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#and then finally the band actually representing them being whole again. even if it's (supposedly) not for much longer but still whole
thereigning-lorelai · 2 years
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and write in every empty space the words "i love you" in replace then maybe time would not erase me
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cartoonfangirl1218 · 3 years
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Winner’s Curse: Epilogue
Note: Wooo boy, it’s over. Now I know not many people may have read this, it may not have the best editing and some parts are a bit vague and not the best. In fact I’ll probably revise some parts at a later date or if I ever decide to post on A03, but I am still super proud of it. I think I did some great character parts and there are some sections that I’m just super proud of. I’m also happy that I actually finished it. It’s my longest fic to date and I actually completed it! 30 chapters. Well 32 if you include the prologue and epilogue. So cool! Plus I wrote what I really wanted, which I’ll admit was not the plot. The plot was a bit wonky and maybe I had too many characters that I didn’t juggle well and didn’t give them all equal exploration. Also action scenes were hard for me to write so those were not the best. But still- getting to explore these characters and their relationships and include several of my favorite Disney characters. Very fun. Also thanks to @edream93 for encouraging me when this was just a little idea, looking over some sections and offering advice and for overall being an amazing person. Check out her WLTF and other descendants fics like London Fog Nightcaps. And for the final time, hope y’all enjoy reading.
Flash forward to summer break in Agrabah
Jordan stretched, cracking her back after sitting hunched at her desk for the past hour editing her latest video How to Date a Djinn Episode 3. She had finally convinced the tech-averse Calix to join her in making satire videos of all the most terrible dates she had been on. Initially, she had planned for it to be a serious thing where she reminded her viewers of genie autonomy and the idea they had feelings behind their wishing powers, but Calix was never good at playing emotional PSAs.
Besides it was more fun that way to spoof how terrible, and sometimes ridiculous her romantic suitors were. Plus the hilarity kept her from thinking too much about the bitterness of the memories.
She cracked her neck and poofed outside to Aziz’s room where her lamp laid on its usual perch. Outside she could hear the thump of running feet and the screech of confused peacocks.
“Malik! No riding the peacocks!” A servant shouted
“Yes, riding peacocks!”
“No, Noor, Fahran, that’s not allowed. Get off of them!”
Jordan shook her head in amusement at the kids' antics.
Noor and Fahran were having a blast hanging out with their new “little” brother as they called the 5 year old. Though they were family in a way. Jade was the half sister to Aladdin’s half brother, Mozonroth. And Malik was their nephew. Even though the family tree was a bit tangled and confusing to visualize in your head.
And where Jade and Malik were concerned, Jay was also included as Aladdin had originally planned in inviting the former thief to Agrabah so they could get to know each other, and Jay, to get in touch with the more savory side of his heritage. Jay and Aladdin had especially hit off as they compared lives on the streets and bragged about some of their more daring heists so any concern of whether the Jafar connection would sour things was gone. All together, Jay, Jade and Malik were new, though unofficial members of the family. Aladdin, and Jasmine decided to hold off any official adoption in respect to Jay and Jade’s feelings.
Though, having three new members meant triple the chaos, the running in the halls and inevitable breaking of antique objects. It was still triple the fun.
Razoul, predictably, despised the decision. But hey, he wasn’t the sultan.
Jordan peeked out to the hall, no sign of peacock racing or frazzled servants anywhere. Since she’d been inside so long she decided to go outside to the backyard.
Passing the living room, she saw Jay playing some sort of Wii-fit game against Carlos, Lonnie and Gil whose scores were also reflected on the screen even as they played millions of miles away in their own living rooms. Jordan checked the time, ah it was 2’o clock on the doubt. Jay always called his friends at this time since it was when the time zones converged suitably for all of them to chat.
Jade was lounging on the couch, facetiming her girlfriend, Yzla. Jordan waved, and Jade waved in return, focusing mainly on their conversation which involved some llama prank with Empress Malina. Yzla was staying with Emperor Kuzco and his family. A arrangement Kuzco had initially been against but his wife and son overruled him. Which was for the best because apparently Yzla and him were hitting it off like two peas in a pod, scaring Malina, by tricking her into thinking Kuzco had changed into a llama again.
Huh, that reminded her, she hadn’t checked social media in a few hours. So she scrolled through, looking at Ben’s new post that there was to be a new class in the fall. Magic 101 with Flora, Fauna and Merrywhether and many surprise guest lecturers.
The Magic 101 class had been one of Uma’s many ideas for the new and improved Auradon. She told Ben of Alexandria’s reasoning for the revolt, explaining that the pressure for magic creatures to deny their magic was a strong reason for resentment, and most importantly, unfair. And Ben, who had been present at several meetings where mermaids, fairies and others stated their petitions of complaints, agreed. King Ben had removed the magic ban and decided to institute the Magic 101 class. Contrary to the name, the class wasn’t for magical beings, they already knew how to deal with their powers and not use them to affect others or supposedly cheat at life. The class was a requirement for Auradonians to learn about their fellow beings, how it was a vital part of them and the greater natural world.
Ben had actually suggested that she’d be the magical liaison and teacher assistant for the new Magic 101 classes but she had politely declined. She did accept going as a demonstrator whenever it was time for her Dad’s guest lecture.
But a fulltime TA? It sounded like too much work, her powers were not applicable to the greater magical population, and most importantly, she really wanted to get back to doing her auratube show. Especially now that she was bound to have so many new subscribers thanks to her newfound fame for helping to defeat the Coven.
Jordan had considered doing a series about the Isle mission against the Coven in order to get the story straight and not create too wild legends regarding their month and a half there. And okay, there was also the fact that she wanted to renew her hits after losing subscribers after not posting for a month.
But she ultimately decided not to. It was their mission, only they’d get what happened in that wild untamed place of evil and poverty. Besides, it was very personal and she didn’t want to have to go into her fights with Aziz and Jay on Auratube. Or her encounter with Antiquam.
No she’d rather not think about the latter for a very long time.
Dismissing those thoughts she scrolled through several more posted announcements like the newly formed Minority Kingdom Council made up of representatives from Atlantis, Atlantica, Arrendelle, Kuzcoropia, and Pydrian, who were overrun by environmental and tourism concerns as Alexandria brought up. There was also a new class of Vks that were coming in. Basically the teen population of the Isle.
The orphans and kids from the Isle were sent to boarding elementary schools around Auradon as well as foster care with professional trained therapists for the abused youngsters.
Ben’s decision to bring the whole teen population in had been a controversial one. But he had stood by it, stating that he was taking the advice of his people, the ones from his generation who were to make up the future generation and a schoolwide vote had agreed that the Vks should be let in.
Granted it had taken a two month lobbying campaign led by Mal and Evie with Lonnie, Carlos, Jane and Jay’s help. But they did, they persuaded lots of royal kids that it was better to bring Vks over. It also helped that Mal, Jay, Evie, Carlos and Uma had been pronounced Auradon’s saviors thrice in a row so…
Though it wouldn’t be until August that all the Vks, with a few exceptions like the resolutely bad CJ Hook and Prince Lars, and Antiquam, would be able to get to Auradon. But they would, Uma was making sure of it. Even Zevon and Ginny were coming despite their actions in proudly helping the Coven, Ben believed they just needed to be removed from the negative influences of their mothers.
Some Vks had already come over like Carlos’ cousin. Diego had refused to enter the VK program through school, but through the work progrm. Now he and his band, Rotten Apples, could introduce Isle grunge rock to Auradon’s farmer populations and inspire them to use music to express themselves. Carlos informed them that Diego wasn’t too into that inspiration and empowerment stuff, but he was loving the popularity. And he often crashed to the Radcliff house to catch up with Carlos and get a break from his adoring fans.
Harriet Hook, also in the work program, was working in Neverland, serving as guard for docks and a pretty mean one too, Jordan heard. Any tourist that tried to sneak
Not that everyone was residing in the homes of their parents’ enemies. Celia Facilier was living with her sister Freddie, and Freddie’s girlfriend, Ally at the Mad for Tea Shop. Also as a student by day and helping her sister as the evening entertainment at night. Singing only. FG was still wary of introducing such sketchy magic as card readings. Celia did choose to be a TA to her sister’s class, Goodness 101. Freddie was taking over for FG to make it a revamped, less patronizing seminar of how to act in Auradon with Ally popping in for politeness lessons and Carlos with therapy dogs. Though FG still stayed in the room to supervise and make sure the class stayed on track and not turn into “Everything that’s wrong about sappy sweet Auradon.”
Dizzy was reunited with her mother, her aunt Anastasia, her uncle, the Baker and Anthony Tremine and they lived in the faculty building of Auradon Prep. Easy for Anthony and Dizzy to get to school and for the Baker to go to his new job as school cook.
His baguettes were to die for, so flaky and crispy. Even Chad reluctantly agreed to their goodness when she interviewed him for student reactions to the new cook. Anastasia and Drizella were the new cosmeticians in training at the school’s day spa even though the two still argued over what was a better color and such.
Also working in Auradon’s kitchen were Gil, and Cosette’s mothers who had taken in their other’s sister’s sons, Gaston Jr, Gaston the Third and Gaston (IV) the Great. Their mother had been deemed just as abusive as Gaston and was to stay on the Isle with him. Gil had been nervous about living with his brothers again but he had Cosette by his side and Harry and Uma just a street away. Harry was just as fiercely loyal as ever to his crew and to Uma, who he’d wait for outside of Ben’s office, waiting for their meetings to end.
Gil also had Jay on his side. And though Jordan had absolutely no proof, she just felt something between them, and she was planning to use this summer to sniff out just what it was.
It had been more controversial to bring back some adult villains like Anastasia and Circe, but Ben had explained that he was not in the business of tearing families apart and adults were able to change too. Smee, for instance, wanted to retire from swabbing desks and wanted his second act in life to follow his lifelong dream. Be a clockmaker, ironically enough considering his boss’ fear of the ticking. Same with other low level henchmen like Jace and Harry, and Hun soldiers that had been following the battle orders and propaganda Shan Yu had fed them.
Ben had promised not all adults would come over, especially not ones that had abused their children, and that he, Mal and Uma were designing a careful vetting process for this program.
As for the Auradonian bred villains. Morgana and Morgaine hadn’t stayed in the dungeon for long. One day the guards had come down to give their food and they were just gone. No one knew where they went and no magic had been able to locate them. Merlin said it was no use trying. The Le Feys were tricky and wouldn’t reappear again unless they wanted to.
Kyro, Victoria and Alexandria were in therapy now in a new building away from the dorms and those who would shun them for their actions like the media that had reviled them when the news leaked out. It was a bit of a depressing building Jordan thought since one could see it if they leaned far out their windows. The outside of it looked like an insane asylum but Evie enthused about how open- aired and peaceful it was inside. The point of it was to clear the outside world, and focus on healing. What’s more, since Uma learned of FG’s somewhat oblivious and condescending advice from Alexandria, they hired a new counselor. A Dr. Mickey Mouse.
So yeah, things seemed to wrapping out into a happily ever after for all.
Jordan walked into a door, rubbing her head of the bruise and cursing herself for not looking up. Tucking the phone in her pocket, she was about to open the door when Aziz opened it for her, heading inside from hanging out on the hammock.
He didn’t even look at her as he entered, he was busy chatting on the phone with who else, his new girlfriend.
Aziz had stayed true to his word that he and Lala were just friends, and remained just friends for three months. It had irritated Jordan to no end to watch them sneak discreet looks, study together since Lala only knew the Atlantean alphabet and not the English, and dance around their feelings as if the obvious wasn’t there. And it took all her self control to honor her vow to not meddle and send a flying carpet in to speed things up.
At least Aziz did not shut her out completely and still went to her advice for what to do when he asked her to be his girlfriend.
“What if she says no? Or doesn’t know what that is. Jay did say it was only gang activity. Or maybe she’ll just say no because she thinks she’ll go crazy like her mom. But I really want her to say yes. Oh Allah, what if I mess it up instead by acting like an idiot. Or she already thinks that. I walked into a wall yesterday.”
“Aziz, she likes you,” Jordan reassured him, “I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Like a leopard with dinner, she totally wants to eat you. In a sexy, hungry with desire way. Not cannibal way. And really, walking into a wall? That’s not a dealbreaker or even embarrassing. If you want to talk about embarrassing, nothing can top the time you popped in front of that yoga instructor you were trying to impress.” “I had food poisoning from the oysters!” Aziz yelled indiginantly.
“Doesn’t change the fact that you shitted during downward dog,” Jordan smirked at Aziz’s flustered angry face, “Nor was it like that time when you tried to impress Anxlin with a butterfly knife and ended up-”
“Will you stop bringing up the past?” Jordan decided to change tactics and be the serious, comforting big sister that he wanted, “Just speak from the heart. You’re on the same page with so many things, and you talk so much. Sooo much, it’s kinda annoying. Especially when you’re yapping in my room when I’m trying to watch a movie. But anyway, I think when the time comes your heart will guide you to say the right thing. And if not… your lips can speak for you.”
So with that fabulous advice if Jordan said so herself, on the last day of school, before they went their separate ways for vacation. Aziz went to her room and asked her.
And while she said she wouldn’t meddle, Jordan totally turned into a bee to go through the keyhole and eavesdrop on their conversation. For moral support. Just Aziz didn’t know about it.
It was endearingly awkward as Aziz stammered through some rambling monologue of how he liked her a lot, and only if she was okay with it, but he really thought they had something so woud she maybe consider being his girlfriend.
Aziz should probably have gotten some lessons from Jay on the art of smooth, but Lala seemed to get it. “So if we’re in a relationship we do what we do now… but with kissing?” she clarified.
“Yes!” Aziz agreed eagerly, then tried to dial down his excitement, “I mean sure, if you want.”
“I would really like that,” Lala bit her lip nervously but her expression was hopefully as Aziz leaned in.
Their kiss was short, two seconds at the most. Jordan would have given it a three out of five. It was unsure and the two seemed to be surprised they even did it. But it was clear from the look in their eyes, that they only saw each other and the rest of the world was already fading away for them, that that small kiss was perfect to them.
So they kissed again. Much more purposefully this time. Oh Allah, Jordan was so proud when Aziz added some passion and slipped tongue first. He was really growing up.
And they kissed again, and again and soon they were making out on Lala’s bed, which was starting to get kinda gross and Jordan was feeling weird about watching them. So she took that as her cue to leave.
But now she had plenty of new things to annoy Aziz about so she took it as a plus.
Grabbing him by the arm to stop, Jordan grabbed his camera.
“Hi, Lala, how are you?” Jordan waved, mugging for the camera as Aziz grabbed it back, and tried to push her out of the frame. The white-haired girl was dressed up in Evie’s new line of summer clothes with her hair up in a bun, and most startingly, her brown eyes were human.
It was silly that Jordan was surprised by Lala’s human eyes, she had been the one to change them when in a burst of good will offered all their allies on the adventure a wish. Lala hadn’t used the offered three wishes, just one, which was to remove the leopard spell Queen La had put on her. She lost her cat eyes and the habit of walking on all fours, but she still had her cat-like grace which Jordan chalked up to natural ability. It had been three months since that wish, but she had been so used to Lala’s cat-like slits with the dilated pupils. It had been a unique marker like the scar that everyone could see on Lala’s leg when she wore shorts.
“I’m well. Aziz sent me your new vlog about Odiferous, it was very interesting.” Lala nodded curtly. Jordan knew Lala was usually guarded against everyone so the coldness didn’t bother her as much as it used to. Thanks to hanging out with Aziz and Jade, she was starting to slowly warm up to people she wasn’t close to even though her tone didn’t reflect it.
“How are the Porters?” Jordan asked, cutting off whatever Aziz was about to say next. He glared at her, but she ignored. Hey, she said she’d stop mothering him. So now it was back to  annoying big sister privileges.
“They’re well. Kerchak and I are going tree surfing tomorrow.” Lala answered. When Ben put up the invitation of Vks in need of foster homes or adoptive families, the Porters offered to take in Clay Clayton, and Lala. Clay refused and went with his Aunt, Lady Waltham who was thrilled to meet her surly nephew for the first time. Lala joined the Porters where she was helping their gorilla reserve, connecting with animals instead of hunting them for food and survival.
It was bound to be awkward considering their daughter’s actions, but Auradon seemed to consider it part of their penance even though they hadn’t known what Victoria had planned to wrought. But according to Lala, they did their best to skirt around that sensitive issue and treat her like a guest, and she was starting to befriend Kerchak. He even gave her a leopard of her own which she named Euware II though the pet made Tarzan a bit wary. Still, Lala had to stay in her room on weekends when Victoria visited from therapy.
“That’s great. When are you coming to visit? I know Jade is just dying for you to visit. It’d be fun. We can go sand surfing, oh and explore some of the caves under the citadel. Oh, oh and I just know Aziz wants to show you some of the secret alcoves in the palace. They’re great for making out and-” “Go away!” Aziz waved her off
“You want me to leave? But who will chaperon you two? Who will tell Lala all the embarrassing stories from your childhood? I’ve been holding onto blackmail for a reason, Aziz. I must tell her,” Jordan turned to the screen, “But seriously, come visit. I’ll leave you to it.”
“Thank you!” Aziz sighed in exasperation, “Give me 5 minutes, I’ll join you to go to the bazaar later, Jord.”
“See ya!” Jordan called over the shoulder as she headed to the palace kitchen, still hearing some snippets of Aziz’s conversation about his summer psychology classes. His new passion since Jordan had suggested that since he liked overanalyzing and counselling other people's problems, he could research into being a psychologist.
Upon reaching the outside, Jordan took a big breath of the sweet summer air with a hint of jasmine and the coconut and sighed.
Life was good.
Of course, life was always good when it was summer vacation but it was more than that. She had really committed to what she had learned on the Isle. She lived in the present now, and tried not to wallow in the anger and resentment that extended to almost every human she met.
Did that kind of positive mindset always work? Hell no, sometimes, someone would grab her arm, requesting for a wish, rubbing her jacket as if that was the lamp and not her. Yeah, that stupid event would irritate her all morning but she didn’t go into her spiral of how all humans were greedy monsters, her life sucked that she had to walk among them and so on and so forth. She learned to vent to Aziz and let it go.
She would always meet bad people in her life, when that happened, if the situation was appropriate, she would blow a mini sandstorm in their face and move on.
She’d also gotten more sensitive about complaining about humanity in front of Aziz. She tried to complain of an individual person and not make broad generalizations about the mortal race, and repeat that Aziz and his family were the exception.
Well Aladdin’s family, and Uma, and Jay, and Lonnie, and Calix and Ben, and she was starting to realize her circle of those she trusted was expanding.
It felt good to have that knowledge.
Even if Aziz might not always be there, though she’d kill him if he wasn’t, she still had others who cared about her.
Then again, she, Calix, Aziz, Jay and Uma had been through a harrowing adventure that nearly destroyed the world they knew, and had to face their greatest fears and insecurities to do so. If that didn’t make you trust a person, what would?
There were also her parents. Her parents always had her back.
That was another thing she’d been committed to doing since she got back from the Isle and saved Auradon.
Her parents had been the first ones to get there, magical teleportation after all and were laying out the blue carpet and making plans for the greatest party in all of Agrabah for their daughter, the hero. Instead of getting annoyed by their zany antics as usual, and annoyed at how they ignored the fact she faced possibly life-ending danger against their enemies, she just hugged them.
The act had clearly surprised them because both of their jaws broke off and fell to the floor before snapping back up like a ball. But they loved the change in her nonetheless.
Ever since then, she’d been going out with them every other weekend, be it ice skating on Saturn’s rings or clubbing or going out to drink in celebration of the banning of the Magic Ban.
She had thought for so long that if she let herself act even a little bit like them, she’d be signing herself to a fate of servitude, never being taken seriously, and becoming a negligent oblivious person who only wanted to focus on fun.
She had worried that if these things didn’t come naturally to her, she’d have to fake it in order to fit in and be palatable to her own parents. So they wouldn’t become bored with her. She hadn’t liked thinking about it, but she always felt that was the underlying reason they left her.
But she lived in the present now and shoved all those thoughts away. She did what she wanted without thinking of the implications. And she found that actively listening to what they were saying, how they constantly suggested ideas for their next adventure, how it was too bad she had school and couldn’t come with them to their trip. They didn’t think she was a damper on their party style, they wanted her to be with them. And she usually said to each invitation.
YOLO, right. Well more like YOLFSMAWEI.
(You Only Live Forever So Might As Well Enjoy It. Not as catchy but infinitely more accurate)
Family time was a lot more enjoyable that way instead of brooding that once it was over, they were going to forget about her and go about their lives as if they didn’t have a daughter.
Although, Jordan still did crave for a meaningful talk where she got to tell them about some of her issues with their lack of parenting oversight, and maybe delve into how abandoned she felt when they wouldn’t discuss such issues like her rape, they still weren’t ready for that.
Though Aladdin was talking to her dad on her behalf, and it seemed he was starting to soften to it.
Until then, she had two sets of parents. Aladdin and Jasmine, probably the first humans who she trusted, and respected. The first ones who saw her as a child and not a being for wishes. They gave her the love and attention she had craved when she needed it. They stood by treating her like everyone else, as she wished, even when it meant disregarding her excuses that her genie-ness exempted her from getting in trouble. They were always present her lives and were the ones that reminded her that her supposed fate was not a fate, that no one could shackle her, not unless they went through them. They encouraged that there other sides to her besides being a genie. That she should work hard, be kind, be honest and be independent.
Her mom and dad, who loved her with all their hearts and thought of her as their best friend. It wasn’t the most parental relationship but she had started to accept that it would never be. They were genie parents, not human ones, and it was finally sinking in that the rules would always be different from them. No matter that Jordan looked human and was raised by them. But that’s what made them special. No one else in the world would get her quite like her mom and dad.
Aziz opened the door, knocking her in the back and she moved over so he could wait beside her.
She checked her phone. Her parents were supposed to come here five minutes ago so they culd go to the bazaar together.
They probably weren’t going to come for another twenty minutes.
Ah genies, Jordan sighed, they were never going to be punctual. She wondered how many years it would be before she started viewing time as an unimportant mortal construct.
She was about to pose that question to Aziz, whether it would occur in his lifetime or in her 5,000s when a green and blue poof popped up in front of them.
“We’re here!” The two blew the smoke away to reveal the pair in matching red and white striped tuxedos with a blinking “Genie and Eden” sign hanging behind them.
“It’s Genie and Eden!” Eden announced
“Eden and Genie!” Genie intoned.
Then with a snap of a finger, the props and costumes disappeared, and Genie sat thoughtfully in the air, “We can’t quite choose which sounds better.”
Eden went back to a form-fitting black leotard with a black bowler hat, smoking a cigar in her best Liza Minelli voice, “Whaddya think, daughter dear, whaddya think?”
“I think we should go to the bazaar and have the people decide which is better.” Jordan suggested, knowing that if they did it here, they wouldn’t leave.
“By george, she’s right!” Genie exclaimed transforming into a nerdy account, “Statistically, it is always better to test things with a test audience, and according to my calculations that the Agrabah bazaar has the best cross-pool of audience with 10% bearded, 40% kids..” He transformed into his usually big blue self, “Aaand let’s get outta here!”
“Wait up!” Jay yelled, nearly running into the four of them with Jade at his side, “I wanna go to the bazaar too, there was that awesome scimir I wanted to buy.” “Yeah me too, I want to steal things too… I-I mean buy. Buy with money. That I did not steal from the mean guard.” “His name is Razoul, and you really shouldn’t. He already doesn’t like you.” Aziz shook his head.
“I don’t like him, and that’s what makes it so tempting.” Jade defended.
“Yeah, he kinda has it coming,” Jay agreed.
“Now, now, we won’t say anything about it. But you must stop,” Eden warned in a prim British accent, poofing into a blue serge suit like a certain famous nanny, “Now spit spot, hurry up, we don’t want to be late to the bazaar.”
Genie transformed into a Bert to his wife’s Mary Poppins, adding, “Come ‘ere ye kiddos and ‘urry it ‘up.”
Jay and Jade stared at each in the classic “What the hell?” expression that bystanders always had whereas her parents were concerned. Aziz and Jordan just shrugged and smiled.
And so they went off to the bazaar and as the sun beated down on them, and Jordan whipped up a hijab from air to keep off the heat, she hummed a familiar tune which Aziz and her dad easily picked up.
“As you wind through the streets at the fabled bazaars with the cardamom-cluttered stalls. You can smell every spice while you haggle the price of the silks and the satin shawls. Oh, the music that plays as you move through a maze in the haze of your pure delight. You are caught in a dance. You are lost in the trance of another Arabian night…”
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glowrillaz · 4 years
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A Long-Winded Phase 3 Theory
So, I’ve got a theory/headcanon. I think Phase 3 was all staged, all by the band themselves (but primarily Murdoc). Let’s look at this from both in-universe and out-of-universe perspectives. Firstly, we know Murdoc was having some severe financial issues prior to Plastic Beach, and certainly not averse to committing insurance fraud - see his arson of Kong Studios as evidence of this. And we know that he’s well-versed in staging music videos and passing them off as real events; Rise of the Ogre had a whole chapter dedicated to it happening with El Mañana, so this would mainly be an extension of that aspect of him.
Starting off, we need to note that the very earliest group art released in the phase - both first seen in Wired Magazine in Nov 2009 - shows Russel as his regular small size, despite him supposedly not being reunited with the band in canon at that point (which is the whole reason he traverses to Plastic Beach in the first place). Murdoc himself was already on Plastic Beach by then, due to him saying that most of the album had been recorded already around that time. And this isn’t simply just a case of the giant Russel aspect not being invented at that point, because we know the cover was redone much further down the line when the original was scrapped - certainly after the majority of the phase’s art up to that point had already been drawn (all seemingly from April to September 2009, judging by the metadata, and the Wired magazine final cover fits in with the style of the art drawn towards that latter period, after giant Russel and most of the sailor outfits had already been established within official art). The original Wired cover shows Cyborg and Murdoc constructing cyborg versions of 2D and Russel, which has no relevance to the phase itself, but could rather represent them being Murdoc’s performers, making the phase a reality.
Next up, Noodle. I think Cyborg was real in this sense, but not necessarily created due to Murdoc grieving. Instead, it’s because he believed the real Noodle would refuse to take part in the plot, which itself was all choreographed by Murdoc - the end of Phase 2 made it very clear that Noodle herself wanted to leave the band and be on her own, which was the reason El Mañana happened. So Murdoc, short-sighted as he is, told everyone she was in Hell. This doesn’t make sense even in the official storyline, because ROTO not only says but also SHOWS a photograph of Noodle escaping from El Mañana. Noodle, naturally, is pissed off that Murdoc would decide to imply that she’s dead and in Hell, as well as replacing her with an android clone, and so she DOES decide to take part. But the only reason she wants to take part is to put Murdoc in his place, rather than making herself known to the audience in an epic comeback - and so she hides her face with a porcelain mask out of shame and anger. She doesn’t need or want the attention. Incidentally, there’s a piece of art from this phase showing Noodle reading some papers - in Jamie’s art book, the title of this piece is given as “Noodle finds the plot”.
Russel, of course, would be far easier to sway: the promise of free food is something he could never turn down. As is shown in the phase we got, 2D really is forced into taking part against his will; that’s just Murdoc’s way of running this hoax. Murdoc openly said on both Twitter and in audio interviews that he’d hired a camera crew to follow him around and record his every move, which is why we see the events of both Stylo and On Melancholy Hill happening (and even says that Stylo was “one of Jamie Hewlett’s ideas”). If so, how does this explain the idents and Noodle/Russel’s sections in OMH being recorded, if not by having a camera crew follow them around too? 2017’s G Magazine takes this a step further, by Murdoc admitting that Stylo itself was completely staged and has a stunt double playing himself, as well as stating that Jamie was canonically the director. This also accounts for the two separate explanations of 2D arriving on Plastic Beach originally - his ident shows him being kidnapped from Beirut in a suitcase yet Stylo shows him being taken in the car by Murdoc, and yet both of them are given as explanations as to how 2D arrived on the island in the first place.
And then we get to Murdoc’s ego. Pirate Radio paints a picture of a man losing his sanity, overcome by self-importance, blocking the rest of the band out for his own show - his own world. Last year, Cass Browne (the main writer for Phase 3) revealed that the original intention for the phase was to have Murdoc search for the pages of the Book of MAN. The conclusion would have been that MAN stood for “Murdoc Alphonce Niccals” and revealed that Murdoc was something of an immortal demigod, reincarnated over and over. Upon finding this out, Plastic Beach would have been revealed to be connected to a giant plug hole at the bottom of the ocean, which would be unplugged and suck the entire universe down it, ending all life - except Murdoc, who would be immortal, of course. But I think this is something Murdoc himself would write out of a delusion of self-importance - the world quite literally revolves around him. He’s immortal, he’s the only thing that matters - Murdoc Is God.
But of course, it’s all staged. Murdoc writing the story of Plastic Beach is quite literally him writing his own Book of MAN. Pretending to kill Noodle off got him attention, so he’d quite happily take that a step further and pretend to kill EVERYONE off except himself. The stakes get higher, so does the money. The perfect publicity stunt, in his eyes, to get him all the fame and attention he desires from the hungry Gorillaz fans whom his story is directed to. It’s quite meta - a virtual band creating their own virtual story within itself. And with that done, they would buy out a little old house in Hammersmith, littered with memories of the story they’d written - the top of the model of Plastic Beach, the submarine prop, and even the Boogieman himself (designed by Murdoc as a personification of everyone he sees as his enemy, which is basically the entire world).
ROTO makes it very obvious that Murdoc is an unreliable narrator and nothing that he says should be believed, which gives a lot of fuel to this theory and that so much of the things he says in Pirate Radio are made up, or drunk ramblings and half-truths. This theory could either end with the original planned conclusion, or where it actually ended off - either way, it still ends up at Wobble Street. Should they ever have decided to return, though, they’d need one more thing to get their fans up to speed - the stories of how they got back together again, the Book Of series. And they’re quite literally written in prose, both in-universe and out. But I think the phase ending the way it did makes this theory quite poetic, with Murdoc’s plans to become all-ego broken down.
Incidentally, when Celebrity Harvest was scrapped, Cass and Jamie expressed desire to create a second film concept, where the band members weren’t being recorded as themselves, but rather playing fictional roles with the band as actors. This fact puts a lot of context into this whole theory, which is made mainly out of a desire to fix some of the odd continuity, but also to keep the original planned story whilst still staying with the relatively grounded tone Phases 2 and 4 provided. A similar concept is even attempted in Phase 4, with Humanz’ metaphorical apocalypse storyline.
As it stands in an official context, I really don’t like “canon” Phase 3 and I think it defeats the point of a lot of what I find so interesting and fascinating about the concept of Gorillaz - how the characters are meant to be like real people, interacting with fans and telling their story through word of mouth. I think Plastic Beach’s plot removed a lot of that and instead opted for a straightforward narrative which I don’t think suits the established format of Gorillaz. This theory makes me feel a lot better about Phase 3 as a whole, and allows it to keep the great art and music without having to erase anything that was given to us.
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byronikylo · 6 years
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Reylo in the forest
I recently rewatched my all time favourite movie as a child, Ronja Rövardotter (for the english speakers: Ronia, the Robber's Daughter), and noticed some parallels that can be drawn to Reylo.
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For those who haven’t watched the film or read the book by (awesome!) Astrid Lindgren:
Ronja is the daughter of Mattis, chief of a robbers clan, and his wife Lovis. She grows up in her parents’ castle in the woods with the robbers as her only company, until a rival robber group (led by their chief Borka) moves into the other half of the castle, exacerbating the longstanding rivalry between the two bands. When she meets Birk Borkason, the only son of Borka, the two start out as enemies, but once they get to know each other they become very close friends - but know that they cannot tell their families. When Birk is captured by Ronja's father, she gives herself to the Borkas so she must be exchanged, but as a result her father disowns her and refuses to acknowledge her as his daughter. Birk and Ronja run away to the woods, where they live in a cave and experience several adventures. Ultimately their families repent of their feuding, and everyone is reunited, but the story concludes with both Ronia and Birk deciding that the robber's life is not for them.
Character parallels
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Both Ronja and Birk grow up quite lonely, as the only children among adults and find themselves on opposing sides of rivalling forces, namely their opposing clans of robbers.  
After being abandoned by her parents, Rey grows up alone on Jakku amongst other scavengers. While Ben is surrounded by other children, he is singled out and different from a very young age, due to both his bloodline as well as his unique powers, and also ultimately alone. They also find themselves on opposing sides of a war, in their case the Resistance and the First Order respectively.
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Ronja & Rey
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There are obvious parallels between scavenger Rey and Ronja: She, as well as Rey, is self-reliant, spirited, kind, but a fighter who stands her ground and is not afraid to speak her mind and question authority. She cusses and insults Birk a lot. She also is very impulsive and often lashes out before thinking, she even bites him in the cheek at one point by mistake (but refuses to apologise). 
Birk & Kylo Ren
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Birk is born into (robbers’) royalty and very aware of that. When he is first introduced he comes off as a little arrogant and smug. He insults Ronja and mocks both her origin and her abilities. (To be fair, she does as well)
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The First meeting
The first time Ronja and Birk meet is at the rift that separates both halves of the castle (fittingly called “the gorge of hell”). They immediately start to throw insults at each other. Birk jumps over the rift after Ronja tells him to “come over if you dare, I will punch you in the face so hard your nose falls off!”. To keep face she starts jumping as well. Birk is quite impressed. They then both start competitively leaping back and forth across the abyss. Finally, Birk slips and almost falls to his death, but is ultimately saved by Ronja, who pulls him back over the edge. When Birk tries to thank her and suggest that maybe now they belong together, she slaps him and tells him to go to hell. 
Now, where might we have seen two antagonists insulting each other, then fighting on the edge of a cliff before... followed by an impressed boy offering a union and the girl rejecting him...
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(I realise this post might be interesting only to a niche readership - assuming that most of your aren’t Swedish or German, where I know this book/movie is most popular - and this is pretty long already, so I’m putting the rest under a cut.)
First intimacy 
Ronja is attacked by a Harpyie and gets her foot stuck in a hole while skiing. She cries and thinks she is going to die alone, when Birk shows up and frees her. She forgets to be mean to him and hugs him and Birk has to promise Ronja to never leave her again. They decide to be each other’s “brother and sister” from now on. This is also the first time they call each other by their names instead of “robbers’ daughter” or insults.
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Remind us of something? From this first intimate touch on, after Kylo is there for her when Rey feels desperately alone, she calls him Ben Solo and wants to be by his side.
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A girl gives her all (literally)
Later in the story, when Mattis captures Birk, Ronja gives herself over to Borka (by jumping over the cliff to the other side of the castle), so he can pressure Mattis to let Birk go. 
Meanwhile, over in the Star Wars universe, Rey goes against Luke and ships herself to Snoke in order to help Kylo.
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Fighting for each other
Ronja and Birk not only question their parents’ authority by publicly declaring their friendship and refusal to be complicit in their parents’ conflict, but actively defy them by running away to the forest together.  
Rey fights her mentor Luke for Kylo and he overcomes his groomer Snoke for her.
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While we’re at it, let’s talk about parental figures...
Her parents
The father: Mattis & Luke
Ronja and Rey both have a conflict with their father figure that is central to their story. Ronja struggles with her father Mattis and Rey with Luke, who she wants to be her mentor. 
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While Mattis is Ronja’s biological father, he still has to grow a lot until he also can be a father figure to her. 
At the beginning of the movie, he hesitantly allows her to go out into the woods by herself, something he forbade up until now, because it is supposedly too dangerous for her. She is very confident in her abilities though and rebuffs his worries. 
They have a very close and loving relationship and Ronja trusts her father blindly, but they get into a conflict after she finds out what being a robber actually entails - and how that hurts other people. It becomes obvious very early in the story that she thinks his way of living isn’t the right one.
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Rey wants Luke to be her father figure/mentor, but he refuses at first. She has to persist to convince him to give her some basic lessons and even that he does reluctantly. When the extent of her power is revealed to him he reacts incredulous and is even more suspicious and wary of her. 
While she does crave for his wisdom, she ignores a good part of his instructions: She is drawn right to the dark and doesn’t fight back, she lies about the Force Bond with Kylo (”I was cleaning my blaster and it went of”) and goes into the dark cave, when Luke explicitly warned her about it. She also (literally...) reaches out to Kylo Ren, something Luke does not want to happen.
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The fathers and the boy
The fathers are both huge cockblocks (after all, girls need to be saved from boys, right?) and also become violent against the boys, enforcing their own agenda:
Mattis is very much against fraternising with anybody from the Borka clan and even violently captures Birk at one point to have leverage against Borka to drive him and his clan out of the castle.
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Luke’s and Ben’s relationship seems to never have been really close. Luke is more protective of his other relatives and friends then he ever seems to have been of his nephew (to paraphrase: he “wanted to protect those he loved from the dark inside Ben” - didn’t he love his own nephew?). He has been suspicious of Ben since he was a child and started his training. 
When Luke sneaks up on him in his sleep, Ben is still an innocent boy (yes, I know Ben is supposed to be 23, but even Luke refers to him as „frightened boy“ and he is presented as much younger than is biological age).
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After the fathers’ failure (Ronja allegedly chosing Birk over her clan and Kylo’s subsequent downfall after his uncle’s assault), both of them fall into depression for seeming eternities, Mattis is not eating and speaking anymore and Luke goes off to live a hermit’s life on Ahch-To, cut off from the force. 
But both come around in the end: Mattis let’s go of his prejudices eventually and welcomes Birk into his clan. Luke finally admits his wrongdoings to Rey and later faces Kylo again to be a real teacher this time.
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The mother: Lovis & Leia
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Lovis is Ronja’s mother and the voice of reason in the story. She persuades Mattis to let Ronja explore the forest on her own, calms him when he throws a temper tantrum and manages the whole clan of robbers, who can be a giant bunch of hotheaded manchildren. She basically does the footwork for Mattis who is too busy moping or fighting Borka. She is loyal to her clan but regards all of this fighting the men do childish and unnecessary and tries to clean Birk’s wound when he is captured, against Mattis’ protest.
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Leia becomes a mother figure to Rey and also represents the voice of reason in the Resistance. She reprimands and reigns in Poe Dameron, the poster child of the trigger happy flyboy. While Luke is moping on Ahch-To and feeling sorry for himself instead of helping, she runs the fight against the FO. But she is no fanatic and very willing to build bridges to the enemy by welcoming defectors like Finn and not giving up hope for her son.
His parents  
Borka/Undis & Han/Leia (...and Snoke, ugh)
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Borka and Undis, Birk’s mother, are described as somewhat distanced parents. After the incident on the gorge of hell where his parents found out about his friendship with Ronja, the fighting and hostility get so bad that Birk decides to leave them altogether and live alone in the woods (until he is joined by Ronja). By rejecting his parents he chooses autonomy and independence. 
Kylo Ren has a similar relationship with his parents. Both are always very busy (Han running a prospering business and Leia in politics) and neither are physically nor emotionally there for their son. He finally emancipates himself from them, admittedly going a more drastic route and disposing of his estranged father Han Solo altogether (I still might have to spell it out: this is hyperbolic and not meant to be taken literally, it’s symbolic for a teenager emancipating from his parents).
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Both Birk and Kylo are mocked by a parent(-al figure) for having feelings for Ronja/Rey.
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A New Order
Ronja and Birk both denounce the way of the robbers and plan on starting something new, that is productive instead of destructive. Over the union of their children the adults are able to overcome their rivalry. The joint clan that comes out of it is much stronger than the parties were before when they were separate.
Kylo has already denounced Snoke and the First Order and Rey has already begun to reject the Jedi teachings (...seen the girl fight? That is not how emotion control looks like). They will finish episode IX by establishing a new order in the galaxy.
Just like Star Wars, Ronja Rövardotter is ultimately a film about family, freedom, emancipation, loyalty, respect, love and friendship, but also prejudices, competitiveness violence and death.
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Books! - Chap 1
Backstory: So, I got really attached to a D&D character I made about a year ago, and the first day of January, the DM abandoned ship for disclosed reasons. To account for this. I decided to take up writing, to itch all that missing character development
Chapter 1: Corn starch A bouncer stands at his post, the cordial party held by the noble underway. The white brick accentuates the wealth here and the aristocrats walking about would make the colour brown stick out like a saw thumb. The door leading into the party is ornate and gigantic, approximately the size of 2 men and more gold than a bank. Money couldn’t be burnt in more useless ways than literally burning it. The lizard wanders up, looking his best to act casual; as much as one could be when a bipedal reptilian is in the middle of a group of humans and elves. He slyly slinks towards the bouncer and quietly whispers “Corn starch” The guard looks in confusion. The lizard realises this isn’t the contact, but an actual bouncer. He takes a step back to think to himself. Godsdamn it, Snakes fed him false info. Time to improvise. He distorts his voice and puts on a fake accent he’s never heard “My mistake. Friend tell me Corn starch secret access code to ball. I invited and thought ‘No, that not make sense.’ But he insist and I thought human custom.” The guard looks even more confused. While the guard’s processing the situation, the lizard notices the line behind him, the crowd are getting annoyed at the wait. This could work to his advantage. “I am Ackl-Snarr. Lizardfolk… ambassador? That is what human with brown hair say. Noble host give good negotiation and worldwide peace in exchange for warm rock and women” The poor sod finally speaks. “An ambassador? What ambassador wears a scarf and a hood?” “Scarf?! I have you know this efficient battle garb for enemies! Blood absorbed to not get on precious scales and sneaky like fox as enemy think normal clothing inappropriate for war. You offend me with human custom.” “Right… Sir. I’m sorry, but I require a letter of invitation”. “YOU DARE REFUSE ACKL-SNARR?”. Whilst the lizard might be drawing more and more attention to himself, it’s certainly for the right reasons. “No, I ne-“ “YOU WANT TELL NOBLE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR DESTROYAL OF HUMANS BY SCALY HANDS? I SPIT ON YOUR HATCHLINGS WHEN THEY PILE OF ASH” With a resigned sigh, the door is opened to the lizard. Looks like most people aren’t willing to be responsible for severance of diplomatic relations, even more so when the upper class are waiting, though Lizardfolk aren’t even a nation in this country.
The place is filled with more guests than he expected, and much more wine. The decorum is… elegant. To be expected, of course. The lizard takes a second to stare at the marble staircase, the marble statues, the marble tables, marble… There’s a lot of marble. Whilst his eyes wander, he looks at the other guests at this party. Shit. Masks. So many masks. This is a masquerade. Yes. Masquerade. Masks. Everyone… has masks. Yep. Alright. Perfect. Okay, let’s calm down. The lizard considers exiting the mansion and running, but he just talked his way through the bouncer earlier so it’d look embarrassing if “Ackle-Snarr” decided that he’d be intimidated by simple masks. However, minor phobias aside, does the lizard really need a mask? The noble in question, Alexander Covingtree, is supposedly getting ready for an event in three hours. There’s plenty of time to go up to his room and talk to him abo- “Have you heard? Alexander is going to start greeting the guest members!” two nobles chirped behind him. One of them, a woman wearing a crow mask responds “Oh how wonderful. He truly is a spectacular host!” The lizard is quietly muttering every known swearword to man, elf and dwarf. This is a test, he guesses. Either that or a practical joke. Knowing Snakes, it was probably both. The last few jobs had been rather simple, so Snakes might have just been trying to sharpen the lizard’s resolve. It’s a little touching that his father had that much faith in him, but it’s a bloody pain trying to do this.
The lizard realises he needs to focus on the task at hand, a mask. It needs to be long enough to account for his muzzle. Though it’d be effective enough just to grab a half-mask, the whole ‘being a lizard’ thing would be noticeable.
A man nearby is drinking a rather lot of wine, his mask is perfect. Designed after a fox, but the snout itself is long enough for it to be used by The lizard. The lizard hopes the mask doesn’t stink of alcohol. … And from the noises the man’s making, let’s make sure it doesn’t stink of anything else as well. The lizard runs to the masked noble, feigning care for the poor soul who thought it best to drink six glasses of rosé. He lifts off the mask and pulls him away, to a Fern plant in one of the corridors. It lasts for a little too long. The guy passes out after he’s done releasing his stomach and the lizard tries to place him delicately on a chair. Mission completed, he dons the masks and shudders a little. He pulls up his hood, hiding the scaly back of his head. Leaving the corridor, a companion of the drunkard notices the mask and calls out to the lizard, “Hey! You there! That was my friend’s mask.” The lizard responds promptly. “Ah, I have forgotten my own this evening, and I thought it a personal challenge to acquire a mask at the party. After all, who doesn’t disagree to a little excitement every once in a while?” The man laughs, “Indeed, sometimes a little bit of debauchery can spice up our lives. Just give it back to him when you’re done, alright? You have no idea how much he paid for it, custom made, they say!” The lizard nods. “That sounds for a rousing tale! But I give my deepest apologies, I’m in a tinsy bit of a rush”. He’d have to satisfy his curiosity another time. He goes back to scanning the room, seeing if Covingtree has arrived yet.
Aha! The lizard spots Alexander walking down. Covingtree has straight brown hair, is clean shaven and looks rather young, approximately seven years older than the seventeen-year-old lizard. Best guess would be the Alex has inherited the money that he used for this mansion. It’s obvious that the place wasn’t designed in mind of someone in their forties, so what would be the reason that Alexander has his own mansion at such a young age? Parents are either extremely rich, or the Covingtree must have had a few deaths in their lineage. Someone bumps into the lizard and he’s brought back to reality yet again, he’s got to stop doing that. Alexander’s one for theatrics. He’s holding his mask as he’s walking down the stairs, just so he can put it on with a flourish. He takes a bow when he reaches the bottom, and the crowd let out a cheer in his health. The lizard is admittedly impressed.
Now how does one approach this? Alex wanders around, shaking hands. The lizard needs to get Alex alone by himself. An idea sparks, but it’s as risky as swallowing a dirty knife. Normally this would work with a Lord’s wife, not the Lord himself. He struts towards Alexander. The lizard seems confident, probably the mask, he guesses. Something about anonymity? He read it in a book once… Well, Twice. Alexander’s taken notice now. With a quick inhale, the lizard bows, similar to how Alex did earlier. He offers his hand out for a dance. Alex is taken aback, but he accepts.
Alex is obviously not used to being a follow, he instinctually looks down as soon as they start. As they dance together, there’s a small trip. It’s hard to tell who caused it, but the lizard’s footwork kept them upright and attempts to mask it through a spin. the crowd didn’t seem to notice. Perfect. A few minutes in, the lizard notices he’s trying to impress the audience with his dancing. It’s the mask. Probably.
The crowd let out another cheer, this is the lizard’s chance. He takes Alex by the hand and points up the stairs. Alex takes a second to look into the mask’s eyes and awkwardly nods. The lizard’s seen it before, Alex’s interested in the mystery of the man behind the mask. As they retreat upstairs, He swears he heard someone whistle.
In Alex’s master bedroom. The lizard, with a sigh of relief, takes off the mask. Alex seems a little surprised to find out the lizard’s identity, predictably. The lizard begins. “Okay, great. This was much more difficult than I thought it would be.” The lizard looks out the doorway “Were you on the guest list?” “No, I had faked my way in pretending to be an ambassador for Lizardfolk. Gave your bouncer outside a particularly tough time. More importantly, I’m here representing an individual named ‘Skirt of Snakes’, are you familiar with him?” There’s a quick pause. “Not particularly, sorry.” Alex takes the time to relax on his bed. “Ah, alright.” The lizard sighs to himself, Snakes misinformed him yet again. “We’re part of the rogues found here in this city. We’d like to request assistance with infiltrating the Slater residence.” “What would I gain from such a bargain? You seemed to do fine with entering the party.” “Yeees, but it’s going to be done in the dead of the night, looting everything that isn’t nailed down. We’d like to make this as easy as possible.” The lizard just realised he gave information to a man he hadn’t fully convinced. Fuck. “I could report you to the guards for what you’re telling me.” Fuuuuuuuck. “Come now, it’d be bad manners to imprison a dance partner.” The lizard lets out a smirk and continues. “If you help us out, we’d pin the blame on Samuel Hagan, stating that he bought off rogues to steal Mr Slater’s valuables. This would cause an uproar, discrediting his name. Meanwhile, you can snatch up his land.” Samuel had been known for being an… unsavoury sort. The lizard’s band of rogues have been trying to expose his corruption for months. “Tempting. I’ll consider this.” Alex seems deep in thought, it’s an opportunity few would refuse, after all. “Perfect, I’ll notify my crew and tell someone to meet you three days from now. We’ll leave a note outside your door for details.” As the lizard stands to leave the bedroom, donning his mask, Alex dons his earlier tone “Care to stay for wine?” “Maybe another time, you’ve got to be a good host after all.” The lizard winks and leaves.
He can’t believe any of that worked.
Chapter 2: https://theunnamedlizardrogue.tumblr.com/post/172107548441/chapter-2-feline-good
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gduncan969 · 4 years
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Has the Church Lost Its Purpose
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Matthew 16:18 “..and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.”
If you’re like me, you are probably pretty fed up with Covid-19 and all the ever-changing rules and regulations thrust upon us in our government’s efforts to control it—by controlling us!  When will we get past this and back to normal is the question uppermost in many minds but no one is giving any definitive answer and by the looks of it, whatever answer there is, is still a long way off.   So we stumble on trying to remember to put our masks on, squirt our hands with another dose of hand sanitizer and then go home to watch the riots and mayhem in the city streets of downtown USA.  Where is all this headed and how does the Church fit into this scenario?  The Shorter Westminster Confession tells us the chief end of man is to “glorify God and enjoy Him forever” but in these days of closed, or partially “open” churches where singing is forbidden and masks must be worn, the question is: “What is the chief end of the Church of Jesus Christ?” and we can also tack on a second question: “Why does our government think the Church is non-essential when the casino’s and liquor stores are open and the rioters and protesters are given a free hand to assemble?.  How we answer these questions very much depends on our view of the Church’s purpose in this time of world pandemic and social unrest.  All of us who have committed our lives to Jesus Christ already know that the Church is the body and bride of Christ whom the Lord Himself will return to earth to “present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:27).  It is not an organization but an organism which Jesus continues to nurture and grow through the revelation of Himself by His Spirit (Matthew 16:18) and that this present age will come to an end at the “marriage supper of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:9) when the old earth and Heaven will pass away and a new Heaven and a new earth will be created. These are great, all-encompassing statements describing our final destiny to “be ever with the Lord” but there’s a more pressing question that demands an answer at this current moment: “Has the Church lost its purpose in the middle of this Covid-19 pandemic in its compliance with government closures and restrictions, its social distancing rules, job losses, political uncertainty and a host of other issues like suicides, drug abuse, etc.?  How is the Church meeting these situations and challenges? One thing for sure is it has not been able to carry on as usual.  There is nothing “usual” about being forbidden to assemble together with fellow believers in our homes and churches, about being forbidden to praise God together in song or about having to wear a mask and distance ourselves from one another to avoid all physical contact during our services, but if these are the only things we miss then the “new normal” is really little more than an inconvenience.  Perhaps this is the reason most churches around the world have so easily accepted the mantra of the media and the government “It’s all for the common good” and agreed that the Church must do its part along with the rest of humanity to curb the spread of this deadly virus that supposedly is threatening to engulf the entire world in a holocaust of death.  Who would dare gainsay such common sense?  (I think it was Albert Einstein who declared that common sense is very uncommon!)  Let’s re-examine what the Church is and what it represents and then decide what its true purpose is.
Post Modernism
To the post-modern world in which we now live where your “truth” and my “truth” are equally acceptable and tolerable, the Church of Jesus Christ appears to most as little more than a social gathering of like-minded people enjoying each other’s fellowship on Sunday mornings in buildings called churches where we sing praises to God accompanied by an organist or pianist or even a full blown band with drums, guitars and sometimes even laser lights and smoke generators to create the “right” atmosphere.  We listen to sermons from the bible about how to be good and afterwards go to the local restaurant for lunch. Beyond that, the world is largely uncertain as to what the purpose of the church is and what it actually does and most are content to leave it to itself with no desire to get involved, especially if (not always when) it talks about things like “sin”, a word no longer acceptable in polite company.  Is it any wonder that governments have deemed church gatherings to be “non-essential” and almost all churches have quietly agreed to their banishment “for the common good” because the bible tells us to be “subject to the authorities” (Romans 13:1) while forgetting that Peter resisted those same authorities because “we must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29)?  Objections from the Christian community to church closures has been tepid at best and supportive at worst. This is understandable from a point of view that sees church meetings as an unnecessary opportunity for the virus to spread.  This may have been OK for the purpose of “flattening the curve” but those days are long past and the current fear of a second and possibly a third wave of the virus is making the long-term outlook for a return to normalcy very uncertain indeed!  There’s now plenty of evidence to show the damage being done to the Church by its obedience to these rules.
The Church is Suffering Damage
The harm done to the church by its complicity in its own closure is appearing in the form of a dramatic drop in attendance.  A Barna Group poll in the US taken in May of this year shows that one third of “practicing Christians” (I take that to mean those who attend church regularly) have completely quit attending any church—either on line or in person—and half the millenials (young people) have done likewise!  Barna’s latest poll, announced this week carries the headline: “1 in 5 Churches Facing Permanent Closure Within 18 Months Due to Covid-19 Shutdowns.”  The reason for this is quite simple: one in five churches do not have enough income to keep their doors open even as the restrictions have been eased and partial services allowed!  These figures lead me to ask, “What kind of commitment to the local body of Christ do those have who so soon walked away?” This is not encouraging news but my real concern is not church finances or even church attendance, it is the failure of many in the Church to recognize what the Church is, a living body, spiritual in nature and determined in its purpose to reach a dying world with the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ who died for it, rose again to empower it with His Spirit and is coming again to receive it to Himself at the end of the present age.  Each born again believer is a member in particular joined to every other member by the “joints and ligaments” (Colossians 2:19) that connect us to the Head, Jesus Christ and to each other. The “joints and ligaments” are the relationships between us and the Head that hold the body together and these suffer damage when members cannot assemble together to pray together, worship together and minister to the world around them together.  It is very difficult to maintain real relationships through a mobile phone.  It is impossible to visit the sick at home or in hospital to lay hands on them or anoint them with oil. It is impossible kneel by the bedside of a dying saint to hug them one last time or wrap your arms around a grieving saint from six feet away and it is impossible to encourage anyone with a smile while wearing a mask.  These are not trivial issues, they go to the heart of Christian ministry.  How many church members have and will forsake the faith and wander off into the world because their church was obedient to their civic duty and closed its doors?  Church gatherings are far, far more than a social event, they are a critical function of the Church to further the gospel in the lives of believers and unbelievers alike.  I was not saved by watching a video but by attending a meeting where I went forward before thousands of others to commit my life to Christ.  Yes, of course God uses videos to reach others but He doesn’t leave us there, alone in our basement wondering where do I go from here.  He joins me to the rest of His body in personal, human, on-going contact with other believers. If the Church is not meeting, lives are being lost!
The Lord is Shaking His Church
Why has the Church been so afraid to disobey the government and so unafraid to disobey the Lord who has told us to “forsake not the assembling of (y)ourselves together” (Hebrews 10:25); to “lay hands on the sick” (Mark 16:18); to gather together to pray and sing; to baptize; to go into all the world and preach the gospel.  Can you ever imagine Jesus saying to the leper, “Sorry, I can’t touch you because I may get what you’ve got and besides, it’s against the law for me to touch you”?  What kind of gospel is that?  It is the gospel of fear, not love, of weakness, not strength.  Father Damien of Molokai was a Belgian missionary to the lepers in the Pacific who willingly lived among them and became one of them for the sake of the gospel.  Countless others have done likewise throughout the history of the Church and have “counted it all joy” (James 1:2).  I believe the Lord Jesus is using this present pandemic to shake His Church awake from its slumber.  He is removing the old normal and replacing it with a whole new church experience of the power of the Holy Spirit at work through its members to reach the world.  The old order with the pastor and the platform team doing all the work while the congregation waits to be led (and entertained?) will be replaced with God’s order as described in 1 Corinthians 14:24 - 26 showing how the early church ran its services: “if all prophesy, and an unbeliever or an uninformed person comes in, he is convinced by all, he is convicted by all. And thus the secrets of his heart are revealed; and so, falling down on his face, he will worship God and report that God is truly among you. How is it then, brethren? Whenever you come together, each of you has a psalm, has a teaching, has a tongue, has a revelation, has an interpretation.”   The world wants evidence that the gospel we preach is real and the only way to show it is real is to do as Paul did, “not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.” (1 Corinthians 2:4).  How exciting and challenging it will be to go to church knowing that the Lord wants to use you in the service to bring something besides your bible and your tithes, (although many bring neither). If you feel you don’t have a psalm, a teaching, a tongue, a revelation or an interpretation to offer and if you feel you are unable to demonstrate the Holy Spirit and His Power, then go to Jesus and ask Him first to baptize you in His Holy Spirit and then open your mouth and let Him fill it as He gives you the utterance.  Expect the Lord to give you something to add to the service besides your presence and your praise (but first pray that the elders will make room for your ministry and wait until they do). This may seem all too far-fetched but it is clearly biblical and in the coming time of testing for the Church, clearly necessary.
The days ahead are filled with uncertainty but God is faithful and we will not be deserted by Him or left to figure it all out by ourselves.  He loves us intensely and will carry us through as long as we hang on to Him.  More than that, He will reveal how great His Power is in us if we will but trust Him to use us for His glory. That’s the kind of Church He is building.  If you are still uncertain as to the purpose of the Church, pray for God to reveal this to you that you may function as a healthy member.  I sense that God is about to judge the earth but first He will judge His Church and cleanse it from every spot and wrinkle.  “He that endures to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:13) and as I said in my last blog, endurance may not be pleasant but it is necessary to get through what lies ahead.  The initial acceptance of the closures by the churches is understandable in human terms but given the great damage being caused to the Church (and to society) as it continues, this issue must be faced prayerfully and determinedly.  If the Barna polls are correct---and I believe they are---we must decide whether to continue in obedience to man or God!
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