#and the government *still* won't pay me. so again 41.85 to my name.
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#it's been. a week. and this upcoming week is only going to continue.#i have 40 dollars to my name. my entire family bar my mother is ill. we are flying internationally to go home.#my sister spent all evening sobbing in my arms because she's also sick which means she can't do the things she really really wanted to#*i* haven't been able to do anything since day 2 of said holiday and so i've missed the entire thing and that's not at all gutting#and the government *still* won't pay me. so again 41.85 to my name.#i'm sort of just waiting for everything to implode even worse.#like. something else has to go wrong. there's no way that we're finished with whatever this hell is.#it's just shit. really shit. i feel like shit. both physically and mentally.#it's just like a massive set back. i feel like i don't know my limits again.#oh hey! crying made you feel like you couldn't sit up on your own! congrats!#walking outside to sit in the sun while people were out took you out for a day and a half!#and like. i'm not recovered at all so it might change but this is so fucking scary#i don't want to do this again. i don't.
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