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heathersperspective · 5 years

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Everything 2019 has taught me so far

2018 was a fairly bleak and confusing year for me. If I could describe a year with one color it would be beige, or bright purple - since I stupidly dyed my hair bright purple for about 4 hours in January 2018...

Comparatively, I can confidently say that 2019 has been the year where I have found myself (and thankfully, remained a stable shade of blonde.) The year hasn’t come without its challenges though, from overwhelmingly positive moments such as running my first half marathon to increasingly difficult moments like losing my grandma and losing my car (important to note that those three events all happened within the same week, in May. I hate May.)

Surprisingly, I’ve managed to overcome everything with a positive mindset. I’ve certainly had handfuls of days where I’ve felt confused, lost and alone. If you’re close to me, then you’ve probably had to endure one of my hour-long phone calls at 7pm on a Thursday. You’re welcome x

Since we are 7 months into the year, I’ve come up with 7 things which I have learned in 2019. 7 is my lucky number, and that’s the only reason I can justify writing this type of blog post halfway through the year, rather than in December like a normal person.

1. “having your shit together” isn’t an actual thing - and you especially do not have to have any of your shit together in difficult times

I’ve always felt like I should be more On It. My idea of Having Your Shit Together is getting good grades, being financially stable, having good relationships, possibly a car which doesn’t break down every Tuesday, a good gym routine, healthy diet, perfect appearance, lots of friends, a clear and stable career route and avocados in the house all the time.

Realistically, nobody has their shit together. The people who seem to have it all, are lacking in other areas. The people who seem to have their shit together do so by, believing it. If you believe that you are going in the right direction, doing the right thing and making the correct positive changes to better yourself and get your shit-more-together, then you’re essentially one of those people.

When you’re stressed about not having enough X or needing to change XY, you’re pressuring yourself to get yourself together and get on top of everything. When you’re going through difficult times, the last thing you want to be doing is planning your career for the next 5 years or starting a 6-week summer shred. Take things one at a time, and don’t overwhelm yourself all at once.

2. Don’t always take other people’s advice

I should have a section on my phone called “people to call when you’re being a mess”. Speaking to my friends when I’m struggling with something is always the first thing I do when I’m feeling lost.

However, they can only give advice based on how well they know me, and how I have described the situation. Talking to other people often results in me coming up with my own ideas, and taking bits of their advice alongside my own original plan.

This is your life, and you need to make your own decisions when things get tough. There’s no right or wrong choice to make, just different circumstances for each outcome, and you have to be prepared to deal with whatever happens on the other end. When you’re making the choices for yourself, you’re allowing yourself to learn and grow without relying on other people.

3. Half marathons are long

Pretty self-explanatory. I signed up for a half marathon thinking “yeah thats just 4 lots of 5k, I’ll be fine!”.

I was fine, and I really enjoyed it. However, 2 hours 11 minutes of my life has never lasted so long

4. Don’t be afraid to tell people how you feel about them

Unless you think their hair looks shit, in which case, keep it to yourself.

But if you have feelings for someone, if someone is making you feel upset, or you just want to tell them how much they mean to you - then say it.

Very rarely do people share how they feel about each other, and friendships and relationships can reach a stagnant point if there’s a lot being held back.

If someone is making you feel unhappy - then tell them. If your relationship has any integrity to it, then addressing the issue and working past it is going to make you both happier - and if it doesn’t end well; then it was never meant to be in the first place.

If someone makes you feel happy, tell them. It will make them feel better about themselves; especially if it was unexpected.

5. There’s no correct way to feel upset

This probably makes no sense, but one of my biggest fears is that I’m dealing with sad emotions incorrectly.

The vision of a girl in pajamas, crying whilst eating Ben and Jerrys and watching Hannah Montana is how I feel like I should deal with upsetting situations.

However, that’s not me. I tend to just stare into space for about 3 hours, attempt to do something productive, get bored after 5 minutes and cry into my pillow. The cycle usually repeats about 4 times within the day.

But that’s okay. That’s how I deal with feelings of sadness, and whilst I may be emulating the behaviors of a lab rat, it is how I cope. I usually tie the finishing ribbon by ranting to my friends and family about how sick I am of feeling like crap, and then the next day I’m back to myself again.

6. Talking about mental health is scary, but the benefits are worth it.

I started properly sharing my blog in January.

Unfortunately, I ignored the emails from WordPress and the domain was deleted in May.

Sharing my experiences with mental health and how to help others understand what they/their friends are going through was a scary experience.

However, I the messages from random people halfway across the planet, the friends who know that I’m a safe person to open up to, the adults who have learned to understand their own mind through my writing, and the potential future impact of sharing my story makes it all worth it.

Sharing to more people, being more confident and expressive in my writing has made me feel more positive about everything I am experiencing. It’s helped me to realize that I am a creative person, this is something I care about, and I can use my weird brain to my advantage.

7. You don’t have to share your past

Ironically, my final point somewhat contradicts the above.

For the longest time, I’ve had a list at the back of my mind of all the things I think I should tell people when I first meet them. Almost like an allergen menu; thrust straight into someone’s face, just so they check they’ll not have a cardiac arrest when they discover who I really am (however if you’re allergic to peanut butter, im probs not the best friend for you).

Yet there is absolutely no need to share every little detail that has happened in your life. You are not your past, you are your present self.

Your past has shaped you into your present self; and that is the self which you should be showing to other people. This is who you are now.

As you get closer to people, you can decide what you do and do not chose to share.

Reassuringly enough, most people don’t really even care that much anyway. Your “deep dark truth” is probably something like how you stole some sunglasses from Primark in 2008 and had to do 2 weeks community service - yes this has actually happened to someone who I know, and if anything it’s just funny.

So there we have it

7 points was quite a lot, and this has taken me a few days to put together, but these are the most important things I’ve learned so far this year.

Hopefully over the following 5 months I’ll learn how to not waste 3 days thinking of 7 points for a blog post.

Heather x

#mh #mental health #lifestyle #blogger #uk #anxiety #depression #law of attraction #manifest #mhblog #mhblogger #journalism

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