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#anyways I just find this funny I realize John is probably not the one who started the actual rumours that spread across Liverpool
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looking over my John Was Bi doc (yes, I have a John Was Bi doc) again and I just noticed this and it just makes me Laugh A Little:
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Three people John apparently told about this.
Only for this:
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Fuck knows what was said.
Boy that was YOU! 😭😭😭
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lunarw0rks · 8 months
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Hiiiii❤️ I idk if this is a Drabble or a headcaon but here I go anyways😅 . Hear some context So you don’t think I’m some weirdo. So in the 2017 movie called the babysitter and this character Allison got shot in the b00b and she “omg he shot me in the b00b what kind of dçk shots a girl in the b00bs” (funny scene) so basically fem!reader with platonic!taskforce141. And there on a mission and suddenly they hear the same line on their coms and they’re like 😳
(feel free to ignore)
A/N: LMAO - I had to look up the scene for this as a reference. Just picturing Price's paternal disappointment when he realizes his team acts like a bunch of children. Sorry, this is rlly short!
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Summary: Your attempt at comedic relief sets off a chain reaction of immaturity.
Warning(s): platonic!141, canon-typical mild injury, suggestive language, AFAB!Reader, no use of y/n
Word Count: 554
꒦꒷ MAIN MASTERLIST ꒷꒦ 141 MASTERLIST // have a request? ⋆ ⚘ 🕊 ˚✧ ₊˚ʚ ao3 ver. | PART TWO
No Filter // 141 Drabble
Compared to some of the other operations you’d done with them, this was a piece of cake. A simple infiltrate and exfil mission where you’d be clearing house in one of Hassan’s safehouses—a mere breadcrumb leading to the man himself.
Price thought it would go smoothest if everyone split up, but to keep within shouting distance. It was only a small facility, after all.
Being ambushed? Shot? That was not something you saw in the cards for today.
Luckily, you got a bullet in him before he had a chance to do worse. But here you were, slumped against the wall with all the air knocked out of your lungs.
“Heard the shots, Sergeant. You broken?”
Captain Price’s voice crackled through near instantly, the second he had pulled the trigger on you. Though it took a few seconds, you managed to recuperate, and asses the room in front of you. The man who shot you K.I.A, and you very fortunate.
You peered down at your chest; indeed not broken, but injured. The vest had absorbed the shot, causing a relieved sigh to escape your lips. Obviously, if you really had a bullet in your chest, you wouldn’t just be sitting there—but the adrenaline of escaping death eliminated any rationality.
You unbuttoned the first few buttons on your shirt, seeing a welt on your breast as if the man had his gaze set on them when he pulled the trigger. Still, with your hand on the button of your radio, you finally gave some sort of answer.
“Bastard shot me in the boobs.” It was a mumble, but there was no way in hell they didn’t hear that.
As you winced, you seemed to forget that the entire team was on the other line—probably way more concerned with your life than the health of your tits. “What kind of dick shoots a girl in the boobs?” You asked rhetorically, despite the astonished silence on the other line.
“You were shot in your…?” Gaz was the first to speak up, his tone practically painting the picture of his signature squint.
Before the next voice chimed in, you could swear you heard whoever it was stifling a laugh. “Thanks for that.” Soap chimed in, accent crackling against the static. His smirk was visible even if his words; the natural flirt in him coming out no matter what.
Ghost had remained silent, probably muting his comms so he didn’t have to listen to this. And Price? Oh, Price… He’s got his head in his hands with pure disappointment. How did this status update turn so unprofessional, so quickly?
“Wait, let me get this straight,” Soap comes in again, a smug sneer on his face. “He shot you on the—”
“Keep it tactical, Sergeant.” Price blurts, interrupting the immature banter daring to be further set in motion. He was fighting every urge to crack a smile at the pure ridiculousness, but his poker face and stern tone prevented it.
“Tactical or not, John, it’s a tough break.” Laswell comes in, your only saving grace against Price’s father-like disappointment. She was the last superior of yours you’d expected to find it humorous, but she did, nonetheless.
This would definitely be the source material for the next HR meeting, you could see it now.
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blippymilk · 15 days
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Hi! Could I request a brozone x female reader hc's where the reader is a bit sassy and the bros find it funny and hot lol. Thanks!
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Brozone x Sassy Fem! Reader
A/N: Sorry for the long wait
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John Dory:
- Completely head over heels for you
- John Dory loves a challenge and when you got sassy with him, you were definitely a challenge
- Finds it completely attractive and he thinks he’s going insane at first
- Before he gets with you he finds himself uninterested in others when they’re soft and easy, unlike you who always puts up a fight
- Left speechless sometimes when you shut him up with your clever comebacks/insults
“No cause you’re amazing and all but your attitude has been stressing me out lately.”
“Damn that’s crazy. Skill issue.”
“Wha- SEE!”
- Loves your tough demeanor though don’t let him fool you
Bruce:
- If anyone can handle a sassy reader the best, I definitely think Bruce would be the one
- If he can handle like 12 kids he can deal with you
- Loves his woman with a little spunk anyways
- Adores it having a woman that can not only stand up for yourself, but stand up for him too 😂
- If you have kids and they’re just as sassy he’s a little hysterical at first but he finds it hilarious when he gets used to it
“And I told her if she had a problem she can call my dad. Period.”
“*Nervous laugh* Period huh? Ok honey can you come here, I’m starting to think this kid is your clone.”
- But he’ll never regret his decision of choosing you, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him
Clay:
- Clay was meant for sassy women. Built for sassy women.
- I actually believe that he’d find non sassy women a little boring (but if he loves you, he loves you)
- At your constant beck and call (usually unless he’s working hard and he’s on a roll)
- If he could explain you in one word: “Hot.”
- If you’re ranting about some female who pissed you off today, he’s all ears. Just nods his head and agrees with your every word, even if you were considered “wrong” (like pffffft- how?)
“And this girl had the nerve to tell me I was stupid! Like be for real, didn’t you graduate highschool at 23?”
“No literally. I feel bad for you, she’s getting on my nerves just listening about her.”
“You get me so much.”
- Now he’s a big gossip and it’s all your fault 😂
Floyd:
- Probably didn’t realize you were sassy until he actually started dating you
- The second he watches you loose your temper he’s flabbergasted. And I mean that.
- Like for the next couple of days he’s basically jaw dropped
- When he finally gets over it he’s chill but once he sees you ima cation again, he feels…different
- Like suddenly this man’s heart is pounding, his cheeks are heating up, and his ears are practically smoking
- Accidentally picks up some of your attitude a little bit and sometimes it takes his brothers to point it out
“Are you serious Floyd?”
“Yup. But personally I told him he can miss me with that bs. Period. Wait-”
“HAH-”
Branch:
- Now we already know that Branch is a little sassy himself:
“Annnnnndddd~ a falsetto made of GOLD.”
“If this diaper was any smaller I could taste it.”
“Fine. But this is more than likely beneath me.”
- He however doesn’t realize he’s sassy so he’s unsure when it comes to you at first
- When he finally realizes that you’re the love of his life, you two are a pretty mouthy duo
- Like when his brothers first met you they were PUZZLED. Like eyebrows RAISED. They genuinely wondered if they had a long lost sister and they would have to break it to branch.
- If you were together during the plot of the first Trolls movie, you’d have Poppy stressinnnnnn
- Onc eye comes to an agreement that you both have that similarity in common, he just falls in love with you more 💙
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daftpatience · 5 months
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heurhgh. thinkin abt the prince and the sea witch AU because i am an ocean boy and and and theres so much to thinkabout with this one!!!! i love aus that tap into classic fairytales becasue theres so much to work with!!! connections to make and parallels to draw
context and thoughts under tha cut cus this au sorta escaped me at first and there's very little stuff about it in english
the original au came from a leaflet that was bundled with volume 8 on toranoana:
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rough translation explains that mermaid princess hinaichi rescued prince ronaldo, and sea witch draluc offers to give her legs to meet him again (and if he doesn't like her she'll turn into seafoam) which she declines. (literally what she says is "no need!" and the big words to the side of her say "no regrets" which is hilarious.) thats the end of the story and ronaldo is left alone. also, john is a sea turtle that lives in a clam.
im lifting my own headcanons and such from the original little mermaid story (not so much the didney one) where the prince doesn't see the mermaid and instead falls in love with this woman who comes to help him from a nearby temple (who he doesn't realize is actually the princess he's betrothed to later.) in this au that's draluc who was observing from a distance. (i just drew a half sunken agora and im calling that a temple. watever. its refd from one of the old arts and i think its pretty)
i like the idea that ronaldo exaggerates his own memory of spotting draluc that day due to the distance making details difficult paired with the fact that he was probably a little delirious. the idea that he doesn't immediately put together that draluc is the person he saw is kinda fun 2 me, and of course he'd make up some beautiful girl in his head. of course he would.
im messing with some ideas about draluc deciding to meddle with ronaldo instead - does he offer to turn him into a merman to look for his made up maiden? or does draluc come to land for his own reasons? maybe they visit each other at the temple every day and bring each other little things and talk and stuff. itd be cute if they butted heads but still went to see each other every day anyways.
a popular thing in the au is draluc being captured - maybe ronaldo, desparate to find his love and only knowing she was some sort of fish, does something stupid like setting up nets and traps. hahah. maybe he catches draluc and takes him to his castle to learn about merfolk and such. iunno. whatever the case i hope they fall in love in the process and also bicker a lot like their usual schtick
ive got a little sad idea that borrows from some 30 years later au stuff where draluc is worried about ronaldo's lifespan (this is also in the orig little mermaid where mermaids live longer than humans by hundreds of years) but also can't turn human to match ronaldo because it's too painful for him to walk on legs (since one of the au rules is that he must always be weak and the orig little mermaid made it clear that legs hurted real bad)
also also i very big headcanon draluc the sea witch has a sunken castle that looks a lot like ponyo's dad's house on the inside. fulla potions and stuff. wouldnt that be cute! maybe hes got an interest in human life/a collection of old things kinda like didney little mermaid - since canon draluc is so well adjusted to modern human stuff like games and livestreams and whatnot. in this au i think he'd be a lot more stubborn and reluctant to admit it, though, cus i also like the idea that his grandpa went the route of loving a human and going to land and maybe he doesn't want to end up like that? but it might be fate just cus draluc and ronaldo parallel D and helsing so well.
also i still want hinaichi to be in it but her rejection of the plot is so funny and good, i don't want to shove her in without thinking of a good way for it to make sense. she's good friends with draluc and likes his cooking...can you cook underwater??? maybe magically?? maybe draluc takes up cooking on land and brings hinaichi things he makes??? maybe then she gets interested in humans and wants to come to land to try all the cooking theyve got. iunno.
i usually keep this sort of note taking and doodling to myself but this fandom needs all the stimulation it can get. hiii hellooo :]
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ourflagmeansgayrights · 6 months
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ofmd s2e1 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit
not quite a reaction post bc i've already watched the whole thing. not quite a liveblog bc it's one post and it's probably gonna take me a full hour to get through a 28 minute episode at the rate of pausing and typing i'll be doing
s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8
anyway, pirate time:
i love how much fun con is having choking on his own blood
dream!stede's extremely teary face right before he takes off running down the beach is doing psychic damage to me
also dream!stede's stupid ridiculous outfit with all the long ribbons and shit...
ed and stede make contact so hard shjfkhsgjkfd the loud OUGH sounds from both of them
also the return of ed's old beard! i didnt expect to see her at all this season, so that was a surprise.
"babe" "love" im tearing out my own hair
stede has yet to learn that ripping ass near your beloved can be a love language
stede is a terrible fucking roommate just deal with wee john's gas in silence like the rest of them. goddamn.
WHO HAS THE OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH TRAMP STAMP. WHO IS THAT.
i like when the background OST is familiar to me lol the little strings when stede starts his letter throwing me back to s1
olu: that–that's the swede the swede: Im the swede roach: he's single ;) me: *pissing my pants with laughter*
also the direct confirmation that the swede literally doesn't have a name. incredible
shjkfhdhfkj the crew encouraging him. stede's "it's okay" and roach "be brave" im CRYINGGGGG
stede doing customer service is something that can be so personal. "reservation?" "eat my fuckin' shit" "right! walk-ins, then" average restaurant experience
the random background guy saying "my favorite hand!" abt getting stabbed in the hand is making me giggle. i love the humor on this show
why does stede have so much shoulder movement going on when he's walking through the bar. whore behavior.
"this is for mom!" sorry but i want to know more abt whatever's going on there
also the purple mohawk. dope.
buttons is so distressed LET HIM RETURN TO THE SEA THESE CONDITIONS ARE INHUMANE
"i know the odds of you finding this are slim but so were the odds of us finding each other in the first place" IM RIPPING OFF MY OWN SKIN
also stede's lil sad hopeful smile after throwing the bottle... i care him
i love how they make this wedding fucking suck so we don't feel too bad abt the whole massacre thing. "the natural condition of humanity is base and vile. it is the obligation of people of standing, such as yourselves, to elevate the common human rabble through the sacred transaction of matrimony" if i was at a wedding and the officiant said that i'd also start killing people probably
yayy murder montage :)
FANG BREAKING THAT GUY'S SPINE OVER HIS KNEE
the whole cake scene is so fucking funny im sorry. i love u jim drawing the line at attacking a shitty wedding. i love u archie who wasn't here for the good old days so you dont really see a problem with how things are. i love u frenchie with ur box in ur brain that u never open again. i love u fang it's gonna get better i swear. i love u frenchie again bc u just took the cake right out of fang's hands while he was fucking sobbing hfjhgkjhdkjkf
I MISS IVAN JUSTICE FOR IVAN. wish they could've said he'd just fucked off somewhere instead of dying but i think that would've raised the question of why hasn't anyone else fucked off since they all seem so miserable
very relieved that stede isn't taking the racist/antisemitic caricature drawings of ed to make like a boyfriend scrapbook like some people were theorizing. would've been overkill if after episode 4 from last season stede still didn't realize that ed hated these sorts of depictions of him.
INTERESTING DETAIL THO the background music in this scene is "a pirate's life" aka the song frenchie sang in the pilot. it's an instrumental version obviously but yeah i recognize that tune
also more cool background ppl with dyed hair man i love this show
zheng yi sao flirting with olu is so good. he deserves it.
how nice of ed to offer his drugs to the crew. sharing is caring.
also it's so funny to me that the thing izzy is tormented by is ed saying "you can't do the job, someone else will" the toe thing's happened three times and apparently that was fine but the thing the show edits together right before izzy breaks down into the most pathetic aheemheem whimpers isn't any of that it's ed threatening to fire him
also they cut ed throwing knives at izzy!! what the hell.
releasing the clip of izzy crying kinda ruined it for me when it came time to watch it in the show bc i watched it several times since it dropped and now seeing it in context i was like "ok i've seen this already fast forward." i mean i didnt fast forward through it but i did kinda zone out bc i've seen this bit already. this post kinda sums up my thoughts on it
"trifling ingrate plan" dshkjfshgdskhfjkhgkjh
"SEMI-CLEAN WATER"
JACKIE CALLING THE SWEDE "BOO CAKES"
"i know that guy we had breakfast together!" "you'll be having a lot of breakfasts-es together" "oh, okay" i fucking love this whole dynamic like i can tell they're writing the swede out of most of the episodes for budget reasons (sorry nat faxon) but by god do they give him such an excellent fucking send-off. can't wait to see him again when he's in his trophy husband number 20 era
roach is upset abt not being able to cook, buttons is tied up so he doesn't go running back to the sea (i assume). stede you are not giving your crew the environment they need to thrive.
olu being an optimist :)
buttons opens his mouth to drink the rain and in the background u can see roach yanking the rope around buttons back fhdjskgfjhgkjfh STEDE YOUR SEA WITCH CANNOT THRIVE IN THESE CONDITIONS
stede tries to make things sound good in his bottle letters to ed but out loud he says his actual insecurities... it's so fucking tasty tho that he thinks ed could be doing better without him and THAT'S why he's been stalling so much. not afraid for his life even a little bit he just assumes he's not wanted. brb i have to cry now
"im sorry if that's a little bit creepy" "you are creepy" in this scene where they're soaked from the rain. ofmd said this prince ricky guys is creepy and wet.
stede's fucking FACE when prince ricky says "you're my hero" his fucking "clearly you dont own an air fryer" face I CANT STAND HIMMMMMM (affectionate)
prince ricky "these rubes" "men of our standing" yeah i cant fucking stand this guy (derogatory) i love how he's barely even in this episode
stede's face when the swede is talking abt how happy he is with jackie... my man believes in love so much im gonna cry
also in what fucking way does the swede owe them a life debt. roach and buttons literally tried to eat him
izzy's "you know me better than anyone knows me and i daresay the same about you" this is literally so false i dont even know where to begin. izzy in e6 being like "if i didnt know any better i'd think maybe ed might possibly maybe be actually enjoying bonnet's company" while ed and stede are giggling and making each other friendship bracelets. this guy doesn't know ed at all.
also i cant get over how izzy wont make eye contact he's like staring blankly into the middle distance delivering these lines so flatly until he goes to say "i have... love for you" and in that moment he looks like he'd rather ed were feeding him more toes.
"im worried about you, we all are" not gonna lie my dude you've had a weird way of showing it thus far. where was all that worry when you told him he was better off dead than wearing a robe and singing songs?? where was that fucking love then?
and NOW izzy wants to talk it through. izzy literally voted to make blackbeard great again and now he wants to give open communication a chance???
lmao there's a limit to how many characters can be in a bulleted list so here's fucking. part two. on the same post:
ed asking everyone if the vibe is poisonous and fang cant stop crying and ed's face is just like "eh good enough" im fdhksgfkjtdkh
anyway ed with a loaded gun under his chin talking to himself is hurting me so fucking much actually. ed my beloved babygirl for whom i would die. this poor traumatized man. yes he is making this workplace toxic as hell but god. GOD. im gonna throw up.
the way ed is so fucking casual about shooting izzy in the leg. just calm and jovial as he promotes frenchie to first mate. stepping over izzy all crumpled on the floor. everything about this is so fucking good. i mean it's horrible for ed and everyone around him but for me watching the show this shit is DELICIOUS. i love when the pirates get violent and unhinged i love when this shit gets fucked up. ed's mental state is so bad right now and it is causing me severe anguish but also it is so tasty. fuck.
anyway frenchie trying to turn down the promotion fhjkghdfjkhf
the cut to the swede performing the husbandly duties is INSANE. COMPLETE TONAL WHIPLASH. I LOVE THIS SHOW.
"fuck those hammies up!" spanish jackie i love you
black pete why are you so fucking loud AND WHY WOULD YOU JIX IT LIKE THAT???
why is prince ricky so small. he's like a full head shorter than stede. also this guy is insufferable i love how stede just fucking abandons him fhjkgdhkdfghkj
"the calf muscle is the most mysterious of alllll the muscles" what the FUCK does that even mean. oh swede i will miss you
NOSE REMOVAL FUCK YES. I LOVE THIS SHOW.
obsessed with the swede playing dumb. the dramatic gasp. "wow, so bad!" fhjsghdkjf
"aint you that soup bitch?" "im the money bitch" i love women.
sfdsjkh spanish jackie being into double-crossing. and slapping the swede's ass on the way out. i love this show
i love how zheng says "this much indigo is worth three times what i paid" while spanish jackie and the husbands are still like, right there. and they just don't hear that bit. incredible.
OUGH the back of jim's weird rope armor looks like a ribcage that's so cool
i love how jim is so fucking bad at telling this story. i love how the monkey's paw comes into it. i love fang asking them to do the voice. i love archie trying to hold back her laughter i love jim and fang giggling together I LOVE THIS SHOW
ed's fucking voice breaking through his whole convo with frenchie. im tearing out my own teeth
HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW THEY HAVE POST-CREDITS SCENES IN THIS SEASON?????????? WHAT THE HELL
i take back what i said about jim being bad at telling this story their version is so much fucking better. squeaky voice "I pray to you, Dark Lord, to make me real flesh! I want to be real flesh!" IM FUCKING OBSESSED. JIM I WOULD DIE FOR YOU
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In honour of finally getting a date for the new Taskmaster season, here's a clip of John Robins' approach to pointless games.
It's from a radio show feature called Made Up Games, which they started doing a few years into their radio show. At first they did Winner Plays On, a competitive quiz feature that was my favourite thing about the first 150 episodes, but they did eventually have to retire it as they were running out of topics. They replaced it with Beta Bet, a word game that I found great fun while it lasted, but they had to retire that because Elis was so bad at it (and John was quite good at it, but mostly Elis was bad at it) that John kept winning so easily. So because every good show needs some kind of competition, they replaced that with a feature called Made Up Games, which is a direct rip off of the Bored Games feature from the Russell Howard + Jon Richardson radio show, though those features were played nine years apart and I guess no one has a patent on the concept of inventing games so it's fine.
Basically, listeners write in with the little games they've made up, John and Elis play one per episode. In this episode, the game is to put a pile of coins on a receipt, and try to pull out the receipt without moving any coins. Most of the games they feature are less visual and therefore better radio than this one, but I cut this one out because it seemed so much like the sort of thing they do on Taskmaster (it's almost exactly the same as one of the season 6 tasks), and the way John handled it is so much the way I'm hoping he'll approach every task on Taskmaster.
I don't know what John Robins will show up on Taskmaster. I am currently immersed in the radio show circa 2018, and I realize I am familiarizing myself with the John Robins of the past, whom I hear is quite different than the current John Robins, a man who has quit drinking and maybe got his shit together. I have also expressed that I quite like the John Robins who was bitter and annoying, so I hope he hasn't changed too much, and we still get a bit of that on Taskmaster.
Having now tried to spend some time not drinking alcohol myself (and... not perfectly succeeding, but mostly succeeding, still keeping it up), I've got to say I'm pretty sure that not drinking alcohol doesn't necessarily make a person less miserable or less annoying. Quite the opposite in my personal experience. You can stop drinking alcohol and still be really really annoying.
And the level of annoying in the clip I posted above is really quite tame. I know it's too much to hope that Taskmaster John Robins will reach Winner Plays On-Brian May-gate levels of annoying. He'll probably have more restraint than that, being older and wiser. But I'd still be happy with the lower, more manageable "I beat you at this pointless game and need to make sure everyone noticed that I stared right at you while I did it" levels of annoying. I think that's a reasonable level of annoying to expect him to reach on Taskmaster.
This is actually an episode in which later on we got a very rare instance of Elis James slightly losing patience with the levels of annoying to which he's subjected on a regular basis, which I found quite funny, and I cut out and uploaded the clip before realizing it's not funny out of context. It's only funny if you've listened to Elis be unbothered by a million little annoying Robins comments over several years (Elis James is a saint, by the way, he's an all right comedian but deserves to win a Chortle Award in the category of Extreme Patience), and then this one fairly innocuous little gripe gets him to finally push back. But here it is anyway since I've already uploaded it.
I actually find it a bit weird that I'll be watching John Robins circa 2023 in a couple of weeks - I've been carefully going through all his stuff in chronological order (not just the radio show, but trying to listen to his other podcast appearances and watch his few TV things alongside the radio chronology), and I'll suddenly jump forward in time by five years. I just hope he's still competitive and snippy and annoying. Overly, pointlessly competitive, to the point of sacrificing making entertaining TV. I want everyone on the special secret little internet forums to fucking hate him. That's the kind of Taskmaster I like to see.
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labelleizzy · 2 months
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Today's writing prompt:
How do you define intimacy?
It's funny how difficult this is for me to wrap words around. Because for me intimacy isn't the same as sex not even remotely. Intimacy is primarily, primarily trust, honesty, feeling safe, and vulnerability. Playfulness is an important component as well, affection and love also.
The funny thing is there's a certain level of intimacy that I am totally fine sharing with strangers. Intellectual and emotional intimacy, is sometimes even easier with strangers. I can share stories at various levels, of things that have happened in my life, things that I think, believe, prioritize.
Physical intimacy to one specific point, which is: I love giving hugs. I even receive compliments regularly, and have started volunteering at pride events, with the free mom hugs organization. I'm really good at putting my whole heart into it, my whole attention, and all of the nonverbal comforting things that go into making a really good hug. And that is important to me. To be good at that.
Here's the thing. What I said at the beginning about trust and honesty and feeling safe. People who don't know me, don't know how to keep me safe.
I would love to be open-hearted and free and welcoming on the dance floor, for example I've been a dancer for decades. But if somebody doesn't know me well enough to know that I have an injured knee, and ankle on the same leg. Twice now in the 8 years I've been doing ecstatic dance, a partner flung me into a spin in a way that was painful because they didn't know me. I don't think it did permanent damage in either case, but I won't dance with either of those people again.
I never did date, or fuck, casually. I came of age, during the AIDS crisis in the '80s. When the meta message from the government and advertising and the news was that sex was so dangerous it could kill you. So you better be sure you can trust your partner and you better protect yourself as best as you can.
And now that we have had a global pandemic of massive scale, I don't even feel that I can kiss people casually. unless I know somebody well enough that I won't give offense by asking if they've tested recently?
I lived with such a profound fear in my early dating life. Not just because of AIDS or other STDs, but because the culture was steeped in fictional characters of disposable women. And I didn't realize it at the time. It's only in looking back that I can see how the chronic condition of fear was fertilized with art with rapey motifs, undergrads who are treated like interchangeable pieces of meat, and it's treated like cause for humor. I rewatched one of those John Hughes movies last year and I couldn't believe how shitty all the women characters were treated. (Not even to get into some of the horrible racist stereotypes)
You know I should probably talk to a therapist about this. And makes it hard to have relationships and to make new friends when I truck this around with me.
Intimacy, huh? This is intimacy, this right here. This is honesty, and trust. And it's because I've cultivated my circle here on Tumblr out of decent people, and people who share my values. I have a reasonably high level of confidence that nobody is going to be mierda on my post. Because I remove those people as I find them.
Anyway, well, thanks for listening. I had a tangle in here *thumps sternum gently* and it's better now.
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penny-nichols · 2 years
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OK, pushing my Penny and Simon besties agenda (with a bit of the Feychols agenda as well)
Putting this under a read more because it’s turning out to be long but also I think it’s funny so you better read more
OK so Penny is Simon’s weird little girl even though they’re the same age (one might argue it’s Athena, but Athena is a full fledged lawyer. Her weird little girl is Pearl) IDK how she’s actually. Ya know. doing that while ALSO working at global but shhh. Maybe it starts with another Global case (where Penny physically cannot be the killer) but she’s at the crime scene once the body is found helping out and she sees Simon and she’s just like WOAH is that a ~*sword*~? (probably the specific type/era of sword, too, but we don’t have enough information about his sword and I know jack shit about Japanese weaponry) and Simon is like. Vaguely impressed because he’s never met someone who knew the specifics of his sword just by looking at it and he IMMEDIATELY claims her as his weirdgirl. Penny wants the case solved so she’s just like “alright cool I get to hang out with the guy whose nickname is the TWISTED SAMURAI???? Awesome” She just like. Follows him around as he’s talking to people and he asks her to take notes and when he looks at the notes it’s steel samurai fanart with a little speech bubble that has the notes. He can’t even be mad, they’re decent notes. Penny just RANDOMLY brings up her wild ass experiences that she has (Oh, this is like the time I worked for the mafia! Oh, this is like the time my coworker hired an assassin! Oh, this is like the time Interpol accused me of murdering a president!) and Simon is just BAFFLED because like. Logically he should’ve heard about this but this girl did not come up at all????? (admittedly she wouldn’t have come up anyway for the events of 2-4 but hey) and she’s just like “yeah lol that was fun. Anyway I know John Marsh, he’s cool” and Simon’s like “Who?” because he hasn’t been to a movie in like 9 years.  And it’s the trial and this is AA7 by the way and Penny’s standing next to him like “All right I know it’s probably not this guy because I trust him but I’m going to help find the truth. I’ve seen both versions of Murder on the Orient Express, I know crime” and then Athena walks in and her assistant is Maya (because shut up that’s why. I don’t want it to be Phoenix as the lawyer, he’s done everything but I also want Maya there. Besides, they’re besties now. Feral girl swag) and All of Penny’s confidence goes out the window because she CANNOT talk to girls and oh no Maya’s gotten even prettier.  and so Penny just awkwardly waves and is like “Hi Maya” and simon’s like “You???? KNOW HER????” “yeah lmao” (obviously I’m paraphrasing what they would ACTUALLY say here) and so the assistants are gay for each other and the lawyers are Sneiceter and Bruncle and it’s just a mess because Simon is trying to lightly rib Athena meanwhile Maya and Penny are thinly veiled flirting with each other (neither catches on that the other is doing this) and the defendant is just like “what???? the fuck????” The Judge doesn’t notice ANY of it he’s so desensitized to the prosecutor hostility/gayness in his court. 
Anyway the case gets solved (was trying to think of more antics but uh I can’t rn It’s almost 11 and this post is long enough) and Simon and Penny meet with Athena and Maya in the lobby like they do and Athena’s just like. “So. Why’d you bring Maya’s girlfriend to court? Like I know she works theyre but come on” and everyone else is like “Girlfriend?????” and Penny’s like “OH you mean Girl who is a friend. Yeah. Didn’t realize she’d be the assistant” and Athena’s like “No I mean you kiss. Right????? I could BARELY hear the witness’s emotions over the feelings between you two” (The feelings being Gay Gay Homosexual Gay) and Maya and Penny are like WAIT SHIT YOU LIKE ME and Simon’s just staring into space because did he really help a couple get together because of a fucking Murder Trial???? and then Maya and Penny kiss because they love each other, END OF POST, MOTHERFUCKERS
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thespoliarium · 9 months
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Rant Time, Story Time, Opening Up????
TW: Manipulation, suicide threats, grooming
Hey all, I just noticed that I've been noisy about this on Twitter and Instagram and not here... So, I really want to talk about it here.
Long story short, I was groomed. I know, it came to you as a shock (if it does) but it came to me as a shock as well. I didn't realize I was being groomed until my classmates pointed it out. Get this, my mom doesn't know.
A lot to unpack... Let's dive deep into the story, shall we?
So, around June last year, I posted something about Michael Palin. Unfortunately, Eric Idle thinks I shoved Michael in his face and thus...
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I was so distraught, I really wanted to deactivate Twitter because I look up to this man. Decided just to go on Twitter hiatus and spend my days here on Tumblr. But then, a mutual (who is also Eric's mutual) reached out to me and checks if I'm okay. I was, but I was disappointed in Eric.
I really liked talking to him, he's pretty funny. Shares a mutual liking for Michael. Months, and months and his true personality shows. Can't deny, we were getting comfortable with each other. He tells me about his problems, and I do the same, and we try solving it.
Later, however, he started dumping it on me like I'm a washing machine. One of his true personalities was that he's selfish. There was one message that still baffles me to this day...
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Take note, I was transitioning to a new school and his selfish side wants me to prioritize him. I get that he did consider it bad, but why would he think of it?
Oh, he's a John Cleese stan. Yuck.
Months passed, and there came the moment. He confessed that he liked me. Can't lie, I liked him too, but it's like a happy crush. That's real, and now that happy crush is gone.
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Then, it came. He wants me to be his girlfriend and go on a virtual date with me, watch The Missionary together. Take note that I was 16 when he asked, and he was 19. As much as I don't want to, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I get that I have a fault there, I led him on until I was made to decline, but he was the reason I don't want to say what I want because he'll lash out on me again (say stuff like nobody likes me)
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Also, there was one time he wanted to cut himself and I offered him help, but he keeps on declining. It was one of those only times I gave up on him. So, I let him do what he wants, I'm not his mother. When he came back, he said...
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I will not also deny the good things he did for me like supporting me during the play, complimenting my outfits, also sometimes they get creepy, also liking my laugh, which I find also creepy at times, especially when it's out of the blue.
However, when that day came... He left. I was super excited to tell him about what happened, and he left. He told me that, and I accepted it, leaving me to focus completely on the play.
The next day, however, he came back. Somehow, he came back. Probably because I already had my flowers. And he kept on saying sorry. We were doing well and fine until the next day... When he sent 4 chat bubbles worth of a vent. Saying that I'm playing with his feelings.
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I woke up to those messages and we fought the entire morning and I cut it off. I've had enough of him and his trauma dumping skills.
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Decided to open up to my classmates about this and they pointed it out to me that I was groomed. Decided to open up about it on Twitter, and guess what? He tried to reach me. In 3 different accounts.
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Fought for my entire life that night! And I took down the post... But he posted his side anyway.
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I was shivering that night, but thanks to my good Filipino moots they attacked him. It was a battle as it unfolded, calling him a manipulator, a groomer, and all that. The winner? Them. He took down his post.
I still have some friends that are his friends.
It's been 4 months since all of this happened, yet it still haunts me to this day. Can't believe I wasted my energy on him!
"Viviene, it's been 4 months, move on." Until his friends and my friends realize all the things he had done to me, I will never know peace.
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humbleboar · 10 months
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lord help me i'm back on my bullshit
disclaimer: all graphs should be taken w a grain of salt bc this was kind of a slipshod project. season one especially, since i didn't have my system quite down yet. it's possible some dialogue tags got in. it's possible some actions got in. it's possible other people's dialogue got in. it's possible i accidentally omitted instances of name calling. some episodes (looking at you, 21-23, 32) had so much going on that i wanted to cry. this was just a silly thing to answer the question: just how much does john say arthur's name? (the answer: john should maybe calm down a little)
so i got curious alright. i was writing and was like damn i think we are saying arthur's name waaaaaay too much here. turns out, nope, even if u think ur john is saying it too much, u can probably pepper in a few more and still be safe!
collected a bit of data on arthur and yellow's dynamic bc i wanted to see how it would compare to season 1 arthur/john. deeply funny to me that arthur (generally) says john's name more than he says yellow's and john isn't even there. yellow, despite his hostility towards arthur, follows in john's metaphorical footsteps of having no chill.
some notable peaks in john's use of "arthur": episode 4, where arthur makes an ill-informed decision, becomes shackled by the chains of social niceties, and gets stabbed for it. episode 26, where arthur goes off the rails. and episode 28, where arthur gets stabbed again and john spends the rest of it being a mother hen.
notable peaks in arthur's use of "john": episode 8, where he gets so incredibly pissed with john. episode 12, where he does quite a bit of pleading and appealing to john's humanity (aka his chosen name). episodes 23 and 24, where he tells yellow about their time in the pit, and his joy when getting john back. episode 28, where he gives john some epithets john really fucking hates.
this actually ended up being more interesting than i anticipated! i didn't realize that arthur uses john's name, like, a normal amount. maybe a bit more than people generally say each other's names in casual conversation, but it seemed most often he'd use john's name when he was concerned/trying to get his attention. it makes sense, since arthur has to (occasionally) consider the fact that other people around him are not (typically) aware john exists. the uptick in season 3 makes me laugh because. yeah. he misses him.
it's also interesting to note that john's use of arthur's name seems to be declining (seems to, because season 3 had some extenuating circumstances (read: he was not there for the first third, despite a few guest appearances), and season 4 is still in early stages, with an ep where he was excluded from the fun (for those that are curious, scratch/the whole dream sequence says "arthur" ~70x)). it's kind of a fun character quirk that he says arthur's name so much like dude who else do u think ur talking to!! but, also, supposedly saying someone's name a lot is flirtinggggggg--but i also feel like i've heard it's a way to get ppl to like you more and establish trust? idk.
anyway thx for clicking my readmore i doubt anyone but me finds this interesting lol
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luxwritesfanfic · 3 years
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Don’t Take The Money
Poor reader thought it would end up being a normal Sunday but that must’ve been the mix of bleach and Pinesol fumes getting to their head. Or, the one where reader finds out they have more in common with the other woman in Sherlock’s life than they thought and Sherlock has an aneurysm at the revelation. Thanks for reading!
Sherlock Holmes/Reader
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You were just waking up when Sherlock was moving around the bedroom trying to pack his overnight bag. You groaned at the noise of drawers being opened and hangers jostled and rolled over onto your stomach, propping yourself up on your elbows. “Sherlock? You’re leaving?”
He stopped in his tracks back towards the closet and moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to you. He looked down at you with fondness that so many people thought he was incapable of feeling and as always, it made your heart swell. Brushing a lock of hair behind your ear, you relished in his undivided attention.
“A case was brought to my attention. I won’t be gone for long, it’s a few towns over.” He insists, trying to ease your worries before they arise.
Although you’d miss him, it never did anyone any good when Sherlock was bored. He needed something to keep him occupied and you needed time to clean up the drywall shrapnel that constantly covered the couch due to the boredness. It would give you the opportunity to deep clean the flat and the idea wasn’t so bad.
“Is John going too?” Sherlock nodded. You don’t know why you asked, they always worked together.
You turned your head to kiss his palm and sat up to get out of bed. “Okay. I’ll make you breakfast before you guys leave. Nobody likes train food anyway.”
Sherlock moved to help you stand, one of the smiles he reserved just for you gracing his lips. “You take excellent care of me. But you should know, you don’t have to be useful for this to mean something to me.”
He caught you off guard, but he usually did when he read you like a book. Your whole life you’d made yourself useful and you weren’t sure if people liked you for you or for the fact that there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for them. You would do anything and everything for Sherlock and it didn’t have anything to do with being useful, honestly. You loved him dearly and you couldn’t imagine treating him like you felt anything less than that. You couldn’t help but kiss him.
“Omelettes or pancakes?”
Your shirt was soaked from washing the dishes and you smelled like a mixture of bleach and formaldehyde from scrubbing the fridge clean and removing the severed head that took up the space where your coffee creamer should be. You had done more loads of laundry than you could count, bleached the bloodstained tub from Sherlock’s latest pig quest, the entire flat smelled like Bahama breeze and you couldn’t be more content. The boys weren’t due back for a day or two so you figured you’d spend some time with Mrs. Hudson when you were done and see if you could meet up with Bucky and Greg for lunch. When you passed the kitchen on your way to your bedroom to change, you decided that this may be the only chance you ever get to clear off the dining room table. Sherlock’s science equipment had overrun it and you figured it wouldn’t hurt if you straightened it up just a bit.
You were in the midst of cleaning out Sherlock’s beakers when you heard the knock on the door. Figuring that John would have posted on his blog that they weren’t currently taking clients because they were on a case, you expected to see Mrs. Hudson and the mop she was letting you borrow. You cracked the door just enough to see who was on the other side and was surprised to see an older woman holding a plate of baked goods who wasn’t Mrs. Hudson.
“Hi... how can I help you?”
The woman in question’s eyes lit up at the sight of you and you weren’t sure why. She smiled and gestured to the platter in her hands. “Is Sherlock Holmes here?”
She must be a client, you thought. Shaking your head, you responded, “No, sorry! The boys off on a case. I’m a friend of theirs. Is there something I can help you with?”
She was looking past you into the flat and you weren’t sure what she was looking for. “Do you mind if I come in? I could really use a cup of tea. And I wanted to drop these cookies I made for Sherlock off.”
You looked at what she was holding and decided it wouldn’t really hurt to let her in, and the cookies looked amazing. Sherlock must have helped her in some way.
“Sure, come on in. Sorry about my clothes... I’ve been doing some spring cleaning.” You stepped aside and let her in. “So, are you a client of his?”
She went to place the platter on the table and you were excited that it was already worth cleaning off the table. “Not quite. I’ve known him his whole life and have loved him even longer.” She turned and smiled at you, seeing through you in a way that seemed eerily close to Sherlock.
You hummed, taking in her answer. Sherlock didn’t talk much about his friends, so you weren’t surprised that you never heard of her.
“Just a minute, I’m gonna change.”
You excused yourself to the bedroom where your phone was charging on the bed. After sending Sherlock a quick text that someone who wasn’t a client was here for him, you dug around in the closet for something clean and more appropriate.
The lady didn’t really seem like a threat and you were sure if it came down to it, you’d be able to protect yourself. You could chuck the skull on the mantle if need be, it was a hard hitter.
When you returned, she was wandering around the flat and looking at all of the pictures of you, Sherlock, and John that you’d recently framed and put out.
“You and Sherlock, you’re close, yes? Tell me about him. It’s been so long.” She was holding a picture that you took of you two in the back of a taxi. Sherlock was on his phone but you thought his hair looked extra good and the golden hour light made him look like an angel so you had to take the picture.
“Yeah, I mean. He’s a seriously great person. A brilliant detective, he’s so smart. He helps all these people for free, and he never complains if they don’t offer him anything. He hates when I tell him he’s a godsend but who else would do that? Um... he’s really funny, probably one of the funniest people I know. You just have to keep up with his humor. It can be kind of dry, but it’s there. He’s one of the most loyal people there is and he’d do anything for the people he cares about.”
It was so easy for you to speak so highly of him. It was like second nature.
“He can be stubborn sometimes, and he can be a little more blunt than he needs to be but... he’s amazing. There’s no other way to explain him, really. He’s got a light that comes from him that rivals the sun and I don’t think it could ever be dimmed.”
She turned back to you and slowly broke out into one of the biggest grins you’d ever seen someone wear. “You really love my son.”
“Your son?” You blinked, unsure of what was going on. You really started to look at the woman in front of you and you realized Sherlock had her eyes. A complete copy and paste. “Oh my God, you’re Sherlock’s mom. I never even introduced myself. I’m Y/N, a friend of-”
“You’re not his friend, dear, and I’m not blind. Old age takes a lot from you, but I could never miss the way my son shines. And you... you see it too.” She walked up to you, still holding the picture frame in her hands. “You love my son in a way that no one else has. Let me tell you all about him.”
You couldn’t stop laughing.
Sherlock’s mom had brought over tons of scrapbooks and old pictures that she had acquired over the years, and you had a feeling she knew you were here alone before she even knocked on the door. Mycroft, probably. You spent the whole day getting to know each other and taking a stroll down memory lane with her telling you all about Sherlock as a kid and how it was growing up with two geniuses as sons. She even gave you a copy of one of Sherlock’s high school pictures that you were going to cherish forever. She seemed so happy to have someone to talk to and assured you that spending time with you was the closest she had felt to Sherlock in a long time.
You insisted that she stay and let you make dinner, but she was as equally stubborn as Sherlock and ordered you takeaway as her treat. You tried to argue but she was having none of it. “My God, you scrubbed this whole flat clean. I’m not going to let you dirty your dishes. How does Chinese sound?”
Sherlock barreled up the steps with all the force he could muster in his legs and rushed in to see you, perfectly fine and all in one piece, having dinner with his mother.
“Sherlock!” You both exclaimed, his mother full of excitement and you full of worry.
“What’s wrong?” You ask, standing up from your end of the couch. “I thought you were on a case? Is everything okay?”
“I’ve been texting and calling you all day! You’re that daft that you couldn’t text back once all this time?” He’s still out of breath and he can feel his heartbeat in his ears. His tone is exasperated and you could hear the mix of anxiety and relief in his voice as he’d yet to acknowledge his mother. She seemed perfectly content to sit back and watch the situation unfold, amusement at her son’s unusual outburst gracing her features.
“My phone was dead! And then I put it on the charger and I forgot about it once your mom came, by the way!” You went to the bedroom and retrieved your phone to find a dozen missed texts and calls.
Probably just a client. SH
11:07 AM
Are you sure it’s not a client? SH
11:43 AM
Are they still there? SH
1:00 PM
Missed Call
1:17 PM
Missed Call
2:03 PM
Call me back. SH
3:26 PM
Y/N, I’m on a case. Call me back. SH
3:44 PM
Missed Call
4:13 PM
Is everything alright? SH
4:52 PM
Missed Call
5:08 PM
Missed Call
5:10 PM
Missed Call
5:12 PM
I’m boarding the train now and I’ll be there soon. Don’t worry. SH
5:21 PM
Sherlock followed after you, still without ever acknowledging his mother, and shut the door after himself. With his palms braced against the wooden door, he tried to ease the tension out of his bones through a deep breath as he watched you check your phone. He wasn’t worried about the case at all. It was mostly solved and what little was left John could do with ease. He felt the weight of the missed calls in his stomach like lead and the three hour train ride that he couldn’t curse to defy time any quicker. He had plenty of enemies and you had virtually none, so there would be no reason to think you’d hesitate to assist anyone who came to his door, especially if it was in the name of helping him. He thought he’d walk into a crime scene and he couldn’t shake those images out of his head.
You got up from the bed and walked over to him, reaching to wrap one arm around his neck and to take his hand in yours in the other. You pressed a kiss to his jaw, and then to his chin, over his eyelids, his nose, and then lastly you met his lips, murmuring “I’m sorry” in between every kiss. He didn’t usually voice it, but you had known him long enough to know when he was upset. He relaxed into your touch as he always did and you pulled away from him long enough to pull on the ends of his scarf. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Let me help. We got takeaway for your mom and I but we can share mine. I got what you like anyway.”
He let you pull his scarf and jacket off and you were delighted to see he wasn’t really mad with you. You hang his jacket on the closet door and by the time you turn back to face him, he’s already making his way back out to the living room. Following after him, you see his mother gesturing him to come over.
“What are you doing here? I thought I told Mycroft to tell you I was away on business.” He was messing with the cuffs on his sleeves but his question was directed at his mother with unmistakable intent. She tsked at him, and you began to see even more similarities in their mannerisms.
“That’s no way to talk to your mother, William. I was spending some time with your darling partner here and I don’t even get a kiss or a hug?” She began gathering her belongings and threw her purse over her shoulder. You weren’t happy to see her go.
You did peak up at the name. “William? Your name is William?”
Sherlock groaned, ignoring you completely. You swore you could see a blush dusting his cheeks. In no time he was at the door, holding it open for his mother. “It’s getting rather late, don’t you agree? Father must be wondering where you are. Be sure to pay Mycroft a visit the next time you’re in town. I assure you, he always has time for family.”
She turned to you and blew you a kiss. “I had a great time with you today, I hope you’ll manage to bring Sherlock home more.”
Walking over to Sherlock, she paused to kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear, “I know you know what you could lose here. So be sure you don’t, Sherlock.”
Before she totally stepped out of the flat, she turned around one last time. “Promise me you’ll come home soon. Your father and I miss you dearly.”
“I heard you the first ten times. Goodnight and safe travels, mother.” Sherlock shut the door before his mother could get another word and your shoulders slumped.
“Hey, that was your mom! She’s really nice. We had a good day.” You started to clean up the coffee table and take the dishes into the kitchen. You couldn’t understand Sherlock’s relationship with his family but you were sure there was a lot of things you didn’t know. Still, it was nice to have a chance to bond with your (maybe one day) future family. It was then that you realized that Sherlock never said anything when his mother mentioned you being his partner. You two never really officially defined what you were, so to see him not object to an actual title made you feel all warm inside.
“No, you had a good day. I was trying to work a case and clear a man’s name while trying to figure out if I’d come home to you kidnapped or dead.” Sherlock rolled his eyes, watching you from the doorway. You looked back at him as you dropped the dishes into the sink and let out a sigh. You hated the fact that you let him down.
“I have to go back tomorrow to tie some loose ends with John. If you come with me, I have a feeling I’ll get over it a lot quicker.” His voice was quiet but full of mirth. He won’t hold this over your head, and you both know this, but if it makes him feel better you’ll follow him. You’d follow him to the ends of the Earth and off the edge if he lead you.
Sherlock pushed himself off of the doorway and walked towards the bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt as he went.
“So, you’re staying home tonight?” You swung around the  kitchen doorway and called out to the hall. You hadn’t even thought about Sherlock having to go back, and you couldn’t help but be excited that he would be there for you to fall asleep next to tonight. 
“You didn’t expect me to make the trip back at this hour, did you? Besides, I sleep better with you and it’s obvious that I don’t focus well if you’re not around, Which is why I need you to come with me tomorrow. It seems you owe me, anyway.” Sherlock takes a step back so you can see him in the bedroom doorway, and you can feel your heart in your throat.
He’s so beautiful, you think, all alabaster skin and lean muscle. He’s pulling a t-shirt over his head and you wonder if you could manifest a photographic memory long enough to commit him to memory. Of course he notices you staring, and you almost want to mention all the times you catch him staring at you but he changes the subject and opens the blankets for you and you shut up and follow him. You follow him and you love him and you wake up in the morning at the crack of dawn to run downstairs and order coffee from the shop next door before your train leaves, being sure to get them to write “William” on the cup. Sherlock doesn’t find this funny at all, but he still lets you fall asleep on his arm on the train ride there and doesn’t complain when his arm falls asleep right along with you.
He thinks that if this is the life his mother wished for him as a child, that would be one thing he could take off of his list of things she eventually needs to answer for. Because mothers know best, and when it came to you, she could have never been more right.
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binderclipdocs · 3 years
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McCartney: It’s funny what you are allowed to say in public. It’s weird. If someone comes up to me and says, ‘Fleet Street has got this story about you doing such and such,’ I really believe it all and I think alot of other people do too. John and Yoko definitely did. They took in all the cuttings all the time and weighed up the political situation. They played it very smartly. They were very good. But see, John had a more ballsy attitude. He cared less.
Actually, this is the joke, he probably cared a lot more. This is what I’m finding. You’d think I was the one who maneuvered everything– the perfectionist. I’m finding out many things these days about John. He took every cutting of every newspaper he was ever in. He looked at it and got very much into it.
Q: John had all the time to do it.
McCartney: Yeah, good on him too. That’s what he wanted to do. Great. But anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I always find myself explaining bloody crap. I mean the Japanese thing: people said to me, ‘But why did you take it in– and that much of it sitting right on top of the suitcase?’
Do you think I don’t ask myself that? I do. But I really hate being judged by the media.
So really, I’d like to be a whole lot looser, but I’ve learned this whole game now and my reactions are almost instinctive, like a robot.
One of the things I never realized about people is that it’s not very sympathetic not being too much of a loser. People like a loser, people like to feel there is something wrong with you.
Now, with someone like me, I cover up what’s wrong. I’m just not the kind of character who could admit everything that’s wrong.
-Interview for Music Express • April/May 1982
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makeste · 3 years
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BnHA Chapter 313: Deku VS Lady Nagant
Previously on BnHA: Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai Lady Nagant showed up to fire a cupid’s arrow into my heart, and a bunch of literal bullets into my son. Deku was all “oh shit it’s Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai, what do I do, let me think back to Hawks’s advice for a sec.” Flashback!Hawks was all “anyway Deku so if my super-hot badass murder senpai ever shows up you’re basically screwed so you’d better abscond the fuck out of there.” Present!Deku was all “lol idek why I flashed back to that conversation since I’m just going to do the exact opposite of what Hawks said” and charged directly toward Nagant because WHY NOT. Overhaul was all “waah I need to get back to my boss who I put in a coma out of love” and Nagant was all “jesus christ why did I even bring you here” and had a flashback to AFO who was all “ILU NAGANT IMMA GIVE YOU AN EXTRA QUIRK SO PLEASE CAPTURE DEKU FOR ME PLEASE AND THANKS” and yeah. Shit is all over the place right now and I love it.
Today on BnHA: All Might gets attacked by a pair of discount assassins and is all “Call an ambulance! ...BUT NOT FOR ME” and it’s really badass but also I really wish he would stop tempting fate like this. Lady Nagant is all “[casually flies around town shooting shit]” and I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t read an entire chapter of just that. Deku is all, “[gets shot (≥_<)]” and releases a giant Smokescreen which prompts En to show up. En is all, “( •᷄⌓•᷅ ) (⌣̀ Δ⌣́) ( •̀_•́ )σ (¬、¬) (눈_눈)” which I consider to be a high point of both the chapter and of my life. The chapter ends with Deku using the Third’s quirk to launch a bunch of random objects at Nagant so that he can jump up and grab her arm all sneaky-like, and I’m sure this is going to prompt another week’s worth of discourse that I don’t care about at all, but fuck it, I’m having a good time.
OH WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO ALL MIGHT WELL THAT’S NICE I GUESS. CONGRATS ON NOT BEING DEAD
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you named your car??
you named it Hercules??
I love you so much??
please marry me you giant fucking dork???
lmao speaking of huge fucking dorks
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who the fuck are you clowns. la dee da we’re gonna murder All Might with our synchronized spear attack!! I mean... they’re clearly trying their best... maybe I should just be nice and politely hype them up like All Might is so clearly trying to do
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like okay, but we all agree that this is actually the least intimidating attack any of us has ever seen, right?? these guys zipped up their hoodies all serious-like and are trying to attack All Might and Hercules with their Walmart tiki torches, but just, no?? right?? like the only way this could possibly be effective is if they were trying to kill All Might with secondhand embarrassment
“those are assassins” this is a VERY generous assessment, All Might
OH MY GOD THE TIKI TORCHES ACTUALLY KILLED THE FUCK OUT OF HERCULES
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[slaps roof of car] this baby can fit so many weaponized festive backyard lighting solutions in it
and yet, even after watching this with my own two eyes, I still can’t take these dudes seriously. idek what it is. anyways r.i.p. Hercules, I loved you a lot but I guess you weren’t actually a very good armored car were you
omg they didn’t know it was All Might??
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okay 1) for a moment there I was like “oh hey maybe they’re not so bad after all” but then a moment later it was like “ah nope, they are.” like, that was an interesting .06 second emotional journey there. anyways 2) All Might you have my permission to kick their asses for this disrespect, and 3) anyone else all of a sudden getting “wouldn’t this be an interesting time for Stain to suddenly show up” vibes?? no?? just me???
(ETA: hmm tbh I’ve still got those vibes and they haven’t gone away lol. Stain?? you out there buddy?? do you want to be cool for just once in your life. ball’s in your court pal.)
OH SNAP ALL MIGHT ARE YOU REALLY GONNA DO IT ARE YOU GONNA KICK THEIR ASSES
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PROTECTIVE DAD MODE ACTIVATED?? BECAUSE YOU KNOW I’M HERE FOR THAT SHIT, SO YEAH, FEEL FREE
omg he’s shouting at them about how much Deku has suffered lmao and they’re just like falling over from being scolded
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so they have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about though, right? “SIR THIS IS A WENDY’S” well whatever, you killed his pet car so he’s in a bad mood now
OH MY GOD
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LIKE, JUST SO WE’RE ALL CLEAR, THESE FOUR PAGES SO FAR HAVE MADE ALMOST ZERO SENSE. LIKE MAYBE 2% SENSE TOPS. BUT ASK ME IF I CARE. GO AHEAD AND ASK. I SAID GO AHEAD, IT’S OKAY. ...NO I DON’T CARE AT ALL THANK YOU FOR ASKING
(ETA: also, the more I look at this panel, the more I’m just like, why the hell would you phrase it like that though, sob. way to doubly tempt fate?? are you trying to give Horikoshi a challenge??)
and now back to Deku who is randomly bouncing around the city and narrating it to himself just in case he was confused about why he was doing this
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who are you talking to Deku. but thanks we appreciate it
man you gotta love that overconfidence. the smartest guy in the world warned you away from this lady, so SURE, LET’S RUN RIGHT UP TO HER. “I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT, FLASHBACK!HAWKS, BUT I’LL TAKE IT FROM HERE” well okay then!!
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I think it would be funny if RHA.com put little Buzzfeed-style polls in between the chapter pages so they could survey people at random intervals as they read their way through the chapter. like, you finish this page and then there’s a little poll there asking “do you think Deku’s plan of catching up to Lady Nagant and finding out where Shigaraki is will work?”, and you click “no” just like everyone else and then nod as the results show that 97% of your fellow readers also picked “no”, and you chuckle to yourself wondering how many of the 3% accidentally clicked on the wrong option by mistake, and then you keep on reading
ANYWAY, SO
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HOW’S THAT PLAN WORKING OUT FOR YOU SO FAR DEKU. nice kick, though!!
omggggggg
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ouch
update: Deku’s plan not really working out. sources tell me my boy has been fucking shot. this is an ongoing story and we will keep you posted with the latest developments as they come in
wait what
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feel free to explain to the rest of us what all of this “UNLESS...” and “THAT POSSIBILITY...” shit means anytime, Deku
oh lol did he realize she could fly??
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BREAKING NEWS UPDATE, CNN’s John King reports that Deku is still fucked. eyewitness reports now coming in that Nagant is doing no-look shots and basically not even giving a fuck. sources described her mannerisms and expression as “sexy, but in like an effortless sort of way.” we will continue to bring you the latest
so now there’s basically an entire page of Deku being all “ah fuck so she’s basically closing in and she could already hit me with impossible accuracy even from Far Away, so if that’s the case then her being Up Close is probably going to be even worse!” making good use of that Big Hero Brain there, Deku
so now what, you’re doing some kind of spiraling kick thing?? how is that going to help
oh lol he’s using Smokescreen to create some cover. aww, good for you Deku you named one of your Smokescreen attacks
OH NO LADY DON’T TELL ME AFO DIDN’T EVEN FILL YOU IN ON THE BASICS
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seriously, AFO?? you basically told her what Deku’s exact strategy was going to be but then couldn’t be assed to drop that little, small, barely notable piece of knowledge that Deku is rocking multiple quirks?? is it supposed to be a secret or something?? you dropped the ball here man
damn this is getting intense now
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(ETA: the way En is poking Deku’s head in that first panel is fucking sending me, I love this guy so much omg.)
well then what are you planning, Deku?? I’m actually really curious!! I am genuinely starting to be invested in this fight scene not only in the “wanting to see who wins and how that impacts the plot” sense, but also in the “wanting to see how it happens because the choreography and strategy is actually pretty cool” sense, which honestly hasn’t happened for quite a while now! this is fun
anyway so what’s up Deku, are you going to use another quirk?? I’ve been speculating that he hasn’t actually unlocked the last two yet (since Two and Three didn’t exactly seem convinced when we last saw them), but maybe I’m about to be proven wrong
(ETA: well he clearly has Three’s obviously, but Two’s is still MIA, and that’s the one I am of course the most curious about. that’s the one we’re all curious about, let’s be real.)
OH SNAP???
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AHHHH I’M HYPED LOL. ANOTHER SHINY NEW QUIRK LOL SHOULD I PUT UP THE USUAL DISCOURSE DISCLAIMER
(ETA: so yeah, after thinking on it, I’m not gonna say “please no Deku discourse on my blog” this week, but I probably will ignore any discourse that does come my way though, just because I don’t have much interest in getting involved in what would probably be a pretty repetitive discussion. like, I can just sum up my opinions (which is what they are) here instead. in fact here they are lol:
1) I like the SIXQUIRKS and I like seeing Deku be a badass.
2) I also don’t think Deku is too OP. more like he’s exactly as OP as he needs to be at the moment, given that we’re approaching the end of the series. I expect the other kids will also be pretty damn OP when we see them fight again. we’re just at that point now where they’re all badasses (as well they should be; they’ve grown a lot and they deserve it). it’s just that Deku’s the one we’re getting to see right now.
3) of course I miss Kacchan and the others, but for me this vibes much closer to the MVA arc where even though I missed them, I was still having a blast (as opposed to the dark days of the Basement arc where I was pretty much losing it lol). like, even though Kacchan’s my favorite, I still love Deku a lot and this arc has been amazing for him getting to shine on his own (for like the first time, really).
4) y’all know I love the OFA plot and I’ve never been shy about that lol. I like all of the Vestiges a lot. Banjou and his over the top personality; En and his “guy you thought would be serious and :| all the time but is actually hyper-animated and ALL OVER THE PLACE” energy; Shiro who actually is a :| sort of guy lol; Three who I still expect will be fleshed out in a more detailed flashback at some point; and of course Two, who, well. you know what I think about him lol. Bakuverse is still on the table and I’m still hyped. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we still have yet to see Two actually talk to Deku (as opposed to talking to the other Vestiges while Deku is distracted). did he lend him his power yet?? or is he still holding out?? either way it’s definitely going to be a Big Thing when it finally happens and I can’t wait to see it.
5) Lady Nagant is Everything and just because Deku grabbed her arm doesn’t mean the fight is over yet lol. Overhaul hasn’t come into play yet either. not to mention that even if the fight is over, the “where do we go from here” part still has me excited either way. her connection to Hawks and the HPSC is very intriguing and we’ve barely touched on that as of yet; she definitely has more of a role to play in this.
6) last but not least, I feel like every week the discussion is all about how much focus Deku’s getting, and how OP he is or isn’t, and OFA this and OFA that, but meanwhile I’m actually so invested in the character development here though?? the way Deku has distanced himself from everyone (except for the Vestiges, because of course they’re already dead so it’s not like they can die again lol)?? the way he’s pushing himself far too hard and we can see the shadows in and under his eyes, and the fact that he never smiles, and even All Might has remarked on how he isn’t taking care of himself at all?? the fact that he’s so single-mindedly obsessed with focused on stopping AFO?? the fact that he’s still the same sweet old Deku despite everything and was so kind to that fox lady with the umbrella, but there was also something so sad about that scene because it felt like a reminder of the type of hero that he wants to be, but that he’s not allowed to be right now?? because the stakes are too high and the world is falling apart?? and he feels like he’s the only one who can do something about it?? and that he has to be?? and that he is putting so much pressure on himself right now, and it’s absolutely too much pressure for any one person to bear, and I feel like no one is fucking talking about this lol goddammit.
anyway so yeah. I have feels about this, and every week that slow-burn angst is getting more and more intense behind the scenes, and I feel like it’s all going to hit a breaking point eventually. sooner rather than later. it really feels like a mirror of Katsuki’s post-Kamino arc. where all that angst was just churning below the surface for like twenty chapters and then it finally was like “okay it’s time” and it all came bursting out and we got the best five chapters of the fucking series (in my admittedly biased estimation lol).
basically, I know that most of fandom is billing this as either the “villain hunt” arc or the “solo Deku SIXQUIRKS fighting arc” or whatever. but for me, it’s always been and still is the Deku Angst arc lol. the cool fights are a sexy bonus (the worldbuilding less so because even though it’s interesting to see society at such a low point, it’s also very depressing and gets old pretty fast), but for me the thing that’s really keeping me engaged chapter after chapter is seeing Deku like we’ve never seen him before. seeing him all quiet and withdrawn and brooding and focused on AFO, AFO, AFO, and seeing that “he just doesn’t take himself into account” mentality taken to extremes. I am invested in that. I’m soaking up that angst each and every week, and I’m invested in seeing what comes of it. it’s a big picture thing. week to week this arc might just seem like a bunch of villain fight scenes, sure. but Deku’s emotional journey is the thread that’s going to carry this arc through from beginning to end, and for that I’m willing to be patient.
anyway that turned into a BIG OL’ RANT there but yeah! so those are my thoughts on the disk horse as it currently stands. and like I said, I’m open to discussion, but tbh I will probably just wind up repeating these same talking points endlessly so just a fair warning lol.)
anyway so Three says Deku has yet to use his quirk at ALL but now he’s trying to combine it with another quirk?? damn. also please check out En’s face here you guys
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En launching a sneak attack up my favorite character list by the sheer power of his expressions alone. he really knows how to make the most of his screentime
OH DAMN DEKU
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at this point the 3% from that hypothetical poll earlier are starting to feel prettttty damn smug, I’ll bet. well shit
what in the fuck
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?? so like releasing his chi or whatnot?? isn’t that basically just like base OFA all over again?? also Deku did you seriously just apologize to Gran’s cape
update: Nagant has turned her eyeball into a gun
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hm. hmmmmmmm. ...okay yep, still somehow sexy
anyway so she’s just floating up there building suspense, as one does. lord I sure hope she has good reflexes because something tells me she’s going to need them
OH SNAP HE THREW GRAN’S CAPE AS A DECOY WHAAAAT OKAY THAT’S SOME SMART SHIT DEKU
LOL SHE’S MAD NOW
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JESUS CHRIST SHE JUST NEVER TAKES A GODDAMN BREAK FROM BEING AWESOME HUH
DEKU ARE YOU JUST THROWING EVERY DAMN THING IN YOUR INVENTORY
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but without the cape and the hood how will you continue to look like an enigmatic badass. you really can’t. which means we might finally be moving on from the wandering nomad part of this arc, stay tuned
LOL YOU MANIAC
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I hope he went full Kacchan with the dialogue there. his face sure looks like it lol. popped out of a building all mad fdskljlkj omg
well this was fun, shit. I still have basically no idea what Three’s quirk does though lol. like, can he use it to charge up objects with kinetic energy or something?? but then what was all of that talk about combining it with one of the other quirks?? or was that just because he was using Smokescreen at the same time??
(ETA: having seen and read an additional half-dozen explanations of Three’s quirk, I can say with confidence that I still have basically no idea what it is or does.)
anyway so!! Deku is a badasssssss but something tells me not to count Nagant out just yet even so. also I really enjoy seeing Deku flip out on people like he doesn’t have a fucking hole in his torso because it reminds me of A CERTAIN SOMEONE and I always love to see him channeling that feral energy; I feel like it’s been a while
anyways good luck to you both!! I truly wish that both of you could win. but if not, then maybe you can at least become friends instead. you have so much in common, you both can fly and have multiple quirks and you’re both badasses, and plus it would just be really funny to see the look on Hawks’s face lmao
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ilovedig · 2 years
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The more I listen to "If I Fell" the gayer it gets.
This got really rambly so it's all below the cut
All the references to "her" or "she" sounds like he's talking about the other person's woman.
That you Would love me more than her
You would love me more than you love her
Don't hurt my pride like her
Don't hurt my pride like you will hurt hers when she finds out we're together. (which kinda sounds like don't cheat on me, which is endlessly funny to me, considering the two people we're talking about)
And that she Will cry When she learns we are two
That's the first time it could possibly be about John's own wife. But more likely that Jane will cry (which, again, endlessly funny because Jane and Paul weren't monogamous anyway.)
No matter how many times I read these fucking lyrics, I can't hear it straight. And it's not just because I see most of their songs through gay lenses, there just isn't a straight way to read those lines.
How on earth would "You would love me more than I love her" make sense? Or don't hurt my pride like she hurts mine even though I'm the one leaving her? I get that it's don't hurt my pride like I'm gonna hurt hers, but that doesn't really make sense either.
The song is a man talking to another man who has a girlfriend. Or it could be a lesbian song too, but Cyn wasn't sleeping around on him with some girl and that wouldn't make sense anyway, though someone should write that fanfic.
This isn't the last time he did this either
Here's "No Reply"
If I were you, I'd realize that I Love you more than any other guy And I'll forgive the lies that I Heard before, when you gave me no reply
Like I get that supposedly you're putting yourself in her shoes, but, it kinda just sounds like you're saying you love him more than any other guy. Not to mention, the song starts with the other person giving no reply. Not John. Soooo you are in their shoes cause you're talking about yourself.
I don't know if there are other instances of John talking about another guy as directly as these two (first one is obviously Paul, second probably isn't, maybe George) other than "She Said, She Said" which had the original lyrics of
He said I know what it's like to be dead And you're making me feel like my trousers are gone
as opposed to
And you're making me feel like I've never been born
Basically, Peter Fonda was hot as fuck and they were both tripping and said "I know what it feels like to be dead" and his breath was in John's ear and it was more of a turn-on than it was creepy
I just went seven thousand different places instead of staying with one topic
My bad
Anyway, all of that shit is really gay and I can't find another explanation.
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staticscreenwriting · 3 years
Text
LOVE LIKE THE MOVIES // BUCKY BARNES // 7
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SEVEN - SERENDIPITY
Trigger warning: Alcohol, food
Masterlist
Summary: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Bucky Barnes, finds himself thrown into a world that seems so different from everything he’s ever known. The girl, (Y/N) knows entirely too much about rom-coms and is quite particular about the way she eats her popcorn. Bucky meets (Y/N) a few months after returning to NYC. He knows almost immediately that becoming her friend is inevitable. This is a story of boy meets girl. This is a story about love. (Bucky Barnes x female!Reader // a few spoilers for TFATWS)
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“Okay, that’s ridiculous!” Bucky mumbles around a spoonful of fruit loops.
“What is?”
“This,” he responds and points his now empty spoon accusingly at John Cusack. “This whole fate thing. The book, sure, might happen. But the dollar bill? Never!”
(Y/N) puts her empty bowl on the couch table, turning her body towards Bucky and sitting in a criss-cross style. “You telling me you don’t believe in fate and soulmates and that some people are destined to be together.”
“No,” Bucky retorts in a tone that implies it was a silly question to even ask him. “I am 106 years old. If those things were true you'd think I would've found my destined partner by now."
"Maybe you have" (Y/N) shrugs. "Maybe it's Leah. Have you called her anyway?"
Bucky looks down sheepishly into the colorful milk swirling through his bowl. "No."
“ What? Why not? “
“Because it hasn’t — oh I don't know. It just hasn’t felt right.”
He’d been debating on giving her a call many times, never actually going through with it. At first, it was for a fear of failure, rejection. Now though, Leah doesn’t cross his mind as much as before. His thoughts, he noticed recently, are occupied by another person. And it wouldn't be fair to Leah or himself to try and build something on shaky ground at best.
“ Dude, I’m educating you on romance and you are too afraid to call this girl? “
“ Educating me? You are forcing me to watch rom coms. “
“ Forcing you? “ (Y/N) gasps and dramatically slaps her hand to her chest right above where her heart is. “ Are you saying you’re not having fun? “
There’s a smirk on her face, tiny and barely there but he notices it anyway. He’s started noticing the small things. Like how her nose scrunches up when she smiles and how she twiddles with her fingers when she’s nervous.
“ If I didn’t have fun I wouldn’t be here. “ Bucky replies and bumps his leg against her knee. Truth be told, he’d be here anyway. Even if she’d make him watch the most boring movie in the entire world he’d stay right there with her. Sometimes the world doesn't seem so rough and ruthless when she’s there beside him. Sometimes he feels like he could genuinely be happy.
“ Good, “ (Y/N) responds and places a quick kiss on his cheek that very nearly gives him a heart attack. Soft touches are something she grants him every so often and while he is getting used to it, it’s still foreign. It’s something he enjoys quite a lot though.
“Anyway, soulmates finding their way back to each other despite all odds is such a rom-com stable. Like the kiss in the rain or the airport chase or the top-of-the-stairs-moment.”
“ The what ? “
(Y/N) scoffs at him as if she’s never been asked a more ridiculous question in her life.
“ The moment when the girl gets a makeover or she dresses up in some ballgown and her love interest waits at the bottom of the stairs for her and when he sees her he’s so enamored and enchanted by her and ideally there’s some cheesy 90s love song playing in the background. And she meets him at the bottom, walking in slow motion obviously, and they don’t kiss or anything but the looks they share are enough to let the audience know what they feel for one another.”
Her words are heavy with passion and longing and magic and for a second Bucky wishes, he could be the one to give her that moment.
“ But okay, grumpy. You go on not believing in soulmates. I’ll change your mind one day, trust me.”
He doesn’t doubt it for a second.
They sink back into their blissful calm as John Cusak and Kate Beckinsale reconnect on the ice rink in front of Rockefeller Center as an ocean of Christmas lights twinkles in the background.
“ I’ve never been ice skating there. Been living here for so many years now and that’s still something I’ve never done. “ (Y/N) pipes up, a longing swinging alone with her words. “ Have you? “
“ Mmmh. Used to take a lot of girls on dates there. “
“ Oh sorry, I forgot you were a big charmer back in the day. “
“ Saw the first-ever Christmas tree getting set up in 1933. '' he continues to say. Sometimes talking about the past makes him sad. It’s a time he will never be able to go back to. A man he will never be again.
But sometimes, like today, he’s able to recall little snippets of memories and remember how he felt in that exact moment. And those are worth all the pain that thinking about the future might bring.
“ That — is weird flex but actually really cool. “
Bucky doesn’t think of himself as cool. He’s a grumpy 106-year-old who is completely disillusioned with the world around him. If (Y/N) thinks so though, he’s not gonna try to change her mind.
She snuggles back into him, body leaning against the smooth vibranium arm. A part of him he never felt really belonged to himself. Something he had been given to kill, to defend, to fight. If something so dangerous can be a place of comfort to her, Maybe, he thinks, it’s not so bad after all. Maybe sometimes you just have to let go of the part and change your perspective of things.
For a while, they get lost in the movie, in the fictional love of two strangers. He remembers the romance novels his mothers used to read. The way she would get lost in them. Maybe to escape her own life for just a second and follow along with the stories and the people that seemed so much grander than her own existence as a housewife stuck in a life that seems too small to contain her in all her wonderful glory. His mother, Bucky always knew even at a young age, deserved more than she had been given. She was smart and funny and she loved her kids as much as a heart could love another. But her days were dull and her marriage was one of convenience more than anything. She had ideas, beautiful stories swirled around her head, and she’d tell them to him and his sister before she’d tuck them into bed. And yet that is where they stayed, in her mind and in her children's memories. She was never resentful though. She took things as they came and she made them beautiful.
He wonders sometimes, what would’ve come from her ideas if she had been given the chance to tell them to a bigger audience. She could’ve put those rom-coms to shame.
A knock on the front door startles (Y/N), making her get up from the couch and follow LAdy towards the entrance. There’s a definite lack of warmth where she used to be and Bucky feels himself missing her already.
“ It’s probably Robin, she left her favorite jacket here the other — mom? “
The air fills with a chaotic mix of several voices one speaking over the other while the charm on Lady’s collar underlines it all with a jingling sound like that of a small bell.
Before he can even think about how to react, (Y/N) steps back into the living room followed by two more people. A woman who looks like an older version of her and a man. They seem lost in conversation still, talking about their travel to NYC and the fact that the man, who Bucky assumes is (Y/N)’s father, refused to ask for directions.
That’s until their eyes fall on Bucky. The woman regards him with a gentle smile on her face, polite and warm as mothers usually are. The man though. There’s something in his eyes, in his demeanor, that changed once he set sight on Bucky and it doesn’t feel good. Bucky knows what it’s like to be recognized. People see him and then they see all the bodies left in his wake, all the blood on his hands, all the pain and the suffering and the —
“ Sergeant Barnes. “
They used to call him that in Wakanda, as a sign of respect, he believes. To make him realize that they do not see him as the thread he used to be but the man he once was. Other than that it’s been a long time since people referred to him as Sergeant Barnes. It’s a title he takes pride in, something he worked hard for. It also belongs to a man he isn’t anymore. Bucky isn’t sure he still earns it. Still owns it.
“ Uh — hello. “
“Dad, “ (Y/N) says and pushes past her parents to stand next to Bucky. Her hand rests on his arm as a sign of comfort and reassurance. He appreciates it very much. “ Mom. This is Bucky. “
“ I can’t believe it. “ her father exclaims, still not taking his eyes off of Bucky.
“ Dad. “
“ I can not believe it. I can’t believe you! “
There it is. Although Bucky has always been very aware that he wasn’t nearly worth (Y/N)’s time, having it thrown in his face hurts more than he likes to admit.
“ Dad … “
“ You know James Barnes, and you tell me nothing about it? (Y/N) I’ve — I’ve spent so much time researching this man revising all the information people before me have gathered and making sure his legacy and his place in Steve Rogers' life get acknowledged and now I’d have the chance to ask him personally and you — you keep it a secret from me? “
Wait … what ?
“ Bucky, “ (Y/N) says and looks up at him with her gorgeous eyes that never seem to fail at calming him down. “These are my parents and as you can tell, my dad’s a big fan of yours. “
The next few minutes are a chaos of handshakes and nice-to-meet-yous and hugs. Her mother hugs Bucky real tightly, the way mothers do when they know someone needs a hug. And she doesn’t flinch when she feels the metal arm. She just hugs him a little tighter.
“ Why are you guys here? “ (Y/N) asks as her father throws an arm around her shoulder
“ Well, you asked us to look after Lady while you’re gone. “ her mother replies as if it’s the obvious answer.
“ Yeah, but we don’t leave until Friday afternoon. It’s Thursday. “
“ That is truuuue. But dad and I thought we’d surprise you and take you out for a nice dinner since we won’t be spending Christmas together, we thought we could at least try to make up for it. “
(Y/N) shakes her head at her mother’s words. “ I told you guys, it’s not a big deal. You go enjoy your cruise. “
“ And we will but you’re our girl and we want to take you out for dinner. Give your old parents that much, will you” her father jokes and ruffles her hair as if she was just a little girl and maybe she is in that moment, wrapped in his arms.
“ I uh — Bucky and I had plans. “
“ What plans? “ her mother asks, eyebrows raised.
“ Watching movies. “
“ Oh, those aren’t plans. Go get dressed! “
“ And James will obviously come with us, “ her dad adds “ I am not done asking him questions. “
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It’s not December yet but the restaurant is already decked out in Christmas lights and tastefully placed sparkly ornaments. The soft lull of Christmas carols being played on a piano flows through the room and Bucky is thankful to discover that while so much has changed, many of those songs have stayed the same. Maybe things aren’t all different right now. Maybe the fundamental things have stayed the same. Like the feeling of being with your family sitting by the tree, singing songs that have been passed down from your parents to you.
(Y/N) sits next to him, lips painted the exact same shade of red as her slouchy knit sweater. She looks so cozy and comfortable and soft and if he’s being really honest with himself, all he wants to do is hold her tight and get lost in her warmth. But this is good, as good as it can ever get, really. Sitting next to her, across from her parents who have been nothing but kind to him. They’re eating good food, drinking delicious drinks and her parents are sharing funny and slightly embarrassing stories about (Y/N). This is the first time he’s meeting anyone’s parents as the man he is now. And even back in the 40s things weren’t this calm and easy. If you went to meet a woman’s parents you better came prepared. This feels nice. Like he gets to be part of a family for just a teeny tiny moment.
“ So, how long have you guys been together? “ her mother asks around a fork of tiramisu. While Bucky only looks at her with wide eyes, (Y/N) almost chokes on her wine.
“ Mom, we’re — not. We’re friends. “
“ Oh,” her mother replies, looking unconvinced as her eyes move back and forth between (Y/N) and Bucky “ I guess I must’ve read that wrong. Shame, you would make adorable babies. “
“ Mom!”
Bucky’s sure his cheeks are the same color as her sweater and her lips and her fingernails. A beautiful bright red. Like a Santa’s hat.
“ I know, babe. You’re an independent woman who makes her own decisions and if you decide not to have babies that’s alright with us. As long as you are happy, so are we. Lady makes for a wonderful substitute grandchild. Just sayin’ if you were to have babies with Bucky they would turn out really cute. “
“ Okay, how about we stop talking about my imaginary potential future children, huh? You go tell me more about work, dad. How about that? “
As her dad starts talking about some history classes he teaches and the students, Bucky notices the change in (Y/N)’s demeanor. Her laid-back ease is gone. She keeps fidgeting with her hair and the rings on her hand. Without really thinking about it, like his body is working on autopilot, Bucky reaches out and grabs her hand under the table. It’s still weird, touching soft skin with his metal hand without the intention of inflicting pain. It’s nice though. It’s wonderful.
She doesn’t let go for a long time.
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Restrooms in restaurants are places where time is slightly altered. You’re sheltered from the noises of the main room but they’re still faintly audible through the door. The clinking of glasses and cutlery, the laughter, and the voices as they flow together like waves in an ocean.
It feels like you get a break from the real world for just a moment. To catch yourself. To take a breath. To look at yourself in the mirror and decide your next steps as the music sounds from the overhead speakers in a duller version as if someone wrapped the lyrics in thick cotton padding.
(Y/N) washes her hands while looking at her reflection. Today’s a good day. It’s not going the way she has expected it but it’s a good day nonetheless. Bucky and her parents get along like a house on fire. It’s a nice feeling but it also makes her so acutely aware of all the what-ifs floating around her head and her heart. Would it feel like this if she and Bucky were more than friends? Would it feel this — right?
Before her mind can come up with an answer to her own question, the door to the restrooms swings open letting in a sliver of the noise outside. Her mother steps in and looks at her with that signature mom smile. Like she knows you better than you know yourself. And maybe that isn’t entirely wrong.
“ Your dad and I are going to take a cab to the hotel. We’ll come over to yours tomorrow before you leave. Is that okay? Bucky said he’d walk you home.”
Of course, he’d say that. He’s a gentleman. He’s Bucky.
“ Sure that’s fine. I’m glad you guys came a day early. I missed you. “
“ We missed you too, baby,” she responds and pulls (Y/N) into a hug.
“ Now tell me something,” she says and takes (Y/N)’s face in between her hands. “ You and Bucky. There’s something there. “
(Y/N) shakes free from her mother's touch and faces the mirror, leaning both hands against the marble sink. “ Mom, can you leave it. “
“ I see the way you guys look at each other. I — you haven’t been this happy in so long. He makes you happy. “
As she lifts her head and looks into her own eyes in the mirror, (Y/N) feels a flood of emotions wash over her. Emotions she’s tried so hard to suppress and others she wasn’t even aware were there in the first place. And it’s all comes crashing down pulling her under and spitting her back out.
“ So what if he makes me happy. We’re not gonna happen. I can not lose a friend and he can’t either. It would kill us both. “
“ Oh honey, “ she goes to pull (Y/N) into another hug but she just shakes her head in response.
“ No. No, mom. It’s okay. I’m okay with it being the way it is. “
“ Are you sure? “
Is she? (Y/N) looks back at herself. You think you know yourself and what you want and how you feel and then someone asks you, truthfully asks you if you’re sure. And you can only stare and wonder. Well, are you?
And sometimes it’s way easier to lie, to both the other person and yourself, than to really face your fears and your feelings and everything you do or don’t understand about yourself.
“ Yeah. I am sure. “
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It’s true. New York City never seems to fully go to sleep. There’s always a light on somewhere, guiding you through the dark, guiding you home.
It doesn’t fully go to sleep but it slows down. The air gets heavier, the noise gets quieter.
(Y/N) and Bucky slowly make their way through the familiar streets of their neighborhood as the city lights and the stars fight over who gets to shine more brightly upon them.
It’s a chilly evening, winter is truly just around the corner, and the air feels pregnant with the promise of snow and yet (Y/N) feels a warmth course through her that is unlike any other. A warmth that can only be brought on by being with your loved ones.
“ It’s a lovely night,” she says as her heels create a clip-clap sound against the pavement.
Bucky has his hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his jacket and his ever-present scowl decorates his face and yet, even Bucky can’t deny that it is a lovely night. One with so much potential. For — for lovers.
“ It really is.”
“ If life was a movie, “ (Y/N) says “ this would be when we realized that we're in love"
Bucky only raises his eyebrow at her, pushing her to elaborate. And maybe it’s a bit selfish. Maybe he just wants to hear her entertain the thought of them two as something more for just a little bit longer. Even if it’s just pretend.
“ We’d get a montage of some quirky dates that we didn’t realize were dates. Then the camera would pan down on us tonight, walking underneath the stars, the city lights glowing around us. There’d be some piano music in the background to set the mood. We’d have a deep talk about our fears or messed up childhoods or the meaning of life. And then you’d make me laugh and I’d accidentally hold your hand. You’d drop me off at my door, think about kissing my lips but then end up kissing my forehead. Once you leave I’d lean against my door, sink down to my floor, and grin like a fool because that’s the moment I realize I am in love with you and the audience would sigh in relief because they knew all along. “
“ That sounds nice,” Bucky replies, eyes staring into the distance as he tries to picture it all, safe it as a mental snapshot to go back to in quiet moments.
“ Yeah, well what a shame life is not a movie and we’re not in love. What a waste of a lovely night. “
“ Guess it’s perfect for a couple, huh? “ Bucky has to agree with her.
“ Mmmh. Or at least someone not in heels, “ (Y/N) jokes looking down at her shoes.
“ You want me to find a couple? Gift our night to them ? “ Bucky asks as they continue their journey down the Brooklyn streets.
“ Absolutely not, sir! “ (Y/N) responds and links her arm with his as she pulls him along. “ I like our night. I want to keep it for ourselves. “
And so they continue their walk home. Words that want to be said, that need to be said, hang heavy in the air, and yet they both decide to stay quiet and just enjoy the silence and comfort of their lovely little night.
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The door feels like mocking her as it comes into view, cutting their moment short, putting an end to this blissful night.
She doesn’t want it to end. Doesn’t want to go inside and quite literally close the door to all the possibilities this night seems to hold out to her. If she was just brave enough to reach out and grab them.
(Y/N) unlock the door and turns back around to face Bucky. Something seems to hang in the air right between them and that feeling only gets stronger as their eyes lock. For a moment all there is, is silence and an abundance of unspoken words. And a fear that comes with speaking them. Of messing something up. Of being vulnerable.
Bucky smiles at her then. She loves his smile. It’s so rare but it’s so beautiful to look at. It gives you the feeling of having done something right.
“ Thanks for today, “ he says as if there’s anything to thank her for.
“ For what? “
“ Letting me be a part of your family. Thought maybe you didn’t want your parents to know about me. Thanks for — not being ashamed of me or anything. “
“ Oh Bucky, “ she says and grabs his hand, “ You are my friend and I love you. I’d never be ashamed of you. If anything I’m a little embarrassed by the way my dad kept pestering you with questions. Uh — why are you looking at me like that. “
“ You love me? “ his voice comes out but a mere whisper and his eyes are wide in shock.
“ Yes. You’re my friend, I love you. Bucky when — when was the last time someone told you they love you? “ (Y/N) asks as her hand softly strokes the side of his face.
“ 1942 “
“ Well, guess I’ll have to keep reminding you then, make up for lost time. I love you, Bucky Barnes. “
She can’t even blink before she’s wrapped up in his arms. Despite what one would think, Bucky is always warm. Even the vibranium arm. Everything radiates warmth and comfort. She could stay here forever.
Slowly he pulls away, looks deep into her eyes, lowers his head, and places his lips against her forehead. “ I love you too. “
He smiles at her once more then leaves. And while she won't admit it to anyone, ever, (Y/N) goes inside, leans against her door, sinks to the floor, and doesn't even try to suppress the foolish smile spreading on her lips.
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Robin’s laughter fills the halls of the beautiful Inn where just tomorrow she’ll say I do.
“ This was your doing! You scheming little shit.” (Y/N) grumbles from the corner of her mouth as she slides up to Robin.
“ It wasn’t, “ the red-haired girl laughs “ but I wish it was. It’s hilarious.“
Redstone Lodge is a beautiful Inn located in upstate New York. It looks out onto a lake and is surrounded by lots and lots of Christmas trees all year round. It’s made of bricks and big wooden panels. Very rustic and yet cozy and elegant. In the yard, there’s a huge tent with a wooden floor and a see-through roof. That’s where the reception will be held tomorrow.
Redstone Lodge has 35 rooms all of which have been distributed to the various guests. They’re beautiful rooms with nice decor and comfortable beds. Well — a bed. One. Singular.
“ This is like some fanfiction trope, Robin. There is only one bed? “
“ Look," Robin says and pulls (Y/N) closer “ if you want to switch, find someone to switch with. I’m sure someone is willing to. But I’m just saying that if you two are friends, shouldn’t you be able to sleep in a bed together and not make it weird? “
She has a point and she knows it and she also knows that (Y/N) knows it.
Huffing a breath of annoyance (Y/N) grumbles an “okay fine” before letting Robin be taken hostage by yet another overly excited aunt and returns to Bucky’s side as he stands on the front steps looking out into the vast area. It really is a beautiful place to get married.
“ Hey so uh — bad news is that this is the only room they have so we’ll have to share a bed. Good news is they got some movies to take up to the room and I found some really dope rom-coms. “
“It's okay, don't worry. I promise I won't hog the blanket,” Bucky says and nods his head into the direction of the lake “ wanna take a walk? “
“ Sure. Yeah, why not. “
In all honesty (Y/N) isn’t the biggest fan of walking around the woods with no particular destination in mind and yet she can’t help but feel a sense of happiness fill her as she links her arm with Bucky’s once again.
She realized a while ago that she tends to gravitate towards his left side. It isn’t a conscious decision but maybe it’s a good one nonetheless.
Maybe it’ll show him that every part of him is worth loving, even the ones he doesn’t love himself.
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“ When was the last time you did something crazy? “
He doesn’t like the way those words sound tumbling from her lips. He does, however, like very much how her eyes sparkle in the light of the setting sun. Their walk had turned into a bit of a hike and by the time they’ve finally made it back to the lake, the sun is about to set. Everyone seems to have retreated back into the lodge, maybe to sit by the big cozy fireplace or up to their room with their several beds. More than one. plural.
Bucky doesn’t want to let go of their time together though. Not yet. Just a little bit longer. And if that means agreeing to one of her weird ideas, so be it.
"Uh well, I fought aliens a few months ago."
"Huh … well see that's not an answer I was prepared for I mean more like, when did you last do something stupid but fun?"
“Like dancing in the middle of a street or having a cake fight in a parking lot?”
“Yeah …. like that.”
She looks at him again with that mischief and that softness. Like a mix of all things that make you feel alive shine back at him from her eyes.
“Wanna go swimming?” (Y/N) asks and smirks at him.
“Now? It’s freezing.”
“ I know,” she replies and shrugs her shoulders “ and I know it’s silly and dumb and we’ll probably get sick but I kinda wanna do it anyway. Wait … can you get sick?”
“Huh?”
“Because of the serum.”
“You know, they didn’t exactly give me a manual when they injected it so — guess we’ll have to find out.”
“So you’re in?”
Bucky only nods his head in agreement. She doesn’t need to know that he’d agree to anything she suggests. Any little thing.
The woods around them are dark and thick and where they probably should be scary they are comforting now. They’re a shelter from the eyes of onlookers. A safe roof and walls to keep their little bubble safe and hold their moment tight and safe.
“Holy shit, it’s freezing!” (Y/N) hisses through clenched teeth as the water reaches up to her shoulders, the straps of her yellow bra the only colors shining through the dark night.
Don’t think about it. He has to tell himself. Don’t think about the fact that she’s only in her underwear. Don’t think about her soft skin and her smile and what her body feels like against yours. Don’t!
He doesn’t have to scold himself for too long before a cold splash of water hits him right in the face.
“Oh, you made a mistake” Bucky calls out to a laughing (Y/N) who tries her best to tread water and get as far away from him as possible but fails to do so, being wrapped up in his arms only seconds later.
For the next few minutes, they splash around like children at the neighborhood pool.
The cold of the night and the lake rattle their bones but neither of them seems to care as a familiar warmth wraps itself around their hearts.
It’s really fascinating how the little moments can become so meaningful. How one person can mean so much so quickly. How drastically your life can change just because of one single person and their kindness and their love.
“Oh-oh!” (Y/N) exclaims excitedly and lays little enthusiastic slaps on Bucky’s shoulder “let’s do the dirty dancing lift. You can lift me, right?”
“I have a vibranium arm…”
“Right. Yeah. Right.”
Bucky places his hands on her waist and pulls her a little closer, trying to ignore the incessant thumping of his heart that feels like it wants to break out of his chest. “Okay on 3.”
“One”
Her eyes look deep into his as if trying to search for something in them. Secrets. Hidden feelings. The truth.
“Two”
And when she smiles, almost shy, it seems for a second that she’s found whatever she’s been looking for. He hopes she likes the secret she uncovers. He hopes it doesn’t scare her off from loving him.
“Three”
In a swift motion, he lifts her up above his head, holding her strong and steady as drops of water, cold as ice, rain down on him while (Y/N) laughs and stretches out her arms.
“We did it! I’m flying, Jack!”
“What?”
“Nevermind.” She retorts and lets out another laugh. Yeah, maybe he’s freezing his ass off but to hear her laugh like that, makes it all worth it.
He doesn’t let her fall over like they do in the movie, instead, he grips her waist tighter, slowly and gently lowers her back into the water. And when she’s back right in front of him, chest against his, he should be letting go of her, but he doesn’t.
While his head keeps screaming at him to just let go, his heart tells him otherwise, makes him stay right there.
(Y/N)’s arms move across his chest and gently wrap themselves around his neck before her fingers start to delicately play with his hair.
He wonders if any person has ever felt the way he does in that moment. He wonders if maybe a poet or a writer or a musician has and if maybe they wrote a poem or a book or a song about it. Maybe that would help him understand. Maybe he could read it or listen to it and keep this moment captured in that piece of art forever. Because he fears that no memory can ever do justice to the way he feels when she moves closer.
When her hand cups his face when her nose nuzzles against his so gently as if she’s afraid he’ll pull away any second.
It’s just them and their wildly beating hearts and the woods providing them shelter and the water setting the scene and the stars shining down upon them.
It’s just them — until it isn’t.
“(Y/N), Bucky? You guys out there?” Robin's voice calls out into the night as her silhouette appears against the light coming from the porch of the Inn.
“Yes, it’s us. We’ll be right in.” (Y/N) calls back, having moved away slightly. The spell is broken and Bucky lifts his hand off of her, immediately missing the contact.
“It’s freezing, we should probably go inside.” She says and grants him a smile, though it doesn’t entirely reach her eyes and he can faintly see her shivering.
“Yeah let’s go. Get you warmed up.”
They don’t talk about their moment as they head inside and get swallowed by the group of people all hyped up with excitement for the coming day.
Bucky is sure though that as long as there are stars in the sky, he will not forget this moment however fleeting and insignificant it might seem.
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eyoricka · 3 years
Text
Pete’s assistant - Pete Davidson
Words: 2160
Warning: 2 curse words
Requested: yes
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You had been Pete’s assistant for many years now. You had begun as an intern at NBC and that’s how you met Pete. The two of you immediately clicked, there was like a strange bond between you like you always knew each other or were meant to meet, to work together. So at the end of your internship, Pete asked you if you wanted to be his assistant, to help him with pretty much everything. He wasn’t famous enough to really have a publicist, so you also fill up this role. It was funny at first. Pete was nice to you, never asking for anything impossible to get. Contrary to many other celebs with their assistant, he treated you like his equal. Planning interviews was something you enjoyed, he was mostly in some presented by his friends, so it was pretty chill, and you learnt so much. You let Pete took charge of his social media presence, he was more than okay at it, was natural and able to create a connection with his fans.
However, at some point everything changed. Pete got way bigger, he was famous like really famous, not just known by SNL and stand-ups afficionados.  Things got out of hand quickly. You still liked to work for Pete, he was still adorable to you but handling negative comments, the infamous song about him, people reactions and the repercussions on his mental health was a nightmare. You had too much to think about: to make sure he was feeling okay or at least not too bad, to make sure he would sleep, eat, not take too much drugs, go to work, go outside, try to stop the continuous harassment… Pete hired a publicist to take some weight out of your shoulders and have someone who would focus only on his impacted public image. Even though, Pete was probably at rock bottom, it was nice to see that he would still be kind to you, trying to smile a bit when you were ding your best to cheer him up.
And this is how the problems began for you. You knew the rule number one of any assistant: never fall for your boss. But you couldn’t help it. You had always loved his personality however you never considered having feelings for him. However, seeing him hurt, fragile but still caring about his close circle, still trying his best everyday for people he loved, still being nice when he could easily be an ass and take the heartbreak as an excuse, was enough to make you acknowledged that maybe you wanted to be more than a friend to him.
You decided to keep your emotions for yourself. You didn’t want to make a fool of yourself or lose your job and friend for feelings that would never be reciprocated. To forget about them, you went on dates with several people, it was a failure. Every time you could stop yourself from comparing your date with Pete. Even if some people were funny enough, smart enough, kind enough, they were simply not enough. A date with them was pleasant but you couldn’t picture more, and it would be cruel to force a relationship with someone you didn’t have feelings for just to hide your current crush. So after some dates you gave up on the idea of finding someone for the moment and preferred to take time for yourself. As the year went on, you were the witness of Pete’s different and non-working relationships. You were happy for him, truly. He was able to move on which was great and he felt more like himself. But it still hurt to see him get far too involved in relations that were doomed to fail. He was too intense and passionate for his own good. You advised him to follow your example and take time for himself, to love himself and understand what he wanted, needed from a partner. Surprisingly, he did it and it did good on him.
A few months later, you were at a small gathering to celebrate Pete’s Netflix comedy special. The reviews were good, and the audience was following, it was great to watch Pete’s career on track to success, he would finally be recognized for his art. You were talking to Dave about the process of writing when you are down and how cathartic humor is. You glanced distractedly several times in Pete’s direction confident that you were discreet. As your drink was empty, you scanned the room to find the nearest bottle of a beverage you like. Your eyes met Colson’s ones and he grinned mischievously at you. You rose an eyebrow wondering why he looked like a devious elf and quickly manage to appease your thoughts, rationalizing that it was only Colson being his drunk and high self.  
As you made your way to the counter full of bottles to pour you a glass, you felt two hands clapped your shoulders. You turned promptly and faced Colson who was smirking even wider.
“What do you want?” You asked not surprised by his presence but cautious about what he was about to say.
“Well just to chat with a lovely assistant, it has been a while since we haven’t talk.” He replied sweetly, an innocent smile replacing his smirk and you understood fully well why so many girls were crazy about him.
“Cut the crap” You deadpanned, not in the mood for his banter.
“I still wonder why I try to sugarcoat things with you” he mumbled certainly more for himself. After some long seconds of silence, he let out in a charming voice: “Don’t you think that would be the perfect night?”
You weren’t sure of what he was implying. He liked flirting but you seriously doubt that he was since he would never cross that border, maybe he was just bored or wanted to tease you. You didn’t give him the satisfaction of an answer that would fuel his joust.
“You don’t ask me the perfect night for what?” He added kind of amused by your lack of reaction. “Well I will tell you anyway because else it wouldn’t be funny. So my dear don’t you think it would be the perfect night to admit your badly hidden feelings for you know who.”
You gulped at those words. You attempt to come back with a witty, chill repartee that would show that you were diverted by this non-sense and not knowing about what he was talking about, but your mind was blank. You were sure that tonight before sleeping while your mind would replay this scene, you would think of many clever replies.
“Still no answer, I bet that this time it is not for the same reason, right” Colson joked, and you cursed yourself.
“I just don’t understand what you mean” you eventually managed to say, cringing at this lame attempt to act cool.
“Your blushing cheeks and stiff body are telling the opposite” Nice even your own body was now betraying you.
“I get that you are bored Colson and even if it would probably be the funniest thing of your night, I don’t plan on becoming the biggest idiot of the party for your entertainment. I know Pete doesn’t like me and it is okay, you can’t control someone’s feelings and…”
“I hope you realize that you already are the biggest idiot of the night” He cut you “and Pete is too. I can’t get my head around the fact that you are both blind, incapable of seeing the way the other looks at you. Shshshsh don’t reply, don’t want to waste my time on hearing you tell me that I am lying, imagining stuffs, and complaining about my behavior, I‘ve already had this long speech from Pete. You can do whatever you want, go tell him or don’t but just know that you don’t risk much. And don’t count on him to come, he is sure he has no chance. So please have the balls for the both you.” He was about to leave you there with many contradictory thoughts filling your head when he leaned to whisper: “But really please do tell him tonight, I bet some bucks with John that you would be the brave one, don’t prove me wrong.”
You nudged him and he burst out of laughter as you showered him with imaginative curses. You decided to sit few minutes just to take time to reflect. You needed to process what you just heard. If indeed had feelings for you, things would change drastically. You felt yourself slowly but surely drifting into panic. A part of your brain was screaming that it was lies maybe because it was easier to accept than the truth. You had dreamt of this but it was a dream and you weren’t sure that you were ready for that right now. Intrusive thoughts were running in your head defeating your ounce of rationality and calm. One of your hand was clenched on your drink firmly and you closed your eyes while inhaling and exhaling to relax yourself. From the outside you certainly looked crazy but you didn’t care, it didn’t even crossed your mind.
You were so focused on your breath that you didn’t notice someone siting next to you and neither feel this person hand on yours. When you opened your eyes, you detect that you were no longer alone and the person with you was none other than Pete. He softly smiled at you and you felt like dying inside, this smile was enough to make you forget any doubts, anything, to appease. You smiled back at him kindly. He seemed to be struggling to say something and you took the lead.
“I guess that Colson talks to you too, huh?” You questioned, your voice was a bit shaking and you had eaten half of your words however you knew that he had understood you.
“Kind of” he stated and your next words died in your throat, you were losing your confidence. Those tow simple words held a clear message: yes we talk but no I don’t like you. “Actually, John did most of the talking” he joked or at least try to. He was also way to stress to really be funny.
You wanted to say something, to admit what was consuming you inside nevertheless you were scared, you refuse to be too blunt on this. You had to be subtle, to find a way to make him realize but without saying it, so if the feelings were not reciprocal it would not be too awkward.
“Colson mentioned a bet on us” You hid your reddening face behind your drink and casually take a sip or at least as casually as you can considering your current position.
“I heard about it too” His fingers were drumming against his tights in nervousness. “I am kind of bother by it you see.” You nodded, you felt crushed inside, of course he would be bothered, who would not be bothered to be shipped with someone they don’t have feelings for. You did everything you could to remain still and not crack, not now, not in front of him, of his friends. “I don’t really any of them to get this money like I guess I want them to be right, but I don’t like them betting on us”. You blinked several times not sure if you were on the same page. “I am not very clear, I am? Well obviously, I am not, I have never been very clear in those situations. Maybe clearer than now, because now what I am saying is a mess, well normally it is confused but understandable. And I am rambling right now and I don’t even know why. Maybe because it is intimidating, like we know each other for so long and what I am saying is that it is different.”  
He had lost you with his confused sentences, was he trying to reject you or the contrary. You wanted a certain answer, not an interpretation based on a wrong reading of the situation, actually you did not want this answer, you needed it. He was still digressing when you took the courage to interrupt him: “Pete please listen to me okay.” He shut up and looked at you in the eyes, sort of hanging of the words you would pronounce. “I like you Pete and not like I like Ricky or John, I mean not like a friend. Do you understand?”
There were few awfully long seconds of silence before you felt Pete’s forehead against yours and his hands on yours. “Fuck, you are a lot better at verbalizing this than I am” He smiled brightly, he was so beautiful when he was happy. “Can I kiss you?” He asked still quite unsure and you gently pressed your lips against his. It was a short and sweet kiss, the kind that promise wonderful tomorrows full of love, full of life.
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