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#and I needed to put them out in the world or I'd die
faramiroftarth · 2 years
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Some Steve and his little nuggets HCs:
Erica will absolutely rip anyone to shreds if they're making fun of Steve. Only she can call make fun of him (and Max). Especially when Steve takes her down to the comic book shop to get a new figure for Lady Applejack to replace her missing one (because Erica won't admit it but she worked on that stupid thing for days and Steve can see she's a little broken up about it).
Max thinks Steve taking her to the skate park is stupid and embarrassing, especially when he asks her to teach him "how to do that board flip thing". (Steve sprains his wrist and comes back with a few bruises but Max smiling when he finally got the board to flip is worth a bruised ego).
Lucas knows the party doesn't care about basketball, but Steve does. Steve who keeps a copy of the team's home game schedule tape up behind the Family Video counter and behind the sun visor of his car. Because unlike his own parents, he's not missing a game (and if he pokes/burns himself iron on Lucas' patches as he earns them it's fine).
Dustin's got an attitude sure, but while he's arguing with the little twerp to his face, he's really bragging about the kid to whatever poor Mom wanders in to Family Video with her own kids on the day he gets some award Steve's never ever heard of. Steve doesn't bother to correct anyone who just assumes Steve has a little brother he's proud of.
bonus:
Eddie doesn't get what Steve gets out of taking care of all the kids, until he wanders in to the video store while Steve's on his lunch break, and catches him listening to the kids arguing over something via the walkies. Steve's got this stupidly fond look on his face, and Eddie thinks he gets it now. That Steve "The Hair" Harrington doesn't just put up with these kids. He loves these kids, as if they were his own. And if that stupidly fond look is aimed at Eddie a second later, with the other half of his sandwich held up in offering, then who is he to tease Steve about it.
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silenthillbunni · 2 months
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📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2
#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore#we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life#i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible#if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green#and later this year i think i might change my name#it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random#i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel#really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am#to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate#but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it#but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so#when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy#i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that#also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk.....#rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els#sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w#not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else#but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway#that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but#all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever#i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right?#i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not#im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help#it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning#nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my#feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions#i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary
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blathannabeaga · 29 days
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genuinely what the fuck is he teasing though like i'm having an aneurysm thinking about it
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thebibliosphere · 7 months
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I was already on a hair trigger today trying not to snap at a mutual for reblogging a "fuck authors who use Amazon" post, but, like, this shit is why some authors can only afford to use Amazon.
They don't have the $75+ to distribute through Ingram Spark. They don't have the $25 it takes to change your files if you need to update them after they've been accepted. They can't afford to take the cost of printing hit to their sales. They can't afford to lose an additional 40% of their income to retailer discounts.
And just so we're clear, Ingram isn't a vanity publisher. They're one of the largest print monopolies in the world. They're used by most mainstream traditional publishers and indie and self-pub authors alike. Amazon uses them when their print demand is too high.
My friend, whose work is published by Gollancz, is printed through Ingram, the same as mine. The difference is their publisher takes the hit for them. In theory. We won't get into dwindling advances here or how publishers are increasingly putting the onus of marketing and sales onto their authors or the fact that their editors can't afford rent or food while the executives get richer and richer.
So what do you do when the mainstream doesn't want you? What do you do when you're told if you can't keep up with the rat race, that you don't deserve to have your work published? What do you do if all you have is the ability to tell stories for a living, and no one wants you?
Well, you could die of starvation. I'm sure there are several people on here who'd be happy if that happened to me. (I know. Because they tell me. Often.) Or, you can shake hands with the devil, knowing it's a bum deal, knowing everything is fucked, but also knowing that every other aspect of this fucking industry is just as fucking bad.
There's no escape. It's relentless.
And you've got people out there posting things like, "Actually, I think authors who charge for their books are part of the problem."
And yeah, in an ideal world, I'd be making art for art's sake.
But we're not in that world. We're in the bad place, and you're actively making it worse. You're encouraging people to steal from people who are struggling just like you and calling it activism against billionaires or putting them in the same moral category as said billionaires as though we're not trapped in this system, same as you. Some of you are fellow fucking authors. And, like, my mind boggles at what it would take to stab a fellow creative in the back like that, but here we are.
Hell world.
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medicinemane · 1 year
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People really do always act like gratitude is the counter to depression, but like... no
I just found myself feeling really grateful that I have running water, and a sewer network to take all my dirty water away, and that someone cleans that water, that someone laid all this infrastructure and that people operate it still making my life so much easier
I'm grateful for catfood and I'm grateful for electricity and the internet letting me come on here and share my dumb thoughts with people. There's so many things that are good and helpful in the world that makes things better for me
...still depressed, still as of this very moment want to die. Been wanting to die all day, just haven't really had a good reason to mention it, unless I already did and forgot
Still feel like it's just putting it off every day I don't take care of this. Gonna have to at some point
So yeah, get real tired of anytime someone tries to sell gratitude as the counter to depression. It can help when you're feeling a bit gloomy, but honestly you can think that everything around you is wonderful stuff and still want to die
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fangirl-dot-com · 3 months
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Chapter 16.5 - Confessions and Cars 2
I thought I'd post this as a "I'm sorry" chapter lol and I felt like you readers needed some closure.
While writing this, I also realized that I do not know how to write a kiss (due to my non-existent love life)...so if someone has suggestions - I'd gladly take them :D
TAG LIST IS CLOSED
If Arthur thought that visiting you last November before you signed a Red Bull contract would somehow end up with you in his arms, he wouldn’t change anything. Back then, you had been his best friend. And, well, you were still his best friend, but he was hoping that soon (like tonight) you’d be more. 
The end credits of Cars 2 played on the tv in the dark room. Most of the drivers (including but not limited to Lando, Oscar, Lewis, Daniel, Pierre, Charles, and Max) – maybe all of the drivers, who had come to visit you after your release from the hospital, had all left by now. A completed Lego Porsche 9-11 sat on the little counter by the basic coffee machine. 
Now, it was just you, whose eyes were slowly drooping, and Arthur, who hadn’t been able to take his arms off of you since you got to the hospital in the first place.
Arthur, who had held you hand as the doctor put an IV in, because he knew your fear of needles. 
Arthur, who had extra hair ties on his wrist, because he knew you hated to have your hair on your neck right after races, no matter what. 
Arthur, who had called ahead to the front desk to specifically ask for a copy of Cars 2 be delivered to the room.
Arthur, who ubered your exact McDonalds order because you mentioned the craving once while you were still under some strong pain medication. 
Arthur, who was your best friend, but you honestly wanted to be some more. 
Your brain had been running a million miles since your car flipped into the barriers. 
“Are you ready to go to bed yet?” 
But his voice, was able to stop all thoughts. 
You only let out a sigh in response. Arthur didn’t want to rush you, so he just picked the remote up and started your comfort movie over again. 
Yet, you didn’t want to watch the entire thing over again. 
“I was scared.” 
Arthur immediately paused the movie, but kept his eyes in front. 
“I watched the sky cross the opening. And then it just, hurt.” 
His arms tightened around you. Yet, it wasn’t painful. 
“I blacked out for a while. And then when I woke up, all I heard,” you turned to look at the boy in your arms, “was you, calling for me.” 
Tears started forming in both yours and Arthur’s eyes. You shuffled a bit closer to him, getting even closer. 
Arthur took a deep breath. 
Hours before, he was ready to confess it all once you had gotten your first place trophy. He had it all planned out. But then, his world stopped the moment your back tyre clipped the first kerb and then you rolled. 
“Y/n,” he started. This time, his eyes met yours. The TV forgotten in the background. In this moment, Arthur was glad that everyone else had left. 
You waited with baited breath, urging him silently to continue. 
“Well, I had this big plan, for after your race. And now, sitting here, I just know one thing and one thing only.” 
You cocked your head in confusion. Yet, your heart was wanting him to speak the once sentence you’ve wanted to hear for forever. 
“I love you. And when you didn’t respond,” he took your hands in his, “I wanted to die. And I know that might sound extreme, but at that moment, I knew I didn’t want a life without you in it. I also know that we’ve only known each other for a little more than a year but…” 
You decided to interrupt him. “You’ve been my best friend for the majority of that year.” 
He nodded with you, heart a bit dejected since you hadn’t confessed right after. 
“I’ve never had a best friend, before you. And, I also couldn’t imagine a life without you. And Thur…” 
He didn’t let you finish. 
His lips met yours in a fervent kiss. You had to take a second to reel in your thoughts, but you kissed back. Because in this moment, you didn’t want anything to change. A large exhale left your nose. 
You were hungry for a race win. 
Arthur was hungry for your love. 
His hands moved from holding yours to gripping your sides. And well, in true Arthur fashion, he gripped a bit too hard as a hiss left your lips. 
His wide eyes looked right at your with concern. “I am so sorry.” 
And before he could start to ramble in broken French, you pecked his lips. Well, that shut him up. 
“It’s ok,” you whispered, trying to convince him. “And I love you too. Maybe a bit too much.” 
Arthur sighed in relief and pressed his forehead against yours. “You do not know how happy that makes me to hear.” His words were a bit jumbled and his accent was heavy, but you got the gist. 
“What now?” 
Maybe it was your fears and doubts, but if this changed things, you’d rather not continue. Because you’d rather be best friends than lose him. 
Arthur shut his eyes, smiles, and cocked his head. “I was hoping you’d be my girlfriend.” He gave you another sweet kiss, one that you reciprocated with a smile. 
“Well then,” another kiss, “ask me.” A smirk replaced the smile. 
Arthur leaned back and took your hands back into his and sat up straight. “Y/n?” 
You let out a giggle. 
“Will you be my girlfriend?” 
You quickly pressed up against his face. Not in a kiss sense way. More like, you missed and just smashed your face against him. He tried to keep you upwards, but you pushed him down and fell on top of him. Another hiss left your lips, but a laugh covered it. You gently rested your head on his chest as your attention was back to the movie. 
“Yes. I will be your girlfriend Mr. Leclerc.”
Arthur just let you snuggle back into him as he played the movie for a second time. Just as Mater was about to be reunited with Lightning McQueen, a thought suddenly crossed your mind. 
“What are we going to tell Max?”   
April 9, 2024
y/n.89 has posted
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y/n.89 through it all, nobody gets me like you do
liked by y/n.nation, f1_fanatic, olliebearman, and 59,294 others
b0x_b0x UM GOOD MORNING? NOT EVEN A HELLO?
maxiel_lover babe, wake up, y/n just did a soft launch
y/n_nation Arthur isn't in the likes...
y/nxarthur I fear this is the end of the friendship?? y/n-on_top why would it be the end... y/nxarthur who knows, Arthur always likes her stuff and comments. maybe he doesn't like the boyfriend
oscarpiastri rue, when was this?
mcLaren_fan even Oscar doesn't know? logansargeant get in line of who doesn't know
olliebearman mother?? pick up your phone please
maxverstappen1 what the kid said, pick the phone up
box_box_official and the plot thickens
change_ur_f-car y/n not picking up her phone and Arthur isn't in the likes, what is this silly season?????
Big Racer
It's Arthur Isn't it??
Little Racer
who snitched
Big Racer
Kid, he looks at you like you hung the sun It doesn't take much sleuthing to find out
Little Racer
Please don't tell It's so new And I don't want to risk it
Big Racer
My lips are sealed But I do have one question Do I need to give you the talk?
Little Racer
MAX!?
TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @glitterquadricorn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @treehouse-mouse @sam-is-lost @kagatinkita @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @myxticmoon @angsthology @cmleitora @agent-curt-mega @graciewrote @ashy-kit @slutofmultifandom @aexitizen-ln4 @sugarvibez @vellicora @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @cashtons-wife @hoetel-manager @xcharlottemikaelsonx @jayda12 @cassie0sstuff @ilove-tswizzle @justme2042 @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @stopeatread @cha-hot @sadg3 @iloveyou3000morgan @s4turnsl0ver @alessioayla @torchbearerkyle @leptitlu @awekbachira @shreks-sugar-daddy @v1naco @stan-josie @mellowarcadefun @badassturtle13 @beskardroids @callisposts @poppyalice2001 @juniper-july19
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⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ Normal Teenage Things
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contents: leo valdez x daughter of poseidon! reader warnings: bad writing (jk...hopefully🥲), language, allusions to sexual themes but nothing too bad in my personal opinion?? author's note: hihi, soooo i've never done this before but i've got ~180 pages of one shots just collecting dust in my docs, so i figured i'd put them out into the world and see what happens !! feel the need to note, i'm dyslexic and also would rather die than proofread so i can promise you that there will be spelling errors but oh well. i'm actually super excited to see how this goes and i guess this means my requests are open?? Mind you, i'm still a new baby to all of this so be kind, pls and thank you!! anyways, enjoy 😌🫶
there was a loud and constant rapping of fists against the poseidon cabin door. it awoke both of the siblings, who were quick to dive under their covers and hope the person would just go away. there was a pause in the knocking before it started again, more insistent and louder. y/n huffed, shooting out from under her blankets, quickly adjusting leo’s shirt to ensure that it covered all of the parts it was supposed to. it was a shirt that had been a stupid gag gift from percy, which read ‘i heart my hot boyfriend.’ the moment leo pulled it out of the wrapping, y/n knew it would become her new sleep shirt. and leo was more than happy to oblige, only getting it back every few weeks when y/n shoved it into his chest, claiming he needed to make it smell like him again.
“the world better be ending,” percy called to y/n and the person at the front door.
“i second that,” y/n told percy before whipping the door open and glaring at will, who still had his hand raised to knock again.
“what? what could you possibly want?” y/n huffed, holding the door open with a raised brow.
“you’ve got a license, right?” questioned will and y/n’s eye twitched. percy started manically laughing in the background, trying to dig further into his bed
“you better be joking,” y/n managed to get out, staring the sunshine boy down.
“look, travis got shot in his foot by an arrow while training and we’ve got to get deliveries out, the infirmary is in desperate need of more bandaids, a few of the little kids birthdays are coming up-”
“okay, okay, breathe, dude. let me get dressed and a little brekky, then i'll take care of it,” cut in y/n, waving the boy off with a small sigh. there goes her plans of spending the day with leo.
“yes! thank you, y/n, truely,” will cheered, smiling brightly.
“yeah, yeah, sing my praises when i get back,” y/n told him before they waved their goodbyes, the daughter of poseidon marching back into the cabin. she glanced over, noticing percy was asleep again before chucking a pillow at him, causing the boy to shoot up and look around in a sleepy haze.
“if i gotta be up, so do you.” “you suck on, like, a major level.”
y/n quickly changed into a pair of carpenter jeans that leo always complimented, murmuring things about her ass into her ear. she then tugged on a navy blue tank top with a ditsy white floral pattern. she swiped her purse and sunglasses off her bedside table before making her way to the dining pavilion, quickly grabbing a breakfast bar and snapping it in half, tossing one half into the fire with a comforting sizzle. she took a bite out of her half before feeling arms wrap around her waist, the girl squealing with a laugh as she felt familiar curls settle against her neck.
“you’re out of dress code, mi amor. gonna have to punish you for that,” he muttered against her collarbone, y/n huffing out a laugh before pushing him off her, looking over her shoulder with a wide smile.
“i’ve got my reasons! travis got hurt, so i’ve got delivery duty today,” y/n informed him, noting the small pout that settled over his lips. she quickly cupped his face, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, “i’m sorry, lee, i know we were supposed to hang out today.”
“who says we can't?” leo prompted, smirking, as y/n could practically hear the cogs in his brain beginning to turn. she squinted at him before he quickly grabbed hold of her wrist and dragged her off and towards chiron, who looked up at the pair with a raised brow.
“hey, i’ve just come to get the keys for the delivery truck? travis shot his foot earlier so he can’t drive,” y/n stated, glancing at leo out of the corner of her eye, but figured he’s got his part of this operation covered. chiron nodded, passing the keys and a list off to y/n before turning to leo with a suspicious look.
“oh! you’ve got delivery duty, y/n? perfect! the forge is, like, depleted. we are in desperate need of probably three yards of sheet metal- ah, no, make that six. oh, we also need fourth of an inch bolts, not a third of an inch like last time. definitely need more screws, those fancy gold ones, nyssa’s picky,” leo started to list, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes as y/n was desperately trying to follow, knowing what he was playing at, but not necessarily needing to act like she was confused. she was definitely confused.
“you should probably start writing this down,” leo added with a wink, watching y/n’s face fall as she started patting her pockets for a pen she knew she wouldn’t need.
“how- how about you go with her, leo? make sure she gets the correct stuff?” chiron offers, having seen the girl’s panic. leo smiled widely, his plan working just like all his other plans.
“yeah, that’d be best, wouldn’t it?”
“now, no funny business, you two. this is a lot of trust i’m putting in you. if you’re not back by 4 pm, don’t come back at all,” chiron threatened, though they both knew they were empty. leo faked a solute while y/n pulled him away, saying her thanks as she went. she dragged leo all the way to cabin 9, following him into his room as he tugged his camp half-blood shirt off. y/n practically drooled at the sight, a blush quickly settling over her as she tried to avert her eyes and pretend like she hadn't been staring. leo shot a smirk over his shoulder as he picked up another shirt, one of the few normal shirts he had, and tugged it on.
“sorry, babe, shows over,” he told her, watching the blush spread with a smirk.
“whatever. you’d cream your pants if i even thought about lifting my shirt up,” y/n huffed back, shoving his shoulder as she spun around and began making her way out of the cabin.
“correct! you know what your bras do to me.” “don’t talk about my bras.” “you know, i thought they’d be made out of seashells the first time.” “no! leo, baby, why would i-” “i don’t know! daughter of poseidon and all, figured it was, like, in the handbook or something,” leo argued as y/n wheezed a laugh, leaning against him for support. he rolled his eyes at her amusement at him, wrapping his arm around her waist as they made their way to the truck. y/n went to open the driver side door but leo quickly shut it again, looking at her like she was crazy.
“leo, i know you like to open my doors and all-” “if you think you’re driving, you’ve lost your mind,” leo told her, rolling his eyes at her as he swiped the keys from her hand.
“i need to tell will to start harassing one of the many other people who have licenses at this camp,” y/n huffed as she clambered into the passenger seat.
“hmm, maybe, but this is the price you pay for being head camp counselor,” leo mused, giving the girl a cheeky smile. y/n groaned, lulling her head back against her seat as she buckled in.
“ugh, stop reminding me i have responsibilities.” “alright, alright. i’ll make it up to you,” leo started, causing y/n to squint at him in suspicion. “how so?” “iced coffees on travis?” he offered, holding up the son of herme’s credit card. y/n’s eyes instantly gained back the glimmer that he loved so much, making the pickpocketing so worth it.
“all is forgiven, my love!” she cheered, leaning across the middle console and tangling her arms around him with repeated kisses to his face. leo laughed, leaning into the affection without a second thought. y/n pulled back before pressing a kiss to his lips, more solid then the ones before. leo leaned even further, chasing after her lips when she pulled away.
then she reached into the glovebox, producing the one phone that chiron allowed near camp. the hephestus cabin tweaked it the best they could, making it nearly monster proof and demigod safe. it worked well enough for deliveries, gps being needed and all. plus, travis and connor managed to get spotify on it, disguising it as some puzzle app that chiron paid no mind to. y/n had to fork over twenty bucks just to be allowed to use it, as she wasn’t willing to drive around without music and the idiots put a password on it. y/n typed in the password - trav&conrule11 - pulling up her playlist as leo started to drive. she then pulled up the gps, checking to see the first place for deliveries and typing in the address of the small diner a few miles away. they liked the strawberries from camp best, feeling like they were supporting a small business when it was anything but. y/n listed the directions out for leo, knowing he’d just tune the robotic voice of the gps out. his fingers drummed across the wheel, his other hand playing with the rings on y/n’s hand, his thumb twisting the promise ring he’d given to her a few months ago, which caused his lips to twitch upward. eventually, they pulled up to the diner, y/n hopping out and moving towards the restaurant, the owner cheering as she greeted the girl, who she knew very well, leo trailing behind.
“y/n!! it’s good to see you, honey! they keep sending those rambunctious boys, we’ve been missing our girl,” the woman, mrs. ferrara, greeted, pulling the girl closer by her cheeks and kissing both of them. she was a short and stubby italian woman, but she held a kindness in her eyes that made her popular with the camp half-blood kids. she loved all of them, most itching for a chance at delivery duty to see the woman who’s become like a grandmother to a lot of them.
“you love those boys,” y/n mused as she passed her the clipboard, which needed a signature. she threw a glance over her shoulder at leo, smiling brightly at him which he returned tenfold.
“yes, but you’re my favorite,” mrs. ferrara replied with a wink, easily signing her name like usual.
“hey!” leo argued, crossing his arms with a frown. mrs. ferrara laughed as she walked around the counter, patting his cheek as she went past.
“much love to you, dear, but my y/n holds a special place in my heart,” the woman continued propping the door open so leo and y/n could easily bring the boxes of strawberries in. well, leo. because the moment y/n went to grab a box, he smacked her hands away and shot her a glare. she rolled her eyes with a huff, going off to hang out with mrs. ferrara who was more than happy to indulge the girl. they left soon after, though not without more kisses to both of their cheeks and breakfast sandwiches shoved into their hands.
“mmm, perks of delivery duty,” leo all but moaned, munching happily on his sandwich, which y/n plucked from his hands so he could turn the truck. “one of the few,” hummed y/n in response, finishing off hers and throwing the tinfoil into her purse to toss out later. she returned leo’s to his outstretched hand as she crossed out mrs. ferrara’s diner on her list, following down to the next stop.
“ugh, we’ve got to go to that stupid stuck up office,” y/n groaned, leaning her head back against the headrest, her lips set in a deep frown. leo looked at her for far too long before returning his gaze to the road, one of his hands leaving the wheel and smoothing over her jean clad knee. “it’ll be quick and i can talk to mr. stuck-up,” leo replied, earning a snort from y/n, a smile slowly growing on her lips before she shot across the middle console, her lips pressing against his cheek.
“my knight in shining armor,” she murmured again his cheek and a blush rose to his ears. “hm, no. don’t like how i looked in the armor at camp,” he smirked back, feeling y/n’s laugh bubble out of her.
after a few directions from y/n, they pulled up outside a bland looking building, the gray brick walls hiding one of those artsy-fartsy office buildings for some small newspaper. they liked to keep a ‘chill work environment,’ the place being filled with ping-pong tables and snacks, which included strawberries from camp. it would probably be fun, if the manager wasn’t so dreadful. y/n basically hid behind leo the whole time, glancing at her watch like they were in a rush while the guy ranted about immigration or whatever racist thing he had to say in that moment. leo’s eye twitched every now and then, but he kept a tight smile on his lips before swiping back the clipboard and slamming the boxes of strawberries down on some pool table. the two scrambled out of there, repeatedly pressing the button for the lobby in the elevator. they practically ran all the way back to the truck, snorts of laughter falling out of their lips as they jumped in.
they did a few more uneventful deliveries before finally reaching the little drive-thru coffee shop, y/n practically buzzing in her seat. typically, people with adhd tend to avoid coffee since it has the opposite effect on them. y/n, with her adhd being slightly less than standard, was an avid coffee drinker. leo couldn’t handle it, he’d be asleep at the wheel in seconds. he tended to stick to sweet tea or lemonade, occasionally an energy drink. the tea reminded him of sticky texas heat, which always brought a soft smile to his lips. leo easily ordered for the two of them, knowing y/n’s order better than his own. he proudly presented the coffee to the girl, who squealed as she took it into her hands.
“thank you, my sweet boy,” she cheered, her lips wrapping around the straw. leo laughed as he pulled away, waving kindly to the worker as he got back on the road.
“anything for you.” “don’t get sappy on me, valdez. gonna make me fall in love or something.”
their next stop was home depot. leo wasn’t completely lying to chiron when he said the forge was depleted, it was actually getting pretty empty in there. y/n took a long sip from her coffee before leaving it in the car and jumping out, going around the car and taking leo’s outstretched hand, wrapping her arms around his one. leo then pulled her closer to his side, pressing a kiss to her head before walking into the store. he knew his way around, almost like it was ingrained in his mind, and y/n liked to imagine that all children of hephaestus were just born with a map of home depot in their head. leo started grabbing things as he went before looking down at his full arms with a sigh, looking over at y/n. “could you-” “i told you we should have grabbed one at the start!” y/n huffed at him, rolling her eyes with a smile.
“i didn’t think we needed this much stuff,” leo called after her as she went to get the cart, the girl waving him off over her shoulder. he stood there inspecting the screws while he waited. leo frowned as he leaned closer to inspect a type of screw, muttering under his breath. after about twenty minutes, he was starting to get worried about y/n before she finally came back into the aisle with a cart. “lee! i had to walk across the whole store and i got lost, like, twice. you cannot leave me in here or i’m never getting out,” y/n laughed as she walked towards him. leo's eyes seemed to get caught on something, his attention being held elsewhere.
“leo? you good?” y/n asked, her brows furrowing at the lack of his joking response. “huh? yeah, yeah, no, i’m good. i’m…i’m great, yeah,” leo replied, finally pulling his eyes away from where the man had been and turning back to y/n, a smile stretching over his lips as he dumped the contents of his arms into the cart.
“you wanna do something fun?” he asked, looking at her out of the corner of his eye in the way he knew she loved. y/n nodded instantly, leo always brought a fun side out of her that no one else did. he shoved the stuff to one side of the cart, pressing his foot against the wheel to keep the cart still, before turning to y/n and holding one of his hands out. y/n took them, still not completely sure what was going on before leo moved his other hand to her hip and helped her into the cart. giggles instantly left y/n’s lips as she sat down in the cart, her leg’s spilling over the side. leo laughed with her, pressing a kiss to her lips before pulling the cart behind him. y/n proudly took stock and organized the cart, always knowing what they had and what they needed.
“hey, no, come on!” a voice shouted, y/n and leo’s head turning from the leather dye in front of them to the angry worker marching towards them.
“you two!” he called again, pointing at leo and y/n. “us?” leo asked, his brows furrowing as he pointed into his own chest. “yeah, you. come on, twelve and under are allowed in the carts. you’re, like, twenty,” the worker huffed, crossing his arms and tapping his feet. “ouch,” y/n muttered, shooting a glare at the man as leo helped her out, his hands firmly against her waist, “do i really look twenty, lee?” “nah,” leo mused, shooting a look at the man. “thank you. have a good evening folks, but if i catch you doing it again, i’ll ban you,” he stated, pointing at the two before marching off. y/n leaned up to leo, who leaned down to her. “do you think he gets more money if he tells a certain number of people off in a day or does he just take his minimum wage job too seriously?” she whispered and leo laughed. “definitely the latter. a fun person does not walk like that,” replied leo, causing y/n to giggle into his side.
finally, y/n managed to drag leo out of the store, though not before paying an arm and a leg. y/n refused to look at the cost, turning away with every beep of the scanner. leo rolled his eyes at her, seeing as neither of them had to foot the bill, but it rather came out of the camp expenses card. they lugged their copious amounts of metal and whatnots that y/n didn’t see the need for, shoving it into the back of the truck where the strawberries had been. y/n then bounced into her seat, rubbing her hands together in excitement as she looked over at leo, who got into his seat with a strange look to the girl beside him.
“off to target, my fine chariot!” she cheered, pointing off into some direction with a laugh. leo shook his head at her, laughing at the pure stupidity.
“yes, m’lady!” he called back in response, getting more joy out of the giggles than he ever thought possible.
y/n led the charge at target, leo basically being dragged behind the girl, his hand firmly shoved into her back pocket, something about not losing her. she rolled her eyes at him but walked slowly enough for him to keep up with her. she stockpiled chocolates, stuffed animals, and little gifts into leo’s arms. each collection was specified to the child, y/n always determined to go above and beyond for the younger kids. she then grabbed a bag of peanut m&m’s and salt and vinegar chips, winking at leo so he’d know those were her special treat to them. they left the store, leo proudly carrying the bags without even giving y/n a chance to grab them.
the drive back to camp was relatively uneventful, y/n just letting the music play as she started signing cards for the kids, leaving specific and heartfelt messages for them. then she’d pass them around camp, letting others leave notes until the paper was overflowing with love and birthday wishes. leo focused, to the best of his ability, on driving though it was all in vain. he’d glance over at y/n, the girl being perfectly framed by the vibrant pink and orange hues of the sun setting and just get lost in it; the sight of her, the heavy feeling of love in his chest, the way she’d wrinkle her nose at him when she caught him staring. he’d return his eyes to the road, a smile gracing his lips as he knew he must’ve done something right with his life, y/n being with him proof enough.
author's note cont. : ahhh! I'm actually so proud of this anyways- if you hate it, ya'll i need you to lie to me because i cannot handle not being perfect actually. anyways, i will admit this was kinda thrown together but i'm still happy with it. wish all of you who made it this far the best of days!!
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inkskinned · 1 year
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okay yes it's often bad and hard and sometimes i am so anxious my whole body feels like it's vibrating but also at the same time the gps took me a different way on my drive and i got to see more of the river than i usually do and yesterday the sun was still above the horizon after 7pm and that was amazing and the whole sky turned an orange-gold like how they try to make ice cream taste; you know, one of those evenings that just tears you open no matter how jaded you get. it's warm for the first time here and people had lined up against the water just to stand outside and watch the sunset
and yeah it's tax season no i haven't done mine yet but when i mentioned it offhand in a single side-comment three days later my friend sent me a list of helpful tips and followed up to see if i'd need help on them
there's this parking lot for a walking trail near where i live and one of the two google reviews is my actual favorite: love it here. there were so many beautiful parking spots but sadly we could only take one. and no this person isn't going to go viral and probably the only people navigating to this spot are extremely local - but there's something so precious to me about someone taking the time to write something that will make strangers in their community laugh, even though there's no way for me to tell them good one! directly
yes i am not doing well sometimes i'm doing even very-badly but recently i have been given enough breathing room to say okay, this situation is bad, but then it will be over, and you will be moving onto the next thing and it's true that i need to get groceries and pay rent and argue with my health insurance but it is also true that in the absolute stress and anarchy of my life today someone recognized my dog before they recognized me and was so excited because "they tell everyone about the greyhound in the area and didn't get a picture before so can they take a picture now please"
in class we all stand in a circle and are all grown adults and for a moment while the teacher is figuring something out, we all hold hands, just to be silly and connected. for no reason at all at 8pm on a thursday my friends and i start breaking out the dance moves to high school musical. my coworker gchats me during a meeting about the book he recommended to me and i'm enjoying reading
i help a high school set up for a star-themed dance and while putting up streamers i find graffiti that says if you're reading this, i love you, and we're both going to get out of here right next to fuck everyone, live out of spite, don't let the fuckers make you die. on the bridge where i walk my dog someone has written i love you and on the sidewalk in chalk someone has written i love you and on the side of the water tower someone has written i love you
at the bottom of a text post an internet poet says - i love you, i love you, i love you. i've never met you, i love you because you exist and we exist together. and isnt that enough for now. just for this moment, i mean. like, if you just close your eyes and breathe - somewhere, across this world, i love you, because you're here with me.
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burrito-fight · 3 months
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logical - luke castellan
notes: based off of logical by olivia rodrigo :), gif not mine <3 there are time skips after every lyric chunk, it'll make sense when you read it. first fic, please like and reblog :))
warnings: toxic!luke , angsty
word count: 1k, including lyrics
my masterlist!
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Master manipulator God, you're so good at what you do
“You believe me, don’t you?” Luke asked, his voice sweet like nectar.
You heard the stories about what Luke had done to Percy. Chiron had sat you down and talked to you, Percy came in and told you, Annabeth cried about it, and even your siblings and random campers checked in on you to make sure you were okay. Or perhaps they wanted to see if you were on Luke’s side.
You weren’t sure.
But no matter how many times you heard what Luke had done, you wanted to hear from him yourself. You knew he did it, you just didn’t know why. You were still holding on to the idea that there was good in him.
Which was why you were even out here in the city, making arrangements immediately after getting that letter, to talk to Luke.
He was good at that. At making you forget everything and come running to him.
He was also good at convincing you he did what had to be done.
“Y/N?” he asked, concern in his voice.
You knew he didn’t actually care. But he was good at manipulating you into thinking he did. Maybe he wasn’t good at that and you just wanted to believe he cared.
“Yeah, I believe you.” 
Come for me like a savior And I'd put myself through hell for you
Your feet pounded against the ground, the blood in your veins growing hotter as you ran.
You weren’t like most demigods. You didn’t like fighting monsters. It didn’t come naturally to you.
But the monsters still found you.
At the sound of the monster’s growling growing closer, you took a sharp turn and entered an alley. Almost immediately, you regretted that decision. The alley was wide, but it was a dead end. 
Which meant the only way out was to fight.
You faced the entrance to the alley, no doubt the monster was going to enter soon, and took out your sword. You’d die fighting if you had to.
But you didn’t even have to fight.
At the sound of a pained hiss, you made your way out of the alley, only to see Luke standing above a monster horn, sword out and breathing heavily. 
He ignored his spoil of war, turning around to find you staring at him like he was a knight in shining armor. 
“Did it get you?” he asked, coming closer and inspecting your face for any scratches or bruises.
You shook your head, affirming that you were okay.
Maybe you didn’t die fighting, but you’d die going through hell for that boy.
Hear all the rumors lately That you always denied
“He’s growing a monster army,” Percy shook his head in disgust. “He said he wants to create a new age, and bring Kronos back. He’s not bringing balance, he’s destroying the world.”
You nodded along with Percy, feigning disgust and giving the right response when needed. The campers didn’t fully trust you, but Percy often kept you updated on Luke through his dreams and quests. It was as if he knew you were caught in the middle of it and wanted to keep you away from Luke’s side.
It was a good idea, but Luke was always two steps ahead. He was in contact with you immediately, trying to deny rumors and battle plans that Percy accused him of.
No matter how much he denied them, you knew what the truth was.
And still, you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him.
And I fell for you like water Falls from the February sky But now the current's stronger No, I couldn't get out if I tried But you convinced me, baby It was all in my mind
Whenever you thought about loving Luke, you realized it didn't happen all at once.
It was a little, every time he offered you a chocolate bar from when he got the satyrs to get something from outside of camp. Every time he slowed down to make sure you got the techniques down. Every time he checked in on you, just because he wanted to be sure you were okay.
Before you realized it, you were sinking.
You were sinking under the weight of how much you loved Luke while wondering if he even truly loved you back. Or was it all a ploy to have someone on the inside of Camp?
“It’s too much, Luke,” you told him one day. “Having to sit here and watch while you try to destroy Camp, the one place that’s home. It’s just too much.”
“Don’t you want a better life for us?” he asked, his voice soft and sweet. He was never loud, not with you. “Don’t you want a life where our kids can be happy and not have to worry about glory and the gods? I’m not destroying Camp, I’m destroying the Gods. I’m making a better world, baby. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”
But was that a better world?
And now you got me thinking Two plus two equals five And I'm the love of your life 'Cause if rain don't pour and sun don't shine Then changing you is possible No, love is never logical
The love you had for Luke would one day be the death of you, you knew that. You’d go to the ends of the worlds for him, while he’d only do it if Kronos allowed him.
He called you the love of his life, he promised that he’d do anything for you, but it was all a lie.
Because he couldn’t change, he couldn’t love, he couldn’t do anything if it didn’t align with his idea of a better world. With Kronos' idea of a better world.
“You knew that,” Percy whispered. “You knew all of that, and you stayed with him. Why?”
You looked ahead, at the gold coffin wherein Luke laid. It was almost done, it was almost time for him to rise. The second Kronos rose, you knew he was going to get rid of you. You weren’t reliable, not to him.
But you were okay with it. In fact, you wanted Kronos to use Luke's body and do it as soon as possible. It was possibly the only thing that could save him.
You looked back at Percy, sighing to yourself. “What can I say? Love is never logical.”
---
tags: @bela-nov
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ao3commentoftheday · 3 months
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What would you usually advise for an aspiring writer who just... Doesn't have a wide range of English vocabulary? :( I've never written anything yet but for many times in my life, I've been surrounded by literature and fanfiction that I feel at home with the topic. I have stories in mind for my fandoms that I wish that I can write. But the problem is-- English is not my first language. I worry that my dialogues or storylines may not sound appropriate if I ever write and it reaches audience outside my country. I also worry that my world knowledge and or social awareness may be so small that I may not make things... relatable. Do I need to read a lot before being able to start to write? Because I read somewhere that good writers are also wide readers.
I definitely agree that reading more (and reading broading across genres, cultures, and time periods) is a valuable way for a writer to spend their time. By reading, you become familiar with the components of writing and how to put them together. You get a feel for styles that really resonate with you and you also learn what kinds of writing you just don't really like much at all.
That said, I don't think you need to do all of your reading before you start writing. Watching a lot of youtube videos about swimming isn't going to do much for you until you actually get into a pool. Knowing the theory is only half of the battle. Being able to practice is important too.
Remember, you don't have to do it all in 1 story. You can start by writing things that are within your knowledge and when you're comfortable doing that, you can see if you enjoy researching too. If you do, then great! You've got more potential topics to write about. If you don't, that's great too! You get to dig in deeper on the themes and touchstones that you already know.
There's nothing shameful about getting really good at writing the same few things. No one ever asked Agatha Christie to stop writing about murder because she really should branch out.
Having simpler vocabulary is also nothing to be ashamed of - although based on your ask, I think you don't have anything to be worried about. For this, and for the other worries you've expressed, I recommend asking a friend (either in person or in fandom) to read over your work with you. A beta can be there to help with grammar and spelling, but they can also assist in developing ideas or identifying opportunities you have in your story. They can be a cheer reader or a sensitivity reader too.
When it comes to being relatable, just remember we're all human. We all live. We'll all die. We all feel happy and sad and angry and bored and hungry. A lot of us fall in love. A lot of us have caring families. Some of us are heartbroken for almost all of our lives. The city that we do it in or the workplace or the type of school doesn't matter. It's the experience part that's universal.
I'd love to hear from other authors who write in second (or third, etc) languages about your thoughts on this one. And for everyone else, please feel free to share your thoughts as well.
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linkspooky · 6 months
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GREAT TEACHER, GOJO
For my final commentary on chapter 236, I thought I'd talk about this panel the starter of a million flame wars on twitter dot com. The big controversy is Nanami stating that Gojo fought only for himself without mentioning his students which a lot of people thought was a last minute reversal on Gojo's character, or character regression.
I'm not going to call anyone stupid, or say if you have good teacher Gojo headcanons you're wrong. However, I'd like to point out that Gojo's always been more complicated than most shonen mentors. He's not Kakashi, and he's not Aizawa, and I'd argue the fact that he's not the standard "I'd die to protect my students" mentor we see in shonen manga is what makes him interesting.
The Springtime of Youth
Jujutsu Kaisen is a shonen jump manga that is very aware of the other manga that are running in the same magazine and uses that awareness to play with audience expectations.
To put it simply if you don't want to use words like Deconstruction - if you're reading Jujutsu Kaisen then things are probably not going to go the way you expect them. It's not Naruto, it's not My Hero Academia, it's a little bit like Bleach except characters actually die.
If you expect things to go one way in Jujutsu Kaisen, then you're going to be thrown a curveball. To name some examples briefly before diving into Gojo.
Yuji Itadori is a normal boy protagonist suddenly dragged into the world of the supernatural.
However, everything goes wrong from there. Jujutsu Sorcerers are not heroes. Yuji is told that much from the beginning by Megumi within the first thirteen chapters. The world of Jujutsu Sorcery is not a good place to be, Yuji is initially excited to be a sorcerer and to be a part of this world and then learns that lesson fast. I mean, imagine if Deku was accepted to UA, and then he immediately learned that students at the school die on the regular and all the adults are either terrible selfish people, or if they're not they die too like Nanami because being selfless means sticking your neck out for someone else.
Yuji's not really special in the narrative. He's just a kid who swallowed a finger. He doesn't have a secret technique. We're hundreds of chapters in and he's still just punching people. If he's cornered in a fight he doesn't unlock a secret technique either, he just loses.
Yuji has a superpowered evil side, like the nine tailed fox, or Hollow Ichigo except it's not really his super powered evil side. It's an evil parasite attached to his soul with a will of its ownt hat will manipualte him. Hollow Ichigo and the Kyuubi can escape temporarily and there's usually no consequence. Sukuna escapes twice, the first time he nearly kills Megumi, the second time he kills thousands.
Yuji is kind of like a main character who is not a main character.
If you still believe he's the main character, then you can agree he's punished for thinking he's the main character and therefore things are going to be easy, because nothing is ever easy in Jujutsu Kaisen.
Megumi is a riff on the chosen one. He's supposed to be the Gojo Satoru of his generation, born with the strongest technique that ca even surpass the limitless and he's nowhere near the level he's supposed to be. This is because Megumi has been continually failed by every adult figure all his life, starting with his father who sold him, then Gojo the man who SAVED* him techically but with a big asterisk that he needed to become his student and do jobs for Jujutsu High School otherwise Gojo would just let the Zen'in take him or let them starve I guess. Megumi has no adult figures to rely on, and has been given very little freedom about who or what he wants to be in his life, and therefore he's a very passive, repressed individual who's riddled with insecurities. Megumi doesn't want to be the strongest like Gojo, or like many hero / rival characters in shonen manga. Megumi doesn't even know what he wants to be, because he's never been given any choice in life.
If you don't think Megumi's a deconstruction of any sort of character type, look at those posts on twitter that are like "Look at the black haired depressed shonen boys" and then look at Megumi, he's never actually like any of these boys because he's much deeper and probably closer to being the main character than Yuji is.
Then we get to Gojo who is very unlike all the other mentors in shonen manga.
If Yuji and Megumi are both riffs on a main character, a hero in a world so cynical he's not allowed to play hero and actively punished for it, and a chosen one who doesn't want to be the chosen one then you have Gojo as the mentor who's nothing like the classic mentor.
The problem with mentor characters in fiction is that number one they die a lot (spoiler warning Obi Wan Kenobi dies in Star Wars just so you know) and number two they're not usually the most complex character in the cast.
What is the mentor there for?
To Mentor (duh.)
What this means is they are usually a fully formed adult who can teach a lesson to the main character, who in shonen manga is typically a teenager.
I say they're usually less interesting because stories are about characters changing, or characters learning lessons. A teacher presumably already has learned his lesson. They are usually at the end of their journey and not the beginning, that's why they can offer wisdom to the main characters. They're not usually their own separate characters because of this - a narrative doesn't have time to waste on a character that's not going to change.
Jung had a term for this character, it's called the Wise Old Man.
In Jungian analytical psychology, senex is the specific term used in association with this archetype. Examples of the senex archetype in a positive form include the wise old man or wizard. In the individuation process, the archetype of the Wise old man was late to emerge, and seen as an indication of the Self. 'If an individual has wrestled seriously enough and long enough with the anima (or animus) problem...the unconscious again changes its dominant character and appears in a new symbolic form...as a masculine initiator and guardian, a wise old man, a spirit of nature, and so forth'.
The role of the wise man archetype is to help other people along with their ego development, because usually they are already fully developed individuals.
Obi Wan is the most typical of typical mentors, and he dies in Star Wars because after he finishes teaching Luke he has nothing to do. This is Luke's Hero's Journey. Obi Wan's already happened offscreen, he's at the end of his journey there's no room for change or growth in him because his story purpose is to exist to advise Luke and to do that he needs to be a fully grown adult figure.
The subversion to this when the mentor has their own agenda (Gandalf), or the mentor is as flawed as the main characters themselves and so therefore he has something to learn.
Gojo is kind of a combination of both, like Gandalf he is the mysterious but seemingly all powerful wizard (er... or rather sorcerer) with his own agenda, and he's also practically the fourth member of the main cast who are otherwise all teenagers. In fact, Gojo spells out his agenda in the same panels that everyone uses to constantly assert that Gojo is a good teacher who only wants to protect his students.
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He wants to make the Jujutsu World a better place (good) which is why he is raising students so he can turn them into his political allies to make a regime change (hidden agenda).
It's a means justifies the end type scenario. In Gojo's mind the means (raising kids as tools in support of his political agenda) justifies the ends (a better jujutsu world for those children). His motivation is still the same. This is what I think people most often get confused about with Gojo's character. I think he is one hundred percent genuine about wanting a better world.
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"I have a dream, I want to reset this crappy Jujutsu World" is his motivation, but not his means. He uses his students as a means to achieve that end. Even if it's purportedly for their sake, he's still using them. I don't even think this is subtext it's text, both Megumi and Yuji call themselves cogs.
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"But senpai, what's your function...?"
You could say in this case that the ends don't justify the means. Is Gojo really protecting these kid's youth, if Yuji and Megumi are going around calling themselves cog and acting like they don't matter in the grand scheme of things? In fact the narrative is inviting you to question if Gojo's ends justify his means.
Gojo's ideals can be one hundred percent real, but he can also pick faulty ways of choosing those ideals that fail to live up to them. In fact most people fall short of ideals, that's why they're called ideals. Gojo is taking these kids in because they have strong potential as sorcerers and he wants to recruit them, that's his hidden agenda. It's confirmed in databooks in Yuji and Yuta's case, and even if you don't trust databooks as canon then look at how he treats Megumi.
Megumi is explicitly Gojo's student, not his son. He only intervened in Megumi's situation on the caveat that Megumi work for him. Presumably, if Megumi didn't want to be a sorcerer and just wanted to be a normal kid, Gojo would have either let the Zen'in have him or do nothing. The option of just calling child services and getting someone to foster Megumi until he was older didn't even seem to cross Gojo's mind. There's the help he gives (Food money, rent, protection from the Zen'in) and then the hidden agenda (Don't work for the Zen'in who are my political rivals, you're my student now).
Yet at the same time Gojo is shown going to find Megumi after Geto's defection, probably because of the words he said to Yaga "You can only save those who want to be saved," when he realized it was too late for Geto. Was he intervening earlier for Megumi because he learned from being too late with Geto? Did he think Megumi needed guidance, or did he think Megumi needed protection in his youth so the Jujutsu World wouldn't corrupt him like it did Geto, or did he think he just needed to make it so Megumi was strong so he wouldn't fall behind him because Geto fell so far behind him once Gojo became the strongest. There's ambiguity there, because the hidden agenda is you know... Hidden. That's what I mean with Gojo though, you can look at him from multiple angles, he's not just (I love my students I'd die for them) because that character would only have one purpose in the narrative and that'd be being the perfect mentor who teaches them all the right lessons.
Gojo's not like other mentors, and in fact he's a commentary on the mentors that everyone is always comparing him to and expecting him to be like.
Literally everyone who reads Naruto has the exact same response, "I hate how the manga never talks about how it's a bad thing to send these child soldiers into war, and nobody breaks the cycle."
There are a lot of people unhappy about the same thing in My Hero Academia, "Why does nobody talk about how wrong it is that the adults make these high school students fight on the battlefield."
Well there you go. That's Gojo. His dream is to make it so Jujutsu Society is a place where teenagers can survive until adulthood. His method of doing so is to... raise those teenagers to be stronger than the previous generation, but you know still letting them be child soldiers on the battlefield just stronger ones. He does this because if he's working within the system the his two choices are raise a group of people who can age out and replace the old regime, or just kill everyone at the top.
Everyone complains about how no one talks about the child soldiers in Naruto or My Hero Academia, but here you go, we have a manga that is centered around how messed up it is to send high school students to continually fight these curses before they even turn eighteen. Gojo's sending these kids out there still even if he wants to change things, and it's supposed to be a little messed up and also a contradiction to what his ideals are supposed to be.
Because in My Hero Academia you have characters like Aizawa and Kakashi who are "I will die for my students" but then they just send those teens out to fight in a war, and seem totally fine with that. It's a hole in the writing, but this time it's done on purpose, to ask why these adults are always comfortable sending teenagers out to fight for them?
Jujutsu Kaisen provides two answers, number one the system is inherently corrupt and it sees the youth as cogs because the system is rooted in traditions that keep the elderly in power. Number two, in Gojo's case at least this is exactly what it was like for him growing up as a child. Gojo is just repeating with his students what was done to him, subconsciously.
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The reason Nanami said this, and then repeated it in this most recent chapter is Gojo was born to be a Jujutsu Sorcerer. Being a Jujutsu Sorcerer is a highly deadly occupation for everyone else, except for Gojo. Not only that but because he's so good at it, and he's so lauded for it he's built his entire identity around it. Nanami's not just saying that Gojo is selfish, he's also saying that Gojo thinks being a sorcerer is a good thing. It is the end all, be all of Gojo's existence.
He doesn't want to make it so sorcerers don't have to fight, or make it so all cursed energy is gone for the world like Yuki Tsukumo, his dream is actually kind of limited in scope he doesn't want the school days of his students to be destroyed by the outside world the way it was for him and Geto.
Gojo looks at the symptoms and not the cause. Geto defected, Haibara died, Yaga wasn't really able to do much for his students in both scenarios. Gojo deduced it was because the elders and regressive policies were holding people back in favor of keeping the regime in charge (correct) and that because of that the sorcerers in Gojo's high school years just weren't strong enough to keep up (this is just what Gojo thinks).
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His words to Megumi are encouraging him to be strong so he won't get left behind, which as I speculated above might imply Gojo thinks that part of what went wrong with Geto was that he simply wasn't strong enough to keep up with Gojo or stay on his level. If not then he still encourages Megumi to get strong before everything else, he's not taking care of these kids emotional needs, he's pushing them to get stronger because in Gojo's mind that's the be all end all solution to every problem.
"Nanami's line was not saying that Gojo doesn't care about children, it's saying that "You live for Jujutsu." It is the lens through which Gojo sees everything, and so therefore he doesn't think of breaking kids out of the Jujutsu World, just making it a place that's slightly more safe for them. Gojo's ego is so strong that he only ever sees things from his point of view, being a sorcerer was fun for him, his high school days were the happiest time in his life before they got ruined by outside forces.
He's trying to protect those days for his children, but he's not arguing against the existence of an institution like Jujutsu High in the first place. He's not saying the teenagers should never be sent out on missions, he's saying we need to make the teens stronger. If they're stronger than they won't die (that's probably true but they'll be even safer if they don't have to go on missions in the first place).
Now we have a reason! Why do Aizawa and Kakashi send out child soldiers into the battlefield if their goal is to protect their students? Because it's a shonen manga and the main characters are all teenagers.
Why does Gojo send out teenagers to fight for him if he wants to protect them, well I just explained it.
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In fact, the entire purpose of Nanami in the story is to give us a character who explicitly treats children like they are children and not miniature adults. Who acknowledges that this is emotionally hard for children to deal with and they shouldn't have to do that.
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Nanami's lines of "I'm an adult you're a child" and "Being a child is not a bad thing." would not have the weight they carry if they weren't so different from the way that every other adult in the story (including Gojo) treats children.
Nanami and Gojo have the same goal of making being a Jujutsu Sorcerer easier for children, but Nanami practices what he preaches. He tells Yuji to stand back and that he doesn't need to fight if he sees an enemy that's too strong, to let the adult on scene handle things first.
When he sees that Yuji is disturbed by the idea of killing former humans that Mahito had changed with his technique, he consoles him. He knows that Yuji is a sensitive kid and tries to spare him as much of that grief as possible. When he leaves Yuji behind he tells him explicitly that he's the adult in this situation, he shouldn't be forcing a child to help carry that burden if it's not necessary.
He also explicitly tells Yuji that being strong or jumping into life threatening situations =/= as growing up. Nanami is a character aware that the problem isn't that the children are not strong enough, but that too much responsibility is being thrown on these children. That there is a difference between what children and adults are emotionally capable of. Gojo doesn't see that difference because he reached enlightenment as seventeen. He even explicitly chose Nanami because Gojo knew he wasn't good at that stuff.
Nanami was not saying that Gojo doesn't care about children, Nanami was saying Gojo lives to be a sorcerer, Gojo who loves sorcery doesn't understand why being a sorcerer is too much of an emotional burden on a child. He just doesn't. He literally says his students are flowers.
Now, here's the kicker. Nanami dies.
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Nanami wanted Yuji to not take on too much responsibility, and he died leaving Yuji with more responsibility than he could ever carry. Nanami failed in his goal, despite the fact he is the most responsible and well-meaning adult in the story who treats children like they're children.
The reason he dies is because this is what happens to people like Nanami in Jujutsu Society. The whole of society is built to condition people into being cogs and Nanami who's just one person can't overcome it on his own. I can write a whole meta on how Nanami's way of dealing with children is way better than Gojo's and yet they do essentially the same thing, throw way too much responsibility onto Yuji even though he's just a kid. They're both too ingrained in the system to make any sweeping changes, and that's why the child soldiers keep on child soldiering.
Gojo as a Character
The second reason as eluded above that Gojo is not meant to be read as a perfect teacher, or even a good one really is because he's the fourth main character of the cast. If you are a main character, then you need a flaw, and an arc where you either improve upon that flaw or you succumb to it in tragic fashion.
Gojo's not the perfect adult mentor, because he's kind of in the same place as the kids themselves. I think there's a reason we never learn anything about Gojo's backstory, we know nothing about his parents, the Gojo clan, because those details aren't as relevant. The most important thing about Gojo is the three years he spent at high school, because that was the only time he felt like a person, and also because he is trapped there mentally.
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There's a reason that Gojo's dying dream is him imagining everyone reset to seventeen years old, because that was where the clock stopped for him in his youth, and that was where all of his regrets as an adult come from. His motivation to help teenagers today only comes from his own youth being ruined, and the adults in his life failing to protect him.
It's very likely that Gojo who lives for Jujutsu probably would never have realized the problems in his current society, if his youth wasn't ruined by those same adults he's now fighting against.
The reason most mentor figures in fiction are not main characters is because as adults they don't really need to grow up anymore. The obvious solution is that you just need your mentor character to just fail to be an adult in some glaring way.
To show how Gojo falls short as an adult, especially in regards to these children and how he treats them is to drag him down from all powerful, all knowing wizard, and make him struggle with the rest of the main cast. Gojo is not a positive adult figure in these kids lives despite having the best of intentions, because he's not really an adult.
I guess if you were already the best and strongest person in the world at seventeen, smarter and more capable than all the adults around you, you wouldn't really feel the need to grow up. Coupled with the fact that you are alienated from other people and do not relate to them on a personal level that's not going to help with your identity formation.
I mean I constantly compare Gojo to Superman, but to be fair to Gojo instead of bullying him like I usually do Clark Kent was raised by parents who raised a boy not a superman, and who constantly tell him that he's just a normal person, his powers don't make him great, it's his heart.
Nanami says that Gojo only fights for himself that ""You don't wield Jujutsu to protect something, you use it solely to for your own sake. What a weirdo" it's likely Gojo only fights for himself because he's never ben told that's he's more than just the six-eyes and more than just the limitless.
The best way to make a mentor a part of the cast, is to make them through some way or another have failed to grow up properly in their youth and therefore they need to do it while the story is taking place. We know how Gojo failed, his springtime of youth ended early, it ended the day he couldn't stop Geto from leaving, the day he can be the strongest sorcerer ever and still fail because sorcerer society is too corrupt for one person to handle alone. We also know he didn't really grow up past this point, because he still thinks the solution is to make people be stronger. Why does he not do anything about Geto for 11 years? In story terms he's basically suspended in time unable to grow past Geto. Kenjaku literally uses the trauma from his youth and the memories that seeing Geto alive would provoke in Gojo again, to trap him because he knew it would make him freeze up. Gojo is frozen in the past, he failed to grow up in story terms and must now grow up while the main story itself is taking place along with the children he's trying to raise.
This is how you make a mentor interesting. You have to make them flawed in some way that makes it worth having them onscreen, because a perfect mentor only serves one purpose to teach a main character and then he's gone.
Dazai Osamu from Bungo Stray Dogs is a character that's almost as massively popular as Gojo. Similiarly, he is a teenage genius who found trouble relating to other people who is now as an adult attempting to mentor two children.
However, Dazai's faults as a mentor are made much more explicit.
Dazai suddenly punched Akutagawa in the face, preventing him from finishing his sentence. Akutagawa flew back onto the ground, his head bouncing off the stone flooring with a thud. "Perhaps I made it look like I wanted to hear excuses. Sorry for the misudnerstanding," Dazai said while rubbing his knuckles. "Urg..." Akutagawa moaned. He'd hit his head so hard that he couldn't even stagger to his feet. "Give me your gun," Dazai ordered one of his men. The subordinate was hesitant but nonetheless handed over his weapon. Next, Dazai removed the magaine from the automatic pistol, took out all but three bullets, then put the magazine back in. He immediately pointed the gun at Akutagawa, who was still on the ground. "I have this friend who's supporting several orphans all on his own, you see," he continued his weapon still drawn and aimed at the boy. "AKutagawa I'm sure Odasaku would've been patient enough to give you the guidance you needed had he been the one who'd found you on the brink of starvation right in the slums. That would have been the 'right' thing to do. But 'righteousness' doesn't take very kindly to me. And there's only one thing people like me do to useless subordinates." Dazai mercilessly pulled the trigger the moment he finished his sentence.
(Don't worry, Akutagawa lived). Dazai is a character who had a troublesome youth he never grew up from. He was too smart for the world as a kid, and because of that joined up with the mafia because he wanted to feel like he was more connected to life and other people by getting closer to death (weird dazai logic I know) and was the best of the best at it, but it only drove him further away from people. He makes one friend, and loses that friend similiar to Gojo. Just like Gojo too, that friend is the one who gives him his purpose as an adult that drives him to mentor young people.
"Odasaku.. What should I do?" "Be on the side that saves people," Odasaku replied, "If both sides are the same, then choose to become a good person. Save the weak, protect the orphaned. You might not see a great difference between right and wrong, but... saving others is something just a bit more wonderful."
Is this not what Nanami said just in different words. Odasaku tells Dazai point blank, I know you're selfish, I know that you don't really have any concept of good or evil but you can choose to save others anyway.
Isn't this what Gojo does?
He is selfish. He doesn't really consider the morality or his actions or get hung up on the idea of protecting the weak like Nanami or Geto do, but he still does go out of his way to live for the ideal of saving children.
Both Gojo and Dazai are characters who are struggling with this ideal of saving the children, because while their ideals are good they themselves as people are morally gray. Adding onto that, they're also children and a good deal of their backstory is devoted to showing why they never really grew out of the mindset that they held as children.
The story doesn't call them horrible monsters for it, it's just saying that they need to grow up or face the consequences of not growing up.
"I have one regret," I said. "I never got to say good-bye to my friend. He was always there for me as 'just a friend.' He was bored of this world and always waited for death to come for him." "That man was in search of a place to die just like me?" "No, not exactly," I answered. "I thought you were similiar to Dazai at first, rushing into battle and wishing for death without even considering the value of your own life. But he's different. He's sharp-witted with a mind like a steel trap. And he's just a child - a sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier of the world we're seeing." He was too smart for his own good. THat was why he was always alone. The reason why ANgo and I were able to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside it no matter how close we stood. But in that moment, I kind of regretted not stepping in and invading a little.
Does that sound like the narrative is condemning Dazai for being who he is? No, it's Dazai's best friend offering empathy and understanding for how lonely it must be, and how if Dazai made real connections with people then he could have a chance of growing up like everyone else. That's what the narrative challenges Dazai to do while empathizing with why it's harder for him to and why he's still trapped in his youth, because to take care of children you need to be an adult yourself. Otherwise if you're a child, and I'm a child, then nobody's driving the plane.
Rupert Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is another mentor who faces the same moral dilemna that Gojo does. In fact his entire character revolves around the fact he knows deep down he's sending a kid to her early grave.
Buffy is the Chosen One TM. One girl in all the world is chosen to fight the vampires. Much like sorcerer society, there is an entire bureaucracy dedicated to identifying the chosen slayer and then raising her up and guiding her as a weapon to be used against the threat of vampires and demons.
The watchers are all adults. The slayer is a teenage girl. The slayer slays. The watchers watch. Just like in Jujutsu Kaisen, there is a necessity for the Slayer to exist, because the alternative is just letting vampires eat people. Yet even if the slayer needs to exist, at the end of the day a bunch of adult men are sending a teenage girl to fight for them.
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All Slayers die young. All of them without an exception. No matter how good of a mentor is, no matter how much he cares about her, Buffy is going to die one day, and Giles is going to watch. Because that's what the watcher does, they watch. Sending her on missions means Buffy's in danger, not sending her means innocent people are in danger.
It's a scenario that's pretty much like Gojo's, and the narrative of Buffy makes it explicit that Giles really can't be a father figure to bufy in this scenario. A father would have to choose to put their child above the world and keep them safe, not send them out straight into danger.
It is a choice that Giles makes over and over again. He is always her watcher and never her father. There's a season 3 episode where Giles literally drugs Buffy as a part of a test to prove she is "worthy" of being a slayer. A test that deliberately puts her in harms way that he complies with - because the system told him to. A choice to be her watcher and act according to what the council of watchers wanted and not what Buffy wanted. A choice that shatters the illusion that Buffy had of him, showing her that Giles is only there to teach her to be a Slayer, not to take her to the iceapades or buy ice cream with her.
In this scenario Gojo is very much like Giles as no matter how much he may personally like these kids, he is not their father, and there is only so much he can do for them when he's still feeding them into the same system. Giles loves Buffy, Giles wants to protect Buffy, Giles is a part of the system that exploits Buffy. Giles is an adult asking Buffy to risk her life to save the world.
Gojo goes out of his way to recruit Megumi, Yuji, and Yuta among others. Gojo still doesn't let them be anything other than sorcerers, and as sorcerers they're still guaranteed to one day die and probably die young. Gojo wants to revolutionize the system he is, but he still sends out his students to do missions as part of that system. He's not letting them escape it, he's just making them be stronger sorcerers.
Not only is Gojo not a father figure to Megumi, he is exploiting him more or less. The option of Megumi not being a sorcerer isn't on the table. No matter how well-intentioned he may be, or how good his ideals are he's still an adult telling a child to make a sacrifice for the world.
So, there are two character conflicts with two different mentors that both reflect Gojo. Gojo cannot grow up because he's still trapped in the tragedy of his youth. He himself is not an adult, for various reasons (lack of connection to other people, trauma in his youth) he's egocentric like a child but there are children in his life who need him to be.
Gojo also cannot be a proper adult, because he is part of a system that exploits children. We see what the system does to proper adults like Nanami, he shows us just how much well-intentioned adults struggle to help kids under sorcerer society so how about Gojo who thinks being a sorcerer is really fun. A proper adult would never send kids on those missions, they'd find some way to shield them but Gojo cannot do that. Because sorcerers are short staffed and innocent people will die if he doesn't. Because Gojo isn't the sorcer-king of Jujtusu Society and is working within it to affect change. There are reasons, but still Gojo is failing to live up to his desire to protect children because he's not doing what a responsible adult should do in this situation.
Gojo's failures are two-fold, and yet it's because of those failures that he was a main character who got as much special plot attention as he did. If Gojo was a perfect teacher he wouldn't be a character. After all, we relate to the struggles of other human beings we see onscreen in television and in movies so why would we care about a perfect character?
Gojo has a lot more to say about teachers in shonen manga, and also about childhood vs. adulthood as a bad teacher struggling to be a good one, then a teacher who's already perfect. Nanami said those lines because he wanted us to understand the audience that this is who Gojo is, he is a selfish and egotistical person who nonetheless was trying to do good things.
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sweet-s0rr0w · 5 months
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Vintage Drarry Fics
Thought I'd put together a list of some of the old Drarry 'classics' of my teenage years, for anyone interested. All posted between 2001-2006, compiled using my (bad) memory, a lot of googling, fanlore.org and numerous different LJ rec accounts (including the incredible @capiturecs). I checked as best I could, but if anyone knows of any fics that their author doesn't want to be shared, please let me know and I will of course remove.
Please also note that these fics are of their era, when attitudes may have been different, and they may not all be grammatically perfect. I haven't reread all, as my own tastes have changed, but most importantly do note that they may not be tagged - don't blame me when, for example, Harry dies tragically on a rooftop at sunrise...
Hogwarts Era (mostly 5th-7th year)
A Thousand Beautiful Things by Duinn Fionn/geoviki (M, 105k)
Draco Malfoy struggles with changed fortunes, shifted alliances, an ugly war, and an unusual spell, with the help of a concerned professor, an insightful house-elf, and an unexpected Gryffindor friend.
All Bets Are Off by Allegra (R, 53k)
I am SICK of Good-little-innocent!Harry...Enter Playboy!Harry and his Overinflated Ego, a challenge, a bet, a couple of Really Cunning Plans - and there you have it, "Forty days and forty nights", Hogwarts style. Mayhem ensues! 
Angels and Devils by beren (E, 52k)
Harry defeated Voldemort and his act of heroism is famous throughout the wizarding world. He's trying to finish his final year at Hogwarts in peace, but, thanks to the method he chose to destroy The Dark Lord, something peculiar is happening to him, something he never would have expected. It's all rather embarrassing and making his life very complicated.
Artful Facade by Sky Sorceress (T, 66k)
Sometimes you fly too close to the sun and lose your wings. With sixth year approaching, the danger Harry seeks can be found only in the form of Draco Malfoy. What follows is a twist in the line between hatred, love, and need.
Beautiful World by Cinnamon/Lissadiane (M, 70k)
Harry finds out he's going to die on his 16th birthday. He embarks on a journey of self-destructive behaviour and drags Draco along for the ride. 
Beneath You by Cinnamon/Lissadiane (M, 113k)
Draco had no idea that the repercussions of stealing Potter's journal and shoving it down the back of his trousers would be so extreme.
Bond by AnnaFugazzi (M, 173k)
It seems 95% of H/D writers feel compelled to write a "Harry And Draco Are Forced To Be Together By Something Beyond Their Control And Then Unlikely Stuff Happens That Leads To Twoo Wuv" story. Count me among the 95% ;)
Checkmate by Naadi Moonfeather (T, 245k)
Draco has the perfect plan to get Harry Potter and challenges him to a game of Dare Chess. But is it love, or betrayal, he has in mind?
The Cicatrix Cycle by Ivy Blossom (NC-17, long!)
Three parts: Origins, Haven, Belong
Draco In Darkness by Plumeria (T, 41k)
Following an accident in his seventh year, Draco loses his eyesight. After Harry elbows his way into Draco's dark world, both boys find themselves in a strange new friendship, and they each learn new ways to see each other … and themselves.
Eclipse by PhoenixSong/Mijan (T, 287k)
"You're dead, Potter... I'm going to make you pay..." Draco swore his revenge on Harry for Lucius's imprisonment, and Harry all but laughed at him. But Draco is planning more than schoolyard pranks this time. The old rivalry turns deadly when Draco abducts Harry for Voldemort. It's the perfect plan, guaranteeing revenge, power, and prestige, all in one blow. But, when Draco's world turns upside down, the fight to save himself and Harry begins, and the battle will take them both through hell and back. If they come back. 
Friend Like Me by Lady Vader (M, 11k)
Draco's rendition of the love story that never was.
How Harry Potter Got His Groove Back by Durendal/Eleveninches (R, 12k)
Snape tries to hang himself, Draco enters an alternate reality, and Harry Gets a Clue. Humor, SLASH, naughty language, and other Evil Things. Harry/Draco, Snape/James/Lucius.
Irresistible Poison by Rhysenn (PG-13, 124k)
Under the influence of a love potion, Draco learns that poison doesn't always bring death -- there are other ways to suffer and live. Chemical emotion runs feverish as Harry and Draco discover the intoxication of love.
Lettered by pir8fancier (M, 7.8k)
Harry has a secret penpal, whose identity is as plain as the nose on his face. Except he's not wearing his glasses.
Love Under Will by Aja (R, 116k)
In their 5th year, Harry and Draco choose to be with one another; but the story--and the battle-- is just beginning...
playing the game, living the lie by Abaddon (R, 159k)
Set in Sixth Year, both the wizarding and Muggle worlds are threatened as Voldemort plans a final revenge. Past, present and future collide as all must consider where their loyalties lie; who they are, and who they want to be. Amidst it all, Harry and Draco begin a dangerous journey of understanding. Is it possible to leave everything you thought you were behind?
Resolution by Frances Potter (R, 322k)
When you've spent six years fighting evil, all you really want is a quiet time. But when your name is Harry Potter the chances of that are very slim. A series of vignettes chronicling Harry's final six months at Hogwarts. Exams, friends, lovers, Quidditch, the war and Draco all conspire to make the year end seem a very long way away.
Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself by Ari Munami (PG-13, 31k)
Harry goes through some er... changes in his Sixth Year and everyone, including Draco Malfoy, sits up and takes notice.
Snakes and Lions by GatewayGirl (M, 139k)
When Ron and Hermione get together, they notice only each other. A nightmare prompts Harry to return alone to the empty Chamber of Secrets, and leads to a new look at an old enemy. Harry enjoys the company, but with Bellatrix Lestrange actively hunting him, how far can he trust a Death Eater's son?
Something Impossible by epicylical/Cassandra Claire (PG, 6.4k)
As punishment for an act of vandalism, Draco is forced to perform three tasks to win Harry's forgiveness - only they don't turn out to be exactly the kind of tasks he'd been expecting. With wet shirtless Draco, paint-covered Harry, and Proust-reading Goyle.
Transformation by amalin (E, 98k)
In Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts, he must face the consequences of the attack on the Department of Mysteries and the effects of Voldemort's return. And in doing so, he finds that even your enemies can teach you valuable lessons—about the world, and about yourself.
Walking the Line by SilentAuror (E, 179k)
Sixth year is over and Draco Malfoy is on the run. The war is on and an unwanted assignment is forced upon him by the only people he trusts - and a one-time arch-enemy just may be out to kill him.
Post-Hogwarts
Adagio in G Minor by furiosity (NC-17, 18k)
Seven years after Hogwarts and the war, life continues in the wizarding world. Draco Malfoy is rich, bored, and slightly jaded. Harry Potter is famous, busy, and somewhat disillusioned. They've not seen each other since school ended. What would happen if they were to cross paths again? What if it involved music?
Big Dick, Come Quick [PDF] by Calanthe (NC-17, 204k)
Draco’s got a theory. About sex. And after much searching for the right candidate, it appears that only Harry Potter, his life long enemy, can help him test it out.
Draco's Escort Service by Cheryl Dyson/dysonrules (15, 12k)
Draco's job is to escort travelers through the dangerous, war-torn countryside. Harry Potter is forced to hire him, but his destination isn't quite what Draco expected.
Left My Heart by Emma Grant (E, 85k)
Auror Draco Malfoy has disappeared, and Harry Potter has been sent to San Francisco to find him. 
Malfoy, P.I. by Nancy (R, 60k)
"I'm Draco Malfoy, private investigator. I've seen a lot--I mean a lot, and I'm like sweet seventeen a lot. I thought I'd seen it all, until a pair of green eyes stepped into my office." A noir AU set in L.A. where passion and magic collide. Slashy and sexy.
Queen of Hearts by scoradh (E, 65k)
A spectre is haunting Harry - the responsibility of his destiny. It looms over his future and, more importantly, over the future of his friends. Harry is determined to exorcise this spectre for the greater good, but on the way, he enters into a few unholy alliances.
Tissue of Silver by fearlessdiva (R, 76k)
A love story concerning possessed furniture, black silk pyjamas, courtroom drama, premonitions of doom, assassination attempts, Death Eater yoga, absinthe, bare feet and a sensible werewolf.
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by November Snowflake (M, 58k)
When the long-missing Draco Malfoy turns up at a Ministry field hospital with amnesia, bitter Auror Harry Potter must confront the shadows of their shared past to shed light on a potentially deadly mystery.
Transfigurations by Resonant (E, 71k)
Five years after Voldemort's defeat, Harry returns to England to help re-open Hogwarts.
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silenthillbunni · 4 months
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#idk how to even express this or put it into worlds but it is lying right under my skin and itching so i need to try#i dont feel safe in the world. anywhere. i dont wanna leave my home. i dont wanna be outside and interact w ppl#i want to minimize all interactions w ppl bc ppl are DANGEROUS and unsafe#everytime i find myself alone in a room w a man wheteher he's a doctor or physical therapist my entire body wants to flee. nd shut down#even if it's 1 in 1000 that smth will happen just then#and almost every single time it goes fine. im under so much anxiety and fear during that entire session#whenever im out for my late night walks in nature and i hear a sound im on edge the entire way home bc i can imagine a 1000 bad things that#could happen#so on so forth there are countless scenarios like these it'd take me too long to recount all of them#but also.. the knowledge that this is just how it is. this is the ways of the world. everyone knows it. nothing to be done abt it...#it's sould crushing to be aware of that. nothing to be done abt it.... nothing at all. it is what it is#it is ridiculed. enjoyed. fetishized. etc etc etc#it always ends w victims dont matter. not the feelings or trauma or opinions or voices.#all reduced to smth to get off to. merely an objects. and empty shell. that is the ways of the world. nothing to be done abt it#and nowhere is safe. ppl are either perpetrators themselves. or they are defenders of it. or contributers to the surrounding culture#no one at all in the world can be trusted. no one is safe. no one cares. no one will do anything other than#ridicule u. blame u. trigger u. defend the acts of abusers. that is the truth of humanity#the truth of the world. it's all built on this. there is no other reality nor truth#and other people are capable of accepting it so well. like they dont care. bc they dont care abt anything actually#but i just cant accept it. i'd rather die than live in this world. and why should i live when i'll always be alone because#no one. is. safe. no one can be trusted#they're all on the vicious cruel abusive side. they all are. nobody cares abt wrongdoings or abuse or pain inflicted. nobody does#nobody cares at all abt what happened to u. they'll keep upholding the abusive systems in place.#bc u dont matter. u never have and never will#i dont wanna go outside or be around ppl bc no one is safe. theyre all against your safety comfort and wellbeing. they all love suffering#i hate ppl bc they all contribute to abuse and rape and everything bad happening all the time. they do not care. no sympathy or compassion#nothing abt this world or humanity is good or kind. it is all cruel harmful venom.
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suuuupernovaaa · 1 year
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zeyko
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zeyko [zɛj.ˈk·o] vtr. heal, fix
Requests from @hyunjinoak: Can I request Neteyam x female reader story, in which the reader got hurt badly during a mission/war and her baby daughter/son keeps crying so bad for her(his) mom?
TW: violence, blood
With all the strength in his body, Neteyam shoves his younger brother to the ground, and raises his fist, intent on bringing it down square on Lo'ak's face. He hopes he will break his nose, or an eye socket, or maybe even his jaw.
Before his fist can crack bone, someone grabs his arm and wrenches him away.
He hears his father's voice. "Hey, whoa," he's saying, loudly trying to calm his son.
"It's his fault! It's his fault she was shot," Neteyam screams. "She went down there to protect him!"
Jake grabs his son's shoulders, spinning him so that they are face to face. He sees the anguish in his son's eyes, but even so, he can't let him hurt his brother.
Neteyam might be angry, but Jake knows he would regret it soon enough, if he hurt Lo'ak.
"Your son needs you now, Neteyam. He's crying for his mother, he doesn't know what happened. You need to go take care of him." He looks over his eldest son's shoulder, to see Lo'ak standing up, looking hurt and defeated. "I'll deal with your brother."
At the thought of his son, Neteyam stands up straighter. Without another word, he charges home.
--
It's the longest night of Neteyam's life. He stands outside of Tsahik's tent, listening to his wife's moans and cries, while holding his discontented infant in his arms.
The baby only wants Y/N. It's as if the little one senses that something is wrong, that his mother is hurt, and nothing he can do will calm the boy down.
Eventually, when things begin to calm down, Kiri emerges. Neteyam is near tears, the baby is screaming, and everyone is tired.
"Is she okay?" Neteyam asks.
Kiri nods. "She is. You go in. Give my nephew to me." She extends her arms and almost instantly, the baby settles in his aunt's embrace. Neteaym frowns, but Kiri shakes her head. "It's because I am calm, and he could feel your worry. Just go."
Confident that his son is safe with Aunt Kiri, he rushes into the tent, eager to finally reunite with his mate.
--
It happened in slow motion. Lo'ak took to the ground, wanting to claim a weapon for himself, and I followed, scared something would happen to him.
The ships were inbound quicker than I'd thought, and no sooner had Jake put out the warning, than the bullet had ripped through my side, tearing a searing hole in my flesh.
"Y/N!" Lo'ak screamed, tossing aside the gun he'd just picked up, and the world faded to black.
I had spent the next 12 hours in and out of consciousness, waking up to unbelievable pain, and then falling back asleep again. It felt like an endless cycle... until it did end.
My eyes open, with much difficulty, and the pain is subsided. It's still there, and it's still the worst pain in my life, but it is no longer a searing, hot open wound. I feel the sting of healing, and the numbness of whatever salve Tsahik and Kiri have come up with to place on the wound.
"Neteyam," I whisper. "Ninan..."
Kiri hovers to my right, and pats my shoulder. "I will bring Neteyam. Hopefully, Ninan is sleeping peacefully."
She exits the tent, and only moments later, Neteyam enters.
The sight of him sends me to tears, and though the sobs hurt my sore body, I cannot stop them. The wound at my side isn't all that hurts - I am covered in bruises and cuts from falling off the ship when I was shot, and I am tired, my throat is dry, and I just want to see my family.
Neteyam drops to his knees by my side, and I see the tears in my eyes reflected in his.
I reach my hand up, cupping his cheek, and he covers his hand with mine, leaning his cheek into my palm.
"I thought you were going to die, Y/N," he says in a low, breathy voice. "I thought you were dead, when I saw you lying there."
Shaking my head, I try to muster a smile. "I would not leave you, or Ninan. You know this."
"I'll kill Lo'ak for risking your life."
"No, Neteyam. Lo'ak isn't to blame. I followed him on my own. He was just... being Lo'ak. He didn't think."
"His carelessness almost got you killed! Almost took Ninan's mother from him."
I wince at the harshness of his tone. "We'll speak of this later. Is Ninan sleeping?"
Neteyam nods. "In Kiri's arms. You should sleep now."
He lays down next to me on his side, pressing his forehead to my temple.
"You will bring me my son at first light," I whisper, but my eyelids are already drooping, and Neteyam is pulling a fur over us. I feel warm, and the pain begins to subside as sleep starts to overtake me. As always, I feel safe with Neteyam close to me; I know with him here, I will heal faster.
In the morning, I will hold my son, and Neteyam will forgive his brother - because that's what family does.
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luveline · 6 months
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so! we were talking about hockey!sirius a couple days ago soooooooo
i would love to request hockey!sirius flirting with a reader who is not yet his girlfriend. (bonus points if he does the lighting her cigarettes for her like i would die actually)
thank you for requesting! —hockey player!sirius asks you on a date. 1k
"Hey, you." 
You squeeze your box of cigarettes but manage to keep your flinch to yourself. "Sirius, you're like a ghost," you complain, letting your bag fall back behind you. 
"A fit one, at least?" he asks. "I've caught you, haven't I?" 
You fish your box of cigarettes from your bag guiltily. "Don't tell my coach and I'll give you one." 
"Give me two and I'll let you borrow my clipper."
"A clipper," you drawl, drawing two cigarettes from the box to pass him. "I didn't think you were rich." 
"You know, my parents are loaded." 
You put a cigarette between your lips and shove the box down the depths of your bag, your dirty little secret hidden once again. Sirius knows because he's the only other idiot sportsman at your rink stupid enough to smoke at practice. "Weird brag." 
"Well," —he bobs his head from left to right gently, inhaling sharply as he lights the end of his cigarette, breathing through it, "it would be if I spoke to them." 
"Oh, shit. Sorry." 
"Don't be sorry," he says, his cigarette held carelessly between his lips as he ushers you forward. He's much more careful about you, holding your arm in a gentle hand as he lights the end of your cigarette, and nodding encouragingly when you inhale, his eyes a stony grey where they meet yours. "I brought it up." His hand coasts briefly up to your shoulder before he takes a step back. "I like telling you things." 
You lean against the wall and Sirius leans beside you. The outside of the rink is boring, a huge parking lot full of cars going in and out. Sirius' car, a dark cherry red oldsmobile with more scratches than paint, is parked not too far from where you're standing, a dent the size of a sledgehammer head in the driver's side that wasn't there before. "What happened to the vampmobile?" you ask. 
"James. I bet you never would've guessed," he says sarcastically.  
"I wouldn't have. He's a sweetheart. I'd be much more tempted to think you did it doing doughnuts on the industrial–" 
Sirius cuts you off, flicking the tip of his cigarette with a put upon attitude, "I don't do doughnuts. You think so little of me, sweetpea." 
He says sweetpea like you're the cutest thing on earth. You nudge him mildly and stub your cigarette out on top of the square black bin, half-smoked. "I better go home."
"Working tonight?" 
"No, I finally have a night off. Got a ton of stuff I need to do, but it shouldn't take long." You lift your arms into the air and stretch your sore shoulders, angled away from him to avoid giving him a show of the world's ugliest yawn.  
"Wanna get something to eat?" 
You hurt your jaw trying to stop your yawn midway through, arms falling flat to your thighs. Sirius isn't looking at you, gaze on the vamp mobile, smoke curling like a ribbon between his fingers. He has nicely shaped hands, very boney in the sharp way but still rather inviting, when you think about it. 
"Now?" you ask. 
"Tonight. If you want to, I'll take you out." He takes another drag, eyes flaring in time with the ash. "Don't act like you don't know," he says through the exhale. 
"Know what, Black?" you ask. 
"That I'm mad for you." 
You're suddenly and deeply aware of how you look, a mess after practice, hair straggled from its styling, face without any make up. There's nothing wrong with the way you look, but when you picture someone on Sirius' arm, it's never you. You fiddle with your jacket zipper, voice low, "I didn't know that." 
"I don't believe you." He's not accusatory, simply stating a fact. Sirius stubs his cigarette out next to yours, black hair ruffled in the wind, the scent of him adrift. He smells like smoke, of course, but there's a nicer woodiness beneath it. "I'll take the way you're looking at me as a solid maybe. You can text me." 
"No, I mean. Yeah. I mean–" You stammer as Sirius laughs warmly. "I'll text you. If you really are mad for me." 
"Want me to prove it?" he asks. 
Your lips part of their own accord. You look like a deer-in-the-headlights for sure, completely stopped by the implication. Even the thought of a kiss from his has your pulse capering hard. His hands cold from the rink pressed gently to the warmer stretch of your collar, slipping into the hemline, curling behind your neck as he steps close. You can't summon the kiss itself, too close to bursting, because what would you do? Where would you put your hands? Is there a specific place? 
"Don't look so nervous," he murmurs, his eyebrows pinching ever so slightly together. "I'm not gonna jump you." 
"It's not like that, I just don't know…" 
"About us?" he asks. "That's why I'm trying to ask you on a date. You can make your mind up about us and I'll help you bulk for sectionals."
"I don't need bulking," you say. 
He laughs. "No, you're perfect. Beside your bad habit, that is. We have that in common." Sirius steps forward, pauses. "Can I kiss your cheek?" 
His asking is the last straw. You're melted like a slush curl. 
"Yeah," you say weakly. 
Sirius kisses your cheek gently, and then he tucks his face against the side of your head and gives you a hug. "Text me, yeah? If you want." He peels back to grin at you. "I have to go back in. Elite league won't win itself. Talk to you later, doll."
You watch him retreat back into the centre, not sure what you want to do first; text him, or smoke another cigarette. In the end, you decide against the cigarette. If he's really going to prove how mad he is for you, you don't want to taste like smoke. 
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leftistfeminista · 6 months
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Israel tied a Palestinian coed into a banana position during her menstrual period while denying her underwear or tampons
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In a long corridor, Israeli intelligence operatives were standing and clapping sarcastically as jailers were taking handcuffed Mays Abu Ghosh to a military interrogation cell.
“They were mocking me, saying I'd die in the interrogation,” Mays told Anadolu Agency.
Amid her menstrual cycle, Mays was tied to the chair by her hands and ankles and stretched her body into a banana shape for hours, making it impossible to sleep.
“I wasn’t able to walk, the jailers were holding me to the cell,” Mays added.
May's hands were constantly bleeding due to the shackles. She refused to be subjected to another military interrogation session, so the intelligence officer grabbed Mays and slammed her against the wall.
Mays continued: "They didn't provide me with any tampons or undergarments I needed in this delicate period for any woman in the world."
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33 days of torture
Gosh, 24, of the Qalandiya refugee camp, is a journalism and media student at Birzeit University who was arrested on Aug. 29, 2019, and then subjected to horrific torture in solitary confinement for 33 days at Al-Maskobya Interrogation Center.
During her confinement at the notorious facility, she lost 12 kilograms (26.5 pounds).
“The officers were constantly trying to convince me that I had gone insane and was trying to kill myself, so they brought social workers, but they were actually other officers,” Mays recounted.
When those officers were in the cell with Mays, she showed them the wounds and bruises she suffered as a result of the abuse she had been subjected to and asked them: "Who wants to kill another person? I'm a student, and you're detaining me."
Mays frequently asked for painkillers to alleviate the pains in her head and muscles, but she was usually denied.
During the interrogation sessions, the officers deliberately forced Mays to hear the screams of detainees subjected to physical torture in military interrogation, while also threatening her that what would happen with her would be even more horrible.
“They threatened me that I'd be out here either dead or paralyzed, and they threatened to rape me too,” she said.
Mays was not allowed to wear a hair scrunchie because the officers were constantly beating, punching, kicking, smacking, and pulling her hair.
“I was tearing the plastic bag they put breakfast food in and using its strips to tie down my hair, but they were taking it from me,” Mays recounted.
Mays was kept in one of the cells for several days with a bug rat that lurked in the sewers and attacked her while she was sleeping, indicating a high risk of infection transmission to Mays.
She was completely isolated for 33 days, unable to communicate with any lawyers or human rights groups. She lived in terrible conditions due to the constant torture she was subjected to, as well as the filthy cell where sewage overflowed, soaking her thin sleeping mattress.
Horrific tales of Palestinian girls in Israeli jails
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PALESTINIAN journalism student Mays Abu Ghosh has been tortured in an Israeli jail, her family alleged today as human rights groups warn of systemic abuse of prisoners by authorities.
Her mother said Ms Abu Ghosh’s face was “full of bruises” and barely recognisable after 30 days of interrogation at the notorious Moscovia detention centre in Jerusalem.
“I could not hug her due to the pain hurting all of her body,” she explained.
Ms Abu Ghosh, who is studying at Bir Zeit University, has been held in prison since August 28 when she was detained along with five other young Palestinians.
She has been campaigning against the torture and treatment of Palestinian prisoners held in Israeli jails.
According to Addameer, Ms Abu Ghosh was forced into a number of stress positions during her interrogation, including the so-called “banana.”
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