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#and she’s an absolute angel sent to me from god above <3
5t4r1uv3r · 11 months
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♡︎༺ Let You Break My Heart Again ༻♡︎
☆ hi hi hi!! i bring another kyle piece :3. this one is inspired by let you break my heart again by laufey. she speaks for the hopeless romantics + those who experience unrequited love. which unfortunately kyle goes through a lot of. i definitely recommend listening to the song while reading!! would you guys like a second part to this inspired by her song valentine? as always feedback and advice are welcomed!!
warnings include: semi angst, unrequited love, heartbreak.
character: Kyle Broflovski
reader is gn!! 796 words ☆
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☆ Pretend that we are more than friends. Then of course I’ll let you break my heart again ☆
Kyle Broflovski stared out his window, a piece of pie, a cup of coffee, and books littering his desk. He felt sick, maybe it was the late-night meal kicking in, maybe it was the thought of you. This had been a common occurrence over the years, harboring feelings for you since the fourth grade. He thought you were absolutely breathtaking, intelligent, and caring. You were unlike anyone from South Park, resembling an angel sent down from heaven. He’s watched your past relationships, coming to the conclusion that he would never be the one for you. Kyle compared himself to your past partners, noticing every little difference between the two of them. Believing that you would never have eyes for him, why would you? You were the best person in the world, and he was just himself. Over the years Kyle tried to distract himself with his studies, his friends, and even other people. His attempts to pursue other relationships failed time and time again, never feeling the love he felt for you. You two are very close, hanging out constantly, having almost an identical schedule, and being in the same circle of friends. Trying to fall out of love with the person who has played a large part in his life seemed impossible. No matter how many times he has tried to distance himself, Kyle is always drawn to you. He’s struggled and prayed to God but never seemed to be in Heaven’s grace. Kyle longed to be loved just as he loves you, a beautiful and passionate love that seemed to rival even the strongest love. 
Until that day arrived he continued to wish on stars, hoping that maybe you would one day be more than just friends. He wants to pretend that you could be lovers, dreaming that he could be yours. The two of you are young adults now, closer than ever before. Kyle has everlasting thoughts replaying in his mind, years of memories being evaluated, searching for clues that showed you could possibly return his feelings. Kyle was consumed by you, morning, afternoon, and night. You had a place in his heart that would forever be yours. The kindness he has received from you, he wasn’t lying when he thought you were like no other. You were always there for him, lending a shoulder to lean on during his toughest moments. Standing up for him when others were scared to, and being someone he could rely on through thick and thin. You were one of his dearest friends, not wanting to ruin the lifelong friendship you two have, he swallowed his feelings.
He didn’t want to risk losing you, even if you were to be only friends, he would accept that fate. However, he wondered if the two of you would ever be anything more. Exchanging songs with hidden meanings, late-night calls, and sunset views at Stark’s Pond. He looked for you in every aspect of life, finding your beauty in nature, in songs, in everything pure and light. 
He wished to tell you how he felt—wanting nothing more than for you to feel the same. Kyle is someone who feels every single bit of his emotions. The thought of being rejected and potentially destroying what the two of you had made me feel sick. He vowed to never let that happen, he preferred a broken heart. For you he would do anything, placing your emotions and well-being above his. This wouldn’t be the first time he has dealt with this situation, it seemed that unrequited love is the one for him. Kyle shed a tear, he didn’t want to cry. He knows he has to be strong, Yet he understands that feelings can become overwhelming. Kyle wonders if you have ever felt the same as him, being in love with a person who doesn’t seem to love you back. He wonders if you have ever cried over those emotions, he hopes you never go through that experience. 
You deserve to have someone love you with every ounce of their being, to have someone who would be there for you no matter what, someone who will appreciate you for everything you are. Kyle thought no matter how much he tries to fall out of you, the more he thinks about you, the deeper he falls. You take up all his mind, his being, and his heart. Kyle waits for the day his love for you ceases to exist, until then he’ll be lost in thoughts of you. Imagining a world, a timeline, and an alternate universe in which the two of you are more than friends. He is pretending that it’s a possibility. Until then, he’ll endure all the pain of heartache. Kyle will let you break his heart, again and again. 
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Thinking even more about how I want to turn the idea of animatronic Charlie into a full AU :
The circus theme could also make so much more sense, and lend so much more of a sadistic side to Heaven, and dire edge to the yearly exorcisms, if sinners were forced to perform for their lives.
Hear me out : Heaven wants to prevent an uprising in Hell, but in the concept and vein of a strict hierarchy that follows a very particular and merciless gospel - this would serve three distinct purposes, under an idea of divine tyranny.
1. To lower Hell's population, which would in effect demoralize sinners from uprising as they are forced to watch their neighbors, loved ones, and very selves, face divine judgment a second time over. A reminder that sinners only continue to exist because Heaven permits them to do so.
2. To punish Lucifer and the other betrayers, by picking sinners of all walks of unlife and privileges, but not the original traiotors themselves. Overlords nor imps would be safe.
Only Lucifer and the sins would be exempt - only because their own punishment is to sit and watch, helplessly. For eons, they must do this over and over again, losing great generals or allies, even some rare friends and partners. Only Hell's foundry is exempt.
Charlie could very well be included in the exception because she is visibly distraught by the executions, no matter how many years she's seen the same song and dance of death. Or, maybe due to the nature of her creation, she is forced to perform every year - with God dangling his granddaughter's very life over her own father's head.
3. To remind the remaining, loyal angels what it means to defect from God. To showcase how miserable and helpless sinners and, by effect, Lucifer, is to God's divine decree of banishment and absolute authority. The entertained and entertainers are BOTH caged by this sham of a stage.
In effect, it wouldn't actually matter if one's act was impressive or not - the angels may decide you are unsatisfactory entertainment just because they have so much disdain for the inhabitants of hell, and no trial can go without casualties.
Even if all the performers are trying their absolute hardest and do well - there is a quota each show must meet, and most high up angels try to actively go above and beyond to show their devotion and play a part in hierarchy politics. To earn the most kills is a bargaining chip for greater reputation and reverence amongst the ranks.
The participants are chosen mostly at random, with particularly 'rowdy' and ambitious figures being sent up as a means of 'pest control'.
I think this is a really fun and interesting basis for the AU.
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liamslarents · 3 years
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yakumtsaki · 2 years
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GUESS WHO’S HERE AGAIN. Seriously wtf is the wolf’s problem, why does he constantly show up in every lot except the one I want him to, GOD. 
Anyway, let’s get this update rolling cause I wanna get back to the main house at some point, it’s unreal how much time I spent on the spares, I really didn’t expect them to be such a shitshow. We begin with Melody and Gunther, who remain shockingly, disgustingly happy:
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I’m not kidding when I tell you guys that Gunther hasn’t rolled a single cheating want his entire time with Melody. Loyal king! 
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So Melody is in like her 100th LTW, she became a Mad Scientist while married to Daniel, then she became Hand of Poseidon-
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-then she became a World Class Ballet Dancer (wtf lol)-
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and finally she became an Ecological Guru! We stan a Renaissance Woman.
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She also earned 100k without having it as an LTW, but whatever, it counts!
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Melody also got to live her dog dreams as we adopted Lulu and she had 4 puppies with Benny..
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..whom I named after painters since Gunther is an art ho:
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This is Dali, Pollock, Frida, and Vincent! Unfortunately, as evidenced by Lucy Hanby’s presence, Gunther’s weeaboo house is not meant for this many pets, so we kept Frida and sent the other 3 to live with Angel and Wulf so we’ll be seeing them later (these dogs are the. WORST).
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Finally, Gunther grows up in this iconic ‘leather blazer + boxers outfit’, when I tell you guys I lold for 5 min-
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-and then Melody comes home from work, finishes her 5th LTW (I can’t remember what it was) and grows up in the same outfit! CUTE
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And they lived happily ever after, ignoring their kids♡
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We switch to Daniel, who’s.. uh.. not doing great. He had to get a job because it was Melody who was bringing in the big bux, and between that, taking care of JuJu and taking care of his 50 cats, he’s perma exhausted. 
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He’s also rolling depressing fears such as above, thankfully between his kid interactions and his cat interactions he’s always plat. I did change his LTW from Golden Anniversary to the Journalism one because honestly I don’t think he would remarry anytime soon, he’d be focused on JuJu plus he’s bound to have some trust issues :(
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The blows just won’t stop coming, as Roux, the last of the original Komei cats, passes away💔 End of an era.
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-So you see, June, sometimes a family is a Daddy and the kids in one house, and the Mommy in a different house with Uncle Gunther! -But why is Mommy with Uncle Gunther? -Beats me, honey.
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Despite the traumatic divorce, JuJu remain absolute units, I can’t believe their skill points-
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-and Daniel remains the best sim parent I’ve ever had, I can’t believe Victoria and Komei produced him. 
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Then at other times, I can believe the Komei part.
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I just want him to be happy instead of talking to his trees :(
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-Ok, Jul, so we agree that Dad needs a serious relationship yesterday? -Absolutely, Jun, before we know it he’ll go from talking to the tree to marrying it. 
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-Nana, we have a cunning plan to get Dad a girlfriend, I need you guys to help us make Lucy attractive to him!
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-Aww how cute you are when you’re not SHITTING EVERYWHERE
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-Lucy, I couldn’t help see you hugging Sisi! I didn’t know you were a cat person! -Beats those goddamn dogs at your brother and your wife’s place! I still can’t believe he dumped a star like Brittany, I mean she was in the Monty Farms Orange Soda commercial!  -It’s been not great talking to you.
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After Daniel flops with Lucy, who passes by BUT TARA KAT. OMGGGGGG. PLEASE GET ALONG PLEASE GET ALONG IT’S TOO PERF
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Dan greets her and the first thing she does is admire him, AWWW
-Let me just tell you, Daniel, it’s a true honor to meet you, you’re a legend in the Crazy Cat Lady community! 
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Ya, that figures lol.
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-NOW THAT’S SOME HOT AF CAT INTERACTION, TARA HAS IT GOING ON
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We invited Tara over for a date the next day (after a much needed makeover) and things escalate..
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..QUICKLY. I didn’t remember Tara is a family sim too, I thought she was knowledge, this is perf ♡
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It’s JuJu’s birthday, which Melody shockingly attended, I legit thought she might not come-
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-also in attendance, Sugar, with his face blurred out so we can do the big reveal of his teen face in the main house.
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June is FUCKING ADORABLE. She looks so much like Melody from the front, but from the side..
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..KOMEI NOSE. MY HEART
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June celebrates her birthday by immediately kissing Sugar, who is.. her uncle Jojo’s grandson, so her cousin, once removed? If only we lived in the time period Sugar gets his clothes from, this would be fine, sorry Jun! 
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Julian grows up right after and is also INSANELY ADORABLE. The first thing he does is hug June, I cannot, just like when they were bebes♡
-Huggle? -Huggle huggle!
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With the kids about to leave for college, Daniel married Tara-
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-and promptly knocked her up! I didn’t want more kids but I felt bad for Tara because having a married family aspiration sim with no kids is borderline cruel. And how did Tara repay me for my kindness??
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BY HAVING..
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..FUCKING TWINS. DANIEL WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR SPERM. Anyway, welcome to the world, Cleo and Cecilia aka CC!
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Daniel finished his Journalism LTW and got this insane bonus:
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63K. GOOD LORD, DANIEL
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When he’s not raking in the cash, Daniel as always enjoys living in the nursery.
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Big surprise, the spawn of Daniel and Tara Kat won’t leave the cats alone.
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We legit have so many cats now with Tara’s added three that the lot was flashing pink and JuJu had to fuck off to college early, but they’ll be living with Sophito and Sugar in the UUU Greek house so we’ll see them again soon!
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And Daniel grows up! 
-I think I did pretty well :)
You did great, baby! We just need to get you some grey eyebrows pronto.
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And he lived happily..
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..and lagilly ever after! :’)
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Second Generation Hero Pt. 1
Warnings: ***Major Trigger Warnings*** for discussion of self-harm and the feelings surrounding self-harm. Angst. Sadness. Grief.
Series Summary: It's hard to be the daughter of a hero, will Dean notice Y/N needs help?
Chapter Summary: A description of how things got to this point.
Pairings: No romantic pairing. Dean Winchester x teen!daughter
Word Count: 1,066
A/N: @agirlwithanpureheart sent an ask for this request and this is Part 1 of 3 of this mini-series that sees Dean with a teenage daughter who is self-harming. Please heed trigger warnings above.
I have a history with mental health struggles, but never self-harm, so my understanding of it is limited to what I can learn from outside sources. I hope I have done an adequate job in representing the experience and I apologize sincerely if you feel that it is not. This is obviously a purely fictional representation.
Mental Health Help can be found on the following websites:
United States Canada: UK: International:
*The beautiful divider at the bottom was created by @talesmaniac89 💓
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It's hard to be the daughter of a super-hero. But it's not the hardest part of my life.
I mean...
sometimes (most times) it sucks being a teenager
sometimes (most times) it sucks going to high school
sometimes (most times) it sucks being a girl
Add to this pile of suck, the fact that I live in this tiny town where I'm known as the freak who lives in the creepy abandoned building at the edge of town, and you might understand why I am where I am right now.
I am definitely not living up to hero status at the moment.
So, my Dad isn't really a super-hero per se. No cape. No tights. No movie deals.
I guess he's less super hero, more actual hero. He fights monsters. Like, real-life, scary as hell, kill you quick, kind of monsters. And he's good at it. Very good. He's a bit of a legend in the hunting world. That what it's called, his job, he's a hunter.
Let's see, he's fought the usual things most hunters fight; vampires, werewolves, wendigos, ghosts (all kinds!), Djinns, ghouls, sirens, rugarus, shapeshifters, rawheads, wraiths, skinwalkers...well, you get the idea. If it goes bump in the night, Dean Winchester bumps it back.
But he's also fought major baddies like demons, the devil and the darkness. He's saved the world more times than most people can track, and there isn't a hunter, angel, or demon alive who doesn't know who he is.
Hell, even God's got him on his Christmas card list. (JK, Chuck, that's God's first name, is off to parts unknown these days, and he doesn't really write.)
But whatever, my point in all of this is just to say that being the daughter of this hero, this myth, this legend, can be a little daunting. And it can make it hard when all you want is to talk to your Dad, but he's gotta run because of a literal life or death situation.
And these days it's gotten even worse, cause...
My grandma like totally returned from the dead. Not a zombie, just resurrected. (It might seem like that should be a bigger deal than it is, but lots of people in my family come back from death.)
But this was still a pretty big deal because she died when my Dad was really little, so it's been a major adjustment.
And I get that, but also, I feel like, I never had enough time with him before, he's always pulled in a million directions, but now he has this huge piece of his past, his family, back in his life and I just feel like she's one more direction he has to go.
I really need him right now. I need him to notice. I need him to see. I don't want to tell him, I don't want to tell anyone. But god, I need him to know. I need him to read my mind, figure me out, uncover my secret.
I know I need help.
It started a couple months ago and I've only done it four times.
The first time was mostly accidental. School had been absolute crap once again, I'm not gonna go over it, but suffice it to say, humiliation was involved and it was hardly the first time.
I needed to blow off steam. My Dad has taught me how to fight, how to shoot, and how to throw a knife, or in this case, an angel blade. He never wants me to hunt, but he always wants me to be able to take care of myself.
So that first time I was outside, where we have targets set up for practice, and I was whipping an angel blade and a couple different knives at the target. I wasn't doing very well, and wasn't actually interested in succeeding. I just wanted to throw something sharp.
Maybe subconsciously I did want to get hurt. I don't know, I'm not Freud. Anyway, I was pulling the angel blade out of the target, but it was stuck in pretty far. So, I pushed against the target with one hand and pulled the blade with the other.
It unstuck, but the force of the blade swung out to the side and sliced through my arm. It hurt. Like a bitch.
But...
There was something in the pain, something that felt like release, like relief. I looked down at my arm, at the blood running down to my wrist, and I imagined all the darkness in me, my resentment, my hate, my anger and grief was running out of me too. Maybe there was magic in the angel blade that would cleanse me.
Eventually, I kind of came to my senses and cleaned myself up and hid the cut from my dad and everyone else until it went away.
But then a few weeks later it happened again, but not at all accidentally that time. Or the time after that, or this last time.
But it was this last one that actually has me a little worried and desperate to be seen.
I cut pretty deep. It bled a lot. I was really scared.
I went to Cas for that one. I just told him it was an accidental injury while I was training. He healed it up for me quick. But the really really scary part?
I want to do it again. I feel like everything is crushed inside me, all this pain, all this fear, the dark just presses in from all sides.
But when I cut into my skin it's like I'm lancing a wound, like all the pus and infection drains away. The problem is, within a day, the wound is back, and I'm infected again.
I can't keep doing it, I know that. But I don't know how else to relieve the pain.
I don't want to tell my Dad. I think...I think he'll think I'm weak. He's like this giant tower of strength and will. Nothing ever seems to faze him. When impossible odds are in front of him, he just keeps pushing through, he always wins, he never gives up.
If I tell him, he's gonna know I gave up, that I lost, that I'm weak and...and I'd give anything for him not to think that, not to know that.
Because my Dad isn't just a hero - he's my hero.
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Part 2
@akshi8278, @lgranger67, @maggiegirl17, @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone, @foxyjwls007, @b3autyfuldisast3r, @myloversgone, @kazsrm67, @fangirlxwrites67, @kickingitwithkirk, @charred-angelwings, @hopefuldreamers-world, @siospins, @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp, @my-sherlock221b, @jensensgotyoudean @lyarr24, @snowlovespie, @stixnstripesworld, @thoughts-and-funnies, @magssteenkamp, @norman1967, @princessmisery666, @mishkatelwarriorgoddess, @deepsketchsupernaturalcowboy, @eevvaa, @b-i-t-c-h-i-e, @twirpbunwarrior, @mysweetlittledesire
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t-lostinworlds · 3 years
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Dear Santa (Tom Holland)
a/n: this made me want a baby, preferably with tom but anyway. here’s my gift to you lot for the holidays! i hope you enjoy this one <3
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pairing: dad!tom holland x female!reader trope/genre: Dad AU; slight angst; fluff summary: It’s a yearly thing for Tom and your daughter to write letters to Santa together on what they want for Christmas. Only this time around, it was over video call given that Tom was miles away from his two—three, including Tessa—beautiful girls. Santa did get the letters though... warnings: tom being such a dad (which is a warning in its own right), a dash of ‘missing you’ angst, it’s so fluffy that i died a couple times, bad pun/dad joke & a lil steamy in the end. word count: 7.2k+
masterlist in bio & pinned post
-:-:-:-:-
"Dada!"
"Hello, angel," Tom gushed, heart warming up ten times over as he looked right at his four-year-old daughter's beautiful and chubby face. Her little hand waved enthusiastically while she sat on the tall chair in the dining area, her beam turning brighter at the sight of him. "How was your day?" He slid himself in the little nook he had in his trailer, placing his laptop on the table in front of him and getting himself comfy as he listened to her tiny voice babble. Some of her words were mispronounced, sentences cut short and randomly stringed together but Tom listened to every single one of it with much interest.
"What?! She didn't," he gasped exaggeratedly when she talked about Tessa sitting on her while they played in the living room, the pup barking soon after to make her presence known.
"She did! 'N Tessa so heavy dada."
The young lad heard your sweet giggle next and his whole body softened even more at the sound. He leaned back on the seat with the brightest smile he could ever wear. Although Tom could feel the sting in his chest gradually grow when you came into view.
The curve on your lips was tender and sweet, one that he could never get enough of even after years of seeing it, one that he's so dearly missed seeing in person. Tom felt his heart ache the more he stared at his two precious girls, both looking at him with smiles. But still, he can see it, the tiny specks of sadness in your eyes all because he was thousands of miles away, five days before Christmas.
He would absolutely do anything to be in the same room with you two right now. Hell, even to just be in the same country but alas, work and duties. Tom has been away for roughly five months and the last time he's seen you two in the flesh was two months ago when you came over and visited him on set. Now, it was the holidays and he's still not home. And Tom can attest that it's one of, if not the worst feeling in the world.
It wasn't in his plan to be so far away at this time but his schedule is ever changing which led him to still be at work nearing Christmas. He'd done the best he could to try and make it before or on the 25th but it wasn't set on stone. No real and solid plans until the actual day which was very gut wrenching.
It was the first Christmas he's away, after all.
But at this moment, Tom has been lucky enough to have a few hours off this afternoon given that night shoots were the agenda of the day. And even though he should be using this time to get a few hours of sleep in before a very long night, of course, Tom took this opportunity to video call over instead. He just got done eating lunch but it was already dinnertime back in London, and he so badly needs to see your beautiful faces before you went to bed.
"Thalia, sweetie, go wash your hands for a sec, yeah?" you hummed, running your fingers gently through her curly hair, one she got from him. Although her eyes, her smile and overall beauty? It was all you, Tom thinks so at least. Well, except for that cute nose that she got from him as well. The more she grows, the more it shows how she's the perfect mixture of her parents, and it honestly makes his heart soar. Thalia is the reminder of the love you and Tom have, one that's pure and strong that blossomed into this joyful, precious and beautiful little girl.
She looked up at you with a soft pout, pointing towards the screen as she shook her head. "Bu—"
"I'll be right here pumpkin, don't worry. Listen to mummy," Tom chuckled softly. Upon seeing the apologetic smile you flashed him, he knew that you saw the flicker of sadness that crossed his features. You always do see right through him. He shot you a small reassuring nod, a silent way to tell you it was okay.
"No go anywhere," Thalia warned, narrowing her eyes at him.
Tom felt his heart break even more but he flashed her a wide grin, crossing his finger over his heart and said, "I promise."
Thalia reached a hand out for you to take, a sweet smile on your face as you curled your fingers around her tiny ones. "There you go," you said, helping her off the seat.
"Thank you," she hummed, tugging your hand to urge you to lean down. A lovely giggle vibrated in your chest once Thalia placed a wholesome smack on your lips, the sight making Tom's heart skip a couple beats.
"You're welcome, angel," you said. Thalia disappeared from the screen, Tom assuming she had swiftly made her way over her little stairs that he had built for her a couple months back, just so she could reach the sink. "Careful," you called out, the soft grunts of the little girl echoing in the kitchen along with Tessa pitter-patters on the tiles. Tom knew she was in a rush up the stairs, eager to get her hands clean so she can go back to talking to him. He doesn't know if the thought made his heart soar or break a couple more pieces.
You turned back to look at him through the screen, a shy smile erupting on your features the moment you saw him already gawking at you with the proudest grin on his lips. He just can't help but admire the goddess before him. You just look so stunning and gorgeous in a simple knitted sweater, you, his wife.
That alone was honestly enough to make Tom combust with the love that fills him up ten times over. But then, by the heavens above, you're such an amazing mother. He genuinely doesn't know what to do with himself. You make him feel like he's on top of the world. Both you and Thalia make him feel so, so happy.
"Damn, how did I get so lucky," he gushed, gaze locked with yours with adoration coating his orbs. "I mean, look at you, the fact that I get to call you my wife? Whew." He shook his head in pure disbelief, blowing out his cheeks in the process. You let out a bashful laugh with a roll of your eyes, his smile only growing at your reaction. It makes Tom's heart melt whenever you get all timid when he showers you with compliments and affections, all the more reason for him to keep doing it as often as he can.
"All clean!" Thalia exclaimed as she climbed back onto her seat with your guidance, showing her palms to him with a bright smile.
"That's my girl," Tom said proudly, shooting her a wink with a grin to match.
You moved the laptop farther so Tom could see both of you clearly. Disappearing for a moment, Tom heard you speaking to Tessa, handing the doggo her dinner he presumed. You came back into view soon after with two plates on hand, placing one in front of Thalia—to which she adorably clapped with a soft 'thank you'—and setting yours right beside hers. Tom simply watched with a smug smile as you handed the young girl her utensils before you sat yourself down. Your little girl waited for you to get situated without touching her food. Then you and Thalia locked eyes, lifting your spoons and taking a bite at the same time with giggles coming out of you both.
The amount of times Tom could literally die and resurrect at the adorable scene before him was immeasurable. He was unable to wipe the love-struck grin painted on his lips, cheeks hurting but totally worth it.
"Oh, that was a very big bite," he commented when Thalia took another spoonful. Tom adjusted the sleeves of his flannel shirt, pulling it up his forearms for him to easily prop his elbow on the table, resting his chin on his palm as he admired his two precious girls.
"Hmm, so good!" Thalia nodded enthusiastically, eyes all squinted with her cheeks puffed out as she chewed her food as thoroughly and as carefully as she could. Although a little bit of it still managed to stick to her chin, Thalia quick to clean it up with the napkin you placed right beside her plate.
God she's growing up fast.
Tom felt his eyes sting at the thought of his little girl growing to be not-so-little anymore. Not long ago he was the one who'd wipe the little crumbs and mess off her face, but now she can do it all on her own. He could honestly cry.
"You know what, I'm so jealous of you young lady," he huffed, leaning back with his arms crossed and a deep crease on the middle of his brows. "It's unfair how you get to eat mummy's cooking every day."
"I sent Sam some of my recipes, didn't I?" you asked, amusement laced in your tone as you furrowed your brows at him.
"Yeah, but it still isn't the same when it's you cooking because then I can give you hugs and kisses during the process." Tom pouted. "That's one of my favourite parts aside from eating."
"Ew, dada, cheesy."
Tom's mouth fell agape as his gaze snapped towards Thalia and then at you—to which you only shrugged with a giggle—and back to his daughter. "Okay, who taught you that?" he asked with narrowed eyes.
"Uncle Haz!" Thalia exclaimed proudly, nodding her head as she continued eating.
Tom shook his head disappointedly as he locked eyes with you. "I've been telling you, love, Harrison is a bad influence on her," he grumbled, jokingly of course.
"Oh hush, it's not like what she said was a lie," you pointed out with a knowing smile.
"Hey!" He pouted.
Thalia giggled at his reaction. "Dada cheesy," she repeated.
Tom sighed, shaking his head but the smile never did leave his lips. It never could whenever his eyes are on you two. He was going to confront Harrison about that though; makes Tom wonder what other things that blonde lad has taught his daughter.
"How was your morning, bub?" you asked with a soft smile.
Tom relaxed in his seat as he proceeded to recount the events that happened earlier all while you both continued to eat your dinner.
"—and then we got to visit the children's hospital and gave out presents, which was nice."
"They met Spider-Man?" Thalia queried.
Tom gave her a nod with a wide smile on his face. "Yes, they did."
It's still surreal to him how he's managed to now have the fifth movie of the franchise. It was the last installment which was somewhat bittersweet on its own right. Nonetheless, Tom was very thankful with the run of his career as the famous web-slinger. Lucky and blessed would be huge understatements to describe his life. Even more so now that he's got a wonderful, beautiful daughter and an amazing, gorgeous wife.
"Dada a real life superhero."
Yup, he definitely couldn't get even luckier than this.
Tom let out a coo, bottom lip jutted out as he looked at you and then at Thalia with a little gloss in his eyes. "I could literally burst into tears right now. You own my heart, darling," he gushed. Eyes glancing back at you, he sighed, "You both do."
The warmth and love you held in your eyes glowed some more, his smile widening at the beautiful sight as he tilted his head at you sweetly. Turning back to his daughter, Thalia flashed him a wide smile, setting her spoon and fork down with a satisfied hum.
"Finish already?" Tom asked.
She nodded enthusiastically. "It's letter time!"
Tom can't help but chuckle. It's been a yearly thing for him and her to write their letters to Santa every 20th, always the same schedule which was after dinner. Thalia has grown accustomed to the tradition real quick despite only doing it for only a few years. Well, she is just four.
"Alright, alright, why don't you help mummy clean up while I'll go get my pen and special paper," he said with a wriggle of his brows. The young girl clapped cheerfully as she grabbed for your hand before hopping off her seat, gently taking her plate from the table and carrying it to the sink.
"She's getting so big, love," Tom breathed out, looking at you with his bottom lip jutted out.
"I know," you sighed, eyes on Thalia before you tilted your head at him with that gorgeous smile of yours, nothing but adoration coating your orbs.
Smile turning into a mischievous smirk, he wriggled his brows at you. "Should we make another one?" he purred, voice low and guttural but quiet.
"Thomas!" you hissed as softly as you could. You looked at your little girl briefly and Tom literally saw the relief that washed over your face before you turned back to him with a death glare. "She hasn't asked about that yet and I swear if you're the reason why she starts now—"
"Tessa, not the spoon!"
Your head whipped towards the direction of that little voice before you turned back to Tom with narrowed eyes. "You behave yourself, Mr. Holland," you warned, raising a brow at him and then walking off screen.
"Love you, Mrs. Holland!" he called out with a chuckle.
***
"Dada don't peek!" Thalia gasped once she saw Tom craning his neck teasingly. She glared at him as she covered her paper with her little hand, which was honestly the cutest thing ever.
"I'm not, I'm not," he chuckled, going back to writing his letter.
He wasn't really asking for presents. Well, realistically, he doesn't need to. Of course he could pretend and not write anything at all but he feels a little bad lying to his daughter. So, he resulted to jotting down the things he already has rather than asking for more. All of his yearly letters had consisted of nothing but gratefulness as he lists down what he's been blessed with and was so thankful for, you and Thalia always at the top of that list.
The party has been moved to Thalia's room now, the little girl fresh out her bath and was wrapped in her PJs. The laptop was right on the little desk she had in the corner where she practices her writing, reading and even drawings.
It was where they always write the letters. The previous years, Tom would sit right beside her in one of the tiny chairs as he helps her write. But now, instead of side by side, they were looking at each other through the screen, which honestly makes Tom's heart ache. To add to that, she was writing on her own too, a bittersweet feeling coursing through his bones. Because as much as how he feels so proud to see his little girl know—slowly but surely—how to write, there's always going to be a part of him that clings to the memory of her little hand encased in his much larger ones as he helps her navigate the pencil around the paper, letter by letter.
God, she needs to slow down on growing up. Tom can't honestly handle it.
"You peeked again!" she squealed when she saw Tom lift his brows with widened eyes as he tried to get a look at her paper. Thalia quickly glanced over her shoulder, pointing at the screen with a pout, so obviously telling on him which made him let out a hearty laugh. You came into view right behind the little girl, toys on hand which Tom knows you got off from the floor. There's always so many of them littered around her room. Well, he admits, he does spoil his little girl, sometimes.
"Dada, no peeking," you scolded playfully, raising a knowing brow at him, Tom's heart melting at the seams at your use of the nickname.
"I didn't see anything, I promise." He threw both his hands up in surrender, scrunching his nose at Thalia who only stuck her tongue out at him in response. You disappeared from shot again, continuing what you were doing, Tom assumed. He turned back to his daughter. "Now, write your name at the bottom so Santa knows who it's from. And then put it in the envelope and give it to mummy," he instructed.
Thalia scribbled a few more lines before taking the paper in hand, folding it up as best as she could—all wonky and uneven which is so darn cute—and then carefully sliding it in the envelope provided for her. She then lifted it up to you once you made your way back over to her desk. "Done!" she exclaimed proudly.
"Great job, angel," Tom commended. "Now, time to brush your teeth."
Thalia nodded before turning behind her to catch your eyes. "Mama, help please." She pointed towards the laptop as a way for her to say that she wants to bring it with her, never wasting any time to talk or just see him. Again, Tom doesn't know if his heart could melt or break at the thought.
You nodded with a hum just as she rushed towards the bathroom across the hall, you right on her tail as you carried the computer in your arms.
"Ugh, my heart literally soars every time I hear her call you mama," Tom groaned as he shook his head. "Never gets old."
"Stop being so adorable when I can't kiss you right now," you muttered.
Tom smirked, shooting you a teasing wink to which you only responded with a playful roll of your eyes before you placed the laptop by the sink. Thalia was back on screen again, already brushing her teeth like a pro. Tom knows he's being a broken record but she genuinely needs to stop growing up too fast.
It's not good for his dad heart.
"Smile, sweetheart," Tom hummed once she saw her finish, the little girl showing her rows of teeth at him proudly. "Very pretty," he cooed.
"Thank you," she said with a cute giggle. The little girl bounded back to her room and climbed on the bed, you following suit with the laptop in hand. You gently placed it at the foot and on an angle so Tom could see you both clearly as you tucked her in. "Tessa!" Thalia squealed, tiny fits of giggles escaping her lips soon after as the pup circled around to find a comfy spot before settling right next to her.
The lovely doggo has become Thalia's best friend, personal cuddle buddy, and bodyguard. Wherever she goes, Tessa is always in tow. They always, always sleep beside each other every night and it's honestly the most wholesome thing in the world.
The room became dim when you turned off the main light, leaving the lamp on as Thalia wiggled a few more times before finally settling down. "Story, dada?" she yawned.
Tom nodded with a smile, leaning over the table as he switched up his voice a little. "In a kingdom far, far away..." he started, Tessa resting her head on the little girl's tummy as if she wants to have a piece of the story as well. His smile widened when you sat beside your daughter, your fingers caressing through her hair lovingly as you listened.
Tom can't help but pout at you, missing the way those same fingers feel against his scalp as you run them through his hair. You shook your head with a soft laugh, raising your brow to urge him to keep going with the story.
Gasps and giggles escaped out of Thalia as she listened to him all throughout his impromptu fantasy world. She made sure to throw in her two cents, turning the story to how whatever way she sees fit.
"...and then the princess climbed on her dragon with her new found freedom as she flew into the sunset. The end," Tom finished, his little girl letting out another yawn with her eyes now barely open. He can't stop his heart from melting at the sight. "Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you," he cooed.
"G'night dada. Love you too," she hummed, eyes fluttering close as she threw her arm over Tessa.
"I'll see you soon my princesses," Tom whispered, eyes flickering over at his pup and daughter with a bittersweet smile.
Tom caught sight of the stars that circled around the room when you switched off the lamp and turned her night light on. You flashed him a smile as you took the laptop in your hand and ventured out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar behind you.
***
"How about you, my love, what's in your letter for Santa?" Tom asked as you settled yourself down on your shared bed, back against the headboard with the computer on your lap. The screen really doesn't do you much justice on how gorgeous you look, especially now when you got changed and opted on wearing his hoodie.
"I just want you home," you whispered, hand going over your mouth in realization that you said it out loud. Tom saw the guilt spread across your features once you locked eyes with him.
"I'm trying, darling," Tom sighed, hand running through his hair dejectedly, ache coursing through his chest at the sound of longing in your voice.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," you rushed.
"No, nothing to apologise for, love," he said, flashing you a sad yet reassuring smile. "It kills me too, being so far away from you both. But I'll see what I can do okay?"
You shook your head, brows furrowed in worry. "You've already done all that you could, Tom."
"But I feel like I should be doing more," he admitted, frown settling on his lips as he held your gaze. Oh how he wished he could take the sadness away from your orbs, to feel your warmth as he pulls you into his embrace. He wants nothing more than to cover you with kisses, to whisper sweet nothings onto your skin to replace your frown with those giggles he adores. "I miss you so much," Tom sighed.
"I miss you too—"
"Tom—oh, hey, Y/N."
You smiled softly. "Hi, Harry."
"I hate to be the one to say this but they need you on set now," Harry said in dismay, shooting you and Tom a guilty smile.
Tom looked at the clock, shock befalling him on how fast time had passed. It didn't even feel like he's been sat in this little nook for five hours, didn't feel like he's talked to you enough at all. He thought he had a few hours more, not a couple minutes left.
His eyes landed back on you briefly and you only flashed him a small smile. Tom turned to his brother with a nod. "Yeah, okay, I'll be right behind you," he said.
"Tell Thalia her favourite uncle said hi," Harry said to you with a proud smile.
Tom shook his head at his brother's bold claim given that Thalia hasn't said that at all. She hasn't shown to have favourites, nor does she have anyone who she likes to spend time with, more. But being competitive lads, it was natural for his brothers—which includes Harrison, Tuwaine and Jacob—to compete for the title of her favourite uncle. She's just spoiled to bits really.
You let out a laugh, though it was a faint one, smile not as wide as you nodded at the twin. "Will do, Harry."
Harry flashed you one last smile before he turned to give Tom a curt nod, hand coming up to give his shoulder a comforting squeeze. Tom smiled at him gratefully, patting his hand before the younger lad made his way out of the trailer. Turning back to you, Tom felt his heart drop to his stomach.
"Darling, please don't cry," he whispered, hand instinctively reaching for you, a harsh foot stepping on his heart when his fingertips only got as far as touching the screen.
"I'm not," you muttered, blowing out your cheeks as you leaned to the side, so obviously trying to wipe your tears off screen. Tom still saw it though, and even if he didn't, he knows you like that back of his hand. The smallest change in your voice could tell him all.
Tom did his best to keep himself together, flashing you a small, comforting smile once you met his gaze again. "I'll see you soon alright?" he said. "I love you so much, darling."
You nodded, frown settling in your lips as you sighed, "I love you too, Tom, oh so much."
"Goodnight, my love." Tom tilted his head at you with a knowing grin. "Dream of me," he teased, earning a small giggle from you.
"Always."
***
"Is dada not coming home, mama?"
It was the 24th of December and your heart could do nothing but ache at your daughter's question. You tried your best to not let your frown be so prominent while you tucked her to bed.
"We don't know yet, lovie," you sighed, hand caressing her cheek tenderly. "But maybe dada will be here the moment you wake up tomorrow," you added, shooting her a knowing wink despite the sharp stab in your heart given that it was still uncertain.
Tom hasn't called at all the whole day. He only sent you a text earlier this morning explaining that he was going to be busy, hence why he won't be able to call. Strings of apologies buzzed through your phone even despite telling him over and over that it was okay. You know that guilt is eating him up whole right now, know for a fact that he's beating himself up black and blue by still not being home on Christmas Eve.
Thalia flashed you her sweet smile and a nod in response, not pressing anymore about her father's absence.
She's really smart for her age, so you wouldn't doubt it at all that she understands why Tom is away right now. You did tell her that her dad wasn't going to be joining dinner this time and she simply said, ''S okay. Dada is a superhero and superheroes are very busy.' And it honestly took everything in you to not start bawling at the dinner table.
"Story time, mama," Thalia hummed, taking your hand in hers as she tugged you closer.
"Okay, scoot a little you two," you said, both Tessa and Thalia making room for you to sit on the edge of the bed. "Once upon a time..."
***
With Thalia fast asleep, you treaded towards the door, leaving it slightly open—for Tessa in case she has businesses to attend to in the middle of the night—behind you and made your downstairs, turning on the little lights on the steps in the process. You went inside the living room, walking over to the wooden stool by the Christmas tree to take the plate of cookies and the glass of milk. You emptied the glass as you made your way to the kitchen, placing the cookies back in the jar and then putting the dirty dishes in the sink.
Venturing into the guest bedroom, you took out the bag filled with the few gifts you had wrapped up the day before. It wasn't a lot, just a couple of toys for both Tessa and Thalia. The little girl really hasn't asked much this year aside from a few toys she saw on TV or at the mall. And what she had on her letter...it was a bit difficult to get.
You slipped back inside the living room, placing the gifts under the tree along with the few sweets inside the stockings. Once you've turned off the electric fireplace, you went over to the tree lights next. But before you could even get to the plug, you suddenly heard the creaking sound of the front door opening and then closing, making you shoot straight up and freeze in your spot. Your heart pounded against your chest, hands trembling at the thought of a break in. Your mind ran a hundred miles per hour as you thought about what to do, ready to sprint upstairs to get to your daughter. You felt your breath hitch when you saw a figure emerged in the entryway.
But then you saw that it was him.
"Tom?" you gasped, eyes wide and glossed up, mouth opening in closing in pure shock as you stared right at your husband.
His face was now in full view as he pulled the hood of his hoodie down. A loving smile played on his lips, one you missed seeing in person. Your heart stuttered as you held each other's eyes, so many emotions swimming in those brown orbs but the love and satisfaction outshined everything else.
"Hi, darling," he sighed in pure content, that voice you love so dearly clear and real, not muffled by the poor quality of the laptop speakers. "Do I not get a welcome home hug?" he teased when you stayed in your spot, unmoving and simply gawking at him. Tom opened his arms wide for you to easily jump into.
Once you've got a hold of reality, you just ran to him full sprint, a sob escaping your lips as he caught you right in his embrace. Tom wrapped his arms around you with a shaky breath, squeezing you oh so tightly as he rocked you side to side. You breathed him in, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck, hands fisting the material of his hoodie from behind as your body raked with soft sobs.
Tom pulled away briefly to cup your face in both hands, thumb wiping away the tears that sat on your skin. He smiled at you all adoringly, eyes turning glossy before he swiftly pressed his lips right on yours. You let out a whine as you melted into the kiss, fingers taking home in the mesh of his curls on the back of his head as you held onto him, to physically feel him, just to make sure that he was actually real.
"I fucking missed you so much," Tom groaned against your lips, arms back around your waist to pull you inhumanely closer. His warmth was quick to coat you both inside and out, the feeling of his lips on yours familiar but never fails makes your head spin. His embrace felt like home and oh how much you've missed it.
You pulled away to give into your lungs' needs, but only just a little, both of you in dire need to keep each other as close as possible. The tips of your noses brushed against each other as your chests heaved, though the smile on your lips never did waver.
You stared into his brown orbs, your brows furrowed lightly in question. "But how—"
"Once they gave me the go I took the first flight home," he said, pressing his forehead against yours as he stared right into your eyes with utmost love and the widest grin on his lips to match. You placed your hand on his cheek, Tom turning his head to press his lips against your palm briefly before he leaned into your touch.
"I can't believe you're actually here," you whispered.
"I couldn't miss spending Christmas with my two—" Tom stopped himself when he heard the pitter-patter of paws down the stairs. You turned to see Tessa bounding towards your direction, jumping right at Tom as he crouched down to greet her with a chuckle, "Right, three favourite girls."
Then a small voice spoke, "Dada?"
Tom's head shot up, his handsome face glowing even more, remaining crouched on the floor as he spread his arms. "There's my sweet pumpkin."
Thalia ran to him as fast as her little legs would let her. Laughs came out of the young girl, the sweet sound echoing around the room as Tom lifted her up and spun her around.
"Yay! Santa got my letter!" she cheered, both hands up in the air.
Tom settled her in his strong arms with a soft furrow of his brows. He looked at you confused.
Later, you mouthed.
Tom nodded as he turned back to his little girl. "I missed you so much, my princess," he said, littering her face with loud kisses to which Thalia squealed and giggled in response.
You wrapped your arms around yourself with a satisfied hum and a wide smile on your face. To see Tom be such an amazing and loving father never fails to make your heart grow twice its size, never fails to make you fall even deeper for your man, your husband.
The lovely sight of him and Thalia made your body tingle in more ways than one, a thought crossing your mind, a feeling in your bones telling you that it was the perfect time. It made you smile wider, heat dusting your cheeks as you tilted your head at your husband and daughter.
Tom caught you staring, a proud smirk erupting on those lips of his as he shot you wink. You can't help but roll your eyes at his smugness.
Of course he knows the effects he has on you, knows how him being such a dad makes your heart flutter. But also, how it makes your body fill up with heat and want that you'd have to resist the urge to pounce on him. It probably was obvious in the way you look at him, easily sees it in your eyes because he knows you, he is your husband after all.
But then again, maybe he knows because he's just the same, if not much more intense. The amount of times he's gushed over and over how he wants to put another baby in you whenever he sees you taking care of Thalia goes to prove that point.
It's an equal reaction really, both of you just as whipped for each other.
"Come here, darling." He beckoned you over with a sweet smile, resting Thalia on his hip as he held a hand out for you to which you gladly took. He pulled you closer, giving you a soft peck on the lips before snaking an arm around your waist. You wrapped your arm around the small of his back, chin on his shoulder as you looked at him with utmost love. He shifted his eyes from you and Thalia as he sighed, "It feels so good to be home."
It was such a picture perfect moment, a pure family in love. There was nothing but wide smiles on all your faces, happy to finally be in each other's embrace after so long. Plus, Tessa sat right in front looking at her humans lovingly with her tail wagging enthusiastically.
Thalia's head fell onto her father's shoulder as she let out a loud yawn, tiny fists rubbing over her eyes before she wrapped her arms around his neck. Your heart melted at the adorably sight, a soft coo escaping your lips as you reached over to brush the stray her that landed on her face.
Tom chuckled, turning slightly to give his daughter a kiss on the forehead. "Let's get you back to bed yeah?"
***
Tom came inside your shared bedroom just as you slipped the envelope inside your drawer. Closing it, you leaned back against the headboard with a smile, eyes landing back on your man who stood still in his place.
Tom had his back pressed against the closed door, staring right at you with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.
"You going to join me in bed or are you just going to ogle?" you teased, raising your brow at him with a tilt of your head.
Tom chuckled, pulling himself off the door and sauntering over to you all while slowly stripping off his clothing, starting with his hoodie to his shirt and leaving them across the floor.
He's lucky you miss him too much to call him out on that, willing to give him a pass since he did just got off from a flight. He'll probably pick them up tomorrow though. If not then, he'll definitely hear from you.
By the time he's reached your side, he was left in nothing but his boxer shorts.
"She asleep?" you asked, looking up at your husband lovingly as he towered over you, standing on your side of the bed.
"Mm-hmm." He bit his lip with a smirk as he leaned down, hands on either side of your thighs that were hidden under the covers. "I've got such a beautiful wife huh," he muttered, brushing the tip of his nose against yours all adoringly before he captured your lips in his with a satisfied hum.
You giggled between the kiss, fingers lost in his hair as you pulled him closer, lips moving in sync like they've never been apart for so long. Tom nibbled at your bottom lip, a low groan erupting in his chest when you let him in, your tongues meeting as his hand landed on your thigh with a hot squeeze. You basked in his taste for a few moments more, letting him explore your mouth just to feel him closer, especially after months of being deprived from each other. Your hands slid down to rest on his broad shoulders, giving them a squeeze before you pulled away.
"Before you get too excited, I suggest you read Thalia's letter first," you said with a soft giggle.
Tom let out a hearty laugh, nodding in agreement and giving you once last peck before he jumped over you as threw himself on his side of the bed. The whole mattress bounced due to his weight, earning a pointed eye roll from you. Always a dork no matter what.
He slipped himself inside the covers, settling back against the headboard just as you rummaged through your drawer. You handed him an already opened envelope before you laid your head on his shoulder, slinging an arm over his naked torso as you snuggled to his side. Tom took out the piece of paper, a smile erupting on his lips once he unfolded it, eyes catching sight of his daughter's messy handwriting.
His strong arm wrapping around your shoulder, Tom pulled you closer, giving you a tender squeeze before he read the letter out loud:
Dear Santa,
Please bring dada home.
Me, mama and Tessa miss him so much and I don't want mama to be sad anymore.
Thank you, Santa.
Thalia
Tom tore his eyes off the paper to look at you with a pout, brown orbs glossing up as he placed the paper back in its envelope and set it aside. Snaking both his arms around your form, he gave you a loving squeeze. "Such a sweetheart with a big heart, just like her mother," he hummed, leaning down to give your forehead a sweet kiss.
"I read that at the mall when I did last minute shopping. I had to rush to the bathroom to get myself together. I got so stressed because I don't know if you were coming home or not. Which would then go down to explaining to her that Santa didn't get her letter and I really didn't want to break her heart like that," you elaborated, Tom's fingers caressing your arm comfortingly. "And then I was walking past this comic book store and saw this life size cardboard cutout of you as Spider-Man with the mask off. I was really contemplating if I should just get that instead," you laughed.
"You should've," Tom chuckled.
"And creep her out? No." You shook your head with a giggle. You pulled away from him slightly, his hands sliding down to rest on the small of your back once you did so. With your palm flat against his toned chest, you gawked at his handsome face with nothing but love. "Yet here you are, always here to save the day," you hummed.
Tom smiled widely at you, hand coming up to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheek fondly before he pulled you down for a passion-filled kiss.
"Now," he murmured against your lips, hand sneaking down and under the covers, fingers hot against your bare thigh. He gave it a pointed squeeze before he pulled away slightly. "What do you want, my gorgeous wife?" he purred, a certain glow in those brown orbs as his smirk grew.
With a quick peck on his lips, you release yourself from his grasp for a second so you can reach inside your drawer. You gave him another envelope, a sealed one this time, Tom taking it with a confused look on his face. Lying down on your side, you propped your head up with your hand as you waited for him to read it.
Brows furrowed, Tom opened it and pulled out the letter, pupils moving slowly as he scanned the words. You can't help but giggle once you saw the shift of emotions on his face, his eyebrows rising as he stared at your handwriting wide-eyed.
Dear my lovely Tom,
Thalia is due a younger sibling, don't you think?
Love, Y/N ;)
Never have you ever seen Tom move so fast in your life.
Your sweet laugh echoed around the room as he immediately pulled the covers off your body so he could get himself on top of you without any hindrance. He hovered above you with a wide smirk on his lips, strong hands gripping your thighs as he threw them around his waist, body slotted in between your legs with ease.
He didn't waste any more time as he swiftly dipped his head to capture your lips with utmost love but also, need. The kiss was hot, rushed, a little messy and filled with absolute fervour.
Arms taking home around his shoulder, you pulled him closer into you, your heels digging into the small of his back, both of you groaning at the familiar closeness, bodies fitting perfectly together like two puzzle pieces.
Tom slipped his tongue in your mouth with ease when rutted his hip once which earned a gasp from you. He did it again with a low growl, to make you feel just how badly he needs you. And oh you can feel it alright, feel it really hard. There was the obvious desperation coursing in you both; it's been months after all.
Pulling away for a moment, Tom wriggled his brows at you with lust-filled eyes and a love-struck smirk. Your chest was heaving as you stared right into those brown orbs, ones that turned even darker as his hands took hold of the hem of your—his—shirt. He was ready to pull it off of you but not before saying,
"I guess Santa isn't the only one emptying his sack this Christmas."
"Thomas!"
-:-:-:-:-
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cooloddball · 3 years
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Someone submitted something in my inbox and they wanted to remain anonymous. Since this is an extremely long essay, I will put it under the cut. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
xxx submitted: hey, i was the one who ask what do you think of Misha and Jensen's current relationship First off all thank you for your answear it means much to me cause im easy to be convice and this person who keep telling me that they are no longer friends can be so convicing, so I'm actully trying to forget what she said 😅 so I'm just writing a few. she said that since they no longer work together, they will forget about each other, and do their common things like the gay jokes, face touches ect. With other people, and neglect each other, don't talk to each other, and then meet new people who will replace the other. And and she talked about the gish thing, she said she sure they didn't talk since the end of the series, because Jensen didn't know where Misha was and Misha didn't know about the Radio Company vol 2 (but i saw people say that, they were just pretending, because Misha liked something about Radio Company Vol 2, before the gish live, so in theory he already knew then or something like that) and She said Misha wrote a poem about Darius not Jensen and now I will write down what she sent me : I saw a post about Jensen's current activities on social media, and I've come to the conclusion the only person he doesn't interact with is mish. Sadly this makes my break up theory even stronger. I feel like this is a goodbye to one of the biggest parts of my life. They've moved on from "uk what I haven't told you today? That i love u"+ from "miss my only jensen" from "i love u misha i mean it from the bottom of my heart" from "jensen has no flaws" from "misha is the funniest thing ever happened to me" from all that love and affection from everything they developed together and now they're apart leaving their lives like nothing happened and call me a dramatic but they both have the same energy now as someone has after a big break up. and Jensen comments on almost every of his friend’s post except Misha’s"+ Jenmish is genuinely the best thing that has ever happened in my entire life. I owe them literally everything. They're the reason i hold on. Unfortunately on this essay i have to start using past tense verbs for them, and i have to continue on that. I don't know for how long y'all been in spn fandom. But even if u joined one year before the show ended you'd know how close and intimate jensen and misha were. Everything about them was unmatched.+ The chemistry and how they just fit eachother. They had always been all over eachother. Like they were holding on eachother for dear life. They completed eachother and were like world's most powerful thing. They were the definition of soulmatism. No matter where, they ALWAYS kept interacting with eachother. Each possible tweet or insta post. On cons that the other wasn't there, the other one would bring up the othere's name for no absolute reason. +The looks and repeated love confessions. How invested they were both into eachother. The family they had built together cuz we know how close dee and mish are (look all the charity work they've been doing together recently). There are youtube videos to proof everything I've said so far.When i say break up, my real intention is that they've grown apart. Everything started in the the third or forth month of pandemic. Before than jensen used to interact +(comment mostly) on almost all of misha's posts. But after a while everything just stopped. At first personally didn't care that much. Bcuz I believed too much in them that I thought not even the gods above could separate them. I told myself maybe they spend long hours chatting or video calling and that's why online public interactions are gone. But as it passed it almost diminished to zero. Except some likes from jackles and eventual ones from misha there weren't anything else.+ We got absolutely no content and the show went off too. We were helpless and were sticking to everything we had Dee had a big social media shot down, so as jensen. Misha was busy with the election. We got some interviews for it with all of them. But we didn't get much.except remember both of them pulling a bff
move. and texted eachother during an online con where everyone else were dead-serious about politics? That flickered something in me. That showed me that+ they can't ever possibly let eachother go. And the times everyone else were talking and these too would just talk random things together (the one jackels had a white hat on with stacy abraham).And then Misha posted that for jensen's bday We really overlooked it. That shit was too intimate. To close. Fav march baby? U just don't go around and called ur bestie baby and when u mean it deeply. Especially not when ur friend is jensen ackles the "I suffered form internalized homophobia my whole life+ but fuck my wife's an angel and i have an angel bf too and another angel which is his wife but I'd rather die than come out cuz my asshole dad pulled a John winchester on me". It doesn't work like that. But uk how mish is. Carefree and open. I believe they got into a fight bcuz of this. He didn't even like the post. AND that was when the tiny bit of interactions we had was gone too. For a while jensen didn't even liked his posts. After a month it started again.What made me finally believe in that they had grown too+ far: I still remember the night misha posted that he and jensen were going to have a con for gish together. I remember how hard I cried. Lile the whole world was given to me. But deep down in my heart I knew that something would definitely happen. It didn't sit right with me and unfortunately my senses never lie to me. Jensen showed up at the wrong time bcuz of misunderstanding the time zones (this was HILARIOUS). That's not even my point.+ I've seen that interview 3 times so far. It always reminds me of when i saw my ex at a party and we were both so thrilled to see eachother and we still loved the other dearly, but we just couldn't work it out. Jensen and Misha's expressions were EXACTLY the same. The genuine smiles and longs pauses were they just stared at eachother. I'm so happy that it was online cuz if they actually gave that looks to eachother standing right next to the other one I would've collapsed. Misha didn't know that jensen's album+ was out. And he got so embarrassed when he found it out. He didn't know that jensen was on set and hadn't been home for 8weeks. Jensen had no idea where misha was. And this means that they hadn't talked in a long long time.When you're that close with someone for more than a decade, i mean THAT close, even if u're separated from eachother you'd at least check on the once a week, or at least once in two weeks. But it was vividly clear that they hadn't. I hate how this world works. They would always be in my heart.+ I would be thankful from them for everything. It hurts, and it won't stop and im so sure I'd be carrying this pain for a long time. They mean too much to a lot of us. Sometimes I think to myself that god i love them so much. Remember in 2019 when we used to get SO many jenmishdee interactions? That was LIT. It was THEE year for us. I hope they're doing good. I really do. I hope we don't get more proofs and I won't have to update this thread. Cuz my heart won't be taking it very+ well.Something i gotta add U may say that Jensen's busy and that's why he doesn't comment. But he comments on a lot of jared and his new costar's posts. So that's no excuse. So yeah that's it. I don't know what am I supposed to think. english isn't my native language, so sorry for the mistakes
Here is my response:
I don't know who this person who has been talking to is but I have to say they seem to be project their previous relationship experience on cockles.
I believe Jensen and Misha are okay and are together. Social media likes and comments don't mean anything. I mean it's not like Jensen or Misha used to comment on each other's posts before. Jensen didn't even wish Dee Happy Mother's Day this year, does that mean they are not together anymore? Nope. He has other best friends he has known for over 20 years like Jason Manns, Steve Carlson etc that he doesn't wish happy birthday, does that mean they are not friends anymore.
Please let's not put value on social media likes. I don't even follow my own family on sm and I don't always like or comment on my bf's or bff's posts on sm. So it doesn't mean anything.
As for the Gish Panel, I have talked about it before, the time Jensen was slotted to attend the panel, he was meant to answer fan questions. I honestly believe they decided to not do it at that time because they knew the questions would be about Destiel and not their new projects. If you watched that panel, Misha knew that Jensen's album was out as I pointed out. He was just trying to promote the album and soldier boy. He knew Jensen had also buffed out. It was all to promote Jensen. Anything else you hear is trolls and antis just being loud. Also don't forget Jensen called him "babe".
If Jensen and Misha weren't okay, he wouldn't have attended or participated all those panels Misha organized especially for Gish. Danneel also posts a lot about RA and likes Misha's posts. I am 100% Misha visited the Ackles when he went to Colorado last month.
Stop listening to trolls and/or antis or just people who are projecting and look at facts.
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heartshyuck · 3 years
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Pairing: Haechan x reader
Genre: fluff, enemies to best friends to lovers, college au
Synopsis: he was the sun but you liked the moon more.
Word count: 6.3k (I know it's literally double the word limit 🥲)
Warnings: swearing
a/n: this is dedicated to @bl--ankhaeji, for the secret santa (@neoculturechristmas ), I hope you have a great holiday and a happy new year <3 sorry I made you wait forever!
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Beautiful was the moon, the way she gracefully arose to the sky shining down on earth guiding those who travelled late at night. Accompanied by the stars, she outshone all those no matter how much she showed of herself in the night sky. In winter she ruled the skies with her reign lasting even when the sun would emerge, she would still look mesmerising and for that reason you loved winter. With the moon high above watching over you and the white specs of snow that gracefully fell, illuminated by white light; you walked through the empty campus back towards your dorm, it was pretty late but there were still a few passing bodies that relieved some of your building anxiety. 
Once you approached near, your fingers had already begun to numb, the tip of your nose kissed with frost and your toes frozen in place despite the many layers trying to keep you warm. Your hands shake slightly as you try to lift the key to the lock, hearing your struggles to open the door your roommate comes and saves you as he opens the door before you can. The warmth of the house engulfs you and it's like a pair arms have wrapped round you, protecting you from the harsh cold outside, instantly you begin to warm up. 
"Why do you insist on walking back in a blizzard" Jaemin rolls his eyes and shakes his head as he steps aside letting you in and closing the door behind you. "Literally just call me or Jeno and we'll pick you up" he whines, as always nagging and telling you off in the most loving way, and it only makes you smile, genuinely touched that he cares so much about you. 
"Because Jaems you both have lives and I don't want to be a hassle" you say as you rid yourself of your outside gear and then make your way to the living room, him following shortly behind you.  Jaemin and Jeno are both good friends, more like brothers or as you like to put it, guardian angels that the goddess of the moon sent to you upon your new dawn here at Neo University. From showing up when you needed an apartment to being there to remind you to eat when you were studying late into the night, you were indebted to them forever. "You could never be a hassle," Jaemin argues. 
"Who's a hassle?" Jeno walks into the room, food in hand and he chucks you both your favourite snack and again you're reminded how much they take care of you. "Me. I'm a hassle" you raise your arm, waving your hand a bit and Jeno sits beside you, covering himself and you in a blanket as he shoots you his famous eye smile, that reminds you of a crescent moon. 
"Last I checked you were a y/n, not a hassle" Jeno giggles, you and Jaemin both rolling your eyes at his incredibly bad jokes, though you're used to them by now. After a good few seconds of him still laughing at the horrible joke, he clears his throat "anyways Jaemin is right but if you don't wanna rely on us, how about you get a boyfriend" he raises his eyebrows.
"Well sorry to break it to you but there are no decent guys in this uni" Jeno pouts and Jaemin quickly chucks in a "hey we go here too" in protest, but you continue within the same breath, "all fuckboys who truly do not give a shit about anything but getting their dick wet" you huffed out in obvious built up annoyance directed to the male species. 
"What about Renjun? He's decent and you guys are good friends" Jeno asks "surely if you're friends, he has to be decent" 
"I saw Renjun in diapers, his mum's shown me pictures of him as a naked baby, I could never date him;he's literally my brother" you list off the reasons as to why you could never see Renjun in that way, you had known each other since before you could walk. 
"Maybe you should stop brother zoning guys then" Jaemin says under his breath in a pout and you send slit eyes his way and he smiles at you in return. 
"Okay what about Haechan" and as those words fall from Jeno's mouth, laughter erupts from Jaemin. Again you roll your eyes for what seems like the tenth time in this conversation, Jeno is visibly confused by both your reactions as his eyebrows furrow and nose scrunches up slightly. "What's so funny" this comment only makes Jaemin laugh more and you throw a pillow at him in hopes of shutting him the fuck up but it doesn't. "Best joke you've ever told" Jaemin says in between laughs "she hates Haechan's guts"
"I don't hate him" you snap back at him and Jeno's confused look turns into a surprised one "hates a strong word, i just dislike him" you explain yourself but Jeno's expression is dying for a better explanation "I find him insufferable and annoying as hell" 
"But why" Jeno says almost in a cry "he's nice, fun and honesty is the mood maker. He's great." Jaemin nods along showing that he agrees with Jeno 
"If he's so great, you date him" you roll your eyes and it's a childish comment but the topic of Lee Haechan and him in general brings that side of you out. "I think he's self absorbed, thinking he's the center of the universe and lights up everyone's world" Haechan calls himself the sun and honestly it's obnoxious but fitting you think. To all those around him he seems like the sun, but even the sun is insignificant amongst the millions of stars in the universe. He's just the center of a solar system that's amongst millions of others. He's nothing special but he thinks he is and it sums him up pretty well you think plus you've always liked the moon more anyways. "Also can we drop my depressing love life and watch a movie" you sigh, it’s not like you weren’t already thinking about you being incredibly single, you didn’t need these two idiots to remind you. 
"Yeah please, she's hopeless anyways" and again you throw another cushion at Jaemin, landing square on his face,”I’m not wrong” he cries out, hugging the pillow “you refuse to get a driver’s licence too” and you jab him in the ribs with you elbow causing his to yelp, again rolling your eyes. 
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A few days past and much to your relief the topic of both, relationships and Haechan don’t come up again but it was silly of you to assume that God would be so kind to let it drop so easily. Of course Jeno had to bring it up the next time he saw Renjun, “So i was the only one who didn’t know y/n hates Hyuck” Jeno whines a little too loudly in the cafe you all were seated in. It’s a small place, right on campus, decorated with strings of fairy lights that give off a warm hue to the place; it’s open all day and it’s here you found Jeno and Jaemins want for a roommate poster on the notice board. “Jeno can you be quiet, anyone can overhear and like i said i don’t hate him” your voice dropped into a whisper as if it could undo any damage Jeno may have done and you spoke through gritted teeth. 
"It's not like he's here" he argued back and as if he had summoned him Lee freaking Haechan walks through the cafe doors. He strides in with confidence circling around him, dressed in his infamous playboy outfit, the leather jacket and black combat boots, he holds a smirk across his face as he scans the room; all eyes are on him as the bell that hung above the door announces his arrival as if royal blood coursed through his veins. In these moments you understand why Haechan believes he is the center of the universe because here everyone orbits him, everyone but you. Everyone stops and stares, their eyes lingering at each step he takes and each expression he makes. Their weary of his eyes, just in case they stop on theirs, everyone but you because you couldn't care any less. The sun is blinding and it's irritating and you'd much rather avoid it, as he steps closer towards your table; recognising the boys that accompany you, he smiles and waves in their direction, you get up to leave. "I need to go" you blurt out, pushing your chair out abruptly, it scrapes against the floor, the screech making you cringe. "I'm gonna be late for my next lesson" you clear your throat of any awkwardness and grab your things before any of them could question or comment on the situation, you rush past Haechan not giving him a second look. 
Jeno's eyes widen at the scene that had just unfolded in front of him, his mouth slightly gaping, Renjun sighs and rolls his eyes before giving a welcoming smile to Haechan who stands there confused whilst Jaemin simply continues to drink his coffee, firmly believing if he act like it didn't happen, then did it really happen. "Is y/n okay?" Haechan asks with genuine concern in his voice and in the same breath he continues to question the three, "is it me or does she always seem to leave when I arrive?" 
The three sit there in slight awkwardness that hangs in the air, it's not hard to answer this question, the simple answer would be a yes. Another simple answer would be to just shrug him off and tell him you have a lecture, a lie but still a rather simple answer and before the lie could leave Renjun's mouth, the truth slips out of Jeno's. "Yeah she absolutely hates you" Haechan's smile falters and Jaemin chokes on air.  
"What the fuck Jeno" Renjun gawked, jaw hanging, there's a heavy silence and it probably only lasted a few seconds but it felt like forever as everyone just stared at each other, only breaking when Jaemin laughs a little raising confusion amongst the three others who stare back at him. "Good joke Jeno, best one you've told" he places hand on Jeno's shoulder and kicks him under the table. Laughter erupts from both Jeno and Renjun as they try and attempt to cover up the damage. "Yeah y/n just has a lesson" Renjun laughs out and tries to emphasise this to Haechan who's now laughing but with obvious hesitation in it, awkwardness still sitting in the air. 
"Oh shit, I just forgot I had to meet up with Mark" Haechan waves to the boys as he leaves the cafe, a sigh leaves his mouth as he finally exits the cafe, his shoulders drop and a deep breath he didn't know he was holding left his lungs. He sees your figure still in the distance and he's not sure what takes over him but his legs being to move.  Faster and faster, Haechan runs towards your figure that only seems to be getting further, maybe it was his pride that was hurt or maybe it was curiosity as to why you hated him or maybe it was because Haechan liked a challenge. 
The heavy steps and heaving breaths catch up to you quickly, getting louder and louder you stop and turn back, Lee Haechan stands chest rising and falling rapidly bent down with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. "Haechan, what the hell are you doing?" He lifted his finger up indicating for you to give a minute for his lungs to catch up with his body, you roll your eyes and it’s action that doesn't go unnoticed as he begins to speak through his heaving breaths, struggling. “I heard you hate me” it’s breathy and deep but you make it out all the same, a wave or shock and slight embarrassment overtakes you, a heat rising up your neck and to your cheeks and you’re quick to shake your head, denying his allegations. “No. what? no i don’t-” you stammer over your words until you're cut off by Haechan, as always he’s the one that controls the conversation.
“Jeno told me” he clears his voice, finally have caught his breath, “by the look on renjun’s face and your reaction, he wasn’t lying” you grimace at his words “so I’m here to change your mind” Your mouth gapes as he stands there glowing in the white light that reflects off the snow, it angers you how beautiful he looks yet his ego is insufferable and too suffocating for you to focus on that. 
“Fuck you Lee Jeno” you mumble under your breath and haechan smirks at the comment, “honestly Haechan i don’t hate you” you begin to explain hoping you’ll get out of this, whatever this is. “I just don’t like you as much as others do and that’s normal”
“No it’s not” again your cut off and you’re pretty convinced he’s in love with the sound of his own voice with how many times it’s happened “you can’t hate me” and at this you scoff, eyes rolling back so far into your head you’re sure they’ll get stuck. 
“I have a lesson” you say turning on your heels, every conversation with Haechan is a reminder as to why you can’t stand him. He loves himself a little too much, he has a superiority complex that’s consistently being fed, he thinks he’s the epitome of perfection and he thinks he’s the sun, center of everyone’s universe. 
“What lesson, I’ll walk you there” he says as he follows your footsteps, prisoning you as he wraps his arm around yours, you're confused, shocked and baffled, legs stopping, as you look down at the junction where both your arms meet and you try to release yourself but his grip is too strong. “Come on, let’s go” he pulls you, not knowing where your lesson is. “You’re a history major right?” he keeps talking, not allowing you to even answer the question “so you must either be in building B or C, but since psych usually runs at this time in C, i guess your in B” again he doesn’t waste a second before pulling you towards the building he assumes is where your lesson is. You pull back, still in complete shock as to everything that’s going on, you just said you didn’t like him and by how quickly he was able to deduce where you next lesson is, you're pretty certain he knows you don't’ want to spend any time with him and of course he knows, the smirk is evident of that. He doesn’t care what you want, for his pride you must like him because the existence of your hatred itself is an imperfection of his, a cloud covering the sun. 
“Haechan just please leave me alone” it’s like you're speaking to a wall, completely ignored as he just navigates his way to your building, arm still interlinked with yours and every now and then when you try to pry your hand out, his grip tightens. “You’re hurting my arms” you deadpan and he turns back, loosening his grip and rubbing your arm. 
“Sorry” he laughs a little and smiles, you don’t know what it is but for the first time you’ve looked at Haechan and the irking feeling of wanting to punch his face isn’t there, his face looking a little less punchable. You shake your head, choosing not to believe the bubbling feelings of butterflies and warmth on your stomach as that smile replays in your head, again and again. You let him continue leading you to lecture, too tired to fight anymore. 
You don’t even notice when you’ve reached your destination blindly following Haechan, until he stops suddenly turning again as he flashes his brightest smile and it’s as if golden rays are dancing on your skin, lighting you up, sparking warmness in your chest. You’re flying too close to the sun. “We’re here” he says happily and finally releases your arm from his captive.
“Thanks” you mumble annoyed but not as annoyed as you thought you’d be, there was a warmth that comforted you, a woody musk that swirled around you placing you in a trance. Haechan glowed, ethereal he was with all his beauty on display and you realise if kept his mouth shut more often you probably would be just as in love as all the other girls but thank god he doesn’t have an off switch because you will not fall in love with Lee Haechan. The one who melts hearts and burns skin, everyone who’s got too close bursting into flames. 
“I’ll see you after your class” he waves turning back to the direction you just came from, your heart finally returning back to a normal pace the further Haechan walks away from you, the cold from the snow returning to your skin, finally your world has span on its axis away from the sun allowing the moon’s white light to cool you down and comfort you. 
Your lecture went on for about two hours, your eyes nearly closing towards the end as at this point not even caffeine isn’t getting you through these long days and you’re sure your lack of sleep is causing you to hallucinate, because there sat at the bottom of the stairs that lead up to building B stands Lee Haechan, Lee fucking Haechan. When he said see you after class you didn’t think he meant straight after class. Fear rises and you beg he doesn’t turn around. It’s fine you tell yourself, just don’t look in his direction and don’t draw any attention to yourself. You walk down the first couple of stairs, slowly thinking it’ll make you invisible or something and then comes the screams. Girls that flock past shouting Haechan’s names, he turns around and there he sees you, nose scrunched up as you cringe at the banshees and sigh in defeat as your attempt of an eclipse fails. 
Haechan waves at the girls as he walks up to you, snatching your folders out your arms he carries, “so where are we off to now?” he asks, grabbing your hands in his, your hands are cold, fingers frozen but his are warm, a never ending supply of heat emitting off of him. 
“I’m going to the library” you say, taking your hand out of his “no idea where you’re going to next” you smile at him, snatching your folder back. Haechan can’t help but smirk, he really loves a challenge.
“Oh wow what a coincidence, I was on my way there too” he smiles and takes your folders back out of your grasp, “so let me help you” you let a deep sigh out and close your eyes trying to regain some of your patience. You decide it’s best to not fight it, you walk past him letting him carry your folders and he runs to be by your side again catching your hand in his. You don’t know he’s playing but you allow it to happen, after spending two hours learning about medieval medicine, eyes closing slightly, you allow Haechan to warm up your hands. Some sun is good for you, right?
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“So you just not gonna work” you look up from the book you’ve been staring at for the last thirty minutes, Haechan choosing your face to stare at instead, he only smiles at your word as he rests his head on his hand. 
“I am studying” he says with mock offence as if he’s been accused of something he hasn’t done, “I’m studying beauty” he smirks looking directly in your eyes and all though you roll them an unbearable heat still manages to rise up. “You hungry? we should take a break” 
“Why is my face boring you” you look down at the book, trying your best to stay focused but the universe really isn’t letting that happen today. For it places a giant burning ball of fire in your path, one that feels warm from a distance but once you instantly get too close you’ll combust, so you have to keep your distance not ready to give your heart up for anyone just yet. 
“No never” again in that sarcastic offended tone, that just irks you, seriously you’re impressed at your patience in not having punched him in the jaw by now. “But i thought you might be getting bored and studying History must make you hungry” 
“I’m not hungry, thanks” you cut him off, not looking up from your book hoping that the less interest you show, the quicker he gets bored. However, like you said, the universe is not allowing that to happen and your body betrays you for not feeding it earlier. Your stomach rumbles and it doesn’t help that the library is dead silent, the sound echoes and Haechan lets out a soft laugh.
“I think you are, don’t worry I’ll go get snacks” instantly getting up and heading towards the vending machine that awaits outside. This is it you think to yourself, this is your chance to escape his burning presence, finally be free and all you have to do is run out the door. Quickly you pack up your belongings, shoving everything into your bag before Haechan comes back and out the library door you ran, freeing yourself from his burning presence but not for long as he trails after you. As a kid you thought the Sun was following you as you would stare out the window of the moving car, thinking you were the center of the galaxy, only to find out you orbit the Sun instead but now as the sun trails after you, his legs speeding up to reach your side, you guess you are at the center of this galaxy. "Why do you keep running" he shouts as he tries his best to reach you
"Because you're insufferable, Lee Haechan" you shout back, still keeping up your fast pace, not taking a second to spare him a glance. 
"And you think you're not" he scoffs and sighs in disbelief, a sound that makes your skin crawl. “I hate to break it to you but you’re pretty annoying too” and the statement shoots straight to your heart, out of all people who was he to say that, causing your legs instinctively to turn; your fast and loud stomps directed straight at him.
“I’m the annoying one? Says the one who’s none stop bothering me for hurting his superiority complex. I’m sorry Haechan that you’re not as perfect as you thought you were, sorry that one person in this whole world doesn’t like you and I’m sorry you aren’t the center of my universe” you step closer and closer as you ramble about what about him just infuriates you and all Haechan can do is roll his eyes at you and even has the nerve to let out a small laugh that only seeps wrath further into your bloodstream, intoxicating you. Everything about Lee Haechan does that to you, his smirk, his attitude, his carved by the gods features and that damn smile. He’s a menace, the core of chaos and the true essence of calamity and yet somehow it’s exhilarating enough for you to crave his presence and it causes your skin to crawl, your eyes to roll. Too close and you’ll burn. “What’s so funny?” annoyance dripping of every word. 
“I just find it funny how you’ve placed me on a pedestal in your head of being perfect, superior and then decided to hate me because of it” he inches closer, heat radiating off his body , his lips so close to yours, you feel the words that next leave his mouth with each movement, his breath sending chills down your spine “the image of me in your head, isn’t my fucking problem” he steps back after finally being satisfied with how startled he’s left you, leaving you dazed as his words hit you hard. His warmth no longer there, you shiver yet his words still hang in the air as they plague your mind, repeating themselves again and again. He walks further away and you let him have the last say because you're sure he’ll be back, his pride won’t allow you to hate him for much longer, won’t allow you to block his rays of light. He’s right the way you perceive him isn’t his problem but that doesn’t mean he won’t go out of his way to change that and nor does it mean your perception of him is wrong, even if it’s just at surface level you know enough about Lee Haechan to predict his next move. He’ll be back. 
"Ugh" you scream out, letting out a deep sigh, eye's screwed shut as you let the snow fall on your face in hopes of letting it cool you down but then there's a burning on your wrist, fire swirling around you, sparks dancing on your skin and stars shoot through your bloodstream. You're pulled and pushed, swung around until your eyes land back on his, you should've known the sun never really disappears even when it sets, eyes burning red; anger, passion or lust you’re not quite sure but burning orbs are staring right at you. You don’t even have time to respond as both his hands reach up, gripping at the side of your face, holding tight as he crashes his lips onto yours. Your lips melted, his in a hurry as he harshly pressed against yours, passion overflowing in each rough movement, his warmth radiant and you welcome the burning sensation for once. Finally you move your lips against his. The kiss is messy, teeth clashing against each other occasionally, with his grip on your face tightening, you crumpling his shirt as you hold on as if you’d fall without support, his scent intoxicating and strong and you press your body further into his and it’s as if a knot has come undone. As if the air it’s self released a heavy sigh as it seems lighter and all fades away as you begin to float, lips moving in perfect unison until the last of the oxygen in your lungs is exchanged and the burning scorches your lung even after Haechan pulls away, with a heaving chest. “Try hating me with that” he huffs out, lips swollen and eyes glossy and again the sun sets. 
Again he leaves you stunned, holding on to your lips as you walk home in hopes that the warmth from them won’t leave just yet, the scene playing in your head over and over again as if it was the greatest blockbuster but a buzzing snaps you out of it and you flinch at the sudden noise. Your phone flashing bright with an unknown number, hesitantly you pick up. “Um hello” nerves evident in your voice
“I’m picking you up tomorrow at 5, be ready” and with that you roll your eyes, his voice still annoying your ears. “Also before you ask, Jeno gave me your number” he tells you as if he could hear your thoughts aloud.
“I’m gonna kill you Lee” you whisper under your breath and Haechan isn’t sure if it was directed at him or Jeno but he hopes it would be the latter and chooses to ignore it. 
“Anyways 5pm, okay” he repeated once again, asking for confirmation that you heard him.
“You really can’t just leave me alone, can you?” you whine in annoyance but Haechan finds it cute and it only pushes him more to continue bothering you. 
“And have you forget me and my handsome face, never could allow that now could we” he teases 
“Handsome? More like punchable, trust me i could never forget how much i want to just wipe that smirk off your face” you argue back, how could he even think you could forget him after that kiss. It’s all you could think about. 
Ignoring your comment, he continues “Yeah well 5 tomorrow, I’ll be waiting outside your place, dress warmly” he tells you for the third time and without even saying bye, hangs up. 
“Ugh stupid Lee Haechan” you kick some snow in your path as you continue to walk home. 
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When you got home that evening you didn’t waste a second in trying to kill Jeno, trying would have turned into having killed Jeno if it wasn’t for Jaemin who had been there to hold you back. Yet that’s the last thing on your mind right now, now all you can think about is what to wear tomorrow. “Something warm” you keep repeating to yourself, mind wandering to where you'll be going instead of choosing something to wear and time flies past and before you know it, it’s already 5pm. Haechan is outside honking, being his usual obnoxious self, having no patience as usual. You run out the house, shoes not even on properly and quickly shooting Jeno a middle finger as he smirks watching you leave. He’s honking all the way until you sat down in the car. “You’re so annoying, you know that right” you tell him as you fasten your seatbelt. 
“Yes, you remind me every breathing moment” he rolls his eyes and starts driving, christmas songs playing. 
“Well if you weren’t so annoying every breathing moment, i wouldn’t have to remin-” your cut off by your own breath that gets stuck in your throat as you look down to find his hand holding onto yours that rests on your thigh and you see the smirk he holds on your face as he’s proud he managed to shut you up. “You were saying” he teases and you clear your throat as he laughs slightly. 
“Like I said annoying” you move your hand from under his yet it gets worse as he just rests his hand on your thigh, heat seeping through your jeans.
“You call it annoying, I call it charming” he turns to you as he pulls up at a red light, flashing you a beautiful smile causing you to scoff, crossing your legs, his hand drops off your thigh.
“Anyways where are we going?” ignoring his earlier comment, done with arguing for now. 
“Surprise” he tells you, taking your hand back in his, his grip loose and when you make no effort to move, an eternal smile is plastered on his face as his grip tightens. The music fills the car, you hum along to every song that plays. 
“Well then music major” you start up conversation again “how about you sing for me” you turn to him, hands still intertwined. Haechan only laughs at your request “hey I’m being serious, all the rumours that Lee Haechan is good looking, has a great sense of humour and can sing” 
“And you believe them?” he asks, still smiling.
“Well your jokes aren’t for me but humour differentiates, so prove you can sing”
“Ah, so you think I’m good looking” he comments, smile only growing bigger. 
“I didn’t say that” you scoff 
“Yeah and you didn’t say I wasn't” he retorts, smile turning into a smirk as he feeds his own ego. 
‘Are you gonna sing or what” you pull your hand out of his and instantly he pulls it back as he suddenly agrees to sing for you. 
“I sing like an angel hun, you’ll think you’re in heaven” he tells you again feeding into that forever growing ego of him 
“I’m sure i will” every word dripping in sarcasm as you roll your eyes. He wasn’t wrong though, you jaw hung ever so slightly as he sang along with Mariah Carey, compared to him she was nothing. The once vocal goddess outshined by Lee Haechan as his angelic voice drowned hers out. It was beautiful and he knew it, continuously he left you dazed. You were lost for words, you couldn't describe how beautiful it was and all that could leave your mouth in that moment was “wow” you let out a heavy breath.
“I know” he laughs at your reaction. The rest of the ride was silent, on your part at least as you focused on the moments Haechan would sing along with some of the songs, even his humming was pretty. He glew when he sang, shining brightest. 
Pulling up to the place, the light sparkles infinitely. Laughter rang through the air and there was warmth despite the snow that fell down. Your eyes lit up and for once being around Haechan didn't seem so bad. 
"The winter carnival it's my favourite. I come every year" Haechan tells you as he grabs your hand in his, leading you towards the entrance. 
"Oh and how many other girls have you brought here?" You tease him
"None" he turns to look at you and for once the fire that burns behind his eyes isn't blinding or intimidating, they sparkle. Instead of just the sun, a galaxy. You find yourself drawn into them, like a black hole he takes up all life around, light fading away until it's just you two by him. You move closer until you realise black holes destroy, the sun burns and you flinch backwards. 
You clear your throat before shooting him a smile that's well rehearsed "let's go" you say softly, gripping his hand and this time you take the lead. 
A few rides, hot chocolates and countless conversations, you find that Haechan isn't entirely what you thought he was. Yes he's confident, knows he's good looking and has swarms of girls after him but there's something about him that seems to balance it all yet you're not quite sure what it is but he doesn't allow you any moment to think anymore about it. Always dragging you from one stall to the next. 
"I'll win the big Teddy for you" he declares, chest puffed out and embarrassment strikes through you. You would have never imagined standing here, watching Lee Haechan trying to throw down all the pins to win you a Teddy bear. Everything feels so surreal, a warmth bubbles up inside you as you watch him, tongue slightly sticking out as concentration takes over and you can't help but smile. The sun's beauty, clear. He shoot a few times, each time turning to see your reaction, promising he'll get it the next one and when he finally knocks down every pin. He pulls you in his arms, happiness practically seeping out of him. You can feel his heart beat against his chest or was it yours you weren't sure. Pointing at one of the big blue teddys at the back he hands it over to you. You almost fool the sparkles in his eyes for adoration as he nears you again, a smile stretched along his face. "I told you I'd win it for you" he says, cocky as ever. 
"Thanks" you say so softly you're unsure if he heard but the smirk on his face says otherwise and thank god he couldn't hear nor feel your heartbeat as it fastened in pace, jumping and leaping against your ribs, answering to his voice. Your heart was ready to be his. That would've inflated his head a bit too much, and just when he couldn't do anything else to cause butterflies to burst, you watch as his eyes wander to a little girl, also trying to knock the pins down. 
"Do you need help?" He asks her softly as though she was made of glass, she only nodes in return but he picks her up, placing her on his shoulders so she had a better view. Her arms extend backwards as she throws the ball, knocking down all the pins. Haechan shouting words of praise and a smile lights up the little girl's face as she grabs onto a large teddy bear. 
"Thank you" she whispers, visibly shy once Haechan places her down and she hugs him. It was in this moment you could feel you were flying too close to the sun, heat rising, palms sweating and eyes sparkling as you watched him, the only source of light and the center of the universe.
Haechan begged you to go on one more ride with him before going home, the wind was harsher and the snow fell heavier and though the sun had set long ago, the moon’s reign seemed to be never ending. Your own sun was right by you, emitting light and heat endlessly, he held your hand and kept you close as you rode the ferris wheel to the top. The ride was silent most of the way, the occasional hum from Haechan as he stared out into the horizon, the dark sky filled with bright stars and the moon shining down, lights and Christmas decorations and a sfar as the eye could see white snow that illuminated under the moonlight.  Once you reached the top, he turned to you. Your breath hitching as beauty stood in front of you, a stone statue carved by the gods to show the ability of their power, a rival to the moon’s beauty, a rival to the sun light and warmth and a rival to billions of stars that envied the way he shined, forever burning. 
“So do you hate me now?” He asks a smirk always on that goddamn beautiful face of your and you can’t help but smile. Pulling him closer until he can feel your lips brush past his as you speak these next words. 
“Shut up, isn’t this where you kiss me” you crash your lips onto his and you can feel his heart stop, taken back by your actions yet he doesn’t hesitate to kiss you back, lips moving in sync and you can feel his heat overtaking your body, your heart leaping. You’re flying too close to the sun, your wing’s melting and you’re falling. Falling in love with the sun. 
© (jisungiest) 2021. All Rights Reserved.
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leamy-world · 3 years
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Some afterthoughts on The Devil Judge (spoilers for all the drama!)
Hello everyone! I hope you’re doing well!!
I wanted to write my thoughts after the finale aired because ep. 13-14 made me a mess and were too nerve-wracking! After these two episodes, i only wanted the week to go by fast to see how the finale unfolded (but at the same time, this drama entertained me sm i didn’t want it to end haha).
Watching this drama each week and reading your reactions and thoughts made me enjoy it even more, i’m glad i came back on tumblr! It was a really nice ride (more like an emotional rollercoaster haha)! It motivated me to write my thoughts and analyses on fictions i watched in the future, especially My Mister and Beyond Evil!! I forgot how much fun it was to do that and putting my thoughts into words gave me a little closure to my watch haha
These are just some afterthoughts & personal interpretations i had and were maybe probably already discussed, but i couldn’t get them out of my head haha
See you around and take care!!!
THE CAST. It left a strong impression on me and i can’t see other actors playing their respective roles!
—   Yohan portrayed by Ji Sung … i have no words, this devil judge left me speechless! His character, to his Devilish Smile (and hollow laugh in front of CKH and his son, or Gaon), his variating voice intonations (like damn, he’s a living ASMR like Lee Sung Kyung), his held back emotions and touch-starved and even desperate touches when it came to Elijah and Gaon, to his rage and unhinged moments! 
I winced seeing him contort in pain when Sunah revealed Elijah accidentally lit the church fire, and the two times he hugged Elijah totally destroyed me. His last scene with Gaon showed how gazes & micro-expressions alone could convey unspoken words as strongly. I’m weak for these kinds of scenes, My Mister for example did it and killed me haha
For this post, i rewatched some scenes and damn, Elijah and Yohan’s support of Gaon after Soohyun’s death was really emotional …
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(They had no business in making Gaon have this kind of dream, those german scissors left a ... strong impression on him haha)
—   Kim Min Jung’s depiction of Sunah’s was hauntingly beautiful, a femme fatale who kept a broken child deep inside (and at the same time surfacing on her manners and personality) and a strong businesswoman. It’s a fascinating character i loved hating as a villain but still sympathized with. The scene where she murdered the former foundation’s president sent me chills down my spine (i still have her shot of her, sitting at his bureau and manipulating his speech video)! 
The melancholy slipping through her facade when she visited the mansion the first time in a while, as well as her devastation in front of the President’s scheme, by the young girl’s bed at the hospital were memorable. The tension between her and Yohan was incredible: they both managed to keep a very disturbing but enthralling aura, tangled with nostalgia at the same time each time they met.
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(Looking at her reflection is a recurring pattern for Sunah’s character, i found this shot above interesting, divided in the two ends of the mirror, as if her self can’t be found on the other side anymore)  
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—   This was the first time i saw a drama with Jin Young and i really loved his playing! Never thought I’d say one day i enjoyed someone’s tears and rage on screen, but his crying scenes stuck with me, especially in the prison yard and the last episode (he deserves therapy after all he went through, really) … And his letter to Elijah … (i’m glad nobody harshly revealed the truth to her, i’m really glad!)
I loved to see how his gaze evolved through this journey with Yohan. His endearment to Soohyun, Elijah and Yohan was very precious ;; Even though Yohan was the one who was first seen feeling lonely, Gaon’s loneliness since his parents’ death slipped through his seemingly fine world, i found that interesting! (And on a lighter note, i’ll always remember the truth behind Mrs. Ji’s cooking, Gaon’s epic reaction, and the pure comedy she gets to own a healthy food shop thanks to Yohan!!) 
I also enjoyed his supportive friendship with Jinjoo!!
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—   Park Gyu Young’s acting was also on point! It’s really too bad she didn’t get more screen time because i wanted to know more about Soohyun!! I felt robbed haha, because when TDJ began airing, they introduced her as one of the ‘main’ characters of this story ;; The scene when she was on CKH’s suicide scene really left a mark on me + when she was confronting Yohan, especially after she took Elijah out!
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—   Elijah. Just Elijah, our best girl!!! Apparently it’s one of Jeon Chae Eun’s first roles, she did so well!! Along with Ji Sung and Jin Young, she gave a whole new definition to the Domestic Scenes, i swear. These scenes will keep a special place in my heart for a long time! Her adorable smile and cheekiness were a refresher in this show!
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(They could change TDJ’s concept in a second season and make us a domestic slice of life series, i wouldn’t mind AT ALL! Take my money!!)
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Seeing her complicated relationship with her uncle unfold before us deeply moved me. The complete loneliness she silently depicted moving to her bed in the wheelchair, after Gaon left the mansion was heart-wrenching. And also the scenes after Soohyun’s death, hurting with Yohan seeing Gaon’s pain (the way she spoke her worry for the two of them, Yohan couldn’t let the words out properly to Gaon).
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—   CKH’s character, played by Jang Young Nam, was amazing. Her acting already shattered me when i watched Nobody Knows! Her cold gaze, her harsh tone, she was badass i have to admit! 
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The narcissistic rage was well depicted in her character, and even though i get where many’s opinions on her death come from (i share it too sometimes, but i feel it more for Sunah), i found this final decision fitting to the character, especially if you look how she treated her own son (each hold felt like a grip from rage eg. in ep. 3, as she maybe felt her son was the cause of her demise).
(HUGE SPOILERS FOR BEYOND EVIL BELOW!!!!) 
She reminded me of HKH’s ending: seeing his path to success was crushed with no way out of it except death on his own accord (in his eyes, because it was his absolute life aim, every single being, to his own wife and son, and means, even bending the justice independence, were his expendable ways to pave his path), HJW’s father was set on suicide before his son barged in. 
(Funnily enough, the filming spot for CKH’s house is the same for HKH’s house haha)
—   And also … Lawyer don’t-worry-i’ll-get-you-out-on-probation Ko deserves a round of applause for the best lawyer he is hahaha
THE STORY’S DEVELOPMENTS (AND SCRIPT). I feel like this story could very well have been developed on 20+ episodes! Even if i know some scenes in a script are sometimes (bound to be) cut in the drama, TDJ’s script leaks make me feel there was SO much more to be told, and so much more to explain some plot events in the airing drama!
Because the story was ambitious, both character and plot(twists which give you whiplash)-driven (and also the filming context with the pandemic), i feel like some choices were made.
The lines of thought about justice and the drama’s attempts at its ‘true’ definition are not lost on me. It was really interesting!
On a side note (there will be many, bear with me haha), the symbolic behind the app’s name, DIKE, which i’m pretty sure (correct me if i’m wrong, i only have some very rough basics in korean haha) is the korean romanization of Nikè, or in ancient greek Νίκη, the greek divinity of Victory ( ‘ㄴ’ in korean sounds like an ’n’ but its pronounciation is more abrupt/brisker, to the point of what could be sounding to ears like a ‘d’).
Nikè is most of the time represented as an attribute to other greek divinities who also embody the victory eg. Zeus or Athena, thus seen as a bestower of victory (in any domain, be it war, games = interestingly enough, the live court is set in a colosseum-like room, arts, …)  to the humanity on behalf of these gods (Nikè sometimes stands in her palm as an attribute of Athena, like the owl or the helmet). But sometimes Nikè was also revered an independent protective divinity.
Nikè is represented as a winged divinity in a long robe, flying above the victorious, assisting the humans in their works/challenges eg. handing them a laurel crown as a sign of victory, or a helmet, etc. Its mostly known representation is the Winged Victory of Samothrace (or The Nike of Samothrace) sculpture in the Louvre. The brand Nike also used it in its logo.
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It calls back to Yohan’s line: « I make sure i win before the game starts », and in fact, since the beginning, unbeknownst to everybody witnessing the trials and participating to them, the app was his way to win. It foreshadows the ending of the story, Yohan finally taking down the foundation. It also adds to his god/devil image: he assumes the role of the intermediary/abyss of the « gods » (the Justice), taking in all the hubris of the society in order to bring the justice (well, guess we could say it put some hold to the cycle of the powerful culminating to chaos?) back, in some sort of catharsis through DIKE.
It might be a stretch, but Nikè’s winged representation could be found on Gaon’s tattoo (at first to me, it looked like a phoenix/winged angel, which symbolizes a ‘reincarnation’/new beginning for Yohan finding peace, a second chance to his past and Elijah thanks to Gaon & Gaon finding a new world even if his first crumbled ie. his parents and Soohyun’s death and professor Min’s betrayal).
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(The whole virus plot by the end of the story made me feel a little uncomfortable given the actual context and the conspiracy theories that are spreading, but it wasn’t used carelessly and served the commentary of the powerful and how far they would go, i think? That said, a fiction, especially a dystopia like this, stays a fiction but when they used it, it gave me a forced laugh haha)
Now, if someone gets to translate some script bits, i’m really looking forward to:
K’s backstory!!!!!
Isaac and Yohan’s past!!!!
More about Elijah!!
Where’s the cat???
What was the script saying for Gaon and Yohan’s confrontation in ep. 12? When Yohan faced the window, waking up from a nightmare after Gaon left?
ABOUT SOOHYUN’S BACKSTORY. (Now, this will get long, i’m sorry but i needed to let my thoughts out haha) The drama introduced her as one of the four main characters with Gaon, Yohan and Sunah. I had so many expectations for her character! Especially from the three scenes we got of her:
➔ In the first episode, we see her save a young girl in the street from two men, looking up at the poster « A safe Korea will be realized from now on. »: it was a great introduction to the blatant lie of the ‘safe’ dystopian world that was being created in the story. It also showed how Soohyun felt in front of this insecure world. A side note, but seeing her hug the young girl like that reminded me the hugs she gave Gaon: she wanted to protect him from this unjust world with all her might (especially the scene in the restaurant where she hugs him). ➔ Her two confrontations with Juk Chang! ➔ Her dilemma and emotional turmoil when she erases Gaon’s presence in CKH’s office.
She was portrayed in the story as Gaon’s pillar since his parents’ tragic death and his moral compass. She’s the lawful citizen, despite feeling helpless to the world’s changes, who hopes it could be saved as long as the rule of law is preserved by everyone, and this begins by respecting it themselves. 
But she was not standing around and i kind of regret this was not shown more in the story: she kept doing her best in the « system », fighting from the inside the injustice hoping the little changes could make a difference someday. Because she couldn’t take Yohan’s path, in no way: the system/the law must be respected for it to be sustained. And i’m glad they addressed this point in the drama: Yohan chose to take on the role nobody wanted or even dared to assume, knowing fully well he became a criminal the second he began his plans (just as lawyer Ko said he was no longer a lawyer once he sided with him). 
This must not be glorified, nor vilified. As he said, it was a choice he decided to make. She mirrors his choices to some extent and i would have loved to see more of their interactions or her thoughts about that! And how she worked through the system to change things, her vision of the justice. They showed us the flashback of her career choice in high school, and it could have been interesting to learn more about her! 
A backstory about her saving the youth and meeting Sunah by accident would have been very interesting (given Sunah knew all about her since the beginning and ordered to kill her). Their meeting wouldn’t have foreshadowed Sunah’s plans, quite the opposite, and it would have given more ‘substance’ to her plans. We were robbed of this relationship haha! 
And of course, seeing her side with Yohan & Gaon for a short while (because seeing her team up with them all along the way could’ve been a little ooc) would have been dope. Her arresting Juk Chang while the two of them stop the gang was the closest thing we had to their teamwork ;;
Among the drama’s main focuses (the self-pity of the powerful and the never-ending cycle of their greed, the power displays it ensues which come in many forms in the system’s game), the conception of justice was developed all along the drama. It would have been really interesting to see whether Soohyun’s conception of justice could have changed in her own way!
And professor Min’s potential manipulation of Soohyun!!! Some scenes on their interactions could have been nice to see and explain why she focused solely on Yohan, the only side of the whole story she knew! Her reporting to the professor about her investigation (and him feeling she got too close to the truth) would have made sense because, as she saw Gaon growing apart from her as he was getting closer to the Kangs (especially since she saw him interact with Elijah when they invited her to the café, like Sunah saw how Gaon fit in their family at the dinner scene), she would’ve wanted to protect him without him knowing because she knew it’d have hurt him. It could have paralleled Gaon’s reports on Yohan to the professor at the beginning of the drama. And that could have explained (aside from the whole love triangle dynamics they had) her reluctance to tell Gaon Yohan was the one who told her his whereabouts when he was in danger in ep. 13 ; this scene also was one of the only moments addressing the lack of communication in their relationship. Seeing her feeling confused over Yohan could have been interesting!
(This also got me wondering whether in the script, Yohan’s injury was ever addressed.)
Also, i’m curious about her family, if the script mentions something about them: did they know Gaon?
About the loveline between Gaon and Soohyun: while the friendship could have stayed as is (it already felt pretty genuine in my opinion and strong friendships also deserve to be portrayed in stories), i’m convinced this drama wanted to set Gaon as the center of a subtext love & morality triangle between Soohyun and Yohan (and K and Sunah on Yohan’s part). I think i would’ve appreciated Gaon and Soohyun’s loveline so much more if they developed it more! And it had to develop in the very same episode she died: apart from the confession and kiss scene (i’m curious about the scene’s description in the script), the flashback of their moments, seen from Gaon’s pov, came just right in to ‘explain’ it! 
Of course it wasn’t the main focus of the story and there was already so much happening, but their new relationship development and her death almost had no impact on me even if it was set as a turning point for Gaon (and K for Yohan, as a cement to their respective decision to fight the system and how they would do it), and it made me really really sad! Of course it was a plot device (and i now wonder what would’ve happened if she or K wasn’t dead), but if it was bound to happen, the emotional impact was lessened!
Jinjoo’s character development and her relationship with Sunah happened really really fast, and i wonder how the script describes it!
Sunah’s involvement with the juvenile care center!!!  Her scene at the hospital left me really sad.
(Also, on the love plot, Gaon and Yohan jealousy bits weren’t used later as an expression of their envy towards the other’s status/life/etc. and were actually directed to people outside ie. Sunah/K/Soohyun in the plot, which makes me think they really wanted to set it as a love triangle!)
ABOUT SUNAH’S DEATH. I feel really really conflicted on this point. Her story was a parallel to CKH (and of course Yohan, i’ll talk about it below): two women — coming from totally opposite backgrounds — climbing their way up by their own means in this power circle. And despite all their accomplishments unnoticed (because they were the ones seeing through their plans while the others were mainly seen tearing each other into pieces), they could still be ruthlessly ejected from this world any day, part of it because they were belittled as women all the same, and chose to end her life on her own accord, still having agency over it. 
As someone else pointed it out, it also acts as a « poetic » retribution for her murder of Soohyun and K. BUT her exiting the scene in some other way staying alive could have contrasted with CKH’s suicide (especially since she overthrew the president who was the only one on her side getting in her way and even killed him in the end). Especially in a show that deals about how the justice can be carried out!
Of course, Yohan and Sunah were a foil to each other in their respective fights and traumatic past: the drama showed us how having someone to reach out to and protect (Elijah, Isaac and Gaon to Yohan ; Soohyun, Yohan and Elijah to Gaon) can become a driving force. Sunah, despite thinking this could be a weakness, also longed for companionship (from Yohan mainly, but also from Jaehee), and had no one to stop her crossing the line and preserve her from herself and the world. At least someone hearing her story, staying by her side and trying to understand her. 
Each time she said ‘can you be a little nicer to me?’ to Yohan made me feel for her (and also that one call with Jaehee), it was the only cries of loneliness she silently let out!
On a totally random note, i would have loved to see her interact more with Gaon (especially by the end of ep. 15, when Yohan was arrested)!
The story gladly didn’t end Yohan’s traumatic past and growth in death, but what about Sunah? In any case, Sunah was a really good and complex character, i enjoyed her character!
What about Jaehee? How did she react to Sunah’s death???
What about CKH’s family after her death???
I would have loved to hear more about Sunah’s plans as well! Scenes where she would play with Gaon for example (in Yohan’s presence or not, like at the photoshoot)! 
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(This comment above foreshadowed, along with the dinner scene in ep. 11, she used him all along!)
Her involvement behind the scenes was only exposed in ep. 15 but i wanted to know more about her (motivations aside from her focus on Yohan, what did she plan to do before finding out a look-alike to Isaac, ...)! Given the elements in the plot, i get the idea she planned this whole business with the foundation first to reach the top and wanted to bring Yohan up with her (eg. leading the foundation or becoming the president) or down without her along the way, because she wanted his companionship. Maybe the script expands on it more? Did she really believe in the Dream Home project? Because as we saw her speech in the juvenile care center and her strong reaction to the youth being harmed in these schemes, i believe she kinda wanted to protect them as the best revenge on her past, because nobody could do it for her?  
THE ENDING SCENE. The ending was pretty good and didn’t give us an all-out tragedy, so i’m really glad! I still can’t believe Gaon was ready to blow his life away once he learnt Yohan’s death AND wanted to die with him (falsely) realizing Yohan wouldn’t change his mind, dead set on his decision (no pun intended!). And Yohan’s reaction to this ............... Now, their last scene is left to the viewers’ interpretation, but it felt to me like a new beginning to Yohan and Gaon’s relationship! As it was already said by many people on tumblr, Yohan wasn’t sure if Gaon would still be by his side despite it all, and he didn’t expect Gaon to feel this way. They’ll definitely meet again, it’s a promise of more in the future (especially Yohan’s nod, on the verge of tears and Gaon’s two relieved/endeared smiles, full of forgiveness). Gaon will join his new world once he’s done or they’ll come back to him once Elijah’s recovered.
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And this game of hide and seek/hunt reflected their relationship development: Yohan felt unattainable at first, but he chased after him in the maze that was his devilish game, symbolized by the crowd, chasing him motivated by his suspicion, curiosity, anger and hate, disbelief and disappointment, empathy, worry, affection, desperation and love, until he finally reached him and they understood each other among all the crowd, living metaphorically in the same time, facing each other on the same (ground) level.
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(A scene in the first episode, Gaon seeing a maze of Yohan’s reflections, maybe symbolizing he could not see through his facade in the beginning, being an enigma to him at first sight ; the choice of the reflections in the mirrors through the drama is interesting and reflects the story: depending on the angles, a story can hold as many meanings as there are points of view, the complete image surfacing once everybody’s story is told)
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(Just like how, in ep. 4, Yohan shows Gaon the wicked system right under their noses, Gaon’s enraged and confused gaze directed right at Yohan after they all block his view by clinking glasses ; Yohan hoped he would understand what lies beneath but Gaon understands it fully through his own past in ep. 7-8)
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(The crowd is cleared from their/our view in the final scene, leaving the two of them facing each other without any obstacle/reflection on their path)
Gaon kept Yohan’s watch all the time even in moments of doubt, sorrow and rage (the best PPL in drama history so far haha), Yohan finally got to Gaon and entered his world as Soohyun did, reaching out when he needed it the most, to stop him doing something he would regret deeply. It was symbolized by the scar he got on his left hand from preventing Gaon from stabbing him (that’s also why he caresses his scar in a bittersweet way, lost in thoughts, reminding him of their last meeting).
As @i-guess-it-rains said + according to the BTS’ editing (it passed off as a joke but i can’t erase it from my brain now haha),  the way the scene where Yohan defused Gaon’s bomb was framed looked at the same time like Yohan was also carefully handling Gaon’s heart (the bomb countdown clock radiating a red glow on his chest), on the verge of exploding. Now i have The Nights lyrics in my head haha (« My heart is going back to you, i just don’t know »)
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On another note, i realized that in ep. 12, after Gaon left, he’s seen trying to call Soohyun in order to reach for her since their last confrontation, but right before, his finger glides over his contact, hesitating on Yohan’s contact before choosing to call Soohyun.
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While in ep. 8, he only reaches out to Soohyun after his breakdown in the prison yard (without thinking to call Yohan because he was in the core of his doubts and pain at that time and needed space to reflect on all the events):
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And it parallels to Sunah attempting to reach out to Jaehee in her loneliness at the top, hesitating before deciding to call her.
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Now i hope TDJ will be on Netflix! It’d be very nice to get to watch the drama in high quality and have more people to see it!
I heard it got a webtoon adaptation so i also look forward to it once it will be translated!
A SECOND SEASON? When i first saw the ending, i thought it got wrapped up nicely and didn’t « need » another season, but it also left some parts open and laid out a new background for further developments (the system repeats itself but in another form, Yohan leaves the scene with his signature smile, maybe up to something else again, saying metaphorically or irl to Gaon he’ll come back if he doesn’t do well), kinda like Stranger/Forest of Secrets s1 or The Guest ending (the corruption doesn’t end there). I also heard it got high viewing rates in SK, so maybe it will be taken into account? And well, i’ll miss the cast so i would welcome the idea haha
THE SOUNDTRACK. The whole OST was stellar (and their titles are on point really!)! Getting to hear it without voices or noise over and with my headphones on made me realize it was even more beautiful! Because I Have You, Warmth That Melts Loneliness and If Only… are the end of me (especially If Only aaaaaaa)! Don’t get me started on Enemy of Truth’s title to the OST playing for the church fire because it’s devastating ;;;
If Only’s title … It leaves us filling in the blank space, the dots to Gaon’s thoughts when he learns about Yohan’s past and how it impacts him to this day.
The 4 songs were amazing (there’s also Different from the Outside but i still didn’t get its lyrics). Tempest was definitely etched in my mind as TDJ’s main theme haha And The Nights was my favorite!  
➔ Tempest was Yohan’s iconic theme and depicted his lonely path to revenge after the tragic events in his life, and his (fated) encounter with Gaon, how deeply it will change him in this journey in ways he didn’t expect. It perfectly introduces (with Chet Faker and Flume’s Drop the game) and concludes the drama!
➔ What you gonna do was THE revenge epic song making everyone revel in the ‘bad guys’ despair and Yohan’s badass moves! 
➔ The Nights felt like it was both Yohan and Gaon’s theme and Gaon’s sorrow after Soohyun’s death: at first i thought it was only Yohan’s, but his revenge and the last episodes proved me wrong! The song’s lyrics mirrored themselves (‘my/your night shines on you/me’), as if a complete understanding between Yohan and Gaon was found on their dark road. Yohan’s night shines on Gaon: Yohan’s broken past and all his misunderstood or hidden sides, his dedication to Elijah. Yohan’s rage (almost wrath since the biblical and god symbolism are there haha) and desire to take the inique system down waked Gaon’s own rage, buried deep inside, and made him move forward too. Gaon’s night shines on Yohan: all the time he spent with the Kangs, Gaon’s deep empathy and understanding, helping him reconnect with his niece, their dinners at night, his rage exploding when the truth about his parents was revealed, his desperation on the last two episodes (in ep. 15, seeing Gaon’s realization everything was a lie and Yohan was innocent, and in ep. 16, Gaon wanting to die by his side). Gaon’s night also shined on Soohyun, who wanted to protect him with all she got each time she saw him crumbling down.
There was still light on their dark road (which looks like a callback to Nightmare’s lyrics, « Save me from myself / Save me from this darkness that has lost its light »).
➔ Nightmare felt like it was Yohan and Sunah’s theme. When it last played when Sunah’s death happened on screen, it left me speechless (and if i remember correctly, the ‘save me from myself’ bit was played right when she shot herself … o u c h)!
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esmealux · 3 years
Note
Could you do 31 and 23 for the prompts?
I absolutely loved this prompt, thank you! <3
This got a lot longer (1.8K) and a lot angstier than I intended. But fret not, it's hurt/comfort at its core and it's Deckerstar stargazing. And also,
ANTI-SPOILER ALERT: This piece takes place after 5a/during 5b. I have not watched the trailer, nor will I. I therefore have no idea what is going to happen in 5b, or if what this fic suggests is remotely close to what is hinted at in the trailer—and I would like remain oblivious. *Looks at you with puppy eyes* So please don't mention anything from the trailer in the comments? It would mean a lot to me ❤ (And yes, I do realise I could've waited two days before posting this, but I wanted to give you guys a little something while you wait.)
Rated M, just to be safe.
Enjoy, my loves!
31. Lost in the middle of nowhere + 23. ‘Hey, at least the stars are beautiful tonight, right?’
He gets in his car, and he drives.
He has no destination in mind, nowhere but ‘away’. Away from Him. From feelings he can’t contain. From eons of neglect. From pain.
Far away.
He drives till there’s no more gas and ends up stranded where the streets have no name, in the moonlit desert.
The car shudders and comes to a halt. With ridiculously shaky hands, Lucifer brings a cigarette and a lighter to his lips, desperately needing the distraction. He flicks the lighter repeatedly, chaotically, but the fire won’t bite, and suddenly he’s hyperventilating, and both cig and lighter are sent flying through the brisk night air.
He roars into the dark void of the night. The thunderous sound resonating off the distant mountain walls startles him like an unexpected ghost. It sounds like him, but not like him. Not like Lucifer, Devil, fallen angel. It sounds like Samael, falling angel—screaming into the abyss as he plummets towards fire and brimstone, his fate and punishment, dealt by Dad.
Lucifer suddenly can’t get out of the car fast enough. He leans against the trunk, his chest heaving rapidly, his lungs fighting for air. He’d thought he was healing, that he was actually starting to put millennia of trauma behind him. And maybe he was. But then He waltzed down and ripped the wound right open.
Such a pestilent, tyrannous prick.
Lucifer needs a drink.
He finds a bottle of something strong and amber in the glove box and brings it back to the trunk. It’s only half-full, and he’d need at least five more bottles to just get tipsy, but it’ll have to do. He wasn’t looking to get shitfaced, anyway. He just wants to take his mind off things, to breathe. And right now, (now that his chance of having a smoke is lying somewhere in the sand) a couple of sips from a mildly exquisite whiskey and the ensuant burn in his throat are the best way to do that.
She finds him like that—because of course she finds him—sitting on the trunk of his car with the near-empty bottle in his hand and looking absolutely wrecked.
She’s tentative as she approaches him, afraid she’s not welcome, that he really did want to be alone. But as she gets close and he looks up at her, dark eyes glistening in the moonlight, she knows being alone is the last thing he needs.
Without a word, neither from her nor from him, she gets up on back of the car and scoots close to him, still keeping some air between them.
‘I thought you could use a friend,’ she says with a slight smile, exactly like she did all those years ago. Now, however, the last word isn’t an overwhelming, meaningful declaration, but a cosmic understatement, and Lucifer can’t help but snort.
Reaching over, Chloe grabs his hand and interlocks their fingers. ‘Also, I wasn’t gonna let my partner get lost in the middle of nowhere alone.’
‘I’m not lost,’ he objects, but his voice, hollow and lined with despair, betrays him. He may know the way back to LA, but he is definitely lost.
Sensing he doesn't want to talk about it, Chloe gestures towards the bottle still dangling from his fingers and asks for a sip. His lips tug up into the smallest of smirks as he hands over the bottle with a half-hearted ‘Be my guest’.
She leans her head back, eyes turning to the night sky as she takes a swig (just a nip; one of them still has to drive home at some point). It tastes like evening kisses. Occassionally, morning kisses too.
A cool breeze whirls around them, and Chloe snuggles closer to Lucifer. She does have a plaid in the car, and she will get it in a minute, but right now, she settles for stealing some body heat, hoping her seatmate doesn’t mind too much. She hands him back the bottle and snakes a hand under his layers, up his bare back. He sighs shakily, the taut muscles beneath Chloe’s hand loosening up. It tugs at something in her chest—the way he’s calmed by her touch alone.
Chloe looks up again, at the tiny, abundant jewels glimmering against the dark sky. ‘At least the stars are beautiful tonight, right?’
In the middle of downing the last drops of whiskey, Lucifer absent-mindedly replies with a ‘Hm?’
‘Stars,’ Chloe repeats. ‘They’re beautiful.’
Hesitantly, almost reluctantly, Lucifer lets his eyes glide up. He’s quiet as he takes it in, the black canopy adorned with white, pearlescent specks. His gaze is somewhat distant, reminiscent. Wistful.
‘Lucifer,’ she breathes, not as a vocative, but as an eureka. She’s said his name so many times before, screamed it, whispered it, cried it—with passion and pain and everything in between—but now is the first time she says it actually knowing what it means. Or at least she’s pretty sure she does.
‘It was you, wasn’t it?’ she asks him with a whisper, more in awe than accusatory, and the soft, melancholic smile he gives her is answer enough. ‘You let there be light.’ It’s not a question this time, just an overwhelming realisation spoken out loud.
‘Well, technically,’ Lucifer corrects, glancing over at her, ‘it was Dad who created Light.’ His gaze turns upwards again, eyes suddenly twinkling with pride. ‘The almighty wanker was just too lazy to hang it up there himself.’
Stunned, Chloe stares at the sky with new reverence. It’s breath-taking, both the sight itself—diamonds and sparkling dust sprinkled across a sea of nothing—and the fact that Lucifer made that. He literally hung the stars in the sky.
The fact that he hasn’t mentioned this before, that he hasn’t boasted about it, hasn’t proudly told everyone he’s the artist behind the original Starry Night also says something.
Peering up at him from where her head is now resting against his shoulder, Chloe sees a look on his face she can only describe as ‘homesick’.
‘They remind you of your dad’s love for you,’ she realises, voice quiet.
Lucifer scoffs, but there’s no humour in it. Just pain. ‘What love?’
Chloe doesn’t blame him for doubting. With all the light God (apparently) gave Lucifer, He gave him a thousand times more darkness. (And she is going to talk to Him about that. Later. When she’s hugged the living shit out of His son). But Chloe can tell He, despite everything, does love Lucifer—and that Lucifer is using this resentment towards Him to avoid facing the fact that he, still, loathes himself just as much. If not more.
The thought makes Chloe sick, and she suddenly feels the need to tell him, ‘You’re worthy, you know?’
He looks down at her. A wet streak on his cheek catches the silvery light of the moon. ‘I do?’ The insecurity in his voice is a sharp jab in her chest. But again, she doesn’t blame him.
‘You are,’ she states again for emphasis, holding his gaze. ‘You’re worthy of love, and light.’ With her free hand, the one that isn’t stroking the small of his back beneath his shirt and jacket, she cups his face and swipes her thumb across his stubble. ‘You deserve it. You deserve happiness, more than any other person in this world.’
He doesn’t say anything in return, but he doesn’t have to. The smile he gives her in return, warming and breaking her heart at the same time, speaks for itself. Just to get her point across, she leans up and kisses him. It’s teary and tender, and it’s a promise. To always love him—both the light and the dark, and all the colours in between.
They lean their foreheads against each other’s when they break apart, eyes still closed.
After a long, needed moment, Chloe lets her hand drop from Lucifer’s cheek to his thigh.
‘So,’ she breathes, the pall from their prior conversation vanishing into the night with her light, playful tone, ‘constellations?’
He chuckles beside her, the sound low and warm in her ear. ‘Not what you humans make them out to be.’
She fights the urge to roll her eyes at his ‘you humans’, and asks, intrigued, ‘No Big Dipper?’
‘No.’ He clicks his tongue. 'But there is a Big Pecker somewhere.’
She glares at him. ‘You drew a dick in the sky?’
His lips spread into a proud grin. ‘And a pair of boobs, if you have a little imagination.’ He points to a distant spot above them. ‘Those seven points there, the brighter ones—they form a symbol in my mother tongue. A message for my dear twin.’
‘Oh?’ Lucifer rarely ever speaks of, much less in the celestial language. It’s another part of his past Chloe hasn’t learned much about. But hopefully, over time, she will.
‘Yes, it means… how would you say?’ He thinks for a second—or pretends to—and eventually concludes, ‘Cunt, I believe, would be the appropriate translation.’
This time, Chloe doesn’t resist rolling her eyes—because nothing about that is ‘appropriate’. Maybe except for the fact that it was directed at Michael.
‘I know,’ he says, like he’s reading her mind. But he really isn’t, because he follows up with, ‘An insult to the temple of pleasure I value more than any other organ.’
Having met the guy, Chloe doesn’t disagree; Michael definitely lives up to more vile name-calling than ‘cunt’. (Also, she's pretty sure Lucifer is wrong about it being his favourite body part. She’s pretty sure the organ he values more than any other is his own Big Pecker, because she’s seen the way he looks at himself in the shower, and all the other places she finds him naked; the vain idiot is practically obsessed with his own meat. Not that she blames him.) But before she has the chance to tell him that, he says-
‘You have to forgive me. I was only a couple of thousand years old.’ There’s a glint in his eye, and Chloe can’t help but laugh, because it’s true what Linda said; he really is the oldest, most immature person in the world.
Chloe tells him as much.
He simply smirks in return. ‘I may be old, Detective, but I’m more vigorous in bed than any mortal man, old or young, and you know it.’
It only proves her point, about him being immature, and obsessed with his penis. But frankly, Chloe does know it, and for once, she feels like stroking his ego (among other things). So she grabs him by the hand, leads him into the car, onto plush leather, onto her, and as the stars twinkle and gleam above them, they put that vigour of his to good use.
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leejungchans · 3 years
Text
juliet’s relationships with ateez.
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they’re so beautiful i’m gonna fucking cryhdjhfjshsjs i’m going through it 💔
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#HONGJOONG; (HONGLIET)
juliet is the self-proclaimed favourite child of hongjoong
she was very shy pre-debut and was scared of clashing with him, so they never fought
they became a lot closer when she asked hongjoong to help her with her rapping; she was always trained to be a vocalist so she thought her rapping needed work and (shyly) approached him asking for his advice
as they became more comfortable with each other, she learnt to honestly communicate her thoughts with him
makes sure hongjoong doesn’t overwork himself; brings him food, coffee, or just accompanies him silently when he’s working; will not hesitate to use her sad puppy eyes to convince him to go back to their dorm so he can get proper rest
she always looks on with a very proud smile when she hears hongjoong speaking in english; he picked up a little bit of her aussie accent too :>
actually doesn’t mind being a little shorter than him but she wears platform shoes a lot to tease him; he has jokingly threatened to throw them away
she is very worried about his scalp; but she loved his red and blue hair, and of course the famous mullet
with hongjoong especially it’s literally “juliet see, juliet do” :c
hongjoong dotes on juliet especially because she will always be a baby in his eyes; when they first met she was around 15, so he has always been really gentle with her; he looks after her extremely well
never lets her pay for anything despite her protests
she wants to treat him to stuff too :<
overall a very wholesome relationship
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#SEONGHWA; (HWALIET)
another very, very wholesome relationship
he’s so, so gentle with her but will goof around with her too :(((
is the one who brings snacks, an extra jacket or blanket for her because she always forgets
when they first debuted, juliet would be very uneasy before public appearances because of the hate and comments she’d get; seonghwa was always there to calm her down and support her
when she was still in school he would nag her to do her homework hajshwjsj
she’s close with all the boys’ family but perhaps the closest with seonghwa’s and will sometimes visit his family with him during breaks!!
seonghwa is usually the first person juliet goes to if she’s having a bad day
she clings to him a lot, like, a lot; she will attach herself to his arm like a koala any chance she gets
sharing almost identical disgusted expressions
he always makes sure she’s eating; he gets sad if she doesn’t
late night talks with warm tea
each other’s #1 hype man; as much as she acts disgusted when seonghwa does aegyo or purposefully acts sexy, you can always hear her cheering him on in the background
that doesn’t mean she doesn’t tease him though
“excuse me, please put your tongue away” “mY hiPs aRe fLeXibLe” “sO hAwT” “wOw, AmAziNg” “...please stop”
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#YUNHO; (JUNHO)
two babies
juliet lives to see yunho smile and it’s her life’s mission to make sure he stays happy forever
yunho always gives her piggyback rides
the height difference between these two is the funniest thing ever because she isn’t even that short but she always looks like a dwarf next to yunho
“uh...excuse me, you’re forgetting something :/” “huh? ohhh...[crouches down to match her height]” “thank you :D”
yunho brings out juliet’s happiest side effortlessly because it’s just impossible to be sad around him
that being said, yunho is her designated giant teddy bear whenever she’s sad
they always start dancing out of nowhere
you will hear her whooping and cheering very loudly in the background whenever yunho twerks and stuff
yunho’s fellow harry potter fan
he likes pinching her cheeks, patting her head and playing with her hair
but if he tries to use her head as an armrest she will kick him (out of love :3)
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#YEOSANG; (SANGLIET)
someone save ateez from these two because they love roasting everyone
will not hesitate to roast each other as well
best friends who judge people together
when the others say or do something questionable, you can sometimes see yeosang and juliet exchange looks or hide their faces from secondhand embarrassment
little beans who get shy easily :(
she is yeosang’s biggest hype man; he could literally just be breathing and she will still go “wow, a living statue, absolutely breathtaking” “an angel sent to us from the heavens above” “yes, vocal king! yes, dance legend!”
they do everything in tiny :((((((((
they dance to the ponytail song together
she loves his birthmark so much and practically tells him that every day; she thinks it makes him even more beautiful and unique
he likes her cooking a lot so she always makes him food and lets him help out
“please don’t cut off your finger...” “do fingers grow back?” “i don’t know but i don’t want to find out from you.”
The™ best comedic duo but no one is ready to admit that yet
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#SAN; (JUSAN)
juliet constantly judges san jokingly but she’s honestly just as chaotic
he once spun her ipad on his finger and almost dropped it; she didn’t speak to him for an hour
like hongjoong, san also picked up on her aussie accent a bit
juliet goes :OOOO every time san shows off his martial arts skills
if they’re not wreaking havoc together, then one of them is filming the other wreaking havoc alone while laughing hysterically behind the camera
she looks up to san so, so much; the way he improved his dancing tremendously through hard work and determination inspires her deeply
they learn other groups’ choreographies together
hypes the other up for everything
loves his voice so much; listens to him sing with heart eyes and vice versa
so, so clingy :((( they’re just tiny babies who need a lot of love and affection
juliet loves san so much and it breaks her heart knowing that he struggles with self-esteem like she does; they have a lot of deep talks where they talk for hours in the dark
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#MINGI; (2MIN)
2Min!!!!!! 🥺
a giant and a baby
that only applies to their heights, though; because they’re both babies personality-wise
juliet is either being loud and dumb with him or she’s going “ahsjajsj please stop, we’re idols •_•”; there is no in between
she’d let mingi give her more piggyback rides but the first time he gave her one he almost dropped her
juliet never shuts up about how good mingi is at rapping and dancing; she’ll tell you that at least once a day
“anyways, mingi is such a good rapper and dancer. did i mention how phenomenal he is? because he is the best rapper and dancer :]”
whenever juliet sings/dances, mingi always looks on very proudly
“our main vocalist/dancer, everyone!”
her designated giant teddy bear number 2
like with hongjoong, she makes sure mingi is eating and sleeping because he works a lot too :(
it makes mingi really happy when she tries to rap his parts
juliet is the leader of the mingi protection squad, if you hurt him she’ll actually k word you in your sleep
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#WOOYOUNG; (2YOUNG)
2Young; when they get paired up together for stuff, they introduce themselves with “2!” “Young!”
dear god, they are so loud
she’s either the first one shushing him or the others are telling both of them to shut up
wooyoung screams a lot so to juliet the only solution is to be even louder
siblings who annoy each other but also love the other to bits and will kill for each other
one time they did a v-live together and an atiny pointed out how when juliet says “no” it sounds like “noerrrrr”; wooyoung hasn’t let it go since and clowns her for it every chance he gets
one minute they’re bickering over something stupid and the next they’re cuddling on the sofa and laughing at random stuff on their phones
wooyoung teases her for literally everything, from her height to her australian accent; it’s a miracle she hasn’t killed him yet
“wooyoung dance king!”
she loves his vocals so much :(
she also loves his laugh; she thinks it’s very contagious and it always makes her laugh even harder
very clingy pt.2 :(((((
they like to cook together; despite juliet’s constant teasing, she genuinely loves his cooking
the biggest army’s
the duo that has everyone wrapped around their fingers
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#JONGHO; (JONGLIET)
they’re the youngest ones so they’re bound to be chaotic together
they have a secret handshake!!
since they’re the only ones who don’t share a birth year with anyone in the group, they call themselves the “21st century duo”
another tom-and-jerry relationship but they love each other to bits i promise :’)
high note battles that make the others go •_•
their duets though :’)))) a blessing
when they sang miss a’s “good-bye baby” together at mama 2019
vocal legends
jongho always use the fact that she’s the youngest against her, especially when they’re asked to do aegyo
“i think the maknae should do it >:)” “jongHO SHUTUPJAGSJAJS”
“well, he’s the youngest among the boys, so i think he should go too”; cue his look of ultimate betrayal
imagine her face when she saw his red hair for the first time :(
“omgomgomg now you’re a real apple!!!” :(((((
more piggyback rides!!
okay, but juliet is honestly so grateful for jongho; they’re the closest in age so it’s always very easy for her to talk to him and she loves him a lot :’(
they understand each other very deeply and usually they don’t need to exchange words to know what the other is thinking/feeling
she can overthink a lot and in those moments he’s her voice of reason and is always there to help her through those times
partners in crime :>
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finaledenialist · 3 years
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Okay, your tags on The Empty Post have showed up in my notes and I have to ask. Tell me more. Tell me it all. All of the feelings and thoughts about that scene because what I’ve seen so far? Absolute perfection and I agree wholeheartedly.
Thank you! Okay I basically unloaded most of my thoughts in my tags here but let’s go through this one more time. I may add: this was already said a thousand times by better meta writers than me 3 years ago when season 13 was actually airing. And I will ramble a little about Purgatory, too. Now with that out of the way: 
The Empty. Canonically it is a being, a living immortal being that rules the place or an ‘anti-place’ where angels and demons go are sent to when they die to dream of their regrets forever (this sounds awful and like a punishment for dying despite being immortal, for getting themselves killed or something). Also: the Empty was there before Creation, the Nothingness before Darkness and before Light. 
Okay. But let’s see what other things the Empty represents: lack of anything. Complete nothingness that Cas got sucked into (by Lucifer but also by helping the Winchesters). Now we know that Cas‘I am afraid I might kill myself’tiel had his issues, right (I still can’t believe that we are praising 8x08 thee Hunteri Heroici for being a filler episode with Cas - which is awesome, don’t get me wrong - but we all keep forgetting what he actually did say to Dean there!!! Dean says: are you afraid the angels will kill you if you show up in Heaven? And Cas looks straight into his eyes and says: After all I’ve done, when I see Heaven, I am afraid I might kill myself).
Please remember that it’s not only Dean, Mr. ‘Purgatory was pure’. Cas, after all he did in season 6, after his death in s7, after coming back and being literally haunted by everything he’s done, must have felt that Purgatory was liberating, too. It was some kind of an Alternative Universe where he didn’t have to face the consequences of his actions. He was free of them. It was literally his escape AND additionally it was (well, according to good old christian lore, maybe not specifically spn lore) a place where you are supposed to atone for your sins so there must have been the feeling of atoning, of making things right without actually doing anything specific, where having to survive and not get eaten by the Leviathans was his main problem (= surviving was just enough, nothing was asked of him), which, compared to all he’s done, wasn’t that hard or difficult. He found himself running away from Leviathans which could mirror running away from consequences of his actions - but it was Purgatory, it was at the same time atoning for what he did. It was EASY.
Cas basically confirms that he officially stayed in Purgatory because he didn’t think he deserved to go back to Earth and that is true but what he doesn’t say is: ‘Purgatory was pure and easy and kill or be killed and no other worries than that, no thinking, no real responsibilities which actually was a nice escape from the real world after all I did and been through in the past 3 years’. He wanted out, he wanted an easy choice. Okay, maybe he wasn’t actively looking for an easy way out but when it presented itself - when they appeared in Purgatory - he took it like a gift. We’re talking about a character who spent all his life following orders, who finally broke free and found himself completely lost in the freedom of choices, directionless and maybe wanted an escape. He must have felt overwhelmed but all this freedom (which he basically confirms in 6x20 freedom is a length of rope and god wants you to hang yourself with it). I COMPLETELY understand that choice to escape. 
So in seasons 8-12 Cas has a lot of stuff going on in his head, he gets lobotomized for most of season 8, he is hurt and tortured and treated like shit for most of season 9 and 10 and he ultimately gives himself up to Lucifer in s11 and then he almost dies in 12x12 and he never really got to talk about all of this or work this things out with anyone because Sam or Dean are not really the most talkative guys and Dean in 10x09 basically tells Cas to ‘let it go and not think about it’ which is a shitty advice to someone who suffers from some mental issues if I am being honest (this is like. ur depressed? oh go for a run and smile and stop being sad!!! kind of advice if you ask me). So these issues only grow and grow and start eating him up and please remember that at the very same time Cas is falling in love. I said it previously but I think the moment he realizes what he really feels is 12x12 when he is dying. In that moment he is able to name this feeling but it’s of course covered by: ‘I love you. I love all of you’. 
Now in season 12 he finally gets a proper arc with Kelly (god bless her, honestly, she and Cas had one of the most healthy relationships ever portrayed on tv and it wasn’t even romantic, I could go off about this but it’s getting really long anyway). So he kind of is on his way to find a purpose again - Dean is saved (from hell, from Michael, from the Mark), so he focuses on Kelly and unborn Jack and maybe in his relationship with her he rediscovers love (not necessarily romantic but he sees how she loves Jack) and he does all he can to protect her from basically everyone including the Winchesters. And he promises he will take care of Jack and then. Then he is killed by Lucifer (shattered at the altar of Winchester because he gets involved in the Apocalypse World because of them while having built something for himself with Kelly and Jack BUT still not having properly processed all his previous trauma). 
Okay, so fast forward: Cas is woken up by Jack in the Empty. He is of course confused and stuff (we still don’t know what was he dreaming about all this time he spent there now that we know this is a place where angels and demons dream about their mistakes and regrets <- fanfiction gap #1). He wakes up, he is ‘greeted’ by the Empty and one of the first things he says is that he has to go back because Sam and Dean need him. 
This is his first, automatic thought - I (probably) don’t want to go back, but Sam and Dean need me so I have to, I don’t want to go back for myself because I never wanted to since Purgatory but I know I have to. He doesn’t even think about Jack in this moment. I... maybe it is a stretch but I sense a kind of fear in these words. It’s like he thinks: ‘if I had the chance to come back and chose not to come back from selfish reasons then if the Winchesters ever find out about this they will be angry at me’. But I might be reading too much into this, but on the other hand Jesus fucking Christ this is precisely what happened in Purgatory. He chose to stay although he had a chance to return and the effect was Dean being mad at him. Talk about trauma--
Then the Empty (who was in Cas’ mind) voices his biggest fears: 
'I know who you love, I know what you fear. There is nothing for you back there. Wouldn't you rather be a fond memory than a constant festering disappointment?'
There is a lot to unpack here because this is the Empty’s (who, as stated at the beginning can be read as a manifestation of not only death but also Cas’ depression and self-worth issues) reaction to Cas saying that Sam and Dean need him. She says: uh oh you’re wrong<3 I know who you love, what you fear, the is nothing there for you, sweetie. Essentially: they don’t need you. No one needs you or wants you there. They are better off without you. Wouldn’t you rather be a fond memory (of actually being useful as in: saving Dean from hell, helping to stop the Apocalypse, helping to fight the Leviathans) than a disappointment (failing powers, makes mistake after a mistake, chooses to protect the unborn Antichrist rather than killing him before he’s born - and not to make this whole thing worse but this is what Dean has the audacity to say to Cas in 15x03: why if something goes wrong it always seem to be you).
I will now allow myself for some privacy, because I am a person who dealt with these kind of thoughts in my head for years, these are straight up suicidal thoughts: no one needs you, no one wants you, you are a disappointment and if you die you will be fondly remembered, everyone is better off without you. And we know Cas was suicidal because he literally tells us in 8x08 and we have no proof that he somehow got rid of these thoughts, ever. If anything, they were always there, present, if not growing. Thoughts like that don’t just disappear. Please remember one more time what was happening to Cas in seasons 8-11. He wasn’t healing. He was getting worse, while all this time managing to keep his head above water for someone else, while the guilt was rising and rising. 
If the Empty represents all his issues: depression, suicidal thoughts, guilt, self-hate, lack of self-worth, and what she offers is: eternal sleep. Maybe not entirely peaceful sleep, but sleep nevertheless, no consequences, no facing your fears, no dealing with anything, an escape, sleep - 
And she prompts him to stop fighting, to go back to sleep because there is nothing to fight for (now the symbolism of him being waken up by JACK who was his new found purpose just before he got killed), but she makes a mistake to confront his thoughts and fears with him. She makes a mistake of taking a ‘physical’ form, putting on his face and voice his fears. And Cas is a warrior and he kind of hates himself, so his instinct was to fight. Of course it was easier not to think about all of these stuff at all, to push it back, to try to forget. But once he was forced to face all of these? He fought back. AND HE WON!!!!! 
WHAT A MESSAGE TO SEND RIGHT?!!! You might have all these issues and not want to face them because you feel you will crush under them but look: when you are forced to face them it turns out you are somehow way stronger than them!!! The moment you choose to fight you already won, you are already saved!!! Because ultimately these are your thoughts and this is your mind and you control it, no one else! The moment you decide, you choose, to take control: you win. You are saved because you chose to save yourself because you decided you are worth saving. And the Empty (and everything she represents) immediately gets angry and lets him go, ultimately annoyed because he dared to defy her and she just can’t win with someone who decides he wants to be free. WHAT. 👏🏻  A.  👏🏻 WONDERFUL. 👏🏻  MESSAGE.  👏🏻
So... Having said all that. There is only one thing left: I have NO IDEA. NO IDEA. HOW HE FOUND THE STRENGTH. TO STAND UP AND SAY THIS:
I'm already saved. You can prance and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity.
A FUCKING ICON. STRONGEST CHARACTER EVER. YOUR FAVE COULD NEVER--
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danicarosaline · 4 years
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I didn’t mean it pt.2
𝙹𝙹 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚡 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛
A/N: I apologise for taking so long with making a part two of this!! I’ve just been busy with family, TAFE and stuff but here it is!! I hope you like🥺💛(also not edited👁👄👁)
Words: 1812
Warnings: few F words, fluff!!
Part 1
tags: @tremendoussaladtyrant
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You awoke from the deep sleep, rubbing your tired eyes with the insides of your palms and sat up from the couch where you were only supposed to take a short nap. Your eyes wander around the dimly lit room for a minute, then finally landing to the digital clock hanging above your long flat Tv screen, anticipating that you slept for way longer than planned. 7:30 PM, it had read. You have slept for five hours.
The longest sleep you have gotten for the past three days after that argument with your boyfriend at the chateau, though you don’t even know if he considered you as his girlfriend anymore after what you said.You haven’t gotten a single decent amount of sleep since then but it’s not like you deserved to sleep like an angel anyway. 
“Oh my fucking god you are so hard to love!!”
Your chest clenches at hearing your own words again, replaying like some old broken record player in your mind. Over and over, until you can’t take it anymore and finally burst out into a sob while your body shakes violently. You have called JJ numerous times and have been sent to voicemail every time, texted him too but to no avail. Obviously.
You have visited the chateau a few times hoping that he’ll be there but John B said he hasn’t seen JJ either, which makes no sense at all because you swore those two were attached to the hip and JJ was barely at his own home.
You have caught the brunet’s little quick side glances when you asked him of your boyfriend's whereabouts, almost like he knew exactly where the blond was but he just doesn’t want to tell you. You gave up at that point and just stayed to calling and texting.
Wiping your tears with your sweater sleeve, you pick up your phone that managed to fall onto the floor and subconsciously hope that it wasn’t cracked. Not like you couldn’t afford to fix it even if it was. You prissy kook.
2 unseen messages from Pope and John B and 3 missed calls from Kie,you sigh. You’ve been distant with the gang although not purposely you still felt bad for giving them the cold shoulder. Only replying to Kie’s messages here and there. Too embarrassed to text the boys back.
Your thumb hovers above JJ’s contact number, only inches away from pressing that little blue call button but you quickly toss your phone to the side before you do so. There is no chance he will answer you.
You get up from the comfortable couch, bare feet thudding against the cold floor tiles that send chills down your spine, making you shiver slightly as you make your way towards the room to freshen up. To say that you have been a complete and utter mess was an understatement.
From head to toe, you clearly looked like you haven’t been sleeping well and it would have been embarrassing if your younger siblings knew of your state but they have been away on some trip, along with your parents, not that you didn’t mind the space.
Why didn’t you tag along? Oh it’s because you wanted to somewhat fix your relationship with your hot-headed, punch first-talk later, idiotic of a boyfriend but that didn’t go well as planned now did it? Your parents knew of your relationship with the pogue king, also of his reputation but they have come to love JJ anyways. Welcoming him with open arms. Thus, understanding why you wanted to be left behind.
After doing your skincare routine and brushing your teeth, you tread to your closet and change into a pair of sweatpants and a different sweater that all belonged to non-other than JJ and your chest clenched tightly again.
You bring up the sweater to your nose and take a whiff of the sweater, breathing in his scent brings tears to well up in your eyes but you blink them away before they could fall.
A long sigh leaves your lips as it quivers and you bite down on your bottom lip to stop it. Closing the closet door gently, you eye your bedroom floor and search for those white socks you know that’s always left lying around everywhere but before you can grab a new clean pair instead, you hear two faint knocks against the window closest to where you stood, now frozen in the spot.
You abruptly turn your head towards it and quickly tear the curtains wide open. Eyes widening as they land upon your boyfriend’s figure. You unlock the window and push it open, careful enough to not have JJ accidentally slip and fall to his death.
He easily climbs in, having to sneak in through this window many times before. The same dirty boots leaving specks of dirt on your clean floor.
You take a step back and watch the way his chest heaves as if he ran all the way here, he turns his back to you and closes the window, locking it and then turning back to meet your eyes.
You bite your bottom lip as he swallows the lump in his throat, both having planned to go and see each other but now that you are here, face to face, you're both left speechless.
Even with the heavy bags under your eyes and the unkempt mop you called your hair he still found you absolutely stunning and with you thinking the same for him.
“Y/n-“
“JJ-“
You both go to speak at the same time, you chuckle quietly at the first interaction you’ve had with the blond in days. His lips tug upwards into a small smile, heart beating rapidly in his ears and his chest.
“You shouldn’t be the one to come to me J, it should have been me..” you whisper sadly as your tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down your pretty face. Feeling the muscles of your chin tremble like a small child. Eyes fluttering shut.
Both his hands reach up to wipe away the tears when his body shifts closer to yours, you flinch at the sudden contact and close proximity. “No JJ! You shouldn’t be here!” petite hands wrapped tightly around the black hoodie he wore as his own naturally fall on your waist.
“Y/n please-“
“NO JJ! You shouldn’t fucking be here!” You repeat a bit louder this time but that only makes JJ wrap an arm around your shoulders and pull you in closer, gently rubbing your arm. Despite the heaviness in your stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of your body pressed against his.
You sunk into the warmth of his side, breathing in his scent like you did with the sweater but this right here, is the real thing. You almost couldn’t believe that he’s here.
His touch made the room warmer somehow but his presence always gave you warmth no matter the circumstance, it was one of your favourite things about JJ. “It’s not fair on you to be here right now..” you say.
“I missed you and it doesn’t matter-“
“Don’t you dare say it doesn’t matter JJ because what I said was messed up and you shouldn’t have been the one to come here, it should have been me running to wherever you are, begging for forgiveness so why the hell are you here J?!” He can’t help but let out a chuckle at your little rant and that angers you.
You push on his chest and stare up at him with your brows furrowed, mouth forming in a small frown. Is he insane? Why are you the only one who seems to be hurt at what you’ve done?
All the idiot can do is stare at you lovingly with a grin on his perfect face and a gleam in those baby blue eyes. A sight you have missed dearly. You are left baffled at the softness on his face and the tight grip he had managed to sneak on your waist without your knowledge.
“What is so funny JJ?” You asked, annoyance lacing your tone but all the blond does is laugh again because he finds your angry face adorable. You turn to walk away but his grip is strong, keeping you in place.
“You’re so cute” he replies just as he delicately places his forehead against yours, bringing up a hand to stroke your tear stained cheek. “JJ..” He places a finger on your lips, silencing you.
“We were both in the wrong..” he begins.
“Yes you’ve hurt me by what you said but I also hurt you by what I said.. I’m sorry I called you a prissy kook and accused you of cheating on me with Rafe. It was fucking stupid and I know you would never do that”
JJ presses the tip of his nose against yours in an ekismo kiss, making your heart melt.
“I’m sorry baby..”
“It’s okay angel, I love you okay? Forever and always remember?” His chapped lips brushed yours innocently. He whispers your name slowly, prolonging each later as if to savour them and you smile, heart fluttering at his voice until he finally kissed you and it felt like time had stopped. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be.
His hand rested below your ear, his thumb caressing your flushed cheek as your breaths mingled. You ran delicate fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between you and you could feel the beating of his heart against your chest.
The moonlight was a diffuse ocean above them, lessening the inky blackness of the dimly lit room as the two lovers shared a long passionate kiss. Embracing each other close as if the other would suddenly drift away.
All the heartache and worry she had felt seemed to disappear the longer JJ’s lips were on hers like a magnet. The girl pulled away to catch her breath, only for his lips to attach themselves back onto hers hungrily, the both drowning in passion and desire.
‘Meeting you was a fate, being your friend; a choice. And falling in love, was bound to happen.
You are the one who paints my world.
You are the one who keeps me shielded, defends me from the brutality. You are the one I will die a thousand times for.’
“You know my parents aren’t home right?” You murmur in his ear alluringly, you hear him growl and you both tumble on the soft bed, his eyes searching yours as he carefully lays on top of you.
“So I didn’t have to climb all the way up to your window?”
“No”
“Are you kidding me I almost died on my way up here” He mutters to himself under his breath, making you burst out in laughter.
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blkmxrvel · 4 years
Text
cater 2 u.
Pairing: carol danvers x reader x natasha romanoff
Words: 1550
Request: -
Summary: your carol and natasha’s good girl. they break your walls down. take that as you will. 
Warnings: smut (18+), overstimulation, use of a safe word, “dirty talk” struggled with that one. i also refrained from a daddy/mommy kink. it was sO hard man.
A/N: my first poly fic! [its bad lmao] this was a request from a loooonnggg time ago, but it’s not in my inbox anymore so i’m not sure what happened to it. it was like reader in between nats legs and carol going down on the reader or...something like that. i’m not too happy with this, but it’s the first thing i’ve had the inspiration to write for in a while. wrote it while watching family feud and face-timing my crush ;) its 3:41am... enjoy! (also, don’t expect another fic anytime soon this seriously was a fluke lmao)
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you sighed as you relaxed back into natasha. or at least you tried to. moans were constantly falling from your mouth, carol in between your legs. as you looked down at her, you could feel yourself getting wetter. your fingers had a vice grip on your girlfriend's thighs and she tweaked your nipples, your breath increasing faster and faster. 
your hips jerked as carol sucked partially hard on your clit. you shook your head, and tears began to fall, backing into natasha. you had just gotten down from your sixth orgasm of the night. from strap-ons and vibrators, to old-fashioned fingering and oral, you had been pleasurably tortured for hours. you were sure if you came again, you would fall apart. 
that’s what your girlfriends wanted, though. 
another sob wracked your body and you tried your hardest to get away, but things weren’t going your way. natasha’s arms wrapped around tighter around your middle, her lips coming to kiss the side of your face. 
“what’s wrong, angel?” another moan fell from your lips when her voice spoke into your ear. carol’s mouth was still relentless on your core, licking and sucking and biting her way to your orgasm. 
your hips stuttered, and so did your lips. “i… i can’t take it. it’s too much and i’m so sensitive. please.” natasha purred in your ear, carol on your pussy. you felt natasha rub your stomach, helping to sooth the ache in your stomach just a little bit. 
“aww baby, but you’re doing so well. you look so pretty, all fucked out and helpless like this. i think you can do two more maybe, break the record.” you groaned at her words, and you felt her laugh more than you heard it. 
you felt carol’s fingers slipped inside of you, three fingers. the intrusion made your breath catch in your throat and your head fall back onto natashas shoulder. your body began jerking from the overstimulation. this was torture, but it felt so good. 
“I wanna be good, wanna be good so bad for you but I- it’s just too much.” you knew the rule, how things work between you and your girlfriends in the bedroom, they weren’t just gonna stop because you said it was too much. until proven otherwise, you had to take it. 
“you’re always gonna be good for us, princess.” carol finally spoke up. you couldn’t see but her mouth was glistening with your cum, the proof of your pleasure. “but if you really think you can’t handle it, you know what to do.”
it was so easy. red. red, red, red. it was right there on the tip of your tongue. it almost spilled out as carol curved her fingers in a specific way, causing your body to tighten up like a cork. you felt natasha grip your chip, your head still on her shoulder as she leaned down to kiss you, greedily swallowing up your moans. 
you thought about it for a minute, as much as you could anyways. did you really want to stop? sure, your legs were shaking and your mind was blank, and it felt like your body was being electrocuted with every thrust of carol fingers, every twist natasha did your nipples. but, it felt so good. you couldn’t imagine what it would feel like if they both stopped. the warmth ripped from your body, the white heat being snatched away, instead of fading how it usually did, with soft kisses from your girlfriends. 
you didn’t want it to stop, you wanted more. 
you shook your head, a moan disconnecting your lips from natasha’s, your hands loosening as you tried to relax. “no, i. i can take it, i can do it. two more. please, just don’t stop.” you relaxed your body all the way. 
carol detached her mouth from your pussy, kissing up your body. she pressed her lips to natasha’s first, wanting to her get a good taste of you. their sweet girl indeed.
once her lips left natasha’s, she moved closer to you, her lips ghosting above yours. “good girl, i promise, it’ll be quick. with how wet you are and how tight your getting, it’ll be fast. you’re doing so well for us baby, such a sweet girl.” carol leaned in to suck at your neck, biting love marks into your skin. 
carol thrusted into you faster, making you choke on the air in your throat. a loud moan ripped through your throat when you felt natasha’s slender fingers fall to your clit. she rubbed fast circles, stopping sometimes to pinch and run her nails over it. 
they always appreciated when they were able to break your walls down, literally and figuratively. it wasn’t often, due to their line of work. you kept yourself so closed off usually. you were deathly afraid of being too vulnerable at the wrong moments, scared of being so broken that you could never be put back together again, that you forgot that you had two people there with you every step of the way.
they took moments like these to remind you of that.  
your eyes were clenched shut, your chest heaved. you were sure there would be scars in natasha’s thighs for days, but for now, you didn’t care. all you could focus on was the way the pads on carol’s fingers were hitting every spot inside of you, natasha aiding her swiftly. you could hear the soft moans of your girlfriends, in awe of how beautiful you looked. 
carol was always the more vocal one, the one who would make you lose your mind with every syllable. so it was a shock (that got sent right to your core) when you hear natasha rasp into your ear. 
“does it feel good, baby? you know we try our hardest, to make you feel good cum your pretty little head off. everything about you is so beautiful, baby. so sexy. we’re so proud of you, our precious babygirl.” her fingers began to move sideways on your clit, smirking when your mouth fell open. “you deserve this, more than anyone. to just be taken care of and catered to. ate out and fucked properly, you deserve it all. does it feel good?”
you struggled to get your next words out, your mind clouded by arousal. you managed a weak nod, whimper falling from your lips. “So good, so so good. I- please, i need to.”
“look at me, princess. can you do that?” you muster up all of your strength to look carol in her eyes. carol’s hand stilled inside of you, the sight of you making her moan on instinct. you looked...absolutely breathtaking. your lips swollen, eyes half closed, red and eyeliner smudged all around them, rolling to the back of your head when natasha hit a specific spot. the way your cheeks were just the perfect shade of red, you were absolutely perfect. 
“god, baby. i don’t even know what to say. you’re so pretty, so good. taking my fingers well, natasha’s strap so good. i love making you cum, getting to feel you around my fingers, your clit in my mouth. feeling your body jerk when we keep going. hearing the desperate little whines that you do when you’re about to cum. we love it all, all of you baby.” 
your head was reeling. all you focus on were both your girlfriend’s words and the way they feel. inside of you, on you, around you, everywhere. it was all too much. you were at the very edge, your orgasm was so close you could feel it. but you were a good girl, you so held it back. 
“please.” they knew what you were asking, it didn’t take a mindreader. 
“you can go ahead and cum princess, as much you want. give it to us, baby.” carol’s fingers sped it, using her powers to intensifying the feeling. nat sped her fingers up.
you forced your eyes to stay open, carol never breaking eye contact with you. the small ‘give it to us, baby’ being murmured from her lips repeatedly tipped you over the edge. your orgasm hit you quickly, and before you knew it, your body was locked tight in. a bow, the loudest moan you could manage tearing it’s way through your body.
you came back down with a loud shutter, your body still shaking as your girlfriends fucked you into your eighth and -- what you decided -- final orgasm. 
“red. red, please.” you let out a sob of relief when you felt your girlfriends removed their hands from your pussy. 
immediately, you curled into yourself. you body still wracking with the aftershocks of your orgasm. tears still running down your cheeks. it took you a second to recognize your girlfriends pulling you close to them. 
whispering incessant praises into your ear, carol guided you to lay on her chest, while natasha came up behind you, wrapping her arms around your middle and pressing a kiss to your neck. 
you were exhausted, you knew that much, and it didn’t take you long to be knocked out like a light, content in the feeling of your loves wrapped around you, and their soft voices in your ear. 
best girl, so pretty, so pretty. such a good girl.
you really needed this.
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elysicndrcvm · 3 years
Text
━♡ guess the 23 YEAR OLD FEBRUARY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because CHU EUNHA is just as BEDAZZLING as the month of FEBRUARY. wait, why do they remind me of JACOB BAE? beyond that, they seemed JOYOUS and SAVVY upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of DELICATE and QUIXOTIC though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 1 / APARTMENT 0215 / FLOOR 3 ; HE seem(s) to have a lot going on with HIS job as a PATISSERIE OWNER/NUTRITIONAL SCIENCE STUDENT. ( ez, 21, she/they, gmt. )
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     well hey there !! im ez but you fellow dallyeogers can call me ezzy, i have been in dallyeog before so some may remember me as having someone v different to my new bb i bring u now, i joined before with miss tam carmen !! anygays i return with this lil angel who i am all ‘ i say that’s my baby and i’m proud ’ over already even tho i literally came up with him like two days ago. you can find his pinboard here ( which btw i fuckeN love like he’s so aesthetic to me u go king ) and i made him a lil playlist which u can vibe to here. you can learn more about him under the cut but he’s a super soft-hearted gentle dove of a muse and quite...simple for me ?? sdhdh that’s not the right wording but U GET IT djjflg he isn’t super full of angst or trauma he’s just kinda viBIN livin his best life so that’s fun !! but ye without further ado: 
so as u kno from his app he owns a patisserie, it’s his lil babey and he is very dedicated to his craft and makin sure all his ideas for the place and the baked goods he sells are like rlly quirky and avant-garde. like he is so passionate about it u dont even KNOW, he tries to make sure most of the stuff on his menu is something like fun and new u wouldn’t get at just any old patisserie or cafe and that it’s super varied and also kinda aesthetic af? the place is very like trendy. it’s called patisserie d’elysian cause ya know he’s an extra biTCHH and proud.
he has three pupperino’s. all as adorable as each other, snickerdoodle is his golden lab and often ppl shorten it down to snickers, butterscotch is his dapple daschund pup, shortens the name to scotchie often. toulouse is his fancy toy poodle boi, shortens the name down as toto. if u are on the shortened name basis with his pups then u can consider urself one of his close pals. 
he’s actually adopted by his aunt but she raised him like she was his mother so that is what he considers her, she’s on his mother’s side but they are half-siblings. in terms of first name reasoning as well she just liked eunha as a name and didn’t even think about how it is traditionally for a female, she liked that it meant gift from heaven so it stuck. his father is still around, he’s just quite elderly so it felt like a better living situation for him to be raised primarily by his auntie. unfortunately his mother has passed on but no tragic story, she just went peacefully in old age. 
he dyes his hair quite often, it’s currently like a really pastel blue with black streaks consistently throughout like lil ones so it looks super cool. but he’s also had it be a more electric blue, lilac, and a duck egg kinda faded silvery blue. it’s naturally dark brunette. has brown eyes kind of a hazel hue. 
his style is kinda androgynous ig?? he just lives for soft retro fashion, lots of color in his wardrobe but also lots of tapered short and t-shirt fits frequented, sweater vests, rolled up jeans, high skater boi socks, soft jumpers with shirts, shirts in bright colours or satiny texture worn over plain white t-shirts, cardigans, pastel denim jackets, jeans with printed patterns on like clouds, flowers etc, favors yellow and blues. sometimes does eye makeup, occasionally wears heels bc he’s a baddie or super heeled boots/chunky shoes. 
obsessed with music, can play violin and guitar. he’s a big mitski and rina sawayama fanatic, likes anything that sounds peaceful or calming or has like a good fun vibe to it. also likes the trademark gay icons like carly rae jepsen, lorde, etc. he’s not ashamed. obsessed with mamma mia movies. but also likes rap which is rlly funny cause its like the bad bitch female rappers only and like he’ll listen to it while arranging his sock drawer or making his bed or something ajdjdj it’s like hype anthems for being a baddie and a hoe and he’s just doing his night sleepy routine adkfkf. 
showers, blankets, music, baked goods especially bagels are his happy places. 
very much a sensitive lil romanticist, falls in ‘love’ like five times a day, he just likes to giggle and smile around pretty people and admire the artwork hnghdh, he’s like yeARNS though ya know?? like he’s all i will flirt by making prolonged eye contact, i made you a playlist, this song makes me think of you etc. it’s either memes as flirting with him or elaborate love letters u never know what ur gonna get akdkd. 
awful sense of humour, loves his friends more than anything on earth except his pups, would fully live in a huge house of just like his pups and all his closest buds for all eternity. likes fruits way too much, enjoys puns about fruits way too much. milkshakes, sushi, orange hues and bus rides are some of his absolute favorite simple pleasures of life. clouds, flowers, salt lamps, the sunrise over the sea, skateboarding, fresh soda, teddy bears, busy street markets, parasols, fish tanks with exotic fish, sorbet, bike riding, polaroids, record players, rain at night against floor to ceiling windows with a fresh steaming pot of tea on the desk beside it and warm fresh sheets from the laundry on his bed, ponds, skateboarding. all little joys in life that give him like the biggest pleasure dopamine hit in the world. 
his cousin actually owns a florists so he has flowers just littering his apartment like a lot and it just looks like he has ten million suitors from the late eighteenth century attempting to court him but no all these flowers are from him to him or worse from his aunt djfjg she sends him some for valentines every valentines, pls help him, pls send him flowers. 
studies nutritional science and he fucken hates it. do not ask him shit cause he doesn’t KNOW OKAY? he doesn’t understand it either. he took it because he needed something to go alongside the passion for baking that was a real ‘qualification’/job so that is the only reason he’s doing it. no point doing a baking degree after all when he’s already a baker with a business, he’s super young still he gotta keep his prospects open. so YAH. he’d rather be doing culinary arts but eh. nutritional science sounded better and more logic based. the real miracle is he still gets top grades all the time even tho he spends his life like wtf am i even doing is this even legit akdkdk. school is the worst thing in the world for him watch his mood instantly deflate the second its brought up. 
despite being a quixotic, he’s a lil afraid of intimacy. like oh god does he love it, those small touches and acts of affection u kno? the subtle things that normally go unnoticed, eye contact, brushing of hands, linking of little fingers, rubbing a thumb, kissing eyelids or foreheads or palms or shoulders in little gentle pecks, back massages and rubs or finger tracing patterns absent-minded, shoulder massages, laying your head on someone’s shoulder or on their lap, knocking knees together, exchanging a small glance only the two of you get before bursting into laughter, smiling into kisses, napping together, having blankets placed over you warm and fresh, or towels put ready like it, someone making you something they know you like a lot. that’s his sHIT. but like he’s terrified still, someone skimming their fingers on his skin makes his breath hitch like he’s a scandalized and alarmingly aroused victorian woman sjdjd. he’s literally still a virgin, he hasn’t even had his first kiss okay my baby is delicate be gentle with him akdkd but he still LIKES PASSION AIGHT kfkf. 
real soft spoken, honey tinted voice like i shit u not this boy talks like he��s an angel sent from heavens above to guide you to the paradisaical garden of eden or some shit akdkd. ur gonna fall in love with eunha’s voice before u even fall in love with any other part of him like his adorable beaming smile or stunning eyes akdkf. 
has dance parties around his room when getting ready in the morning, listens to bella’s lullaby unironically yes from twilight yes u heard right, bit of a himbo streak sometimes in his obliviousness djfjf. quite silently subtly funny actually much like jacob himself. 
he is gay, afraid of driving, cannot do math, blanks out often and he is valid for all of those things. has a collection of cartoon and disney animal movie dvds. has a dream notebook. always has blue painted nails in some kinda shade. 
does not enjoy turning in assignments bc he is scared he’ll fail, avoids looking at his grades for weeks after they’re released and hates knowing that they’re out. 
cannot dance, dances often. collects vintage stuff esp clothes and mostly sweaters. likes midnight trips to corner stores and fields where he can just lay and look at the stars. makes friends rlly easily but has super bad performance anxiety. cannot ever have a messy room like even the tiniest bit messy. even like clothes being stacked on a chair instead of away. 
bakes peanut butter, banana and choc chip muffins (they r called monkey bites normally) whenever he’s super stressed. if u want to cheer him up when he’s anxious or stressed then u should give him french lavender honey, chia seeds and caramelized pear on toast/bagel. it is his comfort food. he fancii when he needs a pick me up. treat urself and all that. 
17 notes · View notes
2-cute-4-school · 4 years
Text
Hiraeth II
Group: NCT
Pairing: Lee Donghyuck/Haechan x f!Reader
Genre: angst, idk if you take some parts out of context you might find some fluff
TW: blood, weapons, torture (not an explicit description), suicide attempt(?)
Word count : 9.2K words
Mafia AU  |   M.list
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3- Final 
Chapter summary : “ I still love him and I’ll love Donghyuck until my heart bleeds out of love. But I don’t love and I have never loved the monster who stands before me.”
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Y/N’s head throbbed in pain as she tried to pry her eyes open, fighting against the harsh ache overtaking her entire body. She could feel a thin thread of liquid trailing down the side of her face and she had the sickening revelation that it must have been blood. Her blood. She felt as if her entire body was submerged underwater, in some rushing river with ice-cold water that chilled her down to the bones and numbed her limbs. As she cracked an eye open, her vision swarm, spinning in a whirlwind caused by the excruciating pain coming from her temples. A loud ringing resounded in her ears and served to make her even dizzier as she fought to regain her senses.
“I really can’t believe it was so easy. Just a wimpy kid under our sleeve and we took them down.”
The voice was muffled by the high pitched sound she could still hear, but it was enough to remind Y/N of what had brought there. Haechan, how could he? How could he betray the people he claimed more dear to him than his own blood, the ones who never hesitated to put their lives on the line to make sure he would be safe. And her members? She could only pray they escaped their attack and were on their way to her for she needed her guardian angels now more than ever. She needed them to tell her that life could go on, with or without Haechan, that she could go on missing her greater half.
As her senses seemed to come back to her she could faintly tell her surroundings. One thing was sure, she was snugly tied to a chair, bounded by thick ropes that seemed to burn through her skin. But nothing burned harsher than her agonized heart. She was left in nothing but a pair of shorts and a slightly oversized T-shirt, the bruises on her skin a scary purple, littered all over resembling blooming flowers.
Y/N shifted a bit in her chair, trying to get blood to rush through her numb limbs and lifted her head as much as her aching neck allowed. 
“Well look who’s awake, what a wonderful surprise!”
The same voice as earlier exclaimed and her eyes met those of Park Ji-won, cold and mocking as they narrowed over her frame. Y/N could feel her stomach sinking, a cruel realization settling in her mind as she lowered her gaze again and avoided giving him any satisfaction by seeing her so lost and hopeless. She heard the door to her cell being unlocked as Ji-won stepped inside, two bulky men following him closely behind, sporting smirks and a crazed glint in their eyes.
Ji-won approached her and suddenly his mere presence suffocated her, closing her in a bubble where air ran out quickly and her chest felt heavy. Y/N knew she had to stay rational, calm, control her fear and keep a strong facade despite the dread that froze the blood in her veins.
“I apologize for the harsh treatment” he motioned towards the ropes that dug into her skin painfully “but we assumed that in the early stages of your visit here you might want to give us a run for our money.”
“You assumed?” Y/N grinned despite the shakiness of her fingers behind the back of the chair.
“Ah, such a pretty smile. Too bad it will be one of the last times you’ll grace us with it.”
“That’s right, you probably won’t be alive to see the next one.”
Ji-won let out a short chuckle, his eyes shining with an unspoken hatred.
“And who’ll be the lucky one to kill me, if I may ask?”
Y/N pursed her lips, looking away as if deep in thought, racking her head for all the ways her boys could end his poor excuse of a life. She hummed slightly as she turned her eyes back to the older man’s who stared at her with nerve-wracking amusement.
“Hmm, we’ll have to wait and see, they’ll probably have fun making you regret ever messing with us, they’ll make you wish they killed you faster.”
This time he threw his head back with laughter and Y/N had to force her facial muscles to keep her lips in a smile, becoming unnerved with the man’s careless reaction to her entire demeanor. Suddenly, he lifted his hand towards her face, cupping her jaw as if admiring a new doll. Y/N jerked her head away, recoiling from his cold and disgusting touch, but he only tightened his grip, squishing her cheeks between his rough fingers and lifting her face back towards him.
“And who exactly will do that? You who’s tied to a chair with no escape and about to beg for her life? Dear Haechan, who has been lying to you this entire time and brought the end of your little gang? Oh, are you talking about the rest of the members of NCT?”
The thought seemed to amuse him further as he leaned his head, settling beside Y/N’s face and she could feel his breath fanning her earlobe he airily whispered.
“Let me give you a heads-up dear, they’re all dead. Burned down to mere ashes in the wind. There’s absolutely no trace left of them as if they never existed in the first place, an illusion in the darkness of the night.” 
He moved away from her and basked at the thrill of having the precious member of NCT right under his fingertips, playing with her as if she was a puppet. He had waited for so long to break the news to her, to start breaking her inside out, shattering her mind and soul little by little, shredding her hope and stomping on it right before her eyes. 
“No. You’re bluffing. Your dirty tricks won’t get to my head, they won’t work on me so you can shove them up your ass and choke on them.”
Her voice started to rise in volume and her throat restricted her from showing a firm voice as her words wavered at the end, cracking under the pressure of the sky falling atop of her shoulders, draining her soul of any fight left deep inside her, shielding her hope.
“Am I really? Unfortunately, as I said no trace of them is left so I can’t show you the downfall of your world. You’ll have to trust me on this, darling. But I can tell you for sure I enjoyed watching Taeyong lose everything, God, you should have seen the look in his eyes as he finally realized he was doomed, absolutely delightful.”
Y/N wanted to rip Ji-won to shreds. Even just talking about her leader like that ignited her rage and she wanted nothing more but to let it burn, to swallow the man before her up and drag him to the deepest pits of hell. His words couldn’t be true, there was simply no way she would believe them. Taeyong couldn’t be gone. NCT couldn’t be gone. They were her guardian angels, they wouldn’t have left her alone in the Earth version of hell, she couldn’t bear the thought of going on without knowing they’re alive. 
“Already giving up? And here I was, thinking you’ll put up a fight, let us have some fun taming beasts like you.” Y/N gritted her teeth, but she could feel her desire to keep fighting slip away like grains of sand in the wind’s breeze. The only thought that gripped the last strands of her hope was the possibility of Ji-won lying in hopes of making her give up. And in this case, she couldn’t let him win. She wouldn’t allow herself to slip away as long as she had the slightest chance of being back in her boys’ arms, tucked warmly into safety.
“Come closer, let me also give you a heads-up,” Ji-won leaned down slightly, his face at the same level as hers, regarding her with a degrading look, as if sensing her resolve starting to dissipate “if I’m a beast, then you’re just mere pray.” Y/N muttered harshly and spat in his face before his head snapped away. It was her time to smirk as his content expression morphed into one of anger, his composed state shattering, letting rage surface.
Ji-won couldn’t contain the forceful punch he sent to Y/N’s face and neither did he try to. He gathered all of his strength and swung as hard as he could as his fist connected with the soft skin of her cheek with such power that is tipped the chair over, making it collapse. Y/N hissed at the contact with the hard floor of the basement she was held in and heard a sickening pop come from her shoulder before throbbing pain spread through the entire area, making her dizzy. She knew this was barely considered mild and just the beginning of what was about to come her way. She closed her eyes, letting the pain settle and trying to come to terms with the inevitable fate that awaited her.
Y/N could hear Ji-won’s steps as he came closer to her, the tip of his shoe slipping under her cheek and craning her neck to look up at him. She kept her eyes narrowed, regarding the man towering above her with utter disgust to disguise the discomfort she felt in her shoulder mainly. 
“I’m going to say this slowly since it seems like your brain is struggling to acknowledge your situation. You are doomed, little girl. The only one who will wish for death is you, you’ll beg for it in no time. But we won’t allow it, no, you’ll have to suffer, we’ll shred you of any sanity left in you, we’ll break you into millions of pieces both physically and mentally, just wait, The show starts tonight, we’ll have a lot of fun together, Y/N.”
Her name rolled off his tongue with repulsion and his tone assured her that he would religiously keep his promise towards her and somehow it reminded her of Haechan and how the situation seemed so twisted that it made Y/N want to throw up. Her worst enemy just promised her he would rip the little things she still had left away from her, strip her of her humanity and in a sick way Y/N was sure he won’t go back on his words. Haechan promised her Heaven, safety, and love, but all she received were deceiving words and agony. 
With a last forceful nudge of his boot against her cheek, Ji-won turned his back to her and left her cell, the guards locking the door behind themselves. While Ji-won waked away from her sight, most likely back into the house, the two guards stayed unmovingly outside her cell, keeping a careful eye on their prisoner while going back to chatting about their victory.
Finally left alone, to drown into her own thoughts, Y/N suffocated into the nightmare she was forced to fight through. The pain in her body seemed to fade away as her emotions were unraveling from the cage she kept them locked in and the real turmoil surfaced. Johnny promised her they were safe and in turn, she promised Mark she would come back to them. She could only bitterly guess both promises were meant to be broken. Y/N let poisonous tears escape from her tightly closed eyes, in an attempt to lessen the venom nestled inside her soul. Just the thought of never seeing her family again overwhelmed her exhausted heart and sunk it to the bottom of a drained ocean.
And Haechan. He literally broke her in half. A half that hoped everything was just a twisted joke and her soulmate would swoop right in and end her hell and a half that wanted to bring hell to him. Betrayal simply wasn’t a word in their dictionary because who would betray family, the only ones who pulled you up out the frightening darkness that enveloped you when everyone else turned their backs on you. Taeyong was the only one who saw a fighter in them instead of a person too broken to function again and the only one who defied anyone who dragged down his family. So Haechan’s betrayal was almost impossible to swallow and Y/N hoped she wouldn't have to.
Just like that, Y/N was forced to wallow in her own devastating hurt, turning her fate on every side possible as if rolling a dice that had already decided her outcome.
And what a show had been given to her, one that made Y/N want to detach herself from her body and float above the world, far away from the cruelties hidden down in the basement that had her name imprinted on it by now. Every visitor made sure to give her their worst, crack her physic and spirit little by little, piece by piece until she was left as a used doll on the dirty floor, an old toy that was starting to bore their owner. Y/N knew she was disposable, a mere punching bag for the heartless captors, but she didn’t have it in her to care anymore, taking everything with dull eyes and a blank mind.
“Y/N!”
Said girl snapped her head up, meeting Mark’s eyes filled with entire galaxies, crinkles at the corners showing such pure happiness it seemed only characteristic for an innocent child who hadn’t had the time to experience the world’s true merciless nature. Mark started walking towards her hurriedly and the bright smile on his face seemed to darken with every step closer to her until his light strides turned into a full-blown sprint. He seemed to struggle to reach her, but he only got further away the more he frantically called for her, dragged in the opposite direction by an imaginary force that insisted on keeping them apart.
The arm around her only tightened, pinning Y/N to her spot despite the panic-stricken feeling settling in her chest and putting pressure on her airways. Y/N could only look up and drown in Haechan’s warm honey pools which only hauled her further into her daze. His face was so so close to hers and his breath tickled her cheeks as she swirled into the warmth of his embrace, Mark’s shouts fading away in the distance, Y/N’s sole focus remaining on the boy before her, stealing her common sense and leaving her foolishly in love.
“You know how much I love you, right? You know I’d give up the world, trade the sun and all the stars for a second with you, that every breath taken away from you is a breath wasted for me, right?”
Haechan’s other hand, moved gently to reach her face and brushed against the apple of her cheek, letting his thumb run softly over the skin under her eyes as he took her in, absorbing her entire being and bottling her in his heart to stay as his reason to be.
“Y/N!’
This time Mark’s voice was impossibly close, echoing in her ears, shaking her up. Y/N let a shiver run through her entire being at the desperation laced in his voice. She instinctively moved her head to try to catch a glimpse of Mark, whose voice died again, muffled by her own heartbeat. But Haechan’s hand didn’t allow her to take her eyes away from himself as if losing her attention for a moment would shatter him. His smile stayed, warming up Y/N inside out and she was sure the sun was shying away from Haechan’s own bright aura that seemed to dominate over the world. What seemed to slip away was the calmness in his eyes which turned more and more distressed, screaming for more time, for another needed moment with Y/N, his beginning and his end.
“Please Y/N. You have to know.”
As Haechan’s face contorted in anguish, Y/N’s only emotion was confusion. Why didn’t the butterflies in her stomach go crazy anymore at his words? Why didn’t she fear the motive of his raw desperation? Why did she want to reach out and allow herself to be engulfed by Mark’s embrace more than she wanted to stay tucked under Haechan’s arm? Why did her heart hold so tightly onto her love for Haechan when all she wanted was to let go?
A harsh kick to her stomach snapped her eyes open.
“Already giving up, mutt?”
All Y/N wanted was to slip back into herself, allow her mind to run free with the desire to see her friends again, but she knew it wouldn’t be possible as a second kick, even more powerful, was directed at her once again.
“You’re becoming boring. It was fun breaking you, but now you’re as entertaining as any punching bag, maybe even worse. It would be a great pleasure to get rid of you, but the boss won’t allow it, says you don’t deserve to be freed so soon.”
The man whose name Y/N didn’t bother learning crouched beside her, carelessly gripping her arm and lifting her in a sitting position. She slightly lifted her gaze at the sight of a white coat and scanned the boy beside the gorilla who wouldn’t give her any moment of peace ever since she arrived in this hell. He seemed barely older than her, his scrawny structure visible even through his layers of clothing. He asked the other man to move back, and stepped closer to Y/N, uncapping the jar of soothing cream he brought every time.
“You know how it goes, it’s going to hurt a bit but you’ll feel better after.”
Y/N knew, of course, she knew. He had been coming with the same jar every few days, attending to her wounds, occasionally wrapping her up if things looked worse. He never talked more than necessary and Y/N truly appreciated that, becoming used to the captors’ running their mouths 24/7, wasting oxygen with their useless words. As he rubbed his fingers coated in cream over her black and blue abdomen, Y/N caught a glint from the corner of her eyes. A roll of gauze and scissors were hidden in the pocket of his coat, in case of need. Before anyone could catch her stare, she removed it, opting to bore holes into the ground as she let the medic finish his job and leave, but not before the ultimate asshole decided to kick her back down, letting her know that “that’s your place now, kid, get used to it”.
Y/N could only grit her teeth and close her eyes in an attempt to block out the hopelessness crawling under her shirt. She clung with everything in her to her vivid dreams where Mark or some of the other boys ran to her. They never reached her, not even close, but even hearing them brought her a serenity she didn’t know she would be able to find while locked up in a cell, beaten half to death. Haechan clouded her thoughts day and night, sometimes closing up her throat at the thought that she will never get to share such moments with him. She often reprimanded herself, how could she still hang onto Haechan when all he did was betray her and their family, how could she still care about him when the entire world told her everyone else was dead because of him.
“Y/N you stupid, stupid girl.”
She could only murmur under her breath, struggling to keep herself sane as she slipped into another light sleep filled by fruits of hope with the bitter taste of betrayal.
It was dark this time and no matter how hard she tried Y/N couldn’t distinguish anything before her. And the one calling for her was Haechan. He was near, very near, a breath away from her. His voice was hushed, only calling her name repeatedly before a shake of her shoulder forced her eyes open.
“Thank God, you scared the shit out of me.”
Y/N’s eyes snapped up bewildered before they connected with Haechan’s. It took her several moments before she could confirm she wasn’t dreaming and he was actually beside her, towering over her with a gentle hand laid over her shoulder as if he was afraid she’d shatter if he applied any more pressure. Instead of the honey pools that taunted her every time she closed her eyes, Haechan’s eyes were glazed over, hidden behind an invisible veil that kept his emotions at bay as much as it could. 
Y/N let her head drop back down, having no interest in talking to him, especially in her powerless position.
“Y/N, talk to me, I need to know you’re still there.”
“What do you want me to say, Haechan?”
Her voice was hoarse from days of not talking, the only sounds coming out of her mouth being whimpers and occasional screams when the men got rougher with their treatment during their bad days. Y/N spat the name she rarely used for him except during their missions with such venom laced in the word that Haechan was still taken aback despite his already low expectations.
“I just..I need to hear you. I want to explain everything when I’ll have enough time. I need to-”
“Is it true?”
“What?”
“What they keep telling me, that they’re dead.” She didn’t need to elaborate for Haechan to understand what she was referring to.
“Y/N, you have to understand-”
“I’m done with your half-assed bullshit, tell me the truth for once.”
Her words only served to twist the dagger deeper into Haechan’s bleeding wound and he knew he deserved it and plenty more.
“Yes. It’s true, they’re all gone. But Y/N please listen to me, I didn’t do it just because I wanted to, I would never, I swear. You have to believe me, please Y/N.”
He glanced at her, but the sight of her scared him even worse. He saw her at both her best and her worst, attached to the hip every moment of their lives, but never had he seen her like that, so disconnected from everything around her, so lost in her own thoughts.
“Haechan, the five minutes are ending!”
“I’ll be right out!”
Haechan shakily lifted his hand from her shoulder to her head, brushing away strands of her hair from her face and lightly cupping the back of her head with such care that even the moon would stop in awe to admire the heartbreaking moment before two broken lovers cursed to suffer away from each other.
“Love, please don’t give up, as selfish as it sounds. I need you.”
With a quick brush of his plush lips to her temple, a promise that Y/N could only deem empty, he lifted himself up and rushed out of her cell while he could still control his burning desire of keeping her close now more than ever. His eyes followed her until he couldn’t see her anymore and sighed dejectedly when she stayed rotten to her spot, her eyes void of any trace of the old Y/N, the one he doomed to more pain than he believed anyone could carry. But if he was sure of one thing, he could swear that the pain in his chest would be enough to snap the mountains apart and drain any sea as he was forced to leave the core of his soul behind once more.
Time seemed to pass slower than ever and Y/N could only mull with a bittersweet aftertaste of nostalgia the rare free days she used to spend with her boys back at their headquarter, the way she used to complain about the members’ habits. Oh how bad she missed those times and how she wished she could go back to Taeyong’s arms cuddling her against his chest, playing with strands of her hair or Johnny’s manner in which he threw her over his shoulder and paraded around the house, mocking her shouts in a high pitched voice, but with an affectionate twinkle in his eyes. Her chest ached with the burning desire of spending countless nights in Mark’s room, exchanging lyrics ideas and listening to the soothing hum of his guitar towards the early hours of the morning.
And God, the way she missed Haechan’s childish pouts that never failed to melt her heart and the way he used to nuzzle his nose against the crook of her neck, the feathery brush of his lips along the length of her throat as the fluffy locks on top of his head tickled her cheek every time he moved in their embrace.
All these seemed like long lost memories, buried at the back of her mind, fogged over by her pain. Over time, Y/N learned the pattern of the changes the guards outside made, she learned that the presence of a flashlight in their hand meant it was nighttime, she learned that they deemed her weak enough to leave her with only one bored guard who more often than not didn’t even glance in her direction as he leaned his back against the bars and went on with his life.
Y/N was pulled out of her thoughts by the medic who unlocked her cell, once again coming to check up on her. This time he was alone, the guard outside only watching him enter before returning to his business. The young man approached her, crouching down at her level and studying her.
“How are you feeling?”
She wanted to scoff at his ridiculous question. It didn’t take a genius to take a right guess just by looking at her for a brief moment. But she bit her lip, murmuring her next words.
“My wrists hurt” she made a small pause, contemplating over the weight of her words “worse than usual.”
The medic watched carefully and helped her in a standing position. He hesitated a bit before slowly untying her hands, the sole rope binding her.
“Don’t make any dumb moves or you’ll regret it. I’ll put some ointment on the rope burns, it should alleviate the pain enough to be bearable.”
With the rope gone, he brought her hands in front of her, holding her wrists gently, before spreading the cream over the irritated skin with such care that his fingertips merely brushed against her. It was the first time in weeks since anyone has treated her so delicately and she let the thought bring tears to her eyes.
“What’s your name?”
The medic’s head snapped up and his eyes widened, taken aback by her questions. He had visited her so many times, but she never seemed interested in him, shrinking back in herself every time he came close.
“Why are you asking?”
“Am I not allowed?”
He turned his attention back to her wounds that he was sure were nothing in comparison to the real damage brought on her body, but he stayed quiet and continued treating her. Y/N thought he was going to ignore her question and deflated slightly. This didn’t seem to go her way.
“It’s Minho.”
Y/N’s eyes studied him. He didn’t seem to notice her stare or just didn’t bother to look up at her.
“Minho,” he hummed, finally meeting her teary eyes, desperation creeping in her glazed over orbs “please help me.”
He sighed, knowing what kind of help she meant. He pitied her, but not enough to put himself in danger in order to help a girl he barely knew and had no future anyway.
“Y/N, it would be better if you stopped fighting, they would be more lenient with you-” Y/N shut out his words, and clenched her fists before launching herself at him, gripping the collar of his white coat, knocking him over with a loud metallic clang coming fro his medical equipment falling over.
“Please! Please, help me! Please!”
She shook him, the distressed look in her eyes shocking him for a moment.
“Hey! Sit back, bitch!” The guards slammed the door of her cell open, his angered yell echoing around the cold walls as he stomped over to them with large, angry strides.
Y/N was quick to clamber off Minho, stumbling a bit and stabilizing herself with a hand against the ground. She let herself fall back on her butt, curling herself up in a small ball to protect herself from the guard’s harsh punches that started to rain down on her, leaving sore spots scattered over her body and Y/N was sure purple bruises would adorn her body soon. She let fat tears run down her face and her body trembled with heart-wrenching sobs that were almost inaudible over the guard’s curses directed towards her. She had to keep it up.
“Stop, stop, she’s not worth it.”
Minho stretched a hand and gripped he guard’s shoulder after rising to his feet and dusting himself off. The guard turned around, arguing with Minho, insisting that he should break all of her fingers, one by one, to show her that ‘scum like her shouldn’t even be allowed to look at them, much less to dare to touch them’. Y/N could barely fight the victorious smirk that wanted to stretch her lips and took the opportunity to sneak the scissors she had gripped when she ‘stabilized’ herself inside her bands and slip them inside the elastic band of her underwear, before returning her hand over her head to seemingly shield herself.
“Leave her alone, she’s not worth it.”
“We should still teach mutts like her a lesson.” the guard growled, shooting her a disgusted glare.
“You shouldn’t waste time with her, even dogs are smarter than her, she won’t learn anything.”
The guard chuckled darkly, spitting at Y/N, missing her by a centimeter.
“You’re wrong. You’re insulting dogs by comparing her to them. She’s less than the shit on the sole of your shoes, she’s really not worth anything.”
Y/N wanted to laugh at them, spit back and crush their heads under her foot, show them the real scum, but she was smarter than that. Patience was her only friend at that moment and hand-in-hand with it she would conquer her newfound purpose.
The guard roughly gripped her wrists, a sharp contrast to Minho’s gentle touch from earlier, and forcefully brought them to her back, tying them with the rope, tightening it even more than before and smiled at the sound of Y/N’s pitiful wince of discomfort, a sadistic amusement twisting his features at the sight of her pain.
“You shouldn’t come anymore, you’re wasting useful resources to treat her.”
The guard rose again to his full height, delivered a last powerful kick just to startle the girl to his entertainment and tuned around, directing his words to Minho who only watched with a passive expression, seemingly bored by the events as he gathered everything that had fallen over earlier.
“Right.” He hummed and he caught Y/N’s eyes in a quick glance before hurrying after the guard and leaving her sight as the guard stayed behind to lock her up and plopped himself down, turning his back to her and whistling unbothered. He took out a cigarette and a lighter, lighting up one end of the stick and putting the other one between his lips, taking a long drag and releasing a large cloud of foul smelling smoke.
But Y/N mulled over Minho’s look. His eyes were slightly narrowed, as if searching her, trying to penetrate through her act. Had she seemed too desperate for him to believe her? But she didn’t feel like she exaggerated, it was nothing a prisoner wouldn’t beg for once meeting a kind enough person. Had he noticed the small pair of scissors that disappeared? But he had so many and the one she stole was smaller than her palm and she had never seen him use it. Y/n could only pray the facade she put up and the show she conveyed to strengthen it was enough to buy her time to make her final move.
Despite her worries and the pain and numbness overcoming her tired body, Y/N let a twisted smile creep on her face as she leaned her head back against the wall. Her eyes stared unfocused in the darkness, finally feeling accomplished with herself in a long time. Maybe her acting skills weren’t so rusty after all. So many fake tears and meaningless words thrown around almost choked her up, but she did what had do be done in order to prove herself that their work along the years wasn’t in vain, that she wouldn’t let NCT go down without a fight, vanish without a trace before they burnt down the world around them. Sure, the fact that most of the people surrounding her during her stay in the cell had smaller brains than a pigeon’s and their common sense was worse than that of a headless chicken, but these only made things easier for her.
Y/N was done. She was done with her filthy cell, done with the assholes who kept on talking down to her as if they were meant for anything more than dumb guard dogs, done with the sickening mind games they thought would break her. But more than anything, Y/N was done with letting anyone, Haechan or not, betray her family and get away with it. 
If that disgusting man got anything right in his entire life, it was that Y/N had no future. Her life had ended at the same time NCT vanished. She had nowhere to go, no one on her side and for the second time in her life, she was alone. She was left alone, a lost soul trudging tiredly through the dark columns of her life, admitting that this time it was truly over for her. While when she was a little girl a guardian angel found her and took her under his wing, introducing himself as Taeyong and welcoming her in their self-made family, this time no one was coming. And frankly, she made peace with the idea, reuniting with her boys after a long, painful fight that finally exhausted her. Y/N was ready to give up, she had no means to escape or to go on living in a world where they were gone. It simply made no sense to her.
She only had to wait for the next night to make things right, to honor Taeyong’s golden rule. ‘Traitors are less than rats. They have no place on Earth.’ And Y/N swore to make sure to fulfill his words or die trying. She swore to ruin Haechan in any way possible, to watch the light fade from his eyes as desperation clouded his features, before crumbling herself in Taeyong’s protective embrace. She would bring the ones who dared to harm her family their very much deserved end, serve it to them on a plate and shove it down their throats with no mercy, let them slowly choke with it as she watched them fade away with eyes that regained their sparkle for one last time before joining her awaiting family.
That night, all Y/N could dream about were the bright smiles on her members’ faces that put the sun itself to shame and warmed up her soul every time she could catch a glimpse of them. All she could feel was the comforting warmth radiating off their bodies and enveloping her and their sparkling eyes with countless galaxies that reflected happiness so pure that angels swooned over the serenity that seeped through them.
All Y/N could believe in was their endless love that held no barriers.
Hours of waiting chopped at Y/N’s sanity little by little as she had to swallow down the adrenaline pumping through her body. The pain in her body felt like a mere memory, only stirring her lack of patience even more. The moment her eyes caught sight of the new guard lowering himself beside her cell, sticking a flashlight in his pants pocket, her blood started pumping with excitement. She felt as if she was about to burn up, explode in huge flames impossible to hold back from swallowing down the entire world.
Y/N spent the time in which the man kept shuffling around to edge out the pair of scissors from her pants and twirl it around her fingers, etching it into the rope and slowly but surely cutting the rough material. She kept her movements minimal and as silent as possible, making sure that her plan wouldn’t be stopped so early on. She couldn’t allow that. Y/N only had one chance and she made sure she didn’t need any more.
Despite the madness running through her veins, poisoning her blood, her mind was completely clear, no fog clouding it over. Her eyes were sharper than ever, focusing solely on her goal, pushing her feelings aside for the time being. The rope came off, slowly slipping off her sore wrists, but she made no movement to change from her position on the ground, waiting for any sign that the guard might have heard anything out of the ordinary, but he was as oblivious as ever, a mindless pig confined in a slaughterhouse.
As Y/N started crawling towards the bars that kept her locked for weeks that dragged on, her body resembled that of a cat. No sounds came from the impact of her hands and knees with the ground and her torso was fluid, balancing her movements. Years of training paid off more than ever as she inched closer and closer to her freedom with her savior clutched tight between her fingers, some mere scissors, smaller than her hand and so frail she was afraid that they would break under the pressure of her grip. But they were enough, sharp just like her mind, sharp enough to easily go through rope and skin, small enough to wedge between the thick bars and maneuver them with no difficulty. And that was more than enough for Y/N.
She was a breath away, close enough to feel the smell of sweat rolling off his body. Y/N stayed as still as a statue. Was she hesitating? No, she felt no desire to turn back, none at all, but she needed a moment to calm herself down, regulate her temper before hell could break loose and her hidden demons could surface and swallow up any mercy left in herself. Her hand slightly trembled as she leaned closer to the man with a slight smile. She blew a feathery breath on the man’s neck, teasing him as a starting point of insanity that followed and before he could turn around, she clamped a hand over his mouth, muffling the chocked gasp escaping his chapped lips and plunged the scissors in his neck, right in his artery. It didn’t take long before he slumped against the bars, taking a ragged last breath and going limp as crimson liquid painted his skin and clothes. trailing to the ground.
Y/N released him before rummaging through all of his pockets and found the key to her prison. She was still trembling slightly as she unlocked the door to her newfound freedom on unsteady feet. Once stepping outside, Y/N felt a sudden surge of power, she felt unstoppable now that she wasn’t confined like a caged bird, longing for her wings to be freed. She stared at the dead guard on the floor as she shook her feet, trying to regain feeling in her legs faster. He was the first, the beginning of the end.
Y/N crouched beside him, looting everything she deemed useful. The handgun she knew all guards kept in their belt was the first thing that settled almost comfortably in her palm, along with the beloved scissors that she wiped on the man’s shirt before she tucked them in the pocket of her pants. But she knew he had another necessary thing on him. She calculated every move and there was no way she had mistaken the man. And as thought, she didn’t. She quickly found a pack of cigarettes buried inside the pocket of his jacket along with a lighter. Bingo! She also slipped the lighter in her pocket and mockingly patted the man’s head with a pout. She wasn’t kidding when she said she would burn down their entire world.
“Aw, thank you, you should be proud of yourself for being useful for once.”
Her words were acid, whispered to ridicule the almost too easy way she escaped what he must have thought would be her future grave. Jokes on him.
Her eyes burned through the darkness that awaited her. She couldn’t risk using a flashlight, it would give away her location too easily, but she didn’t really need it either. She had been kept in the dark for so long, both literally and figuratively, that she had gotten used to it, her eyes adjusting naturally to the lack of light. She roughly knew that the sleeping rooms must have been upstairs from the two guards’ conversation she had heard once, so she had two flights of stairs to go through, from the basement to the main floor and then upstairs. And then the fun was about to begin.
She gripped the handle of the gun tighter, her bare feet soundlessly gliding on the floor as her inner turmoil only edged her more towards the free fall that she knew was inevitable. She was ready to embrace it, leave herself float weightlessly over the clouds and allow the gentle rays of sunshine caress her tired soul as a mother would soothe her child after reuniting after a long day, but not before meeting Haechan. Not before giving him a piece of her suffering and watching him struggle to his end with it as Y/N merely watched her once lover vanish to nothing just like he forced her to.
She wanted nothing more but to free herself from the agony Haechan impelled on her and then dared to ask her to hold on for him. He was a gone man in her eyes, a flat lifeline, the furthest thing from how she used to deem him, a lighthouse that guided her through the frightening darkness of herself, holding her hand through everything and enveloping her in sweet murmurs of honey-like voice that she couldn’t help but grasp onto with every ounce of her being. Haechan was her first and last, her end and her beginning, her rebirth and her doom.
“Wait for me, Haechan, wait for me, my love.”
The scenario she found herself in was oddly familiar, resembling the one hours before her universe was turned upside down unexpectedly and cruelly. The same tension that pressured her airways was present, but this time Y/N wasn’t bothered by it, her hands weren’t sweating and her vision wasn’t unfocused. She had nothing left to lose so she trudged forward almost blindly, guided by luck and helped by her sneaking skills and common sense.
The house was mostly dark, asleep in the late-night hours. The only agitation came from the large living room on the main floor. As Y/N passed by with hurried steps but vigilant eyes, she saw a fading light from underneath the closed door, accompanied by obnoxious, deep laughter coming from a few men playing poker and throwing around chips and dirty jokes.
Once she found the stairs and climbed up, she knew the hard part was coming. Haechan was behind one of the doors for sure, but she had no way to be certain about a particular one. She observed all of the doors as she passed by them. She could hear snoring from behind a couple of them, others were entirely silent. Y/N knew she only had one chance and even barely that. If she was in her right mind, she would have never taken such a risk, but now the only thing on her mind was finishing what Haechan began. And Y/N hated leaving things unfinished.
Y/N gritted her teeth as she glued her back to a wall and held her breath in hopes of hearing even the slightest hint to begin with. She knew this would be the hardest challenge of her plan, but if it meant that she would find him, she was about to go to extreme lengths. Y/N rules out the room with snoring occupants, Haechan never snored. But there were still three other rooms. She couldn’t stand in the hallway forever, in plain sight for anyone who decided to leave their room. A decision had to be made, right then and there, otherwise-
“For fuck’s sake..”
The curse was hushed, barely heard, but Y/N could recognize that voice anywhere, at any time of the day. She found him.
She walked closer to the last door on the hallway, lingering her fingertips over the doorknob as she gripped her gun tighter in her other hand. She has been waiting for that moment for such a long time that now it felt unreal, but maybe for different reasons. She noticed a faint hue of white light coming from under the door and then the muffled sound of fingers drumming lightly in a table. At that moment, Y/n remembered Haechan’s habit when listening to music, something that she found both annoying and endearing, the sound his knuckled made rhythmically against the first surface he found. And since no music could be heard, he had his earphones in. Just her luck.
She slowly twisted the doorknob, finding it unlocked as expected from the same boy that never locked any doors after him and this was the first time Y/N wanted to congratulate him for it. She admired him from the back for a second, clad in his sleepwear and lounging on a chair while furiously typing on his computer with music blasting in his ears. What a comfortable life he led while she was drained physically and mentally in a cell smaller than a storage room, oh how lovely.
Y/N smiled sweetly and raised the gun, aiming straight at his head as she locked the door behind her with a soft ‘click’. Her free fingers then found the switch and with excitement running high in her blood, she turned the light on. She smiled even brighter, her gun following Haechan’s frenetic movements as he ripped his earphones out and turned around in his chair in a flash, coming face to face with his former lover, the one he coincidentally betrayed.
“How the hell? How...”
His voice wandered off, reality kicking in.Y/N’s heart started beating faster, but not from fear or resentment for aiming her gun at who she once deemed her missing piece, no. It trembled with an anger she had never felt before, one she tried so hard to control she worried it would leak over and ruin the scenario she dreamed of every night behind those bars.
“Surprised to see me, dear? I had to go such a long way just to find you, Haechannie.” Y/N pouted mockingly at him, enjoying the way his eyes widened in horror, but also a shocking drop of relief. He immediately stood up from his chair, taking rushed strides towards Y/N, before she tutted and put an open palm in front of her, mentioning for him to stop in his tracks.
“Not so fast, now. No need to rush after weeks of waiting, am I right?” Her voice was charming as if talking to a child, but Haechan knew the sugary surface could barely contain the storm beneath.
“Y/N, let’s talk-” He tried to take a step forward, but before he could fully move, YN’s gun made a clear clicking noise, indicating that the safety was taken off. Haechan started to sweat lightly, noticing how the finger laid over the trigger didn’t shake in the slightest.
“I’m glad we agree on that, but we’re doing it on my terms. You don’t move from the spot you’re in and you’ll put your hands up where I can see them at all times. None of these are negotiable, love.”
Haechan felt utter desperation crawl deep in his soul, taking over his entire being as he did as asked. He wanted nothing more but to touch her, feel her warm skin, her chest rising with every breath. He wanted nothing but to win her back and complete the puzzle inside him that broke the moment the back of his gun touched her temple so forcefully back at the party.
“Please, Y/N, let me explain, I would never do this on my own and no matter how hurt you are, you must know that.”
“Get to the point.”
A heavy sigh left his lips, his eyes searching hers in despair only to get blocked by a thick wall she built around herself, making her eyes so cold they could freeze over an entire ocean.
“Remember that time you were knocked out on the rooftop? On that mission we prepared for an entire month when you were caught last minute. I told you that I saved you. I lied. I was caught too, before you. They manipulated me, Y/N, they pushed a gun against your head and made me choose. To kill you or work undercover for them. What was I supposed to do? Tell them to just shoot you?”
“So you chose to betray your entire family and get us all killed?”
“I didn’t know it would get to this! Even when I was given my final mission by them, they swore not to kill you.”
“And they didn’t. They tortured me instead, stripped me of my humanity and my will to continue living. I should thank you, right?”
“All I did was to try to protect you!”
“And that worked out really well, didn’t it?”
It was so hard to keep their voices hushed enough when both of them were near their breaking point, emotions high and spilling over the edge, burning in their veins and darkening their eyes. Haechan’s presence and voice still stirred something in Y/N no one else could and she hated herself for allowing him to still hold her feelings in his palm and play with them however he desired.
“Y/N, I couldn’t sit there and tell them to shoot you. All I could think was that if they killed you, I would have been over. Everything would have been over, for me and for you. It would have been the end.”
“So you put us before everyone else.”
“Yes, Y/N, I fucking put you first, and I would do it all over again if it means you’ll get to live. You are my goddamn everything and I will be damned before I let you get taken away from me.”
“Then you are damned, Haechan.”She made a small pause as if recollecting her hazy thoughts “You lost me the moment you signed their deaths.” Both of them understood who she was referring to.
His eyes lost focus for a moment, his lips parted in astonishment. He had to make her understand. Now that she was standing a mere meter away from him he couldn’t let her slip from his fingers a second time. It wasn’t an option he could accept.
“Y/N, you don’t get it. It would have been hell, for me and for the guys too for sure. I couldn’t have lived knowing that I watched you die before my eyes helplessly, that my world shattered before my eyes and I watched the shards pierce my heart out while out story just began. Dying means nothing to me compared to losing you.”
And at that moment something clicked inside Y/N’s brain. She believed Haechan at that moment, she believed that the knowledge of her being alive meant more to him than his own steady breathing. She believed Haehcan when he said that he would walk through a burning hell and wilt slowly every day without his own oxygen. She believed Haechan.
And that’s why she switched the aim of her gun from Haechan’s forehead to her own, pressing the cold barrel to her temple, right where a former bruise from his own hit had faded a while ago.
Y/N had to admit, in all the years she’s known Haechan, she had never seen such agony twist his face. His eyes had never been darker and more fueled by such raw desperation that it almost made her tremble. The pain in his features could make mountains bow their peaks and poke through Haechan’s heart to feel it bleed tears. He could barely keep himself from reaching forward and aggressively snatch the weapon away from his love, scold her into next week from ever considering bringing it so close to her face.
“Y/N no, anything but that. Please, stop this, you’ve come so far, I’ll help you escape, I’ll run away with you, we’ll start over, just please. Please not this.”
He was almost sobbing, breathless from the waves crashing down on him, drowning him in regret and hopelessness. 
“I don’t want any of that, Haechan. You lost me when you betrayed us and I lost myself when I lost you.”
“You didn’t lose me, you’ll never lose me.”
“Not only you, Haechan. Maybe you were the biggest piece of my heart, but the rest were pieces too. And too many of them are missing to still be considered a heart.”
He couldn’t lose the fight, he couldn’t back off, but he could see just how much he had hurt her. He wanted only the best, but he could only watch as Y/N withered away and he was left scrambling around, trying to gather the fragments of a broken soul.
“You can’t do this to me. You promised me that night that you’ll always love me no matter what. You promised, Y/N! You promised!”
His voice cracked under the pressure of losing her. He couldn’t grasp the concept of this being the last time he sees her eyes, the two galaxies that brought him such euphoria whenever he caught a glimpse of them. He couldn’t accept letting her go after everything, watching his own sun pale before him and go out, leaving no trace behind her for Haechan to hold onto.
“I did promise and I still love Donghyuck. I still love the Hyckie who fake cried with me the first time I had to get stitches, who danced with me at midnight after I had to kill someone to survive just to calm me down, who held the world in his palm but still smiled like a kid. I still love him and I’ll love Donghyuck until my heart bleeds out of love. But I don’t love and I have never loved the monster who stands before me.”
He couldn’t hold it anymore. He felt himself burst with ripples of despair as rivers of tears carved their way into his skin, burning through the cracks and surfacing the real him, the one who was forcefully thrown aside and crumpled. His soul seared through the breaches and begged for anything, for another chance, for another life, for his lover.
Y/N felt a single tear slip down her face too, a lone drop that encased her suffering, the loss of her family, her soulmate and herself, a regretful goodbye that echoed through their bodies painfully.
“Y/N please, please, anything, I’ll do anything., just please...”
His words got lost in between his sobs as he could barely hold himself from falling apart. He couldn’t do it, not anymore.
Shuffling could be heard from the other side of the door, hurried steps and even voices. They were loud, but neither Y/N nor Haechan seemed to care about them too much, imprisoned in their last shared moment, a silent confession tying the two of them. But Y/N knew she had to hurry. She had never backed down and this wasn’t the moment to.
“Haechan,” He was already gazing at her, eyes swimming in tears made of piercing stardust and broken bonds, “tell Donghyuck I’ll always love him.”
He shattered. He snapped apart as she closed her eyes and he couldn’t contain his movements as he jerked forward in a desperate attempt to protect her one last time, now from herself.
But he was a moment too late as two loud bangs shook the entire room and deafening silence followed.
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