#and frustrated with myself
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[cries in introvert]
#being an introvert who is shit at texting/messaging makes maintaining relationships hard#and im constantly reassuring people that i do still give a shit#i just dont#know how to be normal#and i dont have any energy#and i dont have anything i want to talk about!!!#im SO BORING#i crave connection but i sometimes wish people didnt expect anything from me#so i could just#stop disappointing them#im so fucking stressed right now#and frustrated with myself#and tired#emo shit
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I'm so exhausted. adhd is ruining my life. I *finally* got my shit together to renew my driver's permit after months and months of trying to convince myself so I can *finally* *hopefully* try to get my driver's license and i thought "oh, I'm going to the DMV, let me update my address on my photo ID too while I'm at it, it'll be great"
reader, I have now lost my photo ID
#im so mad#and upset#and frustrated with myself#because i get over one massive hurdle to have another one pop up and hit me in the fucking face#im gonna have to go back to the dmv i think#i stg i remember seeing it loose in my bag and being like “oh man i need to move that so i dont lose it”#WTF!!!!
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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god i miss when this artist posted (<- is the artist)
#the heron speaketh#having a frustrating evening.#i keep promising fun things but i might just have to post something simple and self indulgent before i get in gear again#i have ideas but nothing will fucking posess me enough to actually sit and work on it i just keep picking and picking at things#this sounds pathetic oughhg woe is me but there are like. almost 450 of you. who followed for art. and i DONT POST#shaking myself by the shoudlers would you just draw please
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The interesting thing about medically transitioning is how you might just be treated with the wrong framework.
When I get my hormone levels checked, for instance, they check it against the wrong type of person, so everything is flagged. Did you know that testosterone encourages hemoglobin production? Well, my hemoglobin is perfectly in line with male levels, but my levels are checked for the wrong endocrine system. Before I realized this, I was really confused as to why my hemoglobin was two grams over the range given, and was confused as to why that happened, and worried about if I should be worried about that. But it was a normal consequence of my testosterone levels, which are also flagged though they are well-within the range that is typical for my age and health categories.
The way we treat and measure for trans people and trans patients will affect the treatment and education they receive. There are ways in which hormones especially can influence how one's body operates, and with that in mind, you also have to change the way you interact with a trans person. With my testosterone levels, if you were to measure them against the incorrect endocrine system, you would fail to treat me in reality - that being the way my body has changed and maintained homeostasis since being on T.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#trans medicine#i still need to get my levels checked but i've been busy#but since going on T they have been very satisfactory#like even going 'they should go on assigned sex' wouldn't work for somebody like me.#like. i am still on testosterone. and it's changed me and my body. therefore the way i am treated and measured ought to reflect that#hemoglobin is a fun word to say though. try it. say it. out loud. say it (are you afraid.)#i use myself again as an example because i think that experience perfectly encapsulates my frustrations
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Team W! As in Who let them near the fire rods???
Four, Legend and Hyrule
#linked universe#lu warriors#lu wild#lu wind#my art#lu#Warriors' hair and the Slate made me want to scream in frustration#Why do I do this to myself?#I am genuinely so proud of how Wind turned out tho#I just wanna smoosh his cheeks#Also there is no way that boy lives on the ocean and doesn't have a hell of a tan#anyways#feel free to come yell at me about LU!
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Let's talk about some lesser known symptoms of autism! Maybe this will help some of you get a broader perspective on what this can be like. There is a whole grab bag of symptoms of autism, but here are some ones you may not know that you have.
Focus on truth
What does this mean? Well glad you asked. This is the focus on facts and logic rather than anything else. People have shown this as autistic people may refusing to lie because it goes against what they find as true. But that's not always the case.
Have you ever used logic to try and figure out your emotions?
Are you someone who doesn't understand why others may speculate when the current knowledge is right there? (such as subtext versus canon knowledge or theoretical arguments)
Do you find it frustrating when others avoid their problems as a way to avoid figuring out negative things? (such as avoiding conflict in a friend group)
Is it easy for you to talk about your strengths and flaws? Do you know your likes, dislikes and limits pretty well?
High context communication
This is preference on details and the full context of any situation. Often going into great detail and backstory to anything.
Do you feel as though you need to overexplain to give the person everything they need to know?
Have you ever apologized to someone by explaining the deep and meaningful reasons of why you did it, before you said you were sorry? And maybe even felt upset or confused why they reacted badly?
Have you ever felt stressed out because you wanted to give others full detail but they either interrupted you or cut you off?
Are you stressed out by people who tell you what to do and not why they want you to do it?
Are you ever told that you talk back a lot?
Do you prefer recipes versus verbal/vague instructions? (All the things that you need such as ingredients, measurements, prep time, etc.)
Do you really like watching deep dives and knowing about the whole history of something you're even vaguely interested in?
Identity diffusion
This is not everyone's experience, and it is common in a variety of other disorders such as DID and BPD. However, it is when you do not know who you are in regards to others. This is also known as identity disturbance.
Have you ever felt like an outsider without knowing why?
Are you deeply interested on what other people think of you? Especially if it's all the time?
Do you really like taking personality tests and quizzes? Are you interested in horoscopes?
Do you feel like you don't fit in any one specific group? Either being a loner, or hopping in between many different groups?
Do you ever feel weirder than the "weird kids" group? Do you not really get along or feel like you belong with them?
Do you have low self esteem when it comes to comparing yourself to your friends? Do you feel like they're better or more capable than you?
Do you feel drastically unimportant and not as interesting or cool as everyone else?
Have you ever related to narratives surrounding a character that is the last of their kind?
Do you feel like your identity is a vast and gaping void, that even if you learn a little bit, that you'll never know everything?
Internalized repetition
This is one of those traits that not every autistic person experiences, but that some might. You could say that for all autistic traits, but hey, good to know regardless.
Because of internalized repetition, you may not do many external stims, besides vocal.
Do you listen to a song over and over again? Perhaps having a playlist on repeat?
When stressed out, do you type the same word or phrase over and over again?
Do you like looking at the same things, such as the same color or the same artist's works?
Do you really like certain patterns, crystals or aesthetics?
Do you enjoy games with recognizable fighting patterns? (Such as character rotation, boss battle rotation, etc.)
Struggling to connect to others *
This is something that's been characterized by struggling to connect to others through their emotions, but the opposite is actually true for many autistic people.
*I will be talking about those who struggle to connect to others who are emotionally distant or unavailable. Being emotionally distant or not showing emotions externally is a trait that many autistic people share, but for those without alexithymia, they may struggle to understand why anyone wouldn't like to talk about their emotions.
I don't know the specific symptom term for this, so please bare with me. If anyone would like to inform me about what this is called, please tell me.
Do you struggle to talk with dry texters, or tend to over-examine people's tone through text?
Do you have anxious attachment?
Do you feel disconnected with many other autistic people and struggle to make friends or talk to them?
Do you feel embarrassment or shame with being emotionally sensitive?
Have you fallen down the rabbit hole of things like starseeds, star children or empaths?
Do you want to talk about serious emotions a lot, even when its not appropriate?
Do you trauma dump or wish people would become more emotionally intimate with you? Do you enjoy it when people share their deep traumas with you, even if it's triggering?
Are you constantly reassurance seeking?
There is plenty more symptoms out there, and these are just a few that stood out to me, because I think I may be autistic. I've always related somewhat, but never connected the dots. But there are reasons for that, such as identity diffusion and thinking I'm different from everyone else no matter what.
I struggled because I didn't seem to have a lot of the outward and visible symptoms that were often talked about. I thought every autistic person had alexithymia, when that's just not true.
My best friend, who has similar symptoms to me, along with another close friend of mine, have a similar presentation of autism. And it's taken quite a bit for me to accept or process. I feel like I'm faking my experiences just because I've self diagnosed before. And I'm angry that ADHD isn't given enough significance.
But I think I might be autistic, and this article that I based this post off of, confirmed it. So here's my post informing and coming out on that. You can be autistic and highly masking without actually knowing what's going on is masking. You can be autistic and have a spectrum of verbality, you can be autistic and struggle to connect to anyone who isn't immediately emotionally intimate with you. You can be autistic and not relate at all to other autistic people.
You're not alone.
#babey posts#actually autistic#audhd#autism#autism spectrum disorder#i know its a spectrum disorder but bro it doesn't feel like it#its broader than you might realize#you can be autistic and struggle to accept it#this has been the most frustrating and painful realization#i just. i feel a lot of negative feelings at myself about this#but i want to curate a place for people to exist without judgement#and before the anti self dx ppl come in here. this has never been the blog for you.#if youre like this. you belong here.#and if you just understand this. you also belong here.#you're not alone
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Started playing botw
#sheerak#the reason he's so expressionless is so important to me#mob and link my neutral face blorbos#recent school semester was really hard and I didn't get to practice much drawing so now I feel like teaching myself from the start#and it's super frustrating#feeling like my time is running out honestly#loz#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#botw#zelda#she's not there but it's my tag for loz im sorry#Spotify
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xiaolumi resurrected from my heart for the new year!!
#genshin impact#genshin impact fanart#xiaolumi#xiaolumi fanart#lumine fanart#xiao fanart#rameiixo#i havent stopped thinking about them. like ever#i feel like i could go on rambles forever about how thoroughly special they feel to me#aside from… xiao being my love……#but thats for another day#i have all these ideas and i concept them#but i always think i cant do those ideas justice ? like what kind of creative redundancy is that#i got so frustrated with myself that i do not care anymore i want to make things i love#excited to see where i end up a year from now!
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While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.
Bye.
#ask me#anon#once AGAIN.#I am not dropping anything#the au is not getting cancelled. more than likely i'm gonna take a break from it until i find motivation again#But I've been drawing the AU for half a fucking year#In that time I've only drawn 5 things that aren't mlp related#I'm getting tired and my last few posts didn't do as well as I'd hoped#And I'm not about to burn myself out on mlp au art even if I really do love making it#I'm still gonna make comics. I have a bunch of ideas.#Tulli and I still wanna do the limited run merch shop#Discord is still coming. Sunset is still coming. Sombra is still coming. I have so many ideas#But I need to do something else for my own sake. Did you know I was supposed to get the background 6 designs done by now#But I didn't because I'm TIRED#I've been keeping myself on a schedule to keep content pumping despite travel and school and family and I'm tired#what i'm getting isn't matching what i'm giving and that's nobody's fault. i'm not frustrated at anyone. a slump was bound to happen#drawing the au was fun until it become my Thing. Because when your Thing––your identity––starts to faulter#it can really make you freak out#And that's not healthy for the project or for myself. I need to find the fun again and I'm sure I will#I'm really appreciative of everyone's support in my inbox and replies it really does mean a lot especially given that about 2/3 of my#followers followed for mlp. But if you're gonna react to me saying “i'm gonna cool down on mlp art and draw my own stuff” with “i'm#disappointed in you." then Leave! I think it's good you're unfollowing#you are not obligated to stick by my side! But don't act like I'm doing you a disservice by turning my attention elsewhere#I didn't promise anyone anything and I definitely didn't say I'm breaking any promises.
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Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.
Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU
#knitting#no it's not a real pattern but I can't write one that makes sense because I have no freaking clue what any of that means#How do you make things that aren't basic rectangles#Why has every knitter I've asked for help just said 'patterns are easy; you just have to know how to read them' & then refused to teach me#Where do I even find a goat to sacrifice#How do I join the pattern cult#I am so confused#I've been knitting for almost a decade but I can only make scarves and potholders#I learned one (1) stitch by watching a YouTube video and none of my friends or family knit so I have no IRL resources#And nobody I meet seems to want to take the time to explain the rest to me#I taught myself to sew through trial and error but that doesn't really work with knitting because error is pretty much just... Unraveling?#Anyway sorry for the tag rant I'm just frustrated that I see pretty things I want to make but the instructions are in an alien language#And the gap between 'absolute novice' and 'intermediate' seems to be about 20 years of experience and formal instruction
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Shen Jiu should make dark jokes about his time as a slave but no one gets the jokes coz everyone thinks he is a spoilt young lord from a noble family.
(Except, Yue Qingyuan. He gets it. He is currently screaming, wailing inside coz sometimes SJ is a bit too detailed JUST to make him feel even MORE guilty.)
#qijiu shenanigans#qijiu#shen jiu#original shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#svsss crack posts#svsss#can you imagine if yqy gets too frustrated at one if those “jokes”#and he just mutters “its not like my sword was eating me” a bit too loud#deadly silence follows#“WHAT THE FUCK?!”#“Xiao Jiu plz calm down!! You're on the verge of qi deviation!!” *starts panicking*#“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND MYSELF!!!”#“Please! Don't kill yourself!”#liu qingge was about to visit zhangmeng shixiong but after hearing all the ruckus from a distance#he thought to himself “Not. Today.” and flew back
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Setting gentle intentions for care for a sick day:
I deserve soothing heat and cleanliness (take a bath)
I deserve vitamins and immunity boosters (eat some fruit)
I deserve healing (power down and try to take a nap)
I deserve more healing (inhale that steam)
I deserve comfort and hydration (drink lots of hot tea with honey under a pile of blankets)
I deserve to rest and smile (watch something funny)
I deserve to let go of everything else today (cleaning, work, etc., can wait)
I deserve to feel pride for prioritizing my wellness
I deserve to learn that care is beneficial (look back to see that the world didn’t end)
#mental health#self care#self love#positivity#I was so frustrated with the fact that I was sick yesterday that I didn’t really do anything to help myself#today I will#today I’ll be gentle and caring and take adnavtage of the time I have to do so
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some wip game stuff, because i've been working on it almost every day for over a month and it's killing me a little to not talk about it
#character: kotya#character: asya#character: sasha#character: shurik#setting: robot#artist: cbge#im not setting any deadlines for myself because this is my first time ever making a game so i have no idea how long the rest of it will tak#making it is very very fun but also very very frustrating because i sort of have no idea what im doing. but its ok#it will be very short anyway. and mostly explorative. simulator of mashing interact button on everything and reading text to learn oc lore
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hi!! just rambling that I like this manga panel quite a lot. In the game Nagito just has his shrugging sprite he uses when he rambles, but in this panel it looks like he's genuinely surprised and I like that. He's still smiling so it still feels eery and off but he seems genuinely shocked that he, presumably, got complimented on his appearance. Like it's honestly comical and really sells the idea he's never been complimented on his appearance before that point, even if it was a misinterpretation. It makes me giggle and feel a little bad lol.
It's also really funny how the only thing we know about Nagito's parents is this joke and the fact they died in a plane accident due to a small asteroid ☠️
Honestly overall I really love the art in the Danganronpa 2 recap spin off mangas the art style is so nice everyone looks so great and pretty and the poses and expressions are so fun!!!!
nagito's so pretty lol
#nagito komaeda#danganronpa#danganronpa komaeda#danganronpa nagito#sdr2 nagito#sdr2 komaeda#sdr2#danganronpa goodbye despair#komaeda nagito#dont mind the shit quality for 3 of the photos#i couldnt find better ones and i wanted to show those ones specifically#and i got frustrated so i just took out my physical copy and camera myself lmao
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I don't need a vacation, I need a sabbatical, where I go live in an abbey in switzerland for six months where I read and garden and study and stare at the sky and learn about birds and make some art and write a lot and help feed the nearby village with the garden crops and there are no ads or algorithms or tv shows or fastfood restaurants and I walk into town once a week for phone and internet to check on friends and family and then I go away again and preferably there are cats and goats and those soft brown cows and one shaggy dog and I learn I have a new favorite constellation and type of flower and shade of green.
#ragamusings#anyone else?#had to drive v carefully around a phone-distracted driver on my way home and i wanted to shake him by the shoulders#had someone want a refund from their show bc they didnt like it (we didn't have enough cast members apparently???)#and i watched horrific news unfold#and i'm so angry and tired and frustrated#i took a week-long staycation and only began to feel like myself again on the fifth day#anyways you can reblog this if you relate it's not just a private ramble#but idk if it is relatable or not i just want it deep in my soul#but alas i have no money and sabbaticals cost money ironically#and who would take care of my cats
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