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#anyway they’re nonbinary ‘cause i said so
enbleu-19 · 2 years
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the inkling ever 💜💙💛
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casualnepotism · 2 years
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They’re still in me they’re still in me they’re still in me they’re still in me they’re
I’ve always stayed in battle mode longer. It’s a problem for most people, especially most other caravan guards. Makes them more like to destroy their own goods or something; they say they go crazy. I’ve always gotten calmer, more focused. It’s always made things clearer for me: I can see better, hear more, react faster. I’m just better. And I love it.
Still in me still in me still in me still
Today, though? Right now it sucks. Today all it allows me is a better look at the bodies. My people torn to shreds, sinking into each other under my feet. My people turning to goo and ash and whatever fucking combo that makes down in the pit, the whirring of the smoking blades competing, now, only with the buzzing of flies. My people destroyed, their guts and organs and blood soaking into my boots, turned into fucking burning rainbow sand under Cog’s spell. At the hands of this fucking bitchass cunt of a god who thought they could touch my people.
Still in me still in mestillinmestillinmestillin
And they were right. Cause I wasn’t here. Cause I kept the cup cause I wanted insurance. Cause I was stuck in my head dealing with Hastur cause I hurt I’den cause I fucking tried to do the right thing by telling her I was being the biggest cunt in the world. My people. Destroyed cause of me.
STILL IN ME
They tried to tell me. All of them, my friends, my dads, Gru’umsh. Valentine. Fuck, even Asmo got some jabs in there, telling me I’ll never be more than this. This. Killing. Fighting. Destroying. And I can’t even do that shit right. A chuckle sounds in the air, too loud; too genuine. Fuck. I gotta get everyone out of here. They’re all waiting around covering their mouths, stunted by the smell of death. Even Cog tied herself up with a bandana. And I just strolled on in; walked in without a care in the world like this shit is my favorite cologne. What the hell is wrong with me. The whole fight, I felt nothing. Nothing. Just annoyance. This bitch came to my town and put their hands on my people? Asshole. And then they died and I felt. Sad? No. I felt disappointed. I wanted more from them. It was like they, the fucking god of destruction weren’t enough. They weren’t enough.
Still in
I turn. My boots squeak with thick wetness and it’s horrible so I listen. Bones crack and organs pop under my feet as I walk back to my friends and I would stumble if I’d allow it. If I had the time or the space. My people died because I decided I had time to fuck around. Because I forgot what I’m for. Cog killed Gru’umsh and she should be rightly proud of that but she doesn’t know. She can’t know. Gru’umsh leaned in and told me themself, practically whispered it into my ear as they drank my blood.
Still
I wrap myself in the secret’s mantle, coming to terms with it as quickly as I have to. Immediately. Gesturing Jack and Kana to my sides, sending them out in search of gasoline and matches as I turn to congratulate my friends. My family. My people. I will protect them, this time. I will do whatever it takes. I will not fail my people again. How could I, when they’re still in me? When we’re still..
Still just me?
#girl help I was just thinking about how Gru’umsh said they’re still in sunny and then I started considering dark!sunny#It’s a Fun narrative foil to cog’s deal with the rq#beks don’t look at this it kinda sucks#also sorrrrryyyyy it's in first person pov unfortunately it has to be for me to write sunny prose cause i HATE myself#anyway i was just thinking it would be sexy and fun (and on brand) of sunny to accidentally make herself the vessel of gru'umsh#oh btw they/them pronouns for gru'umsh in this game so#✨diversity win ✨ the god who slaughtered all your people is nonbinary#also just in general i think. i think.#i think a lot about sunny and also#LOGISTICALLY i know the reason i'm kinda disappointed by the gru'umsh fight is that we've leveled a lot since we last fought them and it was#like 6 v 1 and we were all rolling really well so there wasn't MUCH ryan could do about it but still#NARRATIVELY i think it would be neat if the reason it was so easy is that sunny somehow accidentally became the HB of destruction#fellas? is it horrible to be built for protecc but so good at attac?#yes 😇😅😭#um yeah anyway this is Not Good and also Not a Real Theory but it was fun? i guess?#that's not really true what it was was Necessary#also! allowed me to vent out my thoughts about why sunny's such a different person in combat than in rp#uhhhhh#also re: the bodies#gore#gore cw#blood#blood cw#bone#bone cw#death#death cw#body horror#body horror cw#i mean it's existential and metaphysical and metaphorical but still
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loveofastarvingdog · 8 months
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CROSS-HAIRS AND CROSS-ROADS AND THE CROSS — timothy l.l.s.h.
god the father is a nonbinary teenage boy, They told me this (we were having a sleepover but They didn't stay)
my poetry tag list (ask to be added or removed<3): @gracekisses @callcenterkilljoy @icantleave @hauntedpearl @chaosnatural @raytoroinmybackpack @carveredlund @pinknatural @deanwinchestersfloralwallpaper @obsessionofspn @destielgaysex @faithdeans @heartshapedcas @hellerrichardsiken @supergraphicultramoderngirl @cosmosinfinity23 @impala67-aka-baby @samsrowena @aturnoftheearth @themichaelvan @casbeeminestiel @notreallyaroad @heartshapedvows @frogstiel @magdaclaire @agonynatural @superhell @saintedcastiel @alanabloommd @how-the-feathers-have-fallen @pitgirlsummer @stsalt @raspberryfemme @patchesofwork @wolfinmyribcage
image description under the keep reading
[Image description: a poem that reads
Shared a cigarette with God the Father last night. Marvelled at the way They dragged at it like a teenage boy, All of seventeen and lanky limbs And a smile more self-conscious than anyone will let themselves read.
Asked Them how it is To breathe in when Your lungs won’t die and You won’t feel the nicotine anyways and you know what They said? They laughed and They said that “do You think i made You in my image only for Yourself? of course my lungs die, darling; we’re a mirror, You and i.” Well I don’t know how I feel ‘bout that, But I figure if I had to hold Creation, my hands would get pretty tired, And I guess even a Father, even a God, needs a reason to Take a cigarette break Once in a while — maybe even to have a cigarette, To hold something else in Their hands.
‘Course, I wanted Them to stay for longer, but we’re both unlearning  The Cycle, and we’re not quite there yet so They left and I missed Them and It’s alright ‘cause right before They headed out, knuckles rapping  Awkwardly on my doorframe,  Two fingers to Their eyebrow in hesitant salute-goodbye, They told me that They’re sorry They made mirrors always breaking on both sides.
“I don’t,”  I says, still looking at where Their hand lingers on the one-coat paint over pulp wood, “think I can speak for the whole wide world when I say this, But the only thing I ever regretted about a mirror Was not being able to cup my reflection’s face and Tell him it’d be all alright in the end.” And you know God Looked at me like They’d never been forgiven before, even though I think They probably needed it More than once.
I think, if I had a Son I’d need Him to tell me I did my best Even when I said sorry but didn’t ask for forgiveness, And looking at God the Father  I could see that the cup of suffering They hadn’t let pass on was eating into Them Deeper than They had expected it too.
What a thing to reconcile, That Your will had been done.
But then They were leaving my apartment And that was that, And it wasn’t until They’d been gone an hour that I even realized They coulda stayed on my bottom bunk.
The sheets had just been washed.
—timothy l.l.s.h.
/end description.]
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I’ve been struggling how to word this, and I’m sure it sounds terrible, but I don’t have much sympathy for de trans ppl. I’m not saying they deserve it or that I’m happy some suffered, especially if they’re young but it’s really difficult to hold sympathy and concern when most trans ppl are very obnoxious and delusional. Let me explain: I have a lot of trans friends that it’s very difficult to get them to listen and they’re very stuck in their mindset. I know a guy who looks like a man, calls himself nonbinary and has said he uses the woman bathroom. He takes estrogen and use to have a big beard. I asked him why he wasn’t shaving before and he said his beard doesn’t cause him dysphoria….it seems like a lot of trans ppl are very narcissistic and don’t listen anyway. It’s like when you’re trying to help someone and they keep rejecting you and falling deeper. I am worried one of my friends will definitely de transition in the future, and by then well, it’s gonna be too late, the testosterone has done its damage and she will suffer. I read the de trans subreddit, and I do feel sorry for some and most talk about isolating themselves from family and friends. sorry this is getting long. I feel bad about it, and I’m trying to hard to emphasize but many trans ppl make it difficult. It feels like a massive “I told you so” situation. Please give me advice on how to develop a kinder understanding so I can stop feeling guilty…..
So I wanted to take my time to answer this one because I think this taps into an especially heinous thing the modern left + social media has done to people and it’s the belief that a good person has endless empathy for everyone always and has special empathy for marginalized people.
But here’s the truth. You literally aren’t built for it. At the most basic psychological level you are not designed to have deep empathy for strangers. Your brain has a hierarchy of how much you care about others and a healthy mind prioritizes the people closest to you. More importantly, love and empathy are finite. You actually do have a limit on how many people you can truly care about. That’s not my opinion it’s proven science. We have a literal number (I think it’s about 80).
So it’s a beautiful thing when we care about people outside of our circle. It’s even more beautiful when we care about people far away that aren’t like us. But it’s beautiful precisely because it isn’t natural. It’s a conscious effort to care enough about earthquake victims on the other side of the planet to donate and raise awareness.
My point being that it’s okay that you don’t overflow with love for a group that is hostile towards you AND is full of narcissistic trenders. You can have sympathy for the people that regret surgery without absolving them. And maybe I intuitively understood this because I had to love so many addicts growing up. But empathy doesn’t mean never holding people accountable. It breaks my heart that my aunt has emphysema but she brought that fate on herself, one cigarette at a time. You can have sympathy for people with genuine dysphoria and still think they’re deluded. You can have sympathy for people that were brainwashed as kids and still expect them to examine their values. And you can think others are just self absorbed assholes. You can condemn the patriarchy for convincing so many young that they are worthless that they are choosing the Trans man path and still hold them accountable for throwing around homophobic slurs. You can have sympathy for trans women that are fighting sepsis from bottom surgery and still regard most of them as sex pests.
Empathy is finite. It is not on or off. It is not something we owe to a person because they are struggling.
Treat the people around you with kindness and respect. Pour your energy into a few meaningful things instead of dozens of empty ‘causes’. Torturing yourself over if you feel nice enough on the inside is so…Catholic. It’s female socialization.
Breathe. You’re a good person.
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heartfullofleeches · 2 years
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I am….. in lOVE with Maddox
like I know we don’t have a lot of info on him at the mo but he is the love of my entire life (after life??)
Anyway I read your entire blog in one afternoon and I am just about to combust with all the love I have for your writings,,, if possible could I request some head canons on our dear reaper boy, please? (Maybe some NSFW content if you feel like it) thank you I appreciate and love you
Yandere Grim Reaper Oc Cannons (Nsfw + art at bottom)
(An: this became kind of a lore dump as some point)
Maddox is nonbinary (he/they)
They’re not shy, just… distant. It’s been so long since he has been around another being human or otherwise for as long as he’s been with you. As such, they find it hard to express their feelings to you and avoid you unintentionally due to trying to figure things out. Will still your belongings if you ever leave them about since he does long to be by your side 
His favorite thing item would have to be the jacket he constantly wears. They found it in your closet and something about it brings them so much joy. Maybe it’s because it reminds them of your warmth, and they have so little of their own. They have trouble sleeping if they’re not wearing it 
Since he’s used to death and despair, any positive emotion of yours sends them over the moon with joy. As a reverse, they think they struggles to comfort you in times of turmoil, but experiences with grief lead them to be a decent hand to hold
They are technically the “baby" of the grim reapers. In the lore of this universe, there are grim reapers and angels who take on the role of them as well. Grim reapers are separate from God’s creations and in charge of watching the sands of time as well as guiding lost souls to their final destination. Angels only guide them. Their official title is Twelve as they are the twelfth and known last reaper. 
Despite the last point, they tend to lose track of time quite easily in the mortal realm, especially when they are with you. Holding you for seconds feels like hours, yet that still isn’t enough for him to be satisfied.
They don’t like their human form as they were seriously injured in it in the past.
Honestly, I would argue he is the most deadly of the three living with you. While they wouldn’t outright kill a human that took a fancy to you, they would be more willing for things to happen to the hourglass attached to said person; even if it’s against the rules. On top of this, prolonged exposure to life causes odd things to happen to it, such as their lifespan jumping forward or backwards and on rare near fatal accidents. You are safe from this as you have his heart; both literally and metaphorically. He will watch your admirers soul drown into inexistence within the sands of time, unsure why it brings them peace. 
When a soul is lost there or devoured that person’s existence is erased completely. They’ll do their best to comfort you and sweep off any fleeting memories as mere dreams or memories of a friend long gone.
On a final and lighter note, they enjoy spicy foods the most
(These next cannons are nsfw. Stop here if you don’t wish to see.)
With the fact they’ve haven’t around anyone in ages, they don’t know the touch of another either. On top of that, feelings such as lust and bodily desires are new as he’s never taken human form for long. Would probably get aroused from just your first kiss.
He may do research, but would prefer you guide them yourself and let them know how to carcass you properly. You are their first, their only; they want to give you want you need as moreso.
They are notably more submissive than anything, and somewhat hesitant to touch you. These hands have only held misfortune and decay, it almost doesn’t feel right to be able to hold something like you. Aside from that, most of their fantasies just happen to involve you taking them under your control with them 
Upon becoming more comfortable overtime, they can’t keep their hands from roaming all over your body. Groping your chest, locking around your thighs; even smaller things like just holding onto yours as enough for him.
Another thing is that he lives for praise. Tell him that he’s doing a good job, promise that you’ll never leave. They come bashful that such simple words get them going so easily, but the emotions that fill them upon hearing are too great. 
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Would you be willing to analyze this post? This is not like how my PCOS was diagnosed at all and feels like PCOS and other intersex conditions are being used as a talking point here. I'm nonbinary myself, but I don't support using my chronic illness as "proof" of whatnot about gender. I had to start taking birth control to stop having a period 24/7, and my hormones had been so out of balance due to PCOS that taking birth control finally helped me make progress with my mental disorders that were impossible to lessen while my PCOS was untreated.
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-I don’t know all that much about PCOS but yeah I have never heard of it being diagnosed in that way. If it is in some places, that sounds like malpractice which is a definite possibility, malpractice happens, but still.
-the race specific diagnostic tools aren’t something I’m going to touch on here really bc I’m white and I feel like analysing that part would be better suited to someone who is not.
-they’re definitely misrepresenting that quote about there supposedly not being a “normal” natural testosterone range in afab people. It seems like doctors do view there as being one, they just don’t necessarily know the specific range it needs to be in for it to cause adverse health issues. EDIT: someone else has said there isn’t in fact not really a “normal” natural range for afab folk, so perhaps I’ll do more research into it. I’m deffo open to being wrong here and learning new information :)
-the gender binary is racist but this isn’t also isn’t really gender binary, this would be more sex binary and bioessentialism. Which are equally racist from what I’ve read, but I digress.
-I feel like this person is a well-meaning dyadic but yeah I don’t think some of her sources seem to be saying what she thinks they are tbqh. She’s deffo misunderstanding and misrepresenting some things here.
-anyway @ everyone, if you’re going to talk about a condition that you don’t have, please please talk to people with the condition first if you can and please be very careful about how you represent information about the condition.
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pantherxdrawz · 1 year
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Hey want some random AA hcs?
They’re romantic/sexual orientation and gender flavored
*Dumps these at your feet*
Also if I don’t include anyone specific I didn’t forget them I just don’t have one for that specific character yet
-Phoenix is Bi. He is the Bisexual king of this universe and everyone will know it-(I mean it’s a really popular hc anyways) Phoenix is also a trans man
-Edgeworth is DemiAroAce and ✨Gay✨ (Basically Edgeworth is like “I don’t need bitches.” *sees someone he’s grown rather close to as a partner or friend And they’re a man* “…On second thought-“) Edgeworth is also a trans man, it actually started when he was a child like he didn’t know yet he just liked suits and when he was old enough to understand he was like “…yeah I was an egg.”
-Franziska is also gay, but in the girl way
-Mia is Bi, and she’s a trans queen cause I said so
-Godot/Diego is genderfluid and pan, he also uses all the pronouns and is on the hunt for more. N o t e v e n y o u r n e o s a r e s a f e
-Von Karma is secretly Bi with a stronger guy attraction, but he pretends he’s not by hating on romance, no it’s not in a homophobic way but in a “NO ROMANCE FOR ANYONE ITS A WASTE OF TIME-“ way, and he can’t deal with a crush to save his life-
-Lang is Omni, and also a trans man, and if anyone complains about him wearing his shirt like that, or if he takes it off and someone complains, he’ll respond with the “hey I paid a lot of money to be shirtless/wear my shirt like this” joke, although I can also see his top surgery scars blending in well with his other scars cause he does have a crap ton (in my hcs anyways)
-Apollo: Gay Trans king. That’s it everyone go home.
-Klavier is Bi, he didn’t discover it until Apollo came along though, basically he was going around like “okay men are cute too I’ll admit not just the girls, but I’m still straight!” Than he actually fell in love with one he finally realized “…fuck I’m not straight am I” He is also trans, but is he a trans man or a trans woman, the answer is neither it’s a secret third option (Nonbinary and uses All pronouns)
-Kristoph is AroAce, I feel like this one’s kinda a hot take but, yeah to me he’s completely aromatic and asexual, no “Demi” about (insert the “Ace” attorney jokes let’s go let’s go)
it he’s not like completely completely against trying ether one but overall he’s like “Nope not interested keep your love story bullshit away from me.” Mixed with “I don’t need bitches. They disappoint me, *disco pose*” But yet he’s not aware he’s Aroace, he just thinks it’s normal, (in my AA swap au he realizes and embraces it a bit though)
as for gender, is he cis? is he trans? Nobody knows (secretly a trans man pretending to be a cis man, only Klavier knows this)
-Blackquill is unknown, by anyone, not even him himself, he’s definitely not straight though. Actually if he tells you he’s straight he says it like a joke and/or is trying not to laugh when doing so, also trans. You’ll never know in what way though
Taka however is the bird version of the homophobic dog
-Larry is straight and cis, which is canon anyways, I may ship some gay ships with him (like with lang-) but I overall see him as straight like in canon, Plus its fucking hilarious to picture him as the only straight and cis man in all of Japanifornia/hj
Edit: There’s one for Bobby now
-Bobby is transmasc, he gives me the vibes, Transbright real. (Also if all the detectives (+Lang cause he also technically is) met I feel like he and Lang would both get along and be very supportive of each other, like:
Bobby: Great news! I finally got my top surgery! It went great!
Lang: That’s amazing! Great for you! My bottom surgery is next week.
Bobby: That’s great! Best of luck! I can’t believe we’re both detectives and trans men!
Ema in the background: I’m a communist (no not really I just wanted to complete the joke)
)
Fulbright also gives me gay vibes
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kabutone · 2 years
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just saying my thoughts here but i feel like as much as the lgbt community hates terfs (as we should, might i add), there’s not enough outspoken disapproval of trans people that call Other trans people “trenders”. like the concept of “trans trenders” is absolutely some terf shit right? and this is mostly weaponized against transmasc people or simply anyone that is afab and nonbinary.
cause if you think about it, who are the people that are often called “trenders”?? trans/nb people that still appear very feminine. terfs say that trans women have to be this and that and fit their narrow (and frankly misogynistic) view of what a “woman” should be in order to be considered a woman. afab trans and nb people are held to this invisible standard by OTHER trans people in order to be considered “actually trans”. like is that not some terf shit??? is that not the exact same thing terfs do???
“oh but look they still wear makeup, and they wear skirts, and they act feminine and whatever!” if a cis man did that, and said he was positively sure he was a cis man and not a trans woman, would you question that?? or do you believe makeup and skirts are biologically ingrained in every afab person? when terfs say that “biological males are just ALWAYS violent and misogynistic and whatever bc they're MALE and thats just a permanent feature of their sex” is that not the same rhetoric as “you still do “girly” things therefore you are still a girl. bc those “girly” things are ingrained in your biological sex, you are programmed, as a female, to like makeup”. interesting how these insignificant traits are signs of a “trender” and someone who is pretending to be trans but if cis men do it they're idk revolutionary or smth. its almost as if anyone can be interested in anything bc interests are not some inherent trait of your sex?? 
and its strange to see trans people vehemently hate terfs, but then turn around and go “ha ha the she/theys are just girls that wanna be quirky” like. you are more similar to terfs than you are to the trans women you claim to protect, you know that right? are trans women just “quirky men” if they don't “pass” well enough for your own standards? is it suddenly no longer transphobia if its coming from you, the speaker for all trans people? 
like idk its strange to me. its like seeing someone say they hate nazis but then turn around and go “but i do think certain ethnic groups should be killed off” like ok. ok. do you see what ur doing
ALSO. doesn't it sound a LOT like those conservatives that go “its a trend to be gay now, everyones turning gay just for fun!” and we, gay people, say “no, there were JUST as many gay people back when you were our age, it’s just that we were very likely to be killed back then, so many of us stayed in the closet forever.” so you realize gender and sexuality isnt a trend right? do you think that MAYBE, since the internet has made queer education SO much more accessible to people, that more and more people are finding out they are trans?? the amount of trans and nb people is probably always going to be the same, but some people would’ve never found that out about themselves if it wasnt for the internet going “hey, if you feel like this, maybe you’re trans and you should explore that about yourself” and then they DO, and they explore their gender. 
anyway. a trans man calling people “trenders” should be viewed the same way as a lesbian that claims they are a “gold star” which is, huge red fucking flag that they are a transphobe
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adeleba · 2 months
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OMG PLEASE MARRY ME IM SO FUCKING HAPPY YOU HAVE NO IDEA
okay, so for starters, this is what they look like:
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This art is NOT mine btw, I made it using a picrew, but I did darken the colors using ibispaint
My oc’s name is Marcy, they’re nonbinary and use they/them pronouns
Marcy’s 16!
Marcy is the elemental master of darkness, meaning they basically have umbrakenesis!
Marcy meets the ninja during the tournament of elements
Marcy is a very quite yet observant person, but they also have the shittiest social cues EVER 😭
Poor thing is so dense? Oblivious? like, think season 1 Zane, that’s kinda how they act
Their also sooo oblivious, they can’t tell whether or not someone is genuinely complimenting/flirting with them (but that’s mostly cuz of trauma <3)
They have a monotone-ish voice, so people have a hard time telling if their joking or not, and most people don’t understand their humor anyways (same lol)
This motherfucker does NOT know the phrase “think before you speak”, what’s worst is that they’re the bluntest (is that even a word?) person ever
They don’t mean to say anything rude or hurtful on purpose, but they often tell their honest opinion without thinking, and comes off as rude most of the time
This fucker has such a big sweet tooth, like, they’ll devour an entire bag of candy within an entire day or two
OBSESSED with sci fi and tech, they will NOT shut up about how awesome Cyrus Borg is or how cool the latest ‘Starfarer’ comic was
The BIGGEST nerd ever, they LOVE fantasy and (as I’ve said before) SCI FI ‼️
They love music, and they love reading as well!
Marcy’s aesthetic is grunge/emo!
I really wanna ship them with one of the ninja I just don’t know who 😭
ON TO THE TRAUMATIC BACKSTORY
Trigger warners: abuse (mental and physical), violence, alcohol, etc
Marcy was able to first tap into their elemental power when they were really young, I’m talking like, around 5-6 years old
Well, once their father knew about this (whom of which was the previous elemental master of darkness) he decided to train them, wanting them to be the perfect elemental master
So, Marcy’s father would train them everyday, and was like, crazy strict and manipulative
Marcy’s mother couldn’t really do much due to their father manipulating and gaslighting her into thinking she and Marcy couldn’t survive without him, and stuff like that
Well, one day, after Marcy turned 14, their father got drunk and he got into a fight with their mother
Marcy observed the fight, until they realized that their father had raised his fist, preparing to strike their mother
Marcy was quick to rush in, using their training and fast reflexes to stop their father, which only made him even more angry
Grabbing a nearby empty beer bottle, Marcy’s father threw it directly at them, and ended up hitting them in the face with it
The force of the throw caused the bottle to shatter on impact, the glass shards cutting through Marcy’s skin (hence the scars on their face)
Out of pure fear and adrenaline, Marcy ran out the door as fast as possible, running through the streets of Ninjago, knowing they could never return back home, knowing that it was unsafe to do so
The backstory kinda sucks rn, I’m probably gonna change it up a little later on 😭
ANYWAYS THATS THE END OF MY RANT THANK YOU FOR READING ‼️‼️‼️
Eyo, umbrakinesis?? I'm curious on how different that is from the element of shadows :o
And we love a blunt royal. You can always trust em ToT. Feelings may get hurt but at least you get something real, yknow. And I dig their aesthetic choices mmm.
But why is their backstory so sad :( . And is their mom okay? Does the dad get his comeuppance?
(Ooh you could incorporate their powers on how they overpower their father, in the future or something. It would be fitting that the man who'd seek perfection from that power results in that very thing defeating him. Karma or something lmaoo)
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hoolay-boobs · 5 months
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would you happen to know if nate stevenson ever confirmed glimmer & bow to be bi specifically (like she did with catra & adora being lesbians), or just not straight? don’t get me wrong, i know they’re bi4bi and i’m not dismissing that, but i’m just curious because i feel like if it wasn’t explicitly stated and they weren’t in a wlm/mlw relationship, everyone would be headcanoning glimmer as a lesbian and some would probably want bow to just be a butch lesbian too 😭😭😭 i’m not even saying it happens in this fandom cause idk tbh but i’ve seen it happen so many other times with bi sapphic characters (i.e. poision ivy ofc)
also like… this is probably gonna make #somepeople without proper reading comprehension mad just by misinterpretation of what i’m actually trying to say here but i often presume writers mean “lesbian” as in “sapphic” since the latter isn’t as well known — like, they use it as an umbrella term regardless of whether that’s (historically) correct or not. my prime example would be caitlyn and vi from arcane; i’m absolutely okay with them being lesbians and i’m not erasing that fact at all but i think it’s worth keeping in mind that they weren’t confirmed by riot to be exclusively homosexual/wlw/“nmlnm”/etc. even though they may or may not very well be (i personally agree that they are). it’s another case of the google dictionary being unreliable because it relies on uneducated cishet ideas of queerness + terms so it simply defines “lesbian” as “wlw” (not even inclusive of nonbinary people) and “sapphic” as “relating to lesbians” or something like that.
anyway! sorry for making this too long, i had some thoughts but ended up ranting lol
Nate said “definitely not straight” specifically! I know that’s not the same as saying word for word “they’re bisexual”, but within the context, of both the show, and how neither of them are gay/lesbian, neither of them are aroace, saying “not straight” confirms them to be bisexual!
IMO, since bisexuality is more common and is the blanket statement under pan, omni, poly, etc. when a character is shown to be attracted to 2+ genders, they’re canon bi- now it’s up to the writers or the context of the show to specifically state whether the character is pan or anything else under the bi umbrella :) and it’s the same way in real life! If you want to discuss being attracted to 2+ genders, you will sound bisexual, unless you specify you’re pan etc underneath the bi umbrella
And here are the sources!
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I KNOWWW fandom wikia is a sh💕t source, but they actually have the livestream itself to back it up! (Warning: it’s 4 hours long lol)
Chase lmao Vi and Caitlyn ARE specifically confirmed to be lesbians, not just sapphic. They are indeed exclusively homosexual wlw. The riot and league of legends twitter page had them with the lesbian flag (the new one, like the orange, white, pink one) so yeah. And this is official art; not like that fanart of Bubbline with the lesbian flag that Cartoon Network used for some godawful reason when they’ve both (or at least Marceline, and possibly Bubblegum) shown attraction to men. You are right about how some people have no reading comprehension skills tho. Like when Willow Wilson said that the latest Poison Ivy run would be loved by fans of lesbian stories and a good portion of readers jumped on that and ran with it and said that Ivy is their “canon” lesbian like uh? Ivy who wants to touch Batman’s pecs Ivy? Ivy who dated (and liked) a boy in college Ivy? Like the discourse around her is just starting to become funny to me now tbh tbh
LOL who would be headcannoning Bow as lesbian? He showed attraction to Sea Hawk, not really open to interpretation, it was quite obvious. I have tho seen him be headcannoned as gay and like. He’s soooo in love with Glimmer that gay headcannon is tone deaf lol.
No need to apologize! You can rant to me anytime :)) Thanks for the ask Chase 💙💜
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mothbo-jumbo · 1 year
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im transmasc trans man but im still attached to my agab enough to id as a girl + demigirl but at the same time im so detached to whatever the fuck we consider to be "gender" that i can only describe that void of gender as nonbinary and agender, my gender is fluid enough that i can only describe it using my interests, not to mention that on the off chance i DO experience attraction, its queer attraction to women, but i also experience attraction to men and that is queer also so im a nonbinary gaybian lesboy turigirl as well, im aegoace, im grayace, im aroflux but im constantly going from no attraction to a Very Small Amount of attraction so im practically aro but im not aro, im aroflux, that Very Small Amount of attraction counts to me
im a turigirl but also im a lesboy, im a woman who experiences queer attraction to men/men aligned ppl but also a man who experiences queer attraction to women/women aligned ppl, my entire queer identity is built on contradictions right down to how im attracted to the very genders i experience said attraction to
im also mspec as well, experiencing both tertiary attraction and queerplatonic to multiple genders, experiencing biqueerplatonic attraction to 2+ genders (idk to what genders tho, i just know that they’re nonbinary n xenic in nature), i experience panaesthetic attraction to all genders, polyalterious to some but not all (again, dont know which genders, just know theyre xenic in nature), among others
despite that im somehow still consider myself straight? i experience some sort of tertiary attraction to a gender that im not (n im a lot genders so its surprising that theres still genders that im not), but again, since it bares worth repeating (at least to me), my entire queer identity is built on contradictions and being contradictory to itself
also back to the aegoace/grayace/aro/aroflux thing, aegoace fits because of the fact that despite my v fleeting attraction (grayace), i still do fantasize about and consume sexual content, while aroflux fits cause i still experience romantic attraction despite said attraction being V Small And Weak n with aro, while theres nothing wrong with aro, it just doesnt fit as nicely aroflux n that my weak n small attraction i feel is still significant enough that i would rather label it as aroflux than aro
also when it comes to pronouns idc what u use for me, she/her, they/them, star/stars, it/its (my favorite set of pronouns ngl), idc just as long as u dont fucking insult me in the damn process, plus i have 540+ of them ??? so its unlikely that someone will come across a pronoun set i DONT use, hell i think its easier to list the ones i use then the ones i dont
my favorite pronouns are she/her, it/its and any dog related pronouns, ironically not he/him despite being a transmasc (wo)man n he/him literally being the v first set of pronouns i started using but gender n pronouns is a bar and im fucking everyone in it (and stealing their pronouns in the process)
theres also the fact that i use xenogenders so theres another piece in this mess of a contradictory construction project that i call my queerness, my gender is prince like buts its also a dog, its like hermitcraft, but its also swampert from pokemon, its renthedog but also prince and the dressmaker by jen wang and these are just small handfuls of my xenogenders, i have so many more that i simply dont have the energy to name
theres also the fact that im aldernic, so i want a body that simply cannot exist, i want seraphim wings, a seraphim body in general, animal ears, claws, so many things that i want but just cant have cause im stuck in this stupid human body
so anyways, gender and sexuality and pronouns are games n im going “fuck it, we ball” by going off the rails n spam pressing the buttons on the controller
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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I wanna take you to a gay bar
Daniele had a plan to seduce Dawud again. Similarly to that time he brought him to a gay bath house, he would this time bring him to a gay bar in Newcrest. So, he did it the following Friday. However, just like the previous time, Ralf ended up being there. Cause you see, while Daniele wanted to be alone with Dawud in order to rebuild the friendship, Dawud wasn’t ready to do that yet, so he brought Ralf as a sort of buffer zone between them.
Daniele: What is he doing here? Ralf: Well Dawud invited me and I said yes. I am not leaving San Myshuno until Monday afternoon so I pretty much have nothing better to do. Dawud: What, you constantly call him a dilf, aren’t you happy to see him? Ralf: He calls me a what?? Dawud: Uh well, you see...a dilf is- Ralf: N-No I know what that is. I was shocked that he calls me that. Daniele: ANYWAY! Let’s go!!
The men walked towards the bar. While Dawud and Ralf were chatting about their week together, Daniele stayed a bit behind. Not to be a bitch or anything, but Ralf was kinda...in the way of his plan.
Ralf: I am so excited. I haven’t gone clubbing in at least 15 years, and gay clubbing specifically pretty much since before I got married more than 20 years ago. I even put on my slutty underwear to celebrate the occasion and I never wear them these days. Dawud: Aren’t you here for work? Why would you have your “slutty underwear” with you in the first place especially if you rarely wear them?? Ralf: Well, you never know when the occasion for slutty underwear will arise. I haven’t worn them in several years and they’ve gotten too small but it’s ok cause that means more of my asscheeks are exposed now. Gain weight, get sluttier. Daniele: As we all know, fat men are the sluttiest of them all. Dawud: Ah yes, me, the guy who had sex a grand total of four time, with the same person, more than two years ago. Daniele: I mean, you also sucked Rudi in a fucking public park. Like I don’t care if it was at night like what the fuck dude. Dawud: THEY TOLD YOU??? Ralf: Who’s Rudi? Daniele: Transgender werewolf Dawud gave head to in a goddamn park. Ralf: Yeah yeah I did that too he’s not special...I mean, I too once gave head, had sex in a park, had sex with a werewolf and had sex with a trans lady, all on four separate occasion, but technically I did it too...I mean, I think your Rudi is a lady I don’t know you said sucked but normally Rudi is a boy name but I don’t know. Could be a guy who had his surgery...I also banged a trans guy anyway. Daniele: I mean they’re nonbinary actually and their full name is Rudder but I thought saying transgender werewolf was funnier. Dawud: Oh so you’re the slut actually. Daniele: Me? Dawud: I was obviously answering to Ralf. Ralf: Never tried to pretend otherwise. But I’m very fateful to my wife now, I’m just going to this club to get shitface and have fun with my friends.
Dawud and Ralf kept walking, while Daniele remained a bit behind. He wasn’t mad per se, but like...kinda ruining his plan. At least by virtue of being behind him he could, well, look at his behind. Truly a fantastic view, emphasis on ass, he was gonna stare at it disrespectfully...No he had to stay focus. He’s doing this for Dawud, not the middle aged married father. 
Ralf: But yeah I really should go back to the gym, haven’t been able to go since I injured my shoulder there three months ago. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or something, but it took forever to heal, and now that I’m fine my schedule is too busy. Hopefully soon, hopefully. Dawud: We’ve arrived!  Daniele: Are they playing Everytime we touch? I didn’t know that song was known in the US. I’ve literally haven’t heard it since moving here. Dawud: That’s because you never cried to a video of Naruto in love with Sasuke while in middle school. Ralf: My son used to love this song. Sang it all the time in the car and I would sing with him and he’d get mad and embarrassed. It’s a shame, he had such a beautiful voice and he wanted to be a singer... Daniele: The fuck why are you saying it like that? Did he died or something?  Ralf: ...Yes... Daniele: Oh! Oh my god! I’m so sorry I-I was saying it as a joke...But how like if he’s your son he couldn’t have been that old? Dawud: Dan! You can’t ask that! Daniele: Why?
All of a sudden, Daniele saw Ralf face turn to sadness, like one deep enough that even he could notice it. Oh shit, he really touched a sensitive nerve with that. Fuuuuck. Well, time to enter the bar, they were here to have fun, and he didn’t want to be responsible for ruining it for everyone, especially since it was his idea.
Ok, Daniele had accidentally brought back painful memory to someone. Surely his evening couldn’t get any worse, right?
Prev - Next
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Text
Overheating
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/uVRUYkb
by ToxicPineapple
Kiibo’s electric blue eyes do dart over to Chihiro at that, softened at the edges, and Chihiro feels her face flushing somewhat but still smiles. It’s silly, but Kiibo is always so nice to her… Chihiro can’t help wanting to listen to them talk about just about anything, so long as they’re not forcing themself.
“Well… I suppose it’s relevant right now, anyway,” Kiibo says, clearing their throat and turning away again. “I’ve been having a sort of… overheating issue, I guess. I’m not sure what causes it, but I’ll be having a normal conversation when all of a sudden my fans start going off and it feels as though my systems are working overtime… it’s quite overwhelming.” Kiibo smooths their hand down the side of their neck. “I’d hate to cause damage to Professor Iidabashi’s craftsmanship by letting it go unchecked.”
They’re so conscientious… Chihiro touches her chin with her hand. “Overheating…? Would you be alright if I took a look? I-I’m nowhere near on Iruma-san’s level of expertise, but I could at least tell you if there was an obvious issue… you said you don’t know the cause?”
---
Chihiro takes a look into Kiibo's new "overheating" issue.
Words: 2038, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Series: Part 5 of Twitter Crack Ship/Rarepair Requests
Fandoms: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Dangan Ronpa Series
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: Other
Characters: Fujisaki Chihiro, K1-B0 (Dangan Ronpa), Iruma Miu, Other Characters Mentioned
Relationships: Fujisaki Chihiro/K1-B0
Additional Tags: Fluff, Mutual Pining, Crushes, Comedy, Romantic Comedy, Oblivious Fujisaki Chihiro, Friends to Lovers, Pre-Relationship, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), She/Her Pronouns for Fujisaki Chihiro, Trans Female Fujisaki Chihiro, Nonbinary K1-B0 (Dangan Ronpa)
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/uVRUYkb
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roadtodiagnose · 2 years
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Can DID develop from multiple smaller traumatic events all happening over a longer period of time instead of one type of trauma or abuse being repeated over time? Like, a child being bullied for years and during the time they’re being bullied other events happen such as they get in a car crash and family members die and they get sick and have to go to hospital etc… I see a lot of systems only talking about 1 type of prolonged trauma so it makes me wonder if it can be due to lots and lots of different types instead
We have OSDD, not DID, but I'll answer anyways. Thank you for the ask.
I think that it can. We have had many different types of trauma. Some prolonged, some short. Some at a young age, some as a teen. Etc. Our most prolific trauma and part of what caused us to split completely (alters were non-distinct then became distinct later down the line for us) was when we were 16 (the night before our 17th), but the main source of childhood trauma was throughout our entire childhood. Honestly, we're queer, the host is AFAB nonbinary, we're disabled... We've seen it all. I think that, if we had just faced one thing, we may not have become a system. Others are free to disagree here. And I don't think there's a right answer, either. Trauma is something very unique and individual, but the responses we have to said trauma(s) are even more so.
I personally think that the weight of everything combined on the shoulders of a lonely child caused us to form.
If people want to know, we can talk about our experience with having multiple types of trauma. It'll probably be good for us to talk about it too, but I don't wanna just dump it into an answer to an ask lol
Orpheus 💀
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lordofwaffless · 7 months
Text
15. Fiona
“C’mon, Stu, hurry your tiny little goat legs up!” Fiona called. They were walking down
the sidewalk downtown, passing small clothing boutiques and bookstores. The town of Basilton
was known for being full of folks with a literary bent; the library where Ezra worked was even
larger than the main library in Everin City, where Stu was from. (Ezra worked in the magic
history section; Marlowe had often commented that she thought she only worked there because
she was such an important part of magical history. Ezra had always shrugged her older sister off
and declined to respond.)
“Fiona, I’m walking as quickly as I can!” Stu actually was walking extremely quickly
(certainly faster than Wesley), but Fiona had all the advantages of being an air witch: all she had
to do to go quickly was step lightly and let the wind carry her along.
“Goddess fuck, can both of you slow down, please?”
Fiona chuckled. “There is no Goddess Fuck in our religion, Wesley, Our Lady’s name is
Endalyn!”
“My aunt’s name is Endalyn,” Stu chimed in. Fiona had slowed down somewhat at
Wesley’s request, and Stu had finally caught up to her. “They’re named after the Goddess, but I
don’t know why.”
Fiona stopped walking altogether. “Why do you refer to your nonbinary guardian as your
aunt? Do they prefer that, or-?”
“Mmm-hmm. I don’t know why that is, either,” Stu replied. “Just is.”
Wesley finally caught up to him. He doubled over, completely out of breath. “I- ha-
hate-,” he panted, before taking a deeper, shuddering breath. “I hate you both.”
Fiona kicked him lightly in the shin. “Noted. You’re such a little bitch, you know that?”
He lifted a hand off of his knee, gesturing, as he declared, “I am not a little bitch, you’re
just mean. And you use the wind to walk, which is bloody cheating, anyway, so-”
“Biiiiiiiitch. Bitch. Whiny little bitch baby.”
Stu tried to intervene. “Fiona-”
“Shut up, Stu. Wesley, you are a whiny little bitch baby.”
He straightened, having finally caught his breath. “If you weren’t so pretty I’d punch you
in the nose,” he said.
Stu decided he really ought to interrupt. “If you two are done abusing each other, can we
go?” He glanced between the two of them, bemused and concerned; both feelings which grew
when the two of them burst out laughing.
“It’s fine, Stu, neither of us means it,” Wesley explained. “If either of us were actually in
the mood to punch the other, we definitely wouldn’t be saying so; and she definitely would not
be calling me a bitch.”
Fiona was laughing too, a softer sound than the cackle Stu had grown to expect. “Mum
always gets so freaked out when we have an argument, she’s like, ‘You guys get so scarily polite
and I’m like what the hell happened? I haven’t had to tell them not to curse indoors in over an
hour!’ and it really freaks out Da, he refuses to leave the greenhouse when we’re in the middle of
an argument, he says he can’t get over the ‘please pass the butter knife, Wesley,’ and the ‘I hope
you have a lovely day, Fiona,’ he says it’s too ominous to bear,” she chuckled. She seemed
lighter, and softer, almost, outside of St. Baz’s; more like an ordinary mortal and less like a
terrifying whirlwind of destructive power.
“You live with both of your parents?” Stu asked, his eyes widening. “And they like each
other?”
“Yep. Well, generally. Mum and Da both live at home, though Da got a job offer back in
Verity and refused to go, which caused quite the row. Said the money wasn’t worth leaving us,
though Mother knows we could’ve used it.”
Wesley shook his head. “Honestly, Fi, Mother’s worse than Goddess fuck. You’d get
beaten in the temple for that one.”
“I think you should both stop cursing,” Stu whispered. Neither of the pair noticed.
“Who cares? Maybe I wasn’t cursing. Maybe I was simply pointing out that the Mother
Goddess is well aware my parents have more kids than means to provide.”
Wesley scoffed. “The fact that you used the Goddess as your excuse instead of trying to
claim you were talking about your mum says enough.”
“Oh, come off it, Wesley. You have no right to be on a high fucking horse and you know
it,” she responded. She started walking again. “C’mon, guys! Don’t be whiny little bitch babies,”
she called, already ten feet ahead. The two boys groaned, but more or less managed to keep up.
After another twenty minutes of walking, they were out on a path just entering the woods
by the fields that surrounded Basilton. Stu had never been around the farms in this direction; the
Veritable Forest was situated at the halfway point between Basilton and Verity, and it lay in the
opposite direction of the farms.
“So, your family lives on a farm?” Stu asked Fiona. He was skipping along in the chilly
country air. Although it was bright and sunny, it was still quite cold, and he found that skipping
warmed him up better than regular walking.
“Not really. It’s more of a fairytale cottage kind of place. There’s a garden, a babbling
Brooke-”
“Oh, you’ll love Brooke, Stewart. She’s the least ill-tempered water nymph I’ve ever
met,” Wesley chuckled.
“-And of course, the house itself. It’s kind of large by normal standards, four big
bedrooms with walk-in closets and actually nearly six bathrooms, but since there are ten of us-”
“There are ten of you?!”
“Including my parents, yes.”
“Are the twins still sleeping in your closet?” Wesley asked. The last time he’d visited the
cottage, the Witch twins, Fair and Starlight (they’d chosen their own names at the age of seven)
had been sleeping in loft beds in Fiona’s closet.
“Yep. Mum made me move my clothes into a wardrobe so they’d have space for all of
their shit.”
“Lovely. Just lovely. I’m sure that sucks balls, Fi.”
“I’m sure you suck balls, Wesley. I’m sure you suck an entire bag of-”
“Fiona Witch! That language is not appropriate, well, ever, but certainly not in front of,”
here Fiona’s mother, a seer who’d come round the bend at that moment, paused and gestured to
Stu, before leaning in and stage-whispering, “children!”
“Ma! It’s his balls Wesley’s sucking, I don’t see the point of-”
“Fiona!”
Wesley, trying not to burst out laughing, glared at her and chimed in with, “Yes, Fiona!”
“Oh shut up, Wesley-”
“-Hello, Wesley, dear, how have you been, I-”
“-Mum, he’s been a twat, is how he’s been-”
“I’ve been fine, actually-”
“No you haven’t, you liar-”
“Fiona, the kid-”
“He’s just a goat, not a child, he-”
“-he isn’t a kid, he’s-”
“Yes, alright, ok. Wesley, you and your friend must be freezing, let’s-”
“Why are you even-”
“Do you know what she-”
“Wesley, don’t you dare-”
“Fiona, be polite-”
“She said-”
“No, I-”
“Can everybody please just SHUT UP?!”
The three who’d been arguing in the woods turned to look at each other, shocked, before
turning their attention to the satyr sitting on the ground. Stu was rocking back and forth, his
hands firmly clamped around his ears, tears streaming down his face as he glared at his
boyfriend, his friend, and her mother.
Something, unfortunately, clicked in Fiona’s tactless and easily confused head. “Oh, wait, Stu, are you neurodivergent?” she asked, with all her usual lack of tact. Wesley elbowed her. “Ow, Wes, why-”
He glared. “That’s not the sort of question you ask when someone’s losing it,” he stage-whispered, “and besides that, it’s not like that actually matters right now.”
“How does that not- ow,” she held her side and grimaced.
Wesley sat across from Stu. “What’s wrong, love?”
Stu shook his head.
Wesley tried again. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Stu shook his head again. He was sobbing much harder than he’d been that morning.
Wesley had seen Stu cry plenty (more than plenty), but never quite this much. Goddess, I think
we triggered something, he thought, his invocation less a curse than an observation to an unseen
force.
“Wesley, we’re going to go,” Fiona whispered to him after a while. “Don’t get eaten.”
(There were no monsters in that part of the woods.) She and her mother walked the short distance
away to their home, which was just around the bend from where they’d paused.
The two boys sat across from each other for about half an hour in the cold. Stu had cried
himself out fairly quickly once the argument had ended, but he didn’t move from where he sat
curled up on the ground for quite some time.
“Wesley?” He asked, peeking over his knees at his boyfriend, who’d been watching two
robins fight over a bug.
Wesley turned to him. “Hmm?’
“Sit closer.”
Wesley was more than happy to oblige. He scooted over across the cold dirt, settling next
to Stu. Stu leaned into him, glad for the extra warmth. “My parents used to fight like that,” Stu
whispered. “Layers and layers of words, with the housekeeper butting in every few minutes to
remind them that I was there, but they wouldn’t listen and would keep shouting as if I were
invisible.”
Wesley rubbed Stu’s back with the hand that wasn’t wrapped around his own knees. He
pressed a kiss to his forehead. “That’s awful. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Mmm-hmm. It was not fun.”
“I can imagine.”
They sat in silence for a while. Though it was still fairly early in the evening, the sun was
beginning to go down, and dusk was starting to fall around them.
“Wes?”
“Hmm?”
“Are your parents like that?”
Wesley sighed. “My parents don’t argue much; really, my parents don’t say much of
anything to each other at all. Or to me, for that matter.” He stared off into the distance,
exhaustion seeping from every bit of him. “At least, my dad doesn’t. My mother’s around a bit
more, but she’s not very focused.” He chuckled bitterly. “People always assume she’s the faery,
since she’s so graceful and detached and flighty. No one assumes it’s the balding middle school
teacher with glasses and a vintage bike obsession.”
They both turned at the sound of leaves crunching behind them, and found themselves
looking up at a shivering Fiona. She was wrapped in a cosy-looking pea coat, in a soft pink that
bordered on twee and clashed alarmingly with both her hair and the bright red scarf wrapped
around her neck. She looks like a valentine, Stu noted.
“You two ought to come inside. Mum’s promised to play nice, and Da’s in the
greenhouse, though he might come in in a bit,” she murmured. Her ears were turning red in the
chilly evening breeze. “The kids are working on their homework in the family room, so we’ll
have the big kitchen to ourselves.”
Wesley looked at Stu. “Do you want to go in, love?”
Stu nodded. He stood up, wobbling for a second, before steadying himself against a
suddenly upright Wesley. “Fiona has snacks, right?”
His friends chuckled. “Fiona has so many snacks,” she laughed, taking Stu’s free hand.
The three of them walked round the bend into the clearing where Fiona’s house was located.
Stu’s jaw dropped. While Myrtle’s garage had been full of faery lights, the clearing where
the Fallonson-Witch family lived was full of actual faeries. Pixies and wood sprites hovered
about the clearing, darting from tree to tree and landing on folks’s shoulders. The aforementioned
babbling Brooke was chattering merrily in her stream to a dryad who was hanging laundry from
his branches; in the flower garden, flower fae were tending to their blooms, and in the orchard,
wood nymphs and satyrs danced as they collected fruit that had fallen to the ground.
The entire scene glittered in various shades of pink and blue and gold. It looked homey,
like some strange, family-owned farm, but it also had the dream-like (or perhaps nightmarish,
Stu couldn't help but think) quality that one associated with dissociating. It all seemed too perfect
to be real.
“Where are we?” Stu asked, nearly certain that they’d somehow been transported into the
wild Fae lands at the heart of Everin.
Fiona didn’t bother with much of a reply. She gripped his hand more firmly and dragged
him towards the house, where, if nothing else, she could make sure he didn’t accidentally sell his
soul to one of the vampires who lived in the orchard or get eaten by wood sprites.
“Doesn’t matter. C’mon, Stewart, I can’t let you die in the woods, your aunts would
literally kill me.”
“Fiona-,” Wesley butt in, although her resulting glare shut him up immediately. It was
about a three minute walk at a brisk pace across the edge of the clearing to the house, and Fiona
dragged them along with her wind at the fastest pace she could manage. When they reached the
door, she opened it without even touching the handle and yanked the boys inside, slamming the
door shut behind her with the wind.
“Alright, boys, we’re indoors now. It’s safe enough here to ask whatever questions
you’ve got, Stu, but I would suggest we get to the kitchen first,” Fiona said, chucking off her
coat and shaking her hair. She unwound her scarf from her neck and draped it around Stu, who
was shivering.
“Well damn, Fi, I thought you were going to wrap your scarf around me,” Wesley said.
She whacked him lightly atop his head with her hat. “No, you absolute fucking twat.
Goddess, Wesley, let’s go sit by the fire if you’re cold.”
She grabbed both of the boys’ hands and dragged them away in the direction of the
kitchen, stopping to hurl an insult at Starlight in the hall before finally pausing in front of the
hearth in the family’s big kitchen. Fiona’s house, like Wesley’s, had multiple kitchens; the one
they were in currently was the family kitchen. (There was also the summer kitchen in the
courtyard, and the potion and spell kitchen was in the basement; because the house was
technically set into a hill, the basement was built a lot like Wesley’s front kitchen, with large
windows and a sliding glass door.)
She thrust Stu down in front of the fire, nearly throwing him in. (Just like Ezra, he
thought. Hmph.) “Sit down and get warm, Stu, while I take your stupid boyfriend to grab more
Firewood.”
Wesley poked her in the head. “You said let’s sit in front of the fire if I’m cold! I’m cold,
Fi, go get the wood yourself.”
“Wesley,” Fiona hissed at him, gesturing discreetly in an “I need to talk to you, you
moron” sort of way. “We should gather more firewood.”
Wesley cottoned on, not being as half as thick as he acted, but he shook his head.
“I want Wesley to sit down,” Stu said, not bothering to look up at them; he was staring
into the fire, watching the logs slowly turn to ash.
“Fine! Have it your way, you two, then! I will go get more firewood-,” they really were
running low in the kitchen, “-and you two can sit nice and cosy by the fire, and then when I get
back, we can eat and I can spring my news on the both of you without any proper warning and
you can choke on your food, since apparently that’s what you want! Lovely. Just bloody lovely,
you two,” and she stormed out of the house through the back door.
“She’s going to end up selling her soul to a vampire one of these days,” Wesley muttered.
“On purpose?”
“No.” Wes considered it for a moment. “Well, maybe. If the vampire were really cute,
she’d probably consider it.”
“Why do you think she’ll end up accidentally selling her soul to a vampire?” Stu asked.
He scratched the tip of his nose; it was itchy and warm from the heat of the fire.
Wesley turned to him. He reached over and pushed one of Stu’s long-ish brown curls
behind his gently pointed ears. “She’s too impulsive. She throws herself headlong into stupid
situations without much of a thought for the consequences, simply because she’s so damn
powerful that most of the consequences barely affect her at all. One of these days, though, she’s
going to tangle herself up in something she can’t cut or curse her way out of, and then where will
I be?” He turned back to the fire, his head resting on Stu’s shoulder. “She’s my oldest friend; I’ve
known her nearly since birth. I’m pretty sure her parents love me more than mine do. We fight a
lot, joking mostly, but she’s-”
He sighed. “She’s like a sister to me. More than a sister to me, she’s like my bloody
platonic soulmate or something. I’d be devastated if anything were to happen to her.”
Stu looked down at the head on his shoulder. “Have you told her that?” he asked, running
his hand through Wesley’s hair.
“I tell her every time she does something stupid! I used to just text it to her every
morning- ‘Good morning, Fiona, I love you, so please don’t accidentally kill yourself trying to
fight your English teacher,’ or whatever mess she had going on at the moment. I think she
thought I was joking. Honestly, I think she still thinks I’m joking.”
“Well, at any rate, she clearly cares about you,” Stu said. “I do think she would have
given you her scarf if I wasn’t so much smaller and cuter.”
Wesley pulled back. “Stewart! Are you seriously saying that I am not small and cute?”
Stu giggled. “You’re like, six foot five, Wes.”
He scoffed. “Ok, so I’m maybe not small, but I’m definitely pretty cute! I might not be
tiny little bunny rabbit cute like you,” he poked him in the nose, “but I’ve at least got to be
Flemish Giant rabbit cute, right?”
“Yes, Wesley, you are every bit as cute as a ginormous rabbit that could literally kill
someone. You are murder rabbit cute.”
“Ok, that is not what I meant.”
It was too late, though: the concept had stuck. Stu had stood up and was doing what
would probably be classified as an interpretive dance to the chant of “Murder rabbit, murder
rabbit!”
“Holy fuck. What have I just walked into?” questioned Fiona, standing in the doorway
with snow sitting stark against the red of her hair, holding a bundle of firewood. “I leave for
eight minutes and I come back to- What, exactly? What in the name of all that’s good and holy
and made of cheese is going on here?”
“It is called,” said Stu, standing upside down now. He tumbled to the ground and pointed
at her with one long, slender finger. “-interpretive dance.”
“You have caster’s fingers, Stewart.”
“You know, I’ve told him that, actually,” interrupted Wesley. “I told him so in class once
and he threw a pencil at me. He says it’s from piano.”
“Do you play piano, Stu?” asked Fiona.
Stu nodded. “Mmm-hmm. I’ve been playing since I was four. And that,” he turned to Wesley, “-is why my fingers are so long.”
Wesley scooped him into his lap and nuzzled his neck. “Sure. Definitely not because of a
shocking level of magical ability that you’re keeping from us.
Stu held up a finger, giggling. “I know one spell, Wesley. Would you like to see my one
spell, Wesley?”
`Fiona cackled. “I think we’d all like to see your ‘one spell’, Stu. C’mon, let’s have it.”
Stu pointed a finger at his shoe and stared at it very intently for a few moments. After a
second or two, the bright red rubber of his wellingtons turned green, and then faded back to red.
Fiona’s jaw dropped. “Really, Stewart? Your ‘one spell’ is a colour changing spell tested
in the practical exam of eleventh-year saint candidates, performed without an incantation or a
wand?” she scoffed. “You’ve just damned yourself irrevocably, Stewart, as A, you’ve clearly got
loads of innate magical ability, and B, I will never believe a word you say since your worldview
is clearly skewed if you think that that is going to convince me that you don’t have loads of
magical ability.”
Stu peered up at her in bemusement. Though he’d sat back down after his dance and was
now sitting on Wesley, Fiona had remained standing the entire time. “What’s the big deal?”
Fiona gaped at him. Wesley simply shook his head. “Colour spells alter the way the
human eye perceives light. You’re not actually changing the colour the way you would if you
were, say, dying a coat; depending on the spell, you’re either changing the entire wavelength of
the light, which is the simpler option, or you're modifying the eye itself to be able to perceive
the new colour. You’re forcing your brain to accept a reality that is not, in fact, real.”
“-hence why it’s so bloody difficult,” Fiona said, grateful for the explanation she hadn’t
been wholly sure how to give (she’d always excelled at the practical side of magic; Wesley was
the one who competed and won awards in the theoretics categories in Sport). She flopped down
on the hearth rug next to the boys. “Wesley. Go get snacks.”
“No.”
“Do it for your husband, Wesley. Be a good little housewife and get your husband some
snacks,” she grinned, knowing that Wesley’s want to please Stu would get her some snacks, even
if the precise wording of her supplication might get her hit in the head with hard fruit. “I cannot
believe you just threw an apple at me.”
“You should feel honoured that I didn’t throw a pineapple at your head, Fi. There’s one
right here, it’s not too late,” he pointed out, smirking.
“Guys, no fruit throwing,” Stu commanded, pouting at them from the cosiest spot at the
hearth. Wesley sat back down next to him with a plate of sandwiches from the basket Fiona’s
mum always kept full and a tin of biscuits. Stu turned to him. “Wes, are you going to eat?”
Wesley nodded. “I’ll have a sandwich or two.”
Fiona waggled her finger at him. “Have two, Wesley,” she mumbled through a mouthful
of jam and homemade bread.
“Fiona, that’s disgusting.”
She swallowed. “Whatever. Have two sandwiches. And some of those biscuits- my aunt
made them, and I know you like the lemon ones.”
Stu stared at her. “The mayor made these biscuits?”
Fiona nodded. “It’s the only thing she’s actually good at. She comes over every Sunday to
bake for us; brings Rafe, of course, who’s a fucking prat, but otherwise it’s fine, and we get
biscuits out of it, so-,” she trailed off, searching through the tin for something particularly sweet.
Wesley chuckled. “It gets pretty confusing since both Rafe and Fi’s brother Eric are the
‘son of Fallon’, and Fi’s dad refuses to call Rafe anything other than Fallonson.”
“Why grandma Fallon decided to name both of her children Fallon too, I will never
understand,” Fiona said as she crunched down on a raspberry chocolate walnut biscuit decisively.
“Ok, but anyway, Stu-”
“Fiona, be polite,” Wesley warned.
“I am always polite! Stu, what happened in the woods?”
Wesley shook his head. “That’s not polite.”
Stu laughed. “It’s fine, I’d rather she just ask me then try to manoeuvre around in search
of answers.” He turned to Fiona. “I have PTSD (weeeell the doctor said it might be C-PTSD,
actually), which was triggered by the yelling. As for your earlier question, I do have ADHD, so
yes, I am neurodivergent.” He crunched down on the apple Wesley had thrown thoughtfully. 
Wesley chucked a tomato slice at Fiona. “See? I told you it wasn’t relevant.”
Stu poked him. “I mean, it wasn’t really not relevant, Wes.”
“Actually, you said it didn’t matter at the moment, which was true,” she nibbled on her
third biscuit. (She’d decided to make him pay for the tomato later; at the moment, she needed
things from him.)
Wesley hummed. “Why are we here again?”
“To enjoy my delightful company? Because you always eat after long walks? To protect
whatever’s left of your little faerie boyfriend’s innocence?”
“Nothing. Literally, absolutely nothing,” Stu muttered.
“...that’s a very bitter take, Stewart.”
“Well, maybe he’s a bitter little person, Fiona, under the rosy cheeks and giggles. Why
are we really here?”
She sighed and ran a hand through her now-messy red hair. In moments like that, her
similarities to her best friend were unmistakable. “So, I was reading last night,” she began.
“As you tend to do,” Wesley said.
“-Right. I was flipping through a book my aunt gave me on blood rituals (kind of
concerning, actually), cross-referencing certain important bits with a book on historic incidents
of dumb fucks trying to intimidate casters with cadavers, cursed objects, whatever. You know,
dark magic shit that most of us would never touch.”
Stu’s eyes widened. “You think someone was trying to intimidate Aunty Ezra with the
remains of a blood ritual?”
“Pretty much. And not one of the fun ones where you try to summon a demon or
Whatever-”
“Fiona!” Wesley glared at her.
“-or one of the normal ones that even saints use, to tie specific doors to your bloodline or
whatever. One of the proper bad ones, where you cut the Magick out of someone or something
else to make yourself more powerful or ‘balance the universe’ or whatever bigoted crap you
believe in.”
Stu blinked. “Summoning demons isn’t one of the ‘bad ones?!’”
She grinned her feral grin at him. “Depends on who you’re summoning.”
Wesley chucked another tomato at her. “Goddess, Wesley, fucking quit it-”
“Fiona. No. We’re not summoning demons again.”
“Again?!” Stu gaped at them. “When- why- who even- what? What?!”
“You know- It’s- oh, whatever. So, anyway, I need you guys to help me summon a
demon,” she declared, pulling tomato seeds out of her hair.
“Fiona, I literally just said-”
Stu fainted.
Wesley stared at him before turning to his friend. “Oh my Goddess, Fiona, you just killed
my boyfriend.”
She poked Wesley in the head. “Wh- Hey!”
“Good. Go ahead and draw some of his blood,” she grinned.
“No, Fiona!” He glared at her. “You’re not stealing my boyfriend’s blood. How would we
have even done this during lunch?!”
“Eh, you know, we would have- Nevermind. Your blood is too weak, elfling, I need his,”
she explained, in a tone that suggested Wesley was a complete moron.
“Why would his be any stronger?” he questioned, half-ready to throw that pineapple at
her.
“Were you not paying attention just now? Your little Faerie boyfriend has more magic in
his pinkie than you have in both of your pinkies!”
“...that’s not saying much, Fiona. And anyway, he’s not a Faerie.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Right.” She glared at him. “You know precisely what I mean,
Wesley. Yes, you’re strong, but not strong enough, I’m sorry, Wesley, it’s just how it is!”
Wesley opened his mouth, and then shut it again. His face turned as silvery as the bowl
that sat on the counter. Finally, after a few frustrated moments of opening and closing his mouth
like a carp and running his hands through his hair, he spoke. “Alright, we can’t argue like this.
Not because we shouldn’t argue about this, because we definitely should, but because Stu is right
there and he’s been staring at us nervously for the past few minutes,” he murmured, his voice
low and cold.
Fiona rolled her eyes and turned to the satyr, who’d sat up and was now biting his nails as
he watched them. “Stewart, my mother’s a seer. Your aunt isn’t going to come back on her own.
You can believe me or not, but if you intend to ever do so, I would suggest believing me now
that we have something closer to the upper hand, rather than when it’s been several months, and
you’re living with Myrtle, and Edie and Ezra have disappeared entirely.”
Stu stared into the fire, his chin tucked into his knees. After a moment, he turned to her.
“So, summoning demons. How do we do that?”
She grinned. “You know, Stewart, I’m glad you asked."
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illustriousminds · 1 year
Text
checking in
it’s november 16th 2022 today. i’m proud of how far i’ve come and how much i’ve endured. it’s changed me but i wouldn’t have it any other way. cliche, but there’s a reason it’s a cliche. life just happens. it’s different for everyone and everyone has their own path in life, and events/things that shape who they are. we do the best with the cards we’re dealt.
my cat passed away on january 20th 2022. it was the hardest thing i had to do. he was such a good boy and deserved so much better. it was my own incompetence that got him sick. i’d been feeling enormous amounts of guilt over this. i can’t help but think how he’d be alive and healthy if someone else had adopted him besides me. he deserved a long and happy life. now is about the time when he got sick last year. i’m starting to tear up just typing this out. i really miss him. i’m at a place now where i can look past this stuff and just remember the good memories. before, the only memories that would come up in my mind were the memories of when he was sick or of when i had to put him down. i still cry sometimes, not as much as i used to. even towards the end, he never stopped being that curious and loving cat i knew. i’m just glad that he was able to rest.
i work an office job now. i dislike it a lot. it’s something that i’d dreamed about having and always chased. even if it was some expectation that was placed on me by my parents/society, i still wanted to reach that goal. it’s what i’d been working towards. i didn’t have the motivation out of college because i was learning to survive on my own. thankfully covid freed up my time and i decided to go for it. it was fine at first. but with anything in life, it got dull over time. the journey is better than the destination! i just didn’t expect adult life to be like this. the spongebob episodes about boring adult life were SPOT ON accurate haha. part of me thinks that i was happier working those dinky restaurant jobs. at least there, the people are honest and genuine. office culture is so wack. i’m tired of saying the same empty platitudes every day. hi, good morning, how are ya, good. bleh. no one likes working (only the weirdos do), it’s the fulfillment you get from other things that make adult life worthwhile. still searching for that though. until then, existential dread here i come!!! oh, one of my coworkers who’s this 50 yr old japanese woman has lowkey been flirting with me???? she’s always coming into my office to talk to me. like a month ago, she told me she had a dream about me. ????? she said i brought her flowers. don’t know how to handle that haha. i got her flowers for her birthday yesterday just cause i felt kinda obligated to. i mean she’s cute and i like her style but i mean cmon. an actual cougar. be gone!!!
on that note, i’ve been actively dating for the last month or so. i’ve gone on dates with three different people in the last month. i learned a lot about myself from these dates, which i’m grateful for. i’ve gone out on two dates with this very cute person, alysa! i really feel like there’s something special there. they’re nonbinary, which is something i’m new to. i’m still getting adjusted, i just really hope i don’t mess up their pronouns or something asfghasijkfghasf. i think they’d be understanding though. can’t just undo that type of hard wiring overnight. ANYWAYS they are SO cute!! i love hearing them talk about the things that make them happy. i love their style, tattoos, and hair a lot! short haired goth women with tattoos is *chefs kiss*. they’re super motivated and hardworking which i love. i mean that’s just human nature to be attracted to people like that. which does make me wonder what they see in me! i’m so unmotivated and complacent and i defintely come across as such. maybe i’ll ask them haha. but....i made a stupid mistake and basically sexually assaulted them at the end of our second date. they invited me over to their place after drinks/food so they could enter grades for work. we had smoked just before. i acted out of anxiety - i literally didn’t know what to do with myself so i just kinda threw myself at them. i would’ve been happy with just a kiss that night. they seem to be okay with it. i’m not. i thought i was better. weed turns me into a demon. i shouldn’t even say that. it just brings out the real me. i need to be better. all that being said, we have a third date planned out. so at least they’re still interested. that night when i left, even with everything that happened, they still gave me such a long & loving hug with some kissies kuekuekue. i guess i have some sort of redeeming qualities. the first date was very weird. we went to frightfest on halloween. it was cold and raining. second date was much better - i feel like we really connected there. i have high expectations (regrettably), and i hope this doesn’t end up hurting me if it doesnt work out. regardless, i’m looking forward to see where this goes. either way, i’ll have learned a lot about myself.
it’s always nice to feel wanted. i had a hard time getting over the fact that anyone could find me lovable. it’s still something i struggle to fully understand, but, i’ve really drilled down hard on learning to love myself and accept myself as i am, flaws and everything! my work friend, adriana has been such a good friend to me. she’s given me such good wisdom and advice on just how to approach life and how to view things through a positive lense. just hearing how much she’s had to endure in her life and then seeing how happy and cheerful of a person she is now is really inspiring. she’s kind of been like my therapist. i feel bad, but i think she enjoys imparting her wisdom haha. the past is the past! live in the present.
a lot of my issues really do come from loneliness - but i think i’ve come to accept it. even reading back on some of the old posts here, they all mention how being lonely has been so painful. i feel okay with it now. i’m self sufficient. in my mind, i still romanticize the idea of being this super social person with lots of friends and being a person that is outgoing and easy to get along with. recently though as i’m starting to move on from cat’s death, i feel myself becoming that type of person again.
i’m dying my hair plat blonde tomorrow! i’m nervous and excited. i’m starting to feel like myself again and wanted to do something spontaneous. hopefully it looks cool on me. oh i grew my hair out during quarantine. it was cool. i liked having a lil bun. long hair is a lot to manage and is so cumbersome though.
i’m seeing my sister for thanksgiving in a week. while i’ve been grieving cat i’ve really neglected family. maria says she understands which is nice. i just wish i could be a better brother and son. end of the day, family is all i have. i need to be more appreciative of that fact.
okay! that’s really all i have. that’s just the stuff that’s on my mind currently. i feel free.
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