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#anakin needs therapy
sabictlali · 2 months
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Ahem
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plaidposh · 1 year
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For @tarmaarn ⭐️
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cptsd-skywalker · 6 months
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Real talk rant:
I swear to god if I hear ONE more fucking post along any of the lines of “slavery for Anakin wasn’t really that bad” I’m going to lose my FUCKING mind. NEVER EVER under ANY circumstances is human trafficking “not that bad”. EVER. I WILL NOT MESS WITH YALL. One more fucking person has the balls to claim that to me and I will roast the ever loving shit out of them on public main. Fuck anyone who has the audacity to say stupid shit like that.
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aurora-starwars · 1 year
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Ooh I just saw a cute little AU prompt I wanna see if it can be used! So it’s the soulmate au where the reader shares eye color in one eye with their soulmate. I’d love it if you could do an angsty fluffy Anakin x reader would mate au with Anakin in his revenge of the sith era? Also, I was wondering if you write for Stargate or know any writer who does on here? There’s not enough Stargate love and it makes me sad 😞. Thanks lovely!
The Look of Terror In Your Eyes
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Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x fem!reader; Soulmate au!!!!
Summary: Reader is one of padmé’s handmaidens, and while joining her on Mustafar, she finds a familiar pair of eyes. Eyes that shouldn’t be as red as they are…
Word Count: 2.6k
Warnings: fire, sobbing, sith, evil anakin, star wars stuff, related violence (not really) Idk, you let me know…
A/n: Thank you so much for waiting and requesting! Took a while to get out but I was feeling the angst after ep 7 of The Last Of Us. 😭😭😭 Also, sorry, I don’t know any writers for stargate! i had to look it up 😭😭, but if anyone has any recommendations, comment them. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, sorry for the long break y’all!!! <33333333
P.s: I love the soulmate au trope!!!!! <3
Masterlist
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[Name] always loved the idea of a soulmate. The mere thought of a perfect person for her, a soul that perfect for hers sounded marvellous. Two hearts connected by the grace of the universe, or as the Jedi believe, the force. Many people debated the origin of this special connection between organisms; specifically humanoids. Some thought it was their planet’s deity that blessed–and in some cases, cursed– the living beings with companionship, others thought it wasn’t real, that it was all just some trick of a decease or parasite. But most have concluded and agreed that it was the work of the seemingly magic that holds the universe together; the force.
[Name] was a big fan of any theory or story she could hear about soulmates. Free time was spent asking the people around her about their second eye. She always wondered how other’s knew which eye was whose, and she was always met with, “You only know when you meet them, when you lock eyes.” [Name] often liked to imagine what her soulmate looked like. Which eye would be her soulmate’s and which would be her own? What would her soulmate look like with a body around her matching eyes? Would they be brunette? Blond? Would they be a man? Be a woman? What would it look like when they eventually locked eyes? Would their eyes fill with the amount of love [Name] knew that she would feel for them?
Thoughts of her special someone flooded her mind every moment she had time to think. And as much as she loved to think about it, she hardly had time too. [Name] was a busy girl as she was a handmaiden of Padmé and often was travelling, doing one of the other girls make up or switching places with Padmé in order to keep her safe. The senator was the girls main priority and honestly, she was their pride and joy.
This busy job didn’t keep [Name]’s thoughts from wandering at night and like a magnet, her mind would gravitate to her soulmate. She only began to think more about it after a trip to Naboo, where [Name] learned of two of Padmé’s previous handmaidens who were soulmates and had met each other through the former Queen’s protection program. While a wonderful story, [Name] couldn’t help but think about if she would meet her soulmate on the job, if ever. It was a large universe and more often than not, soulmates die before they are ever able to meet the soul destined for them.
Days in the senate were quiet and beyond mundane. And while every once and a while Padmé and her causes would get a win, those times were few and far in-between. Majority of days were spent in the rooms that were provided for the senators, pouring over documents and finding information on how to fix the wrongs of the galaxy, diplomatically.
But these issues are never resolved overnight, and after years of tireless hours of dedicated work within the senate, [Name] found herself less and less hopeful of the wonderful life she pictured outside of the senate. She dreamed of a life with her soulmate, back on Naboo, where she could be with her family and friends. Somewhere nice, somewhere where she could live out the rest of her life out in peace surrounded by everything she has ever loved.
Those dreams always seemed silly once she was sat in the senate, watching over Padmé time and time again, no hope that this life would cease. That the war would end and they could go back home once they finally had did all they could in repairing the senate. That [Name] could finally live out her happily ever after with the one she dreams of, but knows nothing of. Nothing but what one of their eye’s looks like.
Although soulmates could come as romantic or platonic, [Name] never cared. [Name] would be happy to not be lonely. To have someone by her side for the rest of her life. That was all [Name] dreamed of. Not being alone.
That was why she took the job after all. Of course, when the former Queen calls, it is hard to decline the honour of protecting the one and only Padmé Amidala. But that deal becomes a whole lot sweeter when there is a promise of a group of girls accompanying you. A promise that you will not be alone. That was very incising for [Name].
And while most of the senate meetings were snore inducing and late nights reading and rereading documents was beyond tedious, it was made incredibly better by the girls who had also agreed to lay their lives of the line for Padmé. They had become a sisterhood of sorts, a unbreakable friendship formed between them and there was an unspoken understanding that while they worked with Padmé, they were in for anything. That meant life or death, they stood together in order for Padmé to prosper.
That security meant everything to [Name]. In fact, that was everything to [Name]. Since she joined Padmé on her trip to Coruscant all of those years ago, [Name] has practically forgotten who she used to be, and was convinced that a part of her lied in this job. And that part would be ripped from her if she ever left the job, and she would be left alone.
Her dreams of meeting her soulmate never died though. In fact, that is what got her through every day. Every day that she spent with the people she loved so much, every day she dreaded them being taken from her. Thoughts and dreams of a perfect world, with her perfect person. No war, no slavery, no crime, just two souls meeting and living out the rest of their lives, just one day at a time.
But as she stood in front of the mirror of the fresher, all of those thoughts flew out the window. Traveling with Padmé as her escort, [Name] ended up on a J-type Naboo star skiff headed towards Mustafar. [Name] didn’t know why they were going to Mustafar or what would be waiting for them on the old mining planet, but she did know that she wasn’t ready.
It didn’t matter what met them on Mustafar, because all that really mattered to [Name] in the moment, was her reflection. Or more specifically, her right eye that had turned a gnarly, fresh blood red, with irises the colour of acid.
It only took a matter of moments before [Name] found tears running down her face. She pulled at the skin of her cheeks, moving in closer to look if what she had seen was right before closing her eyes. It was a vicious loop; pull, look, cover. She wasn’t sure how long this went on for, finding herself heaving on the floor what felt like a century later. What was she going to do?
She had heard of Sith eyes. Many had, especially if one had spent any time on Coruscant. The tales of Jedi going to the dark side were relatively popular in the upper-levels of Coruscant. The nasty evil that had become a cataclysmic emergency in galaxy had ruthlessly killed millions with no regard for life. That was of course until the Jedi Order vanquished them. The nasty plague that was the Sith had been thought to have been defeated, extinct, as of many, many years ago. But yet, her [Name] was, with her right eye as bright as the sun, glowing so bright, it was as if it was haunting her.
What does this mean?
Am I going to die?
Am I Sith?
Will I hurt innocent people?
Am I evil?
Thoughts infiltrated her mind without mercy and terror tore through her brain like a violent hurricane. Her mind was spinning.
Millions of lives have been lost at the hands of the Sith. Millions of innocent caught in the reign of terror the Sith brought where ever they went. How could [Name] be like them?
Then it hit her like a freighter.
Her soulmate.
Her soulmate, the one she had dreamed and fantasized about her whole life, a Sith. Pure evil, working for causes that only bring harm to the universe. Lying on the floor, [Name]’s sobs wracked through her body, the only rest she got is when she started to violently leave heave before more tears and loud sobs found their way from her lungs.
It made sense though, she was never a Jedi, never force sensitive. So why would her pair of eyes be the distinct aggressive colour of the force sensitive Sith?
The Sith wasn’t her, so that only left her soulmate. Her wonderful, beautiful soulmate of which she has never met. And as she curls deeper into herself, [Name] questions whether she would actually meet them.
And whether or not she wants too.
Just as [Name]’s sobs and shook started to subside, [Name] felt the familiar jolt of the ship landing. A cool chill shot up her back as she made her way to her feet. Looking into the mirror once more, she found that both the eyes were back to how she remembered them to be. What they had always been her entire life. Wiping her eyes, [Name] tried to clear all evidence of her tears and break down.
[Name] closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. The sound of the ships engine shutting off reminded her of where she was. Right, Mustafar; the place where Padmé was rushing to in order to help a friend. Letting out a breath, she made a promise to herself to help Padmé out with whatever.
[Name] stood next right next to Padmé as the hatch lowered and the red hazed glow of the lava coated planet overwhelmed her vision. As she was momentary blinded, Padmé ran down the ramp towards a cloaked figure. From the distance, [Name] couldn’t hear much but she could make out a faint conversation as she slowly approached.
“I saw your ship, what are you doing out here?” The brunette man spoke as he leaned into the hug Padmé was giving him, before pulling away and holding on to the sides of her arms.
“I was worried about you, Obi-wan told me terrible things,” Padmé looked up at him, and from her tone of voice, something [Name] knew very well, it was evident that Padmé was very upset.
“What things?” He questioned, not harshly, but certainly not in a tone of voice one should use with a senator.
“He said that you’ve turned to the dark side. That you…” Padmé began, before pausing, struggling to find the strength within her to whisper the words.
“Killed younglings,” She muttered in horror. Terror was set in her eyes, but there was not quiver of disbelief in her tone, no indicator to [Name] that this man wouldn’t do such a thing.
“Obi-wan is trying to turn you against me,” The man spoke after a moment, his voice deep with the familiar feel of unnerve that Padmé and her handmaidens have become so used to in the senate.
“He cares about you, Anakin,” Padmé argued, although it didn’t sound like an argument, more like a plea. “He wants to help you.”
Anakin’s eyebrows furrowed, “Nothing can save me, only my new powers can do that.”
Padmé took a step back and [Name] took two steps forward.
“At what cost?” Padmé looked into his eyes once again, and as [Name] could see, she was begging. “You’re a good person. Don’t do this.”
“I am becoming more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of,” Anakin's gaze was intense, his eyes narrowed on Padmé as if at any point she would stab him and run away.
“I am more powerful than the chancellor. I-I can over throw him,” Anakin began taking steps forward and quickly Padmé started taking steps back.
“And together you and I can rule the galaxy, make things the way we want them to be,” Anakin stops moving, watching Padmé eagerly in hopes that she will agree.
Taking another step back, Padmé shakes her head, “I don’t believe what I am hearing. Obi-wan was right. You’ve changed.”
Anakin scuffs, shaking his head before raising his finger, “I don’t wanna hear any more about Obi-wan. The Jedi turned against me, don’t you turn against me,” That sounded like a command.
“I don’t know you anymore. Anakin, you’re my best friend, you are like my brother,” Padmé plead, her voice broken and littered with heartbreak. It might not have sounded like it, but those few words meant everything to Padmé. Those words were like a code that only one of her handmaidens could crack. That [Name] could crack.
The words whispered of betrayal, of heart break and of a familiar love that she cannot part with. She truly loved Anakin, the sister in her seemed to shine through as she spoke with the man.
“You’re going down a path I can’t follow.”
“Because of Obi-wan?”
“Because of what you’ve done,” Padmé sobbed, her voice raising as she neared her breaking point. [Name] finally made her way behind Padmé as she spoke again, “Because of what you plan to do.”
And as [Name] laid her hand on Padmé’s shoulders, bring her back slightly, Anakin’s eyes were back on the ship. [Name] rubbed Padmé’s arms gently in attempts to comfort the distressed girl and as she did so, it was almost as if she could feel the rage from the man behind her. [Name] tried to pay no mind, busying herself with the sobbing girl before her. Padmé’s head raised, looking up from the spot she marked on the ground, and gasped as she made eye contact with you.
“Liar!” Anakin yelled, bring the attention back to him. And when [Name] eyes drifted over to the simmering man, she found herself looking into a very familiar set of eyes.
Her eyes.
The same pair of eyes that stare back at her in her reflection every day, mirrored.
A gasp left [Name]’s throat, bringing his attention to her. As his gaze connected with hers, his eyes faded from one red, and one of [Name]’s to just infectious red. A wave of comfort went through [Name]’s body as she stared into the eyes that she has been dying to meet.
But instead of relief, or joy, [Name] only felt gutted. The harsh heat from the surrounding lava did nothing to sooth the soaring stinging in her eyes as she watches the man before her look behind her again. She hardly even notices when another man, a Jedi, passes her. As angry words were exchanged and she found herself losing focus, standing by the side as she watches the Jedi and the Sith duel to the death.
Her world just flipped its axis, leaving her body to adjust. Emotionally, physically. The biological reaction to meeting one’s soulmate was to release serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin, all chemicals in one’s brain responsible for happiness. But in this moment, those hormones were only adding to the increasing feeling of emptiness growing in her heart.
She had just watched her supposed soulmate turn to the dark side before her eyes. Choosing to assist the death of others rather than assist the quality of living for others. Everything [Name] and Naboo has ever help to fix in the senate could be destroyed in a snap of her own soulmate’s fingers.
How was she going to live her life know what she was tied to? Would he come back to the light? Would he die? Would she?
Or would she give up everything she has ever known for the chance of a life partner? Someone who will never leave her.
[Name] drops to her knees, a suppressed sob managed its way to the surface, bringing sharp tears from her eyes.
The famous Anakin Skywalker, former Jedi knight, [Name]’s soulmate, leaving tears in her eyes. And as she watches the blurry two duel, she finds that not only is there tears in her eyes, but also terror.
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A/n: I got a little carried away with this, and it might have gotten a little off topic, but I hoped you liked it. I haven’t edited it yet, but I will get to it! Thank you so much for reading and waiting!!! <333333 Let me know what you think! Love y’all to the stars!
Master-list
Taglist: @luvlykrispy
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I feel like this post is missing tags! I’ll probably snatch some of the reblogged ones 😌
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glazecaramel · 2 months
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WAIT
HOW THIS ONE IS NEVER CROSSED MY TIMELINE?!!!
HELLO ANAKINN🥹
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asocial-skye · 11 months
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i love how anakin skywalker spent the last thirty minutes of revenge of the sith going like this:
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the similarities of these scenes haunt my inner being… the emotion in the eyes of obi wan and ahsoka are really something else. they have seen their truest friend who they both thought they abandoned turn into a monster. i mean they have both been riddled with guilt about what’s happened to anakin… ahsoka “i won’t leave you, not this time.” and obi wan “i’m sorry anakin, for all of it.” I honestly don’t think either one of them thought anakin made the dark side choice alone, they both always felt like they were apart of the reason he turned. these story arcs and character arcs are some of the saddest of the star wars franchise.
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weixuldo · 8 months
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Enigma// ch 22
anakin x reader
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a/n: ok big news in this chapter….ngl it’s kinda long and wordy, but i wanted it to b that way- hopefully it’s not too hard to understand eeek- i also just wanna thank all of u for reading :)
it’s time to go home, but is it even home anymore?
warnings: cursing, alcohol abuse, hospitals, self hatred, depressive thoughts, existential news
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Anakin was finally being released from the hospital today and everyone was relieved. Though as the week progressed he became increasingly hostile with the staff. 
He was just ready to be home and be alone (relatively). 
Earlier in the week you had explained everything to him- what you felt, what you expected, and what you wanted to make this work.
Surprisingly he was quite compliant with your wishes which gave you great relief- you really did want him to better himself. 
His desire to be with you was insanely strong and he made sure you were serious when you said you would allow him back into your life several times.
He wasn’t going to mess up this time. 
Over the rest of the time there the two of you spent more time together having actual conversations and even laughing with each other again.
He was far sweeter to you and everything seemed to be going well; though he did need to work on how he treated others. 
For example…Today he was throwing a fit because he finally noticed his prosthetics weren’t in the room. 
“Where the fuck are my legs, its been a week, I want them back” he barked at one of the nurses who only came in to change his catheter. 
“Ben took them back to your place, he said you wouldn’t be needing them anytime soon and plus he didn’t want you to overexert yourself by attempting to walk around.” you interjected before the nurse could explain. 
She nodded at your explanation,
“What about my arms? Or would that be too much too?” he rudely remarked. 
“We have had to administer you lots of IV fluids, so your arms are pretty bruised from the needles. It would not be the most pleasant experience to wear your prosthetics at this moment-”
“But I can wear them?” he confirmed.
“Well, yes. But-”
“Anakin,” you snapped.
He turned his towards you to see you eyes glaring with warning as if to say “give it a rest”.
He sighed and left the topic alone, “nevermind, just do what you have to do”. 
The nurse finished up her duties and not long after the primary doctor that had been checking up on Anakin the last few days came in before the discharge.
“Good morning Mr. Skywalker, I bet you’re ready to go home” she greeted. 
“You have no idea,” Anakin responded. 
“Alright, I’ll try to get you out of here as quickly as I can- but before you go, some of your labs came back this morning and…we have some unfortunate news” the doctor with the clipboard in her hand said solemnly. 
“What is it?” Anakin asked, his excitement for going home subsiding momentarily. 
“There is no treatment we could give to postpone the process… but we just wanted to let you k-“
“what is it” Anakin demanded.
“Your liver is failing”
Your stomach dropped.
“it’s fatal”
You let a small, “What?” slip and the doctor diverted her attention towards you. 
“Yes, unfortunately there is nothing we can do other than put him on the donors list, but that is not a guarantee…”
You wanted to ask if there was anything else that you could do to slow the process, when Anakin asked;
“How long?”
“Well the list is quite long, bu-”
Anakin shook his head, “no- how long do I have?”
You could feel your heart racing… No.
Anakin couldn’t… This couldn’t be happening. 
You walked over to the small couch in the room and sat down- Anakin looked over to you with a worried look. 
“Are you alright, mam?” she asked, ready to intervene if there was an issue. 
“Yea, I’m fine” you assured, but Anakin wasn’t quite sold.
“y/n…” he called with a concerned expression.
In return you nodded, “I’m ok, Anakin, truly”.
You saw him glance down at your small bump before focusing his gaze back to the woman in the white coat. 
“Well, as you were asking earlier, it's really anywhere between 5 months to 2 years; it's really different for each case”.
“Is it almost guaranteed I will make it at least four more months?” Anakin asked. 
The doctor nodded, “most likely, if you maintain a healthy lifestyle and follow the prescribed orders, you should be just fine ‘til then''.
“Alright” Anakin sighed before looking over to you, “I just want to make sure I’ll be around to see our baby”. 
Your eyes widened ever so slightly; that was the first time he had ever referred to the child inside of you as “our”... plural.
Him and you.
This was his child and he was finally accepting it.
As much as that made your heart happy, he still needed to prove that he could be mature, show growth, and apologize for everything he had done… and you meant everything. 
“Of course Mr. Skywalker, just follow the hospital’s instructions and you should be able to meet your little one” the doctor gave a small smile before heading for the door. 
“Once again, I’m sorry that I had to be the bearer of bad news…and bad news so late… I wish the two of you the best”.
Soon, it was just you and Anakin again; the silence was deafening… Anakin was dying and he finally admitted that he was having a baby with you.
What were you going to do?
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The next few days were quite slow; you had been staying with Anakin to help him with anything he needed, but since he the news about his liver , he really hadn’t gotten out of bed. 
It seemed as if all of his desire to be (frustratingly) independent went out the window. 
He was definitely depressed. 
You really were only there to give him his medications, wash, use the restroom, and to prepare food for him. Other than those minimal tasks, you had nothing to do but worry about Anakin. 
He was uncharacteristically quiet; it wasn’t like he talked alot before, but he would at least make a quip or even complain about something…but he was giving you nothing.
You worried about what was going on inside his head- Ben had told you Anakin struggled with issues of self worth and unhealthy thoughts when he was feeling down.
Today was no different, you had helped him transfer to his chair so he could at least get out of his stuffy room for a moment while you tidied up, dusted, and changed the sheets. 
You came back out to start making lunch and saw that he had put on his arms when you weren’t watching- not that you wouldn’t have helped him. You sighed and chose to not address it (better to pick your battles). 
Anakin sat uncomfortably as you prepared lunch in the small kitchen; his arms were rubbing on his bruised stumps and the weight was making his arms ache. He should have just left them off. 
You set a plate in front of him before you went back to the kitchen to grab some of his medications. 
“I'll be back- I’m going to finish up in your room, alright?” you said; only eliciting a small hum from the man. 
He sat emotionlessly at the kitchen table with an untouched turkey sandwich. He was having difficulty grappling with his mortality and felt even worse because you were cooped up in his small ass apartment having to help him with everything. 
Once you finished in his room he asked to be taken back. You stole a glance at his plate still full of food. 
“Anakin, you have to eat” you sighed tiredly. 
“I’m not hungr-”
“Anakin you’ve said that the past three meals- you need to eat” 
He looked up at you; your head was in your hand and you massaged your temple with closed eyes. He was causing you distress- just like always…
“Sorry” he said quietly as he bit into the sandwich; he was going to finish this thing for you. He needed to try… for you.  
You thanked him for eating and followed him back to his room to help him back into bed. Before you could leave again, he asked for you to join him; just to have a moment off of your feet.
Of course you obliged 
It was an odd feeling being next to him again… you couldn’t remember the last time the two of you relaxed together at the house. It had to have been before the fight. 
Not long after you laid down, you couldn't help but cuddle up to him. It had been so long since you felt his comforting warmth- you missed it. 
For the first time in weeks you felt like the two of you may be able to be ok again. No matter Anakin’s health complications, you still wanted things between you to be restored to how they were (at least relatively). 
Maybe his liver complications were contributing to your desire to make amends- if something happened, you would have ended on bad terms (or at-least not on the terms you wanted).
His sadly apparent mortality was weighing on you; you needed to make sure he felt cared for and loved, if his life was coming to an end…
After around an hour of comfortable silence, he asked if you wanted to go to the living room and put on the TV.
As much as you would rather had stayed there with him, he probably asked to watch something to distract his existential mind. So without protest, you rose to your feet once more and helped him into his chair.
You took a seat in the recliner and he took a perch on the couch; some show he had been watching was on in the background as you scrolled mindlessly on your phone. 
Out of nowhere, Anakin spoke;
“I’m gonna fuck up that kid” 
“What?”
“If i even live to see ‘em…I just mess everything up, I don’t want to ruin that kid before they’ve even got a chance…”
“Anakin, you aren’t going to mess up the kid, what are you talking about?” you said, placing your phone down on the end table near the recliner. 
For a few moments Anakin was silent and still; he looked as if he were contemplating something. You debated going over to the couch to take a seat by him, but he began to speak, so you stayed put. 
“Why are you still here?” he asked, not in an accusing way, more like a desperate plea. 
“What do you mean?”
He huffed and turned his head to the side, “After everything that’s happened- everything i’ve done… why do you still stay?”.
Your face fell. 
Yes, he was absolutely awful to you and you shouldn’t blindly forgive him, but you knew why he was the way he was, and you could see his sincerity. It hurt your heart that he felt unworthy of love.
“Anakin…” you said softly, “look at me please?”.
He kept his head turned from you, “I-I cant”.
You sighed and got up to sit beside him on the couch. He flinched when you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“I stay because I care for you… I still love you, Ani” you hadn’t said those words in a long time. 
He bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. Maker, he hated being vulnerable, but he couldn’t help the rush of emotions that took him over when you said those three words.
You heard him sniffle and began to rub his back. It was a hard thing to see; instead of a grown man, he seemed like a scared little boy; the way he tried to close himself off by shielding his body, his silent indications of tears… your heart broke just a little.
He had baggage, a fuck ton of it. But that didn’t mean you didn’t want to be there to help him lighten the load.
You rested your head on his shoulder and stayed like that for a moment trying to think about what you should say; when you finally had something, he had already turned towards you. 
His beautiful blue eyes brimmed with tears ready to fall, he bit his bottom lip, and his brows wavered as he drew them together.
He wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. You reached out a tender hand to caress his flushed cheek but he backed away and shook his head.
“Ani…” you called. 
“W-Why do you want me?” he choked out.
After he said it his eyes widened and he drew his mouth into a thin line, as if acting like he didn’t say it would mean that he didn’t just vocalize his insecurities. 
“I don’t understand” 
He exhaled and slouched a little before looking at you again, “Why? Out of everyone in the world…..y/n- You could have anyone you wanted- someone whole.”
You knew he was referring to his emotional and physical state. 
“You are young, talented, beautiful, and kind… so incredibly kind. So, why me?”.
You tilted your head to the side with a endearing expression.
“Because I love you”
“I’m pathetic Y/N… I know it’s cliche as fuck for me to say this, but you’re too good for me.” he sniffled.
“People know I'm different, no matter how hard I try to look normal when I walk, or do daily tasks- They can tell I'm not the same. A-and the people who do know me and stick around, like Ben, Satine, Rex, Ahsoka-”
He paused to look at you and his tears spilled over.
“You.”
You knew he just needed to get his emotions out, so you refrained from interrupting him.
“I'm just an absolute asshole to, for no fuckin reason other than the fact that I hate myself and think that I’m just weighing you all down. Fuck! I’ve been weighing Ben and Snipps down since the accident and it only took me, what? Like three weeks? To go and bug you for help”.
He sobbed and rested his forehead in the palm of his mechanical hand. 
“I’m self destructive; I ruin my relationships, I waste everyone’s time and now, my behaviors are catching up with me- with my liver and it's no one's fault but my own. There is no one to blame except for myself, I couldn’t tear myself away from the goddamn bottle and now I'm gonna die from my own actions- not the bomb, not sustained injuries, but from drinking… I’M SO FUCKING STUPID!” he cried. 
“Anakin, you are not. You are human. And as much as I know you hate to admit it, you have emotions.” you finally spoke, as you resumed rubbing his back. 
“I-I can't do anything right-”
“I don’t need you to be perfect; no one is.”
Gently, you brushed a few stray strands of sandy locks out of his face; he still was looking forward at the wall.
“B-but me? Out of everyone-” he questioned with a pleading tone… he truly didn’t understand.
“I didn’t want anyone in the world. I just wanted you”
He pursed his lips into a thin line.
“I still just want you,” you admitted. 
His watery eyes widened as you placed a gentle hand on his damp cheek. 
“You need to be kinder to yourself. Addiction is hard, it's not just something you can will away and it’s not all your fault anakin. It's more complicated than that” you provided some insight to the man in front of you. 
“I-I’m sorry- I’m so sorry” he cried.
You drew him into your chest and the familiar weight of his polycarbonate arms wrapped loosely around your waist. 
“Shh, shh. It’s going to be alright Ani- We’ll all be here for you” you said, alluding to Ben, Ash, Satine, and yourself.
He whimpered as he tried to hold you tighter. 
“Everything is going to be alright…” you repeated, half trying to convince yourself too. 
“Everything is going to be alright…”
***
a/n: alrightyyyy, this one was kinda everywhere- sorry!! i hope the angst isn’t getting too old lmfaooo
taglist : @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote @poisonedsultana @imarimone12 @fallinlovewithevil @sythe-skywalker
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jedikaylin · 1 year
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Can’t stop thinking about this
Sad space boys are elite 🧎🏼‍♂️
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thisisarcanereverie · 2 years
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Moments (Anakin Skywalker x Reader)
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Hey, so this is my first Star Wars fic! I may get some things wrong with lore and how certain things work, but it's over 14k, filled with lots of fluff, angst, and smut so I don't know what to tell ya! I spent three days plus staying up to finish it so there may be a few mistakes.
WARNINGS/DISCLAIMERS: I don't own Star Wars nor most of these Characters. Master Kin is the only one. the story below contains Major Character death, mentions of torture, grief, smut (oral (fem receiving), hand jobs, nipple play, P in V sex (vanilla at first but the second one is like a twist cone situation), unprotected sex (don't be silly wrap your willy), pregnant sex, dirty talk (and a lot of it) (mainly from Anakin), porn with plot.) Angst, best friends to lovers situation, Anakin Skywalker being a daddy (no I will not apologize), Anakin Skywalker being a SIMP for his wife (reader), Anakin being a burnt out gifted kid with trauma, body worship.
There are moments in a person's life that they will never forget, even as age deteriorates their brain, those moments will remain. 
Anakin Skywalker will always remember the first day he met you.
It was the day he first arrived at Coruscant with Master Qui Gon and at the time his Padawan Obi Wan Kenobi. The sandy haired boy was cold, colder than he had ever been, and he was scared that the Order wouldn’t accept him, but most of all he missed his mother. He missed her warm embraces and her kind smile, he missed the way she brushed his hair away from his face, and her kisses on his forehead, he missed her the only way a child can miss their mother. He was shivering and trying to cover up his sniffles as he tried to be brave. For her. He was so focused on remaining brave that he didn’t register the sound of footsteps headed his way until he saw a pair of boot clad feet stop right in front of him. He looked up and saw you. You were slightly taller than him, perhaps older too, he wasn’t sure, but he did think you looked just like the angels he always dreamt about. 
“Are you cold?” Your voice was soft and kind as your eyes never left his. He nodded and sniffled again, not trusting his voice quite yet, you shrugged off your robe and held it out for him, “here take this.” Anakin hesitated at first, but your kind eyes allowed him to trust you. The fabric was thick and hung heavily off his shoulders. 
“Thank you.” Anakin said as he reached out his hand, “I’m Anakin Skywalker.” 
You accepted his small hand into yours. 
“I’m (Y/n).” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anakin replayed that memory every night he was away from you. For the last ten years all he could think about was you. Even when you both resided in the temple he made every attempt to spend as much time with you as he could. But missions were getting longer and becoming more frequent for the both of you so the time you spent together was cutting shorter and shorter as the Separatists were causing more trouble. It had been months since he last saw you, he worried about you while he was away or the other way around. A darker part of him wanted to blame the Council for taking up so much of your time, but he knew it was your duty as well as his. 
“Pack up Anakin,” Obi Wan said, already gathering his things from their camping site, “we’re going back to Coruscant. The mission is over and another is already awaiting us as soon as we arrive.” Anakin couldn’t help but groan as he proceeded to pack up his things as well. 
“Don’t complain Anakin,“ Obi warned as he finished packing waiting for his young padawan to finish packing up himself, “it could be worse.” 
“Oh yeah, how?” Anakin sassed, Obi did his best to hide the smug smile on his face. He was going to wait and surprise Anakin with the news until they got to the temple but decided against it.
“They won’t let Master Kin and his Padawan join us.” 
Anakin whipped his head to look at his Master, finding the relatively young man had no hints of dishonesty anywhere on his face. Excitedly, the young Padawan walked towards his Jedi Mentor. 
“Is it true Obi Wan,” asked Anakin hopefully, “(Y/n) will be joining us?”
“Control yourself my young Padawan,” Obi warned semi seriously, “your friend and her Master will be joining us on a mission regarding a Senator. The sooner we get to Coruscant the sooner we can get the debriefing over with and the more details we’ll have about the mission.” Before Obi Wan had even finished that sentence Anakin had packed up and was ready to go in record time. He was already practically running towards their ship which was still a few miles ahead. 
“C’mon Master!” Anakin exclaimed, “Don’t want to keep the Council waiting!” 
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Turns out they were on security detail for Senator Amidala, who was currently having attempts taken on her life. If it was just him and Obi-Wan, Anakin might have complained about how Jedi were above security detail. But since you were joining them, he decided to let it be. 
Anakin waited impatiently in the elevator with Obi-Wan, who by now was getting a little annoyed at the impatience of the man beside him who considers a brother. 
“You seem a little on edge.” Obi Wan observed. Anakin fidgets a little with his dark robes, trying to make himself a little more presentable. 
“Not at all.” He lied. Obi Wan scoffed. 
“I haven’t felt you this tense since we fell into that nest of Gundarks.” Obi wan remarked. Anakin looked at his Master with some laughter. 
“You fell into that nightmare Master,” Anakin laughed, “I rescued you, remember?”
“Oh…yes.” Obi laughed as he remembered that moment. He looked over to Anakin again, and mentally remarked on how well Anakin had grown up. He was taller now, taller than him, his baby face was no more and he had turned into a man, almost overnight. But Obi-Wan’s Padawan still had much to learn, Anakin was still impulsive and emotional. Much like now with small beads of sweat began to form on his forehead. 
“You’re sweating,” Obi wan calmly stated, “relax, take a deep breath.” 
“I haven’t seen her in almost a year, Master,” Anakin excitedly said, “and I haven’t seen Senator Amidala in ten.” From what Anakin could recall, he knew that Padme was a good queen to her people, and alright for a politician. If her plans for the senate went through it would take a load off of the Jedi Order and there would be more time to relax and more time for him to spend with you. 
A knowing smile rested on Obi Wan's face as he could practically read the thoughts going through Anakin’s mind right now. 
The elevator doors opened and they were immediately bombarded by Jar Jar who was thrilled to see them. Jar Jar shook their hands and led them to where you and Padme were currently looking over at the balcony. Anakin swears by the Maker that everytime he sees you, you become lovelier than when he last saw you. The setting sun illuminated you and gave you a sort of halo, while the breeze moved your hair ever slightly. Sunlight suited you well. 
“Mesa palos is here,” Jar Jar announced, “lookie, lookie senator! Desa Jedi arriven!”  
Anakin tears his eyes from you to look at Padme, who indeed was still a beauty. Her brown hair was done up and fine clothes adorned her. But she was nowhere near how beautiful you were to Anakin. 
You and Padme made your way to where Obi Wan and Anakin stood. Obi wan bowed as Anakin still looked at you, trying to contain his excitement at seeing you again. And from the looks of it, you were struggling to do the same as well. 
“It’s a great pleasure to see you again, milady.” Obi Wan greeted Padme and reached out a hand for her to shake. 
“It has been far too long Master Kenobi.” Padme shook his hand and said gracefully before looking over his shoulder to see a familiar mess of sandy hair. 
“Ani?” She asked in astonishment, “my goodness you’ve grown.”
“So have you,” Anakin said, “more beautiful I mean.” His blue eyes dart in your direction. 
“It’s been awhile Anakin.” You say as you reach out a hand, “how was your mission on Anison?” 
He takes your hand, “long and boring I’m afraid.” Anakin would tell you all about it later but for right now there were too many eyes and ears. He couldn’t say as he wished to, he couldn’t be too casual with you, despite how much he wanted to. With the way the group talked and smiled it almost felt like a reunion of sorts, despite the fact that you and Padme had never met before. Before long Obi Wan motioned for the three of you to sit on the couches and discuss business. Anakin knew he should be paying attention, and he was somewhat, but right now he just felt at peace; with you sitting beside him. 
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Anakin paced around the sitting room, for the past few weeks he’s not slept well. His dreams were filled of his mother, nothing new there, but now she was in pain; calling out to him but he couldn't reach her. It was a nightmare, at least, that’s what he tried to convince himself. Obi Wan was on patrol duty along with your master, so he was all alone. Or so he thought. 
“You look tired An,” Your voice brings him out of his head and back to where he wants to be. With you. 
“You don’t look too bad yourself, Angel.” He could see you try to stifle the blush that rose to your face to no avail. 
“If anyone caught you using that nickname they would get the wrong idea.” 
“We wouldn’t want that now do we?” Anakin teased. You decided to join him on the balcony, enjoying the night air for a moment before looking at him the way you used to when you were kids and he had a secret. Anakin sighed before looking back out to the city lights of Coruscant, he knew it was futile to evade your stare. 
“I don’t know why but I keep dreaming about her.” He finally gave in. 
“Your mother?” You asked gently to which he responded with a nod. You held his hand, your thumb
brushing over his knuckles. “Do you want to talk about it?” He shook his head as you told him it was alright, trusting that he would talk to you when he was ready. 
‘I’d much rather dream of you’, Anakin thought as you led him back inside where it was warmer. Knowing that even after ten years he never got used to the cold of this planet. The warmth of your hand and the gentleness of your eyes comforted him in ways you’ll never know. He couldn’t help but think that every time he was apart from you it only felt like he was half a person, but every touch, every kind word, every moment spent in your presence made him whole. You brought out a part of him he never knew he had, just being around you for even a moment was like breathing clean air for the first time. It was addicting. 
However, with every high there comes a low. Anakin would give anything to hold you, to have you in a way that was forbidden by the Jedi Order. Something in Anakin stirred as he thought of how ludicrous that law was, Jedi were encouraged to be compassionate, so why shouldn’t they be encouraged to love as well? Was it that far of a leap that compassion and love weren’t so different. 
“I just put the Senator to bed,” You said breaking him from his thoughts, “her and I discussed this and she came up with the idea to use her as a sort of bait. Luring the assassin into thinking that she is unguarded, I programmed R2 to notify us of an intruder immediately.” 
“It’s a risk.” Anakin said, almost contemplating if it was too much of one. 
“I know,” you said, “but don’t we want to catch the assassin so that she may go about her life?” Your logic was understandable. “With our talents combined we should be able to sense everything that goes on in her room.” 
“That’s true.” Anakin agreed, it’s something he would come up with on his own so of course he would agree. “But our Masters would have our heads if they knew.” 
“They’ll be on patrol for the next half hour I assume,” You said, “an hour and a half if they have a conversation.”
“They do love to talk don’t they?” Anakin mused as he sat on the cerulean sofa and you followed. 
“I believe they love to hear themselves talk.” You both laughed as your masters were prone to giving you both lectures. You soon fall into a comfortable silence, another thing Anakin loved about you. Silence with you never made him uneasy, he never felt the need to fill the silence with useless words. For a while you both just sat there, watching the hover cars zoom past the window, your hand in his. The sound of the opening of the door alerted you as you ripped your hand away from his, Anakin had to fight himself to not grab your hand back. 
The door opened to reveal a dark haired man, who towered over the auburn one. 
“Masters,” you greeted them as Anakin followed suit. Slightly annoyed at them for ruining the moment. 
“(Y/n), why are you not in the Senators room?” Master Kin asked. 
“She claimed she could not sleep while I watched her.” You said swiftly, it was not a whole lie. She truly said she could not sleep with you watching her. 
“Then you should be standing guard outside her door.” Master Kin responded. 
“R2 is programmed to alert us if there is an intruder.” Anakin quickly came to your defense. 
“There are many other ways to kill a Senator.” Obi Wan said, just then uneasiness fell over the group. Sensing something malicious coming from Padme’s room. 
“I sense it too.” Obi Wan said as you all raced to Padme’s room to reveal two worm like creatures slithering over her. Anakin was quick enough to slay them before they bit her, the sudden commotion though led the sleeping beauty to wake up. You quickly note the sound of whirring coming from the window. Before you could even say anything the auburn Jedi Master had hurled himself through the window. You couldn’t help but wonder if it was that his Padawan was impulsive or if it was the Master himself. 
“Anakin!” You exclaimed, “You follow Obi Wan, I'll stay with the Senator.”
The sandy haired man nodded before racing past the scared handmaidens and startled guards to follow his impulsive Master. 
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
“We are concerned for our Padawans,” Obi wan states as he walks with Master Windu, Master Yoda, and his friend Master Kin, “we don’t believe they’re ready to be given this assignment on their own yet.” 
“I have to agree with Master Obi Wan,” Kin agreed, “they’re both still too young and too impulsive.” 
“The council is confident in their decision Obi Wan,” Yoda dismissively states. 
“They both have exceptional skills.” Master Windu says as Obi and Kin both shared worried glances. 
“Yet they still have much to learn Master.” Kin says, he would never admit it to your face. But he thought of you fondly and didn’t want you hurt.
“Anakin’s skills have made him arrogant,” Obi Wan states, “the need to feed his ego may prove to jeopardize the mission.” 
“A flaw more common among Jedi,” Yoda says before humming in disapproval, “too sure of themselves they are.” his beady green eyes trained on the two Jedi Masters in front of him, “Even the older, more experienced ones.” 
Windu places a hand on Obi Wan’s shoulders, “Remember Obi Wan, if the prophecy is true, your apprentice is the only one who can bring the Force back into balance.” With one last nod Windu and Yoda start to walk away to another Jedi Council meeting. 
“And what of mine?” Kin asks them, “why does (Y/n) need to go as well?”
“Who do you think is going to keep Anakin balanced?” 
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
It has been well over a week since you and Anakin arrived on Naboo. Strangely enough, you felt like you belonged here. Especially in the lake country where Padme resided. Here she didn’t need much protection so in reality it was much like a vacation for you and Anakin. Every morning you woke up to the sound of the lake and breathed in that clean air, lightly fragranced by the flower gardens nearby. Here it was different. The beds were soft, the air was sweet, and everything was beautiful. You felt at peace here, you noticed, in Naboo you felt calm. 
You looked out at the lake letting your mind wander as you watched the water move. You don’t know when Anakin joined you, but he often did when you looked out at the lake. Much like you he seemed happy here, more relaxed. He still wore his heavy robes while Padme had lent you some of her clothes. Claiming that you didn’t need to be so formal while you were here. You were embarrassed to admit it, but before this you had never worn a dress. At least, not like the one you were wearing now, a soft yellow with embroidery. Your holster for your saber hung off of your waist still, just in case. Your hair hung in a loose half up half down style, just enough to keep your hair from blocking your vision. Every morning here Anakin thanked the Maker, because he had never seen you like this before. He enjoyed seeing you this way, the sun glinting off your exposed shoulders, the way your hair moved freely in the soft breeze, and the small smile that lit up your face. If Anakin had to describe what heaven would look like, this would be it. 
“Do you ever think about having children?”  
Your sudden question threw him off guard, stuttering for just a moment before regaining his composure. He looked out to where your gaze rested on the water, a small family of ducks made its way across the blue river. 
“What do you mean by that?” He asked. 
“I mean,” You stop for a second, biting your lip before continuing, “I don’t know if I could do it.” Anakin looked over at you and saw the sadness in your eyes, one he had never seen before, “the Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments like love or a family. Yet we are to repopulate, to breed and then abandon the offspring to some orphanage or family until they are old enough for the Council to sense the Midi-Chlorians in them and then rip them away from all they ever knew for training.” tears started forming in your eyes, “it’s cruel.” Anakin held your hand as you wiped away the few tears that escaped your eyes. “I’m sorry I’m just being silly.” You apologized. 
“It’s not silly,” Anakin assured you, “if none of that were in the way. The Jedi Council’s rules about attachments and love, would you want to be a mother?” You pondered that question for a moment, watching as the mother duck tended to her ducklings. You tried to imagine that kind of life. One where you were free to love and to be loved without fear. You smiled as you imagined your hypothetical children running around the lake country. Playing in the water, their messy mops of sandy hair and bright blue eyes like their father who calls you Angel. 
“Yes,” you admit, “yes I would.” and a piece of your heart broke. 
“I don’t like sand,” Anakin admitted, for a moment you wonder what he could be on about. “It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.” You laugh a little as he passionately states the last bit. A moment passes as you both look around you, the wind blowing through the trees, the sound of birds happily chirping. It was like a dream, a very happy dream. “Not like here,” Anakin continues, “here everything is soft.” his eyes land on your frame, taking you in. Subtly biting his lip as he just looks at you like a dehydrated man looks at water. “And smooth,” tentatively Anakin’s large hands ghost over the skin of your hands. He gently moves them upward, merely grazing the exposed skin of your shoulders. Leaving goosebumps and electricity in their wake as his touch lingers on the gentle curve of your neck. You look at him, his blue eyes betraying his feelings for you. Meanwhile yours does the same. You don’t quite remember who leaned in first, but you do remember feeling his smile against your lips. You remember he tasted sweet like chocolate and something distinctly him. All of your nerves ignite as you feel him, you feel his touches getting braver as you yourself bring your hands to his face. Your thumbs gently brush the apples of his flushed cheeks and you remarked how soft he felt, how right his lips on yours felt. You silently wished the moment to never end, to live in that one moment forever would be enough. 
But moments don’t last forever. 
Within seconds you forced yourself away, dropping your hands as you moved to put some space between you. Already missing the weight of his arms around you and the soft plush of his lips which were now slightly swollen from your kiss.  
“We can’t do this Anakin,” you tried to say, more to convince you then himself. 
“Why not?” Anakin asked, the tone of his voice almost pained. 
“We both made a commitment to the Order,” You said, again more to yourself than to him, “one not so easily broken.” You looked everywhere except for him yet he was the thing your eyes were drawn to the most. Like a magnet. 
“It doesn’t have to be like that.” Anakin says, “Angel, we don’t have to stay.” 
“I may not,” You laugh bitterly, “but you do.” You take a step back as he took a step towards you, “You are the Chosen One. You have to stay with the Jedi Order to bring balance back to the force. To bring an end to the Sith.” Your heart breaks as you continue to step away from him, “I cannot be the person that takes away the Light's last hope.” You turn away, walking swiftly to a place furthest away from him. To a place where you can cry and hold your breaking heart in peace. Meanwhile Anakin watches you, regretting every moment he does not run after you. 
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Things had more or less been normal after, You don’t talk as much to Anakin or him to you. There is this polite distance, and coldness and fear that wasn’t there before. Even Padme noticed it. She had grown quite fond of you both and considered you close friends, so it pained her to see this drastic change in dynamic between you. Padme had asked you once what had happened only for you to dismiss her worries and push her away. When it was clear you weren’t talking, she talks to Anakin. Who told her in detail what had happened. 
Padme had just assumed you both were in a secret relationship of sorts, but hearing all of this through Anakin had proved that while you both may love each other. The situation at hand made it impossible for you both to be together and it broke her heart. While Anakin may not understand why you pushed him away, for Padme it made perfect sense. She tried explaining it to him, that you were just trying to think logically, but nothing was getting through to him. So, in true Amidala fashion, she knew she had to take matters into her own hands. 
She set up a nice dinner, to celebrate the one month anniversary of your arrival to Naboo. There was a nice dinner and candle light, and she made sure you wore a nice dress. That your hair had been braided nicely and that you wore a necklace. Meanwhile she had encouraged Anakin to lose his heavy robes and wear something lighter. 
She ate with you and suggested drinks in the second sitting area. Which was smaller, more intimate. Padme had already lit the fireplace and set candles out. She excused herself early on, insisting that you both finish your drinks without her. 
Silence filled the room, you had not been alone with Anakin since that day all those weeks ago. If you were on Padme duty he was somewhere else, and if he was on Padme duty he knew to avoid the balcony where you stared off at the lake. And on those rare occasions where both of you were off, you avoided each other by staying in your respective rooms. But now here you were, and the other couldn’t be avoided. You were the first to finish your drink but as you were about to excuse yourself, the sound of Anakin’s voice stopped you. 
“You were my first friend within the temple,” Anakin admitted with a slight tremor in his voice, “had it not been for you and Obi Wan I would’ve felt so alone. For these past ten years I have done nothing but love you, with every bit of my heart I do. It is too late to deny it nor do I want to. You are embedded into my soul and you haunt my bones. I do not know how you manage to make me feel both complete bliss and utter agony at the same time but you do. I am tormented day and night by the kiss we shared.” Anakin stands up and makes his way to you, his large hands grasping your shoulders. “You once asked me if I ever wanted children. After that day I tried to imagine what that life would be like. I tried to imagine every other woman but I could not, until I imagined you. Because my thoughts always, always come back to you. I dreamt of a life where you held our child in your arms, where you sang them old Jedi hymns to sleep.” his voice lowers to a whisper as you feel his warm breath ghost over the slope of your neck and sigh as his hands loosen their grip on your shoulders to gently dance across your arms. “Where I held you every night in my arms, or me in yours.” his lips ghost your flushed cheek as your thoughts start to become muddled. “Where I kissed you and you didn’t pull away.” his lips press softly against the underside of your jaw, “and where you loved me too.” 
You pull away enough to look at him, the dim light of the fireplace illuminating his features in golden light and harsh shadows. He looked like a man haunted. Without any more thought or willpower anymore, you grabbed his face and brought his lips to meet yours. Unlike the kiss before at the lake, this one was more confident, more passionate. It was lips, teeth, and tongue. Your hands grope at each other for something, anything, to hang on to. Something more powerful than electricity ran through you as you led him back to the sofa. Gasping lightly as he pulled you on top of him. 
“You make the most beautiful sounds,” Anakin quietly said as he kissed your chin and moved his lips down to the column of your neck, nipping at the pulse. You whimper slightly at the sensation, you breath out breathy moans as his lips continue their assault while your hands try to find purchase anywhere. With each kiss he placed you felt both electrified and greedy for more. You don’t register Anakin lowering the strap of your dress until you feel his plush lips kiss where the strap used to be. 
“An,” You sighed as his lips left your body for just a moment. His eyes met yours, only a thin rim of the blue that you loved remained, holding promises of the night. Neither of you spoke, too afraid of what the other had to say. Instead you lowered the other strap of your dress, you untied the back of the fine garment as well. Letting it fall, leaving you only in the necklace your dear friend gave you. Anakin did the same, undressing before you, stumbling quite a bit as his eyes never left your frame and yours on his. 
You both stood there for a moment, admiring each other. You traced every scar you found on him with love and care, no matter how small. Your fingers danced along his chest and along his shoulders. Admiring how the dim light of the candles and fireplace around you bathed him a soft light. Contouring him to look as though he had been carved by the Maker himself. Meanwhile Anakin was at a loss, he usually had so much to say. But right now he was enveloped by you. In the dim light you looked ethereal, and despite the fact that he had always wanted you; the way your fingers danced along every scar on him, it feels as though you're healing them. Making the scars fade until they are nothing, making him feel new and pure, this has changed his want into a need, a hunger only you can satisfy. He needed you like the very air he breathed, like the ground he stood on and the gravity that kept him there. A moment passes, before his lips descend on yours again. Tasting you, feeling the way you molded together like you were always meant to be. 
His hands no longer ghost as he feels you fully. Lowering you onto the soft carpet below, his lips begin to explore again. Leaving a trail of fire and desire in their wake. The plush of his lips never leave your skin as he trails down, his hands never leaving your skin either. He grips at the fleshy part of your thighs urging them apart slowly as his lips travel further south of your body. Your breathing becomes uneven as he teases you, kissing and nipping the inside of your thighs, fingers toying with the bundle of nerves in between. Pleasure shoots through you and it is both too much and not enough. 
“Anakin,” Your pleading whisper brings him back from his enjoyment as he sees the desperation in your eyes. Unable to hold himself back any longer, he gives in to his desire. You couldn’t stop the moan that escaped from you as his lips made contact with the swollen bundle of nerves he had been previously toying with. He let out a guttural moan as he tasted you on his tongue. Anakin swears he’s never tasted anything so sweet. 
The vibrations of his moans make your arch your back against the plush carpet below you in pleasure as your death grip on the carpet tightens as Anakin continues to worship you. Your chest heaves as his tongue does unimaginable things to do, Your eyes never leave his as you remark in your mind how much he looked like a starving man being served a meal. His eyes only ever leave you to roll back in his head as he closes them to savor the taste of you. Soon enough you feel a knot, a weight really forming in your lower abdomen. You quietly whisper his name repeatedly like a prayer only he could understand. His tongue traces you, tracing the same message on repeat, as you struggle to make it out through your pleasure. 
Mine. 
You let out a silent scream as you feel the knot in you coming undone, but Anakin doesn’t let up on his ministrations, continuing to claim you as your body spasms in prolonged pleasure. It’s borderline painful as Anakin greedily laps up what all you were willing to give. His heart skipped a beat as he felt how slick you became from his tongue alone; by now he was throbbing, begging for some kind of release. 
“Anakin.” You whimpered, despite having your world shaken and taken beneath you, you couldn’t help it. You were selfish, you wanted more of him, as much as he would give in this moment. The sandy haired man kisses his way back to your lips, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. Your hands remove themselves from their death grip on the carpet to cradle his face. Thumbs grazing over his cheek as his hands find your breasts. Massaging them, bringing you pleasure as you feel yourself wanting him more, letting out a soft gasp as his thumbs brush over your pebbled nipple. 
“Anakin,” You whimpered again, wanting more still. Your eyes hold his as you pull away enough to express your needs. 
“I want you Anakin,” you say. 
“Want me to do what Angel,” Anakin murmurs against your lips, “tell me.” your cheeks flush at the nickname he gives you, despite him calling you that before, there was now a new layer to it that wasn’t there before. Or perhaps, that layer had always been there, you just didn’t want to see it. 
“I want you inside me,” you say, “I want you.” Now it was Anakin’s turn to blush at your confession, with one last look he silently asks you if you are sure. For you to respond with a gentle kiss to his lips, so different from those passionate, lust fueled ones from before. It was gentle, and soft and tasted faintly of you. Everytime Anakin thought he couldn’t possibly fall in love with you more, you proved him wrong. He reciprocated the kiss with more enthusiasm as you felt him line himself up. 
You wrap your arms around him as you feel him fill you, slowly, letting you feel every inch of himself. The sensation, although unfamiliar, wasn’t unpleasant. You could feel his force and yours intertwine in a dance of their own as he bottomed out inside you. And as you looked at the man above you, and felt his heart beating against his chest and yours, felt his force with yours. You wondered if this is why Jedi were forbidden to love, because every feel and touch was intoxicating, addicting, and if you had it your way the rest of the galaxy would just disappear. Leaving just this, leaving you and Anakin as one. 
Anakin felt himself tremble as he bit back the urge to ravish you completely, savagely even. You were perfect, you were an angel sent for him, you were everything to him. For ten years now he’s felt cold, like some piece of him was missing and now, as your arms were wrapped around him and your bodies were intertwined; he felt warm, he felt full. 
Slowly he began to move, dragging his cock out of you slowly, letting you feel him retreat before thrusting himself back into you. Anakin had wanted to do this slowly, to make love to you, worship you like the angel you were. However,  each pleasurable sound that came out of you ate away at what self control he had left; not that he had much to begin with.  
Each thrust shot electricity down your spine, you had never felt so full in your life. You were surrounded by him, you could smell the familiar spiced scent of him and taste the saltiness of his skin, you could feel him inside you, hitting that one spot that made you see stars repeatedly and without mercy. You could even feel him in your soul, clawing at you, screaming, letting you know that he was there. And he always will be. 
Anakin let go of your breasts as he laid back on his haunches, helping you up from the plush ground and into his lap. From this angle your chest was pressed against his and his hands gripped the flesh of your ass so tightly you were positive his fingerprints would leave bruises. Reminders, really, of tonight. 
Your hands grip the hair at the back of his head, tugging it, as he pounds up into you. In this position he was impossibly deeper into than before. Tears prick the corners of your eyes as he continuously hits that one spot that makes your back arch and toes curl. You whisper his name, like he was the only thing keeping you tethered down to the ground. You press your forehead against his as he speaks words of encouragement to you. 
“Keep going Angel, you can take it can’t you? I know you can, my beautiful, kind Angel. You’re so perfect, you have no idea how beautiful and perfect you are.” 
His pelvis kept rubbing against your clit, adding to the pressure that settled in your abdomen. Your sweat slicked bodies hanging onto each other for dear life. You were close, you were so close. You just needed One. Little. Push. 
“Cum for me Angel,” Anakin whispered, “let me feel you.” 
And there it was. 
Your vision turned white as your back arched into him, his lips descending on your throat as he kept up his pace. He laid you back down onto the plush carpet as he moved your legs to rest on his forearms. You were pilant as he continued to pound into you. Your walls were still spasming as he drilled into you, chasing his release all the while admiring the blissed out expression on your face. Anakin was close, so close that his entire body felt like it was on fire. 
“Anakin,” You whimpered as you cradled his face,  “cum inside me my love, let me feel you cum inside.” 
He was done for. 
Anakin had one last thrust in him before he felt himself unload deep within you, practically falling on top of you. Both of your chests heaving, his head rested on your chest; listening to the rapid beating of your heart while your fingers found his hair, brushing through the damp, sandy locks, absentmindedly playing with his Padawan braid. And for a while you both laid there, basking in the afterglow, even after he softened in you there he still was. For a minute Anakin thought he could sleep peacefully that night, as long as he could hear your heartbeat and hold you in his arms the bad dreams would go away. 
But it didn’t happen like that. 
Eventually he slipped out of you, and helped you dress as best as he could before practically carrying you to the closest bedroom, his. He wet a washcloth to wash you and himself up before finally laying down with you in his bed. Tomorrow you will talk, you will figure out where to go from there if there was anywhere to go. But for right now you were his, and he was yours. And nothing could ever tear you apart. 
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
You weren’t sure what to do anymore. 
The morning after that night you woke up to an empty bed, at first your heart had sunk only to see Anakin on the balcony. He told you the dreams he was having weren’t dreams, but visions. That his mother was in danger and calling out to him, that he needed to rescue her. And you weren’t about to let him go off alone, with no back up. So you gathered Padme and a few other guards and made your way to Tatooine. It was very much how Anakin had described it, the heat was hot, sand was everywhere and there were two suns in the sky. 
You both learned that his mother had been freed and married a farmer on the other side of Mos Eisley.
When you both got there, you were met with kind people. Cliegg, Owen, and his girlfriend, Beru. You even got to meet the cyborg that Anakin had built to serve his mother, C3PO. Turns out a month prior the Tuskcan’s had raided the farm and took his mother. Anakin had immediately gone to look for his mother while you stayed behind to watch over Padme. You spent all night pacing outside the farm, waiting anxiously for him, debating on whether or not to look for him. But once the two suns began to rise over the horizon you could see his speeder come into your sight. But the closer he got the more you could feel his anguish and sorrow. You felt a tear prick the corner of your eye as the feeling of his grief overtook you. 
He had been back for all of a few days and had not spoken a word to anyone, not even you. While Owen and Beru were handling the arrangements for her burial, Cliegg did what he could. Meanwhile Anakin had holed himself up in the workshop, fixing old droids and tools. Something you knew he did to take his mind off things. 
You and Padme helped where you could, even making lunch and bringing it down to Anakin. More often than not he didn’t eat, unless it came from you. 
Today you brought him down his lunch while Padme dealt with the clean up. You see the familiar scene of Anakin fixing something, dark circles beneath his eyes, cheeks sunken in as his skin looked pale. Malnourished. 
“I brought you something,” you said gently, setting down the tray beside him. He did not look you in the eyes as he continued to fix the thing in front of him. 
“The shifter broke,” he started, “life seems so much simpler when you’re fixing things.” he took out a few wires before continuing, “I’m good at fixing things, always was.” You hear his voice start to tremble as you gently place your hand on his shoulder. His fingers stop as he grips the metal table in front of him tightly, as you feel his shoulders start to tremble, “but I couldn’t…” he looks at you, for the first time in days you could see how swollen they had become, how bloodshot they were. “Why did she have to die?” He asked with so much venom in his voice it startled you. “Why couldn’t I save her?! I know I could have!” 
“Anakin Skywalker,” You say firmly, bringing your hands to cradle his face, forcing him to look into your eyes, “this is not your fault. There are just some things you can’t control.” You thumbs brush over his tear stained cheeks soothingly, “you are not all powerful.”
“Well I should be!” Anakin exclaimed, removing himself from your touch and you allowed him. He turned his back to you as he fiddled absently with another trinket, “someday I will be.” he paused, “I am the chosen one, and someday I will be powerful enough to put an end to the Sith and bring balance to the Force. Someday, I will become the most powerful Jedi ever!” He turns to look at you, his eyes blazing with an anger and pain you’ve never seen before, “I will be so powerful that I will learn to stop people from dying.” Your heart breaks as you see truly what the expectations of others, including yourself, have done to him. All of this pressure to be great and powerful, to bring balance to the Force. The weight of not just a world, but an entire galaxy hung on his shoulders and has been sitting there since he was 9 years old. It has corroded his self esteem. 
“It’s all Obi Wan’s fault!” Anakin loudly said, “he’s jealous and he’s holding me back!” he threw the trinket he had been toying with at a wall. You knew he didn’t mean what he said, he was hurt and angry and needed someone to blame and right now it’s Obi Wan. But you knew the truth. Anakin considered Obi Wan to be his brother and his father all in one. Closer to him than most. 
However you knew there was more than he was letting on, you’ve felt it since the day he came back. A regret, a darkness tainted his eyes. 
“There’s something else,” you started walking closer to him, “what happened An?”
He explained it all to you, how he slaughtered them all, not just the men but the defenseless women and children as well. How scared he was of himself and the rage he was capable of. By the end of it he regretted ever telling you, fearful of your reaction. Would you hate him now? Did you lose you too?
You surprised him as your arms wrapped around him, telling him that everything was going to be alright. That you weren’t scared of him and how sorry you were for the expectations that were unfairly thrusted upon him. Anakin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in as his arms wrapped around you too, pressing you to him as he buried his face in your hair. Letting it all out, every choked sob and prayer, begging for a forgiveness not from you but from the Maker. Hoping that he would still deem him worthy of the angel he sent for him. 
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
That had all been half a week ago, you had buried Anakin’s mother and soon after received a message from Obi Wan who was in trouble in Geonosis. Which according to the map, had only been half a parsec away. Well you both went to save his Master, leaving Padme to her guards and to the Lars family until you returned. Which had been against Council order’s but you were the quickest on the scene, and where better to leave Padme than in the middle of a nowhere planet so close to the action that they wouldn’t even dream of her being so close. 
You were arrogant to believe the rescue mission would have been so easy, having been quickly captured. But in the end, all ended up ok– well as ok as can be. Anakin lost his forearm and was given a scar above his brow by Count Dooku. Meanwhile you have your own new and cool scars from the battle. You both had been given the all clear to escort Padme back to Naboo. It wasn’t until both you and Anakin were in the cockpit alone together that you realized that you haven't had the chance to talk about what happened, before everything went down. It was never the right time, but if anything of this adventure and the adventure yet to come has taught you anything; it’s that you love this man. For all his many faults and his many blessings, you loved him. You do not think you could go on another day without it being said. You knew his feelings for you ran deep, that he loved you just as much as you loved him. 
“Anakin,” you softly call him, he turned on the auto-piolet as he turned to face you. Within seconds your lips descended on his firmly, romantically, with your thumb gracing the edge of his jawline. Before you placed your forehead against his, eyes never leaving him. 
“I love you too.” You confessed as you placed another kiss on his cheek, “I don’t think I could’ve gone another day without telling you that.” You kissed him again fleetingly, “I don’t care if we have to hide it, I don’t care if they kick me out or deal out the heaviest punishment they have. I don’t care, as long as I am with you they can throw their stones.” His hands grip yours as tears prick at his eyes. Anakin gives you the biggest smile as he pulls you in for the most passionate kiss he has ever given you. Leaving you both with flushed cheeks and swollen lips. He pressed his forehead to yours. 
“Will you marry me, my Angel?” He asked, your eyes widen before the biggest smile adorns your face, brightening the cockpit around him. 
“Yes, my love.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You were married soon after, due to the secret nature of your marriage only trusted friends were there. Padme, 3PO, and R2D2. Padme gave you her white lace dress, with a veil to match. While Anakin wore his signature dark robes, you were married on Naboo and would soon celebrate 3 years together next month.
The Clone Wars took a heavy toll on both you and Anakin, you both graduated and became Jedi Knights/General’s. Your occupations made it hard to find time for each other, let alone for intimacy and yet you made it work. 
You stood worriedly by the gates with all the other politicians. You were worried that the rumors were true, that Anakin had died in battle. You had unconsciously let your hand rest on your stomach, You let out a worried sigh as you knew your time in the Jedi Order was coming to an end, and soon. Due to its early nature you weren’t showing just yet, however, you worried that it was obvious. Like a big arrow was above your head in neon lights. However your fears were soon put to rest as you saw your beautiful Anakin making his way towards the crowd you were in. His hair had grown longer as he grew more muscular, more refined. He truly was a man in his prime. And Anakin couldn’t place it, but you seemed to be glowing as he saw you in the crowd, it was a beautiful glow. 
After making some polite chit chat with a few of the politicians you finally managed to pull him away. With the excuse of escorting him to his chambers to discuss important business. No sooner had you closed and locked the door of his chambers his lips were on you, his hands finding purchase on your hips. He kissed you as though it was the first time, with the same level of love and care. 
“I’ve missed you my Angel.” Anakin breathily said as he pressed his forehead to yours. 
“And I, you, my love.” You said, equally out of breath. For a moment you stayed like that in the silence, you were tense, worried about his reaction. You’ve discussed children before, but that was years ago and you don’t know if his heart had changed. 
“What’s wrong my Angel,” Anakin asked worriedly, “did something happen?” 
“Yes,” you admitted, luring Anakin to sit on the couch as you proceed to tell him, “something did.” 
“Are you ok?” Anakin asked worriedly, his eyes quickly looking over you to see if you were bleeding or if a new scar had appeared, “did someone hurt you?”
“No, quite the opposite.” You say, taking a deep breath before ripping the bandaid off, “I’m leaving the Jedi Order.” 
“You’re what?” Anakin asked shocked, “why?” He was already planning the disappearance of anyone in the Order who may have displeased you enough for you to turn in your resignation.
“Because I don’t want our children born in the Order.” 
“Cause you don’t want ou-” Anakin started to say before his eyes widened, almost comically, “o-our uh our children?” He repeated as you nodded trying hard to stifle the giggles erupting from you, “does this mean?” You nodded again. A moment passes after that, a very long moment before Anakin's eyes were full of tears and a smile lit up his face as he gently placed his hand over your stomach. His children…You were carrying his children. 
“When did you find out?” He asked, feeling the force was already strong with them. 
“A couple days ago.” You confessed. “I’m about two months in.” 
“So that means-” Anakin trails off knowing conception must have happened the night before he left. 
“Yeah,” you said, knowing where his train of thought was. You played with the ends of his hair as he continues to digest. “I’ve saved up enough credits to buy a small home in the lake country on Naboo. I was going to buy it so that we could have a place to get away every once in a while, escape from the council and their watchful eyes. But plans have changed, and I want to have our children on Naboo, where we made our vows.” The small home was beautiful, nowhere near what you stayed in while residing with Padme, but it felt like home. It was shaded by the tall trees, and flowers bloomed everywhere. The soil was good for planting vegetables, and the market wasn’t far away. Just a few miles walk, and Padme lived close by. The home had a deck where you could sit and watch the waves and overall it was perfect. You were already in the process of buying it when you made your discovery. 
 “I-I’ve got to tell the Council about my resignation.” Anakin says already getting up to inform them when you grabbed your hand to stop him. 
“No,” you said hurriedly, “not yet anyway.” You lead him back to sit on the couch as you join him. “I will go on ahead and set up for the baby, you are too close to catching Grievous and this mysterious Sith Lord to pack it all in now. Do what you can, I’ll be waiting for you when you’re done.” His head leans on your shoulder as he sighs deeply. 
“Must I?” he asks, “couldn’t I just stop, leave and be with my loving wife who is carrying the product of our love.” 
“I want nothing more than for you to give it all up,” you confessed, “but we have to think about the safety of the Galaxy our child we grow up in. If we give it all up now, how safe will they be?” Maker, Anakin hated it when you were right. He kissed your shoulder as he understood what he had to do, it was his duty not only as a Jedi, or as the Chosen One, but as a father. 
You both sat there a while, letting his hand gently rub over your stomach as he just let himself be happy for one moment. 
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
True to his word Anakin went into overtime, researching every corrupt politician and sleeping only what was necessary to function. Determined to take care of Grievous and the Sith before your child was born. You kept him updated from Naboo, telling him how the baby’s room was coming along, telling him how much you loved him and how much you feel the baby loves him too. You decided to keep the fact that you were carrying twins a secret as a surprise when he came home. 
The Council did not handle your resignation well, all but calling you selfish for leaving the Order at such a desperate time. But you didn’t care about the Council’s reaction, but the sight of your former Master with the look of betrayal and disbelief in his eyes shook you. Kin was not the most affectionate Master in the Order. But he was kind in his own way, he had been the only father you’ve ever known. Sadness filled you as your Master did not say one word the entire time. You hoped one day, when all was said and done, that he would forgive you, and that you would see him again. 
After you handed in your Jedi robes, you debated on giving up your saber. You held the ornate handle, fingers tracing it’s markings delicately. On one hand you knew you should, to symbolize that you gave up on the Jedi way completely. But you also knew that the galaxy was dangerous, now more than ever, and it would be wise to keep it if not for protection. After giving up your robes and other things that signified your affiliation with the Order you gathered your things and left. 
You traveled to Naboo and immediately got to work, at first you struggled, never having a space all your own before. Even your room at the temple belonged to the Order so you struggled with decorating it and making it feel like a home. But Padme, who had been your biggest supporter since the beginning of your marriage with Anakin, helped. She taught you how to shop, not just for the necessities, but for things that hold no purpose than just to please you. Even going as far as to pay for it herself. You tried telling her it was too much but she insisted. Claiming that it was the least she could do for you and her godchildren.  
Soon enough the little house you had bought turned into a beautiful home. It had three bedrooms, one for you and Anakin, one for the twins, and an extra one for when they got older and they wanted a room on their own. Yours and Anakin’s was a decent size, with a closet and a dresser big enough for the two of you. The bed was soft and big, big enough for the both of you. You had filled it with only soft things, like flowers and carpets. The sheets were in a traditional Naboo pattern, as a picture of you and Anakin that you had kept carefully hidden at the temple sat on your nightstand. 
The baby’s room held two cribs, they were both made of the trees surrounding your home and safe for them a few toys and yellow blankets. Above the cribs were mobiles that Anakin had made and sent over with Padme when she last visited Coruscant, wanting to at least contribute that to the baby’s room. They were beautiful and colorful. Beads of blue and green hunt off of them as tiny planets scattered amongst the blue and green. But right in the middle you recognized two figurines, one was of Anakin and he was holding you. You wept for 2 hours after receiving them. 
You didn’t sleep much despite how cozy your new home had become, you couldn’t help it. You missed him, but most of all you worried for him. You worried that you were holding him back from his destiny, his dreams of being the most powerful Jedi that had ever lived;  but you also worried about the dark side in him, you knew that the stronger the force is the stronger the pull to the dark side. He was conceived by the Force, his Midi Chlorian count was greater than Master Yoda’s, if he would turn to the dark side all would be lost. 
During one of your talks Anakin had admitted that his dreams were getting worse. He dreamt of fire, of you dying in childbirth and he worried about what it meant. If it was true. You wished you could hold him, but all you could do was assure him that it wasn’t true. 
“You’re getting closer to finding the Sith,” you said to him, “the Sith lie my love, they can implant visions and manipulate you to lead you down a path that leads to the darkside. They manipulate and give false promises, the fact that they can do it to you while you sleep in the temple can only mean one thing.” Anakin’s eyes widened. 
“They must be close.” Anakin whispered. Even though you both had always been chaotic in your own way. Your logic was outstanding, leading him to an important piece of the puzzle. 
“Exactly,” you smiled, “guard your mind. Reinforce your mental barriers and be wary. I promise you, everything will be alright.” 
“But what if this isn’t the Sith,” Anakin asked worriedly, “I’m sure the Sith didn’t implant those visions of my mother all those years ago.” You were silent, your face deep in thought as you replayed what happened three years ago. Anakin had been receiving those visions a few days prior to her abduction, but something about her abduction never settled right with you. Why her, you understood that the Tusken’s raided and kidnapped people all the time. But they usually held them for ransom, not for torture. Your eyes widened a small bit as you came to the conclusion that this Sith had been playing the long game, skillfully and tactfully luring the chosen one to the dark side. 
“What,” Anakin asked concerned, “what is it.” 
“I never understood why what happened to your mother unsettled me so.” You started, “but now I do.” You took a deep breath as you searched for the words to tell him, “You once told me the Tuskan’s were savages, that they believed that everyone else were trespassers and were to pay them a toll.” Anakin nodded, remembering telling you that, “that they killed.” Another nod, “An,” you started slowly, “are they known to torture their victims? Even prolonging their torture for longer than a few days?” 
It felt like the world stopped for Anakin. He thought about that day at least once everyday, but not once did he ask himself why. The Tusken’s just raided and killed, sometimes they held hostages but not for long, most certainly never a month. That wasn’t like the Tusken’s at all, because torturing an innocent woman didn’t benefit them. All at once Anakin understood what you were trying to tell him, and anger rushed in his veins. His eyes narrowed at the ground under him. He took a few deep breaths, careful not to show you his anger, he didn’t want to worry you. His blue eyes looked up from the ground, his shoulders tense as he strained against acting out. 
“I wish you were here,” Anakin admitted rubbing his hand over his face, “I only talked with you for a few minutes and already you’ve made things clearer. I just…I just wish I could hold you.” You wished the same thing, wanting nothing more than to hold him and try to keep him together. But if you went to him now, everything you worked so hard for would go to waste. Your swollen stomach would give everything away. You’ve risked everything for this, for a life with him. But as you see the man you love shaking, you remember the commitment you made to him the day you became husband and wife. Even in secret you would love him and be there for him. 
As the call ended you were already packing, all would be fine if you managed to sneak into the temple without being seen. 
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
There was a little hidden entry way you and Anakin would use when you were both young Padawan’s, often to sneak out of a lesson. You were surprised that you were able to fit through it. 
You used the damp and dusty entry, took the first left and then a right where you knew you would be at an abandoned wing of the temple. It wasn’t too far from the meditation rooms, where most of your lessons were held. You were sure to keep the large cloak on your body with the hood up, covering your face. Hoping that would be enough to conceal you until you got to Anakin’s room. The Jedi Knight living quarters were a five minute walk from where you were and Anakin’s room was on the far end of the living quarters. You made sure to use caution as you moved through the halls, keeping your heart calm and moving like you belonged there. Soon enough you had moved through the hallways undetected, or so you thought. Just as you were about to enter Anakin’s room you heard footsteps, your eyes teared a little as you recognized their footsteps. 
“Anakin,” Kin had said, “the meeting is abo-” You turned around, carefully hiding your bump in your cloak. Letting your former Master see your face for the first time since you had announced your departure from the Order. Your heart broke a little as you saw the bags that had started to form under his dark eyes. His frame was slimmer and his dark hair now a dark gray. 
“Master,” You greeted slightly above a whisper. Kin continued to look at you for a second before turning his head both ways before ushering you inside. Making sure to lock the door behind him. 
“Did anyone see you?” He asked worriedly, it wasn’t that former Jedi’s weren’t welcome back to the temple, but it did rouse suspicion when they were sneaking into a current Jedi’s room. 
“You taught me better than to get caught.” You said, you saw his shoulders sag in relief. For a moment there was silence. 
“I have a question to ask you,” he said, still facing the door, “and please, do this kindness for your former Master and answer it truthfully.” You nodded behind him, “Why did you leave the Order?” You didn’t know how to answer without lying, taking your continued silence he spoke further, “You were well on your way to becoming a Master. You were talented and smart and you could have been on the Council in record time. Yet you left, it is a Master’s greatest sorrow to see his Padawan, someone that he has trained and raised, waste their potential.” Your silence ensued, guilt consuming you for your silence. Moments pass by, one by one until Kin speaks again. “Is it your feelings for Anakin that you left the Order?” He turned around to look at you, your eyes widened as his dark eyes give off a knowing look. 
“When-How-What-”
“I know the look of love well,” Kin revealed, “I too once had that look in my eyes.” he sighed as he continued, “but he and I were on two different paths. We could not be together as we wished so it was better to leave it alone. Let those feelings fade with the memory of each other.” He gave a small smile, “I do think about him sometimes though, in my loneliest moments.” He looked at you for another moment, “you and he would’ve gotten along.” He placed a hand on your shoulder, tears pricked your eyes as you saw your former master reveal more of himself. Trusting you with the knowledge that he too, had broken the code and fallen in love. Then, for the first time in your life without a life or death situation, you hugged your master. You wrapped your arms around him and cried, at first he stiffened. Your Master was not the affectionate sort, or at least, you thought he wasn’t as his arms tentatively wrap around you as well. 
“How long have you known?” You asked as you let go of him. 
“Long enough.” He said, “but you didn’t answer my question little one, why did you leave the order?” he asked quizzically, “did he hurt you? Was it the pressure of a secret love? What happened? You can tell me, you’re safe.” You wiped the few tears that snuck past your eyes off with the sleeve of your cloak before finally removing it. His eyes widened as he saw your stomach. You were about five and a half months. Swollen enough to be noticeable but easily concealed with a large cloak. There was a moment, before Kin looked at you in the eyes very intensely. 
“Does Anakin know?” 
“Yes.” You responded. 
“Is this the reason why you left?” he asked, you nodded, “how did he handle the news?” You saw his hand inch over to his saber on his belt, you laughed a little as you felt Kin’s thoughts. 
“He was more excited than I was,” You responded, grabbing your master’s hand, “so there’s no need to turn to the dark side so quickly.”
“Not today then,” he muttered as you motioned for you to sit on one of the crates. With little difficulty you managed to sit, with Kin taking a seat in front of you. You informed him of your life after the Order, how you were settled on Naboo, close friends with Padme (his nose scrunched a little at the thought of you being friends with a politician). You told him of Naboo’s beauty and invited him to visit anytime he wished to. You both talked as you waited for Anakin to arrive. 
It wasn’t until sun down that Anakin arrived in his room. The Council meeting had run into overtime without Master Kin to give his say in things. He was tired, and angry, and wanted nothing more than to sleep in your arms. Anakin arrived at his door when he sensed two people inside, his hand gripped his saber as he opened the door. Ready to attack in case, however he was surprised at the sight of Master Kin but that was nothing compared to the sight of you. Without the blurriness of the video feed he could see you fully and clearly, it took everything in him not to run to you, hold you against his chest and never let go. 
“An,” you said, getting up from the crate instinctively Anakin rushed to help you up. Grabbing your hand in his and supporting your back, rubbing soothing circles into it. 
“I’ll just see myself out,” Kin said, getting up himself and walking over to the door, “I won’t tell a soul you’re here, you have my word.” he promised before finally leaving you alone with your husband who by now was very confused. 
A few moments pass before Anakin envelops you in an embrace, careful of the obvious bump. “I missed you my Angel.” 
“I missed you as well my love.” You say as you remain in his arms, “after our call last night I had to see you.” 
“I’m glad you did,” Anakin said pulling away enough to press your forehead against his, “but it’s-”
“Risky,” you finished his sentence, “I know.” You press your lips against his cheek, “but I made a vow to you. Even in secret I would love you, that I would stay by you throughout all tribulations of our lives; and right now you are going through one. I need you and you need me, that’s all there is to that.” You motioned toward the regular sized bed, “lay with me my love.” Anakin follows you and helps you lay down before joining you. You feel the familiar coarse fabric of the blanket and the firmness of the mattress below, it reminds you of your Jedi days, although you had stopped being a Jedi only a few months ago; it felt like a lifetime. 
Anakin rested his dark sandy hair on your chest, you wrapped your arms around him, playing with the strands freely while he played with your unoccupied hand. 
“I promise you,” Anakin starts, “once the General Grevious is dealt with, and once the Sith are dealt with I will get you a ring, one you can wear proudly and publically.” He kisses each finger tip, his lips traveling upward, to the crook of your arm and all the way to your shoulder. Just mere minutes ago he was tired and wanting, but now with you here. He was starving now as well, it had been so long since he got to be with you so intimately. Even now as you hold him in your arms, he craves more. He needs to feel you, to know that you are real. 
“My love,” you whisper as his lips reach the curve of your neck, his lips biting and sucking, leaving an obvious mark on you. Seeing the red splotch form had him turn feral, you no longer needed to hide his mark on you with high collars and makeup. His plush lips crash onto yours as you both moan, his hands ghosting up your baby bump and to your breast. Even as your breasts are protected over clothing, the mere touch of him alone has made you desperate. 
“My love,” you whisper again, sitting up and taking his face in your hands. His eyes were dark with lust as he craved you more, “my love,” you whispered again trying (and failing) to hold in the whiny whimper that threatened to escape you as your husband's large, rough hands continued to massage your larger breasts. “I need you.” 
“I need you as well,” he said as he leaned in for a kiss, only to be stopped. Your eyes held a look he was unfamiliar with. 
“I need you to listen to me,” you stated unsure about how to go about this. You were always a certain body type, and the last time Anakin had seen your body it was when your pregnancy was in its early stages. You were worried about how he was going to react, now that stretch marks littered almost every inch of your body. Your stomach and breasts most of all, some local women in the Naboo market had sold you a cream to help the stretch marks, but some days you were just too tired. “I’m not like I was the last time we made love.” 
“I know,” Anakin said, taking his hand away from your breast and gently resting it on your abdomen, “you’re carrying life my Angel, and no matter what form you take.” He gently rubs your stomach as he grabs one hand from his face, kissing your fingers, “you could be seven feet,” he kisses your palm, “or a gundark,” he kisses the pulse point of your wrist his lips lingering there, “or even a man,” he nips at the pulse, exciting you, “I will always want to be with you.” His lips were on yours as you moaned, “will you have me, my Angel?” 
“Yes,” you say immediately, you both stood up, each other’s lips never leaving the other. You undressed him, cursing how many layers he wore. You roughly pulled at the belt wrapped around him, urging it to come undone. After months without his touch you often found yourself with a hand between your thighs, imagining it was your husband's fingers instead of yours. Anakin thought he was starving, well, you were ravenous. You bit his lips and suckled on his lower lip as he let out a moan. Meanwhile Anakin was taking his time undressing you, as though you were fragile. And while you loved that side of him, right now you needed him on you or in you. 
Once undressed you fought the urge to hide yourself. Anakin stared at you, his face giving nothing away as you were silently hoping he hadn’t changed his mind. After a few minutes of him staring you go to gather your clothes, only for your clothes to be ripped away from you. 
“I was going to go easy on you,” Anakin whispered hotly against the shell of your ear, wrapping his muscular arms around you to grab your breasts tightly, toying with your hardened nipples; nearly making your knees buckle, “I was going to massage your entire body, worship you like the angel you are.” He kisses the back of your neck, sending tingles down your spine, “then I was going to eat your pretty pussy out, have you beg for my cock in you again,” his arms left your breast to rub over your belly, “beg me to make you pregnant again.” You're practically shaking as his hands roam over your body, pregnancy hormones making your body more sensitive than before. Already feeling your arousal drip down your legs, “and I will do all that,” you feel his hardened length against you, grinding into your ass, “later. Right now I need to be inside you, I need to have you wrapped around me because if I don’t I feel like I might die.” You moan as you reach for him behind you, stroking his hard length, the head already dripping precum, you heard him groan and moan into your ear as his hands traveled south, where you needed him most. Collecting your slick, rubbing your sensitive, engorged clit. You let out a silent cry as you hold onto the wall of muscle behind you for stability. “You’re already so wet for me my Angel, have you missed me Angel?” You nodded frantically as he drew lazy circles around your clit, “have you thought of me often?”
“Yes,” you moan, “I thought of you everyday.” his circles become tighter, “I touched myself thinking of you,” you pump his cock faster now causing him to groan, “I thought about you eating me out and your cock inside me,” you fail to hold back the moan that falls from your lips as he lightly smacks your clit. “Oh my god please fuck me.” You felt him chuckle slowly before he asked, “how?” you knew he was asking which position would be better for you, and it warmed your heart to know that even in this moment when you both want nothing more than for the other to fuck you, that he still thought about you and what made you feel better. 
“Bend me over,” you said, leaning over so you were on your hands and knees over the bed. Spread out and waiting for him, if Anakin had to wait one more second he was going to explode. He lined himself up with your entrance and buried himself in you with one slick stroke. Grabbing your hips to pull your ass flush against him, giving you a second to adjust as he tried not to cum immediately. 
“Maker, you feel like heaven,” he moaned, “could’ve sworn you were made for me Angel.”  
And at that he began thrusting, pulling out, letting you feel every drag of his cock before he slammed it back in. Causing you to scream in pleasure, dropping to your elbows and grabbing his pillow to try to stifle your cries of pleasure. Tears streamed down your face as he just felt so damned good. Your nippled brush against the kinda rough fabric of his blanket, the idea of him going feral over how your ass jiggled with each hard thrust of his hip, he hit your most sensitive spot over and over and over. Oh maker, you were about to cum. 
“Anakin,” you moaned, “Anakin I’m so close oh my, please right there don’t stop!” 
“C’mon Angel,” He lowly growled in your ear smacking your ass, “be a good girl and cum for me.” 
At that your body shook as you just experienced heaven and hell at the same time. Your orgasm ripped through you so violently that you couldn't see which was up or down. 
Meanwhile Anakin thrusted harshly a few more times before finally finishing inside, his body on fire as he realized how addicted you both had become to each other. 
Anakin pulled out of you slowly, cleaning you up with the spare towel he kept close by. Wiping you and then himself before settling you on your side before sliding in next to you, his hands gently rubbing your stomach. 
“Maker, I hope this kid is durable because we are definitely doing that again.” 
You breathlessly laugh as you turn around to face him, fingers trailing his jawline. 
“You mean children.” 
“What?” 
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Anakin had meant what he said, that night he had made love to you 3 times, ripping four orgasms from you before finally settling down for the night. You both didn’t wake until at least noon. You supposed you had your Master to thank, must have made an excuse for you both to sleep in. You tried to get up as you felt the delicious ache between your thighs, you smiled vaguely at it. A reminder of last night. 
You both quickly washed and ate after that, he snuck in food from the hall in order to feed you. And then you both got to work, settling quickly into business mode. 
Your main concern right now was the Sith, because you were positive that Grievous was working with the Sith if not for. While Anakin was focused on vengeance. 
You both knew the Sith lord had to be close to the Order, either directly or indirectly, that they had to have some power or influence beyond their Sith title. Meaning that they were either a Jedi or part of the Senate. Considering that they would have to be physically close to Anakin to implant visions and mess with his mind and to spy on him. 
You had a list but it needed to be smaller. Possible suspects were Yoda, Windu, Palpatine, and Obi Wan. 
Obi Wan’s name was almost immediately crossed out by Anakin. 
“He’s too much of a kiss up to the Council to be against them” Anakin had said as he crossed Obi’s name out. 
“What would Yoda have to benefit from a system he practically shaped?” You asked as you crossed Yoda’s name off. 
Finally only two remained, Master Windu; second only to Yoda in terms of power and skill. And Palpatine, the charismatic Chancellor who was elected into office thirteen years ago before the Clone Wars began. 
Both of your brains were fried, and having to pee every five seconds was getting in the way of progress. You were frustrated, and just tired. Eventually you both just laid in bed, holding each other. He was rubbing soothing circles on your back when suddenly he shot out of bed. 
“It’s Palpatine,” he said as he crossed Windu’s name off the list. You sat straight up as you looked in his eyes, widened and crazed. “Palpatine is the Sith.” 
“How do you know that?” You asked. 
“Just a feeling.” He said darkly, “a very strong feeling.” You nodded, seeing it check out. Something about the chancellor always threw you off anyways. 
“Alright,” You said, believing him, “now what do we do.” 
“We show everyone.” Anakin said, “we show everyone who he is.” 
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Anakin's plan had worked beautifully, with your help he had managed to record every interaction between him and Palpatine. Working information out of him was easier than Anakin thought, but it turns out that when people think you believe them they’ll say anything. 
They quickly got Grievous's location and substantial evidence of him being Sith. 
However, Anakin would not turn all this evidence in. 
Not until he avenged his mother. 
So there he was, surrounded by fire and Palpatine shooting lightning out of his hands. Struggling between the light and the dark. Feeling a strong pull to both, even with Palpatine’s deformed face leering at him as he was on his knees, physically beaten. He couldn’t help but itch towards his lightsaber, wondering if Sith blood taints a Kyber crystal. The galaxy would be better for it, no more Sith. 
“Do it!” Sidious hissed with a cracked smile on his lips, “strike me down in anger and become what you were always meant to be…Darth Vader!” For a moment he felt your signature, he looked back around and saw you, only you. You were sending him a message through the force. 
“You are Anakin Skywalker,” you eyes pleaded with him, “you are from Tatooine, you grew up around coarse sand and two suns. You had a loving mother, who loved you so much and you loved her. You are not made of the same cloth as him, you are made out of something better, something softer. You are made of love, you love and give without any greed because you know what it’s like to have nothing. You love with your whole soul, never any less. You love Obi Wan Kenobi, your Master, your brother, your father, your best friend. You had loved me since we were children, and I, you. I am sorry that the galaxy has only shown you a fraction of that love in return. But there are people who love you unconditionally. You are Anakin Skywalker, and only you can defeat the Sith.” 
You hoped he got your message, and by the tears in blue eyes you can see the yellow fade, as your heart skipped a beat. 
Anakin smiled at you before turning to face the Sith on his knees, a confused and terrified look on his face. 
“I am Anakin Skywalker,” he raised his saber, “I strike you down in the name of peace and balance in the Force.” and with that Sidious was no more, he was well and truly dead. You ran to Anakin who had opened his arms to catch you. Burying his face in your hair, inhaling your scent as finally the weight on his shoulders lifted. 
“Time to go home.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“My love, have you seen your daughter?!” You asked loudy pretending not to notice the small shoes peeking out underneath the curtain and ignoring the soft giggles of her laughter. It has been 7 years since Anakin defeated the Sith, he captured Grievous soon after. Anakin provided the necessary evidence in order to justify what he had done, Yoda and Windu wanted to make him a Master and join their Council but were quickly astounded as he refused the offer and instead handed in his resignation claiming his time with the Jedi was now over. 
Obi Wan found out why shortly after as Anakin invited him to Naboo for a visit only to be met with you and Anakin in domestic bliss with your very round stomach. 
When you first moved into the small house and had it all decorated you never understood why it didn’t feel like home. Not until Anakin came home, seeing him in the living room, and bedrooms, seeing him add his own touches made it truly feel like home. 
Obi Wan and Kin often dropped by, both of them already fighting over who the “grand-master” was and who got to be the first to babysit. Padme had heard all about your adventure. Needless to say you would rather face Gundarks naked then be on the receiving end of her wrath again.
Soon after it all was settled you gave birth to the twins, Leia Shimi Skywalker and Luke Benjamin Skywalker. You didn’t know much about your biological parents, only that their names were Leia and Luke, and since you were naming them after yours, you and Anakin decided their middle names should be his. His mother and the closest thing he ever had for a father. 
Obi Wan couldn’t hold Luke without crying for a few hours.
After the first time he held Luke, Obi Wan hugged Anakin and said softly. “You are my brother Anakin, I love you.” you could see your blue eyed husband hold back a few tears as he returned the hug. 
“I love you too Obi Wan.”  
While Leia looked after her kind grandmother Shimi, she was basically Anakin in a small girl’s body. The amount of sass she contained in her small frame astounded you, but it warmed your heart to see how wrapped Anakin was around her small finger. Always had been, ever since she took her first breath. 
Meanwhile Luke was kinder, he looked just like Anakin with his tufts of sandy blonde hair and bright blue eyes. However, he seemed to have gotten most of his personality from you and from Padme who often came around and that the twins referred to as “Auntie Padme.”. 
Life was happy as you chased your rambunctious twins through the house, laughing and squealing as Anakin lifted them both in his arms and pressed a loving kiss to your lips. 
Sometimes you would ask Anakin if he was happy, if he regretted rejecting the position of Master, something he had always wanted. 
He would always respond with a kiss to your forehead, and then your closed eyelid, your nose, your flushed cheeks until finally settling on your lips. Whispering, “If I woke up tomorrow in my bed on Tatooine, nine years old with my mother knowing what I know now. I wouldn’t do one thing differently, I would choose this every.single.time.” 
So years go by, and you remember the moments that lead you to where you are now. All the heartbreak and sorrow, all the hiding and secrets, and all the happy moments that followed after. You realized that these moments would stick with you for as long as you live. Each and every one. 
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sabictlali · 1 year
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Because of how Anakin was frustrated in my head there is this kiss, no one will tell me otherwise.
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cattyb2 · 2 years
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Arrogance
Summary: You despised Anakin. He was cocky, he was arrogant and he had a mouth on him. When he and his padawan Ahsoka get held captive by General Grievous, you have to decide fairly quickly how far you are willing to go to save the man you can’t stand.
Warnings: Anakin being cocky, life or death situation, arguing, a lil cheesy?
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You stood with your battalion aboard the Paradox, your favorite ship in all the galaxy, as Obi-wan Kenobi’s blue hologram flickered in and out as he spoke to you.
“He’s done it again, and now we’ve lost all communications with him.” Obi-wan told you. You rolled your eyes, of course Anakin would, he’d lead innocent people, innocent lives into a trap. What’s new. It was supposed to be an easy mission, but then again that’s what is always said.
“Y/N, you are the closest one to them. We are sending you the coordinates now. Please, try to bring them all back in one piece. Oh, and now I fully give you permission to rip Anakin apart. I fear his arrogance when it comes to these things is, unmatched.”
You nodded your head to him, smiling at his joke as the hologram cut out.
“What’s the news, General?” Az, your clone commander asked.
“I need a small group, no more than four. We are heading to rescue Anakin, Ahsoka, and two of his clones. We need the stealthiest clones we have. I want no one being seen, we need to get in, and get out before General Grievous knows we were ever there.”
“As you command.” Az said, walking away. You always appreciated him, he would follow you blindly to whatever end you wanted him to. Of course, that was his job, but he wasn’t just another clone, he was a good friend. They all were to you, whether it’s their job or not.
Obi-wan was correct, you were very close to the coordinates. It gave you just enough time to be greeted with four of your best clones, Az, Cas, Leo, and Coop. They stood in front of you, tall and proud, ready to follow you in whatever you say. 
“Alright boys, I’ll say this just once. We need to be invisible, if Grievous catches a wind of us being there it is likely Anakin, Ahsoka or the clones could be in for it worse than they already are. We rescue them, and we leave. Do not kill any droids unless you are being shot at, I nearly never advise this as you know, but hide. Hide whenever you see one, I cannot express how important it is to not be seen.”
“Don’t you worry, we’ll get them out of there before Grievous even knows they are gone.” Cas spoke, the others nodding and agreeing.
-
By whatever luck you all had that day, the Paradox landed quietly, and before any droid could notice, all entrances to the hangar bay where blocked off, there was only one way in, and one way out.
“The last place we got communication from them was here.” you softly spoke, pulling up a hologram of this ship. You listened to the ideas of the clones, as they managed to follow the plan and get you all safely to the same level they were last known to be on.
A small group of battle droids appeared down the hall, making all of you scatter. They never were bright droids, luckily for you guys. You poked your head out, scanning the hallway, and it was silent. You mouthed and waved your hand, and you guys were moving once more. 
“Jedi!” A droid yelled from behind you. “Blast them!” 
“It’s just through here, General Y/N!” Az yelled, him and Cas shooting back at the battle droids as you and the two other clones ran into the security room. 
“Find them! Search all the cameras, I’m going to help.” You ordered, running back to the hallway to assist the others. As the last battle droid fell, you looked at the mess, maybe 20 dead droids lay in the hall. 
“Should we hide them General?” 
“Even if we tried, more could come walking round the corner. What we need to find is where-” 
“General Y/N!” Leo exclaimed, sticking his head out of the security room. You looked over to him, hoping desperately that he’d say he found them. 
“They are in a holding cell.” He said, ushering you into the room to see the cameras. Sure enough Anakin, Ahsoka and a couple clones, stood in a row, hands held up by chains. Ahsoka’s head was hung low, her body hanging limply. Anakin looked the same, he was coughing and trying to speak, but you couldn’t make out what he was trying to say. 
“Can you find exactly where this is?” You asked Leo who started searching immediately. “Coop, Cas, guard the door. Someone is bound to have heard that commotion.” They nodded before making their way towards the door. 
It took only seconds, a couple of clicks before he spoke up.
“General, I’ve found them.” Leo said, moving aside to show you. 
“Do you have a plan?” Az asked, gun held across his chest. The three other clones turned to look at you. 
“We need to get to that cell, and cut them out of those chains. Leo, and Cas, I want you two to take the other two clones and go ahead to the Paradox. Make sure no droids are in our way, and get the Paradox ready to get us out of here. Coop, you need to grab Ahsoka. Az, you’ll help me with General Skywalker. Grievous will likely know very soon we are here, so we need to go, now.” You spoke, the four clones nodding at you, gearing up with their blasters out. There were shuffling feet moving past the door, causing all of you to hold your breath. Muffled droid voices got farther and farther away, before Cas gave you the all clear.
Leo led the way, and you felt like you’ve been running forever. Any time a droid was close you five would hide, and waited patiently until they were completely gone to keep moving. This wasn’t the way you wanted to do things, if you had it your way this entire ship would be going down in flames. But this rescue mission was too important. This wasn’t the first time you were sent to rescue Skywalker. He had a knack for getting himself into trouble, and getting caught. Every time you came for him he had a stupid smirk on his face that you wanted to slap off. He knew each time you’d be sent to get him, you had no idea why the council thought you were friends. Yes, you grew up together, yes you’ll train together, but even the training isn’t very friendly. Maybe that’s why they did it, to get you guys to finally at least agree on something. But you knew the consequences if Grievous was to get a Jedi.
“Here it is General.” You all stopped outside of a closed metal door.
“Can you get into it?” You asked, seeing there were no buttons or keypads anywhere near. How did this thing open and close?
“There has to be a control panel near by.” Az said, scanning the hallway.
You pulled out your lightsaber, shoving it through the door. It didn’t take long for the circle to fall out, but it would have been much faster and quicker finding the panel.
You climbed through the hole, your clones behind you. Once again your lightsaber ignited, and you carefully cut the chains to the clones first, Leo and Cas helping them down.
“You guys go! Start the Paradox. We’ll be right behind you.” Although Anakin’s clones were slower, walking with a bit of a limp, they climbed through and started to run in the direction of the paradox. “Grab onto her.” You said to Coop, as you cut Ahsoka’s chains. Her head was still hanging low, and her chest barely moved.
“Get her out of here.” Skywalker’s voice was raspy, like he hadn’t had water in days. You didn’t respond, not because you didn’t want to, but because you wanted him to save his strength. You knew if you talked back to him it would become some bicker match, and frankly as much as you loved arguing with him, you didn’t have the time.
“Bring her to the medical droid immediately.”
“Yes, General.” Coop responded, carrying the young padawan out of the cell.
You finally were able to really look at Anakin. And maker, he looked like shit. He was pale, his hair matted with blood and whatever else you couldn’t even tell.
“Az, grab his side.”
“Please don’t cut off my arm, I only have one left.” He chuckled a bit at his own joke, violently coughing.
“Save your breath star boy.” You responded, carefully removing his chains. He groaned at the nick name, you knew he hated it, which is why you always used it. Az caught him as he came crashing down to the floor, and he starting coughing again. “Just hang on for a bit longer, Obi-wan will kill me if I don’t bring you back alive.” You said, going to his other side, throwing his arm around your neck and pulling him up.
“Less of the chit chat, more of the get me out of here.” Anakin said, barely able to keep his head up. Before you three exited the cell, there was shuffling feet and yelling coming from down the hall. You and Az turned to look at each other.
“We need to get him out of here, General.” You nodded your head, tightening your grip on Anakin as you walked out of the cell. Two droids where up ahead, their backs turned towards you three. Az looked over at you, for a silent conformation. You nodded once, now wrapping your other arm around Anakin as Az let him go to grab his blaster.
“Hey! Someone tell the General, the prisoners are!” The droid was shot mid sentence, but the other one started to run.
“Go after him! I’ll get him out of here!” You yelled to Az, watching him hesitate for only a second before going after the droid.
“You’re going to let me die in here aren’t you, Shaky?”
“Don’t fucking call me that.”
“Oh, but star boy is acceptable?”
“Need I remind you, I’m the one rescuing you? So less of the commentary and let me rescue you.” Anakin seemed to get heavier, like his last bit of energy was used in this bickering. You wrapped your arm around his back, and starting dragging him down the hallway. His feet couldn’t keep up, and he groaned loudly, before they completely went still.
“Come on Anakin, don’t do this to me now.” You said, sweat sliding down your back.
“For once, I think I agree.” He wheezed.
You froze, hearing the familiar droid steps.
“Freeze, Jedi!” You ran through how to get out of this in your head. You couldn’t carry Anakin and kill the droids, even though they’ve always had bad aim. Az would probably come looking for you guys soon, but then what will happen if they don’t leave? Then all of you guys will be trapped here. It is not worth risking the many to save the few. Maybe Az would take Anakin back and leave you to distract the droids. 
“Don’t even think of staying behind.” He groaned, his voice super rough and scratchy. His eyes were barley open at this point, and you’d bet he was in and out of conciseness this entire time. 
“Well I don’t really see a way out of this otherwise. I will not risk the many to save the few.” 
“Spoken like a true Jedi.” He whispered. You don’t know why that hit home with you. Maybe because you’ve never agreed upon anything, you two were barely civil with each other half the time. And you looked at him while more and more droids surrounded you. For the first time in your entire life you didn't feel anger when looking at him. You saw the kid you grew up with, your rival, but your friend. Whether you liked it or not Anakin did truly know everything about you, and you him. 
“Drop your weapons, Jedi!” You were snapped back to the reality that you were in fact, in some serious trouble. You thought about calling Az, but with this many blasters pointed directly at you, it was risky, they could end up hitting Anakin. 
You looked over to the man beside you, who, at this time, you completely held up. His eyes were closed, and his mouth partially open. If you did not get him out of here soon, he will die. You heaved your body, resting Anakin more against yourself as you reached for your lightsaber. You unhooked it from your belt, and before you could even attempt to throw it to the floor, a blaster shot out, hitting your shoulder. You screamed, falling to the floor, Anakin’s body falling with you. Your head hit the metal flooring of the ship, making your vision blurry. There were shouts, blasters firing, and the group of droids that stood behind you moved past you both. It took a second to sit up, feeling some blood rush down from your temple. Two clones stood in front of the mass of battle droids, firing away. The hunks of metal fell like flies, but Anakin’s groans could be heard over that. 
“Y/N?” He never said your name, it was normally an insult, or shaky. He called you shaky the first time you trained with him. Your hand shook so bad your lightsaber was practically flying all over the place, and he never let you forget it. You mustered up whatever strength you had left to get to him. Moving your body around so his head laid comfortably in your lap. 
“You’re going to be okay. I’m going to get you out of here.” 
“Leave me. Take Ahsoka, take the clones and go while you still can. Grievous will-” He coughed, violently shaking. “Grievous will be happy that he finally captured one of us. I’m going to die, at least let me die knowing you guys are safe. Please, I need you to be safe.” His metal hand lightly touched by your cheek, blood dripping down his fingers from a deep cut on your head. You almost forgot you were hurt, and even if you remembered, it wouldn’t be a priority. 
“I’m not leaving you here to die, Anakin, you aren’t going to die.” 
“It’s like you said, do not risk the many to save the few.” 
“I will risk my life to save you. To save the only person in this whole galaxy who ever truly knew me.” 
He smiled a bit, before his lips twitched in pain. 
“I knew you had a heart in there somewhere.” He ran his hand up by your cheek again, letting it rest there. “I’m willing to beg, Y/N. Go, go while you can. It will haunt me for the rest of eternity, if I knew you died trying to save me. I did this to myself, let me pay my price.” 
“GENERAL!” Az yelled, killing enough droids to get to you. “Generals, we need to go now. Or we’ll never make it out of here.” He looked past you, turning your own head to see more droids making their way down the hall. Destroyers rolled out, which means Grievous couldn’t be far behind. You looked at Anakin, the man you have despised for most of your life. You truly looked at him. He was your friend, your confidant. He was Anakin Skywalker, the best pilot in the galaxy, the chosen one. You could not let him die like this. You will not let him die like this.
“Take him back to the Paradox. I’ll hold them off enough for you guys to escape. He needs to be treated immediately, time is not on your side Commander. You protect him, Az. You protect him with your life.” Although you could not see the clone’s face, you could sense the shock coming from him. You confided in him over how much you want to beat that stupid smirk of Anakin’s face, how much you wish you just just smack him with your saber, how much you hated him. But you never admitted how much he truly meant to you, how could you?
“General-“ Az started.
“Y/N. Please. Please don’t.” It wasn’t the begging that made your heart clench. It was how he said it, the silent pleas for me to listen. The tears that formed in the corner of his eyes. You never imagined this could happen, and you don’t know what over took you in this moment. Your thumb wiped the tear away, and you leaned down to kiss his forehead. Your own tears dropping onto his face.
“Give them hell for me, Skywalker.” Your forehead touched his, closing your eyes for a brief second.
“Take him, and go. Now. Before it’s too late.” Az didn’t move, and Anakin gripped your sleeve.
“General, I really think.”
“That is an order, commander.”
You didn’t look back when Az dragged Anakin down the hallway and to your ship. You willed every bit of force you had to stand up and grab your saber. But you fell into darkness before the first blaster could shoot.
-
The weather in Coruscant barely ever changed. And even if it did, you doubt people would notice. When you woke up on the dreary day, you didn’t know where you were, or frankly what day it was. All you could place was warm skin touching your hand. Without moving your head, you saw Anakin, fast asleep with his head on the bed you laid in. He was bandaged up, only a couple injuries showing. You looked to your hand, not moving it, but wondering why he was here, why he was holding your hand. 
Memories hit you like a waterfall, the mission, sending them off in the Paradox, the army of droids that stood in front of you. But they left, how were you here?
As if Anakin could sense your thoughts, which he could, his head lifted up. His face was busted up, but you could manage to see a layer of concern on it. 
“Y/N.” Your name came out as a soft whisper, the rasp of his voice he had gone. 
“Are you alright?” You asked him. You had a million questions, but that one was more important than any of the rest. 
“Thanks to you, I guess I owe you a thank you, Shaky.” 
“Even in my death bed you won’t drop that name.” You joked, closing your eyes for a bit. The white room was too much, the white robes, the white bed, the white bandages Anakin sported. 
“Why didn’t you leave me there?” He asked, not looking at your face, but down at your hand which he still held. 
“Why would I?” 
“I was already hurt, you could have rescued them and left me. But you risked yourself, why would you do that?” 
“There are some people in this galaxy Anakin, that need to survive.” 
“Don’t start with this chosen one crap again.” 
“I’m not talking about you being the chosen one, I’m not even talking about you and your stupid ‘best pilot in the galaxy argument’. I’m talking about you as a Jedi, you as a person. You are hope. You are a beacon that people look too.” 
“For what? What purpose do I give? I’m reckless, I’m selfish, death surrounds me! I grew up a slave boy on Tatooine!” 
“Why does it matter where you came from? You think that’s something to be ashamed of? So what, Anakin? The future of our worlds, the future of the Republic, of the Jedi, of freedom needs you Anakin! Your past does not.” 
His face held barely any emotion, but you could tell he was trying to bit back on whatever he was thinking.
“You know, I screamed when they took me away from you. I was so terrified of what you would become after they were done with you. And I’d choose to die a million times over again than having to even risk your life. You want to know why we don’t get along? Why we can’t stand each other? Because I cannot bear to let myself get close to you. I cannot bear to lose you like I’ve lost everything else. And that is why I despise you, why I cannot stand to be near you, because the moment, the very second I realize you aren’t okay I’m going to completely self destruct. This that what you want to hear? You want to hear how ‘the chosen one’ can’t breathe right when you look at him? Hear about how I screamed, screamed so loud for them to swap our places? I begged them on my knees to save you instead,  You have the power to completely destroy me, and you walk around wondering why I hate you.” 
“You, hate me?” Scoffing as you said it.
“I hate the way you worry about me, I hate the way you skip breakfast, I hate the way you never can sleep through the night, I hate the way I can sense you thinking, walking around the halls. I hate the way you always want to calculate everything, I hate the way that you lay in front of me bloody and broken, and yet the only true pain you feel currently, is from me. I hate what you’ve done to me, who you’ve turned me into. And I hate, no, I loath, that I would have laid down my life to save yours, I would have sacrificed so much, and so many, to save you.” 
“And you think, what? That you’re some saint? Like you’re a walk in the park? Your arrogance knows no bounds, and your rashness and blatant stupidity for the well being of others makes you the last person in the galaxy I want to be around. I cannot stand you, I cannot stand to have you look at me like you are. If you don’t stop I swear to the maker I am going to end up falling in love with you!” 
“Well.” His voice returned to normal, the anger in his face disappearing. “I guess it’s settled then.” 
“What is?” 
“That we both want to do this.” You didn’t realize you were still in a medical bed when his lips touched yours. You didn’t realize how mad you were until his hand gripped your cheek, melting every other feeling away. His lips tasted like home, wherever that was. You wished this moment could last a life time, tugging on his hair a bit, causing a deep groan to slip out of his mouth. You pulled away shortly after, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you both stared at each other.
“I didn’t think you kissed the people you loathed.” You said, still remembering his words. He chuckled a bit, used to the remarks.
“No, I only kiss people I love.” And he reached towards you once again, capturing your lips in his.
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cptsd-skywalker · 6 months
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I feel like this is a super wonderful time to point out that Qui Gon literally won Anakin as property in a pod race bet. Anakin, for all intents and purposes, literally belongs to the Jedi Order. When he is “freed” it is becuase Qui Gon chooses to do so; not because Anakin is a child who deserves to live his life, but becuase he was useful to the order as the Chosen One. Qui Fon said himself that they did not come to Tatooine to free slaves, and that he can not help them. Only when Anakin is revealed to be powerful do they decide to try to take him, and even then it’s through winning him in a game. Seriously messed up. And that’s got to weigh on Anakin all his life, that he was only worth something when his power could be of use to others.
Ask yourselves, If Anakin hadn’t been allowed to train by the council, what would have happened to him? And given the circumstances at which he arrived at the order, can Anakin really be considered to have joined as his own free will? Can he ever consider the Jedi as family? Can he ever consider them more than the people whom he “owes” everything for “saving” him from his life which he “should be so grateful for”? I don’t think so, and I guarantee you that Anakin had these same doubts but felt to ashamed of his own self doubt enforced by those around him to voice his concerns. He is shamed and criticized for missing his mother whom he was forced to leave in slavery, and lectured for feeling the slightest of negative emotional responses.
When people say Anakin joined the Jedi of his own free will and could leave whenever he wanted I honestly have to wonder if they’ve experienced the same cannon as me, becuase to me a 9 year old enslaved child can not make the free will choice to join a faction that will send him back to be a slave as soon as he doesn’t meet their expectations. To me a young man who feels like he owes them his life cannot “just leave” when his whole identity is pensioned on his usefulness to others.
This is exactly how cults operate and honestly Anakin’s transition into The Jedi Order is cast in a dark light when you realize he stood to lose everything either way, he lost his mother is he was a Jedi and he lost his freedom if he wasn’t. It was a lose lose situation that no reasonable person would consider a real choice for a child to make. In some cannon materials Anakin even asks himself if his life as a slave would have been better for him than his life as a Jedi. Just let that sink in.
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And before any one jumps on here with “BuT sHmi WaNteD HIm to Go” I would like to argue “what the hell was she supposed to say in that situation????”. Was she supposed to have said “nah, I think I’d rather keep my son in slavery forever rather than give him at least a CHANCE to be free to live a life on his own. I think I’d rather risk him DYING in the sun or by torture than I would allow his dream of becoming a space wizard come true.” I mean to argue that she has full autonomy in this situation us LUDICROUS. Qui Gon doesn’t even ASK her to test Anakin’s blood because he doesn’t even owe her that dignity since she has no legal existence. It’s gross. Let’s not use her desire to give her son a chance at something other than hellish slavery as a free choice to allow her son to be taken away.
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ironcrowley · 10 months
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i started star wars and now I'm obsessed, btw here's Anakin
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friendly-chaos · 4 months
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Obi wan episode 5 spoilers:
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“You’re a great warrior Anakin, but your need to prove yourself is your undoing. Until you overcome it, a padawan you will still be.”
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This may be a reach, but 1)it makes me ridiculously happy and 2)I have seen plenty crazier fan theories, so I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS LINE.
OKAY. (Deep inhale) so.
“Until you overcome it, a padawan you will still be.”
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Why did Obi-Wan phrase it like that? He could have easily said “you will still be a padawan.” It would have made more grammatical sense, and it would have been consistent with the way he usually speaks. Maybe they were just being fancy and thought it sounded/flowed better. Maybe it didn’t mean anything because no one cares, FC, you’re the only one who obsesses over stuff like this
OR.
Obi-Wan was mimicking Yoda. To those familiar with the Jedi Apprentice/Jedi Quest series, this would be a significant detail. If you haven’t, let me catch you up.
Jedi (often padawans) would mimic Yoda to each other occasionally, to express affection for the Jedi Master *and* for each other. We see this when Bant, Obi-Wan’s best friend, is tearfully bidding him goodbye as he leaves the temple for Bandomeer. Another notable time is when Obi-Wan speaks this way to Siri Tachi when they’re both on a doomed ship, presumably about to die - and *right* before they profess their love for each other.
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So, when Obi-Wan speaks this way to Anakin while admonishing him, could it be that he’s doing this to reassure Anakin of his care? Especially the way the line is delivered, Obi-Wan’s hand on his shoulder and pat on the back, it feels an awful lot like he’s saying, “Anakin, you’re a brat, but you’re *my* brat.” And you can see in Anakin’s face that he doesn’t believe it. In AOTC and ROTS, he’s practically non-responsive to his master’s concern and love for him. And Obi-Wan cared so much. It’s heartbreaking.
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Obviously, this detail doesn’t change anything- but it *does* (at least to me) adds more depth and color to Obi-Wan’s deep love for Anakin. They practically grew up together. Obi-Wan was 25 *and* a brand-new Jedi Knight when he took Anakin on. Anakin joined the order way late in life (at 9 years old) but was actually really young to be a padawan, since younglings are usually chosen by their masters between 12-16 years old. They were both so young, and practically thrown together at Qui-Gon’s behest.
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They went through a *lot* in the ten years between their pairing and Anakin’a knighthood. They truly were brothers - two sides of one coin., which makes Anakin’s eventual betrayal all the more devastating.
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I mean. Look at his face. How can you not love him?
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