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#and those were GOOD decisions cause now i can focus on things that i love
thotsfortherapy · 2 years
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honestly, normalize quitting. it's so okay to drop a course, quit a job 3 weeks in, leave a relationship when it isn't giving you what you need. quitting isn't a sign of weakness, isn't a sign that you're not trying enough. a lot of the time, it's a sign that you are prioritizing yourself and your values, and that should be honoured.
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inbarfink · 7 months
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Okay, so here’s the thing….
We are still at a very early point in the narrative of ‘Fionna and Cake’ and therefore at a very early point in Simon’s character arc. It’s pretty clear that “I need to become Ice King again” is not the end point by any meaning of the word. But I am wondering where we’re going to go with this, cause… The series has yet to really tackle how miserable Ice King himself was a lot of the time. And how often he hurt people. 
Like, yes, I was an advent advocates for 'trying to bring back Simon Petrikov was a really really Bad Idea on Betty's part, it was more healthy to focus on making sure Ice King was as happy and healthy and harmless as he could be', but I am also fully aware that he started the show being both extremely lonely and extremely sad and also a serial kidnapper who was very much a danger to those around him. And as much progress as he made during the show, getting Ice King to that point was a very serious struggle with a lot of backslidings and problems.
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'Friends Forever' is, for example, an episode that stuck with me for a long time as a really heart-wrenching demonstration how even in that late stage, when he has buddies and people trying to seriously take care of him - Ice King was still very capable of seriously sabotaging his own relationships and hurting others and himself.
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And it does make sense narratively that, like, characters like Astrid and Fionna and Cake, all of whom lack the full context of what Ice King's life was like (Fionna and Cake really just saw Simon at his worst and only got snippets of clips of Ice King and since Astrid was born after Humans came to Ooo that means she was also born after the events of ‘Come Along With Me’) all see Simon as a downgrade. Because they really don’t understand how bad Ice King was beforehand. 
And thus is does make sense that with Simon's current mental state, and how he is surrounded lately with these kinda people who never really knew Ice King and don’t really understand how terrible and miserable he could be, and now hearing that his ‘sanity’ just took away magic and whimsy from some else’s whole universe, and how it feels like the actual gods of the multiverse are telling him that he should be Ice King, that he's supposed to be Ice King....
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It makes sense that he might start kinda... romanticizing that time in his life again. 
You know, the big thing about the outlook that Betty should’ve accepted Ice King as who he is rather than basically destroy herself to bring Simon back wasn't about whatever Ice King or Simon Petrikov were better or 'cooler' than the other. It was about, like, embracing change. Not obsessing about a past where things were ‘Better’ but seeing what is the best you can do with things as they are. Moving forwards.
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And we all know how Simon feels about moving forwards right now…
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And obviously that's a pretty bad mindset, even if it's understandable how he got there...
And honestly, if we do explicitly acknowledge that, hey! Ice King’s life was often just as much of a depressive spiral as Simon's is right now! There might be an element of… resignation in Simon’s decision. 
Because Simon's downward spiral since getting cured is not a demonstration that he was better off under the Ice Crown's curse.... But, to him, more a demonstration that he doesn't need the Crown to screw up his own life anymore.
‘Cause as both as Ice King and as good ol’ ‘sane’ Simon Petrikov he is just as capable of being lonely and depressed.
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And just as capable of losing his own identity.
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And just as capable of pushing his loved ones away and ruining his own life.
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And just as capable of becoming a weirdo obsessive.
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And just as capable of making little girls cry.
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He even started kidnapping people again! That’s the Ice King Classic!
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So on some level, maybe Simon is resigned to the fact he’s always going to be SOME sort of screwed up lonely sadman who hurts others. And if that is his fate, he might as well be the screwed up lonely sadman who is mostly oblivious to how sad he really is and can shoot ice from his fingertips. And his arc is going to be about realizing that, whether he is Ice King or Simon Petrikov, healing and change ARE always possible for him.
But we’re gonna have to see where it goes…
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faeries-child · 8 days
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Falling too deep
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Azriel x reader
Warnings: NSFW, smut, (bondage, oral, everything else...) minors get out of here.
Summary: You had finally approached the famous shadowsinger, not knowing he had already been dreaming of you for months.
(keep in mind that I have not not yet double checked the text for errors and mistakes)
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Love was certainly not the only reason you had seeked out the shadowsinger.
You had heard things about him, admired him. 
And right now he was proving all the rumors true. Seeing as your hands were currently tied to his bed. Blindfold on your eyes to preventing you from seeing anything. And to top all that of you were wholly naked before him, laying in his bed, in what presumably was his private house that was located close to the sidra running through Velaris. 
You thought that this may have been the best decision you had ever made. For when you had seen the shadowsinger, standing in his black straight pants and that ridiculously tight dark blue button up, all those rings on his scarred hands shimmering in the light of the crowded bar filled with music, dancing and alcohol. You had decided then and there that tonight was the night that you would approach him. For countless times you had seen him there, those dark eyes so deep and hypnotizing. And you wanted nothing more than to be completely at his mercy. 
"Where is your mind wandering, darling?"
He was currently hovering over you, so close but not touching. Only his left hand was slightly sliding up and down your sides. causing shivers to run through your. 
"The only thing you need to do, is to focus on me." 
Next you felt something you knew weren't his hands, but shadows running on your legs, up, up, and up. Until they stilled just above the place that all the aching came from. The place that you were so desperately hoping he would touch.
"You remember the rules darling?" 
You nodded, but that wasn't enough for him. He took hold of your chin, raising it so you could feel his breath on your mouth. "Remind me then."
“The safe word is tulip”, you swallowed the lump in your throat. “Then” he said expectedly. Even though you couldn’t see him you could feel him staring at you.  
“My only duty is to enjoy and take everything you give me”. He smiled at that “Good girl, and remember that after this, no one else will be able to satisfy you. You will alway be thinking of me when someone else even tries to touch you. but don’t worry” he caressed your cheek with the back of his hand “I’ll be gentle.”
However you could hear the tone in his voice that carried devilish intentions. You were sure that he was currently smirking at you. And in the moment it seemed a good idea to tease him.
Wanting him so bad that it was clouding your judgment. To rile him up and to take you already, you said: “I don’t want you to be gentle. I want you to do your worst so no other being in this world can erase this.”
You felt more of his shadows on you. They were now touching you everywhere and you couldn’t get enough of the feeling, the need for him to be in you, to feel everything of him. 
In Azriel’s mind this was only a dream. Thing he had dreamed of so many times. To have you under him, wholly on his mercy. He had watched you from afar, seen you dancing, smiling and laughing. You had become his personal drug during the last couple of months. You were the reason that Azriel had joined Cassian and Mor every time he could. Something about you made him weak in the knees, made him want to protect you and hide you from the world. 
Tonight might have been the last night of his life, for the cauldron had blessed him with you. You had approached him, in your too short deliciously revealing dress. You had danced around him, his hands on your hips and asked him to spend the night with you, to leave that place with you. 
He had felt like winnowing you right to his bed. But he had been a gentleman, walked you to his house, offered you a drink, told you what he would give you, what he could do to you. Asked you what you wanted, and then he had finally thrown you to his bed and tied you to it. 
“My good girl” he complimented you. You could hear the rustle of his clothes, and then you felt the mattress shift close to you. Azriel had risen from the bed. Feeling sudden panic from being left alone, blindfolded on the bed you called out to him: “Azriel?”
“Patience darling. I’m right here”
You couldn’t see anything, do anything as you felt the bed dip again. Sign of his presence so close to you. Then you felt it, something cold sliding across your skin. He slided it to your breasts, then to your nipples making them harden at the coldness. 
After what you assumed was ice, he pressed his mouth to your breasts. You moaned, arching your back off the mattress. 
He pressed the ice against you again, overstimulating the area. It felt good, making you more sensitive than you already were. You felt a desperate need for him, so much that it was almost painful now.  
“Azriel!” you moaned again. 
“Yes, darling?” He asked at the same time as he pressed his palms to your chest, taking hold of them and playing with your nipples. “please” you whined.
“Proper words darling” he demanded. “Please Azriel, I need you please.” 
You could hear and feel the laugh that ran through his body. He was no way near ready with you yet. Not this easily. “Oh darling, you will take what I give you. You understand?” 
He put his hand under your chin taking a firm grip on it. 
“Open” he said and without questions you obeyed. You felt how he moved closer to you, feeling him stopping just inches away from your face. 
“Wider.”
You opened your mouth more. Want and need for him was so hot that the heat was pooling between your legs. 
Then you heard the rustle and zip of his pants. Without warnings he pressed the tip of his length on your lips, as if testing you. You took him into your mouth, all that he was giving you.  You could feel that it wasn’t even half of him. Your tongue licked him and the bead that had formed on the tip.
You heard him catch his breath, murmuring: “Oh good gods, just like that.”
You took more of him in your mouth and he had to grip the headboard as he lowered himself to give you more of him. 
You were seeing stars, his length was now hitting the back of your throat, and you wanted more, all of him. 
“You will be the death of me darling.” 
Couple of tears were falling from your eyes. Breathing was hard but you just couldn’t care, not when he was with you. 
“You can take more darling? can’t you?” He started thrusting into your mouth, drawing out and then slamming back into your throat. You laid there on his bed, tied and seeing only darkness. You let him do whatever he wanted to you. Keeping your mouth open as he deepthroated into you. 
You heard him moaning and swearing curses into the air. You moved your tongue against him and then he was coming. White hot strips of him spilling into your mouth.
He pulled out but quickly regained himself and hovered over you. “Swallow” he commanded, and you swallowed, feeling his essence falling down your throat. Then you opened your mouth to finally take a breath of air. 
“My girl. Now is the time for your reward. What do you want, baby? Want me to eat you out, spank you or kiss you so the marks don’t fade until everyone has surely noticed that you are spoken for. “ 
Still blindfolded, you searched for your voice, your throat feeling hoarse when you said: “I- I want you.” His hand was now resting on your hip, the other one next to your head, supporting him. “More specific, darling?”
You swallowed again, sensing his stare on you. “I- want you in me, please Azriel” 
Azriel was at the breaking point, the way you said his name, the way you looked like right now under him, tears staining the blindfold, saliva and his cum coating the sides of your lips. He couldn’t resist you for a moment longer. 
“How do you want me, slow and gazing into your eyes? Or fucking you fast in this position, or do you want me long-” you interrupted him, not being able to wait for a moment longer. “Just take me and make me yours, please” 
And so he did. With absolutely no preparation he opened your legs and pressed himself to your entrance. Then he slid the tip in. He couldn’t believe how heavenly you felt, Azriel couldn’t contain himself. He slid more of himself in and you cursed and moaned from the stretch. It hurt, but at the same time you only wanted him to continue. 
He pressed into you so that he was now buried almost to the hilt. To Azriel no one had ever felt so good and so right. And when he started moving, your eyes closed trying to comprehend the immense feeling of pleasure and pain mixing. 
You had said that he could take you however he wanted, so he started thrusting into you with a relentless pace, not giving you time to adjust to his big size. You wanted to touch him, see him. So you begged him: “Azriel let me see you, I want to touch you, please.”
At this point, he had no power to deny anything of you, so he ripped off the ropes tying your hands to the bed and took you the knot on the blindfold, all while still sliding in and out of you.  
The blindfold fell from your eyes and you could see him. It was however a very different sight than the one you were expecting. Ever so calm and collected, the spymaster was now a mess over you. His eyes stared at you, hunger in them something you had never seen before. His mouth open and panting. And behind him, his wings. Those glorious black wings were open in their full glory, creating their own space just for the two of you. You had heard that Illyrians rarely let people to the touching distance of their wings, for they were very sensitive. 
Looking straight into his eyes now, your hand reached to touch his wings. Sliding your fingers on it, feeling the smooth skin. He didn’t stop you, instead he moaned to it, fastening his pace even more. And for a moment you could see yourself from his eyes. Laid bare on the bed under him, naked and full of marks that he had left on your chest. 
And when he hit the place inside you that had you curling your toes, you came for him. Throwing your head back and sliding your hand to the membrane of his wing. Then he was coming, only slowing and stopping his pace when he came down from his high. 
You both laid there, catching your breath, him still inside of you. Both of you realized how deep in shit you were now, for this had been so good that it was like a drug. You searched his eyes, looking into them and seeing his startled face and wide eyes as he looked at you.
Azriel knew he had messed up, he was in the deep with no way of getting out, for now he could feel the golden thread flowing between you. 
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theoccultz · 5 days
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Spiritual guides thats reaching out to you ?
Or is working with you in short , you can use this reading to find your guides from other realms
General reading , take what resonates leave what doesn't
Note: there was total of 6piles, i had to remove it because they didn't wanted to give a direct message meaning you'll have to figure it out so if you feel called to those numbers or is seeing 5 or 6 and you happened to stumble upon this reading then your guides are selene, leviathan and shezmu
Ignore any mistakes
This pac of mine is different and special, i didn't released it for a long time but i feel like i should now , the messages were direct and open to possibilities, its not my usual style of reading because I channeled from your guides perspective so you'll have to decode any messages , i put whatever i understood in orange ink as this reading was made a long time ago so yes .
My readings are inclusive, your comments, likes , reblogs are appreciated!! I read em all and i love it 💚
Note:Tarot should not be replaced with medical or professional advice , i'm here to provide you clarity and guidance please use your own discrement,any decision taken from your side is your responsibility thank you .
Pile l . Pile ll. Pile lll. Pile lV.
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Pile l .
Baphomet
7ofcups, 8ofcups ,4ofcups, the sun x , the heirophant x,the chariot , 9of swords
I feel like in the upcoming months your workload will increase , you'll have a positive shift in your attitude, you'll be able to form new connections , be more outgoing and resilient , This is the change you invited or wished for , right now you could be feeling like things are moving slow or there's a lot of goals to complete taking up all your time and energy or you could be put in a period of relaxation but you still feel restless then you'll be out of this very very soon. Baphomet is also a knowledgeable guide .
I see a lot of new energy and new beginnings for you , you are prepared at this time , you are shedding your old skin , i see a period of abundance where you will be satisfied with where you are in your journey, baphomet is reaching out to you as a guide he wants you to focus on your work and make choices & decisions which are right for you , i feel like with all this abundance energy there will be some energy vampires , karmic soulmates or people with envious eyes who will also come into your life i feel like without baphomet you'll not be able to see the illusion that surrounds you , you'll feel as though finally things are on track or you're with right people making right choices but it'll be not the case , i highly feel that your blessings that are meant to stay for months or so will be envied , people will give you cold shoulder, you were letting go of your past and putting an end to things and it can turn upside down because there's a group which will be working in harmony to bring you down or cause little delays & troubles and this will be your own people doing it subconsciously( co-workers , family , friends) and your guide will be there to protect the work you'll be doing , he'll be working with you so you can succeed.
I feel like after a period of stillness, constant sadness , low energy , ill minded people, struggling days , humiliation, loss of power , disconnection, emptiness, overflowing emotions ,nightmares and past traumas which are haunting you for years you'll be able to let it go so this will be a big transformation you might have chiron-venus aspects or heavy chiron and mars energy , you'll need to direct your focus onto a steady path there will be new people entering your life , you need to have a better discernment as to who or what can drain your energy remember this includes romantic partners too not everyone is meant to stay in your life for good reasons , if you feel like you have people who dont appreciate you or behave rudely with you ,they will get their Karma because i feel like there's a lot built up of emotional baggage which is not yours and it will be sent back to who it belongs , i feel like channeling will help you a lot ...you can get a paper and write every single thing you encounter that wasn't pleasant and how it effected you growing up even the people who left you hurt , start with leaving the past in the past remember grieving is a natural process . Baphomet wants to help in balance your emotional state and be nurturing.
In short baphomet wants to help you reprganise your life , appreciate your studies/hobbies/work , redirect your purpose , bring a tower moment (shake things which are not build on solid ground) , cut of the distractions, reconnect with your inner self, manifest and establish new connections .
Things i heard: cleasing oil , marine , attire white silk , fan club , papers , z ? , railways (travelling) , accident, January -march-april , horror franchise, filmography, addictions , baneful magick , throat crown chakra , mandli? Lee? She's not your friend , good for nothing, energy vampires, its not your energy send it back (return to sender you can do ), ex , delivery ,black Violeta, Portuguese,spanish , libra 5-6th house , mars , scorpio energy , check sextiles, visit a planetarium, IGi o or ig ? Lamps , water ,panther, fosh , narration, a ? Soup , driver , dream , sani ? , cat , m ? , virgo placements, rally , lgbt friends or someone who's of same gender likes you romantically .
Pile ll.
Beleth hazel
The heirophant x , the sun x , five of wands , 6of wands, 8ofwands.
For manifestation i feel like he is very good in whatever abilities he posses he has taught multiple generations , he's very good with regulation of emotions , he really wants you to have a favourable outcome in whatever you're interested in or whoever you are interested in , i feel like he's specifically reaching out to you to make you aware of something or to teach you something like he wants to revive your reputation i feel like in the past and even today he was the magician , people would come to him with health issues , family issues and he would make a healing potion for them . yeah he's very sweet yet a little stern .
If you have talents or goals set for long term he wants to help you reach them ,you wont be confused or overwhelmed his guidance is smooth and doesn't take much effort for an individual to be adaptive. There's this energy of putting yourself on the top and creating a life for yourself here , i think he acknowledges you put in great effort for work , studies and helping others and now he wants to help you progress efficiently with your abilities. There's something about establishment of ideal sense be it regarding your personality or your fashion . Fashion is also many people are interested in or follows its also a form of creativity.you might be a fire or an earth sign with significant jupiter influence. Health issues seem very significant ,it could be acute stress you are experiencing.
In short he wants you to have confidence in the person you are , he wants you to put in great efforts in putting yourself out there , he wants you to shine amd let go of things , he wants to establish a reputation for you , he wants you to work with him because you share similiar traits and anilities , he reminds me of a photographer he bring the best in people and he knows what he's doing.
Higher level studies , stress , pluto9h , serial , repetition numbers: 333,1515 ,999,phonines, cut off , intense, pressure , bar , the weeknds, playing with fire , distressful people, closed off , forced. ,value traditions , atheists , red ,5 ,1 , science , demanding boss, Saturday Tuesday? 18 , 21.
Pile lll.
Barren samedi
The emperess x,justice , knight of swords , king of wands x , ten of cups eight of wands .
Barren samedia is already actively involved in your life and he has a message (channelled)
Okay you guys might be going through a crucial stage in your life or will be going through it soon i feel like its not a hard one but it'll make sure to remind you of your core strength. After this transformation you'll have a transformation , you'll push yourself you might be going out more , doing what interests you , meeting other people and even creating something in the public eye , in short youll be greatly recognised and appreciated by those around you .
There's something with communication and connections , i'm seeing old energy will be left behind it wont be retrived you'll have to leave a space which doesn't concern you anymore or people, i'm seeing someone turn 18 and moving out of the house by their own ..an independent step is always yours and you'll have to execute it NO ONE will do it for you so if you wanna have new beginnings you must take the first step . There's something about time management and saving your time? barren samedia is making more space for things to get aligned . You'll have to be honest with yourself if you feel like something's blocking you find out that blockage and work on it you are not a little kid anymore who's threatened by these issues . Learn to take your own responsibility but also be open to others and their energy not everyone is out to get you . The reason empress energy is reversed is you still have not utilised your best potential expect things to stabilise by the next full moon which is on 25th march for those who are reading in this month , it'll be an eventful one . And pls stop reacting to stupid criticism and dont be defensive you lose many opportunities.
In short , he's direct and wants you to step up and ask fir the things which are your right , dont stay stuck in not wanting bigger things , let go of old beliefs , start chanelling , ask what you want from your universe , foght your insecurities , he wants to prepare you for bigger and better things so you dont fall into the same ground which people want you to stay in , he wants you to be angry and wake up , he wants you to redirect your anger onto right things , get what you ask is his message.
Uranus 6h , saggitarius, martha , kenzas city , maribe , headache , lost of loved one's, cera ve? , k , hijacked movie , maroon5.
Pile lV.
Pazuzu fazuzu
The empress x, strength x , page of swords
I feel like there's a person in your life who's immature and rude they dont respect your boundaries and are constantly disrupting your life, you must be experiencing a period of stillness and loneliness because of them this could be a friend , family ,a partner or a lover who's not ready to sacrifice they are taking you for granted and isn't being appreciative of you .
They are hindering your growth and is constantly draining you , you could be feelin' sleepy , unmotivated and must be experiencing moodiness irritatible behaviours. Fazuzu wants to teach them a lesson they hate these kind of people who just take from others and doesn't value others as they should be valued . They lack a better judgement and is bitter , this could be very subliminally done as well like they could be hot and cold with you their actions are inconsistent and they're wanting to take your time more than you're ready to give them . Pazuzu is a fierce protector and can bring great happiness to one's life , he can encourage you he's Courages and help you regain control . You are advised to leave people and situation that doesn't serve you anymore as you'll keep repeating cycles which are only gonna put you in constant worry .
Idk that character from the police story juntao is very significant here you could be going through similiar situation or there could be a message in the film as well , i feel so . You could be seeing cats a lot and this is a sign.
In short , he wants to put things in order , whats not meant to be yours will be taken , you'll be provided with a period of healing , others will get their karma , you'll be working on your crown chakra .
Restaurant ,road trip , metal music , comeback , sick , latino , birthday , cool, your name , pisces moon , aries sun , sag placements , private show , job application, nausea , river side , blue red bag , pocket money ,purple , fix damage , fuzzy day ,
Thank you for reading!! Have a great day ahead .
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sebsxphia · 1 year
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wedding day.
robert ‘bob’ floyd x reader.
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→ description: the moments before bob realizes he’s going to call you his wife, forever.
→ c/w: swearing and fluff.
→ a/n: @rhettabbotts shelby, i love you with my whole heart. thank you so much for always discussing the most emotional and depraved thoughts with me. this is for you my sweet angel! <3 my main masterlist can be found here! 💌
“Fuck-”
Bob’s voice was breathless.
“You scrub up nicely.” Bob’s brother chimed in as Bob took in his reflection in the hotel mirror.
His clean cut suit was framed to fit his shoulders perfectly, his trousers straight legged and not a crease in place, the bolo tie was knotted perfectly, but made to look like it still had an air of ‘causal’ to it.
But Bob wasn’t standing in shock at his appearance, no. He was rigid in place because the sight of him in his suit could only mean one thing. He was really about to marry you today.
“Fuck!” Bob exclaimed again, this time his eyes going wide and an unbelieving smile breaking out onto his face. His wide eyes of shock made the tears fall freely over his cheeks, flowing uncontrollably due to the sudden realization that you were finally going to be his wife.
“You good?” Bob’s brother asked him again with a questioning laugh, handing him a tall glass of ice water to cool Bob’s ever drying throat.
“Yeah, yeah, I just- I can’t believe it, I’m gon’ marry them today.”
Bob took a sip of the water and choked slightly when his brother clapped him on his back. “Anyone would be lucky to have you, especially lookin’ that good. Ma’s gon’ loose herself when she sees you.”
“God, don’t remind me.” Bob and his brother broke out into laughter and it eased Bob’s nerves momentarily. Twenty minutes later and he was sat on the edge of the hotel bed, with his knee bouncing so rigorously he thought it would pop from his kneecap. The glass of water had dried up, but Bob’s damp hands gripped onto it as if it was the only thing anchoring him right now.
There was not a single doubt in Bob’s mind that this was the right decision. He had known you were the one for him after your first date, but the anticipation to get to the alter, say your vows and place the ring on your finger so he could finally call you his wife, was killing him. If you’d both had your ways, you would’ve got married at a registry office a year down the line, but you were doing this for your families.
The next hour was no easier than the last and Bob’s pretty sure he blacked out for half of it as he waited at the top of the alter. For eighty minutes of heart palpations, clammy palms and aching muscles, with the opening of the Church doors, all those sensations melted away as Bob laid his eyes on you.
Time stopped completely. The music drowned out from Bob’s ears and his heart came to a lovesick halt. Bob could only focus on you and your radiant smile, with creases in the corners of your eyes, beaming down to him from the length of the Church.
Of course, it didn’t stop the tears from falling. The sight of you in your wedding dress and coming towards him to make yourself his wife, it only caused a flood more tears.
taglist:
@tallrock35 @luckyladycreator2 @beachbabey @wkndwlff @unmistakablyunknown
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yearningaces · 3 months
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Surprise surprise I love Baldurs Gate 3
Officially, I adore Gale and Karlach the most. But of course, our resident Vampiric bastard has wormed his way into my heart.
Today though, idk if I'm pleased or shocked to say a one off conversation with Astarion at the beginning of the game has made me question my gender as it is.
I was playing a male dragonborn durge (fav option so far but I only did fem/neutral pronouns in my last 2 playthroughs.) And when Astarion talks about death options if you turn into a mind flayer, you can ask how he wants you to kill him. He says he'd like to see you try, "my dear". If you have a male tav/durge. He says "my boy"
I sat staring at my computer for ten minutes because it was such a casual delivery and it made me feel many things I wasn't prepared to feel
So have my written rendition of that scenario
Talks of gender- reader is described as female at birth while looking more masculine but uncaring of gender with a revelation over how nice it is to be referred to with male pronouns
Reader beyond that isn't described at all
~
"Oh, my boy, I'd like to see you try."
One comment from your newest traveling companion was all it took to send your mind spiralling. The pale elf had struck you up with a conversation about how best to kill you should the tadpole take effect and turn you into a mind flayer.
An amusing topic if the risk of reality didn't exist. Only once you questioned how he'd prefer you kill him should the scenario take place for him instead, his remark left you frozen in place.
Not fear, nor anger, but a state of shock over a term. 'My Boy.'
Truly you never looked feminine, that was a simple fact. But you were born with a girls body. With a longstanding confusion in regards to gender, evolving to acceptance of the fact that you held no care for how you were referred to, or with what pronouns, obviously you were open to most any. But those who'd known you knew your biological gender, and referred to you strictly as such- even when you'd say they could refer to you as any and all of them.
Astarion, as he'd just met you and had only seen you in bulky armor- didn't know of the biological gender and took a well given assumption. And the assumption being used so casually, even if slightly mocking set your mind into a silent frenzy of questioning and wonder as to why it sounded so right...
After a few moments of you staring like a deer in the headlights at the rogue, he tilted his head- not in concern, but confusion. Surely such a remark hasn't frightened you that badly? Not after the battle prowess he'd seen in you, hence his newfound decision to be on your good side. After all, a good meat shield went far in many a scenario.
"Ah, dear boy, don't tell me you've gone shy now?" His voice rings out with an impish grin, both amused, and curious as his hands gesture out to you. Such curiosity grows all the more when your gaze becomes all the more startled.
How intriguing...
After another moment, you take a breath, calming what little you could of your racing mind. "Astarion-"
The elf's grin grew as his hands clasped behind his back, almost innocent in posture if not for the expression he wore, amused and entertained at your sudden state of being despite not knowing the cause. "Yes, darling?"
Your voice faltered, you could say you're technically a girl, but that it was interesting being referred to as a boy... Or you could say nothing and experiment with letting someone refer to you as such for however long you'd like.
After another moment of silent pondering, you make your decision. "Nothing, you've just given me something to think about." A vague answer, yet an honest one.
Regardless, Astarion's prior amusement morphs into pure curiosity. "Oh? Do tell, now you have me intrigued." His hand rests on his cheek as though listening to the newest gossip.
You watch his red eyes focus more intently, never one to ignore something someone is hesitant to say. With a sigh, you decide it's probably harmless, not a big ordeal truly. Taking a deep breath, you speak. "I've hardly ever given two shits about gender, but you just called me a boy."
The pale elf tilts his head, the slightest hint of confusion forming in his eyes before it's masked once more, a minute weakness scarcely shown. "Yes, I did didn't I? That is what you are, is it not?"
His question send a surprisingly delightful jolt through your heart. More emotions to unpack at a later time. For now, you remained as collected as you could, which was very little given sudden realizations. "Yes and no? I do not care for gender nor it's presentation, I've always said any could refer to me however they please... But I've almost exclusively been referred to with feminine terms, despite my appearance simply due to the circumstances of my birth... You have been the first to refer to me as anything else." The facts are easy to state, the emotions? Not so much "It... Has given me much to think of -a welcome reprieve of only thinking of these blasted tadpoles- but not one I was expecting to have to negate through."
Through the explanation though, Astarion's expression has morphed slightly less the usual impish grin, and something more patient. There's little understanding in his eyes, but even he can tell this is important, not something to be mocked... yet. "Well, if it's all the same to you, I'll continue to refer to you as such until you say otherwise or have figured out this little conundrum of yours."
It's really as understanding as your newest companion has ever been, even if only slightly so. But from what little you've spoken to him, you can tell he's being sincere. It's nice, in a way. No huge reaction, but a simple one that still shows acceptance and support. How perfectly fit for the rogue you know so little about no matter how much he talks. "I'd appreciate it. I think it'll help hearing that until I can figure everything out... Thank you."
"But of course, dear boy-" Astarion, in true eccentric fashion, bows, arms held out to the side for just a moment until he rises again with the return of his usual grin. "What ever else is good company for?"
It's not a reveal of your deepest yearnings, it's no grand acceptance and celebration for the discovery of someone's truest or newest self, but it's your first moment of knowing there's something more to yourself. It's an unspoken acceptance from someone who will over time grow to mean so much to you, even if you don't know it yet.
It's little, only a moment.
But it's more than enough.
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ayelbee · 4 months
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MORE THAN LOVE | K. MBAPPÉ | 7
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Summary: Sometimes even love is not enough for relationships. But it's fine because you are over it. But getting again in a contact with his younger brother wasn't smart.
TW: bad english, bad writing
Notes: Hey, I'm so sorry that this took me so long, but last few months weren't really good to me. I'm really grateful for those who reached out to me (sorry, for no answering loves, but i do really love you and im thankful for you)
I will be back soon with a new chapter, love you very much guys
---
The next few days were a whirlwind of emotions. You tried to focus on work, but thoughts of Kylian kept creeping into your mind. You couldn't shake the feeling that maybe Ethan was right, that maybe there was still a chance for you and Kylian. But your rational side reminded you of the reasons you two broke up in the first place.
One evening, as you were sitting on your couch, scrolling through your phone, you received a text from an unknown number. It simply read, "Can we talk?" You felt a mix of curiosity and apprehension. After a moment of contemplation, you replied with a hesitant, "Okay."
The response came quickly, "Meet me at our spot tomorrow, 7 PM."
"Our spot" was a small park near the Seine River where you and Kylian used to spend lazy afternoons. It held countless memories, both happy and bittersweet. The idea of meeting there again brought a flood of emotions, but you agreed nonetheless.
The next evening, you found yourself at the park, the air filled with the fragrance of blooming flowers. As you approached the familiar bench, you saw Kylian waiting. His expression was a mix of nervousness and determination.
"Hi," he greeted you, standing up as you approached.
"Hi," you replied, unsure of what to expect.
Kylian gestured to the bench, and you both sat down. The silence hung heavy in the air until Kylian spoke, "I've been doing a lot of thinking, Y/n."
You looked at him, waiting for him to continue.
"I know things between us didn't end well, and I've spent these days realizing my mistakes. I miss you, and I miss us," he confessed, his eyes searching yours for any sign of reciprocation.
You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. "Kylian, we broke up for a reason. I can't forget the arguments, the misunderstandings, and the pain we caused each other."
He nodded, acknowledging your words. "I've been talking to my brother, and he made me see things from a different perspective. I know I messed up, but I'm willing to change, to make things work."
You looked at him skeptically, but a small part of you wanted to believe him. "Kylian, change takes time. It's not something that happens overnight. And I can't ignore the past."
He reached for your hand, his touch familiar and comforting. "I'm willing to put in the effort, Y/n. I love you, and I want to make things right."
As you looked into his eyes, you saw a sincerity that tugged at your heartstrings. The inner battle between your emotions and logic continued. Could Kylian change? Could you trust him again?
But deep down, you knew that reopening old wounds might not be the best idea. With a heavy heart, you pulled your hand away and said, "Kylian, I appreciate your honesty, but I need time to think. We both do."
He nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation. "Take all the time you need, Y/n. I just want a chance to show you that I can be the man you deserve."
You left the park that evening with a mix of emotions. The ball was now in your court, and the decision weighed heavily on your shoulders. The ride home was filled with the echoes of Kylian's words, leaving you in a state of uncertainty about the path ahead.
Could Kylian become the man you deserve? This wasn't the first time Kylian promised you that he would work on himself. Memories of that day came back to into your head.
The following week marked your return from the trip to visit your family in New York. The air in the apartment felt different as you unpacked your bags and settled back into your routine. The memories of the argument with Kylian still lingered, but there was an unspoken understanding that both of you needed time and space to heal.
As you entered the living room, you found Kylian sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. The atmosphere was tense, but you were determined to address the underlying issues.
"Hey," you greeted him, trying to keep your tone neutral.
Kylian looked up, offering a small smile. "Hey. How was your trip?"
"It was good. Nice to spend time with my family," you replied, taking a seat opposite him.
A silence hung in the air, heavy with the weight of unspoken words. You decided to break it, "Kylian, we need to talk about what happened before I left."
He nodded, his eyes reflecting a mix of regret and longing. "I know. I messed up, Y/n. I shouldn't have said those things."
You sighed, "It's not just about what you said. It's about us, about our expectations and how we communicate. I don't want us to keep hurting each other."
Kylian ran a hand through his hair, a gesture of frustration. "I don't want that either. I just… I got scared, and I didn't handle it well."
"I get that you're worried about us, about me. But we can't let fear dictate how we communicate," you emphasized.
He looked at you, his eyes searching for understanding. "I don't want to lose you, Y/n. I love you, and I don't want my insecurities to ruin what we have."
The sincerity in his voice tugged at your heart. "Kylian, I love you too. But we need to find a way to support each other without stifling our individual dreams. I won't ask you to give up football, and I can't give up my career either."
He nodded, a silent agreement settling between you. "I know, and I'm willing to work on it. I want us to figure this out together."
A sense of relief washed over you. "Me too. But it means we need to be open and honest with each other, even if it's uncomfortable."
Kylian reached for your hand, a small smile playing on his lips. "Deal. I don't want to lose you, Y/n. You're too important to me."
You squeezed his hand, a shared understanding passing between you. "I don't want to lose us either, Kylian. Let's take it one step at a time."
As you sat there, hands intertwined, a renewed sense of hope filled the room. The journey ahead remained uncertain, but the commitment to understanding and supporting each other became the foundation on which you both hoped to rebuild. The scars of the past would take time to heal, but the willingness to grow together offered a glimmer of possibility for the future.
Possibility for the future that didn't work out in the end....
-----
Tag list: @nightlockcornucopia, @she-lives-in-her-dreams, @sorceresski @m4k444 @mrs-dasilvasantoss @starofavolonea @mrswhitethornbelikov @kyksgirl
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duhragonball · 7 months
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Dragon Ball Super Movie 2: Super Hero (3/5)
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"What are any of us doing here? We're not even in this movie!"
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So the Red Ribbon Army is trying to stage a comeback with a fresh crop of new androids, and Goku isn't around to stop them, because he's on Beerus' planet training with Vegeta and Broly. While Piccolo figures out what to do without them, the movie just goes ahead and shows us what Goku is up to. For about ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure this part of the movie is a concession to Goku's fans. Let's face it, the people love Goku, and to do a Dragon Ball movie with no Goku at all would be a risky proposition, no matter how good that movie is. Looking back at the old DBZ films, Movies 9, 10, and 11 were mostly Goku-free, but he still put in a brief appearance in each one. But those are also regarded as some of the worst entries in the series, and I don't think that's a coincidence.
Now, I'm a fan of Dragon Ball in general, so the idea of a Piccolo and Gohan movie is not only appealing to me, but I'd say it's long overdue. I'd take a Yamcha/Tien movie any day. Or a Launch standalone film. I sat through GT, so it'd take a lot to keep me out of the theater. But Toei's trying to run a business here, and they can't just depend on die-hards like me to bring in the ticket revenue. So I'm sure the decision to focus on Piccolo was a controversial one in the home office. But they probably reached a compromise by giving Goku a decent chunk of screentime as a make-good.
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One thing that makes this movie so good is that they don't just toss out a character for the sake of having them in the movie. They actually take a moment to show what that character is doing these days, even if it doesn't affect the plot that much. That's important, because it lets the viewer come away feeling like they got something out of the cameo they just saw. For example, we've seen Goku and Vegeta on Beerus' planet before. This is nothing new, but this time Goku's trying to help Broly control his power. And Vegeta's trying to meditate so he can learn how to imitate Jiren's power. Goku doesn't really understand his approach, which goes to show that Vegeta's trying to push beyond the scope of the training they've done on Beerus's planet before now. Gohan is studying ants, Videl has her combat sports class, Piccolo's a homeowner, etc.
Compare this to Battle of Gods, for example. Now BoG's a good movie, don't get me wrong, but a lot of the characters who appear in the film are utterly wasted. Tien shows up but he looks and acts exactly the same as he did the last several times we've seen him. Then he shows up in Resurrection F and nothing's changed either. He says he left Chiaotzu and Yamcha behind for the big fight, but would it matter either way? If they showed up, they wouldn't do anything new with those guys either.
The trick is to not just put Ox King in your movie, but to have him mention something that he's gotten up to lately, something Ox King fans can mull over later. "Oh, hey, remember how Ox King said he was going back to school to get a sociology degree?" You can sink your teeth into that, even if that's the only thing that you find out about from him. It's a lot better than "It's Bulma's birthday, and one of the guests is Ox King, a character who certainly exists."
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Let's talk about Vegeta's revelation in this movie, since it caused some commotion among the fans. Goku complains that Vegeta had just been sitting still lately, which he thinks is a waste of time. Vegeta explains that he's been studying the way Jiren fought during the Tournament of Power. While he dominated Goku and Vegeta--sometimes both at once-- Vegeta is certain that Jiren isn't that much stronger than they are. What made Jiren so tough to deal with was that he was completely relaxed until the very moment he chose to strike, which allowed him to put all of his power into those brief offensive moments. But since Vegeta can't do that himself, he's trying to train his mind to conceptualize it before he tries to make his body learn how.
So a lot of fans saw this and concluded that the studio hates Goku, or they think Goku's an idiot, or that the studio is stupid for failing to remember that Goku has meditated before in the past. There has always been a subset of the fanbase that tries to turn everything into a Manichean conflict between Goku and Vegeta. In this case, if Vegeta figures something out before Goku does, then it means that Toei or Shueisha or Akira Toriyama himself must hate Goku.
This is stupid on the face of it, because Akira Toriyama literally created the character and he's credited with the screenplay for this movie. If he truly despised Goku, why would he even have Goku in the movie at all? He could have killed him off a long time ago. Why even make a Dragon Ball movie when he could have been working on some Dr. Slump project instead?
All this scene is... and I promise you, it's nothing more to it..., is a exploration of what the boys are doing on Beerus' planet. They train here, of course. We've seen that before, but why are they training here? Well, they need to receive instructions and guidance from Whis, and this is where Whis lives. Okay, and why is Whis so important to the process? Why can't they just stay on Earth and spar like they used to do? Because that only gets them so far. They need to learn new ways of thinking in order to surpass the level they're already at.
And what does that mean exactly? Well, they can't just do a million pushups. It doesn't work that way. There's other things they have to figure out, and that requires them to think of things they hadn't thought of before. And Whis is already beyond them in terms of power, so he knows things that they're still struggling to grasp. But Whis can't just spell it out for them. He can describe what they need to do, but it's still up to Goku and Vegeta to understand and internalize it.
And that's what they're doing here. They're basically brainstorming ways to get stronger. This time, Vegeta had an idea, and he's following it to see where it leads. Whis approves, so he seems to be on the right track. Tomorrow, maybe Goku will have another good idea, and so on.
But it's not always going to be one or the other who has the breakthrough. And it would be stupid for them both to have the same idea at the same time, just so the partisan fans won't feel slighted. Goku seems to think he can get a lot out of working with Broly, but that hasn't paid off just yet. It might prove more productive than what Vegeta is working on at the moment, but there's only one way to find out.
As far as Goku failing to recognize the value of meditation, well, he's had to re-learn that lesson several times. People will point to the time he meditated in Otherworld, or the time he meditated during his training with Mr. Popo, but they forget that this sort of focus and concentration was part of his training with Master Roshi as well. Whis scolded both Goku and Vegeta on this point when they first trained with him in Resurrection F. We can draw one of two conclusions here.
Goku's quest for greater strength is a flat circle. He just keeps re-discovering the same fundamentals, making a big gain in power, and then forgetting how he achieved that improvement.
Akira Toriyama is recycling the same martial arts hokum over and over again, because he only needs to show the characters working for greater strength. He does not need to design a genuine and internally consistent system for fantasy martial arts, any more than the writers of Star Trek need to explain how dilithium crystals make the ship go.
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Anyway, Whis proposes a Goku/Broly/Vegeta three-way match, but no one wants Broly to fight in case he flips out and wrecks the entire planet. Then Beerus wakes up and finds out he has new houseguests. Goku explains that this is a good place to hide Broly from Frieza, and before Beerus can object, he meets Lemo and samples his cooking. It's good, so Beerus decides he can stay. Then Cheelai walks by with a bag full of loot she stole from Beerus' home. But Beerus decides he likes Cheelai's looks, so he agrees to let her stay too. So that's decided.
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I've also seen some fans gripe about how Cheelai didn't spend much time with Broly in this movie, and Beerus' crush on Cheelai muddies the waters further. Look, none of these characters got a lot of screen time in this movie. This scene could be cut entirely and you wouldn't miss a thing. Half of it is Goku sparring with Vegeta, so of course Broly and Cheelai weren't going to have a whirlwind romance in this thing.
All I know for certain is that Cheelai walked by Broly and went out of her way to say he was "looking good", which is a lot more than she complimented anyone else on this planet. I mean, she's stealing Beerus' stuff, which ought to tell you how much she's into his lanky purple ass.
Moving on, Whis still wants to do that sparring match, if only so Broly can learn to appreciate a high-level battle with the fighters maintaining control of their powers. But Goku wants to eat first and so they stop for lunch.
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And yeah, then this movie up and decides to give us Goku/Vegeta III, just like that. I don't want to oversell it, but it's an excellent fight. Whis sets the ground rules to that transformations and ki blasts are forbidden, so in a lot of ways this looks a lot like the kind of battle they might have had at the 25th Budokai before Babidi's henchmen got involved. We only get to see a few minutes of it, but they're so evenly matched that the fight takes a really long time to settle, so maybe it's just as well.
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Beerus notes that Vegeta's moves have changed in an almost imperceptible way, due to his recent meditation training. Still, he loses interest in the fight and decides to get ice cream while the boys slug it out. I'm pretty sure Cheelai never cared in the first place, but Broly is enthralled with this action. He's getting to watch two of the greatest Saiyans ever put on a clinic, and he's soaking it up like a sponge.
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But the important thing, at least as far as this movie goes, is that Beerus tosses an empty ice cream carton onto Whis' staff, so no one notice it flashing when Bulma tries to call him.
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Which means Piccolo's on his own, at least for the time being. He gets the news from Bulma while he's picking up some senzu beans from Korin. The situation looks pretty bad, since Piccolo estimates that the Gammas' power is roughly on par with Goku and Vegeta's. And Dr. Hedo might know 17 and 18's weak spots, so they might not be able to help either. There is Majin Buu, though...
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.... ha ha ha! No, did you think this one was going to be any different? Buu's sleeping through this crisis too. Seriously, why did they keep him alive at the end of the Buu Saga if no one had any plans to use him for anything?
So what about Gohan? That's what Korin asks, but Piccolo just says they can't count on Gohan right now, which... ouch.
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But Piccolo does have one other idea, and so he flies up to see Dende on the Lookout and asks him to draw out his hidden power. See, the Kami of Planet Namek, Grand Elder Guru, was able to power up Krillin and Gohan way back in the day. Now, Dende is the Kami of Earth, so Piccolo figures Dende could do the same for him.
Only, no, it doesn't work that way. Turns out a Dragon-Type Namekian has to reach a certain age before they can use that sort of ability, and Dende's too young. On the other hand, Dende suggests using the Dragon Balls to solve the problem. They could simply wish away the Red Ribbon Army, but Piccolo doesn't care for that idea. Okay, well what about using Shenron to draw out Piccolo's hidden power? Can Shenron do that? Dende's like "gimme a minute."
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So Dende wheels out the cart with the model of Shenron on it, and he powers a flask of water on the model. This makes it glow, and somehow upgrades Shenron so that he can grant a wish to draw out a person's hidden powers. Piccolo remarks that he had no idea any of this was possible when he was Kami. To be fair, when Piccolo was Kami, he didn't even know he was a Namekian, so there's a lot of stuff he was out of the loop for.
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Now all Piccolo needs is the Dragon Balls, but Dende tells him that Bulma probably has them already. Ever since Frieza came back, Bulma's been gathering up the Dragon Balls every year, using the wishes up so that they'll be inactive in case any bad guys try to use them. Piccolo calls to ask her and yes, she has the whole set. In the dub, he asks her how many she has and she's like "Oh, uh.... All of them?!" I can't be sure, but I think that's a reference to the "All of them?" line from the dub of Dragon Ball, when Piccolo tried to zap Goku, but he missed all his vital organs. Anyway, Piccolo tells her to hang on to the balls until he gets there.
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So they summon Shenron and it works. Piccolo gets stronger, and the Dragon promises that he threw in "a little extra".
That still leaves two wishes to use, so Bulma asks for a nicer ass and slightly longer eyelashes. Then she realizes -- too late-- that they could have wished to bring Goku and Vegeta back to Earth. Whoops.
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"Shenron, I wish for you to bring Goku and Vegeta to Earth, so that they might bear witness to all this junk within my trunk."
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So Piccolo returns to the Red Ribbon base and just walks right back to the line of soldiers there in Magenta's command room. They're still talking, and Piccolo tells the other soldiers he had to go potty. No one suspects a thing.
Magenta's trying to figure out what to do next. He'd like to target Goku and Vegeta, but no one knows where they are. Mr. Satan is too risky, since no one seems to know what his powers are, exactly. Then Carmine suggests Gohan be the next target. His intel says that it was Gohan who defeated Cell, and he has lots of spy footage of Piccolo going to his house to visit, which suggests that Gohan is a "shadow boss" in Bulma's organization. Magenta likes the idea of taking Gohan out, but he doesn't want Red Ribbon guys operating in the city, since it's too soon to reveal their presence to the wider public.
But if they could kidnap Gohan's daughter and lure him to the Red Ribbon base, then they could fight him on their own turf. Carmine finds that to be a good idea, as it would improve troop morale. Magenta orders a two-man team go to fetch Pan, and Piccolo volunteers, saying that he lives in the same neighborhood and knows Pan's face, because she's the granddaughter of Mr. Satan.
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Dr. Hedo objects to the kidnapping angle, but Magenta tells him to mind his own business. Hmmm...
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So Piccolo will be picking up Pan from preschool after all, just a bit later than planned. I don't know why Pan can't just run home by herself. She made it all the way here from Piccolo's house, didn't she?
One thing I like about this scene is how there's one other kid here who gets picked up, and that kid's mom apologizes for being late, so it's pretty clear that it's well after 1pm. Pan's been here a while. Her teacher assures here that someone will show up soon, but Pan's still kind of disappointed.
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The other Red Ribbon soldier sent to do the kidnapping thinks this will be easy, so he just walks right up to Pan and tells her his mom sent him, but she demolishes him with a single blow.
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Then Piccolo reveals himself and Pan recognizes him by his ki and calms down. The teacher already knows Piccolo, so she's cool with him, and Piccolo explains that this was all a security drill arranged by Mr. Satan. Now, in the dub, Piccolo addresses the teacher as "Janet", implying that he knows her as well as she knows him, and I think this is what led to the genesis of the Piccolo/Janet ship. I don't have a lot to say about it that hasn't already been said, but I'm all for Piccolo and Janet getting together. Janet's a fine foxy lady, and Piccolo's reputation speaks for itself.
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Of course, Piccolo now has to fly the Red Ribbon airship back to base. He's a pretty crappy pilot, but he manages. I like to think Janet is still impressed, though. "Wow," she thinks as he flies away, crashing into a billboard. "Is there anything he can't do?"
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Piccolo's plan is pretty simple. He explains the situation to Pan, and convinces her to play along with the kidnapping. When Gohan shows up to rescue her, he'll kick everyone's ass and that'll take care of everything. Actually, that sounds a little half-baked to me. Piccolo got a power up from Shenron, but is that enough? Anyway, they bring Pan to the base and take a video of her acting scared, then Magenta sends Piccolo and the other guy back to the city to show it to Gohan. Wait, why is that Namekian chair back there? What's that about.
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Well, it doesn't matter because Pan sees some cookies and she's like "Don't mind if I do!" but then...
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Carmine takes the plate away! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
You suck, Carmine!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Pan would probably attack him right there, except Piccolo's behind him trying to calm her down.
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So Piccolo and 15 go to Gohan's house, and Piccolo takes him to the window since he knows Gohan won't answer the door. Notably, Gohan doesn't recognize Piccolo through his disguise, even though Pan saw through it immediately. Also, Gohan hasn't bothered to change out of the clothes Piccolo put him in this morning. Those must be fascinating ants he's working on.
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15 shows Gohan the video of Pan and RIP the windowsill.
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He turns Super Saiyan and scares the shit out of 15, who promises Pan will be fine if he just returns with him to the base. Gohan gets so mad he makes a crater in the ground...
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... and the house starts to list down into the hole. But Piccolo doesn't mind because his plan is working. Gohan's back in a fighting mood and he can clobber the Gammas!
Or can he...?
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theflyindutchwoman · 25 days
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Just a preemptive apology for spewing this all in your inbox lol 😅
I agree that this felt like the beginning of the larger conversation about uc. I feel like a lot of this storyline requires patience and that's why some people arent the biggest fans of it lol. It took this long just for Tim to get out of denial about his feelings. It's a pretty big issue so I feel like it would be unsatisfying and boring if all it took was one scene and one conversation to fix it.
Plus from Lucy's perspective, uc is something she's been working towards since she was a rookie (except for in season 4 cause I think the writers forgot lol). So I can imagine it would take a lot for her to drop it completely. Especially with her story before the show being her trying to find a career, it would make sense she would cling to something she likes and is good at. I mean she can still be a detective but detective and uc are probably so intertwined in her mind at this point.
I don't know I just don't think the whole thing is as cut and dry as some people think. I'm excited to see where they go with it in the rest of this season. Especially with all the bts pictures we've gotten and how they may fit into this 👀
To be fair, there's patience and there's "waiting for 3 seasons for this storyline to move forward", if you know what I mean ;) Jokes aside, I feel like I'm one of the few who actually enjoy this arc so, in my case, I'm really glad that we are finally digging into this. It has felt stagnant for quite some time, and for good reasons.
Like you said, it apparently has taken this long for Tim to realise how much in denial he has been… And my guess is, he's not the only one here. I appreciate that this is used as a way by the writers to explain why this conversation has been postponed for so long : after all, Lucy has never made a secret that this was the career she wanted and Tim has encouraged her all along (minus the hiccups at the beginning). He knew that when he said they were worth the risk. So they needed to come up with a valid reason as to why it would be a problem. One that wouldn't invalidate Tim's feelings or decision. And now that this is out in the open, we can hopefully focus on Lucy's side of the story. On whether she is in denial too. On her fears - because I refuse to believe she doesn't have any. I do believe that she loves undercover. But like she admitted herself, she has only done short ops. Ops that sometimes went wrong but without any lasting consequences. So while she probably missed her friends and all during those missions, it's entirely different from missing out on a whole year. I'm not sure she has allowed herself to be entirely honest with herself on the subject.
And that's another thing. Her life has changed quite a lot since she decided to pursue an undercover career. Back then, she was pretty much on her own. But now, she has a family. And she lost her closest friend. Things that tend to make you think differently. I don't mean that she can't have the career that she wants, just that these types of events usually makes one reconsider their plans. In a way, this dream of being a UC has been her constant through all of this. And as someone who struggled for close to a decade to find her dream job, I can understand why she doesn't really question it. Not to mention that time and time again, we have seen how Lucy needs to talk things out in order to process them… And she hasn't been able to do that here. Like when she was offered the spot at the UC Academy. She went to see Nyla but it didn't do much. She needed Tim but with all the baggage between them at the time, she barely got to open up about her feelings. He is her sounding board but in this situation, it makes things more complicated. Her feelings for UC and for Tim are so intertwined that she doesn't know how to unravel this whole web. It is so convoluted together. She always shows some concerns about how it will affect their relationship. But not how it will affect HER. Like in 5.20 when she brushed away Tim's question. That's why I like that Tim's feelings might be out of the way first, so we can dig deeper into Lucy's. She has been so focused on Tim that she has neglected herself in the process. And that's also why I loved Chastity's comment. Because it was thrown casually by someone who is on the outside, and far more objective than the team could ever be. And hopefully, this is what starts an introspection from Lucy.
I don't think the writers necessarily forgot about her wanting to do undercover in s4 : she was at the beginning of her P2 career so it made sense for her to focus on that first. But she was still behind two UC ops. The second one being the catalyst for both her relationship with Tim and her career in UC moving forward. It's also no coincidence that Tim has always been involved in her UC ops. Either on the lookout (3.06 and 5.07), as her case officer (5.21), as the one going undercover under her supervision (4.07 and 4.22) or with her (5.01). The only time he wasn't involved from the get-go was during her first solo op (3.14) and even then, he managed to convince Nyla to keep him in the loop. It gave them a sense of safety. So it would be good to see an undercover mission where they can't keep in touch at all. And IF he is really going undercover for a couple of episodes as we have speculated, it would be interesting to see how it would affect them both to be on the other side of the equation. It would offer them a perspective of what the other would go through. That said, I still hope Lucy get to experience herself what it's like to do a long-ish op before making any decision. This has been her storyline above all. But in any case, I can't wait to see where this is going. (And I'm sorry, I feel like I went off on a tangent here and hijacked your reply lol).
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zoeykallus · 1 year
Note
Hello, I hope your doing ok! And I love your work with writing. Hopefully your in a good mental health right now cause I got a Agnst request!
So the reader and clone of your choice, have been together for a while and she or he introduces them to there parents. The parents don’t approve because they are clone racist! And would rather her or him be with someone nat born. How would clones react to that?
(Also if you wanna go for the headshot and really spice it up, the reader is pregnant. That gonna be a real messy one! P.s this is for when every you feel like it or get the time. I understand writing is just a hobby and some people can be rude. So when ever you get time or you just don’t wanna do it. That’s cool to. P.s.s I’m still support your blog weather my request gets answered or not. You’re awesome writer!)
Aloha!
Still breathing! Thanks for asking :)) Hope you are doing great!
Oh, that's an interesting idea, one I can actually imagine would be true for some people if it was reality... Let me try my take on this one. I hope you don't mind me leaving out the pregnant part, though, I'd like to focus on the 'racism' part itself.
The Bad Batch x Fem!Reader HCs - The Worth Of A Clone
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Warnings: Angst/Tension/ uhm, Clonecism? (racism)
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Meeting your parents for the first time is excitement enough for your batcher, the whole thing takes a nasty turn when it turns out that your family doesn't have a good opinion of clones, especially when it comes to courting you.
AC:
Keep in mind that I am writing this from my point of view, how I would imagine the situation, and also how I might react. I cannot guess how others would react. Well, I could, but then I would have to have at least ten versions.
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Initial situation (For everyone but Echo): Your batcher and you are invited to dinner at your parents' house. Your parents finally want to meet the man in your life. When asked what your beloved does for a living, soldier for the republic army, the first reaction is restrained but quite sympathetic. When your father makes the joking, casual remark, "At least you're not one of those clones," disaster takes its course.
Hunter
He takes a breath, collects himself, he already feels that the truth will not make him any friends here, but he does not intend to lie.
"I am a clone, not exactly like the others, but I am created in the same way and do more or less the same job".
The looks he earns are at first puzzled and incredulous. Your parents scrutinize him.
Your mother says quietly to your father, "I didn't know there were different ones, he doesn't look like the others".
Your father frowns critically, it takes a while until he finally says something again.
"I can not tolerate this connection, and I certainly can not support it".
The words sound rough and harsh. He seems annoyed, as if you and Hunter had deliberately tried to deceive him.
"With all due respect, your daughter is an adult, we don't need your permission. We're here out of respect and decency."
"Decency," echoes your mother, "How can someone like you talk about decency, you're not even a real person."
Shocked and deeply disappointed, you want to retreat with Hunter. Your parents give you a choice, "Family or clone".
The decision is easy thanks to their disrespectful attitude.
"I'm going with Hunter"
Hunter feels touched, hurt and guilty at the same time. He is overjoyed that you stand by him, despite everything, but he feels guilty because you break with your family because of him.
Echo
From the start, your parents react very dismissively and Echo feels very insecure. He wants to be polite, because after all they are your parents, actually he had hoped to make a good impression. However, he realizes very quickly that clones are not very welcome here, and the fact that he is not even an 'intact' clone anymore makes things even worse.
"A clone, a broken clone, half a droid," your father growls to himself, not even having the decency to address Echo directly.
Your mother stands in the background, not giving Echo a second glance, a steep, stern crease between her brows. When she finally speaks, she sounds reproachful and disappointed.
"How can you do this to us, bringing this thing here?"
Echo says calmly, "I'm not a thing. A clone I am by all means, yes, but a human being nonetheless."
Your father points disparagingly at his prosthetics, "That one doesn't look human."
Echo sighs, he feels anger, but mostly a heavy disappointment and pain over this situation.
"Yes, I lost a few limbs fighting for the Republic. Other soldiers are decorated for that"
"Because they're real human beings," your father rumbles.
"Echo is a real human being!" you exclaim angrily.
It quickly becomes clear that the evening is over. You retreat. You are so sorry for the way things have gone, for the things Echo has had to listen to.
Sitting alone with you in your apartment, Echo says after a while of silence, "They're not wrong about one thing, you deserve better".
When you try to contradict him, he says, "Cyare, I know I'm a good soldier, I'm a real person, whether I'm a clone or half a droid. Still, you deserve better."
You hug him warmly, kiss him and say, "There is nothing and no one I love more, you are wonderful Echo, the best thing that has ever happened to me. What we both have, I will never give up, no matter what anyone else says".
Wrecker
At first, your parents are thrilled with the friendly giant. Especially your father seems pleased with your choice, "A soldier and what a soldier, look at this guy, I don't have to worry if my daughter is protected," he says enthusiastically and shakes Wrecker's hand with pleasure.
Wrecker smiles, very happy to have made a good first impression.
The mood shifts drastically, however, when it is revealed over the course of the evening that Wrecker is a clone soldier, obviously not a regular one, but a clone soldier nonetheless.
Your father sighs and says, "I'm sorry, but I can't condone that."
Wrecker asks in surprise, "Why not? Did I say something wrong? I assure you, I respect your daughter and love her very much."
"That's not the problem, it's more what you are" your mother says.
Wrecker looks at you questioningly, he can tell your heart is sinking right now, you already seem to know where this is going.
"I'm human," he says calmly.
"You're a clone, a copy of a human," your mother says somewhat snidely.
Wrecker blinks, then sighs. He's had this reaction before, only here, and now he didn't really expect it. Somehow he had hoped, or expected, that your family would think like you and be just as wonderful people.
After this evening, Wrecker is very unsettled, but he still behaves calmly. He is afraid that you will end the relationship. His pleased, relieved face when you make it clear to him that you will not be influenced by your parents' opinion is priceless.
He pulls you into his arms and cuddles tenderly with you all evening, incredibly happy that he can be so close to you.
Tech
"That would explain why he talks so pompously, like a droid. He's not a real person at all."
Tech raises his eyebrows in shock. He's used to hostility towards his heritage, but he didn't expect this, sitting at a table with you and your parents.
"Mother!" you exclaim, startled and annoyed.
"It's true, isn't it?" your father says, making a throwaway hand gesture.
Your gaze bounces back and forth between Tech and your parents. You feel ashamed of their behavior and the expression on Tech's face pains you, he looks genuinely surprised and hurt.
Tech clears his throat and says, "I guess I should go, I'm obviously not welcome here."
"We agree on that," your father says.
Tech swallows the comment that's on the tip of his tongue and stands up, still politely indicating a bow as he departs. You grab your jacket and hurriedly follow him, against your parents' calls for you to stay.
Tech looks at you in surprise as you catch up to him and reach for his hand.
"Mesh'la?"
"You didn't think I was just going to let you walk away from me because my parents had a stick up their ass, did you?"
He blinks, then smiles gently.
"I'm honored, my dear, but I don't want you to fight with your family because of me."
You stand on the tips of your toes, and he leans toward you. Gently kissing his cheek, you say, "My beloved, I don't care what they think. Admittedly, I would have been very happy if they had accepted you, but the fact that they don't, doesn't change my feelings for you. I won't turn my back on you".
Crosshair
"At least you're not one of those clones"
Crosshair's gaze moves from your father to you and back again, slowly, with what you realize is a suppressed sigh.
"Well, I'm no ordinary clone, a special version if you will, but a clone nonetheless".
"Can you clones feel anything at all. Can you even love?", asks your mother.
Crosshair says dryly, "I can only speak for myself. Theoretically we are all capable of emotion, I just like it in small doses, however with your daughter I make an exception"
Your parents are not very enthusiastic, neither about him as a clone nor about his dry humor. Crosshair faces a well-known hostility.
The mood is tense, but Crosshair is not the sort to put up with this nonsense. He stands up and says sharply, "The clones are the reason we can sit here at dinner tonight and not be under Separatist rule. But keep being condescending and ignorant, that seems to have gotten you a long way in life."
You also hastily get up, leaving your perplexed parents in the dining room. You follow Crosshair out, hastily quickening your steps to keep up with the strides of his long legs.
"Wait, Crosshair, don't run like that."
He stops, turns around and raises his brows.
"I'm not running, your legs are just too short" he says teasingly, finally smiling at you.
"I'm sorry-"
He raises his hand to interrupt you.
"It's okay, I'm used to this kind of behavior. I was hoping your family would be different, but I'm not exactly shocked that they're not."
He strokes your cheek and says, "It's okay, I don't blame you."
"I don't care what they say or want, I still want to be with you."
He smirks and says, "Of course you do, Kitten"
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Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)
@rintheemolion
@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99
@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310
@misogirl828 @tech-deck
@meshla-madalene
@chxpsi
@thebahdbitch
@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri
@darkangel4121
@ttzamara
@arctrooper69
@padawancat97
@agenteliix
@allsystemsblue
@palliateclaws
@either-madness-or-brilliance
@ortizshinkaroff
@andy-solo1
@hunterssecretrecipe
@heyitsaloy
@greaser-wolf
@extrahotpixels
@hated-by-me
@hunterxcrosshair
@malicemercy
@bebopsworld
@echos-girlfriend
@taskfork-archive
@cpnt616
@starwarsnerd111
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furiyama · 7 months
Text
I have something to say to certain people in this fandom and I've had these thoughts and feelings for a while. I won't name names for the sake of what I'm about to say. It's important that I say it, and explain it, and tell you firstly
I am absolutely disgusted, on a soul level, on a heart level, by your beloved Snarry ship and I must call you out on what you are doing to Severus (and also to Harry, though Severus has been with me since I was read the first book at 4 years old. From that age on, I knew and felt he was more, he was onto something, so he is the main focus of this)
I don't know you are, and I can't quantify and analyze each one of your lives to understand why you like Severus, but I know within my soul, you do not understand the gravity of what he gave up for Lily, the amount of self will it took, the knowledge that even if he would never make things right with Lily, he must do the right thing (which we can debate on if he actually made this emotional decision but I have a following more important point)
I have dealt with the strength of love towards a friend after the world that birthed you shatters you soul with abuse, you have no one truly supporting you in this world, you don't know what geniune love looks or feels like, but yet, you meet somebody who makes your soul glimmer, like you are actually alive and not dead inside. I have been down many schools of thought about these types of love, having them for a handful of different people I met throughout my journey. On one hand there is geniune pyschological phenomanoms when it comes to loving and connections after abuse, that some of us develop unhealthy attachment styles, some of us encounter limerance (unwanted, obsessive love for somebody else you cannot get out of), all of these schools of thoughts are valid and in appropriate medical settings and pyschology study, are useful for helping us understands how humans work and potentially helping us guide us to a patch of healing.
But what I'm going to say is different , because I experienced different, thought different.
I had to validate that love I held for those people because it made me want to continue to exist - and so what if is excerbated or partially caused by my trauma and/or mental illness. It was the most real feeling I had ever felt, those feelings eventually lead me to this moment now, where I can finally stand up and tell you how disrespectful you are to Severus and his journey by shipping him with Harry. I trusted those feelings and they lead me to the healing I needed for many years.
Severus's journey mirrored my own, I was the child with a terrible temper, getting kicked out of schools early on in childhood, group homes. But why did me and him continue to exist in a world that made it clear it didn't want us?
I found that answer out as I grew into a teenager and experienced love for my friends and my limerance objects (the object of ones affection while under limerance effects), that I wanted to keep existing so I could do good for them.
I had no idea how to do that, at this point I shipped literal Armstrongcest from full metal alchimist, my entirely way of being, and thinking, was fucked up. I hurt people left and right even though the feelings I had - and for certain people I didn't realize until I used and hurt them so much, that they weren't my emotional priority, I liked the companionship, somebody who talked about things you knew and were interested in.
Severus made friends with terrible people because they were the only ones that really gave that to him. And nobody stepped in to teach him straight or differently, he only knew the world as it was for him. I'm not condoning being a wizard racist or anything, I simply understand when you are in that much pain, as my friend says often to me 'if you aren't given appropriate love you will learn to lick it off a knife'
Something in him for Lily always stirred, and unhealthy as it was for him to have that, I truly believe it was the only geniune relationship he ever had growing up. And knowing personally still grief after 8 years of the person my heart chose simply ghosting and refusing all contact, sometimes that pain, that longing, it never goes away. You remember it because it spoke to your soul at that time in your life in a way you have never encountered since.
I am absolutely... just, offended, that as somebody who has gone through this emotional journeys, who understands now the appropriate space that must be given to this person, it is beyond words of absolute recoiling of the soul to think that after all that happens, your person never returns to you
That you go and fuck their child
all the self work you've done on yourself to achieve a sense of self you now can find yourself be proud you climbed that mluntain for them
That you go and think their kid is an appropriate partner
Part of this is understanding you need to leave their circle alone (even if it was never involved their circle before), it is a level of respect you come to and understand for this person. that from afar, mayhaps now and again you can send a blessing or help in some way, but to want to change your behavior from what you did that hurt them to run (which is the level of emotional decision i want to write for severus but that's another topic)
you understand your behaviors and your way of connecting with people isn't good, and the first thing you can do to make it right within your soul is going and trying to exude the exact opposite energy
which means respectfully at the end leaving her kid the fuck alone
i could go on rants for many of the other severus ships but i don't care to. none of them are more annoying to a mosquito to me. but this one, stirs a specifc part of my soul that i need you to hear when i say
When you fucking ship him with harry, you are completely opposite of that energy, you don't want what's best for him, otherwise you'd know the grief and such goes through stages and you's eventually want him to learn how to respect his own emotions and experiences
to see you snarry shippers say dumb shit like i love his smile, i love a happy snape, i love him, i am disgusted beyond words
you don't actually fucking care at all if you want him to go down that dark ass road
i geniunely had to ask myself at a point of thinking about this, what if it was me, and i was the person who was diddling that persons child?
i said to my friend, if that ever happens, please just shoot me. end it. clearly something has gone wrong, very wrong, and it can't be fixed when you get to that level, it's all already fucked. my friend, understanding he said to me 'i definitely wouldnt want to but i hear you... it'd be painful but i know where you are coming from when you talk about severus and m(person). if it gets that bad, i know you don't want it to go on'
of course this is a hypothetical question so of course it won't happen but that parallel is the Foundation of the understanding. without my feelings for all those people that eventually coalesced into my now many year long grief over just 1 and has held steady, I wouldn't have this personal context to give you but it's important I give it to you
so you can understand now how the very ship is an anti-thesis to severus's soul and how dare you say you care about him while doing that shit
how fuckin ass dare you disrespect him and his journey like that
how dare you try to stand with him while pushing him back into a similiar kind of darkness he was born in!
fuck you and fuck your snarry.
respect severus, don't you ass fucking dare act like you understand what it's living it because you clearly fucking don't if you can't give him the basic respect of not pushing him backwards
i hope y'all learn how to swim because i'm the goddamn severus snape goddess and your ship is creepier than flying dutchman, like he's not gonna even be willing to raise your sunken ship, that's how bad it is
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albaqae · 7 months
Text
OH MY GOD I FINALLY WATCHED MUTANT MAYHEM AND DJJSAJJSNSNFHXJDJ
queue the ramble :) (also yes spoilers)
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I’m so so happy being able to take off mutant mayhem filters NOW I CAN BASK IN THE FANART YES YESBEYYEYSYSYSYSA
Ok so like I pulled up right and I knew it was gon be GOOD, but IT WAS GOODER THAT GOOD???? After I watched rise I was like mkmk yea there’s NO WAY they can make them more teenager-y But they Did.
My friend my love told me that they told the VA to change the script if they wanted to and if they thought it was more relevant and honestly? BEST DECISION EVER
U can feel however u want abt the movie but I will Fight You about the relevancy of it so bad, like something that media tends to focus on capturing is the Present, the feeling of the very moment “insert thing” happens, and the relevancy of certain situations in certain times. It’s the very reason why nostalgia hits so hard, because it is capturing the feeling of being right there in that moment, and so effortlessly
That’s what I felt watching the movie, THEY LITERALLT SAID RIZZ AND SUS, and I never in my LIFE thought I’d hear that in an ACTUAL OFFICIAL MOVIE, I just KNOW history scholars are gonna psycho analyze every reference they make
ALSO I ADORE SPLINTER SO SO SO MUCHANJAJASJKEKNX, I love seeing just-became-a-father splinter it’s AKJSNDNX. I really really love the angle they took with him, and him seeing himself reflected in superfly and how being so strict hurts his kids because it doesn’t let them explore options or themselves fully, even if he really does think he’s right
ALSO HIM AND SCUMBAG AKAJNSNSNX IT WAS SO CUTEEEE IT KILLED MEEE
AND OH GOD near the end when superfly had the turtles and was abt to like snap them and I saw the broken shells I, no kidding, screamed. THE AMOUNT OF ANGST IVE CONSUMED THAT HAS HAD BROKEN SHELLS AS ONE OF ITS MAIN PLOTS AOQJJWNSNX, it was WILDDD having it canon ngl
Overall all the characters, like every single one, felt so fleshed out and real, it was genuinely so refreshing. I love how media now focuses on capturing raw human states instead of the heavily filtered beauty standard that our societies have for so long clung to. I think future generations being able to see that will really heal some of the damage being “chronically online” can cause
April had SUCH GOOD STYLE and I loved her :) because the plot was so heavy I almost expected a lot of the characters to not have an arc at all, so I was real surprised when splinter and April realized what they did was hurting ppl. The writers were REAL good at keep the plot semi-un-crowded despite how much was going on
Again, THE HUMOR WAS SO SO PRESENT DAY AKAJWJENNX
I loved Raph LIKE ALWAYS and how they made him an angry mf w/o making it against his brothers, and just making it as just how he is, I thought it was so nice to have an iteration where he keeps his spark without making it harmful to those he cares abt (his outfit at the end was so very fire it was my fav)
Mikey was so so sweet, I love whenever he’s both a goofy goober but also one of the most empathetic ones, the hope and kindness in his eyes <33
DONNIE WAS SO RADDDD, the VA did SUCH a good job, he has my fav voice and overall he was so cool in character too, freaking out abt the attack on titan doodle was so me and I love seeing a representation of what non-toxic fandom looks like that wasn’t seen as a problem or as meant to be looked down on, bro just loves k-pop and anime!!!
Leo was AMAZINFGGGT, they kept his leader persona and his want to take responsibility and decency without making him an ass !!! And for someone who grew up with 2012 Leo that’s something I was REALLY at awe at
It’s also the first turtle x human ship i don’t hate, they didn’t make Leo be CREEPY ASF LIKE W 2012 DONNIE, but he was still a hormonal teenager having a real crush and they were still friends
I also loved lizard dude
Superfly character was so rad too, the way he spoke and carried himself was really interesting to look at and I thought it was so cool, I love villains that have actual stories, AND BABY HIM WAS SO CUTEEEEE, wish we got more sibling content on him and his crew tho, but that’s very me nitpicking
Splinter cracking his back remind me of “BUMBUMBUM BUM BUM BUM!”
I love when tmnt doesn’t do orientalism :))) it’s very hard to avoid in iterations cause of the very foundation of tmnt, but I take it as a major W whenever we get a decent story(USUALLY AMAZING STORIES) that doesn’t rely on “oooohhhh mystery ninja stuff ooooooo” to make a compelling “aesthetic”
I also loved how Baxter stockman looked, and the turtle tots, the animation was OUT OF THIS WORLDDD, I rlly love how, as artists, we accept more diverse styles rather than just sticking to realism being the standard, because it allows for stuff like this to happen!!! And the scribbles added so much to the world ownqnnsndndjxjx I’ll rewatch it over and over again just for the art style
And also when Leo call himself leon IT MADE ME SO HAPPY BC LIKE LEO IN RISE LIKES LEON TOO IT FELT LIKE A WINK WINK SKSNSNWNMSND not sure if it was tho but it was me giggling and kicking my feet
The plot itself was so good too in the way that it applies to more than mutants, the seeking of acceptance is something really really relatable in so many contexts: neurodivergence, queerness, immigration, and so so so much more????? It’s one of my fav things of most tmnt iterations, its themes carry on to other contexts, not just to the specific story being told. This is what leads it to being so attractive to so many audiences
The music was very atsv and I thought it was so rad, it’s always nice to watch a movie that has that kinda soundtrack, especially in urban settings it’s a lot more fitting than an orchestra (sometimes, or at least I think)
By the time me movie was over with the BADASS SHREDDER APPEARANCE I lost control of my body and was just happy stimming violently and my friends just kinda 🧍‍♂️ at me, and they got the same rant u just read but even more messy, if that’s possible
I’m proud to have mutant mayhem as an official tmnt iteration, and I’m proud of the work that’s been done, and I hope to in the future maybe somehow contribute to a version too!!
I didn’t revise this, and it’s very messy, and I doubt I’ll go back and fix it, but it’s just beginning thoughts :D if you actually read this far thank you and I love you
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padfootastic · 8 months
Note
Hey padfootastic,
Was scrolling through hp posts and saw a post where people were fighting over Remus situation. So just wanted to know your opinion bout it. Do you think Remus could have done better in PoA? He was a professor, responsible for the safety of others.
No matter how much I love Sirius but at that time he wasn't innocent in others mind, so hiding a big detail that could have affected the whole situation, hell, had Sirius really had been behind harry, he would have been dead cause our little innocent Remus here thought that it was a good idea to not tell them how Sirius had all the resources at his disposal. How easy it was for him to sneak into Hogwarts and harm harry and others.
It really was dangerous and well indirectly he did prove Snape right no? What do you think could have happened had Remus had guts to tell Dumbledore about Sirius being an animagus?
On the other side, oh man! I can imagine Sirius being all furious and depressed at the same time. He'd need to go for another plan, he'd think that now he won't be able to even see Harry easily and many more difficulties. Ugh
Imagine the angst after after innocence thing, Sirius letting go any single drop of love he might have had for Remus and treating him like a any other person. No different. Remus hating himself more and more and Sirius just. Not. Giving a. Single. eff. About the whole damn thing. I cant-
Please tell me what you think bout the whole situation.
yoooooo
i love this lol people asking me for my remus opinions never gets old bc i have endless salt to provide. i will never not be annoyed by that cretin.
okay so. PoA. i don’t often focus on that part of his whole arc (which is, funnily enough, one of the only concessions to remus’ ‘flaws’ that i’ve seen the remus fans give lol) but it’s honestly so??? like it’s literally one of the best examples we have of how self preservation is literally built into his core. iirc he doesn’t do it bc he’s afraid of how dumbledore would perceive him? doesn’t want him to know how they (he) broke his trust? and he’s willing to damn an entire school of students PLUS his best friends son to an alleged mass murderer for it. he will have that on his conscience rather than self introspection a bit and get thru the hard part.
i’ve seen people call him brave for a variety of reasons which all begin and end w his lycanthropy but i’m gonna be honest, he’s one of the most cowardly characters in the series in my opinion. every single time he has to make an active decision that might compromise his sense of self/perception or even just his peace of mind, he backs off. retreats. runs the fuck away. attacks outward. doesn’t take responsibility.
i think snape was both right, in that remus was helping sirius but wrong, because it wasn’t out of any friendship or responsibility. it was just a way to save face for himself. also probably him not wanting to confront any difficult feelings or memories.
wrt if he had told dumbledore? man idek. i literally can’t imagine it and surprisingly, haven’t read any fics exploring that option either 🤔 sus, that. also very telling lol maybe tightened security? disappointed dumbles? i cant see any major changes tho bc even sirius as a grim was pretty well hidden except maybe anti animagus wards if those r a thing?
also yes!!! i think sirius should be allowed to be angry and disappointed more often. he should be spitting mad about the fact that not only did remus not care a lick about harry, he also gave up so easily on sirius. i think he should be allowed that space.
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blackjackkent · 7 days
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Time for more Durge adventures! We've got Gale and Lae'zel so time to head straight for the grove and pick up Wyll to complete Rakha's starting party. (This might adjust over time; realistically Jaheira might be taking Gale's place at some point bc I love Jaheira and also [REDACTED FOR SPOILERS], and it's entirely possible Rakha will surprise me with who else she decides to get along with. But this is the starting plan at least. XD )
This of course means we kick off by spilling some goblin guts, which should make the beast in Rakha's head happy. o.o;
Before that, though, we get the same extra dialogue options with Lae'zel and Gale that we got with Shadowheart, so might as well start getting a gauge on what they think about their new traveling companion.
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"My past is a mystery to me. Could the parasite have caused that?"
I find Rakha's relationship with Lae'zel already quite interesting, because Lae'zel's tremendous assertiveness and decisiveness allows her to get shit done while Rakha is going off the rails - but also serves as focus and direction, an anchor point for Rakha's instincts towards rage and violence. If asked who of her current three companions would provide her the most trustworthy advice, Rakha would likely - at least at this moment - answer Lae'zel.
This is partly interesting because, as we know, Lae'zel is actually young as fuck and perhaps has more confidence and training than actual wisdom of experience.
She doesn't really have any good answers regarding Rakha's past, though.
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"Ceremorphosis takes all of you - mind, body, soul. An ordinary tadpole would eat at your memories until they were lost to the void. But our tadpoles are far from ordinary. I wonder if another factor's in play."
(A side note: Lae'zel was not present when Gale popped the word ceremorphosis, which means that she knows this word in Common, which is actually pretty impressive. I love that there is more than one subtle hint in the way she is written indicating that Lae'zel is actually pretty fucking smart despite her 10INT on paper. This was one of the things Hector liked about her too.)
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"I've had these urges. I want to kill. I want blood." Just as she was with Shadowheart, Rakha is matter-of-fact here. Little point in hiding the matter.
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Lae'zel seemed unbothered by Rakha's burst of chaotic violence against the tieflings, and is no more phased by this admission either. "Many a good warrior savors the scent of blood in the air. There's no shame in a capricious murder now and again. Too many, though, and you waste energy and dull your weapon. My suggestion: attack with purpose and savor your kills. And if the urge proves too much... well, I'm sure we can find you a goblin or two to carve up."
This is not, strictly speaking, healthy advice from an outside perspective; however, Rakha listens with surprisingly rapt attention.
Attack with purpose. She carves the words on the inside of her own skull. Yes. This is what troubles her about what she has come to term "the beast" - the blinding gleeful destruction that takes over and relishes death for its own sake. Her own rage has its place; it will keep her alive, and those who seek to stand in her way will do her world no harm by leaving it. But the beast silences what little is left of her own mind. It controls her and uses her and seeks only blood, and blood, and blood, and blood, and blood...
Lae'zel's words carry the first truth she has been certain of since she woke up. Attack with purpose, and savor your kills.
Yes.
-----
Her similar conversation with Gale is a bit more of a mixed bag.
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"My memories before the nautiloid are shrouded in darkness."
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"Memory loss isn't usually a symptom of ceremorphosis. If it is, they've forgotten to write it down in any text I've read on the subject. Then again, our case isn't exactly usual. Perhaps whatever's causing our tadpoles to remain in stasis has also affected your mind. If ceremorphosis takes place, all trace of your former self will be subsumed into the mind flayer's hive. So to still be here, if a mite forgetful? Still a win in my book."
An optimistic outlook, under the circumstances. On some level, Rakha was hoping that Gale might have a more specific answer to what happened to her, and that he doesn't is disappointing. But as she doesn't have any other better explanation, she still assumes this whole mess is the tadpole's fault until she figures something else out.
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"I have violent thoughts. Depraved thoughts. Ones that refuse to go away..."
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"We all have those from time to time! I once wished a most impure demise on a colleague of mine who bought the last remaining copy of Etheril's Enchiridion of Enchanting Easements. First edition, too. As regards your own morbid little fantasies, I'm sure they're nothing to worry about - so long as they remain fantasies."
Rakha lost track of everything he was saying somewhere in the middle of this paragraph, but she picks it up again near the end, and frowns. She remembers the intellect devourer, newborn, crunching between her fingertips. That was no fantasy, whatever Gale might think she meant.
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ahundredtimesover · 2 years
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The Light of Dead Stars (01) | KSJ
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Pairing: Seokjin x (f.) Reader; side Seokjin x (f.) OC; side Reader x Namjoon
Genre/Tags: arranged marriage, fake romance, boss/workmate aus; angst, drama, fluff, smut; slow burn
Chapter Warnings: Foul language; mentions of injury; alcohol consumption; allusions to past toxic relationsips (18+)
Chapter Word count: 9.4k
Series Masterlist | Muse Moodboard | Setting Moodboard
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Status: Complete
Series summary:  Your unconventional arranged marriage with your company’s President, Kim Seokjin, is necessary, practical, and simple - both your families benefit, and he minds his own business and so do you. But when a slip-up causes his parents to believe that you and he are in love, you have no choice but to pretend you are, especially with the trip to France for his brother’s wedding coming up. When you get back to Seoul, things start to change, and Seokjin is faced with the most difficult decision he has to make.  
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Love–he seemed to have missed it. Or was the love that others told about a mere fabrication of perfervid imagination, an exaggeration of the commonplace, a glorification of insipid monotonies such as made up his love life? 
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You sigh in relief as you enter your house, luggage in one hand and a pair of heels on the other. It’s been a tiring last few days and a whirlwind of a morning. Perhaps that’s what happens when you get disrupted during your business meeting by your mom, frantic on the other end of the line over a family emergency, and you spend the rest of it stressfully booking a flight and rushing back to Seoul. 
But you’re home now, appeased that your dad is going to be okay and that you have time to freshen up before you meet them at the hospital. 
The kitchen counter is clean and the living room is devoid of the usual mess that Seokjin leaves after a night of watching movies. His car is in the driveway and you think he probably slept in; you know he’s had a tough week, too. 
He’d sent you voice messages last night ranting about one of the board members being a total asshole to the hotel staff during their meeting. Your husband was so angry and wanted to call for a vote of no confidence but Yoongi, his secretary, had thankfully stopped him and suggested sending you those messages instead.
Bless that man, but you really weren’t prepared for a howling Jin, cursing in his high pitched voice then laughing contagiously about a dog jumping its owner that he’d seen on the street. 
Your husband is a handful, that much you could say. You had sensed the charm - it’s one of his weapons, after all - but you didn’t expect the bursts of passion underneath his always calm and professional exterior, a subtle contrast to the perfectionist character of the man who was just your boss not long ago. Three months in and he still surprises and annoys you to no end, and with how you found yourselves in this situation, you really can’t ask for anything more. 
You laugh at the memory of the night you got “engaged” and proceed to your room, take a nice long bath, and dress up before you head to the kitchen to make yourself a meal. You’d just ended a call with Hoseok, your brother, when you exit the room and stop in your tracks, a familiar face meeting you at the other end of the hall. 
Seri’s bright eyes widen as they focus on you, her lips parting and from several feet away, you could hear her hold her breath. 
“___,” she stammers, finally coming around to calling you by your first name instead of Mrs. Kim, which is the most awkward thing she could say, considering who she is in your life. “I didn’t know you’d be home. Jin said that you were—”
“Oh, it’s okay; he didn’t know either. I had to come back a day early from my trip,” you smile awkwardly. “Have you and Jin had breakfast? I’m gonna make myself some pancakes and I can make some for you guys, too.”
“That would be, uh, good, yeah,” she says nervously. “I don’t really cook so…”
“Ah, alright. No problem,” you say, walking down the stairs and mentally calculating the measurements for pancakes good for 3.
Seri follows and stands on the other side of the large kitchen counter, nibbling on her lips before she offers. “I can help you, though!”
“It’s fine,” you say, not too keen on having someone inexperienced help you around the kitchen. 
You see her smile fall and you don’t really want her to feel that you’re antagonistic towards her because you really aren’t. “But you can slice some bananas for your pancakes if you want. Prepare some strawberries for Jin, and some kiwis, too.”
“Okay,” she responds, taking the kitchen tools and fruits that you pass to her and nodding when you tell her to be careful. “Sorry for not being much help, and for, uh, yeah…” she trails.
“Seri, we’ve talked about this. Jin and I have an arrangement - he doesn’t question what I do and who I meet, the same way I don’t question anything or whoever he does,” you say too casually. “And he’s always been honest about his relationship with you, and that’s always better than lying about it. Think of it like an approved extra-marital affair or something,” you shrug, as you mix in the ingredients.
“It’s just… not a normal thing, you know?”
“Oh, I know,” you chuckle, as if preparing a meal for your husband’s lover in your kitchen is not as odd and twisted as it is. “But he’s doing me - my family - a big favor. You make him happy and I don’t wanna take that away from him.”
The one time you turn to look at her, she flashes a shy smile. One thing you appreciate about her is that she’s not some entitled witch just because your husband prefers her to lay in his sheets over you. For lack of a better phrase, she at least “knows her place,” as Jimin, your ever supportive best friend and colleague, says. 
You and Seri both let the sounds of fruits being cut up and pancakes sizzling on the pan echo in the kitchen. You start munching on a few pieces while you continue to work, deciding to not stay long enough to actually have to share a meal with them. You may be preparing their food and you may be okay with all this, but you’re not some dysfunctional family that’d have you eating with them like all is normal. 
It’s in the middle of your third piece of pancake while stacking a few on one plate that you hear hurried steps down the stairs, and you meet your husband’s curious eyes and furrowed brows. 
“You’re… home,” he starts, walking over to you and peeking to see 3 plates in front of you. “And you’re making us breakfast?”
He asks you, eyeing Seri, as if questioning if he should be worried, but she shakes her head and flashes him a grin.
“Ah, yeah. I was just going to make my breakfast and I thought I could make for you guys, too. I’ll leave for the hospital after this,” you respond.
“The hospital? Is everything okay?” He asks, genuinely worried.
“Dad was rushed to the ER last night and needs to have surgery in the afternoon, that’s why I took an earlier flight.”
“What’s wrong? Did you have him checked in the VIP suite? Until when is he here?”
“His colon. And no, the private room is fine. I’ll have him and Mom stay at a hotel while he’s recovering before they go back home to Gwangju next week.”
“Oh, okay. Do you need anything else? I can ask one of the chauffeurs to drive them home,” he offers.
“That’d be great, yes please,” you smile, pouring caramel syrup over his pile of pancakes before he even asks for it. “Hoseok will have to go back to Tokyo tomorrow so he can’t take care of it. Thanks, Jin.”
“Sure, no problem,” he says, taking his plate and Seri’s while you clear the counter. “What about you?”
“I ate while I was cooking,” you grin. “Mom texted and asked me to drop by the supermarket to get her some things before heading to them, so I’ll have to get going.”
“Okay. Have Mr. Lim drive for you, alright?” He calls out as you walk up the stairs.
“I will! Thanks!” You yell.
Seokjin looks at Seri nervously as he pours the coffee in cups and takes out the orange juice from the fridge. He motions for her to eat and she smiles after she’s taken a few bites.
“This is delicious,” she says. “I don’t think I’ve had pancakes quite like this before. ___ makes this a lot, doesn’t she?” 
“She usually makes our breakfast more elaborate than this,” Seokjin hums. “But she makes pancakes when she’s stressed; we’ve even had it for dinner a few times. And well, her dad’s in the hospital so maybe that’s why.”
He internally sighs at the thought, wondering if he should have offered to bring you to the hospital instead. But knowing you, you’d probably insist that he doesn’t need to. 
He and Seri eat in peace until you’re rushing down the stairs and calling Mr. Lim, telling him that you’re ready to leave. 
“Send my regards to your parents, okay? And let me know how your Dad is.”
“Will do. Bye!” You wave at them then head out the door.
Seokjin releases the breath he’s been holding in, then turns to Seri. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know she was gonna be home,” Seokjin apologizes. 
“It’s fine. I should be the one who’s sorry,” Seri shakes her head. “I shouldn’t have drank that much and stayed the night. I apologized to her and she said it’s okay. I’m not being too naive, am I?” She wonders. 
Not much has changed with her time with Seokjin since his marriage with you 3 months ago. Sure, she still only gets to be with him when he’s not so busy with work like before, but she still sees him, still gets to talk to him over the phone at night since he doesn't sleep in the same room as you, at least when he’s not working or passed out in bed. And he’s never mentioned any argument with you about her.
She was scared the night he told her about the arranged marriage with you, which was the same night that he found out about it. She was ready to let everything go, to accept her fate that she’d never been good enough for him - and she never will be - but he surprised her when he said that things didn’t need to end. You’d insisted that he didn’t have to sacrifice that relationship, and she’d never felt more thankful in her life. 
But she somehow expected that, too. She only gets to see you during company-wide events - you have a senior position unlike her, after all, but the few times she’s been around you or even crossed paths with you in the office, you’ve always been laid-back and welcoming. 
She’s only heard from others that you’re good at what you do - you wouldn’t have reached your executive position as quickly as you have if you weren’t - and that itself should give you a reason to crucify her, humiliate her, even, but you never did. You never looked down on her, and not once did you ever make her feel small, or like a gum stain on your shoe. 
“And well, it wasn’t so bad, was it?” She continues at Seokjin’s silence. 
“I guess not,” he hums, his mind wandering to you, hoping he didn’t shoot himself on the foot by bringing his lover to your shared home while you were away, and then being caught by you. 
You’ve been nothing but accepting and tolerant of the whole situation, but he also knows one thing you have is pride. Being a kind person doesn’t mean you’ll give that up just because you feel you owe his family something. He just hopes he didn’t push his luck this time; he doesn’t know what he’ll do when shit hits the fan, and you’re not there to figure things out with him.
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“You didn’t have to cut your trip short for me, bug,” your dad tells you as you caress his hand. “It’s not that serious.”
“You fainted due to pain, Dad. What’s not serious about that?” You frown at him. 
“It’s not a bullet to the chest,” he smirks, earning him a roll of your eyes.
“Don’t think you’re invincible just because you survived that. And that was years ago. Your body isn’t the same,” you reprimand him. 
“Yah, am I really getting a scolding from my daughter before my surgery,” he tries to laugh. “Cut your old man some slack.”
“I will, when you start listening to the doctor,” you cross your arms. “You’re so hard-headed.”
“Like father, like daughter, hmm?” Your mother laughs from next to you. 
You continue scowling at your father while he’s being wheeled away by the nurses, with you yelling an I love you when the door closes. Your mom goes with him and says she’ll call the insurance for some questions, leaving you with your brother in the room.
“Am I really hard-headed like him?” You ask Hoseok, who merely laughs at your question, one you’ve asked him a bunch of times.
“Only sometimes,” he says, sitting next to you on the couch.
“I have my reasons, though,” you defend. 
“Reasons I’ll never understand. Like agreeing to some bullshit marriage arrangement, and letting your husband keep his mistress.”
“I forgot we’re still not over this,” you pout at your big brother, whose displeased face quickly turns into an endeared smile. 
“It’s still too soon. I’m just a little upset that you didn’t talk to me about it, about any of it,” he sighs. “I could’ve convinced you of another way and protected you from all that.”
“Protect me from what, exactly?” You say. “We’d be needing more protection if I hadn’t agreed to the marriage. And I’d be way more stressed than I need to be if I made a big deal out of Jin having a girlfriend.”
“I told you, we could’ve figured it out, borrowed money from friends and relatives or something, instead of being indebted to a family like theirs.”
“We can’t pay our debts by having more, you know that,” you argue. “It was the only way. His grandparents offered; it felt like a win-win for everyone - their name protects us, their son gets a wife.”
“You do know they expect you and him to have children, right? He’s the eldest, after all. How are you supposed to do that if he has a girlfriend?”
“Well, they’re not in a rush,” you argue. “There’s still time to get out of the marriage and still be free from danger without having to have a family with Jin. I’ve been saving up to pay off Dad’s debt with interest. I just need time.”
“Wait, that’s your grand plan?” Your brother turns to you. “You’re gonna pay off what Dad owes while carrying the Kim name so we’re all protected, and then divorce your husband? That’s… cruel.”
“Hey, he’s in on it, too!” You pout, hating being called out. It did sound better in your head and when you pitched it to Jin, who agreed that it was a sound plan. 
“You’re both dumb.”
“Do you really think I want a relationship?” You exclaim. “Do you think one Kim Seokjin will make me want one?”
“Well, not if the man is cozying it up with another woman under your watch!”
“That’s not the point. The point is, I don’t really care. I care about my career, my family, my friends… and Jin doesn’t want this, either. He’s just following orders, and I don’t want him to be miserable just because he didn’t have a choice.”
“So letting him keep his lover is his consolation, that’s it?”
“They’ve been together a while,” you mumble. “As far as I know, he hasn’t had a girlfriend in years so he’s probably just waiting to be in a good position to introduce her to his family or something. I don’t want to stand in between that, you know? Jin is a good man. He deserves to be happy.”
“What about you?”
“I am! Our ideas of happiness are just different,” you say. “His is being with her, among other things like fishing and gaming and caramel syrup on fried food, and mine is all this - work, a safe and complete family, Japanese mayo on fried food,” you chuckle. 
“Aish, I just wish you thought this through more,” your brother sighs, wishing as well that he’d been around to help you figure out other options that didn’t require you to give things up.
“Well, Dad got the aggressive message and old Mr. Kim just happened to check up on him like he does every year and I just…. Blanked out. Nothing else mattered. I’m sorry,” you finally say, knowing that as the big brother, his primary job is worrying about you and your younger sister. “We’ve all had to make sacrifices. This was mine.” 
“Just be careful, okay?” Hoseok gives in, knowing just how hard-headed you really are. “And I know we owe them big time but if that husband of yours does anything to hurt you, I will hunt him down,” he frowns, one of the rare times your usually jolly brother gets serious. 
“I’ve worked with the man for years. He wouldn’t even hurt a fly,” you laugh. “And really, Jin and I are like housemates - I cook breakfast, he cooks dinner, we get groceries together, manage the budget… but other than that, we mind our own business.”
“Fine, as long as you don’t get caught in any drama that would jeopardize your career,” he continues. “And your personal life, too, especially if Mom and Dad find out. It may seem real simple in your head, but feelings can get involved, you’ll never know. You seem to like him already,” he warns.
“Not in that way,” you chuckle. “He’s a lot of good things but I’m not attracted to him; he’s not for me.”
“A handsome face like that can turn anyone into a believer, though,” he bites back. “He may not be my favorite person but I can appreciate great looks and they didn’t name him as Asia’s most sought-after bachelor for nothing.”
“I know, I have eyes,” you nudge him. “But I can tell him he’s handsome with a straight face and he can smile at me without me getting flustered.”
“I hope it’s a humble smile, at least.”
“Hmm, it depends. Most times it’s quite cheeky,” you chuckle. “He’s kinda full of himself in that way but you get used to it. I mean, I am, and it’s funnier than anything. It doesn’t affect me, though. But everyone else just falls for his charms but not me.”
“Funny that you’re now his wife.”
“Life works weirdly sometimes but I’ll take it. As long as I’m safe, as long as we all are,” you smile at Hoseok, hoping that it’ll be enough to ease his worries. 
He envelopes you in a hug and that’s all the comfort and affirmation you need.
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Taehyung walks over to his balcony and lies on Seokjin’s back, curses and groans escaping the elder’s mouth at his younger brother’s antics.
“Get off my back, Tae.”
“You’re the one lying on my couch, hyung,” he answers, stretching as he does. 
“I bought this couch for you.”
“It’s still in the apartment that I own.”
“Ugh, can you act your age? Or at least someone who’s about to get married?”
Seokjin says the magic word and it’s what gets his brother off his back, literally. Taehyung sits down and starts going on about his suit fitting and finally finding the pair of shoes that he’s going to get shipped from Italy. 
“Also, please free up your next week. We’re doing food tasting of the menu for the wedding and I need your palate,” Taehyung says casually.
“You’re gonna fly me to France?”
“You’re the President of the company, hyung. You’re flying yourself to France. I’ll pay for your hotel, though. You can even take ___ with you. There’s a suite so no need to stay in one room since you know, you’re both stupid that way.”
Seokjin smacks the back of his brother’s head the way he always had growing up when the younger would tease him endlessly.
“We’re not stupid; it’s the arrangement,” he corrects.
“It’s the arrangement,” Taehyung repeats, rolling his eyes and mocking his brother’s tone of voice as he likes to do. “Fine, whatever. Anyway, what brings you here on this fine Saturday? No meeting? No date? No extra-curriculars?” He smirks.
“Nah, just bored. I just dropped off Seri at her place… after ___ got home and saw us there.”
“Your wife saw you and Seri doing the deed?!” Taehyung dramatically exclaims. “How the fuck did you let that happen!”
“No!” Seokjin groans. “She came home a day earlier from her work trip and Seri had just left my room. ___ made us breakfast and then left to visit her dad in the hospital. It was a little awkward. For me, at least.”
“Well duh. Your arranged wife makes breakfast for you and your official lover? That is weird. But wait, how’s ___’s dad?”
“He’s fine,” Seokjin says. “But yeah, that was my morning. And I drove here after dropping Seri off because my house does feel a little weird right now. Too soon.”
“Hmm, you agreed to this, though. But then again, ___ never cared for boyfriends because her exes sucked so I’m not so surprised that she’s not making a big deal about you and your little affair.”
“You know about her exes?”
“Yeah, don’t you?” Taehyung wonders.
“Not really. Other than work and what we’re going to eat, we don’t really talk about anything else,” Seokjin shrugs, wondering why he hasn’t made more of an effort to get to know you, his wife.
Perhaps it’s the shock that he still hasn’t gotten over, even if at some point before all this, he’d accepted that he’d most likely have an arranged marriage, although the case with you is totally different from what he prepared for. Maybe it’s the idea that it’s all temporary; you have that grand plan of getting a divorce down the road, after all, even if he’s not quite sure how that will go, given that his family actually expects you and him to have children.
Or maybe, it’s that odd feeling that he’s being unfaithful to his girlfriend with his wife by getting to know you on a deeper level, and the thought makes him sick to his stomach. He really should’ve thought about this much better. 
“When does she even have time to hang out with you?” Seokjin asks. “She’s almost as much of a workaholic than I am.”
“Hmm, during those dinner and drinks we’d sometimes have since you know, I actually spend that time getting to know my colleagues and not hooking up with the— ouch!” Taehyung gasps, nursing his arm that his brother just pinched. “It’s true, though! That’s how you and Seri started!”
“Yeah, but you make it sound so… shallow or like, not meaningful.”
“Isn’t it? She’s still that person for you, isn’t she? Otherwise you would’ve introduced her as your girlfriend to our family a long time ago,” Taehyung bites back. “You could’ve avoided this whole arranged-marriage-with-a-love-affair-on-the-side thing and be with someone you’re actually attracted to and like.”
“It’s not that easy,” Seokjin huffs. “Seri works for us.”
“So does ___, and she’s now your wife, so you can’t make that excuse. Our family isn’t that conservative, you know? They don’t really mind who we get married to, as long as we do, and then give them lots of grandchildren,” Taehyung shrugs. “But seriously though, how come you never introduced Seri?”
“I… never really thought about it, I guess. It just all seemed so convenient. She understood my schedule, the women I’d meet, the places I’d go to… She never asked for more, she just… settled. And I, well, I guess I…”
Seokjin trails, the words getting stuck in his throat. Why had he never made things more with Seri? What was he so worried about? What was holding him back?
“Well, that’s dumb,” Taehyung remarks, jerking away from his brother’s attempt at hitting him again. “You’re dumb. I mean, you just kept her around until time caught up with you and you decided to still keep her even when you have a wife - who, by the way, is really nice and cool - and you don’t even think Seri’s worth it.”
“I didn’t say she wasn’t.”
“You didn’t say she was.”
“Look, I’ll admit, I didn’t really think it through. Father told me about the arrangement, ___ asked me what was holding me back and I said I had a girlfriend and she said it was okay that I did, then I proceeded to meet with that girlfriend right after and proposed the whole, ‘let’s continue seeing each other even if I’m married since it’s not real and my fiancé is fine with it, anyway’ thing,” Seokjin groans; hearing himself say it out loud does sound stupid. “Ah, smart people do dumb things sometimes.”
“No, dumb people do dumb things,” his brother corrects. “Seriously. How are you the most brilliant person that I know but still be so dumb when it comes to your personal life? Now you’re in this situation. It may seem simple to you but it’s a whole ass mess from out here.”
“You’re right, I’m dumb.”
“Thank you for agreeing with me for the first time in my 30 years of living.”
“You’re dramatic.”
“Yes, but like you also said, I’m right,” Taehyung arches his brow. “But you know what the silver lining is?”
Seokjin turns to his little brother, one who, despite his eccentricities and being the annoying little shit he’s supposed to be, actually makes sense sometimes. “What?”
“You aren’t alone. You have ___. You’re gonna figure it out.”
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Seokjin goes around the deli he frequents and finds the ingredients he’s looking for, getting enough for the meal he’s about to prepare.
He called you after he left his brother’s apartment and asked what time you’ll be home. You said you’d leave the hospital after you’d bought takeout dinner for you and for your family, but he insisted he’d cook instead and send some for them, too. You sounded thankful, and perhaps relieved. He can only imagine that it’s been a long day for you, and regardless of how your arrangement is, you actually look out for each other, and preparing each other's meals is how you both do it.
He gets to work once he arrives home, merely asking Mrs. Kang to get him some containers for the food he’ll send to your family. He packs up, sends it through the chauffeur, and works on your dinner while waiting for you.
You enter your house some time after, tired legs dragging you up the foyer steps and into the kitchen. 
“Is this what I think it is?” You squeal, scurrying to where Seokjin is and immediately taking a teaspoon to try the sauce he’s making. 
“More seasoning,” you say. 
He promptly follows and you assess the counter to see what he’s made - scallops with truffle, hanwoo beef, and some cold noodles. 
“The deli finally had some scallops and beef available?” You ask, and he nods in response, plating the food now. 
There’s only two, and you don’t know why but you half expected he’d have Seri over for dinner instead of you, given that he’s spent the day with her anyway. Maybe they’d eaten already, but he was at the deli not long ago and he wouldn’t have had enough time, especially since he made food for your family, too.
You don’t think much about it and remove your coat. You take your place on the dining table and pour him and yourself some wine. Seokjin takes the appetizer while he lets the meat cool down.
You’re singing your praises when he finally speaks up.
“Look, I’m sorry about this morning. I didn’t know that—”
“So this is an apology dinner?” You arch an eyebrow teasingly.
“Uh, sort of?” He laughs nervously. “And well, I may not know much but I know enough that anything about your family stresses you out, even if you seemed fine earlier. I just didn’t want you to worry about what you or they were gonna have for dinner or something.”
“And that’s worth this super fancy meal?”
“It was just gonna be a ribs kind of night but I saw they had the ingredients that weren’t there last week and I just went for it,” he explains, and you’re reminded of last Friday when you’d both planned to make this very dinner together after an intense executive committee meeting that you both just wanted to get out of, but the store didn’t have the ingredients you wanted so you had curry instead.
“Hmm, at least we could make up for it,” you smile. “But yeah, I had a long distressed call with Mom while I was in Singapore this morning when she told me about my dad; she had to be the one to calm me down. But other than that, there’s really nothing to apologize for.”
“There is,” he insists, putting on that pout of his that you always laugh at because it reminds you of that one cartoon character with fluffy cheeks and the fullest of lips. 
“There really isn’t. Because it’s really okay, Jin. We’ve talked about this.”
“Yeah but, it’s the first time that you've caught us here. Seri was supposed to leave before you got back.”
“Not your fault. I should’ve let you know I was on the way home,” you argue, moaning at the taste of the beef that he cooked perfectly.
“But still, that was disrespectful of me, taking her home while you were away.”
“And where do you plan to spend time with her, hmm?”
“Uh… her place?”
“And risk being found out?”
“Well, it’s worked the last few months.”
“And for how long do you expect that?” You press him.
“I… don’t know,” he sighs, sounding defeated.
You look at Seokjin, distress painted on his face. You know enough that he feels guilty, even if you don’t think he has any reason to be. But you’re starting to think after that talk with your brother that it’s not always so simple and that maybe, there are still things that you and Seokjin haven’t fully discussed yet. But you want to assure him more than anything. Regardless of your arrangement, you don’t want him feeling bad.
“Look, Jin, I know it’s an odd dynamic,” you start. “Mrs. Kang still looks at me apologetically sometimes and I have to remind her that I’m not bothered by your relationship with Seri. Your family’s been so kind to mine, and you didn’t want this in the first place; you weren’t given a choice.”
It’s the reason you always give - to him, to your brother, your 3 best friends, to yourself… and it’s always worked to make you think it’s all worth it.
“But I know your father and your grandfather; they’re not gonna be happy if they find out the truth. I’m just saying, be careful,” you add. “There’s a guest house on the property; it’s why I wanted this place. Just think - this is the most I could do for you… as your wife. I’m not being manipulative or vengeful, if you think this is some sort of ploy to make you comfortable and then ruin your life after. This is really the least of my worries,” you continue, seeing that shy smile of his appear.
“Plus, you cook me really good food, you’re honest, and you’re not an asshole, nor narcissistic, nor abusive in any way, so…”
“Your standards in men are so low, huh?” He says, wondering what your experiences with those exes who sucked might have been for you to be like this, as he learned from his brother. 
But Seokjin has never asked; you’re more colleagues or distant friends than you are husband and wife, anyway, and with how things are going, he thinks it’s really the best he could get out of the situation you were both thrust into. 
“Sadly,” you sigh. “All I want is a kind man as a companion. You’re at least fun to talk to,” you smile. “Also, you’re handsome.”
“Finally, you agree,” he cheekily smiles.
And you shake your head in laughter as you think back to what you’d told your brother earlier in the day. 
“Still not as handsome as your brother, though,” you tease.
“Yah!” He frowns. “I’m not feeding you the macarons I bought!”
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Seokjin hauls his luggage up the foyer stairs and parks it by the couch, too tired from his evening flight from France after having helped his brother and his fiancé finalize the menu for their wedding that’s happening in 3 months. It was a good few days, but he wishes he got to actually savor it, but with so much work to do, he didn’t have time to go around like he wanted.
You were the one left at home this time, and the one who sent him a voice message saying that one of your teams finally perfected the vegan dumpling recipe they’ve been working on for months. You sounded so proud and said you couldn’t wait for him to taste it when he got back home, and he didn’t know what to feel about the thought that the only reason you’d make that message is when it’s about work.
Sure, he did that with you last week - that board member was really a rude one - but he did send more of his messages talking about this new character in Maple Story and how he wants to buy Nexon one day so he could design all the items he wants.
He laughs at the thought before his phone ringing rattles him, and he smiles seeing Seri’s name on the screen.
“Hey,” he hums. “How are you?”
She’s fine, she says, on the way back from visiting her parents in Ulsan and that it was a good trip. 
“I miss you, though. When can I see you?” She asks.
“I miss you, too, Seri,” Seokjin smiles. “I’m tired from the trip but I can see you this week. We can have dinner from somewhere nice, anywhere you want.”
Seri starts listing some restaurants, unable to make up her mind. 
“Yes, it’s fine if you don’t know where you want to eat yet. As long as you can wear that other dress this time,” he hums. “We could maybe—”
The words get caught in his throat as he stares at 2 pairs of shocked and dare he say - disgusted - eyes glaring at him. 
“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, quickly ending the call despite Seri’s repeated calls of his name.
“Mr. and Mrs. Jung, good morning,” Seokjin bows, not missing Mrs. Kang behind them and her petrified yet apologetic face for having the worst timing of letting your parents in the house while he was on a call with his girlfriend.
“I, uh…” he trails, looking around the house and scratching the back of his neck, too terrified to look at them again. He can feel their stare boring through the side of his head, and he’s never wanted to disappear in his life more than now.
Fortunately, he hears you running down the stairs, calling for him and saying that you’re gonna head to the hotel where your parents are before they leave. 
You stop in your tracks as you see your parents near the living room, looking as if they’d just seen a ghost. 
“Mom, Dad. I was just about to head to you,” you say, wondering what’s got them in a sour mood.
“We wanted to drop by instead; you’ve been visiting us everyday,” your mom says nervously, eyes constantly flitting from your dad to Jin. 
Your father, on the other hand, stares at your husband as if in disgust and you’re trying to find out what’s going on.
“Dad?” You walk closer to him. “Are you ok—”
“Who is Seri? And why is your husband talking to her as if they are in a relationship?” He glowers, and you feel your heart drop to the ground because you definitely didn’t want them to know, not just for your sake but most especially for Jin’s.
You see your father’s clenched fists and know that you have to clear the air right now; he’s more than capable to take your husband, given his background.
“Because they are,” you admit, taking his hand and unclenching it. “I’ve known it all along. And I don’t mind it at all.”
Your father looks at you in shock, as if he’s powerless, like his heart has just broken and he doesn’t know how they could be pieced back together with what you’d just admitted. After everything you’ve been through, this is the situation you end up in, and to think your father agreed to this because he thought it would do you good. 
It may not have started due to love or attraction but the least he could hope for is for you to be respected as a wife, as a woman, as a person.
“Why don’t we head to the study and talk there, yeah? Jin will just help Mrs. Kang prepare lunch for us,” you say, motioning for him to go to the kitchen and start working. 
Seokjin promptly moves and bows towards your parents again, and you hear him comforting Mrs. Kang who profusely apologizes.
You lead your parents to their seats and ask how their stay was, when the next check up would be, and how much the medicines cost. Your mother answers all your questions, too afraid to get into the discussion of what she really wants to know, so your father is the one who does.
“How long has this been going on?” He asks angrily.
“Ever since we got married. I told you, I’ve always known,” you say calmly, hoping it would appease them somehow, though your father’s clenched jaw tells you that it isn’t.
“How is this even okay with you?! We didn’t agree to this arranged marriage for you to be disrespected like this!” He exclaims, trying to fight the tears. 
“No, you agreed with his parents and grandparents so we could be protected, so his family can make good on their word that they will protect us the way you protected them,” you remind him. “Jin had no choice in this. He followed like the good son that he is, and that took so much away from him. Seri is part of his support team when he was the Vice President, and they’ve had something going on for a while, but he couldn’t come out with it, until this arrangement happened, and it was all too fast.”
“But sweetie, you’re married now. That’s not something he should be doing, or you should even be condoning,” your mother says, trying to understand you, woman to woman.
“So what, then? He’ll be miserable being married to me, and I’ll be miserable as well? Did you really expect that being married to him means that we’ll fall in love?” you sigh. “That’s not how it works, and you know it’s… it’s hard for me to get into love and relationships right now. All that matters to me at this moment are work, you, and being able to do things I want, to do things that make me happy.”
“Well, we didn’t expect you and Mr. Kim to fall in love, at least not right away, but we didn’t expect this at all. It’s unlike him, and unlike you,” your mother reasons. “You said everything was good between you two.”
“They are. Just because—”
“I spent years serving that family,” your father interjects, the sadness in his voice, unmissable. “I took a bullet for them, and I don’t regret it one bit. But this… this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. He should at least be trying with you, and you should be doing the same. You don’t deserve this, ___. You deserve to be loved and respected.”
“And I am, just not in the way you think,” you argue. “Jin is a good boss, and a good person. I don’t want this marriage to take that away from him, to change him just because things are difficult for our family. And I know it may not seem like it but he does care about me. He checks up on me, cooks for me… he doesn’t yell at me and not once has he laid a hand on me. He respects me as a colleague, as a person, and—”
“Well, he should; he’s already disrespecting you as a wife with that affair he has,” your father scoffs.
“Mom, Dad, I don’t expect you to understand. But if there’s anything that you both taught me, it’s that I should choose my battles, and this is one I’m not willing to fight,” you say, putting your foot down.
“Whatever happens with Jin and Seri, that’s their issue, not mine. But I’m just minding my business here, focusing on doing well at my job, proving that I earned the position not because I’m his wife or was being prepped to be one. And there's both of you. We still have debts to pay, so let’s focus on that, okay? I didn't want you to know because I didn’t want you to worry. So please, don’t. You know me, I don’t take shit from anyone, not anymore. I know how to step away now when it isn’t good for me; you taught me that, too.”
It’s that confident, assuring smile of years that for years, disappeared, and even if it’s not ideal, your father knows it’s sincere when he sees it. You’re a big girl; you know what you’re doing. He did put this on you because of his mistakes, and he just has to do the hard thing and trust you.
“You’re a stubborn one, aren’t you?” He nudges your knee, causing you to smile wider. 
“Well, you raised me, so, there you go,” you laugh now. 
“Just… at any point it becomes too much, you let us know. I’ll beg his family to let you go if I have to, trust me on that,” he says.
“No one’s gonna be begging anyone. I’ll be fine, Dad. Trust me on that.”
He stands up and hugs you, whispers how you’re still his little bug and that he’ll protect you no matter what, and you hug him tightly, thanking the universe that he’s as amazing he is, even if your luck when it comes to boyfriends is the opposite of your luck when it comes to your family.
The knock on the door prompts you to look up and see Jin peeking in, saying that the food is almost ready.
“You okay?” You ask, as you lead your parents to the dining room then walk towards him.
“Yeah, but I can’t join you since Father wants to meet with me about the issue with one of our distributors and their scandal,” he answers.
“Ah, I heard about that, they were talking about it the other day. But yeah, sure, we’ll leave some food for you,” you answer.
Seokjin excuses himself then heads up the room, purposely missing lunch so he doesn’t have to face your parents again until he has to say goodbye. He refuses to look them in the eyes when he does, and his anxious face says enough.
You lead your parents to the car and head back inside, assuring your husband that things are okay. 
“I’ll just meet Dara and Jimin at the mall. You good here?”
“Yeah, I have some things to work on,” he responds, thankful for once that he’s got something to preoccupy his mind. “Dinner tonight?”
“Yeah, sure,” you say, grabbing your bag and heading out. 
You spend the afternoon with your best friends, narrating to them what happened with your parents at home, and some days you wished you’d surrounded yourself with less blunt companions instead. 
“I really don’t know how you and Mr. Kim managed all these months,” Dara says. “Is he so desperate to get his dick wet that he keeps his side chick while married to you?”
You slap her arm at her non-modulated voice while you walk around COEX. 
“First of all, can you stop being formal with him and calling him Mr. Kim?”
“He’s a sexy bitch, okay? Calling him by just his name doesn’t give him justice. It makes him less handsome,” she argues. “I can just call him Mr. President if you want,” she chuckles, earning her a glare from you. “Anyway, so what’s your second point?”
“I don’t know about his sex life but you make him sound so shallow. I don’t think Seri’s just a booty call. They’ve gone on for so long.”
“Someone can have the same booty call for years, ___. You know how Dara does it,” Jimin laughs. 
“Yeah, and she still hasn’t settled down with him,” you point out.
“Because it’s convenient. He’s convenient,” she explains. “Some nights Jae and I don’t even have sex, you know? We just talk, and that’s convenient, too. He’s just not… it. He’s fine for now since I don’t wanna settle down yet. We’re 33, hun. We’re young. And he knows that, and he doesn’t mind. He never demanded anything more because he knows I don’t want anything serious.”
“So what’s your point, exactly?” You turn towards her with furrowed brows. 
“My point is that maybe Mr. President has just kept her around because that’s all he wants her to be… a secret. There’s something exciting about that, you know? But she’s probably like, a secret who serves whatever purpose he wants for her, and she’s probably down for it, too. I mean, hooking up with your hot boss? Who’s never fantasized about that?” She chides.
“Me,” you reply. 
“Well, you’re too focused on work so all the other men around you fade into the background,” she responds. “But you’re also this saint who let him keep seeing his side chick when you’re married but that girl is… I don’t even know what to call her but the fact that she didn’t seem to demand anything or like, fight you that he’s her man? That she also got the short end of the stick by being his secret for years and then now his mistress? Girl’s got it bad. He makes it up somehow, I guess. His dick’s probably as pretty as his face.”
Jimin can’t help but laugh and you can’t stop yourself from wanting to strangle her, but you can’t deny that it also makes you wonder.
What is it about Seri that made him keep her around for so long? What’s lacking that’s kept him from making anything official? 
“We don’t know their story, okay? He’s nothing like Taehyung who’s an open book. Jin likes to keep to himself, bury himself in work and do his duties as son and heir of the company,” you defend. “How he’s managing is agreeing to arrangements and making them, I guess.”
“It’s either he’s a selfish prick who can’t make up his mind, or he just doesn’t know what he’s doing. And I don’t know which is worse,” Dara shrugs, and you hate how valid her points are, too.
“Hmm, better than the ones I’ve had, at least,” you sigh.
“Obviously, but don’t lower your standards, okay?” Jimin hugs you. “I know you said you’re not giving into love and relationships - for how long, we don’t know, but even with just a companion or partner like he is, don’t settle for less.”
“I know, that’s why I keep telling you guys and Kook and my brother - if it were someone else, I wouldn’t have agreed,” you state. “Other than the fact that Jin makes amazing food and he’s nice, he makes me feel safe.”
You smile, thinking about how the past months have been living with him - cooking for each other, going to work and going home most days together, attending events, and minding each other’s business. There hasn’t been anything to complain about. 
“And wanted, even as just a housemate or something,” you add. “Three months in, and that’s all I’ve ever felt with him.”
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You enter the restaurant that Jin had texted you an hour ago to go to, and your eyes would’ve blown out of your head if it was possible because of the place he chose.
You take the seat he pulls out for you and you eye him curiously. “Still feeling guilty, huh?” You say.
“Hmm?” He looks at you innocently while sipping his wine. 
“You don’t like this restaurant but I do, and you’re treating me to dinner.”
“Their whole menu has garlic. I’m allergic to garlic,” he grimaces.
“You’re not. You just say you are but you just really don’t like it.”
“How did you know?” He looks at you surprised.
“I remember 3 years ago, one of the interns mistakenly served you dumplings with garlic oil and nothing happened to you,” you recount. “No rash, no shortness of breath or nausea… you just went on and finished a whole glass of soda, which we all know you also don’t like.”
“How… what? Why were you watching me?”
“I wasn’t; I was watching him. He was the intern from my team and I got to him too late when he served you that thing, and I swear my life flashed before my eyes,” you chuckle. “I wasn’t about to kill the Vice President of my company. But you were fine, just made a face and I knew… you were just pretending.”
“And for good reason,” he defends. “I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable when I say I can’t stand the taste.”
“Fair enough. I’d say that about green tea if it was a more common ingredient,” you shrug. 
“But I can’t ever put anything past you, huh?” He chuckles.
“Hmm, not really,” you laugh. “I’m quite observant.”
“Is that why you knew about me and Seri this whole time?”
“Ah, I see you overheard my conversation with my parents, then,” you say, his actions from earlier to now suddenly making sense.
“But yes, that’s why I knew. I mean, we had that Christmas party one time and almost everyone was drunk except for me, and my ever flirty best friend Jimin had his arm around Seri’s shoulder and you looked like you were about to tackle him to the ground, but you didn’t do anything and just left,” you explain. “And so when we spoke before we agreed to the marriage and I asked you if there was something you wanted to tell me, I felt relieved that you admitted your relationship with her. I guess it should’ve been easier to lie to me and hide it, because there was a chance I’d tell you to stop.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I didn’t see the point. Like I said, you’re a good person. You don’t deserve to be trapped in this with me.”
“What you said… about not being keen on love and relationships. Is that true?” He wonders, remembering what his brother had said about your exes.
“Yes, but I don’t want you to feel bad for me so that isn’t something I’m willing to share yet.”
“Okay, fair.”
“But sorry, too. My dad went pretty hard, huh?”
“It’s okay. I expect him to be protective as a father,” Seokjin responds. “And I don’t give you enough credit but you’re a good person, too. You didn’t have a choice in this, either. That must be hard for him to accept - letting his daughter be with a man who can’t treat her right. But what he said, about taking a bullet for my family… I didn’t know about that.”
“It’s not really something he broadcasts or anything,” you say. “He didn’t realize that being part of the building’s security team would put him in that much danger. It was after a controversial merger and your grandparents had left the building to go to a press conference and some sniper started shooting towards their car. My dad was assigned outside and protected your grandmother, taking a bullet to his chest. I was a teenager, then.”
You recall running to the hospital after your brother had called you, in fear that your father was going to die, but the Kims made sure that he got the best treatment, and they’ve felt indebted to your family ever since.
“Dad asked to be left out of the news articles for fear that we would be in danger. He quit his job after that, but your grandfather always looked out for us, would check in on my dad regularly and that’s how he found out about the threats to my family because of a debt that my parents couldn’t pay,” you narrate. “And now we’re here. So yeah, it’s on us. I’ve been saving to pay it off so we’ll no longer need your protection, and you can be free from me.”
“You make it sound like being my wife is a terrible thing,” he laughs, masking his disappointment that he’s somehow let you down.
“I’m not. It’s fun being your wife, actually,” you nudge his foot, trying to encourage him. “I mean, it felt weird at the start, don’t get me wrong - you’re my boss and I look up to you as a colleague - but it was easy,” you smile, recalling how everything happened so fast but you and Jin kept assuring each other that it was all gonna be okay. “We found a rhythm, a routine, and things worked out. But Seri’s important to you and I’m just glad you told me about her right away.”
“So you would’ve hated me if I lied about her?”
“I would’ve lost respect for you, actually. I can’t stand liars, cheaters, abusers… And you’re not any of those.”
Your face falls a little but you turn to him with bright eyes right away. 
It’s something you’re not yet comfortable to talk about, and that’s something he respects.
“Seriously, you gotta raise your standard higher. I’m telling you as a friend and as your husband,” he laughs, the irony not being lost on you both. 
“I did! I found him, too,” you say, your eyes wandering, and Seokjin is glad that at some point in your life, someone hadn’t hurt you deliberately. “Seeing the world was just more important to him than me; something always is. He said he’d come back for me but he hasn’t.”
“And now you’re stuck with me. I’m sorry,” Seokjin says, wanting to have your smile back.
“Well, that was 5 years ago, and he still isn’t back, which is another reason why I agreed to this. I’ll never know what will happen. Five years is a long time to wait for someone.”
“It is, huh?” He asks, suddenly feeling a tightness in his chest that really started since you came home last week.
“Yeah, I mean, people make promises to comfort us, to give us hope, even if half the time, they’re broken. But he said he’d come for me so we can be together without the distance, and I believed him; I still do,” you share. “Why, how long have you and Seri been together?”
“Five years.”
“Oh, well… Uh, your situation is different,” you backtrack. 
“Is it, though? I…” Seokjin trails, fumbling his words as the thoughts start to make him wonder. 
First, it was fearing you’d hated him for bringing Seri to your house, and then his brother slamming a cannonball at him about why he’d never taken his relationship with Seri further, and then humiliating himself in front of your parents, and then tonight. 
You, specifically, and how comfortable he feels around you despite your situation and how you always try to make him feel better about everything, especially about himself. 
And how the thought of 5 years being too long to wait for someone hits him more than he cares to admit. 
“Yeah, maybe you’re right. It’s different,” he settles, not wanting to argue.
He knows you’re right, in a way that unlike whoever it is you were talking about, Seri is here, and that makes it different. 
But he also can’t help but think that so many times, he had a chance to admit his relationship with her, yet he never did. That in all these 5 years, all he’s done was make her wait, because something else was always more important to him than her. 
Work, perhaps? Maybe it’s his time, his convenience, his comfort that mattered more. But as he watches you eat and critique your dish, the soft smile painting your face whenever you talk about food, he thinks that maybe it’s something else entirely, and he’s only now finding out exactly what that is.
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cooliofango · 2 years
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Kissing Lessons
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Lucio Correia dos Santos x GN! Reader
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Just a cute little something to get the creative juices flowing! Hope you enjoy~
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A sigh slipped from his lips as he sat cross legged before you. It was clear that the DJ felt awkward. Then again, who wouldn’t feel awkward asking their best friend to help them learn how to kiss? Sorry, correction: Who wouldn’t feel awkward asking their crush to help them learn how to kiss? Despite how famous he may be in the music industry, Lucio has no experience with relationships. This included kissing. This question originally derived from a previous conversation with a few agents of Overwatch had about half a week ago. They were speaking of what they planned to do for the break they were getting from their usual work. Most had planned to spend their break with their significant others, which rose a curious question: ‘Do you have someone you like?’ The sudden question caught him off guard, and though he said no (albeit a stuttered mess), his blushing face told a different story. It didn’t take long for those agents to figure out who it was that Lucio had a (not so) little crush on. With much needed encouragement, he was ushered to figure out a way to get closer to you- and what better than a lesson on kissing? As someone who’s dated people in the past, it seemed perfect, right?
It was a decision he was coming to regret out of sheer embarrassment. It felt stupid. HE felt stupid. And yet you had eagerly agreed to help him out. Not that you knew that he was doing this because he liked you. His gaze avoided you, causing you to frown as you looked at him. Your arms crossed over your chest and you leaned forward. Lucio looked to you and leaned back in a bit of surprise at the sudden closeness. “Tip number one, eye contact. Your partner won’t know that you’re trying to kiss them. They’ll probably think that something’s wrong.” Lucio quickly nodded, clearing his throat before speaking. He didn’t want to stutter and embarrass himself more. “Right! Sorry..” He chuckled anxiously, rubbing the back of his neck. Your frown softened, leaning back. “Is everything alright, Lucio?” The concern was clear in your voice and in your expression. It sent a small panic in the DJ- he didn’t want to make you worry over something so silly. “No- I mean yeah! I’m okay, (Y/N).”
Your eyes didn’t leave him for a moment, but soon enough you relaxed your shoulders and calmed your worries for the time being- or you seemed to push the thought away for the time being. Your smile returned and Lucio’s heart fluttered at the sight. It was one of his favorite things to see. Hell, he could make a giant ass list about what he loved about you- but that’s something he’ll have to save and share for another time. For now, he’ll have to just focus on your voice. “Let’s get started.. One thing to remember when you kiss someone is to not rush things, especially on the first kiss. Take things slow. It doesn’t have to be anything long and passionate- but be gentle. You don’t want to accidentally hurt your partner by being too rough.” Lucio sat in silence, though his eyes remained on you as he took in each thing you said. An occasional nod was given to let you know he was listening and that he understood.
“As for actually kissing... I don’t think you really have to pucker your lips much to get a good kiss. Doing it too much can actually make things a bit silly or a bit weird- it depends on the person and how many times you’ve already kissed before.” Your eyes drifted off to the side in thought. It was a cute little quirk he’s noticed when you’re super focused on whatever you are doing. This can range from your job, a hobby you enjoy, or just putting things together in general. “If you need, you can watch any romance flick and it’ll give you a visual example on how to kiss and how it looks. Though most people tend to do better with personal experience. I’ll leave that for you to do with who ever you decide to kiss.” Lucio slowly tuned out what was being said. It wasn’t to be rude- a thought had just occurred to him. He could do it now..! Kiss you, that is. He didn’t have a partner- but he wanted you to be his partner. He wanted you to be the one he decided to kiss.
Lucio’s lips parted a bit nervously, releasing a silent sigh to try and help calm his racing heart. He hadn’t even preformed the action yet and he was flustered by the mere thought of going through with it. Yet, despite this, he couldn’t get the desire out of his head. You had continued to speak about what to do and what not to do when kissing someone when Lucio leaned in. It was a very quick yet sweet kiss. One that quickly shut you up. You stared in surprise, eyes widened and cheeks flushed a deep red to present this with ease. Lucio could feel his own face burn the same color as yours. Just as he had done before, he cleared his throat to prevent a stutter. Instead of a stutter of embarrassment, it would be one of bashfulness that he would suppress. “Was.. that okay?” Lucio couldn’t help but crack a large grin at the slight giddiness he felt. Even if he had to face rejection in that moment, he was glad to get that off his chest.
Your lips pressed into a thin line, and your gaze drifted in thought. “Well.. no.” You spoke in a flustered mumbled. With your eyes to return to the boy before you- one who looks a tad hurt by your words- and your posture to straighten, you continued. “Try again- but a bit slower. I said it doesn’t have to be anything too slow, but giving a kiss too quickly doesn’t give any time for your partner to enjoy the kiss for even a moment. Lucio’s eyes widened in surprise. Try again..? He slowly nodded before carefully leaning forward once again. Though he was a bit hesitant, he did press his lips to yours once again. The kiss was as sweet as it was before, though he keep still to elongate the kiss further than he did before. A hand raised to rest on his cheek to keep him in place as you pulled away to speak- albeit that you hadn’t pulled away further than a couple of centimeters. “Y-you’re tense.. relax. A kiss is supposed to be a good thing, not stressful.” You spoke quietly this time. There wasn’t any reason to be any louder with how close the two of you were.
“Mmh.. right..” He muttered before easily closing the gap between the two of you once again. Lucio kissed you with more passion than before, moving closer to you so he could wrap his arms around your waist. An exhale through his nose and his muscles relaxing against your form helped to tell you that he wasn’t tense anymore. Actually, he seemed to be more into the kiss than before. Lucio carefully tugged you onto his lap, not breaking the kiss for a moment. Your arms wrapped around his neck and your tilted your head to deepen the loving kiss. It was just when you had feel his hands slide under the ends of your shirt when the door opened. The two of you parted quickly in surprise, both of your faces beat red. You both looked at the culprit who had interrupted your growing make out session: Lena Oxton, aka Tracer. She looked taken back by the sight, but it wasn’t long before she broke into a grin. “So you finally got the guts to tell them, huh?” She giggled at the embarrassed look on Lucio’s face and the questioning look that asked for confirmation on yours. “Well, I’ll leave ya too it! We can hang out later!” Lena waved her parting before dashing off, kicking the door closed behind her. 
Lucio released a breath he hadn’t fully realized he had been holding until now. His head hung down and rested on your forehead in a small attempt to hide his blushing face. You couldn’t help but find this cute.. but it was also a bit funny. With a laugh, you raised a hand to rest on the back of his neck and one to gently rub his shoulder. “You know, you could’ve just told me that you liked me.” The only response you got from him was a slight hum of acknowledgement. You carefully rested your chin on top of his head. “I love you too, Lucio.” He held onto you a bit tighter. You had flustered him even further. There was a slight silence that hung in the air. It wasn’t uncomfortable, of course. It was actually very loving. “Will you sit up if I give you another kiss?” You offered him in a lower tone, leaning down close to his ear. Lucio’s arms tensed a bit in surprise, yet he slowly sat up to look up at you and carefully nod. You were, once again, only able to laugh at how adorable he was before reconnecting your lips to one another's to continue where you left off.
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Aaaand done! Enjoy this cute story~
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