#and it makes me rly uncomfortable that theres so much about me id never know and others wont remember that i just cant access
Comment 1: My take on song girl is after the Ciara dog girl stuff Awsten probably doesn’t want his gf talking about that stuff online. Not to hide it just don’t be public. When song girl was on twitch years ago she’d have little chats w people & I don’t think she thought this time would be different. At the end of her most recent twitch she went oh. Oh. And her eyes got super wide & I think she realized this was a mistake bc of who was watching & the questions. She hasn’t gone on since.
you make good points in this ask!! lemme go point by point lol
i didnt watch all the way to the end of her twitch stream (got bored) so i didnt see the moment youre talking about but yeah, she did get uncomfortable when people would hint they knew she had a bf. but even after she was CONSTANTLY talking about her bf, dropping hints she was seeing someone, talking about getting on european time for the exact duration awsten was in europe……. i dont think its like an unavoidable compulsion for ppl to talk about their significant others so that was like, a choice she was making in conversation to an audience? like i think she didnt realize people already knew, but also a really poor way to keep something apparently ~top secret~ private lol
also, i have to argue, she kinda is public?? she has an insta which is normal but she also has a twitch, with apparently a decent following/mods/subs/etc. id hardly call that private like you or me, yknow? before awsten she dated another musician, albeit one w a much smaller following, so its not like shes new to the idea of online fanbases i think
all that aside tho, like, i get what youre saying about not meaning to open herself up to scrutiny. i think you have a point and thats rly valid. my main thing, and a core belief i hold thats the reason i do literally any amount of discussion about parx on here: my tumblr is not meant to be viewed by the people im talking about, its NOT easy to find (ive never even typed her real name), and theres zero reason song girl (or dog girl, or awsten, or like literally anyone who knows parx) should know it exists much leas be seeing the things i say about them!!!! i rly dont believe they are. i dont wish this girl any ill will, i dont condone (and have specifically warned yall against) leaving comments or messaging her directly or like trying to make her feel bad/harass her. this is just a little tucked-away gossip corner to note the things she and awsten are making public. i guess i am a little harsh when i talk about her sometimes but really the one im mad at is awsten for treating girls like interchangeable clones lol -_-
but also that shit w your ex—i know EXACTLY what youre talking about and honestly your ex and his friends are assholes lol. without getting into too much detail ive been in that situation in different roles and like, friends of mine have actively unfollowed/cut off other friends for slinging mud about their (not abusive just regular) exes after a breakup. if youre warning people that someones abused you thats one thing but talking shit about your ex and having friends join in just to take them down a peg is shitty childish behavior. and it sucks!!!! so i get why you feel that way. i dont think this situation is the same but i get you lol
basically in summary yeah i think she doesnt know what shes gotten into but thats on awsten for not warning her lol. i dont think us making idle chatter on a tiny internet corner shell never reasonably see (and thus will never feel bad about) is the same as harrassment/bullying/deliberately trying to make her feel bad and thats def not my intention. i also dont care about her specifically but ya i agree w u on the principle of the thing. and no worries ur ask was rly thoughtful i appreciate it!!! :) thanks for expressing a logical opinion in a reasonable way lol i feel u
past 2 weeks have been so so hard but i think im starting to get better. im accepting whats happened i think. it stings but theres a reason for everything and maybe it was all for the best. i am doing online dbt and i found this rly good website thats actually been vry helpful. i just read about radical acceptance and ‘taking things as they are’ and im realising a lot. ive realised a lot in the past two weeks. for starters i really really need to work on taking a step back and THINKING before i act on things, ive hurt so many people that way. i dont think i can do a lot to fix things now but i wish i could i really wish i could make it up to people. especially parry, he deserved it the least. i treated him like shit because of my own problems and insecurities, i scared him, worried him and lashed out at him so often all because of jealousy and my own fears of abandonment. that he would see and he would leave. and it happened! i caused what i was trying to prevent and it feels fucking awful. he meant the world to me and everything i did looked like the opposite. i really did treat him like shit. and he just accepted it, took all of it and ended up being the one to apologise when it shouldve been me. he never had to apologise and i should know how to treat someone like him. i wanted to take care of him but ended up treating him so bad. i feel so guilty. but i just have to accept that ive really hurt him, probably past the point of forgiveness. and no matter how badly i want him to forgive me, he doesnt owe me that. he doesnt owe me anything. i just wish he knows how sorry i am, how genuinely sorry i am for hurting him. i miss him so much, i miss his laugh or poking fun at him and getting him to tell me to shut up in a playful tone. i miss him i miss his friendship more than anything. i can live without him being my boyfriend, but it hurts that hes not even a friend anymore. i miss august. i miss july. i miss meeting him and talking all night staying up. realising i had a crush on this one boy who has an interest in brain science and tells me his weird random facts and his favourite pokemon. i miss that nerd more than anything. i really really miss him. but i cant do anything about that. i cant do anything if he doesnt want to talk and i just have to accept that. it hurts. it really hurts but i just have to get up and move on. he will always have a place in my heart and ill always be waiting for him if he ever does wanna talk, but for now i just have to lock it away and move on. it makes me uncomfortable when people i talk to about it call him a cunt for not wanting to talk to me about it, yes im mad too and i want to resolve things and be better this time, but its so uncomfortable. hes not a bad person he never has been and he has never treated me badly. not once. i told him to kill himself on my quotev and that i was planning on just ignoring him because i split over him, in my mind i was like ‘yeah thats a good punishment’ but looking back... what did he do? what did he do rex that made you go down this thought process? i tell people what i did. i want them to know because i want them to know the full story. i tell people how i treated him because i dont want pity. i know what ive done now and i just need to learn to accept it and take responsibility. i dont want people to defend me. i know what i did was disgusting and very cruel, theres no point telling me i couldnt help it. because i shouldve been better. i shouldve controlled myself and let the anger pass. if i never said those things that night id still be talking to him now probably. i miss him. i wish i could talk to him properly and really show how sorry i am. i want to know how i could make it up to him if i could. but for now i just have to accept it all. i have to accept that he doesnt want to talk to me. maybe one day we could talk again, but not now.
a little about me & stuff
just a notice bc i followed a bunch of more ppl at once:
always feel free to block or softblock me if u r uncomfortable with an ancient dinosaur following u! however if u softblock me theres a risk id follow u again (thinking it unfollowed on accident or forgetting ive followed u before) so i dont recommend it if u dont want to interact, then a real block is better.
also note that im an abuse survivor, i have heavy depression, c-ptsd, possibly chronic fatigue (at least something similar), n other problems, but i always try to stay positive! im strongly against bullying, harassment, etc and strongly for love, tolerance and care. its however important to understand reasons for ppls’ behaviour can stem from their health problems (like how i dont have energy to do stuff a lot even if i wish i could, which can include using tumblr, doing projects, playing sso, socialising, etc).
another important notice to me is that im rly against harassment forms of “fandom policing” etc. if ppl do something bad - report them, dont bully or harass. block them so u dont have to see them (after reporting them if they did wrong things). being a bully, harassing ppl, sending threats or encouragement of harm, etc, are never okay. i was abused by my parents for my whole life, as well as my ex for 9 years, so i know well what its like to have been harmed. but it doesnt mean its ok to do bad things yourself. its unhealthy.
general intro: im juni (real name yohan, both r fine), im an adult man from sweden who loves horses & art n media & “girly” stuff (ive always loved dolls, glitter, princess dresses, shoujo manga, etc). im pan/bi and have an amazing gf in a long-distance relationship (i divorced my abusive ex-husband earlier this year). i like doing creative projects of various sorts but im too sick to do much. i like gaming in general (other games i play a lot r The Long Dark, TS4, Stardew Valley, retro & indie gaming). im intj, 8w7, gemini, year of the snake.
my goals in life r to live with my gf, to have my own company making games & other creative projects (i also want to work at sso!), to have at least 1 horse and finally get to be an irl equestrian (i took riding classes as a kid but stopped, i worked at a stable for a few months some years back), n to move to japan prob (ive lived there 1 year before).
my sso ocs are juni (who is my persona but not Me) and her brother (whos also my persona sdkfjgh) + my gf’s persona who ive stolen to be an oc in the sso au too. i live on south hoof which is my fav place in jorvik. im on the swedish icy volcano server.
How do you feel about Rick//////Morty? No judgement
oh boy we openin that can o worms? aight
on its own, theres a lot of things inherently wrong with it, as we all know; the age difference, the power dynamic, the fact theyre related, etc. but i dont have such a strict view on what ppl ship, what they do with their time or writing, etc... i v much follow the thoughts of it being fictional & these characters are an artistic platform to express what we want, how we want to. thats not to say it wont effect anyone as yes, anything in public spaces can get to minors n the eyes of those that shouldnt or dont want to see it (tho i also think thats partially on fault of ppl that are out there peekin), but thats also what filters are for. some ppl utilize that kind of ship to cope with their own relationship or family dynamics, trauma, etc, n i respect that n rly, like... bruh the worlds a mess. this fandom is a mess. everythings messy n everyones gonna think n feel differently about it n u kno, i think if it ever became CANON in the TV show, that would b a big difference than writin the two of em gettin it on in a discord server or sth, u kno?
i guess thats to say i respect both sides; i dont ship it n im not big on it even tho i like p much every other aspect of the dynamic n im a lover of toxic relationships n love me some smut. its not my purrsonal scene but i dont judge or condemn other ppl for shipping or writing it, cause lords kno i have my share of ugly kinks & writing tropes that are gonna make other ppl uncomfortable. i guess overall i just feel, live n let live, u kno? i could never see it myself cuz the idea of rick having romantic feelings for morty in any verse makes me wanna laugh, but again, thats why we have the freedom to explore fictional horizons! theres just no avoiding the fact itd be toxic, either in the writing or around it; but i love me some toxic writing so id feel a bit hypocritical if i went back on that, and quite frankly, as long as no ones making deformed babies or w/e i never have n never will have anything against, or care about incest. i know family is a dynamic that is supposed to be kept a certain way, but i grew up with a view that was out of the ordinary from that with the hillbilly cousins that kiss n get married, n i just.. dont really care i guess, is the end of it! but i also understand & respect why other ppl would have sth against it n in any fandom i try my best not to step on any toes, aha.
i vaguely considered watching free! when it was rly popular but i never did. . i watched like 2 eps of snk n couldnt get into it like i expected bc thats more.. my style. But i had already gone thru my yaoi phase like.. Wwayy younger before i put thought into any sort of gender shit (i was too busy w sexuality shit) i always keep close to chars tho like as long as i liked em.. i still get like ITs Them. . even if i like... havent seen it in ages. unless its something embarrassing like that vampire knights thing.
i rly only see the player char as a avatar if its like.. character customization. or fc3. bc like....... i mean.. i could never feel like spyro.. n i dnt channel myself thru kratos and im p sure when i play rdr2 even tho i can edit arthur and dress him up im not gonna? see myself in him? n even the chars i make for games like.... they might have elements of me but like i really dont. play As Me like i try to play in a way that makes sense to how i Would write them.. but it still feels like my experience just bc like.. when i watch someone else play it its like. like. its just not real to me yet. bc i kno theres the extra step of like holding the controller in my hand and moving the character for that to happen and seeing that on My tv. like watching a playthru im like. like i kno its happening and its real n if i played the game itd be the same id still be like... not trusting of it to be. exactly what will happen to Me. i guess it just makes me feel like my perception is off and even if its like a longwinded everything included playthru i still think i dnt have the full context. and like thats tru really bc games will have short dialogues that're easy to miss and side quests that mayb the player doesnt do that shows smthn new. like to me seeing a playthru is missing half of the game. bc they couldnt show you the whole game. its impossible unless the game is teeny n rly linear. and you dont Need to see the whole game if you dont want to but like I Do. and like w rly linear games i can watch walkthrus just fine
yea its just a different, really specific type of experience. and like i dnt Nneed the controller thing like.. i watch movies just fine when i want to watch movies but i really just.. appreciate the ability to pause. and come back whenever.
hhhyeah like.. the marketing/sony specifically fucked no mans sky over. n it is on the devs that they didnt add in things they said they would. but also like they had to hype it up ! bc they had all this attention and the game is really just a walking simulator thru randomized space.. audiences did get like. weird abt it tho like.. just get a refund and go. like the upset over the ending is kinda like.. silly now. esp since new game+'s are so loved now. like the game didnt actually have a story so starting over is like... the only. way to "end" it? the only real criticism that no mans sky should get is that the randomization in whats supposed to be a huge beautiful game created a bunch of like.. not very exciting worlds. and the animals Could be dopey. not All of em but Some. but thats like.. it.. like the game rly does what it said itd do at the start most of the time. if you expect more youve just got to move on.
im like.. not intimidated in a real way in games. like i worry abt like... dying and having to restart but like.. thats it. id only get scared of that happening on like.. a surface level. as in. being scared of the ghooss. i dont? like to read the ghost events in a movie as being. mentall illness. ive read enough creepypastas for the twist to be mental illness is just like....... a cheesy trope to me unless done Really Well and movies normally.. ddo not. p much all horror is just schlock. and like the only thing thats scared me long time was like...... The Fog, the movie abt ghost pirates, bc it was like.. the first scary movie i saw. and its made me scared of ghosts even tho i . dont . believe in them. i Kno theyre not real nd i didnt really believe in them then but i still get. spooked. n its not like im watching it and thinking Oh God Im Next im just like......... well if That Was me.. and if ghosts Were real.. thatd be Scary bc i wouldnt be able to predict what'll happen next. like thats all that the Fear is to me. i dnt kno whats comin. n like non schlock stuff doesnt scare me like.... martyrs? not scary to me. hereditary? not scary. i just appreciate it. i kno. abt 9mother9horse9eyes9 but like.. not a lot. just that its unsettling and happening. i dnt kno never let me go but that ep. of criminal minds. does sound horrifying. locked-in syndrome itself is like A Fear of mine.. any illness that does somethng like that is horrible.
well yeah like. i dnt think it was like.. that long. like im assuming they were kept from food for like...... a few days only. but it doesnt feel like even That long to me. i get thatd be hard to show tho like... well not hard. just time consuming. and theyve gotta move the story along.
i think its more like he earnestly believes hes doing everything to save them before he realizes hes really doing it for himself. n yea its rare to like............ find shit where the woman also has like.. A Voice. that makes her more than the man's thing to protect.
he had that long slide down a muddy hill too like...... u Kno his ass is Hurt.. adrenaline was all he fuckin had. and that only carries u so Far.. i assume j didnt actually have.. as much happen to him. in actuality. as the game shows bc it was rly like..... a showcase. like i figure hes remembering the start specifically all wrong bc im p sure if it was accurate he wouldve just drowned. i rly coul d see vaas actually like dumping him off at a village.
n not just tourism like the mining im sure. brought in people from neighboring islands. i can accept j killing. an extreme amount of people. bc otherwise the story is a lil.... too different 4 Me. im just also going to assume that the rakyat did..... way more than what was shown.
i like that. w ocs. anything i say i can. rework into something else. or forget completely while w fanon im p. . strict in what ill change. also in most games i like theres mor e than one option so canon already is like. . Not set in stone. i Do complain a good bit when i look deeply at things tho. unless its the early fallouts which have NO FAULTS ANYWHERE....
like as long as nothing is like.. actually wrong w u. then like whatever you eat is Fine. n that like directly affects skinny tea sales like.. thinking you can drink that to get Fit bc u Have to be Fit.. its a fuckin awful cycle and its disgusting companies take advantage of that. like at least everyone knows cigarettes will kill you, now that theyre forced to tell you.
yeh like theres differences in doing it professionally vs in ur backyard but its still like..... not "natural" to dig a hole and directly put the seeds in. and use a watering can on.. using Perfect Soil.
yeah. and i dont think he would harbor a lot of resentment for grant. i think hed just be upset they didnt have more time. i think their communication was all off n no one wanted to admit anything.. and j wouldnt even realize hes got issues he needs to explain (well he might but he wouldnt Say.. or think abt it too Deep)
we’ve got a Dialect here but its also. like p much everywhere else in the south. its never ever been arid here. its always been humid. i Wish it was arid i feel like i could handle it better. either way tho heat is WAY better than cold. even if its like muggy as hell id take it over being cold. its just Not a good feeling. and i cant stand bundling up. if i have to have more than one layer of clothes on the weather has failed me.
its weird it feels like he doesnt even have a script he just has like.. bullet points of shit to bitch abt. and he rambles. i wonder how much shit he cuts. i bet he hypes himself up for being mad.
ive never seen it actually, so i really have no idea, just his whole "all the men in it are bad so its misandrist" is so.. goofy.
god yeah. like watching chats just happen and not speaking bc you just. dnt kno anyone there. even if its a stream w hundreds its SO weird. n like i can hide chat but i still kno its there and its still missing like.. half the stream. i can watch highlight reels fine tho, i like em honestly. it feels less voyeuristic.
i rly dnt kno much abt his clothing options. everythin g ive seen him in he looks good. but thats probably just bc everyone i follow has Good Sense n only rb nicely dressed arthur. from what ive seen youd be really hard pressed to see him as effeminate BUT... people DO.
same?? like really even when asked i dont go too Deep in criticism. i feel like the only way to really say ur being nice is to like..... backpedal which i Dont like doing but i feel like. if i at least say like "LET me kno if im being rude" then like...... its rly on them to not be honest.
sjkahfsjthis took me so long im sorry again. it takes me like all day to get my Thoughts in order n if i have like a single thing to do in a day it takes me ages to write
its so.. embarrassing... like i just cant handle anime animed at fourteen-year-old girls like i used to. and yea snk is just.. even if it wasnt imperialist propaganda itd just be so weird and bad. even before i knew about the authors actual beliefs, i like. always find it a lil suspect when theres an anime full of german architecture and german names.. and its a story about degenerate humanoid monsters attacking the last of their kind... basically white genocide....... idk man. very uncomfortable vibe to the whole thing. and the art is so bad, like the anime looks ok-ish but theres some shit in the manga thats straight-up embarrassing. the guy just cant draw. how this ever got as popular as it did is a mystery to me
i completely forgot about vampire knight god. ive definitely seen it but i dont remember like ANYthing. my main thing during the first iteration of my way too long anime phase was naruto, and i cannot Bear to see any of that around anymore, i have naruto blacklisted. im so sick of it. i was more into j-rock than anime for the most part though (i think.. im not sure about the timeline here. naruto mightve been earlier). ive been in so many fandoms and i barely remember any of them.
yea i do usually make the choices id make irl but like. that still doesnt make the character any more like Me. its their story and im just along for the ride. ill call the player character me, ill say i did that, but it doesnt really feel that way. like even if i made a character that looks and acts Exactly like me that still just. wouldnt be me. idk. even w/ my kins i still like, see them as their own person. which i dont see as a negative. i dont like hate myself or anything but id still much rather fantasize about being someone else entirely.
that level of Separation is only there for me when theres weird controls or bad ui design that im unfamiliar with, like when i dont understand what the letsplayers actually doing. but the feeling of not seeing everything, i get that even when i 100% a game by myself. i even get that w/ movies. and i like that bc i like the feeling of like, there still being new things to discover. also ive been watching the same letsplayer for so many years now, theres like. a Connection. its not like his playthrus are mine necessarily but like. idk? parasocial relationships w/ letsplayers are probably even weirder than ones w/ people w/ personality-based channels, i dont really get it either
i dont like procedurally generated levels at all. they dont compare to what a human artist could make and they never might. the planets all just look like earth w/ the colors swapped. thats. pretty lame. but im also just really picky about space stuff so like. and, tedious aimless games can be great. doing the same shit over and over can be a kind of Fun. but the thing is: in stardew valley for instance, you build something. the farm you build is your own. thats what makes all the grinding rewarding. and yea, the ending of no mans sky makes perfect sense for the kind of story they were trying to tell. its all journey and no destination. the thing is, the journey feels a lot like driving thru the suburbs (i think shammy was the one who said that. that like, in a suburb, one house has a different fence, one has different plants in the front yard, but theyre still all the same blueprints). its such a shame that the planets and aliens all look the same. and that the planets are all already colonized also. youre not Discovering anything. no mans sky really had potential to be something unique but alas :-(
mental illness in horror is like. it doesnt. have a great track record. i understand writing horror to cope w/ your own mental illness or trauma but. the same old story over n over about how mentally ill people are basically demons? yea no. lets just retire that altogether. like those recent shyamalan movies? where a guy has DID and he becomes a literal fucking monster bc of it? thats so unbelievably disgusting. and people just. let him. people accept that narrative. that should absolutely not be socially acceptable. and all those stories that blur the line between mental illness and real demonic possession. what could those possibly have to say other than “mentally ill people are scary and you should treat them like monsters just in case”?
and yea that makes sense. like im not scared of regular normal serial killers or anything bc those are just like, people. i at least understand People, and even if i likely wouldnt be able to, considering i have all the strength of a seven-year-old, i at least like know how to kill a person. i dont understand ghosts. and while im just about 100% steadfast in my belief that ghosts dont exist, i wouldnt know how to react if they turned out to be real (or, more likely, if i developed a condition that made me believe that theyre real). and like, the unknown is just inherently scary. im not saying ghosts stories could never get to me, i just never give them a chance.
never let me go isnt even a horror movie. it has a similar setup as that shitty michael bay product placement fest that is the island, but its executed a lot better. children growing up in an isolated institution to serve as reservoirs for backup organs. i already find normal, well-intentioned, consensual surgery pretty scary. but just.. the coldness, the detachment, the way everyone is so mild-mannered and courteous. like theyre not slowly and cruelly killing these teenagers. the whole concept of hospital staff being all smiles while theyre actively hurting you. thats terrifying.
communicating the passage of time isnt that tall an order. most movies span several days or weeks. thats a very basic element of storytelling? im not asking for the world here?
yea he doesnt start out as openly self-serving as he is in the end. i dont think hes ever been selfless but he does need his morally sound objective in order to justify his admittedly pretty extreme actions. but the realization that hes ""a monster"" isnt all that bad when it finally happens. hes not gonna have a full-on breakdown about it. and also like, you could argue hes selfish for prioritizing the lives of a handful of people he personally cares about over hundreds of lives of people he doesnt know. those pirates n privateers all have friends and families too. but youre not supposed to think about that. they arent supposed to be people.
so much of the narrative has to happen completely different. not just to account for j being clumsy but like. theres So many things. i like to imagine game narratives as like, (folk) tales. j being sort of a Legend is already in the text so like. i figure most of whats said about him is vastly exaggerated, and thats what we see. and like i totally understand, for narrative/entertainment reasons, why youd forgo realism in a game like this bc like, if we had to play thru what j actually does, thatd be four hours straight of just looking for clean water. lying in bed sick for three weeks while vaas occasionally sends someone in w/ soup. makes sense that that wouldnt be in either the game or the stories circulating about j in-universe. but like i Definitely dont think what we see is all there is, or even that what we do see is true. makes a lot more sense that theres a whole big well-organized paramilitary wing to the rakyat resistance movement that we never get to see, but who really pull 99% of the weight, and js lucky to be along for the ride. that his goals just coincidentally align w/ theirs.
i just cant get into things thatre already good the way i get into things that i can think about fixing. i can talk about fc5 all day bc i kinda like. detest it. but w/ e.g. the thin red line, which is probably the best piece of art ever created, i have nothing but praise for it, and thats kinda like..... boring? its almost too good to love. i dont know what to say about it. but w/ like, mediocre video games w/ somewhat creative and yet bad stories n characters, i can like, get so much more mileage out of talking about how to make it better than out of actually playing them. like its just not the same kind of Experience. of Engagement. its how im used to engaging w/ media, and i cant have that w/ my ocs, bc theres nothing written that i can then think about changing. i do change things up a lot, none of my characters are at all like when i first came up w/ them, but those changes have to happen organically. i cant just sit down and be like Today i will write something Different. im not a fan of aus for anything fanon, but i change the setting for my own story all the time, just i dont call them aus. idk i cant think of a more precise way to describe my experience w/ ocs other than different.
yea like, that whole attitude about some foods being “healthy” is already so flawed. literally just listen to your body. if youre craving something, thats bc your bodys missing a certain nutrient. thats what the whole concept of Appetite is for. nature invented that on like, purpose. just keep active and eat whatever you feel like and health (and also your ""ideal"" body) will just like come to you. like theres no big secret to it all. miracle cures dont work bc theres nothing to cure. and, cigarettes used to be advertised as helping w/ weight loss, so like, heres to hope
i was thinking more about like, the first people that ever planted seeds, whenever that was. a long time before we learned what Genes were, thats for sure. just like, experimenting. learning. before we even started to domesticate and breed animals. people probably didnt have much of a concept of nature then, of nature as opposed to artificial or human. if you garden today, you dont have an excuse not to know that youre “interfering” w/ nature some way. if youre someone who cares about like, “natural” foods, you HAVE to realize on some level that the tomatoes in your backyard arent perfect either. bc you probably bought the seeds at the store. like, even if you arent acutely aware of it, you have to know in the back of your mind that nothing is actually “pure.”
i really couldnt tell you to what degree j is aware of his issues. i figure he knows that hes unlike other people, but he doesnt know exactly how. you know how right-wingers always act like when content creators add representation or address any sort of social issues, its bc theyve been manipulated or bc theyre just pretending to care, in order to “virtue-signal,” to appeal to advertisers or to gain social capital, bc they cant for the life of them imagine that anybody truly harbors progressive opinions, and that all forms of activism are just a big sham? js a bit like that to me. he plays along and acts nice bc people like him better when he does, but he doesnt really understand why. he doesnt feel compassion, he cant relate to people who do, and growing up he always thought that other people were pretending just like him. he doesnt have his “oh shit so everyone does have an interior life w/ like genuine emotions n shit?” moment until he meets vaas, and even then, it takes a long time before he really comprehends how wrong hes been in his assessment of what Normal means. so, theres been that sheet of glass between him and every other person hes met, including his brothers, and i cant blame grant for not managing to break it, and i definitely dont blame riley.
god yea i hate wearing winter clothes. just going to take out the trash or go to the store is a whole fucking ordeal. if i have to put on more than a pair of shoes to go outside i already feel so like.. trapped. i have to can comfortably hang out outdoors all day w/ only shorts and a t-shirt. thats like. integral to my overall quality of life. and i hate not being able to bend my arms all the way when im wearing that many layers. every time i go outside in the winter i feel like im wearing weights on my limbs. id MUCH rather deal w/ mosquitoes and sunburn than that. lying in bed all lethargic w/ the fan on, keeping the window open all night, eating fruit and periodically going to spray myself w/ water is like, the ideal lifestyle for me. oh and gardening? all my goddamn parsley plants are freezing and i hate it. GOD i wish i was rich i just wanna go somewhere where i can like. bask in warmth
yea his videos are so unfocused? theres nothing wrong w/ not writing a script IF youre charismatic. but ralph doesnt even like. have anything to say? and the way he goes about it isnt even entertaining? i dont know what hes trying to do? what his angle is? like, drew gooden just sits down in front of his computer and shows you some video he found and goes “lol this is weird right” for most of his videos, but hes still fun to watch, bc hes a likable guy. (and also he does make bigger videos now n then that he clearly put a lot of work into.)
hyurugkhg yea like.... “how dare this movie about a young abused girl coping w/ her stepfather trying to rape her insinutate that men are bad” like............... like shut up. like yea, its not a good movie, and its made by a man, and babydoll is still sexualized by the way shes framed, but still. Shut up. This Isnt About You.
streams always feel like im seeing something im not supposed to see. like someones accidentally screensharing with me. voyeuristic is the right word. i get the appeal in that sense, like i get why people fall in love w/ twitch girls and pay them thousands just to hear them say their name, bc it feels a lot more personal than watching a youtuber whos not addressing you directly. but thats exactly what i Dont like in my entertainment. i dont like personal. i can barely bear making eye contact w/ someone performing live music. its so uncomfortable to me. like dont look at me just let me enjoy your work in complete secret
you can put arthur in like, really fancy colorful clothes, which. honestly im not even sure why thats an option. i hate how he looks w/ any sort of hat thats not a cowboy hat. not just him, men in western settings in general. i hate fedoras, i hate bowler hats, i hate homburg hats, i dont even really like hardee hats, though those are at least kinda neutral. i can accept panama hats but NOT on arthur. i do Not want to see him dressed like some sorta decadent plantation owner, or worse, city dweller. thats gross. i dont even like when he just looks clean. just cheap normal worn-out cowboy gear for me thank you
im very like. Unsure about the way people talk about arthur. like i havent made up my mind about him or his relationship w/ gender. i hate the people leaving absurdly explicit and for some reason really disgustingly worded sexual comments on gifsets of him just as much as i hate the people calling him some sorta soft asexual baby who couldnt even hold hands w/ a woman without getting all flustered. bc like. people are complicated? people can have more than one trait? honestly this post pretty much hits the nail on the head. like, hes a well-written, complex character. he doesnt want to be as cold-hearted and as violent as he was raised to be. and thats pretty fucking obvious? its. unignorable? he clearly longs for a simpler, more peaceful life? hes not sexually aggressive? at all? but that doesnt make him fucking..... tsundere. GOD i hate the way people on here talk about Any And All Fictional Characters Ever
yea like. unless i know someones specific style of online communication pretty well i just cant give them any criticism bc like i just. dont know how theyll take it. especially when its someone who doesnt type like me, like someone who uses proper capitalization and old-fashioned emoticons like? they wont. know how to read my tone right. unless someones in the same tiny bubble of tumblr culture as me i wont know how to talk to someone. which is sad i guess. but like im just bad w/ digital communication in general
How did u discover you were aroace? Have you ever been in a relationship/would you ever? Like how do you feel about it all? (I don’t mean that in a “did you ever TRY dating” type way btw it’s a genuine q bc my friend is ace and she’s dated a lot and is currently dating someone and I’m trying to like figure out my own sexuality bc I don’t know myself but I don’t feel “normal” :/ and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I hope this ask doesn’t make you uncomfortable!) -M
so the way i realized i was aroace is sort of unusual. id heard abt asexuality and aromanticism in high school and it sort of seemed familiar to me, but i refused to let myself rly consider it? so for years and years and years, i told myself i was straight bc i just couldn’t handle letting myself realize that i was queer. it was too painful to think abt. but then, when i was around 21, i was talking abt relationships with a friend, trying to give her advice, and it was just so hard for me to understand what she was going through and i finally just made this offhand joke like ‘im sorry i cant help you much im like practically aromantic LOL’ and i expected her to be like ‘oh haha yeah arent we all!!’ or something LOL but my friend was like :o what rly??? and then i realized. it hit me like a ton of BRICKS like i literally had to sit down where i stood because it shook me so hard. like, i sort of just realized that i WAS different from my friend and that i finally had to actually face this, i had to accept it. and it was super super painful for me but i was finally able to come to terms and learn to love myself how i am!
ik this is an unusual story most people it seems spend a long time thinking abt it and being uncertain and kind of shakily coming to terms slowly, but me, i sort of knew for a long time and forced myself to ignore it and then it sort of all blew up in my face LOL so your story might be different from mine but thats ok!!
so i HAVE been in a relationship. I dated a guy rly long distance all through high school and my first year of college. It was a really, really weird experience for me LOL. we’d met in real life once and became friends and i thought because i had something of a “friend crush” on him at the time that that meant I was in love with him. spoiler alert, i was not LOL so it was rly convenient for my denial through hs bc i could say ‘oh im not attracted to anyone bc i have a BOYFRIEND’ LOL but i never had to see him or touch him or barely even talk to him bc he lived so far away and that’s the only reason it lasted so long at all. our relationship, from my end at least, was the emptiest relationship of my life. we were barely even friends, but he would keep sending me all this gushy stuff and it would make me uncomfortable, but i thought i was just shy. it was like i couldn’t connect with him, he was on some sort of other planet and i think part of that was bc he was trying to connect w me on a romantic level and i just couldn’t do that. eventually, i dumped him when I was like, 19 or so, bc i couldn’t stand it anymore. i dont think i would ever be in another romantic relationship ever. i would consider a QPR maybe, but it’s also not something im looking for rn. ive sort of decided that my life will be partner-less but thats ok bc i have so many beautiful friends who i love! i dont feel the need to have an official partner. lots of asexuals and aromantics do, like your friend, and they’re totally cool and rad and valid, that’s just not me is all!
HOWEVER all that being said, my experiences are just my experiences!! Every asexual and aromantic has a different life! also, of course, i can’t fit all my experiences and thoughts abt being aroace into just one ask bc my experiences are my whole entire life, being aroace is a huge part of how ive identified w the world around me ever since i was born. that being said, there’s so much more i could share that might be helpful to you. if you have any more questions, or want me to clarify something, pls send me more asks! or even DM me!! id love to tell you more and answer your questions!
if you wanted advice abt figuring out your sexuality, i’d say just follow your gut. if you get the feeling you’re asexual or aromantic or some part of you relates to that, even if you’re not 100% certain, follow your gut!! it’s probably right! i spent a long time trying to figure out i was nb too, and it might have been a shorter journey for me if id been ok w just following my intuition.
i hope i helped any!! send me more questions if theres anything else i can do at all or if youd like me to clarify abt something!!
all of the asks! >:3
1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?
2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?
3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?
i dont think i could date anyone who does any kind of drugs,, it makes me Very uncomfortable
4. Is your last name longer than six letters?
its only 4 babey
5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
sober...ive never been drunk
6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?
i guess?? it was in high school so i dnt think it rly counts since yknow, i was 16
7. What does your last received text say?
8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
not enough times !!! i love kissing my gf
9. Where was your last kiss at?
in the parkinglot behind my dorm building
10. When is the last time you saw your sister?
i saw both my sisters when i was home for break a few weeks ago
11. What do you drink in the morning?
12. Where did you sleep last night?
13. Do you think relationships are hard?
not rly? i think if relationships r hard then they arent rly meant to be
14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?
god i wouldnt have spent so much money
15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?
none at all ;3c
16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
i guess rainy....overcast weather is my fav
17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
my mom ! probably lots of other people too shjkdh lee is a fairly common name i think
18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?
19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
i hope so!!!
20. Does anyone like you?
god i sure hope my gf does
21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?
22. Is the last person you kissed gay?
ya thats why i kissed them ghksdjs
23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?
no one that i know personally.. there r some like celebrities and other famous ppl i dont like
24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?
yes i want a tattoo from a specific artist in my hometown!!!
25. In the past week have you cried?
i mean probably i dont remember though
26. What breed was the last dog you saw?
a pug...i saw him in a donut shop
27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?
i dry off as im stepping out of the shower
28. Have you ever kissed a football player?
no bc jocks intimidate me
29. Do you think you’re old?
not really in the grand scheme of things.. im only 20 i still have decades ahead of me !
30. Do you like text messaging?
31. What type of day are you having?
its been ok! i spent time w my roommates downtown
32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
i hav my septum pierced but a nostril piercing would b nice
33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
i dont rly think theres such a thing as “opposite sex” since sex is also on a spectrum like gender
35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?
relationship ! flings r nice i guess but i prefer the stability and commitment of an actual relationship
36. Are you a simple or complicated person?
i thnik im fairly simple..idk
37. What song are you listening to?
when he died by lemon demon
38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?
yea of course39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
my best friemd emily40. What made you start liking the person you like now?
theyre hot and funny and very kind!!!!41. When did you last receive a text message?
idk maybe an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?
im hungry and not being held by my gf43. How well do you know the last female you texted?
its my mom so fairly well i think44. Does anyone disgust you?
men45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?
no bc im already dating someone46. Are you in a good mood right now?
i feel...neutral47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
my roommate !48. What color shirt are you wearing?
its blue pruple n green tie dye49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?
ya my history professor told me i had to read books50. Anyone you’re giving up on?
no one is coming to mind51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?
i dont hate anyone!
52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?
almost gave up on ever being able to pet the raccoons outside the dining hall but someday ill be able to earn their trust
53. Do you like rain?
yes!!!54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
not rly ! as long as theyre safe about it ykwim55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
no i think ive told most of my crushes how i felt about them at the time56. Do you like to cuddle?
god yes i love to hold and be held57. Are you shy?
its the social anxiety58. Do you get along with girls?
i am a lesbian59. Have you dated the person you texted last?
we r dating !!60. What do you carry with you at all times?
my phone and my peper spray61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
id do it for 1062. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?
ive been in my current one for 7 and my longest lasted 8 !63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?
yes!64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?
anything my gf does is cute65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?
my cat yawned when she tried to meow and made a weird squeak sound
66. How old are the last three people you kissed?
18 (or maybe 19 now idk), 19, 20
67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?
i do them myself bc i hate spending money68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?
ghgdh,....neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?
i dont have a car yet 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?
neither...i dont rly like eithr of those music genres71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?
im samsung bitch until i die72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?
its been months. maybe years. i dont like pizza73. Do you like diet soda?
i dont rly like any soda anymore tbh74. What color are the walls in your room?
plain white...f 75. Are you 16 or older?
bitche im 2076. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?
nop i dont even know waht its about77. Do you have a job?
yes i work in a library ! 78. What are your initials?
ylb79. Did you ever have braces?
no :^/80. Are you from the south?
nope im a pnw bitch
81. What does your last status on facebook say?
something about voting82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?
ya shes my best friemd83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?
my mom.. fuck my dad !84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?
i vaguely remember attending a gymnastics class when i was like 5 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?
uhh.. venom i think86. Do you smoke?
no never !!!87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?
flip flops. 88. Is your phone touch screen?
god how old are these questions. who has a phone that isnt touch screen now89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?
my hair is naturally curly !90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?
no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?
a pool..... rivers and lakes r scary92. Have you ever made out in a car?
not yet93. …Had sex in a car?
no that seems. . difficult. theres not very much room94. Are you single or in a relationship?
im in a luvly relationship95. What were you doing last night at midnight?
sleepin96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?
new years i think??97. Do you like the camera on your phone?
yea its pretty nice98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?
no but ik i wanted one before i got into my current relationship skdgjhj99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?
no but i did drink half a beer thing once and went to sleep bc i got a stomach ache100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?
i dont even use facebook101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?
when i was in first grade id play “family” w my friend sometimes and she’d pretend to be the dad and i was the mom so we would spoon each other bc we thot thats what sex was and i thought she actually got me pregnant bc i was 7 and didnt know anything102. Name your favorite Kesha song:
the song blind slaps103. Do you have any tan lines right now?
no its winter and i also dont go outdoors104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?
i hate wearing shorts
i’m reposting a discussion i had w a terf. i previously posted screenshots but she messaged me and said she didn’t want her url or avatar displayed. editing the pics to post them again was hell so i’m posting a script instead (i learned my lesson tumblr: you suck). if anyone ends up finding the convo and thus the redacted speaker... idc. this is a public website and we technically had this convo in public - the notes of a post aren’t private spaces afaik. i’m posting this as proof that sometimes calmly reasoning with ppl lead to nothing. (i know anyone could say the same but lmao leave me alone.)
tw for transphobia/transmisogyny
[redacted] (speaking to a transmasc discourser about the "woman path"): Ok let me explain what I mean :) if your experience was totally different then thats fine :) im 24 and when I was little i was encouraged to play with dolls and learn 'motherly things' like playing with baby dolls while my brother played with toy trucks. There was a lot of pressure at school to wear dresses, and be sweet and polite.
@[transmasc discourser] then of course, learning to deal with periods and the shame and taboo around them. Removing body hair because its considered unladylike. Etc
@[transmasc discourser] have you had none of those experiences?
neonbaebae: these are all common experiences for women bc of gender roles/stereotypes but none of that defines womanhood as an identity.
[redacted]: completely agree they are gender roles. But menstruation isnt a gender role. Its a frustrating part of being female. But that said, what IS womanhood then?
(rest under cut)
neonbaebae: menstruation is a biological function that is in no way exclusive to female bodies. remember intersex ppl, who come in all forms and shapes. women aren't all the same and it's likewise for men. there are intersex women who don't fit all the criteria for being "female" yet still identify as women. there is a distinction to make between womanhood as an experience and womanhood as an identity.
the woman experience is what you've described. the woman identity is feeling like one, e.g.: liking female-coded clothes, makeup, hairstyles, feeling comfortable in the societal role of being a woman. identity is essentially abt self perception most of the time
[redacted]: intersex is unique and I respect that not all womens bodies are the same. Intersexuality is complex but it doesnt represent the majority of biological women. I dont have a strong baclground in intersex knowledge so I'm certainly not gonna speak on behalf of intersex women.
so if identity is self perception (which I completely agree with) how can a biological man self perceive his femaleness.if he's never experienced it?
neonbaebae: trans women never identify with being male and all in entails. and they can see, thru watching women counterparts and how they interact with the world around them, that they id more w the idea of womanhood and much less w the idea of manhood. it's esp why dysphoria often settles around puberty bc the dissonance manifests physically and that's harder to handle
[redacted]: but what youre talking about is what trans women see women do. If thats what someone aspires to, its a very basic and narrow understanding of what womanhood is. Its only what they see. And people are far more complex than this. Does a biological male aspire to periods stigma, beauty conformity and lesser social stance in the world? Or do they aspire to femininity? Something many biological women dont feel comfortable with
neonbaebae: womanhood as an identity is a feeling that is strengthened by a disconnection to manhood, its polar opposite. someone who completely rejects the idea of being man is likely to prefer being a woman (not always but likely!). many trans women do aspire to femininity and it has nothing to do with the cis women who are uncomfortable w it, just like there are many cis women who embrace it too.
many trans women cannot quite explain their transition in another way than "being a man felt wrong but being a woman feels right and authentic to my true self". i'd suggest to ask an actual trans woman for her pov tho since i'm not one, i'm just basing myself on what i've heard them say
[redacted]: but feeling disconnected with manhood (which is understandable and gender roles are frustrating) doesnt make someone the opposite of a man. As society we need to open our understanding of gender expression. But this isnt the same as thinking 'if I dont feel like a conventional man or connect with male social expectations, then I must be the opposite'. Theres no logic in that
we live in a world where gender stereotype binaries are considered natural, and people who dont fit this understandably feel marginalised. In fact Id argue to a greater or lesser degree, none of us truly fit the prescribed gender binary.
but i find it problematic when a man thinks they're a woman based on what they think 'woman' is.
neonbaebae: you're right in saying that a disconnection from manhood doesn't make someone a woman - a connection to womanhood does. it has v little to do with the upbringing of women which you seem to define thru misogyny and menstruation alone which is frankly a pessimistic view of womanhood. it's less not feeling like a conventional man and more not feeling like a man At All. tru it doesn't sound logical but gender is not logical it's abstract and complex
it seems problematic bc one might think men would gain smth from iding as women but stats show that trans women are at higher risk of assault for being out and open, both of bc of misogyny (not directly related to having a vagina or menstruating after all) & transphobia. it's esp telling that trans men aren't targeted as much. do you disagree w trans men as well?
[redacted]: but as a women i dont connect with womanhood. Lol i am a women. It would be nice to think we live in a world where women are equal, but that's not the world we live in. Womanhood is hard. And we do live under a patriarchal society that's cultivated female inferiority over many centuries. We're still negotiating freedoms today.
Its not about gaining or loss. Its about the male right to self define womanhood on their terms, without the biological or social conditioning. In fact, many have recieved MALE conditioning as children. This comes with its own privileges.
I think transmale is a very different experience so no I categorise them very differently to transwomen
neonbaebae: "as a woman" you say. even if the experiences and stereotypes don't fit you perfectly, even if you reject it, you still id as a woman. you feel like one and you suffer the consequences of being one. believe it or not trans women suffer from iding as a woman as well and thrice as harshly. i can provide sources if you want.
trans women don't think like men bc they feel like women. the thought patterns are different. they don't digest the social messages abt men bc their mind doesn't relate to it. male entitlement and all doesn't apply to them. and in sociology alone womanhood is often defined as more than a biological or upbringing thing. it's a social identity and trans women have a right to it if they don't id and reject manhood altogether
my question tho was do you think trans men aren't men either cus otherwise that'd be hypocritical
[redacted]: my point is its not an identity. Its a reality. Im a woman. I have xx chromosomes and the world treats me as such. Similar to my race. I dont identify as my race, i am treated as the world sees me.
male entitlement does apply. Statistically baby boys are fed for longer than baby girls. And little girls are left to cry for longer than baby boys. Little girls learn many motherly caretaker roles while many of their male counterparts are encouraged to conquer the world. Children are raised by gender. Even subconsciously. I can also provide sources :)
there are many more male leaders and men in authoritive positions in the world. Women fight very hard for the same respect, but womens voices are less valued. It takes no genius to see men have greater standing in the world
about transmen. No I dont consider them men but I'll respectfully use the pronouns anyone prefers, male or female. Its common decency.
I think society needs to get more comfortable with non confirmative gender expression
neonboobear: but it is an identity. that's why there's a distinction between sex (bio) and gender (identity & expression). if it would feel wrong for you to be called a man or nonbinary then that'd be bc you don't id as such. (also there are women with chromosomes other than xx maybe you should avoid phrasing it that way.) i id as my race but race has v different roots & impact than gender historically and it cannot be compared. let's stick with gender.
and i'm not denying gendered socialization but it doesn't shape a child more than their personal feelings on their identity, which can differ v early in life bc (some) would rather engage in activities associated with the opposite gender for example. if it were that simple trans ppl wouldn't go at lengths to "play the part"
you're right society does need to accept gender non conformance but that's v different from the trans experience. i rly think you should have a deep conversation with a trans person to try and see their pov
[redacted]: if womanhood is an identity, it totally invalidates what it means to be female. And yes its arguable that there're are women who arent xx but how about the majority of the population that are. Must we pander to the few at the expense of the majority?
also what makes you assume I dont talk to trans people? Critique doesnt mean lack of empathy.
Children and gendered socialization is complex. Maybe if 'feminine' activities werent coded as female and just 'childhood play' we wouldnt have the same degree of dysphoria. It goes back to the irrational logic, 'if I like the pink toy section then I must be a girl.'
neonboobear: i'm afraid that is your pov for the ideology that womanhood is an experience but also an identity is considered a v valid theory in the science field. the fact that there are women with chromosomes other than xx is proof alone that xx chromosomes aren't what makes a woman. and i've suggested a deep conversation and an intention to Understand the Other. not just a talk. i said nothing abt empathy.
there would be less dysphoria but i'm sure it's still be there. many think the abolition of gender would solve everything but i doubt so
[redacted]: i have a close mtf friend and we have the debate constantly. We don't always agree with her but there's a lot more common ground then you might expect :) Gender roles damn us all. Hmmmm... abolition of gender is impossible but theres is a lot that can be done to challenge gender expectations. But not an easy battle!
neonbaebae: i mean this with the least offense okay but i sincerely think neither of you should be friends. i’m black and i’d never befriend a racist. that’s a lack of self respect on her part and a plain lack of respect on yours.
i’d like to end this conversation here. i’ve said my point and i’d only repeat myself by continuing. and since i’m not a trans woman i don’t want to misinterpret them (so sorry if i’ve already did. trans girls feel free to bring up clarifications). might sound tedious but i strongly suggest you watch this 50-min long video essay by youtuber contrapoints. her vids are informative and entertaining and so v easy to digest despite the length. i’ve heard she’s not v liked in terf circles but it’s worth it to listen to what she has to say as a trans women.
On Fatphobia, from the perspective of a skinny (white) person
Lmao i keep trying to make a post on this but i can never get the wording right,
There is. A Normalized Mass Societal Fetish of the skinny body and its rly fuckin uncomfortable. We get Idealized and Romanticized and treated as inherently more beautiful/aesthetically appealing for being skinny, and its. Bad?
Like, my personal experience with this is. Already uncomfortable as hell with the concept of my body being seen as sexually appealing at all to someone, as an aspect of my sex repulsion, and i do think that plays a part in my realizing this.
One comment, made by a passing by grown man in the grocery store(yikes already) to tell me that i have "nice legs"(mmmyikes). This happened during a point in my life where i had lost most of my muscle mass, i didnt look particularly Different physically for it, but lack of regular physical exercise over 4yrs of high school meant i no longer had the Strength in my legs from playing recreational league team sports like Basketball and Soccer in elementary and middle school. I didnt look particularly Different, i had shrimp legs* Then, and i have shrimp legs now and have never in my life had Big legs. I was feeling Bad about my body bc i felt Weak. The point? My legs were nothing especially "nice", they werent and arent, bad legs but theres nothing particularly nice about my legs, certainly nothing warranting an unsolicited comment on whether or not theyre nice. My legs were and are like, average at best. They just look like ur average standard human legs. Except for one thing: theyre skinny.
(Shrimp legs: "Crabs and lobsters have strong walking legs, whereas shrimp have thin fragile legs which they use primarily for perching.")
My legs are Skinny and that makes them Nice. And i thought about this, and stuff like this keeps happening. Ppl make unsolicited comments on my appearance and size, and often attempt to make a compliment on my size, bc being Skinny is viewed as Ideal. I remember being weirdly uncomfortable about it even when i was younger, when i was, lets just say, Not Knowledgeable in aspects of Social Justice or Fatphobia. Mentioning my pants size in middle school got comments of "oh my god i hate you" from friends of mine, and it made me feel weirdly Guilty about being skinny. At the time i considered it skinny shaming and Unfair, now i look back and recognize: internalized fatphobia from my friends led to discomfort in our interpersonal interactions, and it wasnt their fault, and while it was incredibly uncomfortable for me, it was also bad for them, bc it overall contributed to the overlying culture that shames ppl for being not skinny, and shames them even more if they dare to exist as a fat person who doesnt hate themselves.
Weird, uncomfortable interactions like this still happen, even from my own mother, tho thankfully she is at least semi joking. Ppl treat bodies like mine as Ideal, while hating their own, and it puts them in a terrible position of self hate for no fucking reason, and me on an entirely undeserved (and personally unwanted) pedestal. In addotion to that, its a prime fucking fertile ground in which to sow seeds of bitter distaste for each other between skinny ppl and fat ppl, and bc skinny ppl are favored by society this ends up hurting fat ppl more. Skinny is not better, skinny is not more beautiful, and society needs to stop fucking treating it as such.
And this isnt!!! The fault of fat ppl who make uncomfortable unsolicited comments to me on my appearance and size, this is a wide societal issue of assuming things about my diet, and health based on my size. Being skinny isnt better, or healthier.
When im at work, just doing my job (loading packages onto trucks to be delivered to peoples houses) and a coworker sees how i do my job (i often take packages off the built before they get near the trucks and carry them back, in an attempt to be fast and efficient, bc i want to stay on top of it, not get behind) and comments to a driver that "haha thats why theyre skinny" in reference to me being proactive about my job, its a really!!! Weird amd uncomfortable position to be in. How do you even begin to address that? Bc we know for a fact that if i were fat, me being proactive at my job would go uncommented on. This happened growing up, im a picky eater, but i eat A Lot. I eat Large Qunatities of a Small Variety of Things. One thing i love? Pickles. My own parents, friends parents, adult family friends, would all comment on this, "they eat abnormal amount of pickles and still stay so skinny, maybe thats the Way To Be Skinny" now, admittedly i dont think pickles have a lot of calories, but keep in mind, that was One Thing. I ate pickles as a Snack and then id come home and eat more fuckin pasta than a grown man, as a tiny child. I was not, ever thinking abt calories. Stuff like this kept happening, ppl trying to Puzzle Out, how do i Get so Skinny? Its a trick fucking question, ppl! I dont get skinny, i just am, bc i have a High as fuck metabolism and so far thats meant, I Eat A Lot of fucking food bc i guess my body just Burns thru that shit so fast without doing anything. I joke often that im like a car with Terrible Mileage. It seems like i have to be leaking fuel somewhere, bc it just doesnt Add Up how much fuel(food) i require with what little physical exercise i do and what i fuckin look like. And frankly? We havent found any "leaks"(medical issues that would explain) closest thing is ADHD meds, which can be linked to weightloss and suppressed appetite, but evidence has not shown ADHD meds having any significant impact on my weight. It did, eventually show last year, when i started losing weight after starting my job, bc i was forgetting to eat, and have lowered my dosage and tried to stay more on top of eating. But that was literally the first time i showed any evidence of it impacting my size and weight. Also note: i did not take it during summer and not usually on weekends, and had a few time periods in which i attempted to go without it, once during school and i drank coffee instead, and once like a yr ago when my anxiety was Really Bad so i stopped taking ADHD meds and caffeine. Anyway, point is, ppl keep trying to Puzzle Out what I Do or Eat to Get Skinny Stay Skinny and the answer is i fucking Dont.
It assumes a position of me being Better for being skinny, and that there is some sort of Secret Mystery Thing I Do or Food I Eat that is the Magical Cause for me being skinny, and if they can just deduce what it is they too, could be as skinny as me, bc being Skinny Like Me is Better and A Reward and An Achievement, Something To Aspire To, Obviously, (all Sarcasm) when in reality there is not anything i do or eat that makes me this way, its just How It Is, its how i always Have Been, it wasnt a "reward" or "achievement" its just!!! My body. And its Not inherently Better or Healthier than any fat persons body, and it needs to stop being treated like it is.
My body is neutral, and should be allowed to exist as a neutral thing, not put on a pedestal as an Ideal for being skinny, and especially not put on a pedestal that is placed as a burden on fat ppls bodies, and it needs to stop being presented as some sort of reward, "if you hate yourself enough and work hard you too, could look like this. And remember, if you look like this, you get to be put on the pedestal instead of being forced to uphold the ideal from below!"
Like! This needs to stop, its wrong. Im not even getting the Bad Shit here, and i can tell you its fucking wrong and harmful. Media needs to stop only portraying bodies like mine as beautiful, and stop portraying anything that deviates as ugly and unworthy. Let my body be ugly and average, and more importantly let fat bodies be beautiful and strong, bc they fucking are, theres plenty of fucking ppl out there with fat bodies that are Beautiful and Strong, and yet ppl still act like having a fat character in media be athletic, or adored for beauty, is "pandering" and "unrealistic".
And also? Nobody has to be beautiful or strong or fashionable or healthy to be fucking "worthy" of your basic fucking courtesy. Not skinny ppl, and definitely not fat ppl. Stop treating me and ppl like me better, we havent fucking done anything to deserve your idealization, and personally i dont fucking want it. I refuse to let you treat me as any sort of ideal, and i refuse to be anyones "thinspo" (note any weightloss focused or thinspo blogs that interact with me/my blog will be blocked.)
I didnt do anything to earn this fucking pedestal, and I dont want it, and I especially dont fucking want it at the expense of ppl who havent done anything to deserve your hate and vitriol and disgust except to exist as fat ppl and maybe even dare to not hate themselves and their bodies for no other reason than that they are fat.
In fucking Conclusion, fatphobia is real but it fucking shouldnt be, fatphobes can fuck all the way off, @ other skinny ppl, we need to collectively do better, shut this glorification down and stop speaking over fat ppl about their experiences and insist we somehow have it worse???
oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets
Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool. i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list
-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.
What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled
honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️ djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops
i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)
how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs
I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day! thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that
What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably
Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone
Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!
this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,
an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!
Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa
what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog?? im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account
((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY
going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!
I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro
Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS
~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~
I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!
What other musicals do you like? :0 i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho
tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT
Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good
Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!
Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam
im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!
Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean
I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.
(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional
what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there
what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN
do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it
I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!
chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry
do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod? i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character
hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :> WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG
I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.
I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌 AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man
Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work. thank you!!!! for ur support!!!!
not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet
1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!
how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u)
someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa
ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa
i.. really only get serious for like.. a day or so unless i have someone to talk to abt it. theres Like.. Exceptions.. like ive never talked to anyone abt no country for old men but ive seen it like............. 20 times? and i Dont rewatch movies mostly. i dont enjoy it even when i feel like i have to Kno Everything. (i am bad at knowing, honestly,) or shdow of the colossus which ive played since i was like.. SIX. i even played the DEMO... for Months before we got the game and i like... never talk abt it. n games are normally what i rly cling to. i like having stories be.. intractable.
all i go by is faces. and hair color. if two actors or characters have. the same hair color in a movie or game im like 100% outta luck i WILL confuse the two.
yeah?? the dep is just too unaffected for it to have any.. impact. or feeling of permanence ? except in new dawn.. and like? its good theyre finally giving their pc character. sucks its after i already invented a character for it. i dnt kno shit abt the char you play in new dawn but i really hope they have.. a Voiicee.
yeah like its all just gotta have flow.. and like?? people say they naturally all the time? even people who are freaks abt how people use they. like its a totally acceptable pronoun Esp in casual conversations i wish vgs werent so scared of using they to refer to the player. like itd solve a lot of those issues.
well yeah like i dnt put. the fun of the arcade maps on ubisoft like all they did was give set pieces. im just saying the arcade is the best part of the game. if anything its a dig on ubisoft.
its just like.. basic.. people singing in a not good way is Creepy thing. it doesnt get me in movies bc they use kids and its whatever but it gets me when a grown man does it 2 inches from my face. im Simple i get spooked easily. but its not like... clever or special writing.. its nothing new. jacobs music box is kinda? ? ? silly? ? like it doesnt even play a music box tune. and its like the second the dep sees it they just get really mad. its more like they just really hate music boxes.
js probably honestly in a constant state of feeling really sick. like none of his injuries get treated right. and theres tons of pirates like .. really is no need for like 2 tigers to chase me thru the woods. and into the river where a croc gets me. then to the other side of the river and into like a group of like 10 fuckin tasmanian tigers. its more likely that they would like.. Run from j ? and yeah like.. all the white tigers... like 1 they literally die young. like they cant fucking hunt anything. why does the island have like an endless supply of em. they were added too in like dlc thats what gets me like they Had it.. then they thought "oh white tiger cool" and put em everywhere. n i guess its dum to be like... annoyed abt how animals work in a 2012 game but like... i play it like every month at least.. so its always relatively fresh to me.
my mom is like.. rly superstitious n i can tell u shes like.. needlessly stressed. shes not weird on Toxins but im sure its like.. not totally different. esp if you get into like the teas and shit and the really weird shit like jilly juice. like to think you can See the toxins come out youve got to be like anxious between teas and bathroom breaks.
riley really seems like....... i feel like hes not close to j at all. and like he knows hes got weird quirks but hes like not aware j has like.. Issues. like they just seem. distant? not just j but all his friends rope him into shit.. he seems excited for it tho?? he just looks.. like hed be babied.. hes like so young looking and Small? he rly shouldnt have even gone to asia w them.
weve got so many turtles here.. theres actually like a decent bit of water where i live and like.. swamps and shit around so ive seen like.. hard shell and soft shell turtles. and BEAVERS... their Tails. ive never seen the face of one which is upsetting but i have seen their tails. god id love to see a legless lizard.. i see squirrels every day like everywhere. they are ALL over the place.. deer ive seen a lot of lately? and groundhogs.. im in a big way thru for like. going from ga to florida so weve got a decent bit of development but like.. its still really woodsy. apparently people have been seeing black bears around lately? i havent seen one but like..... i kinda want to even tho if i saw a bear id probably shit myself. o n ive seen foxes and raccoons and opossums and armadillos. esp opossums and armadillos like.. they are constantly walking out into the road and getting hit. wildlife is always. relatively active around here esp on the outskirts.. and we've got farms.. i live right next to like 2 separate horse ranches and a lil goat farm. its nice but.. cold. tho i doubt its as cold as fuckin germany like it doesnt rly snow heavily here and when it does its like.. a HUGE debacle it like ruins everything. the south literally cant handle snow even tho it happens like at least once a year
my dad and i are allergic to cats but like......... we tough it out... my dad doesnt even like cats but we've still had a lot of em. we used to have hamsters but looking back i feel.. awful.. abt it. bc we kept em in like pet store recommended conditions. i have a cousin that keeps chickens.. and a neighbor.. i Do wish i had some tho.. chickens are just.. rly cute But im Worried bc theres so many cats around
i cant watch ralph the way he bitches makes my skin crawl. ralph is like the anti mista gg bc like ralph rly feels like he knows nothing and hes needlessly pissed while mista gg is like.. Having Fun but also hes really just a casual viewer. i like yms. as far as his reviews go. and ihe is... well hes not as bad as ralph but hes not really fun to watch either i hate his like weird monotone smugness. but i will watch him on occasion. i wish i didnt need voices bc i rly wanna just like have the primitive technology guy running 24/7. i think the Best yt vids i watch are from the bon appetit channel. the back to back cooking vids and the ~gourmet~ snack food things.
thats tru. like it feels like.. nitpicking smthn you get to rb for free but its also like.......... completely out of character and is a way to baby-fy j n like i See That Shit.
i remember back when spn was popular there was a person who painted.. really really beautiful like.. hyper real art. and like constantly they got shit like that and it was reallly?? discouraging for them?? like i can only imagine. how hard it is?? to hear someone say their art is Upsetting To See like over n over again daily? people rly have to learn how to like.. keep some shit to themselves. esp in seeing smthn you wish you could do like.. learn how to emulate or smthn damn. dnt bug anyone abt it unless they ask
if the amount of content available for me to reblog was actually proportional to how much i like something, my blogs would look completely different. and yea theres some things that i just dont talk about even though i dont really have a reason not to. just bc the Culture surrounding that thing isnt like. conducive to Talking About It. i dont know. its weird. like, theres some things i dont talk about bc i luckily have A Filter and i dont wanna admit to anything too vile on my public web log, but thats a whole different category. and i dont really get that feeling of having to Know Everything, its more like, a feeling of having to get comfortable in something. yknow. ill wanna know enough about things to be able to get upset over opinions i see on tumblr dot com. like rather than knowing everything about one piece of media i just wanna know An Okay Amount about everything. and a lot of fandoms are actually much more fun when i dont know too much about them. i dont like. know? right now im ready to get into rdr bc i havent Fallen In Love w/ a new piece of media in a while and i miss that, but idk if i wont hit a rock in the road thatll ruin the mood of the whole thing for me
yea like especially in war movies where everyone has the same haircut, im Really bad w/ that. it also takes me many many many hours to remember somebodys voice. and even when the knowledge is technically there i dont really trust my own memory, so like when i go to tag a character i often check ops tags just to make sure.
yea i. i feel like im gonna have a pretty hard time w/ new dawn, like on the one hand my expectations are pretty much underground? but. i also hope theyve learned from their mistakes. and its guaranteed that the twins will be better villains than the seeds. i dont know what to expect from nd, like i figure it cant be worse than fc5, but? i dont know? im nervous about the amount of joseph screentime. and that dep cameo is just the dumbest idea ever i dont want that
unless some angry video game talky man on youtube points it out to them, most players wouldnt even notice it. bc gender-neutral language is literallly Normal. the only reason to ever actively avoid using singular they in favor of “he or she” is bc you wanna be intentionally transphobic. its literally so easy to get away with using they, especially in such a patriotic game that clearly appeals to center-right white men where you wouldnt expect and thus not look out for any “sjw” influence.
yea i feel like. if you wanna have actual Genuine fun w/ fc5 you gotta carve out your own story and ignore everything about what the game tells you to do. either focus on the arcade or write/roleplay an original story w/ an actual main character. tragic, but thats still a lot better than not having any fun w/ the game at all
joseph singing just makes me uncomfortable. in a very non-scary kind of way. like i do want Out of that situation but not bc he intimidates me. and yea, like, the music box thing just doesnt work the way they thought it would. classical conditioning doesnt work that way, triggers dont work that way. theres no tension, its just goofy. and it doesnt even fit jacobs character. why couldnt he just treat you like a normal captive. whats w/ the theatricality. thats johns thing. stop doing johns thing. youre supposed to be the normal one.
yea j is like, incredibly weak, or he should be anyway. whenever hes not suffering from food poisoning and/or severe dehydration, hes recovering from some sorta injury. he shouldnt even be able to walk. he doesnt have one cut on his body that isnt infected. you could literally manipulate him into anything just by offering him like, bandaids and a bar of chocolate. literally the only trait of his that actually suits an action hero role is his lack of empathy. other than that?
the whole entire design process of that game was people going “yea thats pretty cool i guess” about various unrelated things they saw on national geographic that one time. but, the thing is, its not just some game from 2012, and its world isnt just set dressing to some generic action game to me. i guess most video games fall apart when you look at them as closely as i look at fc3? and for most of the things that bother me, i dont really blame the devs. i know theyre unrealistic expectations and i dont even truly Have those. i just like to nitpick things i like. thinking about how to make existing media better is like my favorite thing to do.
yea like i figure once you start to feel like this or that tea actually Did something, like your skin is actually that much clearer or your energy levels that much higher, youre probably gonna buy that tea again, and its downhill from there. and its not just teas, its all kinds of pills and shakes and going gluten-free or using substitute sugar. those should all be illegal to advertise or sell imo. youre literally counting on your customers to form addictions. not that thats unique to one industry, but i find it especially vile when its health- or even weight loss-related. especially products that claim to flush out toxins. as if you dont already have like. A Liver taking care of all that. and the sad thing is, when you tell someone youre like, gluten-free, or only eat non-gmo foods (which are a myth in and by themselves), or if you drink a protein shake instead of having a real meal, a lot of people even admire you for being so “healthy.” rather than handing you the number of an eating disorder specialist, which would. probably be the right thing to do. its terrifying
yea theres definitely a Disconnect between riley n j, but i dont know what to blame it on. i dont wanna just say like “well its bc j is an asshole obviously” and leave it at that. w/ some relationships the blame really does fall on only one party, but theres more to it w/ them. i think riley isnt interested in seeing j for who he really is. hes complacent. which is understandable. i think that even after everything j has done, to him and to others, hed still rather pretend hes the same person he looked up to as a child.
god soft shell turtles are such. amazing creatures. theyre so weird. i wish we had groundhogs u_u ive only ever seen groundhogs in the pyrenees. theres like. nothing alive here. at all. ive seen like one badger, once, as a child, and ive never even seen a wild hedgehog. and i do go to the woods a lot (when its not Cold As Shit). i know we have some wildlife around here but just not in the one forest thats within walking distance of my house. my moms ex shot me a fox in the summer so like. we clearly do have those. ive just never seen a live one :-( and yea we do have a lot of tiny farms, like a lot of people in town just have a bunch of chickens or sheep or horses, and we got like an almost weird amount of beekeepers for some reason. i may or may not have gone to (drunkenly) pet some sheep a couple of times actually. i think its like a relatively common thing in most parts of europe to have some livestock even as like, a Regular Person. but a lot of the farmland around here is actually owned by a count, like its fuckin. 1650
and honestly i dont even know what the climate is like around here anymore? w/ climate change and everything i mean? like it didnt snow even once last winter, and from what i can remember from my childhood thats like. weird? im pretty sure the past couple years havent been like, a good representation of what the weather around here is like, supposed to be like, whatever that means anymore
yea if i did have chickens id definitely build like a massive wall around them bc id be so Scared. i only know of three particular street cats in my General Area but im like. so easily worried. i even feel guilty about putting down a stuffed animal in a way that looks slightly uncomfortable so like. id rather have like a boyfriend who keeps chickens and id get to look at them but not take on any of the responsibility
ralph is so stupid. like i know hes really young but. the way hell say shit like “a movie should never [do this] under any circumstances, how do they not know that golden rule which must never be broken? even i know that” is so fucking annoying. he clearly has no experience in the field. he doesnt understand movies as art. juvenile offensive humor aside, its so obvious that hes not an artist and never will be, and that he just doesnt understand this or any other art form. he lacks that sensitivity. yms is at least able to take things Seriously. i dont love his videos on synecdoche new york but at least you can tell that theres a sincerity behind them. ralph is still in his “everything has to be ironic, sincerity is for plebs” phase and its so. insufferable. also his thumbnails and editing are so fucking amateur. he just pisses me off w/ every facet of his personality
i can count the youtubers where im genuinely excited about each new upload on one hand. (i think.. i can only really think of garand thumb, jenny nicholson.. maybe cody ko and maybe brutalmoose? i wouldnt even put redlettermedia on that list.) everyone else falls on a wide spectrum of Acceptable Depending On My Mood. i just started watching tetraninjas lets play of rdr2 but i have to actually pay attention to that bc i have to read the subtitles to make sure i dont miss anything. and i have to watch it on fullscreen too so i dont get distracted. so rn im watching like.. four minutes of that at a time and then go back to an hour of brutalmoose.
im ok w/ my nitpicking bc i only do that like to myself. like im not gonna leave passive-aggressive tags on anyones art obviously. i just say “dont do that? :-(” out loud at my laptop and scroll past. so like. i dont really feel guilty for that. idk it probably sucks for young artists to not get any real feedback but also like i? cant be bothered
i feel like a good rule of thumb for things to say on the internet is not just, would i say this to someone irl? but, would i say this to a very sensitive and emotionally unstable person irl? bc you never know what the persons is going thru right now, and you dont know how many others have said equally unpleasant things to them already. i really feel like you have to be even more careful on the internet than irl. especially to content creators or any sort of celebrities, no matter how minor. i know were all new to parasocial relationships and we dont have any previous generations’ behavior to model ours after wrt internet etiquette, but just like, basic empathy? is not that difficult to emulate
when you get this, post 10 facts about yourself and then pass it along to 10 followers :)
tagged by @lastnamesuh (lauryn!!! i love u!! :(()
i sleep w my contacts in and i dont take them out until they fall out bc they hurt too much like ,,,two months later (yes i know this is bad for my eyes)
im rly scared of the dark :// i always have my moon nightlight on
i want to be an aerospace engineer bc space is rly the loml like…gOsh i just adore space theres so much out there that we can learn and whats amazing is that the world never stops changing which means our knowledge never stops expanding. its just so overwhelmingly beautiful :((
im rly finicky abt personal space and i rarely hug people bc it makes me uncomfortable,,,like i only rly hug one person :/
i love eating just plain boiled pasta w nothing on it at all not even salt,,,actually i just like boiled food in general
im rly stingy w my money and rly the only time i spend anything is on food
my preference for perfume scent varies by season djfkdj i only use fruity scents in the summer and every other season my perfume smells like detergent
i hate the taste of coffee but i drink it anyways bc it makes me feel Adult and Mature when i walk into class w a cup of starbucks :/
if i ever get any money i spend it all on gummies god i love gummy worms and gummy bears so much wtf
i rly love annoying ppl out of love like if i tell u to stfu nd choke that means id die 4 u :(
iill tag: @teeyongs @limechangkyun @taemsphltrum @jooheonster @nottechae @wonhosjaan @minhyukie dfhsdkfj ok look i need three more ppl but idk who else to tag so yeah