#also when you have trauma you can become desensitized to fucked up shit and accidentally spill trauma thinking its casual conversation
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idk if it’s the mental illness but sharing literally any information feels like oversharing. i’ll be like “i skipped breakfast this morning” and immediately im like “i might as well have told them where i buried the money”
#autism#actually autistic#social boundaries? never met her#text post#i couldn’t even come up with a good comparison for this post because i don’t know where the line is#ptsd#trauma#also when you have trauma you can become desensitized to fucked up shit and accidentally spill trauma thinking its casual conversation#top posts#40k#50k#60k#70k#75k#90k#100k
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💘 for violent?
send me 💘 + A SHIP and i’ll tell you—
This got uhhhh really long whoops sorry
where they first met and how
Vile shows up to a battle Mevolent is fighting and just. Joins in.
Mevolent doesn't personally spot him, but several of his officers do - Vile has no colours on his armour, so they have no idea which side he's on, and he doesn't seem to care very much which side the men he's killing are on either. He's after the big prize - the Sanctuary general leading the opposing side - but anyone who gets in his way is fair game, no matter who they support.
One of Mevolent's men reports this after the battle is over, because it's strange enough to warrant a mention: the Necromancers have hardly left their temples in a hundred years, why is this one showing up now? Mevolent dispatches some people to round up the stranger and bring him in (which makes for a lot of very uneasy soldiers), but they find him loitering around outside the camp and he surrenders without a fuss.
When he's brought to Mevolent, Mev has had some time to bathe and get changed and is lounging around in a bathrobe with a glass of wine. He asks some questions, Vile answsrs them. Mev idly mentions that Vile seems very confident for a man who killed some of Mevolent's own soldiers - ordinarily, this would be something Mev would execute him for. But Vile tosses the enemy general's head at Mevolent's feet - ("Killed a few of theirs, too.") - and essentially prompts, do you want me on your side, or theirs?
Mev takes him.
how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved
Actually - from the first time they meet.
At some point, Mevolent prompts Vile to take the helmet off - it's rude not to, how is he ever supposed to trust a man he's never seen? And Vile knows it's a risk, but he's also fairly sure Mevolent never saw Skulduggery Pleasant up close anyway, so he does as he's asked.
Mevolent lets himself have a minute to be shocked. He was expecting another Baron. But Vile can't be any older than Nefarian, which means he's absurdly young to have that much power. And he's pretty, even if there's something...a bit off...about him.
(His first thought is that he's talking to Vile's reflection. He dismisses it almost immediately, but he knows something isn't right. He doesn't know that he's picking up on Vile needing A Lot of practice to get his fake body to look properly alive; he's a bit too pale, keeps forgetting to blink, he's unnaturally still...it's all a bit uncanny valley.)
He starts flirting shortly after that. Just a little bit, to see if Vile leans that way or if he's visibly uncomfortable. He hooks up with China occasionally and has Serpine in his bed whenever he wants him, but he's always after something new, and Vile's arrogance and lack of deference is as refreshing as it is irritating. It's not love at first sight or anything though - all he's after is another notch on his bedpost.
who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )
They never actually discuss it, they just sort of...accidentally fall into monogamy? Their relationship begins with casual sex, stress relief on Vile's side and a novelty (someone who regularly tells him no and makes him work for it) on Mev's. As they realise they actually get along very well outside the bedroom, it becomes more friends with benefits. But somewhere along the line, Mevolent stops and realises that he hasn't shared his bed with anyone else in over a year - and he hasn't minded. His primary hesitation over getting married to Serafina is whether consummating his marriage will upset his lover, when all that should matter is the political power and money she brings witj her. And he realises that somehow, without his noticing, Vile has become more important than Mevolent ever intended for him to be.
who proposes first
It's. Less a proposal, and more a discussion. Sometime after Serafina's death, Mevolent starts getting social pressure to marry again. Mothers are starting to fling their daughters at him at every opportunity because they all want to be the mother of the new queen. And he doesn't want to do it again, have another political marriage that will definitely cause problems between him and Vile. He's in a position of considerable power by this point and his inner circle has been made aware of his sins thanks to Serpine, so he decides that fuck it, he wants to go public with their relationship.
Vile lets him - on the condition that it's not a big public spectacle. So Mevolent combines their family crests (called "impaling") which is what happens with married couples - so instead of having a banner with Mevolent's crest hanging in the Great Hall, it would be half his crest and half Vile's, joined together in the same shield (escutcheon). He has to have a crest drawn up for Vile, of course, but it's a quiet way of making it Very Clear that he's off the market.
if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away
They're a secret for the better part of fifty years. Mevolent is taking a big risk getting involved with a heretic, so he doesn't want to chance being open about Vile until he's completely confident in his victory and his power as ruler of the world. Vile is absolutely fine with this arrangement - not because he cares what people think, but because it's court custom to fawn over Mevolent's favourites to try and curry favour with him, and being the highlight of a social event is Vile's idea of hell.
where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? )
Nothing quite that romantic. Mevolent is over 1000 years old, and in ancient Ireland, if a couple decided they were married? They were married. There was no need for a ceremony or vows or a priest involved. They might announce it to a few witnesses, just to make it Extra Valid, but even that wasn't necessary.
That had changed quite a bit by the time Vile was born, but if Mevolent says something is legal, it's legal, because who's going to stop him? And he knows that's preferable to Vile, because he hates being the centre of attention. The sort of big extravagant ceremony he had when he married Serafina would have Vile running for the hills.
It's not valid in the eyes of the church, of course. Vile is a heretic - the church barely considers him human. It takes balls to say no to Mevolent, and it's not usually a wise idea, but that is just a little bit too far for the Faceless Priests, and they turn him down.
(He accepts it with good grace once he realises they really won't be pushed. Convincing Vile to say vows in a church of a religion he finds ridiculous would be. A Challenge™ anyway. He's learned to pick his battles over the years.)
Once they've decided "okay, we're in this for the long haul, guess we're married now" Mev takes off to one of his summer palaces for a month to "supervise repairs" and takes Vile with him "as a bodyguard", which is common enough that nobody bats an eyelid. They're long since back from their honeymoon by the time anyone realises that's what it really was.
if they adopt any pets together
Mevolent, like any self-respecting monarch, keeps horses.
Animals can sense death, so Vile is unsettling to them by nature. But he spends so much time around them that they eventually get desensitized to him. He's been a big rider all his life, surrounded by horses and riding and hunting since infancy, and he knows a lot about all things horse.
Mevolent starts feigning interest in the horses when he's trying to get Vile into bed, as an excuse to run into him and start talking. But he was born a peasant, raised a slave, and has only ever really seen the horses as a status symbol, proof of how far up he's come in the world, so he's not prepared for...quite how horsey real gentry can be. He tries to start a casual chat about maybe breeding this stallion with that mare, complete with a clever double entendre about how sometimes couples who don't look all that compatible on the surface have the most explosive chemistry, flirtily asks what Vile thinks, and Vile...infodumps all things horse-breeding at him for four hours straight. Which was not what he was expecting, but the enthusiasm is actually pretty endearing.
who’s more dominant
The short answer: Mevolent.
The long answer: It's complicated.
In bed, Mevolent dominates because Vile lets him. He gets off on the power exchange, microdosing the subby side he had as Skug by handing control over to someone he trusts not to hurt him. It's also part of how he tries to deal with his trauma - subconsciously reenacting having his control forcibly taken away when Serpine was torturing him (by willingly ceding it to Mevolent) but with a different, more enjoyable result. He still makes Mev work for it, though - he won't just roll over without a playfight first. That's part of the fun.
Outside the bedroom, their power dynamic is all over the place. Mevolent is Vile's boss. Vile is Mevolent's bodyguard. Mevolent is 600+ years older. Vile has been through hell and takes no shit from anybody. Mevolent is Vile's benefactor, as a heretic living in a theocracy that would burn him alive again. Vile is the most powerful Necromancer in known history.
It's a constant struggle for control between two very dominant personalities, and they thrive on it.
who’s more protective
They both have shades of this, even though they know the other can handle himself.
After the war is more or less over, and the affair is still going strong, Mevolent essentially assigns Vile to be his bodyguard. It's a good excuse to be together all the time, but Vile takes it seriously, and he's good at it. He's the one who warns Mevolent about Aby's assassination plot, and he also foils Serpine's bid for Mevolent's throne - he might have gotten the better of Mevolent alone, because he took him by surprise, but Mev and Vile fight as a team and cover each other's weak spots, so once Vile arrived, Serpine had to cut and run.
Mevolent is protective too, but he's less sensible about it. He sends Vengeous to investigate the draugar, even though Vile would've been the obvious choice - if nothing else, he has the ability to shadow-walk out of danger, which Mevolent would've known would be useful. But he sent Vengeous in blind, and took Vile to safety instead. On top of that, Vengeous is methodical and organised in a way Vile could never hope to match - he actually would've been more useful to Mevolent during a large-scale evacuation, just as Vile is perfect for one-man in-and-out recon missions. But keeping Vile safe was more important.
how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )
Vile joins Mevolent in early 1854, they first have sex in late 1854 and first sleep together while Vile is recuperating in early 1855.
Mevolent marries Serafina in 1856, so their early years are full of drama.
if they argue about anything
"But really, do you think the gods will punish me for this [relationship]? Oh, stop laughing. I'm serious."
"Perhaps? How tragic. No Faceless heaven for you. Not that you'd enjoy it anyway. Nobody will fuck you once your face is all melted. You wouldn't cope."
"Do you have any idea how tempting it is sometimes to just have you executed?"
"Then nobody would be fucking you in this life either."
(They've been having this argument for 200 years.)
who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )
When they're really going at it, Mevolent tends to leave little finger-bruises where he's been holding Vile up or pinning his wrists. Vile is the one who leaves scratchmarks. And he actually bites - mostly Mevolent's bottom lip, when he's pissed off about something. Mev doesn't mind though - if they're in the mood for rough, they both enjoy a good power struggle.
On a soft day, it's just hickeys from both of them, but Mevolent also gives Vile several sigil tattoos, so (aside from the fact that they're invisible until they're used) he definitely leaves more marks.
who steals whose clothes and how often
Vile - mostly to doss around their rooms in when he can't be bothered to get dressed or they'll be fucking again shortly so there's no point. He also steals Mevolent's shirts and robes if he's injured - the good thing about having a partner so much bigger than you is that everything is baggy as hell. Perfect for hiding bandages or not chafing a healing wound.
how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )
Vile's a burrower. He likes to get as close as he can, to steal as much body heat as possible, and bury his face in Mevolent's chest/neck/shoulder. It's a leftover thing from Serpine's dungeon - protecting his face while he snatches at sleep so he can't be woken by a sudden kick or punch to a vulnerable area. He's also that horrible gremlin partner who will use Mev's skin to warm his cold hands/nose/feet on.
Mevolent often absentmindedly plays with Vile's hair while he's waiting to fall asleep, just as something to do while he's thinking over anything he has to do the next day, etc. So he'll doze off with one hand tangled in the curls and the other resting on a hip or thigh or back.
what their favourite nonsexual activity is
They have A Lot in common. They're both big readers, they both like tactical games like chess, they spar together and teach each other battle tricks, they both like to ride, they both enjoy music and poetry and culture. They're also that couple who like to be antisocial together - Mevolent will get on with his paperwork at his desk, and Vile will be on the couch with a book, and they'll sit there in silence together for hours, just being companionable.
how long they stay mad at each other
Long enough for angry sex. That's usually how their fights get worked out.
what their usual coffee / tea orders are
Mevolent got a taste for green tea while he was campaigning overseas during the war, and still prefers it now. Vile drinks a bitter black atrocity, and anyone with sense won't speak to him until he's had at least one in the morning.
if they ever have any children together
I do have an AU where Mevolent decides he does actually want an heir, and they end up raising Caisson together - or rather, Mevolent raises Caisson dubiously assisted by Vengeous and Serpine, and Vile claims hs wants nothing to do with "the brat", but can't help sticking his nose in every five minutes because he has residual Dad Instincts and Mevolent is doing it wrong. Any family where Lord Vile is the responsible parent is probably not going to churn out a particularly well-adjusted child, though.
if they ever split up and / or get back together
Nope. They go into it as a casual thing, very much expecting it to fizzle out once one or both of them has had their fill. Two hundred years later, they're still together.
what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )
A very grand, opulent goth baroque palace. Mevolent spent a lot of his youth in medieval France, and he was highly influenced by extravagant court style. He likes to be surrounded by beautiful things, and his home is no different.
(Yes, material wealth is a sin. No, he's not sorry.)
He likes rich, dark colours and fabrics, ornate furnishings and dark wood and disturbing religious artwork. He also indulges his own vanity every now and then by commissioning religious artwork of himself - including an exquisite stained glass window in the Great Hall, which Vile scoffs at for a year or so and then gleefully flings Abyssinia through.
Most of the day to day running of Mevolent's household is down to a small army of servants, which poses some problems for him early in his relationship with Vile. A maid will slip into his room early in the morning to light the fire so that the room has time to warm before he has to get up for morning prayers. Another servant delivers his breakfast, and for quite some time he has a valet who helps him dress. Any of them could see Vile in his bed and let the secret out.
Luckily for Mevolent, for all his faults, he's a good boss to work for. He knows all the servants he interacts with by name, and asks after their families. He's well-liked, and although the servants know about Vile a long time before Mevolent's inner circle, it's Serpine who spills the beans, not one of the workers.
if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? )
They have a rather warped version of a regular date night.
When Mevolent is interrogating Valkyrie, and she thinks she hears Skug coming to save her, three things are really notable:
1) Mevolent knows those footsteps too, and he smiles when he hears them. So not only is he happy to see Vile, this is probably something they do at least semi-regularly - interrogating interesting or high-profile prisoners together. Either Mevolent sent for him, or he knows Vile is too curious to not come look in on an interrogation.
2) The fuckin? Horny shadows? Mevolent has just died a violent death here, Necromancers are confirmed to be able to sense the lingering echoes of death and pain and anguish, and Vile's shadows are like mmmm tasty. This is where the headcanon comes from that he's rabid horny for recently-resurrected Mevolent. And Mev knows he does this, just soaks up all that energy, and he doesn't care. Love is letting your SO get a bit high on your agony vibes every day, I guess?
3) Vile comes to stand right beside the throne, without so much as a hello. This is...considerably more informal than the relationship Mevolent seems to have with Vengeous. In fact, for some reason Mevolent seems to treat Baron very unkindly in Leibniz - Vile is still very much a general and Mevolent's personal bodyguard, but Vengeous has been demoted to prison guard in all but name. When Mevolent starts investigating the draugar, he sends Vengeous into a situation that will very likely kill him, but takes Vile - the most powerful Necromancer alive and a living nuclear bomb of power - with him when he evacuates the city and flees for safety, even though the logical move would've been to reverse those assignments. Vengeous is clearly not personally close with Mevolent, but their synchronicity, constant proximity and the way others speak about them (like Serpine's lapdog comment) imply that Vile is.
This is actually the scene that made me start shipping them in the first place.
who falls asleep first and who wakes up first
Vile isn't a great sleeper - he has nightmares, and he'll often get up several times in the night for water or to go onto the balcony for fresh air or to quietly freak out in the bathroom for half an hour. But he sleeps better once he's sharing a bed with Mevolent. Mev generally runs hot, and he actually quite likes to be close, so he's A-OK with Vile burrowing into his side or under his arm and leeching all his body heat. When he's warm and feels safe, he has fewer nightmares, and he's more likely to get a decent amount of sleep.
Mevolent doesn't always wake first, but he does get up first: he goes to morning prayers, and leaves Vile to sleep in because he's a rotten little heretic.
who’s the big spoon / little spoon
Mevolent is the big spoon. Vile was freakishly tall for most of the centuries he's been alive - the average height of an enlisted soldier in the 16th/17th centuries was 5'5 - 5'6, and 25% of recruits were under the required height to use a musket (5'). So having someone he can sprawl out over who makes him feel small and protected is a novelty.
who hogs the bathroom
Vile. He has long-ass baths because he likes to nap in the warm water. He gets cold easily because he's technically dead and making his fake body thermoregulate takes focus he often just doesn't have, so he just sprawls out in a hot bath or in front of the fire like a fuckin lizard under a heat lamp
who kills the spiders / takes them outside
The servants. They live in a palace. There's an entire staff dedicated to cleaning and tidying and keeping the entire massive building shipshape. Neither of them have to lift a finger.
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