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#also yes i got this idea from that stranger things post that’s funnier than this one
isorottatime · 2 years
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love the new-ish genre of horror-like stuff where the premise is just ‘what if you were gay, and — wait for it! — some insane-ass fucking shit was going down, also.’
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hstyleshoney · 4 years
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flawed - h.s
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AU she has a new roommate and he’s not the worst 
Wordcount: 13K // slow-burn fluff with a small hint of angst and mutual-ish pining I suppose, strong language, alcohol use, sexual content
AN: This is my little College/Uni AU piece for @stylesharrys fallinharry10k celebration writing fest! And I got carried away. I’ve had the start of this in my drafts for like two years and this challenge kind of just got me motivated to finish it. I’m really happy with some parts of it and some I’m not so sure about...I hate endings... BUT I had really fun writing it and that is all that matters and hopefully someone will enjoy it. I’m just happy I managed to finish it after such a long time. I’d also really really appreciate some feedback on it so please share your thoughts! I don’t have too much experience writing like this so be nice pls haha. ENJOY! <3 
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“Harry, you left your dirty dishes by the sink...  AGAIN!  Dunno how many times I have to remind you to clean up after yourself Put it away. Thx. :)”
Y/N took a deep breath to calm herself down and re-read the pink post-it note infront of her. He was going to be the death of her. He really was. Harry was in every other way the perfect roommate, well perfect was perhaps a bit excessive but he wasn’t the worst, except for the fact that he never took care of his stupid dirty dishes. It drove her mad. It took all her willpower to not smash his stupid little kermit the frog teacup into tiny little pieces whenever she saw it.
And yes, maybe it was irrational of her to get so worked up over a few dirty cups when everything else was going so well. But Y/N liked it when things were in order.
In the past two months that she had lived with Harry she had lost count of how many times she had asked him to wash up his used pans, plates and cups. The first time it happened she didn’t really mind. The second time -- also fine. But the third? That was when she started to get a little bit bothered. Because not only was it his dirty dishes from the same day. No. The plate and cup from the day before were still there on the counter as well. That was the first time she asked him to clean up after himself.
It was still fine though.
Y/N just told herself it was because Harry had previously lived in a student accommodation with a bunch of unruly boys and wasn’t used to picking up after himself. It was fine. He’d soon get it.
Only, he didn’t seem to get it.
Because weeks later she still had to remind him to wash up after he was done in the kitchen. It was like what she said to him went in one ear and out the other. It took her another week before she started suspecting he was leaving it out on purpose to irritate her, which well, it worked. It only annoyed her further.
The amount of tea that boy drank was truly worrying. She had been told she drank a lot of tea, but she seemed to have met her match in Harry. At least judging by all the cups he left around the flat. They were everywhere. Literally. She had even found one under the bathroom sink just a couple days ago and she didn’t even bother asking him how it got there. She had simply just left him a post-it note asking him to put it away.
Because she was certainly not going to go around and pick up after him. He was a grown boy and therefore capable of cleaning up after himself. She wasn’t his mother.
It was basic housekeeping.
She ripped the little pink post-it note off the pad and stuck it up on Harry’s bedroom door so he couldn’t possibly miss it. She stared at it for another minute, pleased with herself, before getting her backpack and left to go to her lecture. It was her own way of telling him off; leaving post-it notes for him. A more passive-aggressive approach had always been her preferred strategy, it made her feel slightly less annoying, and anytime she had left him a note in the morning the dirty dishes had magically disappeared when she came home later.
So there was no reason for her to stop leaving them for him.
--
Apart from that Harry really was the best roommate she could’ve asked for. The best one in the short amount of time she had had to find a new one anyways. Lexi, her very good friend from home and roommate before Harry, had decided to drop out of uni a week before courses were due to start again after summer; leaving her alone with a flat she couldn’t afford on her own. Y/N couldn’t be mad at her though because she knew how unhappy Lexi was in Manchester. She wasn’t enjoying her course and she missed her family. Y/N couldn’t force Lexi to stay just because she didn’t want to find a new roommate. She wasn’t that selfish.
It just wasn’t ideal. Everyone she knew already had a place to live and she was feeling pretty defeated about the whole thing. She liked her flat and didn’t want to give it up. Her parents offered to help her pay rent until she could find someone to live with again but she didn’t want to take her parents money. It didn’t feel right. So when her friend Lucy mentioned that her boyfriend Nate had a friend who needed a place to live she offered the mysterious man Lexi’s old room without a second thought.
Then Harry showed up outside her door two days later with a large suitcase and a couple of moving boxes.
They didn’t really talk all that much their first week of living together. He mostly kept to himself, trying to get settled in and get used to being back at uni after a long summer. All she knew about him at that point was that he was the same age as her and that he was studying music. Something she probably would’ve figured out sooner or later on her own, because every evening she could hear him play his guitar from inside his bedroom. She couldn’t complain though. It was quite soothing actually, and she wanted to tell him that.
But she also didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable knowing she laid awake listening to him play and then stop because he didn’t want her to eavesdrop.
So Y/N never said anything.
Their second week of living together was when she picked up on his annoying habit of leaving the kitchen a mess. It was also that week he offered to make her a cup of tea for the first time and she would never admit it outloud but it was probably the best cup of tea she had ever had.
But since he left his own cups all around the flat she also refused to tell him that.
By the third week they started having dinner together and asked each other about their days. They were slowly getting to know one another and Y/N realised for the first time that she did in fact enjoy Harry’s company. That Sunday they spent the entire evening binge watching the first season of a scandinavian crime drama on netflix and shared a tub of ice cream.  
Then they were suddenly in the same group of friends.
Because with Lexi gone Y/N started hanging out with Lucy more and Lucy was dating Nate and Harry was always hanging out with Nate. Which all just led to Tara, Declan and Connor always being around as well. Their flat had, since Harry moved in, turned into the hotspot for the gang to hang out at. She didn’t mind much, because she liked them and she had never really been a part of a group like them before. It was nice. Lexi moving had in a weird way been a blessing in disguise.
So there really wasn’t anything else to complain about when it came to Harry as a roommate.
Well, maybe one more thing.
And she usually met that reason every Sunday morning in their kitchen after a night out.
That Sunday however took a different turn than what she had gotten used to.
“You told me you didn’t have a girlfriend!”
“Harry,“ Y/N said slowly and narrowed her eyes at him. The girl next to them, whose hair was dyed a rich red color, was only clad in one of Harry’s old band t-shirts and stared at the two of them with frantic eyes.
“Y/N, babe, I’m so sorry,” Harry said and stared at Y/N pleadingly. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Can someone please tell me what’s going on!?” The red-haired girl demanded and crossed her arms over her chest and Y/N could’ve sworn she did a little stomp. “You told me last night that you were single!”
“Yes Harry, I’d love an explanation,” Y/N said and mimicked the redhead by crossing  her arms over her chest. She probably would’ve laughed if the situation had been any different because the stranger in the kitchen was glaring at Harry with such a hatred in her eyes and Y/N had never seen a girl look at him that way before. 
And it was still funny, but it would’ve been funnier if she wasn’t a part of it. Harry on the other hand only ignored the angry girl and kept the lie going, focusing on his roommate.
“Love, I’m so fucking sorry. It didn’t mean anything! I swear, I was drunk and-”
“Ugh, oh my god,” the redhead cried out, interrupting him. She was fuming and her face was as red as her hair. Before Y/N had the chance to say anything else, to resolve the situation, the redhead stepped forward and slapped Harry across the face. “You’re such a fucking asshole!”
Then she turned around and Y/N’s first instinct was to take a step back because that was how intimidating she looked with her red wild hair and red cheeks. But Y/N, very unexpectedly, found herself being embraced in a bone-crushing hug. “I’m so sorry! I swear I had no idea. He told me he didn’t have a girlfriend. You deserve so much better! Leave him.”
And just like that the girl was gone, marching back to Harry’s room to get changed into her own clothes again, and left the two of them alone in the kitchen. Y/N at loss for words and Harry rubbing the side of his face.
It didn’t take very long before the sound of the front door being slammed shut echoed through the flat and made the walls around them shake.
“You’re disgusting,” Y/N muttered then and walked past him to put the kettle on. She had a headache from all the wine she had consumed the previous night and whatever it was that had just happened hadn’t exactly helped her feel any better. She had only wanted a nice cup of tea, and maybe some toast. She had definitely not been prepared, nor expected, to be part of a terrible made-up triangle drama. Not this early.
“Aw, c’mon,” Harry laughed and finally let his face break out into a grin. “I’ve tried to get her to go home all morning but she wouldn’t take any hints. I had no choice.”
Y/N turned her head to glare at him and pointed a warning finger in his direction
“If you bring a girl back you get rid of her yourself. I want no part in your disgusting shenanigans,” she told him. “You deserved that slap.”
“I didn’t even say anything to her,” Harry said and hopped up to take a seat on the counter. “She just assumed.”
“Why would she even assume that?” Y/N asked and eyed him suspiciously “If I was your girlfriend I wouldn’t randomly appear in the kitchen the next morning in my pyjamas. You must’ve told her something.”
“I didn’t,” Harry denied and put his hands up, still grinning. She rolled her eyes. “I swear! She just assumed.”
“Yeah well, you shouldn’t have let her,” she told him and took out two slices of bread to put in the toaster. “Besides, do you have to bring a girl back every weekend?”
“Do you have to go on like five dates a week?”
“I don’t,” she glared at him again. Harry raised his eyebrows at her knowingly and she looked away from him as the next few words left her lips. “It was only three this week.”
“Oh right,” Harry laughed. “Excuse me.”
“Shut up.”
“At least I’m getting something good out of it,” he continued to laugh. “I still don’t understand why you have to go on so many dates all the time. What do you get out of it?”
“I wanna find love,” she shrugged. “Is that so bad?”
“No, not at all,” Harry told her. “But dating douchebags ain’t gonna bring you love.”
“Yeah because sleeping with someone new every weekend is so much better,” she replied sarcastically and watched as Harry slid down from the counter when the kettle made a small noise to let them know it was ready.
“Like I said,” he started with a smirk and took down two tea cups from the cupboard. “At least I get something good out of it. You should try.”
She rolled her eyes again but didn’t say anything else as her toast popped up from the toaster. Her dating life was a running joke among her friends and she had learned to ignore the comments they made. She wanted to find love, so she wasn’t going to sit around and wait for it. Some may say she was a bit desperate, and maybe she was, but it wasn’t her fault every guy she met was wrong for her. They were all either too clingy or too uncommitted.
Or maybe she was just a bit too picky.
Either way, she did go on a lot of dates when her schedule allowed her to. She wanted what everyone else around her seemed to have. Her parents acted more in love with each other every time she saw them, even after 30 years of marriage. One of her sisters had just gotten engaged to her long-term boyfriend and her oldest sister had been married for three years already and was expecting her second child. Her younger cousin got married that summer. Any time Y/N traveled back home all her relatives asked her when she was going to find herself a nice young man. It was exhausting. Y/N was stressed. Pressured. So she dated a lot. There was nothing wrong with that, yet people liked to mock her for it, especially Harry since he was the one who she came back home to after a bad date.
He’d usually burst into her room after a date, wanting all the details only so he could laugh about everything that had gone wrong. But then he also always made her a cup of tea and got her some biscuits.
He wasn’t the worst.
“Hey,” Harry said and held out the tea he had made for her. “You wanna watch an episode of The Bridge?”
Y/N stared at him for a second and for the first time ever her heart skipped a beat. It was no secret that Harry was unbelievably attractive, the kind of attractiveness that terrified you before you got to know him. If he hadn’t showed up outside her door she never would’ve had the guts to talk to him. After getting to know him though he was just Harry; her roommate.
But there was something about him right there and then, dressed casually in sweats and a plain t-shirt as he handed her a cup of tea in their kitchen, that just got to her. She quickly snapped herself out of her thoughts to stop her mind from wandering too far and took the tea from him. Must be the hangover.
“Sure, but only one episode,” she replied and picked up her plate of toast as well. “I have to read some shit for my seminar tomorrow and I can’t keep procrastinating.”
--
They ended up watching more than just one episode.
And Y/N never got around to reading the chapter she needed to read. She only skimmed through it on her way to her seminar, which is why she made a fool out of herself when the lecturer pointed straight at her and asked her to share her thoughts. She wanted to disappear.
And her day didn’t get any better when she stepped in dog shit on her way home.
And it certainly didn’t get any better when she accidentally knocked over her cup of tea and spilled it all over the rug. So instead of getting to lie on the couch and feel sorry for herself, like she had planned, she had to try and save the white rug from getting a stain. It wasn’t a great day.
It was also at that moment Harry came back home; when she was sitting on the floor, scrubbing the rug furiously and muttering profanities under her breath.
“You know,” Harry began to make his presence known. “There’s something about what you're doing right now that’s really turning me on.”  
Y/N stopped her scrubbing and looked up at him, not impressed by his joke or by the stupid smirk on his face.
“Oh fuck off,” she swore and simply raised her hand and her middle finger at him. “Or make yourself useful and get some baking soda or something.”
“Bad day?” he asked while putting his guitar case down. She only glared at him.
“What do you think?”
“I’ll just get the baking soda.”
“Good choice.”
They cleaned the rug together and after a good half an hour of scrubbing and googling the best tricks to remove tea stains they managed to save it from getting ruined. Y/N slumped down on the couch again, exhausted and defeated, and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down.
What a shit day.
Harry made her a new cup and put away everything they had used to get rid of the spilled one before joining her on the small couch.
“You wanna talk about it?” he asked and squeezed his brows together, uncertain how to approach her.  
“I just had a shit day,” she sighed deeply. “Completely fucked up my seminar.”
“I’m sure you didn’t.”
“Ha!” Y/N scoffed. “No, I did. But it was my own fault though, so I can't really cry about it.”
“Well,” Harry scratched the back of his head. “Can I do anything to make you feel better? We could get some pizza and watch a movie or something?”
“I can’t,” she grumbled. “I have an assignment I have to finish by Wednesday and considering how shit I did today I have to focus. I can’t fuck this up too.”
“You have to eat something though.”
“Yeah, I will. I’ll just heat up some of that leftover pasta later or something,” she assured him and maybe if she hadn’t been so frustrated with herself she wouldn’t have confused the way her heart was racing inside her chest with stress; when in reality it was beating extra for the green eyed boy next to her.
Y/N stayed in her room for the rest of the afternoon into the evening, reading and typing away. She wouldn’t say it was going well, but she didn't want to throw her computer out the window and she always appreciated those rare moments.
She could also hear Harry roaming around in the rest of the flat and later on the low strum of his guitar. She smiled to herself when she heard it and didn’t even realise she was humming along to the melody he was playing until he stopped.
And it wasn’t until her stomach growled loudly that she remembered she hadn’t actually had any dinner yet. She made sure to save her work, hitting ‘save’ an extra time because you could never save a document too many times, before closing her laptop and standing up. Her muscles ached from how long she had been in the same position and she winced a little as she stretched them out.
Then her stomach rumbled and she was once again reminded of how hungry she was. It was nearing 11 pm and she hadn’t eaten anything since lunch, which was not good, and she kind of regretted not accepting Harry’s offer about getting pizza before.
But when she made it into the kitchen there was a pink post-it note on the fridge, only this time she wasn’t the one who put it there.
I got some pizza earlier, saved you a few slices in case you want some instead of that old pasta xx H :)
A warm feeling spread through her body as she read his little note, and she couldn’t help but notice that Harry had a surprisingly neat handwriting. It was cute. Both the handwriting and the message. It put a smile on her face.
While the pizza was being reheated she decided to go find Harry and thank him for the nice gesture. She was just about to knock on his door when she noticed that the TV was still on and she spotted him on the couch.
Asleep.
And it was probably cuter than both his handwriting and the message combined.
His whole body took up the small couch; his legs dangled over the armrest and he had his arms crossed over his chest to make himself smaller. There was a slight frown on his face, presumably from the dream he was having, but it was endearing in a way to still see him so relaxed. He had changed out of the blue jeans he had worn last time she saw him and had on his black shorts and the knitted jumper he always just wore around the flat. He looked comfortable. Homely.
A part of her wanted to run back to her room and get her phone so she could snap a picture of him before he woke up.
But an even bigger part of her stopped her from doing so because it felt inappropriate to take a picture of him sleeping. She wasn’t so sure Harry would appreciate her taking pictures of him without him knowing either. So she refrained.
Then, almost like he could feel her watching him sleep like a total creep, he slowly blinked his eyes open, and honestly... it was probably the cutest thing yet. She blushed as he caught her staring.
“Oh, hey,” he said, his voice low and rough, and rubbed his eyes to get the sleep out of them. “What time is it?”
“Mm it’s about 11.”
“Shit, didn’t realise I fell asleep,” he grumbled and sat up, running a hand through his hair. “Did you finish your assignment?”
“Almost,” she told him and smiled softly. “Thanks for the pizza.”
“No worries,” he said and matched her smile.
“Also, I’m sorry for being so cranky before. I was just a bit stressed.”
Harry shook his head.
“It’s okay,” he reassured her. “We’ve all been there.”
Y/N ended up joining him on the couch for a bit after the pizza was done. They didn’t talk much while she ate and Harry flicked through the channels on the TV, before he eventually decided on an old romcom. 
When Harry had first shown up outside the flat she had been nervous about living with him. She had only ever lived with girls before, but it had been easier to get along with him than she had first expected. Not that she had heard anything bad about him; Lucy had nothing but nice things to say when she first told her about Nate’s friend who needed a place to live.
She had just assumed it was going to be harder to live with a boy compared to a girl. But Harry made it easy, aside from the dirty dishes and the unknown women in her kitchen Sunday mornings of course, and he was slowly becoming one of her closest friends. While it was terrifying it also felt like the most natural thing. Like he was meant to be in her life.
Which is why she felt so stupid for what happened next.
“They make love seem so easy in these romcoms,” Y/N complained with a huff. “Why don’t I have a gorgeous guy pining after me? I just want someone to have a secret crush on me and then make a big grand gesture. Is that too much to ask?”
“How do you know you don’t?” Harry questioned and she snorted.
“I highly doubt it. Who would that be?”
Harry shrugged.
“Who knows,” he said. “It’s kinda the point of having someone secretly crushing on you, innit?”
“Oh whatever,” she grumbled and Harry laughed. “You have no say in this. I see the way girls stare at you whenever we go out. You probably have a handful of secret admirers. ”
“Are you forgetting the fact that you go on more dates than the rest of us combined?” Harry pointed out and raised his brows at her. “You probably have more admirers than anyone else I know.”
“Not true.”
“So true,” Harry insisted. “You need to stop trying so hard and maybe just let love find you instead.”
“That’s probably the most cliche thing someone has ever told me,” she said and rolled her eyes. “What am I supposed to do then? Sit around and twiddle my thumbs and wait for someone to come knocking on our door and say they love me?”
“No, not at all,” Harry frowned. “I just think that maybe you need to open your eyes and take a step back. Lower your expectations and don’t be so picky. You’re not going to find Prince charming. No one is flawless.”
“You know what? It’s too late to be having this conversation,” she told him and stood up. There was something about what he just said that made her heart sink a little inside her chest. “I’m going to bed.”
“Hey, you okay?” Harry said and caught her wrist to stop her from leaving. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“It’s okay,” she said and swallowed thickly. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.” His hand was hot on her skin and she couldn’t take her eyes away from his long fingers and how he traced his thumb across her wrist in small circles. 
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologise.”
He really didn’t. Y/N wasn’t sure why she had suddenly gotten so upset; why she took what he said to heart. It made her feel like a brat almost. She was used to people making fun of her dating life but she didn’t like this. 
She didn’t want people to think she was shallow or impossible to please. Especially not Harry.  
Because that wasn’t the case. There were plenty of good guys out there and she was far from perfect herself. She had a lot of flaws. Y/N had just never clicked with anyone in the way she wanted to and she wasn’t going to get into a relationship with someone she didn’t feel she connected with one hundred percent.
“Okay,” Harry said with a heavy sigh and let go of her wrist. “Goodnight then.”
“Night.”
Harry still had a frown on his face as he watched her take her plate back into the kitchen and Y/N could feel her pulse racing as she felt his eyes on her. It was awkward and she was embarrassed for how she had just handled everything. It wasn’t even a big deal. He hadn’t said anything she hadn’t thought of herself before. Harry was just giving her advice. 
So why did she feel so upset? 
It was the first time she had ever gotten even the tiniest bit self-conscious about the amount of dates she went on, and as she crawled into bed she couldn’t help but wonder if she felt like this because it was Harry.
It was also the first time she realised she cared a lot about what he thought of her.
She wanted Harry to like her.
--
Y/N got her period a day later and just like that everything she had felt on Monday made so much sense. Of course. Luckily everything was completely fine between her and Harry the morning after she left him on the couch and they even baked some brownies Tuesday evening because Y/N was craving chocolate, which also made sense when she woke up with stains in her underwear and cramps in her lower region on Wednesday.
Despite that though she had quite a good day. She managed to finish her assignment in time and she didn’t hate it; she was maybe even a little bit pleased with it. She bought herself a new pair of sneakers that were on sale and an eyeshadow palette she had been wanting for a while. Her and Harry got chinese food for dinner before meeting the rest of the gang down at the pub.
Wednesdays meant quiz night and Y/N teamed up with Tara and together they managed to win first prize which gave them £50 to spend at the bar.
Y/N blamed the alcohol for everything that happened after that.  
She tripped on her way over to the toilets. She accidentally managed to somehow elbow Connor in the face. She also spilled half a pint of beer all over herself, leaving a huge wet stain on her trousers so it looked like she pissed herself.
But she was still in good spirits.
Until she spotted Harry at the bar with a tall gorgeous girl. Their faces were close and even from the booth she was sitting in she could see his dimples. It left a sour taste in her mouth watching the pair talk and it annoyed her how easily Harry once again had a girl swooning over him. Why was he even off flirting with some random girl when they were all supposed to be there together? And why was he so good at it? And why did he look so good doing it?
Y/N rolled her eyes when the girl giggled and reached out to touch his bicep. Disgusting.
“Hello?” Lucy snapped her fingers in front of Y/N’s face. “You still with us?”
“What?” She tore her eyes away from the scene that was taking place at the bar and turned her attention back to her two friends. “Yeah, of course.” She faked a laugh and took a long sip from her beer. Lucy and Tara shared a look, but they didn’t say anything else about it which she was thankful for.
Mostly because she had no idea how to explain any of it. She glanced over at Harry and the girl again and tried to understand why her chest suddenly felt so tight. It must be the alcohol.
And oh, right, of course, she had her period.
It was her hormones; the only logical explanation.
Satisfied with the answer to her own confusion she threw herself back into the conversation around the table, ignoring the fact that she could still see Harry and the girl in the corner of her eye.  
Then Declan showed up at their table with a round of vodka shots for everyone because he knew the bartender and got them for free.
Who was she to say no to free shots?
But she really should’ve.
The strong liquid didn’t sit right with her and instead of giving her a bigger buzz her head felt heavy and her ears were ringing. She also felt a little bit sick; the chinese food she had had with Harry slowly rising in the back of her throat. Taking shots had never really ended well for her but drunk Y/N still always seemed to think it was a fantastic idea.
It was a good thing she didn’t have a lecture or anything the next day, because her hangover was not going to be pretty.
And Y/N didn’t bother saying goodbye to anyone before she unexpectedly jumped out of her seat, got her coat and stumbled outside. She needed fresh air and she couldn’t wait.
The second she stepped outside into the cold autumn night she instantly felt better. The nausea from the stuffy pub atmosphere disappeared and she sat down on the curb next to the road and took a few deep breaths. 
“Hey there Quiz-Queen, you alright?”
Harry.
She glanced up at him and even though he had called her by the nickname she had jokingly given herself after winning first-prize he was looking down at her with concerned eyes. Her purse hung from his shoulder, she hadn’t even realised she had left it behind, and he had his own long and vibrant plaid coat wrapped around himself; protecting him from the cold.
“Yeah,” she said and took another deep breath. “I just needed some air.”
“Hm,” Harry hummed, relieved she was okay. “Maybe next time let the rest of us know where you’re going and don’t just get up and leave.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“Not at all,” Harry assured and shook his head. “Just want to make sure you’re safe. I don’t think that £50 bar tab was the best thing for a lightweight like you.”
“Oiii,” she pouted. “That’s mean. You’re just jealous you didn’t win. How many right answers did you guys get again? 6 out of 20?”
“It’s not about winning, it’s about having fun,” Harry said with a smug smile and a twinkle in his eyes that he only ever got when he thought he was being clever. “And I had fun.”  
“Oh give it a rest,” she scoffed but there was still a smile on her face. “You love to win, don’t stand there and pretend to be a good loser when I know how competitive you can get.”  
Harry laughed and she felt butterflies come alive inside her stomach as she watched his dimples appear. This time for her and not for some stupid girl at the bar.  
“C’mon Silly-girl, let’s get you home,” he said, ignoring her comment about him being a sore loser, and offered his hand to help her up. His fingers were strong around hers and her skin was tingling as she watched her own hand disappear in his.
Once back up on her feet she had to hold onto Harry for a second to stop her head from spinning so much. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol anymore or her hormones... or if it was merely just because of Harry.
It was just easier to blame the alcohol or her period, so that’s what she did.
Harry had an arm around her to support her swaying body as they made their way over to the bus stop, holding her close to him. He smelled like beer and the shampoo she always secretly sniffed when she took a shower. It was something she would never admit out loud, or sober, but she loved the smell of it.
Sometimes she had considered using it on her own hair, it was just so fresh and relaxing, so Harry, but it was also one of those things she wasn’t so sure he would appreciate her doing. 
“We should’ve stopped to get some food,” she muttered and slumped back against her seat on the bus. “I’m starving and I’m craving something salty.”
“I can make us something when we get home,” Harry offered.
“Really?” Y/N perked up. ”Could you?”
“Yeah, I’m a bit hungry as well.”
“Oh my gosh, have I ever told you you’re the best roommate?”
“Pretty sure you haven’t,” Harry laughed. "I do, however, have a lot of post-it notes that one could argue suggest the opposite."
“I saw you talking to a girl earlier. She was very pretty.” It slipped out before Y/N had the chance to think twice about it. “I’m sorry you’re stuck with me now and didn’t get to go home with her.”
Harry didn’t laugh at that but he still had the same twinkle in his eyes as before and a fond smile on his lips.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said and suddenly his hand was on her knee and he gave it a gentle squeeze; causing her hormones to act up again so her heart skipped a beat. “You’re not the worst person to be stuck with.”
--
As expected her hangover wasn’t pretty the next day.
She woke up with a raging headache and an upset stomach. After Harry had made them both some food she had been too tired to go wash her make-up off so the girl staring back at her in the bathroom mirror had black mascara smudges all around her eyes and golden glitter eyeshadow smeared across her bloated face. It was a tragedy. She was a tragedy.
However, the thing that made her hangover feel even worse was when she walked into the kitchen and saw the all dirty pans and plates from her and Harry’s late night meal. Pangs of guilt instantly swept through her. Harry was already gone by the time she woke up. He had an early seminar, which she knew he did because he had told her before they met up with the others at the pub, and she felt terrible that she had kept him up half the night only to make her food. He couldn’t have gotten more than two hours of sleep and it filled her up with guilt.
So much guilt she didn’t leave him a post-it note telling him the kitchen was a mess, because that would’ve just been super fucking rude since it was her fault he was even in the kitchen cocking at 3 am in the first place. Instead she washed up and decided to go out and get his favorite snacks as a thank you, and also because she was craving more chocolate and a fizzy drink.
Being hungover while having your period was really not the best combination.
Y/N hid her tousled hair under a beanie and put on a quick layer of foundation in an attempt to cover up her blotchy skin. It didn’t really help her feel much better about her appearance so she decided to put on a scarf as well to disguise herself as much as possible, just in case she’d run into someone she knew on her way to the store. She didn’t want to be recognised. Not today.
But of course Y/N wasn’t that lucky.
She ran into three people from her course, who all stopped her and chit-chatted to her about their seminars and latest assignment, all while she stood there with a basket full of various brands of crisps, drinks and candy feeling and looking like an absolute troll.
And that wasn’t even the worst.
No.
Because naturally it was also the day she bumped into someone, quite literally, in the stairs on her way back up to the flat.
Y/N yelped and accidentally dropped her bag of snacks as she tried to find her balance. A pair of hands caught her by the shoulders before she fell backwards and when she looked up to see who she had crashed into her whole face turned red.
“Shit, I’m so sorry!” she apologized with wide eyes, her heart beating fast inside her chest.
“No worries,” the man in front of her said and removed his hands from her shoulders, but she kind of wished he hadn’t because his voice was so deep and smoky her knees weakened as he spoke.
Not to mention he had the most stunning pair of eyes she had ever seen. They were a deep, earthy brown color with perfectly long eyelashes she could only ever dream of. He was utterly breathtaking with his long dark hair, scruffy stubble and nose piercing, that she usually didn’t really like on boys but the stranger in front of her made it work. Oh how he made it work.
And as he leaned down to pick up her bag for her she caught a whiff of his fragrance and her knees were seconds away from giving up all together.
“Thank you,” she managed to croak out as he handed her the bag full of snacks and prayed he hadn’t seen what was in it. She looked pathetic enough as it was and she racked her brain for something else to say but there was nothing. Y/N was left completely gobsmacked by the breathtaking man she had just crashed into. Her cheeks only getting hotter and hotter for every second she stood there like a total idiot just staring at him in awe. “I’m Y/N.”
Y/N wanted nothing more than to just sink through the floor in embarrassment. The stranger, thankfully, reached out and shook her extended hand with an amused smile on his lips.
“Luke.”
Luke let his eyes wander up and down her body, taking in her attire, and she had never felt so unattractive as she did in that moment. Why didn’t she at least take a shower before going out? Fuck.
“Right,” she nodded and reached up to adjust her beanie a little, as if it was going to make her look any better. “So eh... do you live here? I haven’t seen you around before.”
What was she doing?
“I do,” Luke confirmed. “I moved in a couple days ago.”
“Awesome.”
Awesome? Fucking idiot. 
She was definitely losing her mind. While she did go on a lot of dates she had not been blessed with the ability to make small talk. 
“I’m guessing you live here as well?” Luke asked and ran a hand through his hair to push back a couple of strands from his face. It was the hottest thing she had ever seen.
“Yeah,” Y/N confirmed, her mouth dry, and she licked her lips nervously. “I’m on the top floor... aaand I should really get going. My roommate is waiting for me.”
“Of course.”
“It was nice to meet you though. Welcome to the building.” Her heart was still racing. “Again, I’m sorry for crashing into you.”
“Like I said, don’t worry about it. It was good to meet you too,” Luke told her and gave her a small wink. “See you around.”
And Y/N didn’t know how it happened but a strange cackle escaped her lips as he winked at her and she ran off before she could witness his reaction to it.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she muttered to herself all the way up to her and Harry’s flat.
Once she got inside she fell back against the door and tried to catch her breath, from both practically running up five flights of stairs and the encounter she had just had with probably the hottest man alive.
She really was pathetic.
After she got herself together she shrugged off her coat and pulled off her stupid beanie, cursing herself yet again for not taking a shower before going to the store. She could at least have put on a cute outfit. But no. She went out looking like a slob.  
And as she sauntered into the flat she realised that Harry was home again, and with him were Nate, Lucy and Connor as well. 
“Well if it isn’t the Quiz-Queen herself,” Nate teased when he saw her and bowed his head mockingly from where he was sitting on the couch. “Glad to see that you’re still alive after last night.”
“We have a new neighbour,” Y/N informed them, ignoring Nate and his teasing comments, because the new neighbour was the only thing on her mind. “I crashed into him on my way up. Literally. I made a complete fool out of myself.”
“Nothing new then,” Connor joked.
“Ha-ha,” Y/N said dryly. “For real though, he was the hottest man I’ve ever seen. He was unreal.”
“Really?” It got Lucy’s attention and she perked up from where she was sitting on the couch with Nate. “What did he look like?”
“Like a damn model right off the runway,” Y/N groaned and collapsed in one of the armchairs. “I’m telling you, he was unreal. Eyelashes that went on forever. Tall. Cheekbones that could cut glass and his hair was soooooo shiny. He didn’t have a single flaw. He even made a nose piercing look good and you know how I feel about those.”
“Aw, I wanna see him too,” Lucy pouted. “Did you get his name?”
“Luke.”
“So our serial dater has another date then I’m assuming,” Connor sniggered.
“I wish,” Y/N replied with a sigh. “I could hardly get a word out. I just stood there and stared at him like a creep.”
“You could always go over and ask to borrow a cup of sugar,” Nate suggested and wiggled his eyebrows. “And then just suck him off to return the favor.”
“You’re an idiot,” Y/N said and raised her middle finger towards him. It also earned him a slap on the arm from Lucy as she scolded her boyfriend. Connor laughed and made a comment about how it would be the perfect porn scene.
And it was also in that moment Y/N realised Harry hadn’t said anything since she had joined them. She glanced over at him where he sat in the armchair across from her and frowned. He looked tired and it caused the guilt in her to rise up again. In addition to that it troubled her that he wasn’t saying anything about the new neighbour or joining in on the jokes. He just sat in his seat and kept his eyes glued to the TV and the random show that was airing. “Harry?”
“What?”
There was something about how he spoke and how he turned to look at her that made her feel even worse. His voice was taut and low. His eyes burned right through her. It was far from the Harry she was used to. She wanted to ask him what was wrong but she also didn’t want to do so in front of the others if they hadn’t noticed it themselves.
“Um, I got some snacks if you want some,” Y/N said instead. She wasn’t sure if the others had noticed at all but she didn’t like it. Maybe he was angry with her for making him stay up so late? What if it had made him late for his seminar?
“Thank you,” he replied half-heartedly and turned his attention back to the TV without another word. Confusion filled the room and she met Lucy’s baffled expression for a split second. Okay they had noticed. Fuck. Y/N looked at Harry again and there was so much she wanted to ask him but at the same time she was at a loss for words. It wasn’t like him to be so tense. Not one bit.
She didn’t like it.
--
On Saturday they were all, once again, out getting drunk. After her hangover on Thursday Y/N had told herself she wasn’t going to drink again that week, but Harry was still being acting weird around her so she was easily persuaded.
Because she needed a drink.
Harry hadn’t really done anything, which was also part of the problem. She hadn’t seen him all Friday or Saturday, not until he turned up for pre-drinks at Connor’s flat. And once he was there he didn’t even look at her or talk to her. It bothered her. A lot. She hadn’t had the chance to ask him what was wrong and nothing was making sense. She tried to remember if she had said something inappropriate to him on Wednesday, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t figure out why he was being off with her.
Which is why, after a couple of drinks, she took the first chance she got to confront him about it.
She spotted him alone at one of the tables inside the club they were at and marched right up, ignoring the people she accidentally bumped into on her way, and plopped herself down on the leather sofa next to him. The beer she was carrying spilled over in her hand as she did but she paid no attention to it and Harry looked at her with questioning eyes.
“What’s going on with you?” Y/N wasted no time. The music was loud around them and she had to lean into him to make sure he heard her, his curls tickled her upper lip from how close she was. Harry only shrugged.
“Nothing is going on.”
“Oh really? Could’ve fooled me,” she said, almost shouting because of the music, and rolled her eyes. “You’re acting strange.”
“Nothing is going on,” Harry repeated and pursed his lips, looking away from her. Y/N tilted her head forward, to force him to look at her again, and waved her hand in front of his face.
“Look at me then,” she cried out in frustration. “Stop ignoring me and tell me what’s going on!”
It wasn’t the best spot for them to be having a conversation. A couple of people from the tables around them looked over curiously and the dim lights and loud music of club made it harder than what she would’ve liked. She had originally planned to talk to him that morning but he had gone out before she even woke up and it was the last sign she needed to know that he was avoiding her. So talking to him at a busy club felt like the only option. 
She flinched back as Harry unexpectedly turned to face her, almost knocking his head into hers.
”You know for wanting to find love so badly you’re really fucking blind.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Y/N frowned. Harry scoffed.
“You’re so oblivious,” he began. “If you just stopped being so desperate and so obsessed with finding the perfect guy for one damn second then maybe you’d-” Harry stopped himself and pressed his lips together in a thin line as he looked down at the beer in his hands. 
“Then what Harry?” she demanded, and didn’t even bother to try calm the anger that was stirring inside her. Harry ignoring her made her feel worse than she ever could’ve imagined. Nothing could’ve prepared her for it. She hated it. “I wouldn’t be so unlovable?”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Don’t,” Harry warned. “You know I would never say that. Don’t be daft.”  
“Do I?” she kept challenging him. The alcohol in her bloodstream gave her enough courage to not back down. Even if the loud music made it harder to hear what the other one was saying there was no way she was going to drop it. She needed to know what was going on. She couldn’t go another day with Harry ignoring her; she was too used to having him around for him to just cut her off.
“Yes, you do,” he spat.
“But you think I’m desperate?” she spat back and Y/N wasn’t sure why she was picking a fight with him in the middle of a full packed club, but she was.
Because at least he was talking to her.
“Yeah I do,” Harry admitted and licked his lips. She struggled to breathe a little after that. Her chest felt too tight. “Why are you so set on having the perfect relationship? No couple is perfect.”
“Lucy and Nate are,” she stated, not wanting her facade to falter in front of him. Her throat was dry but her eyes were burning with wet tears because she hated this. She hated it so much.
“No, they’re not,” Harry sneered loudly. “Both of them are far from fucking perfect. Nate is a menace and Lucy is a nutter.”
“Harry, don’t be a dick.”
“What? So just because they’re my friends I’m only allowed see the good in them? I still love both of them and they still love each other even if they’re not perfect,” he insisted. “You know they end up arguing like every night we go out, right? Over something stupid Nate said or some insane shit Lucy did. Do you know how many times Lucy has asked me for advice when it comes to Nate? They’re not perfect.”
“So I’m desperate because I want to find someone who is perfect for me?”
“What if you already have?”
“What?”
The music was still loud around them but suddenly the only thing she could hear was her own beating heart.
And suddenly she became aware of just how close the two of them actually were. Harry’s nose brushed against hers as his mouth carefully, barely, grazed her lips. His breath was hot on her face and oh wow, had his eyelashes always been that long?
Y/N wanted to reach out and touch him, but the way he was looking at her made her unable to move any part of her body. She was frozen; waiting for him to make the next move because she was far too overwhelmed by his presence to do anything herself. He was so close. Too close -- but at the same time not close enough. She wondered if he could hear her heart as well. 
“Oi, oi!”
Out of the blue Declan flopped down next to her on the sofa and just like that she was brought back into reality and away from Harry’s green eyes. Declan had two pints of beer with him and grinned at the two of them; clueless to what he had just interrupted. He didn’t come alone though, soon the rest of the gang had gathered around the small table. All so clueless.
Y/N watched as Harry drank what was left of his beer and glared at Declan and the rest while she tried to stop her head from spinning so much. What had just happened?
They were all talking around her but their voices got lost in the loud music and her own thoughts.
‘What if you already have?’ what was that even supposed to mean?
She wanted to turn and look at Harry again but she was too scared of what he might do or say and too scared that everyone else was going to notice something was wrong and ask them about it. Instead she just kept her eyes down to where her thigh was pressing into Harry’s after Declan had squeezed himself down beside them.
Thankfully no one else seemed to pick up on tension between the two of them but Y/N still regretted absolutely everything about her decision to talk to Harry. It hadn’t helped make anything clearer and she was now stuck next to him in a busy club with their drunk friends. Great.
To make things worse she then, out of nowhere, heard someone call her name and she nearly dropped her drink as she noticed who it belonged to. Well fuck.
“Luke.” 
His name fell from her lips as soon as she spotted him waving at her. He came up and stood behind Nate and Lucy, with his hands in his pockets and his hair slicked back perfectly. Lucy was quick to turn around to get a look at the guy Y/N had been raving about just a couple days ago. Then she looked at Y/N again with her jaw hanging open and gave her a look that confirmed Luke was indeed as flawless as he had been described. 
The tension was thick and awkward as Luke stood before her and her friends, more specifically Harry, and Y/N could feel him tense up beside her as he stared Luke down. She had no idea what to say or do. “This is our new neighbour I was telling you about,” was the only thing she could think of. The smirk on Luke’s face as he heard that she had been talking about him didn’t go unnoticed.
“Y’alright then?” Luke asked and nodded towards Y/N. She couldn’t breathe. How was he there? After everything that had just happened with Harry... where did Luke even come from? She hadn’t processed her conversation with Harry yet, how was she supposed to have a conversation with Luke again, in front of everyone, when her head was so scrambled?
“Yeah, I’m great.” What a fucking lie.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
“Oh.” What was happening? “Ummmm, I don’t - well I - ehm I-”
“Yes! She would love a drink!” Tara interrupted her with a big grin, and any other time she would’ve been grateful for her friend stepping in and helping, but now? “Wouldn’t you?” Y/N wasn’t even sure.
“I ehhh - well, I guess so?”
What?
Her whole body was screaming NO when she got up and felt Harry’s warmth leave her side. His eyes burned into her back and it was a miracle she even made it to the bar with Luke without vomiting right there and then.
Two days ago, when she first bumped into Luke, all she wanted was to go on a date with him. But something had changed. Something inside her had clicked, and it wasn’t her hormones or the alcohol this time. All she could think about as Luke talked to her and bought her a new drink was how he wasn’t Harry.
Luke didn’t know how she liked her tea. Luke didn’t know she couldn’t go straight to bed after watching a thriller or anything that resembled a scary movie; she needed to watch something more upbeat and cheerful before going to sleep. Luke didn’t know she liked to keep things in order. Luke didn’t know she ate her weight in chocolate when she got her period. Luke didn’t know she loved mint chocolate chip ice cream. Luke didn’t know she called her mum at least once a day. Luke didn’t know she was desperate to find love. 
Harry did.
Harry knew all those things.
And as she stood at the bar with Luke she realised he wasn’t actually flawless. He was still gorgeous, only a little less breathtaking that time around because he knew he looked good and he wasn’t humble about it. He smelled like cigarettes and she hated the smell of smoke mixed with his strong cologne. It gave her a headache. He also couldn’t keep his eyes off her cleavage and didn’t bother asking her anything about herself.
His nose piercing didn’t even look that good.
Luke wasn’t flawless and she didn’t really like him. 
Harry wasn’t flawless either... but she still liked him. 
“And that’s when we-”
“You know what Luke,” she interrupted and put a finger up to stop him from talking. “I think I have to get back to my friends. But um... “ She glanced at the drink he had bought her before picking it up and downed it in one go, because he had paid for it and the least she could do was drink it. The alcohol burned a little in the back of her throat and she accidentally spilled a few drops down her shirt. She hardly noticed though because she was just aching to get back to her friends. Luke looked at her with wide eyes and a puzzled expression. “Thanks for the drink! I’ll see you around.”
With that she walked off with just one thing, or rather someone, on her mind.
But that someone wasn’t there when she found her friends again. She spotted Lucy and her bright dress sitting on Nate’s lap. She spotted Tara having a conversation with a girl from the table next to them. She spotted Declan and Connor laughing loudly over something on their phones.
She did not spot Harry.
Tara was the first one to notice her standing there just staring at the empty seat where Harry was sat a while ago. Tara excused herself from the conversation she was having and came up to Y/N, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“You okay?”
“Where is Harry?”
“He left,” Tara told her. “I think.”
“Hey, what’s going on?” Lucy came up to her as well, with a small frown on her face, worried something had happened. “Is everything alright?”
“I need to talk to Harry,” Y/N said and looked around the club; hoping to spot his curls somewhere in the crowd. Her eyes stung with tears when she couldn’t see him.
“He left after you walked off,” Lucy confirmed softly. “Is everything alright? Did something happen with Luke?”
“Yes- I mean no. I have to go,” was all she told them before she rushed off. “I need Harry.”
Y/N wasn’t aware of the three words that left her mouth but it didn’t make them any less true. It all made so much sense. It had clicked. ‘What if you already have?’ 
Yes. 
How could she have been so blind?
--
When she finally made it home she was out of breath from running all the way from the bus stop to their flat. She prayed Harry had actually gone home and not continued his night at some other club. She wasn’t sure what she’d do if he had. 
But as soon as she stepped inside she heard the familiar sound of his guitar coming from his bedroom and she didn’t even bother catching her breath before walking across the flat in a couple of strides. She hadn't really thought anything through. Her whole body was just screaming at her that she needed Harry and it couldn't wait. 
Harry left his dirty dishes out. He sometimes forgot to put the toilet seat down. He was disorganized. He did not only leave his dirty dishes out but he could also leave his dirty socks lying around the flat. He didn't like the same music as her. He could be petty and immature. He had ignored her for two days. 
But Harry also made her tea when she was having a bad day. He made her laugh. He made her food in middle of the night. He always asked about her day. He helped her home when she got too drunk. He sometimes surprised her with breakfast. He understood her. He made her feel at ease and she could always be herself around him. 
All of the good thing outweighed the bad, and the bad was only part of who he was; Harry, her roommate, her friend, the boy who she hadn't realised gave her butterflies until now.
And perhaps she should’ve knocked or at least made her presence known in any other way because as she slung his bedroom door open Harry was visibly startled and a sour note came from his guitar. He looked at her with wide eyes. 
“Y/N? What the fuck?”
“Do I have any flaws?” she asked him breathlessly. 
“What?” he asked. “What do you mean?” 
“What about me annoys you?” 
 “Shouldn’t you be off getting a drink with Mr. Flawess himself.”
“Well I changed my mind. Now just answer the question,” she urged, wanting to cut straight to the chase. Harry frowned and she wasn’t really sure if he was angry with her or just confused. Maybe both? It didn’t matter though, she just needed answers before she passed out from the anxiety running through her. “Do I have any flaws?”
“I - yeah. You do,” he said. Y/N nodded and stepped further into his room, wanting to be closer to him. “Why?” 
“Just - wait,” she told him and ignored his question by asking her own. “What are they?”
Harry didn’t reply at first. He just sat in silence and stared at her with his brows still pressed together in a frown. God, what if she had gotten it all wrong? She’d have to give up the flat to Harry and move out, leave Manchester, maybe even leave the UK. She’d be absolutely mortified; she’d never recover from it. 
Just as she lost all hope and considered running off to hide in her own bedroom for the rest of the night, possibly for the rest of the term, Harry slowly put his guitar to the side. He rubbed his hand over his chin and pinched the bottom of his lip between his index finger and his thumb, contemplating his next few words cautiously.
“You’re incredibly stubborn,” he told her and despite the fact that he had just basically insulted her a wave relief washed over her as he finally said something. 
“Okay, what else?” 
“You ask way too many questions during a movie.”
“Okay.”
“You overthink absolutely everything.”
“More.”
“You leave notes around the flat over the most meaningless things.”
“Well maybe you shouldn’t leave the kitchen a mess then.”
“You have too much milk in your tea.”
“You don’t have enough.”
Harry cracked a smile but it faltered almost just as quickly.
“You want love but don’t see the person right in front of you who has fallen head over heels for you.”
Y/N had never seen or heard him as vulnerable as he was right there and then. For a moment she wondered if maybe she had misheard him but judging by his nervous fidgeting and how he for the first time ever struggled to look her in the eyes she quickly realised she hadn’t.  
“I do now,” she admitted quietly, almost too quiet, and shifted her weight from one foot to the other awkwardly. “I see you.” 
Harry still heard her and looked right into her eyes as he took a sharp breath. Her body ached to feel his touch as she stood in the middle of his room, terrified of what she was about to ask next, but there was no going back. It was, after all, the reason she had followed him home. “And you still like me despite all my flaws?”
“Well,” Harry started and fought back a smile. “I suppose I wouldn’t have saved all your notes if I didn't.” 
It was really all it took for her to close the space between them and throw herself over him. Harry was quick to catch her and his arms wrapped around her body tightly, holding her close, as she pressed her lips to his.
It was strange kissing him and she didn’t quite know where to put her own hands at first, but it felt right that much she knew. Her whole body was on fire from just a simple little kiss. Y/N never wanted it to stop. Harry grinned against her lips before deepening the kiss and sneaked his hands in under her blazer, pushing it off her shoulders before running his hands over her body. 
She wrapped her arms around his neck and it was almost ridiculous how giddy she felt. Harry made her feel drunk, more so than the alcohol in her body. Nothing had ever tasted as good as him. She was completely lost in him and his warmth. 
It wasn’t until she felt him pull at her trousers that she was reminded of reality again and she pulled away from his lips. “You okay?” Harry asked immediately.
“Yeah,” she panted and leaned her forehead against his, twirling the hair in the back of his neck around her finger carefully. “I just... I still got my period.”
“Okay,” Harry nodded and tightened his grip on her, still holding her close, and she was sure she could feel his heartbeat against hers. “S’that all? Because frankly I don’t really care about a little blood right now.”
“Oh.”
“Do you?”
“I... no.”
“You sure?” Harry wondered and placed his fingers under her chin and angled her face so he could look into her eyes. He saw right through her and her mind was hazy as her body melted right into his. Harry made her feel safe and comfortable and it was all she needed to know she was sure.  
She needed him. 
“Give me a second,” she said and gave him a quick peck before getting off him. It pained her to do so but even as she made her way over to the bathroom to remove her tampon, perhaps one of the most unattractive things you could do, Harry’s eyes on her as she walked away made her feel sexier than she ever had before.
She didn’t waste a single second inside the bathroom and quickly did what she had to before she just about ran back to Harry’s bedroom. She caught a quick glimpse of herself in the mirror and couldn’t help but laugh. She looked dazed. But in the best possible way. Her cheeks were rosy. Her hair was messy. Lips swollen. It was the first time she had ever seen herself look so radiant. Glowing almost. 
Happy.
She also decided to not put her trousers back on after she was done in the bathroom, because why waste time when she was planning to take them off soon anyway?
And Harry seemed to have had the same idea because when she came back he had already removed his floral shirt and his beige trousers as well. His lips were the same colour as her lipstick and he didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was staring at her bare legs and underwear. It made her whole body tingle and she didn’t mind him gawking, because she couldn’t take her own eyes away from his naked chest and the bulge between his legs.
“Come here,” Harry murmured and held out his hand for her to take. He gently pulled at her arm until she was sitting on top of him on the bed, straddling his hips. The lack of clothing on both of them made her blush as he embraced her and she felt all of him under her.  
Harry cupped one of his hands under her jaw and leaned in to kiss her again. It started out slow but as soon as his lips touched her a soft moan came from her. His lips were slightly chapped and yet they were the best lips she had ever kissed. It didn't matter that they weren’t perfectly soft. Not one bit. Y/N never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again. 
The kiss quickly deepend and she had her hands in his hair, tugging at his soft curls and getting lost in the taste of his lips. She was throbbing against him and knew he could also feel just how desperately she wanted him through the thin lace of her panties. His lips were eager against hers and she was too lost in him to notice he had blindly reached out to the bedside table and sought out a condom.
It wasn’t until she felt his hand and the small foil packet brush against her leg that she realised. She pulled back and met his green eyes, breathing hard as she tried to find her words to speak. He looked back at her with questioning eyes, silently asking her if she was alright with what was happening between them, and she just nodded. 
She sat back to give him some room and watched as he pulled himself out of his boxers and then helped him get them off before he rolled the condom over his length. The sight alone made her light-headed and, if he hadn’t already, she was sure he could hear how hard her heart was beating. He also caught her staring but she didn’t really care and he only pulled her back into him.
He kissed her along her collarbone, sucking lightly at the skin as he made his way up to her neck. Y/N closed her eyes and hummed with pleasure as she tilted her head to the side to give him better access. Harry ran his hands up and down her back and then slipped his hands in under the tank top she was wearing before he pulled it off her swiftly. 
Harry took a few seconds to stare at her naked chest when he discovered she wasn’t wearing a bra before he kissed each of her breasts lightly, making her nipples hard. Y/N just cupped his face and pulled his head up so she could kiss him again, impatient and desperate to feel him inside her and he giggled against her lips. 
Harry only pushed the crotch of her underwear to the side when he lined himself up under her. She gasped as she slowly sank down onto him and had to break their kiss. Harry had one hand around her thigh and the other on the back of her head, her hair twisted between his fingers, as they breathed the same air. 
When she eventually started to move her hips after getting used to the stretch of him he groaned softly, low in his throat, and tightened the grip he had on her. “Fuck, you feel so good.”
Her blood rushed inside her and her whole chest and face flushed from hearing his words and how hoarse his voice was. She put her hands on his stomach, her fingers digging into his skin around his tattoo, before lifting her hips and taking all of him again; craving the friction created between the two of them.
Harry moaned and let his head fall backwards, breathing heavily, and she couldn’t take her eyes away from his strong jawline. She also couldn’t stop herself from kissing him right there and Harry moaned again as he felt her lips on his skin. 
It made her smile; knowing she was having the same affect on him that he had on her. 
Y/N did her best to find a steady rhythm riding him but her thighs were trembling around him and it had been awhile since she had been on top of anyone. She had almost forgotten how to do it. Harry bucked his hips up into her and she barely had time to react before he impatiently flipped them over and yanked her underwear off.
A loud moan left her lips as he pushed right back into her and instantly built up a new quicker pace, giving her all of him and hitting the spot in her that made her toes curl. He leaned down and connected their mouths again. His chest was slick with sweat as his body pressed against hers and her hands were all over him because she just couldn’t decide where to put them. She wanted all of him. 
And when Harry hoisted himself up and hooked one of her legs over his shoulder to get deeper she didn’t care if any of their neighbours heard her.
“Oh my god.”
Then his fingers were stroking her between her legs and it quite literally took her breath away. Her whole body was trembling as she felt every hot and thick inch of him. Her release was close, she could feel it in the pit of her stomach and he could see it on her as he continued to move above her.
And not once did Harry lose his pace or falter when her nails scratched his back and she clenched tightly around him as her orgasm swept through her body. He kept thrusting into her while she moaned and shivered beneath him.
Just as she came down from her high he got his own release and came with a loud sigh of relief. He continued to move his hips against hers until his muscles gave up from exhaustion and he collapsed on top of her.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, both spent, and she tried to catch her breath. 
Which was hard seeing as he was still on top of her and she could still feel him inside her.
When he raised his head to look down at her, grinning from ear to ear, her whole stomach fluttered. And this time she knew it was because of Harry. It wasn’t because of alcohol. Not because she had a hangover. Not because she was stressed. Maybe because of a few hormones. 
But there were just no excuses. 
Eventually Harry got up. He removed the used condom and retrieved a small towel to clean himself up quickly before handing it over and climbing back into bed with her.
Y/N curled up against his chest and let him run his fingers through her hair, gently scratching the top of her head, and she was seconds away from falling asleep when he spoke up.
“I’m sorry for calling you desperate.”
Y/N tilted her head up to look at him.
“S’okay, I have been a little.”
“Still,” he mumbled. “Wasn’t really fair of me.”
“You know you could’ve just told me.”
“I was going to,” Harry admitted with a low chuckle. “But you always came back home announcing you were going on another date so it never really felt like the right time.”
“Hmm, well you didn’t really help yourself by bringing a girl back like every weekend,” she pointed out and laughed lightly. “It was hard to not be blind.”
“Had to try to forget about you somehow,” Harry admitted and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, letting his lips linger for a few seconds before continuing. “But you and your stupid post-it notes made it hard.”
“Did you really save all of them?” she asked and pushed herself up so she was leaning on her elbows. She couldn’t stop herself from grinning proudly. Harry laughed and tipped his head back, covering his face with his hands as his cheeks turned pink.
“God, I’m gonna regret telling you that aren’t I?”
“Maybe,” she laughed again before giving his chest a quick kiss, just because she could. “I do kind of enjoy writing them for you though.”
“Of course you do,” Harry said and peaked out from behind his hands with a cheeky smile. “And I enjoy leaving the kitchen a mess because I know you’ll leave me a new one,” he confessed and tapped her nose. 
“I fuckin’ knew it!” she exclaimed with a gasp and shoved him away from her playfully. “You absolute knobhead!” 
Harry only laughed and pulled her back into his warm body. 
On her way back home from the club Y/N had been a little bit worried that she was wrong or that it was going to be weird to go from roommates to more with Harry -- but it felt like the most natural thing. It felt just as natural as everything else they already did together, and maybe that was why she had been so picky recently. Maybe it was why she looked for flaws in every guy she dated so she had an excuse to not see them again. She had already found what she wanted; she just hadn’t realised. How stupid.
“Hey Harry?”
“Hm?”
“Would you like to go on a date with me?”
-- 
please let me know your thoughts here ! And please share it if you liked it, it would mean a lot to me! 💛
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❌ So yesterday night Alastor invited over a guest to cook dinner for.
❌ I could tell the second she arrived because I could hear frigging "Be Our Guest" start up in the lobby.
❌ I tried to avoid that whole scene, but from down a hall I definitely spotted a shadow-thing juggling dishes.
❌ He rewrote the lyrics. I didn't catch all of them, but I did hear "Can they sing? Who can tell! After all, doll, this is Hell!"
❌ If you're on the fence about checking into the hotel and you're a musical theater fan: if you come, there's basically a 100% chance that the Radio Demon will do a musical number for you.
((So @autokrates came over for dinner last night, and we decided not to roleplay it out, but we DID write a long semi-pseudo-roleplay summary of how that meeting would have gone, so for any parties who are interested, HERE'S THAT CHAT LOG))
Valera
So! Largely, I believe. Val showing up, a musical number happens, and then ingredient delivery
Alastor
Sounds right.
Then Alastor preps dinner, spends too much time fussing with this Newfangled Modern Machine With Settings And Dials, and they sit staring at a slow cooker for a while.
Valera
Ah yes, nothing like sitting in dead silence waiting for things with someone you don't know! She should have asked Pentious for-- OH YEAH. Slide a pamphlet over. He can busy himself with memorizing that for a little while
Alastor
He absolutely will. And he will politely play showtunes in the background for the benefit of his guest as he reads.
Valera
Ah, just the thing for her to occupy herself with. Quietly stimming by wiggling her fingers and tail to the music
Alastor
He'd probably say thanks for the info but uh why give it to him? (Not that he doesn't WANT it but like, it seems pretty private, he's surprised that Valera—and Sir Pent?—think he's worthy of being let in on where Sir Pentious is this week)
Alastor three days after falling asleep on the floor all tangled up with Sir Pent: haha yeah but it's not like we're CLOSE is it?
Valera
Dumb old men being dumb!!!
Alastor
HE JUST. ASSUMES HE'S WAY MORE INTO THIS THAN SIR PENT...
Valera
Pentious asked her to elaborate to Alastor what was happening, since she's still got a level head and experience with shedding. Which is convenient, because she'd fully intended to anyway. Pentious may want company, and Alastor needs to be prepared.
Alastor
OuO oh so he trusts Alastor that much huh. He will... file that fact away... somewhere in his heart
Valera
Aside from herself, he's the person Pentious trusts most. Casually sips materialized tea.
Alastor
Immediately tries to play it off like HAHA MUST BE A SHORT LIST. ... Which would probably be funnier if not for the fact that, like, it IS a short list.
Valera
She will... Refrain from commenting on the list being Two People long. But she will raise a very deliberate eyebrow at the way he avoids any signs of emotional attachment
Which actually reminds her! She owes him an apology.
Maybe multiple? Whatever.
Alastor
(He might be verbally avoiding signs of emotional attachment but outside of that, like, it's gonna be hard for her not to notice that his attention on the conversation goes from like 75% to 110% the moment Sir Pent comes into it and he drops everything to focus on the Info Pamphlet That Might Be Helpful For Sir Pent)
Genuinely :)? at that, apology for what
Valera
Well, a few things! Pentious shared Alastor's letters with her, which, yes he was asking for input, but it was a bit invasive.
Alastor
Goes from :)? to :]
Valera
And then for, what was it, outing him? The post was taken down, but if Pentious had mixed feelings about it, well. She can't assume how Alastor felt even if she did say it was an Opinion Piece.
Shrug!!
Alastor
Oh THAT? Sure Alastor thinks he saw that go by now that Val mentions it. It's exactly what she said: an opinion piece!!! Why, he's an infamous celebrity! Everyone has an opinion on him and most of them are wrong! He doesn't put much stock in them~
Valera
Regardless! Her bluntness charms some, but it can also be quite inappropriate. She hopes it didn't distress him too much, it was never her intention.
She is a POLITICIAN.
Alastor
Why, he hardly even noticed it.
Valera
Good! Looping back around to her beau, did Alastor have any other questions?
Alastor
... Anything he can send to help out?
(NOW he's all self-conscious, offering to do something NICE. gotta try to be all aloof about it)
Valera
(Wow he really IS like Pentious but Even Worse.. She is amazed.) Send? Oh, no dear fellow. Asking for food today was largely a cover to visit without having Vaggie relay all this information thirdhand. Though he did do quite a fine job of making the food, Pentious will love it.
(assuming, but the Smell)
Alastor
✨💖 Oh will he? That's good. 💖✨
Valera
Yes. Alastor cut the vegetables and meat into the perfect sizes to avoid a texture issue, couldn't have done it better herself. Prr prr
Alastor
(He's like Texture Issue???? but like. He's not gonna ask.)
Valera
She will GLOSS PAST THAT, THEN. Beyond the food, which was a lovely bonus, hmm... No, she's already providing the lotions and voice recordings for Pentious. Unless he's willing to be an in house cheer squad when the snake gets bored and blind, there isn't much he could do.
Alastor
Well, he'd be glad to come over for a visit if it'd lift his spirits—if Sir Pentious would want the visit?
Valera
She expects he will! He's.. Distressed.
Uncomfortable shift. SHE DOESN'T LIKE BEING SO VAGUE.
Alastor
Well now she's got 150% of Alastor's attention.
Valera
Twitchy Tail Time!!! Yes. Well, the pamphlet makes it very dry, but a shed is nothing short of agony. Itchy, painful, it leaves you blind and helpless. If you've already got... experiences with such things. It makes it worse. Pentious is barely into it and he's already ready to attack anything that moves.
Alastor
... Well! Let Alastor know when he can come by.
(He's got trouble wrapping his head around the idea of WANTING company while pained and helpless, but if Valera says he does, then Alastor is going by that)
(... and if Sir Pent gets pissed Alastor came over he's 100% pointing a finger at Val and going "well she said you'd like it")
Valera
(LMAO)
(Val would explain it as wanting a strong person present so you can feel protected and finally relax)
(She's appealed to Pentious' ego with that!!)
Hah! Yes, of course. Though he may need to go to Valera's home, fair warning. She's trying to coax Pentious into laying in her tub to get through this. She's got more equipment to deal with the symptoms, and a larger bathroom by far.
Alastor
Having a near stranger over sounds like something that should worry Valera more than Alastor! For him, it's a bonus.
Valera
OH MAKE NO MISTAKE. VAL'S NOT SURE ABOUT IT
BUT. she's confident Alastor isn't going to do anything dumb in her house
bc Pentious would FLIP SHIT
Alastor
She's already decided that Alastor won't behave himself out of basic decency as a guest or even out of a desire to maybe get invited back but he WILL behave himself solely because Sir Pent is there and he's feeling kind of called out. Called out in his own kitchen, in front of his own crock pot,
Valera
Raises an eyebrow
She's grinning but she shouldn't be when she's acting like a little shit
Alastor
BUT WHAT HE ACTUALLY SAYS IS of course he'll be on his best behavior :) :) :)
WHY IT'S NOT EVERY DAY HE MEETS SOMEONE WITH SUCH FINE TASTE IN THE PERFORMING ARTS, he'd be a fool to be a poor guest
Valera
Glad to hear it! He's been nothing but a perfect gentleman so far, but with the way Pentious rants about other demons, an abundance of caution seems wise. Nothing personal, dear fellow.
Demon culture is very much a mystery to her, and a confusing one at that.
Alastor
COMPLETELY reasonable. After all, everyone is down here for a reason.
Valera
She would agree, if the concept of sin wasn't such an odd one! It comes down to survival of the fittest, at the end. But just because some pompous sky man says he loves you if you follow his contradictory rules, humans are doomed to eternal torment? It's bizarre.
Ah, but excuse her. Her viewpoint is, literally, alien.
Alastor
You make the world, you make the rules. What is the guy powerful enough to give the orders and see that they're obeyed if not "the fittest"? Who has the power to argue if he prints a list of criteria for who he does and doesn't want joining him in his gated community in the sky?
He's told someone tried to argue with him once. And that's how THIS little neighborhood got started.
Valera
Oh, it's not so bad. Heaven is a pretty dull place! All sorts of goody two shoes drinking tea and baking pies in the perfect idyllic weather. Forever.
Alastor
You know, for a time, Alastor used to think that all the "punishment" narratives around Hell were just talk. He had this theory that, actually, humans were sent to the afterlife they were better suited for. The people sent to Heaven are the kind of people who'd LIKE being in Heaven, the people sent to Hell are the kind of people who would be bored stiff in Heaven and just make it miserable for the people who want to be there.
But he was wrong. It really, truly is rotten down here. Not just because of the wilted vegetables and awful weather. Hell grinds at you on a spiritual level. It really is a punishment.
Valera
Well that's.. A lot at once. Vaguely concerned frown.. That she is going to cover with her tea turning to a Nice Dark Coffee. SSSssssssSSSIP.
Alastor
Just thought she might benefit from an insider perspective! She can rest assured: the pie-baking tea-drinkers really are better off.
:) :) :)
Valera
Interesting! She's never spent much time in Hell out of arms reach of Pentious, but that's something to keep in mind for the future.
Alastor
Happy to help~!
Valera
[[ val voice: haha yeah whenever I'm in hell I'm getting doted on but I'll keep an eye out for emotional wear and tear!
Alastor
(It's different for visitors who only come to chat with the convicts)
Valera
(Of course. More for Pentious than herself, she doesn't know a lot of his backstory yet BUT SHE KNOWS ITS SAD)
Now, moving to happier topics! She loves what hes done with the hair. Though it makes him rather fresh faced
Alastor
WHY, THANK YOU!! It was all the rage a hundred years ago! But they do say fashion trends come back around!!
Sir Pentious wasn't as impressed by it, but, hey, can't win them all, can you?
Valera
Ah, don't worry about it. He just takes a bit to come around to change!
... Usually.
Alastor
Well, doesn't matter, he probably won't be keeping it long.
"Usually"?
Valera
She grins!!! Yes, usually. He's remarkably easy to get on board with just about anything if you can relate to something else he likes.
Alastor
Well, naturally! Who isn't?
Valera
The LOOK on her face is like she SUCKED A LEMON.
You'd be surprised.
Alastor
... Apparently so!
he's gone from :) to 8) like what did he just step in
Valera
NOTHING SHE'S GETTING INTO! Now, tell her dear man. What kind of musicals do you like?
Alastor
............... All of them???
Valera
Oh? Everything from Les Mis to Cats?
Anything Goes?
Alastor
Are those the two extremes? Then apparently so! What about you?!
Valera
She has preferences when she's PERFORMING in them, but from an enjoyment perspective, she can appreciate any production.
Alastor
A fan after his own dead heart!
Valera
She can do a MEAN patter song, but she likes being able to dance around while she's belting lines out. Acrobatics are where she can really show off!
Alastor
Well, then he hopes he'll have a chance to see her dancing sooner rather than later! Alastor never received much in the way in formal training in dance, and he's sure it shows, but he likes to think he makes up for it with personality.
Valera
Oh pish posh. Dance is at least fifty percent attitude, he'd be phenomenal on or off the stage. And she can always give pointers, if he's looking for them.
Alastor
He really only does it for his own entertainment—AND for the entertainment of honored guests, of course—but if he ever decides to get back into theater for whatever reason, he'll keep her generous offer in mind.
Valera
Of course! Not like she's going to do a lot of dancing with Pentious here. Her love is many things, but a dancer is not one of them. Snrk snrk.
Alastor
Really. Huh.
So how DID they meet, anyway?? Alastor's been wondering! Hard for sinners to meet many people outside of Hell.
Valera
Oh! Haha, funny story, that. But how much detail does he REALLY want?
Alastor
Well, far be it from him to pry into anything she doesn't think she ought to share, of course. But he wouldn't have asked if he didn't wonder.
Valera
Fair! Alright, well. They met on tumblr, obviously. Pentious was flailing about being combative and intentionally aggressive. You know. Pentious.
Alastor
Naturally.
Valera
She decided to approach him without the immediate hostility so many of her peers were demonstrating. Doesn't everyone deserve a chance to explain themselves, after all? He seemed like he was lashing out, not truly malicious. Nobody had bothered explaining to him that what he did was wrong, or why.
And, you know. If you attack someone, you can't be surprised if they attack you right back. Obviously.
Alastor
Obviously.
Valera
So! Yes. She approached him, asked questions. Asked for his side of things. And they got along just fine! So she invited him over for tea, arguably. But mostly he invited himself over because she made too much tea.
Alastor
So just a chance encounter while adrift among the Internet's airwaves! How serendipitous.
Valera
More or less! Though really, she'd spoken to Alastor more at that point. Other Alastor. He'd been inviting her over to his hell, so she'd likely have met Pentious under very different circumstances if she hadn't approached him then.
But! He came over, and they talked. And they talked a LOT. About their passions, and about how ridiculous people can be these days.
And gods, can they. Then they decided to watch The Mikado! Has he heard of it?
Alastor
Has he heard of it?! One of Gilbert & Sullivan's most renown shows?! Madam! Of course he had!
Valera
Oh good, good good! He continues to impress! So lovely to know there are other people with taste around here. So yes! They watched The Mikado, and it went.. Almost alarmingly well. At the start they were on opposite ends of the couch, and by the end he was sprawled across her lap like he lived there.
Alastor
...... Well!
He warms up to people fast.
Valera
Haha! Perhaps he was simply overly pleased to connect with someone again, and let his guard down? They wound up making out on the couch like a pair of horny teens, so.
Alastor
...... Well!
Valera
Sssssips drink.
Alastor
............ Congratulations! (he has No Idea what you're supposed to say to that)
Valera
Thanks! (She doesn't either) Want to know an incredibly adorable fact about Penny?
Alastor
Sure!!
(he is retaining a Remarkable poker face through all this)
Valera
He likes it when you scratch his hood. Makes him melt in to a happy little pile of scales.
(someone please... Help Alastor....)
Alastor
Ha! Well, isn't that darling.
(The only one who can help Alastor is Alastor himself and he's like "why should I help, what's that bitch ever done for me")
Valera
Very. Should he ever deign to let you try it, the results are best from juuust the very joint of his neck and hood.
(ALASTOR PRACTICE SELF CARE)
Alastor
(FOR THE LAST HALF CENTURY HIS SELF CARE HAS BEEN AVOIDING SEEING/THINKING ABOUT SIR PENT EVER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. He still needs to figure out how to do a self-care that's the opposite of that!)
Duly noted! Alastor's sure it'll never happen, but even so.
Valera
Oh, she isn't so sure! Penny speaks fondly of him.
Alastor
... Hm.
Well, there are different sorts of fondness, aren't there!
Valera
Well, yes of course? She's fond of many people, but she isn't exactly engaged to the vast majority of them. What is his point?
Alastor
That THAT'S the sort of intimacy one usually reserves for someone closer to the "engaged" end of the fondness scale—hold on, engaged??
Valera
Oh? Yes, engaged. Anyway, is it? This must be one of those human things again. There's nothing sexual about enjoying platonic physical contact, there's no reason for it to be relegated to a relationship.
Alastor
Well, what does Alastor know, he's never been a very touchy person. SO, how long have you two been...? Well, probably since before Alastor met either of you, silly question! He just must not have heard.
Valera
Oh, no it's.. Arguably recent? Certainly after he and Pentious started talking. Though don't get too fussed, dear. Pentious has a ring he hasn't lobbed at her yet. They've just agreed to get married, Pentious refers to her as his fiancé. No dates set or anything.
Alastor
Oh, good, so he didn't miss some big announcement. That WOULD have been embarrassing
Valera
He did not! And really, with how he and Pentious get along he might wind up getting asked for advice if a proposal ever actually occurs.
Alastor
... He doesn't know what kind of advice he could offer! He's not known for his expertise in romance, ha.
((suddenly got a flashing glimpse of a possible future where Alastor is the best man, standing like five feet away from Sir Pent trying to hold it together))
Valera
[[ JFDHFKDSHJFKDS HONESTLY.... IT'S LIKELY
Valera
You know, she doesn't think any of them are! Marriage isn't something Veci usually do with aliens, but Pentious insisted he wanted a proper marriage, and kids, and she's not opposed to either if that makes him happy. Though seeing him with the dolls is incredibly endearing.
Alastor
((And I will be FILLED TO THE BRIM with sadistic glee))
The dolls??
Valera
[[ Alastor crying ASMR
Alastor
(("Al are you okay—" "YEAH I'M FINE IT'S JUST. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. ISN'T IT. SO MOVING."))
Valera
Yes! Would you like to hear that story?
Alastor
SURE!!
Valera
Super! So! She doesn't know ALASTOR'S stance on calling women things like sluts and whores, but she herself is.. Not terribly fond of those words. Something about having them screamed at her, just doesn't sit well.
Alastor
One rarely is fond of the words one's been on the receiving end of.
Valera
Indeed. Pentious on the other hand, used them quite freely against any woman he wasn't pleased with.
But! Pentious wants kids someday, and kids are of course, quite perceptive little creatures. And no child of hers is going to grow up internalizing that kind of nonsense, either as a measure of their worth or as something a proper young man calls any lady.
So! She made a few dolls, to demonstrate her point. Pentious wants kids, so she made him some dolls that resemble what his offspring would.
And then hurled abuse at them quite freely!
He didn't take kindly to hearing what random men would call his own daughter, funnily enough.
Alastor
Alastor's like lmao. (IT SEEMS KINDA MEAN AND MEAN THINGS AMUSE HIM... he's half powered by schadenfreude)
Valera
(It WAS mean)
Alastor
And he takes it that worked.
Valera
Pentious can often be found curled up with his little doll family, and he hasn't used a slur since, so! Yes.
Alastor
No surprise there! He is, at his heart, a family man in hibernation, isn't he?
Valera
Not even in hibernation! He's incredibly eager to start a family.
Alastor
Of course. Now that he has the chance. Probably the only man in Hell who does.
Formerly in hibernation, then.
Valera
Can sinners not reproduce?
Alastor
No! Sterile, one and all. The dead do not breed. There are the few rare exceptions who have been supernaturally promoted out of the pool of the damned and made nobility of the same rank as the native Infernal-born or Heaven-fallen demons—Queen Lilith, for instance—but that's not just a thing that HAPPENS. A sinner must be CHOSEN, typically by Lucifer himself. Alastor wouldn't be surprised if it happens less than twice a millennium.
And even at that, to his knowledge these ascendant damned have never bred with each other—only with the Infernal nobility.
Valera
Huh! Fascinating. She really should learn more about the going ons of hell... But good to know! That explains the way Pentious.. Basically went feral as soon as he found out it was possible to have a family.
She's still not sure about the whole "eyes going red" thing, but he's explained it as any peak of emotion.
Alastor
It happens!
... Did you account for the possibility of him being sterile when you promised him a family? Or did you make the promise on the assumption that he's as fertile as any living man?
Valera
Oh, she can reproduce with anyone who has a soul. Pentious IS a damned soul. Ergo...
Alastor
Getting around the usual rules, then! Good. Alastor would so hate to hear if he'd gotten his hopes raised just for them to be dashed again.
Valera
Oh, she was careful to check! Many demons are soulless beings, and she hates to be made a liar of. Though she wasn't even sure poor Pentious even had genitals at the time!
Alastor
Well. Surprise.
Valera
She is Looking Away
Yes... Surprise indeed.
Alastor
He is the picture of :) neutrality
Valera
Val is trying very hard to keep the conversation from going to DARK PLACES. So!!! Subject change time.
Did you and he have fun at your last visit? He tends to give her a summary, but it's nice to hear the other perspective
Alastor
OH. YES. SURE. DELIGHTFUL TIME.
Valera
Oh? Delightful?
Alastor
Yeah, sure! ... Why, did he not think so?
Valera
Oh! He.. Got very drunk. His memories get fuzzy.
Alastor
... Well, that was half of what made it delightful!
Valera
She wouldn't know, but she's very glad to hear it!
Alastor
You abstain? Or not biologically capable?
Valera
Oh, neither. Rarely have the chance to actually relax anymore, too many attempts to murder her over the years. Regicide is very in, you know.
Alastor
Heavy is the head!
Valera
Hah! He can say that again. It's a thankless job. But somebody's got to do it.
Alastor
((I'M RUNNIN OUT OF STEAM... and they chatted about a lot more than I expected, this was productive!! Anywhere else you think we oughta steer the conversation or d'you think it's safe to go And Then They Chatted More, The End))
Valera
[[ NAH I THINK ITS BEEN ESTABLISHED WELL ENOUGH. STEER BACK TO MUSICALS, THEY TALK SHOP, AND THEN WHAM FOOD
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tvmoviechristmas · 3 years
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Holidate (Netflix, 2020)
Fucking holidays.
Starring: Emma Roberts, Luke Bracey, Jessica Capshaw, Luke Bracey
Plot Synopsis: Sloane and Jackson hate being single on holidays where they face constant judgment from their meddling families. So, when these two strangers meet, they pledge to be each other's "holidate" for every festive occasion in the year ahead. (x)
In My Humble Opinion: To call Holidate a Christmas movie is a stretch. Yes, it has bookends that take place during the Christmas holidays, but in total it’s a generous 15% of the film. Christmas gets the ball going but it doesn’t play a major role in any of the proceedings.
But I watched this damn movie for the blog, and I am going to get something out of this dreadful experience even if it’s just checking a review I have to write off my to-do list.
Holidate is about two people that had bad Christmas holiday experiences and decide that their lives would be better if they had platonic, no pressure dates for the rest of the yearly holidays. And when I say “rest of the yearly holidays”, I am including holidays both real and imagined. Have you ever met someone who was desperate for a St. Patrick’s Day date? Well, apparently, this is a normal problem in Holidate. Is Cinco de Mayo a couples holiday? I thought it was just an excuse for racist white people to get drunk and hook up. Holidate argues otherwise. These poor people feel pressure to have Fourth of July dates! I have no idea how they live. I really don’t.
The most wild thing about holidates though is that you are not even supposed to be invested in your holidate as a person. Platonic is pushing it for holidates! At one point, Emma Roberts is like, “We’re not friends! We only see each other on holidays!” But they’re seeing each other on every holiday! They are seeing each other more than I saw my actual good friends in like 2019! They’re not friends?!?! It is absurd. The premise to this movie is absurd!
And like, sure, whatever I can handle absurdity. Most romantic comedies are absurd. But you have to have chemistry to hang on. You have to have a couple I can root for.
Holidate did not have that. It had Emma Roberts, who dated a French guy for a couple of months and will never get over it and Luke Bracey, who is Australian and has some golf-related job. They have some sort of chemistry but if you expect it to be developed further than handjob jokes and gross-out gags than you are going to be disappointed. That’s the other thing that’s supposed to make Holidate stand out.... it’s raunchy!
I grew up in the era where Judd Apatow took over romantic comedies for the worse though, so raunchiness isn’t a novel thing to me. I’ve seen Bridesmaids. I’ve seen Trainwreck. I’ve seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And while they are all varying levels of quality, they are all better than Holidate just by virtue of caring for its characters outside of when they can talk about drinking or fucking next. Also they are funnier. Also Holidate is terrible. Just really, really terrible. No fun at all. 
At least I got a blog post out of it.
Watch If: You are a woman who thinks that it is all about the hands, if you cannot date a professional clown or if you are sitting at the kids’ table with a vodka.
Skip If: You are an employed person who goes to the mall on a Wednesday, if you have a Matt Lauer tattoo, or if you’re a man who wants to date a smoker who lies.
Final Rating: ★ (★) ☆ ☆ ☆ 
If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you! 
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lurkinmerkin · 6 years
Text
So I’m doing some math (I’m terrible at it) but nonetheless, I did some thinking and then some subtraction and realized that it was in about 1998 that my family got a computer with Microsoft Windows installed along with a dial-up internet connection. And so this is technically my 20th anniversary of reading fanfic and being a part of internet fandom. I figured I should celebrate it a bit. 
I don’t remember the exact date or time or whatever, I can barely add or subtract, so June seems like a good in the middle of the year kind of time to recollect and think about what I’ve been doing with my life. Think about why I read so much, why I reblog things, why I am the way I am. 
This ask meme was written by @mabel-but-slytherin​ and I decided, I’ll just answer the whole damn thing. I’m sure absolutely no one is interested in this info but I don’t give a fuck. 20 goddamn years of my life in fandom, do you seriously think I give a fuck anymore? I don’t care about you or your eyes. I officially left the give a fuck building a long ass time ago.
If you have seen a fandom ask meme about being a lurker (which I was for a good ten years) or about reading fanfic instead of just writing fanfic, send it my way and I’ll answer it too. I have stories.
1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?
It was Thursday Night Routine and it’s readable but I find it a bit repetitive and out of character. Although, with Glee, how was I supposed to know who these people would become, lol. ;A;
2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come?
My most recent was Vesper Lynde for the Spy fandom and I think I’ve grown as a writer but my characterization is still clumsy and my comedy isn’t as sharp. I think I was funnier before. I also have issues getting to the sex scene that I never had before. It drives me batty.
3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?
The thoroughly depressing and out of nowhere for me fic, Ozma. That night was a eureka moment, it was bliss writing that fic. It flowed. I probably got the closest to american gothic and poetry with that fic--which is my usual goal when I do creative writing off the internet. 
4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?
So much of what I wrote was done anonymously before AO3 and Tumblr so it’s hard for me to say but I’m gonna guess Everybody’s Pickin’ Up on that Feline Beat because the cat!boi thing really slapped. Like people loooooved the cat!boi thing in 2010. 
5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?
Third is the One With the Treasure Chest. It has some issues but I still can’t believe I wrote it, like that was my third fanfic ever and it was a muppet babies’ orgy. I have no idea how I did it, :D
6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?
Not really? I’m not embarrassed by what I write (I can’t be, I write weird shit), but I don’t necessarily want people to come up to me in real life and start describing my fic to me. Like I don’t want my realities to intersect. That’s what I’m really sure would embarrass me. 
7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?
I’m not gonna finish it, like it’s not happening, but I kind of wish I had finished Look What You Made Me Do. I still noodle a about Sarah Plain and Tall Klaine story. I did a lot of research into Gilded era hair and fashions.
8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?
Probably the epically awful and creepy Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match where Sandy and Karofsky kidnap and assault Kurt. I was fascinated by how absolutely horrific Sandy Ryerson was as a character. He’s the worst. I’m not doing a sequel though. I’m not.
9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?
Read? Yes. Written? No. I don’t think I’m the best at characterization but I do feel a need for a basic grasp on it before I start writing anything. 
10. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?
I wrote Vesper Lynde before I read any of the fic which was probably a good thing because there are some really good fics out there that already cover the subject I did (and did it better). But I’m glad I wrote it anyway because I have so many feelings about Rayna and Susan.
11. Have you ever written a fic for a concept you know someone else has done before? How did it impact your writing process or feelings after posting?
I honestly don’t know so I’m going to say no. I have seen these stories after I wrote what I wrote and have thought, Oh I should have done that or why didn’t I think of that?, but I have never seen a fic beforehand and thought that I could do it better or different enough. I wrote fic in order to fill a gap of weird skullfuckery that was missing before I showed up. 
12. Have you ever written a fic and decided never to publish it? Why?
Yes. It was bad, I wrote myself into a corner and had no interest in fixing it. The writing felt dull and flat. If I post an unfinished work, I do it because I think the writing has merit. 
13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?
I write more original work now, I write poetry mostly nowadays. And fanfic I do write has been smaller vignette pieces, has had way less sex in it and minimal wacky shenanigans. I kind of want to go back to wacky shenanigans honestly.
14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?
I’m riding a girl swing this year so I’m way more interested in stories that involve cunnilingus and strap-ons, boob devotionals and short fingernails. I sort of got into that in the middle of my Glee career (the Golden Age) before swinging back to boys and their balls (the Modern Age). In this new Age, I’m back to ladies. 
15. Have you ever purposefully written one fandom/fic idea over another because you knew it’d be more popular?
I think I tried to do that once but then I failed because my niche is being an off-beat weird motherfucker, not popular. I thought that I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman would go awf but instead it fizzled. So I stuck with dickpunching.
16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?
No. I didn’t really get a lot of attention outside my circle anyway.
17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?
I guess the Cat!Kurt fic? I think it’s a good story, I just think that I wrote some that were better.
18. What’s your most underrated fic?
And if the world runs out of lovers, my Blaine/Finn fic. I had a lot of fun with that one and I think I got some really funny lines in. 
19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick?
I would say, They’re Both Just Full of Feelings, OK? which is a story were Puck and Mercedes get very drunk, complain about their homosexual tendencies and then motorboat each others tiddies. I feel like that about covers the gist of my aesthetic.
20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?
I am doing a slow ass sloow rewrite of As Needed, just some clean up of tense issues and little nudges here and there of some of the wording. And I will take down the original when I do that. It needs better grammar, it does.
21. If someone starts kudosing and commenting your fics in a spree and has a few works of their own, would you go look through theirs?
Yes. I love spying and I love other people’s bookmarks. I keep mine private because I’m a hypocrite and I don’t know how to make them public en masse. I am not doing that individually.
22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed?
No, but I freak out at every follow/favorite/review regardless. There are people who I love love love but they aren’t in the fandoms I write in so I never expect to have an insane fangirl moment like that.
23. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?
When I wrote Ozma, someone on the kinkmeme said that it read like a contemporary short story and I was flattered!
24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?
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25. What constructive criticism, however well-meaning, always makes you feel bad when you see it in a review?
Gosh, that’s tough. I’m gonna go with criticisms that question your intent? Like when someone goes, “Did you mean to say this or that?” but not because it makes me feel bad but more because it makes me feel like I didn’t get my point across clearly enough that the reader could make their own conclusions about what was happening. I am very much of the author is dead style and part of that is leaving enough there to satisfy the reader without giving it all away.
26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?
My humor. I like it when people find me funny. I don’t feel like my humor makes sense a lot of the time. Also, when people say that they re-read my stories. That’s always a heart warmer.
27. If you could only ever write crossovers or single-fandom fics ever again, which would you pick?
I prefer single-fandom fics as a writer. Crossovers get messy for me, too many locations to choose from.
28. if you could only ever write for a single crossover or a single fandom again, which would you pick?
Schitt’s Creek. David/Patrick 4eva!
29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?
Absolutely not, LMAO! I have done way more reading than writing in any fandom. My participation is a pebble on a mountainside.
30. Do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?
I wrote Glee fic (and I am still working on As Needed) after I had moved on from the show but a lot of us did. My attention span allows me to multifandom.
31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?
Susan Cooper. She’s an enigma.
32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?
Puck, I feel like I wrote a very solid Puck.
33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?
I would guess Brittany but I don’t think the quality holds up. I liked writing Brittany but I don’t think I captured her essence.
34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way?
I get a lot of requests for a sequel to Sex Bomb even to this day and it surprises me.
35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?
No, I was ready to write anyone with anyone in any fic. I love it.
36. Have you ever sincerely written a ship you do not support into a fic?
Don’t support? Well, I don’t support Kurt/Karofsky but I write non-con fic so...
37. Have you ever purposefully bashed a character/ship in a fic?
I would only in an in-character sense, like the character would be against that pairing because of the show dramatics. At least, that was always my intent.
38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why?
Because that’s how the glee_anon meme worked sometimes LOL. Sometimes, you gotta have the anal worm lay the eggs.
39. Do you consider yourself to have a readership?
Not anymore lol, if I ever did. I don’t write enough.
40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?
I peaked with the Muppet Babies’ orgy, that was my third fic. Everything else was gravy.
41. If you cross-post your fics on multiple sites, do you have a favorite? Are there certain fics you would only post on certain site?
I want all my fics on AO3 largely because I think livejournal is gonna die soon and tumblr is unsearchable and lacks a forum function. 
42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten?
(Based on AO3): Ozma at 28672 Hits
43. Your least popular?
(Based on AO3): There’s a Lobster Involved at 38 Hits
44. Do you follow/favorite/kudos/comment/review more stories than you have received?
Oh gosh, I never thought of it that way but I hope I at least kudos more than I’ve received! I don’t have that many bookmarks and I don’t review and I rarely comment (I’m more like to DM you) but I do leave kudos a lot.
45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself?
With my original works: poetry. With my fanfic works: absurdism
46. Do you consider yourself a diverse author?
Yeah, I think I covered a wide range of topics and styles along with a lot of different characters. I had humor, drama, horror, angst, slice of life, porn, I covered a lot of ground.
47. If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?
NO.
48. Does anyone you know from outside of fandom know you write fanfic? Are they involved in the same fandom too?
Yes, they know and they were also Glee fans but not necessarily fanfic readers. Just how much they know will remain a mystery between us because they won’t tell me and I won’t ask them to tell me. I don’t need that knowledge and I don’t want it.
49. Has anyone in your life ever read your fanfic just because you wrote it?
NOT THAT I KNOW OF AND I DON’T WANT THEM TO TELL ME IF THEY DID. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?
I have an absolutely incredible circle of friends that I would not have had without fandom. So many people that I know out of fandom don’t spend as much time on the internet, they aren’t as easy to reach as my internet friends. You guys give me your time and your energy and that means so much to me. It really does. 
I wouldn’t say my time in fandom has been 100% positive. There are always downfalls to being in a large group. I have had my moments of internet drama, on anon trolling, and bad feelings. But my friends make it all worth it. You guys are the best.
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clumsyphilip · 7 years
Text
Feels Like War - Chapter 2
Though it hasn’t always been this way, Dan and Phil can’t stand each other, and the only way they can deal with it is through copious amounts of hate sex
Word Count (this chapter): 3k
Warnings (this chapter): blowjob (+ a bit of praise kink), swearing
A/N: Chapter 1 is (here) ICYMI and the Phil video referenced is (here) but Dan deleted his tinder one the day after I posted this, but hopefully it’s fairly self explanatory!
It’s been over a week, and Dan still can’t believe that he let himself have sex with Phil in their living room.
Moreover, he can’t believe that they’d done it again the day after, and maybe the day after that too.
He runs a hand over his face and sighs, staring blankly at his computer screen as he leans back in his desk chair. It’s not like he’d meant for it to happen even once, let alone multiple times, but he can’t help but think it hasn’t turned out to be an entirely bad thing. There’s less shouting, and swearing, and name calling. Then again, there’s also more fucking and he’s not sure if he should be viewing that as a good thing because it’s with Phil.
And he’ll admit that it’s really good. But it’s still Phil.
Every time they touch he can feel himself turn hot with anger and his voice alone is enough to make Dan shiver because he hates it that much, yet he can’t seem to make himself take a stand and walk away.
He shakes his head, convincing himself that maybe if he had anyone else willing to sleep with him then things would be different. Seeing as he can’t stand to even look at Phil sometimes, pretty much anyone else would be preferable.
That’d been half the reasoning behind his tinder video. Sure, he’d been paid by them to make it and the video itself is a joke but he’s kept the app and touched up his profile in the hopes of actually finding someone worth meeting. So far though, he’s only met people that are either interested in his internet fame or completely dull.
And though his mouse hovers over it, he can’t seem to force himself to press the upload button. He knows that Phil will think he did it just to irritate him after the other night and he knows that there might be some truth to that so he won’t be able to bring himself to tell Phil any differently.
“Fuck him.” Dan mutters to himself as he finally uploads the video, smiling slightly as he imagines Phil’s reaction.
He watches the first few comments come in, relaxing as he realises that they’re mostly positive and letting some of the pressure he’d been feeling roll off of him as he leans back in his chair.
Until he hears his own voice play from the room down the corridor.
“Hello internet. Some people say that social media...”
Dan laughs to himself at the fact that Phil was apparently just waiting for his video to go up, he can’t even remember the last time he bothered to watch one of Phil’s that he wasn’t in.
He scrolls through his phone mindlessly, keeping track of his own video playing in the background, then it stops mid way through in sync with movement from Phil. He hears a crack as Phil’s door swings open and hits the wall and smirks to himself as Phil gets closer, this is going to be so much fun.
He listens as Phil stops at his doorway, not bothering to turn to look at him when he speaks.
“You don’t have to wait for my permission to come in.” Dan drawls. He can hear Phil seething behind him and finds it impossible to wipe the cocky smile off his face as Phil takes a few steps closer.
“I could swear you’re trying to wind me up.” Phil says quietly. Dan sighs and swivels his chair round so that he can look at Phil.
“And why would I do that?” He asks innocently.
“Why don’t you tell me?” Phil snaps. Dan notices his laboured breathing and the way that he won’t quite let their eyes meet, he can feel the irritation coming off of him but he’s just not quite annoyed enough. Yet.
“I think you should get over yourself, not everything I do is about you.” Dan says nonchalantly. “In fact, none of it is.”
Phil closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths before opening them again to look straight into Dan’s. “You honestly expect me to believe that you didn’t think of me at all when you made that?”
“Didn’t even cross my mind.” Dan smiles sweetly as he speaks, moving to spin his chair back round to face away but Phil grabs the back of it, stopping him.
“Bullshit.” He whispers.
“Excuse me?”
“I said it’s bullshit, Dan!”
Dan winces as Phil raises his voice before he gets a handle on himself and stands so that he can look at Phil directly, smirking when he remembers that he’s just an inch taller, so he looks down on him slightly.
“Calling me a liar?” Dan hisses in Phil’s face. 
“That’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“And in your self-absorbed world, what exactly is it that you think I’m trying to do?”
“Let me know that you’ve got tinder.” Phil mutters. 
“And so what if I do? It’s none of your fucking business if I want to meet someone.” Dan spits, trying to keep his smile under control when he see’s Phil beginning to get more and more wound up by him. Just a little more.
Phil moves a little closer to Dan so that they’re sharing space and when he speaks Dan can feel every word he says. 
“Last time I checked.” He murmurs. “No one’s wanted you since I dumped you anyway.”
Dan feels something inside of him snap. He doesn’t care about winding Phil up anymore or trying to drive him mad and all he can think about is how the proximity is making his skin crawl and before he realises it he’s shoving Phil away.
He can barely even look at him for a moment, let alone speak as heat sears through his stomach. The tense silence feels red hot and Dan has to use all of his willpower to keep himself rooted because every time they get at all physical with each other is when their sexual tension starts and it’s the last thing he wants.
‘‘Get out.” Dan manages to say through gritted teeth, though still not looking at Phil.
But Phil doesn’t move and Dan finds himself having to look at him so that he can stare straight into his eyes when he speaks again.
“Get the fuck out!” He shouts, groaning in frustration when Phil still doesn’t move or even speak to him, just stands there smirking.
“Then I will.” Dan says, shaking his head as he tries to brush past Phil and get out of the flat, but Phil’s hand grabs his waist as he goes past and he knows exactly what Phil’s trying to do.
“You must be fucking deluded if you think I’d ever let you touch me again after that.” Dan growls, slapping Phil’s hand away but still too angry to enjoy the look of frustration on Phil’s face as he does so.
He all but runs out of the flat, slamming the door behind him.
------
It’d taken Dan two days before he could speak to Phil again, too hurt to even think about it, and when he eventually did it was because he’d been forced to due to Anthony visiting them and he didn’t want to make it anymore awkward than it needed to be.
Though he’d still kept his distance, right up until Anthony decided it would be a good idea if the three of them made a video together and he’d felt too bad to say no and suddenly Phil was coming up with some stupid game and they were filming.
Once he’d found out the concept for the video he’d really had to bite his tongue because “Anthony, Dan, or a RAT?” had to be the dumbest idea he’d ever heard, but he managed to keep it under control, 
He even managed to force a smile and a fake laugh throughout the entire video, seemingly even convincing Anthony that he wasn’t bubbling with anger underneath it and though he had no idea where he found the willpower, he didn’t even snap at Phil when the camera turned off.
Reminding himself that once Anthony leaves he can turn away from Phil and pretend that he isn’t even there, he stays civil for the day.
The problems start the minute that Anthony walks out of their flat and the door clicks shut.
Dan grabs Phil’s wrist roughly and spins him around so that they’re facing each other, not letting him go. He’s too angry to carry on with his freeze out now, consumed by his need to say something.
“What do you think you were doing with that video?” Dan questions, looking straight into Phil’s eyes as he does, letting his gaze burn into Phil’s.
“You’ll have to be more specific.” He sighs tiredly, dropping his eyes down to look absentmindedly at one of his hands, flicking his nails. Dan grips his other wrist tighter and pulls it towards him slightly.
“Why were my photos so embarrassing and awful?” 
Phil rolls his eyes and sighs again, looking at Dan patronisingly in a way that might just drive him insane.
“Because it made the video funnier? Get over yourself.” Phil says as he rips his wrist out of Dan’s grasp and takes a step back
“You’re so transparent.” Dan mutters lowly. “You’re clearly just jealous.”
“Jealous?” Phil asks incredulously.
“Yes, jealous. Jealous because I’m trying to find someone else and I won’t let you touch me, much less fuck me, anymore.” 
“I’m not jealous you self-centred prick.” Phil spits. “But if I was you’d probably enjoy it anyway, being the way that you are.”
“Fuck off! You don’t know the first thing about me or what I like anymore. You think you’re so smart and you think that you’ve got me all figured out but the truth is that even a stranger could probably read me better than you can so just fuck off and leave me out of whatever sick game it is that you’ve decided to play.” Dan shouts. He feels his face turn red and his fists bunch as he vents at Phil and if he’s not careful he’s going to punch him because he still has the nerve to smile.
“My game?” He asks.
“Your vindictive, weird, sexual game that I want no part of.” Dan clarifies.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Phil laughs darkly. “First of all, don’t play innocent with me, we both started this and as much as you like to think I’m the worst person in the world, you know all you had to do was say if you wanted out. And secondly, like it or not, I know you far better than you think I do so don’t think for a second you can pretend that I don’t”
“You really think that I’m the same person as I was back then? It’s been five years since you...” Dan clears his throat. “I’ve changed a lot since then.”
“Well so have I.” Phil fumes.
“None of it for the better.”
There’s just a beat of silent tension before Phil speaks again, almost whispering in how quiet he is.
“So, do you want out?” He asks, without the usual edge to his tone that Dan had come to expect by now.
“Huh?”
“Even though I can’t stand you, I could still never force myself... I don’t want you to think that I’m-”
“No I know.” Dan mutters. He honestly doesn’t know how to answer Phil’s question because truthfully everything should have ended five years ago but it just didn’t, not really, and the idea of things truly fading out scare him. 
He spends most of his time wishing he didn’t have to be anywhere near Phil but when Phil’s asking him so bluntly he can’t find the words. So he decides not to.
Before he can convince himself it’s a terrible idea he’s surging forward to mash his lips with Phil’s messily, desperately, really hoping that this is going to be easier than actually talking to him.
Phil pulls himself away from Dan. “Sure?” He whispers.
“Shut the fuck up.” Dan groans, rolling his eyes as he connects their lips again, opening their mouths so that their tongues can meet haphazardly as they heatedly kiss against the wall, no finesse, no feeling.
The only thing Dan does feel is heat, but then he always feels that way around Phil. A heat that would once have spread through him fuzzily now burns through his entire body, setting him on fire and making him more sensitive than he’d ever been before. The pent up frustration and anger and hatred finally channelling itself as he focusses his energy onto Phil properly.
“I knew you’d give in.” Phil remarks as Dan moves down to his neck, sucking harshly when he speaks and smiling when he hisses in pain.
“I said, shut up.” Dan hisses. He doesn’t need to be anymore riled up than he already is and if Phil pushes him then he might walk away and he’s not really sure if he wants to.
He’s just so frustrated. He needs an outlet.
Dan grabs the hem of Phil’s shirt and pulls it off him swiftly, throwing it down the corridor as he backs Phil up against the wall, pressing his hands into it on either side of Phil’s head so that he can carry on sucking marks onto his collarbones, and a few down his chest.
Pulling away to admire his work, Dan can’t help but appreciate the way the newly formed purple and red bruises contrast against Phil’s pale skin, there’s no mistaking where Dan’s been and he quickly drops to his knees, leaving another hickey just above his hip for good measure.
Phil moves his hands into Dan’s hair immediately, massaging gently at his scalp before pulling roughly. Moaning in a mix of pleasure and pain, Dan hurriedly works the buttons on Phil’s jeans and yanks them down as quickly as he can, taking his boxers down with them too.
“Someone’s eager.” Phil chuckles from above him.
“If you don’t want me to just walk away from you right now, then stop talking.” Dan snaps. He can’t help but stare a little at the sheer impressiveness of Phil’s dick. Sure, he’s had it up his arse several times in the past week but he’d never stopped to look and maybe he’d forgotten quite how big it is. 
Phil catches him staring and gives him a overly confident grin.
“You’re sure you want me to stop talking?” He taunts. Dan rolls his eyes, thinking that there’s only one surefire way to stop Phil from speaking anymore and so he acts, taking Phil’s length into his mouth all at once, causing Phil to gasp and attempt to grip the wall behind him.
Dan pulls away just as quickly. “Yes.” He says simply, before leaning back down to take the tip into his mouth and suck lightly, teasing the end with his tongue as one of his hands grips the base and begins to move slowly.
“Even if I- ah fuck.” Phil moans. “Even if I tell you how good you are?”
Though he feels his cheeks turn red, Dan tries to pretend that he hasn’t heard Phil because fuck, he didn’t know that he remembered that.
“If I tell you how amazing you are at this?” Phil says slowly. Dan still doesn’t respond and instead begins to move his mouth over Phil languidly, deep throating him a few times in a row and move his now free hand to stroke over his inner thigh, feeling it tremble beneath his touch.
He thinks that he might have managed to get Phil to stop talking, although now he silently wishes he hadn’t, before he pulls away for a moment and Phil manages to speak again.
“So good at sucking cock, aren’t you?” 
Dan groans at the words, unable to help himself from enjoying the praise that he gets from Phil, even if it is crass.
He’s never been able to resist it.
Hoping to draw something more out of Phil, Dan begins to move in earnest, sucking harder and gripping what he can’t quite reach with his hand again, moving it quickly in synchrony with his tongue,
“Fuck, fuck- Dan.” Phil groans as he roots his fingers into Dan’s hair harder, pulling so that his head changes angle slightly and he moans again. “God, you’re so incredible.” 
Dan mewls around Phil as he continues to suck, noticing that Phil’s legs are beginning to freeze and knowing exactly what’s coming next. 
He uses his free hand to massage Phil’s hip, enjoying the way that Phil’s hands move in the same way in his hair. His tongue swirls around Phil’s tip as he pulls of slowly, licking down to the base before he takes the whole thing back into his mouth, hollowing out his cheekbones as he stares up at Phil through his thick eyelashes, making direct eye contact.
Phil loses it when their eyes meet and he cums suddenly down Dan’s throat and Dan swallows it eagerly, stroking Phil through his comedown gently and running his tongue down the length one more time for good measure.
Recollecting himself slightly, Dan stands up and blushes again when he notices his own erection in his jeans. Phil just chuckles as he leans his head back against the wall, smiling in bliss.
“I could always-”
“No, I’ll deal with it.” Dan says quickly as he turns away from Phil and begins to walk down the corridor into his room so that he can sort himself out. Somehow letting Phil focus all his attention just onto him just seems too much.
“Same time next week?” Phil calls after him and Dan rolls his eyes though he knows that Phil can’t see it.
“You wish, Lester.”
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A/N: hi hi i know this took forever so i’m sorry for that but here it is! i’m still super excited about this fic so thank you if you’re reading it, feel free to let me know what you thought and i hope you enjoyed it!
also i know the stuff in the middle about phil explicitly asking dan for his consent wasn’t very objectively ~hot~ but like consent is sexy and i thought it would be easy to misconstrue the relationship as not entirely consensual and that’s not what i’m going for
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gladysnmccary · 4 years
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[INTERVIEW] Jack Black Gets Candid About Music, Movies, and Games
Jack Black and Kyle Gass of Tenacious D are ready to blow the roof off The Bomb Factory in Deep Ellum.
Tenacious D released their last album Tenacious D in Post-Apocalypto last year and will be bringing it live to DFW. The duo is scheduled to perform on October 19th. Doors will open at 7PM and the music will be unleashed an hour later. Cinema fans may recognize the band from the cult movie classic Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, which followed their legendary journey to rock and roll immortality. Click here to get tickets or find out more information about the concert and venue.
Of course, Jack Black is no stranger to the big screen or music. He headed up the award-winning movie School of Rock and has starred in numerous other blockbuster hits such as Shallow Hal, King Kong, Nacho Libre, and the Jumanji reboots. Since he is heading to Dallas next month, we thought it might be a good idea to catch up and see what we can expect from his debut at The Bomb Factory. Jack was kind enough to agree and what followed was one of our funniest and most open interviews to date. Take a look at what he had to say and also be sure to hear Tenacious D bring the “spicy mustard” to Deep Ellum later next month!
You've received numerous awards for acting in blockbuster movies and you have a successful music career. What would you consider your highest achievement thus far?
Probably School of Rock. That was like my tombstone. That's my biggest gig and my big breakthrough. I've gotten a lot of satisfaction from Tenacious D. Every album is like a baby because that one's all mine. You know? The writing, directing, and starring in each one of those projects.
Are there any projects you've done that you regret?
No. [laughs] No, none that I would ever admit to.
You’ve actually got a new movie, Jumanji: The Next Level, coming out later this year.
That one I definitely don’t regret; that’s for sure.
You’re known for being a gamer. What games are you currently into?
I’ve been playing this golf game on my phone. My phone has ruined my gaming career because I was all about the Xbox until my iPhone took over my life. Now there's a game called W… Is it called WTF? It can’t be called WTF. Hold on let me look… It’s called WGT Golf.
Close enough.
Yeah, it's a great golf game for your phone. It's a great app, but they found a way to suck all the money out of my wallet and it's a pet peeve of mine, all these f*cking phone games. They can be fun, but I'm from a generation where you bought a game and you were done buying sh*t. Do you know what I mean? You could play the whole game for your 50 bucks or whatever it is. Fifty bucks seemed like a lot of money for a game back in the day.
Now, with these little crappy phone apps with the in-app purchases, you can spend hundreds of dollars on stupid ass games. The graphics are not better than my rad Xbox games. They figured out a way to rig the system and I hate them for it. But, in the meantime, I continued to just give them my money because I'm a sucker.
You are spot on with that. I can't think of a truer statement I've heard today.
I keep on meaning to play Red Dead Redemption. I’ve started playing it but I’ve just scratched the surface. I just can't carve out the time in my life, you know. I’ve got kids and I’ve got jobs. I am looking forward to retirement when I'm in the old folk’s home and really catch up on all those video games that I've let fall by the wayside. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.
Let’s just hope the arthritis holds off so you can do that.
I guess that would f*ck with my gaming. But you know, those Rockstar Games like Red Dead and the Grand Theft Auto don’t require all that much finger strength or speed. It's more like watching a movie. It’s like Bandersnatch where it's a hybrid between a movie and a video game. Did you check out Bandersnatch?
I heard it was awesome. So yeah, I had to check it out.
Hell yeah! That's the future. It's half game and half movie. It won an Emmy for Best TV Movie and I thought that they deserved it, just for the innovation of the choosing your own adventure style. It’s so rad and exciting. Those Black Mirror folks know what they're doing. They’ve got some good episodes too.
Speaking of Hollywood, you apparently made some comments a few years back that offended some folks involved in making superhero movies. Let's go ahead and bridge that void. You were considered for playing Green Lantern before that movie came out. What superhero could you see yourself playing?
Yep. Then they gave it to the pretty boy and you see how that turned out. Great job Hollywood. You sure f*cked that one up. Mine was going to make a billion dollars but, you know, hindsight is 20/20. And I don't begrudge him; I like that guy's new superhero movie as long as he keeps the mask on. Just don't take that mask off because that's when everything gets f*cked. What's his name again? I can't remember his name.
Ryan Reynolds?
Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Ryan Reynolds. I do enjoy the twists and turns that his career has taken because it took him a while to get it going, but now he's on fuego. More power to him. What was the question again? What would I want to do?
What superhero movie would you do or what superhero would you be?
You know, I'd have to be some fat pain in the @ss. Maybe Penguin would be a good role for me or maybe Thing. If you put me in the right muscle suit made of rocks I could be the Thing from Fantastic Four.
I don’t know, man. I’ve seen you do Chris Hemsworth’s workout and you nailed it. Don’t sell yourself short.
Oh yeah! No, I I've got some upper body strength. It's just covered in fat. I'm trying to think if there's any other good fat superheroes, but nothing's coming to mind. Maybe I could be, like, Buddha. That’s not a superhero, he's a religious figure. He's the king of the of the Buddhists. His power could be that he can float around and talk to animals. He's pretty rad. He's real mellow and super Zen.
You may have to work that into your next album.
I'd like to play Buddha. You think they could work him into the MCU?
I don't see why not. It seems, at this point, that they let anybody in.
But I definitely would get in trouble for taking an Asian-American role; that could actually be the end of my career. So, there's that… Do you remember how much trouble Tilda Swinton got in? She got into big trouble for playing that role in Dr. Strange. So, you don't really want to f*ck with that. In fact, next question please.
Fair enough. So, Tenacious D used to be a popular basketball term. Why did you think it was a good idea to apply it as your band’s name?
Well at the time we thought it was hilarious, but in retrospect it was pretty dumb. It's not a very good name for a band, and it's not even really funny anymore. I don't know. Tenacious D. We thought it was just pure gold. It's funny how things somethings age well like a fine wine, but that name for a band is kind of like aged mayonnaise. You don't want to be called Tenacious D. But you know what? It served us well.
It's just among a list of lots of great bands with crappy names. The Beatles? That's a dumb name. I guess because it's a bug and also the word “beat” is in there. So, it's like they keep the beat. Just another dumb name for a band. Another dumb name? U2. It’s just the letter U and the number two. That's some high school sh*t. My point is that it doesn't really matter. The only thing that matters is the content. Do you bring the spicy mustard sauce? If you do you'll be all right.
I read that years ago you would trade Kyle Gass food from Jack In The Box for music lessons. Who got the better end of that deal?
Oh man, that's a tough one. Those music lessons were crucial, but have you ever had Jack In The Box’s seasoned curly fries? Those are some of the best french fried potatoes in the world. I started leaking in my mouth just now. I'm going to call it a tie.
Will we ever actually get to hear the greatest song in the world?
There is a school of thought that it is the song in the Pick of Destiny, Beelzebub. But, you know, it's always a matter of opinion. That's the joke of the greatest song in the world. It's not really a definable thing. It's not really a measurable quantity. Scientifically, it doesn't make any sense to say something is the best song in the world. That’s the joke. It's in the ear of the beholder. One man’s eargasm is another man’s sh*tty music.
For those who've never been to a Tenacious D concert (or even those that have been), what can they expect from your upcoming concert in Dallas?
Well, for those audience members that are old enough to have seen Pink Floyd’s The Wall, that's what it's being compared to. It's a rock opera. It's epic. It's powerful. It's hilarious. It's rated R. Some say it’s rated X but I'm just going to say it’s a really hard R.
Are you keeping your clothes on?
I keep my pants on, but it's all animated. There's, like, a lot of drawings that will be projected on the screens around us. There’s full penetration, but it's like a really bad cartoon drawing trying to do it. It doesn't seem like it should get the same rating as a pornographic film. You get away with a lot more. Have you ever see the movie Sausage Party? You know you never would have been able to do any of that sh*t if it wasn’t a cartoon.
I was thinking that you were going to say Team America.
Aw, the best! You know, there's an unrated version that has an even funnier though sex montage. They went with, like, a full Cleveland Steamer, but only in the not rated version. You won’t get that on TV. You're not going to get that on iTunes or iMovie, but I highly recommend it. That is one of the greats.
I wouldn't call a rock opera, but man can they write some funny songs. Ah, Team America World Police… It all came down to that one weird homeless person, sort of, moral of the story. Know what I mean?
Yes, I do.
Genius and true. You can't really argue with it. They also did it with Book of Mormon. Did you see that show?
That is one that I have not seen.
They crack the code on Broadway, dude. It is the spiciest mustard, every bit as spicy as Team America. Somehow, they made it so we're laughing our @ss off, but then you look over there and there's an 80-year-old grandma laughing her balls off. How do they do it? It's like some kind of magic trick. It's wizardry.
They definitely have found a way to make some hits. Are you ready for few rapid-fire questions?
Yeah.
Favorite singer?
I'm going to go with that Aerosmith guy.
Favorite song?
I'm going to go with that AC/DC song, Shake A Leg.
Instrument you wish that you could play?
Accordion.
Song you hate to admit that you like?
What’s that song again by Chicago? I’m going to have to look it up. F*cking Chicago, dude. They are my guilty pleasure. I want to nail it. [He proceeds to cuss out his iTunes for not allowing him to log in so he could search] If You Leave Me Now, that’s it.
What would a song title be for the story of your life?
Wow… Sh*t, it would be really embarrassing to say because I've had a very charmed life, so it’d be something like Juke Box Hero.
Now I’m going to give you a subject and I want you to tell me the first word that comes to mind.
Okay.
Kyle Gass
Brother.
Nickelback.
What's that one jam? It’s their biggest hit. [Proceeds to belt out a few lines from the chorus of How You Remind Me] Only one word?
I’ll let you slide and use a couple if needed.
This is unfair, but I'm going to go with cheesy. If I only get one word it’s cheesy.
Fair enough. Next topic, pirate metal.
What's that? Pirate metal? One word? Um, arrrggghhh!
I didn't know what that was until about a year and a half ago. Apparently, it's heavy metal music with pirate lyrics. That may be right up your alley.
That's a new genre to me.
Taylor Swift
Trouble.
Do I want to know why?
You be careful if you date Taylor Swift. She's going to write it song about it. She will cause you a whole world of hurt.
The next and last topic, Texas.
I'm going with barbecue.
Good answer.
I want you to spell out barbecue, not just BBQ.
Are you sure you don’t want me to put the word “Bar” and the letters BQ?
No. Come on...
Alright, I'll have to edit it. No acronym. That's all the questions I had for you. I appreciate it.
Absolutely man. Thank you. I’ll see you at the show.
The post [INTERVIEW] Jack Black Gets Candid About Music, Movies, and Games appeared first on I Live In Dallas.
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Texas Scottish Festival & Highland Games 2013 to Celebrate Traditional Music, Food, and Fun
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