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Ladies, I'm scared, panicking, and don't know what do. I'm behind on everything and in $10,000 in debt. I've already asked all the bill collectors for extensions. I live with my mom but she is now disabled. My sister works but spends her money on stupid shit. I'm working my fucking ass off and don't know what to do. I write down my budget every month but I'm still stuck what else to do. I try to save first but always end up using the money. How do I get out of this funk?????

Deep breaths, piglet. You can and you will get through this, as Bob is my witness.

Here are a few options to consider right away:

1. Stop budgeting. It clearly doesn’t work for you, and it’s just creating more anxiety when you fail at your budget every month. So stop budgeting. Instead, simply track your spending or find another way to avoid spending your money. Budgeting is not right for everyone, so stop trying to force that round peg into a square hole. Advice on that here:

Episode 007: "I'm Terrible at Budgeting. Do I Suck It Up---Or Is There Another Way?"

The Magically Frugal Power of Patience

2. Consolidate your debt. You need to get some breathing room between you and your debt collectors. One way to do that is to transfer your debt to a new credit card or loan in what’s called debt consolidation. Many offers to consolidate your debt will have lower interest rates, and sign on perks like a year without interest. Search for one that gives you a year interest-free. This’ll give you a chance to catch up on your other bills and your emergency fund without racking up still more debt in the form of interest. You can do this with most credit card companies, and we also recommend SoFi.

3. Get on a payment plan with your bills. You were absolutely right to call your bill collectors and ask them all for extensions. But you haven’t yet been able to catch up, and I assume your extensions are running out. Most vendors prefer some money to none, so call them back and offer to get on a payment plan to catch up on your bills. Offer to pay a small bit of what you owe every month until it’s paid off and you’re caught up.

4. Ask your sister for help, or forget about her. Honestly the sentence about your sister was odd. I know it can be frustrating to watch other people spend their money frivolously when you’re in financial trouble. But remember: it’s HER money. She worked for it, she owns it, she can use it any way she damn well pleases. Now, if you’re looking at her as a source of help... ask for it! If she can afford to loan you money interest free, or take care of your mother for a bit so you can work extra hours, then that’s totally within your right to ask. But it’s also in her right to decline. And if she declines, then you need to let it go and stop wasting energy resenting her. THAT SAID: if I’ve misunderstood, and your sister is ALSO living with you and your disabled mom, and is not contributing to joint living expenses, then that’s a problem. And you should confront her about not carrying her weight.

5. Last but not least, take care of yourself. Stop beating yourself and be nice to YOU. We like you a whole helluva lot and we won’t stand to see you emotionally abused. So knock it off. Here’s advice on that:

{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care

You got this, baby. We believe in you.