#anyways I think demon dean and cas should’ve kissed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

apatheticanvas67482 · 3 years

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Even When You Hide

Happy @starrynightdeancas celebration day to @firefly124! I got really busy over the last couple of weeks, so its not as good as I wanted it to be for you, but I hope you like it anyways. (also I had to abandon my sketches and normal art style today due to technical difficulties, so the art is a bit rubbish, sorry, if i get round to finishing the other one in my normal style when i get home to my computers, I will send it your way) BUT ANYWAYS I hope you love it (the fic not the art, hides) and I think Sophie is the dopest for putting this whole thing together.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Castiel

Tropes: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss

Based: Somewhere after 10.03, when Crowley give Cas grace and Dean is cured of Demon-ness, and 10.18, when Cas gets his grace back. I did not mention the Mark of Cain though.

Song: I See You - Missio

Word count: 2.2K

I see you when you're down And depressed, just a mess I see you when you cry When you're shy When you want to die I see you when you smile It takes a while At least you're here I see you

It had been 25 minutes since Dean had sent Cas to pick out the paint for his room. He put down all the sheets and lined the sockets and skirting boards with tape and was now sitting at the foot of the bed, tapping his foot to a silent beat.

Dean hadn’t known what to get the angel from the store so there were currently 12 pots of paint, all different colours, sitting on shelves in the garage. He chewed on the inside of his cheek absentmindedly, picturing the scrunch of Cas’ eyebrows and the tilt of Cas’ head as he scowled at the cans.

‘Dean. What does it matter if the room is winter blue or baby blue?’ Dean could almost hear him ask it - the gravel of Cas’ voice rumbled in the back of his mind. Dean shook his head, smiling, and headed to see what the hold-up was.

What he found was a mess.

“Fuck. Shit!” Pots of paint were scattered across the room. Most were broken open, stripes of paint led away from a large metal cabinet that had toppled over onto the Impala and cast the tins in all directions.

“Cas!”

Dean ran forward, holding his breath. The cabinet had smashed right through Baby’s windshield, fracture lines spanned what was left leaving chunks of glass suspended in the laminated frame. The bonnet had been completely crushed, practically folded in half, and the corners had torn into the paintwork. Dean would be seething except he couldn’t breathe. He threw his weight behind his shoulder, forcing it under the shelves and straining until black dots danced in his vision.

“Cas!” Dean collapsed, his efforts futile. “Cas! Where the hell are you?!”

And then he heard it – the quick and broken, but quiet sobs of an angel. Dean whirled around o fast his neck cracked and then he crawled, actually crawled on his hands and knees, towards the sound.

Behind the impala, Cas was perched on the balls of his feet with his trench coat pooling around him. Dean had never seen him cry before, not like this. There was a streak of paint that ran from just under his left eye to the corner of his mouth. Where his tear tracks converged with it, the drops turned blue and fell to the ground like grace. Dean watched, transfixed for a moment, before scrambling closer.

“Cas.” Dean’s voice louder than he meant it, startled Cas out of his fugue state. His hands, which had been moving, stilled instantly as he looked back at Dean with wide shiny eyes.

“I don’t want to go, Dean.” The cracks in Cas’ voice tugged at Dean’s soul. He didn’t understand.

Dean shook his head. “What?”

Cas’s eyes only grew larger as the hunter reached out, “Dean, please don’t make me go.” His arm hung in the air, terrified of doing the wrong thing. He knew Cas couldn’t fly anymore but it had never stopped feeling as though their conversations were timed, except Dean couldn’t see the numbers on the clock. He was always waiting for Cas to vanish. “I want to stay.”

Bile rose in the back of Dean’s throat and his hand dropped like dead weight between them as he realised what Cas was saying, what he was thinking. He thought back to months before. ‘You can’t stay.’ He’d said, the same bile rising in his throat as now. He looked at Cas in his human clothes, that goddamn hoodie., and watched as Cas’ heart broke. Watched as the hurt played openly on his features, defences down. And then, he’d looked away. Dean remembers looking anywhere but into his best friend’s eyes, knowing that if he did his resolve would surely crumble. Now, all he wanted was for Cas to look at him, but the angel had gone from a deer in the headlights to refusing to lift his head higher than his shoulders.

“I can fix it, I promise.” Cas’s hands started moving again. His fingers shook as he tried to slot several pieces of broken glass back together. Small cuts littered his palms, bleeding freely as Cas worked.

“Cas. Cas, why-” Dean swallowed around the lump of panic still tuck in his throat, “Why aren’t you healing? Is it the grace? Is it failing?” His hands had found there way between them again. They hovered uselessly over Cas’ own. Cas was shaking his head, but Dean wasn’t sure if it was in answer to his question.

“Cas?” Dean didn’t know what to do, until he did. Taking a shaky breath, he allowed his panic to consume him for one second more before he tabled it.

“Cas,” His voice was gentle but solid, “Cas, stop it. Please,” - Dean stilled Cas’ hands with his own. He turned them palm up and, careful not to catch any of the cuts, unfurled the angel’s trembling fingers with is thumb – “Just stop.”

Cas was still refusing to meet his eyes, but he’d stopped shaking his head. He stared down at the pieces of glass and Dean followed his gaze. He recognised them as the broken remains of a small glass statue of an angel. Sammy had presented the thing to a few years ago after he’d nabbed it from some rogue crossroad demon’s second-hand shop to bully Dean with. ‘A guardian angel to save me from your moping when Cas is away,’ Sam had said, and Dean had shoved it deep down inside Baby’s trunk. That was until they moved into the bunker and Dean had felt some strange compulsion to place the glass angel atop the recently toppled shelves. Cas had been there, tilting his head at him. ‘Present from Sam,’ He’d practically growled before running away.

“Hey,” One of Dean’s hands left Cas’ in favour of poking him gently in the cheek. Cas jerked backwards slightly, finally meeting Dean’s eyes. He was still crying but less so. Dean nodded, “I need you to listen to me. You. Are. Not. Going. Anywhere. Ever. Again.” He waved his free hand at the mess around him. “All this, none of it matters,” Dean moved his other thumb in circles, steeling himself. This moment is what all his years watching chick flicks in secrecy had been preparing him for. “You, Cas, are what matters. To me.”

Dean held his breath for one, two, three seconds. Cas hiccoughed, blinking one, two, three times as the last of his tears fell from his cheeks.

“Why aren’t you healing?” Dean whispered into the space between them, a little afraid of anything louder.

“I didn’t want to waste m…” Cas looked lost, “It.” Dean waited.

“When Metatron took my grace from me, he left me human. Except I’m not human. Jimmy though, Jimmy was human, fragile. Without my powers, I’m,” Cas struggled with his words, he looked away. “I’m a baby in a trench coat.” Fuck. “I am nothing. And I can’t go back to that. I can’t keep steeling my kin’s grace from them, reducing them as I have been reduced. I can’t.” He dropped his head to his chest once more. “But I also don’t want to die.

“Castiel.” Dean swerved back into Cas’ eyeline as he spoke, “You are not nothing,” Cas stared at him, not believing.

“You are not human. You’re not Jimmy. But you’re not your grace either.” Dean was going to make him understand how wrong he’d been sitting in Eve’s diner. “You’re not your vessel and you’re not your powers. When I look at you-” The hunter swallowed, “When I look at you, I just see… you. I see you, Cas.”

He looked down at their hands, feeling dizzy. He couldn’t believe how mushy he was being or how much he didn’t mind. He felt like Colin Firth. “As for the rest of it, we’ll figure it out. We always do. The grace situation… Well,” Dean smiled, small. “We’ll make it up as we go.” Dean lifted Cas’s hands to his lips and pressed a kiss into a single cut. After a moment, grace began to shine beneath the skin and the wounds pulled themselves closed. Beaming now, he leant back and ran his thumb over the soft new skin, turning their hands so their finger interlocked.

“Dean, I-”

“I made a mistake,” Dean interrupted, “I have made so many mistakes. But, kicking you out like has to be one of the worst. No explanation, no assistance, no nothing. It’s the wrongest I’ve ever been in my life. Gadreel gave me an ultimatum but that’s not an excuse. Doesn’t even come close to justifying what I did. I should’ve told you what was going on. Maybe if I had tried, for even a second, to communicate, we could have avoided a lot of pain. I should’ve – I should’ve done a lot. But I didn’t, and that wasn’t good enough.’

“Dean, it’s okay.”

“No, no it’s not.” Dean broke eye contact then.

“Okay, well” Cas squeezed his hands, “I forgive you then. How’s that?”

Dean huffed out half a laugh. His next words caught in throat as he looked back at Cas. He was so close to him. Dean supposed he always was. Dean’s eyes caught on Cas’ mouth where he had worried at his bottom lip. It was red and sore and wasn’t healing. Before Dean knew what he was doing, he was tipping forward, eye slipping shut. When they met in the middle, he barely felt it. He touched his lips to Cas’ like he had to his hands, his heart pounding against the inside of his ribcage. Dean didn’t realise he hadn’t been breathing until Cas’s lips moved against his own and he gasped for air. He leant against Cas’s forehead breathing far too heavily for such a chaste moment. They sat there just breathing in each other’s air for one, two, three seconds. Then Dean surged forwards, pushing of his feet so he was kneeling up over Cas. He dropped the angel’s hands in favour of holding his head in his own, pressing desperate kiss after desperate kiss to Cas’s mouth. Cas leant backwards under him as they kissed, moulding to fit the curve of his body. His dropped hands had twisted their way into Dean’s flannel, pulling him closer.

As Dean’s lungs screamed for breath, he pulled slowly away. Cas’ head dropped to rest against his sternum and Dean allowed himself to bury his face in his hair. His hands had settled at the base of Cas’ neck and began tracing nonsensical patterns into the skin there.

“C’mon,” He leant back and pulled Cas with him. Leading him by hand past the impala and a few scattered paint cans. He stopped by one - one of the only ones not broken open - and leant down to pick it up. ‘Dusty Cyan’. Perfect. He tucked it under his arm, and flashed Cas a smile.

I'm alone with you You're alone with me What a mess you've made of everything

I'm alone with you You're alone with me And I'm hoping that you will see yourself Like I see you

The next day found them huddled close together leaning over Baby as Dean taught Castiel how to hammer dents out metal without causing more damage and replace a windshield.

“D’you want to know something?” Dean cracked open his beer. Cas hummed from where he was bent over working a dent out of the open bonnet. He was wearing one of Dean’s ratty old Bon Jovi shirts, damp with sweat and motor oil and chewing on his lip distractedly – and distractingly. “Sammy got me that angel to tease me about you.”

Cas looked up then, “About me?”

“Yeah.” The hunter coughed, wondering what had possessed him to open his mouth and start yet another chick flick. Maybe he should be worried about how much of a sap he was becoming. It was Cas’ fault, obviously. “Cuz I always complain when you’re gone.”

Cas turned around and leant back on Baby, his shoulder brushed Dean’s. “You may want to begin coming up with some alternate topics of conversation.”

Dean laughed, “You think so?”

“I have been reliably informed that I’m not going anywhere.” Cas looked at him. “Ever. Again.”

Dean shoved his shoulder, smiling wide when Cas shoved back pressing him back into the Impala’s frame and leaning into his space.

“It’s why I put it up there in the first place instead of shoving in the back of some cupboard.” He poked Cas in the ribs. “Because it reminded me of you.”

“Me.” Cas echoed.

“You,” Dean smirked, “Dumbass.”

Cas growled and silenced him with a kiss for the ages. Dean let himself be taken over by the angel, surrendering the kiss to him and just basking in the feeling of Cas pressed up against him. He didn’t need some glass statue, he already had his guardian angel exactly where he wanted him, and he had proved to be far from fragile.

I see you in the dark At the dawn of something new I see you

#dean winchester #castiel #destiel #hurt/comfort #cas is hurting #dean is there #i hope this wasn't too angsty and had enough comfort in there for you #fanfic #kat scribbles #literally in this case #userstarry #writing challenge #mentions of death #feelings of worthlessness #baby is also there haha #fuck #not literally in this case #first kiss #starrynightdeancas gift exchange

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readinginthereadyroom · 3 years

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I am very aware of my dean-centric tendencies, but I do have various and sundry headcanons for our boy sam winchester:

sam’s an addict. that doesn’t just go away because he stops drinking demon blood. he craves it all. the. time.

and there’s no 12-step program for this. but he does pop into various anonymous meetings while on the road. sometimes it’s alcoholics, sometimes it’s narcotics—doesn’t really matter, since he can’t tell the whole truth anyway. but being around other people who struggle. who fall off the wagon or don’t. it helps.

it’s also where sam’s healthy habits stem from. running is a natural high and his cravings are always worst first thing in the morning. right after dreaming and before coffee.

he’s not a vegetarian, but if he’s honest with himself he knows he’s headed in that direction. he gave up red meat pretty early on. because the thing about demon blood is it’s, well, blood. smokier. with a hint of sulpher. and all it’s mystical, addictive properties. but still blood.

not that he wants to drink human blood. ew, no. he’s not a vampire. but it is a trigger. esp a rare steak with it’s pan-fried sear... that wisp of ash and smoke and... and he doesn’t eat it anymore. no red meats. no bacon. nothing with that awful artificial smoke flavoring. and oddly, hard-boiled eggs.

also he still has psychic powers. nothing big, like telekinesis or prophetic dreams. nothing really even noticable. dean doesn’t notice. just thinks he has good instincts. knows how to dig a case out of a few headlines and some googling. which, yes. that’s just good research. but it’s also a gut feeling. a knowing. that there’s something there before he backs it up with lore.

he’s pretty sure cas knows. will give him one of those head tilt stares when sam’s not paying attention and his fingers fly over the keyboard. just a little too fast. when his first guess is always right. when he complains about having a bad feeling about a case—and then it goes bad.

cas never says anything tho. sam chalks it up to friendship. but also. it’s kinda cas’ way of acknowledging that sam’s powers, slight as they are, are not a problem. are in their own way normal. well, normal for them. for him. just another facet, like his hair, that makes sam sam.

eileen knows, too. he told her, pretty early on, when things started to become serious between them. told her his whole bloody history. terrified she’d look at him in disgust and walk out the bunker door. and never come back.

he should’ve known better.

she took it in stride. then told him her own secrets. things were amazing after that. they had some hunting wins, sam finished an online certification in database infrastructure he’d been working on, eileen and cas were spending more time in the bunker, and dean had found a vintage part for the impala he’d been searching for since they were teenagers. life was good.

until it wasn’t.

sam had gone out so dean and cas could have a date night in. he’d spent some time at the sports shop buying new running shoes and then popped into the used bookstore to pick up the books he’d ordered. he got back to the bunker late and cas and dean were (thankfully) no where to be found.

but the remnants of their dinner was still on the table. smiling, sam blew out the candles and picked up the dishes to take them to kitchen. he noticed the smell immediately. steak. rare. the kitchen reeked of smoke. he beat a hasty retreat, took a few deep breaths, and went to his room. let dean clean up his own mess in the morning.

it was about 3am when eileen got in. she’d been on a demon hunt with jody and sam had been expecting her. so he just rolled over and let her climb into bed. she threw a bandaged arm over his side, tracing OK onto his back to let him know she was fine, before promptly falling asleep. sam did too.

he woke with a shout. eileen’s side of the bed was empty. his throat felt like he’d swallowed ashes and his nose was clogged with sulpher. he’d been dreaming of ruby. his skin felt two sizes too small. he felt like screaming. or maybe crying. he needed coffee so bad.

wandering to the kitchen he found dean making bacon and eggs, humming under his breath. cas was at the table, reading a book, a giant glass of V8 in his hand.

are you kidding me. sam ran his hands thru his hair a couple of times. tried to center himself before grabbing his favorite mug from the cabinet. the air had a burnt smell to it. his mouth watered.

he almost fell out of his chair when eileen came up behind him for a hug. she was freshly showered. her wet hair smelled faintly like vanilla. it was the dark hair that had startled him. his eyes fixed on the too-red of cas’ drink. smoke and blood and sulpher clawing at his nose.

eileen kept a gentle hand on his bicep, but took a step out of his personal space. dean stopped humming. cas stopped reading. they all stared. his knee started bouncing under the table. he beat a hasty retreat.

eileen found him in the library, staring at his open laptop. she sat in the chair next to him. a silent, calm presense. she knew him too well. knew she could wait him out while he got his thoughts in order. and eventually, he did. just started talking. about the smoky kitchen last night. the way her hair had smelled of sulpher when she returned from her hunt. the dream. then the stupid juice and stupid bacon and how stupid it made him feel. how out of control.

with a nod at all the right places, eileen just sat quietly and let him talk. get it all off his chest. when it was clear he was done she called him a dumbass. scolded him for thinking he could this all his own. you’re problems are my problems, sam. you can’t just tell them to me and think I won’t lift a finger to share them.

and share them she did. hauling sam up from bis chair, eileen dragged him to the kitchen where she proceeded to rip dean and cas new ones for being so insensitive. pointing at the fridge, she made dean clean out all the red meat. upended cas’ drink in the sink and sent him to get some air freshner from the store. then she tossed sam in the shower, while she stripped the sheets of their bed and did the laundry.

he felt better after. still on edge, but better. eileen was sitting on the freshly made bed with his laptop open. she signed while talking. she’d found a narcotics anonymous one town over. I think you need a sponsor. for the bad days. like today.

as usual she was right. sam had been thinking the same for a while. eileen was the shove he needed tho. her love and intensity and fierce protectiveness the balm he needed.

it was still a bad day. but it was a little less bad because he had her at his side. sam leaned over to shut the laptop and snuck a kiss to the side of her lips. then he scooped up her hand to kiss her knuckles. a move guaranteed to make her blush.

she shoved him off the bed. now go for your run sam winchester. he laughed and did as he was told.

#hey sam girls (gender neutral) I wrote this for you #sam winchester #spn #dean winchester #castiel #eileen leahy #saileen #destiel #headcanon turned drabble

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im-like-if-a-girl · 3 years

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*THE* mean-girl-dean-girl's Supernatural reboot MEGAPOST!

I'm gonna stick a little "keeping reading" here because hoooooo boy, this is a very long post.

Let's start with

Plot

Season 1

Dean kills John while they are out on a hunt in a crime of passion, but Dean doesn't remember because he blacked out. Cue Dean going to Stanford to get Sam and tell him "Dad's on a hunting trip... and he hasn't been home in a couple days."

The audience doesn't know what happened to John, but slowly figures it out with Dean and Sam as Dean slowly remembers what happened that night.

The entire first season, the boys are following the trail John left and fighting monsters as well. They find out Dean was with John, Sam realizes Dean has an unreliable memory, they have heart to hearts about their childhood and the fire, they find John's body, "how could you kill Dad?" but maybe Dean didn't kill dad, whooaaaaaa, misdirection.

It was actually good ole yeller eyes (Azazel) and he made it look like Dean killed John.

Okay, now let's move on to the first episode

Not sure how the opening would work, I would like the story of the fire to be revealed over the course of the first season, but maybe the opening scene could be a little bit of an establishing character relationships and backstory, idk, I haven't thought that far yet.

I'm thinking maybe it's like, Dean gets back to a motel room covered in blood and he listens to a voicemail on his phone from John saying he was on a hunt or something, I don't really know lol.

HOWEVER

I do know that after the intro rolls, we get a scene of Sam waking up to his alarm and "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton starts playing.

Y'all know where this is going.

Cue a montage of Sam's normal Stanford college life (him sitting through lectures, walking through the campus with friends) spliced with scenes of Dean absolutely slaughtering a nest of vampires (or some other monsters, whatever works best.)

But

Now onto

Characters!!! (And descriptions)

Dean Winchester

Some lovely person on this site made edits of Dean with platinum blond hair and it made me feel some kind of way so we're doing that, homie's gonna have platinum blond hair

Side note about the hair, later when the brothers are running from the FBI he dyes it a dirty blond/light brown (insert jackles hair color controversy here) as a disguise.

He also gets tattoos because we were robbed.

Speaking of tattoos, concept: when Dean comes back from Hell, all of his tattoos are gone. His body is a clean slate, devoid of tattoos, scars, etc. So he gets his tattoos done all over again, which he doesn't mind because he made some bad, drunk tattoo decisions in his youth.

(And before you ask, yes, he does get one for Cas, either a bee or Cas's name in enochian, something cute.)

Dean goes to therapy after Sam gets sent to the Cage.

It's actually court mandated because he got in trouble, lol, he would never go to therapy on his own.

Along with the hair, Dean gets to be the grade A twunk we all know he is.

Sam Winchester

His hair gets longer in every scene he's in

No jk, but imagine

King of Microaggressions

Sam starts off like the sweetheart he is in season 1 but in later seasons he starts enjoying killing a little too much...

It's that demon blood, ba-by!!!

He brings up issues of morality to Dean, i.e. killing monsters who aren't hurting anyone. (Yes I know this is contradictory to my previous statement, but these two facets of Sam can and will coexist.)

Sam and Jess's relationship is explored further, meaning we'll need to start with a different inciting incident, but that's fine, I think everyone can agree fridgings are *(thumbs down)*

Sam doesn't truly know what happened the night of the fire until later, and then he understands why Dean is so protective of him.

Jess

She gets to live beyond the first episode

She is also trans

No, I don't feel like I have to explain myself and I won't 💜

She urges Sam to join Dean in a search for their brother, kind of gets pulled into the hunter lifestyle by association lol.

She dies on a rusty nail after fighting vampires on a routine hunt with Sam

No jk!!!

But imagine....

She's amazing and I love her and Lucifer also uses her as leverage against Sam and possesses her because I think that'd be cool.

She supports Sam 100% and also she and Dean are buddies, pals if you will.

She meets Cas Thee El and immediately she Knows, that is a homosexual.

She dies still so that we can have a Saileen Endgame but she's not dying the first episode or in a fridging. Not on my watch.

Castiel

He gets to keep his raw, light-fixture-exploding power.

I want more of that "I pulled you out of hell, I can throw you back in" energy except over dumb shit like Dean not cleaning up after himself.

He looks like a Dilf in every scene he's in, yeah, that's right, dilf with a capital D for *(GUNSHOTS)* *(gets sent to horny jail)*

Claire

She gets pink hair

And more time with Cas

And maybe a nose piercing

Feel like she should be able to kill a couple angels onscreen, punch a couple homophobes

She gets to meet Jack and teaches him swears and fun slang words.

She deserves it.

Jack

I says "that's my baby and I'm proud."

Jack starts off as a baby, but like Amara he grows up super quickly.

Like, baby to 11 year old in a couple days or less.

This is because Jack's emotional age on the show is on par with that of a 5th grader.

It's at this point when he's a young kid that he runs away from the Bunker and shenanigans ensue.

It's also at this point that Dean threatens to k*ll him.

(Still not sure if I want that in my Supernatural (threatened infanticide? In my Supernatural? It's more likely than you think) but we'll see. We'll see.)

Throughout a majority of season 13, Jack is like an 11 y.o. kid

Season 14 he's like a 16 y.o. teenager

Season 15 he's 21, you get the picture.

Listen, I love Alex Calvert a lot. He's great.

But Jack is a child and should be a child.

Kelly Kline

Kelly, baby, stay right where you are, you're perfect.

Eileen

SHE DOESN'T DIE

SHE GETS TO BE IN THE FINALE BECAUSE SHE'S AMAZING AND I LOVE HER.

BLURRY WIFE WHO? I ONLY KNOW SAILEEN ENDGAME!

She teaches Claire and Jack swears in sign-language. Castiel is not impressed.

John

J*hn W*nchester stans, DNI.

He's dead.

We only see him in flashbacks and only sometimes hear his voice in voice overs.

He's not "down the road" from Dean in Heaven, in fact he instead gets to wander around in some Purgatory like Hell for the rest of his time :)

People who get to say "fuck" on the show:

Cas (but only Once)

Jody

Bobby

Now onto other things

I want more of

Ghostfacers

(they need more screentime because I love them)

Dean/Benny

We know they had a thing.

They definitely had a thing.

Demon Dean

Again, I feel like more should've been done with this. All that build up for what, 2 episodes? was not utilized well at all.

Dean's Bisexuality

Straight Dean truthers DNI, my Supernatural is a show about love and being true to yourself

You think Supernatural is a show about 2 straight brothers fighting monsters?

Naw bitch, this is a show about the Gay Experience

He will get to have relations with men on this show.

Of course, only after John dies does he, y'know, display it. Maybe he kisses Cas on his dad's grave just to fuck John over, make him roll in grave.

We all agree John would be/is a homophobe piece of shit, right?

Okay, glad we're on the same page.

Dads

3 men and a baby with Jack is what I'm saying.

I love it when the Trio are father-figures to younger troubled characters they see themselves in, even better if it's like reluctant-but-loving father figure, oh, that trope gets me every time :'^)

Dadstiel and DadDean are my favorites, but I like it when Sam plays "Uncle Sam" to kids too lol.

"Fellas, is it gay to want a tight knit family with your husband, his son, his vessel's daughter, your brother, his wife, your cop mother figure and her wife and their adopted daughters? Asking for a friend."

Garth

Biggest flaw of Supernatural was underutilizing Garth.

I will never not be bitter that Garth was only in like, 7 episodes out of the whole 15 season series.

Every episode with Garth gets immediately 5 times better.

I love Garth.

Follow ups on characters who had entire episodes featured around them and then just... vanished???

This is mostly about Jesse, the magic kid whose imagination ruled an entire town like, his daddy was a demon and nothing came of that kid??? Only one episode about him?? No follow up???

KID CAN MANIPULATE REALITY AND WE'RE NOT GONNA GET A FOLLOW UP ON THAT?????

Uh, there was that one episode with Ennis the guy whose girlfriend was killed by a monster? I think?? Who we never see again, that was weird.

Tamara from season 3, episode 1.

And of course-

Cassie

She was so cool, and then we never saw her again :////

She gets to be a badass.

Religious imagery

As a former Catholic school student who has become for the most part, disillusioned with religion, religious imagery in TV shows like Supernatural make my brain go "brrrrrr."

Fun episodes!!!

Like, after season 6 or so, there's a drop in funny episodes

I'm talking Changing Channels, The French Mistake type stuff. (Scoobynatural is an outlier and should not be counted.)

So anyway

In my version we would have more fun episodes

I'm thinking

GENDER-SWAP EPISODE, BABY!!

(why they didn't do that in the original, we'll never know.)

An episode where Dean gets to wear eyeliner

That's it, end of post.

I want less

Racism

Yeah I feel like this is self explanatory, nearly every reoccurring character in SPN is white, and black side characters normally die in the episode they first appear in, or they'll be featured as a villain (Uriel, Raphael, Billie, etc)

Also there's a lot of... uh... asian fetishism featured in the show (what with "Busty Asian Beauties) that's really gross, also Kevin was a bit of a stereotype...

Also also it's super yucky how they kill the gods from other religions like???? Uh??? That's super disrespectful, let's not do that????

I know Supernatural is like, inherently racist because monsters are a separate race that are seen as some dangerous "other" that must be eradicated by hunters in a form of genocide-

Okay we won't get into that but

Still

Stop killing all your POC

Fridgings/Unecessary murders of female characters

I know Supernatural starts with a fridging, so this will be a hard thing to remedy, but

One death that really pissed me off was the death of Charlie

Yeah, that was pointless and we're not doing that. Charlie gets to live and be an awesome aunt to Jack.

And also Claire

Charlie Bradbury Superiority

Charlie and Garth get to meet because they're nerd/geek solidarity.

British Men of Letters

I fucking hate these guys

They're "litcherally" the worst.

The worst part is that the actors they have playing the British AREN'T. EVEN. BRITISH.

And you can tell

Uh, and that's all for now, I'll add more later.

tag list for people who liked my "if this post gets one like I'll post my SPN reboot masterpost" post.

@darianyunidi @sarasidlesaid @crazybananaalpaca @playfulpanthress @ultfreakme @fififeelsmellow @heller-char @luna8eaton @princessmeganfire @insanebot109 @queenofnightsnow @mongoose-underthehouse

Thank you for the support, hope the wait was worth it.

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deansmom · 3 years

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ao3 this is 4.1k of a couple times dean wanted to say it, and the one time cas did. warning for: crypt scene

The first time Dean wants to say it, they’re standing on a street in the middle of nowhere.

Cas just pulled him out of some weird future universe, and Dean lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

He turns his head and sees Cas, and has to fight back a smile.

“That’s pretty nice timing, Cas.”

Castiel’s face morphs into something that’s almost a smile. It makes Dean’s chest warm in a way that he wasn’t expecting.

“We had an appointment.”

It’s so stupid. It’s such a stupid, stupid thing to say and it knocks the wind out of him. Dean smiles, huffing a laugh as he sets a hand on Cas’ shoulder.

He’s had a thing for Cas for a while now, as much as he hates to admit it. He doesn’t understand it, he feels weird about it - he’s a fucking angel, for Christ’s sake - but he does.

Dean wonders, for just a moment, what Cas would do if he said it. If he just said something like, ‘I think I love you. I think I love you and that scares the hell out of me, man.’

Instead, he squeeze’s Cas’ shoulder and stops his other hand just short of touching Castiel’s cheek.

“Don’t ever change.”

🖤

The next time Dean wants to say it, he’s fighting back tears looking at Cas trapped in a ring of holy fire.

He hears his brother say, “Did you bring me back soulless... on purpose?”

Dean’s chest aches at the way Castiel’s face contorts.

“How could you think that?”

Sam sneers a little, his own way of showing his betrayal, “Well, I’m thinking a lot of things right now, Cas.”

Castiel looks equal parts angry and devastated. Dean wants nothing more than to reach across the flames and grab his hands.

“Listen. Raphael will kill us all. He'll turn the world into a graveyard. I had no choice.“

Dean hears his own voice before his brain registers that he’s speaking.

“No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one.”

Castiel looks at him, hurt written all over his face, and Dean’s stomach churns at the sight of it.

God, this right here, this is why Dean doesn’t do relationships.

“You don’t understand.” Cas’s voice sounds tired, “It’s complicated.”

Dean wants to laugh.

“No, actually, it's not, and you know that.” He wants to yell and scream, angry at the world and angry at Cas for pulling this shit. “Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!”

He might be yelling now, but he’s desperate.

He wants to yell that he would have done anything to help Cas, that it isn’t Castiel’s job to protect Dean anymore. That they’re a family, they’re a team, and they protect each other. He wants to yell something stupid and cliche like, ‘I love you, you idiot!’

Castiel’s face looks like he might be able to read Dean’s mind.

“It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?”

That practically knocks the wind out of him, the sincerity in the question.

Dean huffs a breath that’s maybe supposed to be a laugh, maybe not.

“I was there. Where were you?”

His brain keeps pulling up clips from every stupid romcom he’s ever watched. Every desperate love confession flashes before his eyes and it just makes Dean want to throw himself into the fire.

“You should’ve come to us for help, Cas.”

Castiel sighs, “Maybe,” and looks like he wants to reach out for Dean.

A loud whirring noise engulfs the cabin they’re standing in, a cloud of demon smoke heading straight for them.

“It’s too late now. I can’t turn back now. I can’t.”

Dean feels frantic with it, the desire to drag Cas back to safety, “It’s not too late! Damn it Cas, we can fix this!”

We can fix this together, you idiot. I love you Cas, please.

“Dean,” Castiel yells as the wind gets louder, “It’s not broken! Run. You have to run, now!”

🖤

The third time Dean wants to say it, wants to tell Cas, it feels like he’s talking to a stranger.

“Thanks for the lift.”

They’re standing in a barn looking at the end of the world and Cas isn’t himself. He doesn’t want to fight anymore, he wants to watch the bees. He looks like Cas, sounds like Cas, but it isn’t -

“Dean...” Castiel follows him for a moment and stops a couple steps away.

Dean turns to look at him, tired as hell and without the energy to hear it anymore. “Cas, we've been over it. I get it – you can't help.”

He’s not mad.

He might’ve been, for a while, but he was more angry with himself than anything... ok, he was mad at Cas too, just a little bit. He was pissed that when Dean needed him, really fucking needed him, he was broken.

And he knows that’s not fair, truly he knows, but it’s hard to not be angry when the world is probably going to end and the one person Dean thought he could always, always count on just isn’t... himself.

Castiel kicks the ground in front of him, not quite meeting Dean’s eyes when he asks, “If we attack Dick and fail, then you and Sam die heroically, correct?”

Dean looks at him, confused, and just kinda huffs something that’s maybe a laugh.

“I don’t know. I guess.”

Cas sounds a little bit more lucid than he has today, but still not quite like himself.

“And at best, I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake. Or... I don't die – I'm brought back again. I see now. It's a punishment resurrection. It's worse every time.”

Dean resists the urge to roll his eyes, taking a half step towards Cas, “I'm sorry. Uh, we're talking about God crap, right?”

This time Castiel meets his eyes, “I’m not good luck Dean.”

And that’s just not true.

It takes all of Dean’s control to not grab Cas by the shoulders and tell him just how much that isn’t true.

“Yeah, but you know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench... Sorry,” Dean shrugs, making sure that Cas doesn’t look away from him. “But I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

His heart skips a beat when his brain realizes what just came out of his mouth.

He shifts a little, uncomfortable with the slip, “And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?”

Castiel is staring at him like he knows what Dean wanted to say.

He screws up his face a little, trying not to sound as defensive as he feels. “What?”

Castiel might be smiling at him. Maybe.

“Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness.”

He doesn’t have the energy to deny it any more.

“Yeah, well, I’m probably going to die tomorrow, so...”

Dean stops himself from saying something stupid like, ‘so there’s no point in me lying to you anymore, Cas.’

“Well,” Castiel squares his shoulders and looks away for a moment before meeting Dean’s eyes again. “I'll go with you. And I'll do my best.”

And if that isn’t just the damndest thing.

Dean’s lungs seize for a moment, his throat closing on a confession neither of them need right now. He’s overwhelmed with something that he thinks is equal parts grief and contentment, for just a brief moment.

And you know, in all the time they’ve known each other, Cas just has this way of saying things sometimes that take Dean’s breath away.

And maybe that’s dumb or cliche or hell, embarrassing even, but it’s true.

He just told Cas, this Cas who doesn’t want to fight anymore, that tomorrow he’s going off to die. He’s going to sacrifice himself to save the world.

The fucker didn’t even blink. Didn’t have to think about it for a second.

Dean would be shocked if he didn’t know that if their roles were reversed, he would’ve said the same thing.

Instead of saying any of that, he offers Cas a small smile.

“Thanks.”

Castiel bounces a little on his feet, his voice going a little melodic, “So... Can I ask, the plan?”

Dean wants to kiss that stupid look off his face.

🖤

The next time, Dean almost says it.

He breaks through the brush first and sees Castiel kneeling in front of the stream. His knees feel weak with the relief of seeing that god awful trench coat.

“Cas!” Dean yells before he can stop himself, before Benny can either.

Cas looks up from the stream, like he doesn’t know if that voice is real or not, “Dean?”

Dean walks quickly down the bank and over to Cas, Benny on his heels.

He hasn’t felt this much relief in years. Seeing Cas turn to face them feels like a million pounds has been lifted from Dean’s chest.

“Cas,” he laughs a little bit as he pulls his best friend into a tight hug. “Damn, it’s good to see you.”

He steps back finally after a moment, the grin on his face already making his cheeks hurt. He reaches out without thinking about it and brushes a hand over Castiel’s new beard, “Nice peach fuzz.”

Castiel looks a little bewildered, like he’s not sure if this is real, “Thank you.”

Dean gestures back to Benny, afraid to take his eyes off of Cas, “You should meet somebody. This is Benny. Benny, this is Cas.”

Benny raises a hand in acknowledgement, “Hola.”

Castiel spares him a glance for a moment before turning to look at Dean again, “How did you find me?”

Dean huffs a laugh, “The bloody way.” He moves his axe as if to show it off before asking, “You feeling ok?”

“You mean am I still...” Castiel points to his head, making circles with his fingers.

It shouldn’t be as endearing as it is.

He’s still grinning when he says, “Yeah, if you want to be on the nose about it, sure.”

Castiel huffs, “No. I'm perfectly sane. But, then, 94% of psychotics think they're perfectly sane, so I guess we'd have to ask ourselves, ‘what is sane?’”

Dean lets himself look over Cas again, warmth feeling his chest that he hasn’t felt since before they got themselves thrown into this godforsaken land.

“That’s a good question.”

Benny’s voice breaks through the haze for a brief moment.

“Why’d you bail on Dean?”

Dean’s head snaps over to glare at his friend, incredulous, “Dude -”

Benny glares at Dean, impatience rolling off of him in waves, “The way I hear it, you two hit monster land, and hot wings here took off. I figure he owes you some backstory.”

He rolls his eyes a little, annoyed to have this conversation with Benny again.

“Look, we were surrounded, okay? Some freak jumped Cas. Obviously, he kicked its ass, right?”

He looks over at Cas, smiling and motioning for Cas to tell him.

“No.”

Dean feels like someone punched him. “What?”

Castiel swallows, “I ran away.”

“You ran away?”

“I had to.”

“That's your excuse for leaving me with those gorilla-wolves?”

“Dean –”

He’s seething now, any relief he felt before quickly evaporating. “You bailed out and, what, went camping? I prayed to you, Cas, every night.”

Castiel looks down, ashamed. “I know.”

Dean feels like he might throw up. “You know and you didn't...”

The words get caught in his throat, no longer angry and just hurt. “What the hell's wrong with you?”

Castiel looks determined, but he still won’t meet Dean’s eyes for longer than half a second. “I am an angel in a land of abominations. There have been things hunting me from the moment we arrived.”

Dean laughs bitterly, “Join the club!”

“These are not just monsters, Dean. They're Leviathan. I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to –”

Castiel takes a breath and looks up at Dean again, this time meeting his eyes.

“To keep them away from you. That's why I ran.”

Again, there he goes again, saying shit that just knocks the wind out of Dean.

“Just leave me, please.”

Benny nods and readjusts his own weapon on his shoulder, “Sounds like a plan. Let's roll.”

Dean reaches out to stop him, not taking his eyes off Cas, “Hold on, hold on. Cas, we're getting out of here. We're going home.”

To his credit, Castiel looks apologetic when he says, “Dean, I can't.”

The self-sacrificing idiot makes Dean’s chest ache with the urge to kiss that look off of his face.

“You can. Benny, tell him.”

Benny sighs in the most put upon way that Dean’s ever heard from someone that isn’t Sam.

“Purgatory has an escape hatch, but I got no idea if it's angel-friendly.”

It doesn’t even register with Dean that this isn’t a foolproof plan.

“We'll figure it out. Cas, buddy, I need you.”

He opens his arms as if he’s going to hug Cas again, but just ends up gesturing vaguely so he doesn’t do something stupid like kiss his best friend.

Castiel looks pained, like he can read Dean’s mind, “Dean...”

Something in Cas’s voice fills Dean with some renewed hope, that he might be breaking through to him.

“And if Leviathan want to take a shot at us, let ‘em. We ganked those bitches once before. We can do it again.”

He wonders briefly if he sounds as desperate as he feels.

Dean’s been running through purgatory for god knows how long looking for Cas, scared that he was gonna lose Cas - and now he’s here. He’s in front of him, and Dean feels like it’s worse than wearing his heart on his sleeve.

Castiel sighs, looking away for a moment, “It's too dangerous.”

Feeling brave, Dean steels himself to say, “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you. Understand?”

His heart his hammering so loud in his chest that it’s all he can hear.

He wants to say that he’s sorry for the last couple years. He’s sorry he wasn’t there to protect Cas. He’s sorry he didn’t tell him sooner, that he didn’t tell Cas how much he loves him. How he gets it, why Cas worked with Crowley, and he can’t even find it in himself to be mad anymore.

Castiel’s answer surprises him, “I understand.”

Sometimes Dean wonders if Cas can hear his thoughts.

🖤

The next time, Dean does say it.

Or at least, he tries to say it.

Castiel isn’t himself again.

Dean’s known that for a while now, but he’s been too scared to admit it to himself.

It’s kind of hard to ignore it now as Castiel’s fist connects with his face again.

“Oh,” he grunts out, choking a little bit on some blood.

He can’t see anything out of one eye and he reaches out, trying to stop his hands from connecting with his face again, “Cas.”

Dean misses the first grab, feeling weak, and tries again, “Cas.”

He’s terrified but as fucked up as it is, he’s not scared for himself. He’s scared that Cas is going to kill him and Dean won’t be able to tell him that it’s ok, he knows it’s not Castiel’s fault.

There’s more blood in his throat now so the words come out more as a gurgle, “I know you're in there.”

Cas raises his angel blade up, ready to strike, and Dean resigns himself to it.

“I know you can hear me,” he tries again. “Cas...” He hears his own voice break with it and Dean knows that he’s begging. If it was anyone else, for any other reason, he’d rather die than beg but this is different. “It's me.”

Dean tries to open the eye that’s swollen shut as he meets Castiel’s empty eyes, one of his hands finally landing on Cas’s wrist. “We're family. We need you...”

There’s so much he could say. He could tell Cas that he knows this isn’t him, that he’s sorry he hasn’t done anything to help him yet, that he’s sorry he’s been avoiding him. He’s just been so fucking scared to lose him again.

Dean’s known that he’s been in love with Cas for years, but he didn’t realize how much he needed Cas until they got back from purgatory.

He wants to say it. He should say it.

“I need you.”

Shit.

All at once, it’s like Dean can see a flip being switched in Cas.

Castiel drops the angel blade and Dean finally lets himself fall forward with the pain and relief of it all. A bright light fills the room for a moment and Dean briefly registers it before looking up again.

“Cas?” His voice sounds like he’s been gargling glass and fuck, Cas doesn’t look like himself quite yet.

Dean tries to take a full breath and can’t, his ribs hurting too much, “Cas?”

Castiel reaches towards him and Dean hates himself for it, but he flinches, seeing his life flash before his eyes for a brief second.

“No. Cas. Cas!”

instead of a final blow, Dean just feels Castiel’s hand rest on his cheek and the familiar warmth of his Grace flowing through him.

“I'm so sorry, Dean.”

🖤

After that, there’s plenty of moments where Dean feels like this might be the right time to say it. Maybe.

He thinks about saying it when he’s in that hospital church, praying for help.

He thinks about saying it when they find Cas in that apartment, human and dead.

He thinks about telling him when he picks Cas up from babysitting his boss’s daughter.

He thinks about telling him on every phone call, every text, every email they send.

He thinks about saying it when they find Cas with an army, and Cas chooses Dean over his family.

Even when he was a demon, there was a moment where Dean almost called him to taunt Cas with the knowledge that once upon a time, Dean loved him more than anything.

He almost tells him one morning when they’re eating at a shitty roadside diner and Sam gets up to go to the bathroom.

Eventually, Dean just accepts that maybe they’re not supposed to have this.

Castiel can’t technically read his mind, but there’s no way in hell that he doesn’t know how Dean feels. And Dean reasons that hey, if Cas doesn’t feel the need to say it, maybe he doesn’t feel the same way.

Maybe Charlie and Benny and Jody have all been wrong, and it really is as one-sided as Dean’s always suspected.

Castiel? An actual angel of the lord, no matter how poor of an excuse for one Cas thought he was, love Dean? Dean Winchester?

Now, that, that’s crazy.

So when Cas opens his big stupid mouth and says, “I never found an answer because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have.”

Dean’s heart just stops working.

His brain feels like a record that gets caught on one skip for too long because the words “can’t have” keep repeating over and over and over.

Castiel smiles a little bit, and he’s crying and Dean feels like he’s back in that cabin again, looking at Cas through a ring of holy fire.

“But I think I know now, happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in the being. It’s in just saying it.”

Dean knows that happiness isn’t in the having, because even when he’s had Cas, had him in his bed or in the Impala or even just in the bunker, it’s a very empty happiness. It’s a happiness that’s underscored by the desperation of knowing that it’s ever-so fleeting and temporary.

He hears himself say, “What are you talking about, man?”

And there Cas goes again, just knocking him off his fucking feet like it’s nothing.

“I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies sees you. You’re destructive, you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re Daddy’s blunt instrument.”

Dean’s stomach lurches because of course Cas thinks all of that, but he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve Castiel giving him the benefit of the doubt, not when they both know that it isn’t fucking true.

"You think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s what you are.” Castiel offers him a smile and it kinda makes Dean want to die.

“It’s not.”

It is, though.

Castiel’s crying more now and Dean’s reminded of purgatory, of that desperate need to grab him and fix everything but he can’t. He can’t and he doesn’t and he hasn’t felt this helpless in years.

“And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.”

Dean feels like his skin is crawling but he can barely focus on that when he can see how upset Cas is. He’s desperately trying to reach out but his hands won’t move no matter how hard his brain is yelling at them.

Castiel takes a breath, ignoring the background noises getting louder, “You raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love, that is who you are.”

That is not who Dean is, and he wants to scream it. He’s a coward. He’s a fucking coward who has been in love with this big dumb idiot across from him since that moment in the green room all those years ago, and he’s never fucking told him.

He’s a selfish coward and he doesn’t deserve any of this.

“You’re the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless loving human being I will ever know.” Castiel looks at him like he can read Dean’s mind.

Briefly Dean wonders if he’s imagining things, or if he really can feel Cas’ grace right now.

“You know ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of hell... knowing you has changed me.”

If he didn’t know what Cas was doing, Dean would laugh at that because God, Castiel has changed so much about Dean. He’s given him so much and he doesn’t even know if he ever told Cas that, if he ever said thanks for that, or if he even knows.

“Because you cared, I cared.”

And oh, Dean’s chest hurts. Oh, fuck it really hurts.

“I cared about you,” Cas looks at him like he’s second guessing himself. “And I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack - I cared about the whole world because of you.“

Dean doesn’t know how to tell Cas that he’s the only reason Dean’s been able to fight for so long.

“You changed me, Dean.”

He swallows a little bit, scared that the wrong thing is going to coming out of his mouth.

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

He knows what this is, knows what the dumb fuck has been doing this whole time. He was just kind of hoping that if he played dumb, he might be wrong.

“Because it is.”

Dean shakes his head, swallowing back the tears he can already feel threatening to spill.

He wonders, briefly, if he yelled I love you loud enough, would it stave off Death herself?

Cas beats him to it.

“I love you.”

For a brief, spectacularly dumb moment, even for Dean, he hates Cas.

He hates that Cas is infinitely braver and better than Dean has ever been. He hates that Cas got the big dramatic confession scene. He hates himself for not saying it sooner, because Cas deserved more than this. Cas deserves the world, not Dean being terrified to open his mouth.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Don’t say it before me. Don’t leave me again, please, I’m no good without you.

The Empty opens up behind him and Dean feels desperate with it, desperate to stop everything from happening.

“Cas -”

Billie kicks the door open and Dean can’t breathe.

Castiel’s smiling at him and the fucker looks content.

He feels Castiel’s hand on his shoulder and for a brief moment, it burns like the handprint never left.

“Goodbye, Dean.”

Everything happens so quickly after that, as Dean watches the Empty take the love of his life and Death herself.

He can’t help but stare at the wall, the last place he saw Cas.

His phone rings and Dean looks just long enough to ignore the call, but he can’t see straight, can’t think straight. He’s crying, apparently.

“I love you. Fuck.”

#deancas #deancas text #deancas for ts #destiel #mackenzie attempts fics #personal #otp: cursed or not #;n; idk it just came to me lol

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piscescastiel · 3 years

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ok so for laughs i went on the spn subreddit to see if they've actually been as homophobic and/or dumb as shit as we all think they've been about deancas and the ending and everything. and for the most part they have been! except here's one take that clocked me in that it was actually surprisingly good: someone suggesting that dean didn't reciprocate in 15x18 not because he didn't feel the same way about cas, but because he was Deeply Repressed™-- so deeply repressed, in fact, that if they really wanted to do a deancas storyline justice, they should've included at least another half-season arc just about, like. dean learning to deal with the trauma of his internalized homophobia (and other various traumas) and learning to actually fully believe what cas said about him doing everything he does for love and not anger.

and now i think that's actually just going to Haunt Me Forever! like yeah what we've learned over these past 12 months of november 2020 is that the C*W would evidently be too homophobic to ever even *think* about greenlighting something like that, but could you imagine???! like, an alternate universe (or a future jackles reboot miniseries) where, after cas gets sucked into the empty, dean actually gets adequate time and space to process that on screen??? like ok, they would still get rid of chuck and cas would still seemingly be stuck in the empty for the forseeable future, and then that would be the end of season 15. but then that wouldn't actually be the end, bc instead we'd still have a nice little 8-episode season 16 to finish wrapping everything up.

and in this imaginary season 16, the overarching big bad storyline becomes finding a way to deal with the empty and get cas back, while the emotional arc becomes about sam and dean having to figure out who the fuck they want to be now that they have free will. and maybe that means we see more of sam with eileen, and we see sam confronting his whole "but i'm inherently evil bc demon blood" complex and leaning into his witchy side, and/or we see him start to build up the men of letters and become a mentor to other hunters.

and then while that's going on, we actually get to see the emotional fallout dean is going through after cas's confession. we see dean trying to reconcile what cas told him (he is love) with how he feels about himself (he is violence and anger.) we see dean trying to process how he feels about cas telling him he loves him, and realizing that, holy shit, he feels the same way and he has for a very long time. we then see dean trying to make that realization fit with his conception of himself as the whole ~macho hunter toxic masculinity~ stereotype that he always thought he had to put on, and we see him realizing that free will means more than just not being beholden to chuck, it means not being beholden to john winchester's idea of right and wrong and not being beholden to whatever it is that anyone else may need or expect from him. and maybe that also means we even get to find some excuse to bring back john for just long enough that dean gets to verbally (or physically) curbstomp him a little bit!

and THEN by the time the season is reaching its high point plot-wise, like they've found their solution and they're ready to go get cas back from the empty, all this emotional stuff has been processed and dean is more certain about what he wants from his life now that it's actually up to him. which also means that he's now absolutely certain and guilt-free about the fact that, if they manage to pull this off and get him back, he does want cas in exactly the same way he knows cas wants him. and then cas *does* come back, and we get a nice little speech from dean summarizing all this character development, maybe a nice little call back like 'maybe happiness for you is in just saying it, but i want more than that' or something. and then dean finally gets to be true to himself and put his own desires first, and cas finally gets to hear someone else tell him they love him (in english), and then they kiss. and then it ends with an epilogue of sam and eileen running their hunter internship program or whatever, and jack coming to visit whenever he wants because he realizes he's god so he can do that, and dean and cas retiring to just be together, to just be normal and a little bit selfish and AT PEACE for the first time in either of their goddamn lives.

anyways every day i am tortured by visions of all the ways supernatural could have been Good if the C*W were not homophobic and also completely incapable of producing even one (1) coherent television program. on a related note, jackles baby you just focus on getting those reboot rights, i promise you the show and resultant glaad award victories will come together all by themselves

#i apologize for the incoherence gang!!! i am simply having thots about What Could Have Been #destiel #destielgate #deancas

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pointlesstrashyexistence · 3 years

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Every few days I think about how if Supernatural’s writers were just planning on killing of Cas and then never mentioning him again with the original ending involving the possibility of just a brief cameo of him in Heaven weirdly partying with (dead?) Kansas, I probably would’ve preferred it if Cas didn’t have a confession scene.

Ok here me out. Yes I ship DeanCas/Destiel. Yes I loved that there was at least acknowledgment of Cas’ romantic feelings towards Dean. Misha has outright said the confession was romantic and there have already been two official dubs in two different languages where the “I love you” specifically uses phrases that show romantic love. It’s not up for debate anymore if those feelings were romantic.

But if they were just going to throw that in there and get rid of Cas and never mention him again except for two scenes where he doesn’t appear and one that is just Lucifer pretending to be him to gain access to the bunker, I would’ve preferred it if Cas’ true happiness was something that I think would’ve been the ultimate acknowledgement of Cas’ transformation, which I feel would’ve been Jack calling Cas his dad and telling his dad how much he loves him. Of all three members of Team Free Will 1.0, Cas has been the most like a dad to Jack. Cas was the one who eventually helped Kelly hide, prepared a home for Jack and Kelly to live in, for Jack to be raised in safe and loved and cared for. Cas was the one prepared to go down fighting to protect Jack before Jack was even born. Cas is the one who always runs to Jack, to protect Jack, to save Jack, even if it means creating a rift between him, Sam, and Dean.

I love my Sam Winchester is Jack Kline’s Father fics, and my Dean Winchester is Jack Kline’s Father fics, and my Team Free Will 1.0 are Jack Kline’s Fathers fic on ao3 . I do. But if we’re talking about in the show, Cas is the one who is the most like a father to Jack.

Love Dean and wish that man had been given therapy and anger management and AA meetings and working to become a better, less violent person who takes accountability for what he’s done as his finale ending rather than just dying by a fucking nail through the chest, something Cordelia on Buffy The Vampire Slayer survives after like a twenty foot drop from a staircase. But Dean outright hates Jack during his widower arc and makes it known how much of a monster he thinks Jack is to the point where Jack repeatedly tries to commit suicide and then it’s just never really brought up again after Cas comes back and Dean then just goes back and forth on whether he thinks Jack is part of his family or not for the last three seasons. As much as I like the few scenes where Dean is actually bonding with Jack and calls him “their kid” and Jack referring to himself as a Winchester, Dean isn’t really Jack’s dad in the show. Do I think this probably would’ve been a different story if we got baby Jack? Yes, but that’s not what I’m talking about right now

Sam? Sam definitely tries at first. Sam gets what it’s like to feel like a monster and be viewed as one even when your not, and calls out Dean for how he acts and behaves towards Jack. But Dean just as easily calls out Sam for using Jack to try and get their mother back and trying to appear invested in Jack to get what he wants. Sam’s affection for Jack is conditional at first. He gradually grows to be more paternal to Jack but by season 14, it kind of just dwindles away. We got all this buildup of Sam and Jack’s relationship, which yes there should’ve been because here you have someone who was supposed to be the True Vessel of Lucifer, the Boy King of Hell and the Antichrist, the Son of Lucifer, and there’s not really any care given to it afterwards. That season was probably the last time the writers actually did anything interesting with Sam and tried to give him an arc in my opinion.

Cas though? Cas, who was a warrior of God that led garrisons and killed the offspring nephilim of lesser angels? Cas who grows a respect and admiration for humanity, seeing them as complex miraculous beings rather than hairless apes like the majority of the angels? Cas who defends humanity’s existence against other angels even at the cost of his life? Cas who originally thought of the Antichrist as a monster that needed to be killed to protect humanity but heard Kelly talk about how good she believed her child could be despite being the son of the devil and saw a paradise on earth when he actually communicated with Jack in the womb? Cas who separated from the only other two people he has consistently turned to for help and has provided help for in order to try and ensure Jack would be a child safe and loved even if it meant being away from the people he considered family and could die protecting Jack and Kelly? Cas who unconditionally loves and treats Jack as his child throughout the last three season? He is definitely Jack’s father.

I just think there’s something very fitting about the angel who unconditionally loved humanity despite never being able to entirely follow god’s orders raising the supposed antichrist who becomes a god that respects humanity’s free will. And I think that scene would’ve been fantastic in that Cas loves Jack as his child so much that he makes that deal with the Empty in the first place to protect Jack , but Cas loves Jack so much that Jack is the reason the deal is broken. Jack doesn’t realize Cas thinks of him as his child the same way Cas doesn’t think Jack sees him as his dad, and that recognition that they feel the same way is the most bittersweet moment in the world because their first moment where they mutually knowingly recognize each other as parent and child seems like it might be the last one they have together as they hug. Jack sobs while furiously apologizing as he sees black goo come to reach Cas who only has a few more second left to kiss the top of his child’s head and hug him close and say something like “I love you so much my son” before pushing him away while Jack watches, crying as he calls out “Dad don’t leave me” as his father get covered in black goo while smiling with tears streaming down his face before disappearing.

I’m not sure how that situation could’ve occurred. Maybe Jack and Cas are together when people start disappearing, and Jack worries about how if Chuck doesn’t consider him important enough to torment he could also be proofed away, and he wants to tell his dad how much he loves him in that way kids do when they think they might see their parents for the last time and despite being in basically an adult body Jack is still three and not really thinking about what could happen or doesn’t even think this could be Cas’ happiest moment because he always thought Cas knew Jack thought of him as his dad. I don’t know.

But that scene happens and the Empty collects Cas and then when Jack becomes god and brings everyone back, he somehow also brings Cas back from the empty. Look the writers gave absolutely no good reason for why Lucifer somehow came back from the empty in 15x19 when the Empty specifically states that Chuck has no power in her domain so why should I? But I guess if I was going to it would’ve involved Jack finding out how it got loud in the empty and bargaining with the Empty in trading demons, angels, and other nephilim in exchange for making the empty quiet again and managing to deal with what to do with all of these now revived supernatural creatures. Still frustrated that the show made God the enemy and turned Billie into a last minute villain when the Empty was right the, the Enpty was hyped up, and then it just took Cas and Billie and disappeared, and was never heard from again.

Anyways, Jack and Amara separate but they’re still functioning as a unit and are working together to fix the other universes as well as heaven and the systems of who gets sent to heaven, hell, and purgatory in a sort of season 4 of the Good Place style, and Cas takes on a major role as the celestial being with the most interaction with and understanding of humanity, especially with that time he was a homeless human under his belt to provide his own reflection on why certain people may do things that are wrong like stealing in order to provide just a basic need for themselves like stealing food to eat. It’s implied that Rowena’s involved in this too. Cas and Jack say their goodbyes to Sam and Dean. If I had it my way, the finale would end up being like the one I made up in an earlier post where Sam and Dean get their beach day but realize that their relationship isn’t healthy for either of them and separate and the viewer no longer has access to what they do with their lives afterwards because Sam and Dean now have control of their own stories and decide who gets to see it. But I guess what I made up fixes some general overarching complaints about the last three episodes. I still hate that last episode and what I feel is the assassination of 15 years of character development of Sam and Dean in order to go back to S1 with Sam as the main character and Dean as the side character interrupting his life but I just barely acknowledge it as the show’s finale.

I do love the confession scene. I really do. But if it was just going to end with Cas dying a minute after confessing his love and never being seen or acknowledged again, I would’ve much rather preferred it being that his happiest moment was being with his child in the endless feedback loop of familial love.

#Supernatural #SPN #spn #supernatural #Jack Kline #jack kline #Castiel #castiel #cas thee el #Cas Thee El #spn 15x18 #spn 15x19 #Castiel is Jack Kline’s Father #castiel is jack kline’s father #Castiel is Jack’s Father #castiel is jack’s father #cas is jack’s father #Cas is Jack’s Father

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sastiel-is-my-serotonin · 4 years

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Imagine with me- rowena was always redeemed!rowena. And somehow she ended up with baby Sam- John leaving him somewhere, maybe she’s his actual mother, whatever. Raising Sam to be a very strong Witch. Their mother/son dynamic would be amazing. They have a run in with hunters (maybe dean, Jack, cas). Sorry that’s dumb, I just love witch Sam and the idea of Rowena being a good mom to him? *chefs kiss*.

I might have gotten a little carried away. Just a teeny tiny bit.

I can see John blaming Mary's death on Sam and him seeing Sam as nothing but evil so one day during a hunt he uses Sam as bait. Only he wasn't aware he was hunting Rowena who has been throwing him off and wasn't even aware he was hunting a witch. Rowena doesn't mind hunters, they're easy to avoid and she's met some that haven't tried to kill her, but this one who left a small little baby in hopes of baiting her? Oh, she loathes this hunter.

She takes the baby and decides she's going to raise this baby, what is the worst thing you can do to a hunter? Raise their offspring as something they would want to hunt, but it was also more than that. She wanted to make sure this baby was never left defenseless again.

Besides one week with the little wee lad and she found herself loving little Sam. She knew his name because the hunter had the nerve to act panicked and scream the babe's name for minutes when the lads crying stopped. He stopped hunting her and moved on with an evil pleased look on his face. She wanted to curse him but she saw another child in the car and she couldn't do it. She wanted to take him with her as well but she didn't have the chance.

The toddler years were spent mostly having fun, learning a few tricks here and there. She adored this small little babe, it became apparent to her quickly that she would always protect him as if he were her own. It was sealed in when Sam called her mommy.

When she decided he was old enough to learn real magic, she was amazed. Much to Rowena's surprise, Sam was incredibly gifted. Hardly messed up on a spell, was always reading, and making his own little spells. When Sam decoded one of her own spells she knew Sam would one day become even more powerful than she and she couldn't help but be a proud mother. It also worried her, she didn't want to fail to keep him on the right path knowing that it would be impossible to stop him if he ventured off of it. She had hope though, she could see this boy was special and goodhearted she would kill anyone who twisted that and turned him into his real father.

Sam didn't like the moving around, but Rowena was honest with him and explained that if they didn't move the consequences would be incredibly sour for them. While they're both powerful, it's best to not let the hunters know that, to avoid a wave of hunters looking for them.

Often times they had to move to a new town because of a hunter learning there was a healer in town and according to them, there had to be evil attached to it. When Sam learned that was the reasoning he wanted to stay and fight but Rowena shook her head and told him no. While they can stay and fight, it wouldn't do them any good. It was best to cut their losses and help someone else.

Rowena never told Sam that he was left as bait from a hunter, it would hurt the lad, and she didn't want him out there for revenge. Simply said his father was worse than the Devil and not another moment of their lives should think about him because he wasn't worth anything.

Sam was fine with the answer because Rowena was a wonderful mother, while they did have to move around quite often, she made sure he stayed for semesters and sometimes school years. She still cares about his education after all.

Plus, while magic was important to them both, it wasn't their entire life.

They took breaks, they sometimes just went to amusement parks, fairs, the beach if they felt like it. Sam Winchester got to be a kid and Rowena didn't punish him for it.

Rowena knew Sam was gifted beyond her magic, she could read something else in the lad. It wasn't active quite yet, but she tapped into it anyway. Demons. Beyond that, there was more, Sam's powers. The demon's contamination suppressed it and was fighting it. Rowena spent her free time learning how to free Sam from the contamination.

When she did, she taught Sam how to control it. It scared Sam for a while, what if he hurt his mom? What if he never could control it and disappointed her? Rowena was sure to tell him she was proud and reminded him she knew how to handle herself, he had nothing to worry about.

By his teens, he knew how to protect himself better than a hunter. He could control the magic he was taught by his mother and his natural powers in him as well. When Sam asked if Rowena was proud she told him of course, not because of any of that, they were amazing feats, but because she was proud of the young man he was becoming.

There was this sense in him though the somethings weren't human, sometimes he swore his friends looked different sometimes like he could see something evil underneath and could smell sulfur. When he brought it up to Rowena he was taught how to expel them with words, his magic, and her spells. The next time it happened black smoke came out and Sam banished them back to Hell. It happened a lot more as he got older.

Sam wasn't sure what reaction his mother would have when he told her he had a scholarship to Stanford, he should've known she wanted to celebrate. She helped him get ready and promised to visit, not too much she didn't want to embarrass Sam, but not too little because she wanted him to know she loved him. It helped Sam a lot knowing that he had a supportive mother even if that's all he had.

Sam did end up realizing perhaps Rowena wasn't his birth mother, but it didn't matter. She would always be his mother. So when she stopped contacting him and he couldn't find her with a location spell, he knew something was wrong and left Standford to look for her. It was difficult to not want revenge knowing this was not her own doing, but he knew he must stay guided by her words.

He spent a lot of years healing people while searching for his mom, there was this one person who almost died from being electrocuted, he healed him even after realizing he was a hunter. There was something familiar about this hunter but he didn't know what. He learned the hunter was looking for revenge for his mother, Sam said he was trying to find his own mother but wasn't seeking revenge. He was just looking for his mom and helping people along the way.

With that Sam was on his own again until he found himself caught with kids who he could see were just like him. Different gifts. All similar stories but he didn't match theirs at all. Their powers barely awoke, he mastered his powers for years. He almost gave in to the demon's words, but he would never be able to forgive himself if he did after all this time.

He wouldn't be able to look into his mother's eyes if he did. He took on the role she would've and taught them how to protect themselves with the little things they had around them and helped them control their powers. It was better for them to be a team than to kill each other off like the demon wanted them to.

When they were about to banish the demon back to Hell he looked at Sam and taunted Sam he would never find Rowena unless he looked for a gravestone, Sam wanted to kill him but simply sent him on his way. He knew Rowena could protect herself from anything and that demons lie. But the battle inside himself was getting so much more difficult he knew he had to find Rowena and soon.

As I said, I got a little carried away. Also, the idea of them running into Dean, Cas, and Jack? Brilliant. I wanted to work it in but this was getting kind of long but it would absolutely work. Hopefully, you liked this. I absolutely want to write more to this and if I didn't already have a story I was working on I would've continued with this one. This is an amazing idea!

#i wanted to stick to canon somewhat to have an easier guideline of different events #however sam would find rowena around the time of angels #i would not split the iconic duo up until the point she was introduced that would be so wrong #i hope this is was the person who sent this to me was looking for if not i am so sorry #this is basically a summary if i truly wrote this i would spend more time on rowena and sam bonding over their powers together #sam winchester #rowena macleod #witch!sam #witch!au #answered ask

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deanswaywardgirl · 4 years

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The Most Painful of Heartbreaks- Part 2

Eleven months. It'd been almost a year since Castiel had seen Faith, months since she'd pinned him up against the wall of the bunker, an angel blade to his throat. But he couldn't hold it against her, he knew she was in massive pain over losing Sam and Dean Winchester. The angel still couldn't believe his family was gone. It even felt like Faith was dead. The happy lively girl was gone, and what remained, he didn't recognize. He knew she was still alive, the stories he'd heard over the last few months told him so. Silence is what they were calling her now, and the demons Castiel had run into were terrified of her. The brutality of her kills, demons and monsters alike, even some angels. The way she'd stalk her 'victims'. They refused to talk about her, but when they did, they spoke with such fear that Castiel almost swore they were talking about someone else entirely: Brutal, violent, vengeful, cutthroat, cold, heartless, and that's just to name a few. He remembered the last demon he'd run into.

"Where is she?!" Cas asked the demon. "I don't know. I'm trying to stay away from the bitch. She's lost her damn mind ever since the Winchesters." Castiel growled and pulled the demon by his coat collar. "Don't you even speak their name." He plunged his angel blade up through the demon's jaw, the white light spilling from its eyes before he dropped the body and stalked back to his car, the pain of the loss of his friends still fresh.

A single tear fell down his cheek as he thought of Sam and Dean, wondering what they would do in this situation. What Dean would do to bring her home. Of course, that wasn't even a question. If Dean were around, he wouldn't be tracking her down. Castiel swallowed hard and turned his pained blue eyes up to a starless, silent night sky. "Faith, please..I know you're out there. Let me help you. You don't have to do this alone, I know how you feel."

"You couldn't possibly know how I feel." A startlingly cold female voice broke the silence surrounding the angel as he turned to face the owner. She was dressed in ripped jeans, her black boots, the Samulet, a red flannel over a black tee-shirt. Her now black hair was done up in a braided pony tail. Her blue eyes were darker. They were no longer bright with life and love and light. All they held now was rage and heartbreak and determination. Despite everything, Cas was happy to see her. "What do you want, Castiel?" the girl asked, swallowing thickly. "What do I want? Faith, I wanna see you. I wanted to see how you are, I haven't seen you in almost a year." "Okay," the girl answered and shrugged, glancing down at herself. "Now, you've seen me. I'm gonna go now," she said and turned to leave. "No, wait, please. Faith, please." "Cas, don't." Her voice broke into a whisper, and Cas could feel her pain, even with the distance between them. She turned back to him and shook her head. "I can't, okay? Just let me go." "You know I can't do that. Dean wouldn't want--" "I don't give a shit what he would want!" Faith cried out, her breathing shaky, her eyes glowing blue. "I didn't want him to die, him or Sam! And they did anyway! They left me here, ALONE! So I don't give a shit what he wants!" she growled, then bit the inside of her cheek as she swallowed hard, the tears falling down her cheeks. Cas' brow furrowed as he took a step towards her, freezing when she took a step back. "How could you think that they chose to leave you? How could you ever think that?" "Dean's final words to me painted a clear message. 'Be happy.'" Her voice cracked as she clenched her jaw, the tears still falling. "He didn't want me to join them in Heaven." "Faith, Dean loved you. He still does. He wants you to--" "What? Live my life? Castiel, it physically hurts to breathe. Every breath I take just reminds me that Dean isn't taking any. It takes everything I have and then some to keep going, to get out of bed. And I know, if I could just get rid of every monster, demon, and douchebag angel that exists, I can be happy with my boys in Heaven. But I don't trust other hunters to get the job done. So, I'm doing it myself." "Faith, you can't keep going like this." "Why not? Huh? What should I do instead, Castiel? What? Pretend I'm normal? Human? Get a house in Lawrence and raise a family and act for the rest of my life like I didn't lose the love of my life and Sammy? What, cut that part of my life off and pretend it never happened? You may be an angel and can turn off your humanity, but those boys meant everything to me. They were my everything, and now, I have nothing." "That's not true. You still have me. And Jody, and Donna, and Claire. Faith, listen to me, I'm still here and I can help you get through this." The girl shook her head and sighed. "I'm of no use to them, Cas. I'm of no use to you. I am so broken, I don't think I can be put back together. And I'm not sure I want to. Cause then, what does that say about me?" Faith fell to her knees and let her head fall. "I just want to see them. I want my boys. I want Dean. They didn't deserve to die. They should've gotten out and gotten normal lives. I wanted to spend my life with Dean, grow old together, watch our kids and grandkids play in the yard." She rocked herself back and forth, her eyes squeezed shut. "They deserved better. I failed my boys and now they're dead. It's my fault." Castiel cried as he watched her, then knelt down and gently tilted her chin up, and wiped a tear from her eye. "Faith Delaney. You know this isn't who you are, this...caped crusader person..you're a Winchester." The name brought fresh tears to Faith's eyes. "I want my boys, Cas. I miss them so much, I can't do this. I can't. Please, Cas..please," she cried, burying her face in his shoulder as she cried, unable to hold back the tide. The pain threatened to tear her apart. "Just let me die, Cas. Please? Let me be with them." The angel held his friend and let her grieve, crying along with her as he set his chin on her head. It was awhile before Faith pulled herself together and got to her feet, looking down at the angel who then stood up in front of her. She swallowed hard and licked her lips. "So, now what? You turn me in to your angel bosses for being a bad little Nephilim?" "No, of course not. Faith, I didn't come here to retrieve you." Faith just watched him for any signs he was lying to her. "Do you really think I'd turn on you, for Heaven?" he asked, sounding genuinely hurt. The girl took a beat before shrugging one shoulder, swallowing thickly. "Well, I've killed a few angels that came down and had the sack to try and arrest me. Six in total. Unless I'm going to see my boys, I'm not going anywhere near that hellhole." "That's actually why I wanted to find you. I can take you to see them." Faith backed off with a growl. "Don't play games with me, you son of a bitch. Do not do that." Castiel rose his hands and locked eyes with her. "Faith, I swear to you, this is real. I will take you to see Sam and Dean in their heaven." The girl tilted her head as she eased closer, glancing around, half expecting an army of angels to show up with enochian cuffs before she gave in and looked back at the angel in front of her. "Promise me." "I promise, Faith, this isn't a trick." He held his hand out to her. Faith hesitated, but placed her hand in his. A white two-story house stood in front of Faith and Cas, with a wrap around porch, Baby in the driveway, and Dean in a rocking chair in the front porch. A brown haired little girl and a sandy-blond haired little boy ran around laughing in the front yard, not even noticing their guests. Tears rose in Faith's eyes as she moved towards the front porch. Dean stood, the smile disappearing as he moved down the steps and towards Faith, setting his glass down on the steps. Faith took a shaky breath as he now stood before her. "Dean?" she whispered, then reached up and cupped his face in her hand, tilting her head as he leaned into her touch, his eyes falling closed before he opened them again and gently pulled her into his arms, tightening his hold on her as she began to cry into his shoulder, holding on with a death grip. Dean cradled the back of her head and kissed the side of her head, tenderly. When the two pulled apart, Dean rested his head against hers, and Faith took a breath as she looked up at him. "You're domestic." The man smiled crookedly at her. "Yeah, I am. With you." Faith swallowed hard, her brow furrowing in confusion. "You're here, sweetheart, you and the kids that I always wanted." Faith's eyes fell to the two children, still running around and playing. "Those are our kids?" she asked, earning a nod from the former hunter, his arm wrapping around her. "Come on, come inside," he said and took her hand, leading her back up the steps. Faith turned back to Cas who shook his head. "You go ahead, Faith, I'll be waiting." She then turned and went inside with Dean. Once inside, she looked around and swallowed hard. "So, this would've been our life together," she said, softly, stroking one picture in particular. One that existed in real life, on her nightstand in the bunker. One of the two of them, Dean kissing her cheek in the driver's seat of Baby. Both of them laughing, both of them happy. Faith turned to find Dean standing in front of her, his eyes full of love as he leaned down and claimed her lips with his own, setting his hands on her hips. Faith felt like she could breathe again, as she kissed Dean with every ounce of feeling she had. Pulling back after several minutes, she looked up at him and bit her lower lip. "Why?" she asked. "Dean, why did you leave me? You promised me-" "I know, sweetheart. I know." Faith's lip trembled as she took a shaky breath. "How are you?" he asked. Faith laughed a broken laugh, surprised by his question. "How am I? You can't tell?" she asked, then swallowed hard and shrugged, trying to find the words. "I'm dead inside, I can't even begin to describe what it's like to live without you. I wouldn't even call it living. Hunting is all I do anymore. I don't even live at the bunker anymore. But soon, it will all be over." Dean's brow furrowed as he slid his hand into hers. "What are you talking about?" he asked. Faith shook her head as she sat down on one of the steps. "Dean, I can't do this. I can't. I've gone eleven months without you, but I have no idea how. I've lost my family, the only people who keep me going, who make me laugh, who...give me life. Once I've eliminated every demon and monster and every other son of a bitch infesting the planet, I'll be done. I'm not doing this without you anymore. I have nothing but time now, and yet, all I want is you." Dean knelt down in front of her. "Sweetheart, you can't do this." The girl swallowed hard as she locked eyes with him. "Are you saying you don't want me to join you up here?" she asked, her voice breaking. Dean sighed and took his ring off before gently taking her hand and sliding it onto her thumb. "Listen to me, okay?" he asked, earning her attention. "I know you're hurting right now, but it will get better." Faith scoffed and stood, and moved into what looked like the kitchen, knowing he would follow her. "Dean, I don't want it to get better, I want to be with you." She moved closer to him and cupped his face in her hand, swallowing thickly. "And up here, we can be together for eternity, in peace. Neither of us will get killed or get sick. We don't have to hunt, we don't have to worry about each other." Dean glanced down at her, sliding his hands into hers and lacing their fingers together. "I know, baby. I know," he whispered, then pulled her into his arms and kissed the side of her head again. "I have nothing without you," she whispered, keeping a death grip on his flannel. "I love you so much, Dean, god...you have no idea," she said and pulled back to look into the hazel eyes she still continued to fall for. "You're the best thing in my life," she whispered, then leaned up and kissed him with every ounce of love that she felt for him, able to feel like herself for a moment again. Dean slowly pulled back, then kissed her forehead, holding her tightly against him.

"I have something for you." He pulled a small black velvet box from his pocket and dipped down to one knee, opening it to reveal his mother's ring. "Faith Delaney. Even dead, I know you're the love of my life. You were it for me, and you still are. I want you to be mine forever. I love you, Faith, more than you could imagine. Will you marry me?" he asked, earning a tearful nod from the girl. He took the ring and slid it onto her finger before kissing her once more, Faith's hands moving to the back of his neck. He lifted her onto his waist and set on the couch, holding her in his lap. The two stayed like that for several hours, until Cas came to get Faith. Tears welled up in her eyes before turning back to Dean, swallowing hard. "Where's Sammy? He okay? I wanna see him before..." she bit her lip and glanced up at him. "Yeah, uh, let me take you to him." He took her hand and led her out the back to the house right next door, walking in through the back door with Faith in tow. He came across his brother in the library, reading research. "Why am I not surprised? Man comes to Heaven and starts reading lore," Faith asked, a warm smile crossing her lips, causing the man to look up, recognition lighting up his eyes. He stood from the desk and moved to her and hugged her tightly. Faith held onto Sam tightly, inhaling his scent, trying to keep her composure. "Please tell me you're not--" Sam pulled back and looked down at her. "No, I'm...well, I'm breathing. Unfortunately." Faith tried to smile, but it came out pained before she bit her lip and slid her hand back into Dean's, lacing their fingers together. "How are you, Sam?" she asked. Sam shrugged and nodded. "We're hanging in there, you know, its..different up here. We haven't found Bobby yet, but I'm looking." Faith smiled softly as she looked up at him. "You're supposed to be, I don't know, drinking margaritas or protein shakes, or whatever it is you drink, and relaxing. Not looking for dead people." Faith finally felt somewhat normal, despite knowing she'd have to go back soon. The reminder made her flinch as she swallowed hard and gently tightened her grip on Dean's hand. He noticed and leaned over, kissing the side of her head. "I see Dean finally gave you the ring." Faith glanced down and smiled softly. "But as far as we're concerned, you've always been a Winchester. That just makes it legal," Sam said with a wink. Faith smiled, the name making her flinch again before her eyes fell. "Problem is, I'm going back to a world without you two. And I don't know how to get through every minute of every day without you. I'm lost and scared and cold and alone. You two were my home and now you're gone and I'm just...alone." "Sweetheart, you're never alone," Dean said, wrapping his arms around her from behind, kissing her cheek. "You have Jody and--" "Dean, they're not you. And I'm alot further than out of my head with grief. I'm a zombie most of the time, unless I'm hunting. Its like I become something else. And I don't care anymore. I hunt cause I can take my rage out on something. I just wanna be with you two." Dean sighed, looking up at his brother. "Faith, I want you to do something for me. Go home, and go to Jody's, and grieve. Don't hunt, don't do anything. Please. Do this for me. I don't want you hunting, and you know better than to hunt alone." "What about you?" she asked, her voice breaking. "What am I supposed to do?" she asked. "Sweetheart, just let them be there for you. I don't want to worry about you, Faith." She leaned her head against his and closed her eyes, swallowing hard, then looked up at Sam, taking his hand into hers. "I love you both. So much more than you'll ever know. Sammy, you're my brother, my best friend. And Dean, you...god, I don't even know where to begin. You're the love of my life." Dean smiled softly and kissed her temple. "I know you can do this, sweetheart. You're the strongest woman I've ever known. And I'll always be there with you. I'll be that annoying voice in your head." Faith smiled softly and turned her head, kissing his cheek and closing her eyes. "I love you both so much," she whispered and glanced up at Sam, then turned to Dean and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder. "Dean--" "I know, baby," he whispered and reluctantly pulled back. "I love you, Faith. I always have, and I always will. But I want you to be happy. Go live your life, live for me," he said, taking her hands into his. "And when the credits roll for you, I'll be right here waiting for you." He swallowed thickly, knowing how he felt and that she didn't want to leave him. "I love you, sweetheart." Faith shook her head and licked her lips, then leaned up and kissed him before pulling away from him completely. She hugged Sam tightly, whispering her love to him as well, then pulled away from the Winchester brothers and drug her feet back to Castiel. She took one last glance over her shoulder and forced a smile, and before she knew it, she was standing outside Jody's house, where everybody was waiting for her. Faith moved towards Jody and hugged her tightly, crying into the sheriff's shoulder. Jody held the girl tightly, cradling the back of Faith's head to her shoulder, slightly rocking. She looked up at Castiel and nodded in agreement that she would take care of Faith for the time being, and the angel disappeared. "I gotcha now, sweetheart. You're gonna be okay, we're all here. Okay?" she soothed the girl and the Wayward Daughters went into the house.

@ellewritesfix05 @theroadsofar05to20 @mia-ono @dean-winchesters-bacon @bi-danvers0 @morganpierce

#deanwinchester #deanandreader #deanxoc #dean winchester angst #deanwinchester fluff #Supernaturalimagine #@Supernatural angst #angst #fluff #supernatural fanfiction

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notfunnydean · 4 years

Text

My good boy

Challenge: Good things happen Bingo Prompt: Falling asleep on their lap Pairing: Dean Winchester / Castiel Warnings: light dom/sub, kinda sub space, jealous!Dean Word Count: 2.342 Summary: Castiel wants to leave them again, to ‘check in’ with heaven. Dean hates the idea. Always did. This time he finally does something about it. Link (if posted on AO3): https://archiveofourown.org/works/22778587

“Absolutely not.”

Dean is glaring at Castiel, who is standing in the doorway of their kitchen. Dean had just made them all breakfast when Castiel announced he would check in with Heaven again to solve their problem with God.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asks, his head tilted and Dean’s heart jumps at that. He pushes those feelings away and glares even more.

“You will not go, are you crazy? The angels hate you!” Dean growls and yes, maybe he should’ve said that a bit nicer. Castiel looks angry now as well, but there is also some hurt in his eyes and Dean looks down.

“Thank you for reminding me.” Castiel says and Dean can see that Sam puts his hands together. Probably silently praying to someone to put him out of this situation. Dean huffs, but doesn’t answer Castiel.

“But, I do think we will need their help.” Castiel continues. Dean knows that he is already sulking at this point, so he tries to focus on the bacon in front of him. He happily puts it on his toast, on top of so much melted butter, that Sammy gagged before Castiel came in.

“They will only…. No, seriously Cas. Don’t go.” Dean finally says, taking a relieved breath because damn he had always said something different. He is scared.

He is fucking scared that the other angels will hurt Castiel, or do even worse things. Dean shudders, but Castiel sighs and at least steps further into the kitchen.

Sadly he doesn’t sit down, so that Dean could try to touch him here and there, without Castiel or Sam growing suspicious of his behavior. Dean can’t help it, he knew that he liked Castiel ages ago, but lately it gets harder with each day to keep it a well hidden secret.

“And you think you can tell me what to do?” Castiel asks finally and - oh shit he is actually lifting his right eyebrow. Dean tries very hard not to wiggle in his seat, but he presses a hand on his covered cock under the table.

“No, but Cas, seriously, what do you even expect?” Dean asks and he hopes that Sam would finally tell Castiel to stay as well. But instead his useless brother eats his fruit salad (yeah you read that right) and pretends to ignore them.

“I expect help, because we need help Dean, whether you like it or not.” Castiel says and he even crosses his arms. Dean pouts a little more obviously. Sadly that doesn’t seem to work on the angel at all.

Great with Sam’s puppy eyes everyone melts, but Dean never has that luck.

“Cas, if you think you need to go, then you should go. Ignore Dean, he’s just jealous.” Sam says and he mutters the last part into his coffee. Dean switches his pout to a glare again, this time hoping his brother would burst in flames from the heat of his glare.

Sam doesn’t.

“Fuck you, Sam.” Dean says but he has to admit Sam is right. Dean is jealous. He hates angels for a lot of things, but the worst thing about them is that they probably are worthy enough for Castiel.

If Castiel wants to date one of them, they would probably make a wonderful pair. Dean swallows. He remembers how Castiel had told him about his kiss with Hannah. Dean had wanted to gank her.

In the end it didn’t matter, because Castiel wasn’t interested in anything but a friendship with Hanna.

Dean’s thoughts go back to the reaper, who took Castiel’s virginity and he hates that his skin feels too tight every time he thinks about it. He is glad the bitch is dead, but it hurt so bad.

And he isn’t even talking about how she killed Castiel - that hurt on such a level, Dean still hasn’t come up with words to describe it. But just knowing that Castiel had slept with her and enjoyed it.

Sure the angel always says that gender doesn’t matter to him, since he doesn’t have a gender himself. Dean likes his body (and it’s Cas’ body now, that Jimmy is dead) and he wouldn’t change anything about it.

Dean is bi, he would for sure dig Castiel in a female vessel as well. He isn’t in love with Castiel’s body, he is in love with his… (Angels don’t have souls - dammit).

Anyway Dean knows that Castiel thinks similar. Castiel loves people for the way they are. Heck, he even kissed a freaking Demon! Dean’s blood boils again, just seeing that had made him so angry.

So Castiel doesn’t care about gender or about entity. That also means... he just doesn’t like Dean.

“I will call you when I’m back.” Castiel says and Dean snaps out of his thoughts. He gets up before he knows it and grabs Castiel’s arm to stop him.

Dean knows normally he could never hold Castiel back, but the angel reacts every single time to Dean’s touches and pretends that Dean is strong enough to stop him.

“Let me come with you.” Dean finally says and Castiel’s eyes widen a bit. Dean tries to smile all sweetly at Castiel, but the angel doesn’t really seem happy. Sam just shakes his head and then leaves them alone.

Traitor.

“Humans aren’t allowed in heaven unless they are dead.” Castiel says and Dean rolls his eyes. What a stupid rule and aren’t rules there to break them anyway? Castiel is already turning around so Dean looks down.

“Please? Cas?”

He knows it’s kinda unfair to pull that card, but maybe it would work. Castiel does stop at least and he seems to think about it.

“Okay, but this will be an exception.” Castiel says, but Dean is already too giddy to really listen. He would show the angels that nobody touches Castiel. No matter if it’s with bad or good intentions.

“Wonderful, when do we -”

Dean almost falls to his knees, when they land in some kind of white room. He still hates flying so much and it doesn’t help that this kind of flying doesn’t need a plane. He’s a bit dizzy and looks around.

“Dean?”

Castiel is already at one of a dozen doors and Dean nods. This seems all so weird. He was in heaven a few times before, but he doesn’t really remember it. Even if he could, he was probably not in those rooms.

“God. Not really one for interior design, huh?” Dean chuckles, but Castiel is not laughing, so he stops and then follows the angel into another room. Just as white, just as boring, but there are a dozenangels standing in the middle.

And Dean really means a dozen. Not more.

“Castiel.”

There is a woman with short blonde hair walking over to them and Dean’s eyes widen, when he recognizes Naomi. Holy shit, she looks even scarier with that blonde hair. Dean almost hides behind Castiel.

Almost, because he is Dean fucking Winchester.

“Naomi, Duma.” Castiel answers and Dean wonders why he only greets them. He really hopes Castiel is not interested in one of them. Before Dean can say anything, Naomi comes closer.

“What is he doing here, Castiel? He is not an angel and you can’t just bring your pet.” Naomi hisses and Dean wants to poke out his tongue at her, but she isn’t even looking at him and maybe Dean shudders at the nickname.

“He is my friend and I allowed him here.” Castiel says, almost as if he owns heaven and Dean grins happily at all the other dumb angels. Nobody says anything for a short minute, before Duma walks over.

Dean tries to keep a growl down as she puts her hand on Castiel’s arm. What the fuck. Angels are normally not one for touch. Castiel puts his hand over hers and something stutters in Dean’s chest.

Just as Dean wants to look away, he sees that Castiel puts Duma’s hand away from his arm and he even strokes over his trench coat, as if she left a dark stain there. Dean can’t help his smirk.

“Well we don’t have enough space for the Human.” Some dude says and points at the chairs around the table. Dean huffs loudly. They don’t have a even more stupid argument. Castiel rolls his eyes.

Before Dean knows it, they all sit down and just like the guy said, there is no chair left for Dean. The hunter smirks. Castiel sits at the top of the table and just like that Dean walks over to him.

Naomi sits on the other side of the table and Dean looks her right into her blue eyes, while he sits down on Castiel’s lap. Castiel freezes a bit, when Dean finally sits down, but he doesn’t say anything.

Dean only raises an eyebrow at the other angels. Hoping it gets the message done. He’s Castiel’s… well. Best Friend.

Dean’s back is pressed against Castiel’s hard chest. Dean suppresses a shudder, but he actually wants to cuddle closer. It’s so damn quiet right now, but there are a lot of glares.

Luckily Castiel doesn’t seem to be angry with Dean. Instead he puts his arms around him, his hands on Dean’s stomach. Dean holds his breath for just a minute, before he relaxes. He feels better already.

“Okay then let’s discuss our terms. I’m here because I need help to find God.” Castiel starts, acting like Dean isn’t sitting on his lap right now. Somehow that makes something warm spread in Dean’s stomach.

He feels so safe like this, even though there are so many angels around them.

Soon the angels come up with all sorts of plans, but Dean isn’t even listening, he’s just so relaxed right now. He knows that he should pay attention, because he also wants to get God, but also…

Castiel’s thumb is carefully stroking over Dean’s stomach. It’s weird but oh so good.

Dean doesn’t know how long they sit like that, but he gets bored after a while. Naomi is talking again and Dean sees that another angel tries to hide a yawn. Dean wiggles a bit to get comfortable again.

Castiel’s breath hitches and Dean frowns, Naomi’s explanations aren’t that exciting. She is not even telling them something new. Dean knew the angels were useless.

He wiggles again.

This time Castiel puts on hand on Dean’s thigh. The table is covering Dean’s midsection, so the other angels don’t see it, but Dean almost whines, because Castiel’s grip is tight.

Dean waits a few minutes, until he wiggles again. His left leg is falling asleep anyway. This time Castiel growls.

“Dean.”

It’s just his name, but Dean shudders visible when he hears how Castiel sounds. It sounds so freaking dominant and Dean wants nothing more to submit. While this thought isn’t really a new one, it’s still just as exciting.

It kinda feels like his personal heaven on Castiel’s lap. Heh, get it?

“Hmhm.” Dean answers and his voice is so soft. Castiel goes back to stroking his stomach and Dean tries his best to be quiet and not to move, but that doesn’t help a lot.

His view is blurry by now and he wants to nuzzle into Castiel’s neck. He had this feeling before, sometimes after sex. Normally he just leaves the room, clearing his head or… hides under a blanket until it goes away.

But he and Castiel didn’t even have sex, Castiel is just basically cuddling him and still, Dean feels like he is floating away. Dean would at least hope for a handjob right now, but it feels wrong in heaven.

And in front of other people.

Dean wants to show this side only to Castiel, so he sits more up again. Not really knowing how to ask for the things he wants.

Luckily it seems like Castiel knows exactly what Dean is craving right now. He shoves their chair a bit back and then Dean can easily turn around on his lap. He realizes that Castiel is already half hard, when he pushes his hips against him, but they both ignore it.

Even though Dean’s cock aches.

“As I was saying, we don’t even know his location right now.” Castiel continues as if nothing happened. Dean knows the angels are all still watching them, but he doesn’t have to see their faces like this.

He feels better, but he still needs Castiel closer. So he presses his face against Castiel’s neck, before he closes his eyes. Dean hums quietly.

“What is he doing?” Someone asks, but Castiel ignores them (he is probably staring them down), so Dean ignores the voices too. He just focuses on the good thing around him. Castiel.

He feels a hand in his hair and that helps even more. Castiel continues to strokes through Dean’s hair and Dean rubs his nose against Castiel’s neck.

“Castiel, I think you need to go.” Naomi says, while Dean smiles against Castiel’s skin. There is some weird noise and then it’s quiet again. Seems like Castiel made her finally shut up.

He hears some people walk away and then Castiel is the one who hums quietly to him. Dean whines when Castiel makes him drink some juice, that tastes like apples, but he finishes it and then goes back to cuddling against Castiel.

“It’s okay Dean. I got you.” Castiel whispers and Dean nods. He knows that. He just wishes he could… could tell Castiel what he feels. Instead he snuggles closer.

“I know I know. All good. I’m here and… and I won’t ever leave, Dean. Not for anyone, my heart already settled on you. My good boy.” Castiel whispers and while Dean hears the words, he isn’t sure if he understands them. He loves the praise though. “Love you.” Dean mumbles, his heart beating so fast when Castiel says it too.

Castiel presses a kiss to Dean’s hair and smiles, when Dean falls asleep only seconds later. He doesn’t even mind that Dean drools onto his trench coat.

#destiel #destiel fic #destiel writing #destiel fanfic #my writing #what am I even doing

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mikhailoist · 5 years

Text

the things we left unsaid

Rowena’s death plays in his mind like a recording on repeat. She holds onto him, drawing him closer to her while his hand rests on the blade that presses against her stomach. He wants to pull away, toss that damned thing to the floor because they don’t need it — Rowena doesn’t need to die. (But she does.) She asks him that question, the one he’s still hearing hours later. The one he should’ve answered yes to.

“Will you let the world die, let your brother die, just so I can live?”

She knew that would be the only way to get through to him. Of course she did. That sneaky witch knew Sam better than almost anyone (even better than Dean, in some ways); she knew that Sam didn’t have it within him to let the world crumble beneath the weight of another apocalypse. That’s not who he is. It never has been. So if it was Rowena or the world, or Cas or the world, or anyone else or the world, it would always be in Sam’s blood to choose the world, every single time.

But now, as he squeezes his eyelids shut and sees the blood spreading across Rowena’s middle, sees her stepping over Hell’s edge while carrying the weight of a billion souls, Sam wonders why he couldn’t just have both.

He lowers his face into a pair of trembling hands. There are tears brimming at his eyelids — not the first wave of tears today, and he’s sure it won’t be the last. He presses the heels of his palms against his eyes, desperate to erase the memory from his mind. All that blood. The tear in the earth, slowly closing up over the fiery pit that swallowed Rowena whole. ”That’s my boy.”

“Sam.” Dean appears in the doorway of Sam’s bedroom, startling the younger brother. He lowers his hands into his lap and looks up, not bothering to hide his broken expression. Dean’s seen him worse for wear countless times, anyway.

“You okay?” the elder asks. He asked him the same question about an hour ago, when he came in here and attempted to give the routine you had no choice, at least we saved the world speech. Sam’s grateful for the gesture, he is, but he doesn’t want to hear it right now. He doesn’t want to think about how they saved the world yet again — and this time, it wasn’t their doing, anyways. It was Rowena. She’s the one who died to save them — to save the world.

“Where’s Cas?” Sam asks, because he really doesn’t want to talk about Rowena right now. Not with Dean, not with anyone.

(He doesn’t want to talk about it because that would make her death real, and he doesn’t want it to be real yet. He just wants her here.)

“Gone,” is Dean’s vague answer. There’s a trace of venom in his voice, along with something else Sam can’t quite put his finger on. Dean’s doing a pretty good job at masking his feelings for Sam’s sake. He’ll give him credit for that.

“What do you mean gone?” Sam asks.

“Needs a break, I guess. You want something to drink?” Dean’s sudden eagerness to change the subject doesn’t go unnoticed by Sam. He knows something much bigger is going on between Dean and Cas (hell, you can just sense it when you stand beside the two of them), but if he’s being totally honest, he doesn’t give two shits right now. That’s Dean’s mess to clean up, and right now — well, right now, Sam’s got some problems of his own.

(He doesn’t say a word about it to Dean, but a sharp pain runs through his shoulder. The aches come and go, brought on by the Equalizer wound, no doubt. He barely gives it a second thought, however, not when the events of earlier are still the freshest wound he bears.)

“I’m okay,” Sam says. “I think I’ll probably just get some shut-eye.”

“Okay.” Dean turns to leave, but not without sparing one more concerned glance at his little brother. “If you need anything, let me know.”

“Yeah.” Sam nods weakly. “I will.”

Dean leaves, and Sam falls back onto his mattress, the back of his head roughly hitting his pillow. He doesn’t have much energy left, so he falls asleep in his flannel and jeans, though it takes him a while. And even as unconsciousness wraps him up like a pitch, dark blanket, he still can’t shake the memory of a certain red-haired witch.

I’m sorry, Rowena, he thinks, as the tears dry on his face. I’m so, so sorry.

The pain only gets worse. Not just the pain of losing Rowena, but the pain in his shoulder, too.

He starts to avoid Dean, if only just a little bit. He tries not to make it too obvious that he’s hiding from his older brother, but he just doesn’t want him to worry. What used to be an injury that acted up once or twice a day now has him in constant agony, and sometimes, he needs to find a way to be alone so he can just cry, because it hurts so fucking much. He’s never felt anything like it. He’s been shot before — too many times to count, really — but for some reason, this is different. He supposes the wound was caused by a terribly angry, all-powerful villain, and maybe that’s why it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. The bullet was crafted by magic, but not just any magic — dark, evil magic that was meant to kill Jack, one of the only people Sam knew who could have rivaled Chuck.

But now, Jack’s gone, Rowena is still gone, and Sam is in so much pain he can barely breathe.

He makes up an excuse for Dean to get out of the bunker — “I’m hungry, can you get us some pizza?” — and barely takes notice of Dean’s disgruntled expression as the older brother walks out. As soon as he hears the door slam shut, Sam lets out the agonized gasp he’d been holding in for nearly an hour. He makes a beeline for the bathroom while his hands fumble with the buttons on his shirt. Once he reaches the mirror, he pushes the unbuttoned shirt down past his arms and recoils at the sight of his shoulder reflected by the glass.

The wound definitely looks infected. The hole where the bullet broke past his skin has turned a shade of deep red — like the color of blood, but darker. Thin lines of crimson extend from the wound and travel across his skin like spiderwebs, nearly coating his entire shoulder.

It’s nothing like he’s ever seen before, and it terrifies him.

Sam reaches up with one hand to gingerly touch his shoulder, but the moment skin meets skin, he’s overwhelmed with a pain that seems to set his body on fire. He doesn’t remember much of what happens during those next few seconds — he thinks he might have blacked out — but he knows for certain that touching the wound was like pulling a trigger. The second his hand makes contact, a gate in his mind busts open and he’s flooded with flashbacks of trauma, memories he’s tried his hardest to bury for years. He sees himself drinking demon blood. He sees a man in a crisp, white suit — a man he knows is not him, but gleefully wears his body. He sees Dean dying, he sees Cas and Jack dying, and—

There she is again.

”Goodbye, boys.”

Sam wakes up with a gasp on the floor of the bathroom. He’s not sure how he ended up on the ground, or even how long he was unconscious for, but he’s lucky enough Dean hasn’t come home yet. He sits up, pressing his back against the wall and pulling his knees to his chest. He can’t control the flow of tears that overtakes him once again, nor can he put a stop to the panic that wrecks his body.

He just feels so guilty.

He never wanted Rowena to die. That was never a part of the plan. It all happened so fast — the original spell didn’t work out, and all of a sudden Rowena was carving her last resurrection seal out of her shoulder and placing a blade in Sam’s hand.

”It has to be you that kills me.”

She never should have died. It was never supposed to happen. Not like that.

And now, she’s all Sam can think about. The blood on her dress. All the souls from Hell pouring into her body, like she was nothing but a vessel that they would discard as soon as the crack in the earth closed up. (Which is surely what had happened — Rowena had said her body would crumble under the weight of the souls until nothing remained.)

But her death is not the only thing Sam remembers.

He winces as a new kind of pain blossoms in his chest, his heart longing for the bond he shared with the witch and all the things they left unsaid.

—

“Samuel,” she whispered. “Are you awake?”

He rolled over on his side, his eyes adjusting to the dark room. As he squinted against the shadows, he could just make out Rowena’s head of scarlet hair, along with the lipstick smudged around the edges of her smile.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m awake.”

“You were pretty good at that,” Rowena commented, reaching over to trace a finger across Sam’s bare chest. He smiled a little sheepishly, his cheeks turning warm.

“You were better.”

“Can’t argue with you there, my boy,” she teased. “Maybe I ‘ought to teach you a thing or two.”

Sam fell quiet. As much as he wanted to capture Rowena’s lips in another kiss and go for a round two, something stopped him. It was like the blood in his veins froze, chilled by a fear he was sure he had kept locked away for years.

“Sam?” Rowena’s voice softened as soon as she realized something was wrong. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “Yeah, I… I’m just—” He stopped with a frustrated sigh, because the words rested on the tip of his tongue and he just didn’t want to let them fall. He rolled over onto his back, glueing his eyes to the cracks in the ceiling.

Unfortunately for him, Rowena seemed to have the ability to read his mind. (Though he truly wouldn’t have been surprised if that was actually one of her powers, knowing her.)

“You think this should be a one time thing.”

Sam looked over at her. He could make out the expression on her face now, his eyes well adjusted to the darkness of midnight in the bunker. She didn’t look hurt or offended, which is what Sam might have expected, had the woman lying next to him been someone else. Rather, she looked understanding. Like she knew what was on his mind, and she saw it coming from a mile away.

“Everyone I’ve ever been with,” Sam said. “It hasn’t… it never ends well.”

“I’m not afraid of what might happen, Samuel,” Rowena replied. “Fate has already decided that you’ll be my undoing, hasn’t it?”

“Stop.” He turned his head away. “Can we… can we not talk about that? Please, I just…” His voice trailed off, the sudden whirlwind of emotions rendering him speechless. He couldn’t think about losing Rowena. Not right now. Not when they lay side-by-side, tangled up in his bed sheets, sweat drying on their skin. He could still taste her on his lips, and he craved more of it, but not just the sex. He craved the connection he felt with the witch. He craved the bond they shared, a bond he was sure he’d never shared with anyone else before.

He craved that feeling of their hearts intertwining, their bodies becoming one — like it was always meant to be this way.

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t let himself fall in love again.

(Because everyone he fell in love with always died,

and if Rowena was fated to die at his hands?

Well, that made it even worse.)

“I’m not afraid of you, Sam,” Rowena whispered. She shifted her body closer to his, tentatively placing her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. She was so small, so gentle, and yet at the same time, she was the only thing capable of setting his soul on fire. She was insufferable at times, with her snarky comments and witty remarks. She was playful grins and pure magic and stolen kisses at midnight, and here she was, relentless, wanting him as much as he wanted her.

Neither of them would ever admit it (if only they had, because just a few weeks later, she would be gone) — but they cared for each other, deeply. They wanted to love each other.

If Sam was capable of letting his walls down, and if Rowena realized that love was more than weakness, then maybe, just maybe, they would have.

—

Sam thinks he might be going crazy.

He decides to go out for a walk one evening, get some fresh air. Dean took a case in Sioux Falls with Jody — a little vampire issue, nothing too serious. He wanted Sam to tag along, but it’s been less than a week since Rowena died, and Sam doesn’t cope with tragedy the same way Dean does. While his brother lets off steam by chopping off vampire heads with a machete, Sam thinks a better way to heal might be to walk around town for a bit, maybe stop by a café for a late night cup of joe. He wants to take his mind off Rowena somehow, and killing monsters — seeing all that blood — he’ll just start seeing the blood that stained his hands after…

Stop, he thinks. He’s sitting at a booth in a tiny coffee shop, empty save for an awkward teenage couple getting to know each other over some iced lattes. Feeling suddenly restless, he grabs his coffee and high-tails it out of there, desperate to find something else to focus his attention on. Anything to get those memories out of his mind.

He rounds a corner and finds himself in an alleyway. He heaves a sigh, leaning against the brick wall. He can feel beads of sweat forming on his face and neck, and he tries to steady his breathing, tries not to think about it, about her.

The panic subsides after a few moments, maybe a few minutes, Sam isn’t really sure. When it passes, he straightens up and inhales deeply. He settles his gaze on Lebanon’s sunset, watching as the sun disappears from the sky and the clouds overhead are washed out with a shade of deep, dark blue. It’s a nice night, the air is clean, a cool breeze ruffles Sam’s hair and he thinks he’ll be okay. He will. He takes another deep breath before bringing his coffee to his lips.

“Samuel.”

The styrofoam cup slips out of his hand and hits his feet. Coffee splatters across his shoes, but Sam doesn’t care — because he heard her — it was her.

He heard Rowena’s voice, clear as day. It sounded like she was standing right next to him. But when he spins around to find her, he finds himself alone in the alleyway, and it hits him — she’s not there. She’s dead.

“Samuel, it’s me.”

Sam grabs onto the sides of his head, his nails digging into his scalp. Her voice, it sounds so real — but it’s just in his head. She’s not here. She’s dead. This isn’t real.

“Help me, Sam.”

“Stop,” Sam mutters. “Please, please, just stop. This isn’t real. This isn’t real.”

The more he says those three words to himself, the quicker Rowena’s voice seems to fade. He can’t seem to breathe, his throat feels tight with the tears that threaten their arrival — but she’s not here. He’s not sure if that makes him feel better or worse, but he doesn’t want to stick around here to find out. He should sleep, or call up Dean and check on how the hunt is going. Maybe he’ll text Cas — he hasn’t heard from the angel in a while, and Dean still hasn’t told him where he went — but Sam just needs a dose of reality.

Rowena’s voice? Not real. Not real. She’s dead.

(The pain that lights up his shoulders as Sam hurries home, leaving the discarded coffee cup behind?

Definitely real.)

—

Hearing her voice is only the beginning.

At first, he hears her every once in a while throughout the day. It starts out as a whisper, a breathy voice right by his ear — quiet, but clear enough that he knows it’s her. She’s usually just saying his name, asking him for help, wondering if he’s there. He knows it’s not real, though. It’s just some sort of fucked up way for his mind to relive the trauma of losing her. People see and hear the people they care about everywhere after they die.

(That’s what he told himself when Bobby died, and days later, Bobby showed up as a ghost.

But there’s no way Rowena’s a ghost.

He watched her fall into Hell — he saw the ground close up over her body.)

He tries to tune out her voice, but what starts out as a brief whisper turns into a daily struggle. He’s hearing her when he wakes up and when he goes to sleep. He hears her when he and Dean have burgers for lunch, or share a drink at the map table.

She’s still calling out to him when Sam forces himself to go on a hunt with Dean. It’s just a ghost thing, easy enough — but Sam’s so fucking sloppy and nearly gets himself and Dean killed because he just can’t get Rowena’s voice out of his head.

Dean’s worried about him. Sam can tell his brother is starting to notice that this is more than just grief. It’s getting to his head in a way that could be dangerous for the both of them.

But Sam doesn’t want to tell him.

(Because then he’ll have to admit that he’s losing his mind.)

And there’s something else, something that scares him a little more than the witch’s voice engraved in his brain. It’s the fact that his shoulder is in constant pain now, and the infection is starting to inch its way down his arm. Of course, Dean doesn’t know about this, because Sam keeps his arms hidden under layers of flannel. It’s okay — it’s not a big deal. It’s just a wound; it’ll heal. He doesn’t want Dean to worry more than he already is, about Cas, or about the fact that Chuck was in control of their lives this entire time and Sam doesn’t know how to tell Dean otherwise.

The wound seems to be more than just a wound, though. Sam isn’t just hearing voices anymore — he’s seeing things, too. He’ll look in the mirror and see himself dressed in white. He blinks and he’s back to normal, but he can’t shake the feeling that maybe — just maybe — that reflection was real.

Maybe the wound is trying to tell him something.

He sees the Mark of Cain show up on Dean’s forearm. He knows it’s not there, because they got that thing off years ago, but maybe it is there. Or it will be. Sam’s not really sure anymore.

And when he goes to sleep and sees himself, with black eyes, snapping his brother’s neck with a tilt of his head—

He knows it’s not real.

(Or does he?

It feels real.)

And yet, all of this — these images in his mind, the hallucinations that flash across his gaze for a fraction of a second, all accompanied with the pain in his shoulder — none of them prepare him for what he sees in his room at midnight, exactly two weeks following Rowena’s death.

He sits on the edge of his bed, his shirt heavy with sweat. He’s pretty sure Dean’s asleep and won’t barge in unannounced like he tends to do sometimes, so he peels the shirt off and tosses it to the floor. He cranes his head towards his shoulder, which is now nearly blackened, akin to a nasty bruise. He drops his head back, his face turned towards the ceiling. It’s hard to breathe through the pain — it’s worse tonight, a lot worse — but he tries. Inhale, exhale.

“Samuel.”

“No.” Sam squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. “You’re not real.”

A hand rests against his, and Sam nearly jumps off the bed. He opens his eyes and whips his head around, and there she is — real and alive, sitting beside him on the mattress. There’s not a trace of death on her, no sign that she ever sacrificed herself to save the world. She greets him with a glowing smile, her eyes sparkling at him under lids coated with eyeshadow. Her hair is down, and it bounces off her shoulders like waves of fire. She’s so beautiful and she’s here.

“Rowena?” he whispers.

“That’s right,” she says. “I’m here, Sam.”

He should tell himself it isn’t real. He knows it isn’t, but right now, all he wants to do is shove that thought to the back of his mind. He wraps his arms around Rowena and pulls her to his chest. He can touch her, and she feels warm, which means there’s blood running through her veins, which means she’s alive.

“How…” Sam pulls away, but he keeps his hands on Rowena’s arms, desperate not to let go of her again. “How are you here?”

“Sam.” Rowena’s eyes soften. She reaches up and cups the side of his face with a gentle hand. She smiles at him, but her smile looks sad, so sad, and Sam’s heart drops.

It’s just another hallucination.

“You’re really dead,” Sam says. “Aren’t you?”

Rowena nods slowly. Sam drops his hands away from her arms and places them blindly on the mattress, unsure of what to do next. He’s not even sure what to think, because of course she’s not real, but she is. She’s here. He can feel her.

Why isn’t she real?

It’s not fair.

“Why…” Sam shakes his head. He doesn’t even try to stop the tears — he just lets them come. “Why is this happening to me?”

Rowena moves her hand away from his face and rests her palm against his wound. It’s the gentlest of touches, and Sam doesn’t even flinch. He’s just aware of her touch, and it fucks with his mind, because she’s here and she’s not, all at the same time.

“That’s some magic you’ve got running through your veins,” she says.

Sam looks at her. The tears have begun to cloud his vision, but he can still make out her expression. It’s one of curiosity. She’s intrigued. Careful not to put too much pressure on the wound, she moves her body towards Sam, peering down at his shoulder to get a closer look.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Sam says. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“I might have an idea.” Rowena looks back up at him. Her hands return to his face, and she brings their foreheads together with care. “I can help you, Samuel.”

“How?” Sam asks, his voice breaking. “You’re dead.”

“My body may be dead,” Rowena says, lowering her hands. “But my soul is very much alive.”

Sam pulls his head away to stare at her, bewildered. “What are you saying?”

“Samuel, this wound of yours — it’s defying all the laws of magic. I can feel its power all the way down here in Hell. It’s raw and untamed, and so strong.”

“You mean—” Sam protectively reaches for her hand, locking their fingers together. “You’re in Hell right now?”

As soon as the question slips past his lips, he knows how stupid it sounds.

Of course she’s in Hell.

She stepped over the edge to Hell, carrying the weight of every single damned soul to return to Hell. She’s in the worst place imaginable, a victim of endless torture — and yet, somehow she’s here too, safe, with Sam.

“I am,” Rowena says. “But something about this wound of yours has allowed me to come and speak with you. Like I said, it’s defying all the laws of magic. I can’t quite comprehend its power, but I can feel it opening gateways to other dimensions, doors to the past and to the future.”

Sam thinks back to everything he’s been seeing over the past couple of weeks, and it starts to make sense.

“I saw Dean with the Mark of Cain, even though we got rid of it years ago,” Sam says. “I saw… I saw myself, but it wasn’t me — it was Lucifer wearing my body. That happened years ago, too.”

“Sam.” Rowena gives his hand a squeeze. “I think Chuck may be planning something awful, and I have reason to believe the wound on your shoulder is trying to warn you about it.”

Together, they glance at his shoulder. For the first time in weeks, he’s able to silence the pain and notice something else instead.

He feels it.

There is magic running through his veins.

“What do I do, Rowena?” he asks, panic rising in his voice.

“I can help you,” she says. “I can teach you how to control it, understand what it all means. But I can’t do it from down here, Sam.”

“I’ll get you out,” Sam says. “There has to be a way.”

Rowena smiles. She lifts their still intertwined hands to her lips and places a warm kiss to the top of Sam’s knuckles.

“That’s my boy,” she whispers.

Sam can’t help himself. He’s overcome with too much emotion to handle — fear, confusion, love. So screw it — maybe it’s not real, maybe it’s a hallucination, or maybe Rowena is really here, using magic to speak to him from Hell. She sounds real, she feels real. And when he impulsively presses his lips against hers, kissing her like it’s the only thing he was made to do, he knows in his heart that she is real.

She kisses him back with reckless abandon, letting go of his hand so she can link her arms around his neck. Sam relishes in every moment, feeling her, loving her, because he never got to do it until it was too late.

“Rowena,” he mutters into the kiss. “I love you.”

“I know, Samuel,” she says.

She breaks the kiss, and Sam wonders why, until he sees that she’s fading. Her body is disappearing into oblivion, piece by piece, but that smile never leaves her face.

“I’ll come and get you,” Sam promises. “I will.”

The smile on Rowena’s face grows even wider, and there’s a knowing glint in her eye.

“I wouldn’t doubt it for a second.”

He blinks and she’s gone, but so is Sam’s fear. His shoulder hurts again, but he’s now completely aware of the magic coursing through his entire body. Rowena was right — it’s raw, untamed power, and he feels stronger now that he knows what the magic is trying to tell him.

“Thank you, Rowena,” he says to the empty room.

With a clear mind, Sam can start to formulate a plan. Rescue Rowena from Hell, somehow (it’s not impossible, he’s pulled off crazier feats before), and figure out what exactly this wound is trying to tell him. He should tell Dean. Now that he’s got it figured out, telling Dean doesn’t seem so scary anymore.

Before he stands up from the bed, Sam lifts a finger to his lips. He can still feel the aftermath of a very real kiss, and taste the lip gloss of a very real witch.

Despite all the words left unsaid, Sam is grateful he had a chance to see her again and tell her the only thing that matters—

—that he loves her, and he always will.

(And it won’t be the last time he says it, because he will see her again.)

#samwena #sam x rowena #sam winchester #rowena macleod #samwena fic #supernatural fic #spn fic #fanfic #fanfiction #one shot #otp: that's my boy #spn 15x03 #supernatural 15x03 #post 15x03 #angst

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teaspoin · 5 years

Text

Meet the Winchester-Finale

Warnings: nightmares, mentions of blood, maybe some swearing?

Word count: 1342

Catch up: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Authors note: I had such an amazing time writing this, and I am so proud of this series. I hope you guys really enjoyed reading this, but don’t worry about it being over... I am creating a sequel to this! I will start writing it tonight! I am so excited to share my ideas with you and create this new project. Just a warning, it might be darker than you would expect! Thank you so much for the support. I really do love you all!

Your heart was racing. You were back in that cave, with the creature hovering over you. It slashed at your back, causing you to scream. You felt the blood trickle down the back of your legs, eventually hearing it drop onto the cold stone floor. You were flustered. You wiggled and tried to squirm your way out, but nothing was working. You screamed for help, hoping that someone would hear you.

Dean tried to shake you awake. There were tears escaping from your closed eyes, and your whole body was shaking. He knew you were reliving it, and he couldn’t do anything about it. Sam quickly opened the door with his gun drawn, just to see you sobbing in your sleep. He lowered the gun slowly and sighed.

“Looks like you’ve got it,” he said.

“Yeah, we’ll see,” Dean replied. Sam left the room and closed the door, and Dean tried to wake you up again.

Your eyes shot open with pain, just to see Dean right next to you- awake.

“Dean?” you cried. You snuggled into his arms, still shaking from the nightmare. “I didn’t even remember that part, but now I do.”

“I know, it’s okay,” he tried to soothe you, but tears kept spilling out. You knew that this would be your life now, there was no escaping it. You knew you had to get over the nightmares, and the only way to do that was to face them. You fell back asleep about 40 minutes later, still in his arms.

---

You woke up and rolled over to check the time. It was just after 7:15, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. You turned to look at Dean, who was still sleeping. You smiled and slowly got off the bed, trying to be as quiet as possible. You picked up your crutches and headed for the door. Carefully, you turned to doorknob, just for your crutch to fall out from underneath you, causing you to fall.

Deans head perked up, as he quickly grabbed a gun from underneath his pillow, pointing it at you.

You help up your arms. “I’m sorry, I was trying to be quiet. I didn’t want to wake you.”

He put the gun down and smiled, then rolled off the bed. He made his way towards you and helped you up.

“It’s no problem, I had a beautiful face to wake up to,” he flirted while grabbing your crutch. You smiled and looked at him. He was gorgeous. Absolutely and completely stunning. You didn’t know why you hadn’t noticed before, but it was inevitable.

You both stared at each other for a couple seconds longer than you should’ve. You could feel the butterflies in your stomach, and he felt the same. You both inched closer to each other, the attraction building.

“Um,” you started softly, staring at his lips. “Why don’t we go eat?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, slowly opening the door. You exited first and made your way to the kitchen.

“I can make you pancakes,” he said.

“Pancakes sound good,” you replied. Your heart was racing. What just happened? You should’ve kissed him! You thought. You arrived to the kitchen where Sam was already making coffee. Dean started getting the ingredients out for pancakes, while Sam handed you a cup of coffee.

“No thank you,” you said. “I don’t drink coffee.” The boys looked shocked.

You heard a bang from the front door.

“Stay here,” said Dean. Dean left and pulled out his gun. You heard him talk to someone in the distance, and he actually laughed. You wondered who it was.

“Anyway, Dean. I have some information you guys might want to hear,” the voice got closer as Dean led him towards the kitchen.

“Ok, shoot,” Dean said, walking in.

The man tried to start again, but then he saw you. He looked curious and intrigued by you. You’ve never seen him before and the boys have never mentioned anyone, so you were curious to find out who he was. He was tall, but not as tall as Dean. He wore a suit and a trenchcoat on top, which you thought was completely absurd. It looked as though it was his everyday, casual wear.

“Who is this?” he asked the boys, noticing the slash on your face and cast on your leg. He saw the stitches on your legs and stitches starting on your shoulder.

“This is Y/N. Y/N, this is Cas, short for Castiel,” Dean said.

“He’s an angel,” Sam explained. You were confused. You didn’t know that angels were actually a thing.

“I called and prayed for you days ago, Cas. Why weren’t you here?” Dean's voice started to rise, getting angrier with every word he said.

He sighed and looked at you. “I see what you mean, Dean. But, the situation in Heaven has been getting worse, and-”

Dean slammed his fist on the counter. You jumped. You never thought Dean was the violent one. In fact, you thought it was Sam. Sam didn’t hesitate to kill that demon, but maybe you had it wrong.

“We thought she would die!” Dean yelled. You realized this was about you. Whatever this Cas person was, he was the one Dean needed when you were hurt.

“She should’ve,” Cas said.

“Excuse me?” you scoffed.

“With the extent of your injuries, you should have died,” he said.

“Cas,” Sam sighed. “Can you just… heal her?”

You looked over at Dean, who was livid. You couldn’t imagine the anger he had. You wondered who Cas was to him, and why that made him so angry. Dean stormed out of the room.

“What do you mean, heal me?” you asked. Cas came closer and sat next to you.

“I’m an angel,” he said. “I can heal you of your wounds.”

You contemplated what he said. You were only staying with the Winchesters until you were better, but now it seemed as though you would be better right now. You took a second to think, but you decided you needed to know more about their lives, and you needed to do that without pain.

“Ok,” you said. Cas placed his palm on your forehead, and within a second, you felt better. The pain was gone.

“There,” he said. You felt the side of your face, expecting to feel the stitches, but you didn’t. It was completely smooth. You looked at your arm and saw your wound was completely healed, there wasn’t even a scar.

“Oh my god,” you said, tears pooling in your eyes. “Thank you.”

He nodded, then looked at your cast. He placed his hand on it, and it cracked. He tore it off and walked away.

“Dude,” you said to Sam. “Is he like, macho man or something?”

“Angels are dicks,” said Sam. “But sometimes they use their powers for good.”

You giggled. “I guess so. I’m going to go see how Dean is doing.”

You didn’t feel any pain when you stood up. You walked into the hall and saw Dean’s bedroom door open. He was sitting on his bed like a little kid does when their mad.

“Hey,” you said standing in the doorway, with your arms crossed.

“Wow,” he said, looking at you. “You’re taller than I thought.”

“That’s because your sitting,” you started. “I’m still relatively short.”

He stood up and made his way towards you. He gave you a kiss on the forehead. “I’m so glad your okay.”

You looked up and slowly placed your hands in his. “Dean, I want to stay. I want to know everything there is to possibly know about you. I want to know about this life.”

“You could get hurt,” he said, looking down at your hands.

“Honestly? Right now I don’t want to kill things,” you both chuckled. “I just want to know you.”

He smiled. You inched closer to him and he slowly wrapped his hands around your waist, pulling you in for a kiss.

“Okay,” he said quietly, breaking the kiss.

“Okay.”

#dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean winchester #jensen ackles #sam x reader #sam x y/n #sam winchester #jared padalecki #castiel #misha collins #spn #spnfanfic #spnfandom #supernatural

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themoonandotherslikeit · 5 years

Text

The Daughter of a Righteous Man- Chapter 24

*SEQUEL TO THE LOOK IN HER EYES*

After her husband is drug to Hell, Ava Winchester and her brother in law Sam try their best to do right by Dean and raise her daughter, only to find that good intentions aren’t always enough. Loving someone isnt always enough.

Chapter Twenty-Four, No One Ever Told You

Ella

About sixteen years later

"Truth." I stared at my father in front of me. My favorite person in the world. My rock. He’s a liar. "You owe me that much."

He pulled up the chair from my vanity and turned it so he sat with his legs on either side of the back of the chair. "There's a lot I need to say."

"I'll say."

He frowned, wringing his hands.

"Dad, this letter," I said gesturing to it. "What is she talking about?"

"I should probably start from the beginning,” he said meeting my eyes. "Get comfortable."

I lowered myself back into my bed in a seated position, surrounded by the photos and papers I'd been over examining for the last two days while he'd been gone. "Okay."

"I met your mom on a case."

"She was a hunter?"

"No." He laughed, shaking his head. "She was a detective. A good one. Which made her pretty invaluable to us. She was the niece of your great uncle Bobby, who we already knew. He was like a second father to Sam and I. He would bail us out of jams all the time. This time he was pretending to be our superior officer in the FBI, and she recognized his voice."

"She caught you in a lie."

"Hell yeah she did. She was a spit fire." He met my eyes. "Just like you. Always gettin her nose into something."

I smiled a bit. "You do the same thing."

He shrugged. "Probably. Anyway we worked the case, and even when we told her to stay away... she wouldn't. She ended up getting hurt." His eyes dropped to the letter. "That's when I knew I wouldn't be able to live seeing her hurt. I didn't want her to come with me. I worried if she did she would get hurt."

"Let me guess," I began, finding myself engrossed. "She didn't take no for an answer."

The corner of his mouth tugged up in a smile. "You're exactly right. Sam didn't help, he wanted her to come. If I was being real, I wanted her to come, too. Somehow I knew I'd be better off with her. Just wish I would've seen that she wouldn't be better off with me." He sighed, rubbing his face, the letter crinkling in his hand.

"What do you mean?"

"She went on the road with Sammy and I. I couldn't fight it, ya know? I fell in love with her. She was a great hunter, saved my skin multiple times. She was so beautiful, and we had something between us, something we couldn't fight. We split up for almost a month, but even then we couldn't stay apart. She wasn't just another woman, El. She was my soulmate. Hell, she still is."

I got up and walked to him, squatting to look in his eyes. "Why did she tell you no when you asked her to marry you. If she was your soulmate?"

I looked at my father. He was hurting; I could tell by the wrinkles around his eyes, by the crease on his forehead. The image of him and my mom on their wedding day was burned into my eyes. He deserved to be happy, for once he deserved to be happy, and to find joy. He deserved to not have a fucking arch angel stuck in his head.

He met my eyes. "She died."

"I know that."

"No, sweetheart. She died before that. She was possessed and... and she didn't make it. The demon told me about you. We didn't know she was pregnant and I lost it. I couldn't lose her. I couldn't lose you. I wouldn't."

I frowned, not understanding. "What are you talking about?"

"I made a deal. I made a deal and I didn't tell her. She was dead in my arms. I knew both of you were gone, and I couldn't have it. I made a deal."

"A deal..." I swallowed. I didn't want to believe what he was telling me. "Not a deal, deal?"

"I sold my soul. Fuck, I didn't want you to have to know that... I never wanted you to know that. I don't regret it, though. I never did."

"But you're here..."

"Cas pulled me out, but before that I was given six months."

I covered my mouth. It was too much. "You sacrificed all of that for us?"

He reached out and he held my face. "You're my daughter. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Of course I would, and I'd do it a million times over."

"And you kept it from Mom?"

"Of course." He laughed. "I couldn't tell her. Didn't want to make her mad. Didn't want her to look at me like you're looking at me,” he said touching my nose.

"Sorry," I said quietly. "It's a lot."

"I know, baby girl."

"So what happened next?"

"I asked her to marry me." He laughed. "We were at a wedding, and she looked so beautiful. I knew I never wanted to be without her, and then... then she found out. She was angry. She was betrayed. She wrote that letter to you, and then she told me yes." He smiled. "I didn't do a lot of things right, Nel. I fucked up a lot, but I loved your mom. I loved her more than anything. You girls were my life."

He stood up, scratching his head, blinking away tears. "El... I... I want to tell you everything, but I need to do something first."

"Okay, Dad." I stood up, and he pulled me into his arms. He kissed the top of my head. I could feel his body shaking from the tears he was letting out into my hair. "There's nothing else making you sad, right? Just missing mom?"

"Right,” he mumbled, wiping his eyes. "I'll be back later. Okay?"

I nodded and watched him walk away, knowing full well that he was still lying to me.

Ava

Present

"No way." I said, bouncing Nel on my hip. "You're not leaving."

I walked to Dean and rested my hand over his heart. "We just got you back."

Dean looked from me, to Sam and Cas. "Give us a second, guys?"

They nodded and slipped out of the room. "Ava," he began, taking my hand in both of his, keeping it over his heart. "I didn't tell you... I didn't know how."

"Didn't tell me what?"

"I started this. The apocalypse. I was the first seal... so I have to finish this."

I searched his face. Every freckle. The golden flecks in his green eyes. The love of my life. "Then I'm coming with you."

"I can't let you do that."

"You're my husband, my partner. You're not letting me do anything. I'm not letting you go alone. You're not doing this without me."

He met my eyes gently. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," I said pulling him close. He wrapped his arms around Nel and I. "I'll see if Lacey will watch Nel."

Dean reached for Nel and pulled her into his arms. "Hi little one. I'm sorry I haven't been around as much as I should've." He pressed his forehead to hers. "But I have to save the world, baby girl. I have to save it for you."

—————————————-

"So you picked the OG Winchester?" Lacey asked, sipping her smoothie.

"He's my soulmate," I said simply. "Sams amazing... but Dean and I were made for each other."

"Does that mean Sam is on the market?" Lacey asked wiggling her eyebrows.

"Come on."

She laughed. "Yeah I'm kidding. Mostly."

"There's... uh... there's more."

"More? Like?"

"Like... the apocalypse." I winced, waiting for a reaction from her.

She pushed her short blonde hair behind her ear and leaned forward. "Excuse me, what?"

"Just like what you think. So I need to ask you a favor. Can you watch Nel?"

"Why?"

"Dean and I... this is our fight. We have to help."

"Help save the world?" Lacey grinned.

"Something like that."

"Well how can I say no?"

I took her hands in mind. "Thank you so much. For everything. You're a good friend."

"The greatest." She winked.

"I'm... I'm kind of worried. This is big, Lace."

"I know,” she said quietly. "Why is it up to you guys to fix it?"

I shook my head. "I guess it's a Winchester thing. Ever since I met the boys they always think it's exclusively up to them to fix everything."

"Is it?"

"This time, it might be."

I looked at my daughter, asleep in her carrier. My heart already ached at the sight of her. I didn't know how long I would be gone, and I knew it would be dangerous.

I rested my palm on her belly as it rose and fell with every breath.

"I won't let anything happen to her," Lacey promised.

"I know. I know you won't. Just... if something happens to me, or to us. If this ends badly I have to know she won't go into the system."

"Hey, don't do that shit. Okay? Y'all are Winchester's, like you said. You will be okay. You'll save the world, and be home before she even notices you're gone."

I smiled a bit. "I hope you're right."

"And if I'm wrong, I won't have lied to you, because I won't let anything happen to her." She said reaching out, putting her hand over mine on Nels stomach.

"Thank you," I said, wiping my eyes.

"In other news," she said leaning in. "How was the makeup sex? Was it amazing? He looks like it'd be amazing."

I felt my cheeks heat up. I'd never had girlfriends so I wasn't used to talking about my sex life. "Honestly, it hasn't happened yet."

"What?! Oh, sweetie," she said, standing up. "I'm starting my babysitting duties early. Go home and be with your man." She said grabbing the carrier. "I'll bring her by later."

"Thanks," I said standing up. I pulled her into a hug. "For everything."

"Don't get all emotional on me, Winchester,” she said hugging me back.

————————————————

Dean was leaned over the trunk of the Impala, organizing the weapons. He analyzed each knife to make sure it was sharp. He counted the bottles of holy water and the bullets. He restocked the salt and oiled the guns. He wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead.

"Hey," I said, approaching him.

"Hey back," he mumbled, not looking up at me.

"Hey," I said, again, touching his shoulder.

He turned to look at me, and I caught him in a kiss, tasting the sweat on his upper lip. He dropped whatever he was holding into the trunk, and he wrapped his arms around me. He pressed his palm to my lower back to hold me pressed against him. His oily hands were probably leaving handprints on my yellow dress, but I didn't care.

I ran my fingers along his scalp and down his neck. His eyelashes fluttered against my face as he sucked on my bottom lip, running his tongue along it. I groaned into his mouth and met his tongue with mine.

"Ava,” he groaned into my mouth, letting his warm breath roll over my lips.

I bit down on his bottom lip, and he winced yanking me closer with force. We pressed so hard against each other, that it became physically impossible for us to be any closer than we were.

He grabbed ahold of my bare thighs and picked me up with one arm. He gripped my thigh in his hand, his callouses scraping against the skin of my inner thigh. I wrapped my legs around his waist, hiking his shirt up.

I scooted closer, pressing against the naked space on his stomach where his shirt was raised. His mouth opened slightly in shock as he realized that I wasn't wearing any panties. I smiled against his mouth and pulled him even closer.

He walked us around the car, his mouth never leaving mine as he threw the back door open. He lowered me into the backseat so I was laying on my back and he was hovering over me. He reached back and pulled his shirt over his head.

I ran my fingers over his chest, trying to memorize the way he looked. He was beautiful. The scar from where Castiel pulled him out of Hell was fading, but still there. I reached up and kissed it gently.

"You're something else, Sweetheart," he murmured, looking down at me. His cheeks were flushed and I could feel his pulse under my lips as I brushed them against his neck.

"Don't call me Sweetheart." I smiled, propping myself up. I undid each button that ran down the middle of my dress, exposing my naked body under it.

His green eyes widened as they looked over every inch of me. "Christ."

I smiled and shrugged out of the dress.

He ran his fingers along my body shaking his head. "How did I get so lucky?"

"The same way I did," I said pulling his face to mine. "I don't want to spend another day without having you."

"Me neither."

"Then take me, damn it," I said, not used to having to ask. Dean wasn't exactly delicate, but he had changed since he was back. Since he admitted what he'd done.

"Yes mam,” he whispered, unbuttoning his pants.

He slid out of his jeans and hovered over me. It was just us in the universe. Us, and the Impala, like we had our own bubble. Even with my sweaty back sticking to the leather, and the car fogging up with our breath. I couldn't have imagined it better. I'd never had a man that knew every inch of me, from the inside out. Dean knew me, and I knew him. We rolled over the edge together, panting, with our heads pressed together. He lingered inside of me for a few minutes of quiet. A few minutes of us being one, before he pulled out and rested his face on my stomach.

"Are you on the pill?" He asked quietly.

"What?"

"Because if not, I definitely just got you pregnant."

I laughed and swatted his shoulder. "Dean Winchester! Don't ruin the moment!"

He smiled up at me cheekily, his eyes half closed lazily. I ran my fingers through his messy hair. He needed a hair cut. "I couldn't ruin it it I wanted too,” he said slowly placing kisses under my breasts. "Plus, I loved you pregnant. I wouldn't mind another baby."

"Easy for you to say," I murmured, running my fingers along his back. "You're not the one who has to get fat and sick."

"You weren't fat,” he said seriously. "You were the most beautiful woman in the world. Still are. Nothin you can do or say could change my mind."

I held his face in my hands. "You're right, you can't ruin the mood," I said pulling him back up to my mouth. "But I won't be pregnant. I am on the pill." I said kissing him softly.

"Sounds like a challenge."

Dean

About 16 years later

I stared at Ava's grave. A fucking polished stone, that's all that was left of the woman who gave me more than anything in the world. It was unfair. It was so fucking wrong.

"Hey, Ave," I said, lowering myself into a seated position. I leaned against the stone, yearning to touch her. "I remember you saying you did this with me when I was gone." I laughed. "Guess it's my turn."

"Nel is asking about you. She found all your stuff... maybe it's fucked up, but it's hard to talk about. All of it. I don't want her to have to experience it. She was so young... that was the only upside."

I shook my head.

"I wonder al the time, how things would've been different. How you would look now. If we would've had another child."

I shook my head, not bothering to fight the tears that were stinging my eyes.

"I do have another son. Not like how you would think... there's never been anyone else." I smiled sideways. "There's no one that can compare to you. You're it. There's just... this kid. Jack. He came to our responsibility, and Cas, Sam, and I are doin our best to raise him. I wish you could meet him. You'd love him. You'd know just what to say."

I laughed humorlessly. "Nel is so good with him. She's a great big sister. Oh and she's dating a girl. Real good one. They're in love." I winced. "She found love, Ave. That's all we ever wanted. She's so fucking smart... she's so much better than I am. She's everything. More than I could've dreamed. I just hope she doesn't hate me once she knows."

I pressed my palm against the headstone. "I hope you don't hate me, too."

—————

Chapter Twenty-Five, This is the First Day of My Life

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saltnhalo · 5 years

Text

saltnhalo’s 2018 writing

I made one of these roundups last year, so I figured I’d do the same this year. Between travelling and being in the hospital for a while, I didn’t get quite as much done, but I’m still damn proud of all my words.

Fics on A03

Roll With It (January)

8,086 words this year, 72k total (Explicit)

For two years, Dean’s been slaving away beneath his boss – many label him a secretary, but he fucking hates that and feels like it only applies to someone wearing a pencil skirt, so he insists on his title of Executive Assistant. And for what? In the vain hope that one day he’ll manage to become an editor for Sandover Publishing, and that he’ll see the manuscript that he’s slaved over since college finally realized in print.

That’s the dream, anyway.

Right now, he’s fucking late.

Dean wants to be an editor. Castiel just wants to stay in the country. ‘The Proposal’ – as you’ve never seen it before.

(Editor!Cas, Assistant!Dean)

I Don’t Know Why (January-February)

10,710 words this year, 16.5k total

Dean gets home from a long job to find a note on his front step. He knows exactly who it’s from and what it means; it promises fun and danger and a fucking good time, and there’s no way he can turn down this invitation.

He can never say no to the Angel.

(Assassin!Cas, Spy!Dean)

Flowers (February)

1,004 words, 3.4k total, co-written with destimushi and cryptomoon (Teen)

Three times Dean gave Cas flowers. Well. Kinda.

(Canon compliant, Valentine’s Day)

The Galaxy’s Most Wanted (March)

10,155 words (Explicit)

Dean had been the one always up to mischief, running around with his father’s broken laser pistol and constantly getting into places he shouldn’t have been. Sam, in comparison, always seemed to be the smart, studious one – until he reprogrammed the AI in their neighbours’ house to play ‘Happy Birthday’ at the loudest possible volume while keeping all the doors and windows firmly locked. It had taken two experts seven hours to undo the coding that Sam had managed to integrate into the house’s programming.

So, yes. They had been exceptional even from the beginning. And when John Winchester crossed one too many people, his sons inherited his beloved ship, and took to the cosmos doing what they knew best: stealing.

And they were damn good at it too. Almost unrivalled, across their own galaxy and even those neighbouring.

Almost.

(Space pirates, enemies to lovers)

Ensnared (April)

1,543 this year, 10k total (Mature)

As the current pulls him a little closer to the island, the singing grows stronger. It’s deep and lyrical and the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard and he’s suddenly overcome by the desperate, searing need to be closer, to hear it in all its intended glory.

And as he passes a single spur of rock that juts out a little further into the ocean than the others, Dean sees him.

(Siren!Cas, shipwrecked!Dean)

A Lesson In Obedience (April)

6,396 words (Explicit)

Castiel helps Dean to relax after a long and stressful day at work.

(Sub!Dean, Dom!Cas)

Little Blue Dragon (April)

23,820 words (Explicit)

Dean Winchester may have a reputation for being a skilled craftsman and blacksmith, but his life is just like anyone else’s. He’s over-worked and under-slept, and it’s all because of the niggling feeling in the back of his mind that tells him he’s… forgetting something. Still, he can’t let his weird dreams or errant thoughts get in the way of his work and his love for his craft. The strange feeling goes ignored.

That is, until he meets a man with jewel-blue eyes and an aura of intrigue. Castiel slots into his life in a way that Dean had never thought possible, and Dean grows accustomed to the mysterious man’s visits and brilliant smiles and tales of far-away places.

He’d never known he was missing a piece of himself until he met Castiel, and he thinks that Cas might feel the same way.

Until Castiel disappears from Dean’s life completely.

(Blacksmith!Dean, dragon!Cas)

Worst Impressions (May)

15,061 words, co-written with thepopeisdope (Explicit)

It should be a simple story: they meet, they click (or don’t), and they move forward with their lives from there. It happens every day.

Except in reality, for them, it’s not nearly that simple. It’s more like: they meet, they hate each other with a passion, and then suddenly a firefighter is on a date with a librarian, and somehow that isn’t the most unexpected development of their relationship.

From the instant Dean saw that the drop-dead-gorgeous firefighter had horns and a tail, he knew he was fucked.

(Angel!Dean, demon!Cas)

Trouble In The Best Way (July)

2,173 words (Teen)

When Dean is called in to see Emma's principal about his daughter's behaviour, he's not expecting to encounter one of the most attractive guys he's ever met in Castiel Novak, the father of Emma's partner-in-crime.

(Single parents, strangers to lovers)

Through The Fire (June-September)

30,444 words, WIP (Explicit)

When John Winchester strikes a deal with the Alpha of another pack, Dean is the one forced to take the hit for his family. He suddenly finds himself betrothed to the infamous mafioso Castiel Krushnic—an alpha with a terrifying reputation, who commands respect from all those who meet him. Once mated, Dean and Castiel must find a balance in the dynamics of their relationship, or risk bringing the whole of the Krushnic empire to its knees.

The challenges thrown their way have to be handled together, for better or for worse.

(Mafia AU, A/B/O)

Kiss Me, Kill Me (September)

4668 words (Mature)

Seasoned hitman Castiel Novak is just looking to take out his target and get paid, but should've accounted for the fact that he may not be the only assassin at tonight's party...

Cue the mysterious, green-eyed man who is more of a match for Castiel than anyone he's ever met.

(Assassin AU, A/B/O)

What The Rain Brings (October)

6,043 words (Explicit)

In which Castiel's new roommate—supposed to be an alpha, under the guidelines of the college dorms—turns out to be a) late, and b) a beautiful, sarcastic, drenched omega.

(College AU, A/B/O)

Such Familiar Magic (December)

6,333 words (Teen)

When solitary witch Castiel finds an injured dog unconscious in his garden, he takes it in. He's expecting to heal it, look after it for a few days, then perhaps return it to its owners.

He's not expecting it to be one of the strongest familiars he's ever met.

(Witch!Cas, familiar!Dean)

Fics on Tumblr

Blowjob (353, NSFW)

College stress (1,055)

Bondage (264, NSFW)

Rimming (540, NSFW)

Exhibitionism (1,354, NSFW)

Edging (497, NSFW)

Movie night (579)

Sexting (1,025, NSFW)

Riding (342, NSFW)

Cas in suspenders (164)

Café meet-cute (721)

Micestiel (502)

Witch Cas/Familiar Dean (822)

Captured spy Dean (1,705)

T-shirt (494)

Stitches (500)

High school love (847) Ending 1 | Ending 2

Art thief Dean (1,421)

Fallen Cas (419)

High school reunion (711)

Fake dating (854)

Yoga (857, based on these gifs)

Baking (509)

Sleeping hunters (435, inspired by this beautiful art)

Nude model (703)

Angel Dean/Demon Cas (785)

Suspension (720, NSFW-ish)

Stargazing (461)

Bar pining (604)

Moving house (466)

Beach vacation (926)

Nesting (708)

Noctuary (1,885)

Quidditch (839)

Love confession (2,172, NSFW-ish)

Sam gets a dog (480)

Actors AU (2,636, NSFW-ish)

Reverse!verse (284)

Art student Cas (980)

Motel (494)

Prom invite (1,197)

Dancing (1,176)

Mistletoe (509)

Deaf Dean (816)

Find all my tumblr fics collated on AO3 here

Words posted to AO3: 126,436 Words posted to tumblr: 35,811 Words posted in total: 162,247

Thank you so much to every single person who has read, kudosed, liked, reblogged or commented this year. Your support means the absolute world to me, as without people to read and enjoy what I put out onto the internet, I probably wouldn’t still be writing today. You guys are all so special to me, and I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings for us all.

#emma speaks #emma's writing #2018 roundup #can you believe RWI was completed earlier this year #what in the fresh fuck #it feels like a lifetime ago

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perlukafarinn · 6 years

Text

what’s there to talk about, ch 3

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 (ao3)

After Tyler, the topic of Dean’s sexuality doesn’t come up again between him and Sam for a good decade.

Before Stanford, Sam does his best to ignore it. It’s not until he’s enrolled and making friends there that he comes into contact with openly gay and bi people for the first time in his life. He sometimes considers bringing it up when Dean calls, but it’s just easier not to. If Dean is bi – which seems to be the case – then he’s clearly a lot more into women and Sam wouldn’t be doing him any favors by trying to make him talk about it.

He gets a phone call once from a guy who seems to think he’s Dean, wanting to meet up again (the phrasing he uses is a lot more graphic, but Sam would rather not think about it). It’s only a few days after Sam saw Dean for the first time in two years, so he doubts it’s a coincidence. He’s not sure what Dean means by it, though, so he elects to ignore that, too.

He doesn’t see or speak to Dean again until Dad disappears. Then Jess is dead, and Sam’s life is falling apart.

They meet Cassie, and Sam takes the opportunity.

“So she’s your ex-girlfriend,” he says, and from the way Dean is already glaring at him he knows he’s being extremely transparent. He soldiers on anyway. “Any ex-boyfriends?”

Dean looks away, turning his glare to the wall, and Sam is honestly a little surprised the paint doesn’t start peeling from the force of it. “Don’t be stupid.”

“But-”

“Sam,” Dean warns, and that’s that. End of discussion. Sam’s not sure if he’s frustrated or relieved.

He tries again after Dean makes the deal.

Dean’s attitude is different but he doesn’t seem any more willing to discuss it.

“The way I see it, I’ve got one year left,” Dean tells Sam. “I can spend it crying and talking about my feelings, or I can have some goddamn fun.”

“You’re not gonna go to hell,” Sam says, and the conversation turns away from Dean’s sexuality into yet another fight about his unwillingness to fight for his life.

Sam gives up after that. If Dean doesn’t want to talk about it, then he’s not gonna force him.

It doesn’t come up again for several years.

Cas has been dead for two months. Dean is drinking more and sleeping worse than ever, and Sam can’t even help him because he’s barely keeping it together himself. The best he can do is haul him off to bed when Dean drinks himself into a stupor.

One such night, Dean wakes up while Sam is pulling off his shoes.

“I miss ‘im.”

Sam startles, dropping Dean’s foot. He looks up, at Dean propped against the headboard, blinking slowly as his eyes fill with tears.

“Hey,” Sam says softly, sitting down on the mattress next to him. “It’s okay.”

Dean shakes his head. “‘S not. He’s gone, Sammy.”

He looks so broken, so defeated, and Sam can barely look at him. Dean has always been the stronger of the two of them, and no matter how often it’s happened in these miserable past six years Sam can’t handle seeing him cry.

“Never even told him…” Dean’s voice breaks, and he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. “I think he knew, but I should’ve told him.”

Sam knows he shouldn’t. Dean would never tell him this while he was sober, and if he remembers this tomorrow he’s gonna be pissed at the both of them for this conversation. “Told him what?”

“Y’know.” Dean laughs, the sound of it hollow and pained. “Bout being in love with him. But he knew.” He nods to himself, lips set in a determined line for a moment before crumbling again. “He knew, didn’t he?”

“Of course he did,” Sam tells him instinctively, even as his head swims with this revelation.

It feels like he just caught his big brother and his supposed friend making out on the couch in their apartment all over again. It shouldn’t be as big a shock, but Sam never saw this coming. Cas was Dean’s best friend, not his… whatever they actually were to each other.

Sam glances over at Dean, who’s fallen back asleep, head lolling to the side and mouth hanging open as he snores softly. Sam gets up, adjusting Dean so he’s lying on his side, covers him with a blanket and then stumbles to his own bed.

He knew Dean wasn’t straight, of course. It’s just that for all he knows, Dean’s only been with the two men, and both of those were years ago. There’s certainly never been any hint of more while he’s been around Sam.

Except, apparently, there was, and Sam was just too dense to notice.

God. How many more secrets has Dean been keeping from him?

Come morning, Sam decides to wait and see if Dean brings Cas up again. It becomes evident pretty soon that Dean doesn’t remember anything from the night before, and Sam considers the matter dropped. Bringing it up now would only hurt Dean more.

They’re on a case in Wichita, and the name Tyler Brooks comes up on a list of witnesses.

Sam reads it a couple of times, making sure he’s got it right, before handing the file off to Dean. He can tell the moment Dean spots Tyler’s name, because his eyes suddenly still and he draws in a sharp breath.

“It’s not necessarily him,” Sam says.

Two years on, he’s not sure if Dean and Cas are actually together or not – neither one of them has mentioned anything to him – but if they are, Dean might feel awkward about interrogating his ex.

Dean lets out a forced laugh. “You’d be relieved, wouldn’t you Sammy?”

Sam frowns, stung by the hostility in Dean’s voice. “What do you mean?”

“I’m just saying.” Dean shrugs, closing the file. “You didn’t exactly get along.”

“I was a dumb, homophobic kid,” Sam says defensively. “You know I don’t have any problem with gay people now.”

Dean doesn’t say anything, and Sam feels like the wind’s been knocked out of him.

“I don’t,” he reiterates. “Hell, I’ve been trying to get you to open up about your sexuality for years now.”

“What?” Dean says incredulously. “You brought it up like twice since you got back from Stanford, and once you were just making fun of me.”

“What the hell, Dean? I never did that!”

“Oh, so what was that you pulled at Cassie’s?”

Sam gapes at his brother. All these years, Dean thought he was mocking him? That he looked down on him for not being straight? How could Dean think that?

Dean’s expression softens. “Look, I’m sorry. I know you don’t hate gay people or anything. You’ve always been cool to Charlie. But just admit that in my case, it makes you uncomfortable and that’s why you haven’t tried harder to talk to me about it.”

“It doesn’t- I don’t-” Sam tries, but he can’t muster up the right words.

Dean hands him the file back, and leaves without another word. Sam can only stare after him. He’s wrong.

Isn’t he?

It’s a different Tyler Brooks. This one is at least a decade too young. Sam decides to put the whole thing aside until the case is over, and Dean doesn’t bring it up either so he must have reached a similar conclusion.

A couple of days later, they’ve wrapped everything up and are heading back to the bunker, and Sam figures it’s now or never.

“You were right,” he tells Dean.

Dean actually turns off the music. “I’m sorry, what?”

Sam rolls his eyes but Dean deserves to hear it, so he repeats himself, “You were right. About me being uncomfortable with it.”

“Told you,” Dean says, but he doesn’t sound particularly triumphant. Not that Sam can blame him.

“It’s not because you’re not straight,” Sam continues. “It’s just… it’s a part of you that you never wanted me to find out about. And I acted like an asshole when I did.”

Dean shifts in his seat. “You were just a dumb kid.”

“But I should have said something later,” Sam says. “I mean, I did try, but I should have tried harder. I was afraid of saying something stupid and hurting you again. It was easier to just… not say anything.”

Dean doesn’t say anything. They drive in silence for a little while, until Dean remembers to turn the music back on.

They’re approaching the bunker when Dean finally speaks again.

“While we’re on the topic,” he says. “Cas and I are sorta…”

“Yeah, I figured.”

Dean looks sharply at Sam, swerving the car slightly as he does. “What.”

“You told me you loved him,” Sam admits. “Back when Cas died. The third time,” he then has to clarify, because their lives are just that ridiculous. “But you were drunk off your ass.”

“Jesus, Sam, how long have you been sitting on that one?”

“Look, I didn’t know for sure if you were together. I was waiting for you to tell me.”

“Didn’t we just have this conversation?”

Sam snorts. “I guess so. But, uh,” he fidgets, feeling a little awkward despite himself. Dean really was spot on when he said this topic made him uncomfortable, wasn’t he? But Sam doesn’t want to be. He wants to do better. “You can tell me if there’s anything else. I won’t judge or make fun, promise.”

“I hooked up with Benny in Purgatory,” Dean says flatly.

“What the fuck.”

“Hey, you said no judgment!”

“You slept with a vampire,” Sam sputters. “I’m sorry, but vampire trumps guy.”

“Look who’s talking! Remind me which one of us was shacking it up with a demon for a whole year?”

Sam shuts his mouth after that. Some things you just can’t argue with.

Cas drops by the bunker a couple of days later. He looks surprised but pleased when Dean greets him with a kiss, right in front of Sam.

It’s still a little surreal to watch Dean kissing another man, but it’s also good to see him so obviously happy.

Cas stays the night, and they make no secret of him spending it in Dean’s bedroom. The next morning he’s in the kitchen, pouring himself coffee when Sam gets back from his run.

“Dean is still asleep,” he tells Sam. “It always tires him out when we…”

He trails off, looking a little unsure, and as happy as Sam is for the two of them he’s relieved Cas isn’t gonna start talking about their sex life with him.

“You love him, right?”

Sam doesn’t mean to ask, but the words are out before he can stop them.

“Of course,” Cas says, simply, like he’s never been surer of anything. Sam realizes then that he probably hasn’t been.

“Good.” Sam nods to himself. And since he’s already pursuing this line of questioning, “You’re not leaving again, are you?”

“Not if Dean wants me to stay. Would you like a cup of coffee?”

Sam blinks, taken aback by the abrupt change in topic. “Uh, sure.”

They’re both sitting by the kitchen counter, sipping their coffee when Dean stumbles into the room, wearing his dead guy robes and a pair of slippers. He accepts a cup from Cas and leans into it when Cas presses a kiss against his cheek. Sam’s never seen him this relaxed before.

It’s strange, alright, but given enough time Sam knows he’ll get used to it. This version of Dean is the happiest Sam’s seen him since he can remember.

Some part of Sam – the self-loathing part – can’t help but wonder if Dean wouldn’t have been this happy much sooner if he’d been more accepting. Maybe what he had with Tyler really could have gone somewhere.

Except, no, it couldn’t have. Even if Sam had been cool, Dad sure as hell never would have been. And in the end, the road they took still lead them to this kitchen. To Cas making them coffee and asking Sam about his morning run and kissing Dean’s cheek when he drags himself out of bed, finally learning at age thirty-six how to sleep in.

It’s not what Sam expected, but it’s good. They’re good.

#avyssoseleison #deancas #bi!dean #spn fanfic #perlukafarinn writes #sam & dean #outsider pov #homophobia cw #canon divergent fic

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avengersohyeah · 7 years

Text

Trace

Part 8

Masterlist

Trace Masterlist

A/N : Hai ........ um this part is bad as fuck i know just bare with me i promise the next part would be at least as interesting as the previous ones.

And if you ever confused about something in this series, just ask me okay...

Dean’s POV

It’s been a week since the first time we had sex, and well.. I just can’t get enough to feel him on my fingers. Kisses, the hot lust filled one and the vanila innocent one, holding eachother bodies tight in naked tangled mess, or the comfortable cuddle enjoying each others company. Never in my life I imagined that there would be a time for me to enjoy this feeling again, to care for someone that is not Sam or Cas, to love someone. It felt right, so right that I’m forgeting about the problems ahead of us. I was still kind of pissed because last week Cas made (Y/N)’s unconciousness deeper rather than helping him to wake up. He said the reason is for (Y/N) to see the buried memories that he never know existed, to help him in figuring out what should be done in this whole Rating Game shits. All he dreamed about is his memories that somehow supressed by his power, I knew everything. I saw every dream he had, because somehow when he did dream, I have the same dream. I never told anyone about this though, I know Sam would freak out and try to find some kind of explaination. While (Y/N)… I don’t know how would he react, because most of those memories he saw in his dreams were not a good ones. If he know I can see it to… But anyway, since I can see his dreams, I’m starting to figured out what he realy capable of. In one of his dream, there was his father turning the reality back to it’s place, because one year old (Y/N) meld the one where his grandpa is still young, with the one that has cars flying everywhere. It was kind of funny to be honest, seeing the panic from this people from the past seeing cars flying around from the year 4000’s. That’s one dream he could never stop to remember it, I know it, because he liked it, I like it too. For different reasons of course, I like it because of it’s silliness, and he liked it because he can see his father. It broke my heart to see him when he’s awake, he could only see his father from the dreams of memories that he never knew he has.

When Cas told us his reason to come back to earth, we decided to keep it secret from (Y/N). In the other hand, Cas seems not having any problem in socializing with (Y/N) at all. They met exactly twice before and never really had a conversation, but now they seems to have insides jokes already. And I hate it, I hate that (Y/N) shares those kind of interaction with someone other than me, even with Sam too. I don’t know what happened to me, those linked dreams, the urge to be constantly near him, and now this, the posesiveness ? But that means that I care for (Y/N) right ? That I really love him to the point that I know I’m being clingy to him like Sam said once. I tried to brush it off, and continue to help Sam in research of a case we got recently.

“Dean… are you okay ?” (Y/N) asked while he aproached my chair, he put both of his hands on my shoulder and massaging it firm and slowly just the way I like. I’m starting to relax under his touch.

“Now I’m fine..” I said while closing my eyes.

“Means that you were not minutes ago…”

I sighed, (Y/N) always know how to read me. He don’t need his power to know if something is bothering me. “It’s this case you know ?...” I started reluctantly.

“Yeah.. I know..”

“You knew what ?”

“It’s about the ‘Game’ Dean..” he sighed “All this cases that we found, it’s all about the ‘Game’. Since I asked for your help, it’s all happened because of me Dean….That Madison girl..the vampire nest… and this recent slaughter in Kansas… that’s all happened because of me…”

I grabed his wrists, and brought it to my lips, kissing each of them. “No.. it’s not ….” Before I could finish my sentence, the world around us seemed fo fade, and a moment after, we stood in the midle of nowhere. Like literally, no sky no ground, just this weird colors spining around us.

“What the Hell?” Sam asked in confusion.

“Guys… look !” Cas pointed his finger to a woman floating toward us, she’s fucking floating.

“Welcome home nephew…” Her tone full of fake sweetness,

“Cosmos…” (Y/N) whispered, his hands starting to shake.

“Awhh… no need to call me that, just call me aunt….” She smirks “How was life on earth ? and oooh… how about (Y/M/N), is she alright?”

(Y/N)’s posture getting more tense “It’s you…It’s you ! You killed my mother!”

She chuckle darkly, “No.. no honey, it wasn’t me… it’s him..” She snaped her fingers and someone apeared in front of us. Dressed in old britishy mozart kind of suit. Hair slicked back, his eyes fucking red, and he wear a cape. Like who the hell is this dude ? Then Cosmos says something. “I forget, you won’t remember him in this form… Damian..” She looked to the men, then suddenly the men changed into some kind fictional demons you read everywhere. Horns, half goat body, and a tail. Like what the fuck just happened ? I was about to say something, but (Y/N) beat me.

“You… you’re the one if been looking for this whole time..”

“Ta daa…. Impressive isn’t it ? he’s my pawn (Y/N), I bet you’ve figure it out by now..”

“You are fucking warlock…” Upon hearing this, now I know exactly what happened. This guy decieved (Y/N) when he killed (Y/N)’s entire family. And he decieved those vampires to believe that he’s the alpha vampire.

“The strongest among all.. I always knew that you’re a smart kid (Y/N), so have you think about it ?”

“Think about what ?”

“Joining the Game of course…. See, the game can’t be started when the pieces isn’t complete. Your father lost his bishop and pawn on the last game, but he never really looked for replacement. So I decided myself, that I would make someone to be his piece so I can challenge him again…”

“So you killed my family for that reason ? So you can just have fun playing that stupid game ?” (Y/N) said through the gritted teeth.

“Well if you put it like that… it supposed to make me feel bad, but no. And yes… I did that because your father just can’t let me have fun.”

“By destroying the whole universe and start it over ?”

“Indeed you’re smart kid, and I can’t do that because now I rule the fourth dimension with your oldman. So, now would you be a good boy, be your father’s piece, let me start the game, and let me beat your father so I can have my fun ?” Cosmos inching towards (Y/N)

“No!..” (Y/N) said firmly

“You have made your choice..” She snaped her fingers and suddenly Sam and Cas is gone

“Where are did you take them ?” I shouted angrily

“Home..? Anyway it’s such a disapointment you know ? My nephew fell in love with.. I don’t know … men? But I think it wouldn’t be matter after this…” She backed her way and let her pawn lunged at me and choke my throat.

“Stop!” I hear (Y/N) shouted and lunged forward to attack this warlock dude, but he was thrown the other way by some kind of invisible force from Cosmos. “Stop it.. please let him go…” I hear his voice started to waver. I try and try to break free from the choke, but it seems like my whole power is sucked up from my body. “Dean.. No…!” I looked at him, now he’s traped in some kind of magic fields, crying begging for my life. It angered me, how dare someone make him cry like that. How dare someone hurt him bad like that. I’ll punch the way out of their face, but I can do nothing. I feel so useless, again I make someone that I truly cared for cry. The tears welled up in the corner of my eyes, it’s hurt. Not because of I’m being choked, but seeing (Y/N) so broken like that, begging for my life. I want to fight so badly, but I can’t I feel weaker and weaker. The sounds of (Y/N)’s cries is now muffled, everything is muffled, then I feel it, warm liquid filling up my ears, flowing out of it. I feel the same sensation in my nose too, and my eyes, everything is blury right now. This is it, my end. I was dead then back to life more than any other human could possibly do, but I did. But now, it’s not dead that I feared, it’s the thought of leaving (Y/N). I love him so much, it hurts, not because I’m dying. It hurts to imagine how would he mourn for me, he lost too many people in his life. He’s got a new family, we are family now, I love him so much. I love him… I love him… I love him…. I repeat the mantra, till I can’t feel anything, anymore… I love him..

Y/N’s POV

There, my love, slumped lifeless, just the way my other family left me. I stoped crying, at least that’s what I thought. But my tears keep flowing out, I can’t move, I can’t hear, it’s all numb. Those pain in losing my family was too much. But this… this… I should’ve done something, instead of crying and begging I should’ve done something. I should’ve fight, like what my grandpa taught me, fight for those you care, fight for those you love. But I can’t do anything, useless. I just watched my love dead in front of me, because of me. I don’t know what to do, I don’t wanna do anything anymore. The magic field traping me is disappeared, and the men that just killed Dean is now gone too. Just me, Cosmos and once my life dorky older hot boyfriend lying lifeless.

“What have you done ?” Said the deep gravely voice behind Cosmos. I looked up and I saw him, someone that I recognize from all those dreams of my memories.

“Helping you in getting your piece…” She said indifferently.

He just walked passing her, to me, kneeling next to me and hug me. I should’ve been happy that I finaly can hug my father. But I can’t, I’m about to cry harder, before I feel him hand me something. A blade, my blade, he chant something and it’s all blindening white.

Slowly I opened my eyes, seeing there’s no one else exept for me and Dean’s body. Then I heard him “Son, I’m sorry that I’m too late. But you can save him, your power has been unsealed. You can bring him back, but I can’t, I couldn’t, it’s you that he’s connected with. But remember, if you do bring him back… it means that you’re willingly erase yourself from his life. It’s the cost to bring him back.”

“I don’t care…”

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