trying to address my brain fog by reading about greek mythology. I’ve found I can watch very few videos on the subject because of the absolute surety people will say absolute bullshit without any acknowledgement of how much we don’t know, how much history and mythology is missing, and do not at any point acknowledge the holes in their research. I swear I hear the words “Persephone only had one myth” and I go a little crazy.

though that being said I do find ganymede really interesting and I know what he’s supposed to represent and that he’s the very root of the word ‘catamite’ but... as his exact age is not directly addressed I can make him a really young looking twink, and technically since Zeus stopped him from aging physically he could be any age. Honestly I like the idea of a ganymede who has grown old in mind and cynical about the world. also helps that there are a few stories where Eros cheats him though I haven’t read the full writings, it could be interpreted as a frustration with Eros inspiring Zeus’ attraction. (though it is interesting to try and think of what the most beautiful mortal should look like. I think the main descriptions are like... ‘young, prince, shepherd, fair haired, so fucking pretty’ I’ll have to look at some greek male models to try and get an understanding for a good face structure. I need to do that regardless because there are far too many greek gods with button noses and tiny chins in modern art. though I admit I have some trouble translating the completely straight bridge into art. I keep thinking ‘it must dip in from the brow’ but nay tis not the case in a lot of art so hopefully I can find some references from multiple angles.

also I have to get better at drawing curly hair because also there are too many greek gods in modern art with straight hair (though admittedly it’s easier to draw ‘cause it’s got no texture or definite shape, you can ignore straight hair for the most part when you’re drawing, and hide a lack of skill easier.) I also need to learn how to draw beards because I do appreciate that most adult male greek gods were drawn with beards. you know to symbolize their strength and masculinity and stuff. but they are hard to draw and I need to figure out different styles for different gods. I think it’s mostly Dionysus, Hermes and Apollo of the main gods that don’t have beards entirely to emphasize their youth and beauty (hence Dionysus losing the beard when adapted to myths where he’s a younger beauty, old old Dionysus had a beard and represented a lot more than I can ever hope to know because of the nature of time and the loss of information. I am giving him horns back though)

I need to sort through the headwear that set the women apart. Hera and Persephone both have a sort of diadem which makes sense since they’re queens, Aphrodite has like a band holding her hair up, Athena has a war helmet.... I know everyone had shorthand clues for less detailed art (trident, hades’ dual headed spear, zeus’ lightning, hermes’ hat so on...) so I want to find a way to keep those things in the character designs somehow. it’s hard sorting art sometimes because so much has been mislabeled and so much art the online source has since been deleted and ‘all pottery art looks the same’ and it’s like ‘here’s zeus reigning as king’ and it’s hades but he’s in a throne so like assumptions were made. And everyone thinks modern aesthetics should effect ancient hades, yes he was dark robed and mysterious but he wasn’t the weird skinny goth of the brother kings. he just like.... doesn’t have as many myths and was faithful to his wife. Didn’t need a story about why you should respect the god of the dead, whether you feared him or not doesn’t matter in the end when he takes possession of your soul.

In general I need to do so much research on poseidon, poor guy I know like none of his myths.... but I’m landlocked and afraid of the ocean so it kind of adds up. even the myths I do know are confusing because like where DO cyclops come from? fuck the illiad and the odessey are so long and require so much active thinking while reading to translate the sentence structure. And the books that summarize or retell myths in a modern language tend to...leave me feeling like I heard a second or thirdhand story and since they aren’t exactly essays with sources and footnotes I end up like ‘okay where is it that Zeus makes the decision to make Zagreus his heir?’ all I can find is that he was made heir and held the lightning bolt which enraged hera, but I swear there was a particular reason Zagreus was put on the throne and now I’m wondering if it wasn’t just ‘Zeus had a shiny new kid and was tired of people threatening to overthrow him so he made the kid the heir to shut everyone up’ trying to find stories about how zeus and demeter ended up having a child indicates that it was definitely rape but like..... it just goes back to demeter taking her daughter back not how zeus came to have sex with her in the first place? though sometimes it’s interpreted as the snakes? Zeus turning into a snake to have sex with both Demeter and Persephone gives me a feeling one myth got split into two but it’s hard to do research when you are....... not a researcher. and doing it casually with various websites that have archives of data and images. I don’t even know where to start looking into academic essays.

ahhh I know there’s shit talking about having things of cultural significance written down and colonialism but not knowing linear b or what happened in the dark ages is probably going to be my villain origin story. ‘hi yes I invented time travel to figure out the mythology that got lost’ like especially when it comes to trying to split off the christian influences (sorry norse mythology, it’s almost impossible to count what all the christians wedged in there sometimes)

also my knowledge of the heroes is really limited I found the gods way more interesting but I do need to figure out all the stories of like theseus and heracles in order to get the fullest story of the gods. I know the bare bones of heracles but I swear there was a prophecy he would overthrow his father but all I can find is the prophecy about metis’ hypothetical future son. which would be interesting to work with because as far as I’m aware you can’t actually avoid prophecy and if you do something to prevent a prophecy from happening it actually causes the prophecy to happen, right? and last I checked metis was still alive in there, acting as Zeus’ advisor and having forged Athena’s armour.

there’s so much information I need to learn before I start figuring out what to disregard to make up my own story... people are gonna complain about my Dionysus but I do not care, I liked him when he drove people mad for not respecting him and was a god of undesirables.... y’all can think the guy on my calf is there to get wasted but it is my own tiny declaration of rebellion. (I have in my head this idea of Hellenization of Dionysus being a plot point. since Zeus had already decided Dionysus would be the god of wine and relief from stresses, I see Dionysus returning to mt olympus grown and more serious than what zeus wanted with horns that both reminded him of Zagreus and of a more serious and dangerous kind of god. So his horns are broken off and he’s influenced to function among the olympians in a more agreeable fashion until you know... a return to sorts. It’s not a fully planned story and it’s is partially inspired by the lyrics ‘they broke your throne/they cut your hair’ and so on. maybe I am very angry and projecting that anger onto Dionysus but I like it... there’s so much work to do before I can even think of publishing a finished product in some form that my little fictional universe of greek gods can adapt to what I emotionally need in a story being constructed in my head?maybe it’s cathartic to be angry at a dad who is a fictional representation of the king of the gods and not dead in a small box in my parents room.

Also I feel like Dionysus is one of those gods who’s been ‘prettied up’ so much he’s almost unrecognizable and combined with the myths about him being raised as a girl it’s a really relatable idea to have him be forced to perform a version of himself that is untrue to gain approval from his family, but burning up with anger and pain inside until.... I guess in the fictional universe I am creating he starts a rebellion and a new war of the gods? which means I have to research each god thoroughly to figure out whether they’d be with Dionysus or Zeus. (kind of where Ganymede comes in as another man forced into a role of perpetual youth for the enjoyment of others, comes in as a co conspirator. like I know sometimes he’s also the constellation aquarius but I’m thinking... what better ally for the god of wine than Zeus’ official cup filler? I think they would have an ability to connect.)