© Jib PETER All rights reserved

Website - Facebook - Prints - Instagram

Small Cat in a Big World

Polaroid

snowdrop 

february 2019.

Today I had to leave the bookshop I work in because I was in too much pain. I felt really bad for leaving mid-shift but I could not stand up properly and I was breathing really heard. Luckily my boss let me go home without hesitation and I walked out of the store with my head lowered and trying to be brave with every step. I was on the verge of crying and I was scared of meeting anyone I knew. The pain hit me during my lunch break. It was a firelike pressure in my belly and I felt warm and the intensity of the pain made me nauseous. I locked myself in the bathroom lying down on the floor trying to do some yoga moves that has aided me before. It felt horrible, I knew my lunchbreak would finish soon. I just wanted to fix me and feel less. I pulled myself off the floor hoping whatever I had done horizontally had improved my vertical body but the pain persisted and I was breathing harder. I am defeated! I had to leave the breakroom and into the store, at the busiest time of the day, not showing pain and at the same time holding back tears. This has happened a couple of times before but it must have been at least a year ago since the last time. When this used to happen, the pain paired with the post-cancer concerns was a strike to my core. A train of the worst thoughts always enter in trances of pain; is the cancer back? The pain reminded me of a time just days after receving the bad news. Bryn cooked me some dinner days before I was sceduled for surgery and after eating for a few moments I found myself wallowing in pain under the dining table (by then my tumor had blocked my colon and I had to be hospitalised). I remember that pain too well. I felt it a bit today and it scared me more than I like to admit. I am not sure why my gut wrenched me from the inside today. Was it to remind me that I can still have cancer? Why is my body doing this to me? Even though it feels like a long time ago already, its less than two years since I finished my chemo treatment. I have had plenty of gut pains since and I thought I had learned ways to feel better. Nothing I did today felt better. I felt completely under siege by my own body. I could not command, convince or manipulate my body into betterness. The painkillers I took had no effect. I just rolled around in bed, moving my body around to find a hint of a soothing position. For the first time since my surgery I wish I had stronger pain killers. I got rid of the stronger prescripted pain killers when I finished my treatment because I hated them. They represented the sick me and I wanted to removed them from my home. Now I wish I had saved them. After hours of mysterious pain convulsions I was able to breathe easiere and uncurl the ball of agony I had folded myself into. Pain is complicated. I am not sure what instigated my opus of pain today, but I am sure my thoughts and gut trauma made it a lot worse. In a few months I am going back to the hospital for another follow up control. I am glad to be examined and to make sure everything is ok, but I hate it.. so much!

Avery, 2018

When I was planning out this shoot I had all these shots I really wanted to get, I got exceptionally lucky and locations I didn’t think we’d ever get to shoot in we got to shoot. Four years later however the shot I love most is one that I never expected to work as well as it did, one I just threw in because I thought… maybe it could look cool. I never took this project to its conclusion, I made some mistakes and I kept trying to fit it into a box even when I knew it didn’t exactly fit. Looking back now this inspires me to try something I haven’t done since… build a character with my collaborator and shoot it in a more cinematic way, just like little snippets, a small portion of a story, I don’t have to tell the whole thing.

Priya Panchwadkar Seeks Out Unique Frames of Mumbai at Night

Take a look at the bustling city of Mumbai from an often unseen perspective.

“I like to get nervous,” says Mumbai-based photographer and Yoga instructor Priya Panchwadkar, about why she chose film over digital when photographing her bustling city. She thrives on the unforgiving nature each frame of a film roll produces when she’s out and about. And she wants the world to see how Mumbai looks at night, viewed through her imaginative eyes. (more…)

View On WordPress

Analogues I took at Versailles last Summer

Potpećka pećina, Užice

©Philomena Famulok

.

my sweet lamb babies sunbathing in may, 35mm

From a test roll

Washington | 2023

winter sun (Kodak Portra 160)

instagram

Some of my favorite snapshots from Midtvesten Festen 2023

It was such a lovely dream in the heated hazy valley - see you in 2025

Carolina, Aurora, Rain, & Alex 2018-2020

The best piece of artistic advice I ever received was to take each draft, each finished product and put them away. Don’t look at it for a day, a week, a month, even a year and then come back to it. I did this often with my writing at times I would blush with embarrassment, at other times I’d beam in awe that I actually wrote these words. This advice is hardly ground breaking, and every field has some version of the same advice, but it works. With my photography I always try to do the same. By the time I shoot, develop, scan, and edit each photograph has become precious and throwing away any but the obvious duds is a struggle. During the Summer of 2020 I decided to go through my entire archive and pull only the best photographs, and number them. I felt this shot of Carolina didn’t fit with the tone of the others. The image of Aurora with the body suit half way down cast mostly in shadow lacked the shock value of what we shot that day. And this beautiful picture of Rain’s hand on the chest of Alex was overshadowed by some of the other really striking images we ended up with. Some of these images we mostly locked away in my negative binder for more than a few years before I began to feel like I’d misjudged some of those photos. I went back, looked them over again, I found all these pictures that I was seeing with totally new eyes. Whatever it was that made me put them away in the first place was gone and I was looking at them anew.