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ghosttotheparty · 1 year

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love me softly (ds2)

love me softly (deleted scenes)

Gareth scribbles another line in his notebook. His handwriting is awful. He doesn’t really worry about anyone finding it, reading his thoughts.

He looks up when he hears a knock on the front door, his hand still writing as he listens to the door open after a moment, to his mom’s voice say, “Tommy!” all fondly. There’s a quiet moment as Tommy talks to her, and Gareth takes the opportunity to finish writing, his handwriting getting worse as he rushes, and as Tommy comes into his room, he pushes the notebook away.

“Whatcha doin’?” Tommy says, swinging the door shut, dropping his bag to the ground. There’s a brown paper bag in his hands.

“Uh, journaling.” He doesn’t really know why he tells him. Only Eddie knows Gareth journals.

“Oh, fun. Here.” He tosses the paper bag to Gareth, and it lands heavily in his stomach, the bag crinkling. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Gareth opens the bag, sitting up in bed a little as Tommy sits heavily on the floor with his back to the bed. The bag is full of cookies.

“…Why?”

“Mom made them for my brother’s class but she made way too many.” Tommy lets his head fall back.

“You have a brother?”

“Yeah. Little piece of shit.”

“Is that a fond ‘piece of shit’ or a sincere one?” Gareth pulls a cookie out of the bag. It’s chocolate chip. He sniffs at it (he doesn’t know why) before he takes a bite.

“Both, I guess,” Tommy sighs. “He’s kinda like my dad. But he’s only ten, so… We’ll see.”

Gareth hums, resting his head back on the wall behind his bed.

“You don’t have a Valentines date?” he asks, voice muffled from the cookie.

Tommy scoffs.

“No, no one wants to date me anymore.”

A shot of guilt goes through Gareth’s chest. It’s because Tommy hangs out with him and Eddie. Gareth knows it. They all know it.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Tommy says, his voice lightening. “‘D rather have some good friends and no dates than plenty of dates and friends like Andrew Willis.”

Gareth scoffs.

“Yeah, he sucks.”

“Yeah.” Tommy is quiet for a moment. “You don’t have a date?”

Gareth scoffs again.

“Who the fuck would wanna date me?”

“There’s gotta be some nerdy freshman that’s into you.”

“Like I’d date a freshman,” Gareth says, pretending to gag obnoxiously, and Tommy laughs lightly.

“Alright, some junior then.”

“Eh.” Gareth sighs. “‘S not really my thing.”

“What, high schoolers?” Tommy tilts his head back, looking up at him with a grin. “You into cougars?”

“Shut up,” Gareth says, snorting and kicking at his head with a socked foot. Tommy snickers. “I just meant… like. Romance. Or whatever.”

“You’ll find someone,” Tommy says lightly, confidently.

“‘S not really a matter of finding someone, I don’t think,” Gareth mutters. “I just don’t like people like that.”

“You’ve never liked anyone?”

Tommy looks back at him again, eyes shining curiously.

“Not a one,” Gareth sighs. “I just…” He melts into the bed a little bit. “When I was really little I thought boyfriends and girlfriends were just… really good friends. Like the best friends. Just… of the opposite gender.”

“Right,” Tommy says, listening.

“I thought my parents were just best friends. And then my friends started talking about their crushes in middle school and I just… didn’t get it. Like when they said they liked them as more than friends, ‘cause I thought friends were, like, it, you know?”

Tommy hums, looking up at the ceiling.

“‘S kinda depressing,” Gareth concludes. He’s never told anyone about it. Just because he knows how it sounds. Sad. Lonely.

“Not really,” Tommy argues lightly. “‘S not really all it’s cracked up to be.”

“Romance?”

“Mhmm.”

“How so?” Gareth licks some melted chocolate off his finger.

Tommy sighs, shrugging.

“I dunno. I mean. People act like it should be your goal in life, to find a romantic partner, but it’s… I don’t know. My parents fell in love and got married and now they fucking hate each other.”

Gareth blinks, sucking on the inside of his finger, and he hums softly.

“You even been in love?”

“Yeah,” Tommy says heavily, staring at the ceiling. “Carol Perkins.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“You still in love with her?”

Tommy shrugs.

“I don’t know. I think a little. But I don’t like her.”

Gareth blinks in confusion, wiping his finger on his shirt, looking at Tommy’s side profile.

“How can you be in love with someone without liking them?”

“I used to like her,” Tommy explains softly. “Thought she was cool. Really pretty, I mean…” He smiles a little bit, his cheeks flushing, and Gareth suppresses a smile, watching curiously. “Thought she was beautiful. She still is, I mean her face hasn’t changed, you know. Thought she was funny. And she liked me too, I think, even though we didn’t… Like, do anything about it. I don’t know.”

“What happened?”

Tommy’s smile fades and he exhales.

“She’s not… nice.”

“Mm.”

“When me and Steve started hanging out with you guys, she… said stuff that just pissed me off. And then she was pissed that I was pissed and I just…” He sighs. He does that a lot, Gareth’s noticed. “So I think I’m… Like. Falling out of love, I guess.”

“Isn’t that scary? That you can do that?”

“Fall out of love?”

“Yeah.”

They’re talking softer now, both looking up at the ceiling. Gareth feels like they should be high for this.

“Kind of,” Tommy says. “Think I’ve always known it’s a possibility. Like my parents, you know. They look happy in their wedding pictures, but… Jesus. They can’t stand each other.”

“That kinda sucks.”

“Yeah.” Tommy pauses. “‘S not gonna be like that for me.”

“No?”

“Nah.” He’s smiling. “If I get married, she’s gonna be the love of my fuckin’ life. We’ll be happy.”

Gareth grins.

“I like how fondly you speak of your hypothetical future wife.”

“I’m gonna fall in love with her. Might as well get a head start.”

Gareth laughs softly, digging out another cookie and breaking it in half, leaning to hand half to Tommy, who takes with his mouth, making Gareth laugh again.

They’re quiet for a moment, nibbling at the cookie, just sitting in their silence. Gareth doesn’t mind this silence. It’s kind. Soft.

His smile falls after a moment as he gets farther into his own head. Tommy seems to notice.

“What is it?”

“Hm?”

“I can practically hear you thinking, man,” Tommy says without looking at him. “Talk.”

Gareth sighs. (Maybe it’s contagious.)

“I don’t know. It kinda sucks. That I’m not… like that.”

“Why does it suck?” Tommy questions, and it sounds genuine. Like he actually doesn’t know.

“Just… I don’t know. My dad sometimes will say, like, that he wants to live close to me when I’m older so he can visit and see his grandkids. Which.” Tommy makes an understanding noise. “He really wants grandkids. He likes kids, he used to work in a daycare, he’s great with them. But I can’t, like…” He shrugs even though Tommy isn’t looking.

“If I don’t fall in love,” he says slowly. “I won’t get married. And if I don’t get married, I won’t have kids. And I feel bad that my parents, you know…”

“You don’t have to feel bad for that,” Tommy says firmly.

“No?”

“No. Fuck that. You’re not, like, responsible for giving other people shit, especially if it’s something that’ll impact your life that much, you know?”

Gareth blinks at the ceiling, wiping crumbs off his chin.

“Hm.”

“You don’t owe your parents anything,” Tommy says. His voice is softer.

Gareth looks over at him, his head rolling along the wall. He’s looking at the ceiling, head fallen back against the bed, jaw working as he eats the last bite of the cookie.

“Talk,” Gareth says.

Tommy suppresses a smile.

“Just…” A sigh. “Dad expected me to want to go into business. Take over his company when he wants to retire. And I said no,” his voice heavy.

“Can’t imagine that went well,” Gareth says softly, and Tommy laughs lightly, humourlessly.

“Nope,” he says. “He was pissed. Pulled out the whole I gave you life bullshit, and I pointed out that I didn’t ask him to.”

Gareth’s chest aches, and he suppresses the sudden urge to pull Tommy into a hug.

“He acts like I owe him for my existence,” Tommy says, staring across the room, tracing the posters on the back of Gareth’s door with his eyes. “But I don’t. And I’m not gonna throw my life away and spend the rest of it doing shit I hate just because dear old Pa wants me to.”

“You’re pretty cool, Tommy,” Gareth says.

Tommy scoffs, cracking a smile. (He looks younger when he smiles. It’s nice.)

“Thanks.” He pauses. “Also if you want kids you could just adopt. Be a cool single dad.”

“Oh.” Gareth blinks. He hadn’t thought of that. “I could.” He pauses. “You want kids someday?”

Tommy shrugs. Sighs.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t wanna be like my dad.”

“You won’t be,” Gareth says a little too fast.

“How do you know?” Tommy says, smiling up at Gareth.

He shrugs.

“You’re already better than him. Plus you’ve got, like, a direct guide of what not to do in your living room.”

Tommy snickers, tilting his head.

“‘S true.��

“You’ll be a good dad,” Gareth says confidently. “You’re wise as hell.” Tommy snorts. “Plus you’ll be able to help with their math homework.”

Tommy looks back up at him with a playful glare, and Gareth kicks at his head again.

“Is it nice?” Gareth asks after a moment. “Crushing on people?”

Tommy shrugs.

“‘S kinda fun. The rush.”

“Rush?”

“Yeah, like… It’s exciting. And the butterflies and stuff.”

“Butterflies,” Gareth repeats. “Eddie mentioned butterflies.”

Tommy makes a questioning noise.

“When he was crushing on Steve,” Gareth clarifies. “He told me he was always all nervous and shit. Mentioned butterflies.”

“Hm.”

“What’s it feel like? The butterflies?” Gareth asks curiously, shifting to face Tommy a little bit even though Tommy is still looking at the ceiling.

“Like… Fluttering. In your stomach. Or like your stomach is flipping over. Like being on a rollercoaster, just with an emotional attachment.”

“That sounds… awful,” Gareth comments, grimacing. Tommy laughs lightly.

“‘S kinda nice, actually. Think that’s my favourite part.”

“The butterflies?”

“Mhmm.”

“Huh.”

“You’ve really never felt it?” Tommy asks, looking up at him. Gareth shrugs, shaking his head, tucking his hands under his chin. “Not even— Have you ever kissed anyone?”

Gareth makes a face, furrowing his brows.

“Who would I be kissing?”

Tommy snickers, shrugging.

“You wanna try?”

Gareth blinks at him.

“Do I wanna try kissing someone?”

“Yeah,” Tommy says like it’s obvious. “Maybe you’ll get butterflies. Even if you’re not like, into them.”

“What, are you offering?”

Tommy just quirks his eyebrows, and a laugh bursts right out of Gareth’s chest.

“It could be fun,” Tommy says defensively as Gareth squeezes his eyes shut, still laughing. “We can see if you get butterflies.”

“And you’re down to just kiss me?” Gareth says, still laughing, propping himself up on one elbow now. Tommy looks up at him, eyes bright.

“Kissing’s fun.”

“You’re serious,” Gareth says, awestruck, wide-eyed and beaming. Tommy laughs lightly, shrugging again.

“Could be fun.”

Gareth scoffs, his eyes flicking back and forth between Tommy’s, searching, but he finds nothing but gleaming sincerity.

“Fuck it,” he says after a moment. “Sure. Why not.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Whatever. Come here.”

Tommy grins and scrambles up, kicking off his shoes and moving to sit cross-legged across from Gareth, who shakes his head and covers his face.

“This is so stupid,” he laughs. “So, so stupid.”

“So are we,” Tommy says. He’s laughing too.

Gareth pauses to collect himself, setting the cookies aside, crossing his legs to mirror Tommy.

“Okay.”

“We don’t have to,” Tommy says.

“No, I— I want to, it’s just…” He looks into his eyes, shaking his head again. “This is so dumb.”

Tommy grins.

“It’s just for fun. Checking it off the bucket list.”

“I don’t have a bucket list.”

“Okay, then we’re just doing dumb shit.”

Gareth snorts, unable to hold back another laugh, dropping his head and listening as Tommy laughs too.

“Okay,” he says when he stops laughing. His face is sore from his smile. “Okay, alright.”

He moves closer and they uncross their legs, moving so their legs wrap around each other. Tommy reaches up to push Gareth’s hair out of the way, leaning closer. Gareth scans his face, his plethora of freckles.

“You’re not allowed to make fun of me if I’m bad at this,” Gareth says firmly, still grinning, lifting his hands to rest on Tommy’s chest, toying with the collar of his shirt.

“Won’t make fun of you,” Tommy says. His cheeks are flushed. “Promise.”

“Okay,” Gareth says again, sighing, shaking his head, his gaze lowering to Tommy’s lips.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Tommy nudges their noses together, and Gareth’s eyes flutter shut as he inhales, and then Tommy’s lips are pressing to his tentatively in a soft kiss.

Gareth doesn’t get the sparks. He’s heard people talk about them, about the fireworks and shit, but he doesn’t get any. Instead his stomach flips over.

Oh. The rollercoaster.

Gareth’s lips part when Tommy pulls away for a split second, just to swipe his tongue over his lips and tilt his head before he leans back in. Gareth’s fingers tighten on Tommy’s shirt, pulling him closer.

A sharp breath escapes him when he feels Tommy’s tongue slip over his bottom lip, and his jaw falls slack. Tommy tastes like chocolate.

Gareth melts a little bit, shoulders slumping, head falling back and his chin lifting up as Tommy sucks on his lower lip gently, and his fingers shift to just a over his collar, pressing into his neck. He’s warm. (It makes sense. He always seems like there’s sunlight under his skin.)

Gareth’s lip is tingling when Tommy finally releases it, kissing him slowly and carefully one more time before they part.

They stare at each other for a moment, eyes shining, holding each other in their hands, and then they both burst into laughter, and they’re letting go of each other to cackle. Gareth falls onto his back, covering his face, and Tommy snorts, which just makes Gareth laugh harder. it’s the kind of laughter that’s silent, except the desperate gasps of breath, and Gareth’s stomach hurts, and Tommy’s legs are kicking at him because Tommy’s eyes are squeezed shut and he can’t see him rolling around.

They’re both red-faced when their laughter finally settles, and Gareth pushes himself to sit up.

“So?” Tommy asks, voice wavering as he hold back another bout of laughter. “Butterflies?”

“Yeah, a little bit,” Gareth says, breathless, still giggling. “‘S nice.”

“Right?”

Gareth nods, but he can’t stop himself from laughing again, and he covers his face, squeezing his eyes shut.

“So fucking stupid,” he mutters.

“So fucking stupid,” Tommy agrees. “But it’s fun, right?”

“Yeah,” Gareth giggles. “‘S fun.”

They stare for a moment, stifling giggles, until Gareth says, “So fucking dumb,” as he’s leaning back in, and their grins crash together.

When they finally stop, they end up laying side by side in bed, legs tangled. Tommy’s arm is around Gareth’s shoulders, playing with the ends of his hair, and Tommy reaches behind himself blindly to find the cookies again, pulling one out and breaking it, reaching up to loft half to Tommy’s mouth.

“Was I okay?” Gareth asks, mouth full.

“At kissing?”

“Mm.”

“Yeah, really good.”

“Really.”

“You’re a fuckin’ natural, man.”

Gareth grins.

“Cool.”

They finish the cookie in silence. Tommy’s fingers twist in Gareth’s hair, playing with it gently, and when Gareth glances up at him, he sees that he’s watching it, smiling softly.

Gareth shifts closer, moving onto his side, resting his cheek on Tommy’s shoulder and reaching to trace the stripes of his shirt over his chest.

Tommy pulls him in closer, lifting his other hand to rub Gareth’s upper arm comfortingly, tenderly. He’ll be a good husband, Gareth thinks.

“You don’t think in it’s sad?” he asks softly. “That I’m not gonna fall in love with anyone?”

“No,” Tommy says lightly. Quickly, but not so quickly it was unbelievable. Quickly like he knows.

“No?”

“Mm-mm.”

“Why not? You don’t think it’ll be lonely?”

“Gareth…” Tommy sighs, his hand tightening on Gareth’s arm, his fingers pushing farther into his hair. Gareth realises he hasn’t heard Tommy say his name before that much. Tommy is quiet for a moment before, “Are you happy?”

Gareth’s eyebrows raise.

“That’s… definitely a question.”

“Just—“ Tommy laughs lightly. “Are you, like, content? Just in general.”

Gareth thinks for a moment.

About right now.

Dad’s at work. Mom’s in the living room watching some soap opera. There are flowers on the dining table and a cheesy card that his dad left there this morning.

Steve and Eddie are on a date somewhere. Probably getting high and making out at the quarry or something.

Tommy is playing with his hair and holding his arm, and the taste of chocolate chip cookies is lingering in Gareth’s mouth, and he feels kinda sleepy.

“Yeah,” he says softly. “‘M happy.”

“That’s why it’s not sad,” Tommy says. “You don’t need a significant other to be happy. You already have people that you love, and that love you, like— like your parents, and Eddie and Steve, and the other Hellfire guys, and you’re gonna meet so many people in your life that you’re gonna love and that are gonna love you, and…” He trails off, shrugging, making Gareth’s head move. “‘S not sad. You don’t have to be lonely.”

Gareth blinks, watching his own hand trace the lines across Tommy’s chest. Absorbing it all.

“You forgot yourself,” he says quietly after a few moment.

“Hm?”

“You listed everyone I love except yourself.”

Tommy is quiet. Gareth looks up at him.

His eyes are gleaming and he’s blinking at the ceiling, his throat shifting as he swallows.

“Oh.” His voice is thick. “Okay.”

Gareth lays his head back down, wrapping his arm around Tommy’s torso and hugging him, his cheek squishing against Tommy’s shoulder. Tommy hugs him back, arms wrapping around Gareth’s neck.

He must not hear it often, those words.

Gareth closes his eyes, feeling Tommy’s chest rise and fall with every breath.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, asshole.”

Tommy chokes out a laugh.

“Yeah, I love you too. Dick.”

The sun is going down outside. Tommy doesn’t get up to leave. It’s only Tuesday. They can go to school tomorrow. Tommy can borrow a shirt if his polo is too wrinkled.

“Are we telling Eddie and Steve about this?” Gareth questions out loud.

“We don’t have to,” Tommy says sleepily.

“M’kay.”

(It doesn’t really matter. A few weeks later, the four of them get cross-faded at Steve’s, and Gareth, head full of clouds and stomach full of liquor, walks up to Tommy as he’s talking to Eddie and says, “I would like a kiss.” Tommy, also full of clouds and liquor, promptly completely forgets about Eddie and whatever they’re talking about, and pulls him into a kiss, both of them ignorant to the wide-eyed stares Steve and Eddie are giving them.)

#i was so excited to write this #and it was very fun #they have a queerplatonic thing #aroace gareth <3 #next scene is chrissy centric <333 #love me softly #gareth stranger things #gareth emerson #tommy hagan #gareth emerson fanfic #tommy hagan fanfic #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things oneshot

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