Klaus said, reaching out his hand. “But we’re right here. We’re here to rescue you.”

Slowly, Isadora reached out her hand, grazing his fingers; it was too hard for Klaus to reach farther through the cage.

“You’re here.” Isadora said quietly.

“We’re here.” Lilac nodded, tears springing to her eyes. “We’re here and we’re sorry.”

“We’re going to get you out of here.” Violet said.

“What has he done to you?” Lilac asked.

“Are you okay?” Nick asked.

The Quagmires blinked at them for a moment, as if in shock. Then Duncan started to cry, and he moved to the edge of the cage so he could grab Klaus’s hand. Isadora moved, too, wiping tears away with her sleeve, and Lilac held out her free hand for her to hold.

“You’re here.” Duncan said. “We didn’t think…”

“You found us.” Isadora said.

“We’ll always find you.” Nick said. “You’re our friends, and we’re not letting that bastard hurt you any more.”

Solitude leaned over, pulling Babbitt from her pocket and showing the triplets. “Babbitt missed you.” she said, and Babbitt chirped agreement.

Isadora stared for a moment, and then she let out a slight, broken laugh. “We missed Babbitt, too.”

Babbitt hopped back onto Soli’s shoulder, and then she said, “Soli missed you, too.”

Duncan and Isadora looked about ready to break down. “We missed you, too.” Duncan said. “We missed you all.”

“We missed you so much.” Violet said.

“Has he kept you in here all week?” Lilac asked.

“I don’t know.” Duncan said. “We can’t tell time in here. They sneak us out to use the bathroom every now and again, and sometimes one of Olaf’s henchpeople brings us food, but we don’t know when. And sometimes… sometimes Olaf comes in, just to brag. He keeps saying all these horrible things, he says that once we’re of age and he can get our fortune-”

“Don’t.” Isadora shook, gripping tight to Lilac’s hand. “Don’t make me think about it, Duncan, I don’t want to think about what he’s said!”

“He’s said quite a lot of things.” Duncan said quietly.

“But the good news is, he’s said what his plan is.” Isadora said. “He couldn’t help bragging about it.”

“He’s going to smuggle us out in the auction tonight,” Duncan said, flipping through his commonplace book, which he still had in his pocket, though it looked slightly worn. “He’s going to hide us in one of the items for sale, but he didn’t say which one.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Klaus said. “You’re not going to the auction.”

“We’re getting you out.” Violet said. She reached forwards, seeing a lock on the cage door. “Lilac, do you have your pins?”

Lilac shook her head, and Isadora said, “That won’t work, it’s not an ordinary enough pin-tumbler lock.”

“We could try burning it open.” Violet said. “I could try to make a flamethrower.”

“You’re not making a flamethrower.” Lilac said.

“Try the spyglass.” Isadora said. “Do you have it?”

Klaus confusedly released Duncan’s hand to pull it out, and Violet quickly grabbed it instead. Klaus held out the spyglass, and he said, “How can it help?”

“Flip the dials like… this.” Isadora reached out, moving the dials on the side of the spyglass. At that, the lid flipped open, and it emitted a low orange glow. “That’s heat.”

“How do you know that?” Lilac asked.

“We found the book.” Duncan said. “It had everything on the spyglass- and more stuff.”

“There was so much in there.” Isadora said, almost breathless, as Violet took the spyglass and aimed it at the lock. “About our parents, and your guardians-”

“It’s all connected.” Duncan repeated. “VFD.”

“What’s-” Lilac began.

“Son of a bitch.” Violet muttered. “The lock won’t break. It just gets hot.”

Lilac glanced down at the lock, which was looking slightly red but wasn’t breaking at all. She leaned over and said, “We’ll need to get materials in the penthouse. How do we…” she narrowed her eyes, glancing at the parachute. “Heat rises.”

“Heat rises.” Violet repeated, running for the parachute.

“You’re leaving?” Duncan asked.

“Just for a bit.” Lilac promised. “Someone should stay with the triplets.”

“Me!” Sunny volunteered.

“No, no!” Isadora said. “Stay together.” She smiled a little. “You’re stronger together.”

“But come back soon.” Duncan said.

“We will.” Lilac promised. “And then we’ll all be together, okay?”

“We trust you.” Isadora nodded, grabbing Duncan’s arm.

“You’re our best friends.” Violet said, as she placed the spyglass under part of the parachute.

“We love you both.” Nick said.

“We love you all, too.” Duncan said.

“See you soon.” Isadora said.

All the Baudelaires had tears in their eyes as they nodded.

Then Violet slowly moved the dials on the spyglass, and it heated up more. The parachute rose, and so did the basket.

“We’ll be back soon!” Violet promised.

“We’ll see you as soon as possible!” Klaus said.

“We’ll set you free!” Nick said.

“Soon!” Solitude and Sunny cried.

Lilac didn’t say anything; she just stared down at the triplets, trying not to cry as she saw them wave hopefully after them. They looked so broken, so hurt. And they were just children.

Just like us.

It hit Lilac then. We’re just kids. We’re just kids. This shouldn’t be happening to us.

But it was.

And now Lilac had to make sure all of this stopped. Before the Quagmires could suffer more.

And before what happened to them could happen to her siblings.

#asoue #asoue netflix #asoue movie #a series of unfortunate events #six baudelaires au #the ersatz elevator #six baudelaires official fic #mine #my fanfic

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thecloserkin · 5 years

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fic rec: Dante’s Stars by Pretani

fandom: A Series of Unfortunate Events

pairing: Violet Baudelaire/Klaus Baudelaire

word count: 94k, complete

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: Yes

Is it endgame: Yes

Is it shippable: I’m fucking crying it’s so beautiful

Bottom line: The one and only Violet/Klaus epic, read it and bawl your eyes out (def read the warnings first tho)

It’s a canon-divergence AU where the Baudelaires stage their own deaths to escape Count Olaf. In canon the three Baudelaire orphans—inventor Violet, bookworm Klaus, and baby Sunny—are hounded from guardian to guardian by cartoonish villain Olaf, who will stop at nothing to get his hands on their fortune. Olaf murders or incapacitates every single adult who spares two seconds of sympathy for these kids, leaving a wide swathe of destruction in his wake. In this fic the Baudelaires have decided to wipe the slate clean and assume new identities.

I have mentioned in the past how salty I am about the Baudelaires’ characters being sidelined for Snicket the narrator, Olaf the villain, and/or sundry other bit-players (in the Netflix show the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender p much steals every scene they’re in). In canon we’re not really privy to the kids’ inner lives. This fic avoids that pitfall by sticking with tightly focused third-person Violet and Klaus POVs.

The thing this fic does really well is instill a pervasive sense of dread/paranoia which is remarkable because for the first 25% absolutely nothing ominous happens. The orphans get taken in by a slightly addled, very nice old lady and they just … live in her house. For free. While she cooks for them. And every morning Violet and Klaus hook up in her barn.

Ok back up so the ship they’re passengers on goes down in a storm, all hands lost, the Baudelaires are presumed drowned with the rest. Which is positively providential. The first event of any import to occur is that Klaus swipes some cash from a dead man’s wallet. Violet has ethical qualms but Klaus quashes them by pointing out that Sunny’s starving:

”I’d do anything for her,” he said. “Even become a thief or a murderer.”

Then his dark eyes found Violet’s. “I’d do it for you, too.”

So on the one hand I think this is rather extra. I mean, what possible use could a dead man have had for that money? Money that could put actual food in Sunny’s stomach. The Baudelaires are keenly aware that justice does not equal unquestioning obedience to authority and I think their exposure to a raft of tyrannical and unjust authority figures has hammered that home. They’re down with bending the rules because they know the rules are never even-handedly applied anyway (ie. the show trial at Hotel Denouement, the farcical final exam at Prufrock Academy). On the other hand I remember how uneasy they felt about stealing Hal’s keys in Hostile Hospital, and that was barely a misdemeanor! A friend of mine astutely pointed out how Violet is always trying to behave in any given situation the way their parents would have wished, whereas Klaus takes a pragmatic approach: do whatever keeps his sisters safe. And that is a very interesting contrast and one I want to see explored further.

They get on a train. Things that happen: Klaus notices when Violet is down in the dumps or angry or upset or in this case, wistfully jealous of other people who lead “normal” lives, bustling all around them. He’s not in love with her yet but noticing is the first step. Violet atm is super focused on being the elder sister, the adult in the room, the One In Charge. They get off the train and as soon as they blow into town Violet gets catcalled and propositioned. One of the themes of this fic is the horrendous baseline level of violence against women, some of it normalized and casual like the catcalling. The Big Bad Villain of the piece is literally a guy who’s murdered multiple girlfriends on account of them fridging his ass, since he appears to think that women owe him sex. And this man’s driving ambition is to add Violet to his list of conquests.

So often, men treated her as little more than an object … Klaus was different. He saw her, the woman she was inside.

HOW COULD SHE NOT FALL FOR HIM?? Is there another man she could learn to trust enough to fall in love with? However I’m getting ahead of the story. Klaus is still in the phase where he’s awakening to his attraction to Violet:

She was mother and sister, soft skin and tender strength, and he hid his face in her neck. Like a child, she rocked him gently, cradling his head.

I have to protect her, even if it’s from myself.

He couldn’t take this, his brave, beautiful sister, so near … the knowledge of what those men wanted to do to her. I”ll kill them … And what he wanted …

God but it kills me, Klaus thinking that his attraction to Violet is as noxious as those vile men and their rapacious stares. Klaus himself otoh is president of the Violet Baudelaire Fan Club. The contrast could not be more marked. Look at him building her up when she’s about ready to to give up on picking a lock because she’s lost her hair ribbon:

”I’m done, Klaus. I don’t have anything else to give”. ”Vi … “ he was pleading, willing her to believe in herself again, because he did. “You’re a brilliant inventor,” he told her. “It’s who you are. Nothing can take that away. You don’t need your ribbon.”

The unwarranted parallel that he draws between himself and a bunch of sexual predators is the source of so much angst and pining:

Is that what I am? A pervert?

She’ll blame herself for this

Well, well, well, if it isn’t ye olde I’m-Leaving-Her-For-Her-Own-Good-Lest-My-Perverted-Attraction-To-Her-Despoil-Her-Innocence. I am absolute trash for it every time, film at 11.

”I love you, Vi … I’m in love with you.” He said it like he was confessing to a crime, and she wanted to scream, to laugh and cry all at once.

THEIR LOVE IS A CRIME!!! Could these babies be more pure??

They’d always had an extraordinary connection. It was the reason for their seamless partnership, their ability to support one another … But now, the bond that had kept them alive was killing him. How could anything ever be right again?

”Vi, I’m sorry … I want to be your brother, but I can’t … I want to be more than that … I don’t know what to do.” ”Kiss me,” she said, “and be both.”

THATS IT THATS A WRAP I CAN NOW DIE HAPPY. That “kiss me and be both” is PERFECTION.

And she knew she’d never willingly give herself to anyone but him.

she’d loved him even then. Who could tell when they had crossed the line? It was already too late.

cross the line what line??? they were made for each other.

”You know, we missed the sunrise,” he said, nose to nose with his sister.

Violet and Klaus carve an extra hour out of their morning to go make out in the barn. I shit you not these kids spend a whole month without progressing past first base because Klaus doesn’t want to “pressure” Violet into anything she’s not ready for. Violet, for her part, is beginning to suspect there’s something wrong with her person; why hasn’t he even tried to take her top off? Thank you #Patriarchy for teaching us that desirability is the measure of a woman’s worth. God they are so thirsty. This bitch almost fell over the first time he touched her tits:

“Vi,” he spoke into her hair, voice breaking. “Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me to —“ But she only titled her head, to meet his mouth in a feverish kiss.

So Klaus and Sunny are having a snow fight and Violet tugs her glove off to tousle his hair and it’s THE SEXIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN BYE. True story after I read this fic I legitimately thought that “Vi” was a pet name Klaus called her by in canon, and when I finally finished the books much much later and realized that it wasn’t—well, it should have been.

There is a fairy tale about a princess who disguises herself in the skin of a donkey to escape the attentions of her lecherous father the king. Violet and Sunny discuss it. Violet points out that rape is wrong because rape is rape, because it is coercive, not because it’s incest. I love it when fic highlights the fairytale parallels to the Baudelaires’ situation, and I feel like Donkeyskin was such a spot-on choice because it’s all about surviving sexual assault and learning to make oneself vulnerable again afterwards? Klaus is the prince who sees through her disguise and falls head over heels in love with her CHANGE MY MIND. On the subject of happily ever after:

”Is that what you think I want? A fairytale? A walk down the aisle in a white dress?" He felt a lump forming in his throat. "Most girls think about those things, don't they?" "I don't," she told him. "I prefer not to. And as for children…well…I love them. That's why I don't want any of my own … how selfish would I be, to bring another little life into this? Another hostage they could use against us. Imagine how awful it would be if…" She shook her head. "No children… not ever. I couldn't protect them." And she turned to him with a soft look. "It's no sacrifice, Klaus. Not for me. I've already been through a… a wedding, you know." He felt her shudder, and she averted her eyes. "I won't be sorry if I never see another wedding dress again."

My dudes, when you have children each and every one of them is a hostage to fortune because of course they are. Also, Violet’s traumatized by the whole idea of being a bride, after going through the wringer of her fake wedding to Olaf. Olaf put Sunny in a cage to compel her compliance, and that’s what the Big Bad in this fic does too. He says things like “You’re a sick little bitch, aren’t you? Spreading your legs for your own brother” which turns their beautiful relationship into this ugly depraved thing to be ashamed of. I mean, this guy was literally a voyeur who would watch them from his hidey-hole while they were being intimate?? My god I would feel so unclean. And the worst part is, he overheard them calling each other by their real names not their aliases, so now he knows who they are and since the Baudelaires are still on the lamb this is bad. It gets pretty dark pretty fast.

“He won't want you anymore! No one's gonna want you when we're done!"

So he kidnaps and rapes Violet. Klaus and Sunny rescue her, dispatch the villain (Klaus’s earlier “I’d do anything” for his sisters, including becoming “a thief or a murderer,” acquires sudden resonance), and that’s when fucking Count Olaf shows up!!!! These kids just cannot catch a break. Turns out the Big Bad was actually working for Count Olaf all along. Olaf’s plan is still the same plan from The Bad Beginning where he plotted to steal the Baudelaire fortune by marrying Violet. Since Count Olaf has never in his life paid a henchman a salary, he was keeping the Big Bad sweet by promising to let him ravish Violet first. Let the full enormity of that sink in. Oh wait a minute Olaf isalso bent on knocking Violet up asap so the union can’t be dissolved on non-consummation grounds, or somesuch:

"You look at me as if I were a usurper, boy, about to steal something of yours. Tell me…" He gestured at Violet. "Is she yours?"

Why would you do this to me??????? This is so, so painful. Olaf uses an electric cattle prod on Klaus and makes Violet watch??? It’s ok though the Baudelaires prevail in the end, and emerge from the bloodstained ordeal as the family they are. My kink will forever be Violet and Klaus praising each other’s bravery and resourcefulness. They! Are! So! Proud! and! Supportive! Of! Each! Other! This line from earlier in the fic gets me every time:

I’ve failed them. This was his greatest fear, worse than death or any torment fate could devise. In his head, he imagined the struggle, saw his girls beaten and shot, felt each blow and bullet as if his own body were the target instead.

Klaus Baudelaire laying down his own body between the world and his sisters is really the only thing I care about:

And then her gaze fell to the marred canvas of his body.

I bet his back is a mess of burn marks ugh. Four weeks after Violet’s discharged from the hospital (practical Violet made sure to get the green light from the medical professionals) they finally have sex again, which is a relief—after the rape they were both hesitant to initiate sex because she thought she was damaged goods and he thought she wanted space? Silly kids. Oh and and here they are being mistaken by strangers for a pair of lovebirds:

One of the women sighed dreamily. "Did you ever see a more likely pair of turtledoves?" "Of course not," Mr. Poe sputtered, dabbing his brow with a handkerchief. "The very idea!" And he excused himself hurriedly, to make some phone calls. "Don't be silly," said the other. "They're siblings. Haven't you heard? … They're the Baudelaire orphans." "Well, I daresay," the first one went on, "anyone would've taken them for sweethearts."

I CANNOT WITH THESE TWO

The Baudelaires finally, finally come into their fortune free and clear. They put on their parents’ wedding rings and move to Canada. A cat (!!!) leaves baby Beatrice II in a basket outside their front door, and that completes their family. Nobody deserves good things more than these kids, and this fic ends exactly where it ought, describing “a rural life of moral simplicity.”

I read this fic years ago and it was w i l d rereading it again, thanks for coming along for the ride. If anyone wants to scream/cry about this fic in particular, or Violet and Klaus in general, feel free to send me an ask or message me ANYTIME

#fic rec #asoue #violet x klaus #Baudelairecest

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whoslaurapalmer · 5 years

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penultimate. peril.

penultimate peril is my absolute favorite in the series and these episodes somehow simultaneously lived up to and didn’t even meet my expectations

-the “welcome little baby” line!!!! but isn’t that actually from the end? -OH GOD -THERE HE IS -LEMONY -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA -no brunch. no distraught kit. no brunch. -compared to in previous eps, klaus being the pro-vfd one, now violet is! “of course we will!” UGGGG -STILL NOT DISTRAUGHT -olaf has more pressing problems in his life and better things to do than trying to prove something to the man and the woman -”e is for ernest who is evil” WHOA THERE -I THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST GONNA SAY ENEMY -EVIL -no brunch. no baby room wallpaper line. no distraught kit. -i’m sorry but i just can’t get behind bertrand being the one with glasses. bea had glasses and she hated wearing them and rarely wore them. -no “your father got that same look on his face whenever he was thinking” none of that, huh. -OH!!!! THERE WE GO!!!! THE SHORTEST MENTION OF BEING DISTRAUGHT AND PREGNANT EVER!!!!!!!!! -young!!!!! lemon!!!!!!!! -dewey saying a line that was absolutely from lemony’s letter to bea and saying it to kit is, weird. -oh so they’re. playing it like that’s ernest. like kit’s with ernest. mmmmmmmm. cause someone who hasn’t read the books wouldn’t know about dewey yet. mmmmmmm. really. i see. -WHAT IS THIS TIMELINE -WHAT THE HELL -lemon. -hey. where are their. you know. sunglasses. -oh i love the triplets walking behind the desk, that was STELLAR AND I LOVED IT -tv was made to portray the three different chapters of violet and klaus and sunny’s different adventures in the hotel. like, it’s worth it just to be able to see them play out like this cause they STILL play out like they did in the books, one at a time, and it!!!! it’s so good!!!!!! IT WAS SO GOOD -i was so disappointed to not see hal, though. i really wanted to see hal. i was actually. excited for that..... -oh so now nero has replaced geraldine. -changing so much of the......background mystery of the show and seeing it play out just made me feel like the JS mystery didn’t fit in the show now -- especially because in the books, even justice strauss doesn’t know, right????? but as revealed later on, they were all?????? working together???????? it just doesn’t sit right with me -THE WRONGS. WERE BEAUTIFUL. OH MY GOD. -that was. the best thing in the world. god it was so good. it sounded. forgive me. so right. -babs.........and jerome...................... -jerome!!!!! and charles????????? okay!!!!!! i could dig it if it wasn’t another throwaway line about vague distant background representation that we never see -same with babs and mrs bass -LARRY -I FUCKING SCREAMED WHEN LARRY SHOWED UP OH MY GOD i thought they’d just cut him right out too. -OLAF AS JACQUES I’M FUCKING DYING that was hilarious. so good. oh my god. the eyebrow. -yay. creepy olaf. is olaf. -fortunes? not finance? -mr poe just changed personality but somehow still stayed exactly the same. what the hell. -lasso reveal -- YIPPIE -YIPPIE KI YAY -yippie. ki, yay. -re: larry -- it’s more fun to hear about the absurd moments in the series, including the absurd deaths, because then they’re amusing but we don’t see them and it makes up the fabric of the story and can still be serious, but seeing larry get boiled in a giant vat of curry, like, seeing it happen, was........well..............mmmm. it took that away. seeing it made it feel more weird dark spy than weird absurd spy. i don’t know what i’m going for here. made sense when i wrote it on my phone during the ep. makes less sense now trying to type it after. -but i stand by whatever the hell i just said there -elephant!!!! i got my elephant story reference!!!!! i got it!!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was there!!!!!! -actual justice strauss!!!! i legit thought they would cut her out. -but her presence, after watching larry and jacquelyn and jacques and olivia, has none of the meaning it had before in the book, seeing her show up out of nowhere and hearing her talk about following them. because we’ve seen other adults follow them now. -okay, look, the thing is, there’s no way lemony doesn’t know who those kids are. -also, side note, you think kit played by allison williams looks old enough to be having her fourth child, lemony?????? -i guess it depends on how you want to view the timeline, and there are people who view lemony as having worked on the series for years, and babybea finding him before the 13th book came out, because the beatrice letters was released before it, and in-universe it would take time to put all this together and take the same length of time as the real-life publishing of the books, but -at the same time there are enough hints in the story that also place lemony, by slippery slope, close to where the baudelaires are in their story. at least that’s the way i prefer to see it. so this????? i’m not having any of this -i don’t like the triumphant music when dewey talks. he should be a lot more harried than this -OH THEY’LL LEAVE VFD TO RAISE BABYBEA BUT LEAVE THE LIBRARY IN THE HANDS OF THREE SMALL CHILDREN -”is a safe life really enough” hey fuck you -where’s dewey’s soft and kind “noble enough” line. where is that. fuck you for taking that away from me. -BEATRICE STOLE IT FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE -why. did you change olaf saying “what choice do i have” to “what else do i know how to do”

-OPERA -oh my god esme and kit and LEMONY AND OLAF -that typewriter.............oh my child -so. olaf’s parents or at least his father. not being presented as firestarters. -WIFE DIED IN A FIRE -I’M SORRY, WIFE DIED IN A FIRE????? -this isn’t even what the taxi driver said anyway. -god life made so much more sense when lemony was not the taxi driver and he was just a mysterious figure i hate this -walking away from lemony did break my heart but i also didn’t like any of this scene at all so. who knows what i’m feeling today, cats -olaf. in the closet. not the kids. mkay. -not to be such a book stickler but...........man...................................... -blind justice!!! -PURPLE DRESS -PURPLE HELQUIST DRESS -no.......blind.......justice?????? just????? at the end??????? -i’m actually gonna cry during the kids’ court speech oh no my babies -THEY CALL OLAF TO THE STAND????????????????????????? -i know it’s probably just because she calls everyone darling but man young!esme is just fucking in love with everyone isn’t she -straight up thought she was on a date with kit before olaf was in the scene in the first opera flashback, honestly -it completes her tea set. -i mean it’s a shallow enough reason for esme but also esme is. more than a shallow person like i don’t care for her much but i know that i think she’d have a better reason than ‘it completes my tea set’ -THEY JUST WALK OFF WITH IT. JUST LIKE THAT. -no big deal but lemony mentions somewhere in the series (slippery slope?) that it was actually kit’s idea to use the sugar bowl as a container. -”We’re all friends here” WHY WOULD KIT SNICKET EVER SAY THAT -it looks. it really looks like they framed the murder of olaf’s father. as an accident. and i don’t like that. i don’t like that at all. i hate it with every fiber of my being. -also the schism happened before that incident but whatever. -ALSO. I’VE SAID IT BEFORE. I’LL SAY IT AGAIN. NOWHERE IS IT EVER IMPLIED THAT THE DEATH OF OLAF’S PARENTS AND THE THEFT OF THE SUGAR BOWL HAPPEN ON THE SAME NIGHT AND I HATE THAT THEY PLACED THEM ON THE SAME NIGHT I HATE THAT TOO -pepper. -it was pepper. -once again. “burn down hotel” was also a moment. that needed to be slowed down. -this season is actually lacking a good deal of the lemony narration that would have slowed down certain scenes in a good way -lemony wasn’t even holding a dart. why do they think lemony killed olaf’s father??????? -okay i actually went back and rewatched that and he WAS holding a dart. -i’m not gonna get into my perception of lemony post-atwq and how he feels about murder after that, okay, i’m not, i don’t have the energy -but fuck you for having him hold a poison dart -so no break up letter. not at all. he just. says those words to her. that’s all. -and you know why that pisses me off? because it takes away the real reasons behind lemony and bea’s breakup. it takes away lemony’s cowardice and bea’s impulsiveness and the arson accusations and going on the lam and all the implied everything about it and the fact that it’s vfd and the ideals and what they’ve been forced to do and be that breaks them up and reduces it to.........this. ten seconds. that’s what their relationship is. -so no, i did not like the weird......timeline travel montage with the photographs and the background song...........the only thing i felt was ‘are you guys serious about doing this.’

#asoue spoilers #lulu talks about the sad lemon man

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vfdbaudelairefile13 · 4 years

Text

Chapter Twelve:

The One When Olaf Kidnaps Some Orphans

“I’m impressed you know how to pick a lock,” Isadora commented when the children returned to the Orphan Shack from the library.

“You’d be surprised how often it comes in handy,” Violet comments.

“Violet’s right,” Klaus agreed. “Sunny’s used her teeth a few times to lock pick things like Olaf’s suitcase,”

“That is so cool!” Violet said as Sunny nodded her head.

Now with all of my research in the Snicket and Baudelaire cases, I have investigated many instances where someone had been in disguise. If you’ve ever dressed up for Halloween or attended a masquerade ball, you’d know that there is a certain...thrill...to wear a disguise. A thrill that’s half excitement and half danger. I once researched all about a famed masked ball hosted by the Duchess of Winnipeg, in a remotely located headquarters of a secret organization. And if my research stands true, it was probably one of the most exciting and dangerous nights of Lemony Snicket’s life. As my associate and I were told, he was disguised as a bullfighter and he had slipped into the party while being pursued by the palace guards, who were disguised as scorpions. He had found his way to the bar where he and his older brother, who was also disguised as a cow. Several guests of the ball had said that once they had entered the Grand Ballroom, they felt as if their true selves had disappeared, so I can guess that that is how Lemony had felt once he entered the ballroom. He was wearing clothes he had never worn before, a scarlet cape made of silk and a vest embroidered with gold thread and a skinny black mask, and I can bet it made him feel like a different person. I was told that then he dared approached a woman he had been forbidden to approach for the rest of his life. The witnesses remember that the woman was alone on the veranda, which I was told is a fancy term for a porch made of polished gray marble and costumed as a dragonfly, with a glittering green mask and enormous silvery wings. As his pursuers scurried around that party, trying to guess which guest was me, he slipped out to the veranda and gave her the message he’d been trying to give her for several long and lonely years. “Beatrice!” he called out as loud as he could, just as the scorpions had pushed passed his brother and found him. “Count Olaf is…!”

I’m sorry...but the horrid details that follow are too much for me to share at this point in Violet Snicket’s story. I cannot go on. It makes me weep to think of that evening, and of the dark and desperate times that had followed, and in the meantime, I’m sure you are curious what happened to the three siblings and the two friends during this time. So I will go back to reporting on that rather than the sad events of Lemony Snicket’s life.

“This is sort of exciting,” Duncan said, “I know that we’re doing this for serious reasons, but I”m excited anyway,”

Violet was busy tying strings together as her brother shoveled flour into the dishwashing gloves. Sunny was busy at work with the material they stole from the school’s kitchen as Isadora was taping a piece of unused mop head to her forehead to act as Violet’s bangs. Duncan was busy toying with a pair of skates that the children had found outside the locker rooms.

Isadora, once her newly found bangs were on her head, looked up. “It may not be particularly wise, but it’s a thrill to be disguised,” she recited smiling. Violet looked up and smiled back at her. “It’s not a perfect poem,” Isadora admitted. “But it will have to do under the circumstances.”

“This knot is called the Devil’s Tongue,” Violet explained. “It was invented by female Finnish pirates in the 15th century.”

“How do I look?” Isadora asked as Violet finally looked up and began blushing at Isadora who smiled back at her.

“Beautiful,” Violet said smiling. “Not...not that you weren’t before...cause you definitely were,”

“Thank you, Vi,” Isadora said blushing. “You’re...beautiful, too,”

The two girls stared at one another for a moment. Everything felt as though it had disappeared. The shack, their brothers, Violet’s sister, and their troubles. The only thing they could see was each other. The thing that brought the kids back to reality was Sunny biting the egg tongs to make them into glasses for Duncan’s disguise.

Once she was done, she handed them to Duncan. “Here,” she said.

Duncan took the fake glasses from the toddler and put them on his face. He turned to face Klaus. “So...how do I look?”

Klaus looked up at Duncan and couldn’t help but blush at the boy triplet. “D-different,” he said. Duncan smiled back at Klaus. “Not...not that you didn’t look good before. I mean...you do...you did...do look...Sunny, good job on the glasses,” He said trying to change the topic. Duncan gave a small chuckle as Klaus continued to blush.

The three siblings took a step back and regarded the Quagmires carefully. All three felt their hearts in their chests as they worked quickly to get their risky plan put into action. Violet pulled out the fork, a few teaspoons of creamed spinach, and a small potato that she took from the kitchen to work on her invention that will help Sunny create staples. Now they had a few minutes before the Violet and the Baudelaires, or in this case, the Quagmires in disguise and Violet’s invention had to show up for S.O.R.E. Duncan and Isadora handed over their notebooks so the three orphans could study for their comprehensive exams, and switched shoes with The Quagmires’ laps would sound exactly like their friends. Now, with only minutes to spare, the three siblings were nervously looked over the Quagmires’ disguises and realized instantly just how risky their plan was.

Isadora and Duncan Quagmire simply did not look like Violet Snicket and Klaus Baudelaire. Duncan’s eyes were a different color than Klaus’ and Isadora’s hair was shorter than Violet’s, even before tying it up in a ribbon. Being triplets, the Quagmires were closer in height to each other than Klaus and Violet were, being only half-siblings. As Sunny noted to Klaus a few weeks prior, Klaus was going through a growth spurt so right now he was only a few inches taller than his older half-sister. Violet did not have the time or material to make stilts for Duncan to mimic this height difference, so she hoped Count Olaf wouldn’t notice. But it wasn’t entirely really these small physical details that made the disguise so unconvincing. It was a simple fact that Violet, the Baudelaires and the Quagmires were different people. And a hair ribbon, unused piece of mop, a pair of glasses, and some shoes couldn’t turn them into one another any more than a woman disguised as a dragonfly can actually take wing and escape the disaster that awaited her.

“I know we don’t look much like you,” Duncan admitted after the three had been quiet for some time. “But remember, it’s quite dark at the athletic field. The only light is coming from the moon and the luminous circle. We’ll make sure to keep our heads down when we’re running, so our faces won’t give us away.”

“We won’t speak a word to Coach Genghis, so our voices won’t give us away. And we’ll have your hair ribbon, these fake glasses, and shoes, so our accessories won’t give us away,” Isadora explained.

“We don’t have to go through with this plan,” Violet admitted quietly. Somewhat now siding with Klaus. She was severely worried. She was beginning to have her doubts. These are my siblings….My getting involved makes sense...but the Quagmires… She thought to herself.

“Violet’s right,” Klaus said frantically. “You guys can still back out now.”

“Plan B,” Sunny added, which meant, “We can find another way to pass the test and job reappraisal,”

Klaus translated for Sunny.

“My sister and I won’t sit here and let him hurt you...not if there’s a way we can stop him,” Duncan explained.

“Look, I severely appreciate your help with protecting my siblings,” Violet started. “But as the eldest one here, it is my job to protect all of you. We don’t have to try and fool Genghis. My siblings and I can...just run away right now, tonight. I have my father’s wallet...so we have funds. We’ve gotten to be pretty good runners, we’d have a good head start on Genghis.”

“You can come with us,” Klaus added. “We could then call Mr. Poe from a payphone somewhere,”

“Soli,” Sunny added, which meant, “Or attend a different school, under different names,”

“Those plans don’t have a chance of working,” Isadora argued, “From what you’ve told us about Mr. Poe, he’s never very helpful,”

“...you’re right,” Klaus admitted.

“And Count Olaf seems to find you wherever you go, so a different school wouldn’t help, either,” Isadora countered.

“ This is our only chance,” Duncan explained. “If you pass the exams without arousing Genghis’ suspicion, you will be out of danger, and then we can focus our efforts into exposing him for who he is,”

“I suppose you’re right,” Violet admitted. “I just don’t like the idea of your putting your lives in such danger, just to help us,”

“What are friends for?” Duncan and Isadora replied simultaneously.

“We’re not going to sit here and attend some atrocious recital while you run laps to your doom,” Isadora said. “Look, you three were the first people at Prufrock Prep who weren’t mean to us just for being orphans. None of us have any family, so we’ve got to stick together.”

“That’s exactly why I want to protect you guys as well,” Violet explained. “Maybe Klaus was right about you guys getting involved,”

“At least let us go with you to the athletic field,” Klaus pleaded, not liking this plan at all. “We’ll spy on you from the bleachers, and make sure you’re fooling Coach Genghis,”

Duncan shook his head sternly, offering Klaus a smile. “You don’t have time to spy on us,” he said. “You have to make staples out of those metal rods and study for two comprehensive exams,”

Violet slowly nodded her head as she finished tying the string to the Sunny mannequin. She handed the string to Isadora. “Here, use this to pull Sunny along. The string isn’t wide enough to be visible even in the moonlight,” Violet explained.

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Duncan said. “I thought we were just going to kick it around the circle,”

Klaus looked at Duncan in surprise. “No, no, no,” he said shocked. “If Coach Genghis thinks you’re kicking your baby sister, he will definitely know something is up.”

Even Sunny looked at Duncan, with a soft glare. He looked down at her and chuckled. “I meant gently .” Sunny continued to give him a soft glare as she pointed her index and middle fingers at her eyes and then pointed them at Duncan. Duncan gave her a small smile as Sunny’s soft glare turned into a small, hopeful smile. She, like her siblings, was very worried about their risky plan.

“Well...we’d better go, Isa,” Duncan said sighing. “Genghis will be waiting. Good luck with studying,”

“Good luck with running laps,” Violet replied.

The children looked one more time at their friends. Klaus and Sunny were reminded of the last time they saw their parents, waving good-bye to them as they left for the beach. Violet was reminded of the last time she saw her father, hugging him tightly confused and begging him to not make her leave him. The three had not known, of course, that this would have been the last moment they would spend with their parents and again and again, each of the orphans had gone back to those days in their lives, wishing that they had said something more than a casual good-bye. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny looked nervously at the two triplets and hoped that this was not such a time, a time when people they cared for would disappear from their lives forever. But what if it were?

“I have this feeling we’re never going to see you again,” Violet admitted as she stared Isadora in the eyes.

“You could go back to your broom closet,” Klaus pleaded, staring at Duncan. “And forgot about this,”

“Forget us,” Sunny pleaded looking at her two friends, stepping forward and hugging one of their legs each.

“Is that what your parents would have done?” Duncan asked Klaus and Sunny.

“Is that what your father would have done?” Isadora asked Violet.

“Our parents are not here, none of them,” Violet explained.

“I bet they taught you the same thing our parents taught us,” Isadora said.

“What?” Sunny asked.

Duncan and Isadora looked first to Violet and then to Klaus and then looked down at little Sunny offering all three of their friends a hopeful, optimistic smile. “What friends are for,” Duncan answered.

“If we never see…” Violet stopped, swallowed, and began again. “If something goes wrong…”

Isadora took Violet’s hands in hers and looked right at her. Duncan did the same to Klaus, both Violet and Klaus could see the serious look in the Quagmires’ wide eyes. “Nothing will go wrong,” Isadora replied firmly. Even though I hate to be the one to inform you that she was wrong at the very moment.

“Nothing will go wrong,” Duncan repeated. “We will see you in the morning,”

Isadora nodded solemnly and the Quagmires turned to leave.

“Duncan, wait!” Klaus called out. Klaus ran to Duncan, as Duncan shifted the fake glasses that Violet and Sunny had invented together, on the rim of his nose. “Duncan...one more thing,” Klaus said as Duncan looked into his eyes.

“Yeah…?”

Klaus opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. Duncan looked at him concerned. “You okay?” the triplet asked his boyfriend.

Klaus nodded although he was anxious about the Quagmires’ insane plan. “If...he speaks...to you directly ...or if he tells you to... behave ...you have to start trembling or he’ll realize...you’re not me…”

Violet face palmed knowing damn well that is not what her brother wanted to say to Duncan. Duncan looked worried at Klaus. “Will you tell me what he did to you?” he asked.

Klaus sighed but gave a small smile. “I promise...I’ll tell you after my test,” he replied.

Duncan nodded as he frowned. “Is that all you wanted to say?”

Klaus bit his lip but nodded his head. Sunny walked over to her brother and hit him in the leg. “Say it…” She instructed.

Klaus looked down at Sunny and then back at Duncan. “If...if something goes wrong...I just...I just wanted to say…” Klaus began.

“Nothing is gonna go wrong, Klaus. I promise,” Duncan interrupted putting a comforting on Klaus’ shoulder.

“Don’t make a promise you may not be able to keep,” he warned.

Duncan puts a loving hand on Klaus’ cheek. “I can and will keep this promise,” Duncan looked as though he wanted to kiss Klaus’ cheek, but he noticed the three girls staring at him so he decided against it. But he did keep his warm hand on Klaus’ cheek for a few more moments.

Klaus nodded. “You’re right...everything is going to be fine,” he repeated half-heartedly.

“Hakuna Matata,” Sunny agreed, although she and her siblings were very anxious about their risky plan. But right now, Sunny and Violet were annoyed that Klaus didn’t tell Duncan what he truly wanted to say. Duncan continued to smile at Klaus as he lifted his other hand to Klaus’ face and the shorter boy gently pulled off Klaus’ glasses and used his uniform shirt to wipe them clean.

“You’re going to need these,” he said smiling.

“Th-thank you,” Klaus replied.

Isadora giggled as Violet smiled at Isadora. “Our brothers are stupid, aren’t they?” Isadora said laughing. Violet smiled and nodded her head. She reached into her pocket and took out a black hair ribbon that she had taken out of her backpack earlier that day. She handed it to Isadora, who felt the black silk between her fingers.

“Here, you’ll need this for your disguise,” Violet said looking worriedly at her.

“Thanks. I’ll make sure I give it back when this is all over and done,” Isadora reassured.

“Ummmm, no...you can...you can keep it,” Violet replied smiling. “I have plenty. I picked that out specifically for you.”

Isadora blushed rather quickly. “For me…?”

Violet smiled back at the poet. Both girls looked at one another. Isadora began to tie her hair to look more like Violet. “Here...let me help,” Violet said to her as she began to tie Isadora’s hair up. Isadora loved how gentle Violet was as she tied up the younger girl’s hair. “You look wonderful,”

Isadora blushed when Violet continued to stare at her for a moment. Her eyes widened with a quick thought. She pulled her purple backpack from her back and quickly reached into one of the front pockets. She pulled out her father’s spyglass, she pulled it apart, holding two equal pieces in her hand. Isadora pulled out her front half of a spyglass as Klaus reached into his pocket to pull out his back half of a spyglass. Violet handed the front half of her father’s to Klaus, who connected the pieces and handed Isadora the backside of her father’s spyglass.

“Take it...keep it,” Violet assured when Isadora and Duncan looked at her confused.

“But your father’s spyglass,” Isadora said staring at the full spyglass in her hands.

“You guys have your parents half… Klaus and Sunny have their parents half and because I split mine in half...I have my father’s half,” Violet explained. “I know it’s silly and complicated but it seems right,”

“Violet’s right, besides if anything goes wrong…you guys may need a full spyglass,”

Isadora took a deep breath and smiled at her friends. Duncan held open the door to the Orphan Shack. “I don’t think anything will go wrong, We’ll see you three besties before long,” Isadora recited. She stepped closer to Violet and turned her head to kiss Violet on her lips. Violet sighed in shock and then relief. She kissed the poet back. Klaus put his hand over Sunny’s eyes as Sunny smiled as she said her famous line.

“Get a room,” Sunny joked.

The two girls kissed again. Afterward, they both looked awkwardly at each other, blushing knowing that their siblings were snickering. Isadora turned to walk away as she grabbed Duncan’s arm and pulled him and the Sunny mannequin along.

“What was that?” Klaus asked chuckling softly.

Violet who stared in Isadora’s direction, smiled and blushed. “A couplet…”

The three orphans watched them walk toward the athletics field until the triplets were merely two specks, dragging another speck along with them.

“You know, from a distance, in the dim light, they look quite a bit like us,” Violet muttered.

“Abax,” Sunny agreed.

“I hope so,” Klaus murmured. “I hope so,”

“Either way,” Violet said closing the door of the Orphan Shack and turning to her siblings. “We’d better stop thinking about them and get started on our half of this plan. Let’s put our noisy shoes on and get to work,”

“I’m actually excited,” Klaus mentioned. “I can’t imagine how you’re going to make staples, with only a fork, a few teaspoons of creamed spinach, and a small potato. That sounds more like the ingredients for a side dish than a staple-making device,”

“Aloo palak,” Sunny agreed, which meant, “Honestly...if we had some curry and coconut milk it would actually be quite delicious,”

Klaus translated for his sister as both older siblings smiled.

“Not to be rude,” Klaus said. “I hope your inventing skills that you’ve mentioned haven’t been dulled by a lack of sleep,”

Violet rolled her eyes kindly. “I don’t think they have,” Violet informed. “It’s amazing how much energy you can have once you have a plan and some motivation, of course. Besides, my invention also involves one of the crabs in here.” She looked at Klaus and Sunny. “Now, when we all have our shoes on, please follow my instructions,”

The two Baudelaires were quite puzzled at this, but they had this feeling in their bones that when it came to inventing, Violet could be trusted absolutely. From what she’s told him, she had been inventing since she was a little girl and her father considered her to be a mechanical genius and they didn’t know much about her father. Just that Olaf apparently hates him and that he raised one hell of a daughter. So there was no doubt in either of their minds that now, come hell or high water, Violet was going to invent a staple-making device.

The three siblings put on their shoes and, following their elder sister’s orders. As usual, the tiny crabs were lounging around, in the corner, hiding from the children's noisy shoes. Normally, Sunny would be wildly stomping on the floor to direct all of the crabs where she wanted them to go. But this time, however, Violet instructed her siblings to step on the floor in carefully arranged patterns, to herd the grumpiest and biggest-clawed crab into a corner all by itself. Sunny, eventually, successfully did just that.

“Good work, Sunshine!” Violet cried happily. “Keep him in the corner, Sunny, while I ready the potato.”

“What is the potato for?” Klaus asked.

“Fortune?” Sunny asked, which meant, “yeah, how is a potato going to help us from stopping Olaf steal our futures?”

“As we know,” Violet said as Sunny tapped her little feet this way and that to keep the crab in the corner. “These crabs love to get their claws on our toes. I specifically snitched a potato that was toe-shaped. You see how it’s curved in a sort of oval way, and the little bumpy part looks like a toenail?”

“You’re right. The resemblance is remarkable. But what does it have to do with staples?” Klaus asked.

“Well, the metal rods that Nero gave us are very long and need to be cut cleanly into small, staple-sized pieces. So while Sunny keeps the crab in the corner. I’m going to wave the potato at him. He...or she, come to think of it, I don’t know how to tell a boy crab from a girl crab…”

“It’s a boy,” Klaus said. “Trust me,”

Violet and Sunny looked at one another and then to the bookworm, both very confused about how and why he knew that.

“Well...he’ll think it’s a toe,” Violet continued. “And snap at it with his claws. At that instant, I’ll yank the potato away and put a rod in its place. If I do it carefully enough, the crab should do a perfect job of slicing it up.”

“And then what?” Klaus asked.

“First things first,” Violet replied firmly. “Okay, Sunny, keep tapping those noisy shoes. I’m ready with the potato and rod number one,”

“What can I do?” Klaus asked feeling useless.

“You can start studying for the comprehensive exam, of course. You mentioned a near-photographic memory, right?” Violet said. “I couldn’t possibly read all of Isadora’s notes in just one night. While Sunny and I make the staples, you need to read Duncan and Isadora’s notebooks, memorize the measurements from Mrs. Bass’ class and teach me all of Mr. Remora’s stories.

“Roger that,” Klaus said.

And over the next two hours, that’s exactly what the three children did. While Sunny used her noisy shoes to keep the crab in the corner and Violet used the potato as a toe and the crab's claws as clean cutters, Klaus used the Quagmires notebooks to study for the comprehensive exams, and everything worked the way it should. Sunny tapped her shoes noisily that the crab remained trapped. Violet was so quick with the potato and metal rods that soon they were snipped into staple-sized pieces. And Klaus read Duncan’s measuring notes so carefully that before long he was sure he had memorized the length, width, and depth of just about everything.

“Violet, ask me the measurements of the navy blue scarf,” Klaus said, turning the green notebook over so he couldn’t peak.

Violet yanked the potato away just in time and the crab snipped off another bit of the metal rod. “What are the measurements of the navy blue scarf?”

“Two decimeters long,” Klaus recited. “Nine centimeters wide and four millimeters thick. It’s boring, but it’s correct. Sunny, ask me the measurements of the deodorant soap,”

The crab saw an opportunity to leave the corner, but Sunny was too quick for it. “Soap?” she asked her older brother, tapping her tiny noisy shoes until the crab retreated.

“Eight centimeters by eight centimeters by eight centimeters,” Klaus said promptly. “That one’s easy. You’re doing great, you two. I bet that crab’s going to be almost as tired as we are,”

“No,” Violet explained. “He’s done. Let him go, Sunny. We have all the staple sized pieces we need. I’m glad that part of the staple making process is over, though. It’s very nerve-wracking to tease a crab with your baby sister standing next to it.”

“Now what?” Klaus asked.

“Next you teach me Mr. Remora’s stories,” Violet instructed. “While Sunny and I bend these little bits of metal into the proper shape,”

“How?” Sunny asked confused.

“Watch,” Violet said smiling, exciting to show her siblings the second part to her. Sunny watched as Klaus closed Duncan’s dark green notebook and began paging through Isadora’s black notebook. Violet took the glob of creamed spinach and mixed it with a few pieces of stray hay and dust until it was a sticky, gluey mess. Then she placed this mess on the spiky end of the fork and stuck it to one of the bales of hay so the handle end of the fork hung over the side. She blew on the creamed-spinach-stray-hay-and-dust mixture until it hardened. “I always thought that Prufrock Prep’s creamed spinach was awfully sticky,” Violet explained. “And then I realized it could be used as glue. And now, we have a perfect method of making those tiny strips into staples. See, if I lay a strip across the handle of the fork, a tiny part of the strip hangs off each of the sides. Those are the parts that will go inside the paper when it’s a staple. If I take off my noisy shoes,” she explained as she took off her noisy shoes. “And use the metal ends to tap on the strips, they’ll bend the handle of the fork and turn into staples. See?”

“Brill!” Sunny yelled, which meant, “You’re a genius! But what can I do to help?”

“You can keep your noisy shoes on and guard us,” Violet said. “Klaus, you start summarizing the stories,”

All three orphans listened to Violet’s orders and would act accordingly for the rest of the night. Violet tapped away at the metal strips, and Klaus read out loud from Isadora’s notebooks, and Sunny stomped her noisy shoes in order to guard herself and her sister from the crabs. Soon, the children had a pile of homemade staples on the floor, the details of Mr. Remora’s stories in their brains, and not a single crab bothering them in the shack, and even with the threat of Coach Genghis hovering over them, the evening actually began to feel rather cozy. It reminded Klaus and Sunny of evenings they had spent when their parents were alive, in one of the living rooms of the Baudelaire mansion. This reminded Violet of her favorite evenings when her father was alive, and they were at the park, in their house, or at Briny Beach. Violet would often be tinkering away at some invention as she explained the mechanics to her father. Klaus would often be reading and info-dumping the information he was learning to either one of his parents or his baby sister. Sunny would often be making loud noises irritating Klaus for fun.

Of course, Violet was never tinkering frantically at an invention that would save her life. Klaus was never reading something he found so mundane and boring and Sunny was never making loud noises to scare crabs away from her toes., but nevertheless, the night wore, the orphans felt almost at home in the Orphans Shack. And when the sky began to lighten with the first rays of dawn, the orphans began to feel a certain thrill that was quite different from the thrill of being in disguise.

It was a thrill that I have felt a few times in my life, and it was a thrill that the orphans did not feel very often. But as the morning sun began to shine, the orphans felt the thrill of thinking your plan might work after all, and that perhaps they would eventually be as safe and happy as the evenings they remembered mournfully.

_________________________________________________

Sitting with friends, talking about something important is one of the most powerful and necessary forces in the world. It is the way so many noble organizations begin, with a conversation between associates, or that is what I have been told. People gathered together to fight treachery, as Violet, her siblings, and the Quagmires gathered together at Prufrock, which is the reason that so much wickedness is defeated. My associate told me this. I’d give anything to sit and talk with these three again someday.

The Quagmires nervously reached the athletic field. Duncan adjusted his fake glasses as Isadora made sure that her hair ribbon was visible enough to Genghis. Genghis blew his whistle angrily. “You’re late!” he yelled.

“Sorry, boss,” the Hook-handed man said handing Olaf a coffee.

“Not you,” Olaf said annoyed. “Those brats,”

“Boss, the waiter is long gone,” the bald man explained. “We searched everywhere,”

“Somebody broke him out by smashing the door,” the hook-handed man explained.

“And then they left in a taxi,” the henchperson of indeterminable gender informed.

Duncan and Isadora stood there awkwardly. Far enough from Olaf where he couldn’t see them clearly but close enough to hear him. “Enough!” Olaf barked. “Leave me alone so I can finish my plan.”

Two of his henchpeople walked away muttering something under their breath. The Hook-Handed man looked towards his boss. “Me too?” he asked.

“I can’t believe I’m here,” Olaf whined sitting down depressingly on the bleachers. “Staying up all night in the athletic field waiting for things to go my way. Just like when I was in school. My whole life is going around and around in a circle. Like those things a hamster plays in before you put it in the oven.”

“Ummm,”

“Well, it ends here!” He barked standing up, glaring at who he believed was Violet and her siblings. “All right, orphans! Start going around and around in circles!” He blew his whistle.

Both children looked at one another as they started to run. After running a few laps, making sure to keep their faces down when they passed closer to Genghis. “I know we’re doing this for serious reasons, but...this is really exciting,” Duncan whispered to Isadora.

“I agree,” she whispered back.

They heard Genghis blow his whistle again, causing them to jump. They began to run a bit faster, Isadora looking back at the Sunny mannequin making sure it wasn’t falling over from the increasing speed. Although Isadora could tell that the mannequin wasn’t affected by the Quagmires’ increased speed, she didn’t notice that the string that pulled the mannequin along with them was beginning to fray, nearly ready to snap into two.

____________________________________

“What did Mr. Remora have for dessert last Tuesday?” Klaus asked Violet.

“A pudding,”

“What kind of pudding?”

“I don't know,” she admitted. “Butterscotch?”

“Rice,” Klaus corrected.

“Rice pudding. Rice pudding. I have to remember that!” Violet told herself.

“How're the staples coming?” Klaus asked Sunny.

“Good!” she replied as she stomped her foot again.

The children went back to do their assigned tasks, all three starting to feel bettwer about this situation as a whole.

________________________________________________

The Hook-Handed Man sighed. “I had it tough at school. Did I tell you what my nickname was?”

Olaf looked at his henchman confused. “Did you tell me your name?” he asked. His henchman opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Olaf turning his head quickly towards the luminous circle. “Wait…?”

“What?”

“Wait…” he said glaring at the track.

“What?”

“The baby’s pooped out,” he explained pointing at the figure he believed to be Sunny. “She’s stopped running. She’s standing there like a bag of flour.”

“Run, baby, run!” the Hook-Handed Man warned noticing Olaf’s change in tone.

Duncan and Isadora froze in place, turning behind them to realize that the string that Isadora held had indeed frayed so much that it ripped in two. They glanced at where the Sunny mannequin stood, on the other half of the luminous closer. The mannequin was at the closest point to Olaf as it could have been, which was good news to the Quagmires, this meant they were the furthest point from Olaf. “Uh-oh,” Isadora gasped as Duncan’s eyes widened.

“Maybe she needs a good kick to get moving,” Olaf growled standing up.

“Get moving, baby!” his henchperson warned as Olaf proceeded to walk towards ‘Sunny’.

“ Move your ass, you biting brat! ” Olaf yelled as he stood behind the Sunny mannequin.

“What do we do?” Duncan whispered both triplets stood watching Olaf glare down at the fake Sunny.

“Keep running,” Isadora suggested grabbing her brother’s arm at the exact moment that Olaf kicked his foot as hard as he could. A cloud of white flour surrounded him as his foot pierced open the toddler-sized bag of flour.

“ What!?” He roared, his head shooting up, turned directly at the two triplet orphans. The Quagmires could see his shiny, dark eyes even from afar.

Duncan and Isadora took this cue to start running...for their lives.

“Can we make it to the broom closet?” Duncan asked his sister frantically. “Or the Orphan Shack?”

“There’s a better place,” Isadora informed him, panting as she gripped his arm tighter and dragged him along.

“Oh, dear god,” the Hook-Handed Man cried as he watched his boss stomp angrily across the athletic field. He looked down at the mannequin. “Are you okay? Huh? Stay here,” he told the mannequin as he ran after his boss.

Genghis growled as he entered a building in the school. He noticed a library immediately. He growled as he broke into the library with complete and utter ease. He looked around the entrance of the library, straining his eyes as he looked around the room. Looking for orphans that he was currently planning on doing some terrible, terrible things to.

“Boss?” the Hook-Handed Man called out as he reached the library.

Olaf jumped and glared at the henchman. “You scared me,”

“Sorry,”

“I looked for them, but it was dark and creepy,” Olaf admitted. “Stay and guard the library. All smarty-pants kids end up here.”

His henchperson nodded. “Did baldy get the car?” Olaf asked.

“Yeah,” he answered. “You have a little...flour on your face,”

Olaf glared at his henchperson. “ I know...and soon...I will have the blood of orphans on my hands,” He replied darkly wiping his face egregiously.

From the other side of the library, Isadora and Duncan huddled together. Isadora held the spyglass in her hand, ready to use it if she needed to.

“We have to warn them,” Duncan whispered.

“We can’t go anywhere with him guarding the only exit,” Isadora whispered back. “The Baudelaires can pass the test,”

Duncan nodded his head but he wasn’t looking at his sister. Instead, a large black book had caught his eye. “Isa?” he whispered.

“Yeah?”

He pointed towards the book as a smile formed on his face. “The book,” he said.

“Let’s do some studying of our own,” she whispered as she slowly crawled toward the book. The triplets opened the book and the moonlight had given them enough light to read. They opened the large book to a random page. “The spyglass,” Isadora whispered as she quickly read the page, and fiddling with the dials on the spyglass.

“That ...explains the fire,” Duncan whispered as Isadora turned a few dials to turn the light from the spyglass on. They turned the page and gasped at the picture they could see.

“We’ve seen that man,” Isadora whispered.

The Hook-Handed Man noticed a light turn on in the library. “What..the…?” he said slowly and quietly walking in. He slowly walked towards the source of light. But the Quagmires were too mesmerized by the book to notice.

“It’s all connected,” Duncan explained as he turned another page. “What is VFD? Didn’t Violet say something about volunteering,”

The page he turned to, had a picture of a blue and white sugar bowl. “What’s so important about a sugar bowl?” she asked in a whisper.

But her brother wasn’t able to answer her question. In all honesty, that question was never truly answered by anyone that I asked. I’m nearly positive that even Violet and her siblings, to this day, don’t even know the answer to Isadora’s question. When I find them...I will be sure to ask them seeing as though, that is one mystery in this long, tragic story, that I, your slightly faithful narrator, have yet to solve.

As the words escaped Isadora’s mouth, she looked up and the Quagmires both saw the cold, devious face of Count Olaf’s henchman. Both triplets screamed in utter shock as the henchman grabbed the book from their arms, throwing it across the library.

___________________________________________

“What color were the cows on the dairy farm?” Klaus yawned.

“Brown?” Violet guessed, also yawning. “How long was the…” she yawned again. She heard a small snore from where Klaus laid. “Klaus?” she called out.

When he didn’t reply, she looked towards Sunny, who was slowly slumping to the ground. “Well, that’s the last staple,” Violet said to Sunny, stretching her tired muscles. “I think we can safely assume that you won’t lose your job, Sunny.” She said picking up her baby sister.

“Nilikoh,” Sunny replied, which meant, “And you seem to know every detail of Remora’s stories and Klaus seems to know all of Bass’ measurements, so I think it’s safe to assume that you guys won’t be expelled,” Violet slowly nodded her head.

“I’m going to assume that you’re agreeing with me,” Violet said as she laid herself and Sunny down on a hay bale. “Maybe we can take a quick nap,” she muttered as Sunny curled up into Violet’s protective arms. Violet took one glance at her and Klaus, gave a small smile, and closed her eyes. She thought of the Quagmires and hoped that their part of the plan worked as well as theirs.

_____________________________________________________

A little over an hour later, the three siblings woke up to a knock on their door. The person on the other side opened it with a slight push. “The sun has come up! The day has begun! Watching you flunk will be so much fun! Because you’re just orphans and you’re probably dumb! And my name is Carmelita!” Carmelita Spats sang loudly.

Violet opens her eyes as Klaus and Sunny groaned miserably. “Maybe I’m just tired, but I think she may be improving,” Violet said as she and her siblings stood up. Gathering up the staples and the notebooks. The three siblings were worried about the Quagmires. As Carmelita led the three siblings to the auditorium. They looked around worriedly for the Quagmires.

“Have you seen either one of them?” Klaus asked nervously.

“We haven’t seen them...but maybe they went right to bed after running laps all night,” Violet hoped. “I think we can safely assume that their part of the plan went well,”

“That’s true,” Klaus agreed as Sunny nodded her head. “I assume if they’d been caught we would have heard by now,”

Assumptions are a dangerous thing to make, and like all dangerous things to make, if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble. For instance, one morning you might wake up and make the assumption that your bed was in the same place as it always was, even though you would have no real evidence that this was so. But when you got out of your bed, you might discover that it had floated out of the sea, and now you would be in terrible trouble all because of the incorrect assumption that you’d made. You can see that it is better not to make too many assumptions, particularly in the morning.

“I’d make the same assumption,” Violet said as they reached the auditorium.

“ I’d make the same assumption,” Nero mimicked in his nasty voice. The children were startled to see Nero holding a huge stacks of papers. He was accompanied by Mr. Poe, who looked at the children in disappointment. The children could hear the advanced computer as it scanned every students’ face, they could hear Carmelita starting a chant.

“I hope you’ve been studying all evening,” Nero warned. “Because I told your teachers to make these exams extra challenging, and the pieces of paper that Sunny has to staple are very thick.”

“Mr. Poe...what are you doing here?” Klaus asked.

“Well, I’m giving you a very disappointed look. You’ve been spending too much time with extracurricular activities. I don’t think homeschooling is the answer, but I brought along the necessary paperwork as suggested by Vice Principal Nero and by a gym teacher who I met wandering around creepily outside.” He explained in between coughs.

“That gym teacher is Olaf in disguise,” Klaus tried. “He tracked Sunny and I down and is in the middle of a scheme to steal our fortune and Violet’s,”

Mr. Poe pointed at the advanced computer. “Olaf? But…” he coughed. “What about the computer system Nero told me about it,”

“It didn’t work,” Violet explained.

Mr. Poe watched as it scanned another student and stated the obvious. That the student was not Count Olaf. “It certainly appears to be working,”

“The computer system didn’t recognize Olaf, because he’s in disguise!” Klaus pleaded.

“What sane man would disguise himself four times in a row?” Poe asked.

“Who said Olaf was sane?!” Klaus asked incredulously.

“Believe me, Poe, I’ve seen this sort of thing before,” Nero began.

“You’ve seen three children preyed upon by an insane lunatic?” Violet asked angrily.

Nero rolled his eyes. “Children will say anything to explain getting bad grades and failing at their work as administrative assistants!” he yelled glaring down at Sunny, who flipped him off.

“Administrative assistant?” Mr. Poe asked.

“Sunny’s been working as a secretary,” Klaus commented. “Great job at picking a school for us,”

“Sunny should be in preschool.” Mr. Poe commented before coughing. “This doesn’t seem suitable,’

“No duh!” Sunny yelled, glaring and pointing at Nero in disgust.

“Well, if they flunk these exams, all three of them will be expelled, so it hardly matters now,” Nero explained. “Mr. Remora and Mrs. Bass will take turns asking you questions until one of you gets an answer wrong, and then you flunk. Sunny will begin her reappraisal with stapling these booklets of five papers each, and if your homemade staples don’t work perfectly. Then you’re fired. Well, a musical genius like myself doesn’t have all day to oversee exams. I’ve missed too much practice time as it is.”

“This is not Count Olaf,” the computer claimed as Genghis walked in the auditorium. A smile upon his face.

“Oh! Coach Genghis, come on in,”

“

The children glared at the fake coach. Genghis was walking straight towards them, nonchalantly, whistling an irritating tune to himself. Their hearts sank in their chests as they realized how incorrect one of their assumptions had been. It was not the assumption that Sunny would not lose her job, although, that assumption, too, would turn out to be incorrect. And it was not their assumption that Violet and Klaus would not be expelled, although that, too, was wrong as well. It was the assumption that the Quagmire triplets and their part of the plan going well. As Coach Genghis walked closer and closer, Violet and her siblings saw that he was holding Violet’s black hair ribbon in one of his scraggly hands, and the fake pair of glasses in his other. And with every step of his expensive running shoes, the coach raised a small white cloud, which the children realized must be flour from the Sunny mannequin. But more than a ribbon, fake glasses, or the small clouds of flour was the look in Genghis’ shiny evil eyes. As Coach Genghis reached the children, his eyes were shining bright with triumph, as if he had finally won a game that he had been playing for a long, long time, and the three siblings realized that the assumption about the Quagmire triplets had been very, very wrong indeed.

“ Where are they?!” Violet yelled as Coach Genghis stopped in front of her and her siblings. “ What have you done to them?!”

Genghis' eyes were shining as bright as they could, but his voice was calm and pleasant. “Here they are,” he said handing Violet the black ribbon and handing Klaus the fake glasses. “I thought you’d be worried about them, so I brought them over first thing in the morning,”

“ We don’t mean these them!” Klaus yelled. “ We mean them them!”

“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” He replied. “Now are you three ready for the worst morning of your lives?”

“ Quaggies!” Sunny shrieked, which meant, “Tell us where the Quagmires are, you rat bastard!”

“You see,” Genghis explained. “The orphans ran laps all night as part of my S.O.R.E program, but they had to dash off in the morning to take these exams. In their hurry, Violet dropped her ribbon and Klaus dropped his glasses…”

“ You know very well that is not what happened!” Violet yelled at the Coach. Although the chanting of the students’ continued to roar louder than the conversation they were having.

“ Where are the Quagmires!?” Klaus cried. “ What have you done to our friends!”

“Stop talking nonsense, orphans,” Nero yelled. “We have an exam to take! Let’s begin!”

Nero and Poe walked away to their seats. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny all glared daggers at the Coach.

“ Where are they?” Violet asked coldly.

“Who?” Genghis asked pretending he had no idea what she was talking about.

“ The Quagmires!” Klaus replied back.

“Oh, the twins?”

“ Triplets!” Sunny corrected.

Genghis gave them a devious smirk. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Genghis replied. “Now let’s go, orphans, I want to watch you three get expelled.”

“We don’t give a fuck about getting expelled,” Violet hissed. “We care about our friends!”

“Well, the Quaggies had to be punished for their part in your little...scheme,” Genghis whispered deviously. “So I walked them over to the cafeteria and put two workers in charge of them. They’ll be whisking eggs all day long, I hear.”

Klaus looked at his sisters confused, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He stared back at the cruel man. “That’s it? That’s all they’re doing?” He asked suspiciously. “Whisking...eggs?”

“That’s what I said,” Genghis replied and leaned so close to the three children that all they could see were his shiny eyes and the crooked curve of his wicked smile. “Those two Quagmire twins will whisk and whisk until they are...simply whisked away,”

“You’re a liar,” Violet said glaring at him.

Genghis smiled a twisted smile. “That’s an assumption,” he muttered as he walked onto the stage to address the crowd of students. He listened for a moment as the students chanted ‘Remember, you will die!’. “This school...has a new kind of spirit energy. A sense of unity and joy which you usually cannot find unless you are at a birthday party or a public hanging. I think the flunking of Miss Snicket and the Baudelaire orphans out of this school is bringing out the best of all of us. And so, without further ado…”

“A violin cadenza in the style of the Human League!” Nero announced as he began to play a few sour notes on his violin.

“Dear God…” Genghis whispered in annoyance. “Whoa...no no...let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Hey Gomorrah! Sass! Test them! ”

“It’s Mrs. Bass and my name is Remora,” Mr. Remora corrected.

“We’ll find out who’s full of remora soon enough. Test them!” he began chanting.

Mr. Remora cleared his throat and addressed Violet. “Violet, in the story about my pet donkey, how many miles did the donkey run?”

“Six,” Violet answered confidently.

Nero began laughing. “ Six.” He mocked.

“Yes...that’s...correct,” Remora explained confused

“Rats!” Genghis muttered as he tapped a bell.

“Klaus,” Mrs. Bass addressed the orphan boy. “How long was the book with a yellow cover?”

“N-nineteen centimeters,” Klaus stuttered nervously.

“ Nineteen centimeters,” Nero mocked. Laughing.

“Correct.” Mrs. Bass responded confused.

Genghis rolled his eyes as he hit the bell.

Nero stepped onto the stage staring at Sunny. “Sunny Baudelaire, I need you to organize these file cards of students who owe me candy. But not by name! No! But by the color of candy I want!” he demanded as he threw a pile of file cards on to a small desk that Sunny sat comfortably at. She looked to the file cards and then at her siblings. She picked up the cards and began to shuffle them like her father had taught her to do some time before his untimely death. Nero continued to laugh but his laugh soon became silence as Sunny effortlessly and flawlessly sorted the file cards into piles separated by the color of candy that Nero wanted.

“Oh, that’s…” Nero said watching Sunny. Even her siblings watched her in awe. “That’s...very impressive, Miss Baudelaire. I must admit.”

Genghis growled under his breath as he hit the bell again.

“In my story about the mushrooms, what was the name of the chef?”

“Maurice,”

“Correct.”

“How long was chicken breast number seven?”

“F-fourteen centimeters and fi-five millimeters,”

“ Fourteen centimeters and five millimeters. ”

“Correct.”

Mr. Remora and Mrs. Bass looked at each other with confused expressions. But they continued to question the two elder orphans as Nero kept demanding Sunny to do several menial tasks. But with every correct answer that Violet or Klaus would give and with every completed task that Sunny performed, Genghis would angrily hit a bell, glaring at the children with his shiny eyes as he waited in anticipation to see if he was winning all five of his orphan prey this morning. The comprehensive exams went on and on, sometime during the middle of it, Sunny had noticed that the librarian, Miss Caliban, had walked out after seemingly being annoyed by the rambling of an idiotic coughing banker. Sunny and her siblings wished they could be excused from the remainder of the exams because the exams were so boring that the three siblings worried that they would doze off in the middle of them and fail. But they dared not doze off. One wrong answer and one incomplete task would expel them from Prufrock and they would be in Genghis’ clutches. Violet tried her best to remember each detail Klaus had taught her, Klaus tried to remember each measurement he had taught himself and Sunny stapled like mad. Finally, Mr. Remora stopped and addressed the crowd.

_____________________________________________

As Miss Caliban exited the auditorium, she made her way to her library. “In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one’s philosophical and literary principles,” she said to herself as she reached the door of her library. She looked inside and saw a mess of books all over the floor, a true sign of foul play. Her eyes fixated on a book that laid on the ground. She walked over to it and scanned its title in complete silence as she wondered what in the world had happened in her library. It had not been like this when she left last night and she had a sick feeling in her stomach. Her eyes went wide as she glanced at the book The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations. The title read.

She scanned her library desperately wondering if the children had been in here last night and found the book. But if they had...then where were the children? She knew where Violet Snicket and the two Baudelaires were...she had just seen them on stage taking their exams. But where was the Quagmires?

It can sometimes be overwhelming to witness, or even research, a series of unfortunate events that rumble through one’s life like a mysterious automobile with its engine running. Which is why some people need to excuse themselves from time to time to a place where the world is quiet. Like a crystal ball ready for anyone who has an important question. I urge you to do the same...look away from this austere academy before it is too late. This episode in the lives of Violet Snicket and her siblings is nearly over, but there is still time for it to get much, much worse.

And as Olivia Caliban realized that sometimes when you are trying to find a quiet place to think, you stumble upon a loud mystery that will consume your entire life until it’s over.

_______________________________________________

“We’ve come to the end of the comprehensive exams and the professional reappraisal for Violet Snicket, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. Violet Snicket is a fine student and passes language arts with high marks even if she’d been sleeping in class lately,”

Violet smiled triumphantly.

“I’ve never encountered anyone more fluent in the metric system than Klaus Baudelaire. He gets an A-plus, two centimeters by one centimeter,”

Klaus smiled triumphantly.

“I hate to admit it,” Nero began. “But Sunny Baudelaire is a fantastic administrative assistant.” Sunny finished typing something on her little typewriter and handed it to Nero. “Look, she even edited my resume, highlighting my musicianship without drawing attention to the fact I never graduated middle school!”

Sunny smiled triumphantly. “Magic,” she remarked, which meant, “I don’t know how I managed to do that...it wasn’t easy,”

“What my sister means is, did we all pass?” Klaus asked desperately. The three children resumed glaring at the Coach, who sat in a chair looking pretty pissed off.

“No,” Carmelita commented. “You’re not adorable enough to pass. You flunked! You flunked!” she chanted.

Violet and Klaus looked at one another annoyed as the crowd of students began to chant alongside Carmelita.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Nero said shushing the crowd. “I share your discomfort with orphans, Carmelita. But...I have to admit that Miss Snicket and the Baudelaires pass with flying colors. Mr. Poe, I will allow these three to stay the remaining trimester, and you may leave after giving me the candy.”

“Thank you, Vice-Principal Nero,” Poe remarked, coughing. “Baudelaires. Lilac…”

“Violet…” Violet corrected.

“The, uh, disappointment that I expressed earlier has been lifted by the fact that you clearly memorized anecdotes and measurements to the best of your abilities. And sunny, I may consult with you later about the bank’s latest quarterly report, which could use a more dynamic layout,”

“Fuck off,” Sunny replied.

“Not yet...you won’t!” Genghis said slowly standing up, turning towards the children. “This is a comprehensive exam, isn’t it? Well, I am their gym teacher, and I haven’t given my test. According to the Prufrock Preparatory Handbook, gym teacher evaluations are worth a full fifty-one percent of their grade.”

“That’s actually correct,” Nero remarked as Klaus gave Violet an uneasy glance. “But how did you know?”

“Let me...tell you a story,” He said smirking. “A long time ago, a handsome young man was expelled from this very school, on this very stage, for that very reason. So, one last challenge, orphans. And this one will determine your entire future.”

“We’d be more than happy to run laps,” Violet replied bitterly.

“You’ll see that we are in extremely good shape,” Klaus noted just as bitterly as his elder sister.

Genghis smirked. “I think there’s a better way to test your physical princess,”

“I think you mean ‘prowess’,” Klaus corrected rolling his tired eyes.

“I think I mean ‘arms’,” Genghis hissed back. The two elder orphans glanced at each other worriedly. “Arm wrestling. No holds barred. Against an opponent who is as heavy and as slow as a bag of flour… Sunny Baudelaire.”

Everyone gasped as Sunny looked at Genghis like he was crazy.

“Nerds! Arm wrestling furniture!” Genghis yelled.

“Five bucks on Genghis!” Nero shouted.

“This isn’t fair!” Violet protested.

“You’re a full-grown adult. Sunny’s barely a toddler.” Klaus pointed out.

“That hardly seems sporting,” Mr. Poe commented before coughing into his handkerchief again.

“Fine,” Genghis said rolling his eyes. He focused his attention to Klaus, who was slowly starting to shake. “I’ll take on the bookworm,”

“That seems fair,” Nero commented.

Violet looked from her brother to the disguised villain. Not that she doubted Klaus could take Genghis in an arm-wrestling contest, although if she did doubt him, she wouldn’t be wrong. She could see that Genghis was singling him out because Klaus was the easiest one of the two older orphans to fight against. Violet could already see that Klaus was slightly shaking at the mere prospect of Olaf touching him. She knew Klaus was not in the state of mind to do this alone and she wasn’t one hundred percent sure she could do this on her own either. She couldn’t chance this. Her siblings’ lives were on the line.

She stepped forward. “You can take the both of us,” she explained.

“Uh, I’ll pass,” Genghis said laughing.

“What’s wrong, Coach Genghis?” Violet asked. “Afraid you’re not strong enough?”

“A real gym teacher could do it,” Klaus added, realizing almost immediately what Violet was doing.

“Yes, Coach Genghis, surely you’re stronger than two simpering orphans,” Nero said.

“Of course, I am!” He yelled as he sat down. Violet and Klaus looked at one another, both feeling very uneasy. They sat next to each other on the small bench that was placed on the opposite side of the table. Olaf slammed his elbow on the table, glaring at both children. Klaus nervously placed his hand into Olaf’s as he tried to stop himself from shaking.

“I’m right here,” Violet whispered before placing her hand around Klaus’ to get a grip on Olaf’s. “He can’t hurt you, I won’t let him.”

Klaus slowly nodded in response as Olaf smirked at the two children. Sunny noticed that Olaf was now completely focused on her siblings. She remembered something that Duncan Quagmire had suggested when Olaf first showed up at Prufrock. She looked in the directions of his shoes. She shrugged her shoulders as she slowly made way towards Olaf’s expensive running shoes, glancing up at him every so often as she crawled, making sure his focus stayed solely on Violet and Klaus.

“This reminds me of a story,” Genghis explained as he pushed both children’s arms a bit, worrying them. Klaus and Violet strengthened their hold on Olaf’s hand as they tried to keep him from slamming their hands down. “Some time ago, two orphans came to me needing my help.” His voice was strained as he was using as much strength as he could muster to beat a fourteen-year-old girl and twelve-year-old boy at arm wrestling. “‘Coach Genghis’ they said to me, ‘We’re complete failures. We have an enormous fortune, and we're keeping it all to ourselves out of our own selfishness…’”

Violet and Klaus glared at him as they tried to counter all of Genghis’ advances. Genghis was getting very irritated that the two children were holding their own in this arm-wrestling competition. Violet stared at Olaf with a face of pure, unbridled hatred as Klaus, who still had worry written all over his face, glared at the villain as well. He hated the fact that he was touching Olaf’s disgusting hand but he trusted Violet...he felt safe around his older sister. So as bad as it was, the fact that she was right there with him, helping him face his worst nightmare helped him stay planted in reality. “Then one day…” Genghis continued, his voice still strained as he pushed against the combined strength of Violet and Klaus. “They met this third orphan...this pretty orphan…” he said, making sure to whisper the word ‘pretty’ so only Violet and Klaus could hear. “What...a pity, this newest orphan...just like her father, in way over her head.” He hissed, although his voice was still strained, it was full of venom. A venom he hoped would distract Violet to where he could win this.

Violet’s eyes glared at him with a brighter intensity as she and Klaus felt Genghis exerting more strength. “ How do we learn to share?’ all three had asked me. How do we learn to give up in the face of all-powerful, very good-looking physical strength?’ And...do...you...know...what...I...told...them?!” Genghis practically yelled, straining his voice and his even his face as he spoke. He pushed the children’s arms closer to the table with each passing word, although it wasn’t an easy thing to do.

Sunny managed to reach underneath the table undetected by Olaf and even her siblings. She held her hands up, forming two L’s with her fingers to figure out which shoe she needed to undo. Violet and Klaus’ faces were strained with worry and exhaustion. All that was going through their minds was that Olaf might actually win.

Snickets take care of their own. Violet remembered as Klaus felt her grip tightened. “ You can never give up!” She protested as she pushed Olaf’s arm back.

All three arm wrestlers grunted in frustration. “You can never... give up...if you find yourself in terrible circumstances!” Klaus protested, his voice strained from exhaustion.

Olaf was too busy to notice the tiny hands unlacing one of his shoes.

“You...must...keep...struggling,” Klaus cried, his face turning red from all the strength he’s been exerting.

“You must struggle until you find a safe place to live!” Violet explained as Olaf was beginning to worry. The children seemed to be gaining the upper hand on him.

“You must struggle until you find noble and reliable friends!” Klaus cried.

Olaf using his free arm, grabbed the side of the table to hold his balance, as Sunny completely removed the shoelaces from his left shoe.

“You must struggle…” Violet said glaring at Olaf.

“And struggle,” Klaus added, glaring daggers at Olaf.

“Until the world can see who you really are!” Violet yelled. Just as Violet finished her sentence, to everyone’s surprise, Sunny jumped up as high as she could, placed both her tiny hands on the hands of her siblings and worst enemy and effectively pulled their arms, causing Genghis to fall out of his chair and for his unsecured left shoe to fly into the air and land in front of Nero.

Genghis looked a mixture of shocked and pissed.

Violet and Klaus looked at one another and smiled. They then both looked at Sunny, who took a bow.

“I love you, Sunny!” Violet squealed happily.

“Good job, Sunshine!” Klaus said patting his sister on her back.

“That kid came out of nowhere!” Genghis yelled angrily. “That’s cheating!”

“Holy Beethoven,” Nero said as he seemed to be looking at Olaf’s tattooed ankle. “I see what you orphans mean,”

“Finally,” Violet cried.

“What you mean is that I should keep on struggling, and then perhaps I’ll be invited to join a legitimate orchestra,” Nero replied.

“What?” Klaus asked incredulously. “That’s not what we mean at all!”

Nero picked up the running shoe and handed it back to Olaf. “Your shoe, sir,”

“Look at the tattoo of an eye on his ankle!” Klaus shouted.

“Egad! I know that ankle anywhere!” Mr. Poe shouted form the crowd, before coughing.

Violet looked hopeful at Mr. Poe. Everything is going to be okay. He’s going to be arrested. She foolishly thought as Mr. Poe stood up.

Olaf quickly put his shoe back on. “You flatter me, kind sir!”

“Don’t call me ‘kind sir’, kind sir. You are Count Olaf and that tattoo proves it. It is too late to cover it up with a probably overpriced running shoe.” Mr. Poe said.

“I am not covering up anything,” Genghis said smirking at Violet, Klaus, and Sunny. “I need to wear these,”

“Don’t be ridiculous! Why would a notorious criminal need running shoes?” Mr. Poe asked.

Klaus’ eyes widened as Olaf gave each of the children one last smirk. He could feel the Quagmires notebooks in his pockets. He was afraid that the notebooks might be the only sign of the Quagmire he would ever see again. His heart dropped as Olaf faced the crowd. “ For running, of course,” he hissed as he ran out of the auditorium.

Violet looked at Mr. Poe in pure shock. “ Go after him! Mr. Poe!” she shrieked desperately. Mr. Poe just stood there.

The orphans were startled for a moment, not only because he had started running so suddenly but because it seemed to the three siblings that Olaf had given up too easily. This worried them. After his long, elaborate plan of disguising himself as a gym teacher, forcing them to run laps, getting them expelled, he was suddenly racing out of the auditorium without even glancing back at the children who had begun to chase him.

“Sunny,” Klaus called out as he lifted up his sister. He didn’t know how fast he could run while carrying Sunny but he didn’t trust leaving her alone... “Come on, Vi,” he said to his older sister, who just stood there in shock as to why no one was helping the children and trying to capture Olaf. Violet and Klaus began to run as fast as they could, Klaus holding Sunny as tight to him as he could to make the bumpy ride a little better for her.

They quickly passed the bald man and the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender. “Wow, they’re fast!” the bald man exclaimed.

“Well...they have been running lap for two weeks,” the henchperson replied.

Just as Olaf was passing the Orphan Shack, Violet grabbed on to a loose piece of cloth from the man’s turban. She gripped it around her hand and began to unravel the man’s disguise as Olaf began to spin around in an exaggerated motion. When the turban was completely unraveled and the other end of the turban wasn’t holding on to anything, Violet fell flat on her ass as Olaf backed into the tin shack, causing it to fall over.

He got back up faster than Violet had and he continued to run. “ Don’t think I’ve given up on you, orphans!” He called back as he sprinted. “But in the meantime...I have two little prisoners with a very nice fortune of their own!”

All three of the siblings felt their hearts shift in their chests. Olaf began laughing like a lunatic as he pointed a skinny, bony finger across the lawn. The children gasped. At the far end of Prufrock Prep, they saw a long, black car with dark smoke billowing out of its exhaust pipes. But the three siblings were not gasping at air pollution. The two masked cafeteria workers were walking towards the car, but they had taken off their metal masks at last, and the three could see that their faces were covered in white make-up. But this was not what made the children’s hearts sink into their stomachs. Although it was a surprising turn of events. What they were gasping at was what each of the women was dragging toward the car. Each powder-faced woman was dragging one of the Quagmire triplets, who were struggling desperately to getaway.

“Put them in the backseat!” Genghis called out. “Hooky, be ready to drive!”

“NO!” Klaus yelled desperately as he put Sunny down on the ground and began to run towards Olaf’s car. Violet and Sunny followed suit and although the three siblings had endured thirteen nights of S.O.R.E, the three orphans never wanted to run more than they did now.

“After them!” Violet shouted.

The three siblings ran as fast as they could. Calling out pleads and begs to Olaf to leave their friends alone. Violet ran, her hair flying wildly behind her. Klaus ran, not even bothering to care that his gut was telling him this was not a good idea. And Sunny ran as fast as her legs could carry her, her mouth bared ready to use her teeth if needed. If you had been hiding the archway, spying on what was going on, you would have seen what looked like a strange race on the front lawn, with Count Olaf running in front and Violet and her siblings right behind. But if you continued watching, you would have seen an exciting development in the race, which was the three siblings were gaining on Olaf. The villain had much longer legs than the three siblings, but he had spent the last thirteen nights sitting down, blowing a whistle. The children had spent those nights running hundreds of laps around the luminous circle, and so their tiny, strong legs were overcoming Olaf’s height advantage.

I hate to pause at such a suspenseful part of the story, but I feel I must intrude and give you one last warning as we reach the end of this part of this terribly miserable tale. You were probably thinking, as you read that the children were catching up to their enemy. That perhaps this was the time in the lives of Violet Snicket and the two Baudelaire orphans when this dastardly bastard would finally be caught, and that perhaps the children would find some kind guardians and that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny would spend the rest of their lives in relative happiness, possibly creating the printing business that they had discussed with the Quagmires. And maybe they spend the rest of their lives in each other’s companies, happy and free from Olaf. And you are free to believe that this is how the story turns out if you want. The last few events in this chapter of Violet Snicket and her siblings’ lives are incredibly unfortunate and quite terrifying, and so if you would prefer to ignore them entirely you should put this book down now and think of a gentle ending to this horrible story. I have made a solemn promise to write the Snicket and Baudelaire history exactly as it occurred, but you have made no such promise, well, as far as I know, and you do not need to endure the wretched ending of this story, and this is your very last chance to save yourself from the woeful knowledge of what happened next.

Violet was the first to reach Olaf, she stretched out her arm as far as she could, trying to grab his arm to stop him from running. Her fingers graced his arm as she continued to stretch her arm as far as she could. “ Get back here! ” she called out to him as she grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. She gripped it tightly and was trying her best to hold him back. He noticed that she had grabbed hold of him and he elbowed her in the chest sending her back to the ground, landing on her ass.

Sunny was the next orphan to reach Olaf because she was the closest to the ground, she was in the perfect position to attack his legs and maybe that would stop him from running. Using all four of her sharp teeth, she dove towards his shoes again, her teeth making contact with the heel of his shoe. It did stop him, but only momentarily. He stopped running as he proceeded to slip his foot from his shoe and began running again. “Drat!” Sunny yelled throwing his shoe at him. Her face scrunched up in disgust because his shoe was rather smelly and tasted utterly disgusting.

Klaus, however, didn’t say anything and he didn’t stop running either. He was putting all of his energy towards running, but he was not running towards the man he feared the most. Klaus was running towards Olaf’s car. The powder-faced women were shoving the Quagmires into the backseat, and he knew this might be his only chance to rescue them.

“Klaus!” Isadora shouted.

“Oh my God, Klaus!” Duncan cried. He reached the car. He grabbed Duncan’s hand desperately. “Help us!”

“We found the book!” Isadora called out.

“We can discuss that in a moment,” Klaus said desperately as he began to drag Duncan out of Olaf’s car. “Hang on!” Without a word, one of the powder-faced women leaned forward and bit Klaus’ hand, forcing him to let go of Duncan. The other powder-face woman leaned across Duncan’s lap and began pulling the car door closed.

“ No! Please!” Klaus begged and grabbed the door handle.

“VFD!” Duncan explained as he tried to push the white face women away from the car door. “Violet was right! It’s all connected to VFD!”

Back and forth, Klaus and Olaf’s henchwoman tugged on the door, forcing it halfway open and halfway shut.

“The notebooks, Klaus,” Isadora called out.

“I have them. Don’t worry,” Klaus cried.

“Klaus!” Duncan screamed. “Listen to me, Klaus! If anything goes wrong…”

“ Nothing will go wrong! I won’t let him take you! ” Klaus cried tears in his eyes. “ I’m sorry...this is all my fault….but I’m going to fix this. I’ll save you! ”

“This isn’t your fault!” Isadora reasoned.

“I’ll have you out in a second!” Klaus promised. Klaus pulled on the car door as hard as he could.

“If anything goes wrong…” Duncan explained. “There’s something you should know. When we were researching the history of Count Olaf…”

“And what we read from the book,” Isadora added.

“We found out something dreadful!” Duncan said.

“We can talk about that later,” Klaus cried, still struggling with the door.

“The notebooks!” Isadora cried. The first white-faced woman put her hand over Isadora’s mouth so she could no longer speak. Isador turned her head roughly and slipped from the woman’s grasp. “The…” the powdery hand covered her mouth again.

“Hang on, Isa!” Klaus called desperately. “Hang on, Duncan…”

“Look in the notebooks! VFD!” Duncan cried just as a powdery hand covered his mouth.

“What?”

Duncan shook his head vigorously and freed himself from the woman’s hand for just one moment. “Ask Violet….VFD!” he managed to scream again and that was the last thing Klaus heard before Count Olaf, who had been running slower without one of his shoes, had reached his car and with a deafening roar, he grabbed Klaus’ hand and pried it loose from the car door.

“ No! No! Don’t take them! Please! ” Klaus begged.

Olaf merely glared at the boy as he kicked Klaus in the stomach so hard, sending him falling to the ground and rolling in the lawn with a loud thump! The villain towered over Klaus and gave him a sickening smile, then leaned down as close as he could to Klaus. “ Look’s like I’ve won! ” he hissed as grabbed Klaus’ ankles and began dragging him towards his car in hopes of kidnapping him along with the Quagmires.

“ NO! ” Klaus screamed, but Olaf merely smiled. Klaus began furiously kicking and screaming. Turning his head every which way. “ Violet!”

Violet and Sunny looked at one another worriedly. Violet quickly looked from Klaus, who was desperately trying to dig his nails into the lawn to grab on to something as Olaf struggled to drag him into the car. “Hooky! Get ready to drive!” Olaf yelled.

“Stay here, Sunshine,” Violet warned her little sister as she grabs Klaus’ hands.

“ Violet! Please! ” Klaus pleaded as he gripped Violet’s hands tighter. “ Don’t let him take me...please...you can’t let him take me!”

“He won’t!” Violet cried as she gripped her brother’s hands desperately. Pulling with all her might. “ He’s not taking you or the Quagmires! I promise! ”

Violet was exhausted but she continued to pull at her brother’s arms. Sunny watched with a frown on her face. She loved Violet and understood that Violet was her sister but she felt a ping of jealousy when Klaus had called our for Violet to save him instead of her. After everything she had done back in Paltryville, she still hadn’t proved to him that she could hold her own? Sunny just couldn’t fathom why Klaus was still acting as though she couldn’t hold her own.

“ Violet! ” Klaus cried as he felt his sweaty, shaky hands were beginning to slip from Violet’s grasp.

“ No…! ” Violet cried desperately.

Olaf began laughing. “You idiots better be ready to floor it!” He called to his henchfolk. “We’re going to be rich!”

Olaf pulled Klaus’ legs harder trying to get Violet to let go. But even though her arms were tried from the arm wrestling match and her lack of sleep, Violet was still holding Klaus’ hands as tight as she could. She refused to allow Olaf to take her siblings or her friends away. She glanced at the car, watching as the Quagmires continued to struggle with Olaf’s henchpeople.

Sunny watched in horror as Olaf seemed to be winning this little tug of war that he and Violet were playing. She looked at her brother and frowned. She couldn’t let Olaf take Klaus. She didn’t know what happened to him back when they had lived with Olaf. And the unknown was the scariest part for Sunny.

Never again! Sunny told herself as she quickly ran up to Olaf. Violet noticed what Sunny was doing but she wasn’t able to stop her. All she could do was yell a desperate, “ Sunny! No!”

As Violet spoke, Sunny bit down as hard as she could on Olaf’s hands that held her brother’s ankles. “ Let go! ” Sunny yelled. “ Of our brother!” It was the longest sentence that Klaus had ever heard from his baby sister. The vile man screamed in pure agony as he released Klaus’ ankles quickly. The hand Sunny bit began to bleed. When he had let go of Klaus, the sudden absence of force caused Violet to fall back on to her butt for the third time. Klaus landed with a slight thud, dropping the Quagmires’ notebooks in the grass near Sunny. Sunny quickly gathered them, stuffing them into her uniformed pockets before Olaf could notice.

“ You blasted demon…” Olaf screeched at Sunny as his face lit up from an idea coming to him. Sunny’s eyes got wide when she realized why he was making that face. Before any of the orphans could react, Olaf quickly scooped up Sunny by the collar of her uniform and literally threw her harshly into the back of his car. She landed with a thud on the laps of the two Quagmire triplets. Her head resting on Duncan’s lap and her body landing on Isadora’s lap.

“ Klaus!” Sunny cried desperately. “Violet!”

Olaf began to laugh maniacally as he pushed Duncan further into the car, to make room for himself in the back seat.

He put an arm around Duncan as he slammed the car door. He rolled down the window as his henchperson started the car.

“ NO!” Violet and Klaus yelled simultaneously as they both stood up.

“ Violet! ” Isadora screamed.

“ Klaus!” Duncan cried.

“ Save us!” Sunny pleaded.

“ Isadora! Duncan!” Violet yelled, tears forming in her eyes.

“ Sunny!” Klaus cried, tears already pouring down his face.

Klaus looked at Violet desperately. “What...what do we do?” He asked, his voice trembling as Olaf’s henchmen began to drive away.

Violet growled. “Keep running!”

Klaus didn’t need to be told twice. Both Violet Snicket and Klaus Baudelaire ran as fast as they could. They ran for their lives.

“VFD!” one Quagmire screamed.

Sunny crawled from the Quagmires lap to Olaf’s trying to peer out of the window he rolled down. She waved her tiny hand outside of his window as if trying to reach for one of her siblings. “ Klaus! Violet!”

“ Sunny!” they screamed in unison. “ Quagmires!”

Olaf put an arm around Sunny, who tried to bite him. “Remind me that we need a muzzle for this one, ” he told his henchpeople pointing at Sunny.

As the Quagmires continued to yell VFD! As loud as they could, Olaf continued to laugh as his henchperson began to drive over the speed limit. He peered his head out the window so he can watch and laugh at the two orphans foolishly chasing his car.

He grabbed Sunny by her chin and forced her face partially out of the car. “ You’ve failed your parents, you little bookworm!” He yelled to Klaus. Klaus’ heart shattered when he saw the look of fear in Sunny’s eyes. Even from far away, he knew his baby sister was scared out of her mind. “ And Miss Snicket...you think that you’re all that...but you’re not even close! ” He yelled laughing maniacally. “You couldn’t stop me, unlike your pitiful father!”

Violet and Klaus continued to run. Both shouting “Give them back!”

“Two fortunes down and one to go!” He called out to the two running orphans. “And don’t worry...my sweet...sweet...little Snicket...I’ll be back for you and your precious orphan skin!”

And with that, he rolled up his window with a final wave to Klaus and Violet.

Olaf rolled his eyes as the Quagmires and Sunny continued screaming for help. The Quagmires had managed to push passed the white-faced women and began to pound on the rear window of the car. Violet and Klaus couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they could tell that Duncan and Isadora’s face was desperate and terrified. “Would someone shut these kids up?”

The Hook-Handed Man tried to shush the three kidnapped victims as he drove passed the archway of Prufrock Prep.

“ Duncan!” Klaus cried.

“ Isadora!” Violet cried

Both siblings stopped running. “ Sunny!” they both cried in unison.

Violet looked to the ground in anger as Olaf’s car drove out of sight.

Klaus fell to his knees on the ground. Breaking down into sobs. “ Take me…” he whispered.

Violet looked at Klaus as the young boy sobbed. “ She’s just a toddler...take me,”

Violet walked over to Klaus and put a loving hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, “I should have let him take me,” he whispered softly.

Both siblings had tears in their eyes. Violet fell to her knees and sobbed alongside her brother. “We have to go after them!” Violet screamed angrily. Her face streaked with tears. She turned to face her brother. “We have to go after them!”

But Klaus sank further to the ground, weeping in frustration, exhaustion, and depression. Klaus knew by experience that Count Olaf would soon be long gone. This time, Olaf had not merely escaped though, but this time he escaped with Klaus’ boyfriend, his close friend, and his baby sister. Violet and Klaus wept because they both feared they would never see Sunny or the Quagmires again. They were wrong about this...but they had no way of knowing they were wrong, and just imagining what Olaf might do to the Quagmires and Sunny was enough to make them both weep even harder. Violet wept, thinking of how kind the Quagmires had been to her and her siblings and how accepting Sunny had been when she found out that Violet was her older sister. Klaus wept, thinking of how the Quagmires risked their lives to help him and his sisters and how Olaf was right when he said that Klaus had failed his parents. He was not keeping his promise to them at all, Sunny was now kidnapped and in Count Olaf’s clutches. And they both wept as they thought of the information that the Quagmires had discovered that they might never get to share with them.

“What did Duncan and Isadora shout to you...from the car?” Violet asked.

“V.F.D,” He replied.

Violet’s face grew dark with anger as Klaus spoke the name of the cult that her father was working for. Violet looked at Klaus and then at the direction that Olaf had sped away. She needs to find out everything she could about VFD and the dreadful secrets it is hiding. Perhaps it could help her rescue Sunny and the Quagmires. Perhaps it can bring Olaf to justice. And perhaps it could somehow make clear the mysterious and deadly way that she and her siblings' lives had become so unfortunate.

Klaus grabbed onto Violet and sobbed. Violet held her brother close. If you have lost a friend...or even a sibling, you know it makes your world feel incomplete, like a puzzle with a piece missing, or one half of a broken spyglass. I’m sorry to tell you that this story does not end with the rescue of two brave and noble triplets and a brave and noble toddler. This story ends the way all stories end. With the motto of Prufrock Preparatory School.

That motto is ‘Memento Mori’ and it means…

Remember, you will die.

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