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#also what the fuck this was only supposed to be one paragraph long hello brain??
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Okay so Aguni is sound asleep, just enjoying the few hours of peace he has, when there's a knock on the door. He ignores it, but the person just keeps knocking and knocking.
"Morizono, open the goddamn door!" he hears Takeru call, "This is an emergency!"
He groans to himself before standing up and opening the door.
"What?"
"So, remember that weird chonky cat Niragi found?"
"Yeah... what about it?"
"It's not fat... and is not a cat."
Where Hatter and apparently every other idiot at the Beach mistake a domesticated pregnant genet for a fat exotic cat. And it just gave birth on Hatter's bed.
I have no idea in what direction this is supposed to go lol but hopefully something chaotic.
alright I had to look up what a genet is and DAMN they are CUTE AS HELL and I’m love them v much
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Terminator
Rating: PG-13 for dialogue and like one drug reference
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Aguni Morizono is a simple man who enjoys simple pleasures.
He enjoys a healthy slathering of grape jelly on his toast. He enjoys watching the sunset reflect over the ocean. He enjoys watering his garden and reading the newspaper and taking naps on the sofa on Sunday afternoons after he’s finished his grocery shopping for the week.
What he does not particularly enjoy is being shaken awake by a borderline-frantic Takeru in the middle of the night.
Takeru insists that he has a good reason; that this is an emergency. Aguni reminds him that running out of marijuana does not qualify as an emergency, and pulls the blanket over his head in an attempt to shut the very exuberant man out.
But the aforementioned exuberant man refuses to be shut out, and he references the aforementioned emergency again—this time insisting that it is an actual real emergency and requires immediate attention. Aguni sincerely doubts this and tries his damnedest to fall back to sleep—a truly Herculean task, given Takeru’s incessant talking and the way he’s bouncing on the other side of the mattress like some kind of weird large puppy. Aguni is just about to enter the first misty moments of dozing off as Takeru says words like ‘Niragi’ and ‘cat’ and ‘bed’ and it’s all somewhat possible to ignore until he utters one word that makes Aguni sit straight up.
‘Babies.’
Now, ‘babies’ as a concept does not bother Aguni. He’s actually somewhat fond of them, the way they unabashedly stare at him on the train or in the park, eyes wide and fat little hands waving a clumsy ‘hello’ in his general direction. And if he waves back sometimes, well...that’s his business. (It’s only polite, after all.)
No, the issue here is that ‘babies’ and ‘the Borderlands’ sounds like a terrible, terrible mix. What’s worse is that said babies have, for some reason, been left in Takeru’s care. And, judging from Takeru’s presence in his room, the babies have been left alone.
It takes no time at all for Aguni to throw on a pair of pants and slip into his boots. It takes even less time for him to grab Takeru by the collar of his robe and physically drag him down the hall, the other man switching between heartfelt thank-you’s and desperate pleas for Aguni to be gentle when handling the raw silk of his ensemble.
Now, to those of us on the outside of Aguni’s brain, it may seem like he hasn’t thought this through; that he has tunnel-vision’d his way through the last two paragraphs without a logical thought as to how and why ‘babies’ may be present. That is simply not true. Aguni has considered that ‘babies’ could actually mean a number of things aside from ‘human infants’ and has thus compiled a short list of the three most likely candidates:
The spider plant he had placed on Takeru’s windowsill has propagated—or, as some would call it, ‘had babies.’ This is Aguni’s favorite option of the bunch. It is also the least likely.
Something about the cards. Although Aguni has never Takeru refer to them as ‘his babies,’ it is no secret that he is very protective of his prized collection. Seeing as this may or may not affect the entire Beach, it’s important for him to be aware of the situation.
Takeru is high as a goddamn kite and hallucinating. This is, unfortunately, the most likely scenario.
It is also important to mention that Aguni has taken a good look at his life and his choices throughout this ordeal, particularly when Takeru commented on the state of his biceps and made an off-color insinuation about the right one looking slightly more defined than the left—and then asked if he would like to discuss his love life, with an exaggerated raise of his eyebrows. Aguni chose not to comment. He also chose to push Takeru into the doorframe on the way into his suite, and took a smidge of pleasure when his head collided with the wood with a satisfying clunk-ing sound.
“Look,” Takeru says proudly, pointing a finger at the bed, “babies!”
Nestled in what a bulging nest of fluffy white blankets are...things. Fuzzy things. One big fuzzy thing, with sleepy eyes and what looks to be a long spotted tail wrapped around one, two, three tiny fuzzy things. When Aguni leans in to get a closer look, the big one quirks a corn-chip-shaped ear and gives him a wary glare.
“What,” Aguni asks, “in the goddamn—“
But before Aguni is able to finish his sentence, Takeru is giving him a stinging slap on the arm.
“Aguni Morizono,” he hisses, hands balled into fists and perched on his hips like a mother hen, “I will not have my children exposed to that kind of language.”
There are plenty of things wrong with what Takeru just said, but Aguni is having trouble getting past the idea that these...creatures have somehow been claimed by his very silly friend.
“Think about it,” Takeru continues, swanning his way past a very confused (and tired) Aguni to sit on the edge of the bed just behind the brood of fluffy individuals, “This lovely lady could have given birth on anyone’s bed...but she chose mine.  Why do you think that is?”
“Because you leave the sheets all balled up in the middle and it’s the perfect place for an animal to make a nest?”
“Wrong, but I like how confident you sounded when you said it!”
With his hands pressed together and held in front of his lips, Takeru looks almost prayerful as he very seriously explains his theory.
“A woman alone-- heavily pregnant, scared, and lost in these cold and cruel Borderlands.  Her thoughts shift to her young.  Who will keep them safe?  Who will help take care of them?  That’s when her instincts took over,” Takeru opens his arms, the silken cuffs of his robe pooling around his elbows, “and, using her superior sense of smell, followed her nose to the den of the nearest alpha male for protection.”
Aguni wishes he could say that this is the dumbest thing he’s ever heard. He also wishes he had a cup of coffee (with a healthy glug of Bailey’s in there for good measure) before this whole event took place.
Takeru has since busied himself with the tiny new mother and her young, watching with gentle fascination as the newborns snuffle and snooze against her with unopened eyes and clumsy paws. When he reaches out a ring-bedecked hand to stroke along the bigger one’s head, she gives him a small growl and a pointed glare—to which he laughs and withdraws his touch, saying something cheeky about “the last time she let a man get too close” and quickly following it up with a promise to talk about it “after the kids are asleep.”
Takeru has just held up his hand for a high-five (which Aguni has decided to not reciprocate) when they hear a crash and then a bang and then the thundering thumpthumpthump of angry booted footsteps rapidly approaching their position in the bedroom. For some reason—a reason he’s not very keen to dwell upon at the current moment—Aguni instantly snaps into defense mode, hands curling into fists and shoulders squaring themselves in anticipation of a coming attack.
“WHERE. IS. TERMINATOR!?”
Niragi bursts into the room like a firework, all noise and flash and fire in his eyes. His knuckles strain around the dark of his rifle, ready to shoot at a moment’s notice. Of course, Aguni knows (hopes) he won’t actually resort to filling Takeru full of bullets, but he keeps a close eye on his trigger finger, anyways.
“Ah! There’s my co-parent,” Hatter says with a measure of glee, gesturing with a flourish of his hand towards the cute, hairy pile on his bed, “As you can see, our lovely Terminator is doing very well and—“
“Our? She’s not fucking ours, she’s fucking mine,” Niragi snaps, “and I’m gonna fucking kill you for stealing my cat.”
“Not a cat,” a calm voice says, and Aguni turns to see Last Boss lurking in the doorway, katana sheathed and arms crossed, “She’s a common genet, native to the savanna’s of Africa.”
“Ooh, does that mean the babies have dual citizenship? No, wait,” Hatter claps his hands together with glee, “triple citizenship? Africa, Japan, and the Borderlands?!”
“Africa’s not a country, it’s a continent, dumbass,” Niragi retorts, “and I think we have bigger problems than what’s going to be on their fucking passports.”
It’s probably not the best thing in the world for Aguni to let Takeru and Niragi descend into heated bickering—a back-and-forth of ‘you stole her’ versus ‘no, she chose me’—but Aguni is simply not interested in breaking up their squabbling. Instead he goes to stand by Last Boss, who’s watching the two long-haired men argue like it’s a mildly interesting tennis match.
“So,” Aguni says, “you, uh, seem to know a lot about those things.”
“I did my research when Niragi first brought her back,” Last Boss says calmly, “He’s good with her, but I wanted to make sure we were taking care of her correctly.”
“Did you know she was pregnant?”
“I had my suspicions. Niragi wouldn’t listen, though. Kept telling me she was just fat.”
“Yeah, I thought she was ‘just fat,’” Niragi interjects, his gun no longer pointed at Takeru but a murderous gleam still in his eye, “because this fucking asshole kept feeding her potato chips!”
“Because she loves them,” Takeru shouts back, throwing his arms up in the air, “So shoot me for being a nice guy and sharing my snacks with your weird cat!”
“Don’t,” both Last Boss and Aguni say in unison—which is very uncomfortable for the both of them, but at least it has the desired effect of keeping Niragi from blasting a few dozen holes through Takeru’s person.
With the two of them quickly getting back into their heated back-and-forth, Aguni turns his attention to the creatures on the bed. Somehow, despite all of the noise and excitement, the mother and her babies have curled up and fallen asleep, the rhythmic rise and fall of their bellies a stark contrast to the chaos unfolding around them. Aguni feels jealous, but also, feels bad about feeling jealous because this...Terminator thing has undoubtedly had a rough night, too.
“Luckily,” Last Boss says, “genets are pretty independent creatures. She’ll be fine to take care of the kits on her own, provided that she has access to food and water.”
“So we should just...leave her alone?”
Last Boss shrugs.
“More or less.”
Aguni sighs internally. He sighs externally, too, but the internal sigh is the one that really sums up his thoughts on the whole situation. Just getting one of those hot-headed men to leave those poor animals alone is challenging enough, but both of them? That’s bordering on ‘damn near impossible.’
But, for the sake of those weird fuzzy babies, he has to try.
Takeru jumps when he feels Aguni’s hand on his elbow. He also manages to shut up for a moment, which is a nice bonus. Last Boss has also sprung into action and seems to be talking to Niragi in hushed tones, a hesitant but friendly hand on his shoulder.
“C’mon,” Aguni says, gentle-firm as he guides Takeru into a standing position—much to the other man’s confusion.
“Mori, what—?”
“You’ve had a big night. I’ve had a big night. But do you know whose had the biggest night of us all?” Aguni gestures to the snoozing creatures in front of them, “Terminator. She’s exhausted, and the last thing she needs is the four of us keeping her up. You can stay with me tonight, and we’ll figure the rest out tomorrow.”
“But,” Takeru protests—an iota quieter, now that he’s realized that the pipe on the bed is now a sleeping pile, “we can’t just leave them alone, can we?”
“You’re right. Which is why,” Aguni says, “Last Boss is going to stay with her and keep an eye on things. If he’s okay with that, of course?”
Last Boss offers a solemn nod. Aguni makes a mental note to thank him for this later—maybe he’ll let him pick the music on their next supply run (provided it’s from Aguni’s list of pre-approved artists, of course...)
“You know what? Fucking fine,” Niragi spits, flicking his hair back with a quick jerk of his hand, “it’s too goddamn late to deal with you fucking losers, anyways. I’ll come back to collect my cat and her kittens in the morning.”
Aguni does not risk correcting Niragi on his incorrect terminology regarding his pets—frankly, he’s a little too busy being amazed at how suspiciously easy it was to get him to leave. With a sharp pivot, Niragi is exiting the room in what could be called a ‘brisk saunter,’ no doubt wanting to put as much distance between himself and whatever-the-hell just happened in this room as possible.
Aguni, for once, can relate to Niragi quite well.
With Last Boss keeping vigil over the new little family, Aguni is able to wrangle Takeru away from his room with minimal fuss. It’s probably because the man is very tired—despite multiple claims that he ‘isn’t sleepy yet’ and ‘can stay up for hours.’ This theory is proven when, within a grand total of seven seconds of Takeru flopping face-first onto the middle of Aguni’s bed, he’s managed to slip into what only can be described as a ‘light coma.’
Aguni manages to wrestle a stray pillow away from his sleeping friend’s grasp (he’s a notoriously cuddly sleeper, which has led to some...interesting situations over the course of their friendship) and settles his weary self onto the couch. It’s not quite long enough to accommodate his height, but it’s good enough for what will most likely end up being an extended nap before the sun comes up and he needs to solve whatever other issues have popped up at the Beach overnight.
...But, at least those problems won’t involve babies.
Probably.
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Also here is a common genet and DAMN SIS U CUTE AS HELL
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idjitlili · 3 years
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You're dead lachance.
Spike btvs x reader
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Summary: Being Giles niece, going to America with him, only to meet Spike. There is anonymous request in here, 'getting locked in a room with Spike.'
A/n: slightly in Sundale , but mostly based in Los Angeles, the reader is British, due to being related to Giles. Hey, that's good for me , I'm British too. There's a request from anon but I'm not going to say to keep it a surprise. Malteser is a chocolate ball. How come I can write this much now? But I've got assignment s at are only 2000k words.
Word count:5019 Longest imagine yet.
Warnings: Language, Twilight hate references,period, questioning if vampires eat that answer is no or unconfirmed.
Not even a week ago, you had came home , only for your parental figure to rush to the door to greet you. Not long after that you were packing your suitcase for America , apparently your uncle Rupert had invited you out there. It had quite literally been years seen you had seen him, but not long until you would again.
In fact , it hadn't been even twenty four hours , before you were stood in his magic store. You weren't even sure why Rupert had brought you here. The suitcase that held your belongings , stood at your feet as Rupert  had welcomed you in, unlike your uncle had expected , the shop was completely empty, people wise.
Forced to sit down, while Rupert  made you a tea,informing you that he would get you settled at his home once he finished closing up his shop. What it felt like hours to you ,waiting, deciding it was best to read the book you had brought with you, not that you could really concentrate you just wanted to get cleaned up , in honesty.
Fingers tapping against the pine table , trying to read Boromir's last moments in Lord of the rings, re reading the same paragraph over , and over. "I tried to take the Ring from Frodo ' , he glance strayed to his fallen enemies,20." Re reading those words same words, unable to comprehend them, like your brain was blocked by a tinfoil hat, that's bullshit. Three arrows he had been struck with, yet he was still able to kill twenty highly trained orcs , more than an average vampire could do.
You were no stranger to vampires , you hadn't encountered one to say, but you knew of Rupert  job as a watcher. Though you had watched Lord of the rings many times (or not it's just replace it) and yet you still couldn't pass it , didn't Rupert have workers to clean his shop? Repeating those words , still. "Hello ,love." You almost peed yourself , standing up abruptly launching your book at the thing that had pulled you out of your distracted book reading.
Bragging your lighter from your pocket, self defence lighter, holding in front of you. As the flame lit,lifting your head up at your 'attacker' , only to be met with a smirk and platinum leather wearing man, who had caught your book with ease. "Really a lighter?" British, you had not spoken to one American , since landing.
You had just continued to stare at him not quite certain what to say, until he did again. "So , Boromir ,hm?"  You hadn't notice him step forward , holding your book for you to take back, hesitating you took it from him slowly. "Uh, yes. Thank you,but ,um, who are you?"
"Spike, and you are?"Who names there son after a sharp object? Spike had smugly smiled , placing his in his trouser pockets, it was if he was proud. You didn't get a chance to respond to Spike, before Rupert had reappeared , standing between you and Spike.
"Spike , get away from my niece, I will not allow you to corrupt her." Spike had gasped dramatically, putting his had over his mouth ,"You're related to him? But Blimey he's all ARGH and you're not." Spikes face of disgust when he looked at your uncle, Rupert had removed his glasses and began cleaning his glasses.
"Was that supposed to be a compliment?" Picking up your bags , as Rupert ushered Spike out of the shop, with you behind to lock up, it now being dark.  "It was lovely to meet you , Giles attractive niece.." "Y/n." "Y/n.." Repeating your name back slowly smiling , only if you knew he was an evil defective vampire.
"Quit the flirting Spike, she's not going to be here long." That was the last you saw of Spike , for now anyways. It wasn't even another 24 hours later , your uncle had sent you off to Los Angeles , to Wesley at Wolfram & Hart.
Wesley...you had seen him in years , since he left England. You being younger than him by some years , but you had been friends with him , being connected to Giles and all. You were brought to America to work for an evil law firm not your ideal future.
That was a year ago , not as bad as you had originally thought, Angel the CEO was indeed broody but he was trying to make a difference. In fact , the job paid very well, and all you did really read up on demons and sometimes view bodies for symbols and such.
Perhaps,yes, it did get quite lonely, it  wasn't like you had you mum to make you meals or anything. All you could have was calls from her now and then. Wesley was your friend; but he was too busy flirting with Fred. The others well, you weren't close friends, just friends.
Today was not a great day for you, first you had gotten to work  without lunch, forgotten a jacket, and Angel scheduled a meeting but you had fallen down the stairs three times. Ten minutes late, a huge bruise on your head , ruffled hair and clothing not looking very bodacious.
Knocking on the door to Angel's office three times gently , before waiting for his response to allow you in. Everyone staring at you , your face flushed with embarrassment. "I-I'm so sorry, you won't believe today has been horrible, I wouldn't have been late if I hadn't of fallen down the same stairs three times."
Heavily breathing from all the rushing, head aching like you had just hit your head falling down the stairs, Angel and the others looking at you with slight sympathy. "I've got to get a look at this muppet." That voice, you knew that that voice, until Spike had appeared from the corner of the meeting room , as you and Angel were about to walk into the room.
Almost bumping into Spike as you and him both met the door at the same time. You two would've bumped right into each other, but he passed right though you. Turning back around to see if you imagined that or not, turns out you didn't Spike was stood in front you , looking at you , with gaped mouth which didn't last long until he was smiling.
"W-what?H-how did y-" "Nice to see you again , love. Well, not long after you left I saved the world, and died. No need to thank me , love," Angel had coughed , pulling your attention from Spike charming smile he was sending your way, to him gesturing you to sit.
Spike had not decided to sit down , but to stand behind Angel at an Angel, one to annoy Angel which you could already see in his face , two to be in eye range of you. Not that he liked you , he full loved Buffy, for now anyways.
Angel had officially began the meeting , head-aching still, probably why you couldn't concentrate, concussion. All you could think was , wow Casper the friendly ghost, well you didn't know he wasn't , and that he was a vampire.
So lost in thought ,well no just pain , you didn't hear the calling of your name or snapping of fingers in front of your open eyes.
"Y/n? Y/n?" Only when there is a touch of a small hand on your shoulder , you realise , looking up to see Fred. "Yes, sorry. Um , I hit my head a bit too hard."
"Angel , she needs to go to a doctor. Her head is literally bleeding out , ""Yeah you should've sent her straight away, she fell down the fucking stairs, for a vampire with a soul , you have no compassion." Spike had interrupted Wesley, to criticise Angel.
You had a couple of days off last week , to visit your family, hence you hadn't seen Spike there before that. You had fallen off your chair when you had felt a hand on your shoulder, moving to see if that was Angel or Lorne, but it wasn't.
"Already on your knees for me?" Spike, staring down at you , smirking what a shock. "I'm not even on my knees, I'm on my butt. Plus what you want me to do mime."
"Okay, okay, Hon, let's go take to a doctor." Lorne had helped you up, as Spike had smiled Wider, as you both left, with some calls of sympathy's.
You only had to have you bloody head , in your hairline glued back together. Not surprising when there was blood dripping down your face like a waterfall. Other than that you were back the next day, carrying on your week like you would normally would.
Each week that went by Spike would come visit your office, mostly at lunch, knowing you didn't leave your office to socialise, only to use the bathroom. It had started with him using the excuse that he wanted to see how you were doing , after falling down the stairs, which was quite hard to believe,as he didn't seem like the caring type.
Then it he came to your office to tell you stories  about him saving the world and just recently , almost being killed by another ghost.
You hadn't even seen that when he entered your office he used the door by turning the handle, instead of going through it. Not at least until he had spooked you again ,placing his hand your shoulder squeezing it slightly.  Falling again out of you chair, probably would've smacked the back of your head on your desk.
If you weren't grabbed by your forearms, and were lifted back onto your feet, by rough hands... Spike had scared you to death again, yet this time he had saved your fall.  Pulling a arm from his, looking into his eyes, as you brought your hand to his cheek, your finger tips against his cheek bone. His skin soft, not how you would've imagined.
Cold.
His skin, cold , but now he isn't a ghost? So why does he feel like the other side of the pillow on a summer night. Moments go by ,not many , before you pulled away again. "Fred , s-she figured out how to bring y-you back?" Still wondering why he felt like ice,  also to hide the embarrassment that you had touched his face without asking.
"No, someone sent me some post,"  The distance between you two was more than close, your legs pressed against your desk, Spike's face barely inches away, he must've closed in on you. "Oh lovely,um have you had anything to eat yet?" He had smiled at you , with lust in glittering in his eyes , but not for what you might think, but hunger.
"I have not." Don't turn Edward ,please, no one wants that ,'Oh I'm sorry Bella but you might die if we fuck, because of my huge Thanos sized dick.' "Oh , well I've got , um, some sandwiches, that's if you want to share." You had gently made your way passed Spike as he nodded slightly suggesting we would share, to get into your bag, reaching for your lunch bag.
Both sitting at the sofa in your handing Spike a sandwich, as you held yours, facing each other, sitting on your calves, well Spike couldn't do that , if you know what you mean. Not long after you had reached for your flask , pouring it into your cup. "Tea?" Spike had grabbed the cup from your hand, drinking a fair lot down, before handing it back to you, mixture of crumbs and tea around his mouth. "You know how to make good tea, not those bloody Americans , milk first , bloody bullshit."
Before anything was said, Lorne had burst into the room , panic washed over his face. "Angel needs you both , quick honeys! We don't have time to spare." To say the least you were confused , never less you all headed to Angel's office and soon enough you were all, Angel, Spike, Fred, Gunn, Wesley, and Lorne were driving to a safe house. 'A rescue mission.' Apparently, you didn't even know who you were supposed to rescue, all you knew was you was all supposed to stay here until they arrived.
Sounded fishy , and you were right to think so, not long after you all discovered it was a trap. Probably just about a hundred vampires, were lurking around the property, waiting...
The floors creaking as you all walked across the the pine wood hallway, not to mention you had barely any fighting stills, all you held was a stake. The others well that ways a mixture of axes , and stakes. Sorry not only vampires in this house, spirits too. Spike had paired off with you , whilst the others did the same , you both walked into a bedroom, which was thick with mould and dust.
Not even one step in the door had slammed shut, Spike had immediately tried the door body slamming against , but it was no use. As you made your way to the window, "Spike.." BANG still going at the door , "SPIKE." Whisper shouting to him, gesturing for him to come over , once he had heard you.
"Vampires..." pulling you away from the window, out of sight." We need to get out of here, now."
"Where? we can't get out of here." Looking around the room there was no options. You don't even get to take a breath ; before the window is smashed in as well of the door, you are both completely circled , 7 vampires.  Before you know it they are lunged for you , gripping your stake tightly , as you fight  a vampire off , with struggle , god damnit. Where's David from lost boys, instead you are stuck with one that's never brushed it's teeth.
Finally stabbing it in the heart. Proof another one bites the dust. Now there was even more dust in this house. The rest of the vampires were dead, you didn't realise that Spike had taken on the rest with no struggle, turning to face you after dusting the last one, his face,his face. He was one of them, he had been dead this whole time , even when he was brought back.
"Y-you're a vampire?" Shocked was to say the least what you were feeling , he had turned back laughing lightly.
"What were you expecting? The Easter bunny?Did you think I was human? This whole time, oh love." It wasn't that you felt like you trusted him less after finding out but still, you're an idiot, no you are not.  "I thought you were because you are my food; Plus I thought vampires were evil?"
"I wasn't going to refuse a sandwich. I have Soul, love. For your information, I got it the hard way, not like that brooding bugger."
"Sorry, Can we go now?" Thus Spike tried the door again, it had opened, both of you rushed out and down the stars , out the doors to find the others in the car waiting , like it was a robbery.
Your lunches with Spike continued even months after finding out he was a vampire; yet now you packed enough lunch for the two of you. Though he could just have his blood, but no he wanted your food. In honesty he was lucky that you actually shared your food with him.
You were sure that Spike must've preferred the company of Fred over you, and there was a day that he didn't have lunch with you. Apparently he had went to see Buffy , yet he was back the next day, why he hadn't stayed with the woman he loved , that was unknown to you. Thus there he was having lunch with you everyday you were at work.
You had even watched Lost boys with him one lunch. "You think I'm like that ponce?" Why the offices had TVs you had no idea. You had told Spike that he had reminded you of David. "W-what, It's not that hard to believe , first both of you have cool hair , two he is evil but the evil that you're like wow he's not that bad , he's cute and maybe he not what he seems. Like Loki, God of mischief." Spike had scoffed, laughing slightly.
"Did you just call me cute? I'm bad , I'm evil, mortals quiver under my wrath." He had made a toothy scrunched face , whilst bringing his hands up like he was a bear attacking, only to make you grin harder. "Okay, now you are a kinky Loki 'quiver under my wrath' seriously?"
"And how would you know what's kinky, love?" His words delivered with a smirk , that made your cheeks redden just by his gaze. "Uh,um, well I read a lot- I MEAN I do stuff all the time like last night.. he had a cane."
"Oh really, he had a cane?"
"Yep thats correct."
"Well that's a shame, love , because I've seen you face stuck in your books , blushing... and I can smell the innocence radiating off of you."
"Hey! Don't go smelling that, so you're telling me that when I have my period you can smell that too? You know what don't answer that, nor do I want to know if you've ever eaten that. Nor do I want to know why I thought of that.." Throwing a Malteser at him, would've hit him if he hadn't caught it in his mouth. 
"I cannot believe you just said that. Love, you have too much time over thinking."
"No doubt , that's why I was never popular , let's pretend I never said that thing and only that compared you to David and Loki, hm?"
"Of course, I wish you hadn't given me the idea,joking I swear."
"Uh, I don't know if you like men or not but when the male part is erected it's one of the most blood filled appendages plus I looked you up, William the bloody, maybe that's how you got your name.." Yes maybe you spent more than your lunch hour not doing work, sitting cross legged now facing Spike completely , who just had turned his upper body from the tv.
Angel though, you'd think he was just happy , happy that Spike wasn't in his office constantly annoying him. It wasn't easy for anyone to keep Spike entertained. "I do not suck cocks nor have I ever , love, I have nothing against those that do,but I assure you that my terrible poetry is the only reason for the name, "
"Nothing to do with you killing hundreds of people?"
"Oh yeah, that too." Nothing more was spoken, you both had went back watching until lunch was over, then you were back to work. By five you had left to go home , not even two hours later you had realised you had left your house keys in your office. You had went to the shops, for some general stuff , hence why you hadn't realised you had left your keys.
Making it back to Wolfram & Hart , around nine o'clock, deciding to get some food , for after you got your keys and got home finally. The security man, Dean, had let you , well no he had was turned doing something and you slipped in, the rest of the firm was dark , everyone had left, or that's what you had thought.
Opening your office door, with your key, why you had it separated from your house key , you don't know , but it was lucky you had one set otherwise someone could've went through your stuff. Well there wasn't much really interesting, ancient books and such. Rushing to your desk in the dark searching everywhere , under your desk, in the draws, the floor.
Finally finding them down the side of the sofa , which you were sat at with Spike, watching Lost boys. When the door swings open , you are quickly grabbed by the foreman's and are shoved against the wall."what are doing here?" The mans voice, aggressive, yet you know who it belonged to, Spike. No very difficult to figure out as you spent at least an hour with him , five times a week, for months.
"Uh, I just left my keys." Spikes grip had loosened on your arms slightly. " Y/n?" Pushing him off of you,"yes, yes it's me , thanks for attacking me, " It was pitch black in your office , only the light from the moon , now on your face , part of it anyways.
"Well, Bloody hell, love you shouldn't be in an evil law firm by your lonesome , especially at night."
"What you are going to eat me now?" Spike wasn't even a foot away; if he was a live you'd feel his breath on your face. Instead the cold air surrounded you, Spikes arm above your head closing you in, only being able to look at his face , an outline of it. "Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you,pet?" You had scoffed lightly at him.
"Shut up, my foods getting cold , and I don't like it in here." Ducking under Spikes arm, grabbing your food and key, before making your way out your office and the building. Spike following you ,but the security guard was gone and the door was locked , no way out.
"Well isn't that bloody brilliant."
"There's no way we are getting out of here , till morning ,"
"Can't we call someone?"
"I don't know , do you have anyone's number?" That was it , you both had headed back to your office , found some candle, since the electricity had been turned off, at on the floor with your food. You weren't sure why he decided to stay with you , maybe it was just that you had food.
Your back against the sofa , as you both ate , you were in no doubt that you were talking tomorrow off. You knew you or Spike was going to have to sleep on the sofa, ah yes perfect, back pains. "Why were you here so late anyways?" After finishing your mouthful of food, why Spike would want to lurk here at night , that was unknown.
"Just snooping through Angels stuff, then I heard you, so."
"Ah, of course." Smirking at you , leaning back his palms behind him, sideways on from you, uh , you're not Ryan Reynolds? Actual um, sorry but you're hotter. Your food all gone , except the small amount of drink left.
"Honestly this couldn't be a better day, my keys fell down the side of the sofa , and I didn't realise until I went home. Then this happened , and now we are stuck here, when I could be at home, sleeping."
"It's not so bad, you could've been stuck here with Angel, love."
" You really don't like Angel, I'm not surprised he makes small problems seem unsolvable. Yet within a couple of hours , all is fine. Actually that sounds a lot like me, over thinking everything. But yeah Angels is a bit of an arse."
Spike only smirking at you, in return.
Glancing at your watch , 12:03 , you were only lucky that Spike was able to pick the lock on the toilets. Otherwise you don't know what you would've done, ah yes, peeing yourself in front a rather good looking , dead man. Leaving your office to go pee again , before returning rubbing your eyes as you walked through the door.
"Are you going to get some sleep, love?" Spike had cleaned up all the rubbish, throwing it all away, you wouldn't expect that from dead guy, former mummy's boy. "Uh, if the sofa wasn't built like a rock, yes , but since that's the case no." Settling back onto the floor, careful not to catch on fire, as you crossed passed some of candles.
Instead of Spike replying yet , he had stood up and made his way to the sofa , plopping himself onto it, with poof. "You got to be joking love , you clearly never have lived in a crypt." W h at was it wish vampires living in crypts , or complaining that their huge cold dick will spilt a human in half. Turning to face the sofa, not being able to see Spike, letting out a dry laugh.
"Yeah that doesn't convince me, are you just so old that you don't remember that every day at lunch that I sit on that sofa with you?" Spike had sat up to look at you with a glare ,yet again scoffing. "Well then , Pet, how about you come lay on me, I'm very comfortable."
Without thought you had gotten up , and thrown yourself onto Spike, both groaning as your back slammed into Spikes chest. He was lucky really that your butt bone , not tail bone, the top of your leg one, didn't smash into his parts. Instead he had wrapped around you so you were stuck in place. "I see what you are doing."
"And what is that?"
"I body slammed you, now you're cuddling with me? Mental , you're an ice cube, yeahh sureeee so comfortable, I love being engulfed by Vanilla ice."  Not that he looked much like Vanilla ice but it's a little funny, not really but.
"Hey, I won't stand to be your cushion , with your bullying."
"Didn't you kill hundreds of people? And you get defensive when I call you Robert van Wrinkle?" Turning your head to look up to Spike who was looking down on you, shuffling so that you were laying next to the sofa back and on Spike with your hand on his chest.
"Love,I'll eat you, try sleep." This isn't a Loki imagine when he kidnaps you and it turns out he's a vampire , and he gets busy and drinks your blood for a fetish. Spikes arms around your shoulder , eventually falling asleep with your head on his chest.
Everything was fine, until Wesley and the rest of them had came looking for you. As you was supposed to be in a meeting with them in the morning , so was Spike but they were worried for you.
"Couldn't they do that at home?"
"Can I poke them with a stick?"
"Ah yes, poke the mass murdering vampire , very smart ,Gunn. "
No consideration of being quiet, you both had been woken, it wouldn't be that surprising if Spike was pretending to be asleep , to avoid talking to people he didn't like very much except Fred.
Waking up to see a bunch of people just smiling at you at , wasn't the best. "So, Spike what about Buffy?" Sitting up ,before standing up from Spike, must've hurt having a whole body on you all night , maybe it didn't effect him because he has super strength? Spike just turned to sit on the sofa , unimpressed facial expression, hunched.
"Buffy has her own life, I'm not apart of it."
"I-is this all you came her for? To wake us? And   taunt? I'm taking the day off ," No uncertainty that you wanted to get home, and shower and eat. You had looked back at Spike who had looked back , standing up. "I'll drive you."  Grabbing your bag, before bow in front of Angel for whatever reason. "Thank you so much for locking us in an evil law firm all night. Bye Fred, Wesley, Gunn , Lorne."
"Bye hon." Lorne was always a sweetheart , wishing that every guy was like him, kindest soul and very much cute. Spike and you had left after you had sent Lorne a smile. Walking out with bed hair and day old clothes , not that Spike had offered his arm but you were still holding onto to walk.
Walking past Harmony, she had sent daggers your way, why doesn't she just kidnap Orlando Bloom or something. Gripping onto Spikes arm tighter , walking down the stairs, not falling this time, thankfully. Before you made it to Angels' car park, and got into one of this favourite cars. "Uh, are we supposed to be taking Angels car?"
"What? It's mine, love, what are you going on about?" Opening the the car door at the same time , settling in the seats before slamming the door shut. The windows of the car , made from the same glass that wolfram & Hart was supplied with, since the cars were supplied by wolfram & Hart for Angel, a vampire. That also meant that Spike could drive in the sunlight protected.
"Okay, okay." Once you had made it into your building car park, Spike had walked with you up to your door. Being finally able to unlock your door, with your shopping ,lucky there wasn't any fridge nor freezer items. Turning back to Spike who just stood at your door, grinning slightly.
"T-thank you for staying with me yesterday, and for driving me home." A small blush upon your face, it wasn't unknown to you that you had developed a crush on Spike , how couldn't you? "That's alright ,love." Still stood in front of you, looking into your e/c eyes , you staring into his brightly lit blue ones. He was waiting for you to say or to do something.
Leaning to the side of his face, to press a peck onto his pale toned cheek. Instead of course , he had turned and you ended up pressing your lips , onto his briefly. Pulling away red cheeked , Spike now smirking at you again. "H-hey um, do you want to come and watch Lord of the rings with me?" You weren't sure what you was supposed to say after kissing someone accidentally.
"I would," thus that you held your door open wide, "I invite you into my home."
Therefore, you watched Lord of the rings with a dead man.
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uncertaininnit · 3 years
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Clingy duo headcanons for my dear anon Stella and also for me and my sanity and everyone else who wants them. P sure like none of these are completely original but like. I put my own brain into this. (Also I am listening to my huge amalgamation playlist of like every song I’ve likes since like 6th grade on shuffle so the tone of this may or my not be all over the fucking place) It’s important to remember I’m not a writer and so this is gonna sound awkward as FUCK. So.
My VERY FAVORITE Clingy duo headcanon to ever exist is the idea that they are very physical in their affection. Sometimes it just bubbles up in my mind randomly and I just grin stupidly. So here’s this.
(HOLY FUCK WHY AM I SO BAD AT DIALOUGE. GOOD STORIES HAVE DIOLOUGE AND I HUST FUCKING CANT)
I think maybe Tommy and Tubbo had met before this time?But idk so lets pretend not k-
(irl headcanon) When Tommy and Tubbo met for the first time, the hugged. Just a long hug. It was nice. They had known each other for YEARS, and were finally meeting in person. It was weird, seeing each other in person. Very awkward at first. But then Tubbo smiled his smile, the smile of Tommy’s best friend/ Tommy is put at ease, and practically lifted Tubbo up when he enveloped him in a hug. 
(Jesus fuck, am I not a good writer this is so awkward um anyways)
Before Tommy asked Tubbo if he could stream on his computer, “for the vlog!”, they just talked. Tommy met Teagan and Lani, which was slightly awkward, and Tubbo ushered him into his room. They talked. Just about anything they would talk about normally. It was still weird at first, but as they slipped into the rhythm of their normal conversations, it felt the same. They were the same people.
(What even happened to physical affection lmao its harder to write it into irl ill do more when i say my shit for dsmp!clingyduo)
After Tommy kicked Tubbo’s PC and accidentally fucked up his stream, he felt terrible. He didn’t mean to fucking KICK Tubbo’s computer! He hadn’t wanted to make his first impression on Tubbo’s parents ‘the kid who broke their kid’s computer’! But the computer was fine. Tommy kept apologizing while they were trying to get it to turn on, worried about what Tubbo would think of him. 
But of course, Tubbo is very very nice and forgiving and understanding. He put his hand on Tommy’s shoulder.
“Hey- Tommy,” he said, snapping Tommy out of his panicked spiral. “It’s fine! Why don’t we go to the beach or something? For the content?” He adds, nudging Tommy with a grin on his face. Tommy lets a relieved smile spread across his face as he grabs his phone, “Sure, big man.”
damn. that was bad. i cant write dialouge for the life of me. isnt this supposed to be headcanons? why dont i just write them like, i dunno, headcanons? anyway. dsmp time. maybe there wi;; actually be physical affection involved??? i really meant to write in shit i wanted but it didnt make sense like narrative wise
i dunno what the family dynamic is going to be? so i’ll vary. also cant fucking do bullet points on browser. fucking tumblr. anyways
the idea that tommy just found tubbo. playing in the park, in a box by the side of the road, chasing bees in a feild. he saw him and went ‘that boy looks like someone i want to go through EVERYTHING with. i want him.’ and just takes him as his own. 
they are like 6 or something because baby duo awwwwwwe
“THIS BOY,” he grabs the boy in question’s hand, “IS WITH ME NOW.” He turns to beam at him and introduces himself. “HI! I’m Tommy!” Without missing a beat, the other boy introduces himself right back. “Hello! I’m Tubbo!” 
He appeared to accept his fate as Tommy’s new best friend as he unlaced their fingers and went back to chasing around the bees. (I guess I took the idea of a field and ran w/ it lmao) Tommy furrowed his brow, trying to figure out why Tubbo wasn’t scared. Wilbur taught him to never provoke the bees, they could hurt him if he wasn’t careful. Normally he’s happy to jump into danger but he always listens to Wilbur when he’s serious. (hahahhaha sneaked some v sweet big bro wilbur into this)
“TUBBO?” Tommy yelled, “What are you doing?” 
Tubbo ran back over, smiling. “Playing with the bees! I love bees.” 
“But... can’t they sting you, with they asses? Aren’t you worried?”
Tubbo smiled, grabbing Tommy’s hand again. “They never sting me!” He giggled, dragging Tommy through the field. “Come on!”
Despite his former skepticism, Tommy lightened up and ran with Tubbo, as Wilbur, who had been giving slight supervision, grew worried. Eventually he was satisfied and got back to his book. 
Tommy and Tubbo finally ran out of breath and tried to catch breaths through their fits of giggles. Tommy released Tubbo’s hand and INSATANTLY got stung by a bee. FUCK WAIT IN SATAN LY I FUCKING CANT SHDGJDBSBGD anyway
INSATANLYSHGF
As soon as Tommy released Tubbo’s hand a bee landed on him and just drove that pointed ass into his arm. “WHAT THE FUCK?!?????!?!?!???!?!!!?!??!?!” He yelled before bursting into tears.
Wilbur, suddenly alert as fuck, sprints over with his long-ass legs and bends down to comfort Tommy, only to find him buried in the arms of another little boy. The one he had been running with a minute ago. Tommy sobbed into the boy’s shirt and yelled, “WHAT THE FUCK! I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WOULDN’T STING!”
“I said they never stung ME before. I don’t know why they stung you. Does it hurt that badly?” Tubbo replied as Tommy hugged him tighter.
(the pov really said ---------------^^^^^^^^^^^^^--------, the ^ being a weird-ass change. we didnt need a singular paragraph from wilbur’s pov but oh well)
Wilbur kneeled down, “Oh come on, Tommy. It doesn’t hurt that bad. You’re just a fucking dramatic little bitch. Come on.” Wilbur grinned out an apology to Tubbo as he reached out to grab Tommy to try and get him home and composed. 
Tommy ducked away, holding on to Tubbo tightly, and Tubbo giggled again and smiled up at Wilbur. “Can I come?” 
“YEAH!” Tommy jumped up in excitement, “I WANT TUBBO TO COME WITH ME!” 
Wilbur looked around, not seeing anyone who appeared to be in charge of Tubbo. It looked like he wasn’t going to be able to get Tommy to budge without bringing Tubbo along. He sighed.
Tommy and Tubbo linked arms and sang and they walked home. Tommy forgot almost instantly that he was ever stung, much to Wilbur’s annoyance. 
adbhvejw they are so sweet. glad i figured out to write link halfway through. maybe its easier to write babyinnit and babybo. idk. anyway sorry this took so FUCKING long and here it is
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thethirteenthcrow · 3 years
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The Shyan Shipping Society Writing Challenge ✍️💕
Hello dear shippers! 
My name’s Zhalia, a fanfic writer on archive of our own. you might know me from my stripper!Ryan au, or the cinderella au or from the many comments i leave on your amazing works.
Since October, i’ve been hosting very lowkey writing challenges on the Shyan Shipping Society Discord server. and i figured, i’d let good ol’ tumblr get a piece of it!
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this is a fun lil' challenge to practice your writing with random prompts!
(shout out to @helloitsvehere​ for making the amazing header here and sorry to keep bugging you on it but it looks really amazing now darling <3)
✨RULES✨
✧ the challenge is held at monthly, we don't want to pressure anyone too much and we want to give you enough time to work! on top of that, the minimum amount of words for this challenge is 50, which is a very low bar, it's no school, this is for fun!! also don't worry if you miss a month.
✧ from the day we set the prompt, you have one month to meet the challenge. with this, we request a chapter or a start. if a prompt inspires u to write more than a oneshot or one chapter, feel free to expand as much as you can outside the challenge! everyone is requested to post their submissions on the same day (so say we start at october 1st, then you're only allowed to submit your submissions on october 31st, no sooner). We then hope to announce the new prompt on, for example, november 1st to continue the cycle, but it may differ at times.
✧ There are no specifications to your writing. you may write however you like, a story, a description, a poem, anything is allowed. you're free to write in any rating, be it G or E-rated. we prefer M/E of course, cause we're thirsty like that. if you’re an artist, you’re free to join too! more elaboration in the FAQ below :D.
✧ if you have ideas for prompts, please DM me on Discord or mail me on [email protected] ! i love to hear em <3 (keep reading for more information on the challenge)
i can’t wait to see all your lovely works! i’m really stoked to see and chat with you and learn all that’s going around in your wonderful minds.
much love, 
Zhalia💖
✨FAQ✨
o   What is the Shyan Shipping Society (Server)?
The shipping society is a discord server owned by @bradpistachio​ where a bunch of shippers gather to chat about anything: their lives; the boys; other fanworks like fanfics and fanart; annoying antis; we have a writing lab to talk about your own works, and much more! The server is filled with amazing artists like madamecrimson, @helloitsvehere​, @pizzacastella​, sonzaishinai and many more. The server is an active and welcoming community. In the server, I also roll out the updates for this challenge and answer all your questions. Will we see you there?
o   Do i need to join the server to post?
It's not required! The server is a lil' bonus, a place where you can talk with fellow shippers about anything, but also where i will be reminding you of the challenge. We have handful of channels dedicated to this writing challenge, so it might help you out. It's also easier for me to follow, and whenever you have questions i will reply faster there than anywhere else. But, again, it's not necessary.
o   If i join the challenge once, am i required to join every month?
Most definitely not! You're free to join and leave whenever you want. Sometimes a prompt doesn't inspire you, or life dragged you away from writing and that's completely valid! This challenge is supposed to be a fun way to motivate you to express yoursef through your art, but it's not school so don't ever feel pressured :).
o   What tags do i include, what are the ratings we work in?
There are no required ratings and/or tags for you to use. In general, the prompts are all focused on Shyan, but if you'd like to add Standrew as a background relationship, feel free!! If the prompt is Watcher-oriented, but you feel like you need a bit of that spice that Curly brings with him, i encourage you! On top of that, you're free to choose whichever ratings you feel fit best. Personally, i mostly live off of M- and E-rated fics, but if you're uncomfortable with graphic descriptions of anything, and would rather keep it a fluffy G-rated fic, then knock yourself out! I believe you know what's best for your work!
On the shipping server, the prompt will have a set of recommended tags, these are ideas i'd write the prompt in, but they aren't mandatory. If it says 'friends to lovers' but you'd rather write 'established relationship' then feel free! It's your work after all.
o   Is there a minimum and/or maximum word count?
There is a minimum word count of 50 words right now, to show that you're seriously participating (i mean, wouldn't want "he smiled, they kissed, they fucked, the end" as a fic, right?). Your work does not have to be finished in order to fulfill the prompt, you can write one chapter, or one paragraph and edit it later when you have more time. If a prompt inspires you enough to write a long fic about it, don't feel pressured to finish it within a month! Take your time!! All we ask is for you to have written a start, and post that to the collection.
o   i am no writer, but i’d love to make art for this in another way, is that possible?
Of course! originally the challenge was only made for writers, because the server was filled with a majority of writers. however, over the past few weeks we’ve had a handful of artists join our little community as well, people like sonza and @berakangkang​. Sonza has blessed us by filling the October prompt as well, so if you’re an artist and you’d like to participate, please join! we love love love your art. honestly. the server goes wild on fanart. 
o   When do i post my submission?
Everyone who joins the challenge, posts their submission on the same day. This is the last 48 hours of a month - CET timezone. The next prompt will have been rolled out a day before we open submissions, so you can get familiar with it for a day or two before starting on it.
o   I don't think i'll reach the deadline, now what?
You can contact me privately about this through our discord server - for fast replies - or via my email ([email protected]). I will open the collection for you so you can submit it later. Keep an eye on the deadline though, a challenge won't be reopened a month after the deadline.
o   I have an amazing idea for a prompt, where do i submit it?
On the discord server, we have a channel named 'prompts-and-ideas' where some of these prompts even came from, you can submit them there and @ me so i'd know it's for the writing challenge.
If you don't have discord or don't want to join the server, you're free to mail me your idea with Shyan Shipping Society Prompt Idea as subject! I look forward to your ideas!
here’s the link to the parent collection on Archive Of Our Own, where you can always find the new prompts for the next months, and where you can post your work once i open the collection.
i can’t wait to see your works! i’m very excited to see what you all can come up with <3
ps,
this is the first time i host a writing challenge like this. i’m still learning my way around ao3′s function to make prompt meme challenges, and there may always be little bugs in the system, because i have but a small brain. i rely on carl-bot to remind me to post and open submissions and everything, to keep it running smoothly. i am trying my very best to make this fun for everyone. also i crave feedback, so if you have any comments, complaints, ideas, critique, please hit me up!!
oh and yeah i am very inactive on the tumblrs because i don’t uh catch the vibe of this platform but i’m trying. i’m trying. 👉👈
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shhhlikeme · 4 years
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“Losty Aone” / “Losty Mountain Man🏔” Series:
Outtake Collection #7:
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TALKING STAGE OUTTAKES (Right Before Series’ Part 1)
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A/N: sooooooo. Prepare for the feels in this collection. Tumblr said it was too long because I have too many paragraphs—bye🙄 so this will be 7 and next will be 7.5. Please keep in mind they are apart of the same collection as they work well together. I strongly recommend to listen to “Always Be My Baby” By Mariah Carey for the entire read, but if repetition annoys you then just do it for the last outtake in 7.5 which is the confession. It tied for the most fluff votes. If anyone is up and reading this hopefully the next part will be up by the time you finish.
This outtake starts off funny and fluffy but ends angsty, serious and I dont wanna spoil. Fluffville Af, but maybe a bit of a rollercoaster. I poured a lot of heart into this collection, though, so I hope you enjoy it:
‼️THIS IS THE 11TH PART IN A SERIES READ THE OTHER PARTS BEFORE THIS ONE: ‼️
TABLE OF CONTENTS
———————————
One Day After You Noticed Aone and This Baby Doesn’t Know How ACT ☀️💋
“Hello?”
Futakuchi answered his cell phone grumpily as he half-slept.
“Futakuchi. It is Aone.”
Kenji rolled onto his back, wiping his fallen bangs out of his face. “I know. You’re the only person who calls me at 4am. Did you have another wet dream about Y/N?”
“No.” Mountain man answered hurriedly, but then he faltered. “Well, um, actually—yes—and Y/N looked phenomenal...—But that’s not the reason I’m calling this time.”
Futakuchi yawned. “You know, I miss the days back in elementary school when you’d call me because you had a bad dream ... hah....remember Monster Twoosie that lived in your closet?”
Sitting up on his bed, Aone whipped his head to the right to look at his closet. Getting up to close the closet door, he scolded his friend.
“We don’t speak of him, Futakuchi-san.”
Kenji let out a tired laugh. “What is this about then? I thought you’d sleep like a baby knowing that Y/N has finally noticed you.”
Aone returned to his bed, covering his legs under his camouflage blanket. “I’m extremely happy. I can’t stop thinking about her approaching my desk and smiling at me throughout lunch and her taking my phone to put her number in it. It’s not a daydream anymore and it’s just.......” he raked his brain for the word.
“A lot?”
Aone was happy he didn’t need to speak in full sentences to a best friend who could practically read his mind.
“A lot for me, yes, thank you Kenji-san. Usually, when two people are starting to get to know eachother, there is interest on both ends and they just work their way up from there.”
“But there is attraction on both ends for you and Y/N.”
“No. I already know she is the girl for me, and Y/N just figured out who I was yesterday. We are in a very unconventional position.”
“Yes but she’s also the most lost individual—aside from you—that I have ever met, so, what’s your point?”
“How do I get her to like me back?”
“Aone, just be yourself. A lot of girls already like you.”
“I don’t care about the other girls, I care about Y/N. I’ve been myself the past 2 years and she has never even noticed me, so clearly that does not work.”
“Y/N hasn’t noticed anyone, Aone-san.... ask her to name all her teachers I bet she can’t”
“She noticed the outfielder on the baseball team....”
“Right—she noticed that he was a tool. And I won’t let you conveniently forget that he approached her—which you refused to do for two years.”
“That is.............................a fair analysis.”
“Anyway, like I said, just be yourself. If Y/N doesn’t like you then she doesn’t deserve you anyway. Serves her right for being a bimbo the past two years....”
“Kenji-san....” Aone warned in a frightening voice. He hated when anyone had anything bad to say about his crush.
Kenji just laughed through his fatigue because he knew that warning was coming.
“I digress. Now as far as being yourself goes, for starters......how was your texting convo tonight?”
Mountain man was confused.
“Texting.......conversation?”
Kenji’s tired eyes flew open, stunned.
“Y/N gave you her number. She put it in your phone. That’s what you said.”
Aone grunted in agreement.
“So you didn’t text her?!”
“I didn’t know I was supposed to.”
“Holy fuck Aone I’m seriously gonna—“
“There.” Mountain man interrupted his friend.
HUH?! Kenji now felt like he’d just seen Monster Twoosie, because his entire body paled. He spoke slowly as to not lose it:
“Aone.....What do you mean by...............................................there?”
“I just texted Y/N.”
“AT 4 O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING ?!?!?!?!”
Kenji yelled so loudly his parents screamed at him to go to sleep before they take away his tv. He quickly quieted down.
“What did you text her?!”
Aone paused, retrieving the message. He read it aloud: “Good morning, Y/N.”
Futakuchi groaned loudly, gripping his bangs on top of his head.
“I am gathering that I should not have done that?”
Kenji groaned again in response. “No, but I did tell you to be yourself. We’ll see how Y/N feels about you being yourself.”
🏫 AT SCHOOL 🏫
“Aone!”
Mountain man was collecting books from his locker, Kenji next to him leaning on the next locker, when he heard his name being called by his favourite voice ever. The middle blocker looked over in the direction of the voice and gulped.
Kenji nudged him. “Be yourself.” He whispered before you approached.
Aone couldn’t get used to you actually noticing him. He fantasized about it so much when you’d call your cheer friends name, that it just seemed so surreal now that you were actually calling him. On top of that, you looked so beautiful today. (You may have tried a bit more this morning for him) in your school uniform, light but perfect makeup, and a bright smile.
When Aone heard your voice call his name he had to fight back a deep blush because it brought him back to his dream last night where you were calling his name like that—only it was much more breathy and the two of you were in much more.....intimate circumstances.
“Hi, Y/N.” the blonde managed to say as he looked down at you. “You look beautiful today.”
Beside him, Kenji cringed and looked away. He couldn’t imagine being such a simp.
“Aw, thanks!” You beamed. “I just wanted to say thank you so much for that sweet good morning text. When I woke up to it, it completely brightened my day!”
Hidden behind the locker, Kenji’s jaw dropped.
Aone’s heart tightened at your words. “You’re welcome.”
You smiled. “Would you like to have lunch together again today? My treat this time.”
You had no idea how much you made this man’s life by saying these things.
Aone nodded, blushing and unable to speak.
“Great. Can you come down here for a second?” You bent your index finger at him as to say come hither and this big blushy baby bent down to your level, confused.
With him now in reach you leaned in to press your soft lips on his cheek. “I forgot to do it yesterday, but that’s for defending me against that snitch Tsume. See you at lunch!” You skipped away to your next class happily.
Mountain man, on the other hand, was just completely out of commission.
Kenji’s eyes were very wide seeing the whole thing happen and he moved to the same side Y/N was just on. Grabbing his friends shoulder he pulled him up because he looked weird still frozen bending over to meet your height when you were gone.
“I guess Y/N likes you for who you are, Aone-san.”
Aone just stared in the direction you disappeared in. Your platonic peck on the cheek made him feel like he was floating.
“Let’s go, we have study hall.” Kenji patted his friend’s shoulder.
Aone called for him to stop, so Futakuchi turned back around.
“What’s wrong? What is it?”
“I don’t think my legs work anymore, Kenji-san.”
hahahahaha poor baby
Needless to say Kenji san was not impressed to have to wait at his best friend’s locker with him for 5 whole minutes until the shock of you kissing him wore off
You really affected the white-haired bb even when you ignored him so Kenji wasn’t that surprised that this would happen
———————————
Weeks Into The Talking Stage - The Date Tech Boys Attend Katana’s Big House Party! 🥤🎉
“I swear to God if Katana doesn’t leave me alone tonight.......... You owe me, Aone-san.” States Futakuchi grumpily as him, Aone, and Kogenagawa shuffled out of their Uber. They stood in front of Katana’s huge cottage: lit up brightly with glow strobes and pictures of her taped up on the logs like a billboard in downtown Los Angeles.
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“I appreciate you two for coming, sincerely. You are good friends.” Aone bowed to them.
Kanji bounced on the balls of his feet, the complete opposite visual of the crabby Justin Bieber look-alike.
“Oh no problem!!! I would have never been invited to a cheerleader’s party if you two weren’t my friends! Y/N inviting you to this is MASSIVE, Aone-senpai! I’m soooo happy I can experience this—hey! I think I see that hot cop cheerleader from before. Maybe she wants to thank me for my donations—!” The big boned setter started walking toward the party but Kenji gripped the back of his shirt, reeling him back in.
Kenji glared at his underclassmen.
“Must I warn you every time?! Play. It. Cool. Don’t stare at the birthday girl’s chest and for the love of God please leave the cop girl alone or we will never bring you to another party again.”
Pouting, Kogenagawa agreed, grabbing a red solo cup from a tray that a waiter was walking around with.
Aone grabbed it out of his hand before he downed it, all while scanning the crowd for his beautiful crush.
“No drinking. You’re underage.” Aone commanded, pouring it out in front of him.
“Right.” Kenji nodded.
The giant setter’s pout deepened. He crossed his arms at Aone.
“Thanks Mom.”
He then stuck his tongue out and Kenji.
“And thanks Dad. What would I do without you two? Besides HAVE FUN, of course!?”
“It scares me to even think about it....” Kenji murmured back, ruffling his setter’s hair who started freaking out because he worked hard on it.
Just then, Takanobu gasped a bit because he finally spotted you in the outdoor crowd on the porch. You were dressed in a long sleeve skin tight bodycon dress that showcased all your curves. And the dress was short. (If you remember correctly from his wet dream This man loooves short skirts on you.):
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(You May or May not have chosen something a bit on the sexy side to get the attention of the boy you were starting to enjoy the company of.... and who you invited to be your date tonight—)
The look of you alone made Aone lick his lips and shuffle because had the air outside gotten 10 degrees hotter, randomly?
“Dowwwwn boy.” Kenji murmured when he realized his friend had spotted his crush and was very excited. He had that same look when he saw Y/N in that genie costume, and it was one of unadulterated, innocent, unidentified, lust.
“Aone, you can’t stare at Y/N like that anymore. She notices you now.”
Aone tried his very best and he was able to peel his eyes away from you and back to his best friend. “I wish it were easy.” He stated with a frown. “Especially when she looks like that.”
You were over with a group of popular kids, a red solo cup in your hand filled with red bull, chatting and adding to Katana’s stories when out of the corner of your eye you spot a tall white haired beauty on the outskirts, probably just getting here: Your date. Your heart skipped a beat as you interrupted the boy who was speaking to the group.
“He came, he’s here!!” You gripped Katana on the arm.
“Ow, Y/N!” Katana ripped your hand off her. She fixed the tiara on her head. “Of course he’s here, no man is dumb enough to deny a date with you, Y/N.” She returned to her conversation dismissively.
Kusa walked up the porch steps to give you and Katana hugs. She looked so beautiful!
“Looks like your man Aone brought Kenji-san too.” Kusa said to the two cheerleaders.
Katana almost did a spit take with the contents in her solo cup. Quickly, she scanned the crowd, seeing her ex, she now gripped onto your arm and pulled you through the crowd.
Soon you were faced with your mountain man, who looked amazing dressed in a sexy dark green, might you add. You rubbed the arm that Katana had just been gripping as you stood in front of them.
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“Are you alright, Y/N?” Aone asked, looking concerned as his eyes scanned your arm.
He is so flipping sweet!
You nod.
“I know that parties aren’t your thing so I wasn’t sure when I texted you an invitation. But.....you came,” you breathed a sigh of happy relief.
“You asked me to.” He responded, unaware of how romantic that sounded to you or anybody with ears.
He is so oblivious to how gorgeous he is, you thought.
Aone turned to look at your best friend briefly.
“Happy Birthday, Katana. This is from the three of us.” Aone handed Katana a card that had a hefty gift card inside of it to her favourite makeup store (Y/N’s idea after Aone sweetly asked what he should get her).
A/N: AONE IS HUMAN GOALS - DON’T @ ME.
“Kenji you got me a gift??? That is SO SWEET!”
Futakuchi rolled his eyes. “It’s from the three—“
“Come inside with me and I’ll open it!” Katana grabbed the volleyball captain’s hand and pulled him into the swarm of people, towards the house.
Aone almost felt bad bringing his friend to his clingy ex’s party because he needed him there—until he looked back down at you smiling up at him—after which he couldn’t feel anything else but happy even if he wanted to. You made him so unbelievably happy.
“Oh and Um, Y/N, I know this isn’t your birthday, but this is for you.” Aone handed you a card as well.
You hesitated, confused.
Blushing, Aone explained quickly, really hoping that his fight to get you this wasn’t going to make you think he was creepy. “I just thought that.... if we gifted Katana a Fenty Beauty gift card, she’d best enjoy shopping with you—her best friend. So I-I got you a gift card, t-too.” He finished sheepishly.
Bursting inside with butterflies, you gave your date a finger curl again, which he now knew meant to lean down so that you could kiss his cheek. This time you pressed your lips to his cheek a little longer than the last time, and although it was a sweet gesture, Aone felt the blood begin to rush down to his nether region.
You pulled away just in time.
“Thank you. That’s very kind of you, Aone.” You whispered in his ear.
Aone flushed, standing back up to his height hurriedly.
“My pleasure.” He replied shakily.
And was it ever. Because of Aone’s long brewed feelings for you, even your two simple kisses on his cheek kept him awake at night, sometimes recalling the way your soft and perfect lips felt as he showered in the mornings gripping his cock.
He was so happy to be given a chance it was like his increasing hormones and already strong romantic feelings were fighting for dominance now that you were physically interacting with him, albeit minimally.
For the past few weeks you two have been taking your budding friendship/romance incredibly slow, Aone too afraid to push further than you were willing to go, and for you: that just being the speed you take. You two spoke in class, had some lunches together, Aone offered to carry your books and walk you to cheer practice.... things like that. You were just getting to know eachother and you’d even let him take you out on a romantic dinner date last weekend. You always took it really slow with boys until you felt that they were important enough, which is why your ex-baseball player got frustrated with you last year. But that wasn’t Aone. He believes that he would gladly accept just this if that’s what you wanted, though he desperately wanted more. He wanted to call you his.
To you, everything was going extremely well and you were beginning to kind of start looking forward to seeing him in the halls at school as 3rd year rolled around. You may have an itsy bitsy crush on the volleyball player....but you didn’t know for sure. The most you two had ever done was kiss him on the cheek twice, which Aone was MORE THAN HAPPY with.
“You look so handsome, by the way, green is your colour.”
Aone looked away then, snapping out of his day dream about your kisses on his cheek but unable to relax when you complimented him. He couldn’t believe you were giving him all this attention. You were so perfect and someone as perfect as you didn’t choose guys like him.
Well, you hadn’t chosen him yet, Takanobu reminded himself sadly.
“Thank you, Y/N. And you look.....um.....w-well.........” His eyes fell to your mouth-watering curves in that dress. You could tell he very much liked your appearance.
You laughed, deciding to tease him.
“I look...’um?’ That bad, Aone-san? What? Tell me.” You poked his stomach, not dismissing the fact that his stomach was actually rock hard muscle.
Fuck.
Aone shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts and pretend he hasn’t been crushing on you forever so he could speak clearly.
“No, not bad. Quite the contrary.” His face softened as he looked back at your face. “I’m trying to tell you in the most respectful way that you look......that you look like the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
On instinct, your face broke out into an ear splitting smile. Aone felt like he’d won the fucking lottery seeing you smile like that at him.
“Thank you, Takanobu! Care to enjoy the party with me?” You reached your hand out and the middle blocker just stared at it for a few seconds, still shook from your dazzling smile. Luckily, Kanji was still there so he pushed Aone inconspicuously from behind, allowing him to snap out of it and take your small hand in his large one.
Aone had to take a deep breath when you turned away to lead him into the crowd because the feeling of your hand in his made him feel utterly complete.
He was falling harder n faster than ever before.
And there were no brakes.
He just prayed you’d start falling, too, and soon.
———————————
taglist: @crushzone @galagcica @nairobiisqueen @chaichai-the-weeb
Part 7.5: CLICK HERE
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smallblueandloud · 3 years
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1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the writing ask- I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT STOP!!! xoxo
aaaah these questions look SO GOOD thank you so much <3 <3 for this ask meme, which will be open all weekend!
1. tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?
i pulled open all of my WIP google docs for this and my laptop started whirring ominously, lmao. this is going to be a Little Long but i love talking about my wips so who cares!! (under the cut because EXCERPTS)
guys and dolls but gay - very, very casual rewrite of guys and dolls if sky masterson was a woman. i’m loving how chill i’m being about this one because it’s so much fun to not have to worry how i’m going to write lyrics in a not-weird way and just focus on the story. this one’s first because it’s theoretically closest to being finished.
sky, laughing: “oh? people. all the people you turn down every day. well, i imagine there’s someone out there that’ll catch your eye.”
sarah, stiffening: “...yes, there will be.”
sky: “and what might this person be like?”
sarah: “he will not be a gambler, for one.”
sky does not miss the pointed pronoun. “i’m not interested in what he won’t be, i’m interested in what he will be.” she sits down on the desk, in a pointedly masculine pose, and sets her fedora next to her - at her most Hot Queer, basically. “how will you know when he gets to you?”
my fic for the aos rarepair fic exchange - i can’t give any plot or ship details, for obvious reasons, but it’s 1.3k and i’m having fun with it!
steven roadtrip of destiny - canon divergent fic set at the end of steven universe future where steven goes on a roadtrip instead of... canon. it deals with some heavy emotions and it’s also a character study so it’s tentatively shelved until i get around to rewatching suf. but i am projecting on steven like crazy and it’s really, really cathartic. it’s taught me a lot about myself too lmao.
He’s never been anonymous before. He kind of likes it. It means he can fold his arms on the table and put his head down without Pearl worrying about his posture, or someone asking him if something’s okay.
In the last few months, he’s grown to hate people asking him how he’s doing, or if he’s okay. He always ends up lying, because he doesn’t want to worry them, and he ends up feeling worse.
Probably because it’s more of him supporting other people without supporting himself.
He should have told someone how he was feeling. He should have reached out. Sadie could’ve helped him. Lars would’ve listened. Connie would have hugged him and then found him the appropriate mental health professional.
(God, Steven wants a hug. Also the appropriate mental health professional? Whoever that would be.)
untitled aos fic - i don’t want to give a lot of details because :eye emoji: and also i don’t know much about what the plot of this is going to be anyway, lmao. but here’s an excerpt:
daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) tweeted: two weeks :eyes emoji:
Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: the problem with being friends with daisy is that you SHOULD have some insight into what her tweets mean but you still have no idea
Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: Try being married to her
untitled star wars twins fic - because i am a total and massive nerd. i’m just kind of stuffing everything i have feels about from the post-anh era into this and planning on figuring it out later? i’m really loving talking about the culture of alderaan (and the culture of the survivors) and also i just love writing luke and leia’s relationship... so much......
(no excerpt for that one because i’ve basically posted all of it in various posts lmao)
aos ds9 au - i’ve posted a LOT about this already and i want to keep the plot a surprise but fsk is in this and married and half the cast is aliens, what else do you need in life.
“Good morning,” says Jemma, coming into the room with her hair wet and her uniform crooked. “Hello, darling.”
“Hi,” says Daisy, turning her face up for a kiss. Jemma obliges absently as she walks past, looking around the room.
“Has anyone seen my hair clip?”
“No,” say Fitz and Daisy in unison.
and of course, last but never least in my heart, chapter 3 of the magnum opus - writing this is on hold until my brain decides to stop hitting me over the head at every possible moment, but there’s like... 2k written so far? it’s. it’s going.
“Yeah, yeah,” says Coulson, and makes quick work of the right gauntlet. It’s only halfway through the left one that his fingers slow and he says, quietly, “Simmons designed these, didn’t she?”
She lets out a quick breath. “Yeah.”
He stays quiet for a few more seconds, finishing up the last of the straps, making sure they’re tight enough. Finally, he says, “She should be helping you with these.”
Daisy pulls her arms back and swallows down some words, or maybe a couple of feelings, or maybe a sob. “Yeah, well.”
2. tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project
the last sentence of the magnum opus!!!!!!!!!!
no, lmao, i’m gonna try to be serious. i really, really want to write some librarians fic in the near future? also MORE OF THE SENSE8 AU. i’m DYING to write some stuff about that. especially sam’s cluster, for some reason? Let’s Make Him Suffer (Comedically)! one day i’m gonna finish that list of what cluster/situation each song is about and then it’ll be over for all of us!
3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)
i spent about eight months imagining a scene where riza hawkeye was really injured and mustang was holding her in his arms (basically the promised day scene but with more privacy) so does that count?
hmm, just for some other possibilities: glinda telling dorothy about elphaba, laura somehow seeing or speaking to natasha during catws, a good omens au of the good place (specifically the ”i don’t even like you!” / “you doooooooo” scene), kencyrath au of star wars (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, except setting up the first scene alone would take 7k, but i want to talk about leia and luke and their MESSED UP TRUST ISSUES in this au).
oh, also, something about star trek tng where jean-luc and beverly and jack were in love and then jack died and picard left. more specifically a scene set during the pilot episode where jean-luc very cordially offers beverly the option to transfer off the enterprise, that he wouldn’t dream of holding it against her, and beverly very cordially telling jean-luc to go fuck himself. i want to write 30k of that broken triad. i want it so bad. i dream of that fic. maybe one day when i find myself with a completely empty month or two, i’ll binge all of tng and Write Some Stuff.
4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)
since you and i have tww in common, i’m gonna do a tww fic! otherwise i’d have to reread literally every fic i’ve ever written, lmao.
(this is long but i put this post under the cut so i have RIGHTS. also consider this a sneak peek for the j/d fic in the sense8 au?)
“It’s okay,” says Helen. She sits for a moment in silence, seeming thoughtful. “The Congressman and I are in the same cluster,” she says eventually. “I’d- I supposed that’s easier on the Secret Service?”
“Yes,” says Donna. “The-”
She stops herself from saying anything further. President Bartlet and the First Lady aren’t exactly quiet about who’s in their cluster, especially with senior staff, but that doesn’t mean she should go talking about it in an unsecured room in LA, of all places.
To cover for her blunder, she gives up something else: “The same with Josh. They got really lucky with him, actually. It’s just him and me, so they won’t have to worry about anyone threatening the Chief of Staff through the barista in the local Starbucks.”
Helen looks up from the Ohio numbers she’d drifted back to, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “Josh is in your cluster?”
“Uh-” says Donna, feeling like national security wasn’t worth whatever she’s just blundered into. Oops. “Josh- Josh is my cluster, ma’am.”
She catches her mistake the second it’s out of her mouth, but Helen doesn’t call her on it, more focused on other revelations. “No wonder you two look at each other the way you do!” she says, sounding delighted. Donna shuts her eyes, praying for this to go away. It’s not that she’s ashamed of Josh - it’s just so, so complicated, and other people never think about how difficult it was. Still is.
i’m just... i really liked the idea of donna fumbling and having to reveal this to cover up for what else she was going to say? i don’t know why i’m so charmed by this. i think it’s because it would be impossible in the show - you can’t show what someone was going to say on television, not without a lot of setup and very careful scripting. it’s just a really fun situation to write about and i’m really proud of this conversation in general.
also helen santos was a dream to write and i love her a lot. i kind of want to write one of the fics in the series about her and her cluster solely because like... look at her. she’s a delight in literally every scene. i love her.
5. what character that you’re writing do you most identify with?
daisy johnson!!! i love writing daisy johnson!!!! she is the most adhd character i’ve ever written and i literally just have to transcribe my own inner monologue and it works perfectly!!!!!
Swing shift: 1600 hours to 2400 hours. Daisy always ends up getting back to her quarters at like 0030 hours, when Jemma is asleep and Fitz is reading some kind of technical journal. Then she has to eat replicated pizza, alone, and freshly replicated pizza is actually pretty hot but it feels cold at that time of night, like, spiritually.
6. what character do you have the most fun writing?
...whoops i literally just answered that lmao. uh. i also really love writing sky masterson in the guys and dolls fic? she’s just weaponized hot queerness in a suit and i love her for it. she is intentionally trying to seduce this repressed lesbian and it’s really funny and also really hot of her and it’s so much fun to write.
also, i wrote chidi for the tgp fic and it was possibly the most fun i’ve ever had with a pov, although that was also because i was purposefully trying to mimic the tone of the show. i still think that line about michael and a grenade is, like, the funniest i have ever been in my life. but chidi’s panic was surprisingly easy to write? all of tgp’s characters have such STRONG voices, it makes writing fic ridiculously easy as long as you don’t get stuck on a plot for six months.
7. what do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? would others agree?
oof, this one is ALWAYS tricky. uh? uhh?? i’m going to ruin everything by saying this but i basically alternate between the same two sentence structures and i am really frustrated about it. i also alternate between the same two styles of endings and i always use the same beginning (set scene, main character pov, thoughts-as-exposition, back to scene).
BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE i like to talk about emotions and relationships and character development!! i have my “queer subtext goggles” superglued to my face, lmao. i like to think about how characters must have felt about things in canon and how it must’ve influenced them. i like making people deal with the consequences of their actions, especially how it’s influenced they themself. i also just really, really like writing people who love each other, whether it’s romantic or platonic or anything in between. i just want them to be happy! i just want them to stick together! doesn’t matter what fandom, i stand by it.
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maq-moon · 3 years
Text
My mental illness & fandom
So this is a long time coming from me. Almost a year, really. I want to be clear up front: this isn’t a call-out post. It’s me explaining my (and possibly others’) behavior. It’s partially an apology, too. I know tumblr is like... the worst place to talk about mental health, but this is where the people I care for-- the people to whom this applies-- will see it. I’m so nervous that I’m actually shaking, but I think it has to be said. I won’t feel right until I’ve explained. So, off we go!
I’m crazy. I use that word because I have to laugh about my mental health or I’ll cry about it. There’s a laundry list of diagnoses (when I see a new doctor I ask, “Would you like them alphabetically or the order in which they were diagnosed?”), but right now we’re going to focus on two. I have PTSD (no, I won’t say why) and BPD. BPD is currently being bastardized in the media. Crime shows love to have their perp or unsub suffering from undiagnosed or unmedicated borderline. I won’t rant about how the mentally ill are far more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than to commit them.
The central thing with BPD is “black and white” or “all or nothing” thinking. Everything is one extreme or another; no middle ground exists. There are also attachment issues. We tend to get attached to people fast. Add the “all or nothing” to that. We could, hypothetically, meet a new person, have one or two good conversations, and think, “Wow, we’re great friends!” while the other person is thinking, “Meh, maybe I won’t answer their next text.” (This is where the media stereotype of stalkers/obsessed killers comes from).
I get this way. I’m very sociable and chatty and, if others are to be believed, downright charming *wink* I also attempt to cover my insecurities with humor. I’m incredibly insecure and want to avoid talking about a significant amount of my life, so I joke a lot. I’m generally positive with everyone I meet. Why shouldn’t this new person want to be my friend?
Because of me. Because of PTSD. As much as I get attached, as much as I want this new friend, I can’t trust them. As soon as a conversation turns serious, I get uncomfortable and push new people away. Sometimes friends will physically push the new people away for me if they see I’m in distress.
Which brings us to our title: fandom. Should be lots easier since it’s online, right? Nope! Have you ever heard of parasocial relationships? Most people haven’t. I learned about them when David Bowie died. A parasocial relationship is basically a one-sided relationship-- like why you’re sad when a celebrity dies. They didn’t know you, but you felt that you knew them in a way. That’s why the prefix is para. Here’s the connection. A person with borderline gets involved in fandom. Suddenly they’re surrounded by new people. Blogs, Twitter, the AO3 comment section, Discord servers-- they all serve as a way to interact with new people. And interaction means attachment.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have made actual friends in fandom. I go out of state a few times a year to visit someone from my Harry Potter roleplay days. I know it’s not impossible. But I don’t know when it’s a real relationship and when it’s parasocial.
You may be thinking that it’s like this for everyone. We’re all navigating the Internet and faceless kinda-friends. Well, yes. But I’m acutely aware of how having borderline makes me act and how it affects others. I don’t want to be that clingy weird lady. I don’t want to over-share and make people uncomfortable. So as soon as I feel a rapport building with someone online, I do what I do in real life: shut.it.down. I don’t ghost one person, I quit the Internet (all or nothing, remember?). I don’t want to give myself the opportunity to fuck up a friendship, so I stop myself from forming one. And I don’t think about how that affects the other person, because PTSD has me focused on my own well-being.
BPD and PTSD are one hell of a combo, right? Come closer, stay back! Ugh.
I asked my therapist once how to tell if the people online were my friends, if they liked me as much as I liked them. She said that a good indicator would be someone going out of their way to ask how you are or just saying “hi”. I realized my fandom friends weren’t my friends, and it was probably my fault. I quit the Internet for much of 2020 (when I wanted to come back, my computer broke. w e i r d). It’s hypocritical of me to make assumptions, though. After all, I don’t send random “hello how ya doin” messages. I keep quiet out of fear of my mental illness. I don’t know why others are quiet. I jump to the worst conclusion, though: none of them like me. And that’s me. That’s not a reflection of any community I’m in. All of my fandoms are full of lovely people. People I like, and who I wish I were brave enough to let like me.
I said way back in the first paragraph that this is a sort of apology. I’m not apologizing for having mental illnesses. Genetics and experiences did that and I stopped being ashamed a long time ago. I do want to apologize to a great group of people (while being vague enough that hopefully only they know who they are?).
Last year, I feel like I invited myself to your event. It was open, obviously, and I had a great vacation around it, but I still feel like I went somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. Zero blame on all of you; it was me assuming we were friends. The person I brought with me kept trying to get me to actively invite myself to things you were doing the next day. You weren’t talking to us, but she heard two of you discussing Indian food and kept pushing me to jump in; I’m not that rude. I talked to each of you for a few minutes, and then… Then I was afraid that the borderline would “kick in”. I was afraid that the only reason I had driven so far to meet you was because of borderline-induced parasocial relationships. A few weeks later, I did a fic swap but ignored everyone. I didn’t talk. I wrote, but I didn’t interact. I’m sorry for all of it. I won’t blame BPD; that’s a cop out (I have borderline, not “I’m borderline”). I was just very excited and very afraid and very insecure and even more very afraid.  
I’m used to not being liked. I’m what you would call “an odd duck” or “a special snowflake”. I’m weird, basically. But it’s one thing to be disliked for your weirdness and another to not know why you’re disliked, or even IF you’re disliked. That’s the beauty and the horror of the Internet, I guess. You can do you, but there are no boys asking you for tissues the day you’re wearing a Wonderbra. Er, an imperfect analogy. You don’t know what people really think! There’s no body language, no inflection. The only way I can think to tell if someone’s sort of my friend is if we’re mutuals. Some of my very favorite people aren’t, and I won’t pretend that doesn’t sting—but it’s me. It’s me and my idea of friendship, which is arbitrary and changeable, and it’s my brain playing tricks on me, and it’s me trying to outsmart a mental illness.
So… yeah. 1300 words on my brand of crazy. I hope maybe I cleared some things up (eleven months later). I guess if I had to tl;dr this thing, it would be that if I’m following you on a social media platform, if I go back-and-forth with you in comments, and so on, I probably want to be your friend and have been self-sabotaging. I’m not trying to put any onus on you. I’m just letting you know.
With love,
Mac        
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bensboynton · 5 years
Text
Perfectly Flawed b.h
hi hello!!! @kellysimagines sent in a really cute prompt and i just finished it, so here it is :)
the borhap cast is involved in a lot of this one
female!reader x ben hardy
word count: 4.8k
warnings: fluffy, angsty, mentions of infidelity (DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR S/O) unedited
“Hey babe, going out with the boys for a drink tonight after we’re done filming for the day. Don’t wait up for me, I’ll be late. Love you.”
You removed the phone from its place on the side of your face, anxiousness gnawing at the insides of your stomach that sprouted from the harshness of your boyfriend’s voice. And that you had barely seen him at all this week, the third night in a row he was going out.
He left early in the morning for “a workout” or to “auditions” or whatever else he could come up with an excuse, and either didn’t get home until you were long asleep or would come in for five minutes to change and leave again.
You had been living with Ben for almost a year now, and saying you were in love with him would be the understatement of the year. You were completely smitten.
Everyone around you constantly spoke about how you had literal hearts in your eyes every time you looked at him, how you were the perfect couple, blah blah. And you believed it for a long time. But the last week has made the foundations of your relationship begin to crumble in your brain.
Every Tuesday, you and Ben go out to eat somewhere and stop at an ice cream parlor near your shared Townhouse after, but he canceled this week. He claimed he “forgot” and made plans that day even though you’ve been doing it every week since you started dating. That was three years ago.
And then the one day you saw him after work, he was distant. Said he was “too tired” to watch one of his favorite movies of all time with you. At first, you gave him the benefit of the doubt. But now your mind was beginning to turn to the worst.
You texted the first person to come to mind, desperate for human contact. You sent a loving paragraph to your best friend, Lucy, asking if she could come over for a much-needed girls night, but she sadly declined. She had plans to go out to eat with Rami.
Must be nice spending time with your boyfriend.
You shook your head and scolded yourself for having so little trust in the loyalty of your boyfriend. But, you couldn’t help to wonder what was going on. He used to go out once a week, at most, and now he’s going out every other day?
You weren’t having it.
Picking up your cell phone again, you scrolled to Joe’s contact in your phone. You chewed your lip, weighing the pros and cons in your head.
You could leave it alone and put your trust in your boyfriend, or call one of your mutual best friends and see if Ben was really out to drink with him. I mean, it’s not like you were accusing Ben of anything just by calling. Plus, you were worried about his safety.
And also if he was fucking another woman. But you tried to push those thoughts from your mind.
You deserved to know, especially after being ditched and denied quality time again and again. He would creep in after midnight, and you’d wake up to him in his sweatpants at the far end of the bed.
You had dropped plenty of hints of how much you wanted to spend time with him, how much you missed being around him and he seemed to ignore it. At the time, you shook it off as you being clingy. But the more you thought about it, the angrier and more abandoned you felt. You deserve an explanation!
So, in a burst of impulse, you clicked on Joe’s contact, your stomach doing backflips as you waited for him to pick up.
“Hello?” you heard a concerned voice on the other line, “Y/N are you okay? You never call me.”
“Hey! Yeah, yeah I’m good I just…” you trailed off, noticing the odd silence of the background, “where are you?”
“Home. Rami and Lucy are over and we’re eating dinner. Why? Do you need me to come over?”
“No! No, it’s okay. I just thought you were with Ben.”
“What? Was I supposed to be with Ben?”
You felt tears welling up in your eyes before you blinked them away. Maybe Ben just hadn’t invited Joe. No big deal.
“No, it’s nothing. Thanks, Joe. I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch,” you were short with him, ending the phone call abruptly. I guess it didn’t make sense for Joe to go out with Ben when you and Joe had planned a little brunch get together.
You repeated the process, listening to the ringing before another familiar, yet British voice popped up on the phone.
“Y/N! How are you love?” Gwilym spoke cheerily into the phone. Still, the same silence in the background.
You felt your heartbeat begin to quicken in your chest again, “Hey, Gwil. Just wanted to check if you were out with Ben?”
“Me? No, I haven’t heard from Ben in a few days actually. Why, what’s going on?” Gwil asked, his cheerful voice slowly quieting as he heard the distress in yours.
“It’s nothing Gwil. Have a good night, I hope I get to see you soon.” You mumbled quickly into the phone, praying that Gwil didn’t catch the large crack in your voice.
But, to your dismay, he tried calling you back a minute later. You let the phone ring, taking a deep breath and wiping the one lone tear off of your cheek. One last phone call to make. One last chance.
Ben’s childhood best friend Sam was supposed to be coming into town soon to visit, and you were banking on the idea that he got an earlier flight. You were crossing your fingers that they were together at some bar dancing and singing really bad karaoke. You were about to get on your knees and pray to any God that that’s what was going on.
You rung him up, using all your energy to hold back tears.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Sam! It’s Y/N.”
“Oh Christ, Y/N! How are you love, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you.”
“I’m doing great actually,” you lied through your teeth, fidgeting with the ends of your hair, “I just needed to call and ask if you were with Ben by chance?”
“Ben? As in Benjamin Jones?”
“Yes, that’s the one.” You added a mechanical laugh for effect.
“Is Ben flying into London to see me? I’m sitting in my flat right now darling.” You could hear the confusion seeping from Sam’s voice.
“Ah. Okay. Thank you, Sam.”
You ended the phone call before placing your phone on the couch, breaking down into a mess of tears. You had just called all the people that Ben would normally consider getting drinks with, and none of them were with him.
Your mind quickly turned back to all the many scenarios you had hoped to God weren’t true. After a long while of crying on the couch in your living room, you changed into a sweatshirt and sleep shorts, making your way back to the bedroom you shared with Ben.
You sat down under the covers with a random episode of Friends playing off of Netflix, not really focusing on it. Your mind was racing at a million miles a minute. Were you not good enough for Ben? You knew you weren’t perfect, but was it stupid for you to believe him when he told you he loved you?
You were so absorbed in your thoughts, you didn’t hear Ben enter the house, only noticing as he crept into the bedroom.
You quickly closed your eyes, calming your breathing pattern. You felt Ben walk around to your side of the bed to make sure you were asleep, before turning to put on something comfier for bed.
You heard his phone start to vibrate on the dresser, and a whispered “shit” as he grabbed the phone and quietly responded to the phone call. There were a few mumbled “yeah’s” and “okays” and “sounds goods” and a long silence before he started speaking again.
“Thank you so much for this, Jessica,” your breathing hitched in your chest as he continued talking into his phone, “I appreciate all of this so much.” There was another pause.
“No! No, it was perfect. I promise. Why would I lie to you?”
Jessica. So it was true. The man who you told all your friends was the love of his life, the man you told you mom you wanted to marry. He was cheating on you with another woman.
Your brain was telling you to “wake up” and talk to him rationally, quietly, and express your emotions in a healthy way but your heart was so shattered you couldn’t move. You sat there for a while, waiting to hear the soft sounds of Ben snoring before getting out of bed. You grabbed your phone and a random pair of gym shoes, practically running out of the house.
Ben, of course, didn’t stir. He was a heavy sleeper, always was. You were almost jealous of the way he was able to sleep at night, not giving you a second thought.
You shakily called an Uber to your townhouse, even though you had a car. Your eyes were blurry with tears, and your arms were shaking, so you couldn’t trust yourself to drive. You sat down on the stairs near your doorstep as you waited for the red Toyota to pick you up.
You tried to calm yourself down as much as possible, but you couldn’t. You were shivering in the oddly brisk LA air and could taste the saltiness of your tears.
Your Uber arrived extremely fast, and you stepped into the backseat. The driver looked to say something but saw how puffy and slicked your face was with tears before turning back around. Thank God he took a hint.
He stayed silent for the entire ride until you were suddenly standing in front of Joe’s home. Rami’s Audi was parked near the curb, and you sighed a shaky breath of relief that you were far away from Ben and that house.
Never thought you would say you were glad to be away from Ben.
“Have a good night. Hope you feel better,” your Uber driver said with a slight wave and sympathetic smile. You returned the favor, walking up the stairs to Joe’s house, knocking three times.
“Joe, are you expecting anyone?” you heard Rami bellow through the house, obviously tipsy on white wine.
“No. Maybe they did a late delivery on my amazon package.”
“Was it your sex toys?”
“Rami!” Joe scolded in disapproval.
“I’ll get it,” Lucy hummed, opening the lock and swinging the door open cheerfully. She had a beautiful, content grin on her sweet face before she went slightly pale at the sight of you on the doorstep.
You were shaking, bawling your eyes out in the ugliest sweatshirt you owned with a pair of mismatching socks and a very thin layer of sweat clinging to your skin from your rattling sobs.
“Oh my fucking god,” she muttered, rushing out the door to wrap you in her arms, “Y/N, baby what’s wrong? What happened?” you just started crying harder at the sound of your best friend’s voice.
“Did I hear ‘Y/N?’ Why is she here-” Joe began before gasping at the sight of you collapsing in Lucy’s arms at the door.
Rami and Joe both ran up behind Lucy and helped lead you to the couch. Your throat and chest were beginning to tighten from the constant crying, and you just wanted to go to sleep and forget about all of this.
Rami and Lucy were on either side of you, comforting you gently instead of pestering you with questions. Joe walked swiftly from the kitchen, a glass of water in hand before sitting in front of you. You could see the pain on his face from seeing you like this.
You had known Joe, Rami, and Lucy from when you went with Ben on the set of Bohemian Rhapsody, as well as the other cast. You had gotten really close with everyone, and you considered them all your family.
“Sorry for interrupting your little get together,” you sniffled, trying to hold back sobs.
“No, don’t say that you weren’t interrupting anything,” Rami comforted you quickly, rubbing your back assuringly. He always had a comforting aura but for some reason, his calming persona didn’t seem to be helping.
“I-I just didn’t know where else to go,” you spoke, your voice cracking as a few more tears escaped your eyes. The same eyes Ben used to look into every time he said he loved you.
“It’s me and Ben.”
Lucy’s grasp on your hand tightened and Joe’s eyes went wide, “What do you mean?” Lucy asked quietly, her voice overly quiet.
“He’s been going out the get drinks almost every day this week, which isn’t a big deal. But he’s just been distant and cold for a while and I…” you trailed off, sobs working their way back up your throat and you started to cry again.
Rami, Lucy, and Joe were so silent you could drop a pin on the floor and it would probably hurt your ears it’d be so loud.
“He told me he was going out for drinks tonight with ‘the boys,’ so I called Joe, Gwil, and Sam to see if he was with him and they all said no.”
Your three best friends just nodded, an idea of what happened started to grow in the pits of their mind.
“And he came home late, so I pretended to be asleep to avoid a conversation with him,” you paused, taking a shaky deep breath in, “and someone called him, so he answered and starting thanking this girl named Jessica and talking about how perfect ‘it’ was and I just- I ran.”
Lucy put a hand to her mouth and Joe’s jaw dropped, their shock somehow adding to the painful silence in the room. Joe stood up slowly and walked to gaze out the window onto the street in front of his house. You were feeling so much, yet so little you felt like you were going to disintegrate.
“That son of a bitch,” Joe sighed from his spot looking out the window. He let out a huff of disbelief, “I thought he would be better than this. Truly.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Rami said to no one in particular, struggling to wipe the shocked look off his face. You looked up to meet Lucy’s eyes who her glazed over in tears.
“I can’t believe he would do something like this…” Lucy trailed off, “especially to Y/N.” Her voice cracked as she pulled you into a tight hug. You slowly looked back up at Joe who was pacing.
“I’m gonna kill him for that. What a piece of shit!” Joe was starting to angrier as time passed, “give me one second,” he mumbled, walking out the door and dialing a number on his phone.
A few minutes later, Joe walks back inside, his face slightly red and out of breath from yelling into the phone and walking back to meet you on the couch.
“He’s asleep but I just left a very unpleasant voicemail for him to wake up to,” Joe mumbled, pulling out his phone again, “I’m calling Gwil and Allen just so they know not to be to nice to him.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” Rami said, a wave of newfound anger in his normally soft voice. He typed furiously into his phone, and Lucy followed his lead. You glanced at their phones to see them practically typing novels in your defense at Ben.
“I’m so, so sorry Y/N. You deserve better than that.” Lucy said, pulling you into another hug before the quiet was interrupted by Joe again. He burst into the room, slightly out of breath.
“So, Gwil and Allen are apparently on the way over right now, so just to warn you all,” Joe sighed, plopping down on the chair next to the couch.
You absentmindedly snuggled up to Lucy as Rami covered both of you with a blanket, and Joe turned on your favorite movie on Netflix to try and bring some comfort to you.
They didn’t really know what to say, so they tried to make up for their lack of words with all the comfort they could possibly offer.
You had been so scared that you’d show up and tell them what you heard and they wouldn’t believe you, or maybe not care. After all, they knew Ben better and were really close to him. You knew it was irrational to think these things because they were your best friends, but your entire existence was irrational at this point.
You were starting to fall asleep leaning against Lucy when there was an aggressive knock at the door. Joe leaped up to answer it to reveal Gwilym and Allen standing at the door.
“Where’s Ben? Is he here? I want to kick him in the nuts,” Allen spoke aggressively, his hard expression softening immediately at the sight of you.
You were crying again at the idea and sight of all your best friends gathered in the same spot to support you and be there for you. You walked over and quickly hugged Gwilym and Allen before they took off their jackets and made themselves at home in Joe’s house.
“Just want to be clear, do you need to talk about it? Because if so let’s get that done with before we start Titanic. I want to bask in all of Leo’s glory, uninterrupted.” Joe spoke, trying to lift the heavy mood in the room with a joke. You let out a breathy laugh before meeting the bluish-green eyes of Lucy.
“Let’s talk about it.”
And that you did.
You all sat there and you told them all about Ben’s weird behavior the past few days, the phone call, all of it. They all sat around with you quietly with open ears, drinking in the details of the recent events, silently nodding or expressing their anger when it was appropriate.
“I-I just don’t know what to do. Where to go,” you said, choking on tears in the back of your throat.
“Y/N, you have a home with all of us until you figure out where to go. We’ll go beat up Ben- I mean, we’ll settle this situation calmly tomorrow,” Gwil began, “but for now I think we should all just watch Titanic and simultaneously fall in love with Leonardo DiCaprio.”
You laughed, a smile creeping onto your face for the first time in quite a few hours. “There she is. There’s that famous Y/N smile.” Rami said from next to you, pulling you into a side hug.
Joe turned on the movie, sitting in the chair to the left of the couch alone, while Allen and Rami sat on the floor in front of the coffee table. Gwil and Lucy were on either side of you on the couch, and you’re not quite sure when, but you were eventually lulled to sleep. The comforting voice of Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio kept you company, while you were also surrounded by the group of people you love most in the world.
You were at peace. For now.
--
“Ben, I promise you she doesn’t wanna see you.”
“None of us do, actually.”
“You’re a piece of shit Ben. If I didn’t have any common sense I would-”
“Joe, not now.”
“Right. Sorry.”
“Point is Ben, Y/N doesn’t want you here and you’re not exactly a sight for sore eyes for all of us. Just leave before you hurt her anymore.”
You were rudely awoken by some intense whisper yelling happening at the front door, and you kept your best to keep up your act even with your sore neck from sleeping on Joe’s couch all night.
You assumed that everyone had stayed the night at Joe’s, due to their intense defending of your honor and mental state at the front door. But you could also assume that Ben was there.
“Please, just let me talk to her. I didn’t cheat. I promise that’s not what it was. I can explain the whole thing-”
“Oh, yes I’m sure you can Ben. Tell it to ‘Jessica.’” Lucy snarled, slamming the door in his face. it was frightening to hear the normally bubbly and optimistic girl sound so mean. The loud noise of the door almost coming off of its hinges caused you to jump.
You decided to stop with your act, sitting up and cracking your neck to alleviate the stiffness. Lucy turned around and her face softened, suddenly very apologetic. “Oh! Y/N I’m so sorry for waking you up I got carried away and-”
“I want to see him.”
“Ben?” Joe questioned, uncertainty written all over his face. The rest of your friends seemed to be thinking the same thing.
“Just to get closure.” The group nodded, and Lucy opened the door again and called Ben back in. He tripped he ran back up the steps to the porch so fast.
“You say anything that is off, I swear to god I’ll-”
“JOE!” your friends yelled, practically dragging him off into the other room. Lucy gave you a small reassuring smile as she closed the door behind her, leaving you and Ben alone in Joe’s living room.
The silence was crushing. It was awkward and grimy, making you feel like it was encasing you in a layer of goo that made you want to run out of the house and never look back.
“So-” Ben began before you abruptly cut him off.
“I’ll start,” you croaked, your voice already cracking. This scenario sounded better in your head, your voice was a lot stronger and assertive. But this would have to do.
“I don’t know what I did, what made me so boring or why you would want to cheat on me, but you must’ve had a reason. And I’m sorry for ever making you feel trapped or like you couldn’t talk to me or break up with me. Because you deserve better than that.” you paused for a moment. You could tell in Ben’s eyes that he was screaming to say something, but you continued.
“But I also know that I deserve better than to have my loyalty and trust betrayed by you. And cheating on me was a really shitty thing to do-”
“Y/N for the love of God please listen to me. I’m begging you I don’t know what else to do.” Ben pleaded, his voice weak and his eyes searching yours desperately. You closed your mouth and nodded, trying to prepare yourself for the worst.
“I didn't cheat on you,” you scoffed loudly at his statement, “and I know, that sounds fake but just give me a moment to explain.” Ben took a deep breath, looking at his shoes before meeting your eyes.
“I know I’ve been distant, and it’s physically pained me every single day that I’d have to lie to you and tell you I couldn’t hang out and watch movies, or canceling our ice cream date. It was physically hurting my heart. But I was worried I would slip up and tell you the secret-”
“That you were cheating on me.”
“No! Christ, no. Y/N I was going to ask you to fucking marry me.”
To say your heart dropped out of your ass would be an understatement. Suddenly, pieces slowly started to come together in your mind.
“Jessica is the woman at the jeweler's who was in charge of your ring… and when I said I was out I was actually arranging a spot to bring you to, and checking on the ring size. And I was scared I’d accidentally ruin the surprise.” Ben ran his large hands through his hair, meeting your eyes again. You were frozen.
“I love you Y/N. More than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. I would never even glance at another woman because you’re the only one I see.”
Your heart melted in your chest as you felt a tear roll down your chin and settle in the hollows of your collar bone.
“Ben… I-I’m sorry for assuming anything-”
“No. Don’t say sorry. You had every right to be upset that I was ditching you. I could’ve handled that a lot better,” Ben took a few steps closer to you before laughing and looking up at the ceiling, “I was planning on waiting to do this, but what the hell, right?”
Ben pulled a tiny black velvet box out of the pocket of his jeans and knelt down on one knee in front of you, opening it up to reveal a beautiful, silver ring. You gasped and took a step back, clutching your hands to your face as you started to cry harder.
“Y/N,” Ben swallowed thickly, never breaking eye contact, “as cheesy as it sounds, I’ve loved you from the day I met you, and even though you were with someone else, I knew we were bound to be together. It was fate. And you know I don’t believe in fate. But with you… the only way I could’ve gotten so lucky was if some otherworldly force brought us together. I love you. Please, do me the absolute honor of being my wife.”
You couldn’t believe the turn of events. One moment you were crying because your boyfriend was cheating on you (so you thought) and now you were bawling because he was proposing to you.
“Yes. Yes, Ben yes!” you screeched, bouncing back on your heels as Ben wrapped you in his arms and pressed his lips to yours. You felt a strong warmth run through your body at the feeling of his touch, something you had missed so much.
At the sound of you screaming slightly, the rest of the cast burst into the room to see you and Ben almost making out in the middle of the living room.
“Oh my god… he proposed,” Lucy spoke, gasping lightly, her face brightening as all the pieces started to click into place in her mind. You turned around, smiling the hardest you’ve smiled in months, which quickly brought a smile to Joe’s, Rami’s, Allen’s, and Gwil’s faces.
“Thank God Ben didn’t cheat. I was about to go and have him removed as my emergency contact,” Joe joked, earning a laugh from everyone, “what? I wasn’t kidding.”
You turned back to Ben and threw your arms around him, basking in the feeling of his hug and smelling the stale cigarettes on his shirt(a smell only he could pull off).
This past week had been a rollercoaster, to say the least. And you had cried way too many tears, but standing in that brilliantly sunlit room at 8 am felt so impossibly right, so perfect, you could’ve cried again.
You looked up into the crystal orb-like eyes that belonged to your lover, and you couldn’t help but smile. The stress and pits of despair brewing in the bottom of your stomach were gone. You were relieved again.
Standing there in the arms of the man you loved, surrounded by your family, you had never felt so at peace and calm in your entire life. Everything was perfect, even if you didn’t get a glamorous dinner or romantic beach walk for your proposal. It was flawed, and that was honestly very fitting.
Because both you and Ben were very flawed, and that led to a flawed relationship, with flaws in every single thing that you did. For example, when you literally just jumped to conclusions about Ben cheating. And that one time you almost burnt down your house trying to make grilled cheese because you forgot you put it on the stove. But those flaws is what made you two a perfect match, that’s why you were made for each other.
Because suddenly, when you were with Ben, those flaws and imperfections didn’t matter. You looked beyond them, you accepted them, and you learned to love them.
It suddenly hit you, standing there, that all of those perfect relationships never work out because they don’t know how to handle issues or fights or false conclusions. It’s like a blizzard suddenly rolling in on a perfectly sunny day in Florida. It’s a shock to them, they don’t understand it or know how to deal with it. You and Ben, on the other hand, frequently experienced blizzards and tiny drizzles of rain, and sometimes full-on hurricanes. But those storms only managed to make you stronger.
And you had never felt more grateful for every single flaw and imperfection and Ben both possessed at that moment.
You were both perfectly flawed. And you were both perfectly okay with that.
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mercurysnitch · 5 years
Text
Though You’re Many Years Away Part 1
Pairing: 70s!Roger Taylor x Reader (I pictured real Roger, but it could work with BenHardy!Roger as well)
Summary: Reader ends up getting a lot more than she bargained for when she somehow travels to 1974 and sees Queen live at the Rainbow.
Author’s note: This is the first fic I’ve ever written, so I’m a little bit nervous to post it, but what the hell. It was just a weird idea I had that I just had to write. It was planned to be a one-shot, but it’s getting so long I’ve decided to split it up into a short series. Probably 4 parts, maybe 5. Don’t think too hard about how the time travel works, it’ll make your brain hurt. The mechanics that are explained (or at least will be in the next part) are inspired by the time travel in @angrylizardjacket‘s Ben x Reader x 70s Roger stories (go check them out, they’re great :-) ) Also a bit inspired by the book ‘The Time Traveller’s Wife’, which is a bit weird, but very good. This part includes the first smut I’ve ever written, so sorry if that bit’s not great. Please comment or reblog, I would love to get feedback on this. Italics indicate reader’s thoughts, stars indicate a time skip (there’s a lot of them, sorry if it’s a bit choppy in places)
Warnings: Swearing, some drinking, little bit of smut (literally one paragraph, so just skip it if you’re not interested), mentions of pregnancy, tiny bit of vomiting
You weren’t sure how you ended up on a park bench in an unknown location. All you remembered was a feeling like you were falling down into the centre of the earth, and then waking up with a pounding head, in a strange place. Looking around, you noticed the sun seemed to be getting low, throwing a golden evening light on your surroundings. You could see a main road, and a little cluster of men in half-open shirts and flared jeans, smoking cigarettes. Wait, isn’t that illegal in public? And flares? Must be a 70s party nearby, you thought. Cautiously, you stood up from the bench, stretching experimentally. Your head spun a little, but you soon felt stable enough to start walking. You quickly decided to follow the crowd of people flooding down the main road. Most of them seemed to be heading in the same direction. Must be something on tonight, you thought. Might as well go, it might help me work out where the hell I am.
Suddenly, you found yourself outside an old-fashioned theatre. It seemed to be called the Rainbow, judging by the signs. The hoardings showing the names of upcoming acts contained a single word in big letters: Queen. No way, you thought. Queen were one of your favourite bands, and now you’d stumbled on one of their gigs? What a coincidence. You shuffled forward with the crowd, managing to slip in past the ticket sellers unnoticed. Thank god, I couldn’t pay them even if I wanted to. Suddenly you noticed something: more flares. Nearly everyone around you seemed to be wearing flares. There was a lot of long wavy hair about too, on the men as well as the women. That’s weird, you mused, is it a tribute gig or something? Your mind was humming with confusion as you moved with the crowd into the auditorium, when a sudden thought nearly stopped you in your tracks. Queen at the Rainbow. Why does that sound familiar? Queen at the Rainbow. Queen at the – Oh that’s right, there’s a live album, you remembered. Queen at the Rainbow ’74. Wait, ’74? They played the Rainbow in 1974. Realisation hit you like a freight train. I can’t be in 1974, I just can’t be. How could I be in 1974? How did I get here?
You were startled out of your shocked trance by a loud cheer. The music had started, and the band soon appeared, to another cheer, even louder than before. Once they started to play, there was no disputing it. You were watching early Queen, deep in their ‘glam rock’ phase. Freddie Mercury was utterly recognisable with his long dark hair, eyeliner and black-painted nails. Fuck, I’m at a Queen show in 1974. After a couple of songs you decided to accept whatever glitch in the universe had brought you here and just enjoy the show. It was a great show too. You had always wished you could have seen Queen play with Freddie, but knew it would never be possible. You hadn’t even been born for many years after Queen’s last concert in 1986, indeed, by the time you were born Freddie Mercury was dead. And yet, here you were watching him perform live, utterly entranced.
All too soon, the show was over. The buzzing crowd flooded out of the theatre and into a pub down the street. You went with them, wondering if the band would follow. Sure enough, all four members of Queen soon appeared in the pub, to scattered cheers and raised glasses. You headed for the bar, hoping somebody might buy you a drink. You would have bought one yourself but you had no money on you. It seemed you had travelled to 1974 with only the clothes on your back. You found a stool in a quiet corner and settled in to people watch. You had a feeling, a gut feeling you supposed, that this little trip to the 70s wasn’t going to last very long, so you decided you might as well soak it up while you could. Your stool coincidentally gave you an excellent view of the table all four members of Queen had chosen to sit at. They looked relaxed, rapidly emptying beers in hand, surrounded by a veritable flock of admiring girls. You started to scan the rest of the pub, soaking up the vibe, when you noticed movement at the band’s table. Someone was coming to the bar, heading almost directly for you. You turned towards them, and saw long golden hair and an open shirt weaving towards you.
You’d always thought early-70s Roger Taylor was the best looking member of Queen. Well, the early 70s was their best-looking era in your opinion, but the golden-haired, blue-eyed drummer was clearly the most attractive. Not that the rest of them weren’t easy on the eyes, but Roger was definitely your favourite. Now you were in a pub in 1974, and he was walking straight towards you. Well shit. This could be interesting.
He came up to the bar next to your stool. “Another round of beers thanks” he asked the bartender. Suddenly he turned to you, almost as if he could feel your eyes on you. “Hello” he said gently, “I’m Roger.” He held his hand out to you, smiling cheekily…flirtatiously? “Y/N. Hi” You shook his hand uncertainly. He continued to smile at you, his eyes crinkling, until you glanced down from his gaze, grinning nervously. “You’re cute. Can I buy you a drink?” Your head snapped up at the sound of his voice. He was definitely flirting now. “Okay. Gin and tonic please” You asked, smiling brightly. Roger added your order to his beers and turned back to you. “What brings a pretty girl like you to a pub like this?” The cheeky grin had reappeared. “I, um, I saw the band before. Good show, by the way” you stuttered, suddenly unsure what to say. His smile widened. “You’re a fan then?” Oh, if you only knew, you thought dreamily. “I guess you could say that” you responded, now smiling flirtatiously yourself. “Well then, what’s your favourite-” Roger’s question was cut off by the sudden reappearance of the bartender. You grabbed your drink while he gathered up the beers. “Want to meet the rest of the band?” He asked as he carefully stood up, laden with glasses. You jumped off your stool, careful not to spill any of your drink. “I’d love to” you beamed, perhaps a little too enthusiastic. Roger didn’t notice though, leading carefully back through the crowd to Queen’s table. Shit, you thought frantically, I’m going to meet Queen. Queen! Oh God, what do I say? I can’t mention the future, what if I break time or something? Have to be careful. Shit. Shit. 
“More drinks! Lovely! About time Roger, what were you doing over there darling?” Freddie grinned mischievously from the opposite side of his table as he spotted you shuffling along behind his bandmate. Roger rolled his eyes. “Oh shut it Fred. Everyone, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Freddie, obviously, that’s Brian” -  the gangly, curly-haired guitarist waved cheerfully from his seat on Freddie’s left – “and that’s John. But we all call him Deaky” The bassist nodded shyly from Freddie’s other side, tucked into the corner. It took most of your determination not to gush hopelessly over the. Actual. Real-life. Queen. But you managed it. Just. “Hi” you said shyly. Roger, now carrying only a single drink in one hand, wrapped his free arm reassuringly around your waist. It felt… nice. “Um, I really enjoyed the show tonight” you nearly squeaked out, trying not to gabble. Freddie smiled. “I’m glad. What’s your favourite song then?” You tried to think quickly. Fuck, I have to make sure it’s something that actually exists in 1974. Shit. Shit. “Ahh… Liar? It rocks, I guess…” This response seemed to please Freddie. “Finally” he said dramatically, “someone who appreciates my art. Good work Roger” You could have sworn he winked on the last word. The drummer rolled his eyes, shaking his head in exasperation. He quickly drained his pint, slamming the empty glass on the table. “Shut it Fred” He glared at the dark-haired singer, who just smiled naughtily. “I need some fresh air. Come on” Roger pulled you along with him as he moved towards the door of the crowded pub. You followed enthusiastically, finishing your drink on the way and setting the glass down as you passed an empty table.
The air outside was crisp and cool enough to be refreshing without chilling you to the bone. “Sorry about that” Roger murmured, gazing intently at your face. “It’s okay” you murmured back, looking into those gorgeous blue eyes. Suddenly they glinted with mischief. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” He asked, leaning down. “Yes” you breathed. His lips were on yours in an instant. It was blissful. He was insistent, but not rough. You opened your lips for him and quickly felt his tongue gently exploring your mouth. Holy fuck, I’m kissing the Roger Taylor. In 1974. Holy fuck. Your brain quickly slipped from frantic babbling to incoherent screaming as you felt Roger’s hands curl around your waist and brush along your back. Suddenly Roger broke the kiss. You nearly whined at the loss of contact. “Wanna come home with me, continue this there?” he asked huskily. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be in 1974, you mused. Might as well enjoy it while I’m here. “I’d love to” you replied breathily. “Great!” Roger smiled broadly, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. “Let’s just tell the others we’re going.”
You could barely contain your excitement as you arrived at Roger’s flat. Holy shit, your brain gabbled, Roger Taylor’s taking me back to his place. The Roger Taylor. Is taking me home. Holy fucking shit. When you arrived at his front door, he pushed you against it and snogged you senseless for the second time that night. He broke the kiss for a few seconds to open the door, holding you close all the while, then pushed you through it, his lips on yours again. You kissed frantically as you crossed his loungeroom, shedding clothes all the while. By the time you fell onto his couch together, both of you were in your underwear. You mentally thanked God you weren’t wearing anything noticeably out of place in 1974, although you thought Roger was unlikely to notice at this point. Roger lay on top of you, his face inches from yours. You could feel him against your stomach getting harder by the second. “Want me to show you a good time?” he growled, voice raspy with lust. “Why else would I be here?” you replied cheekily. “Well, if you’re going to be like that,” he grinned momentarily, then kissed a sensitive spot on your neck, smiling at the way you moaned at the sensation. He dotted kisses along your body, his fingers trailing the path of his mouth, until he arrived at your entrance, already slick with arousal. He grinned up at you, eyes now hooded with desire. “Do you want me to make you feel good?” he asked huskily, gently running his fingers along your folds. You moaned in delight at the stimulation. “I need you to use your words, love” “Yes, Roger, keep going, please” You moaned out the last word as Roger put his lips to your clit, licking at it expertly. You nearly screamed when he plunged a rough, calloused finger into you moments later. “You like that, babe?” “Yes, Roger, don’t stop-” Your words drowned in another moan as he added a second finger, dragging them gently across your dripping walls. His other hand held your hips down as his fingers roamed your walls until they found the spot that made you cry out with pleasure. He rubbed the spot in delicate circles while his tongue continued to lick at your clit, applying the perfect amount of pressure. It wasn’t long before you felt your climax begin to crash over you. Roger coaxed you through it, licking at you until you whined from overstimulation. As you came down from quite possibly the quickest orgasm you had ever experienced, you realised again that Roger Taylor had just eaten you out like a bloody expert. Looks like 1974’s gonna be fun after all, you thought happily.
***                                         
You awoke the next morning feeling strange. You were disoriented at first, until you remembered where you were. And when. I slept with Roger Taylor last night. I’m in Roger Taylor’s bed. In 1974. Holy shit, I just fucked the drummer from Queen. Wow. You stifled a satisfied giggle, not wanting to disturb the snoring man beside you. Even when he’s asleep he’s fucking gorgeous, you realised. You eased yourself out of bed very gently so as not to wake Roger. But as soon as you stepped away from the bed you felt weird. Very weird. Sort of… insubstantial, like you weren’t entirely there. Suddenly you just knew you were about to be pulled back to your time. Shit. My clothes are in the other room. You bolted out into the loungeroom and gathered your clothes in a flash. Oh no, I won’t get to say goodbye. He’ll hate me. Oh shit, what do I do? At that moment your eye fell on a notebook and pen sitting on the coffee table. You darted over, clinging carefully to your clothing, and scribbled out a note as quickly as you could. I stayed as long as I could. It’s complicated. I’m sorry. Y/N xx You barely finished the last x before you felt yourself lurching forward, feeling like you were falling again. You dropped the pen as you fell into darkness.
You opened your eyes to a familiar sight. Your own white-painted bedroom, in your own flat. You were home. The light streaming through the gap in the blinds indicated it was morning. Suddenly you remembered something. You’d had plans last night, before you went to 1974. You were supposed to go out for drinks with some friends. Wait what day is it? Where’s my phone? Retrieving it from your bedside table, you saw a stream of messages and multiple missed calls waiting for you. Shit, how long was I gone? You checked the date. The day you disappeared was only yesterday. You breathed a sigh of relief. Aside from the friends you were supposed to meet last night, no-one would have noticed your absence. You immediately sent a message to the group chat apologising for missing last night, claiming you were sick yesterday, and had gone to sleep for so long you’d missed all their messages and calls until now. You thought it was a pretty weak excuse, but your friends seemed to believe it. Besides, it was very unusual for you to even cancel plans ahead of time, let alone ghost on them completely, so you were fairly sure you’d get away with it this time.
Lying in your own bed, in your own flat, in your own time, you weren’t entirely sure your whole 1974 experience hadn’t been some weird intense dream. Maybe you really were sick yesterday, and it was just an unusually vivid fever dream. I don’t remember feeling sick yesterday though. You got out of bed gingerly, feeling sore as you turned around and stood up. If it was just a dream, why am I sore? Glancing down as you started to move, you noticed a mark on your hip. You rushed to your mirror. The shape was unmistakable. It was definitely a hickey. You could see one high up on your inner thigh too. And you remembered exactly how you got them. So it wasn’t a dream then. It really happened. It all really happened.
***                                             
You never told anyone about your little trip to the past. No one would have believed you if you did. As time went on, you sometimes didn’t believe it yourself. It just seemed to incredible to be true. Even if it was true, the question remained: how did it happen? And why did you go to that particular day in 1974, when Queen just happened to be playing? Was it just a coincidence? Or was something more going on? If there was, you had no idea what it could be. In any case, after many days of contemplation you decided you were better off chalking the whole adventure up to experience and moving on with your life. Little did you know, that would be far more difficult than you ever could have expected…
***
You slipped back into your routine easily once you decided to get on with life. Work, eat, sleep, repeat. Your friends, thankfully, didn’t make a big deal out of your non-appearance that one night. You weren’t entirely convinced they believed your excuse, but they seemed happy enough to let it slide anyway. They even invited you out again a few weeks later. Clearly you were forgiven. You had fun that night, even if you spent a lot of it feeling decidedly odd. Not drunk – you restricted yourself to one glass of wine, you weren’t in the mood to get messy – just… not quite right. The feeling was still present when you woke up the next morning, but a glance at your calendar indicated your period was due about now. That explains it then. Just good old PMS. You hoped you’d start to feel more normal once your monthly visitor showed up.
A week later, though, and it hadn’t arrived yet. Maybe the time travel’s thrown me off? It must have affected my body somehow… But then a week late all too quickly turned into two, with no signs of change yet. The overlong cycle didn’t bother you much – cycles could be weird sometimes after all – until the day you went to eat some yoghurt for breakfast only to be wracked by a huge wave of nausea the second the smell of it hit you. You dropped your breakfast instantly and sprinted for the bathroom. Small and old-fashioned though it was, you always found the discoloured white tiles rather soothing. As you cleaned yourself up a few minutes later, enjoying the cool tiles against your feet, something suddenly clicked in your head. Oh shit, you thought with alarm, I’m two weeks late and the smell of yoghurt just made me throw up. I can’t be pregnant though, surely? I haven’t been with anyone in months. Except… prompted a voice in your head. Roger Taylor. In 1974. But that can’t have… seriously? I fucking time travel to the past for one night, one fucking night, and end up pregnant by a bloody rockstar? Seriously universe? Wait… Didn’t we use protection though? Now you came to think of it, you definitely remembered condoms being used at some point that night, but your memory was a bit fuzzy from about round three onwards. Round three… you smirked. Shit, that was a good night. Not now! snapped an angry voice in your head. Suddenly you crashed back to earth, feeling sick again. As you bent down to empty your stomach into the toilet once again, a single thought ran through your mind. Holy fuck, this can’t be happening.
Part 2 is coming soon! Please comment or reblog and tell me what you think!
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thestarsintheknight · 5 years
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Fixable Moments in Endgame [Endgame Spoilers, duh]
WHY I PERSONALLY THINK SOME CHARACTER ARCS WERE DONE DIRTY, PUT UNDER THE CUT AND IF THAT DOESN’T WORK I PUT TWO OF MY DOG PICTURES SO YOU CAN SCROLL REALLY FAST.
Just so you know, and this is at the end of the post as well. I still really enjoyed Endgame for what it was and for what we got. I just have a few problems I’m pretty vocal about too. But I’m trying to not let that effect me as much.
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LAST WARNING, ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD
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Okay so hopefully those pictures of my dogs will allow you to calm and relax. If you’ve seen my last post, I was really upset with just how Tony died. 
I first came out of Endgame like, okay that was pretty okay closure, sure. Steve’s happy and Tony can finally rest and everyone’s alive and Natasha could be at peace with herself because of well, her ledger.
Then I kept thinking. No. They didn’t deserve this end.
Nat’s death was the only death done well. The only one. But I have more about the soul stone later on. 
Steve didn’t really die, and I knew he was gonna not be Captain America but I was curious as to how. I also really wanted Sam to wield that shield because even if Shuri cleaned Bucky of his whole Hydra-ness in his brain, I really do think Sam deserved that shield. So good on you Russos. Because in TWS, it’s said that Sam’s just like Steve, just slower. Steve is the embodiment of Captain America, if that’s the case then that means so is Sam. 
But why in the world did Steve decide to go back in time and be with Peggy? It was pretty closely put there in the show, Agent Carter, and in general that Peggy ended up with Daniel Sousa. Or just someone who wasn’t Steve. Why did Steve have a thing with Sharon in CW then? What was the point of her character? Sharon was badass, but like come on Russos!!! Steve is not one to see something going south and look the other way. That was very well established in CW, directed by the Russos. Yet he goes back in time, sticks with Peggy knows the things he knows about everything (like the Cold War, BUCKY) and you’re telling me he decided to have a domestic life? No!!! IF he even decided to stay back there, he would not sit still. He would have done something. Plus, you can’t say that when Sharon was born and Steve became her uncle that’s a little fucking weird. What the hell was Steve’s ending Russos? Steve’s arc was throughout his trilogy and later Avengers movies was finding his place in the modern world and finding Bucky. He did so much to get Bucky back only to leave him?! Come on, he knows how it feels to be alone in a different time why would he do that to Bucky? Someone who he fought for and said “Till the end of the line” but he broke that promise. Steve’s at the end of his line already by the end of Endgame. So what’s left of that promise? Nothing, it was dusted. 
So yeah, I’m upset about Steve’s ending. An entirely better way could have just been that maybe he’s the one that dies (I would have been upset probably, but it would be very him) instead of Tony. Because Steve has always been the one to sacrifice himself. That would be his arc, seeing the situation going so fucking south that he’s like “Whatever it takes!!” And he gets that gauntlet and snaps. Or maybe he loses his super soldier serum and that’s how he survives but gives the shield to Sam instead. I haven’t really thought of this one so you can add on.
Tony, god Tony’s ending fucking hurt. Tony’s death, his funeral, all of it. It was unfair. All he wanted was a domestic life but the Russos gave that to Steve even though Steve’s character would not want that domestic life? Tony could have been rested not by death but with his little girl, his wife, Peter who he finally got back, knowing that his friendship with Steve is better now. And could grow better if the two were still alive. That was Tony’s deserved arc, fighting the fight to end the fight so he could GO HOME and be with his FAMILY. That’s what should have happened. That’s what he deserved. Go ahead and tell me otherwise. I know it’s shorter of an explanation than Steve’s but that’s mostly because people know Tony better and I think people can agree with me on this more. Pepper didn’t deserve to see Tony die, Peter too, and his best fucking friend Rhodey. They knew he fought this fight to end it so he could spend some time and just retire to be with his family. 
Ways to fix this: Not kill Tony. Have someone else wield the gauntlet. Steve perhaps? Or maybe even Thor. 
Edit [4/29/19]: I am now a little more accepting of Tony’s death but I’m just tired that it has to be through death to have the future Avengers come in. I’m tired that there always has to be angst and whatnot(which I talk about towards the end of this meta) to make things realistic. Realistic =/= sadness and negativity and all of that shit. Happy endings can be realistic. But I’ll always be sad. Here’s a good meta that explains something very well regarding his death: (link) by @van-dyne. 
I would have actually been fine if Tony died if he didn’t have his little girl. (Find Tinymintywolf’s side twitter, not her art twitter, for an explanation on this). But then they introduced Morgan and whoop there it is, he has a family what he’s been wanting for so long. 
Thor is an Asgardian and we’re all aware of how much his mental health was hit. Yet he was reduced to a fucking joke. Like wow hahahaha so funny—not. I feel like, Thor wouldn’t need a redemption arc. But I know in his mind, he’d feel like he should because he blames himself, right? If he were to wield the gauntlet instead, it would make himself feel better about himself, better about being the king his people needed while still being an Avenger. Thor also shouldn’t have left his people. So let’s say he does wield the gauntlet. He goes back to his people and he finally feels worthy to lead. So that’s what he does, he finally gets back to being the king that his character arc had developed for him in his own trilogy, and being an Avenger. That should have happened.
It just makes sense because each movie was mostly about him building his way up to become the king he was supposed to be. Those few lines he exchanged with Valkyrie along the lines of “maybe I shouldn’t be the person I’m supposed to be but rather the person I [need/want] to be” ??? I can’t remember. I just thought that was lowkey like, wot. But for further emphasis, the first movie was about how he wasn’t worthy to hold the hammer or even be king. The second one was figuring out how to be a good man and a king. The third was trying to figure if he was the one to actually be king, and at the end of Ragnarok, he is. 
If Thor weren’t to wield it, then maybe Hulk. What if Bruce just lost Hulk. Then it’s just Bruce and he could be himself. Like the whole Professor Hulk thing was pretty interesting and I didn’t have a problem with it. This is just a little thought that I didn’t really think much on so you can add on to this too.
Now we get to Nat. Nat and Clint’s little fight with each other was very much in character. I don’t really like MCU Clint, I think the whole farmhouse scene could have still been done with one minor change, Laura’s not his wife, it’s his sister or his sister-in-law because he has a brother, Barry!!! Then all those kids are like his nieces/nephews. Anyways, that was the only death that was done that I feel sad but I feel so much closure on, Tony’s, Steve’s, and even Thor’s endings gave “closure” not the right one for each character, as explained before. I’m just upset that there wasn’t a funeral scene for her, or more grieving. Or just, something. 
Then here’s a little idea, not sure if it could work but if Steve was going to go return the soul stone at Vormir, the way the rules work at that mountain is “A soul for a soul” right? Then by giving up the soul stone, can’t he bring back Nat? And if that’s the case then Clint should be the one returning the soul stone. So maybe the reason why when Bruce said (and I got this from a different tumblr post, I forgot who so let me know so I can give credit) he couldn’t bring Nat back was because they already gave the soul stone back (because time travel is whack) and Nat is already back. 
There’s so much more that I’m probably forgetting, I may update or just reblog more. If you guys want to talk or vent, please feel free! I don’t bite! And I’m open to other ideas and just how you think it should have ended. 
Here’s a disclaimer as well: This is not something against the actors and actresses, they all did so well. I think it’s in part a bit of Russos and the writers and anyone else who develops this story. I’m also not saying this because I’m sad Tony’s dead and Steve is no longer Captain America. I would have been fine with Steve not being Captain America anymore if done right.
Also, why does everything always have to be so dark? So edgy? Angsty? It’s fictional so can’t we just... Have that sort of happiness? I’ve watched the MCU for hope, happiness, and you know a good ending. It’s not what I got though. I love the characters, all of them. I like little pellets of angst here and there. But just, why? I’m not sure if I can keep watching the MCU. I still might but I might also just disregard bits and pieces of Endgame.
I just think that the moment you bring in time travel it screws things up. Because essentially it brings in the whole multiverse and if we’re trying the make the MCU one singular timeline, then, uh, hello? Also the entire thing with five years passed but everyone comes back from the moment they disappeared, WOT. Okay, I’m done.
[Minor edit in this Paragraph, 4/29]Overall, I still enjoyed Endgame. A lot. There were so many good moments and a lot of moments where the characters were just them. I loved it a lot and I’m trying to overlook a few things here and there because what I’ve said shouldn’t ruin the movie. I still really enjoyed it a lot. It was good because this was the movie we’ve been waiting for. A nod to the fans, the actors, everyone who created this universe. It was just something that was amazing. @suitofhumour had a really strong point in their post (link) that I’m alluding to here and I don’t want to take credit for it so please, give it a read. Some things don’t sit right with me and I’m so fucking heartbroken over Tony okay, and I’m mad about Steve and Thor. But, yeah. 
[Edit 5/5/19] I GOT ANOTHER THING. If what the former Sorcerer Supreme had said that if one stone got removed from their timeline, there’s nothing that can keep the flow of time, reality, whatever, in check and would ultimately destroy their timeline. Which is why Steve had to go back in time to give it all back seconds after removing it. By that logic, can’t you say that if you were to destroy the stones, then wouldn’t it mean there are no more stones to keep all of the flow of whatever in check? So since the OG timeline no longer has the stones because their Thanos destroyed it, then what? 
Here’s another picture of my dog to calm you down. If needed.
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psychodon525 · 5 years
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So.
I just read Candy. I haven't touched Meat yet, and will do so tomorrow.
I'm seeing a lot of people who are upset and angry at the epilogues, and honestly? I liked Candy. The first 20 pages or so were hard to get through, especially THAT page, but once I got nearer to the end, I couldn't put it down. It feels like, (as dumb as it is to say this about epilogues,) Hussie is setting up for some really cool shit, and I'm super excited to see where things go from here.
There were some characterizations that people might deem as being out of place, but honestly? Oh wait uh, spoilers under the cut I guess.
Rose felt perfectly in-character for having all her Seer powers taken away, and seeing her happy for the first time ever was so fucking refreshing, she deserves it.
Kanaya as well. So happy, and I just wish we got to see more of her.
Dave and Karkat were perfect together, and I’m sad that they didn’t get together, but I suppose it’s okay considering that Karkat fulfilled his destiny of being a leader of an army, and Dave got the Big Plot Shit that happened to him, so in a way, the Dave we have now, DID get to spend eternity together with Karkat. (Also Dave’s eulogy was the most heart-wrenching thing I’ve ever read, I haven’t cried like that since... Homestuck.)
Jane was extremely upsetting. I don’t know if y’all read Bladekindeyewear’s blog, but they had a theorypost a long time ago about Jane’s ultimate fate as being the servant of Lord English, and that she’d take the new title of the Batterwitch, and in Candy, she essentially did. John totally lampshades it all by saying that she’s nothing like what he remembers his Nana as being, and I think if we get more to this story after this, it’ll be cool to visit what that essentially means for Jane.
Jake is a fuckhead, and I always hated him. And then Candy happened. Now that couldn’t be further from my feelings. He’s still by no means my favourite, but the chapter where Jane uh... Anyways, let’s just say I feel for him. And he opened up to John about his feelings, and not only did what he said make sense, it got John to finally get off his ass and try to be a good father which...
John. Jeez this kid messed up. He was unsatisfied with the way paradise was, and he still chose to stay in it because ??? His life starts off going exactly how he wanted it to go, where he married Roxy, and had a kid, and was a good dad, but he couldn’t get out of his own head that he had fucked up and everything was “wrong” somehow, so he ended up getting right back to where he started. LITERALLY! He went and hid in his old house before Jake and Tavros came and knocked some sense into his skull.
Jade is complicated. There’s some implications of some things I’m not going to get into, but besides that, honestly? She pretty much fits exactly the mold I’d have expected of her living in a society where she can do anything. She’s just doing whatever she wants, and a lot of that is sex, and I mean... Sure. I don’t like what she did to Dave or Karkat, but I think she literally didn’t realize that she was doing that. I think she genuinely thought she was doing them a favour, and she seemed happy with it all. I didn’t like what happened between the three of them as a result of her actions, but I also don’t think it was bad characterization or anything.
Vriska’s self-realization was really genuine, and I loved it. Also shoutouts to Vriska (Vriska) for the callback. Great meme 10/10
Aradia and Sollux were a nice reunion, even though they didn’t really... DO anything? idk, I’m always happy seeing happy!Aradia.
Callie uh... idk, she just effed off the face of the planet through the whole thing pretty much? I imagine she’ll be pretty important in Meat? Dead Jade was something that the story desperately needed, and that Callie gave us some super important information, and my brain is exploding just thinking about the implications of it all, and I fucking love it. I’m going to say it again I FUUUUUUUUCKING LOOOOOOOOVED THAT SHIT!
I saw the word “Obama” and went through literally every stage of grief, but ultimately it ended up in one of the best speeches in Homestuck, and legit made me think of one of my best friends who has almost said the exact same thing about gender and sexuality verbatim. And then it also lead to the hypest paragraph of text that’s ever been written.
“And then, time seems to stop altogether. As if the aspect itself has suspended its forward motion, bowing before the unprecedented transformation taking place. It defers to its greatest knight, risen anew. “ HELLO?!?!?! WHY ISN’T ANYBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS? IT’S SO FUCKING HYPE AND I CAN’T BELIEVE Y’ALL
Roxy. Roxy is my favourite character in the comic. She’s one of my favourite people ever. She continues to be that. That shit she said about gender? That’s some real shit. She’s fucking valid, and everything she did in Candy makes total sense given the context of what she said in her last talk with John. It’s totally not crazy to believe that she did all those things, and said all that, and felt those things.
We’re not going to talk about Dirk because there’s some shit going on that I literally don’t know enough about to have an opinion on. Maybe after Meat I’ll revisit Dirk in like a... theorypost? I’ve never made one of those before, but we’ll see.
Anyways, the Epilogue I read so far was a good read. I ultimately enjoyed the experience, and I’m honestly excited for Meat, and whatever new experience is in store after that. Candy made my brain happy in a way I haven’t felt in a really long time, and I’m thinking of making some theories about what happened here, and what it means for the future. It’s exciting.
Also if you read this without having read the upd8, first of all, what’s wrong with you? Second, please don’t read Candy if you’re not in a good headspace. There’s a chapter I described at the top of the post simply as “THAT chapter” and it goes into detail of a character making plans to, and actually committing suicide. It goes into detail about how the death felt, and it makes the whole thing seem as if it was a good thing. I am not okay with this chapter’s existence, and narratively, you could probably just skip that one and still get the same takeaway.
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shenanigumi · 7 years
Note
Hello! My question follows one of your recent responses. You mentioned that your favorite 'husband' is Okita (yes! I share it completely), your favorite pairing is HeiChi (for solid reasons) and your favorite character is Kazama due to his complexity. If you want, could you expand this statement? Why is Kazama so complex in your opinion, what are the possible reasons of his complexity (his inner conflict, his motives etc)?
Ohhhh man… ‘If I want’? I’m always down to talk about my faves. You’d best be prepared for a goddamn characterization essay, because I love Kazama to death. Also, it’ll be good practice for getting started on an actual essay, so I thank you for this wonderful way to wake up the brain!!
I’m throwing this under a read-more for those of you who can see it, because wow I talk a lot:
First off, let me get one thing straight: I hate Kazama. I don’t hate him in the same way or as much as I hate Kaoru; my ‘hatred’ for Kazama is rooted more in awe (e.g. “Wow, that was badass, but what an asshole”) than in genuine dislike (e.g. “I AM GOING TO SKIP ALL YOUR TEXT AND THEN KILL YOU”). By no means is Kazama a good person, but one doesn’t have to be a good person to be a good character.
Admittedly, I think the games could have handled Kazama’s characterization a lot better, and hopefully some of it has been resolved in Shinkai. Though I’ve made the connections that fit all the different sides of his personality together, and will hopefully be able to prove it below, I feel like it should have been more obvious in canon. He’s so different between routes that unless you spend a lot of time thinking about him and his character, like I apparently do, it can be pretty jarring.
Since I’ve already practically written an essay on the wiki I made, I’m going to be lazy and use my four fucking paragraphs I wrote on Kazama’s personality as a basis for analysis. The wiki-entries are as objective as I could make them, but I’m gonna give a warning for possible speculation/headcanons re: how I interpret them. Basically, I’m gonna try to explain my perception of Kazama’s characterization, which is pretty self-explanatory as far as why I like him is concerned, but I can’t guarantee that there’s any solid evidence. These are just the conclusions at which I arrived after considering what I have seen in canon:
Kazama is proud, selfish, domineering, and often cruel. He is severely prejudiced against humans, and even more so against furies. He refers to them almost exclusively as “fakes” or “abominations”, and sees it as his duty to dispose of them. Having little respect for those incapable of adapting to changing times, Kazama asserts his superiority of race and cause whenever possible. He is fatalistic and detached from his own violent actions, regarding them as proof of humanity’s frailty without ascribing any agency to himself. However, though Kazama maintains a clear dislike of and disdain for all humans throughout all routes, he strives to keep his emotional distance and remain aloof.
Whenever Kazama must do something he considers unpleasant, he tries to find a way to further his own enjoyment in the meantime, up to and including using Chizuru as an excuse to toy with the Shinsengumi. However, though he initially considers this a game in which he holds no real investment, he eventually becomes genuinely intrigued by the humans and their ideals. In Hijikata’s route, Kazama is unable to reconcile his existing values with his newfound attachment, and—once Amagiri confronts him about his errant ways—finally abandons his title and status in favor of engaging them. Thus, though Kazama has an extreme sense of responsibility and loyalty to his clan and people as a whole, he “[sees] no charm in command”, and is willing to step down from his position and pursue his own agenda if he finds a purpose he perceives as more worthwhile.
First and foremost, I love Kazama because he is not the person he is trying to be. Even though his development is never directly focused on, and in fact I’d actually argue that he develops the least on his own route, that little tidbit is an enormous driving force in his side of the story. Kazama’s Thing™ is that he’s an Honorable Demon, and tries to live Honorably, but he just doesn’t have the temperament to keep his distance. He’s too naturally curious, too easily driven to anger, too arrogant and drunk on power over humankind, and he knows it. He simply doesn’t care until these tendencies cause him to become completely entangled in the Shinsengumi’s affairs. Although this doesn’t happen on every route, the foundation for that frustration is there in all of them.
Essentially, Kazama is in pursuit of an ideal he cannot obtain for as long as he continues acting the way he does… and eventually, his behavior gets him to the point where he must either change that ideal or change himself. Each time he hits that crisis point, Kazama has opted to change his ideal, and that speaks volumes about his strength of will and character. Rather than ‘improve’ his flaws and conform to demonic expectations, Kazama would rather change what he is fighting for. Sometimes, his new goals do change him in turn—but his shifting priorities always precede his development in any direction. (More on that later.)
Kazama is persistent to the point of obsession when he wants something, demonstrated most prominently in Saito’s route, in which he turns his back on his previous concepts of good and evil, joining forces with Kodo for the sake of marrying Chizuru. Similarly, once his pride has been wounded, Kazama will stop at nothing to get revenge, and does not consider tipping the odds in his favor to be morally dubious. This is most evident when (in Hijikata’s route) he procures his family’s legendary sword, the Demonslayer, to vanquish Hijikata. However, despite his willingness to ensure his victory by any means necessary, Kazama has his own brand of honor in that he views lying as beneath him and will always tell the truth as he sees it. Though he may twist situations to his advantage or omit certain information if his own interests demand it, the few direct lies he tells are obviously identifiable. This applies to even the smallest matters, such as insisting that he rested during the night when in fact he was tending the fire.
Kazama is the voice of the conscience, and of radical reason (which I use in opposition to emotion in this case). I love Kazama because he’s never wrong. There are a lot of things you can say about Kazama, but you can’t exactly say he’s wrong. Humans are weak in comparison to demons? Absolutely right. They don’t know what they’re doing? No, they don’t. Furies aren’t supposed to exist? Indeed they aren’t. His methods may not always be sound, and I certainly don’t always agree with them—but his statements are generally true, if harsh.
Despite his aforementioned inability to live up to expectations of aloofness, Kazama is still duty-driven and follows a very strict, largely self-imposed code of honor. This also says a lot about his character, since it does not allow for direct lies, but it is extremely flexible since it is wholly unconnected to his sense of responsibility to his clan. Rather, it centers around whatever he has chosen as his goal—and, once he gives up on the idea of staying out of human matters, his code relaxes. Once Kazama no longer tries to maintain his distance from humans, he becomes more comfortable with acting based on his emotions. Through his fixation on humans, Kazama seems to become more human himself (and his choice to use the Demonslayer is incredibly ironic for exactly that reason).
Now, to circle back around to priorities… In his own mind, Kazama is always fighting for demonkind. If he cannot keep his distance as is expected of him, then he chooses to discard that notion and instead dispose of furies (in Hijikata’s route) or even dispose of humans (in Saito’s). No matter what his goal is, Kazama never abandons his self-identity as a demon or his wish to live an honorable life. He may change his definition of what exactly that means route to route, but no matter what he perceives as the right way to go about fulfilling it, he still centers himself around that idea.
In both Hijikata’s and Saito’s routes, Kazama concludes that it is impossible for him to operate within his current boundaries and chooses to pursue a new ideal, each one still rooted in what he believes to be a cause worthy of the demon he is… even if his people openly disapprove. However, even though anger plays no small part in Kazama’s decision to seek revenge in Hijikata’s route, he thinks of that decision as built more on moral righteousness: a fake spilled demon blood, so of course he should die for it. There is still a rationale for his actions, and while Kazama demonstrates and acts on his anger more freely, he maintains his morals (however gray). His mission is specific and personal, so all his wrath—as uncontrollable as it may be in the moment—is deliberately directed at Hijikata.
However, on Saito’s route, Kazama demonstrates what happens when he stops fighting his emotions altogether, and instead allows them to rule him. Because his goal is now to resurrect the Yukimura clan by marrying Chizuru and to eliminate all humans, his mission becomes less focused, and so too do his feelings. He no longer has a singular cause to fight for; he’s simply thrown in his lot with Kodo. He loses his conventional moral compass somewhere amid his natural arrogance, exacerbated by these loftier ambitions. Since Kazama still believes that the end justifies the means, and this end requires more power and the exercise thereof, it’s little wonder he abandoned his usual reluctant restraint. The only thing that changed was the ideal he chose to pursue, and that in turn altered his behavior almost beyond recognition. The potential was always there; his new goal just turned him inside out.
(Again, I think the game should really have made this connection clearer, because the consistency in Kazama’s motives between Saito’s route and all others is a tad indistinct.)
…And lastly:
Though Kazama’s attitude is cold, direct, and serious by default, he does have a sense of humor, which is dry and sarcastic and usually manifests at others’ expense. He also readily displays scorn, anger, and conceit, all of which appear impossible for him to fully conceal. However, Kazama finds it difficult and/or unpleasant to openly admit more sentimental emotions such as affection, sadness, gratitude, or even agreement.
Yeah, so let’s not forget about the sense of humor, since it’s a more prominent (if somewhat shallow) reason why I love him. On Heisuke’s route, their sass battles are legendary, okay. Plus, on Kazama’s route, some of his one-liners are pure gold. And speaking of humor, as a postscript, I’d also like to point to my previous essay about Kazama and Shiranui’s similarities, which everyone has probably seen by now, but which further my point that he’s really an interesting character. Anyone who can be so similar to another character yet so strikingly different is A+ by me.
Okay, I think I’ve talked enough, considering I just spent two hours putting this mess together. Hope that actually answered your question!!  
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dragonbagel · 7 years
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Bonded - Part 4
buckle in kiddos, this chapter’s a wild ride
part 1 | part 2 | part 3
The anxiety plaguing Rhys didn’t relent as the rest of the work day progressed, much as he hoped it would. He did feel a bit better once he was alone in his own office and distracted by debugging a virus threatening to corrupt Hyperion’s storage files, and by the time seven o’clock rolled around (because of course Rhys never failed to work overtime), the nervousness inside of him had dulled from a burning to a low discomfort.
He stopped by a Chinese restaurant to pick up dinner on his way to Jack’s, knowing that Jack had probably forgotten to eat or tried to make one of his practically inedible microwave meals. The man would probably starve to death if his freezer malfunctioned. Rhys had even found a Lunchable in the fridge once while looking for a beer, and he’d made certain to never let the alpha live that one down.
Jack had been quite appreciative when Rhys appeared at his door with the food, although Rhys saw a strange look of surprise flit across the alpha’s features before he happily let him into the penthouse. Not before he’d pulled him in for a quick kiss, of course.
“I missed you,” Jack said as he closed the door behind Rhys, no less than fifty locks sliding into place.
Rhys snorted. “Damn, clingy much?”
Jack simply scowled, leading the way to the living room and pointing to the couch.
“Movie night okay with you?”
Rhys smiled, dropping the bag of food onto the coffee table and plopping down onto the sofa. “Sounds perfect.”
Rhys’ heart fluttered at the smile on Jack’s face, because dammit if he was making Jack happy then clearly he was doing something right for once. Jack settled onto the couch beside him, patting down the cushions in search of the TV remote as Rhys began pulling their food out of the takeout bag. One of Jack’s hands landed on Rhys’ crotch in a not-at-all-accidental manner, and Rhys nearly dropped the container he was holding.
“Quit it!” he hissed, although he was more amused than anything.
Jack shot him a devilish grin before squeezing Rhys a few times, teasing. The omega elbowed him far harder than necessary.
“Can we at least have dinner first?” Rhys asked, sighing.
Jack grabbed his food from the table and broke open a pair of chopsticks, winking at Rhys as he did so. He started shoveling his food into his mouth with a mad determination, going so quickly that noodles started dropping from the container to his lap.
Rhys simply laughed as he ate his meal at a normal speed and degree of cautiousness; not everyone had the cash for a new suit just lying around.
“What happened to dinner and a movie?” Rhys said, utterly amused at Jack’s ministrations.
The alpha groaned. “C’mon babe, it’s been like a week.”
Rhys rolled his eyes, causing Jack to bounce his eyebrows.
“You know you want this handsome dick.”
“I want to eat my food in peace,” Rhys retorted.
“Fine,” Jack grumbled, turning on the TV with the remote that was not, in fact, in Rhys’ pants.
Rhys ate fairly quickly as Jack flipped through the channels. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t really eaten since the few bites he’d taken at their nightmarish lunch date. He could still feel some of that underlying uncertainty, anxiety, whatever the hell this thing was grinding his insides together, sitting with him as he drizzled more soy sauce onto his rice. With Jack’s attention focused on the pay-per-view movie channels, Rhys booted up his ECHOeye to run a system check. Maybe this was all just some cybernetics malfunction that could be fixed and over within a few days.
The scan, to Rhys’ dismay, yielded zero results. Instead, an email alert popped up, temporarily obscuring the vision in his left eye. It was from Baron Flynt, and Rhys begrudgingly opened it. He didn’t really want to think about work right now but, then again, when wasn’t he thinking about work?
The message, about two paragraphs in its entirety, reiterated the same corporal bullshit that Rhys had seen a million times before: Atlas was oh-so happy at this opportunity, thank you Hyperion for not bowling over us, et cetera, et cetera.
His ego-boosting reading was interrupted, however, by an annoyed huff from Jack.
“Sorry,” Rhys said sheepishly, raising his hands in surrender and powering down his ECHOeye. He knew how much Jack hated work invading their private life.
“Yeah, whatever,” Jack said bitterly before bouncing back to his usual infuriatingly energetic self. “While you were all busy moping and adult-ing, I found us a little something to watch.”
“I swear to god Jack if you try to make me watch porn with you one more fucking time I’ll--”
“Relax, kitten,” Jack said, laughing. “You disabled all my adult movie channels, remember?”
Rhys snorted. “And for good reason.”
Jack looked ready to protest but Rhys quieted him by pressing his lips onto his, pulling back after a few moments. “Let’s finish dinner and then maybe I’ll blow you during the movie-- if you’re lucky.”
The grin stretching across Jack’s face was obscenely wide, and Rhys felt color rising to his cheeks. He loved teasing Jack like this, loved making him happy. Yet there was another part of him that most definitely did not love this. Something felt wrong, very wrong, and the fact that he couldn’t find the source of his aggravation somehow made the situation even worse.
Rhys ate the rest of his meal in silence, which Jack took to be his complete enthrallment in the old Western movie that he’d for some reason actually paid money for. Cowboys and rodeos certainly weren’t Rhys’ definition of entertainment, and he’d told that to Jack on multiple occasions (to which he’d only received “but guns are cool babe” as a response).
He just couldn't seem to put his finger on what this...nagging was inside of him. It felt basic, instinctual, like there was nothing outward that could either cause or relieve it. Had he been taking his heat suppressors? The answer, as always, was yes, considering the degree to which he needed the medication to mask his smell. But then...
His face fell as he realized what was happening; it was the bond. An omega was supposed to be near their alpha at all times, needing protection and reassurance and all that super outdated jazz. His biology never failed to fuck him over; he had heats, for fuck's sake, even though there was clearly no way for their intended reproduction to ever occur, what with his lack of a uterus. He'd spent his life fighting his genetics, his instincts that told him to submit and obey, his scent that put him in constant danger of being taken advantage of. And now, despite all his efforts, he was at the whims of a stupid bond that he didn't want in the first place.
He mentally shook his head. There was no way he was going to back down now or admit defeat. He would do what he always did: he'd fight it.
So when the bond told him to stay as far away as possible from Jack, an "unfamiliar" alpha, he did the exact opposite, setting down his now-empty plate and crawling closer to Jack. The alpha smirked as Rhys situated himself in his lap, burying his face in the juncture between Jack's neck and shoulder.
"Well hello there, Rhysie," Jack said, sounding smug.
Rhys didn't respond, instead beginning to suck a bruise on Jack's collarbone and then kiss up and down his neck.
"This movie's boring," Rhys said, pausing his assault on Jack's neck.
Jack laughed. "I know, pumpkin."
Rhys simply groaned. "Then why the hell would you pick it? There are plenty of other things we'd been meaning to watch and--"
"Rhys," Jack said, interrupting his tirade with a smirk as he slid his hands around to cup Rhys' ass. "Stop talking so much."
Rhys huffed angrily, wriggling in Jack's lap.
“If this movie's too boring for you, we can always just head to the bedroom a bit earlier," the alpha said, smirking.
Rhys groaned, dropping his forehead against Jack's shoulder, which was shaking from his laughter at Rhys' annoyance.
"You picked this movie on purpose, didn't you?"
"Aww, come on Rhysie, don't pout," Jack said, pressing his nose into the top of Rhys' head. 
"I wanted to watch that stupid movie Yvette's been going on about so she'd finally shut up," Rhys grumbled, although his voice contained no malice. He was a bit too preoccupied with Jack's hard-on pressing against his thigh and the way the alpha had started nosing around his neck, scenting him.
"Why don't we watch it in my bed after I've fucked you into next week?"
Rhys rolled his eyes at Jack's shit-eating grin, but the lust in Jack's eyes was making his body go haywire with desire. 
The omega nodded, wrapping his arms around Jack's neck as the alpha lifted them both to stand before guiding Rhys towards his bedroom.
"You're an asshole," Rhys said as Jack began to strip him of his clothes. He'd at least thought to change from his work outfit, considering the last time he'd worn it to Jack's the other man had practically torn it to shreds in horny eagerness. "But I love you."
Jack smiled, and Rhys knew that his face was flushing beneath his mask. "I love you too, kitten. Now get on your back so I can wreck you."
Jack was talented at everything he did. That much was obvious to anyone with eyes and at least one brain cell, considering he was the youngest CEO in the history of Hyperion and had led the company to an unprecedented level of profit and power. He was also a smooth talker, a solid businessman, and an overall nice guy to talk to (as long as you weren't on his bad side). His ability to murder bandits in a litany of creative methods was, although Rhys' weak stomach didn't always agree, nothing short of awe-inspiring. The majority of Helios either wanted to be Jack or be on Jack.
Luckily for Rhys, he had the man wrapped around his finger. He also knew the almost impossible degree to which Jack's skills manifested in another area: the bedroom.
Sure, Rhys had had some pretty great sex before. He'd also had average sex, not to mention shitty sex to the degree of practically needing to be repressed. But Jack-- Jack was on a whole other level. Rhys was instinctually submissive in the sheets, and as much as Jack exhibited his primal need to dominate, he never did so in a way that made Rhys feel unsafe or taken advantage of. It wasn't hard to manipulate an omega during sex, especially when that sex occurred while in heat. Apply the right touches to his bonding site and fuck him into a state of bliss, and he would turn to putty, willing to follow any commands despite his typical refusal to do so. It wasn't his fault, of course; the tranquility and submissiveness caused by stimulation both sexually and on his bonding site were just more "perks" to his endotype.
But with Jack... with Jack, Rhys felt safe. At least, he usually did. Now, however, as he laid in Jack's bed watching old game show reruns on mute as the time ticked ever later, he felt off. His body was quite happy, covered in drying sweat and deliciously sore; but his mind was another story. Strange intrusive thoughts told Rhys that he was a traitor, that he should feel guilty and horrible about what he'd done. At some conscious level, Rhys knew that it was just the bond fucking with him, and  that having amazing sex with Jack was nothing short of a privilege. But his defenses were weakened, his resolve softened by the euphoria of an orgasm and reinforced acting as the submissive omega that his genes wanted him to be.
As if the shame wasn't bad enough, Jack's scent was repulsive to him; never mind the fact that hours ago he'd been desperate to cover every inch of his body in it. His scent was wrong, and it rankled something deep within Rhys. Having the scent of an alpha other than the one that was technically his coating his skin and surrounding him was nothing short of traitorous, and his body was doing everything in its power to remind him of that.
Rhys rolled over onto his side to look at Jack, who had passed out an hour ago and was now lightly snoring. His unmasked face was relaxed and at ease, and Rhys found himself feeling jealous. Didn't Jack know that he'd done something wrong, that he'd slept with someone else's omega?
Rhys grimaced at his train of thought, knowing it was ridiculous yet being unable to stop it. He needed Jack's scent off of him, and he needed it off now. He peeled the covers off of himself as he quietly slipped out of bed, not wanting to disturb Jack even though he knew the other man slept like the dead. He headed into Jack's obscenely large bathroom, splashing a bit of water on his face in an attempt to bring himself back to his senses. 
Unfortunately, he had no such luck. 
Sighing, he stripped off his boxers, placing what he checked to make sure was a clean, unscented towel outside the shower before stepping inside. He quickly scrubbed his skin raw with the high-end soap bar that no doubt cost three figures, ridding himself of the smell of Jack and that of sex.
Even after he'd dried himself off, he still felt dirty. He left his boxers in a pile in the corner, deciding he'd rather sleep naked than put anything with Jack's scent back onto his now-clean body. He soon realized, however, that to go back to sleep, he'd have to crawl back underneath the sheets, thereby re-surrounding himself with the alpha's stench. And that simply wouldn't do. Rhys slid open the linen closet from which he'd grabbed the towel to find a large, fresh blanket. When he pressed it to his nose, it only smelled like lavender laundry detergent. Perfect.
Wrapping the blanket around his body like some cross between a cape and a burrito, he walked back into the bedroom, relieved to see that Jack was still asleep. He pulled the covers taut over his side of the bed before climbing on top of them, making sure that his body was only touching the clean blanket. What with the fact that it was honestly more of a comforter, he was easily able to cover the pillow with it before laying down, only having to pull his gangly legs slightly up towards his chest in order to fit them on the blanket. 
He took one last look at Jack's peaceful face before completely cocooning himself in the blanket, sealing himself in a scentless warmth. 
This time when he closed his eyes, he was finally able to sleep.   
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fansonia · 5 years
Text
The Ramblings of a Dork at Disneyland (well, technically California Adventure but STILL
Imma warn you all now: this is gonna be long and rambly and weird, buuuut idk what to do with all this brain info, so I'm just gonna put it all here. Long story short, my inner MCU fangirl is hereby more alive than ever and I'm slightly pissed at my phone. Oh, also I met Cap and Spider-Man, which is kinda the whole reason I wrote this whole thing. Yeah. If you're down for a bit of "light reading" *insert me cackling like a maniac here*, well.....buckle up and let me tell you a story.
(Tumblr mobile doesn't have the "read more" so I apologize for that, just pretend it's there until I edit it back in later. Curse you Tumblr mobile, curse you)
So I got to see Cap first, and he was super sweet and chill and thought I was a sorcerer. Why would he think that, you ask? Well, one, I had my Harry Potter merch, aaaand I may....or may not have.....messed with my flannel and turned it into a makeshift Cloak of Levitation. We talked and I explained my "magic" trinkets (dragon bracelet was a talisman that summoned an ethereal dragon for battle purposes, obsidian/dragonglass necklace, pizza necklace from a friendo (which he said could be my greatest weapon of all...who knows, he could be right), and....yeah. Also he was super confused about what Harry Potter was, and my dad and the staff told him it was like hair-covered pottery or soup or something. Explaining Ravenclaw was even harder, so I kinda simplified it and Mister 1940s kinda got it. Oh, and also we compared Voldemort to Redskull. That was cool. And we got a cool "pose 4 battle" picture.
Oh, side note, he asked me what powers I would have. He theorized maybe something like the Aether or Earth-based, I just....had no idea so I was open to his suggestions. Yeah. He was cool, I got his signature. I was probably super awkward and weird but hey, we still talked and my dad wondered if the dude had a possible crush on me. That's a dad thing, I think, thinking that maybe random dudes would actually like me. Meh, it's sorta reassuring I suppose, thinking that I may not die alone in this world.
OKAY ONTO RAMBLING LIKE AN IDIOT ABOUT SPIDER-MAN, BUCKLE UP MY DUDES
So, first time I went over there, HELLO NERVES MY OLD FRIEND!!! At least, while I was in line. Once I got up to meet him, he was super cool and awkward and sweet and I was totally cool just hanging out with him and talking about stuff. Like, we talked about me maybe being a part of the Avengers, we talked about some possible evil plot stuff involving Edna Mode (long story short: Spidey thought her 'no capes' philosophy was suspish and I was like 'eh you have a point there, there's more to the story that we don't know' and all that. God, I sound like a fangirling Peter Parker writing this. ANYWAYS, we took some pics together and I told him my friend Natalie said hi. Also side note: the suit was a little more Tobey-Maguire-Spidey-esque in design, which was kinda cool and stuff.
So the SECOND time around, I showed up because I realized I never got his signature. Thus, I was like "I gotta go back, that's an important thingy thing" and all that. I waited in line and hung out and sort of sang stuff to myself to keep my nerves from reappearing, because what if someone noticed I'd been there before and said "uh no ler other people get a chance"? Well, the staff up there (this one dude was cool, he was a Hufflepuff and we talked HP the first time I was there, and then this time he asked me what I did since I was last there, and talked and stuff and that was cool), he noticed. Probably since I was still wearing my lucky flannel/cape, but still, he understood and was super chill. And so was Spidey, heck, he even seemed happy I was back! I mean, I get it, how many people come back twice to see you at a Disney park? The chances for that are probably suuuuper slim. So anyways, I went back and got his signature (which my stupid fucking phone thought was the PEEEERFECT thing to DELETE.....THANKS A LOT LG IT'S NOT LIKE I WANTED TO KEEP SPIDEY'S SIGNATURE OR ANYTHING), and I told him some more info about the Edna conspiracy.
I think actually the Edna conspiracy needs its own paragraph. So it all started because Spidey liked my makeshift (short) cape. Going off of that, he told me he thought it was a bit suspicious that she was so hardcore against heroes having capes. I was like, I mean, I get chu, I just don't know if it's worth going evil for, but I get chu. So yeah, it started off of that. Well, to the surpise of many, the new Incredicoaster broke down! People were even STUCK on it! And lucky for me, I got to ride it earlier so it was nbd for me. BUT, I remembered my conversation with Spidey. That's when my inner "oh shit" siren began to wail. I knew I had to tell him. Sure, in terms of ridiculousness, or plausibility in this icky icky real world, totally wasn't the fault of one person. BUT, this was California Adventure and I was (technically) talking to a teenage superhero. So, who needs realism when you can have fun?
Alright, back to the thing with Spidey. So I told him that it was super suspish (like he said) that Edna was RIGHT THERE near the Incredicoaster, and it broke down. I mean, theoretically if Edna Mode ever WENT rogue, being the exclusive suit designer of a popular superhero family would be a PERFECT way to divert attention away from her! That, and she's short so she can hide, according to Spidey. So we basically talked about that, but then I told him I had a darker theory. He was all like "well it's dark out, so I don't mind," (it was nighttime so this actually worked), so I told him my theory. I tokd him that Seán....oh! I told Spidey that Seán loved him and said he was his favorite MCU character and I swear Spidey was so giddy and adorable about it, it was funny....yeah. So I told him Seán made a bunch of characters for his channel, and he may have inadvertently created a monster with glitch capacities to bring down YouTube AND Disneyland.....the one and only Antisepticeye. Immediately, Spidey was like "yep that's definitely who it is, that's our top suspect" and stuff. I mean, DUH, it's Anti. Unless Anti turns out to be being controlled by one of the other egos, or something like that...like he's GOTTA be the top suspect.
Not to mention that my phone MYSTERIOUSLY DELETED SPIDEY'S SIGNATURE, DOTH I SMELL SOME ANTI KERFUCKENING RIGHT THERE, I THINK I DOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Okay, I need to end the rambles soonish here. So last but not least, we took more pictures, I hugged him (both times I actually hugged him, he was sweet about that), and I said my goodbyes. I still REALLY wish my phone had saved the signature....but I have a lot of pictures and video so that's a good. Also both my parents think he had a crush on me. Like, that's TOTALLY a parent thing and I think he was probably just doing his job and stuff, but it's a nice thought to think that maybe people would like me. 'Ya know?
On a more realistic note though: to the guy in the Spidey suit on October 18th 2018, you is a good bean. I seriously loved being able to just talk and act as if I didn't have crippling social anxiety for a little while. Same goes for the guy dressed as Cap, you were cool too. I also seriously doubt either of you guys had crushes on me, so if you wanna help me explain to my parents that 'conversation does not equal romance', I'd be cool with that too. Or if by some weird chance either of you dudes liked me, I'm cool with that too (like I said, kind of a nice thought to be like "eyyy people like me, I may not die alone and stuff"). Yeah.
Okay yeah, that's mainly the gist of it all. Imma go and try to maybe rest and go through the fifty bazillion pictures of California Adventure I have, and the ones my dad has on his phone. I may have gone a bit overboard with memory capturing today. But yeah, anyways, overall it was fun!
If you got to the bottom of this....I don't even know what to call it, I commend you. I'm shocked you have the time and mental willpower/dedication to read though all of this (especially considering the run-ons and inconsistencies), but I'm still proud of you nonetheless. Besides, maybe if you all end up at Disney, you can find these dudes like I did and talk to them! I mean, if me, a hooman with some extremely rusty people skills and anxiety can feel like all was well and cool....I mean, that's gotta be a good sign you'd like hanging with them too, you know?
Anyways, thanks for reading, I'm gonna go and try not to limp a lot, because apparently I'm actually limping rn from walking so much XD. I'll see you lovelies sometime later or so!
💙fαnѕσníα💙
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Hello, this is my blog A.K.A. the longest introduction paragraph ever
Alright kids, so here I am, actually starting a fucking blog... Let’s just appreciate this for a second because how damn cliché can a 19 year old going through some stuff get? Well... this cliché.
SO I guess I should give a little background, given that I’m gonna keep this on a need-to-know level.... HAHA just kidding, you get all the nitty gritty details that no one else cares enough to hear.
For starters, I lost my closest best friend in the entire world.  She’s not dead, don't freak out.  We just aren't friends anymore, so I guess she might as well be dead?  Not sure what the difference is at this point.  I guess it all began when we decided to become roomies for the first year of uni and BOY was that ever a mistake.  We’ve been sisters (but better than sisters because sisters hate each other half of the time and we never hated each other. ever. until now. maybe.) for what would've been 11 years now.  For a 19 year old, that's more than half of my fucking life, so you can understand that this relationship was holding the foundations of the fabric of my mere existence together,  So when it ended, I didn't know what to do... I know people say “oh I was so upset I didn't know what to do” but I actually did not know what. to. do.  And I'm still here, writing about it, trying to answer that exact question.  What the fuck do I do? How do you move on properly from that? Because I do. not. know.
I don't want to relive the exact details of the ending but it got very painful.  We would only say what we were thinking when we were too drunk to even remember it the next day.  We both wanted to fix things deep down but the situation got too big for us and a mutual agreement was never going to be found.  We’re both too damn stubborn for that.  The nights we consciously made an effort to mend things, we ended up chasing each other’s tails over the smallest mistakes that had hurt the other person unintentionally, some of which could not be forgiven or even forgotten (apparently) no matter how hard we tried.  We had been circling the drain since January, after the Christmas break and the 4 months that followed had really been a test of my mental endurance.  There was hate in the room we shared that had once saw so many smiles and so many dreams beginning to form.  That’s what hurt me the most.  Having a front row seat to the oh-so-gradual crumbling of something that I was once so sure of.  How can I be sure of anything anymore?
It sounds melodramatic, I know.  But you’re gonna have to deal with it because I don't want to spend my money on therapy.
Finally, the months crawled past and I finished my last exam on April 21 (With an 11.0 GPA, mind you).  I packed my stuff as she watched out of the corner of her eye from her desk and felt like I was kicking the dead body of our friendship with every book I took off the shelf.  I slept early that night, I remember that clearly because I needed to turn my brain off.  I was frustrated at how helpless I felt for not being able to fix it all and just hug who I thought would be by my side through it all.  My plans had been changed, the way I pictured my future was different.  And not just the lonely summer months ahead of me back home, but 3 years down the road when we were supposed to finish school forever, 10 years later when I would get married and have her as my maid of honour, and 15 years later as our kids grew up together.  I didn't even know if that's exactly what I want, but it was something I always felt would end up happening... but not anymore.
Closing the door on our dorm room and getting into the car to drive away felt like the final nail on the coffin.  I’ll never forget how sorry I felt.
Now, I’m 23 days into May, into full-time work, into loneliness, into days that blur into each other, and wishing all the while that I was somewhere - anywhere - else.
The closest friend I have is on the biggest, most important trip that she might ever go on with her epic love.  I don't think I could live out of a car like she is, but I also know she never thought she’d fall in love, so I guess anything can happen.  She’s a long-distance phone call away, but she feels farther than that... she’s in a different place, she’s happy, she’s in love and I couldn't be happier for her, really.  It’s just sometimes I have these horrible thoughts that I wish someone else was in the same shitty place as I am, just to make me feel a little better.  Don't get me wrong, I love hearing about her adventures and the places she’s seeing, the things she’s feeling, the experiences she’s gaining, but I don't like how it makes me feel.  I feel like I should be out there, in love and happy, not a care in the world, but on the contrary, I’m the opposite... and shit’s falling apart.
But, I’ll wake up and go to work tomorrow, and make small talk with the people in my work crew to distract myself from how long I have until I can move back to Ottawa and live in an apartment with 4 amazing people and work on getting the degree I need to live the life I truly want.  But until then, reading and writing help some.  Running?  Not so much lately, I’m not happy with the shape that my body is in either.  Sunny days make things seem less glum, but then my mum will yell at me for something and ruin it all over again.  Have I mentioned that I hate living with my family?????? Because I fucking do.
Guess I’ll keep you updated.
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