#and moves away in the middle of nowhere
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Uuugh i need senior year to be over alreadt i need to take care of chickend NOW‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#uuuuuuughh. got bit by a mosquito on my fucking ear now its swollen and red. if i were not in greenhouse that wouldgnt happen...#chicken solutions... . also moving after school.... scary#tbh i reeealy dont wanna move bc one idk how to drive so as of rn i cant leave. two i cant afford my own house or apartment#three. do i have to work :((((( four where we're going the nearest walmart is like a whole fucking hour away but whatever.#middle of nowhere core. urgh
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Maybe some comforting Thenamesh fluff after they had a hard day?
Thena and Gil taking care of each other and comfort each other in a nice, hot bath. Thena cleaning the wounds Mahd Wy'ry caused him and Gil, well, he's always taking care of his Thena.
Hugs and much love!! 🖤✨
Gil hissed from the stinging.
"Be still," she whispered as she touched the sponge to his arm.
She had just stitched him up mere hours ago. The last thing they needed was for her work to come undone. There was already plenty more to do, like making sure the hole in the wall got repaired before the next sandstorm, and sewing up their torn clothes.
Gilgamesh reached out, brushing a sponge over her right temple, bearing the evidence of one of his heavier blows.
She looked at him, not even wincing as he touched the sodden sponge delicately to her reddened skin. "No."
He sighed. His arm drifted back into the water, freshly heated and with some healing herbs thrown in for good measure. "How can I not?"
Gilgamesh always got this terribly pained look on his face after an altercation like this. The times when gentle words and soft cooing didn't work and he was forced to fight her in earnest. Every time he had to genuinely strike her down furthered his pain.
Thena looked at him again, also retracting her hand and the soft sponge. She eyed his arms, particularly wounded after this most aggressive bout. He had still been bleeding when the veil of Mahd Wy'ry had lifted. It was always an unpleasant feeling when it did, but sometimes the view that greeted her upon awakening could be outright horrific.
She hated to see him hurt.
"Hey," Gilgamesh whispered, tipping her chin up to look at him. The wounds on his arms were all but vanished, as far as he was concerned. He never let it show when she had truly hurt him. Only when sponging his stitches clean, apparently.
Thena blinked slowly, still foggy. He had tied her hair up for her gently at the back of her head. She much preferred it free, but there were certainly times in their extensive lives when it had needed to be tamed for an occasion or event. When those times did come, it was only Gilgamesh with whom she trusted her precious locks of blonde.
Sometimes she would let Sersi and Makkari or even Sprite brush or braid her hair, though.
"Hey."
She blinked again, looking at him more clearly. The sight of him was hazy but it was from the steam of the bath. She pulled her hand out of the water, listening to the splashing and the dripping. Her hand found his cheek.
Gilgamesh kept his complaining minimal as she used her thumb to swipe away some blood from his cheek. He leaned into her touch.
"Hurt." It was all she could muster for words, but it said what she needed it to.
He shook his head, smiling at her, "no."
She didn't have it in her to argue. But she just glared at the many cuts on his arms. Cuts she had used sluggish, heavy hands to sew up in hopes of healing him. In hopes of doing something - anything! - to actually help him, for a change.
"Thena," he whispered, pulling her chin up again. He leaned forward, as much as he could with them both squeezed into the bath, legs tucked around her hips and up against his chest. He smiled, "it doesn't hurt."
"Does." She closed her eyes. The words would come later. But he still understood what she meant, because he was giving her that look. She blinked, hoping not to cry even more than she already had.
She meant that it did hurt, but it was she who was feeling the pain.
He brushed his thumb over her sharp cheekbone, the same as she had done for him. He tucked a few stray hairs - curling from the humidity of the room - behind her ear. "Doesn't have to."
She rested her chin on her knee, curled up as tight as she could go. Their clothes were out on the line, drying after being soaked in cold water from all the blood shed on them. Hers especially needed the bicarbonate help.
"Here," Gil whispered, turning her around in the water so she could lie back against his chest. He helped her stretch out her legs as much as she could. He rested her knees over his, cradling her in the crook of his arm and against his chest.
She rested her head against his heart, the water lapping at her ear and at the bottom of her chin. She sighed, listening for the rhythm of his heart. Hers had fallen out of sync with it; she hoped to remedy that.
"It's okay," Gil reassured her, trailing his hand over arm lightly and idly--as if this were a leisurely bath and not a medicinal soak. "We got through it, right?"
He knew she couldn't argue right now. She tapped his shoulder with her head.
He chuckled, toying with a few more tendrils of blonde escaping the gentle bun he had tied for her. "I'll take that as a yes."
"Gil." She never had trouble with that one.
"We're here, Thena," he promised, tangling their fingers together under the water and above it. He kissed her temple, "we're safe here. Both of us."
He was much less safe than she was.
"Both of us," he repeated, having anticipated her argument, even within her own head.
Thena adjusted her position, nudging his jaw with her forehead.
He left a kiss there, where she had once worn the insignia of the Warrior Eternal. Armour she would never don again. Armour that might help to keep Gilgamesh safe from her innately violent power.
He kissed her again, "all you had to do was ask."
She sighed; she would argue with him later. For now, she turned her face into his chest more, above the water.
"I'll be here," he assured her, laying his arms over the edge of the tub, ensuring neither of them would sink further in. "Sleep if you want."
She was way ahead of him. But only so she could argue with him once she woke up later.
#Thenamesh#just some soft Thenamesh#soaking away the woes and troubles of life#soaking away everything else#because all that matters is them#in the bath#in their Australian home in the middle of nowhere#Thena doing what she can to give him stitches to heal faster#Gil getting their clothes in cold water to get the blood out of them#Gil pulling Thena's hair up into a messy bun at the back of her head#Gil running a hat bath as Thena just stands there still silent#Gil pulling Thena into the bath with him#she curls up right away#he lets her#moves his legs around her to make room#starts dabbing her skin with a sponge#and then she starts to do the same#and he knows they're going to be just fine
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wish i was one of those people whose parents just pay for their rent. what i wouldn't give to be able to move out right now.
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#minor vent.#i left my home town about 6 years ago#and im kind of sick of some friends and especially family being like oh come visit. come up and visit us we never see you#like are you not perfectly capable of travelling down to see me why is it always on me to make the effort#im about 5 hours away by train and its just like. idk. Annoying#also i havent forgotten the one time a friend of mine just bought a house with her boyfriend and i had just moved to worcester#and i was like yeah you should come see me for a weekend we can hang out#and she didnt because her boyfriend told her. and i quote.#'why would we waste time travelling when we could spend it decorating our new house'#like yea i get it they were excited to have their own house but telling me that spending time visiting me was a waste. Lmfao. Sure#and in the six years ive been away my parents have not once made an effort to come down to see me#when my brother got married he booked a hotel for the guests that did not have enough room for me to stay.#i wouldve had to stay in a separate hotel miles away from everyone else bc he got married in the middle of nowhere#and considering i moved away to get away from them in the first place. i ask u#why should i bother making a fucking effort.
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I think I just need to date a woman. Maybe that will fix me? :)
I'm a 30 year old sapphic bisexual woman. I'm a part time grad student who is currently looking for other work. I'm learning how to drive (I just got my permit) and speak some basic German as well as English. I'm from New England in the United States.
I read, collect books, write, draw and know how to cook. I watch game shows, reality tv, and period dramas.
I don't have any kids and I'm not looking to have any either. I'm also monogamous. I have no interest in being anyone's third or joining in a poly relationship. To each their own, respectfully, it's just not for me.
Distance doesn't bother me so much. Just please be another WLW (bisexual woman or lesbian) who is between 27-34 years old. I want someone around my own age.
I'm sober/drug free and hope you are too. Thanks for understanding. :)
If I sound like an interesting date, send me a message and we'll see how we get along. I'm more of an extrovert than an introvert so I like meeting and talking to new people. <3
You are also free to look at my page to get more of an idea of things I like and see if our vibes could possibly go well together. :)
#tiktok even said I'd end the year kissing my girlfriend- so me and who?#I never thought I'd want tiktok to be right but in this case... :)#I'm looking for a special kind of vibe#I'm not 100% where I want to be yet but I am working on improving myself#Ideally I'd be employed and driving but I'm working on it#who wants to chat#I'm guessing IDing as sapphic bisexual is fair? People understand that right? Meaning I prefer women?#No one wants to make any moves on HER so I'll try here instead#wlw#wlw dating#sapphic#sapphic dating#sapphic single#single bisexual#bisexual#lesbian#my new dream is to go to a lesbian bar but the nearest one is probably in Boston or NYC which are both far away#where I am is kind of rural and the middle of nowhere#I do have bipolar disorder but it's well regulated- I take medicine and go to a therapist regularly#apologies to all my normal mutuals and followers who definitely didn't want to see this- sorry! :O#mychatter
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...
#ahaha we r playing it fast and fucking loose out here in the middle of fucking nowhere#like for real. dangerous fucking day. why? bc being around ppl stresses me out so fucking much i cant function#we've done 16hrs of driving in the last 3 days and i have not eaten much bc i get so stressed in restaurants#and so many things either bother my braib or my stomach and nothing tastes good and i csnt advocate for myself and if someone else tries to#advocate for me i get freaked out and paranoid abt being watched#so yeah. low on food and im so neurotic that i cant pee in public restrooms. which is not good so i dont drink much which is double not#good. which is to say that i got up todsy at 6am in an undernourished condition and then did fucking like 8hrs of field work in#the fucking desert. real real bad move. do not fucking do that. my pee looks so bad. god if i dont have a panic attack or burst into tears#by the end of the week it'll b a miracle. im already going all weird. i have v little bandwidth to pretend to b human then i do field work#and it all goes out the window bc im focused and trying to get things done asap and if things arent efficient i start to freak out. so ppl#will try to joke or talk to me and i just stare at them for a beat too long bc my brain is lagging and its all awkward. just like dont talk#to me and let me get this over with. i basically did lunges for like 5hrs my legs r gonna hurt so bad and we have 4 more days. like it was#bad today. like the undergrad with us also thought so. i feel so bad 4 him but hes a good sport. i dont kno whats gonna happen the rest of#the week. i got back todsy and wandered around bc there r like 3 rooms in this field house and i csnt relax if someone else is in the room#i went outside and ate a jelly sandwich sitting on the ground like a weirdo. like im pretty sure im noticeably being weird bc i do try to b#slightly charismatic normally but rn im stripped to my base elements like. oh ur talking to me? ok u arent saying anything interesting so#im moving on. im not gonna speak unless i absolutely have to and im gonna find a corner to hide away in. pls do not contact#hopefully im so stressed ill skip my period bc i do not wanna deal with that on top of everything. and the fact that im wide fucking awake#at like 11.30 after the day ive had is not looking like a good sign on that front. its a sign if fucking crazy. im laying#here on this bunkbed in a too warm room. no pillow bc im a freak and i dont wanna sleep bc im not tried and i cant sleep around other ppl#ugh so many bad vibes. do not do what i did. pls. that was real dangerous.#god i think that was at least a 13 or 14hr day. fuck that. i don't even care abt this project and im worried that's showing#not to mention the bad thing i did like a month back when i was losing my mind has caught up to me. its fine. awkwardly annoying but fine#hhhh actions have consequences ☹️#tw food#unrelated
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I think if you wanna move to my town I should be allowed to beat you with a stick first
#I've been here my whole life. livin out in fuckin ass nowhere norcal. and then all of a sudden. ppl were like.#let's move THERE!#and the DIPSHITS at city council were like 🤑 BABEY!!!!!!#and now this TINY little railroad town has exploded but the infrastructure was not planned out for THIS MANY PPL#so now it takes ALL GODDAMN DAY to go 4 miles in one direction turn around and go 4 miles the other#and it's like GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY LITTLE HICK ASS TOWN. OUT.#while I'm in traffic I repeatedly tell myself OUT LOUD 'this is why I don't have a gun'#cause ppl CANNOT DRIVE. and there's TOO MANY OF THEM. and the town was built for like when I was a kid and like#150k+ FEWER ppl lived here#there was NO ONE here. we didn't have a walmart. no mall. everything was fields. and it was fine#I'm trying to figure out WHERE my day went and it's like lmao#I went to walmart and then the grocery store. neither of which are like 10 miles from my house.#my house is in the middle of these 2 places#and it took me AN HOUR#they wanna build MORE HOMES. ANOTHER COSTCO. LIKE. GO THE FUCK AWAY. LEAVE. OR LET ME BEAT YOU. WITH A STICK.#erin explains it all
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im scared bc now that i’m essentially getting this public school job i know my body and mind have begun to settle into its fugue state where i have no thoughts and make no progress and waste literally all the time in the world because i just can’t imagine any other options it’s how i wasted four years with my major it’s how i ended up joining gr**k life it just feels like this is it and i trap myself
#let’s say i miraculously get a car and to move out post-september getting my license#it definitely won’t be until christmas at the earliest because i have to finish out the year#but as soon as the year is over my parents are back on my head about applying for master’s programs which i still don’t want to do#i don’t have a break to be free#and i’m certainly not gonna to be inspired to find my dream artistic lesbian job in middle of nowhere GA at an elementary school of all plac#like everyone too old or too young to understand me. no real work friends no real ACTUAL friends im just going to be going to work and going#home. oh lol i started crying typing. im really over talking into the void i need someone to hear me and help me#but even if up to that point EVERYTHING somehow falls into place. now i’m entirely alone with more bills no resources no one to call and no#idea what i want in any capacity. like i feel like a caged animal i feel insane#im falling into my coma of uselessness and i already lost the entirety of my adolescent young adult years i don’t want to lose my 20s too#not to be like 30 is ancient your life is over then obv not but i don’t care about what i do in my life at 30 and beyond#i want my life to be happy NOW i WANT the best of my life to be in my 20s where i can get away with the most stupid fun because i’m just#young and gay and i still have an excuse for not knowing what my life is yet. i cant breathe not knowing what i want to do but at least its#an excuse. i feel like dying i feel like my insides are rotting to black ash we’re social creatures and im suffering#i sound so stupid. i know i really know. but the people i see living the life i want carefree making money as it comes#have parents who lovingly text them who care but stay out of the way who are supportive but aren’t up your ass and down your neck#they’re just people that would raise kind smart independent individuals and im none of the above so i don’t have a good shot as it is#but i still want to be free. i want to die but i want to be free just a little before then#i hate my life. i hate waking up in my bed every day and seeing my bedroom and being in my house. i want it to be over
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you know what no im tired of being an adult with stupid responsibilities and mental health problems
#i mean okay#listen. i am grateful i have a safety net with my parents#and being able to move back in with them because i wasnt able to get a job in vancouver#but my god#my independence#stripped man#i cant do anything or go anywhere without a damn ride from one of them#nobody my age is in this town#my resume is tarnished in the restaurant business cus of a place i just worked at that had so many issues#i hate it#i hate that if i want to go anywhere or do anything i have to abide by their schedule#same with a job too#i still have to get a ride cus we live in the middle of nowhere without transit#the closest job is a 30 min walk away#like i could get my license and i want to but driving is horrifying and yipee to go to the damn school for the drivers ed i have to get#a fucking ride!!!!!!!!!!#i am genuinely so depressed and losing my mind
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I was made to stare at the sky and watch the clouds dance, not to sit in my room staring at a screen trying to comprehend knowledge I'll never use again
#Sometimes I want to just throw everything away and move out into the middle of nowhere and spend my days doing nothing but observing life#but alas this mortal shell needs food and sleep and other bullshit#and alas this system we've built requires us to work for what we need#but the sky will always be there to look at if only for the briefest respite
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Niche experience only few have experienced:
walking through muddy field in four inch platforms and frilly clothes just to hang out in the city and buy cake and boba
#the momoko and yua experience#to all the other girlies out in the middle of nowhere towns two hours away from the city I AM SUFFERING WITH YOU#this is why I won’t invest in real jirai platforms until I move out of the forest and into the city
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Jancy Ao Haru Ride/Blue Spring Ride inspired AU is something I think about randomly once every few months
#based only on the first four volumes cause after that the story gets painful and annoying to read#like the thought of middle school Jancy having mutual crush that goes nowhere cause Jonathan had to move away cause DIVORCE#and just his dad being horrible and awful in general#and then they meet again a few years later and they are different people who are catching up on the missed years#while also getting to know the current them is something I want to read#stranger things#jancy
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got sent an invite to a middle school class reunion made by four girls (three of whom I was never close to, one I am acquaintances with) and the location of the event is:
in a farmhouse. in the middle of nowhere (the nearest city aka my hometown city is 14-minute drive).
why is this shady lmao
#ari rambles#i'm not going for various reasons#1) i moved 2 hours away and i dont have a car#2) i have no need to interact with them#3) location is sus#4) byob...i don't drink#5) i was never close with any of them#6) i refuse to go back to my home town let alone the middle of nowhere that's near it
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i mean sure I haven’t even gotten to wci yet but like. what if I DID write a fic where sanji lost his hands
#like he’d ostracize himself immediately wouldn’t he#run off to the middle of nowhere to waste away#because he betrayed his crew for nothing#he can’t even be their cook anymore#they finally drag him back only because he can’t say no to luffy anymore ever again#but he’s traumatised and he needs help with everything#franky makes him new hands but he can’t FEEL them#he can move the fingers but he can’t tell#how much pressure he’s using and he ruins and breaks things all the time#he’s a hot mess who feels like he deserves nothing#the only normal part is sparring with zoro but of course even that is tinged with self hatred#perfect first child of the ship zoro who would never betray luffy#anyway something something something they kiss I dunno
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Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt.1
[Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4] [Pt.5][Pt.6][Pt.7]
As someone who lived in the middle of nowhere, Amity, the ocean both terrified and enthralled Danny Fenton.
The first time his parents took him to the beach, it was the middle of the day and he’d been stuck in the prototype GAV for hours upon hours on their “quick, ghost rumor hunting field trip.”
It wasn’t quick, and they caught exactly zero ghosts. When Danny saw the expanse of sand underneath the summer sun, he and Jazz both bounded out of the van like feral little monkeys. Danny and Jazz sprinted down the sand, their parents ambling behind them with their arms loaded up with towels, a first aid kit, and an ungodly amount of mildly ecto contaminated food that they already fought before getting onto the beach.
Danny had splashed into the water, yelped at the freezing temperature, and then promptly found a shell to keep. His mom taught him how to swim with the waves, having come from Surf City herself, and his dad taught Jazz how to dive.
It was a day full of fond memories, especially the memory of the Great War of Sand-Castle Crushing he and Jazz waged against each other.
They stuck around for the sunset, the ripples of colors and peacefulness that swept across the vast waters caught Danny in its hold.
He hadn’t forgotten that moment. Not even when he died.
After a particularly hard day as Phantom, Danny would fly to the coast and loose hours just sitting on the sand and watching the waves lap against the shore. And when those nights were clear? It felt like a slice of his own personal heaven, with the stars shining on his shoulders and the encompassing crash of the waves sheltering his heart.
And on some days, when being Danny left him frustrated, Danny would fly out to the coast and use his intangibility to walk beneath the waves. Near the coast, it’s cloudy with swirls of moving sand and disturbed waters. He walked, and walked, and floated and floated beneath the waters, taking contentment from the way the moonlight of his stars filtered through the water. He admired the way light would glint on the scales of fish and crustaceans alike as he floated beneath the surface. On those days, Danny would pick up trash and polluted things and bring them to shore, to place in the trash cans and all of the recycling cans. He picked up shells and decorated the beaches he frequented, because if it were decorated, perhaps people would refrain from chucking their waste into the sea.
Well, usually, it’d be trash.
Danny watched speechlessly, jaw cracked open just a smidge, as an explosion happened right over his head. The distortion of the water did not hide the fact that there were large chunks of plane pelting down at him, a different figure flying away from the explosion. Danny went invisible and intangible as large metal pieces plunged into his current water space.
“Gosh, people these days,” he huffed. “This is gonna take forever to…”
Danny trailed off, seeing a humanoid shape crash into the water, clearly unconscious. Danny didn’t hesitate before shooting towards the drowning person, glowing green and fully visible again. The stranger’s eyes- holy shit, that’s Batman- turned towards him before closing behind cracked open lenses. Batman slumped falling unconscious. That’s not good.
Danny rocketed out of the water with the vigilante in his arms. If it weren’t for his supernatural strength, there’s no way lanky teenage Danny would have been able to carry Batman’s grown ass built like a tank self to the shore. Likewise, if it weren’t for his strength, Danny wouldn’t have been able to start chest compressions through the layers of armor.
Danny leaned back with a sigh as Batman coughed out only a bit of water, because Danny hadn’t taken all that long to get to him, and held up his hands in a “I don’t have weapons” way as Batman whirled to him.
“Hi. Are you alright?” Danny asked, ectoplasm and instinctive ghost speak fuzzing his words a bit. Damn, Batman must have nearly died a lot. He’ll freak out about meeting Batman later.
“You saved me,” an awkward pause. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. The other guy went that way.”
Danny waved vaguely.
“…What are you?”
“Oh my god, Batman, you can’t just ask someone what they are!” He immediately replied, inwardly smacking himself for the joke. He watched Batman’s face, watching for any sign of discrimination against ghosts, or any sign the man had a sense of humor.
“…”
Neither, apparently, was the answer.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just here to clean up the beaches. You humans really like to pollute the beaches. It’s quite rude, you know. That plane of yours, well, it’s not your fault,” he amended. “But it’s gonna damage sea life. And I don’t know if you’re in the habit, but please don’t litter on the beach or in the water, especially with your unconscious body. It’s tedious to clean.”
“…I see.”
“Stay. I’ll take out your plane. Make sure it doesn’t stay on the sand, alright?”
With that, Danny stood. Unaware of the way the moonlight lit up his hair like white flames and accentuated the sharp points of his ears, Danny turned away and flew back to the plane site, dragging the pieces up with ease.
Batman sat on the sand, likely exhausted from his fight, and watched him carry the pieces of the aircraft up.
“Here. All done. I gotta get going,” because Danny has school and this just lost him two hours. “Will you be alright?”
Batman nodded once, sharply.
“Good.” Danny went invisible, watching Batman sat up straighter, glancing around in a suddenly visible awareness. Oh, well. Tucker’s gonna freak out.
——
Three years later, Danny’s moved to Gotham for university.
And after midterm season, Danny went for a ghostly walk, but this time, in the waters surrounding Gotham.
When he surfaced, Batman was crouching on a lamp post, waiting for him.
“Oh, it’s you,” Danny said. “Hello. Did you know that people are polluting these waters with bodies too?”
“Yes,” Batman said, graveled voice resounding on the shipping containers around them.
“You should do something about that. Do you like places that are polluted?”
Batman sighed. “What are you?”
Danny hears a small, tinny voice by Batman’s ear, coming from a comm.
“Oh my god, B, you can’t just ask someone what they are!”
Mind flashing back to the night Danny drug a waterlogged Batman out of the ocean, Danny cracked a smile.
“Phantom,” he said, decisively. And, because this isn’t Amity anymore, “the Beach Clean Up crew from the flip side.”
——
Bruce, waking up on the sand: wtf
Bruce, seeing a child next to him who probably saved him: wtf (in “adoption”)
Bruce, seeing Danny’s skin glitter like stars, hair aflame, and pointy ears: wtf (in “I can adopt fae folk, right?”)
Bruce, seeing that Danny doesn’t leave any footprints: wtffff (detective mind goes brrrr)
——
Bruce, after Danny leaves: *donates 20 mil towards beach clean up efforts and anti-pollution causes*
——
Bruce’s Goggle Search History, documented by Oracle:
Sea spirits
Sea vampires
How to parent supernatural kids
How to thank your sea child
Are shells a good gift?
Ocean conservation efforts
Sea spirits that glitters under moonlight
Sea spirits that cleans up beaches
Wayne corporation waste disposal
Companies that dump trash into the sea
*outgoing call to Lucius Fox*
What is “mean girls”
——
Bruce, learning “current pop culture” from his kids:
Bruce, remembering the kid who saved him and realizing he’s probably as old as his own kids are: *adoption tendencies intensifies*
#batman#danny phantom#dc x dp#Danny picks Batman up like a waterlogged shoe#like this isn’t supposed to be in the sea#I live near a beach#please do not litter on a beach#I saw someone leave one of those plastic mesh bags for oranges and a seagul got stuck in it#beaches are precious#fight me#bamf danny phantom#bruce wayne#Bruce Wayne: I’ve seen a sea spirit#Danny Fenton: Batman is littering on the beach with his plane#dc x dp crossover#oracle#oh my god Batman you can’t just ask someone what they are#sea cryptic! danny AU
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ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)
SO these I should start on asap:
50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make
100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week
150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)
200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)
these can wait longer:
300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect
500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)
1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks
2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.
Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese
here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)
How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks
I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.
that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.
the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.
On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started
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