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#and being independent does not mean you won’t need people. we are human — we need people
conscious-love · 2 years
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gratefulness.me ~ Instagram
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female-eren · 1 year
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You can be cautious about dating men and eventually find “a good one” but you’ll always have to deal with misogyny in your relationship and not only that I don’t what makes you think that the man you’ll find is truly gonna so special and aware that HE won’t be misogynistic or have sexist beliefs even deep down. I agree that dating men doesn’t necessarily make you “less of a feminist” cause like you pointed out, a het-partnered woman could be giving to more causes to help women than whatever self proclaimed “feminist” on this website but it’s just not smart to be with men at all (and sorry to say this, I find it weird that women on radblr read about feminism and are aware about how awful men truly are but still date around as of most of the men they’re dating are not watching porn regularly)and listen I’m osa too but only a very small handful of us will get “one of the good ones”, it’s sad but it’s true. Most women have to settle down and see what degree of misogyny they’re willing do put up with the rest of their lives.
I mean I don't fully subscribe to all of radical feminism. I just have an interest in these ideas, including separatism, but I'm far from living some sort of radblr ideal. I don't really think I encourage ideas about "one of the good ones", I just don't see it as this sin if women do engage with men. If they do, I want them to have the tools to take care of themselves as well as possible, and if something does happen, I especially want there to exist help/resources for them.
And... I don't believe in ideological purity. Sure, you need to do something feminist to call yourself a feminist, but like. An example. I'm vaguely socialist and kind of anti-capitalist, but I don't do very much concretely- I'm interested in those ideas, I read a few texts, I vote for the candidates I think have the best policies. I don't think that is bad. I don't think the socialist democratic party in my country should kick me out for not being die-hard enough. A lot of people, including women, view capitalism as the primary existential threat, just as radfems view men. I find both ideas interesting, and I also find that there is a lot of merit to them, like you say with men in general being physically dangerous/porn users/holding misogynistic opinions etc. I just don't appreciate the idea that because I or another woman, after learning about pontential danger, necessarily lack critical thinking. One point about this brand of feminism that I've come to appreciate less and less is the complete rejection of agency. I know we criticize choice feminism, that we want to analyze what drives these choices, and I think that's hugely important and a real concern. However. When it comes to human relationships, any ideology needs to leave a sliver of breathing room for personal business. How can it not be critical thinking, especially feminist critical thinking, that drives an OSA woman to have hard boundaries, self respect, caution, independence and support networks when/if she does enter a relationship?
By all means though, keep expressing separatist ideas, women need them. I want those ideas to exist and to be widely spread. I want the SCUM Manifesto, that's why I bought it and read it in one evening. I want feminist jurisprudence so I'm reading MacKinnon's Toward a Feminist Theory of State, and I want to inform myself on critical perspectives on heterosexual sex so I'm reading Andrea Dworkin's Intercourse. I want to both know, spread, and hopefully do something about male violence, so I read the studies and statistics and articles. I'm here because I find those ideas and facts valuable, and so do most serious women here, I really believe that.
To be honest, I think a lot of this discourse is fuelled by the basic reaction of why won't you think and behave like me. When you see the facts that made you develop a certain idea or life practice spelled out clearly for someone else, and she doesn't come to your exact conclusion, that can feel almost like betrayal. "You agree with me on so many things, how could you not do as I do here?" I have understanding for that. But if you believe women are capable of critical thinking and agency, you need to afford them a bit of grace. Challenge them (respectfully), sure, but ultimately focus more on the ways they are similar and do contribute than in the ways they differ.
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noweyesee · 7 months
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What does your attachment style say about your Inner Child?
+ some spiritual tips for healing
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It is easy to relate that the connection we have with our primary caregivers during childhood makes up the structure of our future relationships. That happens because, in psychology, a child is entirely dependent on their caregivers during the beginning of their lives, and important parts of this interaction are comfort, soothing, and support. As such, there are instances when our caregivers give us an emotionally rich environment, and instances where sadly the opposite happens. Each environment influences us, and from there comes the attachment styles.
• Anxious or Preoccupied attachment style
The anxious attachment style is one that causes a negative self-view while maintaining others in a higher place — meaning, while that because someone with this attachment style deems themselves to be less worthy of love in comparison to other people, the thought of living without their partner, not having approval or being alone in general can cause high levels of anxiety connected to a fear abandonment. Because of that, this person might either find themselves turning into a people pleaser and putting others needs above theirs, leading to tiredness. or finding themselves becoming more clinging and demanding. 
→ Inner Child
  This inner child is dealing with recurring thoughts of their past, their hurt is centered around phrases said to them of “Like this you’ll never have… (friends, a job, love)” or “It was your fault if I … (screamed, hit you, was mad)”. 
→ For Healing
- Affirmations to yourself and your Inner Child
- Stones: Citrine and Tiger’s Eye
- Herbs: Fennel and Eucalyptus
•  Avoidant or Dismissive attachment style
This attachment style prefers to have independence and be self-sufficient, especially on the emotional realm. They tend to create a person that has a positive or victimizing self-view while having a negative view of others, because they believe others will eventually let them down, they do not want to depend on others nor have others depend on them. People with this style tend to hide or suppress their feelings when faced with a potentially emotion-dense situation, such as conflict
→ Inner Child
This inner child got used to dealing with everything alone, while simultaneously hearing that what they feel is not valid enough to warrant support. Because of that, this child is scared and dares not step out of their bubble in fears of being hurt once again. 
→ For Healing
- Affirmations to yourself and your Inner Child
- Stones: Pink agate and Amethyst 
- Herbs: Aloe Vera and Camomile 
•  Disorganized or Fearful-Avoidant attachment style
This style can be considered a mix between the traits of both anxious and avoidant attachment, and people who have this one experience different facets depending on their mood and circumstances. Like so, interactions and bonds become the source of both desire and fear as they do want to be accepted, to feel intimacy and closeness but struggle with depending on others and trusting them. For people who have this style, it is difficult to identify and regulate emotions.
→ Inner Child
This inner child came from a very polarizing home situation — with different stimuli varying between affection being used as currency, or harshness being passed as love. They seek contact but also fear that they won’t be enough at the same time that they fear that people will try to hurt them.
→ For Healing
- Meditation towards Understanding
- Stones: Earth Jasper and Hematite
- Herbs: Cinnamon and Myrrh 
•  Secure attachment style
First of all, if you have this attachment style I want to congratulate you. In this world, no human is perfect and that includes parents. Having had that first connection with people that, though for sure they weren’t perfect, managed to instill a secure attachment style in you is something to be celebrated. Or, better yet, if you healed yourself to become secure, that is also a reason to be celebrated. This style is one where a person is comfortable expressing emotions openly, finding balance between being able to depend on others and having others rely on you.
→ Inner Child
 Your inner child must be one that is in constant contact with you — of course life isn't always perfect, but they know that you care for them and they try to help you see joy in life constantly. 
→ To Maintain Healing
- Play with your Inner Child
- Stones: Amazonite and Red Jasper
- Herbs: Dandelion and Mint 
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dapandapod · 2 years
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Writing horses - a loveletter
Something I have noticed while writing is just how very much googling one has to do. Especially when writing something you are not very familiar with. Animals in particular can be very tricky, and in our witcher fandom we have a darling horse as a very important character. Where Geralt goes, Roach goes. 
As a horse girl myself I have a lot to stand on already (though language sometimes fail me, as I am not a native English speaker) while writing horse girl Geralt, (My Beloved), but not everybody has had the opportunity to spend time with a horse more than maybe a happy(or terrible, if you met a pony) memory.
Here are some easy things to help you write behavior, sounds, habits or needs. Just generally horse things. This is not perfect, nor complete, there is a lot of ground to cover, but this is an attempt to give writers the tools to write a horse. :) 
I won’t mention gear, colors, gates etc, and attempt to give you tidbits of what google hides.
I’d like to point out, they are all individuals, and like humans have very different views on the world. Some are very dominant, some are very dramatic, some are very calm and trusting, some have a wicked sense of humor. 
If you have seldom or possibly not met a horse at all but have other pets, it is easier to compare them to cats and dogs. 
General behavior/body language can be more cat-like, elegant, spooking for nothing, independent, flicking tail when annoyed, and some of them can - like cats - be really picky about the people around them. 
Social behavior is closer to dogs. Their chosen person/s or herd are very important to them, they can be very loyal, trusting and protective of them. Playful behavior can be nudges with their nose, whinnying when they see you, or what I call ‘lipping’ after you. Basically using their lips for either attention, begging for sweets, or just being playful.
A saying I have heard in the horse world is; A gelding you tell. A Stallion you ask. A mare, you send three different copies to her secretary, and she will get back to you in 2-3 work weeks. Sums up their personalities pretty good.
Horses are just funky family members, 
Horse behaviour:
-In General, horses are quiet animals. Making too much sound can attract predators. 
They knicker/whinny when they they are about to get food (and you are aaalways to slow), when they flirt or when they see another horse, or a rare shrill whine (iiiih!) while protesting. Of course, that is also an individual thing, some horses are really talkative while others are very silent. (Mine does old man grunts every time he starts trotting or while pooping… Hard work that.)
-Horses read your body language and react to it, even if you are in the saddle. Again, this is a training/personality/bonding thing, but a rider that is tense or stressed will have a tense and stressed horse. If you are calm when things are scary, the horse is more likely to be calmer in a stressed or dangerous situation.
-In comparison, when a horse is relaxed, their ears can point “outwards”, lowering slightly, rest one hind leg by cocking it, neck lowering. There are a lot of small little signs too, but that is how in depth you want to go. That also means they can read strangers, and decide that they do not like them.
-Horses can walk for a long time, yes, but gallop/canter for hours takes a lot out of them. Think of the last time you wore a really heavy backpack when you were out walking, and how tiring that can be.
If you have played The Witcher 3, you might recognize the horse’s fear-bar rising when getting closer to something dangerous, and her reaction when it fills. If she is terrified, she can either start running away from the danger, or attempt to buck you off. In this case, Geralt has Axii to rely on, but the rest of us mortals have to rely on the bond with our horses, the trust between us.
Some horses are trained to be brave, or even defend. 
Think of police horses or war horses. They go where the rider says, because of their bond and because they trust that their rider will keep them safe. In turn, a horse can feel protective over you, and sometimes that is trained into them.
Think of war horses in this instance, who will trample enemies, use their front legs when they rear up on their hind legs, wave them around, or their hind legs to kick - hard. 
This usually takes training or some really strong loyalty, as their first instinct is usually to flee.
Fun things horses can do:
-Horses can be ticklish, mostly around their stomachs.
-When they burst into gallop suddenly and/or kick with their hind legs, they very often fart at the same time. (usually this is a happy thing)
-When a horse is nervous, they poop. Gotta lighten the load in case they need to run, you know.
-Oh, and horses love to smell other horses poop. It’s very important to see who was there before them.
-Horses sometimes play with objects in their enclosure like dogs do, sometimes by throwing it around, shaking their head up and down, sometimes letting it go and see it sail to the other side of their enclosure, just to go fetch it and start all over again.
-They’re smart as hell, you can teach them to play games like ‘which hand has the treat’
-They will do weird things with their lips and head when you find that *one* spot they really want scratched, and attempt to scratch back at you with their lip, or just the air because you are too far away.
-Some horses when they are bored, they make things happen. Or overreacts, because that is fun. Oh my ACTUAL god is that a rock?!?! Freakout imminent.
-Horses can be mischievous. They know they are not allowed and will either sneak to get their will done, or stare you down as they do it. It could be sniffing/shaking a bag, using their leg to kick over a water bucket. 
Less fun things horses can do:
-If the horse is distracted, untrained or doesn't know you very well, sometimes they forget humans have feet too, and might stand on them.
-They are deserving of all the grass. All of it. Now. Will not listen to nudges, kicking, pulling or otherwise. Grass is always more important
-When recently bathed, or just brushed down, there is nothing better than to roll in the grass. Or dirt. Or mud. Anything sticky they can find, really.
-Depending on horse personality, everything can be a potential danger. Sometimes it can be wells, sometimes hanging laundry, sudden burst of bird from a field, or even just waving your own hat to fan yourself in the heat.
(Though, mind, a horse that is on the road a lot like Roach might not care overly much unless she is feeling real dramatic that day or there is a real threat)
-If fleeing from possible danger, they can make a really sharp turn, spin on the spot or jump sideways/backwards. A really good way for you to meet the ground if you are not very steady in the saddle, being prepared for it doesn’t always help!  
-Some horses are really bothered by insects and will constantly flick their tail, shake, or even try to reach the insect biting them with hoof or teeth until relieved
Caring for the horse:
-Horses eat a lot. It can be wheat/oats if you want Geralt to bring food for her, and grass. At a farm, horses will eat a lot of hay mostly, and many of them sleep in straw. 
-Sleeping is important for horses, and since they are prey animals, that can be a tricky business. When with other horses, there is usually at least one standing up, standing guard as the others sleep lying down. If inside, or feeling safe enough (or being tired enough) they mostly sleep lying down. But not for too long. The downside of weighing around 500kg is that your body can’t lay down for too long, it can be really dangerous even. Another reason why they can lock their legs while standing up to sleep.
-Much of the time, you can think of a horse as an athlete. They carry heavy stuff, they can get stiff and sore, and they need to train to get strong and get good stamina. If you want them to perform very well, like racing, working on the farm, carrying heavy things for you like stinky griffin heads, they need maintenance and training. Think Athlete. 
-When the horses are done for the day, or taking a break, you want to loosen the saddle girth, or take off the saddle entirely. Think of it as tossing off your bra at the end of a long day!
-Brushing is important! It cleans out the coat, reducing the risk of chafing and helping with blood circulation. It is also a bonding moment, and a good time to notice if the horse have gotten hurt anywhere.
-A common hurt for horses that go fast is stepping on the backside of their own hoof, or a branch or even their own legs hitting the inside of the legs on the area that is called cannon.
If you want to embellish your horse writing, here are some fun, personality building things you can use:
-Some horses are really mindful of their space. They don’t like other horses too close and will try to make them to back the fuck off with either teeth or a small kick.
-A very dominant horse, meaning someone who might be a leader of the herd, might be harder to read if they are ill, or challenge your decisions, doing the exact opposite of what you are asking, if moving at all.
-If a mare is in heat, she can be oh so peevish. If you nudge her with your heel, she can attempt to kick back, make that shrill sounds or even try to buck you off. They also pee a lot while in heat, like dogs do. (Heats can be compared to pms if you are familiar, uncomfortable, making you moody and sometimes ouchy, but again, individual.)
-Also some ‘smile’ by flipping their top lip up and showing their teeth - sometimes they do it bc they smell something funky but sometimes they just do it to be cute
There are so many things to add here, and there is no way to make justice years of time spent with and around horses. Every breed is a little different, every personality its own. The bond between a human and their horse can be very special and hard to explain, but oh so very precious. Sometimes they are a work friend and sometimes family, sometimes both.
Just enjoy your writing, and I hope this was helpful to make you more comfortable in writing horses. <3
(oh, and feel free to ask questions if there is something you are wondering!)
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a-d-nox · 7 months
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Feedback: thank you so much for letting me play. I’m so appreciative, because I’ve been trying to learn about the different orbs. But the information is so limited or the websites charge. Everything you said is spot on. I definitely feel like my romantic situation is moving at all. I haven’t had any actual adult romantic relationships. But hearing that the universe is just using this time to teach me lessons that I’ll need for my lifetime partner puts me at ease. Everything you said about my ideal partner is so accurate. It’s like you’re in my brain. I like people who are very open and believe in constant communication to get to know each other better and to make sure that everyone’s feelings are being displayed/heard. I like that he be someone that’s always changing. I think that’s important for growth and can help me grow as well. I also like them being intuitive. It’s good that the person will not fear much, because I constantly fear so much. Which makes it hard for me to make decisions because I fear change and making the wrong choice. I think it’s sweet that this person would possibly help with my dreams. But since I’m so indecisive I don’t even know if I have dreams or goals. I’ll remember to take your advice and chose Devine love and not rush for instant gratification. Also learning how to be masculine and feminine. I feel like people always say the wives have to be serving and submissive because mean aren’t attracted to the opposite. So I worry about not being feminine enough especially because I come from a family dynamic where my mom was the masculine leader of the house. So, I don’t know if I’d naturally mimic that. But at the same time I fear being solely masculine because I seen how my mom having to be the only leader in her relationship has stressed her out and put her in survival mode. She’s hyper independent, and constantly complains about wising that someone could save her instead of her having to save others. But she doesn’t even allow help. So, I definitely need to learn have to have balance, and we both in the relationship are both in equal measure. I’ll remember to show mutual respect and to communicate my feelings and worries. So I won’t grow resentful. Thank you so much !!! You’re so good at this, and are extremely knowledgeable. You’ve taught me so much today. I’m so grateful❤️. Thank you for you time. I look forward to experiencing all of your gifts/talents that your bring to this tumblr community. Congratulations again on your milestone. I know so many more followers are to come. I’m happy to be apart of your asteroid family😊.
of course! we are here learning together; i am glad that i could help you with your specific case during this game!! i do hear you; a lot of the matrix information is in russian - so accessibility is tricky for sure! lmao would you believe this isn't the first time someone has said i am in their head while reading their matrix?? i understand what you mean regarding the fem/masc scenario - my core number is 6, so i have to deal with healthy balance too. i was raised by a single mom so i understand what the model of an independent / strong-will woman does to societal expectations that women should be submissive and meek. i have come to understand that woman can do anything and don't need to rely on men, but no woman is an island - humans were meant to interact with one another. it's okay to need help or want someone to hold your hand as you walk through life together. i have faith you will come to figure out what works best for your 6 too! you're welcome! thank you for helping me celebrate 2k and for being here!
a.d. <3
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vivianseda · 1 year
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Thank you @neuroclastic
“#FreebieAlert New #NeuroInclusive story for adults
While this slideshow specifies it is about #autism, it also applies to #ADHD
A brain is much more complex than a Rubik’s cube, and there are 43 quintillion ways a Rubik’s cube can be configured. Understanding that potential for same-but-different can give you a glimpse into the complexity and diversity of human brains.
This slideshow does not illustrate every nuance of autistic neurology. It’s simply one oversimplified analogy to illustrate autistic “spiky profiles.”
When we say this world is not designed for autistics, what we mean is that this world is not designed to accommodate for diversity of thought, diversity of movement, diversity of communication, and diversity of sensory experiences.
This is especially true in more independent, less collectivist countries like the United States because people are expected to perform every role and generalize every skill to every environment so as not to be a “burden.”
For the sake of economy, almost everything, even learning materials, are mass-produced and standardized.
As a parent, teacher, therapist, or supervisor, are you being given the information, insight, and freedom you need to come up with ways to accommodate people with spiky profiles?
Or are you being tasked with using the same approach for all people and told that accommodation means making all people learn and perform in the same ways?
That’s like being asked to force the same amount of traffic up a rocky footpath while ignoring the potential of a wide-open 14-lane superhighway. It’s inefficient for no good reason.
At some point, the “it’s for their own good because others won’t accept them if they’re too different” scam needs to be called what it is.
A scam.
That model just causes needless stress, is expensive and burdensome for everyone, and serves no one but the vendors selling mass-produced garbage.
You can start down the road to a better tomorrow by cutting out sources that are mostly just noise and empty promises. If they are not giving you the knowledge, insight, and tools you need to build something that works for you and your loved ones’ unique circumstances and brains, then they don't deserve your time.”
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PDF: https://neuroclastic.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/spiky-profile.pdf
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aeide-thea · 1 year
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[NB: This is a repost of a thread containing undescribed screenshots (of a post from non-Tumblr blog The Way of Cats), in which the quoted material has instead been restored to its original, text-based format.]
brxsm:
Do cats feel superior to us? Some people don’t like cats for one simple reason. They have told me, “Cats think they are better than me.” I find this kind of attitude to be quite the mental leap. […] What I think such people mean is: Cats are not servile. This is true. Cats are not automatically placing themselves in an inferior position. They do not like to ask for something from a place of low power. But this does not mean cats automatically place themselves in a superior position, either. […] What these cat complaints do not acknowledge is that there is middle ground; that cats do not want to be our boss, and they also do not want to be our servant. Cats want to be our friends. I don’t know of any other pet with such an amazing capability to meet us as equals, despite the vast difference in our sizes, skills, and interests. Cats respond to kindness, they have a sense of fair play, and they can find themselves compelled to look after us when it is obvious we need it. Does that make them superior to some people? Yes, it does. But that’s not the cat’s fault. [Source]
elodieunderglass:
Oh this is actually how I feel about swans/geese. People think it’s amusing to go on about how these birds are EVIL AND CHAOTIC AND THE SPAWN OF SATAN and make jokes and memes about it, but it’s only revealing that most people have no idea what to do about an animal that doesn’t submit. Most wild animals run away from us, but swans sit in our parks and look us in the eye, and communicate clear boundaries and behavioral expectations, and that’s EVIL AND VIOLENT. They’re VIOLENCE LOVING ANIMALS WHO WANT TO EAT YOUR FACE. Because they don’t fawn or flee. They expect you to behave like an intelligent adult of their own species. They meet us as equals. We believe WE own that piece of land, and that swans or geese should submit; just as firmly do they believe that THEY own it, and tolerate us with about as much patience as we show them. And that is how “They won’t run away OR let me pet them” and “they hold us to their standard of behavior” makes animals evil, a word implying the moral choice to do harm. And in this, our normalised reaction to swans and geese (and cats), we can see that no, most of us aren’t ready to meet aliens yet.
sixth-light:
It occurs that many people also respond exactly like this to other humans who are from groups that they expect to be servile to them (children or people younger than them/perceived as younger than them, women and people they perceive as women, people of specific ethnic backgrounds in specific contexts, people of different class backgrounds) asserting their own existence as independent beings.
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representation4all · 2 years
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Call 2 Action
It’s no secret that the white man dominates all of the West, if not the world. It’s also no secret that this isn’t anything new-- supremacy of white complexion, religion, and culture has existed in both practise & ideology long before 17th century colonialism.  What is new? Technological media. From social media like Instagram and Twitter to cinematic media like the MCU and Elden Ring, humans are constantly expanding in the realm of entertainment. This provides a platform not only to people you never want to see like James Corden, but also people that come from cultures that have been historically swept under the rug, so to speak. So; What do we want? 
What do we want? 
In a society with so much emphasis on entertainment, seeing oneself on the big screen is an insurmountable feeling. Not only does casual representation feel good, but it also changes the way we see other people around us. Disney-Pixar’s Turning Red gave many non-Chinese viewers a fun, cute, and informational look into the complexities of Chinese culture and the stress of generational trauma in immigrant families. Alice Oseman’s comic-turned-Netflix-original Heartstopper presents gay love in an innocent and pure way, which combats the expectations surrounding MLM (men loving men) relationships of being impure or inherently sexual.  What we want is representation. Studies show that representation in popular media changes the perception of not only outsiders or non-minorities, but people who belong to these groups as well. Seeing anyone other than a white man in a position of power inspires young ones and gives them a foundation for their hopes and dreams, and it is the children who are always the most important to the future of a society-- with better, diverse representation (such as GBH’s Molly of Denali), we are directly inspiring a new generation of doctors, teachers, artists, and others that offer fresh perspective and great determination to their field. 
How do we get it done?
It’s pretty clear that there aren’t any SONY or Disney big-shots waltzing around Tumblr-dot-com for some good user-based criticism. The only celebrity that we know of who hasn’t been scared away from this hellsite is resident Beloved Neil Gaiman (author of American Gods, Good Omens, Coraline, and many others).  However, it’s also clear that these industry titans don’t exactly care about the voices of minorities as they’re too busy exploiting people for profit. So, what can we do about this?  There are a myriad of acceptable answers, the first and foremost being: Make the representation you want to see. It’s an oversimplification for sure, but it doesn’t mean that it’s ineffective. Independent, self-published books are a good source of perspective and understanding. So are comics, whether you post them digitally on Tapas or Webtoon, or prefer to keep them on your Tumblr art blog. It’s absolutely not the same thing as representation in media that is consumed in droves and twittered about constantly on social platforms, but that doesn’t mean that people won’t see it. Even if only a single person comes away with a fresh perspective and hope in their heart, it has been a successful endeavour.  If you aren’t a creator and can afford to support creators bringing representation into the media, donating financially to independent artists helps to provide the equipment needed in order to create. Patreons, Kickstarters, and Kofi are all great places to start. If, for any reason, you can’t support queer and POC artists financially, there are always alternative ways to show your appreciation. Boosting artists on social media and drawing attention to disparities in media representation help spread reach across larger audiences. Additionally, if there are shows/games/movies that you think do a good job of representing groups of people, Tweeting your appreciation goes a long way. Often, execs look at social media like Twitter to gauge engagement on their show. Shows with low engagement are more likely to be cancelled prematurely. 
Steps for actionable change
Change isn’t something that can be secured through logic alone. Sudbrink, author and trainer with over 20 years of experience in management, simplifies change in people to five steps. Translated into applicable terms, these steps are: 
Step 1: Awareness  Knowing that there is injustice.  Step 2: Desire  Wanting to fight injustice. Step 3: Knowledge  Understanding the injustice; what it is, who or what is causing it, the context behind it, and how to help.  Step 4: Action  Taking action to fight injustice.  Step 5: Perseverance  Continuing to fight injustice.  Fighting oppression, tyranny, and injustice is much easier said than done. It is not something that can be done alone. Do your part in mending the disparity between cishets in media and queer + BIPOC voices in media in any way you possibly can, even if it’s simply supporting queer and BIPOC projects or spreading awareness. Remember: Awareness is the first step! 
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the-hem · 7 months
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The Parable of the Persistent Widow. Luke 18:1-8.
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What is a widow, according to the Torah? A widow is a person who has lost interest in their soul. In the Parable of the Vineyard, Jesus explains how to obtain awareness of one, a widow is someone who has lost interest in life. In the Torah, Tamar, a widow is told she has to wait for God to decide when her life will take on new meaning:
"So Judah said to his daughter-in-law Tamar, "Wait as a widow in your father's house until my son Shelah grows up," for he feared lest he also die as his brothers did. So Tamar went to live in her father's house. (Gen. 38:11)"
Tamar instead has an affair with a young goat and he emits into her. She returns to life and waits for Mashiach.
Who is the widow in the Parable of the Persistent Widow and how she is she like the one in the Torah?
18 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 
2 He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. 3 And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’
4 “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, 
5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”
6 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7 And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?
 8 I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”
A town is a happy person. Unless there is an adversary present, then this widows the town, and then it should naturally seek justice for whatever reproached its happiness.
So who is the Judge in the story, and why is he so stoic towards the idea? The duties of judges are detailed in Shoftim, but for the purposes of the Parable, they exist only because trouble exists. Once Mashiach takes place, there should be much less of a need for judges. Shabbat the ablity to sort reality from fantasy is for persons, Mashiach is for everyone, all at once.
Judges are the mechanism for these, they are the process by which perception becomes reason. This is unique to the human form, and it completely unnatural to us. We require a "crime" a reason to reason, and then a judgement and a sentence that will help us carry out the results of the tribunal. First is the power to veto any process contrary to what is reasonable.
The widow has witnessed something, a transgression, her eyes are open but she is immobilized, so the Judge is going to have to step in.
From 10440, א‎אֶפֶסדדאֶפֶס‎‎, apseddapes=
Ap=eyes open
Sed=
The verb εζομαι (hezomai) means to sit or be seated. It stems from the same PIE root "sed-" as does out English verb "to sit". In the classics this verb was only used for present and imperfect tenses and it and its derivatives alternate with ημαι (hemai) and its derivatives.
Our verb is not used independently in the New Testament but together with the preposition κατα (kata), meaning down from, down upon it forms the verb καθεζομαι (kathezomai), meaning to sit down or be seated down, but with an emphasis on being stationary rather than being seated on a chair: the opposite of Mary who "sat" at home (JOHN 11:20) was not Martha standing or lying down, but Martha on the move outside the house.
The opposite of Jesus who "sat" in the temple (MATTHEW 26:55) was not Jesus standing but Jesus on the move, outside the Temple. Sitting emphasizes immobility and specialization in an economic and cognitive sense, and demonstrates a lack of flexibility, diversification and development. Sitting is what lame people do, and see our article on the proverbial duo the lame and the blind.
da= understanding
pes= corruption
There are two roots with the form פסס (pss) in Biblical Hebrew, and one with the comparable form פשה (psh), which appears to have to do with one of the roots פסס (pss):
The root פשה (pasa) means to spread. It occurs only in Leviticus 13 and 14, and only in connection with leprosy and similar eruptions.
So the widow seems to want an underactive judge to address something of the caliber of an outbreak of leprosy or conditions contributing to the demise of the poor.
The verses after this part, state only the most advanced of men will comprehend how to overcome the crippling effects of the world around them and establish their humanity.
This is found in the gematria for verses 6,7, and 8, which are 14995, אדטטה‎, adetta, which translates as:
Ad=
The masculine noun עד ('ad), also spelled ועד (w'ad), literally meaning advancing time. This word is usually translated with perpetuity or forever: of past time (Job 20:4), but most often future time (Psalm 21:6). In the latter case the form is usually לעד (l'ad), literally for always.
Atta=
The verb אתה ('ata) is spelled the same as, and according to the Masoretes, pronounced slightly different from the masculine second person singular. Were we to stubbornly maintain that the two are connected, this verb would literally mean "to you". In reality it's commonly translated with to come; it's a rate poetic equivalent of the much more common verb בוא (bo').
But still, in order to express a coming, one would first require an awareness of you and me, so this verb is still not far removed from the above.
Our verb occurs about twenty times in the Old Testament, half of which in the Book of Isaiah. It describes bringing water to the thirsty (Isaiah 21:14), the coming of the morning (Isaiah 21:12), the getting together of humanity (Isaiah 41:5), the coming of the future in general (Isaiah 41:23), or a specific person and his policies (Isaiah 41:25), or wild beasts on the prowl (Isaiah 56:9).
Scary things may come (Job 3:25), or years (Job 16:22), or the brood of fools (Job 30:14), or the golden splendor around God (Job 37:22). It may describe the coming of God (Deuteronomy 33:2) or a coming to God (Jeremiah 3:22).
Jesus worries the world is too devolved to develop an interest in the things that will bring complete sentience to the world and happiness along with it. The levels of intelligence needed to solve the problems it has caused just seem too evasive. The result will widow all of us of a really good life if something isn't done.
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tnelms · 1 year
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Ted Chiang on ChatGPT and generative AI
The resemblance between a photocopier and a large-language model might not be immediately apparent—but consider the following scenario. Imagine that you’re about to lose your access to the Internet forever. In preparation, you plan to create a compressed copy of all the text on the Web, so that you can store it on a private server. Unfortunately, your private server has only one per cent of the space needed; you can’t use a lossless compression algorithm if you want everything to fit. Instead, you write a lossy algorithm that identifies statistical regularities in the text and stores them in a specialized file format. Because you have virtually unlimited computational power to throw at this task, your algorithm can identify extraordinarily nuanced statistical regularities, and this allows you to achieve the desired compression ratio of a hundred to one.
Now, losing your Internet access isn’t quite so terrible; you’ve got all the information on the Web stored on your server. The only catch is that, because the text has been so highly compressed, you can’t look for information by searching for an exact quote; you’ll never get an exact match, because the words aren’t what’s being stored. To solve this problem, you create an interface that accepts queries in the form of questions and responds with answers that convey the gist of what you have on your server.
What I’ve described sounds a lot like ChatGPT, or most any other large-language model. Think of ChatGPT as a blurry jpeg of all the text on the Web. It retains much of the information on the Web, in the same way that a jpeg retains much of the information of a higher-resolution image, but, if you’re looking for an exact sequence of bits, you won’t find it; all you will ever get is an approximation. But, because the approximation is presented in the form of grammatical text, which ChatGPT excels at creating, it’s usually acceptable. You’re still looking at a blurry jpeg, but the blurriness occurs in a way that doesn’t make the picture as a whole look less sharp.
This analogy to lossy compression is not just a way to understand ChatGPT’s facility at repackaging information found on the Web by using different words. It’s also a way to understand the “hallucinations,” or nonsensical answers to factual questions, to which large-language models such as ChatGPT are all too prone. These hallucinations are compression artifacts, but—like the incorrect labels generated by the Xerox photocopier—they are plausible enough that identifying them requires comparing them against the originals, which in this case means either the Web or our own knowledge of the world. When we think about them this way, such hallucinations are anything but surprising; if a compression algorithm is designed to reconstruct text after ninety-nine per cent of the original has been discarded, we should expect that significant portions of what it generates will be entirely fabricated.
This analogy makes even more sense when we remember that a common technique used by lossy compression algorithms is interpolation—that is, estimating what’s missing by looking at what’s on either side of the gap. When an image program is displaying a photo and has to reconstruct a pixel that was lost during the compression process, it looks at the nearby pixels and calculates the average. This is what ChatGPT does when it’s prompted to describe, say, losing a sock in the dryer using the style of the Declaration of Independence: it is taking two points in “lexical space” and generating the text that would occupy the location between them. (“When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one to separate his garments from their mates, in order to maintain the cleanliness and order thereof. . . .”) ChatGPT is so good at this form of interpolation that people find it entertaining: they’ve discovered a “blur” tool for paragraphs instead of photos, and are having a blast playing with it.
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a-loving-nature · 1 year
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What you Absolutely Need to Know Before Adopting a Dog
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There's something about the little face of a puppy... irresistible. It's so cute that it awakens a completely spontaneous and emotional side in us. Even if it means completely putting reason aside. But once the cute moment is over, bringing a pet home is a huge responsibility. And despite the fact that all the sources say so, few people fully realize it until it is “too” late. Here's what you need to understand most seriously before welcoming a new member of the four-legged family.
What You Need To Know Before Adopting a Dog
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Photo by Tran Mau Tri Tam ✪ on Unsplash
Dogs versus Cats
Without entering into the debate on the superiority of one or the other (I have a copy of both specimens at home and I like them just as much), it is certain that the responsibility of one and the other is VERY different. Cats are much more independent, potty trained almost instantly can be left alone for long periods of time, etc. Dogs, especially if you adopt them at a young age, don't do any of that. They require a lot more time, patience, and energy, period. So if what you're looking for most in an animal is “a minimum of trouble,” it's pretty clear which of the two you should choose!
The time spent at home
Unlike cats who won't take too much offense to your long work hours or active social life, dogs are very dependent beings. It will be imperative to plan to be at home at regular times and to have time to devote to them. EACH DAY. GOOD WEATHER, BAD WEATHER. Although many dogs do, no pooch really benefits from spending 45 or more hours a week alone! And this is especially when they are young and in training, when their bladder does not allow them to hold back for 8, 9, or 10 hours of time. If you can't, say, come home during the day to go out or walk the dog, there are services that can do that for you. As well as dog daycares, for the most sociable/energetic doggies/who find it difficult to be alone! However, these services are not given and must be added to the overall canine budget (see the corresponding section below).
The walks
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Photo by Mitchell Orr on Unsplash Although this will vary depending on the age, size, breed, and temperament of the dog, it is to be expected that a dog will need approximately 1 HOUR of walking/running/playing outside per day. Even when it's pouring rain. Even when it's -26. Once clean and adolescent, a dog will need to go out to relieve himself (even without necessarily taking a walk) a minimum of 4 to 6 times a day. Some dogs of larger and quite energetic breeds can also become good companions for your physical activities, for example jogging or hiking in the mountains. On the other hand, this training cannot usually begin before 1 year and must be done gradually. It is therefore not a “magic formula” to exhaust an overly nervous puppy!
The first year
A dog becomes an adult between 12 and 18 months. Before that, he will require… up to 20 times more time, energy, and difficulty than his compatriot aged 2 and over. Not twice, 20 times! To get through this famous first year, you have to prepare and… expect the worst. For real. Cleanliness alone will take between several weeks and several months, at the beginning. And those weeks of constantly picking up accidents everywhere, seem particularly long and debilitating. Potty training also includes the night: unless you have pee pads, you will probably have to take your doggie out at least once … which seems like an eternity. Some puppies are still not potty trained at night at 6 months. A large part of dog abandonment occurs during this first year of life, especially during the height of adolescence, that is to say between 5 and 9 months. Just like humans, the dog during this period may have completely disconcerting behaviors, which call into question what we thought we knew about him. For example, but not only: - Having a regression in cleanliness - Don't listen like before - Unresponsive to basic commands - Willfully challenging your authority - Eating your needs (or those of the cat!) - Running away when he's never shown that will before - Begin to bark furiously at passers-by, neighbors, or other dogs - Chew EVERYTHING in the house (shoes, cushions, cabinets, walls, stair railing, mosquito nets, furniture, carpets, sofas, etc.) - Make insane impulsive gestures, for example throwing yourself in front of a bus!
Activity level
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Photo by Patrick Hendry on Unsplash One hour of walking does not correspond to the total time of activity, interaction and stimulation that a dog needs. And then it's an average: while some (especially very small and very large) dogs need little activity, some other high-energy breeds need a lot more than that! This is among others the case of the Huskies, whose breed was developed for the endurance of the specimens as well as their ability to pull heavy sleds at full speed for a whole day! The same goes for sheepdogs, like my border collie Bowie. This breed has been used for hundreds of years to herd sheep in Scotland over very rough terrain and in extreme weather conditions. So don't expect these frighteningly intuitive and intelligent dogs (a little too much, sometimes) to be able to make an automatic transition like apartment dogs who sleep all day! It is therefore essential to choose a dog for its level of activity and energy, AND NOT for its physique. This is probably the #1 mistake people make: falling in love with a dog because it physically matches their dream idea. If you are quite sedentary and very busy, it is obvious that you enjoy the experience more with a dog that is lower in the scale of energy and attention! Again, these are often very small dogs whose breed was specifically developed to keep humans company rather than a "job" at hand, e.g. Chihuahuas, Pugs, Yorkies, etc. But also very large "gentle giant" dogs such as Great Danes, Great Danes, Newfoundlands, etc. fall into this category. Once the puppy stage is over, many popular breeds like Labradors and Bernese Mountain Dogs also become much quieter and more accommodating!
Training
A dog is like a child; it does not educate itself. He will need to learn – and much sooner than most people think – not only the basic commands but also discipline, how to act in different situations, and socialization (with humans and dogs). Neglecting this demanding step often only invites problems for later, unfortunately. With rewards, most dogs train well, but it takes time and consistency, every day. Even when we are tired. Even when you have a ton of other things to do. Even when you don't want to. Dogs are ready for their first "obedience" classes from 8 or 9 weeks, in any case ideally before 16 weeks, before taking "bad folds".
Stolen Freedom
This is another thing that we do not realize right away, but adopting a dog immediately restricts freedom. Every time you leave, you have to make sure you get back in time to get it out. More than 5 to 7 improvised after the office, ever. And a lot of stress if something doesn't go as planned (unusual traffic jam, breakdown in public transport, etc.) Having a dog also means taking action every time you go away for a full day or more, even if it's only a day of skiing, for example. Since he cannot stay alone, you also have to find a pension or another place to take him when you go away on a weekend, on a business trip, during vacations, etc.
The costs
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Photo by FLOUFFY on Unsplash Buying a dog is often expensive and sometimes even very expensive for some breeds! It can go for over $1,000. But that's nothing compared to the rest. - Veterinary fees: vaccines (depending on the weight of the animal but can correspond to several hundred dollars per year), routine examinations (from $60), follow-up appointments, sterilization (can also correspond to several hundred $ depending on the size of the dog, more expensive for a female), flea and tick treatments ($100) - Registration fees: $100 for a microchip, $30 for a medal depending on the municipality, etc. - Food: variable according to the weight, age, and specific conditions of the animal but can range between $25 and more than $100 per month. Some large puppies eat up to 8 cups of dry food a day! - Treats: Indispensable for training, they often cost more than you think! One can easily add $20 per month. - Toys: Variable according to the type of dog and not always equal from month to month, but to be taken into account all the same. - Bones and other things to chew: Also essential for many dogs who have an irrepressible need to chew – this can save many pieces of furniture and household items that you hold dear. Another $10-20 per month. - Basic equipment: A cushion, a good cage, an enclosure, a box or a transport bag, etc. $200 and up. - Specialized equipment: Depending on your needs… A harness or net for the car, a jogging leash, a backpack for hiking, etc. - The bags for the needs (and the pee pads): Not to be neglected either. - Leashes, harnesses, collars, and co: Because they grow, wear them out, break them or eat them: occasional but another expense. - Grooming: Depending on the size of the dog, between $40 and $90. - Obedience classes: Variable but at least $30 to $40 per session. - Occasional help from professionals for specific behavioral problems: A good investment, even if it's around $90 an hour. - A walk while you're at work: Between $10 and $20. - One day of daycare: Between $20 and $40 per day. - One-weekend boarding: Around $250. - Replacing what the dog broke: A few pairs of shoes is one thing. But a rug, a pouf, and two sofas are very expensive! And that's for a perfectly healthy dog! Except that most dogs end up developing medical problems during their lifetime. And that of course means additional costs, whether in specialized food, medication, surgery, following an accident, etc. It is not uncommon for owners to have to spend several thousand dollars at the vet. see also: The 15 most beautiful cats breed in the world
Pet shops, it's no!
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mathislkpcummings · 2 years
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Venture Capital, Thoughts and Much Less - Rami Beracha
Rami Beracha is the writer of this blog. This blog is all about venture capital. Rami is co-founder of Sosa. Miscommunication is a big issue. I'd venture to say that it's like a minefield that is our own creation .. It begins a second after making contact with another person, and ends with an amazing explosion... We make the biggest error of thinking that we are completely in line with the expectations of our partners. We are almost always in total alignment with our partner , with the exception of one aspect that he does not miss an opportunity to expand this gap . We have not been notified by anyone. https://m.news1.co.il/Archive/0042-D-449310-00.html?t=062727 There are a variety of possible causes of miscommunications. Most are due to differences in our personalities. People with square personalities are more likely to communicate in a misguided manner than liberal individuals, and individuals who are aggressive may have trouble matching their expectations to those of passive individuals. It is simple to identify as everyone can tell squared from the liberal, and passive from the aggressive. רמי ברכה But, what do you think if they're very different and they don't realize that. Think about if there is a personality gap. There is no one who has noticed it, warned others about it, or investigated it...NOT REFUSE! ! Rami Beracha Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to a brand new type of personality we all share: The FULL CIRCLE versus the HALF CIRCLE types! ! Note : This is a guide for behavior. After reading the analysis below attempt to determine which type of personality best describes you. Also, try to determine who your partner is in life. If you find that you're distinct personalities - just like Bono sings, "we can be one however we are not the same" You should be very happy as you might have found the reason behind many of your differences. If however, you're both of the same kind and you're both of the same type, then I can't help but to explain the reason why your relationships appear so awful. Here we are... Humans are divided into two distinct groups. Some of us fall into the "full-circle" category that is a person that can be completely independent and doesn't feel that needing to have a partner. Yes, he needs to be with someone and he's seeking one. Absolutely! It's all true! ... It is possible to live without his ideal partner. When he finds his ideal partner He wants to share his life with his - hopefully full circle of friends. Other people are those who are "half-acircle" kinds. When they find the grumpy creature, they won't let go of it. They'll attempt to live with their victim as if were one of them and not give up on the concept of living together. They'll not be compromising on being capable of looking at each with each other for the rest of their lives. Only intimacy will fulfill their desire to be connected to one another and create a whole. https://il.linkedin.com/in/רמי-ברכה An interesting distinction between the two types relates to the decision to let go of the person you are with. The full circle will naturally be able to let go of the person he has lost the chemistry of. On the other hand, half-circle types redefine the meaning of chemistry between partners to be - "I hold onto this B..ST..RD., until I can replace him with a better version." Imagine the amazing dance taking place when a "half-a-circle" and an "full-circle" attempt to make one each other his partner, not being conscious of their distinct geometries: the Half joyfully moves two steps ahead and over the comfortable zone of the Full, who considers this unwelcome invasion to his personal zone a little too frightening. So he fixes this zone-invasion-problem by making a gentle step backward. He forced the Half out of his comfortable zone . Although the Half thinks that the Full made a wrong move, and he was kind enough to compensate by taking a second step ahead, the Half is more concerned and begins to feel irritated. The Half and the Full are aware of the reason, but they lack proper terminology. They can't properly explain their anguish so they look for the wrong thing. The victims could have been saved by knowing that the item they're looking for is Half and the other is full. There isn't a single conclusion to this essay , but there are some actions items: 1. Find out who you are. 2. Find out more about your partner Rami Beracha 3. Realize the difference. 3. Respect the distinction! Rami Beracha Actually, there is a conclusion: Live and let live.
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appliancetechnician · 2 years
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There Are A Lot Of Good Things About CBD For Pets
There's no better way to bond when you spend time with your dog outside. They may not be moving as well as they used to. If they get older and can't keep up as well as they used to, what would happen? For more details all about CBD for pets, check here.
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We know what you mean. We want the best for your dog, not just when they go outside for some fresh air, but also when they're on the couch with you.
Pet owners and veterinarians are both in our group. We've made a supplement just  CBD for pets.
Natural ingredients and high-quality American hemp are used to make our Hemp Oil. It has a lot of phytocannabinoids, which can make you feel better. Our items are made especially for pets! People who work for us can even give you free help over the phone or by email. Our main goal is to make sure your pet is healthy and safe.
Our cannabinoid-rich hemp at Hemp is 100% organic, vegan-friendly, and made according to the Department of Agriculture's industrial hemp rules. This ensures that the final blend doesn't have more than 0.3 percent THC, illegal in the United States. If you want to give your pets full spectrum cannabidiol products, they have been triple-tested and are made with high-quality, natural ingredients that don't have preservatives or additives in them.
Pet owners usually use Hemp to keep their pets calm, keep their joints moving, keep their brains working well, and healthy digestive systems. CBD has been shown to treat dogs holistically, and it is easy to add to most health and well-being plans.
While we all know that CBD is a natural supplement, it's important to remember that your dog's health comes first. Cannabidiol won't be able to replace good veterinarian care, but it could help you keep your dog healthy overall.
Hemp is also known as CBD, and it can help dogs. What is CBD, and how does it work?
People who work for the American Kennel Club say that cannabidiol is a substance found in both cannabis and hemp (AKC). The American Kennel Club says that CBD oil doesn't have delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), which is the part that makes you feel high.
Pet parents need to know how CBD can be used and how effective it is and how important it is to look at the certificate of analysis. This is because there has been a lot of interest in CBD because of global research (COA). When selling pet CBD products over the internet, test results are usually available to download and are sometimes shown next to the product. This makes sure that each CBD product is completely clear and honest. The COA is a report that shows the results of tests. An independent third party writes it.
Benefits
It could be good for your health if you buy CBD oils that are reliable and of high quality. I think it's great that cannabidiol helps the endocannabinoid system, which is important for everything from mood to nervous system work.
CBD has been shown to be good for the following:
The health of your GI system
The nervous system is important to the health of your body.
It is important to have good emotional and mental health
It is very important to keep your joints healthy.
Mobility
Relieved and calmed:
Cannabinoids have receptors that pick them up
When we learn about the health benefits of cannabis, we often hear about the endocannabinoid system, which Dr. Ralph Mechoulam found in 1992. His study looked at how the CB1 and CB2 receptors in this system work with cannabinoids found in cannabis sativa plants. This is what he found out. His study found that CB1 receptors bind to THC, and CB2 receptors bind to CBD. CB2 receptors are found in both animals and humans, and they are found in peripheral tissue and the immune system. According to research, the spleen has the most receptors for CB2.
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High-quality, non-THC CBD can cause CB2 receptors to be activated, but there is no intoxication or "high." However, the mood and the neurological system can still be helped by this.
There's a lot of talk these days about hemp and how full-spectrum hemp oil can help dogs. Hemp oil, CBD hemp oil, cannabidiol oil, and hemp extracts for dogs may seem like very different things, but they all mean the same thing (except when it comes to hemp seed oil, that is a different extraction with different benefits completely).
Full-spectrum hemp oil is made up of cannabinoids, flavonoids, and terpenes that have been extracted from industrial hemp with very little THC. These hemp-derived extracts have less than 0.3 percent THC by dry weight, but they also have other cannabinoids and terpenes for health benefits without making your pet drunk.
Because there are so many hemp-derived CBD products today, the FDA is looking into them all. There have been cases of incorrect labeling and misrepresentation of CBD levels, and some products don't have any CBD at all, but the word "hemp" makes people think they do because it's used.
As a result of studies, 70% of the 84 products tested were mislabeled in terms of how much CBD they had. The FDA found that a lot of CBD products didn't have the amount of CBD they said they did after looking at a lot of them. If you want to buy or use CBD products, the FDA says that you should do your research before you do so.
You need to do your research before buying a CBD pet product for your dog because there are many different CBD brands, options, and delivery systems. If you need more information, talk to your veterinarian.
There's no doubt that a high-quality full-spectrum oil is good for our dogs.
As a pet owner, you should look for a product that has been approved by veterinarians or is made for pets, like our CBD for pets. Our non-intoxicating product is always checked by a third-party lab three times.
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writingwithcolor · 2 years
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Desexualized Mammy & Strong Black Woman, too busy for “frivolous love”
“Alyse” (Anon Submission) asked:
My science fiction story includes a black woman (Talia) who raises two children that aren’t her own and takes on two young adults as apprentices. One of the children she is raises has Arabic background and was taken into her home upon his father’s death (his mother’s whereabouts are unknown). She was a close friend of his father and the closest thing he had to a relative. The second child has mixed French-Latinx background and was taken in after becoming shipwrecked with no means by which to contact her people. Talia was the first non-hostile individual she encountered and one of the few who would so openly embrace a stranger. Since Talia is Master Medic (the highest medical authority in her community) she is training two apprentices (think residency) and eventually mentors the second child as well. She was once married and passionately in love but lost her husband to illness. In this setting, some technology we take for granted is inaccessible and violence against their people is commonplace. Most have experienced sudden loss. This particular loss was the catalyst that drove Talia into medicine- a desire to protect her loved ones and prevent others from experiencing similar tragedy. She is usually kind (though businesslike) but sometimes succumbs to a frigid, furious depression when, despite all her knowledge and determination, she can’t save someone. 
I worry that her maternal association with the two children (one of whom is an outsider) mires her in the mammy trope. On top of that, she hasn’t pursued romance since the death of her husband. I’ve considered giving her a romantic subplot but there are already so many characters to keep track of. Furthermore, I just can’t see her engaging in the frivolous pursuits of new love when she’s dealing with kids, students, and an extremely taxing career. 
In terms of race and culture in this story, practically every character can trace their ancestry back to populations displaced through war. Even Talia’s second child was shipwrecked during a botched evacuation from a military science lab. The people who live here have been isolated for generations and no longer have a real concept of their ancestry. Cultures have blended, new religions have formed, and many of our familiar racial/ethnic issues are forgotten. However, new and different but equally toxic ones have replaced them. In this way, Talia’s blackness doesn’t carry the same associations in her world as it would in ours. However, readers may still make these associations. Do you see any issues with her character that I could amend? 
So! You have:
A highly educated Black-coded woman (the highest medical authority in the community)
She raises two kids alone 
She also looks after two apprentices
She is widowed (not sure the race of the husband, was he Black?)
Having experienced heartbreaking love, Talia's drive to look after, protect and save people through medicine is a great motivation for the way she is. Her experiencing depression and taking losses seriously is also very human and is dynamic characterization. 
However, such characterization with Black women is prone to brush across several tropes. You have a Black woman who gives and protects, but what does she get in return? Who cares for her? 
Prioritize your Black character’s happiness
"I’ve considered giving her a romantic subplot but there are already so many characters to keep track of. Furthermore, I just can’t see her engaging in the frivolous pursuits of new love when she’s dealing with kids, students, and an extremely taxing career." 
Priorities, priorities. Is love a frivolous pursuit in her eyes, or yours? Because I strongly disagree. You probably don't mean to but you, as the author, having an excuse to NOT give the Black woman romance is showing that you do not think she's worth being loved. TV viewers and stans who are uncomfortable when Black women characters have relationships find similar excuses to explain away not wanting BW in relationships.
"She's too strong and independent for a man/relationship" 
"I liked her better alone." 
"It'll take away from her character."
“A romance doesn’t feel right for her”
These sorts of statements above are grounded in racialized misogyny. 
Relationships do not lessen the woman.
Relationships does not lessen Black women. 
Love
Whether that love is romantic, familial, or friendship, it can come in many forms. Give Talia love. Because Black women characters deserve it! Either one or all! 
Let her have a loyal best friend, a cat, and a girlfriend. Because why not? And not to downplay the love of children to parents, but please provide her love beyond what she gets on a maternal level from the children she looks after. 
The stories that Black women are in today severely lack love for us, so why add to the narrative of Black women being all work and no play, and too [insert excuse here] to be loved? 
Of course, you didn't provide all the details from your story, but I'm not seeing much of a balance from the struggle. She is a caretaker, teacher, doctor (or doctor-like figure). 
Her position and background in itself is okay. It's the Strong Black Woman being presented with seemingly no commentary that strikes me. 
Where is her team to help balance the weight of the world? 
Who takes care of her when she's depressed from another loss? 
What does she get in return from taking an emotional and physical toll to heal her community? 
Do those around her recognize all she does for them and offer their friendship? 
When does she get to relax and turn off the need to be everything for everybody?
Fitting love into a book with many characters
There are many books with several characters to keep track of. People tend to manage. Also, I'm sure some of those characters are in and/or out of relationships. Even stories that couldn’t be classified as romances have relationships of some sort. It’s unrealistic to have a ton of characters and none of them be in relationship(s) of some sort. Not when there’s so many forms of it and many sexualities. 
Friends, frenemies, enemies, romance, affairs.. Relationships make stories (and life) interesting. By no means do I think adding these dynamics harm your tale. And what’s one more for a hard-working Black woman who sacrifices a lot and clearly deserves a shoulder to lean on? And, if you use an existing character to be that friend, family, or lover, then you won’t need to pencil in another character.
For romance specifically - I think a misconception when it comes to including romance in stories is that they have to somehow take over the story. Romance does not have to bombard the plot nor be described in lavish detail. Not every story is a romance and those sort of details aren’t everyone’s style or things they’re comfortable with. A sentence or two establishing relationships does not take away from the story.And how those relationships look and affections expressed will vary based on the characters, sexuality, etc.
Not every character needs to have a deep level of detail. 
“Katie and Lisa, a newly engaged couple, walked into the meeting.”
“Jack and Jamie are a married couple in their 40s.” 
“The two met in college. After two months of blissful courtship, they eloped, eager to start their happily ever afters. Twenty years together, they were still blissfully in love and never too far from one another.”
Sentences like the above are enough for some characters. You don’t always need to put in paragraphs worth of relationship-establishing details or plot. 
When it comes to the characters whose love you would like to highlight, at least a bit, you still don’t have to go over the top.
Use subtle details. 
“As soon as Talia’s back was turned, he gave her a longing look before shaking his head and getting back to the patient.”
“He squeezed her hand before taking hold of the stethoscope.”
“She kissed her wife goodbye before racing out the door.”
“You mean the world to me.” he had said, holding her face. Those words stayed with her all day, making her heavy load light as a sack of feathers.
“She soaked his shirt with her tears and he just held her tight, saying nothing, silently holding her together.”
As for Talia specifically…
Talia having the mindset you described, as love being frivolous and not a priority, is understandable knowing her background (I just don't agree with you as the creator using this as a means to keep her alone. Whether she’s romantically alone or without close friendships). She has lost so much, and continues to experience loss with patients. This can be extremely traumatizing. I gave some examples of being subtle, so perhaps that will help with the burden of feeling a thick subplot of romance doesn’t fit in your story. 
And as Talia doesn’t strike me as someone who would go looking for companionship, what if she stumbles upon it without trying? Is there someone on the medical team that can offer her friendship? Someone who admires her and feels the urge to care for her that she feels the same for, or has pushed feelings down for? What happens when she can’t hold those feelings down anymore?
Takeaway
Talia deserves healthy love, even if she doesn’t believe it or feel she has time for it. That love can come in any and many forms, not necessarily romantically required, although it is a plus. A struggle-ridden novel is balanced by love, support and rest for characters that hold the weight of the world. If you do not, evaluate why you want to write Black characters in these struggle roles without at least a social commentary. 
~Mod Colette
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fairestwriting · 3 years
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hello! Can I request riddle, azul, and jamil (the overblot 2nd year squad LOL) being clingy to their s/o? Like how their behaviour shifts when we have to leave or go somewhere else, thank youu
Riddle Rosehearts
Riddle is very new to the whole relationship thing, so understanding his own brand of "clinginess" is a bit confusing even to him. He's always pictured himself at being much more mature and collected in a relationship than he actually acts.
He usually will let you attend to whatever you may have to, even if that means cutting the time you spend together short. Duty calls, he gets it! Of course he does. It just... feels a little sour to him, somehow?
He'll try to hold himself back from reacting too much, feeling like he's just overreacting, but sometimes you'll catch him slightly pouting as you're about to walk away. When you're a bit more comfortable with each other, if you've been away for a while, Riddle will tend to lean into your space much more, like he wants to make up for the time you spent apart.
Azul Ashengrotto
Clingiest of the bunch. And he's so deathly embarrassed of it too, yet somehow can't stop himself. Azul is touch starved and it shows, he leans against you and holds your hand and may even hang off your arm without noticing, when you're alone together. Breaking that link is like breaking his heart.
You know how he has that much, much softer, almost childish side he hides like crazy? Yeah, it comes out here. Sometimes, whe he asks you if you really needed to go now, you wonder how your Azul can be that terrifying businessman so many people avoid like the plague.
Every now and then, he notices he's coming off as whiny and needy and sputters out a "N-Nevermind! Just be safe as you leave!” when he catches himself asking for you to stay, blushing as he pushes up his glasses. Though he really can’t hide it for too long, he gets a little mopey if he hasn’t seen you in a while. Jade and Floyd have totally noticed it.
Jamil Viper
The least clingy one... or is he? Jamil always has that energy of someone who’s very independent, and even as your relationship treads on, he seems to stick to being reserved about affection. People who don’t know you probably think you’re just close friends, rather than a couple.
But Jamil is only human, and while he’ll usually let you go easily to do whatever it is that you want or need to, you may reach a certain point where you can tell something just shifts in his mood — And that comes subtly, like every single one of his emotions, mostly in stares.
And, boy, does he stare. He’ll never really ask for affection directly, and will very rarely ask you to stay longer or not go at all, wanting you to have your independence too, but his eyes keep lingering on you. You won’t know he’s missing you right now, but whenever you’re alone together again, he’ll be more attentive, more reactive. Every change in his behavior is easy for the untrained eye to miss, but that’s not what you are, is it?
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