hello!I have a question about your alpha troll iceberg.

When did kurloz sexually assault meulin?I cannot find the source for it on my own.

I’m also a little skeptical since:

1.kurloz feels some form of guilt for deafening meulin.Not as much guilt as he shows,considering how he technically breaks his oath of silence by using his purpleblood magic

2.he isn’t openly sexual other than getting the codpiece,which I view as him following any orders from gamzee and/or lord English.And also his game sprite may have a bulge to it?im not sure about my second point

3.i don’t know why he would do that because he doesn’t abuse meulin that way.In openbound 2,he treats meulin more as an easy pawn to assist him in his malicious plans to help lord english & gamzee rather than sexually assaulting her to ruin her and then manipulating her.

I’m really curious to know when this happened,since it would reframe his already atrocious actions as even worse

Also I have a bias since I have a weird attachment to kurloz for no canon compliant reason.

Hopefully this isn’t too long…it probably is but I hope 8]

I applaud the thoroughness, actually, and thank you for reaching out. I love when people ask me to Cite My Sources, so to speak.

It's in one of the Signing portions of their interactions, so I do not necessarily blame you for missing it.

This is clearly non-consensual touching that is being framed as Upsetting on Meulin's end and Deliberately Creepy on Kurloz's.

I'm not really sure how I feel about it. Well, I feel bad about it, obviously, assault is literally always bad, but I really cannot decipher Kurloz as a character. Not fully, really, 'cuz he doesn't have much of one. To me, this reads as a pure, unadulterated Makara Moment, and I'm frankly just kind of tired of it. Kurloz's character is just a nebulous haze of Plot Instigation and Racism. Gamzee's character is also just a nebulous haze of Plot Instigation and Racism. These are both characters who are coded as Black, who are portrayed as being very dominating, abusive, and physically + sexually violent - especially Gamzee. Kurloz doing this is weird, but it's not... Shocking, I guess.

His relationship with Meulin is absolutely, uh... Troubled... To put it nicely... What, with him manipulating her into a cult and mind controlling her into doing his bidding all the time, on top of this assault, the Bullshit Clown Magic having the side effects of Confusion, Brain Fog, and Memory Loss, and her still seeming to have some kind of suppressed attraction to him... It's complicated. I think it could be genuinely very fascinating to explore, if one has the stomach for it. And a deft enough hand... And is capable of handling it all with maximum sensitivity. It's verging on something really good... But it falls kind of flat, and it's fucking exhausting that we're having this same damn conversation with another fucking Makara.

This could be done extremely well. There's some genuinely solid grounds here for exploring a very complex, very visceral abusive relationship, kind of like what was going on with Gamzee and Terezi, but... There was both just not enough time to set that up fully, and also I am so tired of Makaras being Like That.

I wish I could say this was surprising. I really do. It's not, though. It's like... On par with Gamzee being kind of a Necrophile. I just have to sigh and throw my hands up and accept it. Like, god dammit, okay, I guess we're doing this today! Sure! Whatever! Fuck my life.

NEEEEEEEED to stop stressing over shit i should not be stressing over

Maybe one day I'll snap and truly stop being nice because what @milfcommandercody said on my lil essay is very true and YES I do want to go apeshit and start calling people bitches but the second any person of color anywhere says anything that's not nice we get called a bully. Folks keep accusing me of bullying and also of being white, for some reason. And they use both of those reasons to be like "see now I have no choice but to be racist and just sit here and not do anything about the racism I pretend to care about because those nasty ethnics the ~milfcrowd~ weren't super nice and holding my hand and wiping my ass >:(((((" Soon enough I'll fully lose it and we'll just see what happens from there.

But like the bizarreness in being fully rude and expecting nothing but civility in response. For several months now I've been getting nothing but racist responses to a post I made about antiBlackness and the fetishization of Black death on AO3. Someone said I didn't really care about Floyd's death and that I was just using it to coverup up my real goal, which was splitting everyone over support for AO3. Basically they called me a psyop. People accused me of just wanting censorship. Folks spread lies about who the real author of the fucked up fic I was referencing was. And then people kept making it about purity culture (a vicious form of oppression women in religious fundamentalist societies have to suffer under where their value as a human being is tied to their sexual purity for their husbands--not about fucking fanfiction) and THEN they started talking about """antis""" mind you, I'd come in saying "you people need to fucking do something about racist fanfictions. Something. Anything. Because as much as it's a community, clearly most of the members don't care."

And I think the funniest part of it all was when someone sarcastically said "you can't expect all your media to be pure". You know. Speaking down to a Black person about what I can and can't expect for Black people in media. I said the world will end before y'all start respecting Black people and they went to the lengths of changing their URL. Which is funny because two posts down they had reblogged something about listening to BIPOC.

And another person made a comment about antis just wanting this and that, and naturally I snapped and they started getting anons about how they should stay safe and "I hope nothing comes of this I hope it doesn't blow up" I'm sure y'all have seen my responses to those. I'm not nice. It's antiBlackness. my Black ass is not obligated to be nice to folks who just straight up disrespect Black people. Chew on it.

But then I remember those people who say "hmmm they're right but they're rude about it so ultimately I won't do anything :/" and it's like woooow you really really don't care then. You never cared! Youve centered your ego in your "activism" and I stg if you check these people pages they hardly say or do anything in support of PoC. Or even worse when they talk about supporting PoC but then they just reblog racist shit anyways dnsknsks "performative activist" the call is coming from inside the house! Accusing me and my friends and my friends friends' of being performative activists because of tone. Because our tone made you uncomfortable. Because you're assuming that we're not doing tangible work to support the groups that we're trying to defend on here--which is clown behavior through and through lmao.

I don't know where im going with this. I guess I'm mad. This shits tiring. Its exhausting. it's anxiety inducing for me and all my friends. I know for a fact that if me and my friends all shut up right now about racism in the fandom, racism in star wars, and racism in general, those that criticize us wouldn't change their behavior at all. They'd continue to not reblog PSAs about racism. They'd continue to not bother educating themselves or others about racism. They're not in the notes of even the basically informational posts about these things. These posts hardly even exist on their blogs. They prefer to reblog and write essays about bullying and fandom drama and antis and all the other things (mostly white) fandom mom types like to latch onto. They don't care and they never cared and they have the nerve to say we're defending ourselves wrong.

(please do not reblog 🤗 I'm just ranting and there's hardly cohesion to this post. But feel free to comment if you like)