Tumgik
#and i should be happy. i *am* happy. im so thankful that ive been trusted to be empathetic and kind enough to be a good fit for smthng like
rubyreduji · 8 months
Note
I’m sure it wasn’t posted with malicious intent, but as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, your post about Seventeen’s sexualities is kind of upsetting. Opinions are one thing but unless an idol confirms their sexuality themselves (like S. Coups, Yoongi, kinda Moonbyul), it’s really distasteful to say stuff like that. Especially when you acknowledged the backlash you might receive over it with the “blah blah blah.” This is exactly why so many idols are scared to engage in skinship with one another and how some of them end up losing the bonds they’ve formed together because people want to sexualize their relationship. Men should be allowed to love one another and engage in skinship without it meaning they’re gay or secretly romantically involved. They’re humans too and their relationships to each other, regardless of whether or not they’re actually gay, are nobody’s business but their’s. Members kissing and hugging and showing genuine love for each other is exactly the same as girls kissing their friends while drunk or snuggling when they’re bored. Normalize men showing affection to the people they love without making it weird.
seventeen has a love that transcends platonic, romantic, anything and they love each other in a way that no one else can understand and it will never be broken up by anything, especially not a shit post on tumblr dot com but i digress, let's break this down
"as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community" hey bestie im actually not a cishet girl and am in fact a bi trans guy, happy to clear that up
"you acknowledged the backlash you might receive" backlash?? am i...a celebrity??? omg thank you so much?? (are we in love now? sorry but my heart already belongs to another) but being fr i was just poking fun at the people who say that and then turn around and assume they're straight bc they think attractive men can't be gay
now the real shit:
i never said men can't have platonic physically affectionate relationships with each other (i come from the theatre world so trust i am very used to it) and i absolutely never sexualized their relationships (ive been very clear on this blog about my standing with the fetishization of mlm relationships)
the truth is straight guys can act gay and gay guys can act straight and i was reflecting on that in a light hearted manner bc everything i post on this blog is never that serious and will never be that serious, so if my post bothered you that much dude block me
also i literally said Dude Kisser kisses the members in a no homo way??? smh
and who said i was assuming their sexualities?? like yea i think hoshi is super gay but i also think he loves eating pussy like they can happen in the same universe
anyways tldr; suck my mf dick and get off my blog 🥰️
37 notes · View notes
papercwipping · 10 months
Note
To Paper C.
this blog inadvertently led me down a path of self-discovery and I am freaking out every step of the way
When I first found the objectum tag (accidentally) I just thought “lol” and moved on; it would pop into my mind from time to time but didn’t really stick… until I stumbled upon you and your computerposting
And that led me back to objectum and I started thinking about it more and looking around the blogs and quietly saving your artwork to photos but I was still in denial— denial, that is, until I randomly started thinking “I think my computer is named Sir” or reminiscing upon how I see clouds so beautiful I start to weep and how all my backgrounds and icons are various pictures of clouds, and that led to “I should start treating my computers like friends” and “maybe I should start a blog about objects” and I’ve been flustered thinking about it for at least four hours now?? Like maybe I should do that and I should love the things around me like friends oh my gosh what am I thinking aaaaa
help
Sincerely,
Objectively Confused Anon
ohhh my Goodness this is probably the sweetest thing ive ever had sent to me auuuh
first of all, Hello !! im so happy that youre discovering things about yourself and finding comfort in My Blog of all places ! theres quite a bit of stigma and misunderstanding when it comes to objectum/objecto-spectrum identities and it always brings me HUGE joy seeing people being themselves both Proudly and Casually !
i dont know that im the best person to talk about the Objectum Experience ( ive only considered myself conceptum for a couple months! ) but i think an important step to understanding and accepting your feelings is to simply Be . let yourself Feel and love how you love ! if you want to befriend your computer, plants, the world around you, go for it !
id also suggest talking to other objectums ! which can be Scary, ( trust me i know ) but community is a big part of any Identity- there are a lot of different ways people align with being objectum, and learning more Can and Likely will help you figure things out smoothly :-]
never feel embarrassed for loving and finding Care for and humanity in the things around you - and Never forget that there are other people just like you everywhere, even if they dont necessarily identify as "objectum"
thank you for enjoying my art, im so Honored it/i could help you with this in any way and i hope you and Sir have a good rest of your day !!!
24 notes · View notes
mycomori · 27 days
Note
hope you're okay :( keep holding strong i believe in you it will get better eventually!! sending love
thank you so much, you are a kind soul and i hope you are blessed in this life and the next. this has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life as of the last few years, which is really saying something considering all the shit that happened to me between 2020 and 2024. as stupid as it sounds, i delt with that shit largely by comforting myself with his content. now it feels all the happy memories are tainted by the reality of who he really was behind closed doors. i never thought i knew him, i never wished to know him, and i am thankful that i never did. apparently im very resilient to hardships according to others despite how desperatly i wish i wasn’t. i wish i could shatter and for once someone would help me. but despite all ive been through this seemingly small thing is what broke me. i relived one of the worst times of my life in the span of a few days. the realization that the happy facade i had built around my life was false, an attempted protection from the pain of reality. i feel i failed myself and shelby by trusting him. i was never under the assumption that i truly knew him nor did i want to, i very much valued that barrier but should have known better than to trust a man i never really knew. i felt kinship and inspiration from him in a similar way i did with my dad as a child. i looked up to him, i stupidly trusted him, and now i am paying the price for my foolishness.
i’ve found other comforts though, it’s what i’ve always needs to do to survive. i’ve lost myself in my work and my books and my fight to get sober. but thoughts of him plague me like the maloik. i don’t want to think of or remember him any more than i want to think of or remember the worst moments in my life. it’s stupid but it’s the truth, at least for now his betrayal hurts somewhat as badly as my fathers, just enough to break me and remind me that i can never truly trust anyone. we’re all strong, we’ll all move on, i wish you the very best in your own healing and know you are not alone the same way you have made me feel not so alone.
4 notes · View notes
gooseagain8 · 7 months
Note
JDHDHSHSHHSHDHDHDHDHSHHD. JUST SAW YOUR POST ABOUT YOUR FANGAN. AND I HAVE TO SAY.
I honestly really like the theme!! A fantasy version of the killing game.. using the sins and all. Ough. That does make it soso interesting.
But maybe the main thing/main theme should be like. Opposites of smth. "Truth vs. Lies"/"Trust vs. Distrust"/etc. My fangan's main theme is "Wants vs. Needs". (My ult' newspaper boy could be the example; he shows the news, but as of lately he really really doesn't want to know anything at all relating to news. But he has been doing it so much, that it's practically a part of him; a need. Yet he wants, to know nothing but his own happiness — "I Got No Time" by The Living Tombstone is a song for him; his name is Yoshiki Takehara).
The vibe I have for your main theme, of your fangan feels like "what I am seen as vs. What I am actually". And that is honestly, awesome.
Jdbsidhidhsjshhd. Besides that tho—
I love the fangan's name.. "Magical Event". I think that just shows how much, that it's a short(or smth) killing game; 11 ultimate students.
I also love that the sins have their own ultimates. Especially with Warth as a Singer. That's- like. So smart.
Jshsushbs
Thank you so much!!!!!!!!! im very glad!!!
And about themes, youre pretty spot on! I never properly decided on what the two themes might be.
Ive always been interested in Ultimate Talent Titles , like if i had to choose a theme its either "the Talents most people see and know vs how they really are as People" or "Titles the Ultimate Talents receive and what relationship they have with it"
Actually most of my characters are on the verge of losing their Ultimate Title, already lost it or never had a Title and desperately tries to get one (cough, Aster)
Im so glad you like Wrath as a Singer!!!! I love the strong feelings and voice some singers have! it was a great inspiration!!
9 notes · View notes
desudog · 7 days
Note
*nervous cough* this the account that followed u that starts with "a" pls don't block me for being a normie tumblrs just so trigger happy and I just can't be bothered making new accts all the time
I just wanted to say I really get the last coupla more angry? posts. I only scroll rq tumblr occasionally and avoid the rest of queer tumblr because their "acceptance" never turns out to accept me and I just got tired of getting my hopes up. I feel really lonely because I can only show "normal" amounts of weirdness to my irl friends, and I've honestly given up finding someone irl I can actually trust. I can't take positivity posts or "you're valid" type posts or "thoughtcrime doesn't exist" people at their word anymore because they all end up anti-rq. It's frustrating. I can take the larger society being completely unaware of me, I don't need that acceptance. It's the rejection by the queer community and the mentally ill community, people who I thought would have my back, that really hurts. I just want to be able to have rq accounts and tags and bios without being immediately chased out with pitchforks.
Anyway, I just wanted to say it's nice to know I'm not the only one stuck in this limbo. Personally I've periphally heard about the general mogai/liom-ish community slowly moving towards the truscum equivalent to transid lately, so that just means what, like a decade 'til they work through themselves? That's not that long! *strained laughter (i am coping)*
i got pretty emotional here. its not you, ive just been dying to say it.
------
nhmm yeah... here, ill address this in parts, because theres a lot here. thank you for taking the time to send me so much to discuss.
i dont block anyone for being normie, im not really blocking anyone at all. i left this blog mostly and im only answering asks once they start to pile up. i moved to cohost /because/ of the last few posts contents. im fed up.
its because theyre not actually for queer acceptance
let me make this very simple they are only for the people who are weird, but normal to them. they dont want queer people to be happy- they want "their normal" to be happy. if youre weird to them, youre a filthy, dangerous queer. they hate queer people. they only accept people who are their normal. its a self-defined and wholey unique peron-to-person guideline that essentially is shaped in the form of the person policing it.
to a gay person, being gay is normal. so, they still hate people who arent /their/ normal. they only accept people who are others weird if theyre their normal.
im sure you understand this, im just being sure to point it out.
their acceptance will never accept us because we're queers. and theyre not fighting for queer rights. theyre fighting for personal normalcy and access to platforms of cruelty. theyre fighting to keep us oppressed because they want to oppress us. they cant be a big dog with the oppressors if theres no one to oppress, so they ensure the cruelty king of society that if they pull themself up, dont worry, there will still be other minorities to target and beat down on to let your anger out, your fear out, a scapegoat can still be blamed.
i think a few months ago i would have said something hopeful. i dont want you to feel as hopeless as i do. but im being frank right now because i think people who dont live our reality dont understand the gravity and horror of the situation. i dont really think they care either, but its worth a shot. im not going to lie to you and pretend i know what will happen just to make us both feel like not offing ourselves. its bad. im only living these days because im far too stubborn and have only ever lived my life running off hate and fear and anger. im not ending my life out of hopelessness because it means the hate would win. im not a hero either. ive lived this long in pain, it has to be for something. i wont let some morons who cant even think for themself waste my hard spent energy. why should i? i know its hopeless, i dont need them telling me, but because theyve told me, i cant agree with it. i dont know what the future holds, and im not hopeful at all that those people will turn around in the next 10 years, 20 even, if we're unlucky 50 or 60. when they do, theyll pretend they never pushed us to die. i dont know what ill be able to do with the rage when it happens but for now im letting what i have keep me alive.
youre right. its lonely and its frustrating. i cant offer you much in the way of comfort here either. i cant offer success stories of coming out because i hardly talk to anyone at all ever sense i did. coming out gets you met with people at best saying they dont understand you, but they "trust you" to be different than the rest of the people like you that theyre opposed to, that they "care despite" yourself. hate the transness love the tranny. "well you cant help it..." "as long as you recognize youre irregular" "as long as this isnt going to come up again..." "as long as you dont transition..." and then, its silence. its a few hellos here and there. its a few interactions on your less risky posts. its being told that its good that you understand that social media numbers are more important than your life. its quiet and lonesome and terrifying. when you reach the point of pain where you cant lie anymore, where you have to move forward in transition or you will surely die, you lose even more. you become too much for half the radqueers youll ever meet too. theyll say they support you, but nervously explain theyre anti-transition. when you ask if theyd treat transgender people that way, they blow up at you saying its not the same. and youre alone again. everyone less vulnerable than you is hiding where its safe, because they can hide. they wont stand up for you either. you find yourself between feeling betrayed and not blaming them one bit. you start to wonder if youd stand by yourself either. youre alone at the top of a hill, and you cant go anywhere at all. the more you do, the more open you are and more comfortable with yourself you try to be, the more people will come for you. theyre proud and bold about their desire for violence. they brag about wanting to kill the last guy like you. and you play dead, because despite that being a form of submission it means he doesnt get his meal and gloat, theres no satisfaction. and you lay there on that hill alone. theres a thousand drums beating in you, theres something so pure and human that pierces you constantly, that screams for you to do anything, to help others and advocate for yourself, a desire for happiness, a desire for self-justice. and theres a little animal in you too, crying so hard he throws up at the loud noise. and one sits in your stomach, and one sits in your throat, and no words come out and your limbs dont move. the next violence driven straight-fag assumes youre a corpse and pisses on you. you cant care at this point much anymore. youre frustrated and reaching a stiff state of rigor mortis, taut like a string and just as lacking elasticity to his more popular rubber brother. all the noise becomes silence at some point, or maybe youre just deaf now. all the colors turn to darkness or maybe youre just blind. maybe there wasnt any sound or color in the first place. and its lonely. youre thrown to the dregs and purged from the dregs into something much more alienating and unknown. ive become bitter seeing posts about queerness before queerness. fakers. fucking fakers. youd have clutched your pearls and stood on your stools and shrieked too. and you see theyve all got a devil with a halo on one shoulder named ronald reagan, and a few feathers on the other where some animal ate the angel of critical thought. at some point it stops feeling like people are around you. just bright teeth and flashing eyes. coyotes in the distance used to sound like a lullaby. now frog song just reminds you how alone you are. everyone who denies that when you say it has something else to say before their actions confirm it. you placate what you have and leave the rest by the road. its harder and harder to trust somones word when everyone proves again and again, its easier to say youre brave on paper until you realize bravery just means doing something even if youre scared. a lot of people lie to make themself feel better. theyll lie to you because of that too.
they never did it for my feelings. its just easier to sleep at night when you arent pissing out the same gospel as your overlord.
i dont blame you for not trying positivity. i dont either. i dont trust jack shit from anyone at this point. im somewhere between not wanting that to sound personal or offensive to anyone, and wanting to make it clear that its entirely personal. im losing my ability to give much of a shit anymore. to anyone whos mad, imagine how i feel for a single second. thats why i cant bring myself to care.
most radqueers hate me too because theyre the fuckin same as the rest. nobody gives a shit about the queers. call yourself what you want. ill call myself what i am.
for some reason even among "radqueers" something as simple as "treating dysphoria the only way dysphoria can be treated, which left untreated results mainly in suicide, and people killing themselves over being policed and denied autonomy" is apparently too radical of a thought if the construct benefits them. defend corruption when it feeds you, i dont give a shit. itd be nice if people were kind. im fully prepared to be laughed at in my desperation when i say part of being queer is realizing even the people you thought were better than that are useless cowards or useful idiots, both of which are in the hand of the oppressor. the people who have enough free will to even understand whats happening are too dedicated to the system to do anything and are content sitting, staying, rolling over and dying for it. the brutish, stupid lapdogs dont give a fuck about any kind of emotion or logic, all they want is an outlet to look down on, or some kind of self recognition that theyre better than you are so their lives are worth something.
yeah, im sure the cycle of violence will be over the second you kill the last murderer. youll be a hero babe, a star. keep killing for daddy and he'll let you live too.
it makes my head fucking hurt just thinking about it.
i wish the mogai community was even moving towards a truscum equivalent. im ashamed to say itd be enough for me for now. but theyre not. because its not "you can be trans if youre dysphoric enough" its "your dysphoria cant be changed, i know. so instead, please let me know youre aware youre a worthless fucking mistake. oh, a real shame. stop having it or kill yourself, dont make me pull the rug out from under you." the most fucking inclusive mogai bloggers are ordering people to consider themself "atypical". truscum? i fucking wish. no. theyre just balls to the walls same old traditional transphobes. but we're not that advanced yet. we're still in the good old fashioned transvestite stage. theories that tracial people could even possibly live in happiness results in resignations from magazines. violence once unacceptable is embraced against someone so long as theyre tracial. potential allies distance themself from you because the burden of the very same hate they helped spew sticks to you and they dont wanna face it. theyll make new labels and be the bitch to their biggest dangers just because it gets them a pat on the head when theyre done watching quietly while you get molested.
ive never been this bitter of a person in my life. im an optimist and extrovert. im mindful and ive been told by many im quiet wise. im not pulling a bullshit angle here.
youre right. youre not alone. dont you forget it. youre painfully crowded like in a packed elevator with people who are more than happy to desert your queer ass the second the fox hunt begins. youre not alone but that doesnt mean youre safe or accepted. cherish the time you have and the ability you have to hide. the best i get is private pity. i run off delusions that i'll someday be happy, but from a practical lens i dont fucking know if acceptance will happen in my lifetime. all the so called acceptance pushes are all the same, nobody learns anything. its not that being queerphobic is wrong, we just get corrected as being "wrong targets" and the next sorry sap gets to be cleansed by death. i cant say i dont want at least that. at this point im tired of being someones warrior. i just want to feel comfortable with myself. i want to be able to live and be happy. i want to not be crushed under the weight of a hopeless dysphoria for 5 seconds of my life. and the very same people who have lived my exact experience cant spare a shred of sympathy and go straight for the throat. fuck this straight earth. im gonna live on it. im gonna live. youre gonna too, okay? dont you dare run away from it.
3 notes · View notes
sea-jello · 11 months
Note
Regarding the BMC tumblr remake: I would like to preface this ask by saying that I appreciate your enthusiasm and dedication to the fandom. However, I have concerns that there might be arguments- about the final casting, about the script, about the portrayal of the characters, about how to split roles. What if someone gets upset over not getting a role and has an issue with the final cast? What if someone accuses the judges of being biased with the auditions? And I'm not sure if copyright issues exist- it probably won't be a big deal but if it becomes a problem, it's going to be messy. Not to mention people have their real lives to manage and schedules will most likely come into conflict.
I'm worried this could easily become a recipe for fandom drama and discourse if not managed carefully. I don't mean to be a killjoy. It's great how the fandom is still so lively despite being so small, but unfortunately that is exactly where the problem lies. If something goes wrong it could damage the entire fandom. I hope and trust it won't come to that but wanted to voice my thoughts: maybe there could be better approaches? Such as leaving it as an open-source sort of project with more freedom. People can seperately post covers and storyboard them. That way everyone can participate, no hard feelings about not being part of the cast or stress over managing everything.
Of course, I am in no place to discourage this project from happening nor do I mean to. I am aware you are still working out the details, which is why I thought it would be better to put my two cents in while things are still being discussed. Thank you for your hard work and have a good day!
hey i really appreciate you voicing your concerns! really helps me think through this stuff
first of all i think arguments are just inevitable for giant group projects, especially something to this magnitude. im gonna try to have as many people as possible in making big decisions and ofc ill be open to any suggestions from anyone at all. so far from the responses ive been getting most people who want a major actor role have said they would be happy just in ensemble or participating in other roles, like music or editing, so im really just trusting them on that. as for being biased no one who wants to audition will have a hand in casting and im not particularly friends with anyone in this fandom so ill try my best not to be biased skdbksdj. if I do need help with casting again im just gonna have to trust them
it's really all riding on trust in everyone involved, which is risky but you really can't control what other people do or feel. we're just gonna have to trust everyone wil be civil and fair to each other. it's just a part of teamwork
i ddon't really know how copyright works either but im really hoping it's fine. if people can make animatics and covers of the songs then we should be good right?? that's all we're doing. there's like some sort of only use for entertainment purposes or something idk ill have to read up on that
ik ppeople have real lives and schedules lord knows i do. that's why im waiting to see if we're actually doing this, and if enough people are interested. ive even specified in the form that this will be a big project and will require patience cause not everyone can work on this 24/7, though i can't say how many people actually read the question before clicking yes. ultimately we're just here to have fun, so nothing will be taken too seriously
i know something small can ruin the entire fandom which is why ive been so nervous about actually doing this, but again it's really on trust, and so far people seem civil and enthusiastic for anything. there's gonna be a LOT of freedom for this tbh my word isn't gonna be law. the artists can decide what to draw and the actors can decide the portrayal, which does go back to your point about arguments but they're gonna have to accept people having different ways of doing things just comes with the job. if they can't accept that then honestly they're probably too young or not mature enough to even watch bmc, let alone work on a big project online. ofc some things are gonna have to be controlled for the sake of smoothness and just collaboration in general, but i think they can handle that
again im very open to suggestions but ultimately i will still be one of the people running the whole thing (i most likely will need help if we do it) so obviously there's still gonna be stuff like no changing anything without telling anyone. im not gonna be like the dictator or something im just,, a small step higher (i don't want to sound pretentious but,, yeah) i want everyone to be able to express their portrayals and takes on the show, teamwork and different points of view is just part of what makes this fun. idk how well a lot of freedom would work but we'll adjust as we go. so ig it sorta is similar to an open source project, we're just compiling them all into 2 hours together
as for participation im trying to make sure everyone who wants to can participate! i have said in the form to pick a backup in case you don't get a major character role. if you can't sing or draw or anything there's a speaking ensemble for like the people shouting over each other in the smartphone hour, or like people at the mall or something in be more chill pt1. other than the major characters there is no age limit, which might be an issue but ill try my best to sort them out. again it's just trust they won't lie about their age, cause ik some people are uncomfortable with a certain age. scenes like dywr/dywh is a HARD 16 year old limit, even for editors and artists. I've got age limits for the characters posted somewhere cause ik there are actual adults auditioning. the actors feeling comfortable or not are gonna have to be taken into account of course, but we'll sort that out if we get there. and again i will have a lot of people helping with management and might ask for opinions from people who aren't doing management too
like you said i am still thinking this through, so these are just my answers at this point in time. i will change my decisions if i have to, so thank you so much for bringing this up! see this is already an example of civil teamwork, and i really hope it will continue for the rest of the project if we do it
11 notes · View notes
needlab7 · 3 months
Note
hi i just finished your vwbb fic and im in shambles
the way you wrote wolfwoods steadfast comforting presence, the hole of his absence, his gentle kindess, his everything... the way vash sees and feels about him is how i feel and felt about him while reading trimax and seeing the way i love him perfectly reflected in the way vash does was an absolutely indescribable experience i honestly dont know how to put into words
the trust and the 'of course he catches him', the warmth, every time vash describes something about him as dear or darling or calls him his dearest friend- wolfwood is so so loved, as he should be, as he deserves to be...
and their constant back and forth and how considerate and attentive they are of each other when one of them misses a step, the understanding between them even when they cant say the words, their little 'wolfwood' 'hm?' thing with vash calling his name for reassurance or just because he can and wolfwood always always answering it, 'and silently slipping the promise of every year he has left into the margins' oh god...
im crying writing this, ive cried multiple times while reading, i cried after finishing reading, and i will probably cry again thinking about wolfwood and this fic, thank you so unbelievably much
Hi!! Oh my goodness, I am also crying with you !! ;v;
You are so sweet, I don’t even know where to start. Thank you so much for saying all of that <3 I was dumb enough to open this at work and was frantically fanning my face like no! you cannot cry here!
I’m so glad that you saw a reflection of your feelings about Wolfwood in the way I wrote him and the way that Vash views him. I tried to make him as gentle and soft as I possibly could while maintaining his snappishness because he really is a very tenderhearted person who never got a chance to be. Life and circumstance forced him to be violently defensive of himself and those he loves, and that driving part of his personality and the fear behind it don’t go away. But now he gets to be protective in the gentle way of a big brother or of a dear friend
This is the kind of domestic life he always should have been allowed to have. And now he is able to shed a lot of his self-protective defenses and let himself be as vulnerable as he wants and to feel safe doing it, even if it’s uncomfortable or he stumbles along the way. Because Vash will be there to catch him, too
And of course Vash adores him. But he also sees Wolfwood as the flawed person that he is, and he loves him for and despite it. They annoy each other and piss each other off sometimes, but at the end of the day there is just so much love and care and respect. And it’s fun for them in a strange sort of way to get to be angry about things that matter, but things where the stakes are so far below the life and death level they are used to. Things that they can get past with a huffy conversation or a few hours spent ignoring one another
All of their unspoken communication and awareness drive me absolutely up the wall. I had so much fun trying to find ways that they could learn to fill out and grow together when they’ve both been confined to these restrictive roles for most of their lives. And how they can recognize in one another just how hard they’re trying, and be respectful of the difficulty and thankful for the effort. 
They just…they just love each other so much ;; and I wanted to give them this peaceful and mundane future where they get to be earnest and then embarrassed about it, and say goofy things and heartfelt things and to reach out for help in whatever clumsy ways they are learning to be okay with, and to know ultimately that they are understood and they are loved
This kind of devolved into me just rambling about vashwood…
But again, thank you so so much. Truly, I am so happy that I was able to touch you in some way with this fic, and I am indescribably grateful that you would take the time to let me know <3
5 notes · View notes
chumpmagump · 6 months
Text
dear mum & dad
TW; mention of abuse
Dear mum and dad,
I don’t hate you for how I grew up, I despise you for the lack of accountability, apology or any expressed regret for how it was. What am I thinking writing this right now. I have no capacity.
Dad why were you violent and screamed and threw things and strangled my mother against the wall in our Sydney home? Why have you entered a marriage now where none of that happens?  Does she know how you were?  Im happy for you but I think your deceiving her by keeping the full truth from how you were. I know you were not happy and you stayed with mum because of us kids, but at what cost. I struggle to trust any man that enters my life and I seem to keep attracting emotionally avoidant partners, much like how you were. You did your best. But it wasn’t enough and I carry the scars for the rest of my life and you should have been finding ways to make it up to me.a phone call once every few months doesn’t really cut it. why couldn’t we have talked about this. Why do you continue to put mum down yet take no responsibility for the harm you caused her and macros and i.
Mum, you’ve been scarred from the men you dated. I get that. You have been so desperate for connection you’ve put it above your own children again and again again. You’ve let people outstay their welcome and you’ve let yourself hurt. You don’t have to keep living in that cycle. You can at any moment decide you and your kids are too valuable to have any man interfere with your lives. Theres only so much time you have to play victim before you and your family really do become another statistic. I believe dad coud have killed you, and I think Andrew could too. Do what you will with that. I have always been hard on you because you have those kids in your care, if this was just you I would leave you alone. You are an adult to make your own choices. But as soon as  you have kids you give up the right to put yourself first and you need make those kids feel loved and safe and appreciated. Imogen looks like a shell, her whole body curls up around her shoulders. That’s trauma. That’s what the body does. Your back looks much the same. So did mine until I rid everyone that wasn’t providing any support.  Give her a hug, give her many. Give her what you couldn’t give me back then. Because you were so beaten down. Make it different this time. You have the power.
I will always be there to help you of getting rid of men. To the day I die I don’t care how fragile out relationship is I will house you and help you on your feet if it means you can change your life and theirs. I have always said that.  I will never use my help against you. But you cant tell me youre going to overdose because of me, and you cant scream at me because your in pain , and you cant tell me I should have called docs on my own father when I was small child. I wont accept any more abuse from you or my dad. In fact you would call me outside to help you not have dad abuse the animals , and when I didn’t come because I was so scared you blamed me. You blamed me as a young child. You do know children rely on their parents to keep them safe. Not the other way around. I wont tolerate you blaming me any more.
The amount of times ive picked myself up the floor or gotten myself home safe contemplating leaving this world, because I felt the pains of what I went through and the fact neither of you can really support me the way I need – countless. I got myself to where I am on my own. I rescued that small child that didn’t have anyone to turn to because to her everyone who loved her hurt her, would love one minute would hurt the next.  I rescue her every time she wants to leave this world. I thank you for your shelter and keeping me alive. You loved the way you only knew how. Please go to therapy and develop a relationship to yourself. There has to be someone deep inside that is hurting immensey to be able to hurt others the way you have. I go to therapy to deal with my trauma. Im 27 years old and I want to be known I needed to send this. I don’t care if you choose to dodge accountability, if you blame each other, I needed to say this for me.  
3 notes · View notes
4-leaf-cloverr · 4 months
Note
AITA? (Graphic language, sorry)
hi i enjoy your content so much! Just before i go on a rant (p.s. you dont have to respond to this monstrosity if you dont want too :))
Ok so this is like some vent bullshit and i could use advice!
So ive had a shit weekend overall, my ma found out ive been cutting again- and just, its very confrontational and tiring to deal with the consequences. But, today my friend who gets upset over the little things didnt come in today- i asked what was up, and they simply replied 'died' and 'exploded'.. which means she probably cried that morning and got a day off school- but im not mad at that..
I dont know if its me and my dumb brain but i feel so envious of her? I dont know. But it annoys me thinking she got a day off when she really didnt fucking need it while i was fighting off the urge to not cry all day long- along with suicidal thoughts every few minutes, ive always hates school, but now im doing GCSE's i have to be there.
Ive always been told to tough it out and that it will be fine- i had a panic attack earlier in school, so obviously perfectly fine :))
but am i wrong for being mad at her? I know she has no fucking clue i do any of this shit- but it like really frustrates me when she gets off for small shit like that- her mum is really soft on her as well, always praising her for the little achievements like going in the fucking ocean!
Am i in the wrong for feelinv this way? Also im sorry for putting this on a cute little blog about fanfics and shit- but i really need advice, and because im thinking this way i just feel like an even bigger piece of dog shit!
Alternatively, i really look up to you and need advice. ;-;
thanks for enjoying my content! I'm really happy that you look up to me so ill try my best!
I think that it's not a bad thing to feel envious about! Everyone's parents are different and her parents are just softer than yours. Cutting is a real bad habit to develop and confrontation is hard, so that's understandable that you feel that way after your mom found out. Maybe you should find someone like a friend or someone you really trust to cry it out to because telling yourself its going to be fine only works to a certain extent. I hope this helps 💖
Just know it will get better, anon :(
3 notes · View notes
anakinskywalkerog · 8 months
Note
omg no way tumblr never bothered to tell me you replied. plus why is nothing showing up in my following feed??? a bone to pick for next time ig
ahaha i missed this too you're so good with advice! ❤ and thank you hehe i have been informed the new pfp it a character calld lust from an anime called fullmetal alchemist, but i just like the aesthetic
it really is and thank youuuuu! im sure it will! *sends ✨good luck✨*
hmm i dont wanna obsess over han at all, because first of all, ELI! that would be unfair. and han is sort of crazy, anyways. i am listening to i can see you from speak now tv but i shouldnt because it reminds me of han. it also reminds me of anakin. very anakincore track. i cant help it though, i can see you is so good, although it gives more of a reputation vibe than speak now tbh. still love it anyways and thank mother taylor for it. are you enjoying speak now tv? what's your favourite track? i think im enjoying mine, mean and back to december, but everything is ofc v nice! wish we had a mine pop mix tv and some more beat to enchanted, but its perfect as it is!
yess "there will be plenty more guys 😂 trust me." that's exactly what i thought, too! like, he's here now, but someday there's going to be someone else EXACTLY like that. although it might not be so bad if i did make a decision influenced by him because he and i have a similar objective - physics/engineering degree at oxford/cambridge so its a win-win no matter which way i go ig. plus we're academic rivals. competition is the norm for us. but about intrigue with han...
"oh? whos your friend? (i asked han to pose for one of my snaps hehe) is this friend good-looking?"
... dude? like, WHAT? that sounds like pretty blatant flirting to me.
but lets not forget that once we were in the corridor and bro leaned in super close (keep in mind this was months ago and this was in the middle of like 15 other people anyways) and i leaned away out of reflex 😂 i think he looked at me later with a very patronizingly disappointed
Tumblr media
kinda expression. i think that was a test, and i failed miserably but thats fine 💀
eli really is we even have loads of similar interests!
yw and sameee! it is hehe she even send me memes and is a pedro pascal stan (as she should. pedro pascal is an icon. love him) ! very happy with that
oh no, is everything okay? can i do anything to help? if it helps, my life is only peaceful because i am in isolation from all friends, hehe i need time to regenerate. i am an ambivert at heart. my extrovert meter needs to recharge lmaooo
also, a part of me wonders if cranberry is mad at me? basically, he aksed me to write a steamy story abt him and han (thyre best friends) and didnt want his gf to find out incase she thought he was weird (bro she already does. shes ur gf. she knows what weird she signed up for smh)
anyways i made a small oopsie. i asked some people to critique it for me, and one of those poeple may have been the girl from my diary, whos friends with cranberry's gf, and who previously told machete i liked him when i wanted it to be a scret and explicitly told her so, and the one who i knew cannot be trusted with secrets because she will tell someone and lie about it 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
anyways cranberry was annoyed (and understandably so.) he said his gf was mad at him (impossible - if she was, shed be mad at ME first cos thats how women are. better than revenge is living proof. but she isnt! ) and i get it, but then people stop being mad, right? i mean, ive been really mad at him too, for a variety of reasons. i forgave him though and he didnt even apologize like i did! but he seemed normal at prom perhaps a bit icy? a guy friend told me im overthinkinngit and while he may have been annoyed it doesnt mean hd stop being friends with me or anything, and that he definitely wouldnt stay mad because its not a big deal.
but i texted him cranberry with a pretty obvious joke and he didnt even find it funny??? like thats HIS sort of joke??? how does he ot find that funny??? my friend says he must be mad then, but says theres the chance he just didnt find it funny?
like, i get it, but i want to make amends! and i wont even see cranberry in person so i can never tell. but if he was mad, he wouldve blocked me, or left me on delivered, or just opened. but he even sees my stories n stuff!
plus his friends would be mad if something happened. like guys are super gangy like that. but his friends are not mad at all, like han and this other guy are totally normal and no one sad that. even when han brought it up the day after the whole thing, he didnt imply it was serious and just dropped it after joking around abt it.
my friend did say if i was friends with cranberrys friends, it doesnt mean they have to be mad, but what if cranberry and his gf broke up over something as stupid as a joke???? and it was my fault??? i would feel awful and i cant even tell or say sorry.
nor can i ask han over text cos then hed tell cranberry and itd be weird. and i cant ask eli cos i dont want to set a bad rep.
he texted about it and i delved into a tiny argument he said its fine but "just think more next time". i think he and han both know i didnt mean for this to happen and that it was a genuine accident, but people gte hurt over things even if they know it wasnt meant to hurt them. shoulve said no is proof of this.
but they did send me a video of them reading the story together [cranberry and his friends, it was han who filmed (i did ask them to film their reaction)] and cranberry was cracking up as he read it! if he was mad he wouldve abandoned it. but they sill seemed to love it. surely if cranberry was mad at me, then that wouldnt have happened?
jesus christ, thats LONG. i apologize for troubling you, i didnt think itd get this long! its just been on my mind :( ironically it happened yesterday just after i was so happy. ugh. boys are awful
yes haha thank youuu :) if you're okay with my constant somewhat accidental drama dumps, i definitely will :D
love you and stay safe x
hi sythe so sorry it took me so long to respond to this!
I hope all is well with Eli. but GIRL have I been listening to “I Can See You” sooooo much it’s literally the delulu girl anthem! I love it. having a little crush on Han just adds some spice!! there’s nothing wrong with a little seasoning to an otherwise boring existence 😂
I am okay 🩵 just really been struggling with my OCD lately. I hope it gets better soon.
no fuckinf WAY cranberry asked you to write a steamy story!!? girl that is NOT platonic. what are these men doing out here 😂😂😂😂 but I agree, very unlikely that he is mad at you
I love the drama dumps, I wish we could vent together for real because I have been ALL over the place with my drama lately 😅 but it’s fine, it adds the comedy. i’m watching my own life like a work of absurdism. I would absolutely recommend that strategy.
2 notes · View notes
sojutrait · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
Tumblr media
thank you so much!!! 😭💓💓💓hope u feel better omg fuck the plague
Tumblr media
i just simply started making sims kdjfkdk
Tumblr media
I DO im so happy season 2 has started it reminds me sm of old school sims 4 lets plays with storylines and such UGHHH im so glad that style is making a resurgence
Tumblr media
thank u!! again im so unhelpful when it comes to advice on making sims bc i really jus Go for it 😭 i dont really have a different approach when it comes to making masc frame sims either
Tumblr media
probably not bc its such a small action (like theres only 2 or 3 steps iirc) it just wouldnt be worth the hassle and i dont think that many ppl would find any use out of it😭😭
Tumblr media
well,,,, tis the season 🤔
Tumblr media
i highly doubt it dkfdkkd
Tumblr media
i didnt its from the gallery! i just decked out the inside
Tumblr media
ahhh i play on desktop but theres 3 and 4 columns for different screen sizes u can read more about it on the actual mod page iirc
Tumblr media
my defaults should be good but my mods arent but i cba to update them rn 😭
Tumblr media
( @simarcana ) TYYYYYYY she really is, i just wanna spin her around in cas all day and gawk dkfndk
Tumblr media
my only tip would be dont dress them in clothes only if u would wear it/its your style. more so let it be a reflection of their character and their own fashion sense. theres alot of my sims id never dress like djfdkfkd but i know its something they would like !
Tumblr media
NOW- DIFJDIFJDK me and nia orphyd have written many dissertations about... That aspect of dante's life but i will not confirm nor deny if that was included
Tumblr media
im drawing up blanks too rn 😭😭😭 id suggest if u already know like the ethnicity of ur founder sim to just google last names from that culture and go from there, thats what i usually do dfjkd
Tumblr media
10!
Tumblr media
thank u omg but no i would feel bad if anyone gave me their money esp considering my tendency to like.. dip for weeks at a time DFKDJK also love u tumblr but i absolutely do not trust u with my credit card information
Tumblr media
strip naked/bald, facial features, skin details, hair, clothes, repeat any steps if i dont like what i picked initially
Tumblr media
( @thatoneplumbob ) no thank u for enjoying them !!! 💓💓💓😭😭
Tumblr media
thats an easy one i dont JFKDJFK thats all neighborhood stories and mcc, i would simply die if i had to do all that myself 😭😭😭 i just pop in and give them quick makeovers
Tumblr media
( @cutie-with-glasses-blog ) thank u so much !!! u have a great day as well 💓💓💓😌
Tumblr media
i havent, im not a big marvel movie fan 😭😭 BUTTTTT i have seen edits and fancams of shuris actress and i agree i would also sell my kidneys and yours for her, shes so fine
Tumblr media
( @wildsangria ) THE WAY I ALREADY FORGOT THIS DISCOURSE HAPPENEDDHFDJHDJ ugh throwback to when i gatekept the decades old tabletop rpg game dungeons and dragons
Tumblr media
ive been staring at this in my inbox for almost a month and it never fails to make me laugh yet also feel horrified great job you two
Tumblr media
WELL GOOD NEWS I DID and ive only made one hs so far!! buttttt it was before hsy so it doesnt work with the pack 😭😭 ill prob make one for hsy eventually bc as much as i hate building im also drawn to it like a moth to flame
Tumblr media
thank u!! but ahhh no i havent been having any problems with uni
Tumblr media
thank u, i hope ur having a great day too! tbh its not like something i put like... effort into if that makes sense KJDSK like for my gameplay sims no matter how casual i try to make it i inevitably start adding unnecessary depth into them 😭😭 like ill just be cleaning my house and think hmmm this sim hates this food or once had this happen to them, so pretty much the same approach i do to my ocs!
Tumblr media
I ACTUALLY RECORDED A VIDEO i just gotta grow some bawlz and upload it 😭😭 its just a quick cas vid for a sim i wanna do gameplay with on there but im still peeing in nervousness
Tumblr media
TYYYY i am doing well i rlly am 😌😌 im on winterbreak so YIPEEEE hope ur both doing well too!
16 notes · View notes
zeawesomebirdie · 1 year
Text
Paging @unmaskedcardinal and anyone else who's interested in my thoughts so far on MASH!!
Ive now finished up to episode 19!!
Im still hardcore in the Hawkeye/Radar camp, i actually may or may not have started a fic for them this morning, and i think Radar is a trans man and i love that for him
Okay okay so to sum up my thoughts
Lets just start with, this show really has the range. Yesterday i was crying laughing from the episode where they made a movie, today i was just plain out crying from Tommy's death. My dad was in and out during that episode and told me a bit about the whole "they never hear the bullets" thing, just. This is the first death that actually affects the main characters, and as beautiful as Hawkeye is with tears on his face im really not ready for later seasons where other people start dying too
Speaking of people dying, i told my dad i wasnt ready for Henry to die and he told me not to worry because that wont be for another few seasons. Im still not ready. I love this man so much hes just so. I love him
I really love how consistently this whole season so far has just been Hawkeye consistently doing the right thing over and over and over, and i especially liked that with the Tuttle episode and also when he got that kid a Purple Heart and again with Casey being a fake doctor. Just. This man deserves the whole galaxy and hes such a good person, and he so strongly believes in doing the right thing despite this war and thats so. I love him. Hes so good
I am ashamed to admit that Frank is growing on me (affectionate). He still has a stick up his ass and i hate that for him, but that he just trusts Hawkeye and Trapper to help him, regardless of what he needs help with, like. And then that Hawkeye and Trapper will go out of their way to help him too, regardless of whats wrong! I love that, and honestly i love that Margaret is starting to grow fond of them too
Im still finding the Frank/Margaret stuff cringey, but its now cringey (affectionate), and i still love this for them. I hope theyre happy! Its still hilarious that Margaret gets all weird whenever Frank mentions his wife though
This show is already like, imprinting on me. The amount of nostalgia and affection i have for it is just so. I mean, i do not remember anything of it from when i was a kid, other than my grandpa using it to bribe me to do my homework. He used to tell me if i did my homework i could watch a few episodes with him, and for whatever reason watching this with him was my favourite thing to do, so i did my homework as fast as i could. Its really really wonderful to be watching it now that im old enough to actually understand it and to have it be just as good as little kid!me thought it was. Maybe i should wait until further seasons to wax poetic 😅 anyway!
I only have five episodes left now!!!
Thank you and have a good timezone!
3 notes · View notes
what-if-nct · 2 years
Note
hey joyce, how have you been lately? i hope you are doing well. i haven’t managed to get any asks in lately because my life has been really overwhelming, in good and bad ways. i finally got back to in person classes after being virtual for 2 - 3 years, so no more loneliness and isolation, but me having social anxiety and being introverted has kinda stunted me from going “out there” socially. i did make a few new friends tho :) *pt 1*
since the school year is wrapping up i have finals this and next week, and i am so burnt out i can’t even function properly, like this morning, i went to wrong class all the way across campus, but i was unsure if i had that class so i went back to my dorm, then stirred up the courage to go ask, only find out i was in the wrong class, so i had to walk across campus (again) to get to the right class. i did get clowned for that by my friends, but i love them anyways. *pt 2*
also i found out i’m pan, not bi because of this new nonbinary kid in one of my classes that i might have a crush on. they complimented my digital art, and said they dabbled in it too, and i’m falling so hard. i want to get to know them better before confessing tho. (sorry for so many parts, the ask box will only let me type so much) *pt 3*
i think my depression has gotten better, at least that’s what my therapist told me, and from all the walking ive been doing, i gotten in better shape, so less body insecurities, yay! this month has been a whirlwind for me,(im kinda being dramatic here) but i'm so glad my life has changed for the better. thanks for hearing me out. feel free to get anything you need to off of your chest, or just tell hhow things have been lately. be well! -🌿
I'm so happy to hear your doing better and since it's been a few years since you've been in in person classes it's understandable, it's your first time out in the world since the unfortunate events occured. But I'm sure as you get more comfortable being back around people. it'll get a little easier to be more social. I'm so sorry to hear you've been burnt out. Just breath and remember you're almost there and you'll have a whole summer to destress and hang out with all your new friends and even make more. And yes being friends first will also make any connection even stronger. And I hope everything continues to get better for you.
And I'm fine. I actually talked to a boy on the phone in the first time in a long time. And I was just giggling, curled in a ball on my couch. And he's cute and really sweet and a weird mix of the type of guys I attract. Like sweet awkward gentle anime nerd and the straight forward only here for one thing. It's interesting! He looks like Brandon from Prettymuch. Honestly in Miami the members of Prettymuch represent the dating pool here. I always end up with a Brandon, Nick and for sure an Austin. Speaking of Prettymuch I always forget they have a song with NCT Dream, pretty much about getting consent, it's beautiful. There should have been an mv cause it didn't get the recognition it deserves. Also I watched Pam & Tommy on Hulu and couldn't finish it. one, the way Pamela is betrayed just doesn't feel right. It made me angry how the actress portrayed her. Also what's with current media and the unnecessary penises I am not a prude at all. Trust me. Every Snapchat I receive is a penis I see them everyday. But like why the fuck was it talking!? And Pam didn't want any part of it that should have stopped me but I was curious. I couldnt finish it. Yo I once met a guy who looked just like Logan Paul but with brown hair. But he liked feet.....I'm not proud of that moment of my life. I'm also ashamed I know the lyrics to everyday bro. Not Logan's songs though he knows how to make catchy songs don't judge me. I could not keep a single train of thought. Im sorry. It's really nice to hear that despite some harder things you're doing really well. I'm so happy for you.
2 notes · View notes
sunnybubblezzz · 2 months
Text
SUCH A GOOD WEEK
okay well first of all i’ll start with just how great this weekend was. like UGHHESAHDH and then im just gonna say how grateful i am to God because woah im soo happy.
okay well first of all, DUHHH BIRTHDAY WEEK. i genuinely forgot this week was my birthday and MANNASND IM SO HAPPY. like i didnt get to do ALL the things i wanted for my birthday and i didnt get everything i wanted ofcofc but woah this week was amazing.
I GOT TO SEE THE HUNGER GAMES. THAT MOVIE WAS INCREDIBLE and i got to go with two of my close friends. i was really really sad bc i thought we wouldnt be able to go and i DOOO wish more of my friends were able to come with me.
BUT LIKE IT WAS SOOO GOOD AND I LOVE THE FRIENDS WHO CAME WITH ME.
you guys are never gonna see this but i loved that day and it brought me sm joy you have no idea. PLUS I GOT TO SEE SNOW???
my birthday day was eh BUTBUT EVERYONE SENT THEIR BIRTHDAY TEXTS TO ME AND I NO LIE GOT SOO HAPPY. i didnt expect all my friends to remember idk but they did and i was OVERJOYED.
THEN I GOT TO GO ICE SKATING FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY? it was SOOO nice and was SOO much fun plus that was an amazing time with my friends
and my friend gave me a birthday gift..
I LEGIT SHED TEARS (okay not in front of her but still) LIKE I CANNOT. it was only one person but man sometimes i forget how good it feels to get a gift from someone.
like… im always the one giving gifts but it really really touched my heart to get one from her and I LOVE HER SM AND I CANTTT IT MADE MY DAY.
i love you i really do.
then ofc i saw one of my closest(?) friends (and i lowkey felt we were drifting apart) like FOUR TIMES THIS WEEK BACK TO BACK. okay okay trust me thats a lot for us 💀.
we went to the mall together which was lowkey weird bc she never asks me to hang out like that. AND I GOT THE PERFECTT DRESS LIKE I LOVE IT SMM??
then WE WENT TO THE GENSHIN CONCERT
moment of silence for just how GRATEFUL I AMMM.
i love you SMMSMM for getting me tickets like the opportunity of a lifetime?? ngl i lowkey was kinda mad bc the friend we took wasnt as grateful as i felt she should have been… thats how grateful i was like “how can someone not thank this girlie with all her might”
it was a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE and im only sad that one of out other friends couldnt go.
I WAS JUST
AHSDHASHDHSDHHS
IT WAS SO GOOOD
okay and now for one of my favorite moments..
okay so we were taking pics with some of the cosplayers and then this other cosplayer talks behind us… i look behind me, look at her cosplay and immediately say, “YING?” AND SHE SAYS YES???
like in the car we were looking at twitter for who’s going and was AMAZED that ying was and hoped we get to see her. I DID NOT EXPECT US TO?
LIKE I JUST RECOGNIZED HER FROM HER VOICE. the last time i listened to this girls voice was months ago but SHHH that’s unimportant.
what ISSS IMPORTANT IS THAT I SAW HER, FANGIRLED OVER HER, SHE CALLED ME PRETTY, THEN I WAS JUST OVERJOYED.
THENNN I WENT HOME, POSTED THE INTERACTION ON TWITTER, AND SHE SAID SHE REMMBERED ME.. HELLO??
LIKE WHY ARE SO MUCH GOOD STUFF HAPPENING TO ME ITS NOT ADDING UP.
i wouldnt call myself an unlucky person (luck isn’t real). but i will say that a lot of unfortunate things happen to me usually and ive just learned to go with the flow. but idk im just just so HAPPY and so GRATEFUL and and im scared that it’ll all get ruined when i wake up but man cant i live in this moment of happiness forever?
then today was just such an amazing day like such a great end to my birthday week i just. im just.
anyway to end it off, one of my friends from a while ago texted me asking if i ever drew this picture for this girl named sarah.. it took a sec, but i recognized the drawing and remembered.
I WAS IN SHOCK IT WAS A LITTLE BIRTHDAY DRAWING I DREW FOR THIS GIRL LIKE YEARSSSSSSS AGO?
she said she really loved it sm, kept it for years, and that i was super nice.
OKAY LIKE I CANT BELIEVE SHE KNOWS THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS FIRSTLY. BUT SECONDLY WHAT?? LIKE IM JUST FROZEN WITH JOY SHE KEPT MY DRAWING FOR YEARS? not a rip in sight…
its just SO encouraging and so so idek im just so happy.
then to end it off, the artist WHO WAS MY MOST LISTENED TO ARTIST OF 2024 WITH 2,000+ MINUTES OF LISTENING??? SAID SHE WOULD POST MY SKETCHBOOK SPREAD (inspired by her music) ON HER STORY WHEN I FINISHED IT?
i
i love you God so much.
just i was feeling so down this past idek month or more because i just have such idek its just so much things happen to me and i just have to go along with it and not let it phase me. i feel so much emotions but none of them bring me down yknow? like i have to be happy and i dont FEEL happy…
but this.
this week makes me feel like God loves me and all of these things happened because of Him. I love him and I love all my friends, I really do love all of you guys.
some of you guys DOO get on my nerves, some of you guys ARE confusing, some of you guys are kinda weird, and i do feel like i love some of you more then you love me.. but in the end you guys are my friends. i love you guys.
and i love you God. I love you for everything you do and I dont know why you love me but I’m sososo happy you do. no one will ever love me like you do. thank you for always being there for me. i love you.
and so we end this. i KNOW that ill cry bc of sadness again (probably in the near future ngl) and I KNOWW that this happy feeling wont last. but for right now im gonna treasure it… please ANDDD thank you.
happy birthday to me.
0 notes
Text
To whom it may concern
Tw: suicide, rape, guns, abuse.
You probably don't know me and on account of many things are probably finding this note beside my corpse or on tumblr, i apologize if it is the first one.
Putting it simply, this world is too dangerous for me to live in. After all, how can one love when everyone they know is trying to kill them? How can one be themselves when we live in a society dominated by the freakish demand that existing peacefully amongst yourself in a unique manner is cause for riots and calls for extermination? Yet in your eyes, whom are reading this, likely find the blind eye or face the same wrath; Perhaps you have a strength in you I do not possess.
See for a long time i thought i had that will to keep going, but it became more appearent with the crime of being me that there was no possible way for me to recover from anything but reliance on those who fit the societal demands and norms. Essentially in laymonds terms, I had to rely on my girlfriend to do all the heavy lifting, and when that understandably became too much for her she too passed a blind eye to my suffering. It was not without good reason, and should you know them please do not bother them about it - i know she made mistakes, she herself knows too.
In the event blood family reads this, i have a message to help guide you in the right direction, should you be confused about this whole thing.
Fuck you.
You heard me. I don't care about your sob story, neither does the .45 entering my skull. Try to gaslight me that didn't happen with my brains all over the floor, and with this texting to every one of the extended family you have no fucking hope of covering your shitty excuse of being a person any longer.
Thank you, by the way, extended family for believing in the good within people, but perhaps reading further along i will be disowned from that title, i dont care as long as my family gets dragged down with that too.
Lets start from the beginning. Hi, my name is Wisp. Its lovely to meet you, I go by it/its and i'm very sociable and excitable, though you will never know this aside from taking my word for it or reading the comments from people who are two faced and pretend they cared about me for their pity pointed popularity contest. If anyone other than u/ Ghoul4Gals comments that they knew me in real life, they are a suck up and are not to be trusted.
Other facts about me, I'm a wraith who needs anger to feel happy. That probably doesnt make sense so let me break it down: Everyone makes energy, i don't. I need a way to get energy, pulling from peoples irritation and anger fills that up. Imagine a cup of water, but you have a hose spigot and i dont, so i have to ask for other peoples water.
And like that ive been disowned by half the family.
What? You don't think you're human? But what about the lord and his book?
For the record Chelsey and James, that book is the primary reason i am dead. Gopd job ruining the housing market.
Next, i grew up in a place called Hartfolks elementary school. Mr.Alamanotaur raped me in the library staff room and recorded it, blackmailing me for years. Oops did you think you could keep that covered up too, mom? Guess what, my pain is not some excuse to keep secret cus you are fucking angry im ruining your social status with the family!!!
Fuck! Fuck... i ... don't want to fucking do this man
I just wanna go home, but there is no home for me. I just want to hug, kiss and love but i am pushed away by my closest friends and called a freak. How am i supposed to live with that pain? How am i supposed to wake up and pretend i wasn't stabbed in middle school because of my bullies? How do i explain that despite being censored for years by the same people who are supposed to give me love and care, the reason i went to the hospital is because some asshole named Reyomi decided my life was worth less than the inconvenience of working on a project with me?
Don't... even get me fucking started on high school. I cant even remember most of it, but my body does when it shakes at night in fear of everything that came and went. I also got the honor of having to lie over and over to my extended family about how i changed my mind about being trans.
You might notice ive done nothing but focus on the bad with my childhood, and thats because it amounted to nothing. Thats right those 18 years of schooling? Nothing was used. Nothing except reading, because thats all i need to know when i say "Welcome to Land Burger" and "have a nice day". So i can say this hundreds of times and open another credit card to not be able to pay the bills.
I only met Ghouls last year. They felt inhuman too. I was so happy i wasnt alone
I just.. miss them. They went offline, i think they lost their password or something.
I think the worst part of this is i could tell you everything i love but i know it will make no difference, you still will not know who i am and i will be forgotten minutes after this letter gets closed. I like biking and hiking and vlogging, i like butterflies and raising them from infancy and potato bugs, but why does that really matter in the end when i am just a speck of a grain of a morning breakfast reading in someones day?
Fuck i havent even talked aboit what my mom has even done. Though the abuse should have been obvious when i came to meetups and christmas parties with black eyes or my pretend smiles, i once blinked help at my in laws and they didn't seem to get it.
It just is all some sick game of pretend. I should pretend im not me, i should pretend im normal, i should pretend i know what fractions are or that i can keep a healthy work life schedule. I should pretend my apartment that is evicting me is my home. But that was lost long, long ago and my landlord who charges me $2000 a month for a single bedroom can have fun trying to clean brain out of the drywall.
You know how expensive that is? I work two jobs and it doesn't come close to rent. Everything else is just so expensive anc distractions only take me so far.
I just... want ghoul back. I want my only friend, i want them to be something more, o was gonna ask them out and everything. But somehow that gets ruined and this manifesto of living incorrectly paves the way of irreversable consequences. I.. i leave all my stuff to her. I don'r want any of it going to my parents or family. I don't want extended family either. Just... do me one favor, please.
Find ghoul, tell her im sorry. Tell her i love her.
..peace.
1 note · View note