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undertakinggraveshift-blog · 6 years

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Law at Death’s Door Pt 1

@Law AR and PI will be having a meeting at Pendleton's Parlor, Death's funeral home. AR has extended the meeting to the rest of the law force so. Scene: Death's funeral home. Death: Perplexed and vaguely bewildered Tea: On Coffee: Also on

@dilldaydreamer @lawtula @lassofthelaw @cautionarylaw @dickshalfthesolution @fishprincessofthelaw @ectocrimefighter@redstringsandpidgeons ....I probably forgot a few I’m sorry 8′B

Mabs (PI/02)Today at 8:14 PM

You enter the parlor, pick up your cat who is already waiting for you, and proceed to beeline to the pile of pillows so that you may begin the slow suffocating death of comfort.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:21 PM

Death is skittering about, making the parlor people friendly. It's always people friendly, actually, but now it's got a whole lot of law around and Death cannot help but worry he might have a mobster-delivered body around. Oh god, don't somehow magically know about all the real unfortunate bodies buried in unmarked graves. Ahahaha. Anxiety isn't something unbeknownst to Death but lord is it at an all time high. However, he does know the danger is over for now... and things are hopefully settling down, for now, so it eases soon enough. For the officers who have come, a short hallway leads into a large room. Death leads those who come in into the kitchen connected. Nicely lit, with a kitchen table and awaiting chairs. Coffee is in the process of being made and a kettle is on the oven. Uh... snacks are... hm. He should probably make something but, he's only oh so fast and honestly his concerns are more on Pembrooke who went off into hiding for now.

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 8:25 PM

You drive yourself and Feferi to the parlor in a slightly damaged by yourself car. You are mostly silent during the entire ride, you have turned your phone off and by this point all you want and need is a break. You aren't quite sure if you want to actually go somewhere or you are looking from solace of this mess. You could do with something to de-stress. For now you park out of the Parlor. "Lets go in shall we."

Lissaloo (Ms. Paint/Feferi)Today at 8:28 PM

"Yes sir," you hop out of the car and wat for him by the door. You keep your own phone on, just incase something happens and Eridan needs you. Or Sol. You should check on him too. Another text is shot off. Hopefully your matesprit and friend will be fine.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:29 PM

The door is open and waiting, but Death pops up regardless, smiling and tapping his fingers together.

Mabs (PI/02)Today at 8:32 PM

Pembrooke is currently being suffocated by his cat and will make an appearance later once he realizes this is not going to work.(edited)

Resh (NB)Today at 8:33 PM

After making the arrangements for the royalty stay at the hospital, you make sure that all the officers on duty there are up to date. Soon, Amir is texting you with coordinates for a meeting. He doesn’t necessarily soon urgent, so you deem it appropriate to acquire healthy snacks and such for everyone. Heaven knows they probably forgot. You show up and walk through the door with a few bags of food and an expression of weariness, melted only at the sight of who you assumed was Elliot.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:36 PM

Death gives Nuavi a mental gold star for showing up with food. A blessed woman.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 8:37 PM

@Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD) [AR>JH: [COORDINATES REDACTED] AR: if you wanted that interview.

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 8:37 PM

"Hello, thanks for the invite." Ace walks in. "Nuavi, good to have ya here too. " OH FOOD, good lord you could eat a whale.

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 8:38 PM

(JH>AR: RIGHT AWAY SIR over I WILL BE THERE IN 10 over)

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:38 PM

"Not a problem." He motions down the hall, taking a step while offering to help Nuavi with the bags, jumping right into funeral director mode. "There's coat hangers if you would like to shrug them off. I'll have the doors locked behind you once everyone is here, not to worry. Follow me into the main room and we're settling in the kitchen."

Lissaloo (Ms. Paint/Feferi)Today at 8:39 PM

You enter as well, quiet which is abnormal for you, but you're in a mood and your worried. You go to stand out of the way, leaned against a wall and watch the people around you.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:40 PM

(Pokes Mabs into the RP-DMs first!)(edited)

Mabs (PI/02)Today at 8:42 PM

(woops! So much chats!)

Skippy (13/John)Today at 8:44 PM

When you arrive you see some of the others are already here. Oh yay, no awkward being early or last stuff, thank god. You walk up just as Death finishes speaking. "Hey. Officer Egbert reporting for the meeting." You shrug off your jacket and hang it on a coat hanger. "Don't worry, I come prank free." Not really, you have a joy-buzzer in your pocket but that's just because you forgot to take it out earlier. Still, you don't exactly plan on using it. This is serious so it's time to get into serious mode. You follow Death, giving a friendly wave towards Fef.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:46 PM

"You're a blessing, Officer Egbert." Death's lip tugs to the side, an amused smile. He leads them towards the kitchen, motioning to the seats if anyone so wished. "Officer Ra... mm, I'm using first names. Amir will be down shortly to speak with you all. I have coffee, and can make tea. Water, milk, and apple juice are options too. For tea there's-- well, I'm not sure how much everyone knows on tea, but feel free to use a descriptor and I'll surprise you I suppose ahaha. Floral, fruity, mint."

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 8:49 PM

"If you got one of those spicy teas I'm down for that." You are slightly peppier with the mention of possible nutrients. Ace needs nutrients. "If you need setting with anything I'll be glad to help." You say at Death as you are basically tail him around. Thats a way to put that you are nervous and hungry.

Resh (NB)Today at 8:51 PM

You nod at Ace with a smile and let Elliot help you with the bags as you follow the rest of the crowd over to the table. After setting down the snacks, you take everything out and just, dump it there. “F-f-“ You cough, casually, “Free for all sustenance here, if anyone would c-care to indulge.”(edited)

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 8:51 PM

You had no idea if you were supposed to bring something, it was an interview so you thought colombian coffee package was a good gift, would that be considered bad? to bring a gift to your future boss?. You thought so but also you realize that the address wasn't the police station and so maybe this was a bit more personal, besides who makes interviews at this hours of the night. You drive yourself to the...parlor? what. You check the message twice to make sure this is the place. >knock on the door and wait.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:56 PM

Spicy, spicy, did he have spicy. Now that was an interesting one he didn't partake in often. Desth watches Ace play the nervous role, and he keeps the smile, brows knitted down. If the man wanted to get to work, he could do that. "Middle shelf, over there-" Death motions in the direction of the cabinet, "There's a number of mugs, cups, and what have you. Please bring enough to the table for everyone, if you could? Now do forgive me, some of you are new faces, and some are those I've only met online... I am Death, or Elliott, Amir might have introduced m-- ah..." Door knock. "One, one moment." He shifts to go answer that real quick.

HandyToday at 8:59 PM

Latula had kind of been privvy to what was going on, but just barely. She'd been outside when everything happened, doing the sk8ter gorl thing before everything went to shit. She spends a good long time marveling at the sight in the sky before the message sends her towards Death's. She kicks her board up into her arms and begins in a walk before approaching the dude waiting outside. He must be new! She stops right next to him and gives him a nudge with her shoulder. "Sup my dude. You here for the big sleepover?"

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:02 PM

"Hello-- oh! Latula! And ah, a new face I see." He knew the troll thanks to Amir, he talked of her occasionally. The skateboard gave her away, and the well, everything else. "Do come in, Amir will be down shortly I'm sure."

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 9:02 PM

"alright." Ace follows the instructions as requested, he goes back and forth bringing all those dainty cups and mugs, this are particular of ... huh Elliot as he said. Its interesting. ACe raises an eyebrow, thats the first time you've seen that troll. Ace shoots a look at Feferi like trying to get an explanation before noticing that obviously not all trolls know eachother. Idiot.

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:05 PM

"Ah- Jude! i'm Jude It's ah- very nice to meet you " Stretch your hand to salute then don't then again. Try again Jude "T-thanks - over". Don't trip on your own feet when you enter the place.You say on a corner like a god damn spider.

HandyToday at 9:10 PM

Latula giggles at the new guy, turning to beam brightly at the person she recognized as Elliot by description. "Thanks so much for hosting our lil' meeting! It's super awesome of you." She's sure to leave her board by the entrance before following them inside with a tip of her shades.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:11 PM

Death chuckles softly at the stumbling. "And I am Death. Pleasure- I think I've seen you about." He makes sure to lock the door behind them, before leading them to the kitchen with the others. "Make that too more cup if you could."

Lissaloo (Ms. Paint/Feferi)Today at 9:12 PM

You eye your phone for any messages, then seeing none, fetches the extra cup for Death.

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:14 PM

"Death?...." DO NOT ASK WHY HIS NAME IS DEATH JUDE TAHT'S RUDE "You have? ah- I don't remember you but ah. It's good to meet new people"duck duck duck you follow as tense as a board

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:15 PM

AR, feeling very. Very tired. Lets the ducklings mingle while he finishes coffee cup number two, silently closing the door behind him as he returns downstairs. He picks out Elliott in the crowd, giving him as soft a look as he can manage. He cannot thank the man enough. What an excellent host.

Mabs (PI/02)Today at 9:16 PM

Pembrooke finally makes his entrance, holding the tiny potato of a cat in his hands. Bastet immediately wiggles free, new people meant new pets. As she beelines for the one that smells a wee bit fishy, Pembrooke zombies his way to the coffee.

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:18 PM

Jude is separated from the crowd holding the coffee hoping somebody would take it.

Lissaloo (Ms. Paint/Feferi)Today at 9:18 PM

Feferi, seeing the cat, kneels and pets like crazy. Nothing like a soft creature to help sooth one's mind

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:19 PM

"Apologies for that. The door is locked by the by, to let everyone know. I assume there may be others coming, I'll handle that as you all get comfortable." Death offered a hand towards the coffee with a soft inquiry? If given, he'll take that up and incorporate it into the coffee going on. After, Death moved to the tea cupboard, rummaging before finding a spicy chai for Ace. "Introductions, as I was trying to go for, to help me familiarize." He spots Amir and Pembrooke, perking some, but in the process and not about to break it even if he wants to.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:28 PM

Zombieing for coffee is the exact verbage applicable. AR steps into the kitchen silently, maneuvering around the crowd of officers, and interrupts Elliott's tea process, looping his free arm around the man's chest to hug him from behind. He needs to convey his gratitude just as much as he needs the scent of chamomile to calm him. He stays like that a bit too long, sluggish from the days events. He breaks the hug with a soft peck and whispered 'thank you' to the side of Elliott's hair. Fuck it. He's too tired to pretend. He proceeds to move past him, settling in front of the counter. The dersite leans for a long moment, looking over the gathered crowd. He assumes they are waiting for him to speak. Hm. ...... A long sigh. A turn behind him to pour another cup of black coffee. And a returns to face his team. "Good evening."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:30 PM

Death dies.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:30 PM

.......................... He proceeds to quietly, slowly, drink the entire cup of coffee in one go. A fourth is poured. "Let us start with a debriefing."

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:31 PM

Jude looks very confused. Why is he in such an important meeting.

Resh (NB)Today at 9:32 PM

Nuavi gets comfortable leaning against one of the walls with a bag of dried fruit. This was her first meeting with Amir, so she was almost excited to see how much of his character she had guessed right.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:34 PM

Death's entire momentum is thrown off and he's not sure what to do at this point. Okay so. He was making... a thing. What was he making. Oh, the thing is in hand. Chai tea. ...How make tea. Oh fuck, he didn't say thank yo-- er, you're welcome. You're welcome is what you say to thank you. A noise is made. It's probably a 'You're welcome', and Death then goes back to making the tea for Ace.

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 9:39 PM

Well thats a thing. Ace just kinda takes a seat.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:41 PM

The coffee. It does nothing. "Earlier today, as many of you witnessed..." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Many of you witnessed, our very own white queen had been located, followed by an outburst from the white king, who made arrangements with Snowman of the felt to make an exchange for the queen, completely disregarding proceedings of the law, and if I am being frank, embarrassed our outfit as a whole." He observes particularly the prospitians, making note of their reactions. "I brought you here, and not to the precinct, because I wanted to address you without....the royals. I am surprised to see most all of you. Though will admit I do not know half of you."

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:42 PM

Jude is even more confused, also , take notes.

Resh (NB)Today at 9:43 PM

As soon as the outburst is mentioned, Nuavi seems to shrink in on herself. Disappointed and visibly ashamed of how the king had acted towards the situation and everyone involved.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:45 PM

A hot cup is placed near Ace, murmuring a quiet, 'Be careful, it's hot' as to not interrupt Amir's speech. He makes sure to set the pot of coffee on the table on a cozy to keep it from damaging the table, along with a pitcher of water. Everyone could pick from the finger foods and drinks while they listened during the meeting before Death went off to park himself next to Pembrooke.

Skippy (13/John)Today at 9:45 PM

John leans back in his chair and resists his usual habit of propping his legs up on the table. Don't forget your table manors Johnny boy.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:47 PM

"We have taken a blow tonight. The law as it stands now is just a puppet of prospit's 'missionary' services. The media knows we answer to the dime of thugs. There is nothing we can do if we do not work together." "I want to start with your names. I need to know you. You need to know each other. Consider this a team building exercise." John is picked out of the crowd for those rude table manners. "Egbert. Proceed. State your name and rank and where you are from."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:48 PM

Death gives Amir a double thumbs up!!

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 9:52 PM

Ace whispers a 'thank you' back to Death before sipping onto the tea. It is hot in all ways possible, you love it.

Skippy (13/John)Today at 9:54 PM

John perks up when he's called upon and then grins wide. "John Egbert. I'm a standard patrol officer. I was born and raised on Earth, till Dad and I moved to Derse a few years ago."

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:55 PM

"Next.""Which of you was briefing me earlier on the computer."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:01 PM

Death was about to point someone out to help people choose since... in a large room, and telling everyone to make their own line, generally ended in disaster. Understandable for Rashid to make that hiccup- or any of them. It's been a night. Amir continues though and Death hesitates briefly, side eying Pembrooke before looking around the kitchen. "Ace, would you like to go?" Death looks to the man, knowing him well enough. It was easy to make guesses for some of them when he put two and two together with how they behaved online and how they behaved face to face.@pi3shark (Eridan/AD)

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:03 PM

"Shit." Amir rubs his hand over his face. "Scratch that, I do not need your ranks. Those are on paper. State your name. Where you are coming from. And why you joined the law."(edited)

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 10:05 PM

Oh no this makes Jude sweat even more. he haven't yet.

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 10:12 PM

"Sure why not." Ace gets up and leaves his tea on the table. "Name is Ace Dick... Bullock." Besides WQ and PS no one knew that little extra tibit. "I'm form prospit and huh....I just wanted to make things right you know. Its cheesy as heck but I was made to be the Enforcer what a better way to enforce an protect my huh... citizens than being a cop. Make them follow the law, all of the laws make this place safe. So when the offer and eventual move happened I got here late I figured this was going to be the hardest thing any of us ever had done... and intuition was right. And after the archagent got fuckin stabbed it got reafirmed on what i wanted to do, thats about it. I will protect everyone who deserves to be, thats what I am."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:15 PM

Death nodded. "A noble wish if I ever heard one. Thank you, Ace. You do a wonderful job. ... Nuavi?" Death picked her up quick, catching that controlled stutter when she spoke. @Resh (NB)Death also sounded a little unsure. New-ah-vee? He looks apologetic. Sorry.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:23 PM

"You did not have to stand up." He mutters, but Ron Swanson nods at Ace. Good answer.(edited)

Resh (NB)Today at 10:36 PM

Nuavi perks up at the mention of her name, mid fruit grab, and slides off her spot on the wall. She was already standing, so Amir’s correction wasn’t of much use to her. After nodding at Elliot’s correct pronunciation of her name, she speaks. “Greet-tings. My name is Nuavi Bakul, agent of Prospit and servant of the innocent. I joined the law bec-c-cause I knew that I could do it better then the fools that kept being assigned to it. Up t-to that point, every time I had seen an officer do their duty, they did it sloppily. Simple, obvious steps were skipped, and I couldn’t bare t-to see that kind of incompetence within a profession that demanded perfection.” She looks miffed, angered by something, or maybe someone? “That’s why, when I was asked t-to come here by my Queen, to make a difference in a place that needed it more the prospit could ever c-care to have, well, it’s no wonder I couldn’t t-turn her down.”

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:37 PM

"Do you want to do this job well to protect people."

Resh (NB)Today at 10:39 PM

She gives him a surprised look of disbelief. “Of course! Why else would I w-want to do this job?”

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:42 PM

"How is your coding handling this." He has never beat around a bush in his life, addressing both NB and AD. "I ask to all whiteshells. I do not know if there are more here."

Resh (NB)Today at 10:52 PM

Nuavi raises a brow, not suspicious, just curious. There is a very dull and aching pain that hums throughout her nerves, but that’s just because she’s had years to perfect her ability in dulling the sensations she gets through her connection to the Queen. “It’s fine. I c-can control what I receive from it. Granted, as long as long as the Queen doesn’t wish t-to override my commands. Which has only ever happened near t-two or three times over the many years I’ve worked with her, ergo, it-t’s not an issue.”

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 10:58 PM

"Aside form the obvious stress nothing too particularly bad. A headache that is gone was the worst part of it. Even during overrides I can work around it, I've had to train to not let emotions take me over since everything is at 200% all the time so it aint that complicate to flush all extra things out. Also an emotional cop is not a fuckin' good idea."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:59 PM

Also Death gives Nuavi two thumbs up for her part. That was wonderful, I'm so proud.

Resh (NB)Today at 11:00 PM

Nuavi’s trying her best not to show it, but, at Elliot’s silent encouragement, she’s immediately filled with pride.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 11:01 PM

Nods at those two. Will go with coding workarounds later. "Egbert clone. Who are you."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 11:01 PM

Death clears his throat lightly, "Possible family member, humans don't have clones."

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 11:02 PM

"Oh."

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 11:02 PM

Jude just look all around see if anybody reacts to the call then points at himself.

4 notes · View notes

bronzeflower · 7 years

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Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Also on ao3

-----

Chapter 10: Romantic Advice And The Greatest Rap Battle In History

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: HEY, DAVE. CG: I TRIED TO TROLL YOU YESTERDAY, BUT IT SAID YOU WERE IDLE. CG: ARE YOU HERE NOW?

TG: you bet your bottom dollar im here TG: sorry for not answering yesterday btw TG: got distracted by a bunch of other people pestering and trolling me

CG: IT’S FINE. CG: WE ALL GET BOMBARDED BY OTHERS AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER. CG: WHO DID YOU TALK TO?

TG: some of my friends who you also apparently know or knew TG: i learned a lot of shit yesterday TG: namely that all of my friends know who you are TG: jade knows who you are TG: john knows who you are TG: terezi knows who you are but that was kind of expected but i did not expect that you were friends with her since fucking kindergarten TG: and then also aradia apparently was friends with you in middle school????

CG: WHAT? CG: YOU TALKED TO ARADIA? CG: GEEZ, I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER IN AGES. CG: HAS SHE DIED YET?

TG: not that i know of TG: as far as i know she is as nice and cheerful as ever

CG: CHEERFUL? CG: CLEARLY WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE SAME ARADIA.

TG: so you arent talking about aradia megido here

CG: I AM, BUT CHEERFUL IS PROBABLY THE LAST WORD I WOULD USE TO DESCRIBE HER. CG: SHE WAS ALWAYS KIND OF CREEPY, AND SHE ACTED DEAD HALF THE TIME. CG: SHE ALSO DID A BUNCH OF CRAZY SHIT AS IF SHE COULDN'T DIE. CG: IT WAS, FRANKLY, EXTREMLY CONCERNING.

TG: that doesnt sound like the ara i know at all TG: except for the crazy shit part TG: she still does crazy shit TG: the ara i know is super fucking cheerful and happy TG: wait when you say she acted dead what do you mean

CG: I MEAN SHE ACTED LIKE EVERYTHING WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN. CG: IT WAS HONESTLY SUPER CREEPY. CG: THE ONLY TIME I REMEMBER THAT SHE SHOWED SOME EMOTION WAS WHEN EQUIUS TRIED TO ASK HER OUT. CG: TO BE FAIR, HE DIDN'T EXACTLY DO IT IN THE BEST WAY. CG: HE KIND OF DESERVED TO GET BEAT UP.

TG: holy shit TG: i dont know who the fuck equius is but what was the damage

CG: HE HAD A BROKEN BONE OR TWO, AND HE ALSO HAD TWO BLACK EYES. CG: WHICH WAS REALLY FUCKING IMPRESSIVE SINCE HE WAS SUPER FUCKING BUFF AND KNEW MARTIAL ARTS.

TG: can a middle school child be buff

CG: YES. APPARANTLY. CG: AND, AS MUCH AS NEPETA THOUGHT THE PAIRING WAS CUTE, SHE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE TO ADMIT THAT THE WAY EQUIUS ASKED ARADIA OUT WAS CREEPY.

TG: how did he even ask her out

CG: IT'S A MEMORY I PREFER TO KEEP REPRESSED.

TG: that bad

CG: YES. CG: IT WAS HORRIBLE TO WATCH, AND THEN ARADIA GOT SUSPENDED FOR AN AMOUNT OF TIME.

TG: she did it at school???

CG: SHE DID. CG: SHE ALSO DIDN'T OFFER ANY MERCY. CG: THE ONLY REASON THAT SHE STOPPED BEATING UP EQUIUS IS BECAUSE A TEACHER MANAGED TO PRY HER OFF HIM.

TG: jesus christ TG: i wasnt even sure that aradia was capable of being angry TG: she was clearly a very different kind of person when she knew you

CG: CLEARLY.

TG: also i dont know who nepeta is either

CG: SHE WAS EQUIUS'S MOIRAIL. CG: SHE STILL IS, AS FAR AS I KNOW. CG: I TALK TO HER SEMI-OFTEN. CG: I SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO HER MORE.

TG: how many of your friends from middle school do you still even know and talk to

CG: WELL, I STILL TALK TO NEPETA, KANAYA, TEREZI, SOLLUX, AND ERIDAN. CG: SOMETIMES I HAVE THE DISPLEASURE OF TALKING TO EQUIUS. CG: GAMZEE STILL CONTACTS ME SOMETIMES, BUT I TRY TO AVOID TALKING WITH HIM BECAUSE OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST. CG: I'VE BARELY HEARD ABOUT VRISKA SINCE SHE WENT TO JAIL FOR SOMETHING. CG: I CAN'T, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, REMEMBER FOR WHAT, BUT I THINK IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN FOR STEALING SOMETHING. CG: AND THEN I DON'T REALLY TALK TO FEFERI, TAVROS, OR ARADIA ANYMORE. CG: I THINK THAT'S BASICALLY EVERYONE I WAS FRIENDS WITH IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.

TG: holy shit thats a shit ton of people TG: when i was in middle school i was only friends with john jade and rose TG: and rose was my fucking twin and john and jade lived miles and miles away from me TG: and you still talk to a bunch of them TG: even if i dont know who most of them are but will probably find out eventually TG: i think john once dated a girl named vriska TG: dont know if it is the same one

CG: WAS SHE WEIRDLY OBSESSED WITH SPIDERS AND THE NUMBER EIGHT?

TG: she was actually

CG: THEN IT WAS THE SAME ONE I KNEW.

TG: shit TG: john still has lingering effects of her influence TG: like typing out eight characters when drawing words out

CG: WELL, SHE WASN'T DATING JOHN WHEN I MET HIM, SO SHE MUST HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF JAIL.

TG: well i guess that development is settled TG: i apparently know a fair amount of the people you knew TG: who would have guessed

CG: PROBABLY ANYONE WHO KNEW BOTH OF US CG: ALSO, COULD I ASK YOU FOR ARADIA'S TROLLHANDLE? CG: I WAS BEING SERIOUS WHEN I SAID I HADN'T TALKED TO HER IN AGES. CG: AND I DON'T KNOW IF SHE STILL HAS THE SAME TROLLHANDLE.

TG: sure thing dude TG: her trollhandle is apocalypsearisen

CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S STILL THE SAME. CG: I COULD HAVE CONTACTED HER AT ANY FUCKING TIME.

TG: i wouldnt worry about it that much TG: you probably just didnt want to risk contacting someone super weird who you didnt actually know anything about

CG: I GUESS, BUT STILL.

TG: besides it is super hard to get a hold of her at all so i only really ever talk to her like once every few months TG: she does all this archeology shit so half the time she is in a place with no internet

CG: OH. CG: I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE. CG: ARCHEOLOGY IS PRETTY COOL THOUGH.

TG: yeah she gets to lead expeditions and shit now its pretty fucking awesome TG: going around licking shit to see if something is a rock or a bone

CG: WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD YOU GO AROUND LICKING RANDOM THINGS TO SEE IF IT IS A ROCK OR A BONE?

TG: because if it is a bone then your tongue will stick TG: thats how you know its not going to be useless if you shove it into a museum

CG: THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.

TG: you havent even heard about licking some thousand or something year old honey to see if it was still good TG: spoilers TG: it was because honey never spoils

CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT.

TG: no man its one hundred percent true TG: complete and absolute fact

CG: I'M STILL GOING TO CALL BULLSHIT.

TG: dont say i didnt warn ya TG: one day youre going to be arguing with someone and then youll both look it up on wikipedia to see whos right TG: and low and behold you were wrong TG: you will have to live with that humiliation for the rest of your life

CG: I THINK I'LL GET OVER IT.

TG: wow okay

CG: ANYWAY, I'M GLAD ARADIA IS DOING SOMETHING THAT SHE PRESUMABLY ENJOYS WITH HER LIFE. CG: SHE DOES ENJOY HER JOB, RIGHT?

TG: hell yeah she does TG: every time i contact her we trade stories about things that have happened in the past few months TG: sometimes really dumb shit happens that we tell to our other friends TG: while others are closely guarded secrets that we only tell one another and they never see the light of day

CG: WHAT KIND OF SECRETS?

TG: secret secrets TG: the most secrety kind of secrets you could ever conceivably have and share with another living thing that has the capability to tell others your secret TG: except that you trust them enough not to tell anybody about it

CG: ARE YOU SURE YOU ONLY TALK TO HER ONCE EVERY FEW MONTHS?

TG: yeah i would like to talk to her more but she is a busy person and so am i TG: our schedules dont always line up TG: particularly because of her going to places where she doesnt have internet and is therefore unable to contact anybody

CG: THAT SOUNDS PRETTY SHITTY. CG: I CAN'T IMAGINE NOT TALKING TO KANAYA FOR MONTHS AT A TIME.

TG: its a system that works just fine for aradia and i TG: it would be nice to see her in person every now and then tho

CG: WAIT, I HAVE A QUESTION. CG: HOWEVER, IT MAY BE KIND OF PERSONAL, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.

TG: ill answer depending on the question so go ahead and shoot

CG: ARE YOU MOIRAILS WITH ARADIA? CG: BECAUSE A LOT OF THE STUFF YOU DESCRIBED TALKING TO HER ABOUT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING YOU WOULD ONLY EVER TELL YOUR MOIRAIL.

TG: oh um TG: moirail is like the intimate best friend right TG: like pale and shit

CG: YES. THAT IS THE QUADRANT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

TG: ... TG: i actually have no idea

CG: OKAY, SO IF YOU TWO AREN'T OFFICIAL MOIRAILS YET, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HER?

TG: shit man i dont know TG: i just kind of think that shes a cool person who i would prefer to hang out with more TG: but like i know that her job is important to her

CG: YES?

TG: i dont know its just like TG: it would be nice to hear more from her TG: just to know that shes alive and doing well and safe and shit TG: you know

CG: YES, I DO KNOW. CG: BECAUSE I HAVE A MOIRAIL, SO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT HERE.

TG: oh TG: huh TG: i feel like my previous definition is an intimate friend was kind of correct then TG: but like also kind of not TG: im not exactly sure how serious this kind of relationship is though

CG: IT JUST DEPENDS ON WHO YOU DECIDE TO BE MOIRAILS WITH. CG: FOR SOME PEOPLE, IT'S A VERY SERIOUS COMMITMENT, BUT, FOR OTHERS, IT'S MORE CASUAL. CG: SOME EVEN WANT TO HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP, WHICH IS MORE COMMON WITH HUMANS, BUT WHATEVER. CG: REALLY, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO ARADIA ABOUT THIS AND TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. CG: IF THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN SHARING SECRETS LIKE YOU SAID YOU WERE, THEN SHE PROBABLY FEELS THE SAME WAY. CG: ALTHOUGH, THE RELATIONSHIP MAY BE DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN BECAUSE OF DISTANCE. CG: ON THE OTHER HAND, YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HASN'T BEEN DIMINISHED FROM TIME AND DISTANCE, SO IT MIGHT HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO TURN INTO A STRONG MOIRALLEGIANCE.

TG: i think im going to think on it for a bit longer TG: but thanks anyway for the relationship advice

CG: OF COURSE. CG: ROMANCE IS MY FORTE.

TG: speaking of romance though TG: talk to me about your novel TG: it sounds pretty interesting from what little i have heard about it TG: and based on the amount of writing i have read from you its really good TG: so you should totally yell at the top of your lungs about it TG: shout your passions to the world and if anyone gives you shit about it punch them

CG: I DO THAT ANYWAYS. CG: I HAVE PUNCHED MULTIPLE PEOPLE. CG: THERE IS REALLY NO NEED TO ENCOURAGE IT.

TG: thats the spirit TG: so novel time TG: lay out your outline of novel in amazing detail for me TG: or whatever amount you feel comfortable with TG: really there isnt any pressure or anything

CG: FINE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO INSISTENT. CG: THE BASIC SETTING OF MY NOVEL IS THAT TWO INDIVIDUALS MEET WHILE IN COLLEGE. CG: THEY MEET IN A TEA SHOP BECAUSE I CAN DO WHAT I WANT. CG: SO ANYWAY, WHEN THEY FIRST MEET, THEY FUCKING HATE EACH OTHER. CG: THEY'RE JUST COMPLETE OPPOSITES, BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT A BUNCH OF THEIR FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER, SO THEY END UP SPENDING MORE TIME TOGETHER. CG: THE MORE TIME THEY SPEND TOGETHER, THE MORE THEY REALIZE THAT THEY ACTUALLY LIKE THE OTHER PERSON. CG: WHICH EVENTUALLY LEADS TO THEM FALLING IN LOVE AND BEGINNING TO DATE.

TG: that sounds super interesting TG: infinitely better than that bullshit in romance novels where they fall in love with each other instantly and then spend most of the novel skirting around each other and beating around the bush TG: i havent actually read any romance novels but im pretty sure that is how it goes

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW IT GOES USUALLY. CG: AS MUCH AS A LOVE ROMANCE BOOKS AND MOVIES, THAT TROPE IS PRETTY FUCKING ANNOYING. CG: IT'S LIKE, JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER, YOU COMPLETE DOUCHNOZZLES! CG: OKAY, SO I MAY NOT BE THE BEST PERSON TO SAY THAT, BUT STILL! CG: I GOT BETTER! CG: I ASKED OUT KANAYA, AND IT WAS GREAT!

TG: really

CG: YES. CG: PEOPLE ALWAYS SEEM TO THINK THAT KANAYA WAS THE ONE WHO ASKED ME OUT, BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE. CG: I GATHERED UP THE NERVE, AND I TOLD HER THAT I WAS PALE FOR HER. CG: YEAH, *SOME* PEOPLE MAY CALL MY APPROACH A TAD BIT EXTRA, BUT I WAS TRYING TO BE ROMANTIC, GODDAMNIT!

TG: how exactly are you supposed to be romantic with pale romance

CG: I GAVE HER SOME FLOWERS, WHICH CAN BE USED TO EXPRESS FEELINGS FOR ANY AND ALL THE QUADRANTS. CG: TYPICALLY PEOPLE JUST WRAP THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS IN A COLORED WRAP THAT REPRESENTS THEIR FEELINGS. CG: RED FOR RED, PINK FOR PALE, BLACK FOR BLACK, AND GRAY FOR ASHEN. CG: I HAPPENED TO ALSO CHOOSE FLOWERS THAT WERE MEANINGFUL AS WELL, SO THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS I GAVE KANAYA HAD YELLOW ROSES, AND IT ALSO HAD SOME CHRYSANTHEMUMS.

TG: what do those mean

CG: YELLOW ROSES MEAN FRIENDSHIP, WHILE CHRYSANTHEMUMS MEAN SUPPORT. CG: I TRIED TO AVOID ANY FLOWERS THAT MEANT LONGEVITY AND STUFF LIKE THAT BECAUSE THOSE CAN MAKE YOU LOOK DESPERATE. CG: YOU ONLY GIVE THOSE SORTS OF FLOWERS TO SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN YOUR MOIRAIL FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. CG: IT IS ALSO TRADITIONAL FOR THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS TO BE TIED WITH TWO RIBBONS, ONE WITH YOUR BLOOD COLOR, AND THE OTHER WITH THE OTHER'S BLOOD COLOR. CG: SOME PEOPLE DO DIFFERENT KNOTS TO REPRESENT DIFFERENT THINGS, BUT I WON'T GET INTO THAT.

TG: this all sounds really fucking complicated

CG: YEAH, WELL THAT IS PROBABLY WHY PEOPLE CALLED ME EXTRA. CG: BUT, IN ADDITION TO THE FLOWERS, IT IS ROMANTIC TO BRING THE PALE ROMANTIC INTEREST THEIR COMFORT FOOD, ALONG WITH ONE OF THEIR FAVORITE MOVIES OR BOOKS. CG: IT SHOWS THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW THE PERSON FAIRLY WELL, AND WOULD LIKE TO PURSUE A PALE RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. CG: SO, I BROUGHT KANAYA HER COMFORT FOOD AND HER FAVORITE BOOK.

TG: i assume she responded positively since you two are now moirails

CG: YES. CG: WE HAD A VERY ENJOYABLE DATE.

TG: are there any nuances about the other quadrants i should know about

CG: IT DEPENDS ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE WILLING TO DO A BLACK OR ASHEN RELATIONSHIP. CG: MOST PARTICIPATE IN THE MORE RED QUADRANTS, BUT MANY FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THE DARKER ONES. CG: TO BE FAIR, THEY ARE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO KEEP UP BECAUSE THEY REQUIRE A PROPER RIVALRY. CG: THE BASIC STIRRINGS OF BLACK FEELINGS IS A FEELING OF RESPECT FOR THE OTHER PERSON. CG: YOU CAN'T HAVE A PROPER RIVALRY IF YOU DON'T RESPECT THE OTHER PERSON AND RECOGNIZE THAT THEY HAVE GOOD TRAITS. CG: THE MORE MAJOR FEELINGS THAT TEND TO GET UP PLAYED ARE THE FEELINGS OF ANIMOSITY TOWARDS THE OTHER PERSON. CG: HOWEVER, PEOPLE SEEM TO FORGET THAT THE RESPECT PLAYS A HUGE PART IN BLACK ROMANCE. CG: THE ASHEN QUADRANT IS EVEN MORE DIFFICULT BECAUSE IT TAKES THE BLACK QUADRANT AND ADDS ANOTHER PERSON TO MAKE SURE THAT THE KISMESISES DON'T KILL EACH OTHER. CG: SOMETIMES, THE HAPPENINGS OF A PITCH RELATIONSHIP IS DEPENDENT ON HOW GOOD THE AUSPISTICE IS. CG: AND THERE ARE VERY FEW GOOD AUSPISTICES, MUCH LESS PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY INTERESTING IN BEING ONE. CG: KANAYA IS ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE I KNOW WHO ACTUALLY HOLDS AN INTEREST IN BEING AN AUSPISTICE, SO SHE KNOWS MORE ABOUT IT.

TG: well thats a shit ton of information TG: i think i need my info a bit more spread out and a bit more simply worded TG: although it might just be because i have a hard time wrapping my mind around this black romance stuff TG: i think ill stick with the red quadrants thank you very much

CG: WELL, IF YOU EVER NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT QUADRANTS AND THE ROMANCE ASSOCIATED WITH EACH OF THEM, THEN I'M THE PERSON TO GO TO.

TG: i think i got that with the first word about quadrants that decided to waterfall out of your mouth

CG: THAT IS BECAUSE I AM SUPERIOR WHEN IT COMES TO KNOWLEDGE ABOUT QUADRANTS.

TG: yes you are TG: bow down to the great king of quadrants everybody TG: his greatness and might are too glorious to behold TG: youve got to fuckin look in the corner of your eyes to even begin to behold his beauty and glory TG: all hail the king of the quadrants

CG: FUCK YES. CG: BOW DOWN TO ME, PEASANTS, FOR I AM YOUR GOD. CG: QUIVER BEFORE MY MIGHT.

TG: they quiver before you my liege TG: they are fearful of the power you possess

CG: OKAY, THIS IS SOUNDING WAY TOO MUCH LIKE ONE OF NEPETA'S ROLEPLAYS, SO I'M GOING TO PUT A STOP TO IT HERE. CG: JUST, STOP.

TG: oh shit if nepeta does this kind of roleplay shit im going to need a way to contact her

CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I EVER WANT TO GIVE YOU THE MEANS TO TALK TO HER.

TG: because you want your friends to meet each other

CG: NOT REALLY. CG: ANYTIME THAT HAPPENS, THE TWO END UP GETTING ALONG INSUFFERABLY WELL, AND THEY END UP MAKING ME SUFFER.

TG: i guess ill just have to find another way to get her contact information

CG: GOOD FUCKING LUCK WITH THAT. CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, IF YOU END UP TALKING TO NEPETA, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TALK TO EQUIUS AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER. CG: THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS EXTREMELY SERIOUS. CG: THE TWO ARE SO PALE FOR EACH OTHER IT'S ALMOST SICKENING. CG: YOU MIGHT END UP WITH A BROKEN HAND.

TG: what for talking to nepeta TG: that seems like a dick move

CG: NO, IT WON'T BE FOR TALKING TO NEPETA. CG: IT WILL JUST BE FOR MEETING HIM. CG: HE HAS A REALLY STRONG HANDSHAKE. CG: DO NOT USE YOUR DOMINATE HAND WHEN GIVING HIM A HANDSHAKE.

TG: ... TG: ill keep that in mind TG: btw i want to know something TG: has rose pestered you yet

CG: WHY WOULD SHE PESTER ME?

TG: so she hasnt TG: she found out it was going to be kanayas bday soon and she was freaking out about it TG: because she didnt know what to get kanaya TG: i told her to contact you since you are moirails with kanaya

CG: KANAYA WOULD BE OVERJOYED JUST BEING GIVEN A GIFT FROM ROSE. CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT ROSE IS FREAKING OUT ABOUT.

TG: thats what i said TG: but yeah you should probably message her just to make sure she hasnt gone into solitude about it

CG: HAS SHE ACTUALLY GONE INTO SOLITUDE FOR THINGS LIKE THAT?

TG: no TG: she mostly goes into solitude near a book deadline TG: but still TG: it is a concern of mine

CG: ALRIGHT. CG: I'LL TRY TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER. CG: WHAT'S HER HANDLE?

TG: tentacletherapist

CG: I GUESS I'LL GO MESSAGE HER NOW. CG: I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

TG: see ya my dude

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

You begin to brainstorm ideas for possible videos for your channel in the future, and you kept this up for about an hour before someone started messaging you.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

GA: This Is Dave Correct GA: I Am Kanaya Just In Case You Did Not Recognize My Handle

TG: yep this is dave TG: whats up kanaya what do you need

GA: I Do Not Actually Need Anything From You GA: I Simply Wanted To Make Sure That I Had The Handle Right Before Contacting You In The Future GA: However I Would Not Be Adverse To A Conversation

TG: well lets see what could we possibly talk about TG: there are a shit ton of potential topics we could discuss TG: and yet my brain is coming up blank TG: despite all my swank this shit aint ready to bank TG: the topics at hand are inside the void TG: were reaching for them grabbing at them TG: but we miss more than a storm trooper droid TG: we pick up a topic and were like oh shit we grabbed it TG: only for it to slip out of our hands and end up cracking it

GA: Do You Happen To Partake In The Art Of Slam Poetry

TG: thats like the troll way of saying rap right TG: hell fucking yeah i do TG: do you want to do a rap battle with me

GA: I Do Not Do This Sort Of Thing Very Often But I Would Like To Accept Your Challenge GA: Would You Rather You Or I Go First

TG: if youre feeling up to it you can go first

GA: If You Insist GA: Here I Go GA: The World Was Created A Long Time Ago GA: And Yet It Has No Time For Your Parlor Tricks GA: All They Do Is Make Us Sick GA: The Stars Align And They Make Me Shine GA: Far Brighter Than The Sun That I Have Claimed As Mine GA: You Seem To Have The Belief That You Are Better Than I GA: But I Regret To Inform You That I Will Make You Cry

TG: holy shit that was great TG: but frankly i have to reiterate TG: my rhymes are slick and holding to a beat TG: theres not a lot of thinking that goes into what im bringing TG: theres no time to think no time to meet TG: just listen to the words here that i here am singing TG: youve got to have more than rhymes to kick my ass TG: and frankly based on that youre not gonna last TG: cause my beats are sick so sick in fact TG: that my old raps are practically some cool artifact

GA: That Youre Raps Are An Artifact You Have Correct GA: But I Have To Inform You That You Need To Double Check GA: What You Think It Means At Least GA: For I Believe They Were Thrown In The Garbage Yesterday GA: You Should Feel Horrid If That Is The Case GA: That Is Where They Were Meant To Be Anyway GA: Mine However Are The Hottest You Ever Will See GA: And If You Say Otherwise All Will Disagree

TG: my rhymes may be trash but theyre ironically shitty TG: just wait and see if you can reach my level of petty TG: my beats made of coal and with enough pressure and heat TG: my beats will be the most beautiful diamonds on the street TG: ill be forever engrained in the earth TG: youll be the one always waiting around for a rebirth

GA: Im Going To Have To Say I Agree Your Rhymes Are Shitty GA: Theyre Gritty And Im Pretty GA: And Im Worth More Than Being Just Petty GA: Youre Admitting That Your Trash GA: You Might As Well Be Ash GA: Ive Won Already So I Hope That You Are Ready GA: Your Diamonds Are Fake As Is Your Declaration GA: Just Pack Up Your Bags Youre Leaving The Station

TG: okay okay i yield TG: leaving the station now TG: didnt even pack my bags thats how roasted my ass got TG: your rhymes are too sick for me to handle TG: like holy shit where did you learn to rap like that

GA: I Dabble In The Art Of Slam Poetry And The Art Of Poetry Alike GA: Not As Often As I Would Like Though GA: Perhaps We Can Do This Again Another Time

TG: i will totally take you up on your offer TG: its been a while since ive had a worthy opponent TG: especially one that beat me into the ground so soundly

GA: I Will Continue Honing My Skills

TG: and ill do the same over here

GA: It Was Enjoyable Talking With You GA: Or In This Case Slamming With You GA: I Will Contact You In The Future

TG: wait hold on before you go TG: karkat mentioned a friend named nepeta and i want to get her contact info TG: do you have this information

GA: Her Trollhandle Is ArsenicCatnip GA: However I Do Not Know Why Karkat Would Withhold This Information From You

TG: i think he might have been worried how well we would get along

GA: I Still Do Not Understand GA: I Should Be Going Now GA: I Will Message You Again In The Future

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

Well, you guess it’s time to message Nepeta for the first time.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC] --

TG: yo youre nepeta right TG: i heard about you from my friend karkat who is also your friend TG: i got your handle from kanaya tho because karkat refused TG: he said he didnt want to bring the powers that we have together TG: well i said fuck that and so here i am pestering you

AC: :33 < i am nepeta, but who are mew?

TG: oh shit TG: i guess i completely forgot to introduce my awesome self TG: im dave TG: nice to meet you

AC: :33 < its nice to m33t you too! AC: :33 < how did you and karcat meet? AC: :33 < he doesnt really talk to anyone outside his furiend group

TG: i met him at his work and i kinda rambled a shit ton like i always do TG: and i made him laugh and i gave him my chumhandle

AC: :33 < ! AC: :33 < you made him laugh? AC: :33 < i almost nefur hear him laugh beclaws he just wants to be all grumpy all the time

TG: it might of just been because he was at work and didnt feel like risking yelling at me TG: which he does all the time TG: anyway i heard you like roleplaying with people

AC: :33 < i do! AC: :33 < would mew like to rolepurrlay with me?

TG: hell yes

AC: :33 < i usually rolepurrlay as a cat AC: :33 < what would mew like to be?

TG: shit if were going to be doing animals and shit then i want to be a crow TG: crows are the shit TG: you can start if you want to

AC: :33 < *ac crouches behind some bushes, watching her unsuspecting prey*

TG: *tg stands there pecking at the ground or some shit*

AC: :33 < *when ac is sure the crow isnt suspecting it, she pounces!*

TG: *tg squawks as ac attacks him he is completely fucking oblivious to how this could have possibly happened*

AC: :33 < *ac successfurlly holds the crow in her claws, purrparing to eat her dinner*

TG: *tg begs that ac does not eat him over and over he shouts to not be eaten by her*

AC: :33 < *ac carefurlly considers not eating the crow* AC: :33 < *in the end, howefur, ac opens her maw and asks if the crow would like to watch a documentary about animals!*

TG: *tg stares in disbelief at his tactic of begging actually working* TG: *not wanting to give ac any reason to eat him he accepts her invitation* TG: *he says that he would love to*

AC: :33 < *ac says that this rolepurrlay was furry fun!*

TG: *tg says ditto and would like to do this again sometime*

AC: :33 < *ac agrees but must go now so she will troll you again in the furture*

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

Well, that was pretty fun. Soon enough, you both will be able to use your powers for evil. And by evil, you mean to annoy Karkat, at least a little bit. Maybe you could invite them both out at some point.

You hear the doorbell ring, and you go to the door to find a package at your doorstep. Sweet. More stuff to review for your channel. As if you didn’t have enough shit already.

You set up your recording stuff and start recording. You open the box in absolute silence and slowly pull out the merchandise. It’s a rug. A very, very soft rug.

“The first carpet industry was made in 1791 by a dude named William Sprague in Philadelphia. However, it isn’t the United States that make the best rugs. Eastern counties actually have the best carpets, like India. They make a hell of a lot of rugs. This rug isn’t from India though. It’s just a really soft rug. Look how soft that shit is. Softer than the nicest goddamned silk in the world.”

You rub the carpet against your face.

“Just be sure to take off all the tags so you can get the full sensory experience of the rug. Now, of course, I can’t just keep rubbing my face against this lovely carpet. I’ve got to put it on the floor where it can do what it’s supposed to do. Be a rug.”

You place the carpet on the floor and step on it. You wriggle around your toes.

“Still just as amazing on my feet as it was on my face. Though, you might not want it to rub your face against it once you’ve rubbed your feet on it. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. I’m not judging. But you might want to wash it.”

After a few more minutes of rambling on about the texture and color and other sensory stuff about the carpet before stopping the recording.

Time to edit the fuck out of this shit. After you find a place for the pink carpet you bought. It was way too nice to throw away, and pink is a great color.

#davekat #aradave #pale aradave #karkat vantas #dave strider #homestuck #kanaya maryam #nepeta leijon

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