#anakin being like 'so THIS is my real punishment why is this kid idolizing the most tortuos disgusting pathetic and painful phase of my life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

reysexualkylo · 6 years

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Hi, I just wanted to drop a note, I’m mostly a lurker on here, I do have a blog but this is gonna be kind of personal so I want to leave it on anon.

It probably sound silly but Ben Solo is probably the character I relate to most in Star Wars, and I think he’s really important because I see myself in him.

I’m a Asian guy, 16 yo, so this is not a “white power fantasy” who’s been severely depressed since I was young, I’ve self-harmed/been suicidal and had an eating disorder- and only recently have been able to be stable and on good meds/with a good mental health plan. I come from what everyone calls a good family, but no one in my family has ever made an effort to understand mental illness or reach out to me and I’ve always felt like I’m an outsider with them. I’ve made a lot of bad choices and I still have a lot of struggles with things like trusting others and being able to have honest relationships because I spent such a huge and important part of my life beating myself down and unable to see a path forward.

There’s a lot of really important representation happening in the new Star Wars trilogy and I think a lot of people are missing that Ben Solo and Kylo Ren are a really good representation of lots of kids, now especially, who have mental illnesses,.

Yes you can have great parents and families and a good life but still have that darkness inside you that makes you make bad choices and hurt yourself and others because you think that is the only way to make the pain go away. People definitely will try to blame you and act like it is a problem with you, and some people will shut you out because they don’t want to deal with you at your worst, especially if you can’t be the “normal” person they wanted or expected. Also, you’re going to wish you were normal and okay the whole time- even if you see other people like that don’t always have it together- just because you want that badly to be okay.

I see that in how Ben idolizes Darth Vader- because Darth Vader was a strong leader and a had power and respect, and Anakin was important to others and loved - Ben knows Vader is bad but he still really wants those things that he as Ben thinks he can never have.

Watching TLJ I was really rooting for Ben- because I saw him killing Snoke and fighting with Rey, and it was like me finally being able to say “no” to my depression and try to find help- but it’s a hard road and there’s a lot of setbacks. And when Kylo tried to kill Luke’s force projection as well, it felt like the end of a really terrible manic episode- when I just wanted all of this to go away RIGHT NOW but that’s not how it works, right? And when Ben said he had given so much to the Dark Side- it’s the same with depression- it takes so much away from you like doing well in school, friends, family and activities.

So I hate when people just say he’s just the Star Wars version of the “alt-Right” because he’s not- he’s someone who is lost and has made a lot of terrible choices- but he’s not willfully making these choices to hurt people he “hates”- he is doing this because he is hurting so bad and needs a lot of love and to be able to redirect himself to better and more useful pursuits which only comes when he makes the choice to get help with what drove him to those actions.

Also, everyone who is saying like “well Kylo is a genocidal maniac” and all that- the series is called STAR WARS of course everything is massively exaggerated and people are always being killed and such. Of course it’s important to talk about violence but it’s like the people who are saying that Harry Potter makes kids satanic because there’s magic- people know the difference between real and fake, even kids.

I hope Ben is able to be redeemed- because like they say, the force is a balance- and some of us here have a hard time keeping the balance so we need help like Ben to make sure the dark doesn’t take us completely. And I think Rey, who has a “new” kind of understanding of the force- also knows it’s important to reach out to Ben and make sure he knows he’s supported and loved at his worst- because you can’t punish or bury that “force imbalance” away from someone.

Anyway, this has gotten way too long and all that- but I really had to say this and didn’t feel comfortable sharing on my own blog and this is one is one of my favorite Reylo blogs I follow and I thought you would be nice about something like this.

Thanks And make sure you share love someone today!

I wanted to wait until I got to my computer to post this one. Honestly, I could not have said this better myself. And everything that you are feeling and have felt and gone through in your life... I just want you to know you are not alone. Reading this felt like I was reading somebody narrating my life.

Thank you so much for sending this in to me. I think it is beautifully written. This is exactly why I relate to Kylo Ren/Ben Solo as a character.

#kylo ren redemption arc #save ben solo #submission

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