#and Steve is like [emoji breakdown] | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deadwright · 2 years

Note

hey!! sorry to bother but I was wondering if you have read any steddie fics at all or that you enjoyed..... I am very afraid of going into the tag without guidance and wanted to ask if you have any recs (I follow very little people in the fandom) !! :o) thank u anyways hope u have a good day

hello bestie! you're so right tbh i'm fighting for my life in this tag, but here are all the steddie fics that i really like so far (under the cut):

You Children Of Today (Are Children of the Grave) by CaptainHoney (E)

Fall Forever (and Never Look Behind) by CaptainHoney (E)

aka @grandmastattoo: chief steddie understander and purveyor of incredible fics and playlists. this series is my top favourite ever!!!!!

Promethean by CaptainHoney (E)

the tags say dead dove do not eat but boy did i FEAST

Whole Lotta Love by stereobone (E)

one of my favourite writers, all their fics are fantastic. speaking of:

Keep It for Me by stereobone (E)

i'm going to blame the full sobbing wailing breakdown i had over this on the fact that my wedding is also coming up, but who's going to believe me? certainly not me.

Some Things Cosmic by stereobone (E)

this got me in my feelings so bad oh my GOD i would do anything to make this real

Play It Right by stereobone (E)

every little character detail of this is just. i could chefs kiss until my fingers bleed about it all.

You're the Driver, You're the Road by stereobone (E)

Are You Flagging? by soidade (E)

one of the most popular steddie fics on ao3, if not thee most

stereoscope by seraphy (E)

just finished this one and woof! heavy on the delicious steve angst. i love when stranger things fics dive into the endless trauma so this one got me good.

make a deal with god by mcalpines (T)

SO very funny, one of my favourites ever!

Easy, Easy, Easy by judasofsuburbia (E)

what can i say, i adore a deeply comforting happily-ever-after future fic.

misgiven by palmviolet (T)

another good stranger things writer, their current wip has me hooked (more on that later)

Mutual Future by knell (E)

another funny one! i love when men are stupid <3

The Worst Mixtape Ever Made by nbfutureboy (M)

songfics can be so hit or miss, and this is an absolute hit. embarrassing for me that i genuinely love all the songs on the titular mixtape though.

Lovesick in Loch Nora by red0aktree (M)

this is beyond my wildest dreams. i laughed, i sobbed, i screamed myself hoarse with sheer feeling. GOD. IT'S SO GOOD PLEASE I'M A WRECK

A Sign of The Morning by ToEdenandBackAgain (M)

full of delicious steve whump and obliviousness in spades. also the reference letter part made me WAIL with joy

the summer of '85 series by ToEdenandBackAgain (T)

horniest T rated fic i ever did read but steve in that little sailor outfit was truly life-changing. also feeling vindicated as a mint chip appreciator

don't start (too late) by Ark (E)

AIYAAAAAA THEY'RE SO SWEET AND IN LOVE. also absolutely cemented my belief that steve harrington was born to suck and fuck

meet me in the middle of the air by kirkaut (T)

it's a wip with one chapter up as i'm posting this but holy shit i love it so far. everyone sounds like they're supposed to and i canNOT resist steve whump, it's like ambrosia to me

to live my own way by Macellarius (E)

this is exactly how the the rest of the show should've gone. duffers LET HIM GRADUATE GODDAMMIT

STRIKE TEN. by oaseas (T)

me handshake emoji eddie since our shared toxic trait is letting steve get away with anything just because he looks so cute in his little sailor outfit

smoking guns (hot to the touch) by fivecenturiesverse (T)

did not expect to start weeping about the power of friendship at 2pm on a workday but damn this really got my ass. love in all its forms is so good ;-;

Some Cupids Kill With Dice by horrormoviebarbie (T)

this fic makes me want to put on a slutty little outfit and run through the streets screaming about it like a town crier. young dilf steve/teacher eddie MOST concept of all time. all this to say that it made me feral and though it's a wip i'm already rereading it weekly

the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it's you by greatunironic (E)

i need you all to known that i actually screamed and cried so hard that i yartzed while reading this. a stunning rollercoaster of emotions, and the perfect end that i will carry with me further than canon could ever hope to go.

We are Stardust, We are Golden by idiopathicsmile (M)

between steve's insistence that simon and garfunkel are in love and him casually knowing the lyrics to a black sabbath song, this fic really is the Try Not To Fall In Love With Steve Challenge (EXTREME MODE)

I Made A Fire by emchant3d (E)

YOWWW 🔥🥵

fear is fading fast by amiparanoidmuch/p1013 (E)

funny, hot, absolutely STELLAR fic that make me yell and squawk into my pillow every few lines. WHERE is robin's milkshake for outstanding wingmanning

Lunge to the Maximum by BoudicaMuse (E)

a truly EXCELLENT pwp feat. the scoops ahoy uniform? hey now hey nooow this is what DREEEEAMS are made of

The Road Goes Ever On by bookscorpion (E)

road trip! wip but it's already lovely, with that slow, nostalgic americana vibe.

The Shire is NOT on Fire by kissesforcas (E)

not since supernatural 8x11 larp and the real girl have i cared this much about a renfaire. steve and robin giving huge dean and charlie energy (deeply affectionate)

Have I Found You, Flightless Bird? by kissmejusttokissme (M)

TWILIGHT AU!!!! BUT BETTER!!!!! AN ABSOLUTE TREAT

Red Eye by alinafewwords (T)

obligatory coffee shop au but make it genuinely good!!! wip as i type this but i'm already so unbelievably excited for the updates

Do You Mind? (will you mind?) by GreenQueenofClubs (E)

absolute concept of all time. this fic was so good it scrambled MY brain and it took me an embarrassingly long time to even type this coherently

Sanctuary by SpicedSage (E)

very very cute, absolutely nailed the eddie voice

throw me one by Adure (E)

men are so stupid uwu

Paper Thin by idiotslantern (E)

oh i YELLED out loud when-

like a heartbeat drives you mad by creature_from_the (E)

deeply hot and so good i wish i could read 100k more of it

We Should Just Kiss (Like Real People Do) by OonionChiver (E)

sweet baby jesus and the grown one too...........it's a LOT but woof what a journey. heed the tags on this one fr

STEVE'S FIRST BRUISE by cairparavels (not rated)

spidey!steve is maybe the best thing to happen to me this year

I've seen your face before, my friend, but I don't know if you know who I am by HMSLusitania (M)

time travel fics in general are always baller and i ADORE the concept of this, i would love to see more of this universe

Not So Bad by outofmygourd (M)

It struck me deep (it brought me to my knees) by Gorgeousgreymatter (E)

don't go wastin your emotions by kissesforcas (M)

Orta Recens Quam Pura Nites (Newly Risen, How Brightly You Shine) by AidaRonan (M)

all i need from you (is all your love) by wearing_tearing (M)

Meet Him On The Main Line by nbfutureboy (T)

ink you up by Adure (E)

nightswimming by heartofwinterfell (T)

hold me now, i need relief by ToEdenandBackAgain (M)

there's a clock in my head (is it wrong? is it right?) by cloverspies (T)

Eddie Munson's Vampire Mixtape by Springandastorm (T)

just so long it don't mess up his hair by lagardère (laurore) & MissAntlers (T)

Dying of love but it's okay by prufrocks (E)

You Can Cook? by Zigster (E)

we're just kids in the dark by FagurFiskur (T)

Skull Rock Era by chattrekisses (E)

the space between by amiparanoidmuch/p1013 (E)

steve harrington's six step guide to getting the guy by oaseas (T)

AND NOW. A collection of fics covering my favourite concept of all time: TIME LOOPS!

the lathe by palmviolet (M)

wip for now but updates pretty quickly. steve pov time loop done SO well i dream about it at night

I can't save us, my Atlantis by kissmejusttokissme (T)

i believe this is the first steddie time loop fic i read, so this one is very dear to me. please check out the next in the series as well, the aftermath is brutal and so so interesting.

pulling your strings by Thorinoakentwig (T)

looooove this one also, another steve pov

and it all comes down to you by heartofwinterfell (M)

finally, an eddie pov! and it's so good too i'm a huge fan

you are going to die in your best friend's arms (but he won't let you leave like that) by oaseas (T)

dustin pov, which is absolutely genius because he's the only one who could've handled it this well. also the family bonding in this is SO sweet, and i love seeing steddie from an outside perspective.

#asks #purgatorybfs #fic rec #steddie #stranger things #steddie fic rec #i hope these are hyperlinked properly lmao i did it on mobile like a total donut #i will keep updating this so keep an eye out!!

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evansbby · 8 months

Note

Heyy ok so its been a week since I read POYT 5 but im still thinking about it!!

I really didn't expect for omega's mom to leave her, I felt so sorry for her when she was having flashbacks to the bullying Steve and his friends did to her. I feel like them bullying her for her financial situation was less focused on than the slut shaming, even though it could be arguably just as horrible. It's clear that she's still troubled by the extensive bullying she endured and the fact she was so ashamed of her house and finances was gut wrenching .

Omega's mental breakdown was really hard to read (I was tearing up), and when she told Steve that she wanted to die, I really felt that. Its like the build up of all those years of suffering and abandonment manifested themselves and was coming out uncontrollably. It was a super raw and vulnerable moment between omega and Steve.

can i also say how much I love Sarah and how she can admit that she fucked up a little in raising Steve to be so overbearing?? It's hard for a mother to own up to that. She was definitely the motherly figure omega desperately needed and it was so sweet to read.

Shower scene was also very intimate and I enjoyed it, especially at the fact that Omega was not ready to say 'I love you'. Steve owning up to it (after being momentarily angry) ultimately being his fault for treating her that way really highlighted his character development and self-consciousness.

I had a lot of parts that I loved, but the epilogue was literally everything it should've been and absolutely perfect. I also LOVED when Sam apologised again and gave omega a hug (ft Steve and his bombastic side eye).

Im happy omega had a little girl that looked just like her, I think it was cathartic for her to see how innocent and pure the little baby is, and how it was never, ever her fault that her dad, and mom, left her.

All in all, AMAZING

Hey! Thanks so much for reading and leaving feedback! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Excuse my lack of emojis bc I am on my laptop!!

Yess, omega did feel self-conscious about her childhood house in front of Steve. Only because she's been so ruthlessly bullied by and surrounded by all these rich, privileged people that a part of her just braced herself for the worst instinctively.

And yep, I wanted the part where omega says that she wants to die to be super hard-hitting so i'm glad that it was for you! for someone to be pushed SO far that they actually verbalise wanting to die is just... very raw, very sad and that's what i wanted to capture. And that's what catalyses Steve's sudden desperation, bc he can't lose her!!

Also i want to add that i don't think Steve's mom "fucked up" in raising Steve, like that's not exactly what i intended to convey. She blames herself for how he turned out bc of course she does, she's his mum. But honestly, it's Steve's dad, as the alpha and head of the family, who took over and she couldn't really go against his word bc she's an omega after all and their family dynamic IS quite traditional at the end of the day! I'm sure she tried! Steve takes after his father in a lot of ways, including being bossy and overbearing. (Although i did also mention that Steve's dad has mellowed out now so he isn't THAT much like that anymore)

and YESSS, her having a baby that looked exactly like her was so cathartic for her. and 10000% i love how you put it, it was never her fault that her mom and dad left her :')

THANK YOU BESTIE

#annn-banann #poyt ask #poyt 5 ask #poyt 5 spoiler

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spaciin · 10 months

Text

* PINNED POST .

Hey, I'm Spade and I run this multifandom ask blog, I've been inspired by a few blogs and thought it would be cool to try it out myself. I don't know english that much so it's sorta weird sometimes but I'll try my best. I'm on summer break so this blog may be more active.

001 . RULES

You can request almost anything, as long as the topics aren't heavily gore, heavily sexual, or offensive subjects, I'm fine with angst and sometimes touchy subjects. I will also remove requests that make me uncomfortable or it's hard to write for me like please NO mpreg, mechpreg, child death/abuse, animal death/abuse, etc.

I will write them as scenarios or HCs, I won't do match ups tho.

Please select maximum of 5 characters in any fandom.

The only Transformers continuities I do are Prime and Animated but there can be exceptions if I know the character! (Even minor characters in IDW like Skilz, Flamewar, etc.)

Interactions between all the characters are fine too lol

Please check if the inbox is open before requesting, I will close my inbox if I get too many asks.

I will read every ask I receive and try to answer all of them even feedback is welcome.

I'm a bit wary of personal questions but you can ask.

002 . FANDOMS & CHARACTERS

TRANSFORMERS

PRIME & ANIMATED

Optimus Prime (Prime & Animated)

Ratchet (Prime & Animated)

Arcee (Prime)

Bulkhead (Prime & Animated)

Bumblebee (Prime & Animated)

Wheeljack (Prime)

Smokescreen (Prime)

Ultra Magnus (Prime)

Prowl (Animated)

Megatron (Prime)

Soundwave (Prime)

Starscream (Prime & Animated)

Shockwave (Prime & Animated)

Steve (Prime)

Knockout (Prime)

Breakdown (Prime)

Jazz (Animated)

Sentinel Prime (Animated)

Blurr (Animated)

Jack Darby (Prime)

Miko Nakadai (Prime)

Raf Esquivel (Prime)

Sari Sumdac (Animated)

MURDER DRONES

Uzi Doorman

Serial Designation J

Serial Designation N

Serial Designation V

WELCOME HOME

Wally Darling

Frank Frankly

Julie Joyful

Barnaby B. Beagle

Sally Starlet

Home

Howdy Pillar

Eddie Dear

DON'T HUG ME I'M SCARED

Red Guy

Yellow Guy

Duck

Blue Guy

Tony The Talking Clock

Lesley

Roy

003 . MASTERLIST

Masterlist 001 [coming soon]

004 . TAGS

The tags are simple, no fancy fonts, emojis, and stuff. The fandom name, characters tag are the names above, the genre/trope (angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, fluff, etc.), trigger warnings '#[trigger] tw', reblogs are under '#spades shares', ooc stuff are under '#spades rambles', important posts are under '#important' or '#announcement', and additional tags like [fandom/character] x reader, platonic/romantic, original characters, and all are in small letters. [example: transformers prime, steve, angst, unrequited love, hanahaki disease, death tw]

#pinned post #important

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ghostlynimbus · 2 years

Text

WIP Title Tag

I wasn't tagged in this but I felt like doing it *shrug emoji*

Rules: post the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it!

(I'm gonna modify this a bit and say if you send me an ask please either ask for a snippet or ask a question about it if you have one.)

I have a truly ridiculous number of WIPs so buckle up friends (even with skipping some from fandoms that im not currently as into, its a lot).

*Organized by fandom and then alphabetically*

Harry Potter

Barbarian AU

A Cup Full of Love

All I Want

And They Were Both Subs

ASMR AU

Divorce Fic

Heatmatch

I Don't Know You Yet

Pack Fic

Poly Losers Christmas

Post Apocalypse AU (IT)

Powers AU

Roadtrip (IT)

Single Father AU

Soulmark AU

The Many Boyfriends of Beverly Marsh

Transfemme Richie

Transmasc Richie

What The Fuck Is An Omega?

Wife Swap AU

Stranger Things

A Place To Belong (2 Versions)

A Prince and His Knight

Android Steve

Away We Go

B&B AU

Baby It's Cold Outside

Band/Concert AU

Breakfast Club AU

Camp Upside-Down

Chrissy Gets Pregnant

Cinderella AU

Cinnamon Spice

Daycare Steve

Dick For Hire

Discount Dog

Dom/Sub Classification AU

Food Fic

Foster Siblings AU

Genderbent Steve

Hidden Hawkins

Holiday at the Harrington's

Homecooked

How To Build A Family

I Could Be The Father

It's Not Gay To Enjoy A Blowjob

It's Not The Sky I'm Asking For

The Jacket Series

Love and Monsters

Memories

Mer AU

My Little Monster

Oh Baby!

Older Brother AU

Sexting AU

Singer Steve AU

Soulmate AU (Name Tattoos)

Soulpets AU

Steve Gets Hurt

Steve Has A Breakdown @ A Party

Stray

Superhero AU (ST)

Supernatural AU

Teacher Steve

Teen Dad Steve

The Spy Who Dumped Me AU

Unaccompanied Minors

Wings AU

Words Unspoken

Your History On My Skin

Crossovers

Dimensional Collision

Original / Non Fanfic Stuff

Complex

Gay Fantasy Story

Monster Town

Roam

Gay Monster Harem

Like I said, I have a lot. xD please feel free to ask whatever about any of them! <3

Tagging:

Tagging people in this sort of thing makes me anxious, but if you see this and would like to do it please feel free to say I tagged you. <3

#drarry #reddie #harringrove #cunningharringroveson #eddissy #streddie #fanfic #original #ask game #stranger things #harry potter #it stephen king #long post #hard to believe ive only been actively engaged with the ST fandom since like... nov? dec? of last year #it has consumed me #im stuck in bed today so i'll probably be around to answer stuff all day

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rebellconquerer · 3 years

Note

oooh, could we get 9 (you're in love with her) for the prompt meme. bucky and sam talking about sarah?

Here you go Anon, angst and feels. Will be crossposted to AO3. Technically a missing scene from In The Woods Somewhere, it'll be a little confusing if you haven't read that. Also it's a bit long.

Sam is worried. He’s trying very hard to hide it as he saunters down the gleaming walkway that leads to the Wakandan apartment they have set Bucky up in for his recuperation, but the fact remains that he is just a bit…worried.

The after had been worse than he expected. After Sarah had left, after Shuri had figured out the deprogramming, after they had started the process. He'll be honest, he hadn't been around much the first time. A mix of him not really knowing or trusting Bucky when this happened before (and vice versa), combined with Steve's almost obsessive need to shelter and protect Bucky then.

Still, the deprogramming had gone about as well as could be expected and Sam had remained with Buck until midway through the first week when major cities across Europe had started to be attacked by some weird environmental monsters. Hill, and then Fury himself, had reached out to say that the kid, Spiderman or whatever, had the situation under control and that they would call in reinforcements if they needed it. So Sam had stayed with Bucky for the first couple of days after the deprogramming as they were testing it to make sure it took, then some tv nutjob had leaked the kid's name.

Very few of the Avengers bothered with secret identities, but the kid was like 15 or something, so Hill had requested Captain America come help out with PR, ensuring that no one believed a teenager could be one of the Avengers.

Sam had said no initially, obviously, but Bucky had insisted he was fine and didn't need a babysitter. Had even managed to say it without that crazed, trapped animal look behind his eyes he got sometimes, so Sam had jetted off to New York for a few days. He had gotten exactly two texts from Bucky during that time. One that said 'I'm fine, mom' on day one and a thumbs-up emoji on day three.

Then Sarah had called him, trying to be all relaxed and casual as she fished for what the hell was going on in Wakanda cause Bucky hadn't spoken to her or responded to her since she left. As ancient as the dinosaurs though Buck may be, he damn well knows how to use a phone, and him deliberately cutting himself off is… concerning.

He comes to the right apartment number and knocks, then waits, then knocks again. Still no response. Sam frowns. He knows he's in there. Shuri told him they've still been monitoring his vitals and that he had requested a bit of time to himself in the aftermath, but he wasn't in the clear yet so she knew where he was.

Sam pounds on the door again.

"Buck, it's me. You gonna open up?"

Silence.

"Ok, Bucky, here's the thing, you either let me in or I'm calling Ayo or Shuri to override this lock… come on, man. Please." Sam whispers at the door, knowing Bucky's advanced hearing will pick it up.

He doesn't want to call in reinforcements and doesn't want to invade Bucky's space if it's not necessary, but as he mentioned before, he's worried.

He waits for one, then another overly long minute before the door finally opens.

Bucky looks like shit. His hair is messy and greasy. His blue eyes stand out as bright spots in the pallor of his face, broken only by the intense, almost bruise-like dark circles under his eyes. His cheekbones don't stand out as much as they did when Sam left so at least he was gaining back the weight he had lost, but he's standing with a blanket around his shoulders, hunched in and holding himself like the feral creature he hasn't been in years.

"Buck?-"

"You wanted to see me, you've seen me. Can you go now?" Bucky says flatly, eyes glinting with the acerbic 'fuck off' his lips haven't yet formed.

Oh hell no.

Sam slips his foot in the door just as Bucky goes to close it, preventing it from shutting. When Bucky pulls the door back open, Sam slips inside, pushing past Buck as quickly as he can.

Bucky growls, closing the door behind him and turning a glare on Sam.

"No please, come in. I'm definitely in the mood for visitors." Bucky says sarcastically.

Sam glances around the room. It's a lot like the first apartment they all stayed in together. Floor to ceiling windows cover one whole wall, the kitchen is immaculate, clearly unused, like most of the rest of the space, save for the couch where the cushions have been left haphazardly on the floor.

"Buck. What the hell is going on here?" Sam asks, voice coming out much softer than he intended. Bucky'd been in rough shape when he left, but he had been clearly on the mend. That was the only reason Sam'd even agreed to go help out.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I don't need you here." Bucky grits out, that muscle in his jaw flexing.

Sam stares for a minute then sighs. He's starting to get it, the lines of pain that seemed to carve through Steve whenever Bucky had pushed him away. It's hard for Sam to see the desperate way Bucky is holding himself while still pulling away, and Sam hasn't been his lifelong best friend.

"Look Buck, you're entitled to a couple bad days, but I'm going to need you to convince me that this is a par for the course breakdown and not something worse 'cause we've had a monumentally rough couple of weeks," Sam says clearly.

Bucky holds his gaze for a long moment before the harsh lines of his face seem to soften and he ducks around Sam, heading back to the couch.

"Like I told you, I'm fine." He mutters as he moves. "It's just… the come down from the deprogramming is a bitch, ok?"

Sam frowns, following him to the couch and sitting next to him.

"Would you like to elaborate, Buck?"

Bucky sighs, scrubbing both hands through his messy hair.

"Best as I understand it, it's like coming down from a high or something. There are a lot of biochemicals involved in the process and the washout… well it sucks." He shrugs. "Plus the process itself is like opening Pandora's box up here," he mutters, tapping the side of his head. "It leaves me… what I mean is it makes me-"

"Your nightmares get worse." Sam finishes for him. Bucky doesn't look up, doesn't say or do anything really.

Sam huffs. "Why didn't Shuri tell me? I expect this bullshit from you, but from her?"

Bucky goes very still, continuing to avoid eye contact. It finally clicks.

"She doesn't know, does she? You never said and… neither did Steve. That's why the two of you were hold up on that little farm for so long after. For god sake, why the hell didn't you say anything Buck?"

Sam doesn't try to hold back the frustration bleeding into his voice.

"That child has more than enough of my pain on her hands. She doesn't need any more. And I'll remind you… I never expected to have to do this again." Bucky finishes softly. Sam's anger deflates as suddenly as it started.

They sit in silence for a minute, Sam watching Bucky, Bucky pretending that Sam isn't watching him until Sam finally breaks.

"Is this why you haven't spoken to Sarah? She called me, you know, said you'd been ducking her calls."

Bucky's expression changes minutely then and if Sam hadn't known him as well as he does, if they hadn't been basically living in each other's pockets for the last year, he wouldn't have recognized it: a quick flash of guilt.

"Buck, what's going on in that head of yours?" Sam asks seriously. "Didn't I tell you if you break her heart I'd break your legs?"

Bucky huffs out a bitter laugh. "Actually the last I heard on the matter you said you'd kill me if I hurt her but we'd be ok. Way to send mixed messages by the way buddy."

Sam can't sit still any longer. This whole experience is surreal. God, he needs a vacation. He strolls over to the kitchen, filling a glass with water for himself and another for Buck. He places the second glass in front of Bucky and backs up to lean on the counter, careful not to hover.

He takes a long drink, draining half the glass in one go as Bucky just stares at his.

“How was New York?” Bucky eventually asks.

Sam shrugs. “Went okay. No one is quite ready to call Captain America a liar to his face, even that piece of shit blowhard.”

That earns him a small smile from Bucky. “You think it’ll hold?”

“Well, they’ve got Pepper, Rhodey, Hill and Fury against them. I’m not sure much could stand up to that team long term so I wouldn’t worry about it.” Sam replies. Bucky isn't going to succeed in changing the topic, but maybe going the long way around will help.

They drop back into the silence. “I think Shuri is gonna let me go in a few days. The deprogramming seems to be holding.” Bucky finally says, still staring unblinkingly at his water.

Sam sighs. “You ready to come back to Delacroix?”

Bucky makes an uncomfortable-looking face, a strange cross between constipated and in pain. “I-I was actually going to go back to New York. Haven’t been home in a while, you know,” he says carefully.

Sam frowns.

“Alright Barnes, cut the crap. My nephews have been worried about you, Sarah is worried about you. What are you thinking-”

“I’m thinking that maybe this is the time to let it… let it die.” Bucky interrupts, eyes flicking up to Sam, a hard look on his face.

Sam just stands there, gaping at him for a minute.“The fuck do you mean, let it die?”

That unearthly stillness that Bucky usually carries in his frame starts to fray. He stands up, pacing to the window. “Sarah and I had a fight the night before I agreed to let Shuri do the deprogramming,” he says, then just leaves the sentence hanging.

“Yeah, the whole goddamn world could have guessed that." Sam prompts. "You’re stubborn as hell. If she got you to reconsider it wasn’t with sweet nothings whispered into your ear.”

Sam watches the tips of Bucky’s ears go a little bit red as he ducks his head at that. He really doesn’t want to know any details about whatever memory that triggered. Bucky still doesn't continue.

“So what, are you angry with her?” Sam asks.

“What? No! Of Course not!" Bucky responds, turning to face him. He still looks weary and a little… lost.

"She said… she said she didn't think I wanted this life. That I hadn't gotten to choose it and so I was too comfortable throwing it away." Bucky mutters staring at the floor.

Sam frowns in confusion. That was harsh. Probably entirely truthful, but harsh nonetheless. And Sarah said he was tough on Buck.

"Ok…" Sam prompts again.

"She said I needed to think about what I wanted to live for. What future was worth fighting for because without that I'd always be … stuck." Bucky goes quiet again and Sam's frown deepens.

He doesn't get it. Doesn't get what Bucky is trying to tell him. "Ok, so you did that and decided that she isn't in that future?" Sam tries, keeping his voice as flat and without judgment as possible.

Bucky doesn't look at him, just keeps staring at the floor between them, the expression on his face pained. Sam watches him clench and unclench his teeth, the muscle in his jaw jumping. But still, Bucky says nothing.

It's Sam's turn to pace. He pushes up off the counter, walking closer to Bucky as he rubs at his temple. He's tired and stressed and he's been through too much in the last 3 weeks to play decoder with Bucky and his-

He comes to an abrupt stop beside the couch. The gears in his mind grinding to a halt so suddenly he thinks you should be able to hear them shrieking.

He turns to face Bucky, eyes tracing over the tight lines of his body as astonishment slides in under his skin, under his breastbone, and behind his eyes. How had he not seen it before? How had he not noticed?

“You’re in love with her.” he breathes out, the acknowledgement hitting like a brick. Bucky goes absolutely still as Sam stumbles back a few steps, sitting heavily on the arm of the couch.

“That’s what this is about. You’re in love with her and you’re afraid.”

“Look at me Sam, look at me?!” Bucky's voice is raspy, hollowed out. Sam lifts his gaze and meets Bucky's eyes.

“I’m a mess. On a great day, I’m a fucking mess. Most days I feel like I'm barely holding on to who I am because of what I am. On a bad day?” Bucky looks back out the windows, eyes going unfocused. “I shouldn’t be in love,” he whispers flatly. “What right do I have to get this after all the carnage I have caused. What right do I have to bring someone else into the hell that is my life.” He sighs then and leans back on the window, sliding down the glass to sit on the ground. The movement is slow, achingly so, making him look every one of his 107 years.

Sam slips from the arm of the couch coming to sit on the ground facing Bucky.

“This isn’t you Buck." He whispers. "This is the deprogramming and the night terrors. This is the lack of sleep and bone tiredness talking. This isn't you."

Bucky laughs, the sound empty. "Isn't it? Are you sure about that? Because I'm not."

"The two of you have been going great. You haven't been afraid before now, is this all fallout because of what happened, because Buck, you can't let that asshole Novikov take her from you."

Bucky lets out a slow breath, tilting his head back against the glass and staring at the ceiling, face blank. "Too good. It's been too good." He mutters and the last piece of the puzzle falls into place for Sam.

"She told you, didn't she? She told you she loves you."

Bucky's eyes flick down to his, expression sharp. "She told you what she was going to do?" Bucky asks, suspicion clear in his tone.

Sam shakes his head. "She didn't have to. You forget I've known her a lot longer than you have. I know what my sister looks like when she's in love."

He has one of those moments where he wishes Steve were there because he feels he would know what to say to help. But that's not really true. He'd watched Steve stumble through enough of these conversations to know he would be just as lost. Not that it matters. Steve's gone now. Left them both.

"It was fine when it was just you, right? When you'd be the only one risking anything? But it’s different now you know that she’s as far in as you are.” Sam mutters.

Bucky’s staring at the ceiling again, face blank. “That’s not it. I’m not afraid. I’m just seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time.” he mumbles.

Sam’s lips twist into a rueful smile. Clearly? Bucky hasn’t been this muddled in a year. “You know I almost flunked out of Pararescue training?” Sam asks, trying a different tact.

Bucky looks over at him, frowning confusedly. Sam nods slowly, looking down at his hands.

“I got referred by my prior C.O. Spent 2 days in the air over the course of the first week and decided it was not for me. I mean, it was madness, right? Jumping out of a plane with nothing on but some wings someone else had made?”

Bucky smirks. “That’s real hard to believe, Sam. You’re a natural.”

Sam shakes his head. “Nah, Riley was a natural. Took to the skies like a duck to water.” Sam can still hear the excitement in Riley’s voice after his first jump. How he could barely catch his breath to talk because all he wanted to do was laugh and grin.

“Went back to my C.O. Told him thanks for the recommendation but… I couldn’t do it. He fed me this bullshit story about how some scientist somewhere had done some experiment, right? That they gave a group of people some glasses that flipped the world upside down.” Sam looks up at Bucky to find him staring back at him, blank look retreating, intense blue eyes focussed.

“The first two days everyone was walking around bumping into things, begging to be let out of the experiment, but by the end of the third day, they had all adapted. Their world was normal again. He told me to give it three days, and I did.”

Bucky purses his lips and looks away, letting the meaning of the words sink in.“You realise you’d already been there for more than three days, right? You said it was the end of the first week.”

Sam huffs out a tired laugh. “Man, do you ever get tired of being a pain in the ass?” he asks.

Bucky slips into that small, sad smile he wears so well. “All signs point to no,” he mutters back.

“It’s been a long fucking month, Buck. I’m not saying you’re wrong or you’re right, but… just give yourself a moment to adapt to your new normal before you go making any drastic decisions.”

Bucky doesn’t respond for a while, but then he nods slowly, still refusing to look at Sam.

“And honestly, Buck, no jokes this time. Whatever happens, I’ll still be here. You don’t have to be alone.” Sam says as clearly as he can.

Bucky finally looks back over to him. “Guess Steve was right leaving me to you.”

It’s Sam’s turn to look away, laughing. “Nah. He left us to each other,” he replies easily.

“We’re probably giving the punk too much credit. Like he ever thought ahead in his whole stupid life… but… the same goes for you, you know. I’ll be here as long as you need me, for whatever that counts as.” Bucky says.

Sam looks up at him, their eyes meeting and he can’t help but smile, relaxing the tension a little. “So you love her, huh? You realise she’s just a less pretty version of me. This is tantamount to you declaring your undying love of me.”

Bucky lets out an honest to God laugh. “You ever get tired of being so in love with yourself?” he fires back.

Sam shrugs, pushing himself up off the ground and reaching a hand out for Bucky. He looks at it a moment before he grabs on and Sam pulls him to his feet, wrapping one hand around his shoulder and leading him back to the couch.

“Well honestly, someone has to be.” Sam jokes.

Bucky laughs again

#bucky x sarah #bucky x sarah fic #fleur de louve #barah #sam wilson #bucky barnes #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws fic #rebellwrites

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hawkbucks · 3 years

Text

I don't even remember if I reposted it, but here's the WinterIron fake dating AU that I found on my disc drive. I combined all the posts in one; where there's a divider, that means it was a new post.

Lotta fake dating fics have Tony be the one who asks Bucky and I love it, but also: Bucky being the one asking Tony?

Like, maybe Rebecca is getting married and she asks him “are you bringing anyone?” with the most hopeful look on her face.

Bucky sorta bluescreens and stutters out a “yeah” because he knows Rebecca really wants to see him with someone and happy, but he’s only really been focusing on his studies instead of his social life.

She smiles and claps her hands together, exclaiming her excitement to meet Bucky’s date! Meanwhile, Bucky is panicking on the inside.

He could ask Steve, considering that he and Steve are best friends and no one would really question them getting together, but there’s also the fact that Rebecca knows Steve better than Steve probably knows himself and would tell they’re faking right off the bat.

There’s Sam who, despite their teasing relationship, they really do like each other. He wouldn’t have too much of a problem bringing Sam around if he doesn’t already know that Sam would hang this over his head for the rest of his life and all but force Bucky to buy him food and clothes and stuff to repay him, and that’s not even talking about the endless teasing.

There’s Sharon, but she wouldn’t agree. She’d just roll her eyes and call him dramatic. It’s a fair judgement.

There’s Natasha, and they’ve actually dated before and that would be awkward. “Oh yeah, the girl I used to date back when I was a sophomore in high school and I are back together again!”

He still ends up texting Steve and explaining his dilemma and please, Steve, do you know anyone?

Steve tells him he’s an idiot which, fair, yeah, but then he tells Bucky that he knows a guy, cute, your type, I can give him your number. Then he sends Bucky a photo of himself and some other guy with brown hair and pretty eyes and dimples, what the fuck.

Please give him my number.

I can feel your thirst, Steve texts. Disgusting.

So, he brings Tony (all it took was confirming that there was going to be food and that yeah, they have salmon as a menu item, is that what you want me to pick?), and Tony’s a hit! He’s charming, polite, and pretty cute to boot.

Then Rebecca corners Bucky during the reception while Tony’s getting some cupcakes and Bucky immediately jumps to the conclusion that Rebecca figured out that they’re not actually dating and she’s about to tear him a new one, but she smiles and gives him a bear hug. “Your boyfriend is a sweetheart,” she gushes, “and I’m glad you brought him along. And, you know, Robert and I are having a party for Thanksgiving. Maybe you two would like to come?”

And the only thing that runs through Bucky’s head is shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit—

Bucky can’t handle these feelings. He just can’t. It’s too much too soon, and the intensity at which he feels them is both overwhelming and terrifying to him, especially since he and Tony haven’t even known each other for that long.

During the party, Tony really pushes the act. He takes Bucky’s arm and places it around his shoulders, feeds Bucky some pumpkin pie, blushing when Rebecca coos at the both of them, and even sits on Bucky’s lap when everyone heads to the couch to catch the recording of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade that Rebecca set.

And Bucky desperately wishes it was all real. He wishes that Tony really is in love with him as opposed to doing this to help out. He’s never felt warmer than when Tony smiles at him, bright and genuine and making him ache all over. He knows that his feelings are only going to keep snowballing and snowballing until he can’t take it anymore and snaps and confesses to Tony, and he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want Tony to feel obligated to go out with him. He doesn’t want Tony to feel like he’s being put on the spot.

Tony cuddles closer to him, whispering about how the Snoopy float looks really cute. He chokes down a sob and responds with “yeah, doll, it does”.

Bucky drives Tony home. He always does. It’s the least he can do. “So, when are you going to need a boyfriend again?” Tony teases, feet up on the dashboard. They’re already at Tony’s apartment complex, but Tony, infuriatingly attractive Tony, insists on talking to him. “If you’re swinging by Becca’s for Christmas, I can come with you.”

He doesn’t respond, instead choosing to continue looking ahead and squeezing his hands on the steering wheel. “Hey, you alright?” Tony asks softly and, god, he wishes Tony wasn’t the way he was.

Rip it off. Like a band-aid. C’mon, Barnes. “It’s fine. I’ll just tell her we broke up.”

“What?” Tony’s voice wavers, an undercurrent of hurt swimming below that one word. Bucky hates himself for it. “Did I do something wrong? At the party? I—”

Bucky sets his jaw, looking at Tony (and wishing he didn’t because Tony actually looks devastated). “We were never really together, Tony. Don’t act like it matters.”

He hears a hitch in Tony’s breath. He looks away. “Yeah, I guess it doesn’t.” Tony unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the car door. “Maybe this is why you don’t have an actual boyfriend.” It hurts, but it’s better that Tony leaves hating him because he can’t imagine the breakdown he’d have if Tony kept coming around with those kicked puppy eyes of his and asking why Bucky has been avoiding him.

Tony walks into his apartment complex without looking back.

Bucky thinks he needs to get drunk.

And that’s how Steve finds him. Completely sloshed, half-sitting half-lying on the couch with red-rimmed eyes and a tear-stained hoodie. “St’ve,” he slurs, lifting his bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

Steve sighs. “What, did Becks show everyone your baby pictures again?”

Bucky shakes his head. “Fucked up.”

“Yeah, I can see that. At least save some of that for me.”

He shakes his head again. “Tony hates me.”

Steve freezes, halfway through shucking off his jacket. “What did you do?” He looks at Bucky with that Disappointed Parental Stare of his.

“He hates me.” Bucky feels himself start to tear up again as he reminds himself that he won’t be able to see Tony again. Won’t be able to breathe in the comforting smell of that vanilla and cinnamon lotion that he’s so fond of. “Made ‘im hate me.”

“Why in the hell would you do that?” Steve gets his jacket off this time, throwing it on the hook and not paying it any attention when it slips off and falls to the floor with a thud.

“Don’t know.” Which is a lie. He knows why. He just doesn’t want to face it.

“No, no, you don’t get to feign ignorance.” Steve walks over and takes the bottle from him, ignoring Bucky’s protests and whines and taking a few swigs of his own. “I’ve only seen you get this drunk twice before: the first was when you and Nat broke up and you broke into your dad’s liquor cabinet, and the second was when you came home from the army. Considering I don’t see your fatigues with you—”

Bucky growls weakly. “Shut up, Steve—”

“Then stop pushing people away,” Steve growls right back. “You fix this.”

“We didn’t ev’n know each other that long—”

“No, you might not have, but if you’re sitting here on our couch, drunk off your ass ‘cause you think he hates you, that means something. Fix. This.”

Then Steve’s phone goes off. He sets down the Jack and he fishes his phone out of his pocket. A swipe, and it’s unlocked. He snorts, shaking his head. “You know who just texted me?”

Hope. “Tony?”

“No. His best friend. You want to know what it says?”

Bucky doesn’t think his answer matters much. Something tells him Steve will tell him even if he says no. “Go.”

Steve clears his throat. “’Hope your buddy is happy. Tony won’t stop crying.’ Then some middle finger emojis. Seven of them, to be exact.”

Bucky sinks further into the couch, his stomach twisting into knots and nausea rising up his throat now that he knows Tony is crying and he’s the reason why. He makes a swipe at the Daniels, but is unable to reach far enough. “You gon’ reply?” he croaks.

“Oh, yeah. I’m gonna tell him that you’re being miserable, too. And that you’re an idiot.”

Bucky grunts.

“It’s for your own safety. Believe me, if he thinks you’re getting your jollies from this, he’ll send you on a one-way ticket to hell.”

He grunts again. That’s only mildly terrifying. And probably not even close to what he thinks he himself deserves. “You gon’ leave?”

“Yes. And I’m taking this—” Steve picks up the Jack— “with me.”

True to his word, Steve leaves with the bottle of Jack.

Bucky sits up and uses the sleeves of his hoodie to dry his eyes. He tries to keep quiet as he sobs.

The next day, he goes out, stretches his legs after spending the entire night on his couch. He contemplates going to visit Tony and beg for his forgiveness, but it’s… it’s probably too soon. He’ll just wait. In the meantime, he picks up a plush of Snoopy holding a heart. It’s cute.

1 week. He thinks he’ll wait a little more.

2 weeks. Maybe just a bit more.

(Rebecca calls. Asks him about Tony. He says that they broke up. She only replies with a small I’m sorry. It was clear that you two loved each other.

He bites his lip so hard that he tastes copper.)

3 weeks. It’s just a bit before Christmas. Steve comes into his room. “Rhodes texted me. He said Tony admitted that he wants to see you again. Apparently he passed on my word that you were being pretty gloomy about it too.”

Bucky fidgets on his bed. “So, what, I’m just supposed to roll up on his apartment with some flowers and chocolate?”

“Sarcastic bastard,” Steve mutters, although there’s no real venom behind his words. “It’d be a start.”

Bucky thinks for a second. He gets up and starts rifling through his closet. “Alright. Leave so I can change.” Thankfully, Steve obliges. Bucky tucks the Snoopy into his backpack.

He picks up some Ferrero Rocher. He remembers Tony eating them by the handful at the reception. It’s packaged in a transparent box shaped like a heart. For the flowers, he picks up some red roses, the classic choice. He even gets a card that says “I’M SORRY!” with a picture of a sad-looking cat on it.

“Girlfriend troubles?” the cashier asks as they ring him up.

“Boyfriend, actually,” he replies, surprised at how easily that rolls off his tongue.

They hum. “Hope it gets better soon, man.”

He hopes so too. “Thanks.”

Somehow, he manages to make the drive to Tony’s apartment without crashing the car. 6339. He remembers Tony telling him his apartment number if he ever wanted to come up and visit. Looks like he’s finally taking him up on that offer.

Before his nerves can take over and tell him to run and maybe flee the country, he takes the elevator up after explaining to the concierge that he’s there to visit a friend. He knocks on Tony’s door, holding the flowers up in front of his face, the Snoopy plush sitting on top of them along with the card. The box of chocolates he holds behind his back.

When he hears the door open, he pulls the flowers down just enough to see over them. “Hi.”

“Bucky,” Tony breathes out. He looks like he’s about to start crying again, clad in his donut-patterned pajama pants and an oversized shirt that advertises a noodle place that Bucky passed on his way. (Seriously. So many tears!) “Why’re you here?”

“To say sorry.” Bucky holds the flowers out.

“What you said really hurt,” Tony says, voice cracking, but he takes the flowers. “You got me a Snoopy?” He takes the plush off of the bouquet and smiles softly at it before looking back up at Bucky, expression holding cautious hope. He places Snoopy back in the bouquet.

“I know. I’m sorry. I was… I don’t know, scared. Not that I’m tryin’ to come up with an excuse for myself, but… you know.” He shows Tony the chocolates this time.

“Scared?” Tony takes the chocolates like he took the flowers.

“I really like you, Tony. I was thinking about asking you out for real after the party,” Bucky admits, looking Tony in the eye and hoping that Tony can see that he’s being genuine. His palms start getting clammy. Is the temperature rising or is it just him? “And I was scared.”

“Why?” Tony asks, sounding on the edge of desperation. “Why were you so scared you couldn’t just tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to feel obliged to say yes.”

Tony tilts his head to the side, eyebrows furrowed as a frown tugs at his lips.

Bucky begins to regret his answer. Obviously it isn’t one that Tony likes.

“Is that it?” Tony sounds gentle. So gentle. “I like you too, you know. And you know I’m not a pushover. If I didn’t want to go out with you, I would’ve told you that.”

“I know. I know, but I never said my mind was good at thinking rationally.” The corner of Bucky’s mouth quirks up at the self-deprecation.

“Mine isn’t either.” Tony places the chocolates with the card and the Snoopy in the bouquet, using that now free hand to wipe at his eyes. His sniffles. “And I have to apologize too. For what I said before I left your car.”

“It’s fine, Tony—”

“No, it’s not. It was such an asshole thing to say.” Tony sounds upset on Bucky’s behalf.

“I made you angry.”

“That didn’t give me the right to imply that you’re unlovable.” Tony stares at him in silent challenge. Try and refute me, his eyes say. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky shakes his head, knowing there’s only one way to end this. “I accept your apology.”

“And I accept yours.” Tony smiles at him, nose tinged with pink, and a burst of warmth spreads in Bucky’s chest. It’s gratifying to see that smile directed his way again. He just might join Tony in sniffling if this continues.

Tony reaches out to grab his hand, lacing their fingers together. “Why don’t you come inside? I can make you some coffee.”

“I’d like that,” Bucky says, squeezing Tony’s hand once. “I’d like that a lot.”

—

If you guys are curious, I listened to this song on repeat while doing this lol. (The link should lead to a video with the English translation!)

#old posts #This is... so much longer than I remember it being.#God the days where I actually did stuff. F in remembrance.

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luciesbabyboy · 3 years

Text

The Letter.

Something momma and me wrote together, the background to this is fact, the solution is pure fantasy. But OMG this was such fun to write together.

Steve came home to an empty house after 21 days working away. It had been the longest stretch working away and he was completely broken. His wife had sent him a message earlier saying she was sorry she wouldn’t be there when he got home from his flight, but not to worry she would be home at 9pm, she was just having coffee with an old friend.

He made himself a cup of tea and sat down on the sofa and flicked on the TV. His eye was drawn to the fireplace and an plain white envelope with “Darling, please read me” written in his wife’s handwriting

Having picked it up he returned to the sofa and gently prised open the envelope, his nostrils caught the sent of his wifes perfume and he smiled at the thought of her. He opened the letter and began to read.

“Darling,

First, let me tell you how much I love you and how proud of you I am for everything you do. You make me feel so loved and our time apart is only made so much better when we are together. However, I’m really worried about you. I know you’re not telling me the whole truth about the hours you are putting in, but I know as you read this letter that you are completely destroyed mentally and physically and its will take you days to recover. But you’re not recovering, you’re surviving, you’re not eating properly, you’re not getting the sleep you need, you’re not getting any exercise, you’re waking up, going to work, eating crap to feed your depleted energy, you’re working 15 hours a day and 7 days a week and you’ve just done this for 21 days. How you’re not in hospital I really don’t know.

What you have done at that business, is beyond remarkable, you’ve single handed built it to an extremely successful, profitable business, but you have to look after yourself. If you don’t I fear you’ll self implode. I’ve seen you when you come home from a tough period away and I can tell you’re just minutes from going down the drain. How you recover enough to face another week is beyond me.

We need to get you back to where you were mentally and physically 4 years ago, cooking and eating great healthy food, loving life, exercising and reading....remember how you used to soak up books, almost a book every week, and we used to sit listening to classic alums on the record player. Now you just sit down and because you’re exhausted you don’t engage with much. I understand, but we used to have so much fun, we’d spend time with friends and family or just being on our own.

I know you’re at breaking point, and I fear that any day I’m going to get a call from your work saying you’ve had a heart attack or a mental breakdown. Thats why, this week, I contacted your CEO and she agrees with me. Again she is amazed at what you have achieved for the company and the group, but she agrees that you’re on the verge. The business will cope, you’ve built the foundations, you have got the staff in there running it, you now need to step away and relax.

So from this weekend, with your bosses blessing, you have a 10 week leave of absence. We have 10 weeks to reset you, to get you back into a mental state that gives me confidence that you’ll not kill yourself before your next birthday.

And I know exactly how to rest you “little man” 😊

On the other side of this letter is a 10 week program to take you back to basics, to allow your brain and body to dump all of that stress and then to slowly build you back up. You will, if you agree, give up all responsibilities and I will make sure you are looked after like the gorgeous little man you are.

Weeks 1 & 2

Regressed to a 9 month old. Momma will take care of your every need, she will bathe you, feed you, clothe you, read you bed time stories, cuddle you, change your nappies, love you unconditionally.

During this period, you are not allowed to walk, talk (9 month olds can’t do either), you communicate by using your hands and either crying or babbling. Just like a little baby. You are allowed to crawl around the house, but you are to use your nappies for their true intended purpose. No phones or computers and no tv except early learning tv like sesame street and in the night garden. Early bed times and day time naps. Me feeding you with a spoon, having all your drinks in baby bottles. Millions of cuddles on the sofa.

Weeks 3 & 4

My little man is now a proper handful as a 2 year old: You can toddle around the house and can use big words, but you still need momma for cuddles and everything else in weeks 1 & 2. You’re still not able to use the toilet, you can watch a few more interesting things on tv and you can play with lego and cars and colour with crayons. Your food is a less babyish, and you love food time and getting all messy with eating with your hands. You need to ask momma for everything you need, even though you can reach the counter top, cookies and treats are off limits without asking. Time out on the naughty step if you get caught doing something momma has said you can’t.

Weeks 5 & 6

Oh my, what a cute little 3 year old you are. So independent, but so naughty, trying to do things yourself and getting into all kinds of scrapes. Momma still has to tie your shoe laces and get you dressed and you still have problems with the potty, so momma is keeping you in nappies for a little while longer. But you’re old enough now to let momma know when you need to go poopy. Where she can undo your nappy and sit you on the big boy potty and wipe your cute little bottom after, and put you in a fresh nappy. You’ll be in a lot of trouble if you forget to tell momma you need to go number two and momma will smack that poopy bottom and make you sit in a dirty nappy to remind you what a dirty boy you are. We can now watch Disney cartons together and you’re learning your abc’s and numbers so well. You still need nap times, and momma needs to still take you for a bath, but can leave you to play with your bath time toys.

Weeks 7 & 8

6 months older and such a handful for this momma. You’re getting much better at potty time, so momma has decided to let you wear pull ups. You need to tell momma when you need to go potty and she will pull your trousers and pull ups down and sit you on the big plastic potty. Little boys who are potty training still need nappies at night and you’ll be wrapped up tightly in a big fluffy nappy after bath time every night. Of course I’m sure you’ll forget about needing to go potty which is why momma will constantly ask you if you need to go, however if you say no and then wet your pull ups, you can expect momma to pull those down and put you over her knee for a well earned bare botty spanking. Momma is going to be strict with you and any rule breaking will result in a red bottom and corner time. But now you’re older you can help momma bake cookies and cakes and she’ll let you lick the spoon. Lots of cuddles with my little man and you can help momma around the house. You’ll look so cute in just your Spider man pullups and dinosaur t-shirts. It makes momma’s job of checking you for wetness so much easier

Weeks 9 & 10

Oh my you’ve grown up and momma is getting you ready to go “back to school” You’re nearly fully potty trained with only the occasional wetting accident. So momma has gone out and bought you some proper big boy briefs. They have lots of cool designs on them. Spiderman obviously, I’ve got several pairs of them, some other marvel prints and some basic plain colours so you can feel like a big boy when we go out. Momma is still going to ask you if you need the potty, especially if she sees you doing your little potty dance. As you’re bigger now, you have lots more responsibilities, you are big enough to put away your toys after play time is over, you can read books by yourself. You help momma clean up the house and do the laundry. And you can help her big person cooking. We have put the big plastic potty away in the cupboard and now you’re using the big boy toilet all by yourself and wiping our bottom properly after poopies. Momma is so proud of your journey to being a proper little man, but understands you still get into mischief. You sometimes still have little wet accidents in your big boy pants and that means momma will turn that cute little bottom of your red and put you back in a nappy for the rest of the day as punishment. You can go the whole night without wetting your night time nappy, but momma knows you sleep more soundly having one on, so she still gets you properly wrapped up for bed every night.

So that’s it my love. I need you to be better, to get you’re head in the correct space you can be a proper functioning adult. We’re going to have so much fun over the next 10 weeks. I’ll take you to the park, we’ll go for picnics and walk the dog and feed the ducks. You’ll get an allowance to spend on sweeties at the shops if you’ve been a good boy. You’ll get to go shopping with momma and she’ll make sure your bottom is checked when we’re out for wetness.

Now the bad news. You’re not allowed any alcohol for the whole 10 weeks. You have to do everything momma says without questions. Any breaking of my rules will result in you getting a proper hard bare bottom spanking. You are never allow to touch your nappy at any time or play with what is in it 😊 Which brings me to “Mommas needs” Obviously momma has needs, that only a grown up can provide, seeing you naked 4 or 5 times a day as I change your nappy, or bathe you, or even when I turn that tight little butt of yours over my knee will inevitably make momma hot in all kinds of places. Therefore momma is going to need you to fix this her whenever she needs to satisfy her needs. I will take you out of your nappy and you will be allowed to be a proper man, then straight after we’ll go back to our plan.

If you agree to this plan, and giving me full responsibility for you over the next 10 weeks, just send me a text with a “Baby emoji” and the words “I’m ready momma”

Love you so much baby boy.

Your darling wife.

He let this sink in for a moment, and an emotional wave came over him. He felt so loved in that very moment that he started to cry, all the stress that had built up was too much for him. With tears in his eyes he reached for his phone and sent the message his wife needed to see.

His phone immediately buzzed back with a heart emoji and 10 seconds later buzzed back again with the following message:

“Finally and you’re not going to like this one little bit. When I get home, I want you standing in the corner in just your underwear. I want you to get a high backed chair from the dining room and place it in the middle of the lounge. You will also need to get the paddle, the hairbrush and the cane from under the bed. I know you have constantly lied to me about the hours you are doing and I know you’ve been going back into work when you said you are tucked up in bed. So I’m going to really punish you for this behaviour so you remember what happens to naughty boys who lie to me. This is not going to be a normal spanking where I turn your bottom red and then we make love afterwards. I’m going to teach you a lesson through your bottom that you will hopefully remember. If you end up sobbing and begging me to stop then I know its working, but only I will decide when the punishment is over. You will be so thankful to be put back into nappies tonight to protect a very sore bottom when you sit down over the next few days. I’m sorry baby, but I have to show you that lies and sneaking around are not good for our relationship and I’m only doing this for your own good. Love you, see you in 30 minutes. Don’t disobey me or it will 10 times worse.

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itsunclebucky · 4 years

Text

You’re Mine

Pairing: Beefy!Bucky x Reader

Requested by @rebelfleur22 - Okay reader (me 😂 i wish) and bucky were dating for a long time but they broke up due to the fact that they grew apart but they still love each other, so at one of Tony's parties, bucky brings his new girlfriend to finally meet the Avengers and secretly annoy & make his ex jealous 😂 unknown to bucky his new girlfriend is a huge fan of reader (which she's also an avenger with super powers) and super nervous to meet her. So the guys are convincing the reader to be nice to her which eventually agrees even though she's still loves bucky. Can i please request one more thing 🙏🏻 i want it to be angsty with some sassy reader and if you don't mind having a smutty ending?

Warnings: Lots of angst, insults, argument, sassy reader, fluff, SMUT 18+ Oral sex (female receiving), squirting, unprotected sex, language, reconciliation.

Word Count: 4457

A/N: Thank you so much for the request my love!!! I really hope you like it. I really can’t feel my fingers but it’s so worth it!!! There are references to One Tree Hill, the dance part was inspired by a clip from the vampire diaries and the argument was heavily inspired by an episode of Friends. Hope you enjoy :)

Bucky saw you smile a lot more these days and it broke his heart because he couldn't remember the last time you smiled as brightly as you did.

You and Bucky had been in a very serious long term relationship. A relationship that was full of love, passion, trust but in the end, distance. You grew apart and decided it was better to remain friends than in a distant relationship with each other.

Bucky still loved you very much. He loved you with every fiber of his body. He would never tell you, but when he started sleeping alone in his bed at night, the nightmares would return more frequently. And he would never tell you how many mornings he spent crouched down on the shower floor crying until his chest was physically hurting.

And it's been 5 months since the breakup. He needed someone else to fill the void that was in his chest. He needed someone to love him again. And he thought his new girl Sima would be perfect.

She was perfect. With her beautiful long curly blonde hair, her natural eyelashes, her flawless figure. A girl who looked after her nails and spent hours at the hair salon bleaching her hair.

There was just a small problem. Sima might have been a gorgeous woman, but she wasn't you.

It hurt more because though you both agreed on staying friends, you rarely talked to each other. He also noticed you had stopped following him on Instagram and though that burnt a hole in his chest, he couldn't find it in him to bring it up simply because it seemed so petty.

But truthfully, the only reason you did was because of his happy posts and selfies on him smiling, the smile you didn't see on his face for a long time. Seeing Bucky so happy and thriving without you, it killed you from the inside out.

Each day, you had to force a smile on your face just so the team wouldn't worry about how you were coping with the breakup. Everyone knew how close you and Bucky were, how in love you were. And if they paid close attention, they would see the dark circles under your eyes. You were not coping well at all.

You missed him and you still loved him, so very much. Each morning you would find yourself curled up into a ball on the side he used to sleep, cradling his pillow in your arms. You refused to wash the pillowcase since you could still smell the scent of his apple shampoo on it.

But it was all in the past, and you knew if you cried a river it wasn't going to bring you and Bucky back together.

You were sat on the bar stool with your fingers wrapped around your hot cup of freshly made coffee talking to Steve about Tony's upcoming extravagant party.

"Do you really think he will invite lots of people this time?" You asked, nervously biting your lip.

Steve shrugged and looked over his newspaper. "It's Tony." You nodded in agreement.

"Hey Steve." Bucky greeted as he walked in. His white shirt pulled tightly across his muscles.

"Good morning Buck." Steve greeted back but eyeing the two of you suspiciously.

"Oh Buck. Thank you for wishing me a good morning." You said with sarcasm laced in your voice, cocking an eyebrow in his direction. "I'm so miserable without you here it's almost as if you are here."

"And thank fuck for that." He replied almost instantly with an eye roll.

You scoffed, amused and sipped your coffee.

"Hey Steve." Bucky started, getting his attention. "Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered if you were drunk the entire relationship?" Bucky smirked.

"Ha ha. Well you know what they say. If you're happy, thank your ex. At least I don't have to put up your excessive grunting when you're on top of me."

"Y/N!" Steve warned.

"Fuck you, you crazy bitch." Bucky scowled, hurrying up with making his coffee so he could leave.

"That's enough you two!" Steve intervened, sensing an argument about to break out soon.

"She started it." Bucky accused.

"She started it." You mocked, angering Bucky more.

"You know what Y/N. I'm fucking glad we broke up. You talk about my grunting, but you know what I'm grateful for? Not having to taste your disgusting fucking pussy and having to stick my cock in it anymore."

"Oh yeah." You chuckled, standing up to follow Bucky into the common room where the rest of the avengers were seated on the large couches in the room. "I'm grateful for not having to fake my orgasms anymore and not having your disgusting shit smelling breath in my face." You barked back.

"Ohhhh oh oh." Sam cackled from the couch, and immediately dipped his head when Bucky glared at him. Daring him to continue what he was going to say.

"That makes two of us you arrogant bitch and if my breath was bad, it's only because of where my mouth was moments before I was on top of you. Oh and hey. Forgot to tell you, saw something that reminded me of you today. But then I flushed it and left the bathroom." Bucky clicked his tongue as he took a seat next to Wanda.

You kept your facade up. Not wanting your friends to see what his words do to you. And you realized he called you a bitch twice.

You stomped towards the door and stopped to turn around a final time. Bucky's eyebrows raised waiting for your final blow.

"And just so you know. It's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy and it IS A BIG DEAL!" You yelled, walking out of the common room and heading towards your room.

In the distance, you heard Sam laugh and mock Bucky with a "I knew it old man!"

You should have been delighted. You kicked him whilst he was down, but you didn't feel proud. The insults you threw at each other were harsh and you knew it. And you wondered if he meant everything he said. He probably did, right? If he didn't hate you before, he surely does now.

Bucky sat on the couch bewildered. He wondered where this sudden argument came from but he knew it was your way of coping with the hurt. Because it was what you did best, to hide your true feelings, you would become this sassy little brat and he hated it, he hated your attitude.

He was more shell shocked by the last insult you threw at him. It happened just once, he was really tired but he wanted to have sex. It didn't matter how hard you massaged his cock through his pants, he still couldn't get hard. You had told him it didn't matter, that he just needed a good night sleep and you could try the following night.

He never once expected you to bring it up and use it against him. It was private, and he was pissed because you had said that in front of his friends and teammates.

Bucky ignored the snickers around him. His phone buzzed in his pant pocket and he pulled it out, his face slightly lighting up when it was a text from Sima.

Sima: I'm outside. Are you ready to go shopping with me? ❤

Bucky quickly typed a reply back.

Bucky: hi baby. Yes, give me a few minutes.

He left the heart out. He felt weird adding emojis to Sima's texts because his heart emojis were reserved for you only.

Bucky quickly excused himself. Taking his cup to the kitchen and going to his room to throw on a jacket and give his teeth a quick brush. He then left the compound without saying goodbye to anyone.

He needed a suit for tonight's party. Tonight would also be the night he would introduce Sima to the team, to you. He was nervous and scared. He was scared about his conflicted feelings.

You sat in your room alone, your back against the headboard staring at the wall in front of you.

You were honestly not looking forward to the party tonight. Natasha had told you days ago she would stop by your room to give you one of her dresses and Wanda would come along to do your makeup and curl your hair.

It was a futile attempt to try and get out of the party since Tony had made it clear you could be excused only if you died. Meaning, he was putting a lot of money into this party and it was mandatory that every single avenger in the compound had to be there, no ifs and no buts.

Tony wasn't even a little bit sympathetic about your breakup. You recalled him saying "at least you'll find a real man now kid."

Bucky was more than a man though. He was your light in the darkness of days. He cuddled your body close to his when you were sad for no reason. He was never cruel towards anyone. You believed he loved you as much as you loved him. But with his cruel words replaying themselves in the back of your mind, you begin to wonder about that like many other things.

You've been called a bitch many times in your life. Witch, weirdo, freak were among the list of names people had for you.

You once had beautiful naturally brown hair. Until you absorbed a portion of Thanos's force, and over time it turned your hair completely white. The only thing stopping you from having a breakdown down was the fact Bucky really liked your beautiful hair. He said you reminded him of Khaleesi from his favorite TV show Game of Thrones. And when you styled it. Oh my God. Bucky was a goner.

You curled up once again on the side he used to sleep. Cuddling his pillow against your chest as tear drops escaped. You sniffled once, and then the dam broke.

You broke out into small sobs. Your eyes screwed shut tight.

"I miss you Bucky." You cried out into your empty room. Those words repeatedly falling from your lips. You stayed like that until there was a brisk knock at the door. You peeled open your eyes opened and you were now shrouded in complete darkness.

What time was it? The pillow was soaking wet from your tears and mucus. But you didn't care.

The knock sounded again and you groaned.

"Come in." You yelled. The door opened and the light was turned on. You instinctively shielded your eyes from the sudden brightness.

"Were you asleep?" Wanda's thick accent entered your ears.

"No I was fucking skiing." You replied sarcastically, hiding your face in his pillow.

"With Bucky's pillow?" Natasha snipped with a smirk. "Come on girl. Get up, we gotta get dressed and get down to Tony's party. So, up, up, up!"

You groaned but pulled yourself up nonetheless. Natasha hung a dress on the hanger that was hanging from the little knobs on your closet doors.

"Get showered." Natasha ordered and you didn't bother to fight her. You couldn't. You were just too exhausted emotionally.

*************************************************

Bucky was standing in the corner of the party with Sima on his arm talking to Steve. The elevator doors dinged open and everyone's eyes were drawn to the three women who stepped out in linked arms.

Natasha, Wanda and you.

You were breathtaking in your gorgeous tight white dress. Your white hair curled to halfway down your back, and your minimal makeup really worked together. You looked exactly how he imagined you would on the day he would eventually marry you.

"Oh my God. Is that Y/N???!" Sima asked Bucky, her eyes wide. Sima was a huge fan of yours. She saw what you could do with your powers. She was there to witness what you did to Thanos before he snapped his fingers. Sima admits you, and hoped one day you would be friends. But giving the current circumstances, she knew that was never possible.

"Yes." Bucky sighed. Then an idea popped into his mind and he smirked. "Wanna meet her?" He winked and grabbed a hold of Sima's hand as they walked through the crowd towards you.

Your face dropped considerably when you saw Bucky. Hand in hand with another woman. You recognized her as another avenger, on a different team. Your breath hitched when you saw how Bucky looked tonight. A tight all black suit, his hair slicked back into a tight man bun with that beautiful stubble on his face.

"Good evening Y/L/N." Bucky greeted with no emotion on his face. "This is Sima, my girlfriend."

The blonde girl reached her hand out for you to shake but you couldn't register anything that was going on around you.

"Oh my gosh. It's such an honor to finally meet you." She grinned so excitedly but you just stared forward. Forcing one of your fake smiles on your face.

"Ditto." You kept your hands by your side and Bucky was annoyed by your rudeness. Sima awkwardly retracted her hand and adjusted a bobby pin in her hair to hide her embarrassment.

"Y/N. Sima was just-"

"Excuse me." You cut Bucky off. Marching towards Natasha and hauling her to the nearest empty room.

"What is going on?" Natasha asked, folding her arms across her chest.

You scoffed and paced the room. Your heels click-clacked against the stone floors.

"I CAN NOT believe it!" Your hands flew through your curls and tugged at the ends.

"What? What are you talking about Y/N?" Natasha pressed.

"That WHORE STOLE MY MAN. She's out there right now. Hanging from his arm like a fucking lazy sloth. Oh God have they fucked yet?!"

"So? Y/N. It's been 5 months. Bucky is allowed to move on and so are you. I hate to break it to you honey but he's not your man anymore."

"I don't want anyone else to have him and I know what you're gonna say. I know I'm being selfish but… it kills me Nat. He's killing me."

"You still love him." Natasha stated more than asked. A nod of your head confirmed what she already knew. "Then babe if you really love him-"

"Don't tell me to let him go because that could never happen." You deadpanned.

"I was going to say - if you really love him. Go and get him before his relationship with what's-her-face gets too serious."

Natasha was right. But dread filled you. After the words exchanged between you and Buck earlier, there was no way on this planet he would ever feel the same way about you again.

Right? Wrong. When you stormed off with Natasha, Bucky had excused himself to see what was going on. He stopped outside the door and listened. He heard every word.

He couldn't believe you still loved him. And he knew if the tables were switched and it was you here with another man, he would feel exactly the same way.

But Sima. Oh God. What was he going to do about Sima. She seemed to already understand the war he was having in his mind. About making people happy, about doing what is right. Sima knew he loved you still, when they were together he would talk about you a lot and he wouldn't even realize. To save him the hurt, Sima walked up to him and hugged him tightly.

"It's okay Bucky. Go get her. I just hope we can stay friends." She said in his ear and he hugged her tighter.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey." Sima cupped his stubbed face and smiled. "You love her and you were right for each other." Bucky nodded with a small smile. They embraced for the last night and Sima decided to leave the party.

Now all Bucky had to do was wait for you to come out from the room. And once you did, you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear as you walked back into the party. Only to be grabbed to your wrist and your body colliding with someone.

“Buck-let me go.” You scoffed, trying to break free.

“Come on doll. Just one dance.” He smirked down at you. His hands holding onto your waist as you danced together. His cologne was intoxicating, but it was your favorite. “How are you?”

You scoffed once again and rolled your eyes. “Where is Sima?”

“Broke up amicably.”

“Why?” Your brows furrowed. They seemed very happy together at the beginning of the party.

“That’s none of your business doll.”

“Oh come on Buck. Don’t be an asshole. I’m not in the mood.”

“What are you in the mood for, pretty lady?” He flirted and you were confused. Where the hell was all of this coming from? Thor wasn’t at the party so it wasn’t the mead that was making him talk like this.

Could be his hard dick that you found yourself brushing up against accidentally as you were dancing.

“Hmm, let’s see. Sleeping naked on top of the covers.” You decided two could play this game.

“That was my favorite.” He twirled you around and pulled you back against his chest and grounded his erected clothed cock into your ass. A gasp fell from your lips as you grinded slightly into him.

“God, you’re so hard.”

“Mmmm. And I’m bettin’ you’re soaking wet.”

*************************************************

Your back hit the mattress with a loud grunt as Bucky hungrily crawled on top of you. Nibbling the sensitive skin on your pulse point and pulling your dress from your shoulders.

Bucky traced his soft lips from your neck to your jawline and down your throat. Nipping and biting the skin before continuing his path down between the valley of your breasts.

He took a nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the erected bud and sucking it between his lips. His touch sent electrifying bolts through your body and your arousal was pooling in your panties.

You missed his touch. His lips on yours. It’s been 5 months since you’ve felt him and though you wished you could take your time with him, you were just far too horny for the slow and sensual sex.

“Bucky please.” You begged, pushing his head further down your body. Bucky chuckled against your skin as his fingers hooked on your dress and pulled it down as he ventured more south.

“Please what, doll?” He teased, kissing above your navel area before sinking down on the floor and pulling your dress completely off. Leaving you in just your white laced panties.

“Don’t be a cocky fuckin’ bastard. I haven’t had sex in months and I need you.” You huffed impatiently. He was still chuckling against your skin and you were close to telling him to forget it.

And you would have if it wasn’t for him pulling your panties down finally and growling at the evident arousal seeping through your lips.

“Jesus Christ baby. Got my mouth waterin’ here.” His large hands opened you up before him, his thumbs opened your lips as he ran his tongue from your warm soft clit down to your seeping entrance. The beautiful feeling of his warm delicious tongue caused you to clench around nothing. And Bucky absolutely loved watching your desperate hole contract.

His lips enclosed around your clit. His tongue swirling around the bundle. Your back arched off the bed and your heels dug into his shoulder blades as he ate you out like a starving man.

The sinful sounds of your wetness against his mouth and his groaning were pornographic and you thrived off of it. You were so horny that it didn’t take you too long to reach the peak. And when you were close, you were a squirming mess trying to writher out of his strong grip.

“BUCK!” You screamed loudly, your hands locked in his hair as your hips went flush against his mouth. He licked your clit with the pressure you liked. Driving you absolutely insane with need. A final lick and you were gone. Your hips jerked forward when he continued to lick from the intense orgasm and he drank every single drop that oozed out from your entrance. He watched it with great interest as it ran down between your butt cheeks to your puckered hole.

Bucky groaned in delight as he pulled away from you. Looking down through your hooded eyes, your arousal soaked his stubble and cheek. You didn’t even realize you had squirted. You were embarrassed, but Bucky seemed to love it.

“You’re too dressed Buck.” You smirked and kept your legs opened.

“That I am.”

You sat up on your forearms and watched him undress himself. Throwing his clothes in all corners of the room. He climbed up on the bed and kneeled between your opened legs. Your legs wrapped around his waist as he walked on his knees to the top of the bed and laid you down on the pillow you used to sleep on.

Bucky hooked your legs with his forearms and leaned forward. He teased your waiting cunt with the tip of his cock.

“Doll, I don’t think you’ve ever been this wet before.” Bucky moaned as he watched his cock gather up your juices.

“It’s been months for me Buck.” You closed your eyes and whimpered each time his tip skimmed over your tingling clit. “Please fuck me Buck.”

Something in him changed. His eyes turned from blue to a dark brown/black. His engorged tip prodded against your entrance and then he slid home. Both of you moaning at the familiarity of him filling you up. His pubic bone bumped against your clit, causing your cunt to clench around him.

“Doll. I won’t last if you keep doin’ that.” He warned through gritted teeth. You loved how he was losing control already. And to be honest, so were you.

Your insides were tingling as your walls hugged his hot cock tightly. It was almost like a welcome home hug, we’ve missed you.

“Good. I don’t want you to make love to me Buck. I want you to fuck me! Hard and fast. Don’t be a fuckin’ pussy and just do it!” Your arms curled around his shoulders and he growled as he sat back and perched your legs on top of his shoulders.

“You and your fuckin’ attitude. You want it hard and fast? You fuckin’ got it.” And with that, he snapped his hips into you with a fast and brutal pace. His balls playing ping-pong against the skin of your ass and the position you were in meant he easily grazed your fucking G-spot perfectly. So perfectly that your cunt was permanently clenched around him. Your thick white slick gathered on his pubic bone. He rocked the bed harshly, the brass headboard knocking against the wall behind you and the mattress squeaking under your weight.

“Yes Buck! Come on baby just like that! Don’t stop.” You begged. Your skin covered in a sheen of sweat as you felt the tension rising in your tummy. “Fuck yes Buck. I’m so fucking close. Please don’t stop. Harder!”

And harder he went. The consistent rhythmic knocking of the headboard and skin on skin rang in your ears. Bucky angled his hips slightly and that was it. That was where your spot was and he hit it. Every. Single. Thrust.

“OH MY GODDDDD!!!” You screamed so loud that your voice cracked painfully. Tears spilled from the corner of your eyes as your hands massaged your breasts and pinched your nipples. “I’M CUMMING!” You announced. Not that it was necessary. Bucky could feel you were close and he went faster. A few more final hard thrusts and you were coming undone all over his cock. Your juices sprayed over his tummy and he moaned so fucking loudly you could have cummed again just from the erotic sound. Bucky was right behind you, spilling his hot cum deep in your tummy. You were both spent, looking at each other with love in your eyes and no signs of regret. Reluctantly, Bucky pulled out and you winced at the loss of contact. He walked in the bathroom and you heard the water running. A few moments later, he reappeared. His half-hard cock bobbing with every move he made.

“I’m running a bath for us.” He said sweetly, placing a kiss to your forehead. You smiled and reached your hand out to stroke his cheek.

“I’ve missed you.” You said truthfully. “I cried every night for you.”

“Oh doll. I’ve missed you too. And I’m never fuckin’ lettin’ you go again either.”

“I hope not.”

“You’re mine.” He dominantly said and you chuckled a little. “Don’t ruin the moment.” He warned and you chuckled again.

“Yes Sergeant.” You went to sit up and hiss. The ache in your groin was starting to catch up to you now. “Okay maybe you were too hard.”

Now it was Bucky’s turn to laugh. “I’m always hard doll.”

You rolled your eyes. “I meant the sex.”

“Well, you were yelling at me to fuck you hard and fast.” He shrugged.

“Just… take me to the bath please.” You playfully hit his shoulder.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Buck?” You mumbled into his neck as he carried you to the bathroom bridal style. Bucky hummed in response and you continued. “We’re back together, right?”

Bucky sat you in the tub. The temperature of the water was just perfect and it immediately helped your aching muscles. Bucky climbed in behind you. His legs raised and he pulled you back in between them. Your back rested against his chest as he gathered bubbles on your tummy.

“Maybe you didn’t hear me clearly Y/N. I said you were mine and I’m not letting you go again. So yes, we’re back together.”

Tags: @criminal-cookies @jobean12-blog @marvelgirl7

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lesbianrobin · 4 years

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i have just watched "the vanishing of will byers" again and here are my big takeaways or like things i totally forgot about:

1. joyce was neglecting jonathan for a while prior to the start of the show, berated him for not having woken up will when he was busy making breakfast, and then blamed jonathan for will going missing the second that it happened. later on when he's visibly holding back a big emotional breakdown, she's like "aw what's wrong" and he's like "it's my fault" and she's like "oh no you can't do that to yourself" .... ma'am YOU TOLD HIM THAT

2. what the fuck happened to the byers' dog. where did he go. i thought the demogorgon like ate him in the first episode but that did not happen so where the fuck is he did they just forget about him

3. the kids were all so fucking tiny. that's it

4. hopper is hot

5. i would let s1 steve **** me, khakis and homophobia and all. if someone wants to take away my lesbian card for it that's fine it's worth it i must state my truth.

6. lucas was so fucking balls to the wall like every word out of his mouth was the verbal equivalent of the knife emoji

that's it for now

#em talks #stranger things #st rewatch

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jessicaoniell-blog · 5 years

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How Much Does it Cost to Make An App in 2019?

There is no one right answer to how much it costs to make or build an app. However, this article will help you try to get a ballpark estimate for what you would like to create. There are three main variables involved in pricing app development. Want to skip this and go directly to a handy app pricing calculator? Click on Start a Project here. First, the feature set - a lot depends on the features of the app. Rule of Thumb: features with complicated bookkeeping like real-time location tracking will be 3x-4x more expensive than less extensive features like user profiles. Second, the brand. If you get your app developed from the Rolls-Royce of software development companies, keep a fat check handy. Instead, it’s better to opt for a quality freelancer or dev shop that does solid, reliable work but isn’t overly pricey. Rule of Thumb: A high-end software agency will charge you about 2x-5x what a reliable, mid-range app development company might. Third, where your app developers are located matters a lot. Different places have different market salaries for good software engineers, and that will translate directly to the price you can obtain in that market. Rule of Thumb: An app that costs ~ $60,000 in America will be ~ $20,000 in Eastern Europe and ~ $12,000 if made by a software development company in Pakistan. Countries with similar demographics will have similar rates if all other factors are roughly equal.

What Do You Want to Build?

Just like the development of any other software, a complex mobile application requires more time and effort as compared to a simple one. Each added feature and entity consumes back-end services, time, energy, and resources. The more screens and entities involved, the messier it gets for developers. Let’s walk through the cost of development of an app if you were to develop your application from a mobile app dev company in Pakistan.

Cost By Key Features to Build an App

Take, for example, a simple Android App with basic features like User Logins and reading articles or ebooks start from around $2,000. A simple direct to consumer app with Email & Push Notifications, Admin Panel, and Payment Integration would start from around $6,000 and up. Similarly, an E-commerce website (for mobile) which requires logins, to user profile, to payment & CRM integration to Admin Panel, inventory and order management, and support would start from around $9,000. Here’s a feature-wise cost breakdown: User Login This is one of the most common features for applications that demand users’ registration before they can use it. Registrations are normally via email, phone number, or through a social media account. Expect a login module with email, phone and social account signup to take around 20 - 40 hours in the making. At a a per hour rate of $15, the cost comes out to around $600. Push Notifications An essential feature engagement feature, push notifications update users on various activities happening in your app and may help to increase engagement rates significantly. There are a variety of options: simple text notifications, text-with-image notification, and ones that have action buttons on them. Push notifications allow administrators to decide very granularly who, when and where to send a push notification to (for example in chat box). Based on the complexity of the feature, the timeline for push notifications combined with automated emails may range between 20 hours to 100 hours and may cost from between $500 to $1,000. Geolocation & Google Maps This is a crucial feature for taxi apps, restaurant apps, business and travel apps, etc. Real-time location updates, GPS tracking and maps integration are critical for any localized service. It may take as many as 50 hours or even more in development; the module might cost around $700-$1,000. Chats & Messaging While many mobile applications can do without them, chat boxes are essential for some apps like an e-commerce platform or a social app. The cost may vary depending on the type of service(s) required. Do you want a direct person-to-person or a group chat, a supporting emoji, files transfer, or just basic texting? Or one with a messaging history or auto-delete? Giving an accurate budget specification is only possible with available data. But expect no less than 80+ hours to complete this feature. Ads & In-App Purchase These features are a must for consumer apps as they may increase the conversion rates. In-app purchases are driven through mobile ads appearing on users’ screen in the form of a simple text, text, and image or full-screen pop-ups, or other in-app prompts. They have traditionally been custom developed, but services and tools are now available to assist developers. The pricing may range between $500 -$2000 based on the complexity of the in-app purchase integrations. Each ad appearing on the screen prompts users to explore other products or services and to make an in-app purchase. The development cost for this feature is relatively lower and should be around $250. Payments Integration For every in-app purchase, applications require payment integration options. You can pick from a score of possibilities. There is Android Pay, Google Wallet, Apple Pay, PayPal, credit cards, and many more. The development process for this feature mostly relies on various factors: Payment process, the security of transactions and users’ data, and the level of PCI compliance, etc. However many of these can be streamlined by using a payments gateway like Stripe or Wepay. The task may take developers as many as 50 hours or more, with costs starting from $600 and upwards Offline Mode Offline Mode has recently been gaining a lot of popularity in mobile apps, as it makes usability even more flexible; even if the connection is low, slow, flickering, or not working at all. Developers mostly use a SQL database, local caching, and cookies on the device for offline data storage. The task usually takes 40 hours to complete and costs around $450-$480 accordingly. Customization Customization is when an app lets users change its appearance as per their liking. This may include a change in language, or mode (day or night), or shifting from a grid view to list, or full-width screen cards. The time taken depends completely on the depth of customization required. The cost normally runs between $500 to $1,500. Search Adding custom search requests to content within your app may take user engagement to another level. Yes, Android and iOS phones have their own search bars, but adding a custom search option makes your app stand out among others. The development timeline is around 24 hours; thus, the cost ranges from $250 to $350. Multi-Language Support If you intend to make an app for various regions, the multi-language option comes handy as it lets users select the language of their choice. From the developers’ perspective, two key aspects are essential for this task: the scope of data and User Interface (UI adjustments). The adjustments may take several days, and cost around $350-750.

How much Does it Cost to Design an App?

Design, as Apple co-founder Steve Jobs described it, is “not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.” In software development, the word ‘design’ may translate to visual design, user interface (UI), and user experience (UX), wireframes, logos, icons, etc. However, each of these fits into an overall process. For more on that process, check this. Rule of Thumb: Designers normally charge by the hour, and cost will be proportional to visual complexity of the app and the level of market & user research required. For design agencies in Pakistan, $150 per app screen is a decent estimate. The App design has a lot to do with the cost of an app making. The price of app design may differ based on the profile of the designer, geography, complexity, and platform. Designer: A senior designer in the US may charge you as much as $150 per hour or more, whereas a less experienced designer may cost as low as $25/hour. Geography: Costs vary greatly by region. Given below is a region-wise breakdown of the range of hourly rates by decent designers.. Again, factors like brand also influence which end of the range you will find. USA & Canada – $25-250 per hourAustralia – $20-$150Western Europe & UK – $25-170Eastern Europe – $15-150Asia – $10-80 Complexity: UI design costs are directly proportional to the visual complexity of an app. While simple app designs (like Clock apps) may cost around $1,000, a more complex chat app design like WhatsApp may take about $3,000. Similarly, an intricate social media app design – the likes of Facebook or Twitter – may even range from $8,000 to $15,000. Platform: Designing an iOS app is relatively easier and may cost around $100 to $10,000. But, an Android app’s design cost may range from $1,500 to $12,500. You should expect to add a similar amount for a web app.

Where Do You Want to Get it Done?

The geographical factor cannot be downplayed while calculating the cost of app making. It is an open secret that freelance developers and software agencies from South Asian countries can deliver a solid project in less than half of what dev shops from Europe, Canada, and US charge. Here is how much developers worldwide cost to make an app:

Who Builds It?

Now here is the trickiest part. You can have your app made through two main channels. Each offers tradeoffs in quality, cost, risk, and efficiency. You can either: Hire a freelance developer, orUse the services of a development agency like AppRocket. Rule of Thumb: Freelancers are cheaper but often unreliable and prone to miscommunication issues. Dev shops are more expensive but will be more reliable and leverage past experience to ensure that you end up with a solid product. Freelancer Engaging freelance developers might prove to be the cheapest way of going about it, but involves significantly more risk. Because: (i) You have to hire a separate programmers (server/backend, and mobile or web/frontend) and designers. (ii) You have manage your project and its delivery yourself. And if you are not technically aware yourself, you might find it a lot trickier. (iii) Working with a team of strangers might bring communication issues and may affect the quality as well. (iv) After all the money and personal monitoring put in; there remains a chance of not attaining the desired results. If you cannot communicate your idea clearly (which sometimes requires technical know-how), your team will build whatever they thoguht you told them to build. Engage a Software Development Agency: A little more expensive but the best way to get your mobile application built is to hire a reasonable developing agency. Development agencies are the more reliable option . Why? Because: (i) They are also entrepreneurs with ample experience and can take your project from idea to launch and beyond. (iii) They work in close coordination with you to create a product that genuinely and entirely reflects your concept and is market-ready. (ii) Their teams work under expert Team Lead to flesh out your application from concept to live within the timeline. In case one developer is not up to par, they have the buffer to reassign someone to the project. Cost to Make an App with Software Agency If you opt for a top-of-the-line development shop to build your app, it may charge anywhere from $50,000 to $500,000 – maybe even more. Whereas at mid-tier agencies like AppRocket, the cost for even higher-end complex applications would normally run under $50,000. To get an accurate estimate for your app, try our cost calculator. Visit this page and click “Start Project.”

How much Does it Cost for App Maintenance?

If you are taking a sigh of relief considering that the work is done, we would suggest you wait a bit more. Because your expenses don’t just end with the release of an app – you got to maintain it. How? Testing and releasing an app is just the end of a chapter – it is not the end of the story. Next thing you want is your app to perform better with every passing day. And certainly, you would also like users to keep using and downloading your app. If you cannot personally handle all this; you would again need services of a developer to maintain it. And it costs money! Quotations from some of the leading developers suggest that the average cost of maintaining an app is about 20% of the development cost. So, if your application was built in around $50,000 – you would be required to pay at least $10,000 every year to keep it up and running. Here’s is a list of additional features (depending on the demand and requirement of the project) that may further jack up the cost: Powerful servers – $20-$60/monthpush notifications – $10/monthPayment gateways – up to $150/month (plus a fee on each transaction)Emergency maintenance – depends on the nature of the emergencyThird party APIs chargesApp stores developer fee – $25 at Google Play, $99 at Apple App. Read the full article

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jodiwalker · 7 years

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The Bachelorette finale: Romance is Dead, But Reality TV Lives On

Two roads diverged in an ABC wood

And sorry she could not travel both

And be a polygamist with TWO engagement rings, long she stood

And stared down a life of (alleged) mediocrity

To where it stood in the Miami sun, under the looming presence of Olga;

…

I shall be telling this with a sigh

For at least the next week until Bachelor in Paradise premieres;

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and Rachel—

Rachel took the one most traveled by,

And that…has made all the (terrible) difference

My apologies to Robert Frost and 6th grade English teachers everywhere, but it simply had to be done. Rachel's explanation to Bryan as to why she would be choosing to accept his marriage proposal (as constant torrential winds whipped her edges and lashes into a fury, while simultaneously numbing her recently shredded heart), is that she has always gone for the complicated, challenging man, and turned away from the easy choice in the past. And that has not worked out for her. So here, on the altar of ABC, and with literally only one option in front of her, Rachel is choosing the easy route this time: the man who wants to propose to her without exception, the man who does not challenge or complicate her life. Rachel is choosing the road most traveled by.

And that has really fucked up her Bachelorette legacy.

Watching Rachel's 3-hour finale may have been stone-cold torture, but that was only because it contained one of the realest moments ever seen on this contrived reality show purportedly about romance. Given the choice between a man who would potentially give her that once-in-a-lifetime kinda love but wasn't ready to propose that once-in-a -lifetime kinda commitment, and a man who was prepared to propose to her from the moment he met her when she still had 29 other boyfriends and he only knew her name, Rachel — the self-assured, luminescent, beloved, successful attorney from a wealthy Dallas family — chose the bro that was a sure thing to get her an engagement ring.

I’m not saying it’s the wrong choice. I’m saying, Rachel lived out the plot of The Notebook and she chose James Marsden over Noah. Because The Notebook is a movie and this is real life. And reality clearly states: for monogamy to live, romance must die. [Ed Note: But if you're married and reading this, your relationship is probably the exception! Definitely!]

In that moment, Bryan was Rachel's second choice, and no amount of Instagram posts sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts Cold Brew are going to convince anyone of anything else. There are lots of people who fall passionately in love with someone and think they're going to marry them, but it doesn't work, so their now slightly hardened heart falls reasonably in love with someone else, and that's the person they can make marriage work with. The caveat here is that most people don't travel those two journeys at the same time until they reach a fork in the road with one path labeled, "Once a Girlfriend, Always a Girlfriend Ave," and the other, "Fiancé to Bryan, Former Contestant on UPN Gameshow The Player Street."

We’ll get to what Rachel’s ultimate choice means for the status of her #blessed life, but let's put it off a little longer by focusing on some other, slightly more hopeful points of this season's all-to-real conclusion:

The Glow Up of Eric

What a difference a beard makes! I think every single person who watched The Bachelorette this season had a complicated relationship with Eric's physical appearance. At times he was boyishly handsome; at times he resembled a young, broader Steve Buscemi; at times he was hella fly; at times — those times usually spent in tiny, ornamental scarves — he was utterly goofy. But most times he resembled that episode of The Office where Jim tries to convince Dwight he's a vampire by flipping up the collar on an oversized coat. Because Eric wasn't always shown to be the zen-like sweetheart hottie that he is now, but he was always, always, wearing a winter coat with a big ass collar.

But post-Hometown Eric was a different Eric. Yes, he still wore a lot of (thick?) crew neck t-shirts with sport jackets, and then, inexplicably, with a pea coat over that, but beginning with that first nicely-fitted Canadian tuxedo in Baltimore, post-Hometown Eric just generally looked more like a grown ass man. And when he returned to the Chris Harrison's Loveseat of Terrors during his After the Final Rose segment, it became clear…

Rachel broke Eric's heart and made him a man. For real, he looked like he could have been in the singing group Boyz II Men, and he definitely looked like he could make love to you, like you'd want him to. Further, he looked like a man who can grow an excellent beard and weave a narrative about love and opening your heart and growing that makes you punch out one thousand heart eye emojis to your best friend while furiously googling "eric bigger bachelorette trainer baltimore phone number or email address."

Everyone—seriously, everyone, even Neil Lane who got like a two seconds of airtime—came out looking like a loser in this Bachelorette finale, except for Eric. Glow on, baby, ya did good!

Evaluating a Few of the Other Rejects from Men Tell All So We Can Continue to Put Off the Painful Inevitable

Kenny, I love you. I cried when Chris "Plus-We-Got-Bloopers-Comin'-Up" Harrison told your daughter that you were going to Disneyland. But what in the fresh Men's Wearhouse hell is this?

Kenny. The tie! Kenny?!

Kenny's outfit choice was unfortunate, but hey, the man has has been a dad for 11 years — the last time fashion was his top priority, I guess he would have been wearing decorative dog tags and a Von Dutch hat. So I can cut Kenny some slack. You knew who I will cut zero slack?

Dress for the gross, racist, sociopathic persona you want…because it looks exactly like the gross, racist, sociopathic persona you already have. I don't know why Lee insists on wearing this teal shirt so much. Maybe he thinks it brings out the height in his Something About Mary jizz hair? Maybe he thinks it distracts from the fact that he sent out insanely racist and misogynistic tweets and has yet to apologize for them, and now his apology is just saying that he wants to "learn"? Here's an educational tip, Lee: don't wear a three piece suit where the third piece is from a different, somehow even uglier suit, where the overall combination comes together to make you look like a mortician’s apprentice at a family-run funeral home in Reno where something seems just a liiiiittle off about everybody.

But I'm really not the expert to advise on these matters. No, for that let's turn to Anthony, a master in both three-piece-suits with unorthodox shirt-color choices and racial rhetoric.

"I think you're just saying ‘I've been a bad person,’ but you're not acknowledging the kind of invisible racism in your mind. You may not be doing it intentionally, but it's still motivating your actions. The racism that is ingrained in your actions to the point of invisibility is still pushing you to behave in a certain way towards Kenny, towards Eric, towards me that you don't even recognize. So, are your actions motivated by racist thoughts that are implicitly embedded in your mentality?"

For the record, Lee's response goes a little something like this:

And finally, dear Dean, whose clock on being this franchise's It Girl began running out the moment it started ticking — time is a cruel friend, Dean. You'll learn that when you're old enough to spot your first laugh line.

I still love Dean, but this really ridiculous blazer has me nervous that he might grow too thirsty for his own britches post-Paradise. But at least those britches aren't also navy camouflage.

That, and the fact that he wasn't a dick to Rachel, at least, gives me hope.

Define…Engagement

Okay, there's no more putting off the inevitable. The episode preceding the finale ended on a cliffhanger because suddenly it became clear that Rachel and her hot co-boyfriend Peter were at an impasse. As of the Fantasy Suites — which is to say both his second-to-last solo date with Rachel and his fourth-ever solo date with Rachel — Peter was not sure if he would be ready to propose to her after just six weeks of being aware she existed. See, he believes, “Engagement is marriage. I want to do it as many times as I get married, which is once." And Rachel believes that getting engaged in the next two simply days means, "cultivating a relationship and seeing if it can work outside of that."

This is the one place that Rachel is just crazy-wrong. She is defining a committed dating relationship, but she is assigning that definition to something else entirely. The hardest part of watching this finale is that Rachel was so good at being the Bachelorette. She was smart and thoughtful and in control. What I wanted out of Rachel as a Bachelorette was for her to be different, for her to grow beyond the vehicle she chose to ride in on her “journey to love”...

But Rachel Wasn’t Different

Rachel told Eric's Aunt Verna [ed. note: long live the queen] that, yes, she was the first black Bachelorette, but she came to the show looking for one thing — love — and in that way, she should be exactly the same as the 12 Bachelorettes that came before her.

And that might have been the hardest pill to swallow while watching Peter and Rachel have a lash-destroying, sweater-ripping breakdown as they realized that they loved one another, but they simply couldn't make their wants and their needs match up. In the end, Rachel wasn't any different than the 12 Bachelorettes that came before her. She might have seemed better than the show, and she surely was too good for a lot of the dudes the show provided her with…but she and The Bachelorette shared one goal that overrides all of that: this journey for love ends in an engagement with a Neil-fucking-Lane diamond, and you can either get on board with that or get the hell off of the love train, ya'heard?

So Rachel chose Bryan. Which hopefully felt like a fairytale ending for them, but to everyone else, it kind of felt like the end of love and romance and passion and maybe the franchise. Watching The Bachelorette is supposed to be an escape, but hearing Peter tell Rachel that not choosing to meet him in the middle would be choosing a mediocre life, and then watching her do it was all too real. (He later apologized at After the Final Rose. Rachel insisted she was living her best life. The audience wept.)

As I ruminated upon the disillusionment of romantic love as I know it though, my subconscious reminded me that oftentimes during Rachel's journey for love© I found myself thinking of Des and Des' Bangs journey for love© in season 9. Those comparison's never made a ton of sense at face value because when it came to being the Bachelorette, Des managed the job with all the aplomb of a crumpled napkin whereas Rachel was a confident and assured polygamist leader.

But both women ended up in the same place. You may recall Des weeping on a dock for somewhere between four hours and four calendar years because Brooks the Secret Mormon realized he just wasn't as into her as she was into him. She was running toward the altar and he was all, "This has been super fun Des, but I'm going to have to scoot on back to Salt Lake City now." And that was really tough on Des, the human equivalent of a Lip Smackers. Then all of a sudden, as if the scales of Bad Boy Mormon Brooks had fallen from her eyes, Des realized that she was free to be fully in love with Boring Regular Boy Chris who came from a family of — I kid you fucking not — chiropractors.

And do you know what? Those two mediocre kids have lived happily ever after. Both Des and Rachel seemed to want one thing really, really badly, but in the end, maybe they actually needed another thing. And that thing was free chiropractic adjustments for life and not a handsome, well-adjusted former model (in both cases, I swear!)

Of course, I have a hard time believing that this Bryan and Rachel can go the distance until they get a handle on his mom's whole Lysa Arryn vibe, and his whole robot-made-of-plastic vibe. But sometimes…sometimes, mediocrity is built to last — I truly believe that Toyota Camrys will be all that survive the looming world apocalypse.

Part II: The Next Bachelor

The most disappointing part of what was truly an emotionally grueling finale experience was not even getting the climactic relief of finding out who the next Bachelor is. Now, I understand the predicament ABC is in—there's no perfect candidate from Rachel's crop, probably because they took up valuable space of what could have been non-Bryans who were willing to propose after four weeks with numbnuts like Lee and Lucas. So let's assess our options:

Peter and/or Dean

The most obvious options for the next Bachelor are Dean and Peter. The former was a favorite all season because he quickly revealed himself to be a hot Precious Moments doll with a heart of gold, and the former was always hot, but in the last analysis revealed himself to be someone who is aware that this process is bogus and while it might create a romantic adventure full of blimps and Greco-Roman wrestling simulations, it does not set couples up for long-term success.

Unfortunately, both Peter and Dean's greatest strengths are their greatest weaknesses, as well. Peter's use of logic in not wanting to propose to Rachel if he wasn't prepared to marry her, made him a more attractive candidate to as the Bachelor, but it also made him a worse one. As Rachel pointed out in their After the Final Rose segment, Peter might not be cut out for the speed of this this process. As I would like to point out, Peter definitely wasn't cut out for this process, and Rachel's comment was definitely fueled by still being in love with him and being defensive about choosing Bryan by default. Gasp, oh yes I did.

As for Dean, the main problem seems to be that he's going on Bachelor in Paradise, which is like starting with wine, moving to tequila shots, and then trying to go back to wine again—it's not going to be pretty. The best thing about Dean being the Bachelor is that he would mess up so much. He is very young and very sweet, and needs to do quite a bit of, let's say, self-work before he holds the hearts of 30 women in his clumsy Ken Doll hands. And being the woke young thing that he is, Dean said as much to The Hollywood Reporter: "I’d say I don’t think I’m ready yet, at this point in my life. Of course, I would never immediately dismiss any offer, but I think I’d really have to sit down and really think about it."

So, my I present for you consideration that Dean and Peter be the Bachelor together??? Not like when they made the dudes vote between Kaitlyn and Britt, and then Kaitlyn won, but not by a lot, so like half of the guys were still there to date someone else. That was really stupid. [Ed. Note: this probably would be too.] But as everyone knows, the most beautiful love affair to come out of Rachel's season was that of handsome male bonding between Dean and Peter. And they complement each other so well! Dean could help Peter loosen up a little; Peter could help Dean get in touch with his emotions; Dean could help Peter experiment with florals; Peter could help Dean not experiment quite so much with florals. And they could have totally separate groups of potential women sister-girlfriends, and no one would ever have to get in a fight, they could just support each other and everyone could be happy.

Eric

Eric would be an excellent Bachelor, his only problem is that the editors didn't reveal his fun personality, and he didn’t reveal the full extent of his hotness until way too late in the season. I just don't know if he has the popularity. Also, I know ABC is scared to cast a black Bachelor again because they haven't yet realized that pretty much the only adjustment that needs to be made is not purposefully casting racist potential suitors to stir up racially-fueled drama. Which seems like a pretty easy fix!

A Semi-Famous Person's Brother

The Bachelor already has a storied history in this arena. There was Aaron Murray's brother Josh Murray; the much more famous Aaron Rodger's (estranged) brother Jordan Rodgers; and most importantly for our purposes here, Jerry O'Connell's brother Charlie O'Connell was cast as the actual Bachelor simply because he was Jerry O'Connell's brother. Like, Zac Efron has a brother who's in his mid-20s and already has a Buzzfeed article devoted to how cute he is. Doesn't Scarlett Johansson have a twin or something? I don't know, I'm not a casting agent, just find a reason to get someone random and hot on here so we don't have to keep swimming around in the same tepid pool of candidates!

A Nostalgically Semi-Famous Person

Listen, I'm just trying to think outside the box here. Like…what's Trey from Laguna Beach up to these days? He was cute with a budding career in trucker hat activism. Maybe a non-Ashley-Parker-Angel member of O-Town? Where’d that guy from Brink! disappear to? I'm pretty sure Ephram from The WB's Everwood is still out there somewhere? I think we're onto something here…

Bachelor: The Next Generation

I'm just crunching some numbers here, and if current contestant Kenny has a daughter that's 11, then a contestant from the original season of The Bachelor 15 years ago could reasonably have a child that's 25 or 26 now. It's not a real suggestion that said hypothetical offspring should be the next Bachelor…but it's worth noting that one day, in the not so distant future, someone will come onto this show as a contestant…whose parent was a contestant before them. It happened on American Idol, and it will happen here. Swear to me, dear reader, that we’ll make it out before that happens...

K, see you next week for Bachelor in Paradise, pending how awfully they handle the Corrinne/DeMario situation! It will probably be pretty awful!!!

#the bachelorette finale #the bachelorette recap #the bachelorette #rachel lindsay

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mandimormon-blog · 7 years

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Door-No-More

Once upon a time in a village named Covington. A vibrant, young housewife polished her floors to reduce pathogens transmitted by bodily fluids (primarily vomit). She scrubbed and scrubbed the tiles with a brush assuring each square was meticulously cleansed and free of germs. She mopped the entire home, freshly. Just then, the smaller, younger, less feisty girl on this given day, entered the bathroom, and in a blink of an eye explosive diarrhea splattered across the bathroom, covering the girl’s clothing, the bathtub rug and virtually every square of tile in the entire room.

We’ll call this story Monday. (In case you were wondering, I repeated the process of sanitation. Names of persons have been protected. If you don’t have children and you find this story gross or inappropriate, good luck in your future.) Since the morning routine had been unusual, getting just two kids ready for school, while trying to separate them from the illness occurring in the same little cottage, when my son arrived home after school, and had been hanging out for over an hour, Remi realized he'd worn his pants backwards, all day long, and the zipper was unzipped in the back, displaying the perfect view of his Big Hero 6 undies. Wow.

On Tuesday morning, my oldest daughter said to me, “Mom, I want to make a unicorn for my Valentine’s Day box.” Admittingly, I was up for the challenge but a part of me thought back to simpler times, when I was an elementary-aged child and Pinterest didn’t exist. We didn’t get samples of the best of the best Valentine boxes ever made in the history of crafting.

Here came the moment I’d been waiting to happen for months. Which ‘recycled’ or ‘repurposed’ boxes from my storage closet would be utilized and which ones would be truly “recycled”? If you missed it, several weeks ago, I wall-posted a friend of mine who happens to be the blogger behind “Save Time, Make Time”. My predicament was – I long to be a minimalist. I dislike clutter and too much “stuff”. But I’m not a true minimalist, because I will occasionally buy paper products for convenience and drink out of a plastic water bottle. I have my shortcomings, as we discovered in ‘Purgeney 2017’. Regardless, Lamora wrote a spot-on-topic blog focusing on how to organize these items that seem to get tossed into my utility closet into an unruly heap. Things like plastic bags, used gift bags, grocery sacks (ALDI shoppers unite!), and cardboard boxes.

After her inspiration, I organized this closet. I even put a couple of nails into a board 1) to hang my grocery sacks on and 2) to manage clothes to be donated < #organized - I give a half laugh at that because of the current status of my closet upstairs, it’s better. After recycling two ginormous bags full of paperwork, but FAR from perfect. Another side bar, I hate staples. I broke two nails in the process from ripping staples out of schoolwork. After I was finished with hours of sorting, organizing, and recycling, there were probably 57 (no joke) staples I had to clean up.

Did you know you could create a unicorn out of two empty cereal boxes, an empty oatmeal box, and a square kettle box? You can. Magical crafting supplies include duct tape, a white roll of paper, a variety of colorful crepe paper, and a Sharpie.

I’d done extensive Pinterest research on choice Valentine’s Day boxes. I had even found a few unicorns but Reis wasn’t impressed she wanted a very specific head-shape, like the unicorn emoji. So, on her handy, dandy Chromebook (I wonder if modern-day Steve from Blue’s Clues would have a Chromebook?), she pulled up Google Images and showed me. Maybe I’m not remembering accurately, because it was a few days ago now, but I think at that point there was the sound of dramatic scissor chopping, duct tape tearing, and my eyebrow lifted slightly higher on one side, as I glanced back and forth at my cardboard and at the screen of the “perfect unicorn representation”.

As did my thing, Reis did hers. She chopped three strips of crepe paper, out of each piece of approximately 18 inches, in each of her desired colors. She was very particular over this. She also chopped hearts out of the glitter duct tape, printed her name, and cut small pieces of “frayed” white crepe to add texture on a couple of the sides of the box. Very clever.

It only took a couple of hours, start-to-finish, and a Dollar General Run for tape, glitter duct tape, and more crepe paper, and it was done. Voila! Presto!

The crown of the unicorn head, (I’m guessing it’s the crown - like a human head), there’s a flap we taped, and double taped, and triple taped - in every direction – maybe 22 times – to allow entry for Valentines!

Too much detail? I apologize. Let me briefly explain Remi’s Valentine Box (which is actually a bucket). Sure, this isn’t in chronological order, Remi went with me to the Dollar Store a couple of days before unicorn crafting, to select her supplies. She, too, had found a great example of a cupcake on Pinterest. She loved it! The thing is, this pinner somehow had access to a rounded piece of foam and was able to shove all of her pieces of tissue paper into that to secure it. We had no such luck with a rounded piece of foam. But while shopping Remi came up with the idea we could probably use a bowl. Best suggestion ever. We found a cheap plastic bowl, a plastic bucket, tissue paper (ripped into strips), a red bouncy ball, cardstock for the cupcake liner, and about 24 glue sticks to secure the tissue paper to the plastic bowl. Thanks to my husband’s handy work, he cut the perfect circle in the bowl for the “cherry” or the red ball to fit on top. Kids insert their cards and candy through that, and it falls into the “cupcake”.

This project, too, was a little bit time consuming. I had a meeting on Monday night so after getting about ¼ of the way through it with Miss Remi, I had a short recess but came right back to hot gluing the night away, when I returned. Remi helped by gathering a couple of strips of tissue paper in the color she wanted (she wanted a pattern, friends), and folding those, using a small elastic to tie around each piece and fluffing it. Then I’d place glue and she’d carefully stick it down to the bowl. She was happy to be able to take it to school the next morning.

A piano lesson, a basketball practice, a choral performance of the Star-spangled Banner, a basketball game, a trip to the Temple, an afternoon enjoying PERFECT weather, and The Lego Batman Movie.

This was just the latter-half of the week. A few time slots in our schedule were double-booked. For example, baseball camp. Oh, baseball camp.

I will never be prepared when unexpected tantrums arise. I have two examples from this weekend.

This first concerning baseball camp – we arrived on Saturday morning a few minutes later than our goal. There was much scurrying around the house, beforehand, it didn’t help I, personally, was running behind after running. So much so that I didn’t shower… yeah, that happens, a lot. I sometimes have to blow the sweat dry in my hair, because that’s the only option I have. Saturday mornings seem to be notorious for my children turning off their listening ears. I only said, “Please get your shoes on.” or “Get your shoes on.” or “GET YOUR SHOES ON NOW!” – only like 18x. I asked my oldest daughter and her friend to straighten up her bedroom and get into real clothes, as opposed to pajamas, because the day was expected to be glorious, as my two youngest and I shuffled out the door, to my younger daughter’s first basketball game of the season.

Back to where I deviated from when beginning that last paragraph, we had to round up a jersey, go change into it, and by that point, the bleachers were almost full, so Jude and I opted to sit on the floor. At this moment, Jude realized it was Saturday. He realized Baseball Camp is on Saturdays. Then he got really frustrated because he was upset I was prioritizing Remi’s first game over Baseball Camp. He began to sob stating in between gasps, “I want to go to BASEBALL CAMP!” Then he began to hit me every 15 seconds or so, out of anger. He was clearly throwing a tantrum, which I hadn’t seen in months, not even in the privacy of our own home. Being a child you always pick the most in-opportune moments to breakdown and give the illusion your parents suck and you don’t have to obey rules. There were only like 100+ other parents, grandparents, siblings, and kids, there, witnessing my child’s tantrum.

I didn’t speak under my breath, while gritting my teeth, (although I’ve used that method before, come on, we all have), I just ignored him. I told him we couldn’t make it this week, we will try to make it next week. I didn’t threaten him (I’ve done that before, too). I didn’t bribe him (this is my favorite choice while in public). I just patiently waited until my husband arrived. Usually, I vocalize, “Your dad will be here in five seconds, cut it out.” But I refrained. He naturally quit when my husband arrived and said the exact same thing I said to him. “We couldn’t make it this week, we will make it next week.”

Why does it work for him and not me? The world may never know, but this is how the dynamics are. I’ve been told I lack a follow-through. I threaten but it’s white noise, because my kids know I become soft and don’t follow through with punishment. It’s honestly because I start considering how my children really are good kids, the choices they’re making are just because they’re independent. Should they respect their parents? Absolutely. There’s a fine line, friends.

Remi did great at her first game. She was a little nervous but she made a couple of baskets and did a good job of listening to instruction. She loves sports and physical fitness.

When we returned home, I went to check on the oldest girls and guess what? They were in their jammies, the room was a disaster, and they were watching a video on the Chromebook. I reminded them 7x more (give or take), the room needed straightened up and they needed to get out and get some fresh air, but it was like I was speaking a foreign language.

I bobbed and weaved around the house as I picked up shoes, and random items, wiped down counters, and threw laundry in. I was trying to expedite the cleaning process so I, too, could get outside and enjoy the beautiful day. My personality type will not allow me to “enjoy” anything until my tasks are done, otherwise, my stress levels rise. I don’t think I’m the only one.

I reminded my oldest, again, and again. So, I sent my husband a text and said, I’d like for her to get outside but not until her room is cleaned up and she’s ignoring me, Ignoring me while I beat on the door over and over, again, because it’s locked.

A few minutes later, he walked through the door with a drill. Without saying anything, he unlocked the door, and took the door down, as in removing it. That was the moment crap it the fan. This was the most ultimate punishment in the entire world, friends. You would think that we grounded her for all eternity. Nope, just removed the door. She had a complete and total meltdown. The reason I’m saying this isn’t because it’s funny, (it’s a little funny because as an adult human, we know this is minor in an eternal perspective) but to shed light for other parents, sometimes something seemingly subtle can make the biggest different in obedience. Through the complete meltdown, my husband told her if she changed her behavior he would put the door back on that night, but not until she changed.

It worked! It worked! If you have a tween or an 11 going on 25 year-old, this could help you, too. You’re welcome.

Let me back all the way up to last Sunday, because I finally posted the last blog on Saturday. Last Sunday, we had our Second Annual Sabbath Bowl!

What is Sabbath Bowl? It’s exactly as it sounds. We prepped some amazing superbowl-inspired appetizers, quite the spread. We turned our dining room table into a football field and created two teams. This year it was the Lumpers v. Jedos. A set of Elders (or boy missionaries, as Jude calls them, usually 18+), and a set of Sister Missionaries (girls 19+) that are serving our Ward currently, or the church building we attend, participated. My mother attended this year, too. She has vast knowledge of the Bible and that is our basis, a bible trivia game. We began with our mini football on the 50 yard-line. Coin toss gave possession to our starting team who answers questions until they can’t answer or answer incorrectly, gaining 10 yards with each correct answer. If the question isn’t complete, the other team can intercept the ball. Gram was on fire. She carried her team to the lead and maintained a tie. In fact, they were more than generous during a question for the other team (consisting of all males), or else the girls would’ve clinched the victory. When the score was tied up the final question was a written question to see how many of the original apostles they could name, accurately. The Jedos ended up with the win on this one, but Gram was still our Sabbath Bowl MVP for her biblical accuracy.

This is such a great time that we feel like adding in an Olympic Games or Final Four version of this would be super great. As soon as it was over I was ready for the Third Annual Sabbath Bowl, next year. Is this how football fans feel about the Superbowl? I wonder if next year we should add in some gospel-related commercials, like a mix between Taboo and Charades? I enjoy doing the sports announcing for this activity. It’s great to witness this game going down, so much passion!

Here we are to Sunday, again. The sun is shining gloriously outside. I love the sun. In my mind I wanted to take a family walk, but the wind is crazy out there. I’m on a gluten-free cake pop kick, not for myself, I can’t eat that on AIP, but for anyone else. I’m been making them like they’re going out of style. Also, I found this yummy snack mix recipe that my children enjoy and I gave to our Young Women, at church, today, as a Valentine gift. It’s super easy to make and it’s gluten-free! Win-win.

Do you remember that mantra kick I was on a couple of years ago? Yeah, I think it was right after Time Out for Women, which is coming up, woot-woot!

Anyway, in my head, I create mantras all of time like self-talk. Sometimes it’s something like, “You can do hard things” or “Just breathe.” or “Brussel Sprouts are good. You should like them.” To be brutally honest, I was on a Brussel Sprout kick and now to think of them makes me want to gag. Everything in moderation, even Brussel Sprouts.

There is a point, I promise. The point or quote I recently have discovered and felt impressed to focus on is, “Nothing changes until YOU change. Everything changes once YOU change.” Apply that to everything. To give you a visual or more personal example, consider these areas: Fitness, Health, Diet, Occupation, Education, Church Experience, Work Relationships, Marriage, Personal Relationships, Parenting, Budgeting - I could go on but those encompass a lot. There’s a video circulating about how blaming lack of motivation is complete crap, as in it doesn’t exist. This isn’t my advice to you, this is my advice to me. I just wanted to remind everyone life isn’t perfect, my life definitely isn’t perfect and change is what’s going to make a true difference. I don’t want to have a perfect life that’s not what I’m striving for, but I am trying to be better than I am, now (note: not better than anyone else but myself). Progress is important - it’s growth. Choices are what determine destiny.

#LDS #mormonmommy #motherhood #parenting #children #family

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thehiphoprviewclub · 7 years

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4:44 : A Track-by- Track Breakdown

By C.D.

*** The following are my own opinions and analysis. Read at your own risk.***

TRACK #1- Kill Jay Z: He got very personal very fast. Not that getting personal isn’t already part of his trademark, but he is definitely letting his guard down. He shows remorse/regret. He tries to due away with the ego and tries to be vulnerable to his shortcomings. The fact that he admitted that the fame got to him is kind of surprising because though he has rapped about fame’s addictive nature in other songs, he has always sort of separated himself from it. In “Lost One”, he raps:

“And I ain't even want to be famous/Niggaz is brainless to unnecessarily go through these changes/And I ain't even know how it came to this/Except that fame is

The worst drug known to man/It’s stronger than heroin/When you could look in the mirror like, "There I am"/And still not see, what you've become/I know I'm guilty of it too but, not like them/You lost one”

I feel like he admits that maybe fame did get to him the way it did the people he was talking about in the above lyrics. I very much appreciate the classic Jay Z wordplay with the KumbaYe and Saint Pablo references ( Major dragging here!! *insert the YAAAS* emoji here!!) And the line about “Let go your ego over your right shoulder/Your left is sayin’, “Finish your breakfast!”/You egged Solange on” That whole line is brilliant because not only does he have a play on words with “Leggo my eggo”, his ego, and “egging” Solange on, but he also manages to reference “Public Service Announcement” with “Finish your breakfast!” So kudos on that! Oh and then he dragged Future with that football reference! COLD!

TRACK #2- The Story of O.J.: He gets more political on this track. Using that Nina Simone sample and the beat of this song made its message more powerful. I feel like the chorus is a commentary on how it doesn’t matter how successful you get or how unsuccessful you become, if you are black , all society will see is the color of your skin. I feel like the rest of the song is about moving forward as a culture and being able to save up for a better future. It reminded me of Kanye West. Kanye West sort of touched on this in “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”, but while Kanye talks about the fact that because he was born with nothing, he is being reckless with his money now that he has some to spend, Jay is like invest in the future for a more profitable future. This song is Anti-Fast Cash and Pro-Credit. And he manages to call out the “fake rapper” who are flashing their money on social media for likes. I should mention that I really liked the style in which he rapped. It’s almost like an adlib or a conversational tone when he says, “I could bought a place in Dumbo before it was Dumbo/ For like 2 million/ That same building today is worth 25 million/ Guess how I’m feelin’? Dumbo” and I like the Dumbo reference with his word play.

TRACK #3- Smile:Longest song on the album and the lyrics are insane. Some of my favorite lines are: “Hall of Fame HOV, I did it all without a pen” It reminds me of the opening lines from D.O.A.( Death of Autotune)[ “First rapper to rewrite history without a pen/ No I.D. on the track let the story begin”] “A loss aint a loss, it’s a lesson/Appreciate the pain, it’s a blessin’” “Fuck a slice of the apple pie, want my own cake” - I feel like he could either be talking about Apple Music here and how he wants to be in charge of his own music so now he owns Tidal or he could be referring to running the city of New York (the Big Apple). There is a part of the song where I feel he references Beyonce’s “Run the World (Girls)” where he raps “Fuck you, pay me” which is a lyric in the Beyonce song. He talks a lot about financial freedom and freedom in general for the black community in this one too like in the previous song. Sample line: “Fear for you, bro, we know the system don’t work/ Take a young n****’s freedom over some dirt” and he mentions Black entrepreneurs and free enterprise, so again a politically charged song. I like the last line and his mom’s poem. So overall, great song!

TRACK #4- Caught Their Eyes: I love the chorus and beat of this song. He really takes people to task here. Like the Prince estate making profit off him after his death. It’s additional commentary on the commodity of black bodies, black artists, and black art. I liked all of the allusions to eyes in the second verse. He references Prince, Biggie, colorblindness, shutting his eyes. Line after line. It’s brilliant. And it all ties into the song title and the idea that one has to be vigilant of the people that you surround yourself with. I also like the way he ties in image of hair with lines like, “I seen eyes wide as they’re about to shoot/ You can be a hairpin off and you can trigger your Roots”. Not only does he connect hairpin with the Roots (band/hair), but he also connects the image of someone shooting a gun to the trigger in the next line. He is a true wordsmith!

TRACK #5-4:44: People call this his response to Lemonade. His “apology letter” or whatever. The sample track is fye. He really takes you through his relationship though and calls himself out on his shortcomings as a father and husband. I could see where it could be juxtaposed against Lemonade. While Lemonade is an album meant to empower black women and take you on a journey of her relationship, this does something similar with the journey of a man in that same relationship. His lyrics are incredible though. Let me point this out here, he is still a piece of shit husband/man for stressing his wife out so much, she lost her baby. He may be an incredible artist, but he should be held accountable for that shit!

TRACK #6- Family Feud: I love that Beyonce’s vocals were used as a backing track. Throughout the album, you get these references to his past work like when he says “Hovi’s home”, it reminds me of “U Don’t Know.” He drags some of the new rappers with his 2Pac line. I also found it funny how he referenced Steve Harvey because the song title is “Family Feud” and he is the host of “Family Feud.” Brilliant. But what is even more brilliant is that he features Beyonce in this song, because he is referencing their marriage troubles in a very subtle way. “Ain’t no such thing as an ugly billionaire, I’m cute” You’re killing me Jay! He references “Row Row Your Boat” with “And we merrily merrily eatin’ off these streams”. I also liked the line “What’s better than one billionaire?Two/ ‘Specially if they’re from the same hue as you”. Beyonce gave me life with those ‘Amens’ too! I came across an article that explains the “Dos Equis reference as him calling out new rappers because it is a reference to XXL’S Freshmen Class. It’s a very subtle jab, but a powerful one.

TRACK #7-Bam: I like how he presents himself as two people here. In the song, he is talking as HOV, his alter ego. It could be a subtle nod to Beyonce, although HOV predates Sasha Fierce. In this song, he seems to be calling out those rappers who pretend to be hard. With lines like, “I’ve never seen a worker rock so many jewels/ I’ve never seen a runner with so many cars/ Y’all couldn’t stop me, you’re not as tough as you say you are”, he establishes that these “new rappers” are all talk. They didn’t come from the projects, they never sold drugs. They didn’t live in a dangerous and impoverished situation like he did. He establishes his precedence over them. He reiterates this when he says, “N***** could not be further, I fathered your style.” One of my favorite lines include, “ Uh, n***** is skippin’ leg day just to run they mouth/ I be skippin’ leg day, I still run the world.” This song establishes Hova’s dominance over the rap game, making sure that new rappers know who the G.O.A.T. is and is further emphasized by Damian Marley’s outro where he indicates that it is hunting season.

TRACK #8- Moonlight: The song title is an obvious reference to the debacle that happened at the 2017 Academy awards where LaLa Land was wrongfully awarded the Oscar meant for “Moonlight”. Jay Z might be touching on the fact that black artists are often discredited for their creative work. The first verse makes me think he is shading Future because I feel like he is mimicking his sound with “I’m in the skrt with ya…” Again, he goes after the new generation of rappers when he raps, “Stop walkin’ around like y’all made Thriller, huh?” He just has a real problem with people pretending to be something they are not and profiting off of that culture which goes back to the ways in which society profits off black culture, specifically the way that white people use black culture for profit. He even references Lauryn Hill and the way that her label limited her artistic freedom which again touches on the song’s theme.

TRACK #9-Marcy Me: This is a nostalgic song, looking back in the day to when Jay was at his prime. Again, I like his clever lines like “Streets in my artery, the vein of my existence”. It's word play with vain/vein to go with his artery imagery. The whole second verse is incredible. I like how he is able to draw parallels between his life then and now and how he connects his partying with Saudi’s to being able to speak Farsi. It’s a great song.

Track #10- Legacy :This song is pretty self-explanatory. Jay wants black excellence to strive for future generations.

#hiphop #rap #jayz #beyonce #lemonade #4:44 #poetry #art

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