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#andy's hea
mod-ais-icons · 14 days
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Richie Tozier NPTs (IT)
Requested by: @sfw-agere-ezzy
🔗-- Names: Rich, Rick/Ricky, Ron/Ronny, DJ, Buck/Buckely, Ryan, Liam, Ethan, Ryder, Riley, Rowan, Lucas, Wyatt, Isaac, Buster, Chris, Rowdy, Mickey, Duke, Eric, Andy/Andie
🔗-- Pronouns: he/him, they/them, mi/missing/missings, wol/wolf/wolfs, lo/lover/lovers, hea/heartbreak/heartbreaks, ax/axe/axes, de4/de4th/de4ths, k1l/k1ll/k1lls, lin/linked/linkeds, lo/loved/loveds, vo/voice/voices, goo/goofy/goofys, be/beep/beeps, mou/mourn/mourns, fri/friend/friends, sil/silly/sillys, fea/fear/fears, sa/save/saves, lo/loser/losers, jo/joke/jokes, fu/funny/funnys
👓/👓s, 🔗/🔗s, 🐺/🐺s, ✌🏻/✌🏻s, 📄/📄s, ❤/❤s,🖤/🖤s, 💔/💔s, 🪓/🪓s, 📚/📚s, ⚰/⚰s, 😎/😎s, 💀/💀s, 😨/😨s, 😂/😂s
xe/xem/xyr, ze/zer/hir/hirs, ey/em/eir, ae/aer/aes, ve/vis, ve/vey, h3/h1m/h1s, hei/heim/heir/heirs, ne/nim/nis, ne/nym/nys, le/lem/les, h*/h*m, hy/hym, h♡/h♡m
🔗-- Titles: The Smartmouth, Member of the Losers' Club, The Guy With All the Voices, He Who Wealds An Axe, The Comedian, The Disc Jockey, Unaffectionately Known As Bucky Beaver, Silenced By the "Beep-Beep"
m's not really sure why would anyones would give him clown/balloon related pronouns since they don't fit his character as like a person.
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dkafterdark · 11 months
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*I received an eARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Cover image & summary from Goodreads*
Nick Russo has worked his way from a rough Brooklyn neighborhood to a reporting job at one of the city's biggest newspapers. But the late 1950s are a hostile time for gay men, and Nick knows that he can't let anyone into his life. He just never counted on meeting someone as impossible to say no to as Andy.
Andy Fleming's newspaper-tycoon father wants him to take over the family business. Andy, though, has no intention of running the paper. He's barely able to run his life--he's never paid a bill on time, routinely gets lost on the way to work, and would rather gouge out his own eyes than deal with office politics. Andy agrees to work for a year in the newsroom, knowing he'll make an ass of himself and hate every second of it.
Except, Nick Russo keeps rescuing Andy: showing him the ropes, tracking down his keys, freeing his tie when it gets stuck in the ancient filing cabinets. Their unlikely friendship soon sharpens into feelings they can't deny. But what feels possible in secret--this fragile, tender thing between them--seems doomed in the light of day. Now Nick and Andy have to decide if, for the first time, they're willing to fight.
All the stars, kudos, and love for this book! As an ardent fan of Cat Sebastian's work, this is my new favorite novel. The characters are carefully and lovingly crafted, with their thoughts, words, and actions making them come alive (and permanently move into my head rent free). Andy and Nick are a delight! Each moment spent reading this book felt like being surrounded by the best of friends. The historical setting is interesting, and I liked learning about queer culture during that time, the epic highs and lows of newspaper publication, and all the day to day details of what it was like to exist before cellphones and internet.
While the friendship and romance between Andy and Nick is the heart of the book, there's also a strong focus on family. Nick struggles with the tension of keeping his queerness a secret from his family and not wanting to lie to them about his life. Andy, anxious and lonely, keenly feels the loss of his mother and the distance from his father, and longs for a family that will cherish him. My very favorite part of their story is seeing how much Nick and Andy care for each other, from little things like cooking meals and going to buy groceries, to supporting each other in hard times and fighting for their HEA.
Lovely, emotionally rich, and hopeful, this is a true comfort book that I plan to return to many times.
Pub date June 6, 2023
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motley-cunt · 5 months
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and I believe Andy was justified at golden gods 2013 HEAR ME OUT HEA—
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footlongdingledong · 11 months
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o y;hea if any mutuals want my discord username thingy or whagever just dm me or smthn andi will Give You The Thing
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jmagnabo92 · 2 years
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Own Category
Return From the Veil Snippet.
Sirius and Harry have been enjoying the summer together, having built their little family with the Tonkses and Remus.  However, Harry feels like Sirius is in his own Category - he’s not an uncle or brother, he’s Sirius.  
***
Sirius thoroughly enjoyed life at cottage, it was ten times better than Grimmauld Place, and he wondered why the hell he stayed there.  He could have easily stayed with Remus or at the cottage.  It didn’t take much to put up protection charms, and the Fidelius could be done on any location.  It wasn’t like Remus had many visitors, and if either of them had been thinking clearly or thought to fight Dumbledore on his orders – as if he had a right to tell them what to do – they would have realized that Grimmauld Place was not the place for Sirius to stay.  Too many bad memories, and Remus’ place was just as safe if they cast the Fidelius. Maybe even more, but luckily, they have the cottage which was much safer than anywhere else.  And even better, it was a place just for him and Harry.
         Regardless, it didn’t matter anymore.  He was living life somewhere he was wanted with his godson.  Harry obviously enjoyed living with anyone who wasn’t the Dursleys.  It was amazing to be here, happy and free, with someone who actually cared about him.
       He woke up every morning with Harry in his arms, sometimes Harry was cuddling into him, sometimes he woke up spooning Harry, which gave him an uncomfortable strain in his pants that he definitely shouldn’t have in relation to his godson. Sirius wasn’t sure if it was being so close to Harry when he’s sleeping or if it’s being a teenager again, but he knew that he couldn’t let himself be interested in Harry, so he tries to remind himself that he’s here to protect Harry and take care of him.  
         Which was why after his shower, he can’t help smiling at Harry, who seems happy.
         “You seem happy,” Sirius says, as Harry makes breakfast.  
         “I am happy, Sirius.”
         Sirius smiles, “Really?”
         “Course, I finally have a family.”
         “Family?” Sirius asks.
         Harry shrugs, “Well, sort-of.  Andy and Ted are kind of like parents/Aunt/Uncle, I’ve got Remus and Tonks kind of like brother/sister, and I’ve got you.”
         “I’m in my own category,” Sirius teases.
         “Yes, Sirius.  You’re like – a lot of things to me.”
         Sirius smiles, he wasn’t sure what he wanted with Harry.  He tried to keep the godfather role, but the more time he spends as a sixteen-year-old, the more he becomes a friend to Harry, instead. There’s even been a few moments when he thought if he wasn’t Harry’s godfather, he’d liked to be his boyfriend, but then he remembers, and he reminds himself that he’s responsible for Harry, and it goes away.  
         “Am I?”
         “Yeah, you are.  I mean, you’re special to me, Sirius.  You’re the bloke who’s training me.  You’re the bloke who’s sleeps with me.  You’re the bloke who helps me through my nightmares.  You’re the bloke that I can depend on, for everything.  You’re not just my godfather or my friend, you’re not just my protector, but you’re not a brother or an uncle, so you’re just…your own entity, I can’t even describe my relationship with you with just one term.”
         Sirius smiles, “I mean a lot to you.”
         “You do,” Harry says, smiling.
         “You mean a lot to me, too,” Sirius says.  
         “I do?” Harry asks.
         “Of course, kid,” Sirius states.  “You mean the world to me.”
         Harry smiles and hugs Sirius, holding on just a little too tightly.  “I love you, Sirius.”
         “I love you, too, kiddo.”  Sirius notes it is the first time Harry has said ‘I love you’ to him, but he isn’t going to make a big deal out of it.  They both knew that they loved each other, but neither said the words – Sirius because he didn’t want to freak Harry out, and Harry because he wasn’t ready, until now, apparently.  It just felt good to officially hear it.  
         Harry smiles at him, clearly so happy.  “I – I am so relieved to hear you say it, I mean, it’s not like I didn’t know…you…I think you said it last week…”
         “Aw, Harry, I do love you and I did say it, but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it…”
         Harry nods, “Yeah, I get that, I – I can’t remember anyone else ever…”
         “Your mum and dad love you, too,” Sirius reminds him.
         “Yeah, I – I know, it’s just hearing it from you…that they love me…it’s not the same.”
         Sirius frowns, “What if we use the pensieve?  You could see my entire meeting with them behind the veil, and – and I have memories from when you were little, you know, I did visit as often as I could, I’m sure that one of my memories will have that special moment. I mean, they absolutely adored you…”
         Harry looks up, hope shining in his eyes.  “Really?  I mean, pictures and journals are great, but you know…”
         “Yes, absolutely,” Sirius assures him.  “And today can be just about them.  No worries about training or research or anything else, we can just focus on them.”
         “That sounds perfect, but um, maybe one other thing?”
         “What other thing?”
         “Well, actually, I haven’t really been working on the Animagus thing, so I was hoping that maybe we could work on that,” Harry says.  “As well, obviously, mum and dad first, though.”
         Sirius nods, smiling, “Well, I could advise you on the mediation, but that’s more individual…”  he pauses, “Although, we could look at the memories of mine and your father’s steps going through the process.  We read up on a lot and maybe the memories could help you?”
          “Really?” Harry asks.  “That would be so perfect.  More memories of my dad, good memories, not just Snape’s biased ones, and – and just…it’d be like he was teaching me.”  Harry pauses, “Not that you’re a bad teacher.”
         Sirius chuckles, “Thanks for that, but I do like the idea of you learning from James, and it gives me an idea about some other help for you, class wise. Unfortunately for you, your education has been on the back-burner when you consider other things, like survival, so we are working on getting you up to par.  Having the memories of your parents help you, would give you a sense of who they are, and help you learn.  Sound good?”
         “Sounds brilliant.”
***
Sometime later, Harry’s smiling as one of the memories change to the sitting room in Godric’s Hollow.  
Sirius as Padfoot in laying the middle of the room while baby Harry is climbing all over him.  James and Lily are sitting on the couch, both smiling.
“You know, I used to be jealous about how Padfoot could play with Harry like this without worrying that he could hurt him but now I think it was for the best.”
Lily laughs at Harry’s playful, “Pa’foo!” while Sirius as Padfoot attempts to glare at James.
         “Oh, come on, Padfoot, you know you love letting him climb all over you,” James says with a laugh.
         Lily agrees, “But maybe we could switch to fetch instead?”
         Sirius as Padfoot nods as Harry slips across his face instead of down the other side of his back.  Harry ends up sitting in front of Sirius as Padfoot’s face allowing Padfoot to nudge him with his nose, which causes Harry to giggle happily.  “Pa’foo!”
         James laughing, conjures a ball, slides onto the floor and puts Harry in his lap.  “Wanna play fetch?”
         “Yeah!” Harry cheers.
         “Alright, ready, Padfoot?” James asks to which Sirius as Padfoot nods.  James takes Harry’s little hand and helps him through the ball, which Sirius as Padfoot chases after much to baby Harry’s glee. Despite knowing he should bring it right back Sirius as Padfoot does the same thing he did back at Hogwarts, teasing James and Harry by not giving the ball back right away and butting Harry with nose to get him giggle.
         “Bad, Padfoot, give me the ball,” James orders and despite the glare, Padfoot drops the ball and the process repeats over and over again, until Harry decides to chase after the ball, too.  
         This prompts Sirius as Padfoot to let Harry get to the ball first despite the fact that toddling or crawling was much slower than Sirius as Padfoot was.  Then after a few runs of this, Harry suddenly shimmers and transforms into a little black puppy.  
         “Again!” James says, aghast as soon as he spots him as a puppy.  Harry and Sirius as Padfoot are too busy having fun as dogs to pay attention to James clearly being bothered by the situation. The funniest part was that Lily is too busy laughing and taking pictures to care that her baby was now a puppy. “Lily!  Shouldn’t you be freaking out, too?”
         “Nah! This has happened before and I know that you can fix it, I’m sure Snuffles just want to be like Padfoot for a little bit,” Lily teases.
         “Snuffles?” Harry asks, turning to Sirius.  “That’s where it came from?”
         Sirius nods, “I – I was going to tell you, but … when it comes to sharing stories about your childhood I’d like to share those together just the two of us first.”
         Harry smiles, “I like it, but if I become a dog – I get a new name.”
         “Fair,” Sirius grins.  “Do you want to keep watching or change memories?”
         “Can we just watch a bit more – it looks like we’re having fun.”
         “Sure, kid.”
         The memory continues with a slightly more relaxed James playing with both the dog and the puppy.  He played fetch and pet them both for a bit more, but soon thereafter, Sirius as Padfoot lays down, exhausted, Harry as Snuffles curls up next to him and falls asleep.
         “Well, I next awoke we were both human again and James and Lily had plenty of the two of us from that afternoon,” Sirius offers. “And I think you’ll like the next memory.”
         “Padfoot!  You’re here,” James yells excitedly, baby Harry in his arms immediately reaches for him with a cheer, “Pa’foo!”  
         “Of course, Prongs, I’m sorry I missed Harry’s birthday,” Sirius offers, immediately taking him from James’ arms.
         “Pong!” Harry cheers as he picks up the name Sirius had called James.  
         “It’s ‘Dada’, Harry,” James insists.
         “Pong!” Harry cheers, again.
         James shakes his head, “Come on in, Padfoot.”
         Sirius enters and they made their way to the sitting room.  “How’d you like my present, Pup?”
         “Broom!” Harry cheers.
         “Yeah, he gave you a broom and nearly gave daddy a heart attack,” James teases, giving Sirius a look.
         “It was not that bad, James,” Lily states, coming into room.  “Hello, Padfoot, how are you doing?”
         “I got your letter,” Sirius grins.  “Thank you for the photo, I’d love more of Prongs as an over-protective daddy.”
         “Oh, I have plenty,” Lily teases.
         James gives her a look, “Were you spreading lies about me?”
         “No!” Lily insists.  “I just said that you were going crazy over Harry’s favorite birthday present and sent a picture of you chasing him around all worried.”
         “It’s normal to be worried!”
         “You’re such a worry-wart, Prongs, when did that happen?” Sirius teases.
         “I had our little fawn over here,” James explains, laughing a bit.  
         “Anyway, since you’re here, I bet Harry would love to show his favorite Padfoot how well he can fly, right, Harry?” Lily asks him in the kiddie voice that will always prompt: a cheerful, “Yeah!” from Harry.
         “Well, then, let’s do it!”
         Lily takes a reluctant Harry from Sirius’ arms and places him on the broom as Sirius and James sit beside each other.  As soon as Lily lets go he’s zooming around the sitting room and the little broom with its charms protected him and James is clearly itching to chase after him.  A laughing Lily tells him to go chase after him and takes his vacant spot.  “Look how happy he is.”
         “Harry or James?” Sirius teases.  
         “Both,” Lily says with a grin.  “Thank you for coming, we all miss you so much.”
         “I miss you all, too.  Especially given how tense things are with Moony and Wormtail sort of never around,” Sirius admits.  “But your letter gave me so much joy.”
         They share a look before Harry yells, “Pa’foo, look!”
         “I’m watching, Pup,” Sirius confirms.  “You fly well!”
         Harry has a pleased look on his face particularly as Lily adds, “As well as his father.”
         James puffs up in pride.  “He’s going to be the best quidditch player ever.  I can’t wait for him to write home about the day he makes his house team.  I’ll be at every match cheering my arse off and wearing whatever color of his house team…”
         “Even if it’s green for Slytherin?” Sirius teases.
         “Absolutely,” James states, no hesitation.  “I love my son no matter where he ends up.”
         Sirius grins, “We’ll both be a sight in Slytherin Green if that’s where he goes.”
         Harry can’t help smiling at him, “You would’ve been okay with… if I’d become Slytherin?”
         Sirius grins, “We’d love you no matter what, Kid.”
         “Thanks,” Harry blushes.  It’s still a bit weird to hear the utter love that Sirius makes sure that Harry knows, but it’s nice.
         Lily laughs, “Two of the proudest Gryffindors in any other color than Red will be a sight to behold, but let’s not fast forward a decade okay.  I want my baby to stay a baby right now.”
         “Or a puppy,” Sirius supplies.  
         Lily grins, “Or a puppy.  You know, he misses his puppy time with you.”
         Sirius smiles.  “I miss it, too.”  
         “Yeah, well, I think I like the broom better than him spontaneously turning into a puppy,” James states, still chasing after a gleeful Harry yelling, “Look!” over and over again.  
         “I’m looking!” Sirius assures the toddler.  Then he adds, “You wouldn’t mind so much if he turned into a fawn.”
         “Not true – spontaneous animal transfiguration is frowned upon for most toddlers.  The fact that it happens often enough that I know what to do if it happens again is a little terrifying,” James states, giving him a look.  “And I blame you for that.”
         “Me?” Sirius asks, aghast.
         “Yes, he sees you go from Sirius to Padfoot and suddenly, he’s not content to just climb all over you or play fetch with you, NO!  He wants to be you.  It’s not fair.”
         “Someone sounds jealous,” Sirius teases.  
         “I’m not jealous,” James lies.
         “You are – you’re always going on and on about how much you wish Harry turned into a mini-prongs over a mini-padfoot,” Lily laughs.  
         “Pong! Pa’foo!” Harry yells, excitedly, still zooming around.  
         Sirius and Lily laugh as James tries to refute her claims and tell Harry to call him ‘dad’ or at least ‘da’ rather than ‘pong’.  
         “You two are the worst,” James states when his refutes are met with laughs.  
         “But you love us anyway,” Sirius grins.  
         “You’re lucky I do,” James agrees.  He’s teasing of course because he clearly loves everyone in the room.  
         It’s quiet for a bit aside from Harry’s cheers as he zooms around.  
         The memory ends several minutes later.  “Obviously more happened, but once baby you got tired we started talking about the war and it’s all sad, so I wanted to end it all early.”
         Harry smiles, “Good call, thank you.”
         “You’re welcome, kiddo.”
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georgeeehd · 2 years
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HEA SO HOT AND SO RIGJT LIKE YES KING DID ANYONE EVER STOP TO THINK ABOUT WHY HE BLEW THINGS UP YESSS S HE HAS REASONS HES THE HERO OF HIS OWN STORY IM NOT OKAY I CANT DO THISSSSSS
like my gawd HIS CDREAM COMMENTS TODAYYYYYYY like it had me writing ESSAYS earlier i became a whole essay andy because NO ONE WILL EVERY GET HIM LIKE WE DOOOOOOOOO
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h-pelessly · 19 days
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January Reads
The Goal by Elle Kennedy (6.9/10) I was excited to dive into the pregnancy trope and see why everyone hates it sm. I started at the end of December and was kicking my feet at the way Tucker and Sabrina both were obsessed with each other. However, the pregnancy trope came and I was like... um... that's it? Super anticlimatic in my personal opinion, but there was like half the book left. Sabrina pissed me tf off when she didn't speak to Tucker or include him when she was deciding whether to keep the baby or not. Like she was obviously freaking out and super busy, but it annoyed me sm how the father wanted to be apart of this and Sabrina was just like freaking out alone, leaving Tucker to wonder if she already made the decision without him. But the story had a HEA so that was cool.
Knives, Seasoning, and a Dash of Love by Katrina Kwan (8/10) This would've had such a higher rating, but I can't get over how childish and annoying the FMC, Eden, was. Granted, she had a rough childhood, but the way she was irritated me. She faked her way to become a sous-chef to find out about her missing parents so she's saving up and living poorly. The head chef, Alexander Chen, falls for her so it's a case of grumpy x sunshine. Alexander (Shang)'s struggles made me cry maybe because it hit so much closer to home, but I hated how Eden was like stuck in her childish ways like she never grew at all since she was abandoned as a child. Overall, I think this was a solid read.
The Deal by Elle Kennedy (8/10) This was a reread, and it did not disappoint. I just want to say it was a bit underwhelming at some points, and I could see why some people don't like it, but I am so in love with Garrett Graham. Like he is so funny and had me giggling and kicking my feet. There were some parts I reread which made me fall in love with the characters again like Hannah and/or Allie. Or parts that I completely forgot or didn't catch the first time. I do see how this could be a fan fiction, but i don't care because I am absolutely in love with the ego on Mr. Garrett Graham.
Some Things Never Change by Cee Yang (7.3/10) I’m so thankful to be supporting an indie author. I submitted an ARC application last month because I saw it on Instagram, and didn’t know that I’ll be chosen. This book is about a friends to lovers BIPOC couple, and I was absolutely looking forward to this one. However, when getting into it, I wasn’t the biggest fan of Andy, the MMC, at first because he kept referring to things happening in the past. So I thought it was about Anthony, Andy’s twin. However, meeting Anthony, I was like yeah, this is not the guy so Andy it is. Not going to completely lie, this was more of young adult than a romance novel in the beginning. I learned a lot about the Hmong culture more than the characters interacting which was kind of cool, but I was reading for the romance so I was a bit disappointed. But at the end, JESUS. Andy’s a FREAK (respectfully.) I would also like to thank Cindy for sharing her secret of the ninth floor private bathroom because SPICY. I’m so proud of Cee Yang for this amazing debut novel.
Wildfire by Hannah Grace (7.3/10) I liked this book substantially more than the first book. Although I don't think it was as loved as Icebreaker for most people, I thought it was cute. I loved the MMC, Russ, because he's so broken yet sweet. I liked the FMC, Aurora, but she is kind of a pick me. I know she has daddy issues and stuff, but her pick me energy is insane. Her energy wavers from confident to insecure which is realistic, but reading about it annoyed me. Like why are you acting like this rn but a second ago you were crazy? I thought the story of being camp counselors and fraternization being prohibited was a cute idea, but it was also frustrating. How shy Russ was made me want to hug him. But the ending was kind of rushed and boring not going to lie. I don't think the MCs would last together in the real world tbh.
Curious by Jess Savage (7/10) I literally picked this book up by random on a romance stuff your kindle day, and I finished it within a day I would say. This book is a coming-of-age book about discovering one's sexuality (bisexuality.) People say the main character, Hailey, is annoying, but I think her being immature and freaking out makes perfect sense as she is fresh out of high school and is just discovering her sexuality. She is in love with her friend who is dating a girl older than them. Fast forward to summer, she had to watch the bestie and his gf because the gf's parents own where Hailey works. She then falls for the girl as well. I don't know, there wasn't a lot of smut and there was more content which I appreciated. There was steam, but most of it save the end was about Hailey's one person show which I honestly can't blame. She is 18 after all. Anyways, I would love to read about their future together.
So That Happened by Katie Bailey (6.5/10) If I read this book sooner, I would ate it right up. It's a closed door rom-com. In the beginning, I was intrigued. It was funny and the characters, mainly Annie, the FMC, does very hilarious things. But as the story went on, that's exactly who Annie is, a giant toddler. Who in their right mindset blurts out that she slept with her boss on the first day of work? And it wasn't even sexual like I don't know, but if I wanted to keep the job, I would pretend all is fine and dandy, plus, it doesn't mean HE remembers. Liam, the MMC, was okay. He was a good uncle, but the story treated his niece, Legs, like a toddler, which was so annoying. She's 8 and she still has a car seat? I don't know kids that well, but I'm pretty sure second graders do not have to have car seats to ride in vehicles. So I guess it was like the Hating Game with it being a workplace romance, but the FMC was so unlikable. She's like New Girl's Jess in the first episode without being a kindergarten teacher.
Totally Pucked by Lauren Blakely (6.6/10) This was a short novella that I claimed during one of the stuff your kindle days, and I decided to pick it up because I might have thought it was another book that I recently saw on booktok. I thought it was a menage trois, and that is a book of the series, but this one was a novella so I was like FUCK IT. I mean, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good nor memorable either. It's a friends to lovers trope, which I'm honestly not the biggest fan of from the jump start, but also, since it's a novella, all the major details are skipped so I just knew Fisher (dumb name tbh) was a horny ass hockey player for his best friend. They are always taken/single at different times, but this time, Katie was single and needed bedroom lessons bc her ex said she was weird in bed. Her weirdness? She liked dirty talk and being loud-- jesus. And the spice was eh.
The Beginning of Our Ending (6/10) I got this as an eARC, and I thought it'd be a love triangle, but it really wasn't. I wanted to be supportive of this indie author and her BIPOC representation, but it wasn't really my cup of tea. This is the only book that I feel should've had only one point-of-view because yes, it's true that both men loved Skye, FMC, but they were aggressive as hell and domineering which was unattractive as hell. There were a lot of pregnancies that bothered me since the trope really isn't my favorite, and the reasoning behind it was superficial as fuck like because it ruins the mood??? YEAH, but also safety? But also miss ma'am never liked Lance, and she just let him tie her down. From the beginning, I felt like Skye and Desmond were meant to be, but they broke up for a stupid reason, but it's kind of like meant to be, so when they forced their way back to one another, I was like no effing way.
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viplala-things · 25 days
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Veneetsia on minu vastu väga hea olnud. Kui jätta välja see, et ma alateadlikult varjasin Taavi eest siia tulekut, kuigi vähem kui 24 tunniks, siis on olnud imeline. Too juhtum oli nõme, sest ma alateadlikukt varjasin, sest arvasin et ta kurvastab kui ta siia ei saa tulla - aga tuli välja et ta kurvastas hoopis et ma ei öelnud talle. Nõme noh. Aga ma ei saanud isegi aru et ma teen seda. See oli selline... alateadlik. Muud pole öelda.
Aga veneets6a oli äge. Kui sa nonstop, jood veini, aöös jäätist ja pizza, siis peab olema hea. Ja vahepeaö saad veel vee peal sõita. Imeline noh! Ja päike pole liiga ere ja ok mõnna ... sellise 12 kraadiga ma võin elada küll. Nii sees kui väljas.
Äkki ikkagi peaks urban nomadiks hakkama ja ringi reisima? Instant kahetsus et ma seda enne ei teinud, aga kui nüüd see idee on, siis võiks ju ära teha. Et ei lükkaks hilisemaks. Enne kuu taaviga kohtusin. Enne kui soovimatu ja ootamatu koosoelu hakkas. See on nauditav kannatus. Tegelt tahaks olla rändav alkohoolik, näha maailma ja teha tööd. Olla piisavalt terve et suuta seda kõike teha. 4 veiniklaasi täna. Muu söögi ja pea 14k sammu juurde. Jalad annavad veidi tunda, aga rohkem andis selg. Jaa, veneetsiasse ma tulen tagasi. Üksi või kaksi või mitmekesi, aga siin on kena olla.
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andydrysdalerogers · 1 month
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Can I Count on Forever? ~ Chris Evans
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Chris Evans x Senator Reader
Word Count ~ 4.2K
Songs: The Man by Taylor Swift; Paper Rings by Taylor Swift; Lover by Taylor Swift 
Its been three years since you met Chris and today, you take one of the biggest steps of your life.
Part Three of the "Can I?" mini series - Part One // Part Two // Main Masterlist
Warnings: fluff, SMUT (p in v, oral – female receiving, slight dominance kink), mentions of cheating, accusations of cheating, political nonsense. 
A/N: Happy Valentine's Day! Just a quick message. While I have tried to keep this politically neutral, I will say that I have no idea what any real-world person’s views are and will not assume. Also, I am not an expert in politics and will not claim to be.  In the US, we have an election in November. Please, inform yourself on all of your local, state and federal races and issues and remember to register and vote.  You can’t complain if you don’t vote! 
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Your POV 
Clack.  
Clack.  
Clack.  
Your heels clicked on the floor as you walked to your destiny. It was the end of a fairy tale or the start of one, and you weren’t sure if you could get through the double doors. You thought back on your life, closed your eyes and prayed.  
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It had been a year since Chris proposed and it was here, your wedding day.  As you woke on that bright May morning, you reached for your fiancé and found the bed empty.  But a smile crossed your face.  He wasn’t in the hotel with you.  He was at home with Dodger and his groomsmen while you were at the hotel with your bridal party.  As you stretched, there was a knock at the door.  “Room service!” 
Curiously, you opened the door, and the bellman pushed a cart in. “Mr. Evans asked us to deliver breakfast and champagne to you to start your special day right.  Congratulations ma’am.”  He stepped back out and you squealed.  Opening the cover, Chris had sent your favorite breakfast, along with coffee and champagne. Savoring the meal, you sent a text to Chris.  
YN: Thank you, love, for my breakfast!  My fiancé: You’re welcome.  Only six more hours before I see you again and you make an honest man outta me.  
You hugged the phone to your chest when your maid of honor knocked yelling for you to open.  
A few hours later, you were waiting in your bridal suite, your father comes in and sees you for the first time.  “Oh, my baby, you look beautiful,” tears forming in his eyes  
“Thank you, daddy,” your own tears welling up.  
“No, don’t cry.”  He handed you a tissue.  “Chris is a lucky man. I am so happy you found each other.”  
The wedding planner knocked.  “We’re ready for you.”  
As you stood at the double doors, you thought back to how you got here. How you fought for each other, against the world. The doors opened and all you could see was Chris.  
Chris POV 
I stood at the altar, waiting for those doors to open again and let my beautiful girl come to me. The past three years had been a whirlwind, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  All the bridesmaids make it down the aisle and little Stella finishes with her flowers and the music changes.  Everyone stands and the doors open. My jaw falls open. I can’t see anything else but her. She’s an angel, all in white, gliding on her dad’s arm. The tears are building up in my eyes at how beautiful she looked, my little senator.  
Once she reached me, I could feel a tear rolling down and she reached up and wiped it away.  “Please stop crying,” she whispered.  “You’re gonna set me off.”  
I could see her lip tremble a little bit.  I kissed her hand, "I love you," I whispered.  
We kept it traditional, reciting words that have been said by couples like us thousands of times over.  When I slip that ring on her finger, it was like a part of me that was missing got put back and I’m overwhelmed.  
“I now pronounce you husband and wife.  Chris, you may kiss your bride.” 
“Finally,” I breathed as I took her face in my hands and kissed those lips that had haunted my dreams since the first day I met her. It was perfect and when I pulled away, her lips were just a touch redder and more swollen, her eyes danced.  
“I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Evans!” 
The whole church cheered, and I took my wife’s hand in mine and walked out. After three years and one horrible misunderstanding, I finally have my girl on my arm as my wife.  
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The reception is amazing.  YN and the wedding planner did a great job. It's intimate and romantic but not over the top.  Her father wanted to take out a house loan to pay for whatever YN wanted but she refused. “I don’t need you to be in debt Daddy.  Give me a reasonable budget and I’ll make it work.” That is my girl, always modest. But this is a once in a lifetime, if I have any say in it and I want it to be her dream. I talked to her dad on the side.  
“Mr. YLN, I just want YNN to have everything she wants, so get your budget together and I’ll double it. I want this to be a gift to her but never find out, because her smile will be my thanks.”  
It worked like a charm because I can see the tears in her eyes as she looks at the room and see her vision come to life. “Oh my...” she whispers. I take it all in, the crystal vases holding the red roses, tea lights on all the tables. The walls have a soft light to them, and the dance floor is decorated with lanterns and rose petals.  “It's perfect.”  
“It's you, my beautiful wife.” 
It's hours before I can take her home, well, to our honeymoon suite.  She’s exhausted, riding up in the elevator. I scoop her up in my arms, her heels already dangling in my hand. “You going to sleep, baby?” 
“Hmm, no, not yet. Just tired.” She smiles at me. “It was the perfect day.”  
“Oh yeah? Something important happened?” I tease as we get to our honeymoon suite.  
“Not really,” she shrugged. “Just tied myself to the perfect man.”  
“Sounds fun.” I had one more surprise for her. I opened the door and carried her in. The room was decorated in candles and roses, a bottle of champagne next to her favorite snack.  I had always dreamt of that night we had by the fire after I had proposed.  It was perfect and I wanted to recreate it for her.  Except this time, the hotel laid out blankets and pillows in a beautiful bed.  
“Chris,” she whispered, and I could tell she loved it. 
I set her on her feet and pressed my front to her back. I leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I was an idiot the first time I made love to you in front of a fire.”  I found the zipper on her dress and slowly began to bring it down. “I was apologizing for being the biggest jerk in the world after you protected me. I wasn’t appreciating the setting or taking my time with you.  But this time,” the zipper was down and i kissed her shoulders, “this time I want to worship you because you made me the happiest man in the world.”  I pushed the bejeweled straps of her gown down and she gasped at the sudden cool air.  
“Oh fuck,” I murmured as I took in the lacy white corset, teeny tiny white panties and stockings. She looked like a goddam angel that was going to send me straight to heaven.  I lifted her out of the gown and spun her to look at me. “This is like a present for me,” as I run a finger over the top of the corset.  
“Unwrap me Chris,” she said in a low sultry voice.  
And I crumble.  
Because there is no way I would say no to this gorgeous creature right now.  
I kiss her softly and pull away, kissing her forehead before turning her around again. I undo the ribbon holding the corset closed and let it fall away.  I kneel down and roll down the stocking and tip her foot so she can lift, and I can remove one stocking, repeating on the other.  I run my hands up her legs, feeling her shiver under my touch, listening to her breath hitch. I kiss right under each cheek, giving a nibble on one.  
“Chris,” she moans, “stop teasing.”  
“Is that an order Senator?” I smile against her skin. “Or is it a request?  Because,” I spin her again, so she is facing me while I’m still on my knees, “if it's an order, then we have a problem.”  
“What problem?” 
“I remember you promised me that I would only take orders from you in public.”  I kissed around her belly button. She moans and her head tilts back. “But I would give the orders in our bedroom.”  
“We’re not in our bedroom,” she argues.  “We’re... oh.... oh fuck,” she whimpers as I kiss over the scrape of lace she calls panties and press against her mound.  
“Want to try that again, Mrs. Evans?” I pull the lace down just enough so I can get my nose close to her center and inhale that scent that is only her.  
“I...” she studders and I chuckle. I yank the lace away from her body, ripping them off.  
“Chris!” 
“No,” I say in a husky voice.  “No orders from you, Mrs. Evans.  You want something, you beg for it.  because until we get back from our honeymoon, you are not in charge.  Who is in charge?” 
“Fuck,” she cries as I let my finger circle her clit.  “You’re...hmm... you’re in charge.”  
“Good girl.” I stood up and lifted her into my arms, wrapping her legs around me. “Such a good girl for me.” I walked us over to the fireplace bed and laid her down.  I took a long look at my prize, my angel, my wife. “God, I’m a lucky bastard.”  
I didn’t realize I said that out loud until she giggled. Then she grabbed the end of my undone bow tie and yanked me on top of her. She kissed me hard and then pulled away. “Please Chris, let me see my husband naked.”  
“Fuck me.” I pulled the tie off, straddled her and grabbed her wrists. I tied them together and lifted her arms above the head. “Naughty girl,” I said. “No touching now. Bad girls don’t get to touch.” She wiggled under me, trying to get relief from me.  
“I’m sorry, baby, please, I’m sorry. Let me touch you.”  
“No.” I stood up and started to strip. I unbutton my shirt slowly, working the cufflinks she had given me as a wedding present off carefully. She licked her bottom lip and I smirked. I was shirtless, which, if she had her way, she would keep me like this every day. I moved quickly with my belt and the button of my slacks.  She whimpered and I bit my bottom lip. “You should have stayed being my good girl, little senator.” 
“Chris, you’re being mean,” she whined.  
“Am I?” I let my pants hit the floor before I crawled up her body.  I kiss her inner thighs, sucking little bruises as I go. “I’m sorry sweetheart.” I kiss right above her clit, and she bucks at the sensation. I pin her hips and licked from the bottom to the top of her pussy. God, I love the way she tastes, the way she coats my tongue in her arousal. Fuck, do I love being in between her legs. “So good,” I tell her, “taste like heaven.”  I work my tongue in her, fucking her while my thumb presses down on her clit. “Fuck baby, you’re even tight for my tongue.”  
“Chris,” she mewled.  She was close, so fucking close.  
“Come for me little senator. That’s an order.”  I shoved two fingers into her cunt and sucked on her clit at the same time.  she shattered, crying out as her orgasm fluttered through her body. I made it last for as long as I could. I tease her relentlessly and get her right back on the edge. Then i pull away and she cries in frustration because I know her orgasm is fading.  I climb up her body, tasting every inch of skin I can until I can wrap her legs around my waist. “Hang on, baby.”  
She grips the straps around her wrists and then I force my way home.  She screams as I bury myself in her to the hilt.  But I’m not cruel.  I wait until she is comfortable and then rock into her, leting her feel every inch, every ridge, every vein of my cock along her ways. Fuck, she feels so good. I’ve only fucked her bare a couple of times and the feeling of her heat, how wet, how needy she is, I’m going to fucking die a happy man.  
“Harder Chris, fuck, please harder.” I grab her legs and push them over my shoulder so I can fuck her into the mattress.  She feels like fucking heaven and tighter in this position. I can’t believe I get to do this with my wife. She’s moaning and crying out from all the stimulation.  I don’t want to ever stop.  
Your POV 
Chris is fucking you to within an inch of your life.  You are in heaven, lost in the heavenly glow of sex and you need him.  “Chris, please,” you pleaded.  You know what he wants because you want it too.  He pulls out quick, making you cry before he flips you to your front and gets your ass in the air.  
“This pussy is magically,” he says, looking it over before he fills you again.  You have always loved this angle. You can feel everything and when he moves, you can feel his balls hitting your clit.  Its perfect.  
“C-chris, I can’t hold on,” you whine. “Husband please!” 
“Oh shit,” he moans, “that’s fucking hot.” He thrusts faster. “Say it again. Say! It!” 
You’re on the cusp of euphoria. “Chris, Husband please!” He ruts into you, reaching down to circle and stroke your clit and you break. You scream your release, gripping his cock, squeezing him until he released into you, coating you in his cum.  
“Fuck!” He pumps a few more times until he stops, lowering you gently to the bed, not ready to separate. You lay there on your sides, legs tangles to keep you connected, catching your breaths when you start to giggle.  “And what is so funny, my wife?” 
You take a breath to speak.  “You have a kink, baby. You like it when I called you husband.” You turn to look back at him. 
He smiles before leaning over and kissing you again. “I also like calling you Wife and you like it too. You clenched involuntarily and Chris hisses. He caressed your thigh. “Told you.”  
After Chris cleans you up and you both crawl into bed, you find myself laying on top of his chest. “I wish we could stay this way forever.” You place a kiss on his chest.  
“I wish we could too, little Senator, but then how will you rule the world?” 
Its a valid question. One you are excited to figure out.  
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You’ve been married for two months and now you are at the National Convention. Getting married during an election season was crazy but your team and Chris’s said it would give you the best boost.  You were set to become the youngest and second woman nominated for the office of President.   
As you stood in the wings of TD Gardens in Boston, Chris watched as you paced back and forth, looking over your note cards for your acceptance speech. “Sweetheart, don’t be nervous.”  
“That’s easy for you, Chris, you’re an actor.  You perform for millions.”  
He chuckled and shook his head. “I act in front of a camera for twenty people and then they watch after its edited. YN,” he stopped you and wrapped you in his arms. “You are a brilliant speaker. The people have nominated you, they believe in you.  I believe in you.” He tilted your head up so you would look at him.  “Go out there and be a rock star, Little Senator.”  
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The convention went off without a hitch and it was the final three months of the campaign. It was grueling, city after city, town hall after town hall.  Chris could only be on the road with you for a few days at a time as ASP launched into the primer source for facts in the election.  He had to host panels and discussions. Video chats in between calls and meet and greets was not how you imagined your first few months of marriage but it could all be worth it. 
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Chris POV 
I was late for our video date. “Fuck.” I was jogging to my office in the ASP offices so I could call YN, when I was stopped by Megan. “What’s up?” 
“Chris, there is an article floating around that claims the Senator had an affair right before the wedding.”  
My heart stopped.  
“What?” 
“The Enquirer has photos of her entering a hotel room that did not belong to the campaign. The room was rented out by someone named M. Capuano.” 
We made it to my office. I closed the door. “What does my wife’s team said?” 
Megan grimaced. “That’s the thing. They said they aren’t worried about it. Rachel said that she spoke to the Senator and if questioned, they are going with no comment.”  
I smiled. “That’s my girl. We’re saying the same thing, Megan. Thanks.” I turned to pick up my phone.  
Megan scoffed.  “There is no way we can go with no comment, Chris. They will tear her apart. You have to talk to her about.  She’s just not bringing herself down but you as well.”  
“I’ll talk to her. Give me five minutes.” Megan rolled her eyes and left my office as I called my wife. “Hello, my little Senator.”  
“Hi handsome!” She was flushed from running for her phone. She was heartbreakingly beuatfiul, her cream colored blouse clung to her curves that I love and gave just the hint of clevage. “How were your discussions?”   
“Really good, looks like the live numbers will be out highest yet.” I smirk. “Execpt for my last meeting.”  
She frowned. “With who?” 
“Megan. She wanted to bring attention to the fact that there is an article going aroung saying my wife is having an affair.”  
YN gasped. “Chris, you know I would never...” 
“I was nervous for just a second and then she told me the name the room was reserved under and it took everything in me not to laugh.” 
She looked confused. “I don’t understand.” 
“Sweetheart, remember when you had a swing in Virginia and I was able to see you and we kept it on the low.”  
“Yes,” she dragged out.  
“Well I couldn’t reserve the room under either of our names so my uncle helped me and reserve the room for me. M. Capuano. Uncle Mike.”  
I watched as the realization clicked. “Oh my gosh, they think I am having an affair with M. Capuano but really I’m having an affair with my husband.”  
I smirk as she laughs. “I don’t know what you are laughing at Senator. You’re having an affair.”  
“I sure am. The man really is hard to resist. Dark gripable hair, a beard that feels so good on my skin. Bluest eyes I ever seen. He’s built and has those arms that can hold you to him all night long.”  
“Fuck sweetheart, you can’t say stuff like when when I don’t have time right now.” I looked at my calendar on my computer. “I can be with you tomorrow morning and stay through the weekend.”  
“I’m looking forward to it Mr. Affair.”  
“I’m going to rock your world Mrs. Affair.  I love you.”  
“I love you more.”  
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YN POV 
You’re nervous.  
This day is always nerve-racking.  
This isn’t your first one either.  
And hopefully it isn’t your last.  
Its election day. 
While you hadn’t given up your senate seat yet, it was something you were willing to do if the right opportunity presented itself. Say, being the President of the United States.  
But first, you needed to be elected there. You were back in California, awaiting for the results. Votes were being tally, the electoral college was making its decision and all you could do was wait.  
Which is not the easiest thing to do.  
Chris had been on the phone with his ASP team, checking results in major battleground states, counts on issues that were concerning to younger Americans. Every time he looked up to you, he would you a smile and mouth “i love you” to try and calm your nerves. Three years of this and he knew how to calm your nerves.  
The campaign had been hard, a woman running against an older, backward thinking man. The scandal of the car photos came back into play but your opponents own philandering with a woman not his wife, nullified that right away.  You had no secrets, other than your relationship with Chris.  You were caareful to only show what you wanted to the public to know.  Chris was or rather still is a famous movie star. He may have slowed down his films but he was never not working. ASP was his pride and joy, besides you, and it relected on how much the platform grew.  
It was nearing 8pm in California and the states were starting to be called. Every political forecaster predicted this race to be the tightest its ever seen. No one expected you to receive the nomination.  No one expected to make it this far. No one believe. Except Chris.  
He believed in you.  
You can feel him right behind you before he wraps his arms around you.  “Did you ever imagine being here Senator?” 
You shake your head. “I imagined a lot of things. I had dreams. But, to do this with you, now,” you look up at him, “I never imagined it like this.”  
For hours, you and. your family stood around, watching results. Chris mentioned that you should rest but you were too keyed up to lie down or even sit down. Hour after hour passed and the race was down to the final couple of states. Then the news anchor interrupted the talking heads on the news.  
“We are now prepared to make the call in Oregon. This evening has been historic in so many ways. But now we are ready to declare Oregon for...” 
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Clack.  
Clack.  
Clack.  
Your heels clicked on the floor as you walked to your destiny. You assumed it would be hard, to run for president. To deal with the fall out. Your opponent had been cordial in his speech. He talked about uniting the country and not letting politics create a divide.  He was right, the country had to come together now and move forward.  
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Chris POV 
Watching my girl waiting to be taken to her seat for the ceremony, it was heart wrenching.  She was so stoic and unnaturally quiet. She had on a beautiful red dress with white accents and her coat was the same blue as the american flag. She had been so brave through all of this. She kept her head up and was gracious. The embodiment of class.  She just had one more thing to do before we could move forward.  
“Are you ready, sweetheart?” 
“I’m scared,” she whispered.  
“Don’t be.  I’m right here.” I took her hand and we were walked to our seats. The ceremony was beautiful in the cold January air.  We listened to the poet laureate and the national anthem done by Taylor Swift. But then it was our cue, to do the part of the ceremony as instructed by the head of the inguration committee.  I smiled as I held out the bible, open to her favorite passage.  
I watched as my girl placed her hand on the bible and then raised her right hand.  
I, YN YMN Evans, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. So help me God.” 
The roar of the crowd sounded as she finished her oath. I leaned over to kiss my wife, my president. “Congratulation, madam President.”  
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“Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting the new President of the United States and new First Gentleman, YN and Chris Evans!” 
Walking out to the inagural ball is surreal. This was our life now for the next four years. But I wouldn’t change it for the world.  As Harry Styles sang Adore You for us again, I held my wife in my arms. “Did you count on this, madam President.” 
She frowned for a second. “I don’t know if i like you callng me that. But no,” she smiled. “I was only counting on you.”  
“You can always count on me, love. Count on it forever.”  
“Just as long as I’m still your forever.”  She sighed as she leaned against me.  “Still not sure about the madam president thing.” 
“How about in public, you are madam President, but in private,” I spin her around and draw her close again, “you’ll always be my little senator.” 
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neopronouns-in-action · 3 months
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Neopronouns in Action #073: With a Smile
(The title will make sense if I ever actually get around to writing out this whole novel)
11,000 words long. This one will actually be under a read-more because it's so long, lol.
(Archived Read-More Link)
(Read More started here)
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The characters and their pronouns:
Andi: ero/ilas/danajei, used like it/its/itself pronouns:
Replace it with ero, Replace its with ilas, Replace itself with danajei
Example:
"It is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as it gets a fence set up around its yard so the puppy can go outside without it having to walk it. Its uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting it use, since it lost its. It's going to buy toys and train the puppy itself."
Becomes:
"Ero is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as ero gets a fence set up around ilas yard so the puppy can go outside without ero having to walk it. Ilas uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting ero use, since ero lost ilas. Ero's going to buy toys and train the puppy janadei."
- - -
8301B (pronounced eight-three-oh-one-bee) : she/her/(hers)/herself
"She is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as she gets a fence set up around her yard so the puppy can go outside without her having to walk it. Her uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting her use, since she lost hers. She's going to buy toys and train the puppy herself. "
- - -
Proffessor Starfield: hea/ler/(lers)lerself, used like she/her/(hers)/herself pronouns:
Example:
"She is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as she gets a fence set up around her yard so the puppy can go outside without her having to walk it. Her uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting her use, since she lost hers. She's going to buy toys and train the puppy herself."
Becomes:
"Hea is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as hea gets a fence set up around ler yard so the puppy can go outside without ler having to walk it. Ler uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting ler use, since hea lost lers. Hea's going to buy toys and train the puppy lerself."
- - -
Lera: ido/eis/eiself, used like it/its/itself pronouns
Example:
"It is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as it gets a fence set up around its yard so the puppy can go outside without it having to walk it. Its uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting it use, since it lost its. It's going to buy toys and train the puppy itself."
Becomes:
"Ido is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as ido gets a fence set up around eis yard so the puppy can go outside without ido having to walk it. Eis uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting ido use, since ido lost eis. Ido's going to buy toys and train the puppy eiself."
- - -
Echo: zal/az/azself, used like it/its/itself pronouns
Example:
"It is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as it gets a fence set up around its yard so the puppy can go outside without it having to walk it. Its uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting it use, since it lost its. It's going to buy toys and train the puppy itself."
Becomes:
"Zal is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as zal gets a fence set up around az yard so the puppy can go outside without zal having to walk it. Az uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting zal use, since zal lost az. Zal's going to buy toys and train the puppy Azself."
- - -
Freedom: ae/ryn/(ryns)/rynself, used most closely like she/her/(hers)/herself pronouns
Example:
"She is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as she gets a fence set up around her yard so the puppy can go outside without her having to walk it. Her uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting her use, since she lost hers. She's going to buy toys and train the puppy herself."
Becomes:
"Ae is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as ae gets a fence set up around ryn yard so the puppy can go outside without ryn having to walk it. Ryn uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting ryn use, since ae lost ryns. Ae's going to buy toys and train the puppy rynself."
- - -
Drew Morgan: sia/lia/lis/liaself, used like he/him/his/himself pronouns
Example:
"He is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as he gets a fence set up around his yard so the puppy can go outside without him having to walk it. His uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting him use, since he lost his. He's going to buy toys and train the puppy himself."
Becomes:
"Sia is going to adopt a new puppy soon, as soon as sia gets a fence set up around lis yard so the puppy can go outside without lia having to walk it. Lis uncle is going to help set up the fence, since he has a set of power tools he's letting lia use, since sia lost lis. Sia's going to buy toys and train the puppy liaself."
- - -
Andi was in pain. Which really, wasn’t anything new.
You’d think ero’d be used to it by now. Wasn’t that how these things were supposed to go?
Turns out you can’t actually get used to pain. It just keeps hurting. You can ignore it sometimes, if you have a million other things to think about, but it doesn’t magically disappear just because you want it to and are desperately telling yourself you’re ‘used to it’.
The one exception to this rule seemed to be the scars Andi still had on ilas neck from Freedom’s teeth. That had hurt at first, but over time, the pain had actually faded, until ero had felt nothing except relief, since it meant they could finally stop walking, if only for a few minutes. It wasn’t that ilas feet hurt, because ero hadn’t been able to feel ilas feet. It was just that walking non-stop became boring and even more literally-mind-numbing than the rest of the universe already was, so doing something different--even if it was just standing still-- had become a reprieve.
But it wasn’t the scars across ilas neck that were hurting Andi right now. No, it was the probably bruised ribs in ilas chest, the definitely dislocated fingers, whatever the hell was wrong with ilas forward left knee and forward right ankle, the all-encompassing squished feeling in ilas thorax, the fact that ero hadn’t been able to sleep properly in three days, and last but certainly not least, the severe dehydration.
Andi could, in fact, remember the last time ero’d had anything to drink. It was the orange juice ero’d ordered at the diner Starfield had taken them all to for breakfast. Or lunch. Dinner? It was impossible to keep track, and none of them really cared.
They went to the diner to get bacon and eggs, or waffles, or other breakfast-y items like that, because Lera hadn’t ever had them before, and by that point they were all starting to get tired of the lack of texture that went with the nutrient-dense capsules 8301B could manufacture. (Thought they were, of course, always delicious).
8301B had landed them in the morning, before the sun had even properly risen, to fit the theme of breakfast, even if morning no longer meant anything to any of them. There was only so much time you could spend in a time machine, hopping from place to place and time to time, before your body was forced to develope a circadian rhythm all its own. By Andi’s level of wakefullness, they’d gone to the diner around “mid-day”.
From the clock on a billboard by the road a short distance away, it was just past 6AM, but that was okay, because the diner was apparently open 24 hours a day, every day of the week (which just seemed unfair) so they didn’t have to wait.
They all put on the masks Starfield insisted they needed to wear during this time period (there was, apparently, a pandemic going on, but Starfield had given all of them species-appropriate vaccines against it, and 8301B would disinfect their clothes when they were done. And 8301B had disinfected the 100-ft area around herself as they landed, and would keep disinfecting it until they left. And Starfield was carrying a dozen different forms of vaccinations that hea was planning to give to the staff.) They just strolled right in, and then a server then lead them right back outside to some tables and chairs that had been set up on the sidewalk next to where 8301B had been parked, currently invisible, and projecting an aura to pervent anyone from running into her by accident.
Apparently there were multiple signs on the diner’s door that asked patrons to wait outside (to prevent the spread of the virus going around), but neither Andi nor Starfield could see them, and Lera and the kids couldn’t read them. The staff were very accommodating, though, and didn’t seem upset once they understood the problem. It helped that Andi and Starfield both had their new white canes with them.
The only reaction their server had to Lera was to compliment eis on eis makeup. That was the usual reaction people who didn’t know about aliens had when they met Lera, assuming that ido was wearing extensive makeup, or a costume. Ido received far more compliments than ido ever did fearful reactions. The rest of the kids had their appearances hidden through the same sort of trick that let 8301B appear to be invisible, their part-human / Idolun-matrix and actual direct Idolun ancestry helping to cement the illusion, which would never be able to work for Lera.
The only time people figured out ido was really an alien was when they’d already been dealing with other aliens for several hours, or were aliens themselves, and it suddenly dawned on them that maybe, just maybe, the color-shifting person covered in scales and horns wasn’t just wearing a complicated, high-tech outfit just for the fun of it.
The waiter had helpfully listed off the choices of drinks available when Starfield explained that Lera and the kids were still learning to read English, and that they would need help with the menus.
Starfield and Andi both ordered orange juice, Lera ordered hot chocolate, and the kids ordered an assortment ranging from root beer to chocolate milk to lemonade to water.
And the rest, after that? ...That was all a bit blurry. And what Andi could remember clearly, ero’d rather not think about.
The important thing now was that they all were back in 8301B, and for now at least they were safe. The doors were locked, and not even a van full of heavily-armed extremists would be able to get them open.
Starfield was still in a healing trance, but hea was in the medical bay where hea was safe if anything went wrong, and the last time Andi had checked, Lera was watching over ler.
Andi was in the entreance room, draped across one of the floor cushions on ilas back, wishing 8301B could just magically teleport ero to ilas master bathroom so ero could take a nice, long bath to rehydrate and relax in without actually having to move.
It had rained at one point the day before while they were outside, and they’d gotten completely soaking wet, which was the only reason Andi was still conscious and able to function at the moment, if only barely.
Their captors had given them water, but not enough, and Andi wished they had more ablebodied adults on board 8301B with them, if only so ero could ask someone to bring it some water. Or to find a hover bed so ero could get to ilas room.
Freedom was aboard, of course, and so were the younger children children, but they were asleep, or at least Andi hoped they were, and ero didn’t want to wake them, or let them realize just how badly hurt ero and Starfield were. They’d had enough stress to deal with in their short lives so far, and Andi would rather get kidnapped again than add to that list. Not that getting kidnapped would help the situation at all. Freedom, of course, didn’t sleep, and was far more aware of the perils of their life than Andi wanted, since that had been unavoidable. But ero wasn’t going to increase that stress if ero could help it.
So what was Andi’s plan? Ilas plan was to lie there on the floor, and not move, and hope Lera decided to wander back to the interface room sometime soon.
::You know, I can get eis attention for you…:: 8301B said softly, just a whisper in Andi’s mind.
8301B’s voice, even her mental voice, was still raspy and hoarse, and Andi could feel the effort that she had to put in to say even that much.
Well now Andi couldn’t just say no, could it? Not when 8301B was going through this much effort to help.
“Oh, alright,” Ero relented, slumping further into the large cushion, “But only if ido’s sure Starfield’s not going to wake up and wander off before ler memory has rebooted to who knows where as soon as ido leaves the room. I’m sorry, but I’m in no condition to be trekking around in your halls looking for ler for hours on end.”
::Yes, I can see that. Don’t worry, I’ll put an alarm on the door, that should alert me if hea decides to go for a walk.::
Should being the operative word there. It should alert her if Starfield decided to leave the room. But 8301B still wasn’t fully recovered from what had happened to her, and maybe she never would fully recover. Andi knew ero sure wouldn’t. Starfield might, because hea could always connect to the Idolun genetic matrix and heal lerself, but there were no guarantees that would be able to fix anything.
These weren’t normal injuries they’d all been inflicted with, and most physicians - - mechanical, organic, and sympheric alike - - couldn’t even see that anything was damaged at all, let alone figure out a way to heal it.
According to all the hundreds of scans they’d tried before giving up, there was absolutely nothing wrong with Andi’s eyes, or ilas brain. According to all rules except for the ones being expressed by reality, both should be working perfectly fine. There was no physical change to explain why all ero could see, even with ilas eyes closed, was white static.
The machines couldn’t even scan ilas insectoid thorax. It just showed up as blank on all the scanners they tried. Just ilas torso, and nothing else. Like ero was just a human from the chest upward, with nothing to support it in the air. Some species had trouble even looking at Andi now, it gave them a headache if they tried.
Fortunately (and unfortunately, sometimes, like yesterday), humans were not included in this category.
Andi was busy trying to imagine what it would be like to actually go home and meet ilas parents again, talk to ilas si--ilas siblings--again, when 8301B suddenly shocked ero.
It wasn’t painful, but Andi heard the spark, and ilas hand, the one hand that had been touching the floor, jolted numb for half a second as Andi gasped in surprise and confusion, bolting upright with strength ero didn’t know ero still had.
“Wha⏤”
::Hide! Andi, hide! Someone is breaking through the door, and I can’t stop them! They’re moving quickly, they’re going to be through in less than a minute! The energy I’ve given you will wear off soon, you must use this time to hide!::
There was panic in 8301B’s voice, and Andi suddenly found danajei on ilas feet, energized like ero wasn’t about to pass out from physical and mental stress.
Ilas head whipped around, struggling to reorient danajei in the room so ero could find somewhere that would shield ero from view from the door.
::Forward and to your left, two steps each, the tall bookcase--!:: 8301B said frantically, her voice devolving into static on the last word.
Andi lunged to follow the directions, two steps forward, and two steps to the left, and ended up knocking into the edge of the bookshelf in question, but ero found the back panel of the floor-to-ceiling shelf and shoved danajei behind it, flattening danajei against it, counting the touch of ilas toes against the wood so ero could be sure all of ero was hidden.
Ero couldn’t hear any noises coming from 8301B’s door, but ero could feel 8301B humming anxiously beneath ero, and knew ero wouldn’t have to wait long for whoever or whatever was out there to get in. Whoever they were, they were terrifyingly efficient. 8301B hadn’t picked them up on any of the scanners until they were literally about to break down the door. The door that not even a ship full of Vikings could break down. Well, the good news was this probably wasn’t a ship full of Vikings.
It only took a few seconds, though those two seconds seemed to stretch into eternity as Andi’s mind frantically raced through the possibilities, wondering what ero could do, what ero should do, how long this boost of energy would last, what would happen when it faded, how this wasn’t fair, Andi’d thought ero’d at least get a chance to rest before the next disaster - -
The door opened with a soft creak as the only sound to give away how hard 8301B was trying to keep it shut, and a voice outside gasped in what Andi could only assume was wonder.
“Oh - - oh my, Professor, what have you done with the place…” A deep voice said as their footsteps echoed on the floor with sharp clicks like metal against stone. “This is - - I can’t believe he’s hid this from me this whole time!” the voice was growing louder as it came further into the interface room, approaching the center interface.
8301B’s humming increased in pitch.
Andi needed to act fast, before whoever this was did anything. Ero couldn’t let them get to the interface, ero needed to stop them. If 8301B were capable of speaking to direct ero right now, she would have done it by now, so ero needed to figure something else out.
Where had ero put ilas telegogs? Ero could still hear the person walking, the tapping ringing out clearly. Like they were circling the interface, like they were wearing heels or something. Where had ero put ilas telegogs? Ero’d sat them down somewhere, but where - -
Andi wracked ilas brain, trying to remember the sequence of events. Ero’d come in, and Lera had carried Starfield to the medical bay. Andi’d had only enough energy to trudge to ilas favorite cushion. The telegogs had teleported to ero as soon as ero set foot in the door, but ero hadn’t needed or wanted them, so ero’d tossed them - -
Yes! Ero’d tossed them towards the bookshelf, the same bookshelf ero was hiding behind now. They would just teleport back to ero whenever it passed through a doorway, or the halfway point of a room, so ero hadn’t bothered with keeping them on ero. Ero hadn’t been expecting someone to break into 8301B not even an hour after they got back to her.
Could Andi get to the telegogs without whoever was in the room seeing ero? They didn’t bother to keep as many light sources active these days, since Andi didn’t need them, they weren’t much help to Starfield, and Lera and most of the kids could see in the dark just fine. And Freedom of course didn’t have eyes to begin with.
But that would require getting around to the front of the bookshelf, and then taking the time to feel around to find them, and if the intruder turned to look, they’d see ero. It was too risky.
There wasn’t any more time to think. The person, whoever they were, had stopped at the interface, and Andi needed to stop them. If ero didn’t, there was no telling what sort of horrible things would happen to them all.
In a split second, Andi decided, almost purely on instinct, that ero wasn’t going to bother trying to get the telegogs. Ero could hear where the person was, and that was all the information ero needed. You didn’t need to be precise to tackle someone. If they just so happened to be covered in poisonous barbs or spines, then Andi would find that out the hard way after 8301B was safe.
8301B heard what ero was planning, and managed to think through her panic enough to help. The humming beneath Andi disappeared, but now ero could feel it thundering in the center of the room, concentrated -- Andi was guessing -- right below the feet of whoever was standing over there.
“What in the world?” The intruder yelped, “What are you doing, you silly old - -”
Andi didn’t hear the rest of that sentence, because ero was too busy tearing out from behind the bookcase and sprinting across the room towards the souce of the noise as quickly as ero could, praying ero didn’t crash into any tables or shelves. Ero did slam partly into the arm of a large cushioned chair, but ero was moving too quickly to let that stop ero.
The thundering in the floor was suddenly directly in front of ero, and the voice gasped again, the sound of it changing as though they’d spun to face Andi, right as ero reared onto ilas back four legs, and swung as hard as ero could with ilas front two.
Ero felt the impact as first ilas left, then ilas right foreleg collided with something hard, and barely a moment later, there was a thudding sound as something crashed to the floor.
And then Andi fell to the floor as ilas front legs seized in pain, and that squished feeling in ilas thorax from before? Had now been promoted to a sharp, stabbing pain in ilas side that made ero thank every god ever worshiped that ero didn’t actually have any lungs that could be punctured down there.
Which just made the stabbing pain in ilas chest, where ero definitely had lungs that could be punctured, all the more concerning. But ero would deal with that later.
Andi lay there on ilas side for a few stunned moments, trying to catch ilas breath from where it had been knocked out of ero, wincing when each inhale came with a small spike of pain, trying to figure out if they were still in danger or if they were about to all die in a fiery explosion or if the person had been covered in poisonous barbs and ero’d been fatally poisoned and just hadn’t noticed yet.
8301B had stopped humming, so the only sounds Andi could hear was ilas own ragged breathing and the rush of blood in ilas ears.
Ero didn’t think ero’d been poisoned, and no one was attacking ero, or screaming, or attacking 8301B, or doing any other horrible things, so after a few moments where nothing horrible happened, Andi guessed that it was safe to assume ero’d succeeded in knocking the intruder out.
Okay.
Now what?
“Are you okay?” Ero asked, starting to cautiously push danajei into a sitting position - - then ero remembered what 8301B had said about the boost of energy only lasting a few minutes, and laid hastily back down so that when the energy wore off - - and ero could only assume it would do so abruptly - - ero wouldn’t fall over again.
Unable to think of any better options, ero sighed and began pulling danajei slowly across the floor, trying to move away from the hopefully-unconscious intruder. If Andi was going possibly to pass out any second now, ero’d rather do it away from the person with hostile intentions rather than right next to them.
One of ilas feet brushed what ero assumed was the person’s fallen body as ero started to crawl away, and Andi recoiled instinctively. Then, when nothing happened, gently poked them again, this time on purpose, with one claw, hoping to get at least a little bit of information.
Ero could feel what might have been fabric, and something with a bit of a give beneath, like skin, but nothing helpful. A lot of species wore clothes. A lot of species had squishy skin. That didn’t tell Andi anything helpful at all besides that this person was maybe not an insectoid. But then again, if you poked Andi in the shoulder, you wouldn’t have any way of knowing ero had the lower half of an insectoid either, so even that didn’t really tell ero anything for sure.
Andi army-crawled along the floor, trying to put distance between ero and the intruder, glad the stone floor was cushioned by overlapping rugs.
The room was wider on one side than the other, so the interface wasn’t actually in the middle of the room. Andi had to go just a little bit further, and - - ahaha! Andi knew ero’d crossed the middle point of the room, because the telegogs had teleported to ero, and were now perched on ilas forehead.
Knowing ero was probably going to regret this later, Andi reached up and pulled them down over ilas eyes, and felt the tiny pin-pricks of familiar pain as the small nodes along the frame connected with ilas mind.
It took half a second for the images to form, and then suddenly Andi could see, the images projected directly into ilas mind from 8301B’s sensors. It wasn’t the way ero would have seen with ilas normal eyes had they not been blind, because 8301B didn’t see with human eyes, she saw with mechanical sensors that had been created by Cawfroans and Idoluns. But Andi had used these often enough by now that ero could almost perfectly understand what they showed ero.
The floor beneath ero was glowing dark blue, the table ero was behind was orange, and every book on every shelf was a myriad of colors as ero turned ilas head back towards the interface.
There was a figure sprawled on the floor right where ero’d thought they’d be. Andi could see the fabric of what appeared to be a dress, and long, curly hair. They weren’t moving, which was good, and with a thought, Andi set the imager to show ero an internal scan.
Ero’d done this more than enough times now that ero didn’t jump when the person’s internal organs and veins suddenly became visible, the fabric of the dress fading into background noise, but ero did feel ilas heart rate spike when ero saw not one, but two hearts beating slowly in the figure’s chest.
No, no, Andi didn’t need to panic, there were lots of species in the universe who had two hearts. Ero’d met many of them. There was no reason to assume this was an Idolun just because they had two hearts.
Except, of course, for the fact that they had terrible luck, and it probably was an Idolun bounty hunter just because the universe wanted to spite them. The universe really should be more grateful, they’d saved its life after all...
And 8301B still hadn’t responded in any way to Andi’s question, so that probably wasn’t a good sign.
Andi told the telegogs to analyze the intruder’s lifesigns, and a moment later, a transparent box popped up to inform ero that the person was, both in fact and unfortunately, an Idolun.
But the good news was they were unconscious, and by 8301B’s estimates, wouldn’t wake up for at least half an hour.
Knocking an Idolun unconscious wasn’t as dangerous as knocking out a human or any other non-genetically-enhanced species, because an Idolun would automatically go into a healing trance to heal the damage.
Sometimes, like when it was Starfield being knocked violently unconscious by a blow that would have killed a human for sure, that was a good thing, because hea would probably be right as rain as soon as hea woke up.
Sometimes, like right now, that was a bad thing.
8301B didn’t recognize this Idolun’s current iteration, but Andi could see through the telegogs that 8301B was busy calculating their age so they could at least guess if this one in particular was going to be causing problems.
Well, more problems than they had already caused by breaking in and trying to kidnap them all, which didn’t bode well for anyone.
[[They’re thirty Earth years.]] 8301B finally reported through the telegog’s interface, the words appearing as text rather than sound. It was easier for her to communicate this way, but unfortunately, this wasn’t as easy for Andi. Ero could only wear the telegogs for short intervals, no longer than an hour at a time, otherwise ero would get a splitting headache.
Which wasn’t how they were supposed to work, but ever since Andi had fused with Starfield, and then been torn apart and stitched back together by the Phiartins, things tended not to work the way they were supposed to when it came to ilas physiology.
Andi took a moment to actually digest what 8301B had said, confused and alarmed. They’re thirty Earth years…
“But - -” Ero started, “But for an Idolun, that’s - - that’s just a child, isn’t it? Did I just knock a child unconscious?”
[[A child who broke down my door and was about to kidnap me.]] 8301B reminded ero. [[A child that could be working for the Celestial Intervention Agency[!], or worse. I wouldn’t put it past them, and neither should you. Don’t feel bad, they’ll be fine, they’re already healing.]]
To prove it, 8301B faded out the rest of the room to show Andi a more detailed scan of the unconscious Idolun child, with bars showing the damage ero had done, and the rate at which that damage was healing. Andi’d had done quite a bit of damage, and seeing it up close would probably have sickened ero if ero were younger and less well-traveled. Ero could actually see the pieces of the person’s brain and skull and spine knitting back together.
Andi didn’t regret hitting them. Ero did’t. Ero couldn’t let anyone kidnap 8301B, or take them to who knows where. But this was a child, and ero couldn’t help feeling guilty, even if 8301B enlarged the map of their brain to show that they would be perfectly healed within less than thirty minutes to make doubly sure ero had seen it.
“We need to get some stun guns or something to keep in here.” Andi said, as 8301B let the detailed scans fade away so the rest of the room became visible again. “I wouldn’t want to kill someone by accident.” Not to mention it felt like ero’d broken something using ilas front legs like a battering ram. Or those twin stabbing sensations that still hadn’t gone away.
Ero especially wouldn’t want to kill a child by accident. Especially not a child this young. Starfield had told ero about ler species, and about being genetically engineered on top of that, had answered ilas questions, so Andi knew that for an Idolun, 30 years old was...was…
Ero put ilas head in ilas hands, and told the telegogs to turn off everything except 8301B’s communications. The world returned to its normal white static, and ero groaned to danajei in aggravation.
Ero didn’t want to be sitting here trying to figure out how to articulate the differences in life spans and ages between species when the differences didn’t translate over.
The human equivalent of an Idolun who was 30 years old was an infant who couldn’t even walk yet, let alone break into and try to steal a living ship. It didn’t translate exactly, because the species weren’t interchangeable. But that didn’t change the fact that this was a child, who should be at home, or at school, somewhere safe being watched over by adults.
They should not be on Earth of all places, breaking into living ships they weren’t welcome in and trying to kidnap them!
“Where are your parents?” Andi muttered angrily, dropping back down to lie flat on the floor. Ero could feel the very beginnings of a headache coming on on top of all the other pains, and could only guess that the boost of energy 8301B had given ero for the emergency was about to wear off, and...
Oh, shit. Ero bolted upright. “The doors!” Ero cried, “Are they still open?” Ero swung ilas head, and set the telegogs back on and told them to show ero 8301B’s exit doors.
They were shut, but they weren’t locked. And 8301B couldn’t lock them herself, which meant either Andi had to get over there and lock them, or just anyone walking down the street could come over and walk in if they had enough Idolun-matrix in their makeup to resist the illusion and be curious enough to investigate. That had happened more than a few times.
[[Echo is on az way to the interface room.]] 8301B reassured ero, [[I’m not detecting any other life signs in the immediate area besides the normal wildlife. You should lie down, we don’t want you falling again when the energy I gave you wears off. Echo can lock the doors and secure the prisoner.]]
Andi resisted the urge to groan again, and not just with pain this time, and 8301B knew why. And even if she hadn’t already known why, she could see the resulting spike in Andi’s hormone levels. She said, since there was nothing else she could say, [[I’m sorry.]]
“It’s not your fault.” Andi said back, waving a suddenly-numb hand to dismiss the apology. It wasn’t 8301B’s fault, and there was nothing that could be done about it, so there was no use in complaining.
Except for the part where Andi enjoyed complaining, of course. Ero had had ilas fill of holding ilas tongue long before they escaped the lab they’d been imprisoned in by Valor Nosliar, and ero wasn’t planning on going back any time soon.
Andi would rather have ilas legs cut off all over again than ever interact with Echo again for as long as ero lived, but...well, there wasn’t really any way for ero to avoid that just at the moment.
Normally, when Echo was out, Andi would leave the room, or go to the opposite side of 8301B, or lock danajei in ilas own room, but that wasn’t an option right now.
“If I pass out,” Ero grumbled, knowing ero didn’t have the strength to pull danajei any further away from the interface. “Don’t let az even look at me.”
[[I’ll make sure zal doesn’t.]]
And sure enough, Andi could feel ilas perception fading as the extra energy began to dissipate, leaving ero feeling even more exhausted than ero’d been before.
The world slowly faded to black, the only other color ero could see naturally these days, as ero lost consciousness.
[[INSERT LINEBREAK HERE]]
When Andi next awoke, ero found that ero was lying on ilas favorite floor cushion again instead of the floor, and for a few, hope-filled moments, ero wondered if ero had just been a really annoying dream, so that ero could forget about it and go back to sleep.
But the telegogs were still over ilas eyes, and when ero activated them on the lower setting, ero saw 8301B’s message, which read, [[The intruder has been tied up and is still in a healing trance. You were only asleep for twenty minutes. Freedom followed Echo here to make sure you were alright, and lifted you to the cushion. Ae went to check on Starfield when Lera came out, but ae’ll be back soon. Lera went to get water for you.]]
Andi wanted to go back to sleep. Ero really wanted to go back to sleep. Especially because the headache that had been brewing from using the telegogs was still there. It wasn’t to the point where ero would need to take them off right this instant, but it was still pain, however slight, and ero would rather not have to deal with it, especially since it knew it would only get worse the longer ero wore them.
But ero didn't have much choice right now.
Why did it seem like Andi never had a choice in anything?
Ero sighed and cautiously, slowly sat up again, feeling the still very much present stabbing sensations in ilas human chest and insectoid thorax, and the bruises that were most certainly forming on ilas front legs. Ilas entire body hurt, some of it quite a bit, but as long as nothing got worse, Andi was pretty sure ero would be able to stand, as long as ero knew Lera was going to be back with water some time soon.
And once Lera was back, there would be nothing stopping Andi from just actually going to sleep for the next day. Or two. Or three. Ero could hope. Lera hadn’t been physically injured during the last incident, so, naturally it was eis turn to stand watch with 8301B while Andi and Starfield slept.
Well, Starfield wasn’t sleeping, hea was in a healing trance, but it was pretty much the same thing for an Idolun. Andi knew that at some point soon ero would need to find danajei in the medical bay as well, so that 8301B and hopefully the awake and healed Starfield would be able to check over ilas injuries and make sure nothing was going to cause permanent damage.
The stabbing sensation in ilas chest whenever ero breathed in was very ominous, and Andi would only be able to ignore that for so long.
But hopefully it would only be a little bit longer.
Andi switched the telegogs to the normal setting and looked around, realizing belatedly that ilas favorite cushion had been moved to where ero was, rather than the other way around.
Andi was only six or so feet away from the center interface, which was worrying, until ero realized that the intruder-child had been moved to the far side of the room. Ero could see them easily, because 8301B had highlighted them in bright yellow with a black shadow to make them stand out. Andi set the telegogs to zoom, and saw that they’d been tied to one of the arm chairs with restraining cable.
The reactive cable would keep them safely secured without cutting off blood flow or restricting their breathing...Assuming they didn’t have some way of deactivating the cable the way they’d cut through 8301B’s other defenses like they didn’t exist.
[[They should be waking up any minute now,]] 8301B said, [[They’ve finished healing.]]
Right.
Andi should probably go over there so ero could interrogate them. Or at least find out where their parents were.
Maybe this was all just a misunderstanding. They were just a little kid, after all, maybe they’d thought this living ship was friends with their parents, maybe they’d come here trying to find their parents…
Except a kid who was looking for their parents wouldn’t go breaking down the door on a living ship. It was impossible to mistake 8301B for anything else, not even another crystal-form, because her exterior was just too unique. No one else had fallen through that rift in space and survived, no one else bore the mind-bending scars of that journey. There was no way you could think 8301B was another ship. The pieces just didn’t add up to this being an innocent misunderstanding.
Andi couldn’t remember what the kid had said when they came in, but ero remembered that it sounded overly familiar, like they already knew 8301B, but were expecting something different. It was always possible, of course, when you lived in a ship who could travel through time...
Andi pushed danajei to ilas feet, feeling like ilas bones were weighed down with bricks, and began the slow and painful trudge over to the other side of the room, using the telegog’s display to navigate around the tables and chairs, wishing ero had ilas cane. That at least didn’t give ero a headache.
But ilas cane had been stolen, again, and ero got the feeling that this time, no helpful bystanders were going to be kind enough to find and return it. There were more in 8301B’s storage room, but that was up a flight of stairs that Andi didn’t have the time or energy to climb right now.
Hopefully before the next disaster struck they would be able to get those automatic furniture alarms Starfield had been speculating about. They would be placed on each piece of furniture, and would have a sensor field, and when Andi or Starfield or whoever else needed them got within that sensor field, the alarm would inform them of how close they were to it, and what it was.
But they’d already been interrupted from going to get those twice now, so Andi wasn’t going to hold ilas breath about getting them anytime soon.
Thankfully, there was another floor cushion not far from where the child was restrained, and Andi gratefully sank into it. 8301B didn’t even need to be asked before she set the cushion so that it radiated a gentle heat that helped chase away some of the aches and pains. Andi flopped over onto ilas side and curled into the warm pillow, promising danajei ero would sit up and act serious once the kid actually woke up.
Ero didn’t mean to fall asleep again, but ero must have, because the next thing Andi knew ero was startling awake, and the kid was yelling at ero at what had to be the top of their lungs.
“Who do you think you are?!” they shouted, voice so loud it seemed to peirce straight through Andi’s head right to where the headache from the telegogs usually formed, “How dare you! Do you have any idea who I am? Untie me at once, I demand it!”
They continued yelling similar things in what appeared to be a American accent of some kind, but that wasn’t useful information either, because Starfield had an australian accent despite not being from Earth at all, let alone Australia.
8301B’s translation circuits tended to give people any kind of accent Andi was used to hearing, either on the radio, television, or the people ero had interacted with before leaving Earth. Even Echo and Lera seemed to have British accents, though of course they didn’t really. That was just impossible.
With the telegogs, Andi could see that the kid was struggling against the restraining cable, which ero decided to take as a good sign that they weren’t actually capable of disabling it easily. If they could, they probably would have done that before they started yelling so they could have the element of surprise on their side.
Unless they were just too impulsive to plan ahead that far, which was possible, considering this was a kid.
Andi pressed ilas hands over ilas ears to block out the shouting, and snapped, “Enough of that! I’m the one who should be asking the questions around here!”
The telegogs were showing that the kid had closed their mouth and was now glaring rather than shouting, so Andi lowered ilas hands from ilas ears, and ground out, “Now, no one here wants to hurt you, but you broke into 8301B and were going to kidnap her. We had no choice but to restrain you. But if you tell us who you are, and where your parents are, we will bring you to them, and you’ll be free to go, no harm done.”
Andi was making this all up on the fly, still hoping against hope that this would be an easy problem to solve, born not out of malice, but just a simple, innocent misunderstanding, or maybe a prank.
Even though ero knew that the odds of an Idolun child being on Earth for any good reason was slim to none. And it was absurd to think you could mistake 8301B for anyone else. And their luck wasn’t that good to start with. But Andi could at least pretend to be optimistic.
The kid scoffed loudly, then did it again. Then scoffed a third time. They seemed to be at a loss for words. Or maybe they just enjoyed scoffing incredulously.
Now that the kid was awake, and Andi didn’t feel like ero was going to pass out, ero actually had the chance to finally get a good look at the child currently tied to the chair.
The telegogs distorted the colors, but ero could see that they had long, very curly hair that hung out around their head like a halo, and they were indeed wearing a dress, one that was sleeveless, with thin straps, and a long skirt as the lower part.
So either they’d come from a party, or they just enjoyed getting all fancy before they went around trying to kidnap people.
Or rather, their parents made them dress all fancily before they went around trying to kidnap people.
It was just starting to occur to Andi that someone might use a child like this as bait. There was every possibility that this kid’s parents weren’t looking for them, but rather knew exactly where they were, and this was where they wanted them to be.
The child was now just staring at Andi, and if ero could trust the telegogs to translate their expression correctly, they were incredulous and angry.
Andi was starting to get a headache in earnest now, and mentally shut the telegogs off, and set them to only turn on to the lowest power setting if and when 8301B had something to say.
The familiar white static took over the world again, and the pain in ilas head lessed by a tiny fraction, but not by enough. Ero shouldn’t have slept with the telegogs on, even for a few minutes. That had been a mistake.
A few moments passed in silence, and the child still hadn’t answered the question at all.
“If you just tell me where your parents are,” Andi repeated, trying to keep ilas voice gentle and reassuring despite the pounding headache taking up residence in ilas head, “We’ll bring you to them, and we can just forget this whole little misadventure. We won’t even tell them you tried to kidnap 8301B.”
“I’m sorry,” The child said, not sounding sorry at all, “How old, exactly, do you think I am?”
Oh, Andi should have known they’d try to pull this. “I know you’re an Idolun.” ero said firmly, not in the mood to humor them and let this conversation drag out needlessly. Even normal Cawfroans had longer lifespans than humans.
“And I know you’re thirty.” For someone who didn’t know how Idoluns or Cawfroans worked, they would appear to be an adult human. But that was simply not the case. Regular Cawfroans could live for up to 200 years, and many lived to be 300! As for the genetically-engineered Idoluns, there was no known limit to their natural lifespan yet. Starfield was over a thousand years old, hea’d said, give or take a few centuries.
(Andi couldn’t fault ler for not knowing the exact number – at this point, ero wasn’t sure how old ero was either. That was one of the many consequences of traveling through time nonstop.)
The child scoffed again and exclaimed, “Alright then! Yes, I am thirty! So why, exactly, are you acting like I’m a child? I’m probably older than you are!”
(Now that was a statement that would have been funny if it wasn’t so tragic)
Apparently Andi hadn’t been blunt enough. “You are a thirty year old Idolun.” Ero repeated sternly, unintentionally slipping into the voice ero used when ilas kids were throwing tantrums, “You are a child. I know how your species works, don’t bother trying to convince me you’re an adult because we both know you’re not.” Another thought occurred to ero, suddenly. “Are you - - look, are you running away from home, or something? Because if you are, we don’t have to take you to your parents, you can give us directions to some friends of yours or other adults you trust, or - -”
“I am an adult! What is wrong with you?” Again the child was shouting, and again they were trying to pull this trick that wasn’t going to work. Which was odd in and of itself, because that meant they’d been around humans, or at least other species with shorter-than-Cawfroan lifespans long enough to know they could fool people into thinking they were an adult.
Andi closed ilas eyes in sheer exasperation, though that didn’t have any effect on the white static. “8301B, could you please display for this person their age next to a Cawfroan’s expected lifespan, please? Just so they can see it, I've already got a headache.”
8301B made a clicking noise to signal affirmative rather than reactivate Andi’s telegogs, and ero knew she had created a display where the kid could see it.
“Look,” Andi said, while the kid was hopefully busy reading the display, “My name is Alexandra, but you can call me Andi. What’s your name? Will you at least tell me your name? My pronouns are ero/ilas/danajei, and 8301B here uses she/her/hers/herself.”
There was a pause, then the kid replied, sounding exasperated, “My name is Drew Morgan. My pronouns are sia/lia/lia/lis/liaself.”
Alright, now they were getting somewhere. They were speaking civilly. That was a good start.
Andi tried to remember what questions ero should be asking besides the obvious ‘where are your parents’, and came up blank.
Thankfully, Drew Morgan decided to ask a question of lia own. “Where is Professor Starfield? This is his timeship, I know it is.”
“8301B is Starfield’s friend, hea doesn’t own ler.” Andi corrected automatically, “And Starfield uses hea/ler/lerself pronouns right now.”
“Really?” There was amusement in lia voice. “That’s pretentious.”
Oh, Divergence, help me.
Andi was rescued from where that conversation was heading by the arrival of Freedom, thank gods.
“Mama, I’ve brought you an entire tub of water!” Freedom called out as ae entered the interface room, keeping up a steady undercurrent of humming that allowed Andi to track ryn progress through the room.
Ero could hear the quiet slosh of the water in the tub as it was carried closer, and could only imagine the expression that had to be on Drew Morgan’s face at what it had to look like for someone who could see.
“Thank you, Freedom,” Andi said as ilas daughter came to a stop just over ilas cushion, “You can set it down next to me here, there should be enough room.”
“There is, I made sure before I brought it!” Freedom replied cheerfully, and Andi heard the soft thunk as the tub was set down on the stone floor.
Andi reached out a hand in the same direction, and sure enough, ilas fingers found the warm side of the largest of the plasticrete bathtubs. Ero could tell which one it was because each of them was engraved with a different pattern. This one had a repeating pattern of cross-thatches that were familiar under ilas hands, since this one was ilas favorite. It was big enough that it could practically be considered a swimming pool.
“Do you want me to lift you in?” Freedom asked in a whisper, hovering so close that Andi heard ryn voice like it came from ilas own head. Ae clearly didn’t want Drew Morgan to hear, incase Andi was embarrassed.
Andi contemplated the question only for a moment. Yes, ero could probably climb into the tub by danajei. No it wouldn’t be fun. And there was nothing embarrassing about needing help moving. “Yes please, and thank you.” Ero said.
Ero felt Freedom wrap around ilas chest and thorax like a gentle blanket, and a moment later the floor disappeared.
It would have been frightening, if Andi hadn’t been long used to this. There had been many situations where Freedom had had to carry ero, and sometimes Starfield as well. And sometimes ae just did it for fun. Freedom enjoyed the fact that ae was bigger and stronger than both ryn parents combined.
They’d never actually tested the limits of ryn strength, mainly because neither Andi nor Starfield wanted to risk Freedom getting hurt if ae over-exerted rynself. But ae had no trouble lifting Andi.
Andi was lowered gently into the warm water and released when ilas feet touched the bottom. Ilas thorax immediately began filtering the water, pulling it in to rejuvinate dehydrated cells, and using it to flush out the accumulated stress hormones and waste products of the past three days.
It tasted like oranges, which meant Freedom had added one of Andi’s flavored nutrition tabs.
They’d gotten them from a hospital in the year 5B24-ALE on New Earth, which was also one of the first placed they’d gone after sneaking back into the universe. The hospital in New53.5 Hamshir was one of the highest regarded facilities in all of history across all of the universe, and that was saying something.
But they still hadn’t been able to scan Andi’s drex half or ilas brain. The only reason the staff had been able to create nutrition tabs for ero at all had been because ero and Starfield (but mostly Starfield) had memorized the chemical and molecular formulas the drex scientists had provided for them. And as soon as they’d had the opportunity, they’d written them down and added them to 8301B’s databanks.
Andi now had a permanent device implanted in ilas arm that could be scanned by any relatively advanced scanners when ero had it set to open signal, and it would list off for the scanner what ilas nutritional requirements were, as well as a basic list of what not to do, like leaving it in a dry or cold room. It was the high-tech version of a medical bracelet.
Drexi needed to submerge themselves in water preferably at least once a day, and could go for five days without, though that was the equivalent of a human going three days without drinking any water.
If Andi ever went more than five days without submerging danajei in water, ero would die from blood poisoning from the toxins that naturally built up as a byproduct of, well, being alive.
Humans and other species on Earth had solved this problem by evolving to have a liver and kidneys. Ancient drex ancestors had opted to outsource for the solution.
And while Andi’s human organs still worked fine as of the last time anyone had checked, they just weren’t capable of filtering the toxins created in ilas drex half, not only because of the sheer volume, but also because ilas human organs just wouldn’t know what to do with them.
Andi sank down until the warm water was up to ilas neck, smiling in relief. The pain in ilas front legs was already beginning to fade, now that the healing process could finally begin. Ilas chest still hurt, because the water couldn’t do anything to heal ilas human half, but the stabbing sensation in ilas thorax already felt noticeably better.
Andi still had no idea what had caused it, but this was probably a good sign. Maybe it had simply been caused by dehydration. Ero could hope.
They hadn’t exactly had time to stop and have an in-depth talk with the drex scientists that had rescued them. 8301B had managed to escape for a few seconds, and had materialized in an attempt to get their help, but was recaptured almost immediately, before any of them could do more than lurch in her direction.
Andi still felt guilty for not being able to rescue her.
8301B never talked about what had happened to her, not to Andi, at least. Ero hoped she at least talked to Starfield, or someone. At least Andi had Lera to relate to, they’d both gone through the same horror. 8301B had no one.
Andi didn’t know as much as ero should about the drex half of ilas biology, but ero knew enough not to die, and that was pretty much as good as it was going to get. It wasn’t like they could call the drexi up and just ask. Not anymore.
Andi knew that the longer ero went without immersing danajei in water, the slower and weaker ilas body’s responses would become. Ero wouldn’t be able to heal as quickly, ero wouldn’t gain as many nutrients and calories from food, and sleep wouldn’t be as restful.
Ero knew that the water wouldn’t make ilas headache magically disappear, since the headache was caused by divergent-human/Idolun incompatibility issues, not human/drex incompatibility issues.
Andi also knew that ero got colder now more easily than a human would, and that ero needed to sleep less often now than ero had before, though there wasn’t any guarantee that that was an effect of it being part drex, rather than the fact that it was also part Idolun now.
It was only when Drew Morgan asked, “Excuse me, I’m sorry, what is happening right now?” that Andi remembered sia was even there. Ero’d started falling asleep again.
Oops.
Andi was very easily distracted when ero had nice, warm, fruit-flavored water to bask in.
Especially when it had been several stress-filled days since ero had last been able to bathe.
Thankfully, Freedom came to ilas rescue again so ero was free to continue lounging in the water as ae explained, “Mama has had a very stressful last few days, and wasn’t able to get to any water, which is very bad for ilas health.” Ryn voice grew darker, higher, threatening, “They just got back to 8301B when you broke in, so I hope you have a very good explanation for your behavior, because I don’t take kindly to people threatening my parents, or their safety.”
Uh-oh, that was coming on a little strong.
Andi resurfaced enough to protest, “Freedom, you- -”
“No!” Freedom snapped, raising ryn voice to drown ero out, “No, it’s not fair! It’s not fair! You and daddy got hurt, and duunei is tired and upset, and you only just got back, and now this one’s here, trying to kidnap everyone, and it’s just not fair! You didn’t even get to sleep yet!” Freedom was flying rapidly in circles overhead, Andi could hear the agitated movements and the echoes of specific sounds that signaled that ilas daughter was sad and angry and afraid.
This was exactly how Andi felt about the situation, but ero had been trying to avoid actually saying any of that out loud. Ero had to set a good example, keep up the semblence of normalcy for ilas kids.
“You know,” Drew Morgan’s voice interjected suddenly, “If it’s all the same to you, I can just go. Just untie me, kick me out the door, and I’ll leave. I don’t want to be here, you don’t want me to be here, I think it’d be best for everyone if you just stick me right back outside and we pretend like this never happened.”
That suggestion was too ridiculous to even contemplate, which Freedom vocalized with a derisive snort of, “Don’t be an idiot.”
Drew Morgan gasped in offense. Sia seemed to do that a lot.
Andi sank back down beneath the water until ilas head was fully submerged, muffling the sounds of the argument now raging between the two children, and decided rather abruptly that ero wasn’t in the mood to deal with this situation right now.
But, unfortunately, ero was still the adult here, so ero didn’t really have a choice. But it could take a break for a little while anyway.
Andi stayed submerged for a minute or two, relying on the filters in ilas thorax to replenish the oxygen in ilas blood, and just let danajei bask in the warm, citrusy water, pretending for just a little while that there was nothing to worry about and nothing that needed to be done.
And then ero resurfaced, determined to get this situation over and done with so that ero could bathe properly so ero wasn’t actively dying, eat before ero passed out, check on the rest of ilas kids to make sure they were okay, check on Starfield to see if hea had gotten any of ler memories back yet, and then go to sleep for about a week.
“Alright, listen up.” Ero snapped, interrupting a snide comment from Drew Morgan, “I am not going to argue with you, so just tell me, right now, either why you broke into 8301B, or where I can find an adult to drop you off with, or we drop you off with the Interstellar Alliance, and they’ll be in charge of finding your guardians, how does that sound?”
Not that Andi knew how to get to the Interstellar Alliance, but 8301B could probably help, and so could Starfield once hea woke up. Hopefully.
Drew Morgan seemed even angrier than before, which Andi wouldn’t have thought possible. “The Interstellar Alliance? The Interstellar Alliance?!” Sia yelled, even going so far as to stamp one foot on the floor, which was a feat, considering sia was tied to a chair, “You can’t take me to the Interstellar Alliance! Do you want me to be arrested? Why not just drop me off in a jail cell? That’s as much as you’ll be accomplishing if you leave me with those jumped up bureaucrats!”
Yep. That was starting to sound like a very nice plan.
Andi tried to remain patient, “They don’t arrest children, and they aren’t going to put you in a jail cell. They don’t even have jail cells, or jails for that matter. I don’t know which iteration you’re thinking of, but it’s not the one we’d be bringing you to. They have their own time travel agency, and they have an entire chapter dedicated to reuniting families through time and space. They’d be able to find your parents, or a friend, or whoever is best suited to caring for you.”
“You can’t⏤” began Drew Morgan again.
“Yes we can, and don’t complain.” Andi interrupted, “It could be worse, we could just bring you back to Cawfro. Though I suppose if you’re a proper Idolun you wouldn’t consider that to be a bad thing.”
“Alright, now I know you’re mad!” Drew Morgan snapped, “You can’t go to Cawfro, it’s gone. Either you think I’m an idiot, or you’re an even bigger idiot that I already thought you were!”
Andi resisted the urge to go back under water and just stay there for the rest of eternity. “8301B,” Ero said, “Will you please ask Lera if ido would like to take over for me here? I’m not getting anywhere, and I really don’t feel like arguing around in circles with a child for the rest of the night, or day, or whatever it is outside.”
Then ero went back under the water so any more outbursts from Drew Morgan would be muffled.
The telegogs activated to the minimum amount, and 8301B replied, the long wall of text scrolling down Andi’s field of vision slowly enough that ero could read it easily.
[[I already called eis again, ido’s on eis way. I think you’ll be happy to know that Starfield is awake, and coherent, though hea has lost quite a sizeable chunk of ler memories. But don’t fret, I’m certain they’ll return shortly, the effects of that weapon are only temporary.
[[As it is, ler memories have regressed to a point several iterations back, so hea won’t remember you, or Lera, or any of the children, but hea will still be able to pilot my controls until hea recovers.]]
“Is hea alright?”
[[I have explained the situation, and hea has accepted it well enough. Aside from the amnesia, there don’t appear to be any negative side effects from the weapon. Ler injuries healed with the healing trance, but hea is still dehydrated and malnourished, as is Lera, and you, for that matter.
[[Before anything else happens, everyone is going to sit down and eat. And then you will sleep, and then you will deal with this problem.
[[Drew Morgan can be moved to a secured room, where sia will be safe, and we don’t have to worry about lia hijacking any more of my systems.
[[This is non-negotiable. Once Starfield pilots me to a safer location, you are all going to eat and sleep. We will return Drew Morgan to wherever sia came from after everyone has slept properly.]]
There was a finality conveyed even through the simple text that Andi didn’t doubt, and wouldn’t have argued with even if ero’d wanted to.
Ero couldn’t reply while underwater except through ilas thoughts, which 8301B read easily when Andi was trying to project them. Ero was still getting the hang of telepathy.
[[You’re welcome.]]
And Andi was definitely staying underwater until the food was ready.
[[I encourage it. You need a break.]]
Yes, yes ero did.
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brrrrrism · 8 months
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"Autistid. Autismispekti häriega naistest" - Clara Törnvall
Kirjastus: Hea Lugu Lehekülgi: 224 Ilmumisaasta: 2023 Olin tegelikkuses juba pikemat aega autismist huvitatud olnud, kuniks lõpuks jõudsin lugemisega internetiartiklitest raamatuni. Ning mul on väga hea meel, et seda tegin ja just selle raamatu esimeseks valisin. Andis minusuguse võhiku jaoks suurepärase alg-arusaama nimetatud maailmast ja huvi kasvas vaid suuremaks. Nüüd tahan veelgi enam…
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erliblogi · 8 months
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"Psühhopaadid on indiviidid, kes suudavad põhjustada teiste kannatusi ise seda tähelegi panemata"
16.06.2023 copy paste telefoni märkmestest
istun raekoja platsil, siia on tekkinud liikuv minipark nagu Siiri sellele nime andis. Rahvast on siin palju, köik naudivad ilusa ilmaga reede öhtupoolikut. Loomulikult on siin väga erinevaid inimesi. Raekoja all on suur grupp välismaalastest mehi, kes on väga lärmakad. Kostub saksa keelt, mida räägivad noored omavahel, eeldan, et üliõpilased? On paare ja lastega peresid. Üks noormees, kaustik käes ja kirjutab midagi - tema innustaski mind oma mõtteid telefoni notesi kirja panema, seni kuni ma ootan oma söbrannat, kes lõpetab tööpäeva kell 18.00. Minu vastas istuvad 2 keskealist naist. Järsku märkan et nad vaatavad siia poole ja räägivad midagi. Kas minust? Ma ei tea. Arvasin, et kuna Tallinn on suur linn, siis siin on lihtne nähtamatuks jääda, aga tundub, et keegi ikka alati märkab sind. Üksköik kui suures rahvamassis sa oled. Minust vasakule tulid jaapani päritolu inimesed ja mida nad teevad? Loomulikult selfisid. Aga see polnud üldse negatiivne märkus. Just vastupidi nad on väga vahvad. Inimesed on rõõmsad, rohkem kuuldub võõrkeeli kui eesti keelt, inimesed teevad üksteisest ja iseendast pilte. Ma pelgan masse, aga siin ühe osana neist omaette istudes, tunnen end päris hästi. Viljandis on selline melu ainult hansapäevade ja folgi ajal, siin iga päev. On tore tulla oma rutiinist välja ja näha inimesi mujal kui oma töölaua taga, kellega rohkem saab probleeme lahendada kui rõõmu jagada. Inimestega töötamise puhul on ülitähtis enesehoid. Viimasel ajal erinevate olukordade foonis tunnen, et olen end kaotanud. Vöib öelda, et tulin end Tallinnasse taas leidma, akusid laadima ja toredat aega oma sõpradega veetma.
21. juunil jäin haiguslehele Kui vaimne tervis on habras, siis ta on habras. pole mõtet jõuga edasi pressida ja end panna arvama, et küll läheb üle. Edasi samamoodi rassides läheb asi ainult hullemaks, mitte üle. Täna kui ma jälle siia üle pika aja kirjutan (jälle olen mõelnud juba pikalt mõtted kirja panna), siis tunnen, et kahe nädala pärast lähen tööle, aga ma vist pole ikka päris valmis veel.
Olen palju lugenud - ka see tänane pealkiri on ühest targast raamatust - "Aitamise hind". Olen palju teinud tegevusi, mis mulle meeldib, nagu arst soovitas. Aga tervenemiseks peaksin rohkem oma harjumusi muutma.
Viimastel päevadel olen aina tubasemaks muutunud. Tahaksin õue minna, kuid see nõuab minult ülearu suurt pingutust. Muidugi, kui juba ära on käidud, on enesetunne hea. Samas pole ka end suutnud sinna suruda, kui tunnen end mugavamalt toas.
13.07.2023 väljavõte telefoni märkmetest
Kell 12 õhk 19 kraadi. Olen mitu päeva olnud toas, lugenud, heegeldanud ja telekat vaadanud. Täna aga otsustasin randa tulla. Pean tõdema, et enne tulemist tegelesin pikalt enda mõtetega. Vägisi pressis pähe, et ei lähe ikka. Suutsin aga end kokku võtta. Mul on kaasas raamat ja heegeldamistöö. Olenemata sellest, et väljas 19 kraadi, on päike päris intensiivne ja soe on. Küll aga näen mitmeid inimesi üleni pikkades musta värvi riietes. Seda on vähahuvitav vaadata. Paaril on ka vihmavari päikese kaitseks. Mõtlen, kas sellest on üldse mingit abi ka!? Ma kasutan vihmavarju vihmaga, mitte päikesega, seega kogemus puudub.
Mulle meeldib aegajalt oma mõtteid kirja panna ja siis ise seda ka lugeda. Tahaksin seda ausalt öeldes rohkem teha, aga nagu varem harjumusest korraks jutt oli, siis peaksin heade harjumuste juurutamist tõsisemalt võtma, nii ka mõtete kirja panemist.
Pole ammu pilte pannud, teeks järgmise postitusena pildi seeria!?
säu (:
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Õpitee analüüs - mida saavutas ja kuidas? 
Sel semestril olen õppinud portfellide kohta ja nüüd on mul ettekujutus, kuidas seda teha. Samuti oli kasulik kogemus töötada koos mentoriga, sest see andis võimaluse õppida, kuidas vanemate kursuste õpetamine toimub ja mis mind ees ootab.
Olen alustanud eesti keele kursust Eesti Keele Majas ja see aitab mul tõesti hoida oma õpperežiimi ja teha eesti keelt regulaarselt.
Tegime koos klassikaaslastega projekti ja see oli hea uus kogemus ning võimalus töötada meeskonnana.
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mellireisid · 1 year
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20.12.2022
Vahepeal on palju tegemist olnud, aga midagi märkimisväärset pole teinud. 
3.12 käisin Tokyos, sain Nozomi ja Namiga kokku. Käisime söömas ja Shibuyas ringi. Nozomi oli mu toakaaslane Akitas, algselt on ta pärit Okayamast, aga nüüd elab Kagoshimas. Töötab elektroonikafirmas, teeb pisikesi osakesi, mis telefoni sisse käivad. Nami oli ka minuga samal ajal Akitas, aga siis ma ei teadnud teda, aga siis läks ta Aberdeeni oma vahetusaastat tegema ja kuna ta on Nozomi sõber, siis Nozomi ütles talle, et mina olen Aberdeenis ja oskan jaapani keelt, nii et Aberdeenis otsis ta mind üles. Aberdeenis saime siis sõpradeks. Mõlemad on Eestis meil külas ka käinud. Väga tore oli, leidsin ilusaid jõulukaarte, ei tea, kas need on juba teile kohale jõudnud. Tagasi minnes oli Shibuya jaam nii kohutavalt rahvast täis, hea meel oli tagasi vaiksesse Minakamisse jõuda. 
8.12 käisime Siljaga sõidus Shima-onsenis ja Kusatsu linnakeses, mõlemad on tuntud onsenide poolest. Shima-onsen on pisike onseni külake, kus oli paar ilusat vanaaegset maja punase sillaga (nagu Vaimudest Viidud filmis) ja mitu koledad 80ndate stiilis suurt hotelli, mis nüüd tundusid pooltühjad. Kole on muidugi minu arvamus ainult, Siljale tundus meeldivat. Üldiselt jättis natuke mahajäetud mulje, enamik kohti oli kinni, paar inimest kõndisid tänava peal. Aga me olime seal üsna hommikul ka ja ainult õues, enamik inimesi ilmselt mõnulesid onsenis. Edasi läksime Kusatsusse, kus kõigepealt tegime peatuse ühes mõnusas kohvikus. Kohvikuomanikud - rõõmsameelne abielupaar - olid ka ainukesed töötajad, umbes nagu Craig ja Rika siin oma kohvikut peavad. Kohvi tehti siphoniga (pole kindel, mis selle nimi eesti keeles on, google ka ei aidanud, selline kaheosaline kann, kus vesi keetes tõuseb ülesse ja siis vajub tagasi alla läbi kohvipuru). Lisan pildi, siis on parem aru saada. Igatahes - väga hea kohv, väga-väga hea soejuustusai ja mõnus atmosfäär ka. Arvet makstes andis naine meile tasuta kommi ka. Kusatsu on muidu tuntud oma onsenide ja linnaväljaku poolest, kus kuumaveeallikad tulevad maa peale ja sinna on ehitatud nagu väikeste kanalite süsteem. Natuke raske seletada, panen pildi juurde. Ma pole kindel, miks see nii on tehtud ka. Näeb igatahes huvitav välja. Väljaku ääres on ilusad majad. Kusatsus on ka palju suveniiripoode, ühes töötas mitu vanainimest, kes püüdsid tänavalt turiste onsenmanju näidistega. Nad olid nii naljakad, et me ostsime ka siis. 
15.12 läksin jälle Tokyosse, seekord Minamiga kokku saama. Läksime teamLab kunstinäitusele. teamLab on rahvusvaheline interdistsipilaarne kunstirühmitus Tokyos, kellel on paar püsinäitust Tokyos üleval. Ühe juures on vegan rameni restoran ka, nii et läksime sinna. Ramen oli väga hea ja näitus oli midagi täiesti uut minu jaoks. Enne sisenemist pidi jalanõud ära võtma ja terve aeg paljujalu olema, sest põrandamaterjal muutus erinevates ruumides. Ekspositsioonide vahel olid pimedad koridorid, kus seinad ja põrandad olid erinevatest materjalidest ja lõhn muutus ka, tegi kohe meeled erksaks. Iga ruum oli isesugune, ühes oli põrand tehtud kott-toolide moodi materjalist, et kõndides vajusid põlvest saati sisse ja kõik enam-vähem roomasid sealt toast läbi. Siis oli tuba peeglite ja valguspostidega, mis peegeldusid igalt poolt tagasi. Tuba, mis oli põlvekõrguseni vett täis ja vee peal ujusid värvilisest valgusest koi-kalad, kes muutusid lilledeks, kui vastu inimese jalga ujusid. Alguses oli neid vähem ja ujusid rahulikult, aga mida rohkem nad lilledeks muutusid, seda rohkem neid ilmus ja seda kiiremini nad ujuma hakkasid (taustamuusika läks ka hoogsemaks samal ajal), nii et lõpus oli kõik kaetud värvide virr-varriga. Seal olime kohe pikalt, nii lõbus hakkas. Teine väga lahe ruum oli, kus pidi peegelpõrandale pikali heitma, lagi oli kuplikujuline, kus tumedal taustal lendasid ringi hiiglaslikud lilled ja lehed, nii et tekkis tunne nagu oleksid pisike putukas lillede vahel ja samas heljud kosmoses. Seal olime vähemalt pool tundi kui mitte rohkem. Siis oli üks tuba täis laest rippuvaid lilli, mis liikusid aeglaselt üles-alla, nii et külastajad pidid nende vahelt läbi roomama. Ka seal oli peegelseinad ja -laed, sai palju huvitavaid pilte tehtud. Õhtul läksime Minami poole, tegime pitsat ja kuulasime muusikat. 
Järgmisel päeval sain Ginzas bukatsu õpetaja ja Yuriga kokku. Õpetaja viis meid mõnusasse itaalia restorani, kus saime viie-käigulise lõunasöögi, mulle oli veel eraldi taimetoidu oma tellitud. Õpetaja rääkis oma lastest ja lapselapsest, kes oli suvel sündinud. Üks ta tütardest on ülikooli õppejõud, varem töötas Ameerikas ja Keenias, aga nüüd on Hollandis. Ütles, et Keeniaga võrreldes on Holland väga ebamugav ja kitsas riik, toit oli ka Keenias palju parem. Muidu tundub, et õpetajal läheb hästi, sai eelmisel aastal lõpuks pensionile, aga ikka käib peaegu iga nädal koolis uut õpetajat aitamas või muidu bukatsus midagi õpetamas. Ütles, et naljakas hakkab juba, nagu polekski pensionile saanud. Pärast söömist käisime peenes ginza kaubamajas huvitavas raamatupoes, kus oli palju jaapani käsitööd. Tagasi Minakamisse jõudes olid prantslased siin, poiss ja tüdruk, kes jäävad kolmeks nädalaks. Minust kolm aastat vanemad, nii et väga mõistlikud ja mõnusalt vaiksed. Sõbralikud ka. Pärit Alsacest, aga viimased viis-kuus aastat on Lyonis elanud. Poiss on tarkvarainsener ja tüdruk töötab toidu kvaliteedikontrollis. Mõlemad tulid töölt ära, et aasta otsa Jaapanis reisida. On juba 7 kuud siin olnud, mitmes kohas käinud ja erinevate inimestega töötanud, võtavad maksimumi oma aastast.  
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joyffree · 2 years
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Because happily ever afters are for everyone...
The Happily Ever After Collective by Avery Flynn  is now live! 
The HEA Collective will deliver exclusive romance novellas each month from best selling, award winning authors who know how to deliver that HEA romance readers crave. Readers will get to choose as many as four never-before-published novellas each month (depending on Patreon subscription tier), participate in live chats with authors, and receive exclusive content. You can join the Patreon now and you can subscribe to our newsletter for all the latest information plus find out about new releases and sales from our authors. When you become a Patron you'll receive: - Four exclusive never-before-published novellas each month that span the romance subgenres with main characters who show that romance is for everyone. Readers will get to choose which novellas they want according to their subscription tier. - Each month's novellas will center around the same trope. That trope will change each month so that one month may be fake relationships while the next month is friends to lovers, for example. - At least one of each month's novellas will feature LGBTQI+ main characters. - At least one of each month's novellas will feature BIPOC main characters. - Readers can participate in monthly subscriber-only interaction with the authors in the form of Zoom chats and extra content from each author that ties into the novellas. - Exclusive HEA Collective book covers for each novella, perfect for those readers who are also cover collectors. - An HEA Collective newsletter with information about the novellas, each month's featured authors and all of the HEA Collective authors' new releases and sales. The Happily Ever After Collective authors are Adriana Anders, Amy Andrews, Mariah Ankenman, May Archer, Xio Axelrod, Samanthe Beck, Kait Ballenger, Kilby Blades, Asa Maria Bradley, Aliyah Burke, Kelly Cain, Andie J Christopher, Scarlett Cole, Robin Covington, Nina Crespo, Juliette Cross, Eva Devon, Piper J. Drake, Lucy Eden, Kelly Farmer, Avery Flynn, Kim Golden, Rien Gray, Sherilee Gray, Gabbi Grey, Helen Hardt, Tasha L. Harrison, Mia Heintzelman, Adriana Hererra, Imani Jay, Kharma Kelley, Lucy Lennox, Jeannie Lin, Lori Matthews, R.L. Merrill, Abigail Owen, Roan Parrish, Dahlia Rose, Reese Ryan, Elizabeth SaFleur, Cat Sebastian, Naima Simone, Sienna Snow, Karen Stivali, Sera Taíno, and Fortune Whelan.
Join today! https://happilyeveraftercollective.com
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sandythereadingcafe · 2 years
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Because happily ever afters are for everyone...
The Happily Ever After Collective by Avery Flynn  is now live!
The HEA Collective will deliver exclusive romance novellas each month from best selling, award winning authors who know how to deliver that HEA romance readers crave. Readers will get to choose as many as four never-before-published novellas each month (depending on Patreon subscription tier), participate in live chats with authors, and receive exclusive content. You can join the Patreon now and you can subscribe to our newsletter for all the latest information plus find out about new releases and sales from our authors. When you become a Patron you'll receive: - Four exclusive never-before-published novellas each month that span the romance subgenres with main characters who show that romance is for everyone. Readers will get to choose which novellas they want according to their subscription tier. - Each month's novellas will center around the same trope. That trope will change each month so that one month may be fake relationships while the next month is friends to lovers, for example. - At least one of each month's novellas will feature LGBTQI+ main characters. - At least one of each month's novellas will feature BIPOC main characters. - Readers can participate in monthly subscriber-only interaction with the authors in the form of Zoom chats and extra content from each author that ties into the novellas. - Exclusive HEA Collective book covers for each novella, perfect for those readers who are also cover collectors. - An HEA Collective newsletter with information about the novellas, each month's featured authors and all of the HEA Collective authors' new releases and sales. The Happily Ever After Collective authors are Adriana Anders, Amy Andrews, Mariah Ankenman, May Archer, Xio Axelrod, Samanthe Beck, Kait Ballenger, Kilby Blades, Asa Maria Bradley, Aliyah Burke, Kelly Cain, Andie J Christopher, Scarlett Cole, Robin Covington, Nina Crespo, Juliette Cross, Eva Devon, Piper J. Drake, Lucy Eden, Kelly Farmer, Avery Flynn, Kim Golden, Rien Gray, Sherilee Gray, Gabbi Grey, Helen Hardt, Tasha L. Harrison, Mia Heintzelman, Adriana Hererra, Imani Jay, Kharma Kelley, Lucy Lennox, Jeannie Lin, Lori Matthews, R.L. Merrill, Abigail Owen, Roan Parrish, Dahlia Rose, Reese Ryan, Elizabeth SaFleur, Cat Sebastian, Naima Simone, Sienna Snow, Karen Stivali, Sera Taíno, and Fortune Whelan.
Join today! https://happilyeveraftercollective.com
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