#and then i thought about that thing that my family and i do sometimes where we all compare our signatures and handwriting
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Run Rabbit Run .10
Yandere!Eustass Kid x F!Reader
Warnings: Death, blood mentions, physical abuse, violence, implied non-con, slight non-con, not edited for shit cause it took too long to type in general
A/N: This part is all in the eyes of Kidd so enjoy. I'm so happy for this shit to be finally published cause it took me too fucking long to do. Also working on new writing styles cause i need to be a perfectionist
pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10
~~~
“Look at them run! This is gonna be a fun island to ransack.”
“We should find the mayor and ask him where he keeps the town's treasury.”
“Good thinking, Killer.”
Even with the conversation so short, it spoke volumes as the Victoria Punk docks on the island. The beautiful blue skies shone down on the new and upcoming worst-generation supernova. With only a few months under his belt, his name was still feared throughout the south blue. His bounty getting higher and higher with every new poster.
He has yet to lose to any marine or pirate ship. Every battle he wins only makes him all the more feared, and his crew is just as terrifying as himself. Being known for his bloodthirsty ways, people would usually give him their prized possessions just to make sure they stayed clear of his wraith. But even then, sometimes, it wasn’t enough.
“This island is smaller than I thought, but it’s still mostly populated. More people, more treasure.”
“I haven’t seen any marines since we’ve docked, no boats or anything. Do you think this island isn’t under the eye of the world government?”
“Don’t matter to me. If marines try to stop me, I’ll just crush them.” The sinister chuckle that left the man’s lips made even the strongest marine tremble. Now, with a rushing set of footsteps coming towards him, Kidd continues to smirk.
A man about his own age was running full speed at him. A look of rage crossed his features as he clutched a knife tightly in his hands. Compared to himself, the man was nothing more than a twig. No muscle or anything to back him up with the fight he was looking for.
“Oh, this outta be fun.”
“Damn pirates! Leave our island alone!” The man lifts his arm to strike the notorious captain, only to be stopped by a suffocating grip. Without a second thought, Kidd’s hand gripped the scrawny man’s neck as he lifted him up. The man drops the knife to try and pry off the hand, squeezing his throat.
“How pathetic! A string bean like you thinks he can tell me what to do?” Kidd squeezes the man's throat harder and lifts him so they're eye to eye.
“News flash, I don’t like when people tell me what to do. I’ll show you what happens to people who do.” Clawing at Kidd’s hand, the man begins to see black in his vision as he starts to gasp.
“Please let my son go! He’s the only family I have!” An old man shows up hobbling fast towards Kidd and his crew. A cane in his left hand as he struggles to stay up.
“I don’t feel like it. Little fucker thinks he can try to attack me. Yet he didn’t even land a hit like the pathetic little thing he is.” Kidd laughs at the old man’s worried expression.
“I’ll do anything! Just please let my son go!” The old man gets on his hands and knees, begging the ruthless pirate for mercy.
“Bring me your mayor, and I’ll think about it.”
“I am the mayor! I promise, Captain Kidd, as I have the key to City Hall and everything!” The old man pulls out a key from his pants and lifts it towards Kidd.
“Well, would you look at that? How convenient. I didn’t even have to waste time searching.” Using his devil fruit powers, Kidd gravitates the key to his open hand. Looking at the key in his hand, he looks to his friend.
“What ya think, Killer? Should I let the small fry go?”
“Might as well. We have the mayor right here.”
“Looks like it’s your lucky day. Now scram before I change my mind.” The man is dropped with a thud. Holding his throat, he coughs harshly, with tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. Air finally returns to his lungs.
“Run home, son. Everything will be fine! Just go home.”
“But father-”
“Go home!” Despite his pleas, the scrawny man follows his father's orders. His throat bruised as he struggles to walk. His head spinning as the lack of oxygen has taken its toll. A crippling fear plagues the son as he walks home with unstable legs. The safety of his father was all he could think about.
“Now that that little nuisance is out of the way, we can finally get what we came here for.” Turning his attention to the old man, Kidd looks down at him.
“You either give us all the treasure this town has in its treasury, or I go back and break your son's scrawny little neck.” The mayor looks in horror at the man before him.
“I can’t! We’ve been saving it to build a marine base on the island! It’s taken us years to save up that money!” Kidd only laughs in the old man’s face.
“Too bad, old man! Now, you either give us all the treasure this shit town has to offer, or you’ll see its ashes fall from the sky!”
“But! The people need that for-” Not letting the old man finish, Kidd kicked him backwards. His fragile body hits the ground and is knocked out cold.
“Wrong answer, old fool! Burn it down and take everything! Leave no stone unturned!” Kidd watched his crew scatter before starting to break into businesses, houses, and other structures. Glass shattering, and the newfound screams sounded like music to his ears.
“Heat!” Calling out to his crew, he watches the bluenette approach him.
“Yeah Captain?”
“I want you to go kill that brat while burning down buildings.”
“Sounds good.”
Turning around laughing, Kidd’s amber eyes catch the glance of a woman hiding behind a building. Her face full of fear as she shook in her place. From where she stood, Kidd could see the way the light shone down on her. It gave her an almost angelic glow. For some reason, it ignited something inside him. Something that told him to ruin her. To rip off that halo and wings while he fucked her down to the second circle of hell. The image made him laugh as he began to move in her direction. Himmoving in the woman’s direction caused her to finally flee.
“Cat and mouse, aye?” Kidd snickers as he beckons the woman back; any metal she was wearing would drag her right back to him. He watches her stop in her tracks before being pulled back to him at full speed. Her shrieks of terror cause him to lick his lips.
The woman’s back collided with Kidd’s chest as he grabbed her wirst in an iron grip.
“Where do you think you're going?” The woman looked up at him, and he smiled at her. He watched her tremble in place.
“Y-Your Eustass Kidd…”
“Damn right. What? You afraid?” The way she uttered his name made the fire inside him only burn brighter. A delicate little thing like her screaming out his name as he left bruises on her skin had his mind running with wild thoughts.
“Please! Just let me go! I’ll give you all the money I have. Just please let me go!” He watched in amusement as the woman tried to twist and turn out of his grip. The hope dying in her eyes felt like an addictive drug. While taking in the woman's fear, he noticed a ring adorning her finger and a metal circle on your left wrist.
“Now, why would I let something I caught fair and square go?” Finally pulling her left arm closer to his view, he finds that the circle of metal adorning her wrist was, in fact, supposed to be a bracelet. A very shitty stainless steel bracelet that he could have easily made with his eyes closed.
“Your shitty stainless steel bracelet betrayed you, princess.” The nickname fell off his tongue so smoothly that it was almost like honey. He could feel his heart quicken at the little nickname that he decided there and then.
“My fiance worked hard to make it for me!”
“Don’t make me laugh! This is the shittest piece of jewelry I’ve ever seen!” How horribly it was made felt like an insult to him. He swore a baby could make one better. Using his power, Kidd manages to contort the ugly bracelet off the woman's wrist. He brought it closer to his face just to look at it once more, and that’s when he saw the flaw in the metal. He sees the woman reach for it but simply lifts it up out of her reach to inspect it more.
“Give it back!”
“It’s ain’t even pure stainless steel. Pathetic. Not even detailed, just a circle of metal." Using his devil fruit, he crushes the bracelet into the form of a ball. Small enough to be a bullet.
“Repel.” A laugh escapes him as he watches the small ball shoot into a store window. It shatters the entire thing and breaks something inside. Now, turning back to the woman, he smirks.
“Now, c’mon. You’re coming with me.” The woman's nails dig into Kidd’s hand. Her desperate attempt at freedom only made his lust for her grow.
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be, princess. I’m not a very patient person.” The woman's mouth opens to say something, but a loud voice pulls his attention away.
“(Y/N)! Get your hands off of her, you filithy pirate!” So that was your name? It felt fitting for a little thing like yourself. A lovely little princess like you with such an angelic name.
Looking at the person in front of him, he sees a ring adorning their left hand. It added up to the fact that this must be your fiance. AN annoyed look plastered on Kidd’s face as he realized that what should have been a quick thing was now actually gonna be a pain in his ass. Looking the fiance up and down, Kidd knew that they stood no chance against him. A single punch could take them down, no doubt.
“Is this your pathetic fiance? Ugh, I don’t have time to deal with you. I’ve got to take this treasure I found back to the ship.”
“(Y/N)’s not going anywhere with you! Let her go pirate!” Rage filled Kidd as another small fry thinks they can tell him what to do.
“Run (....)! He’s going to kill you!” Kidd let go of your wrist for a second, only to wrap his arm around your torso. He pulled you close to his chest as he trapped your arms to your sides with his strong grip. While he’d love to turn your pathetic fiance into a bloody puddle, he just couldn’t wait to bring you back to the Victoria Punk for safekeeping.
“Killer!” Not even seconds pass before his best friend shows up next to him.
“Yeah, Kidd?”
“I need you to kill them. Little shit thinks they can tell me what I can and can’t do.” He watches his buddy look down at the horrified woman in his arms.
“Who’s she?”
“My new plaything, cutie, ain’t she?” Kidd laughs as he holds onto you tighter. Your smell was intoxicating with how close you were to him.
“No! Leave them alone!”
“Alright, let’s go.” Kidd turns around just in time so you don’t see Killer murdering your fiance. But the screams could still be heard. He looks down and sees tears slipping down your cheeks as you weep in his grasp. The pathetic fiance felt like a worthless thing to cry about, in his personal opinion. But seeing your tears had his pants growing tighter.
“What a pretty sight, don’t you think?” The look of horror on your face as you watched your town burn to the ground made Kidd feel like we were on cloud nine. He just knew that the little angel he plucked from gods hand would surely be a fuck to experience.
~~~
“Oi Kidd.”
“What is it Killer?” Watching his friend approach him, Kidd simply took a hard drink of the alcohol in his hand. His eyes scanned the bar as he watched multiple women look at him with less-than-holy intentions.
“Do you want me to go unlock that chick on the ship now? She’s been on the ship since we took her from that island a week ago? Plus, you're at the bar getting plastered and beckoning other women over.”
“Nah. Keep her there a little longer. Plus, where would she go? It’s not like she has a home to go back to. I could honestly keep her as long as I want!” Laughing, Kidd took another swing of his drink. Having a personal fleshlight aboard the ship at all times was an opportunity only a fool would pass up.
“If you say so.”
“Come get a drink, Killer! Unwind and enjoy the lack of Marines!” Chugging down the alcohol, Kidd slammed down the empty glass on the table. His eye scanned the room, and despite the multiple women that occupied the bar, none gave him that rush that you did when he first saw you. While there were women who looked at him with lust, the fear that was in your eyes made more of an impact on his sexual desires.
Sure, he’s taken women to the Victoria Punk, but they're always gone before sunrise. No woman he’s brought to bed has ever spent a full day on the ship. Until you came along. You’ve spent a full week under the deck of the Victoria with only him and Killer knowing. And it’ll stay that way if he could help it. Having a secret little place to relieve his stress and get his fill sounded perfect for when he was stuck on the seas without a bar to be seen.
A little wingless angel stuck in the dark.
~~~
Stumbling along the hallways, Kidd can’t help but chuckle as he makes his way to your room. He’s been drinking till the early before a sudden lust flooded his body. The image of you laying beneath him was too stong to ignore. He wanted to hear your cries and moans. Wanted to feel your nails dig into his skin and cause him too bleed.
When he opened the door that kept you locked away, he saw you sleeping peacefully. Your face content as you lay on the tattered blankets that used to hold prisioners. The light giving him just enough to walk towards a crate to light up a lantern. Once he closed and locked the door again, the lantern was now the only sorce of light.
He stumbled over to where your head lay before sitting down. The vibrations caused you to stir, yet you refused to awaken fully. It caused a scowl to appear on Kidd’s painted lips before he tugged on a strand of your hair. The shock of your hair being tugged made your hand go to soothe the throb that followed suit.
Rubbing your eyes, you look up.”Kidd? W-Why are you here? It’s late.” Your confusion was clear in your voice, but Kidd paid no mind.
“Mmm…gonna fuck ya. Wanna hear my princess cry out my name.” Slurring his speech, Kidd laughs as he grabs your wrist and drags you up to him. The chain attached to your ankle rattled as he had you face to face.
The fear that still swirled in your eyes got him drunker than any alcohol could ever do. Your soft skin against his rough, calloused hands felt as if he were touching something sacred.
Grabbing your chin, he pulls you in for a kiss. He could feel you try to pull away, but you were no match for his strength, and he loved that. How weak you were compared to him had his already hard cock throbbing. You were the defenseless little princess who relied on him for everything.
The kiss only got deeper as he spurred himself on in his head. He pushed his tongue past your lips and groaned when he felt your own. Your taste was sweet as he explored your mouth. No matter how many times he’s kissed you, it always felt just as electric as it did the day he first kissed you. Your lips are so soft as they smudged his lipstick with how harshly he was kissing you.
Wrapping his hands around your wrists, he slammed you down on the ground before climbing on top of your body. His lips were still locked with yours as your scent overwhelmed him. It sent a fire hot sensation in his abdomen as he started to press closer to you.
Bringing both wrists above his head, he holds them both with one hand. With his other hand now free, he runs his fingertips underneath your shirt. He feels you shiver against his touch, and it causes one to go down his own spine.
Pulling his lips away from yours, a thick strand of saliva connected his mouth to yours. Hearing you gasp and pant for breath makes him slightly grip your wrists harder as he stares down at you. Your lips were swollen from his harsh kiss and sporting the lipstick that once adorned his own lips.
“K-Kidd, you're drunk. Perhaps you should just sleep. You don’t want a hangover, do you?” The nervousness and pleas that slipped past your lips went unheard by him. All he could see was his princess lying under him. Even though you tried to squirm and wiggle away, all Kidd felt was you rubbing against him.
“Fuck.” Kidd whispers under his breath as he begins to rub his clothed cock against you. His face is right above yours as he feels your breath fanning against his face. Through his lidded eyes, Kidd can see your eyes are closed, and you're biting your bottom lip.
Moving both your wrists to one hand, Kidd uses his free one to grab your chin. “Fucking look at me. I want you to look at me while I fuck you.” Kidd can feel his heart double in speed when he’s met with your eyes staring at him intensely yet glassy.
Kidd groans out before licking his lips. Letting go of your chin, Kidd reaches down to unbuckle his pants. His eyes still strained on you and he can’t help but notice all the bites and bruises he’s adorned on your body since you’ve been here. It only makes Kidd’s need for you higher.
“What if we do this tomorrow?” Your words break through Kidd’s lust-clouded mind. ”You won’t even remember this since you're drunk, right? We can do it tomorrow!” Beads of sweat dropped from your forehead as you talked to Kidd. Obviously hoping that he might fall for the bait.
Kidd’s eyes stare at you before letting out a yawn. He didn’t say anything for a few seconds before getting up and moving away from your body. Only to grab it seconds later and drag you to lay on the tattered blankets. He fell on top of you, making you let out an ‘oof’.
The warmth your body excluded made made Kidd’s eyes grow heavy as he let out another yawn. Placing his head onto of your breasts, he allowed his drunken self just an hour or two to sleep before going back into his own quarters. No harm in a measly two hours.
~~~
The sky filled with smoke as Kidd angrily desetroyed anything he deemed mocked him. Living or not, his anger was his own fault as ahe had no one to blame but himself. Ever since that drunken night he slept by your side, he’s never been able to sleep normally again.
Before he used to sleep all throughout the night but now. He’d wake up every two hours reaching out for someoen that wasn’t there. He’s never slept with someone all night. Or at all. But now that he’s gotten a taste of what it felt like to sleep next to someone, it wans’t something his body could sleep without. And it pissed him off.
Sure, he loved fucking you whenever he wanted, but now, it’s like he can’t go even an hour without thinking about you. Working in his workshop became a pain in the ass as he could be working on his crew’s weapons only to see your eyes staring at him in his imagination. How blown over they are when he fucks you or how you looked at him when he even enters a room.
He couldn’t even sleep with other women anymore cause his mind kept going to you! All there was was you. It pissed him off to the point he didn’t bother seeking you out of your company for a week and counting. A small part of him begged to go below deck to see the angel he stole from god. Yet the other him spoke curses on how you’ve affected him. It felt as if his head was splitting from the battle going on inside him.
“You're scowling more than usual. What’s wrong?” His friend's voice broke through his thoughts as he stood next to him.
Running a hand through his hair, Kidd hisses. “It’s not something you can help with, so buzz off.”
“Is it about that girl below deck?”
“(Y/N).”
“Yeah her?”
“No.”
“Liar.” Snapping his head towards the masked man, Kidd glared at him.
“Something obviously happened, so stop trying to act like nothing did.” Killer crossed his arms as he looked at his stubborn friend.
“She’s invading my mind like a damn disease! Can’t even go an hour without her popping up in my mind! Not to mention, I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a month!”
“Can’t even fuck another whore without imagining it’s her! It’s pissing me off! Is this some sort of devil fruit?!” A snort comes from behind Killer’s mask, making Kidd madder.
“Jesus christ, your so stupid.”
“I’m not fucking stupid! If you know what's wrong with me, then spit it out!”
“It’s called falling in love, you idiot.”
Kidd’s eyes widened as he felt his heart stop. “No shot! That’s the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard! I’m not falling in love.”
“Oh really? Well then, let her go, it’s been six months-”
“-No.”
“You're not in love with her, but you refuse to let her go?”
“Yes.”
“Alright, Kidd. Whatever you say.”
~~~
Bursting open the door, Kidd stomps through his room. His rage fills the small space as his heart beats harshly. Once again, a marine ship ruined his supply trip to an island. While normally he wouldn’t care and go on and fight, Killer advised against it. Kidd had a good amount of sake a few hours earlier and wouldn’t be on his A game if they took charge.
While Killer was right, Kidd was still upset that he wouldn’t be able to get supplies for his crew for another day till they reached the next island. His crew had to go hungry for a day simply because of some annoying marines.
“God fucking damnit! Those fucking marines keep getting in my way!” Kidd’s eyes scan the room as he tries to find something to throw. When his eyes landed on a metal butterfly he made for you, he grabbed it off the dresser in a quick movement.
“Fuck!” Throwing it as hard as he could, he aimed for the bedroom door, which was already covered in marks from the other times he'd thrown knives at the door. The sound of a sucked-in breath makes him snap his head in your direction.
“What the fuck are you staring at?!” He watches you scoot away from him, and it only fuels his drunken rage. Who did you think you were to run away from him? To look at him with that face? Do you think it's funny when shit doesn't go his way?
His anger only heightened even more as he wrapped his hand around your foot. Digging his nails into your skin as he pulled you from him.
As soon as you were close enough to him, he grabbed your neck and lifted you into the air. “I said, what the fuck are you staring at?!” He watched you try to pry off his fingers off your neck. The small sting your nails brought only served to piss him off more.
“You're happy, aren’t you?! Do you think the Marines are going to catch me, and you’ll be free?! Is that it?!”
“I-I can’t breathe…Kidd please…” He watched as tears streamed down your face and onto his hand. The tear felt like a needle poking into his heart.
“Stupid bitch!” Stumbling over his own feet, Kidd chucks you against the wall. He watched you hit the wall and onto the floor with a loud ‘thud’ before what sounded like a crack whispered in his ears. He examines your body, not moving, and it causes a hard scowl on his face.
“Get up, damnit! I barely threw you!” Growling, Kidd wobbles over to your body before falling to his knees. His sight is blurry as his head seems to pound. When he slid his fingers through your hair, his brain failed to register the wet substance that coated his hand. He pulls on your hair so he can look you in the eyes.
“Fucking pathetic! Why do I even keep you around when you're so fucking useless?!” Your silence had Kidd’s drunken self slightly coherent.
“Hey! I’m talking to you! Don’t ignore me!” He grabs your face and, through his drunken haze, starts to see a red liquid drip down your face. A red handprint of blood was left on your cheek when he slightly moved his hand.
Your eyes fluttering shut made him sober up as the blood running down your face finally set in.
“Oi! Keep your eyes open!” Moving his hand in front of your face back and forth, his heart rate peaks when he finally watches your eyes fully close. Pulling your body close to his own, he grabs your shoulders and shakes you harder. Worry sets in as you don’t respond.
Picking you up to carry you, he hastly stumbles out of his room and makes a dash to the infirmary. The sound of his footsteps echoed through out the halls. His mouth goes dry as your lack of movement sobers him up to accurately find the room.
To his luck, Killer was already in the infirmary, counting on what they needed to restock.
“Killer, I fucked up.”
~~~
His eyes stared at the carved door as he laid his head on your chest. Your heartbeat pounding in his ears as he tried to ignore the small blood splatter on the floor that he forgot to clean up after the incident.
Your fingers running through his hair did little to calm the thoughts in his head. Even though he laid against you, he felt it wasn’t close enough. Close seemed to not be close enough.
Lifting his body up, he laid down next to you before he pulled you to his chest, you hair slightly tickling his skin. He wrapped his arms around you all the way to the point you wouldn’t be able to leave. Moving his legs, he tangled his limbs with yours. Only then did he feel you were close enough. Your scent a silent lullaby as he raced with thoughts. What if’s ran rampant.
‘What if I just took a nap instead?’
‘What if you got hurt even worse then i thought?’
‘What if you didn’t wake up?’
The thought of you no longer sharing his bed caused a panic to settle in Kidd’s stomach. Your warmth had become the only thing that allowed him to sleep peacefully. Hearing you breathe managed to be the only stress reliever that worked.
It was obvious to him now, that no matter what he might say, he couldn’t live without you.
~~~
The sound of the waves crashing against the beach felt like laughter as Kidd watched you sailing away on a ship he’d never seen before. His scream out to you echoed across the water only to come back to him, mocking him for being too late. Now, he got to watch the only thing that made him calm leave him.
The sand below him showed muddy footprints before being washed away by the ocean. Thunder and harsh rain poured down on Kidd, his hair sticking to his face as the rain pelted down his hair. Whether it was rain or tears that slid down his cheeks was anyone's guess. It felt as if time stopped while he tried to piece together what now?
His goal to find the one piece and become King of the Pirates still ran strong through his veins, but now it felt different. Not even days before this, he began to dream of when he’d finally be called King of the Pirates, when you’d be clinging to his arm and congratulating him, kissing him, and telling him you loved him. But now, that’s what it’d only be—a dream.
~~~
It’s been months since Kidd watched you sail away. Each night was plagued with that image of you sailing farther and farther away from him, every time only seconds late. Not a night went by where he didn’t wake up in a cold sweat. He’d reach out for you and be hit with the painful reminder that it was real—that you were gone.
Yet no matter where he went, it always felt like he saw you out of the corner of his eye. Or how sometimes he’d hear your voice in his ear. But when he turned to check it out, there was nothing. It felt as if he was going insane without you. And while there was intense longing, there was rage.
How dare you leave him? Don’t you know how much you meant to him? Hasn’t he shown he’s learned his lesson? He’s told you he loved you and you still left him. You have no one other then him, he made sure of it. Yet you still left.
Killer tried to tell him to get over you, that there were plenty of other fish in the sea, but he knew what he meant. He shouldn’t be shocked. You weren't even supposed to be with him for as long as you were. It was only a matter of time before the ‘relationship’ Kidd built with you would burn before his eyes. Even if he refused Killer’s words, any sane person would have agreed.
But now here he was, missing you with fury boiling inside him as he stared out over the crowd in the auction house. Privileged entitled assholes as far as the eye can see. All waiting for the show to begin.
~~~
Emotions pumped through his veins as he stared at himself in the mirror. A small splatter of blood on his cheek as all he could think about was you. How happy he was that you were back where you belonged. That after months of sleeplessness not knowing where you were, you were finally back in his arms. Whether you liked it or not wasn't something he cared to hear. He had you first. Those damn Straw Hats took you away, but now, you were back.
But you came back with a price.
Whatever happened in those months you were away changed you. All you did was fight and yell, scream and punch. Instead of the quiet angel he stole, a venomous fallen angel stood before him. But despite missing his fearful princess, the fight you put up managed to also have his blood pumping hotter. Watching you try to fight him only to lose gave him a high that only your fear could compare to.
Seeing your eyes widen in fear when he threatened to cut off your legs made a shiver of pleasure shoot up his spine. Even after you spit venom, he could not help but want you even more. Having you so close to him again made his body go haywire. Hearing you scream out in pain reminded him of when you screamed out his name in such a different, lustful tone. Watching tears stream down your face when he threw punch after punch had him resisting the urge to fuck you bloody and bruised.
While the image was tempting, he had things to do, and he couldn’t let you think you got away with it. So he’d just send Killer down to patch you up after you’d been drenched in your own blood for a while. Maybe it’ll give you some time to contemplate. But if not, that’s okay.
He kinda liked that taste of your blood.
~~~
His heart couldn’t help but leap when he felt your lips running smoothly against his own, your warm skin glowing underneath his fingertips as you cupped his face. A calm washed over him at the small gesture. He pulled you closer and kissed you deeper, never wanting to let you go. But when he pulled away for a breath, he saw the stains of his lipstick on your face, the sight making him smile.
Kidd couldn’t help but feel the shiver that ran down his spine when he felt your breath against his neck. The rigid, cold metal of the collar on your neck had him silently sick in a breath.
“If you're gonna make me a new collar, can it be one I can sleep in?” When you mumbled those words into his skin, flashbacks from that fateful day rushed back to him. How you got out of your collar, so he obviously had to make a bigger and better one. And now you're trying to get a different one?
“Do you know why you're in that collar?” He looked down and was met with your pleading eyes.
“I ran away.” Kidd grits his teeth and digs his fingers into his hips harshly. Anger starts to surface at the memories.
“Yeah, you did. How can I trust you not to do it again, hmm? This collar makes my devil fruit powers work even better than the last one. So why should I give rewards to bad girls?”
“Can I do something to make it up to you?” The idea Killer shut down a week ago comes back to his mind. He’s done a few good studies to understand how it works, and it sounds pretty easy—easy and a perfect way to show everyone who you belong to.
“Take off your shirt.”
“W-What?”
“You heard me. Take it off.” Kidd watches you with heat pooling in his abdomen as he takes longing glimpses at your bare chest.
“Back to me.” He watches you listen and can’t help but run his fingers along your skin. Tracing your spine causes a shiver to run down his.
Getting up, he placed you down on the chair before tying you to it with a piece of metal. The sight makes him bite the inside of his cheek.
“H-Hey! What the hell!” Kidd only laughed before turning away from you.
“You know, Killer originally talked me out of this, but since you wanted to be rewarded for bad behavior, I think it’ll go nicely with your new collar.” A rush of power surges through Kidd’s bones as he collects everything he needs.
“It’ll also show anybody who tries to take you away from me that you belong to me.” With his hands finally full, Kidd turns back to you. Your face goes rigid as he walks in your direction, which in turn makes you try to scoot away. Grabbing the side of the chair, he brings you back to him.
“Don’t worry, princess, I did my research.” A major rush of power flowed through Kidd's veins as he watched you struggle to escape.
“This is completely unreasonable! You can’t be serious!”
“You wanted to make it up to me? Well, here's your chance.” Kidd could see the panic in your eyes as he started to heat up the metal pole in his hands.
“There has to be something else, please, Kidd!” In a swift and rash motion, Kidd threw his hand towards you and felt your cheek collide with his knuckles.
“Be fucking grateful that I’m even giving you this chance! Those damn Straw Hats taught you that you can be a brat! I’m going to kill each one of those fuckers! I’ll do it in front of you so you can see what happens when you leave me!”
“You’ll never beat them! They’re gonna come for me and kick your ass!” Red clouded Kidd’s vision hearing your words. Grabbing your hair, he tugs it back so you face him. The tears in your eyes go ignored as Kidd’s grip on the metal pole tightens. He didn’t give you a second to speak before pushing the burning hot pole on your chest.
The scream you let out when the metal was fully pushed onto your skin swiped him out of his rage. The red that once blinded him was now gone as he quickly pulled away from you. He’d never heard something so ear-piercing and painful in his life. It echoed all throughout his workshop, and he felt a panic set in when he noticed he skipped a step in his rage and how you’ve now passed out.
“Shit! Shit! Oi, princess!” Grabbing your chin, his eyes studied your face to see any sign of consciousness, yet he was met with none. His heart rate spiked as he ripped away the metal he tied you with before carrying you bridal style. He rushed to the infirmary and cursed himself internally for not following all the steps as he tried to ignore the graphic third-degree burn on your chest.
~~~
All he could feel was numb, yet a pain that was indescribable when you moved his head to look at his arm. What once used to be a full limb was now nothing more than a stump. He could see his body covered in bandages as the memory of what happened came back to him. Words couldn’t seem to form as he felt his dreams crash down around him.
“You should lay down and make sure everything heals properly.” Using the arm he had left, Kidd pulled you onto his lap. Burying his head into your scarred chest, it's then that he feels the tears on his own cheeks.
He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he’s cried like this, or if he’s ever cried like this. Crying so hard that he struggled to breathe and began to shake. It felt like the walls were closing in on him as he cried into your chest. All he could think of was how would he become King of the Pirates with one arm? It set him back so much that he felt hopeless.
But when you wrapped your arms around him and slid your fingers through his hair, he pulled you closer despite his bandaged torso. The slight pain he felt was nothing compared to the pain he felt inside.
“Just breathe, okay? In and out.” Following your command, Kidd tries to copy your breathing despite continuing to cry. Your now-soaked shirt rubbed against his face, and it only worsened the pain in his heart.
The small and gentle tune you began to hum made his hold tighter. He never wanted to let you go as you comforted him when he needed you the most.
~~~
Kidd sat on a chair next to you in the hospital bed as worry and fear took over him. His anger once again took charge and caused him to hurt you horrifically. Seeing you laying there with bandages covering your head caused a guilt he’s never felt before. He remembered the amount of blood you lost when he ran you to the hospital. It dripped from your head all the way to the hospital.
He managed to nab a doctor right away and have him work on you. Every second you were in the surgery room felt like hell. And what the doctor told him what the diagnosis was made Kidd’s heart clench.
“Since she fell off your ship, there's no doubt she has a sort of head/brain trauma. Long-lasting effects could stem from this injury. Here’s a list of some effects that you can read while I go grab another IV bag.”
Which is where Kidd sat now. Watching you breathe. Watching you breathe with the crumbled up list in hand. Your eyes closed as you sleep, unaware of the wreck he is. Grabbing your hand, Kidd brought it close to his lips and kissed your knuckles before holding it against his forehead.
“I’m sorry, princess. You can pull through this. You have to.”
Caressing your face, Kidd looks at you, sleeping peacefully. The moonlight shining off you gave you that same angelic glow he saw you with all those years ago. Despite the scars that covered your body, you were still so beautiful. Rubbing your cheek, Kidd looked down at you lovingly.
“This is how it should be, sleeping next to me.” With your legs tangled in his, Kidd scoots his body closer to yours before kissing your forehead. A wicked smile slithers along Kidd’s face.
“All those memories gone. No more talking about home. No more flinching, no more Straw Hats.”
“Those bastards, trying to play hero and stole you from me. Thinking your up for grabs when you obviously belong to me. Meant for me. You were meant to be mine and stay by my side. Why else would I have gotten a second chance?”
“Now, I’ll always have you. You look up at me with loving eyes instead of hatred. Instead of hitting me, you run up to hug me. You kiss me passionately like I’ll disappear any moment. I love it when you run up to me and jump so I can catch you. I love it when you sit next to me while I work in my workshop, giving me praise. If I had known you hit your head harder, I would have you in my arms willingly…”
“Then I would’ve thrown you against the wall harder.”
~~~
‘That selfish prick! After everything I’ve done to keep her in the dark, he comes around and fucks it up! Everything was going great! She loved me yet-’
“Fuck!” Slamming his metal hand against the bench in his workshop, Kidd begins to tear it apart. Weapons were thrown to unknown corners of the room, pieces of metal scattered across the floor, and a dent in the bench.
Kidd gritted his teeth as his whole body uncontrollably shook. The dried blood staining his hand only continued to serve his rage. Because even if Heat was already dead, the damage had been done. The day of you holding him tight and kissing him was over. He’ll never be able to feel you close to him again. At least, not without a fight.
Hot tears began to stream down his face as he gripped the dented bench with an iron grip. His tears felt like an acid against his skin as his vision blurred. The smirk the bastard wore while he bled out behind you burned into Kidd’s memory.
Giving you a devil fruit, a logia type at that was infuriating. How the hell did he manage to get it on the boat and have you eat it? You were always by his side, so how could Heat have given it to you? The day of the fight? Or when he caught you and Heat talking to each other alone? How could he not see the signs earlier? Why did it take the busting open of your old cell door twice for him to finally understand what he needed to do?
Yet it was too late.
“God damnit.” Kidd swallowed the lump in his throat before letting out a sniffle. “This is bad. How am I gonna fix this? There’s gotta be a way-”
“Kidd.” The workshop door opens, and Killer stands in the doorway. Quickly wiping his tears, Kidd tries to regain steady breathing, hoping Killer doesn’t see his moment of weakness.
“What Killer?”
“You better have a good plan. Explain where Heat went and where (Y/N) went.” Kidd stays silent, which is all Killer needs.
“Did you-”
“I saw everything from the shadows. This could be a sign, you know?”
“What kind of fucking sign?”
“You know what kind of sign I’m talking about.” Silence covers the workshop.
“Maybe it’s time to let her-”
“No!” Kidd slams his metal hand on the bench with enough force to cause another dent.
“Well, what do you think you should do then?” Once again, the workshop goes silent.
“Giving you a week to decide for (Y/N). As for Heat, better pull something good out of your ass.” Just as soon as Killer entered, he left. Leaving Kidd to wallow in his predicament.
~~~
“Do you really think she’s on this island, Kidd? It’s been a week since the paper came out.”
“She will be on this island. If she isn’t, I’ll kill anyone I need to to figure out where she went. I don’t want a single civilian to go unquestioned. If they refuse to tell you, don’t be afraid to use violence.”
The bustling port of Haylard Island has Kidd’s eyes scanning every inch of movement. If you were on that dock, he wanted to make sure he saw you. There was no room for him to be making mistakes. He’s already made enough.
“Burn down buildings, steal supplies, and anything you think is worth something. Do not stop until the ashes block out the sun.”
“Yes, captain!” Hearing his own crew leave, Kidd finally let out a shaky inhale while looking down. The sea stared back at him, once again mocking him for losing you.
“Laugh all you want, but take my word. I’ll burn and kill my way back to her. And nothing will stop me until she’s in my arms.”
~~~
Despite the night once being full of cheers, the marine group of G-5 now found themselves fighting for their lives. What should have been a celebration was now a fight to the death as they were ambushed in the dark of the night. The once-empty sky was now covered in flaming arrows heading directly toward them.
“Everyone, man, your stations! We’re under attack, so get ready for a fight!” The captain's commands echo throughout the ship, and no one wastes a second. Running up and down the ship, Captain Tashigi checks to see if everything is in order to ensure supreme safety.
“Captain!” the sound of a terrified marine rings through her ears as she runs to the voice. Coming up from below the deck, she’s met with fire and smoke. It felt as if her heart was going to explode as all she could hear was marines yelling and the flickering of flames.
The flames only got higher as she tried to figure out what to do. Before she went below deck, they were able to contain the fires, but now, it’s almost consumed the entire deck. With how fast the flames were spreading, there was no doubt that the ship would be at the bottom of the sea before sunrise.
Grabbing a transponder snail she kept in her pocket, she began to call the nearest marine base to help with the attack. She realized this wasn’t a battle they could fight on their own.
“Hello! This is Captain Tashigi of G-5. We need backup right away! We’re under attack, and the ship is engrossed in flames!”
“G-5, this is (....)! We will send you back up right away! What are your locations, and can you see the attackers?”
“Our coordinates are (-------)! I don’t know, as the flames are so tall and the smoke is-” The whole ship shook as something hit the deck, causing Tashigi to drop the transponder snail and fall backward.
“-Oof!”
“Captain are you okay?”
“Something just hit the boat! I’m unaware of what it is!” Quickly getting back on her feet, Tashigi grabs her sword along with the transponder snail.
“I’m going to go check it out.”
“Keep us on the line.”
“Will do.” Putting the snail away for safekeeping, Tashigi grips her sword with both hands as she starts to walk carefully through the flames.
As soon as she stepped in, the sound of a marine screaming echoed across the deck. Panic set in the captain's stomach as her hands began to shake. The screams of pain and terror only caused more panic to set in. But she’s the captain. She has to be strong. She can’t back down.
“G-5, what’s going on?!” The screams of pain and agony continue before a loud audible SNAP rings in Tashigi’s ears. Assuming the worst, she feels all the color drain from her face.
And just like that, it was quiet.
“G-5?” With her voice trembling, Tashigi couldn’t help but be frozen in place.
“Tashigi.” Before she could scream, a rough, calloused hand covered her mouth. Looking in her peripheral vision, she saw Vice Admiral Smoker motioning her to shush. Nodding her head, Smoker lowered his hand.
“What’s going on, Vice Admiral?”
“Almost the entire deck has been engulfed in flames. We need to go to the other side of the ship.”
“But what about-”
“It’s silent over those flames, Tashigi.” With tears prickling in her eyes, she understands what he’s saying despite wishing it not to be true. Grabbing her hand, Smoker runs to the end of the ship, where there are fewer flames. Their footsteps echo, giving away their position to the attackers.
As she was running, Tashigi’s sword started vibrating before being completely pulled from her hands. She watched it fly backward and into the flames. A metal thunk rang across the deck, making her eyes widen. When she looked into the flames, she felt her heart stop.
Walking through the flames was no other than the man who had the whole new world in the palm of his hand.
“V-Vice Admiral…it’s-”
“Go hide, Tashigi. I’ll handle this.” Putting himself in front of her, Smoker points towards the darkness.
“But-”
“I’ll be fine. Go hide. Don’t come out until I come to get you.”
With a tremble in her voice, she responds. “Okay.”
Running into the darkness, Tashigi searches around with a racing heart, desperate to find a hiding spot. The sound of unintelligible yelling and metal clanking only makes her search more frantic. She should be fighting, but if Smoker says to hide…
“Killer! Go after the girl. She ran straight ahead.”
“You’ll have to get past me first. Both of you.”
“Vice Admiral.” Whispering to herself, Tashigi runs around some more before spotting an empty barrel. With no more time to spend, she jumps in.
As she gets as comfortable as she can, she puts the barrel lid over her head, leaving her in complete darkness. Her knees pressed against her chest as she struggles to take deep breaths. She tries to prevent herself from shivering.
‘This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.’ She thinks to herself as tears slip down her cheeks. She knew the stakes there were to bring you to Sabaody, but they were so careful about not giving away. It was then taking care of you. How did Kidd figure out it was them?
A loud thud can be heard throughout the deck before silence. No words were spoken, and the fear was only intensified. Tashigi felt her throat grow dry as she started to hear boots shuffling along the deck.
Sounds of things being searched causes her heart to beat out of her chest. Her body begins to shake as she hears the boots walking towards her hiding spot.
The moonlight soon shines down on her as the barrel's lid pops open. She looks up and sees no one. The moonlight shone down on her as she feared who had opened the lid, but she soon gets her answer.
“Found you.”
~~~
Haven't been able to draw for shit so no picture
@rebeccawinters @iggy5055 @dairygrrl @childconnoisseur @menifire1092 @nerdgeekandeverysweet-blog @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @lovemesomefanfic846 @ryuv1i @carpinchootaku @misoxramen @pinkfoxmusic @mizzhellsingsstuff
#one piece x reader#eustass captain kid x reader#eustass kid x reader#tw: violence#tw: abuse#tw: blood#tw death#dark content things
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I was asked by @eva-sparda20 what my thoughts were on Arkham verse Jason and his parents. Here’s the story and the rant. I think most Jason variants have the same story for the most part. I also know in the original story his mother wasn’t actually Cathrine but was Sheila, I honestly don’t roll with that sorry line. I like the newer version where his mother is Cathrine. Besides, the original had been somewhat rewritten and is different from the original. That’s all! Enjoy, and just know there are dark themes. Sad ones. Be prepared.
⚠️Warning!⚠️ mention of drugs, abuse, sexual acts, and death.
AKJ’s father and mother are no different than the other Jason Todd variants. A selfish mother, deadbeat dad who may or may not have tried to make ends meet but was too drunk or drugged out like his wife Cathrine. AK Jason’s dad who is Willis Todd was abusive, abused his wife, abused Jason without discrimination. At some point in Jason’s life his dad started sleeping elsewhere. Going to the next best thing. Wherever he felt like going. Keeping the bed warm for another woman. Before that Jason’s dad did try to take care of Cathrine the best he could. However it’s hard to have a drunk man try to take care of a drugged out woman. He grew tired of trying, frustrated, he wasn’t in love with this woman anymore, it was a pain, an inconvenience. The abuse started shortly after giving up when Jason was around 3 almost four. Willis left when Jason was 6.
As for Jason’s mother, she was barely conscious. She was a good girl who got caught and fell in love with the wrong crowd. Once she got caught up with Jason’s dad and it was all downhill from there. Once addicted to drugs she couldn’t quit. No one stopped her, there was no voice of reason, she probably would have been outcast from her upstanding family. During the beginning of Cathrine and Willis’ relationship Cathrine got pregnant. She was mindful enough to not do any drugs during this time. At least not a lot of drugs. It’s still a miracle that Jason was born with any sort of disability mentally or physically.
During the first few months she took care of infant Jason, breastfeeding, sang him to sleep, all of the things. She was clean for a little bit but when Jason was about 2 she gave in to the itch that had always been in the back of her mind. The need that she felt ever since she stopped. Willis was more than happy to provide too so that didn’t help in the slightest. That’s when the cycle started to a point where it would never stop, wake up, shoot or snort a drug, and drift. The abuse she insured didn't really matter to her, she didn't feel it anyway. When she would “wake up” from the high she would see the bruises, the swollen parts and a beat up Jason. She couldn’t handle the failure. That fact that her parents were right. She’d become nothing. A failure. What’s better to do to forget them to do more drugs? Worked so far.
Jason started taking care of his mom when he was almost 4. When she was somewhat conscious he gave her water or beer, whatever was accessible. He learned to never let her have milk when drugged out. That was…a traumatic experience in itself. A bad mix. There was hardly any food in the house, just some crackers and some food that was in the freezer for a long time. He saw his mom use the microwave once so he knew what to do. He’d cook frozen food the best he could. Sometimes Cathrine would complain that the food was still cold through groans and have formed sentences. When his mother was completely passed out though he’d try to give her water, most of it didn’t really make it far, just pooled in her mouth and slipped down the sides of her lips. A miracle she didn’t choke.
When his father was around he was on high alert. The fights, when his mom was somewhat awake and alive having animated arguments and fights with Willis. Jason would hide under the table just waiting for it to be over. If Cathrine was passed out the narrative changes. His mother is defenseless. Vulnerable. So he stepped in protecting her the best he could. Most of the time it just ended with him flat out on the floor next to his mother hurting and sobbing. Sometimes as far as bleeding.when Jason’s dad started not coming home anymore he took care of his mom full time. Feeding her, sometimes helping her bath and wash up. That mostly included just a cold wet cloth and scrubbing. She still smelled most of the time.
The times she was awake she’d leave, usually to get her fix. Most of the time she came home with stringers. Jason witnessed all sorts of disgustingly sexual acts. Heard the most obscene words. Name calling, hair pulling, licking, fevered kisses, naked skin, and sounds that kept him up at night. Things a little boy who is only 6 shouldn’t see or be exposed to. Eventually he came to understand that those visitors were being paid with her body for drugs. He started stealing and dumpster diving for himself and his mom. Jason was light on his feet and hadn’t been caught by the cops. Not at all. He’d been jumped before though for food by some other street dweller. That was an awful time. He practically crawled his way home.
By the age of 8 Jason’s mom stop rousing so much, she stopped mindless babbling about things Jason didn’t understand and one day…she stopped moving all together. Her lips and fingers are blue from the lack of blood flow. Slight built up frothing at the mouth. A scary sight for Jason. He’d clean away the froth and try to warm her up. He tried to give her water but that wasn’t going to wake her. Not this time. No amount of pinching, shoving, or patting woke her up. He even punched her as hard as he could but she didn’t wake. He bawled because he felt guilt for hitting her hard. Reminded him of his dad. He’d apologize to her crying. “ ‘m sorry, I-i didn't mean ta hit ya hard.” The next few days he tried to wake her up but nothing. She was gone. Sadly there was no time to process, he had to fend for himself now, to try and survive. Part of him hoped she’d just wake up. He checks from time to time every time Jason comes back home. He stole, bargained, and ran the street. Smarter than any kid his age without an education.
One night he saw something, a sleek looking car that had a bat on it. A symbol. He had heard of Batman, but had never seen him though. Pretty stupid of him to leave such a nice car unattended. He would look around and when he saw the cost was clear he’d take a heavy four way wrench and start to work on stealing one of the tire plates. A shadow casted a darkness over him. Someone looming over him. Gripping the tool in his little hands he whipped around to swing at the individual only for it to be ripped from his hands. Batman was terrifying but Jason wouldn’t let him know he was afraid. A slew of colorful curse words and creative threats spewed from his mouth. Threats he knew he couldn’t really keep but he wanted to get this Batman to understand he wanted a pushover or easy to take down. The Batman analyzed him, looking him over quietly for a moment before the odd sound of laughing. Jason should have ran but he didn’t. He stayed. He was confused. Batman smiled and said “hungry?” Jason would causouly accept. That night he’d eat more burgers than he’d ever had in his whole life. Fries and a drink. He ate like the starved child he was. That was where his life started as Robin. The snowball that brought him to who he is now. The Redhood. The vigilante of the streets. The man who used to be the Arkham knight. The man who is playing Batman’s game but with his own rules.
Side notes: Jason’s life never really had a pause. He still kept on going in life and didn’t get a chance to heal or even pause and think things over. His own feeling came out when fighting criminals. Batman’s mistake was not giving Jason time and therapy before throwing him in the world of Robin. He didn’t get to think about the loss of his mother or father. His mind was so focused and overworked on education (which he excelled in) being Robin, detective work, being Bruce’s son, he never got time to pause and heal.
Jason’s mother was found by the neighbors of the apartment they lived in after she started stinking. An unfortunate end.
Arkhamverse redhood does sometimes think about his parents. Sure it’s sad but he can’t necessarily find it in himself to feel sad. There wasn’t a connection there and there was an emptiness there. He also has so much more trauma on top of his parents. The joker, Batman, all the other things.
Currently he’s trying to heal. He’s had some time nowadays to settle. He’s had a few mental breakdowns. He’s so out of sorts. Full on crying, heaving breaths, all of it. Over everything, there is so much pain there isn’t a distinction. He’s trying to go to therapy and figure it all out but it’s hard. Therapy is great but no amount of therapy could change his mistrust, jumpy moments, nightmares, and PTSD. Sure it could suppress them but they always come back. Especially with his kind of trauma.
#arkham knight x reader#batfam#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x you#red hood#redhood#ak jason#ak redhood#jason todd headcanon#jason todd fanart#redhood dc#redhood fanart#dc robin#roy harper#dc x y/n#dc x you#dick grayson#dcu#arkham knight#arkhamverse#gotham knights#nightwing#batfamily#bruce wayne#batman#willis todd#Catherine Todd
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Chapter Three
AO3 Link | Chapter 2 Link
Pairing: Abby Anderson x fem!reader
Fic Synopsis: Abby goes looking for Owen and ends up on the wrong end of your knife.
Tags/CWs: angst; slowburn; enemies to friends to lovers; talks of purity culture/ideals and “sin”; internalized homophobia and some comp-het feelings (they’re both so gay but so dumb about it); animosity between WLF and Seraphites; blood/gore; descriptions of being hanged; religious/cult-like ideas
Note: This is not at all how I thought this chapter would start. Alas, I am riddled with religious trauma, and Taylor Swift just released the song “Guilty as Sin?”
I mean…
“My boredom’s bone-deep
This cage was once just fine
Am I allowed to cry?
I dream of cracking locks,
Throwing my life to the WOLVES”
Are you kidding me? It’s perfect.
So this started out differently than I planned. But what was I to do? I am just a girl.
----------------------------------------------------------------
There were many topics on which you had been educated in-depth but were never supposed to experience first-hand.
Sex was one of those topics.
You knew the mechanics of it. The anatomy that was involved. Its purposes and benefits. The dangers of it.
You had been told, vehemently, that it was something that should never be done outside of the safe and proper confines of marriage.
Which meant you could never do it because you could never marry.
The Prophet had to remain pure.
Set apart.
Free from romantic, familial, worldly ties.
You were taught to suppress any desire to do otherwise. A task that you had been mostly successful at upholding.
But there were times when your eyes lingered where they shouldn’t and your own thoughts made you shiver and blush.
It was the sin of lust.
The other major vices were usually easily circumvented. You could be disciplined and selfless, just and kind, modest and brave.
You always did what you were told, and you didn’t ask questions.
You told yourself that you weren’t weak; you just knew your place. You knew what was expected of you, and no other options had ever been made available.
So, like thrown clay, you had allowed yourself to be molded into the person you were today, each piece of you carefully and intentionally shaped by the hands of others.
The Elders created the perfect Seraphite specimen. Quietly devout. Enigmatic. Indelible. Untouchable. Obedient.
A mouthpiece disguised as a leader.
A Prophet.
They made you.
You were not a naturally occurring thing.
Sometimes you didn’t even feel human.
Lust was one sin you knew could be concealed, buried far below your surface, unseen by critical eyes.
It was a small act of rebellion. A hidden glimmer of defiance. Although, you weren’t doing it on purpose.
And it was made especially loathsome due to the regrettable fact that it only ever happened to you when you were looking at or thinking of a woman…
Now the Wolf stood in front of you, hammer held tightly in her right hand.
Demons were quickly descending upon you, and you had just witnessed (and neglected to intervene into) the death of three of your own people. The only person you helped was the Wolf, your enemy, who you were meant to kill.
You could guess what the Elders would say if they were here now. How disappointed they would look as they pointed out your many failings.
For once, you didn’t care.
Strangely, despite everything, you felt like a bird whose cage door was just thrown wide open.
Or a well-trained dog that had been mistakenly let off leash.
You could breathe. Unrestricted.
Your eyes remained glued to the Wolf.
Her back was to you, her soaked clothes clinging to her skin. Her shoulders rose with each of her deep, deliberate breaths.
Time seemed to slow as your eyes traced down the length of her arms, taking in her strong form…
See, you knew the sin of lust was bad, if only because it made you stupid.
Or distracted, at the very least.
Demons were coming, and you had just been moments away from gutting this girl.
You definitely couldn’t trust her.
But you didn’t have to trust her to look at her.
A series of snapping twigs and high-pitched shrieks from the surrounding forest instantly brought your attention back to the approaching threat.
Demons were another one of those things that they taught you about but never thought you’d actually encounter.
When you arrived on the mainland that morning, you had been led to the network of Seraphite-built bridges, above the city, concealed in the clouds.
Nearly your entire day had been spent in the sky.
If there were any Demons below, you didn’t see them.
Honestly, you hoped you’d never have to come across the cursed creatures.
The sounds they made were animalistic, but somehow still eerily human. Like a voice that was either enraged or overwhelmed with pain.
You had been told that they were unsavable. Completely consumed by the disease and irrevocably punished for their sins. No longer even human.
As a child, you heard stories of the first Prophet valiantly fighting off hordes in defense of her early followers.
In training, they taught you how to fight both Demons and human adversaries alike. Although the former was always theoretical.
You were shown sketches, detailing the different stages of it.
Foolishly, you thought you were ready.
But nothing could’ve prepared you for what came running out from the cover of the trees.
It moved faster than you would’ve thought possible, too quickly for you to take it all in, but the glimpses you captured were grotesque.
It went straight for the Wolf, swinging its arms wildly. She effortlessly dodged its attack before striking with the hammer. Hard. It was dead in just three blows.
Two more approached from behind you, closest to Lev, and it was past time for you to be useful.
Lev was a skilled archer, but he was still a kid. And Yara, also a kid, only had use of one of her arms.
Both of the Demons were focused on Lev. He fired an arrow, hitting one of them in the chest, but it didn’t take it down.
Its back was to you.
You couldn’t let yourself freeze again.
You closed the distance between you and the beast, lifting your dagger with both hands and bringing it back down swiftly, piercing deeply through its skull.
It let out one last pained shriek as it fell.
The Wolf had taken out the other Demon before Lev had to loose another arrow.
But there were two more where those came from. One swung at the Wolf, and the other came for you.
You were able to dodge, narrowly missing the impact of its savage attack. Stepping back, you continued to evade its blows.
You swung at it, but the thing was fast. Your blade cut into its shoulder instead of its head. Ripping your weapon out, you tried again. This time, you hit your target.
That was two for you.
“Prophet, look out!” Yara shouted. Before you could discern which direction the threat was coming from, you were brutally thrown to the ground, the wind knocked out of you entirely.
Death wore the grisly face of the Demon standing above you.
You had dropped your dagger, leaving you completely defenseless.
Lev’s arrows pierced its throat twice.
It kept coming.
You blinked and it was on the ground. The Wolf knelt over it, hammer crashing over its skull repeatedly, past when the thing was decidedly dead, until the hammer actually broke in her hand.
You just blinked again.
She saved you.
Why did she save you?
You scrambled to your feet, your breaths coming too quickly.
You tried not to panic.
You had only almost died.
You were fine.
The Wolf dropped the splintered remnants of the hammer and stood, shaking out her hand. You stared as she walked over to where your dagger lay on the ground and bent to pick it up.
She looked at you for—as far as you could tell—the first time since you’d cut her down from the rope.
She walked over, holding your gaze.
You realized that she could kill you now. That that was likely why she had saved you.
So she could end you herself.
Because you were the Prophet, and a Seraphite. Or because you had nearly killed her before.
She could even do it with your own weapon. The one that had been meant for her.
You imagined that would be satisfying for a brutish Wolf.
As she approached, you noticed that she towered over you, making you doubly aware of the fact that this was not a fight you would win if it came down to it. Especially when you were unarmed.
She stopped when she stood only a couple feet in front of you, turning the dagger over in her hand and simply offering it to you, handle-first.
Dumbly, you slowly reached out and took it.
Her hand fell back to her side.
There was a hint of a smug little smile on her face, like she knew what you had been thinking.
“Try not to drop that again, yeah?” she said, voice low. It was the first time she’d spoken directly to you, and you resented the way it made your cheeks warm.
Before you could come up with a competent response, Yara interrupted.
“Prophet, Wolf! Come on. We have to move!” She held a lit torch in her uninjured hand. Lev stood at her side, ready to run.
“Where are you going?” the Wolf asked, unsure if she would be following. You were already moving to join Yara and Lev.
“Out of these woods. We’ve gotta run! Now! The coast is this way.”
They took off into the trees with you close behind. The sound of footsteps falling behind you informed you of the Wolf’s apparent decision to tag along, at least for the time being.
You could also hear more Demons, closing in on either side, chasing the torch’s light. Which meant they were after Yara.
You ran faster, trying to close the distance between you just in case.
As she passed an abandoned vehicle, one of the Demons jumped out, tackling her to the ground.
Lev shot an arrow through its head as you ran to her, pushing the dead Demon off and helping her back to her feet.
The horrifying chorus of even more of them, just beyond your vision, made you startle with each screech.
“They’re all around us!” Yara cried, moving closer to her brother.
The Wolf, weaponless after breaking the hammer, quickly looked around, finding a glass bottle. She grabbed it and threw it at the next creature that emerged from the forest.
The Demon slowed, momentarily stunned, and the Wolf wasted no time knocking it over and bringing her foot down on its skull hard and fast.
Just one stomp and it was dead.
You flushed again, transfixed.
Stupid.
You should not find that attractive.
But she was undeniably incredible.
You shook your head in an attempt to refocus as you turned to watch Lev take down another with a couple well-aimed shots.
A shriek behind you revealed the presence of yet another. You turned to meet it, killing the thing easily enough.
It seemed your training in combat had been sufficient after all, at least where Demons were concerned.
“That was the last of them,” Yara said.
“You guys okay?” the Wolf asked, like she might actually care.
“Yeah,” Lev breathed out, bow and arrow still at the ready.
“We have to keep moving before more come,” Yara insisted, taking up the lead again as she pressed forward.
You all ran after her.
“Every direction looks the same,” said the Wolf. You were inclined to agree. “You sure you know where you’re going?”
“It has to be this way,” Yara said, quietly determined.
“What the hell am I doing?” the Wolf muttered to herself under her breath.
The four of you picked up your speed as the Demons grew closer.
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Abby seriously had no idea what the hell she was doing.
She was running through the woods, fighting off Infected with three Scars.
And one of them was the Prophet.
Who had been fully intending to disembowel her not too long ago…
Something had to be wrong with her. Maybe it was brain damage from nearly suffocating.
Because this wasn’t like her.
A couple hours ago, Abby was killing Scars. Happily.
Well maybe that wasn’t the best word for it. It didn’t make her happy. She just didn’t feel bad about it.
And now, she was prancing through the forest and going out of her way to protect Scars?
The kids were one thing. They seemed to be just as in danger with other Scars as they were with the Infected.
What had that one woman called them? Apostates?
Abby had done enough reading to know what the word meant. She guessed they must have broken some stupid, insane rule and run off.
Or been kicked out.
Either way, from what Abby had gathered, they had gone rogue and were being hunted by their own people.
Which meant they weren’t necessarily her enemy.
But the other girl. The Prophet…
Abby didn’t know what was going on with you.
Were you going rogue too, or were your friends just dead and you needed help getting past the Infected and out of the woods?
And yeah, you had been about to kill her before. But you’d stopped as soon as there was a distraction. Took the out the second it was offered.
And then you had been the one to cut her down.
So maybe you didn’t want to kill her.
That counted for something, right?
Abby didn’t let herself think too much about how pretty you were.
How stunning your eyes looked when they met hers.
How your fingers felt, lightly grazing her bare skin for just a second, then leaving all too soon.
And how you had definitely blushed when she spoke to you.
See? She totally wasn’t thinking about any of that at all.
And she was probably delusional.
And way too distracted, spending any amount of time or energy thinking about such crazy shit while you were all actively running for your lives.
Abby was bringing up the rear of the group, and she knew a horde of Stalkers was not far behind her.
She really hoped these Scars knew where they were going.
“It’s just up here!” the girl, Yara, shouted from up ahead, leading the way to a wall of hanging vines.
The boy, Lev, pulled the vines aside, revealing an opening behind. Yara carefully but quickly maneuvered through. You waited until both she and Lev were on the other side before looking up at Abby expectantly.
There wasn’t time to argue, so Abby went next. You followed closely behind, then let the vines fall back into place, hiding your path from the Infected that pursued.
On the other side, Abby was met with the sight of several dead bodies, clearly recently slaughtered.
She couldn’t tell from this distance what had killed them. Or if they were Scar or WLF.
“Those are fresh. There another way around?” she asked, maneuvering around the corpses.
Lev spoke up. “If there were, would we be going this way?”
Okay. Fair point.
Yara pointed to a chain link fence with the torch. “Come on, Lev. Get it open.”
The kid tried to bend the steel wires up to create an opening. It didn’t budge, despite his efforts.
“Move,” Abby said. He did.
She strained as the piece of fencing gave way beneath her hands.
“Get in there, Prophet,” she said, teeth clenched.
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You quickly slid through the opening and popped up on the other side.
Finally, you were free of the suffocating forest.
The clearing was illuminated with light of the full moon.
You wandered on ahead as Lev, Yara, and the Wolf came through the fence behind you.
“Prophet?” A new voice spoke out as you turned the corner. The reverence in the person’s tone alone told you that you were dealing with a Seraphite.
You turned toward the voice to see a woman you recognized but whose name you couldn’t recall. She was large and stood tall, the side of her face bloody and a pickaxe in her grip.
She had been part of a patrolling squad in the area. You’d seen her briefly earlier in the day, with Emily, after the Wolf had been captured.
The woman saw that you were, in fact, who she thought you were, and she bowed her head out of respect.
“Are you alright, Prophet? What are you doing out here? Where is Emily?”
You were at a loss for words.
Her voice was calm and concerned now, but you knew that she would kill Lev, Yara, and the Wolf if given the chance.
“I—”
Your two friends entered the clearing behind you, drawing her eyes toward them.
“Apostates,” she hissed, and instantly her demeanor changed.
She rushed past you, ruthlessly throwing Yara to the ground and lifting Lev up by his neck.
You moved without thinking, your dagger still tightly clutched in your fingers. Again, you raised your arms above your head, just as you had done when fighting the Demons. Using all of your strength, you brought the blade down above her head, piercing her skull. The weapon was long enough that it exited through her chin.
Her body slackened and slumped to the ground. Dead.
You stared down at her, feeling the weight of what you had just done.
This wasn’t a Demon. It wasn’t an animal.
She was a living person.
And a Seraphite. One of your own people.
You were supposed to be her Prophet. Her leader. Her new hope.
She hadn’t been watching her back because she never imagined that you could betray your people like that. That you would pose a threat to her.
You continued to stare, holding your breath. You couldn’t look away.
You didn’t deserve to look away.
You felt a sob rising in your throat. Your eyes began to water.
No. You would not cry.
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Abby was the last to enter the clearing.
By then, the Scar was already holding Lev in the air, and you were already approaching from behind, lifting your dagger.
Abby watched as you killed her.
Woah.
You were good with that knife, she’d give you that.
Yara and Lev got back to their feet and watched as you stared down at the dead Scar, unmoving. Like you were frozen.
You weren’t even breathing, and you looked like you might cry.
Abby had been wondering how many WLF soldiers you killed today before you got to her. If the three she’d seen hanging when she first came to were yours.
Now, she was sure they weren’t.
Because based on your reaction, that had to be your first time.
She wasn’t usually one to be especially sensitive to the emotions of others, but when she heard you sniffle, finally taking in a ragged breath, she couldn’t help but move towards you.
Abby thought of her own first kill. How easy it was to do in the heat of the moment, but how torn up she’d been in the aftermath.
She understood that it was necessary, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hard as hell.
She fought the urge to put a hand on your shoulder, or even rub your back soothingly. Reminded herself of who you were and who she was and all the reasons why she shouldn’t even be here right now.
Instead, she bent to retrieve your dagger from the body. She tried to hand it back to you, but you were still stuck, staring down.
“Hey. You did a good job.” She took your hand in hers, placing the handle into your palm and closing your fingers around it. She didn’t let go, allowing her hands to fully encompass yours.
Abby waited until you met her eyes. “You saved them,” she said, nodding towards Lev and Yara, who were both silently watching this unfold. “You did what you had to do.”
You drew your eyebrows together at that, like you wanted to argue. But you seemed to change your mind, ultimately just nodding your head lightly.
She let her hands drop and glanced back down at the slumped body again, her eyes catching on something.
“Wait. Is that my backpack?” Abby asked, looking more closely.
Beside her, you lifted your shoulder in a half-hearted shrug.
“Probably. Emily gave it to her earlier,” you said numbly.
Abby didn’t need to ask who Emily was. She could guess.
She reclaimed her belongings while you pulled yourself together.
“Are you two alright?” you asked the siblings.
“Yes, Prophet,” Lev answered, watching you closely. Abby noticed that you seemed to bristle ever so slightly at his use of your title. You didn’t say anything though.
She held her rifle in her hands again, happy to have her stuff back.
Especially the guns.
Wordlessly, the Scar kids led the way into the nearest building.
Out of habit, Abby began gathering supplies as you went along, taking ammo and medical supplies and anything else that seemed useful.
“How’s the arm?” she asked Yara, breaking the long stretch of silence.
“I have it under control,” the girl insisted defensively.
“Okay…” Abby took a box of ammo from a cabinet. “Grab any supplies you find.”
“We can’t touch this stuff. It’s Old World,” Lev said, like that should’ve been obvious.
“Are you fu---? You need supplies. We’re not out of the woods yet.” She opened and then shut a drawer. “Pun fucking intended.”
“What’s a pun?” Lev asked from another room.
Abby didn’t have the energy to answer that question.
Instead she said, “I’ve never seen Scars go after Scars like that before.”
“Seraphites,” you and Lev corrected in unison as you explored different rooms of the building.
Again, she ignored. “So what the hell did you do?”
“I shaved my head,” Lev answered simply.
Abby scoffed. “Fine. Don’t tell me.”
The group passed through building after dilapidated building, heading towards the coast. At least in theory.
“We’re almost there,” Yara said. “Just a little farther.”
She led the way down a steep drop-off into another run-down building. One where you wouldn’t be able to get back out the same way you went in.
“Now what?” Abby threw out, tired and frustrated.
“I’m quite confident it’s this way.”
“Quite confident?” Abby repeated incredulously.
“You don’t have to follow us,” Lev pointed out.
“You want me to leave you three out here alone?” Abby shot back.
Your response was an immediate and insistent, almost panicked, “No!”
Everyone else turned to you, surprised.
“Let’s just get out of here,” Lev offered.
Abby found the front doors, but they were held firmly closed by a metal gate on the outside.
Above the door was a large opening, too high for Abby to pull herself out of, but not too high for someone to climb through with a boost.
“If you get us through there, we’ll open the gate,” Lev said.
Abby remembered again that these were Scars she was dealing with. And like hell was she going to boost you all up to safety just so you could leave her stranded here.
“Get them out,” you said, as if you could read her mind. “I’ll stay with you.”
Lev started to protest but stopped after one shake of your head.
Abby nodded. “Okay. Come on.”
He gave you one last look before walking over to her, stepping into her open hands and pulling himself through the opening.
“Your turn.” Abby looked at Yara. “Watch that arm.” She carefully helped the injured girl maneuver up and out.
The all too familiar shriek of Infected sounded off behind you, coming from deeper in the building.
On the other side of the doors, Lev pushed at the gate. It wouldn’t budge.
“The gate’s stuck!”
“Fuck! Hurry up!” Abby looked back and forth between the door and the direction the Infected were coming from.
“We’ll look for another way!” Yara said, and the two of them disappeared from view.
Abby tried to stay calm and prepared herself for the inevitable fight.
“They’re not going to leave me,” you said, drawing her attention. You held your knife at the ready, rolling your shoulders back.
She didn’t respond, not sure if she believed you.
“They won’t,” you reiterated.
“I hope you’re right, Prophet.” She offered one of the weapons from her stash. “You ever shot a gun before?”
You shook your head but accepted the firearm anyway.
“Come here. I’ll show you.”
What Abby hoped would only be a few Infected turned out to be an entire horde. Runners, Stalkers, Clickers, and even a couple Shamblers.
You were fighting them off like a champ.
Seriously. She was impressed.
You’d kept the gun, watched her rushed demonstration on how to operate it, but ultimately chose to primarily stick with the dagger.
Both of you had been fighting for several minutes as you moved through the building. No sign of the other two Scars. Abby had pretty much resigned herself to needing to find her own way out.
She cleared the room she was in, lowering her weapon to take a breather.
You were in the next room, and it sounded like you had cleared that one out too.
The only warning Abby had before she felt the blow was you urgently shouting, “Wolf!”
A Stalker that she failed to notice had her pinned to the ground, knocking her rifle from her grip in the process.
It reared its head back as Abby struggled, fighting to get it off her.
A gunshot rang out, and the Infected slumped, lifeless.
She shoved it off her and sat up to see you standing there, borrowed gun still aimed and ready.
“Good girl!” Abby exclaimed, beaming up at you from where she sat on the floor.
Wait.
What the fuck?
She meant to say “good job”…
Actually, she hadn’t meant to say anything.
You lowered the weapon. Based on the look on your face, you were just as taken aback by her use of those words as Abby was. Although, she managed to keep it from showing on her face. Mostly.
She stood quickly and fumbled through a recovery. “Good shot. That was—I mean—It was a good… A good shot. Good job.”
You smiled softly at Abby’s obvious display of nerves, walking over to where her rifle had fallen when she was attacked.
You picked it up and returned it to her.
“Try not to drop that again, yeah?” you said, mimicking the teasing tone Abby had used when she said those same words to you earlier that night.
She made a face. Something that was equal parts embarrassment and amusement.
“Prophet! Over here!” came Lev’s quiet voice from the next room.
You shot Abby an I told you so look before the two of you ran after the sound.
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When Yara collapsed, the Wolf picked her up and carried her.
You listened as she quietly comforted your dear friend, encouraging her to keep breathing and promising to find somewhere to rest soon.
Your heart felt soft for her in that moment.
Or maybe you were just exhausted.
Lev led the group with you in the back, gun drawn and alert to the best of your current abilities.
You entered a clearing, full of enormous metal boxes and small, raised buildings. All things from the Old World that you had never seen before and didn’t have words for.
The Wolf instructed Lev to start checking the doors of all the small buildings. It took a few tries before he found one that was open.
The inside was in noticeably better shape than any other structure you’d seen on the mainland, with a few simple, fully intact pieces of furniture.
You watched as the Wolf moved through the first small room and into the second, carefully setting Yara down on the couch. She went over to the windows, checking again to make sure the four of you hadn’t been followed.
When Yara began to slowly remove her overshirt, you were quick to help, being especially careful with her injured arm.
It was swollen and bright red from her elbow down to her fingertips, visibly mangled. You had to bite back a gasp.
Lev stood on the other side of the room, a horribly worried expression on his face.
It wouldn’t be helpful for you to panic now.
“Hey,” you said to him, light and encouraging, drawing his gaze to you and away from his hurt older sister. “It just needs to be set. Okay?”
You turned your eyes to the Wolf who was still hovering by the window. “You know how to do that?”
The face she made confirmed what you already knew. Yara needed much more than just for the arm to be set.
Still, the Wolf walked over, instructing Lev to cut the discarded overshirt into strips and telling Yara to lean back.
You helped her, kneeling on the floor by the side of the couch where her head lay, ready to assist in any way you could.
“I’m gonna move it, okay?” said the Wolf.
“Okay.”
They were both speaking so softly.
“You ready?” she asked.
Yara nodded, reaching her uninjured hand out for one of yours. You held it, letting her squeeze as tightly as she needed to.
The crunching noise the arm made as it was set nearly made you sick.
Yara let out a series of pained noises, panting and grunting. You used your free hand to gently brush the loose strands of her hair from her face, tucking them behind her ears.
You whispered that the worst was over, and that she would be okay now.
You didn’t know if that was true, but you hoped it comforted her a little.
The Wolf broke a leg off a wooden chair, took the newly cut strips of fabric that Lev offered, and went to work bracing the newly-set arm, using the chair leg as a splint.
Yara watched the Wolf’s face.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
The Wolf secured the last piece of cloth before she answered, meeting Yara’s gaze.
“Abby,” she said.
She stood, looking to Lev and then to you.
“I should go,” the Wolf—Abby—said.
You stood too, to walk her out.
Lev quickly filled in the space that you left, kneeling the same spot and taking Yara’s waiting hand in his.
Abby grabbed her backpack and followed you into the first room, toward the door.
You paused, turning to face her.
“Are you—” You wanted to ask where she was going. What she would do next. Really, if you were being honest, you didn’t want her to go at all.
But you didn’t have the right to ask for any of those things, so instead you went with, “Are you okay?”
You gestured to your neck, meaning to indicate the dark, noose-shaped bruises that circled her own throat.
It felt like so long ago that she’d been hanging in front of you, unfortunate to find herself on the wrong end of your dagger. But, realistically, only a couple of hours had gone by.
She cleared her throat, her own fingers instinctively ghosting over the marks.
“Oh umm… Yeah. It’ll be fine.” She waited a beat before adding, “Thanks for cutting me down.”
You didn’t know what to say to that, considering it was technically your fault she needed to be cut down in the first place.
You settled on a nod and a tight smile.
She turned to go, twisting the doorhandle and stepping back out into the rain.
Before you could close the door behind her, she looked back and said, “This area gets a lot of traffic. Whatever shape she’s in…” Abby leaned closer, hand on the door frame, “You need to get out of here by tomorrow.”
Again, you nodded. “We’ll be fine.”
She held your gaze for a moment longer before she turned and walked down the steps.
You shut and locked the door.
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As Abby walked away from the office trailer, she couldn’t help the images that came to mind.
She kept envisioning you and Lev and Yara, dead.
Hanged and gutted by the Scars.
Or shot by the WLF.
Or ripped to shreds by Infected.
She had real responsibilities. A friend to look for. A whole community counting on her.
She had a war to get back to.
But if she left now, would she always wonder about what happened to you?
The urge to stay near you—to protect you—was so overwhelming. She didn’t know where it was coming from or what she should do with it.
You were not safe, but she knew you were much safer with her.
Isaac had warned her that the first Scar Prophet had been able to make even the most dedicated soldiers turn on a dime. He said that with just a few carefully chosen words, she could make a person question where their loyalties lied.
It had seemed so ridiculous just that morning, but now you were doing the same thing to Abby.
You were in her head.
But this didn’t feel like manipulation.
She didn’t know what it was that drew her to you, but it felt real. Natural. And entirely unintentional.
Or maybe she was reading you all wrong, and you really were a master manipulator.
Abby needed to make a decision. Because she was currently standing still in the pouring rain with the trailer still in view.
She chose to trust her gut.
And her gut was telling her to turn around. To stay with you.
Owen would have to wait.
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Note: Thank you to anyone who’s read all three chapters of this! The fact that literally anyone has is absolutely bonkers to me.
I’ve already learned so much about myself as a writer since I started writing fics a couple weeks ago. For example, this week I learned that I DO NOT enjoy writing fight scenes…
Unfortunately it was thoroughly unavoidable for this chapter.
Regardless, I really hope it was interesting to read, and I’m looking forward to fleshing out the relationship between Abby and my reader more and more!
#abby anderson#abby anderson x fem!reader#abby anderson x reader#abby x fem!reader#abby x reader#abby tlou#tlou2#abby anderson fanfic#abby anderson fic
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I DONT HAVE THE IMAGES IRGHT NOW BUT YOU UNDETRNSAD?? YOU GET ?? YOLU GET? IM MADLY I NLOV WITH YOU TIWLIGHTRCADE MY GOOD FRIEND MY COMRADEMY RIDE ROD IE
#freak to freak communication you know ?#thank u . u r the best ever <3#i really enjoy ur rants and talkings always always.. i hope we r buried skeleton together all for meotauls#anyway matty and ahshe silluy in the way that thjey absooltuely fucking hate eahcother nad ahse has dienfitley b#locked many things out as his life froze after his family died therefore he hasnt had time to process the anger towards matty#maybe he has had anger nad bitterness towards other things but i dont feel like matty is high on his priority right now esp#since he doesnt know wher eh eis but hes still a deep rooted issue - and its not thast he hasnt accepted his familys#death exactly (thouhg i guess that is it but in other wording) its that he hasnt accepted it ending like this#he has to think about his family dead to think about summoning them back yet still i do think he does have#many delusions where they are alive and the thought of going back to them is the only thing keeping him going really#sometimes i think about how even wehn hes crossed the line and killed so#mebody hes still going on it feels like a dead corpse being raked across the floor to lose another piece of who he is once again#kid's heart#BUT THAT ISNT WHAT I WNATED TO TALK ABOUT AURGHH!!#i think that in the past maybe possuibnly you have to be another level of ill to get this far#but ashe geeneeuinly thought of matty as a good friend who was close to him etc etc but on mattys side its harder#because theres no clear intetion ill make up my own i say he did value ashe in a way but#in the end what did indeed win out was his hatred and infeoririuty towards ashe - i dont think he even wouldve goen that far#if he didnt know ashe o rmaybe he wouldve done it sooner - he would spend time with ashe normally with the thought#of how hes using him bnack in his head then go home nad the feelings would pile up pile up pile up esp since his parents#would lay the pressure on thick meanwhile whenever he went to ashes house it wa s ashining exmaple#of what he didnt hvae#and because matty is selfish. it drives him insane#i find it kinda funny how ashe got his trust broken by him leaving such a scar yet now hes#lying to people as matty was as well#i can say more but im scared.
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yesterday, i learned that one of my acquaintances from church is like, gleefully and unreservedly supportive of the gazan genocide despite going to a church where every sermon for the past few weeks has been about the horrors and tragedy of said genocide. like, i could not fucking believe how hilarious he seemed to think it is that innocent palestinians are dying, just grinning and laughing and shaking his head and rolling his eyes when my pastor and i expressed horror at the innocent people being killed. just remembering it makes me choke up with anger.
anyway, i'm going to be very stupid and try to talk to him about it this coming sunday. i'll use all my teacherly tricks to try and gently lead him to feel one single scrap of empathy for the victims of israel's civilian massacre, but lbr: he'll probably respond with the same amount of glee and condescension as last night and it's going to end with me making me a scene at church.
but i know i shouldn't. so here are some things i should NOT say, no matter how angry he makes me:
i've always hated the sound of your voice, even before you said such horrible things. you say everything with such condescension. when you read the gospels in church, i have to hide my face behind my program to hide my grimacing. you make the words of christ himself sound like a grift of some oily used car dealer who thinks he's smarter than he actually is. i pity you for going through life with such a voice, and pity you even more for thinking it charming.
it baffles me that you'd allow something as basically human as compassion for the suffering of others to be so utterly sanded away by propaganda. it's pathetic that you could laugh at innocents dying. you've let yourself be lobotomized by a clumsy surgeon and style yourself wise with the icepick still sticking from your skull.
i've always thought your face looks like an easter island head sculpted from a raw chicken breast.
see? none of those would be productive, no matter how truly they express my feelings about this person.
thus: people of faith, pray that god grants me the wisdom and restraint to not light this motherfucker up in the middle of coffee hour. amen.
#vent post#personal post#this happened last night and i thought i'd feel less angry in the morning but NOPE#still incandescent about it#sometimes i think i'm a very self-righteous and unforgiving person#bc i can't seem to do the thing other people do where they can just chalk things like this up to a difference in opinion and remain friends#when someone is cruel‚ it feels like it completely deranges me#suddenly they're a monster in my eyes#buuuut none of the philosophies i subscribe to endorse this kind of black-and-white thinking. quite the opposite actually.#so. i've gotta work on seeing people as works-in-progress rather than writing them off as incorrigible monsters#but.... lemme just vent first 🤬#love my pastor though. i was raised jewish‚ and he was adopted by a jewish family when he was 13 and almost became jewish himself#so i feel like we have similar spiritual backgrounds and see eye-to-eye on a lot of things#after my argument with the above asshole‚ my pastor and i spoke at length about what was happening in gaza and how horrible it all is#as well as topics like zionism‚ antisemitism‚ and the torah#he's such a good guy. i'm sad he's retiring :(#i feel like we need him now more than ever to keep speaking out about the genocide#and to make sure views like the one mentioned above don't take hold in our church#cw: genocide#cw: racism
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distant screaming why are there articles about indigo children from This Year
#context: it's a culty thing where some children (usually neurodivergent ones lol) are supposed to be like. ~highly evolved psychics~ or w/e#i was told about it as a Legitimate Fact as a kid because folks in my family thought i was one and it fucked me up#and i've taken a lot of inspiration for a certain character's general bullshit in my writing so i have to go and research it sometimes#and APPARENTLY PEOPLE ARE DOING “ARE YOU AN INDIGO CHILD” QUIZZES AND SHIT AS OF T H I S Y E A R
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Me: I don't like Sci-fi, space operas, or fantasy.
Me: *sees fanart of some characters* Oh these look cool. I wonder why their arm looks like that. Why is that one person dressed in skull attire? I keep seeing these guys everywhere, let's get the book on Audible what could possibly go wrong?
Book: *Sci-fi fantasy novel in space*
Me:
#the fanart didn't give the impression of any of these TT0TT#maybe like modern fantasy...which I guess this is more 'future fantasy' but ahhh#silly talks#dazed lost confused#naked in the woods i am#where am i what's going on????#i think the 'houses' are based off our solar system#there's so many fucking names too many fucking names TT0TT I'm listening in a car while driving I CANT KEEP LOOKING UP FUCKING NAMES#I may have printed out the list of names that literally listed at the beginning beCAUSE I CANT REMEMBER ALL THE FUCKING NAMES TT0TT#I had to re-listen to the first 4 chapters twice because I was confused *sobs*#who are you people#MC funny tho she says curse words....I can understand curse words and the character work so that's good#turns out it might be a murder mystery? Annnnnd we've looped back around to a genre I'm cool with#literally had no idea what the plot was but "uhh competition between families/clans? Maybe?' TT0TT#i'm liking it? now that I kinda know what's going on#apparently the other books might have more mystery? I'm down for that I guess#i really need to look at what I'm about to get sometimes TT0TT But monkey brain was like 'oooo i like the art/chars looks lets do it!' TT0T#fun fact dipshit me bought another fantasy (I think it's high fantasy) too so fuck me I guess#look at me expanding my horizons!#anyway I thought this would be a funny 'point and laugh at silly' considering my stance on these things#let's see if anyone can figure out what i'm talking about based on what little i've given you to work off of laksdjflkajf;a#mistakes were made....but at least this looks like a happy mistake#and i might make a custom nendo of one of those jackasses klfjdalksjfas#i was NOT vibing with the prose the first time through. TT0TT but I think i got a handle on it now mannnn#this is so outside my wheelhouse orz#i was expecting MAYBE some fantastical elements but not high fantasy (i don't think it is??? maybe more modern??? post apocalyptic future?-#-ahhh another genre i care not for klfajdslkjf) but the space thing THREW ME FOR A FUCKING LOOP! that was a blindside! TT0TT)#i heard the 2nd book is a bit of a mind fuck......now THAT'S something I'm invested in 030
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Ugh plans for disability pride month include I have a doctors appointment and maybe I’ll finally bring up my pain (horrifying, especially as a fat person and especially with a doctor who still hasn’t put me on my adhd meds I previously had yet. Maybe I’ll also ask about those because help.) trying to get a therapist and also. Making that phone call begging the state to not cut my assistance benefits and to believe me when I say i don’t work due to health + mental health reasons at the moment (negative hopes)
#starts throwing up hands on knees y’all believe me (they have no hope)#last time I tried to explain the only jobs that I’ve found will hire me are physical ones (no high school diploma) and#I can’t walk around Walmart w out getting nauseous and out of breath from back pain#and every job I’ve worked has been the same#w out the ‘well not every job is physical’ but I physically can not do a job where I need to be on my feet. I can’t accomplish standing on#my feet for over 2 hours w out yhe pain being all I can focus on and that rules out most jobs#and good luck finding an office job w no ged (I’m trying to work on this. part of why I’m trying to get a therapist + back on my adhd meds)#ik there’s call centers and stuff but 1-I don’t have phone service and 2 I have problems w#annoyingly#coherent thoughts sometimes and also not freezing up and stuttering or going silent when I get nervous#which interacting w customers makes me#also in the past they also haven’t called me back cause of the diploma thing#anyway sorry rant.#here’s hoping I can get some answer for my pain that’s not ‘you’re fat lolllll’#chronic pain conditions run in my family#my grandma And at least one aunt. and my sister and my mom who has like 4 overlapping pain conditions#smiles#ack maybe I should also talk about the daily pounding headaches
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Ummmmmm things are happening in my brain again........
#really sappy things......#in my anton dad au. anton adopted amy years before he met jazz. there's two main reasons for this#1) canon compliance that I like also turning into silly lore and 2) I don't have any interest in raising a really young kid#I'm not changing that bc the idea of actually having/raising a baby with him makes me so uncomfortable I don't even like typing it out#however. the idea of him Wanting a kid with jazz (outside of that au‚ when they don't have amy) makes me so goddamn mushy sometimes#he wants to be a dad and he wants to raise a kid with jazz bc he loves him so much and wants them to have a family and... aouuuuu 🥺😭🥺😭#but I will not be doing this bc I'm more comfortable with my fankid au as it stands Now. amy was around Before jazz#but The Thought. it does things to me.#thinking about him really wanting a kid and then getting all giddy when he finally has one... it's so cute... so sweet...#but only in one-off daydreams. bc making him want a kid in our main (i.e. non-au) ship when he's NOT going to get one sucks and is annoying#it's so sweet though. him having a conversation with jazz where he tells him he wants to be a dad and wants jazz to be part of that....#lays on the floooorrrrrr#roz posts#♡: 🔨🎰🥃#s: it's happy hour
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One of the things I kind of like saying but it really, REALLY pisses neurotypical people off- is "it's just a piece of paper."
Stupid laws? Piece of paper. The Constitution? Piece of paper. Money? Paper. Marriage certificate? Piece of paper. Any contract, degree, ect is a piece of paper. Your value you place on the paper is just that- your value of a piece of paper.
#be chronically ill and tell me every doctor you meet is the smartest person you know#it won't happen#i just watched a docuseries where two BIOLOGISTS went for a hike and one got bit by a rattle snake#and the other tried to suck the venom out and they WRAPPED HIS LEG TIGHTLY while he BIKED MILES back to civilization#literally everything wrong they could have done any they're degree biologists#they paid money for a piece of paper#marrige is a contract which is a piece of paper at the end of the day#people get really mad about that too that marrige is a partnership contract#if you get legally married anyway#and i don't mean to undermine the history of people fighting for marrige equality or anything like that#its just seeing cis het norms doing things like making gameshows for quick marriges to have obligation families#thats a sobering reminder on its the value placed on paper#the constitution obviously is outdated and had been constructed by privileged and some problematic men hundreds of years ago#its a piece of paper regularly used to opress just as often as to protect#what are laws when theres a dictator? you know how many laws are violated by rich people in power? why if i threatened#someone id be scooped up and forced hospitalized while rich white people can threaten acts of treason and sleep in their mansion the same#night. the pieces of paper (laws) are only enforced to such extents when it is convenient (to oppress) many times over#sorry I'm manic and having intrusive thoughts#my point is people break laws and sometimes it's almost like laws are just pieces of paper used or not used when whoever sees fit
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Lesbian or trans guy…. Lesbian or trans guy… lesbian or trans guy…. That is The question
#like !!!!!! I would like this To Be Over#rn Im Kinda doing a thing where I ‘came out’ as a trans guy to a bunch of ppl#(my friends and dad’s side of the family ya know ppl it’s not a big deal for)#and trying to present more masculine more often#mostly to see if I like it better#it’s basically an experimentation thing despite me still not being sure#because I thought it would help because hey!!! if I really like it then great! I’m a dude!#if I hate it or it makes me uncomfortable then great!!!! not a dude!!!!#unfortunately it is not working out that way and I am still mostly confused#like…. I just don’t understand 😭😭😭 I want to understand and I don’t#I got jealous when my friend started hormones and then I was talking about gender issues with my therapist and she asked if I wanted her to#write me a letter for hormones or any surgeries and the idea of changing my body like that made me viscerally uncomfortable#like what!!!!! the fuck!!!!!! what is wrong with me!!!!!#why can I not just know exactly what I want and how I want ppl to refer to me and how I want to be seen#my friends call me ‘he’ and their pets ‘uncle’ and my dad called me his son and like okay awesome#I think I kinda like it but it’s also a goddamn jumpscare every fuckin time#sometimes I think I like being a guy but also I wanna be a lesbian#and like sometimes I wanna be a dude but the idea of having a dick? absolutely fucking not I KNOW I don’t want that#but I want a deeper voice and more body hair#and just ugh UGH I DONT UNDERSTAAAAAAND#like yeah I know I’m almost certainly on the non-binary spectrum like there’s no denying that#but :( I just wanna know how I want to look and be seen so I could actually take steps towards being more comfortable#because no matter what I’ve tried I’ve never been completely comfortable#guy or girl even sometimes androgynous it just isn’t working#I just want to be Me and I feel fine but literally the second I get referred to as anything from an outside party#it sparks intense euphoria or dysphoria but it’s not consistent so I can’t figure it out#anyways I wanna melt into the floor of this Costco one of my dude coworkers called me ‘man’ and I cringed but then another coworker called#me ‘she’ and I also cringed#like what the fuck what in fresh hell I’m so frustrated I just want it all to stop#like it’s all fun and games ‘haha I’m a boy lesbian’ and sometimes yeah that does feel right but also both are wrong and just
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✨
#im making a list in my journal of all the little things I really want to achieve/complete before starting college#and adding to it indefinitely as things come to me#and I just remembered that I Really want to talk to someone about my brain before I ship myself off 4 states away to try to study full-time#and have to live in an environment not necessarily controlled for my own personal success where I can’t just go to my own room by myself#and Decompress at any time whenever I’m stressed out or overwhelmed#at this point I’m about 97% sure I have ADHD (I have pretty much all the symptoms of inattentive type ADHD and I relate So Much to all the#anecdotal stuff I’ve seen from other people who have it.#and on top of this—my mom has most of the same tendencies I do#and I have seen first-hand how this often sets the two of us at odds with the rest of the family#and how it’s caused so much conflict and stress in her life and relationships#)#but until I talk to a doctor or councilor or therapist or Someone who can give me some sort of official diagnosis#I just won’t feel comfortable assigning those letters to my brain and how it works#anyway this all just flooded back into my brain at once and sometimes if I put the thoughts Out There then I’m more likely to remember them#and also do something about it eventually. instead of just shoving the info down in my brain somewhere and forgetting it.#personal#delete later
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i cant explain how much namjoon talking about not rly wanting to get married means to me
#when he said that thing like 'i suddenly thought for the first time a few years ago that maybe im not getting married?'#like thats so. thats so real i had the same realization where i was just suddenly like 'maybe im dont want to get married'#i think it has as much to do with who i am as it does with just. the legacy of abuse in my family#but the thought of not having a spouse doesnt scare me as much anymore#sometimes i do think i want a wife and i do like the idea of having a person i can love and grow old with#but i dont know if there is a one person. and thats fine#idk just really validating hearing his thoughts on it#bcs its true a lot of us have become very disolussioned to mariage as a structure#and accepting that being 'single' isnt bad or a failure#this is so silly and dumb but :') yeah he means a lot to me#it means a lot that he would talk about it in a way that feels so accepting. like theres no real disapointment to it#dl
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all i have to offer today is even more unstructured nonsense thoughts
#stardust speaking !#i.......do wanna get to things here but. i do not have the ability to write#akira is one of my few muses who 1) i could see with a family 2) doesnt have struggles with love/relations#like i think the biggest would be IN a mhyk setting cuz of the constant 'i dont know when ill go back to my world'#but...aside from that................it rly is just typical stuff........not to say its EASY#but its easier for akira to Try#thought about this cuz ive been plyng sdv again AND been thinking about how many 'i lowkey raised u' relations there r#rustica&chloe in 1.5 hhHHhHHHHhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#can u tell which main story pt is my current fav#but i feel thats understandable considering akiras my fav & akiras moments in that........(tears)#i forgot the rest of my thoughts this will have to do#i as always might take this back one day but....#theres also that?? event???????? was it???#where akira was like 'oh this feels like having a rendezvous with a lover' or whatever AND I WAS LIKE#U R UNREAL#FORREAL#was it the vday event with murr...........the one with lennox being the coolest ever#cant rmbr#i need to make an akira folder#this little dude is so funny sometimes#cant believe i still dont have that#but in my defence my mhyk screenshots r a complete mess#i need to grab the actual quote but it was something ridiculous like tha
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When you're an actual professional in domestic violence crisis intervention and there's A Situation in the family but no one is listening because you're still the youngest and you've spent years in the role of the family's angry crazy black sheep anyway who "always makes a big deal out of nothing."
#the irony of having been repeatedly shamed for not sharing the same familial understanding as others#but those same people not seeing an issue of continuing to text the stalker because 'they've been so kind to me and they'll go away eventua#*eventually' like GURL THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS AND ALSO WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING LOYALTY#a bitch is coming for me and mine i'm not sitting around quibbling over whether or not i'm gonna hurt her delicate feelings#oh that's right it's because any assertion of the most reasonable boundaries is considered a personal attack and escalation#/screams into the void#I LOVE YOU BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.#hound barks#yelling on tumblr because my only other option is fb and that's where family is#have i mentioned that IT IS LITERALLY?? MY JOB??? TO HELP FOLKS DEAL WITH THIS KIND OF THING???? FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS??????#this is why professionals in ANY field should never be involved with family there is NO objectivity and too much history but also C'MON#/screams into the void some more#me texting family: that's an interesting idea i'm curious to hear more about your thoughts on what kind of impact you think blah blah#me irl: WHERE IS YOUR ANGER AND PROTECTIVENESS WHERE IS YOUR SWORD WHY DO YOU ALL ALWAYS SETTLE FOR THE BARE MINIMUM#AND SOMETIMES NOT EVEN THAT#well okay that takes us into the realm of what people believe they're worth but WHY HAVE NONE OF YOU EVER GOTTEN THERAPY#me in the notes of this post like OH YEAH AND ANOTHER THING -- !#🙃😅😤#i'm the lone firebender in a family of airbenders ahahahaha#i've been on a zuko-centric fic kick lately
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i really do need to stop thinking about this fight but i’m legitimately gonna blow my brains out about it
#personal#like i just keep doing the same loots on the train of thoughts about it#and like as a kid i always has moments after fights were i was like#i’m never talking to him again and then he’s gonna realize how awful he is#and then like next day i’m talking to him bc my big brother is my favorite person ever#but like. i keep imagining scenarios where i can correctly explain myself and he’s listening#but i lose all the anger and fight like a sentence in#i just can’t do it#it’s not gonna change and he can’t hear me and i just can’t do it#and that makes me so fucking depressed im just fighting back tears rn#and i want to be fair to him i really do#and i’m always gonna be more biased to myself bc. well. you know#but god he’s done awful things to me#he ruined the word fag he outted me he’s said genuinely nasty and cruel things i’ve never said to him#not that i haven’t been awful back#god im getting tired explaining even this#and then i just keep thinking about how much he must hate me and that hurts worse bc i love him and i know i’m not a positive force in his#life im just like an annoying hurdle you enjoy sometimes but more out of familarity than anything else#and everyone in my family vastly prefers him and i don’t blame them!!!#i remember being a kid and seeing him get some kind of reading reward#and i was so. upset with myself bc i wasn’t like him. and i was jealous#but mostly i remember clapping super loud and thinking about how happy and proud of and for him i was#i just want him to stop treating me like i’m dumb and he says he doesn’t but he does#all the time#and i want him to stop trying to fix my problems all the time#and i feel awful that i was his responsibility unfairly for so long and im actively trying to get away from that role from him#i’m trying i’m trying and i’m trying but god above#i’m just so tired and so upset#and i’m starting to think i just cause issues on purpose#like i’m subconsciously bored bc this can’t just happening all the time to woe is me like i know i’m not but i have to be at this point
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