#and it might just be me as a person as someone who hasnt been hurt a lot to want to see beauty in heartbreak
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i wanna talk about this scene because its one of my favourite character moments for both aaron and neil. theyve just gotten to the cabin, only a handful of days after nathans death, and aaron gets neil alone and says this:
now listen. maybe what aaron is doing here is exactly what it looks like. maybe he is concerned that neil is exploiting andrew, and this is him being a protective brother. and i do think theres a part of him that is. he could also be reacting badly due to homophobia, and maybe a part of him is too. but mostly -
he's testing neil.
see, aarons not totally heartless. in that moment in baltimore, when neil was bloody and beaten to shit - aaron was horrified with the rest of them. he might not like neil particularly much, but when you see someone you moderately dislike tortured past the point of human endurance, youre going to put aside your dislike for a second. youre going to take their side, and aaron does. when the foxes claim neil, aaron is right up there with them.
but unlike neil and andrew, who spend the next few days in the emotional wringer with the feds, aaron had several days to process. to really process what allison pointed out to them.
and he realized he could use it.
maybe thats callous of him, but mostly its inevitable; this is how the twins have learned to communicate, to leverage each other with bribes and threats. he watched andrew nearly kill kevin, pick a fight with the feds, grip neils hoodie like he might disappear if he didnt hold on tight enough, and he understood that there was nothing andrew wouldnt do for neil.
meanwhile, neil is still coming off of weeks of telling himself, gritted teeth, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me...
hes barely begun to acknowledge the much less dangerous fact that he has feelings for andrew. less dangerous because if andrew doesnt care about him, then neils death wont hurt him, and neils feelings cant be hurt if hes the one that dies. but if andrew has feelings for him, then this whole time hes been risking that his death would break andrew - break the very person he most wants to protect.
so neil denies it. hes made the first wobbly step towards freedom, but he hasnt yet dealt with the moriyamas. he could still die at any moment. wrapping his head around his fathers death hasnt given him enough time to break those weeks of conditioning himself in the dark. andrew doesnt care about me. andrew cant care about me. neil will go to war for andrew but the idea that the converse is true is too dangerous to look at directly. to protect andrew, to protect himself, he denies it.
but when aaron asks neil if andrew will fight for him, he's not really asking. we can see it in the casual way he shrugs off neils denial. he doesnt care what neil says. he wants to see what neil does. he already knows - or has a pretty strong bet - what andrew will do. what he needs to know is if neil is serious.
listen, i am personally of the belief that if andrew released aaron from his deal for neils sake and then things went sour with neil, andrew would respect the broken deal anyway. but i dont think aaron sees that - he hasnt yet fully internalized that andrew does things out of his own brand of fairness, and not out of malice. so he needs to know; andrew will fight for this. will neil?
so he lobs a grenade at neil, a loaded accusation, and neil comes back swinging. and theres aarons answer. neil isnt exploiting andrew, hes not just playing around. hes as viciously protective of andrew as andrew is of him and those two repressed assholes might not be saying it with words, but aarons not stupid. andrew gave himself away when neil went missing and now neils showed his hand too.
neils right. he has been had, and hes just lucky that what aaron wants is exactly what neil wanted anyway.
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This may be specific but I also think it would be kind of cute
Okay so Eyeless Jack x reader who is like pretty intimidating looking and always keeps a stoic expression on and also really tall
Then he gets to know them and it's like "Oh you're not scary, just ✨️traumatised✨️" because they only show emotions to those they trust
Like they will glare at someone who said something mean then be all lovey dovey to Jack but still a little reserved cause they're still new to the whole "wow someone actually loves me"
Could you make 2 versions? One being platonic and the other being romantic (also reader just straight up denying that Jack is insecure cause how could he? He's the definition of perfection in their eyes)
Eyeless Jack x stoic!reader whos sweet to him (?)
i must admit it took me a little while to think of some ideas for this prompt, my apologies for the delay </3 i also wasnt too sure what to title this TToTT
but regardless i hope you enjoy this! even through the struggle for ideas, i gotta admit, this idea is adorable esp since i personally write jack to be more self loathing
mainly written as platonic but there is a segment at the end for romantic hcs ! easier than to write two separate full fledged sections!
uhuh light CW for implied SH on ejs part since the admin thinks that while jack is slowly descending into his whole.. demon thing hes physically and mentally fighting with himself to remain lucid; nothing explicitly written but id rather be safe than sorry
honestly i think it might take him a good hot minute to really let you treat him like hes deserving of anything more than a scowl, especially if he sees how you act around other people... because why him, of all people? there are people better for you
yet he doesnt stop you from coming to his cabin in the woods, he doesnt stop you from doing some work around the place so its safer and more habitable for him, he doesnt stop you from patching up his clothing and washing them. why doesnt he stop you? he knows he doesnt deserve it...
he almost hates the way you look at him sometimes, if you look at him with pity. like hes some lost dog needing someone to take care of him
he doesnt need help, hes been doing this whole thing by himself for a long time now and he hasnt needed anyone
and yet
he doesnt push you away when you go in to clean his face after a particularly nasty fight with himself
you even run a warm bath for him
its been so long since hes been warm
i like to think that he tries to seek you out when you dont come to visit him for a few days.. did something happen to you? were you hurt? sick? did someone do something to you? did you move away? where did you go...?
wont ever admit it but i think hes at least a little starved for a connection, sure hes a hermit and he was already closed off before he started turning into this man eating monster, but deep down he still has his human roots in there kicking, and humans thrive on connections... in the truest sense, he needs you. not sexually or carnally or romantically, he just needs someone to talk to him to keep him from going truly mad
finds himself thinking about you more than hed like to admit, even if he doesnt have any romantic feelings for you hes going to beat himself up. he came here to his silly little cabin in the woods to get away from people for everyones sake; only coming out when he needs to 'hunt'
its like befriending a stray cat, i think. they hiss and swipe at first but overtime they try to cuddle up to you if you give them enough time to build up that trust
admin likes to think he has pointed ears, and i think that they would twitch a little if he sees a smile forming on your face...
as for romantics....
i think he would look at where you walked off to, to go home... longing, almost daring himself to go after you or say something because he cant stand spending another night alone in the woods
leaves you gifts, anonymously, but leaving them none the less. if you ask if he was the one who left them hes not going to admit it, you can imply that you know it was him, but he will hold firm in his denial
building off of the ear idea, he totally gives himself away when he starts blushing... he looks like the type to have his blush reach his ears... not too mention the flicks dont make it any less discrete,,,
even he doesnt notice it, but he tries to make excuses for you to stay around longer during hang out sessions, stopping just short of offering to watch the grass grow
i think this would feed into his self loathing, though. in my eyes, jack was dragged into a human sacrifice unwillingly and unknowingly. his life was robbed away from him, he was robbed of ever having a normal life with you... you deserve better, he thinks. very heavy shit, you know? i think it leads to his mental state being even worse than before
god i had intentions of going into this with fluff but this just came out angstier than my middle school ocs TToTT
#creepypasta x reader#creepypasta x you#eyeless jack x reader#eyeless jack x you#eyeless jack headcanon#eyeless jack imagine#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta imagine
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SOME ADVICE FOR MY YOUNG FOLLOWERS THAT I WISH SOMEONE HAD GIVEN ME WHEN I WAS YOUNGER🔮
Pay attention to your friends comments because they could be mentally abusing you without you noticing. When I was unemployed my ”friend” made so many comments about people who are unemployed. That ”they” are ruining society and all that. And let me tell you as soon as I got a job the comments stopped? This whole year she hasnt been making fun of people who dont have a job because its probably not fun for her anymore since I have a job now. This was not the only thing she commented either. If you are in a situation where you can not end the friendship for example if its a classmate or family friend try commenting back.
Also pay attention to when your friends call you and what they have to say. This same friend used to call me every night screaming about all the b*tches and ”h*s at work (thats what she called them) she could even call me screaming and crying but when good stuff happened she never called me. I would also see on her snapstories that she did fun stuff with other people and I was just the one she called when she was sad or angry.
Never lower your standards. You NEED people who are loyal by your side. If your friend dont hate your worst enemy its not your friend. A real friend will naturally dislike someone who hurt you.
Dont humble yourself too much. If you are suspecting one of your friends are envious of you they might be. And this can get really ugly especially as a teenage girl. Never share too much with this ”friend”.
Stand up for yourself do not try to make a bully like you because they dont ”like” people they can only respect or fear you. Either fight back or ignore dont try to kiss their ass.
If you are not welcomed there dont go there.
LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION. Maybe you are wrong about that person and maybe they are actually kinda nice STILL something is making you feel the way you feel and its better to be safe than sorry.
If the person you are interested in is treating you bad please try to leave. I spent my college year with a guy who treated me horribly and it ruined my self esteem. So much time wasted.
Try to find your own style you wont look good in everything thats in. Some of the clothes I forced myself to wear because it was cool didnt look good on me at all.
If you are feeling insecure try looking at celebrities who look more like you. Instead of looking at people who look like you want to look. Stop torturing yourself.
Be careful in the internet because you cant take it back. This can get you into a lot of trouble later in life. Dont scream at people or fight on the internet.
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God its been a while. So since the new leaks and season 6 had brought a lot of attention towards My Hero Academia and my past obsession with it is renewed i might as well write some headcanons. And what is better than the clasic relationship headcanons for the todoroki siblings.
Shoto
Relationship with Shoto is a weird experience.
You would have to be the one to propose and even when you do he still wont believe you.
He still sees that bastard of a father in him partially, so dont blame him for not believing you at first.
But after you guys have been together for a while, god help you both. I cannot say who would be more obsessed with the other.
Dinner dates, celebrations, small gifts every small and cheezy thing couples do, you guys do it twice as much.
He loves it when you play with his hair, or massage him. Any kind of gentle and loving physical contact to be honest, since he didn't got much before you.
If you pay attention to his scar, that would be a very intimate moment for him. Tho i cannot say he'd be that much of a sucker for that, he really appreciates the meaning behind the gesture.
Oh and expect to have to explain a lot of stuff to him. Like why some couples to something, but others don't.
He'd have some of a learning cerve when it comes to relationships.
Just dont get i the way of his dream, he'll be heartbroken if you do.
Natsuo
A hard case to write for sinc ewe dint have much information.
He doesn't seem like the guys to go for a hook up in university. So hed either be alone for a while or somehow have that uni dream of finding your dream partner during it.
So to be honest his family is a sensitive topic for him, so no meeting them for a long while.
When you do end up meeting them, hed go one by one, his mother probably first, then Shoto and Fuyumi. Hed keep you away from Endeavor as much as possible.
He does have a bit of anger issues, but he is well aware, so he might storm off once in a while. Then hed return with something as an apology, be it a flower, a chocolate just anything to make up for his outburst.
He's the sweetest though. He wont be as love sick as Shoto, but he would apreciate when you tell him how much you love him. He hasnt heard thay much so it means the word ro him when you do it.
But dont get me wrong he'd know when you lie, or ot isnt sincere.
Fuyumi
We don't kniw much about her except she loves her whole family no matter what shes been through because of them.
She'd look for someone who is just as willing to start a family with her.
She just seems like the person that knew early on that wanted a good and loving family.
She'd want someone with relatively thhe same values as her, so there is less of a chance to end up like her parents.
With her work she is pretty busy, and i guess her partner too. So the ocasional dinner/breakfasts date is so well appreciated.
She definitely makes bento boxes to her partner, every time she gets the chance.
If her partner is a woman her mother will be very supportive (not only for her too), but her father i doubt hell like it. I say that for her specifically because the boys dont care at all what their father will think.
Toya(Dabi)
Honestly good luck being with him, he's a manace. And ton take that as teasing king.
He loves teasing tho, but sometimes he says too much and might end up hurting you if you take stuff to heart.
His goal takes first place, thats a fact and no matter who you are to him it stays that way.
Doubt he can even love you, not in a normal way that is. Its closer to care than love. And to get to that point it would take a while.
But lets say you got lucky, and you get him for yourself. Dont bother being jealous, he has no eyes for anyone else in that way, youre probably his first romantic partner anyway.
I read somewhere that he and his paryner use each other with a lot of trust and a little emotion in the mix. And cannot say that this is anything but true.
He has anger issues, but unlike Natsu he doent show it untill its boiling in him. So unless you are someone that can take shouting well. You better get away as fast as you can. Hed cool down in a few minutes tho.
I think the best way to sgow him live it first is acts of service, show him that you care. Then comes physical touch, once he lets you touch him. For him touching is far more intimate than anything else.
Touch his scars and he will literaly melt in your hands. Unlike for Shoto, his scars are far bigger part of who he is as a person now and what hes been through as well. So i guess it would be like you see him now, but don't disregard his past at the same time.
#mha#bnha#toya todoroki#dabi#dabi headcanons#fuyumi todoroki#fuyumi headcanons#natsuo todoroki#natsuo headcanons#shoto todoroki#shoto headcanons#todoroki siblings#mha headcanons#bnha headcannons
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ive been told all sorts of things by people to get me to not care about this scene, from 'it's a joke, laugh!' to 'we should just forget about it if you talk about it youre weird' and im honestly not willing to take it, this hasnt been a problem on tumblr just wanted to vent, but it surprises me how mean this fandom can be to people who relate to the issues in the game. all ive been told from either of these points of view has been hostility, it all just becomes 'shut up about how you feel, i dont want to hear it' and idk but thats a weird position to have as someone who likes a game that asks you to care about harsh topics. im just posting this to say i will keep talking about this scene as much as my soul wants me to, because i relate, it all comes from the heart and not from fetish, an ocassional joke might happen but i have my limits too, i also dont think a joke erases how much i care. if i overstep pls educate me on why, but please dont tell me to just shut up about it, austin dropped this thing out of the blue with zero elaboration and left it all to the players, it's everybody's choice to care or not and i personally choose to do so.
im an adult who has not had a normal childhood, teenagehood or even adulthood, im still processing a lot of stuff, if you dont want to see the process of my growth youre free to leave but pls just let me exist. i cant even get proper professional help so thats why i use dumb pixelated people from a videogame to process my troubles, and making art that comes from my experience and people ignoring everything in it and telling me i probably just fap to it genuinely hurts. im talking from experience here, man. my problems arent fap material, not to me. everything i make about the harsh stuff in lisa (everything, not just this scene) comes from my feelings. it's legitimately cruel to just have the stance that every art that reminds you of bad things is made with dick in hand. i care about this campfire scene, i care about lisa, brad, buddy. so many of the emotional aspects of lisa stuck deep with me and i just want to express myself, that is all.
im also very thankful to my friends who saw me lose my shit over this thing the day i watched it and have kept up with me and watched me process it, and the friends ive made who try to see what im trying to show with my art.
-
sidenote i think its fine to not be okay with this thing existing it hasnt even been a year, but i wholeheartedly think people should try to give it a chance and not see it as an attack from austin, regardless of what the intention behind it could possibly be. there's stuff thats in the game that supports it and stuff that feels worth pointing out, dont be so scared of things that want you to feel.
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Hewwo its me sparks, a little bug that hasnt been feeling well for the past x amount of time. I wrote a little angst/comfort drabble thats not really canon to gihasm but it fits where you want it to fit after last chapter. Its not my usual quality but it seems lots of people are not doing great so im just going to share. I hope you all feel better. <3
(tw: negative thoughts)
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The alarm bell rang and Grian knew it was going to be a bad day.
He had had the dream again, the one about flying high above the clouds before something changes, and he plummets to the ground. He’d kept dreaming as he hit the floor, pain a distant thing (shock, his sleep-brain reminds him, shock can make things hurt less).
On the floor, he was twisted up, broken and civilians gathered immediately. He can still hear the disgusted murmurs of them, see their pointed fingers and see their sneers.
“Someone put it out of its misery.”
Grian forces himself to turn off his alarm through the fog. His body feels tense, his wings are tensely held on his back. He doesn’t feel like moving at all, and barely manages to curl back up when his energy leaves him again. The wings on his back feel like a burden, their ugly state makes Grian want to go into hiding and not see another person. He was broken, trash that someone forgot to take to the curb.
Amidst dark thoughts and the blankets, Grian slips in and out of restless sleep. When he’s not asleep, he stares at the wall. He feels like a broken computer, repeating the same ideas over and over, feeling worse and worse as it gets harder to quiet the thoughts down.
“No one cares about you if you can’t help them,” his brain reminds him. “You're nobody if you're not Apollo. No one trusts you. No one cares.”
He covers his head in the blankets, upset and angry at himself. “I'm useless, if I can't help people or make them safer, what's the point of it all? Why do anything at all?”
Pressure builds in his chest, something heavy and disgusting. “Im pathetic, worse than…”he hesitates as he realizes he can’t insert the name of his former nemesis, not after the past months. He lets the sentence linger.
Grian both wishes for and hates the idea of Scar or Mumbo noticing his lack of presence today. Maybe theyll realize how much of a burden he is to keep around. Will they realize it's better to drop him off at a random bus stop, send him back on his way to be dealt with by Pearl?
Mumbo would know. He left for a whole year and didn’t need him at all.
Grian surprises himself when tears burn through his eyes, forming fast enough that he doesn't process he's crying until he's struggling to catch his breath. It still hurts to remember that Mumbo did not trust him enough. Maybe he had been right to not trust him. Grian was an idiot, a fool who had to have his eyes pried open to actually see the reality of the world around him. The world was cruel, it hated him and it was right to-
Distantly, Grian hears some sort of sound behind his cries. It's only when a door is being opened that he realizes it was knocked.
“Grian?” Mumbo calls out cautiously. “Are you sleeping in?”
“Mm,” Grian hums noncommittally. Something must sound off to Mumbo, because he doesn’t retreat.
“Grian?”
“I’m fine,” Grian chokes out. “Give me a moment, I’ll- I’ll be back to-“
“Grian?” Mumbo closes the door and immediately steps further into the room, coming to kneel at his bed. “G, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
Grian frowns, face still hidden from Mumbo. He shakes his head emphatically so Mumbo can see his answer. His throat is swollen, he won't be able to talk like this.
“Are you sick?” Again Grian shakes his head. Mumbo pauses. Slowly, like a person approaching a wild animal, he asks. “Are you not feeling well?”
Grian doesn’t respond.
Mumbo waits for a long moment, before taking a deep breath.
“I can imagine what this might be about, mate, we should talk about-“ Mumbo says, and Grian curls up further into a ball. Mumbo pauses.
Tense quiet fills the room. Grian tries to suppress a sniffle but doesn't succeed. He grips his arms, trying to hold himself together, at least while Mumbo sticks around.
Mumbo shifts, more of his weight pressing against the mattress.
“Y’know what usually makes me feel better on bad days?” He asks Grian. Something light touches the bed beside him. Grian hesitates to peek at it, but Mumbo tells him what it is. “Holding a friend’s hand.”
Grian tears up again at how considerate his friend is. Consideration even for someone as undeserving as himself. He pulls away the blankets, revealing himself in the process of taking Mumbo’s hand into his own. He doesn't look at Mumbo as he sniffles and silently cries. He's overwhelmed again.
Mumbo’s hand is warm and heavy. Grian holds his hand tightly, almost scared that Mumbo will disappear. Mumbo’s thumb caresses his own idly, his hold more loose, but still caring. Grian lays there, holding Mumbo’s hand tightly until the wave passes him, his head coming up for clear air after an indeterminate amount of time.
Grian slowly, almost cowardly, looks up to find Mumbo’s face, only to see that Mumbo is already looking at him. He looks saddened, but not angry. Grian isn't sure why he expected Mumbo to be angry. Mumbo was not an angry man by nature.
“I think it works a little,” Grian says, his voice a little stronger now. He squeezes Mumbo’s hand even tighter for a beat. Mumbo smiles and sighs through his nose.
“I'm glad,” Mumbo says. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Shame fills Grian’s mind as he shakes his head. Mumbo doesn't press further
“Then, Is there anything else I can do?” He asks sincerely. “I don't like seeing you like this, Grian, it hurts me.”
“Im sorry,” Grian apologizes quickly. “You don't have to stay-“
“No, that's not what I meant,” Mumbo cuts him off. “It's just… Grian you’re my best friend,mate, I don’t want you to ever feel bad. I… y’know I really care for you. You're one of the most important people I've had the luck of ever meeting, much less become friends with, yknow?”
The words almost fall on deaf ears, Grian’s brain twisting the words against him. How unlucky, Grian mentally corrects. He means how unlucky he is he's stuck with me.
Grian struggles to quiet his brain, something Mumbo likely notices in his face. He looks conflicted, almost lost as he leans closer to Grian.
“It’s true, you're my best friend,” Mumbo insists. Grian’s mouth twists, feeling himself tear up again.
In an impulsive moment, Grian lets go of Mumbo’s hand and throws his arm up, looking at Mumbo. Mumbo hesitates for only a second before climbing into the bed and wrapping his arm around Grian. With his weight against him, Grian suddenly feels like he can breathe.
He tucks his forehead against Mumbo’s neck, soaking in the warmth of his best friend's body. It warms him where he hadn't realized he had gotten cold, something human replacing the mess of tangled emotions in him. Grian presses his entire body into Mumbo’s, clinging onto him, feeling relief in every touch Mumbo easily offers.
Mumbo’s heartbeat is loud and clear, heavy and smooth. He presses closer, almost suffocating warmth in Mumbo’s embrace.
“I love you,” Mumbo whispers into his ear. It's not the first time he's said it at this point, but it's still rare to hear this soon. “You are so, so important to me. To scar too. He told me to check on you. Wouldnt tell me why.”
Grian nuzzles him, throwing a leg over Mumbo’s. He can feel Mumbo’s heartbeat through his neck, and he concentrates on it, closing his eyes.
Scar knew he was feeling bad but hadn’t wanted to come in. Was Grian that much of a burden? Or was it that Scar knew Grian would more likely kick him out than let him close like he would Mumbo when he felt this terrible? Grian isn't sure. He feels himself starting to shake, his wings shifting and rustling. Mumbo reaches for them, but Grian pulls the betraying wings away, shaking his head. Mumbo relents, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist.
“Can we lay down like this for a while?” Grian chokes out through his guilt. “Or-“
“As long as you like,” Mumbo nods. “I don't mind.”
“…You're too nice,” Grian whispers. “I don’t deserve you, do I?”
“Grian…” Mumbo answers softly. “Don’t say that. You mean the world to me.”
It only makes Grian want to cringe more. It made him feel guilty. “You deserve someone as kind as you. Someone good.”
“You’re good,” Mumbo insists, hugging him tighter for emphasis. “Grian, you don’t understand how happy I am that you’re in my life, that you cared enough to keep looking for me after I left. It takes a good person to assume the best in others, even if we did nothing to deserve it.”
Grian frowns. “Still,” he tries to enlighten Mumbo. “That’s just the bare minimum of what you deserve, you should be with-”
“Stop it,” Mumbo’s hold loosened. “Stop talking about who deserves what. I love you. I don’t care about anybody else,” His hold shifts, one of Mumbo’s hands reaching into Grian’s hair as he pulls the avian against him. “Only you and Scar. I’m going to love you no matter what, Grian, stop trying to convince me not to!”
And Grain can’t help it. He tears up, feeling like a child. He whimpers and sobs and wipes his tears on Mumbo’s poor shirt, holding onto the shirt for his life. He’s so undeserving of this kindness, but he wants it so badly. Mumbo holds him through it, whispering little reassurances into his hair, gently combing it with his fingers. Intense and burning fondness for his friend rears its head in Grian, making him catch a sob in his throat as words spill through.
“I love you too,” Grian sobs into Mumbo’s neck. “I love you so much.”
“I know,” Mumbo kisses his hair. “I love you just as much.”
And to imagine this much love and adoration flows through Mumbo like it does Grian breaks him a little inside. Mumbo deserves so much more. He deserves a nice set of partners, with a normal home and a normal kid. Or maybe it would still be Grumbot. But if this is the life he wants, all Grian can do is count his luck and love him back more.
Grian tilts his head up and kisses the underside of Mumbo’s jaw. Mumbo leans back, tilting his chin down to look at him. The angle gives him a bit of a double chin, which Grian eagerly obliges with another kiss. Mumbo smiles at him. Grian can’t quite replicate a smile on his own face now, but he leans up and gives Mumbo’s cheek a kiss. He kisses across Mumbo’s face until the two are forehead to forehead across Grian’s pillow.
“I don’t like my wings,” Grian says quietly.
“Do you want to bleach them?” Mumbo asks.
Grian hesitates. “I’m not Apollo anymore.”
“You can still bleach them if that’s what you want, Grian,” Mumbo answers calmly, still playing with Grian’s hair, softly kneading Grian’s scalp in a way that makes him want to sigh dreamily.
“I don’t know,” Grian closes his eyes against the sensation on his scalp. It tingles pleasantly.
“Or we can dye them another color. Not white, but something different,” Mumbo suggests. “You’ll still be nice with any color of wings.”
“Pretty?” Grian asks, smiling a bit. He opens his eyes to see Mumbo roll his eyes.
“Yes, very pretty,” he corrects. “And very handsome, Grian.”
Grian smiles, leaning forward to press a kiss to Mumbo’s nose. Mumbo huffs.
“Can you stop missing already,” he says with mock annoyance. “I want to be kissed by my very pretty best friend.”
Grian smiles for a second, leaning in incrementally before the guilt makes him freeze. Mumbo closes the gap, pressing a kiss to his unmoving lips. Mumbo pulls back.
A few seconds pass before Mumbo leans up and kisses Grian’s nose. “It’s not just the wings, is it?”
Grian frowns, not meeting his eyes. Mumbo nods anyway.
“We don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to. But Scar and I are here when you want to,” he reminds him. “We love you, you know.”
Grian sighs. “I know.”
“We love you a lot,” Mumbo nods, pressing his nose into his hair. “Do you want to cuddle until Scar misses us and comes looking?”
Grian rolls his eyes but tucks himself into Mumbo’s shoulder, closing his eyes. His dry eyes find relief in the darkness again, this time a lot less heavy than before. Before he knows it, he starts to fade into dreamless sleep.
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Grian wakes to hands combing through his wings, the sensation of a loose feather being pulled giving him relief. He finds himself laying on his stomach, warmly tucked against Mumbo’s heart. More than a pair of hands make their way through his wings, bringing him pleasant warmth. He spreads his wings further with a soft groan. Mumbo stiffens under him. Scar has the opposite reaction; he laughs delightfully. The sound is full of love, especially when it gets closer, and Scar presses a small kiss to the back of Grian’s neck. Grian tenses, feeling a warm wave wash down his spine from the feeling.
“Go back to sleep, birdie,” Scar coos. “We got you. We’ll take good care of you. We’re right here.”
And for the moment before Grian falls back asleep, Grian believes him and smiles.
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Tolkien is so kind in how he writes about Frodo being damaged by his heroic journey. he paid such a high price for it. and it hurts me to see that experiencing the results of that does not heal his wounds. my health has been Bad since the pandemic started and I am not sure if I will ever recover and Frodo and Tolkien both seem to have made peace with that in ways that I can't comprehend for myself. I don't know why I'm writing you this, you're just one of the most pro-Frodo blogs I follow and I figured you might like an opportunity to talk about him :)
Oh thank you SO MUCH for the ask, I do indeed love an opportunity to talk about Frodo!!
(I was gonna start by citing an essay I like about him but I sadly can’t find it, so it looks like I’ll just be going off whatever comes to mind here.)
I for one, can’t understand when people don’t see him as a sympathetic character. His story is, when broken down to it’s essentials, an almost universally relatable one. In his childhood, he had a lot of hopes and dreams for his future despite facing tragedy at a young age, and his character development is more or less him realizing the harsh realities of his life and the fate that he’s condemned to. Who of us HASNT felt disillusioned by the world around us as we grow up?? Is anyone out there really going to say they’ve NEVER been in a horrific situation and had the thought “oh god I’m never going to get out of this but there’s no other choice but to KEEP FUCKING GOING”????
And I personally feel like I don’t know enough to expand on this in a really deep way, but his trauma and the wounds he receives are definitely Tolkien’s way of approaching chronic illness and depression. As someone who struggles a lot with mental health, I have almost never found a character who feels as real to me as Frodo, especially with the way he internalizes his pain and refuses to talk to anyone about it near the end.
And the lesson that Lord of the Rings as a whole teaches with regards to change and not ever really being able to go back to how things were, no matter how much you want to or how much you try, is still one that I’m trying to learn myself.
So yeah, Frodo is in fact THE protagonist of all time to me. The fact that he goes through everything he does and still remains a kind person who doesn’t wish harm on others is so so valuable.
That’s a lot of different and disconnected thoughts, but yeah, I love him.
#vee’s asks#frodo baggins#lord of the rings#for all the gay jokes I make about him (which for the record IS me projecting my own queerness) I do have a very serious affection for him#I wrote this at a dining hall before work I hope it’s coherent
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i have the thought that touching or being touched by glitchy red wouldn't harm anyone unless he intends to but it would feel like. uhm. yk that staticy feeling u get sometimes. like when u go numb somwehere & ur trying to get bloodflow back to the numb area or smthin idk how to explain it. yea that u feel that like this staticy feelinghowever if he is particularly upset and intends to cause harm. I think he cud in some way he could cause harm ....however t isn't specially for if he touches someone when he wants to cause harm. If someoneaccidentally toyches him while he's like that it'll end up hurting them too(+ i would say something about electrike and manetric but im very dumb and I don't remember what generation theyre from. but basically what i was gonna say is another dog pack hoards him after the growlithes and arcanine LMAO)
(also i have like 12 things i am going to ramble about in here so I Hope itsnot any issue when i pull up in here and ive sent mlike 5thingz, sorry LMAO........) - friendshaped anon
lord have mercy. This is such a good idea why hasnt anyone utilized this....
also i would hold glitchy's hands if he would let me and even if it made my hands feel Eoeoughffff.f.f. I loe him Very Much
SORRY I JUST GOT MEGA PROJECTION BLASTED A BRAIN BLAST THOUGHT JUST NOW OH MY GOD JUMPS AROUND HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT
glitchy and reader, right? can be from my previous oneshot or a new one idk but just. imagine. after glitchy crosses over into the real world somehow (i personally believe he fucked around with wrong wraps and the safari step counter thing if you want actual logic i suppose) he has a difficult time adjusting to his new life since... Hes being loved? And Cared About? And Not Trapped In An Endless Void Of Actual Literal Video Game Pixelated Hell? so sometimes he has a bad day or two trying to sort his life out and reader usually gives him space, of course, but one of those days reader tries to help calm him down with like actual physical touch and glitchy, being (well) glitchy, accidentally hurts them unintentionally
that day might be one of the only days glitchy lets reader see him cry. he would be so afraid of hurting and ruining the one being in that world who loved him unconditionally and wanted to help him. what if it had been worse? what if he had accidentally killed you? what if -
it would take a couple more cuddles and maybe a weighted blanket to help calm him down after that and a lot of reassuring words
#derek.txt#maybe a gentle kiss or two. tuck that fucker into bed#gonna give this one a main tag too#pokepasta
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hi sex witch, so I've been dating this guy and we're potentially gonna have sex for the first time on friday. we've fooled around before but havent done anything I would define as sex yet. I've only been in one sexual relationship previous and it wasnt great. we had sex a lot in the beginning but in retrospect we moved way too fast into territory I wasn't comfortable with but didnt know how to articulate (we were 17) and for the last two years of our relationship I was basically totally uninterested in sex. it's been three and a half years since then and I haven't had sex since (I still masturbate, just nothing partnered). my partner is wonderful and understanding and he's completely respected my boundaries and hasnt tried to pressure me into anything the whole time we've been together. I'm 24 now and I've been able to talk to him about what I'm worried about this time. like, extensively. he wants to wait until I'm ready, but has made it clear he wants it too. but my question is - how do I know if I'm ready?? I really want to have sex with him, but I wanted to in my last relationship initially too. I dont want the same thing to happen in this relationship where I outpace myself and then it backfires when I realize I went too fast, and then I psych myself out about it for a very long time. we've only been together for two months and I started out imagining it would take me much longer to be comfortable enough and ready enough to try sex again. I think i might be ready now, but I have no clue how to tell if I'm actually ready or if I'm just lying to myself because I want to be ready. any advice? thanks in advance :^)
hi anon,
so here's a thing about big decisions: you may never know if you're all the way ready unless you take the plunge and find out. all big decisions - quitting a job, making a cross-country move, emotionally investing in a new relationship - can have big, unforeseen consequences that we sometimes need to embrace without being able to actually know if we're completely, all the way ready for them. in many cases, it's impossible to know for sure.
here's a better question to ask: are you embarking on this decision with someone who you trust to support you if it doesn't go according to plan?
from the very little I know of your intended sexual partner, he sounds like a lovely person - patient, aware of your needs, more than happy to meet you where you're at. how wonderful! you say you've already told him extensively about your previous relationship and how it hurt you, so now it's time to start talking about the present and how to avoid that happening again.
discuss what kinds of check-ins the two of you can practice during intimacy to make sure you're feeling comfortable and safe, and how you'll set the speed of progress to keep it from becoming overwhelming. most importantly, discuss what you'll do if you do start feeling like you'd like to tap out. plan for safewords, taking breaks, what kind of support you'll need if you need to take a time out - would you prefer to be held, or not touched at all? and most importantly, set up a backup plan in case sex ends up being an absolute non-starter. it might not feel great to have to pull the plug, but a nice backup plan of watching a movie and ordering takeout means you'll still get to spend nice quality time together instead of sitting around in uncomfortable silence.
I'm going to leave you with this: it's been seven whole years, and you're a very different person now than you were when you were 17. you're older, wiser, more mature, and it sounds like you're much more aware of your needs and the importance of seeing them respected. I believe very much that you are capable of deciding which calculated risks you want to take, and building yourself the safety net you need to survive the experience in one piece. you got this, anon.
xoxo,
ur sex witch
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i dont feel like making my usual posts about legends of tomorrow 6.03 “the ex-factor” and 6.04 “bay of squids” so i’m just gonna do bullet points
6.03:
i still love constantine and zari together but im getting a little tired of seeing them making out with each other. its like ok we get it i just dont need to see it. really funny when behrad came in with his hand over his eyes. me too dude. i did really like their sort of vibe of how they both do have feelings for each other but just aren’t going to admit it. what i didn’t like so much was the melodrama that followed, with constantine feeling hurt that zari told her mother what they had wasn’t serious. and then him telling her that he does want a serious relationship with her. it just didn’t feel like constantine, to be honest. i think that a lot of the fun of constantine’s character is that he will never really change for the better - in that way he’s very suited to comic books, where the status quo tends to prevail and there’s no guarantee character development will last longer than a particular run. but legends of tomorrow doesn’t want a static character like that, so they are changing him in this way. it’s fine, it’s sweet to see, but it’s not what i love about constantine
zari having to deal with her mom trying to set her up with various persian guys and get her married hit close to home for me LOL. hasnt happened to me personally but i have plenty of friends & relatives who have to deal with that and it sucks
i liked seeing zari shift back into superstar mode and i also liked that they showed a hijabi girl as one of the fans squealing over her. i just thought that was a nice allusion to how zari would be such an icon for lots of muslim girls. it sort of complicates constantine’s assumption that zari’s influencer content has no real value for the fans and is just a way to sell them stuff
nate & behrad giving constantine a makeover was really funny
i liked when zari called ava by a nickname. they are besties!!!! i need to see more bestie moments with them
i liked how for zari’s first song the audio was super flawless as though she had recorded the song beforehand and was just lip synching but for her later song you can kind of hear the more crackly live quality with the microphone. good way to make that second one feel more raw and real. it was a really adorable duet i gotta say :p
i thought the overall plot with the alien trying to invade and the legends having to defeat him through song was hilarious. and when he opened his suit and he was just a little guy. and mick STEPPED on him and KILLED him. so silly love this show
i liked seeing how mick was having a rough time dealing with sara’s absence. because he feels like she’s the only one who understands him and without her he feels defeated and aimless. it’s totally opposite to how ava is dealing with sara’s absence, which is to exhaust every possible option to find her because if she stops to consider the possibility that it might be hopeless then it will break her. nice to see spooner getting through to mick, seems like they could become good friends
almost forgot to talk about gary and sara. gary is omnisexual bc he is omnomnoming people. so glad that sara could tell that the ava she encountered was not her ava
6.04:
it’s soooo funny to me that phil klemmer wrote this episode himself. i feel like it’s been forever that he wrote an episode. i’m sure he was like pleeeease let me write this one and the writers room was like uh sure phil. it has all those historical references that you assume someone like him who’s into history would love
the episode is also just kind of like....farcical in a way that i find really hilarious. like the cuban missile crisis was obviously very serious at the time but i feel like the extremely high tension of this situation makes the humor land all the better. i like how the legends’ deceptions and subterfuge sort of mirror the political games being played between the various nations involved in this event. and the miscommunications like mick and spooner delivering a nuclear missile to castro when they definitely should not have done that
nate and zari storyline was fine, not my favorite, but i can see how it would make sense to have this storyline where they figure out how to be friends even though zari looks like nate’s ex. the football stuff was a bit silly but that’s okay. it’s legends it’s allowed to be silly
i thought mick’s trajectory in this episode was good. how he starts out so serious and then when it doesn’t work out he reverts back to his apathetic drunk self but then he is the key to finding a way to sara even though it means kicking everyone else off the waverider to hang out with this alien lady. i still think mick is gay but i’m okay with alien lady as a love interest for him. i mean the inherent queerness of alien fucking and all that
ava’s fake russian accent was so silly
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I dont understand how some of you dont see it and i know you’re going to keep denying it but i am telling you, she is not just being a bff who supports them and i say this based on stuff fans know and her roommate has said. (Also i am in no way shape or form saying she is a bad person) She clearly pushes the narrative that theres more going on even though he keeps liking pictures of different girls and following different girls, commenting certain stuff on their photos, saying hes single. But look, is it really necessary that out of anything she could post literally anything, she posts stories similar to his? And i dont mean scenery stories because shes obviously in the UK but stories peeking below the same window knowing what it might make people think.If he werent deleting stuff about them then i would think they were both in on it. But seriously even the smallest things he posts “my mirror isnt clean” then a few stories later, who posts from a bathroom saying the same thing. There are very little things she does and says to fans that has me sussing her out now because i genuinely feel she is trying too hard to make it seem there is something when he is not reciprocating and posting hes in his room.
It reminds me of the Shea early days when she would do the same thing, only difference is Stas is brought along more and not kept in the dark like Shea and he would not delete Sheas stuff, hed reply back. There have been a few stories now since being back from Vegas that he hasnt shown her face, you just see a knee or long hair. Then immediately she will let it be known she was there by either posting, replying to ig comments talking or liking posts about it. And it may not seem like a big deal but all i am saying is if this continues to be one sided, someone is bound to get hurt and a friendship will end. My guess is her.
personally, i feel like yall are reading into something that isn't there. if she copies her friends, so what. that's their problem to deal with (if it's even a problem to them in the first place), not ours to speculate about. we don't know her motives, or if she even has any.
and if you want to speculate, go ahead and do so. i just don't see the same thing you do.
and if stas is doing things that seem to be implying there is more between her and colby, clearly we all know that isn't the case. colby is very much single, and is going out with girls that aren't stas. maybe she's into him secretly. maybe she likes the attention she gets when it's related to him. maybe she's just accepted the fact that she's gonna be shipped with him so she plays into it, similar to amber. no one knows for certain.
if she gets hurt, that's on her. bc it's clear to most of us that colby only sees her as a friend.
and i'm not saying either one of us are right btw. i think realistically, none of us know the full story. we don't know anyone's full motives, whether or not they have any, and why they do the things they do. if you want to believe what you do, cool. i don't feel the same way, so i'm gonna disagree.
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omggg hi! 25 21 update pleaseee! fav characters, fav scenes and so on. rant your head off, please and thank you
finally someone asked me to talk about this show (i wouldve still talked about it but still thanks) im halfway thru Episode 5 btw.
Characters:
Na Heedo: remember how i said i want to protect her after reading your synopsis? the adoption papers are under process right now. she feels like a younger sister, so full of life, so full of hope, full of joy and bravery. she is so simple in her view in life, she has barely any forethought. she no has filter in her expression, and that makes her such a genuine and caring person. Her smiles the widest smile ive ever seen (im obsessed with her smile btw), then in the next scene her eyes are teary. she screams, she whines, she even throws her body around. bc she lives her life dramatically. and given the nature of the show i know she’ll grow up and time will take these things away from her. and i want to protect her from all of that. the faith that she has in herself. when no one believes that she has it in her, when she has no achievements to show for herself. She decides fencing is her destiny, she decides she’ll reach the top, and she makes it happen. For her, liking fencing, the excitement it makes her feel, is reason enough to stand against all the disbelief. I wish i had that too.
Baek Yijin: i intially thought he is the love interest former rich kid and i couldnt care less about him. Guess who was bawling her eyes out in Ep 2? I quickly realized that he is the one dealing with the actual adult repercussions of the IMF crisis. He used to be fun and popular, he had good grades, he wanted to go to NASA. but overnight he lost his dream, and most importantly, his family. watching him face humiliation after humiliation, worry over his brother, yearn for contact with his father, broke my heart. its easy to forget, he is just 22, too young to stand on his feet and face the creditors hounding at his door. He had his whole life ahead of him, and now all the good things in his life are gone. I remember the look in his face in the school flashback. I want that back for him. I want his happiness back.
Ko Yurim: i think the writers are showing her from a distant POV right now and will go in-depth with her character later. but yes i do have some resentment for her. I am genuinely confused as to why she cant stand Heedo. If its simply because she is worried that she’ll overtake her, im sorry but that’s not a good look. I understand the pressure she feels to follow up her gold medal, but unfortunately as of right now that doesnt balance it out for me.
Heedo’s Mom: i know she means well. but her view at her daughter is incomplete, she doesnt even know who she is, what she wants. and the parts she does see are always the ones she interprets negatively. she doesnt believe in her, and that ‘rejection’, you might say, hurts her deeply. That hits too close to home. Usually all that a kid want from parents is their support. They want them to accept them, for their achievements and their mistakes. And not getting that can haunt children forever. “That’s who you are to me. You’re someone i dont want to talk to” 💔
Coach Yang: she is so funny, and the accent, i keep trying to copy it lol. i initially thought that she’d be the tough love kind of coach, but i was surprised that from time to time she praised Heedo and made her aware of her little achievements and her strengths, and also valuable insight on the specific things she needs to work on. Like Heedo mentions in her monolouge, other than Yijin, she is the only one who has shown trust in her.
There hasnt been too much on Jiwoong and Seungwan’s characters yet so 🤷🏻♀️.
Jiwoong is a damn smooth flirter. he doesnt come off pushy, and his compliments feel genuine. Yurim seems to respond, the coast is clear given that she actually moves on from Yijin lol.
And Seungwan im really intrigued by bc she’s the top student and i immediately empathize lol. and another reason why i wanted to watch the show was that i saw a gifset of a scene between her and her mom. and i really need to get to the context of the scene.
So this was supposed to have a General Thoughts segment but this is already way too long so ill make the second post on my blog please check it out over there!!!
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disclaimer about my liveblog/note taking & a general quick review of some of my opinions.
under a cut for spoilers / length. i'll try and make sure that my posts after the first two - which are up to 10 minutes into the movie - have a cut to them so that anyone who hasnt watched tales of arcadia can have a chance to view the three series first. please do. it's done so much for my brain chemicals.
so i've watched trollhunters: rise of the titans once through. i know this movie is going to hurt watching it. i personally feel like a lot of how the movie runs does jim a disservice. i felt like he'd been pushed aside in wizards a bit too much. yes, wizards is douxie's series for us to get to know him, as well as flesh out some of the other characters we meet in trollhunters' endgame like morgana, merlin & douxie himself and add some new characters. it's relatively successful in my opinion, in keeping up with how the other two series of tales of arcadia feels.
i started really writing fic and being active in this fandom under starconsequence/trolljim on ao3 & formerly tomearts - now teacuptomes! i run a jim rp blog @trollamulet & i have a few others, but jim has been my main squeeze putty boy since my partner just. put trollhunters on while i was home and had me watch it, since she heard that 3below was releasing season one. she thought she should finish it up, and i was introduced to jim lake jr fairly early in. it was after they got gunmar's birthstone from gato's keep, and blinky was (temporarily) human.
this is to say - most of these are just so i have an archive of fairly detailed play-by-play notes of what entails in this movie for quick reference to comply with some canon. however, i treat tales of arcadia after 3below a bit like a sandbox; one with some of the staff also building castles with us at the time.
the movie feels a lot like a heartbreak, like i'm jim and i've lost my amulet. jim remained in my heart, deep within. watching. waiting for me to rediscover the spark i have for the series. he truly is someone that burns brightest in darkest times. however, getting back into toa, i'm attacking my fanfic 'i've got to find my soul all before i sleep', rewriting it since it's a post-wizards, pre-rott canon divergent thing that i wrote, starting directly after finishing wizards.
if you want - go read the original version. i'm keeping it up on ao3 as is, however i will be posting a newer version & finishing the planned chapter 3 i left it with for so long that my interpretation and writing style has slightly changed.
so, yeah. these posts serve as a half-liveblog, half-note archive. part troll part hunter kind of experience. maybe i might watch the movie again to transcribe it - some of the subtitles on netflix are missing words here and there. nothing much, you don't miss too many things, but i personally get irritated if what i'm reading and what i hear are different. thanks adhd.
i'll probably also archive this experience on my nc blog too. please look forward to it!
and if you dared to venture here, and you havent watched trollhunters, please take the time to do so. i joke it's required watching if you want to be my friend, but i would never force you to view it to talk with me. i appreciate if you do.
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finally got around to watching rt's video on needy streamer overload, and it looks like a pretty cool game. watched some of the endings too. oddly relatable, which probably isnt a great thing. the whole ame/p-chan thing was... like, is this that bad? should i not be doing this? i dont really know how to...
it kinda brings up the question of why im writing any of this. its certainly not for any average user of this app, because i dont tag stuff so its basically impossible to find. its not really to communicate with my friends, because i have two of you on here and the stuff that i write isnt really meant for you to read. like, if you do thats great and feel free to engage and stuff but im fairly confident that neither of you have read anything past the first couple posts i made and thats totally fine but also hasnt stopped me from posting stuff. so the only person who is currently reading any of this on a day to day is me. which probably isnt healthy.
but maybe reading isnt the point? maybe i just enjoy writing this stuff? i find contentment in speaking into the void? does writing stuff as lily help me? or is it hurting? what does that even mean, writing as lily? did i write differently before?
am i trans, or am i delusional? does it matter? yes. yes i think it must. because there must be a difference between being literally trans and wanting to be someone youve made up because you hate yourself. you cant just be an evil prick and then decide to try again as a girl. is that what im doing? i think it is.
ive thought about this for a while, but its the first time im writing it down. im scared to post it, because it means that other people could potentially know in the future that ive had these thoughts, and they might be thoughts that youre not supposed to think. and this entire blog is proof that ive acted on them, at least a little. plus those assignments that i signed as lily. ive known that ive been thinking about this, but even that isnt permanent, because my memory is terrible. this is permanent. well, not actually, the internet forgets things too, but itll last a lot longer.
and again, i ask, to whose benefit is this? will the fact that i have written this on the internet bring me peace? ... ... ... it might.
what is my obsession with openness? i know it hurts people. i have hurt more people by telling them the truth than i ever have by lying. honesty is not a virtue, it simply a characteristic, same as all the others. will this post hurt people? possibly. i dont want it to. i dont see how it could hurt anyone other than myself at the moment, but im also pretty tired and not thinking 100% clearly.
i am probably going to regret this tomorrow.
but fuck it. this is a space where i am shouting my secrets into the void and if you didnt want to hear them you shouldnt have come here. this is my space, and im allowed to say whatever i want.
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ugh 10.31.23
I've honestly been feeling so ugh lately. I don't know how to explain it, I feel like i always try my best to put into words how i feel but this time i can't. I used to be good at going to people for help and advice, a part of me still is but i just cant. anymore, at least not like before. I just feel dumb after teliing someone anything or dont feel like i know how to really. Im at the point of my healing journey that im ready to let go of the pass and move on complety. I feel like this is the first time in like forever that i truly really do mea it, i am ready but am i really? I keep asking myself so much and feel like i expect so much from myself that i get so discurage whenver my progress isnt like other. I know and see tha i am far from where i use to be and that makes me so happy and gives me hope. New hope, more hope, healthy hope. I know and can tell that a part of me hasnt moved on completly and i mean that is okay. I keep trying to tell myseld that its okay and im trying to learn to be more patient with myself too. and its fucking hard. I find myself still dreamsing and thinking a lot about this particual person still (my ex) and it gets me so upset. i find myself waking up in the middle of my sleep and thinkin gbaout him and getting upset beecause why am i thinking about him you know, like i dont want to or do i? or what is it thats making my brain think about him still wihtout my control duh its frustuating. I was telling this to one of my friends from work and she told me that what if im under a spell or its wich craf. not going to lie a part of me is start to question it lol but i dont think so. I think if i really sit with my emotions like ive been trying to lern to do and its hard. but ive been wondering and now that im sitting here writing this, it came to me. Maybe the reason that i still think about him a lot and dream about him to the point that it wakes me up, might be simply because of my subconciouse. I feel like i have put so much of the blame on myself and have took all the guilt and kept it. I think a part of me still needs to fprgive myself, not only for the misdtakes that i made in that relastionship but how much i hurt myself in it. All of it, i still think i was a bad gf and but a lot of the blame on me so that might be it and maybe a bug factor too is that he moved on completely and faster than me. i know i haven't moved on and honestly yeah that really does upset me tbh but i know i need to be patient. I hope one day it is al gone for good because i am. as much as i didn't want to and as much as i was scared before now i am not, i want it, i want to completely move on for good, and i know the for good part will never happen, at least not in the way that i would hope for. i know that someone who was a big part of my life, someone who was my whole teenage years will be hard to completely forget, i wont, realistically speaking i wont, but idk the point that i am is good, it's a good sign that i am going in the right direction and i just have to keep doing what i am doing because the results are there and it seems to be working but at a really slow pace lol. I'm slowly starting to feel happy with myself and with who and what i have in my life. trying to make the best out of anything big or small. i look back at things and no longer get sad but glad it happend but something it can still hurt and all i guess is trying to say that i hope one day i can lookk back at everything without feelign one single glimps of hurt. I want to let go completly. im still sad
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what i wish someone told me about the internet in general regarding making friends passed 2010:
- Dont force things on people selfishly. Dont expect everyone to like or accept all of you. Hold dearly to the people who stick up for you and stay with you despite everything (even being "opposites"). The true gems are the ones who are ride or die but also on your level regarding similar beliefs, values, etc. Dont let others convince you to go down a dark path and make you question who you are.
- Dont get close to people who trash on your religion, beliefs, values. Or trash things you enjoy. Dont befriend people who are negative all the time and their self deprication is so concerning you'd have to ask if they need a therapist, God, or both. Not everyone that gravitates to you is for you. and if your beliefs change overtime dont be afraid to part ways with people from that past.
- Be accepting to burn bridges when your boundaries are being disrespected and they have little to no respect to how you feel. Dont perpetuate cycles that set you up for disappointments and depression. We all had that one dad who went to the store to get milk and never came back. And some of us have attachment issues that went unchecked for years because of that. Just block that inconsistent person you call friend and move on.
- When you block or part ways with someone do it with a forgiving heart. Even if everything hasnt been explained and youre hurting, make sure you never part ways with someone on a bad note. It'll follow you to the next person you might need to burn bridges with and can develop into an untreated attachment issue.
Just make yourself forgive them even if they wronged you because when youre not able to forgive it has a lasting effect on you and youre carrying unnecessary baggage from that encounter. its true for online and irl. next time youre in an internet argument with some prick or having issues with a so-called "friend" dont take it personal. yes its the internet. but they are also people behind that screen too. but also learn do what you gotta do for yourself.
-Make sure you dont take what the other person says or does personally during this time . Maybe yall meet again on good terms and become buddies again or better than before. But also accept if theyre gone, they will probably be gone for good. You cant mend all bridges. And you cant accept that all will come back to you. But know that its apart of life and its neither good nor bad when you have to let people go. It just is and mostly for your benefit and happiness in the end. especially if something like hacking, doxxing, or stalking happens. if you are christian, let God handle it. if you believe in karma trust that theyre bad deeds go unpunished. Dont make those things get to you and make you feel worse.
- take any and every information you get with a grain of salt. dont be quick to cancel and drop things because some random person on the internet says so. especially when the benefits outweigh the odds, or the think piece is based on personal bias rather than actual concerns of society. dont be fooled by fancy words (i wasnt) not every person that speaks for the cause is for the cause.
grifters exist. and nowadays its all a popularity contest. and not every leftist and feminist is your friend or ally or speaks for equality, equity, and human rights. and maybe there are somethings you dont agree with. stay away from the hive mind. think for yourself. if your values and beliefs change you are not a "traitor". Be discerning of anything and everything you see and hear and come to your own conclusion of how you feel about it.
- there are alot of scary things on the internet just like it is in life. i been knew this and for years i never let things like cybersecurity risks and doxxing get to me. because it can and will happen somehow some way. like your nudes being leaked. something you said at a younger age being taken completely out of context. and nobody cares if youre mentally ill or disabled with no guidance. if its meme-able or lolcw worthy the internet will make sure you remember that moment for the rest ot your life.
but something someone told me that made this specific thing less daunting to me. people will talk about you for the rest of your life. and these things i also mentioned are a harsh reality we have to accept. doesnt mean we cant set up precautions to prevent it. But it also doesnt mean we shouldnt use the internet. thats the same logic as saying we cant go outside because a million things could happen if we do. be aware but dont be scared
- if youre young, mentally disabled, suffer from mental illness, or havent been on the internet long enough to know things. please tell your parents, guardians, caregivers, etc who you are talking to. You can choose to not say anything. but if someone is asking you for money, asking for nudes and sexual favors, or is trying to get you to come meet them somewhere way too soon and you have no idea who they are irl, please tell them!
Also try to use discernment and know when someone is out to harm you or just dont do meetups at all if you dont know them like that. if youre in danger, reach out if possible! Make sure you get help locally before branching out to random people from another state. Be careful, be weary, and if you can talk to your parents about the people you speak to online.
-be patient and dont worry about likes, comments, and interactions. dont try to monetize or get popular with something that brings you joy and happiness. because depending on popularity and interactions will only kill your love and passion for that thing. itll probably take decades or a few years for things to go the way you want. just keep posting like youre talking to a wall and someone will eventually see it.
i think that's all i got. Also MINORS (Includes 17 and under). DO NOT POST NSFW OR NUDES ONLINE! its illegal! Anybody who has that content you put out there w/o knowing your age can get in trouble! So please dont be dumb.
i hope all i said was beneficial. ill add at least three tags and edit this later. stay blessed and drink plenty water. ily ✌️❤️🙏
also if someone says you should make adult content or do onlyfans: DONT!!
they only want free stuff from you and dont care about you all that much. from experience. ✌️
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