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#and it's like brooooo i literally wrote a novel length fic (that's still not done btw! not close!) and for whattt who even has the time
bejeweledmp3
·
2 months
Text
computer how do i stop feeling insecure on my writting so that can i write. computer please
#talking tag;
#ok so. story time sure why not
#today is my first day of uni and i had classes from 8.30 am to 11:45 which was. fine i was exhasuted but it was fine
#and then i had to wait to meet some friends for lunch and i started writting and it just hit me that totp is actually over 50k words
#and it's like brooooo i literally wrote a novel length fic (that's still not done btw! not close!) and for whattt who even has the time
#to read something like that like why bother. it's not even (directly) about the main characters and i just
#i'm afraid that i'm repeating myself i'm afraid that chracters are not being developed like i hoped they would i'm afraid that no one will
#care and i'm also afraid that the people that do care won't like it
#and then i met with my friends who study cinema and they bumped into people from their classes and i was just.
#there listening to their conversations without interacting like what the FUCKKK am i doing here pretending that i fit in with the cool
#cretive people and that my prose is any good at all
#just. 50 thousand words of fanfiction and i'm worried that none of them are any good
#but lately my motto is that i will figure it out so. i will figure it out
#i did cry about it (lmao) which i'm counting as progress from the empty nothingness i felt around this time of year a year ago
#but yeah man it sucks. totp is my baby but (just like kim lmao) my default is being hard on myself. i just can't not be
#i think i'll write on my diary about this and then!!! we move on. oh well
#i will finish totp that's a promise but yeah. today just hasn't been great i guess
#and i have no one in my life to talk to about this so!!!!!! shouting into the void i guess
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