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#and now i'm like... at one of the lowest mental health points ive ever been in my adult life
theloveinc · 1 year
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not to turn this blog into a mental health journal LOL, but had therapy for the first time in maybe... 3-4 years... and was asked about my sexual libido because apparently it can be an indicator of mental health levels (?).
and honestly i'm just so relieved to hear that because... ofc it relates to my real life and stuff (not being interested in sexual relationships currently) ... bUT ALSO I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE OUT WHY I STOPPED WRITING SMUT lmfaoooooo.
which isn't to rule out other factors and reasons, too😖... but knowing it's not entirely my fault and being able to relate that to my (other) creative processes as well... i'm jumping for joy LOL.
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arctic-comet · 3 years
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Osblaine week 2021, Day 2: Lyrics
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Over the last several weeks, I have carefully curated a playlist for Osblaine. The final total length of the playlist is 2 hours and 53 minutes.
The playlist can be found HERE
Click "Keep Reading" if you're interested in the introduction, commentary, more graphics and the full tracklist.
For full disclosure, I have to give some of the credit to my amazing fellow Osblaine fangirls @dystopiandramaqueen, @splitscreen and everyone who participated in a certain conversation for the original inspiration and even bringing up some of the songs.
You should look at the playlist in five parts: one section for each season that's aired and one section for the future (because I like to end things on a hopeful note).
The playlist contains a lot of the following:
Music from movie and TV soundtracks
Instrumental music
Remixes
Classics and covers of classics
Country music. I blame Florida. My sincerest apologies.
Some of the songs were chosen because they reminded me of a certain Osblaine scene, and some of them aren't specific to particular scenes but chosen for the general Osblaine vibe. And most of the movie/TV music I chose have been used for couples that remind me of Nick and June.
Part I- Season 1, first 12 songs of the playlist:
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Forbidden Love- Abel Korzeniowski, Jasper Randall, The Hollywood Studio Symphony (Romeo & Juliet)
Fireflies- Owl City
Echoes in Rain- Enya
My Ghost- Glass Pear (Bones)
Daring to Hope- Anne Dudley (Poldark)
Everytime We Touch- Cascada
1000 Times- Sara Bareilles
Too Good At Goodbyes- Sam Smith
In Case You Don't Live Forever- Ben Platt
To Find You- Cast of Sing Street, Brenock O’Connor
She- Elvis Costello (Notting Hill)
Miracle- Instrumental- Cö Shu Nie
Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse
Commentary:
The first instrumental song IMO works as an intro for their entire love story.
The next two songs are more about having the right vibe. It's a little ambiguous and dark because that's how their life is in Gilead.
Leave my door open just a crack
Please take me away from here
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
Please take me away from here
Why do I tire of counting sheep?
Please take me away from here
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
***
Wait for the sun
Watching the sky
Black as a crow
Night passes by
Taking the stars
So far away
Everything flows
Here comes another new day
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
***
"My Ghost" is June's POV before they sleep together, wondering if she can trust Nick:
Who can you trust, in this place?
And whom can I put my faith?
If you're real, then show me now,
Who you are
The last two songs are for episode 1x10, for both Nick’s reaction to June’s pregnancy and the beginning of her first escape attempt (arranged by Nick).
She may be the face I can't forget The trace of pleasure or regret May be my treasure or the price I have to pay She may be the song that summer sings Maybe the chill that autumn brings Maybe a hundred different things Within the measure of a day
Part II- Season 2, next 10 songs:
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Love Will Keep Us Alive- Eagles
So Easy- Phillip Phillips
Incomplete- James Bay
Rewrite the Stars- The Piano Guys (The Greatest Showman)
I’ll Be Your Shelter- Taylor Dayne
Love Never Fails- Brandon Heath
P.S. I Love You- 05:11- John Powell (P.S. I Love You)
It's A Girl- Mychel Danna (The Time Traveler's Wife)
I'll Stand By You- Josh Groban, Helene Fischer
The Miracle of Love- Eurythmics
Commentary:
The first four songs cover June’s escape attempt and the time they share at the Boston Globe.
"Incomplete" is Nick's POV from when she's on the run and he knows she'll be gone from his life soon. He lives in the moment.
I don't wanna look down
I don't want us to break up in the clouds
All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now
"I'll Be Your Shelter" is for when June's mental health is at its lowest point and he goes to Serena to beg for her to get June help.
What you need is a friend to count on
What you got baby you got someone
Who will stay when the rain is fallin'
And won't let it fall on you
P.S. I Love You takes me back to episode 2.09, Nick’s selflessness in the episode and of course the scene where after telling June that Luke loves her, he tells her that he loves her too, despite believing she probably doesn’t feel the same way.
It's A Girl makes me think of the beautiful moment they share during June's false labor when he helps her out of the van and they climb the steps together.
I’ll Stand By You is for 2.10, Nick holding June after she was heartbroken over Hannah and over what the Waterfords did to her and clinging onto him.
Part III- Season 3, next 6 songs:
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Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close- Alexandre Desplat (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)
All I Ask- Adele
Never Enough- Loren Allred (The Greatest Showman)
I Don’t Wanna Live Forever- Taylor Swift, ZAYN (Fifty Shades Darker)
Love is Gone- SLANDER, Dylan Matthew
Constellations- The Oh Hellos
Commentary:
For obvious reasons, it was extremely difficult to pick songs for this season.
The first (instrumental) song is for the beginning of the season with June coming back to the Waterford house and them then saying goodbye to each other on the street.
All I Ask, Never Enough, I Don't Wanna Live Forever and Love Is Gone are for their night together in June’s room at Lawrence’s (the one we didn’t get to see sigh). They know it's possible it's all they'll ever have, and they'll take it, but it'll never be enough.
I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before, you know So why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing left
Look, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask is
If this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?
***
All the shine of a thousand spotlights
All the stars we steal from the night sky
Will never be enough
Never be enough
Towers of gold are still too little
These hands could hold the world but it'll
Never be enough
Never be enough
***
I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me
I know that your love is gone
I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy
Don't tell me that your love is gone
That your love is gone
"Constellations" is for their long separation and the doubts that I'm sure plagued them both during it. Would they ever see each other again?
Part IV- S4, next 12 songs:
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All of Me- John Legend
(Everything I do) I Do It For You- Bryan Adams
Iris- Natalie Taylor (City of Angels)
She Was Like A Bright Light- Hans Zimmer, Rupert Greyson-Williams (Winter’s Tale)
Noah's Last Letter- Aaron Zigman (The Notebook)
What’s In The Middle- the bird and the bee (Bones)
ivy- Taylor Swift
Footprints in the Sand- Leona Lewis
Remember Me (Lullaby)- Gael Garcia Bernal, Gabriella Flores (Coco)
On The Nature Of Daylight- Max Richter
My Heart Will Go On- Basil Jose (Titanic)
The Story- Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy)
Commentary:
There were sooo many songs I wanted to include in part IV, but I controlled myself and ended up with this particular dozen.
"She Was Like A Bright Light" and "Noah’s Last Letter" are an instrumental double punch to the gut for Nick’s time in Gilead during episodes 4.07-4.09. The first one is meant for when he finds out June made it to Canada, and the 2nd for is for when he starts to gather info on Hannah to give to June.
"What’s in the Middle" and "ivy" are June’s POV of episodes 4.07-4.09.
"What's In The Middle" has more of an angry and confused vibe, and June was definitely both in episodes 7 and 8.
Losing your head is such a common theme
All your brains are falling out, falling out the open seams
Where is the heart, is the heart of the matter
I will empty out my skull of all this useless chatter
On the other hand, "ivy" has this haunted vibe, but there's also reverence and acceptance, which she begins to achieve in episode 9.
Oh, goddamn
My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand
Taking mine, but it's been promised to another
Oh, I can't
Stop you putting roots in my dreamland
My house of stone, your ivy grows
And now I'm covered in you
The next three songs are of course all for their reunion in 4.09, and I couldn’t resist including the song that was actually played in the scene.
"The Story" draws the season to a close nicely, with June understanding that her current needs are different from what they used to be and that there’s someone who understands her completely (and it’s not Luke).
You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you
Part V- Season 5 and Beyond, the last 6 songs
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Secret Love Song- Little Mix, Jason Derulo
Burn With You- Lea Michele
The Bones- Maren Morris
Feels Like Home- Auli'i Carvalho, Keegan DeWitt
Love Will Find A Way- Piano Covers (Lion King II)
Like I'll Never Love You Again- Carrie Underwood
“Secret Love Song” is a more angsty tune about a love that’s still kept a secret like June and Nick’s love (as far as most people are concerned). Now that they’ve already made out in front of the man who raped and abused June and made Nick watch him do that, I want to believe they can let go of the secrecy in S5, at least when it comes to a few people.
I'm living for that day Someday Can I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that we could be like that Why can't we it be like that? Cause I'm yours, I'm yours Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that
***
“Bones” is about a relationship with a strong foundation, which IMO they do have. It will carry them in the future, too. They’re more into each other now than ever before and especially June is coming to terms with how strong that love is. They’ll weather any storm.
When the bones are good, the rest don't matter
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter
Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same
When there ain't a crack in the foundation
Baby, I know any storm we're facing
Will blow right over while we stay put
The house don't fall when the bones are good
***
“Feels Like Home” is more hopeful. Their home is with each other and I hope that’s something that will be explored more in the future.
Take me, I'm ready
Go slow but go steady
To a place that we can call our own
I wanna know what feels like home
***
“Like I’ll Never Love You Again” is a good conclusion for the playlist. It’s hopeful and a testament to an epic love.
I wanna love you like the rain on a roof
Stronger than a bottle of a hundred ten proof
I wanna take love to places that love has never been
Yeah, I wanna love you like I'll never love you again
And I'll love you again
Oh, and again
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chinon · 7 years
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imma junior in high school and im so scared of college oh my god, i'm not even fully convinced that im gonna make it that far, i feel like that's literally my only option after i graduate that's not forcing me to immediately act like an adultTM but honestly i'd rather get mowed down by a truck
ok tbh college isnt as bad as i make it seem... like if you keep up with the work its not that bad. i have hella missing/late assignments rn so im stressed af trying to get those done as well as keeping up with the current work bc i have an.....incredibly horrible time management and procrastination issue and poor self-control lmao... 
tip: if you have issues with time management and procrastination as well, work on them in high school. you have the rest of junior year and then all of senior year to improve your work ethic (if thats an issue for you) so you wont get behind in college
Overshare(TM) time but also it has a point ok: junior year was Hell for me bc that was the year my mental health Plummeted,,like to the lowest level of hell lmao it was real bad and thats when i started seeing therapists and psychiatrists and had my first hospitalization and first suicide attempt. my mental health was horrible and i couldnt function and i was literally failing (as in F’s) or i had a D in all of my classes. it honestly felt horrible bc id been in advanced classes since i was 6 and id always been an overachieving, perfectionist, A/B student you know my performance was really good (even tho i was still mentally ill...but it was manageable) all up until junior year,,so going from being able to get into almost any college i wanted to a 1.something gpa junior year was horrible and it stressed me out even more and added to my poor mental state and i was so fucking scared i wasnt gonna be able to graduate and i no college would ever accept me and i wouldnt be able to go for my dream of being a vet and id be a disappointment to my whole family bc im supposed to be the doctor of the family but i failed at everything right ?? lmao senior year also sucked it wasnt as bad as junior year but it was still really bad. had a few more hospitalizations and another attempt at offing myself and more F’s and D’s and missed a ton of school. it got to the point where my fucking ap lit teacher suggested that i consider dropping out l m f a o it was bad and i was so scared and i’d already been heavily considering just dropping out and getting a GED for those two years but after she said that to me i actually got really pissed off and i was like fuck that im not dropping out im gonna prove her wrong. i was still scared i wasnt gonna graduate bc of how low my gpa was but i wasnt gonna drop out right ok anyway i got to graduate on time and with my class!!! i graduated with a cumulative 3.2 which sucked for me but it felt so good and i was so happy and relieved when i found out i was gonna be able to walk and it felt so so good hearing my name and walking across the stage to get my diploma i cant even describe how i felt tbh anyway my point is you can and you will get there ok you will graduate. and you can go to college if you want to
yeah when you go to college youre technically an adult but like a semi-adult like youre saying. and some of the other options like going straight into the workforce kind of shoves you into adulthood right out of college but i think its doable.
tbh high school teachers make college seem so difficult and scary but.....its not. i was honestly terrified as well but its not how they say it is at all. “papers without names get thrown away they dont ask whose it is!!!” is a damn lie. “profs dont accept late work or give extensions!!!” is a got dam lie as well smh. “youre on your own with your work. dont get the content? your only option is a tutor!!!” fuckin lie ok profs have office hours and literally all of my profs so far have said to feel free to visit during office hours if the content isnt making sense. they also mention getting a tutor, but theyre always happy to help explain things as well.
best thing is you get to make your schedule!! you pick what time you want to take a class and you get to pick which prof you want for that class (always check rate my professor; if the semester starts and its still in the beginning and you dont like your prof you can withdrawal from that class and sign up for a different prof of the same class if you want). if you know you are having trouble with performance and functionality for whatever reason, dont take a bunch of classes in a single semester!! its literally your decision!! idk about other schools but at my school to be considered a full-time student and to still be eligible to live on campus, you have to sign up for at least 12 credit hours (most people take 15). omg credits,,ok i had no idea wtf anyone was talking about when i was in hs and they would mention credits lmao so i wanna share in case you (or anyone else) dont know (see it below!) also, you can go about taking classes at your own pace. i failed my classes last semester due to mental health shit and a few more failed attempts to off myself and another hospitalization lmao but so i have to retake all those classes. evidently im behind. i know i cant handle 15 credits until my functionality improves and so at this point in time it looks like i wont be graduating in the usual four years but thats ok!! i have disorders that affect my functionality so i cant do things at the same pace as other people right now and theres nothing wrong with that. if i graduate in four years then cool and if i dont graduate in four and instead five years...then cool...ive accepted and come to terms with that. i could take summer classes to get back on track tho so remember thats always an option if you get behind if you choose college!! 
credit hours: ok so to be considered full-time (at my school, not sure about any others but i cant imagine them being too different tbh) you have to register for at least 12 credits for that semester. one class is usually 3 credits so signing up for four classes in a semester would consider you full-time. if you sign up for 5 classes that semester thats 15 credits hours. if your class has a lab in addition to lecture (usually science classes), labs are 1 credit so its separate from the lecture. so say you signed up for four classes but two have labs that would be 3+3+4+4=14 possible credits for that semester. if you pass a class you get all the credits and theyll be added on to your total credit hours. so (from the last example) if you passed all four of those lectures plus the two labs, youd get all 14 credits added on to your total credit hours. the rest of the classes you pass for your whole undergrad work gets its credits added to that total. i hope that makes sense??
everything seems scary rn but i promise whatever you choose to pursue is doable. good luck and try not to stress about it too much ok youre gonna be fine i promise
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