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#and for the dumbest reasons
soyalexnajera · 2 years
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KING SHIT BEHAVIOR BY ALEX HIRSCH
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okadaizoirl · 1 month
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getting severely clear just how many people have never heard someone tell a trans man "honey, gay men call each other 'sis' and 'queen' all the time"
(or maybe never listened when a trans guy opened up about it)
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baking-bugs · 6 months
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metadede week: sweets
a regular occurrence at the kirby cafe
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ddarker-dreams · 8 months
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random yan chrollo blurb because i can't stop thinking about him even if i try . 🙏
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“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“… Are you still sure?”
“I’m still sure.”
“Swear to me.” 
“I swear.”
“That wasn’t sincere enough… swear… swear on the Troupe. In the name of their, uh, honor, or whatever.”
“Honor?” The word sounds humorous coming from Chrollo’s lips. “Very well. I swear on the honor of the Phantom Troupe that I won’t go back on my word.” 
You sit across from a formidable opponent. Fate has decreed this your lot, so you’ve taken what has been forcibly thrust upon you and sworn to crush it. However, at this stage, you’ve modified your parameters to be more realistic. The new, somewhat more obtainable goal is to leave a dent. Or a scratch, perhaps. 
For this dream to be realized, risks must be taken. The risk in this case is a willingness to interact with a man named Chrollo Lucilfer. His is a species defined by its tenacity. Through trial and error, you’ve concluded that typical avenues of escape aren’t in the cards. Nothing concerning the life you lead now is ordinary, so creativity and a solid vision are paramount. 
Your adversary sits leaning forward, his elbow on the table, forearm extending upward, and palm open. He observes you with the degree of amusement he always does, content in waiting for you to make the first move. 
You take a deep breath. Oxygen floods your being and blood circulates in full force. Every system in your body is primed and ready, there’ll be no better window, so you take it, springing into action. 
Contact is made with his outstretched palm. You steady your footwork for better balance, then pull, demanding everything your muscles can deliver and then some. This immense exertion of force is the culmination of your efforts. Hours of scheming by the window, exercising self-control not to pour salt on his strawberries so he’d be more affable to your requests, running mental calculations and simulations… 
… Alas, it’s not enough. 
You pitched a pseudo arm wrestling competition where you could use any means necessary to make him budge. You didn’t dare stipulate that you successfully pull his arm down, your hubris doesn’t extend that far; but the slightest movement on his part would spell your victory. A victory that’d have him fulfill any request your overactive imagination could conjure up. These terms and conditions were smoothed out in a verbal binding contract. 
His countenance is the same as it would be if he were flipping through a book or pulling his phone from his pocket — entirely casual. He isn’t even straining himself to maintain this stalemate. It’s possible that his physical strength is simply beyond your understanding, as is that parapsychological phenomena he refers to as Nen. 
“What,” you heave, disbelief coloring your tone, “Is your body made out of?” 
“Oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen—” 
“It was rhetorical, Mr. Alchemist,” you cut him off. 
He simply shrugs and smiles. Somehow, his arm still hasn’t moved an inch throughout that exchange. The thought of this metric gives you pause. An idea is sown and imbued with life in the span of a few seconds. 
“Ah, that’s the expression you get before you say something endearing,” he comments, almost dreamily. 
You ignore him and straighten up, ready to argue over technicalities like your life depends on it. Seeing that you’ve abandoned your previous scheme, he relaxes back into the chair. 
“I have a case. How do we know your arm didn’t move… an atom to the side?” 
Chrollo tilts his head. “An atom?” 
“Yes. If an inch is a unit of measurement, there has to be something smaller. So maybe your arm didn’t move an inch, but it moved the width of an atom. Are you following me?” 
“...” 
You barely comprehend it. 
One second, you’re standing, the next, you’re sitting, with arms and a familiar cologne engulfing you. You can feel the low rumbling of his chest. He chuckles into your ear and secures you tighter against him upon sensing your instinct to struggle. Scowling, you cross your arms while he regains his composure. 
“Don’t be cross with me, dear,” he smooths out your shirt, as if it’d exonerate him of his transgressions. “I’m not laughing at you. You’re just… everything. Everything I need. I’m sorry. Please finish your point.” 
“Court’s adjourned.” 
“That’s a shame. When might it reopen?”
“Never, you’re sentenced to death. No appeals.”  
“I thought you opposed capital punishment?” 
“Each second that has passed since this conversation began has regressed my views by a decade each.” 
"I'll just have to hold onto you for the time being then."
All you can muster the strength to do is sigh.
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paimonial-rage · 1 year
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cocky bastard vibes - zhongli
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ship: zhongli x reader
synopsis: in which reader shares their free thoughts on the liyue statue of seven
notes: standalone snippet part of the bookkeeping!verse
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It was a beautiful day in Liyue. The grass was a luscious green and the birds were singing a beautiful song. After a nice stay at the Emerald Maple Inn, you and Mr. Zhongli decided to have a cup of tea next to the Statue of the Seven before heading on your way to Qingce Village. You were to accompany him to pick up supplies for the next funeral rite, and with the way the morning was going, you knew nothing would ruin this peaceful day.
"So how much do you want to bet that Rex Lapis was hot and knew it?”
You ignored the choked sound that came from your side as you gazed up at the picturesque statue. Though your companion would probably consider your question quite out of the blue, you couldn’t say it was the first time you wondered such a thing. Whenever you passed by one of them in Liyue, the thought always plagued your mind for a few hours after. Judging by Mr. Zhongli’s reaction, though, it seemed he did not share your sentiments.
"Ehem… That… certainly is an interesting thought. I can’t say whether or not previous records touched on such a topic."
You hummed, gazing up at the statue. Really? That couldn’t be true. Why wouldn’t anyone talk about a statue looking like that?
“Well there are many reasons why I’d say I’m right. First off, his outfit. He has a hooded cloak on while also being shirtless. There’s absolutely no logical reason to dress like that unless they’re from the deserts of Sumeru, wouldn’t you say? It obviously was a conscious fashion decision. If you pair that with the seductive way he’s sitting, I’d be inclined to assume he’s quite clearly feeling his look.”
Silence came from your side. Hm, Mr. Zhongli still wasn’t convinced? Then you would go on.
“You do see it, right? His posture is relaxed, yet confident. Not to mention the way he’s looking at that cube in his hand with practically bedroom eyes. His knees are apart too. My friend from Sumeru told me that when a man sits like that, he’s displaying his dominance.”
Still silence.
"You can't sit in a seductive pose like that without on some level being aware you look good doing it. I mean look at him! He's shirtless and everything! I've heard even macho fishermen say that they pray to the statue for a good night before coming home to see their wives. You can’t blame them, right?"
A hesitant cough.
"I-I'm sure it was a younger time when those statues were sculpted."
You groaned.
"Maybe, but you’re not even looking! If you did, you’d agree with me that Rex Lapis is clearly exuding such massive 'cocky bastard' vibes!" You countered.
For some reason, the more you spoke, the more flustered he became.
"C'mon, Mr. Zhongli! Why are you so embarrassed? It's not like I'm slandering his good name! I mean, if Rex Lapis didn't want us talking about him like this, maybe he shouldn't have made a statue with abs clean enough to eat off of!"
Okay, maybe at this point, you were piling it on a bit thick. Could anyone blame you? His face was in his hand as if he had a headache, and were his ears tinged the slightest hint of red? It was an interesting sight. Never had you seen him look so completely flustered. Sure you were rather blunt, but you didn't think your words were that provocative. Mr. Zhongli really was practically a 65 year old man.
"I thought you respected the Geo Archon…" He muttered weakly.
You gasped in offense.
"I do! I’d even consider my words the utmost of pious behavior. In Mondstadt, the sisters of the church consider themselves married to Barbatos, the Anemo Archon. So finding the Geo Archon to be a sex god is pretty much the same thing, right?”
“No, it is not.”
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stergeon · 2 months
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enbarr, sometime in 1186:
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ok so @frozenartscapes made this addition to my post about byleth and edelgard writing each other letters all the time, right:
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well i kind of lost my mind and now we're here.
i'm sure this meeting is salvageable :0) hubert's sanity, however,
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pianokantzart · 1 day
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katagawajr · 5 months
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here’s a few dialogue highlights from gale origin run (act 1)💀
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introspectivememories · 10 months
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at the center of gotham, lies its oldest public hospital — gotham general. it’s staff are kind and compassionate, if a little intolerant of bullshit. the city may not care about the crimes that occur in it but the people certainly do. gotham’s emergency services are renowned throughout the nation as one of the best. 
the ER nurses at gotham general love to gossip and their latest is about how their ever-reliable EMT bernard dowd, who'll rush into burning buildings if he thinks he can save one more person, who smiles so brightly and brings them cupcakes on his days off but has such sad eyes, seems so lonely. they determinedly decide to find a date for him. maybe dr. zacharia thomas, their latest trauma surgeon? yes, yes! he's only a few years older, bernard knows him, they get along, and most importantly, he's got a stable job. he'll be perfect for their bernard!
and then, literally only days after they decide to set up dr. zacharia and bernard on a date, head trauma nurse marissa santos comes running in with a copy of gotham daily, clutched in her hand.
"look! look! nakita mo ba ang balita?" she whisper-yells, "did you see the news?!"
instantly they're all crowding around her, trying to see the paper. covering the front page is a blurry photo of a black-haired man engaged in a passionate game of tonsil-hockey with someone who is unmistakably their youngest EMT. he's still wearing his uniform for christ's sake! in the largest font known to man, "WAYNE'S NEW PARAMOUR?" is written at the top.
"he's dating the wayne ceo!" marissa gushes excitedly.
"isn't he a little too old for bernard?" someone pipes up from the back.
"not the father, you idiot! the son! timothy!"
that's way better than their candidate. everyone is stoked. by nightfall, everyone in the ER knows that bernard dowd is dating timothy drake-wayne, the youngest ceo wayne enterprises has ever had.
when bear stops by, at around 2 in the morning, dropping of the last patient from his shift, he's immediately accosted by the nurses.
"whoa! hey!" he exclaims as they lead him to the nurse's station and sit him down in a chair, "what's going on?"
marissa slams the paper down in front of him, "spill."
bernard groans and turns cherry red, "oh my god tita. don't you guys have patients to attend to?"
"already taken care of." nurse gu says.
"what about mr. gomez, the one with third degree burns that just came in?" bernard tries desperately.
"dr. zacharia is already on it." dr. esperanza responds, "so spill."
their youngest tries one last time, "how do you even know if that's me?"
"there are like 10 blonde people in the EMT department and considering all of them are older than you and none of them seem to have the three ear piercings that kid in this picture does, we're gonna have to assume it's you." dr. farah nasim, one half of the head of the ER, says.
bernard turns on her with a betrayed look.
"sorry kid," she snorts, "also, you're still wearing your uniform in the photo. it says 'dowd' on the shoulder."
"im too old to be bossed around like this." he mutters before sighing, "alright what'd'ya want to know?"
"tell us everything!" marissa says, "how did you two meet?"
"we were friends in high school and we fell out of touch after junior year. he hit me up on insta 6 months ago and we reconnected."
"oh my god!! they're high school sweethearts!" nurse gu squeals, "that's so cute!"
"tell us more! who asked who out?"
"okay well, technically he asked me out but he didn't know he was asking me out. but we went on this date at this restaurant and it got attacked by some villain and red robin, but he was going by robin at the time, rescued. so i told robin, 'hey if i make it out of this, tell tim drake, i would've liked to finish our date'. and then, tim, shows up at my door the next day and says 'i don't know what this feeling i get when i'm near you is, but i'd like to find out'. and the rest is history."
"bernard, what the hell?" dr. esperanza says shocked, "that's the most rom-com-esque story i've ever heard."
"what?" bernard blushes, "no it's not."
"bear," esperanza says slowly, "he showed up at your door and said 'i don't know what this feeling i get when i'm near you is, but i want to find out.' that is something straight out of the notebook."
"no, no! he's such a dork!" bernard assures them frantically, "he does this thing, when he laughs too hard, he snorts and it sets him off again and it just keeps going. and you should've seen him in high school, the biggest skater boy to ever exist. he's teaching me..."
and bernard goes on and on for the next 15 minutes, trailing off only when he notices them all smiling at him.
"what?" he says shyly.
"you're in love with him, aren't you?" dr. farah says.
bernard chokes, "what?! no! ...maybe?"
everyone shares a look between each other. marissa steps forward, "well on behalf of the gotham general ER staff, i can assure you, we all approve."
"thank you?"
"bring him around sometime!" nurse gu says, "we'd all like to meet him."
"why? so you can give him the shovel talk?"
"of course!" dr. farah says, smiling widely, "he’s dating our youngest! we have to threaten him!"
bernard's voice is suspiciously wet when says a few moments later, "thanks guys."
and so on it goes for the next few months until marissa comes back after her break, deathly pale. everyone worries but she refuses to tell anyone what's wrong. and then a few weeks later, nurse gu goes on his break and comes back shocked. and then a month later, dr. zacharia comes back from a quick step outside, lips sealed shut.
and on it goes until there is one glaring truth the gotham general ER night staff cannot ignore:
bernard dowd is dating red robin. open relationship or cheating, to be determined.
a year after the news about tim drake and bernard had been released, and half a year after the, what the staff has taken to calling it, Red Robin Scandal™ began, dr. farah calls a night staff meeting.
the staff meeting is boring as usual until the end when dr. farah opens the conversation to the staff to voice their concerns.
"are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?" dr. esperanza asks.
"i think bernard might be cheating on his boyfriend!" marissa blurts out before slapping her hands over her mouth, horrified.
“oh thank god.” esperanza sighs.
"wait you saw them too?" nurse gu asks.
"in the narrow walkway," dr. zacharia starts.
"between the ER and jacobson building." dr. esperanza finishes.
"exactly!" marissa says.
"i caught them in the parking lot once." dr. farah admits, mouth pressed into a grim line, "they were pressed up against the fence in the back — y'know where the light doesn't shine? — kissing each other like they'd just come back from world war 2."
"ay, how could that boy be so stupid?" marissa sighs, "getting caught up with a vigilante?"
"maybe it's like polyamory?" esperanza says, ever hopeful.
"whatever it is," farah says, "he should know better than to get involved with those people. we have to talk to him."
they pull bernard into an unused conference room, just the 5 of them, 3 weeks later.
"hey, hey!" bernard exclaims as they shove him into a chair, "what's going on?"
nobody speaks.
"guys?"
"are you cheating on tim drake?"
"what?"
"are you cheating on tim drake?" marissa repeats.
"no! why would you think that?"
"everyone on the night staff has caught you kissing red robin at least once. wanna try that again?" farah says.
bernard sighs, "is that what this is about? doc, i swear to god, i'm not cheating on tim."
"so he knows?" zacharia asks.
"yes zach, tim knows about me and red robin."
"and he's okay with it?"
"yes. tim doesn't mind me dating both of them." bernard says, a smile playing on his lips.
nobody speaks for a while.
"so..." bernard breaks the silence first, "are we good here? do you approve?"
"no." esperanza says, "we don't approve."
"what?"
"he's no good for you." nurse gu says.
"you don't even know him." bernard says incredulously.
"oh and you do?" zacharia says scathingly, "he's a vigilante bear. how much do you really know?"
"more than you zach!"
pleadingly bernard turns toward farah, "c'mon doc, you don't agree do you?"
"you know, when you first started dating tim drake, i had my reservations. rich people and all that. but i figured with all that money, if you ever got roped into rich people problems, tim's money would help out. you'd be taken care of and he clearly loves you, so i didn't mind too much."
"but this..." farah trails off, "i can't accept this."
turning towards marissa, "tita, please."
"don't do that, bear. wag kang tanga. it's not good to be with him."
"he loves me! is that not enough?" bernard near-yells, "i thought that's what you wanted. someone who loves me!"
"enough to quit being a vigilante?" esperanza asks.
"quit being a vigilante? are you guys hearing yourself?" bernard asks angrily, "he saves the city on a near-nightly basis and you want me to ask him to give it all up because what? he's dating me?"
"so let him save the city without you." nurse gu says, "why does he need to drag you into it?"
"he's not dragging me into anything! i am a full consenting adult! i chose him! what’s so different about what he and i do anyway?"
“well for one, our job is legal. and two, there are safety measures put in place so that you don’t get hurt. so that your coworkers don’t get hurt. your man walks into the joker’s lair with an inch of kevlar and a prayer on his lips.” zacharia says.
nurse gu sighs, "look. nobody here is mad at him for saving the city. everyone here knows somebody who has been saved by the bats. but the deal is that they save the city and they don't drag anybody else into it."
"the bats, whoever they are? they chose that life. for whatever reason, they chose that life and all the dangers that go with it. you’re not stupid bear, don’t get involved with whatever he has going on. pick literally anyone else.” farah says.
“you need a third person that badly? take zach! the ER was planning on setting you up with him before we found out about tim, anyway.”
“what?” zacharia says, rounding on nurse gu.
“you know what?” bernard says, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly, “ i don’t have to explain myself to you guys.”
“you can’t marry him.” marissa says.
“who said anything about marriage? i’m 22!”
“you clearly love tim. you two seem like you’re going to last a while and if you love red robin they way you love tim, them somewhere along those years of being together then you’re going to start thinking of marriage. what then? how are you going to explain red robin to the people you love?”
“we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
“look, bernard,” farah says gently, “we’re not doing this cause we don’t want you to be happy. you mean a lot to me, i think of you as my son. we just-”
“you’re not my mom.” bernard snaps out, “you’re not my mom, you’re not my aunt, my uncle, my brother. you guys aren’t anything to me!”
he turns and walks away.
“farah do something.” marissa hisses.
“let him go. he said he’s an adult right? then let him make his choices.”
“but,” she says, raising her voice so bernard can hear her, “if anything goes wrong, and i mean anything at all, i hope he knows that adults don’t have to do everything by themselves. that they can ask people for help.”
bernard’s hands still on the doorknob. “thank you.” he says voice rough, “nothing will happen, but thank you for the offer.” and he walks out the door.
bernard dowd, is 22 year old EMT that has too much heart and not enough brain. he’ll rush into burning buildings if he thinks he has even a minute chance of saving someone. he’s kind and he’s sweet and more importantly, he’s dating timothy drake-wayne, ceo of wayne enterprises.
if you ask the ER night staff at gotham general, after a lot of prodding, they might tell you that bernard dowd was one of the youngest EMTs to ever join the gotham county emergency medical services. they might tell you that bernard dowd has been wondering if he should become an AEMT or a paramedic. they might tell you that as the major receiver for all patients, bernard saw them all the time and imprinted on them like a baby duck. and if you’re really close they might, tell you the ER’s biggest secret: bernard dowd is dating both timothy drake-wayne and red robin. or they might just let you walk in on them making out behind the ER. whatever comes first really.
(if you get close enough to a certain group of people on the ER night staff, they’ll tell you that bernard dowd has two hands and he uses them to hold onto his boyfriends. 
they’ll tell you that tim drake is a nice boy and they’re a little worried about their bernard fitting into the circles a wayne walks in, but he’s a nice boy who clearly loves bernard, so they’re not too worried.
they’ll tell you that that red robin character is no good for their bernard and has no business getting so close to their youngest. that red robin is going to get bernard into trouble one day, the kind of trouble that you don’t come back from.
and if you get really close to them, they’ll tell you over lunch breaks and muttered whispers, that both boys are going to break their youngest’s heart. and that if they had to pick, red robin will do it first. that their bernard loves a little too deeply and that they're worried that it’ll break bernard.
but they’re not too worried, they say. because bernard has them and if that bastard red robin breaks his heart, then they’ll pick up the pieces, they’ll sew him back together if they have to. after all, bernard stitches up half of gotham every night, this is the least they could do.)
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the-unconquered-queen · 9 months
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If you think about it, the eras of PB’s obsessions form a pretty linear timeline of a shitty relationship. Hear me out: first came the barrage of wedding books, then it was the pregnancies and parenthood, but now they’re tired of the picturesque shit so we’re on to the affairs and homewrecking. At this rate we’ll be playing divorcees or widowers by next year.
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wild-magic-oops · 3 months
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Not to pull a dudebro l2p moment here but if you can't keep Gale alive and he barely does any damage/is barely useful in a fight, particularly later in the game, then that's on you. You made shitty choices in the level up screen, and then you're making shitty choices in combat. Learn to use him well instead of coming online and shouting with your whole chest how inept you are at playing a certain class while shitting on a character in their tag
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kenshimybeloved · 3 months
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Just finished the season so here are some screenshots of Bi Han lookin fine as fuck 🙏🙏🙏
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nayruwu · 5 months
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shinya and norito dynamic
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bl00dfur0fd00m · 7 months
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Darkstripe fans, this is what you're repping?
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bulbabutt · 1 year
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so me n sibling finished rise rewatch with all the newfound turtle lore after our big tmnt media binge......... many feelings i wanna get out
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firstable........ how anyone watched this show and didnt think those were the ninja turtles in purest form i will never understand. like you cannot deny any of these characters being the same characters but with new roles to fill. raph is the protector. mikey is the heart. leo is the strategist. donnie is the brain. it just created a new dynamic, but never strayed very far from what came before
second....... take the ninja turtles and just hammer home a story about generational trauma and healing from it, giving them strength from how much they love and trust each other.... you break my heart wide open i am crying
to me they are the best amalgamation of all the turtles who came before them like: silly and sweet like 87, they have this close familial understanding unconditional love like 03, and this overarching story of bringing a family back together like 12
started this watch of all turtle media because rise on its own felt so good, but having gone back and seen all the other pieces i was missing makes me appreciate what it was doing more, because i felt every other series and movie in this one in spirit, but with the ideals of the modern cartoon saying: hey kids, its okay to ask for help, youre not alone, your feelings matter, and the people around you should support you
and on top of that, obviously the most visually stunning version to date, utilizing years of lessons learned from western cartoons and anime, meshing together in breathtaking action, but also having the most hilariously snappy comedic animation that uses what seem like cheap movements of a frame to make every line of dialogue all the more hysterical, and having these very expressive characters be able to be very subtle in the touching emotional moments.
i genuinely love this show so much and i feel really stupid for not having watched it sooner, and the fact it is the shortest of all the shows that never got the chance to finish its story makes me so sad. but at least what story it did get to tell was beautiful.
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driftingballoons · 5 months
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Rotom looks kind of like a virus, right?
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