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#also toad doesn't get jokes
dcxdpdabbles · 7 months
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Cave Boy Danny calls Batman’s costume uncool and the bats lose their minds over it. Also Alfred would totally spoil him in nostalgia. (Maybe by making the batfam let Danny out of the cage…?)
Danny tries his best not to stare at his perceived counterpart or any of the children, convinced he's their dad as a kid. He's not doing an excellent job of it, though, seeing as his eyes flickered around the room against his will.
It's almost as if the more he tries not to stare, the more he glances. It's so weird that Bruce looks precisely what he imagines Dan Phantom would have looked like if he had a human side. Knowing that Bruce and Dan look alike does not settle his nerves.
It makes him feel even more weary of the older man.
He was curious to know if they were the same person because he had made up the name Bruce on the spot since it was the most boring name Danny could think of. Yet, the DNA results showed they were the same person, not due to cloning. He knew what clones' DNA looked like from personal experience.
Especially since Bruce- why did it have to be such a boring, stupid name? Why couldn't he still be named Danny? His own clone kept his name for Pete's sake!- was sending out major Fruitloop vibes.
Not only was he rich with a secret lab underneath his house and dressed in a weird bat costume, but oh no, Bruce ate pizza with a fork and a knife.
Danny's eyes flicker over to the man just as he cuts another piece of his pepperoni pizza without a single movement wasted. He doesn't even look like he's doing it as a joke- no, the man is regal, dabbing his mouth with a napkin every third bite.
What a freak. Danny thinks, folding his pizza slice in half so he can stuff most of it in his mouth in one giant bite. Two of the teenagers gasped as though they just witnessed a natural disaster.
"Philistine." Damian- his counterpart's youngest- hisses. He's glaring at Danny, obviously trying to insult him, but Danny has dealt with bullies all his life. The kid is far too polite in his insults. Damian wouldn't last a day in public schools' playgrounds, that's for sure.
Danny looks him dead in the eye, still chewing, eyes wide and earnest, and responds with a cheerful "Gesundheit."
Damian's face clouds over in disgust. "Do you even know what that means?"
"Philistine is an uncultured person who is hostile or indifferent to the arts." Danny recites without missing a beat. He gives the other boy a pitying frown. "If you don't know the definitions of words, maybe you shouldn't use them. Might get you in trouble one day"
Damian throws a knife at him with a cry of outrage. Danny is not ready for said knife, but his ghost reflections have him moving to the right just in time for the blade to miss his head and impale itself on the back chair of his seat.
It does, however, nick his neck a little. Danny lets out what he hopes is an appropriate scream in response to the pain. He doesn't want them to know about his real name, much less his powers, but it's hard to have proper reaction times when he could already feel his healing ability numb the pain seconds after it happens.
It felt like a small prick of a sticker while walking barefooted in the grass- quick and sharp but over quickly.
Danny blinks at the table for a solid three seconds, before tilting his head as far back as it could go in his seat and letting out an even monotone cry of "aahhhhhhhhhh!"
He wishes he was better under pressure because it felt like he was attempting to impersonate a toad.
"Young Master Bruce!" Alfred- the butler that raised Bruce in their world? So his counter-parts foster dad?- cries out in alarm. He springs up from his seat, rounding the table to be at his side in seats. "My dear boy, are you alright? Does it hurt? Shall I bring the medical kit?"
Danny stops his monotone cry to blink up at the man. "I'm okay. I'm just dramatic."
Alfred's face spams before it settles in a nostalgic, fond expression. "Oh, the memories."
"Leaping Lizards, Batman," Tim whispers, gripping his fork so hard it's bending. He has a manic glint in his eye, with a smile so wide it's splitting his face in two. "Is this what Bruce was like at our age?"
"Yes, Master Bruce did have a very similar personality to our guest".
"I thought Ollie was kidding when he said Bruce was the weirdest kid in school," Dick speaks up, his face reflecting massive glee. "Does this mean it's also true he would tell people he would date them if they could beat him in a fight?"
"Yes. Alfred told me that was the only way I would be allowed to date before eighteen," Bruce speaks up, a hint of a blush appearing on his cheekbones. "I was in a lot of fights."
Alfred laughs, looking far too grandfatherly when he nods. "I would get a call from Gotham Acadamy almost every other day because Master Bruce had fought off would-be suitors. It's why no one bats an eye at his play-boy persona."
"You know what," Jason speaks up, looking thoughtful. "This explains everything about your love life, to be honest."
"Oh, so when you beat up annoying guys hitting on you, it's okay, but when I do it, it's unfair since I have training," Steph complains, making air quotes on the word training.
Bruce frowns at her. "When I was a teenager, I didn't have any of my Bat training, just what Alfred taught me."
"Alfred, the ex-British Secret Service, bulter." She counters.
"Alfred, the ex-medic in the Royal Air Force, bulter," Duke cuts in.
"Alfred, the ex-SAS Commander, Bulter," Dick tasks on with a smile
"Alfred, the ex-Spy Master for the Royal Crown, bulter," Cass cheerfully says.
"Ancients, those poor teenagers," Danny whispers, staring at Alfred in newfound respect and fear. "Did they even have a chance?"
"No, those riff-raff did not" Alfred smiles turning to the older version of Danny. "I do believe Master Bruce once threw Mr.Queen into a dumpster and left him there overnight?"
"I did. Oliver wouldn't accept no as an answer, so I put him in time-out." Bruce responds with a shrug. "If he hadn't been such a crybaby about the black eye, maybe I would have taken him up on his offer to see a movie."
Danny can't believe this. He points an accusing finger at Bruce with an unhinged look of confusion. "You had everyone falling over themselves in a world where bi-sexuality is common, mind you, and you choose to wear the lame-ass weird bat costume by choice? You chose to be uncool when you could have been in the It-Crowd!?"
The Wayne kids choked on their spit as Bruce gaped at him.
"Brucie, you are a riot!" Jason gasps, causing Danny to frown.
"Brucie?"
"Yeah, since there are two of you, I thought calling the smaller one Brucie would make it easier to tell you apart." Jason sighs wiping a tear out of his eye. Next to him, Dick is still howling with laughter.
Danny needs to keep calm and tell them he would not respond to the name Brucie. Instead, he panics and says, "I actually go by Brucie back home. I'm so surprised you know the nickname!"
He needs to get the fuck out of here.
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respectthepetty · 7 months
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@placetneplacet writing about Zo being resistant to Joke's advances because he truly believed it was all in his head due to Puen deceiving him has me DEEP in my feels because @placetneplacet is right. Rewatching the show with the knowledge of the trauma Puen caused Zo changes everything.
Really think about this, y'all.
THINK ABOUT IT!
Each time Zo felt any good feelings for Joke, he immediately stopped himself.
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He shut down every single time because he couldn't trust himself. He didn't want to repeat his mistake of making someone else uncomfortable with his queerness.
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When Joke touched him, he had to remind himself that it meant nothing.
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So when he kissed Joke, he sat there that entire time believing Joke would tell him he was crazy for thinking the feeling was mutual.
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He really tried to convince himself (and Joke) that nothing changed. That is meant nothing. Because he was afraid of losing a friend.
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So when Joke said this, Zo panicked even more!
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As @justafriend-ql wrote, once Joke spilled the Roselle juice on him, symbolizing his heart being on his sleeve, Zo thought he was exposed. He thought it was happening all over AGAIN!
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And he sat there throughout that entire dinner with Joke in front of his mom, with that red stain, that scarlet letter, his heart on his sleeve FREAKING OUT!
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So while Joke was hyping him up to his mom, Zo was getting more anxious telling himself IT WAS IN HIS HEAD! That it didn't mean what he thought it meant. That is was just a friend being a friend.
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He was so cold to Joke because he didn't want to give Joke any evidence of his growing feelings. He didn't want Joke to feel uncomfortable, but he also didn't want to give Joke any ammunition to hurt him.
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He didn't want to regret it like he did before.
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Joke never said how he felt about the kiss because he didn't want to push Zo, but by him not saying anything, Zo went deeper into his head thinking about how he could salvage this without losing Joke.
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So the next time he saw Joke, and Joke kept repeating that tongue twister about the fucking toads in love, ZO WAS REPEATING THAT IT WAS ALL IN HIS HEAD! That Joke was just teasing him like Puen had done!
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THIS ENTIRE FUCKING CONVERSATION!
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Zo was demanding that Joke tell him WHY he kept helping him. He needed to hear Joke say that they were "just friends" so he could finally confirm it was all in his head.
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Zo kept calling himself an idiot because he let this happen again. He mixed up the signals. He read too much into it. He is going to destroy another friendship because HE IS THE PROBLEM for thinking the other person liked him.
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He was confused because he couldn't stop caring, despite knowing it was one-sided. Even though he knew it was all in his head.
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Look at his reaction to being hugged by Joke. LOOK AT IT! He was fighting himself this entire episode. Just like the kiss, he doesn't touch Joke. He stands there. HE IS PANICKING! Because if he hugs Joke, he is exposed. Joke will know how he feels.
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It's not until the very end of this episode that Joke tells him that he likes him.
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The very last moment, Joke tells Zo what he thought he had imagined was, in fact, real. And look at Zo's face.
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That is the look of hope.
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He still doesn't believe it.
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But in spite of everything, he hopes this is real.
When Zo's friends are also "surprised" by Joke's feelings, it makes Zo doubt it more.
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But even though Zo can't express himself because he is still terrified this is all a joke at his expense and believes Joke is going to leave him, Joke keeps showing up.
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Joke keeps checking in.
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Joke doesn't take Zo's silence as a rejection because he realizes Zo struggles to voice his feelings since he can't trust his feelings, but Joke follows up for his consent each time.
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@stuffnonsenseandotherthings told us it's never been about food with them.
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Because Puen made Zo doubt himself so much that he fought himself to the point of repression. Zo wasn't trying to quiet Joke's queerness; he was trying to convince himself that Joke wasn't gay. He was telling him it was all his imagination because Joke was simply being nice to him. He was telling him he didn't like Joke being nice to him because HE was getting it confused.
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Zo knew who he was, yet Puen convinced him that was all a lie.
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And I fucking hate him.
@bengiyo, add him to the list. He knew.
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batneko · 11 months
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bowuigi A/B/O idea, except we're 100% going with alpha Luigi and omega Bowser (he wears a collar, he has a kid with no "mother," think about it people!!!)
So, in the Mario world there's a LOT of different types of people. Toads and mushrumans like Peach don't technically have gender at all, it's just outward presentation. And even the groups that have A/B/O dynamics don't always express it in the same way. With Koopas, omegas are quite rare but they're expected to be big and strong instead of dainty and swooning. Gotta protect the eggs, after all!
But there's a lot of social capital to be gained from Having An Omega, and no matter how respected and feared Bowser is it's never quite enough to stop some alphas from thinking they can own him.
(choose your own angsty adventure for where Junior came from)
That's one of the reasons he's so fixated on Peach. Not only does she not have any expectations because of his gender, but no one else looking at them as a couple will either!
Then along comes the Mario brothers, both of them reeking of alpha, repeatedly dominating him and taking away what he thinks is the key to a happy future... It's maddening.
-
Mario and Luigi were never exactly typical alphas. They're too short, too friendly, they cook and clean and help out around the house. Of course all those traits made them plenty popular with women and omegas (if the ladies don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy), so the occasional bully or rude comments stopped bothering them a long time ago.
It didn't take them too long to adjust to their new world, but sometimes they're still surprised by things. It's never occurred to them that koopas might have alphas and omegas. Aren't they reptiles? (No.) Although Bowser smelled sweet, they just assumed that was what the big koopas smell like (technically true) and didn't worry about it.
-
Then there's another villain trying to take over the world, and to get Bowser out of the way they dose him with hormones and trigger his heat. Mario doesn't hesitate to chase off the villain, but Luigi hangs back to make sure Bowser is okay.
Bowser is furious. Mad at the villain, mad at his own body, mad that he doesn't know any alphas he can actually trust. If there was somebody he could just fuck and get this out of his system, he'd chase that other villain down and teach them a lesson the hard way. But instead he's going to have to lock himself away until it passes, and...
And then he smells Luigi.
He's frustrated, angry, and his brain is only working on about half capacity. He growls, "Put out or get out."
And Luigi, who is still reeling from the realization that Bowser's scent wasn't a coincidence after all and is also only thinking at half capacity, says, "Are you joking or is putting out an option?"
-
Afterward, they don't talk about it. Luigi understands that it was an emergency and Bowser's not interested in him. And he's still adjusting to thinking of Bowser as an omega, so he can't exactly say he's interested in Bowser either. They defeat the villain, save the world, and Bowser seems satisfied with the beating he got to give. Job well done.
Later on Luigi sends a polite message to make sure Bowser is still all right and never hears back. In fact, nobody hears anything from Bowser for months.
When they finally run into each other again, Bowser is carrying a tiny baby koopa in his arms. Exceptionally tiny, actually, with big blue eyes and a tuft of dark hair.
Luigi is pissed. He and his brother are not quick to anger, especially not for alphas, but you don't just bear a man's child and not TELL him. He's been a papa for months and he doesn't even know the baby's NAME? Bowser didn't even ASK FOR INPUT ON IT? ITALIAN NAMES ARE BEAUTIFUL. THEY COULD HAVE NAMED HER AFTER HIS NONNA.
Bowser is absolutely flummoxed that this is the part Luigi is most upset about, but agrees that she can have a middle name.
(And then ✨awkward dad romance✨ ensues.)
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hii! I have a silly req ^.^
bachelors reacting to a farmer rejecting their dance proposal at the flower dance? but then saying it's a joke/prank !!
just farmer doing that out of spite, still holding that grudge from the first year teehee
Sure, dear anon ❤️ Enjoy!
SDV bachelors reacting to a Farmer rejecting their dance proposal, then saying it's a joke:
Sam:
"W- what?..."
After rejection, Sam's eyes filled with sadness - he looks like a puppy that's been kicked.
But then laugh when Farmer tells him it was a joke.
"You had me in the first half, not gonna lie."
Takes a mean joke quite well. "I'm a prankster myself."
There's gonna be a little residue from that rejection.
But Sam will forget all about it when he dances with Farmer!
Shane:
"... Am I a fucking joke to you?" The prank clearly didn't appeal to him.
Shane remembers not being too polite to Farmer earlier, but still...
Farmer hastily apologised to Shane. Lucky for them, he doesn't hold a grudge.
What's interesting is that Shane apologised too, for the rude rejection last year.
The two made up and went dancing, but Shane warned that one more "joke" like that and he'd dunk Farmer's head in the punch.
(He won't do that, but Farmer doesn't need to know that).
Elliott:
Elliott's smile evaporated instantly after the rejection. But then Farmer told him it was a prank.
"Ah, it was a joke, right? Hmm." The writer goes to great lengths to not look awkward.
"It's a bit of a tasteless joke, don't you think?"
Will ask not to joke like that. Also will be very surprised that it was a little revenge for a "past rejection".
"Apologize, my friend, for tactlessness on my part last year. I did not mean to offend you in any way."
Neither Elliott nor Farmer holds a grudge, and the dance turned out to be exciting and energetic.
Sebastian:
"You'll let me know when to laugh." Uh-oh, he's not amused at all...
Sebastian finally musters up the courage to ask Farmer to dance, and they're laughing at him?
Sebby pouts like a toad. "Forget what I said." Farmer needs to apologize right away.
They're lucky that Sebby will forgive them easily.
"Also sorry if I was rude to you before too. I just didn't know you well then."
The dance with Farmer was cool, even if Sebastian doesn't like dancing so much.
Alex:
"Prank? You think that's funny, huh? Not at all! Do you know how frustrating it is to get that kind of rejection right in the face?"
*Flashback to a year ago at the Flower festival* "Oh, right..."
Well, the Farmer got their revenge, Alex deserved it. Happy now?
Hold on, the Farmer still wants to dance with him? Yes!
*Ahem* Allright, the athlete forgives them their stupid joke, he's being kind today.
(And the Farmer was fun to dance with!).
Harvey:
Harvey wilted in such a way that Farmer thought he was going to cry.
"Wait wait wait! Harvey, it was just a prank!" A prank, he thought. For what? That's pretty tactless and rude.
Revenge for "last time"? He... Did he hurt them in any way?
Now Harvey's upset and confused. Congrats, Farmer.
Apologize to the doctor right now!
And they should thank Yoba that Harvey forgave them right away and even agreed to dance with them.
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How would the M6 react to MC being drunk in front of them for the first time? The kind of drunk that changes MC's demeanor, and now they're all giggly and reckless
The Arcana HCs: M6 reacting to a drunk MC
~ I love this request. Also I know some of you are going to read this and wonder what the M6 are like when they get drunk, which is why I'll be reblogging the original creator's response to that question right after I post this! Love you guys - brainrot ~
- to set the scene-
It has been a very, very long Friday and you have never been more ready for the weekend. Unfortunately, by the time you make it back to your living space, you find a little note from your beloved apologizing because they're going to be back later than expected. You sigh, drop your bag onto the table, kick off your shoes and lean back to relax. You had picked up some spiked lemonade on your way back to try with them, but you figure a glass ahead of time wouldn't be too bad. You take a sip and are immediately disappointed by how little alcohol you can taste.
Half an hour and two large glasses later you can feel your head beginning to swim. Surely you aren't drunk, that stuff has next to nothing in it - until you check the label attached to the back and your eyes grow wide at the numbers you read. Just as the humor sets in and you begin to giggle you hear the door open.
"MC? I'm sorry I'm late ..."
Julian
Did he expect to come home to a drunk and giggling MC? No. Is he mad about it? Also no
He can't help it, the first thing he's trying to do is evaluate you. How drunk are you? Will he also be having a few drinks tonight or is he going to be staying sober so you can let loose?
He watches as you follow Malak around the house, trying to mimic his hoarse cawing
Water it is
Come to think of it, this is a fantastic chance to display his theatrical talents. He's always had a knack for comedy
You make one of the best audiences he's had in years. Even the jokes he doesn't deliver as well as he wants to are met with uncontrollable laughter
Will absolutely act out a comedy sketch in one of his stolen wigs, the plot getting increasingly ridiculous as he gets swept away in the moment
Will die of shame the next morning when you start quoting his amphibian-inspired Romeo and Juliette improv around the house:
"Forgive me, father frog, I got the warts from the toad. But how was I to resist him? His croaking was so passionate -"
Asra
When they opened the door and heard your giggles they knew it was a good night
And then he rounded the corner and saw your flushed face and lidded eyes and dopey smile and knew that you were apparently having a really good night
They're just pulling out a chair to pour themselves a drink too when they feel a draft and look up in time to see you marching out the back door
Now he's giggling as he jogs to catch up with you, wondering where on earth drunk you has decided to go at this time of night
The docks, apparently. Their story about Faust in the palace garden maze has inspired you to try the same thing
In the middle of the night
While you are not as sober as you should be to practice life-preserving magic
The problem is that Asra is your best/worst enabler, so if trespassing on the ships to jump off of their masts is what you want to do, then that's what the two of you are doing
Three, if you count Faust
You are absolutely going to get nauseated from all the floating and puke all over him
They had it coming for enabling you, but what they didn't see coming was you pulling them into the ocean for an impromptu bath
Nadia
She's never seen you so drunk before, normally when you drink with her it's at big dinners so you don't even get tipsy
She's wavering on how to respond. Should she partake in whatever delightful brew you've apparently smuggled into the palace?
Or should she dedicate herself to taking care of you instead?
Oh but now you're giggling and collapsing into her lap, asking her about her day -
She's telling you about this one meeting with a certain courtier and now you're interrupting her, arms flung wide as you go on a drunken rant about them
Well. She knew you tended to filter your thoughts in the palace, but she had no idea your opinions were this colorful. Or hilariously stated
Now she's reaching for the bottle of spiked lemonade and pouring you another glass. What other amusing judgments have you been hiding?
Muriel
Will spend the evening taking the most excellent care of you while she prompts you for more rants
Here, lie down in her lap, drink some water, let her give you a massage, and tell her more about your thoughts on the chamberlain's most recent outfit decision, and how it resembled a stoned flamingo
Happy to hear that you're happy, but a little unsure of how to proceed
Were you planning on getting drunk? Did something happen to make you want to get drunk?
Oh, the lemonade was stronger than expected? Ok
Wait no stop trying to climb him. He's not a tree. You're going to bump your head
Oh, now you're wondering outside and loudly singing. And Inanna's going with you because she thinks it's hilarious
He's enjoying this uninhibited side of you but he's concerned for your safety
And for the safety of all the natural wildlife that may encounter you in this state
Wait no don't climb that tree
When did you get so good at climbing trees? He's never even seen you try by yourself before and now you're a good twenty feet up???
Does he climb up after you? How will he convince you to come back down?
"... MC? If you come down, I'll cuddle you."
A moment of silence. Did it work?
All he hears is a faint "catch meee ..." from high above his head before you come hurtling down through the branches
He doesn't know how he survived all the heart attacks you gave him that night
Portia
Immediately inspecting whatever it is that got you so happy. She wants in on your secrets
Spiked lemonade? From that market stall? Haha, no wonder you're plastered
She'll have a little bit, but what she really wants to know is if you'll hear out her crazy ideas for your magic abilities
"MC? Is it possible to do magic while you're drunk?"
She's met with a lopsided grin and an unsteady flash of the funniest looking sparkles she's ever seen
Were those supposed to be ... in the shape of Pepi? Or a sea monster?
Oh, this is going to be so much fun
Takes you out into the garden because she needs to know if Cinderella's pumpkin coach can actually happen (one of her guilty reading pleasures)
You come up with some abomination consisting of several squash, a whole mess of vines, and one terrified rat
The two of you end up going on a joyride through the fields behind the palace, lurching violently in all directions
There is now a rumor of the menacing giggling cryptid that wanders through the fields at dusk, scattering chunks of ravaged gourd
Lucio
Party time? Party time!!
Already loudly praising your drinking habits as he starts gulping straight from the bottle
Maybe he would savor it normally, but you started without him so now he needs to catch up
He makes the same mistake you did, of not reading the label and assuming it was weak, and the bottle is empty in minutes
"You know MC, I'm kinda surprised something that weak got you that smashed ohhhhh wait a minute -"
He just stood up and is now swaying in place, startled by the headrush
And then he hears you snorting with laughter at yourself as you try to tell the worst dad joke he's ever heard
Normally at this point he'd be caught up in the frenzy of an out of control party, what's he supposed to do when it's just the two of you?
Except you told the punchline first, and then the beginning, but now you're kind of backtracking through the middle, and you're breathless with giggles, and he's laughing too
That's it, that's how the rest of the night goes, ruining all of your favorite jokes and laughing until you're nauseated and his mascara is streaming down his cheeks
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evajellion · 4 months
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SMRPG AU where Smithy wins
OKAY HERE IT GOES-
So hypothetically, let's say Mario, Peach and Bowser just completely vanish after Exor crashes down. Either they straight up died or got isekai'd to Smithy's realm by accident, idk I will let the rest of you figure it out.
Years and years pass, Geno can't really get the Star Pieces without Mario and co. so… Smithy just, straight up takes over Star Road and lets his minions do whatever.
Here's what we thought up-
Smithy: Bowser's Castle was nice, but after learning what the Star Pieces did, Smithy went directly to the source and took over Star Road himself as its new overlord. He built an entire factory around it and over the years, is now known as "he who grants wishes".
Of course, much like the main villain in "Wish" (terrible movie btw), Smithy only grants wishes that he likes. He ignores wishes that are selfless or relevant to one's family, and only grants stuff relative to wealth, gain, or wanting to win.
It's less out of malice and more out of ignorance, really. He doesn't see any value in wanting things that have no material value or glory.
Mack/Claymorton: After ambushing the castle, Mack became the new ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, but he said the name was stupid and changed it to the Claymore Kingdom.
There are, a lot of parties, almost every week. He's a complete tyrant who threatens and torments the Toads to the point where the Chancellor actually wishes Bowser would come back. If he gets bored? He decides to wage war on another kingdom "for fun".
He's getting an ego about it too, which some joke is just "him compensating for his size".
Bowyer: Honestly no one has any clue what Bowyer does. Some treat him like an actual forest cryptid that haunts the maze because he's been in there so long. People who enter the forest now never come back.
Bowyer doesn't understand the concept of killing anyone really, so it's not like forest intruders are dead. He just thinks it's fun to play "freeze tag but you're frozen for good" with anyone who comes by. Essentially, it's all a hunting game to him.
He probably views all his immobile visitors as trophies more than anything else.
Yaridovich/Speardovich: Eventually, he succeeds in duping someone to fight Jonathan and takes the Star Piece for himself. Smithy grants him his promotion and he is made mayor of Seaside Town, and he is a captain of his own crew of Drill Bits.
Jonathan is none too happy about this and makes beef with Yaridovich every day over what he had done. Jonathan prides himself on being a good fighter, but unfortunately, Yaridovich fights dirty.
Eventially, Yaridovich made a habit out of pirating other incoming ships himself. He wonders if doing this will get more promotion from Smithy, but… Smithy seems to have been ignoring him.
Axem Rangers: After beating up the Czar Dragon, Smithy suggests they take care of Nimbus Land since it's "uncomfortably close for his liking". They immediately make themselves known by exposing Valentina's lies and kicking her out, inadvertently making them heroes.
Axem Red and Pink take a lot of pride in removing Valentina and being adored by residents of Nimbus Land, but Black isn't happy with it at all and wants to go back to causing chaos. Green is neutral about the whole thing.
Axem Yellow meanwhile, managed to turn Dodo to their side simply by calling the large bird a "good boy" and giving him legumes as a treat.
Boomer: He's the shogun of Bowser's Castle, but nothing more. He guards Exor as he always did, and commands Smithy's Army, striking down anyone who dare cross his lord.
However, he isn't exactly happy with his position. He knows not to question Smithy, so he just… remains quiet about it. At the very least, he's humored by Axem Red's new heroic personality.
But he also fears if Red will turn on Smithy since he's so bent on appearing as "hero" for Nimbus Land. Boomer dad moments. :')
Exor & Count Down: Stationary. Exor is happy but Count Down seems bitter he cannot do more, he's kind of stranded and stir crazy.
Cloaker & Domino: They moved out of Smithy's dimension (much to Count Down's further frustration/loneliness) and settled into Marrymore for… obvious reasons.
Smithy doesn't mind so long as they can distribute. Domino quickly took advantage by becoming the most well-known medicine/potion seller in the land, kinda like Fairy Godmother. Excuses to depict Domino in sexy business glasses for my one friend who thirsts for him lmao.
Factory Chief: A second factory was built up in Star Road, that Smithy had taken charge of, so the Chief is now fully in charge of the old one inside of Exor! He's pretty happy about it.
The Director's son (because he has one for some reason?) is also working in the new factory while his father, the Clerk, and the Manager remain in the old one with the Chief. They all seem very happy, but the Director's son wonders if what Smithy is doing is right…
Gunyolk: Not used to having brothers. He was created by the Chief exclusively, and is now being mass produced, but… he liked it when it was only him and "papa".
Hypnosis Priest: She resides in Star Hill, discarding of wishes that Smithy tossed out. Essentially, she turned the entirety of the Mushroom Kingdom into a cult that worships Smithy as their Star Road overlord, with her as the leader of it.
And that's all I got, hi, feel free to throw anymore suggestions!!! :D
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blinkpen · 4 months
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On top of Viv being pure shit at writing, crap designs, awful production methods etc what gets me is just how *mean* everything is, I had to see a clip where one character almost said the R word before swapping to “really can’t say that anymore” as a “joke” about how people got mad she used it in a pilot. Just an awful garbage human being and I hate seeing how much fan art and attention those shitty shows get
The actual reason that scene is hilarious is she uses Blitz to make the writing equivalent of a subtweet to mope about how people don't find it charming when Blitz calls other characters slurs, and how he's not "allowed" the r-word anymore, the resentful self-awareness is radiating off this moment
but then later in this same scene, he is, without that same level of irony, depicted as being hurt by the stupid fantasy slur viv made up for imps for a child to call him, and confronting the mother about where the child possibly learned such a word, and it does not at all feel like it was a deliberate evolution of his character, it doesn't even feel at all connected to the start of the scene where he avoided using a slur himself, because the entire tone changes in how its presented, and then he will go right back to using other unrelated slurs within 30 seconds
blitzo isnt bothered by slurs unless they are aimed at him, because viv thinks slurs are funny until she needs to woobify an awful cartoon dad because it's bad if THEY get called something mean (they can be as mean as they want to anybody else though. but cmon. everyone has problems. especially dads. go easy on horrible dads guys, that's my aesop). like. now that it's time to remind you you're supposed find Blitz sympathetic despite not earning that, at all, ever, suddenly there's a ridiculous N-word for imps ("fire toads") and he just got called that and now you're supposed to take the harm of slurs and how they propagate seriously and you're supposed to hate the demon-racist bitch who he confronts about it, but also remember to then be like Oh Blitz You Lovably Flawed Rascal when he turns right around and resumes calling any other character any real-life slur under the sun that viv felt like cramming in his mouth today
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hirik0 · 11 months
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@captain-mj for the Spoils of war update.
09SoapGhost
Jealousy part 1
Soap sits with Archer, Toad and Price at their usual table while Ghost waits at the bar getting their next round. They are celebrating their last successful mission. Soap is listing to the awful dad joke Archer is making as he notice out of the corner of his eye that a woman is approaching Ghost. The small woman with long blond hair and a lot of curves is tapping at Ghost arm. Soap makes a annoyed tsk sound, knowing that the woman is wasting her time and is holding up their next round of drinks. He also noticed feeling of jealous and well he would lie if this woman was not his typ, maybe he can chat her up later. "What your looking at Captain?", Archer ask because Soap was so in his head he didn't noticed that he was ask something. Toad is looking at the bar since Soap made the annoyed sound looks like he wants to say something too but trys not to, if you can go by how hard Toad pressing his lips together. After Archer sees the scene at the bar he is exchanging knowing looks with his partner in crime. Before Soap can ask these two idiots what the are up to, Ghost returns with their drinks and Soap starts wondering why the blonde woman even though she could pick up the Ghost. As if Ghost would go home with some random stranger and this knowledge is for some reason soothing his jealousy.
Since that night a few months ago Soap is noticing that a lot of people try to pick up Ghost, was that always the case and he just never noticed. But to his satisfaction Ghost is rejecting all these advanced and that is when the realisation is hitting him like a truck. He's attracted to Ghost. Soap nearly chocks on his drink. His gripping his scotch glass hard so it doesn't slip out of his hand. How the hell did he end up with a crush on Ghost? Did he ever had crushes for man before and just never noticed? Was he unknown to himself gay all along? No, he liked sex with woman way to much to be gay and well there was his teammate on the schools rugby team back in the day that made his heart race. How could he go that long without noticing he is bi? Someone is kicking him under the table and he looks at Price. "If you grabb the glass any stronger you might break it", the older Captain says. He looking down at his and and is his knuckles are withe from how strong his grip is. He feels how his embarrassing is coloring his ears pink as he relaxes his hand.
A few weeks later they are back again at their usual bar with a sour aura around them and their table. They lost 4 members of the 141 today. Ghost is waiting for his bourbon at the bar as he notice the man approaching him. Normally that would piss him of, but not today. Today he wants to get his brain fucked out. He is looking the dark haired, muscular man up and down and trys to figure out if he will do a good enough job. The bartender is giving him his drink as the stranger is trying his awfull pick up line. He would have turned him down if his voice wouldn't remeber him at a certain scottish Captain. To way out his option Ghost is lifting up his mask to sipp at his drink to make up a his mind. He knows about his attracted to his superior officer for a while now and well some man that is this similar to the man he wants could be a good fuck for the night. "So you always use that awfull pick up lines?", he ask the stranger. While he is chatting with the man he feels Soaps gaze burning in his back.
They all are silently drinking at the table nobody is in the mood for their usual chater and jokes. They lost four good soldiers today.
Soap looks out to where Ghost is still standing at the bar in a conversation with a stranger. At first he thinks Ghost will turn the man down like he he turns down everyone till the man is touching his arm and leaning in to Gjost space. To Soaps horror it looks like Ghost is fine with the stranger beeing in his space. Soap feels how the ugly feeling of jealousy is setting his blood on fire. He can't remeber ever beeing that jealous in his fucking life. He trys to keep it down, Ghost is an adult and can flirt with who ever he wants and he has no right to be jealous about it. When Ghost is touching the other man Soap finishes his drink to not make a sound of disapproval. The rest of the table is switching their looks between Ghost and Soap, most of them have picked up on the crush of the scot and only Price knew about Simons crush on Soap. They worked together long enough for Price to pick it up. The depressing mood at their table slowly gets replaced by a nervousness about what Soap will do. When the stranger is laughing at something Ghost said the jealousy wins over and Soap is approaching the two. When he reaches them he puts his hands on Ghost sites and his head in his shoulder. " He's not available to night", Soap says to the stranger. "And who are you to decide that?", the stranger ask.
When Ghost realises who is pressing into his back he feels his face turning red as he blushes like a fucking teenage girl. Why did Soap came over? He don't hear the words that are beeing said but the longer Soap and Ben are talking the more Ghost blushes. Because fuck jealous Captain John McTravish will be haunting his dreams for weeks to come. Because Soap is resting his head on his shoulder he nearly talking directly in his ear. Ghost feels his blush slowly creeping down his chest and his mouth is getting dry so he just slowly finishes his drink, while Soap trys his best to ruin his one night stand. He should be angry, but in reality he's so turned on right now. God that him trying to hook up with some random guy in a bar would make the scot that jealous didn't even happens in Ghost wildest dreams. In his wildest dreams Soap fucks him bend over his desk and Ghost notice that he's half hard. God something must be wrong with him if jealous Soap does this to him.
Soap smirks satisfied as the stranger is giving up on trying to get Ghost in his bed. But now he realises what he just did. He's also realising how the hole table is looking at them and that they will have questions that he neither can or wants to answer, so the only solution is to leave the bar with Ghost so they can't ask now, he needs time to think. So he is lifting his head to wisper in Ghost ear. "Back to base, Lieutenant thats an order." Before he turns to leave the bar knowing Ghost will follow him.
Ghost brain is comming back online when he feels the weight in his shoulder and Soap wispers directly in his ear: "Back to base, Lieutenant that's an order." And that's it Ghost will never be able to sleep again with out this replaying in his head. When cold is hitting his back because Soap is going away, because of years of military training he follows Soap on Autopilot not even noticing how the rest of the task force is looking at them in utter confusion. If he would some blood vessels in his face would burst because of all the blood trying to make him blush even more, as if that would be possible at this point. He also was never in his life so happy to have most of his face covered.
The rest if the task force is trying to close their jaws that fell on the ground the second Ghost is following Soap out of the bar. "What the fuck just happend?" Archer ask after a few minutes. "I saw it and I still can't believe what I saw", Gaz answers. Meat, Royce, Toad and Scarcrow are still in shock about what they just witnessed. Price is just emptying his glass asking himself if he dies of alcohol poisoning first or if he can drink enough to forget what he just saw so he can pretend it never happend.
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The Sides When They Are Sick - Headcanons
(from best to worst at coping)
Logan: he keeps himself in check so as soon as he notices any symptoms, he immediately takes meds and keeps himself hydrated. he is a bit hesitant to stop working entirely but doesn't push himself, because he wants to be a good role model for Thomas.
Janus: he quarantines himself in his room until he feels better. if he needs anything, he just asks Remus to get it for him. if Remus makes things difficult in his usual Remus fashion, Janus just uses his extra arms to get the thing himself. he's a lot quieter than usual and hisses at anyone who disturbs him.
Patton: he's a lot more visibly depressed. gives up trying to make jokes or look happy. he stays in bed all day and Thomas is noticeably more miserable during this time too. the other sides want to take care of him but Patton feels guilty for burdening them.
Roman: you've all seen it. he's loud, he's dramatic and he makes sure anyone within a mile away knows that he's sick and miserable. gets Thomas into a creative block at this time, even though insists that he's fine and tries to continue working. Patton finds him delirious and half-asleep on his desk at 3AM and has to drag him to bed.
Virgil: sleeps A LOT. this often causes Thomas to be a little absentminded though not entirely anxiety-free. when Virgil is awake, one of the other sides has to keep him company to make sure he doesn't work himself into a state of extreme paranoia ("google says i'm gonna die in five days, i'm gonna go dig my grave now" "vIRGIL NO—")
Remus: he is EXTRA unhinged. every time he sneezes, he accidentally summons something. sometimes it's a judgmental toad, sometimes it's a cursed amulet, sometimes it's an entire garbage can. he refuses to stay put and goes around the mind palace, filling it up with trash. he also refuses to wear clothes because he gets too hot and sweaty, so the sides have to stay in their rooms unless they want to risk being flashed.
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mllemaenad · 1 month
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The Magnus Protocol: Give and Take
Huh. It sounds rather as though Chester has some opinions about barging into other people's space in the workplace.
I must admit, I don't go in for a lot of worrying about whether a piece of information is somehow a red herring and doesn't really mean what I think it means. Mostly because I don't think The Magnus Archives really worked like that.
It had a lot of complex world building that it revealed in pieces, and its central conceit was that its protagonist was a man who had an urgent need to understand the mechanics of the world but, as the villain of the piece was actively denying him access to that information, he had to drag it out of horror stories one weird fact at a time.
I don't mean to say that there was never a misdirect: in season 3 the characters really needed to believe in the threat of the Unknowing, and so for the duration of that story arc it was a threat. It had a reasonably plausible explanation for why the rituals had always failed – that if it wasn't Gertrude Robinson blowing them up it was the servant of some other rival power – and you could just go along with it. But when the story wanted you to think about the rituals, it immediately and clearly started saying that actually, they collapse on their own all the damn time.
By and large, if something seemed weird it probably was. If you heard the same name twice, you'd probably keep on hearing it. The lady infested with bugs you learned about in episode six, and who definitely freaked John out, was in fact going to be a problem. And so on. I don't mean this as a criticism: stories with endless impossible-to-guess twists are often just annoying. Solid world building that makes more and more sense as you go on is a positive.
It's possible that The Magnus Protocol is a different kind of story, and is actively trying to mislead its listeners. But that feels like a problem for a later me, should evidence of that arise.
It does deal quite differently with the way information is distributed across its cast, though. I mean – Jonah Magnus/Elias Bouchard absolutely hoarded information, but otherwise it was fairly well distributed. If another character found out something important, John heard it on the tapes. Martin also listened to the tapes. And honestly, John was reasonably forthcoming if he knew a useful fact the others didn't. I'm not disputing the time everybody forgot to tell Tim about an impending apocalypse for a couple of weeks ... but even that got resolved by Martin realising and telling him about the impending apocalypse.
Here, though ... everyone is following a different thread, and nobody is sharing what they know. That creates a very different atmosphere.
And the story ... I mean, it's mostly about a workplace getting wildly out of control.
It's interesting that Alice seems to like Chester, but dislike Norris. I suspect that there's mostly just a meta joke there, as the episode was penned by Norris's voice actor. But still: it's hard to imagine the sense in which Norris could be a "whiny little toad" when his personality fluctuates with the cases he reads. And Chester's case, here, was definitely someone having a whine. Don't get me wrong: Dianne had a horrible experience. But she is very much here to complain about it.
You could argue, as a starting point, that the whole case reads like a broad summary of how things went in The Magnus Archives:
Got dropped into a managerial role following the long absence and eventual death of my predecessor
Did not receive any reasonable training or oversight during the transition period
Found the place completely empty of staff and had to just deal with that
Completely winged it on actually running the place
Direct line manager was unhelpful and almost gleefully unresponsive to requests for assistance
Several people just ... signed up to work there, with no process whatsoever and nothing that even had a whiff of a related skill set
Then there were monsters everywhere, which was just great
The situation was very much out of control
Was very much in peril of being actually be crushed to both despair and actual death by the sheer number of monsters and other weird crap that had taken over my world
Everything was on fire
Sitting on the floor and screaming does feel like a reasonable response to all of the above
Even Dianne's mild officiousness (she keeps ... listing her bachelor's degree. Why on earth?) is reminiscent of how John could sound when he wanted people to think he knew what he was doing.
That said, it is a relief to encounter a character who had a supernatural experience and reacted by noting that this was some horrible bullshit and leaving.
Of course the primary difference between this and The Magnus Archives is where the threat came from. The archival staff could be a cantankerous bunch, but they were never in themselves the problem.
Dianne's weird volunteers remind me most of the eerie students in Anatomy Class. Which isn't to say that they're the same – just that it has the same kind of feel to it, where the point is that their behaviour is almost recognisably human. And as the working situation spirals out of control in the story, you feel it also deteriorate in the OIAR.
It's all about intruders. Celia is the least obvious intruder – the new hire, who has a much reason to be here as anybody else. But there's the sense that she may have come here from very far away indeed, and like the volunteers in the story, she brings odd things with her:
Celia Is there any way to look up specific files? Alice Like what? Celia Oh I don’t know. Every case about being buried alive or meat or… whatever. – The Magnus Protocol: Give and Take
Celia seems to be very much referencing the entity categorisations from The Magnus Archives. So you have to wonder – is that relevant here? She might operate as an audience insert here, with preconceptions about how the world works that ultimately won't help her.
I don't think it is necessary to throw out everything you know from The Magnus Archives to enjoy this story. It's hardly unusual for a sequel to be accessible to a newcomer but provide a richer experience to anyone familiar with the original. Gwen Bouchard likely has some interesting connection to Elias Bouchard that will come up eventually. If you listened to The Magnus Archives you know the name and can anticipate and be curious about what that means. If you didn't – well, they'll tell you when they get there.
But this is more about the nature of reality. Robert Smirke's fourteen was one man's attempt to categorise, explain and control a nebulous collection of supernatural experiences and beings. It continued to be relevant in The Magnus Archives because many of Smirke's associates were still around. They set up cults and organisations around their own personal obsessions, and taught younger people to think as they did. The broken world was largely the fault of an assortment of privileged men from the heyday of the British Empire literally defining the rules of existence.
Here – well, the existence of The Magnus Institute implies the existence of a Somebody Magnus, if not necessarily a Jonah. But the fact that it's located in Manchester makes it quite clear that the early events from The Magnus Archives could not have occurred in the same way. So are there different people involved? Different obsessions? Different rules?
None of the items were fit for sale. I specifically recall two large, soiled Crinoline dresses, a Chaise Longue with cushions filled with some sort of coarse sand, a taxidermied vulture, a rusty antique printing press and a collection of old medical equipment that had seemingly been recently used. There were many, many additional items but I was unable to take a full inventory as the shop floor was overfull. – The Magnus Protocol: Give and Take
There's a lot going on, and it's all creepy and wrong. But how do you sort and make sense of it all?
And then there's Sam, who finally pushes his way into Colin's private space. There's the question there about relevance again. Sam has come to ask about a weird email (and as an aside, I am going to amuse myself imagining that Alice has a filter on her inbox to send anything from that address to spam, and every one of the hundreds of affected emails says "stop calling me Chester"). Colin does not care about the weird email, although he cares about being recorded enough to assault Sam and break his phone.
Sam brought something weird and unwanted – the phone with is internal microphone, and the audience can be certain Colin is right: it's listening.
While I have no doubt there are weirder things in the world than internal emails from people who don't work at the OIAR, it does seem like a strange thing to dismiss out of hand. Sam has received mysterious forms from a supposedly "automated" process, and a peculiar email from a "John" who does not exist. Alice has received a security notification regarding Sam's search activities. Gwen has received a recording of Lena attempting a murder, and apparently information from a "source" indicating that Lena hid that information from her superiors.
Someone or something is listening, and someone or something is communicating. It could even be multiple someones – but nobody at the OIAR is comparing notes to find that out. If Colin knew about the other instances, would he care more about the email?
There even seems to be disinformation being spread, as Alice explicitly told Celia the search does not work:
Alice Well, there’s a search bar, but it doesn’t actually do anything. You’d have to dig through them all manually. – The Magnus Protocol: Give and Take
But we already know that it does from Sam's research into The Magnus Institute:
Alice Apparently you tried searching for files with the terms… (checking printout) "Magnus” and “Protocol"? Sam That’s what this is about? I mean, yeah, okay, I got a case referencing the Magnus Institute and then I looked it up and found a few files on the system that mentioned using “The Protocol”. Why would that be restricted? – The Magnus Protocol: Taking Notes
I don't know why she did that, aside from her general aversion to digging into the cases she assesses, but it does make it harder to keep everybody on the same page.
And then Gwen, who both unceremoniously bursts into Lena's office, and apparently blackmails her way "in" to the true business of the OIAR. She too brings something unwanted: evidence of Lena's attack on Klaus-the-presumably-former-IT-guy-whose-fault-it-is-the-damn-code-is-in-German.
But what does "in" mean, and what does an "external liaison" do? The most reasonable assumption seems to be dealing with these Starkwall people, who were also likely the people who charged in to the Hilltop Centre and dealt with a messy situation by a) shooting everybody and b) setting things on fire. I see now why the first word Sam associated with those people was "massacre".
It's interesting to consider what Gwen might be trying to get out of this. Lena keeps referring to her as ambitious, but a managerial role on the night shift at a creepy data warehouse isn't exactly reaching for the stars. Obviously there is more than that going on here – but how and what does Gwen know about it? And if Starkwall deals with everything the way they dealt with the situation at Hilltop Centre, what could standing next to that mess gain a person?
Finally there is Hilltop Centre itself. It's interesting that in both universes the place seems to have latched on to charity as a cover: Hill Top Road's most notable incarnation was as a halfway house, and Hilltop Centre is a charity shop. The former gave the owners access to discarded people; the latter to discarded objects. It also suggests, though does not prove, that this is not the same reality from which Anya Villette hailed. Of course, the house could have been repurposed since her cleaning job in 2009, but it does seem a stretch since at that point in time it had been newly constructed as a private residence. It is also interesting that it was once again destroyed by fire.
So what was this "good cause" the volunteers were so diligently serving? And – if it was Starkwall and the OIAR that dealt with the situation there – who called it in? Dianne's report is clearly after the events, so this is not the case that summoned them.
I'd be interested to hear what did, and what they thought was going on.
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Could you do some headcannons for Oliver Wood dating a Slytherin? (No smut please!)
Sure thing!!!
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Pairing : Slytherin! Fem reader × Oliver Wood
Warnings : none I don't think. Mentions of toads ass???
Would walk you to all your classes, even if it means he would be a little bit late.
Study dates in the library
Hogsmead dates, takes you to stores and buys little trinkets for you.
You guys can't go into each other's common rooms so you'll have a bunch of secret meeting spots. Like you'll meet in the myrtles bathroom sometimes or some other far off place.
Would always be talking about quittich, you enjoy the talks because of how determined and passionate he is about them, however I feel like it could get annoying when you wanna talk about something else.
You would wear his quittich jersey during the game, or make poster boards for him. He likes it even though it's cheesy, but it makes him feel loved.
Whenever there's a quittich match and it's all rainy and cold he gets gets worried, because he knows that youre watching. He is a little less worried when he sees you with your coat and scarf huddled in a blanket with sowm slytherins.
Gryffindor and Slytherin matches always get intense. But the day of the game you guys will pretend have a rivalry? "You're going down Slytherin" "Hm.. we'll see about that Oliver." Lasts all fucking day.
You call him Olly. He fucking melts. Hands down his favorite nickname. Other people call him that, but when you do it it's just special.
His love language is most likely acts of service and physical touch. So expect him to want to do stuff for you, even simple stuff. He would help you study, or take notes for you when you're out sick. Also expect him to always want to be touching you.
Mcgonagal got so fed up with it after everytime she saw you two together he would always be super close, holding your hand, hugging you, kissing etc. She gave you both detention for a night. After that you make sure that Mcgonagal isn't around while you guys are touching.
He isn't clingy, but he does have small streaks of jealousy. But doesn't everyone?
You'll catch him looking at you from across the room, and when he notices that he's got your attention he'll wink at you. Also, when you're staring at him and he notices he'll wink. Dude is always winking.
When you blow kisses, he'll catch them in his hand and put them in his pocket. "For later." he tells you.
You'll be walking around, waiting for class to start and he'll break out into spontaneous dance and make you join him. Not like sweet slowdancing, no he's like almost breakdancing. People look at you guys weird.
People don't really understand your relationship. But who cares, they dont need to.
He would always be bringing snacks to you.
Stupid cheesy jokes.
He liked pulling pranks on you. Nothing that will make you too pissed off though.
He really likes looking at you, if you have freckles he'll touch every one, he likes tracing your features.
He also likes watching you do your makeup, not that you need it or anything. But he also likes it if you don't wear makeup.
I think that he would prefer it tbh.
He likes humming songs, and he also likes singing. He is a very good singer, who would have thought? So he'll sing to you. Which is usually interrupted by giggling from you both.
He is a very willing and attentive boyfriend. Like if you are in any extracurriculars, you've got his full support. Need pictures for Yearbook? You got it.
He really likes it when you bake for him. Because even though he doesn't really like sweets that much, he really loves yours. He swears you put crack in them.
You guys talk about the future a lot.
Even though you guys are in dif houses you guys would always eat breakfast together. When you first got together he would sit right next to you at the slytherin table. Some of them were pretty pissed off about that, but after a week they realized he wasn't gonna leave anytime soon and gave up.
His favorite part on you physically is probably your hands or your eyes.
He also likes it when you touch his hair /rub his scalp, or when you touch his cheeks in a gentle way. It just makes him feel all warm and fuzzy.
Lots of nicknames for you. Sunshine, sunflower, my love. He also has some kind of "mean" nicknames for you, that he says with love ofc. He'll call you a toads ass while smiling like an angel.
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【JUST GIRLBOSS GHOSTLY THINGS IV】
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part 1, part 2, part 3, nsfw version
In terms of physical appearance, Simon is said to resemble his mother more. The hair and eye color came from his paternal side.
He's also the tallest member of his immediate family.
Also has one cheek dimple, courtesy of his mom.
To piggyback off the second bullet point, this came as a surprise to his parents. They didn't expect him to shoot up like a beanstalk, especially his father.
In fact, for the longest time, his brother was bigger than he was.
He would always win when they wrestled, though.
Has two major pet peeves: broken promises and people assuming that because he's from Manchester, he must positively, ABSOLUTELY, love Manchester United.
His first pet peeve comes from the fact that his father would make empty promises as a way to keep the family (especially Simon) under his thumb. He never came through with them, always moving the goalpost to justify reneging on them.
As for the second, well... watching soccer is a pretty good way to pass the time and he doesn't mind the banter or two but he actually prefers rugby. When he was a wee lad, he actually wanted to be a rugby player when he grew up. He's also developing an appreciation for American Football as well.
Remember when Simon joked with Johnny about not being ugly under his mask? Well, it's the truth. He's not ugly. He DOES, however, look incredibly boyish when he's clean-shaven. Doesn't like full-on beards because it's too much work for him to maintain but prefers to keep a five o'clock shadow. He's tried the beard game before and it wasn't for him. Had to deal with a shit ton of ingrown hairs.
That may be why he also thinks Price's beard looks ridiculous sometimes. But he’ll forever keep that tidbit to himself.
His favorite homecooked meal is Toad in the Hole with peas, potatoes, and extra gravy.
His favorite tea is chamomile. Ghost enjoys it with two scoops of sugar and one teaspoon of milk. Will only use honey as a last resort.
Usually drinks his coffee black, too.
However, when Autumn rolls in, Simon's inner basic bitch comes out and he'll treat himself to a pumpkin spice latte every so often.
If/When he gets hot chocolate, he likes it with a lot of marshmallows and/or whipped cream.
Part of the reason he got his tattoos was that he wanted to rebel against his father who forbade any ink or piercings in the house.
And if he wasn't in the military, he'd have a couple piercings in his ears, too.
He wants to get a full sleeve next.
There's this one childhood bully he has beef with. If he ever sees the fucker again, it's on sight.
His brother wanted to name his nephew after him. Simon had to convince him not to. ("Give the kid his own identity, yeah?")
Despite his size and bulk, Simon has pretty delicate-looking wrists and ankles. His brother used to tease him about them, too.
His hair is naturally curly.
One of these days, when he has some downtime, he'd love to visit Tintagel Castle out in Cornwall.
Has a tendency to crack his phone screen more often than not.
Sometimes, when he doesn't feel like replying to you in text, he'll send an emoji. Just one. It's usually this one: 💀
And if he doesn't feel like doing that, he'll call you.
Doesn't mind FaceTime but also doesn't care for it because Simon would rather not look up into people's nostrils. ("Huh?" "Long story.")
Does. Not. Like. Mosquitos. And gnats.
When it comes to alcohol, he never has more than two drinks.
When he takes showers, the water is scalding hot. When he takes a bath, the water is ice cold.
Can't sleep with ANY light on. It has to be completely dark for him to get even a sliver of rest.
He collects knives as a hobby.
His favorite takeout food is curry. Likes it spicy as fuck, too.
Was attacked by a gull once. Don't ask.
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itschrisboys · 1 year
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did anyone say, SUPER MARIO HEADCANONS?
also i just noticed i have polls now
wario's real name is wallace. people started calling him wario as a joke after realizing how much he resembled mario. wallace was super annoyed at first, but now he's mildly amused by the whole thing.
likewise, waluigi's real name is michael. when wario first mentioned he had a younger twin, people started joking that his brother's name was waluigi. michael found it pretty funny from the get-go, and started leaning into the joke.
super crowns are used as a symbol of status in the mario universe. because of this, the royalty only appear human while wearing their crowns. peach is actually a toad, daisy is actually a piranha plant, and rosalina is actually a luma.
bowser and bowser junior are a subspecies of koopa known as a fire koopa. while rare, fire koopas aren't exclusively nobles/royalty, and vice versa.
bowser junior was conceived from a one night stand, and left on the castle doorstep in the middle of the night. a dna test confirmed he was bowser's kid, but they couldn't find his biological mother.
the koopalings aren't legally bowser's children, but he's basically adopted them anyway. most of them come from rough homes, and the others dont come from homes at all. bowser looked at these struggling kids, and his fatherly instincts kicked in and he essentially said "mine now"
the "stork" isn't actually how babies are conceived in the mushroom kingdom, it's just an adoption service.
mario and luigi were born in the mushroom kingdom. their (adoptive) parents (born in italy) took them to brooklyn after the shroob invasion, and they grew up not knowing about the mushroom kingdom. they only found out their origins upon coming to the mushroom kingdom years later, and being recognized by their old babysitter, toadsworth.
mario and luigi's birth parents were from new donk city.
mario's favorite food is spaghetti, and luigi teases him relentlessly for being an italian stereotype.
peach is actually closeted aroace. she's a very physically affectionate person (ie cheek kisses and hugs), and bakes cakes for her friends a lot. she didn't realize that that accidentally sent romantic signals to mario until much later, and has no idea how to clear things up without outing herself (she's not ready to come out yet) now that everyone seems to think they're an item.
peach almost ditching mario on the moon was due to the fact that she was panicking about potentially being outed, and therefore didn't realize he wasn't on the ship (she didn't find out she almost left mario there until later, and she profusely apologized when he told her)
bowser's parents died when he was really young (like, infant young), and he was raised by kammy and kamek. he refers to them as his parents sometimes.
likewise, peach was raised by toadsworth.
peach is actually the queen of the mushroom kingdom, but she likes the alliteration of "princess peach", so she uses that as her title.
rosalina still refers to herself as a princess because she hasn't finished grieving for her mother yet, and doesn't want to feel like she's replacing her.
unlike the other royalty, daisy's parents are alive and well, which is why she still has the title of princess.
kammy and kamek are in a long-term queerplatonic relationship.
mario doesn't start dating pauline until after peach eventually comes out of the closet.
luigi is crushing super hard on prince peasley, but he's too awkward to say anything, and peasley has some self esteem issues that lead him to believe that luigi is only fawning over him because he's the prince, so doesn't realize luigi has a crush. mario keeps trying to matchmake the two, and is super frustrated that none of his attempts are working, despite that fact that they're obviously into each other
wario and waluigi care about each other a lot, but that doesn't stop them from having some extreme sibling rivalry. they would absolutely beat the shit out of each other for the last cookie, then be chilling and watching tv together not 10 minutes later. the cain instinct is strong with these two.
not too long after the incident on the moon, daisy decides she's had enough of bowsers shit, and beats him up while still wearing a dress and high heels. bowser stops going after peach, but its not so much because he's scared of daisy so much as it is that he's incredibly impressed by her and wants to get on her good side because he may or may not have developed a crush.
bowser and daisy do eventually start dating.
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littlewestern · 1 month
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James. let's hear it, I wanna hear your spicy mamma mia ship opinions on funny red train 🤌
I struggle to nail down my thoughts about James's relationships about 75% of the time, but thankfully @greatwesternway functions as my extant, offsite brain for when mine doesn't work and reminded me of some good ones.
DUCK:
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ALRIGHT! Before everyone starts beating me with hammers for typing yet more words about Duck, let me defend myself.
This is probably my favorite relationship that James has in the series, though I can't say I ship it per se. But the pieces are all there, right?
James finds Duck suuuuper fucking annoying, and it's really easy to see why. On a surface level, Duck talks about one thing all the time, he comes off as being no fun (read: more interested in doing his job than looking splendid or pulling important trains), and despite not being splendid or gorgeous or even really remarkable in any way, Duck has all the independence and responsibility that James claims to desire.
This obfuscates the true nature of James's disdain, though. James doesn't dislike Duck because of anything so superficial as looks or station. James is jealous. God, he's so jealous!
Duck, unlike James, places a great deal of value and importance on his identity as a GWR engine, but he also slots beautifully into life on the NWR without much issue. (There was that hiccup with the diesel, but that's besides the point, you can't account for what diesels will do to a yard.)
James, by contrast, has never felt at home on any railway and so has leaned into the idea that he is simply an individual. Who needs a shared identity when you can just be red? Certainly no sour grapes to be found here, nope, no sir! James is just fine by himself and he doesn't need anybody else to feel accepted and wanted and like a real part of the railway.
But Duck... Duck seems so happy! He just does his jobs and works hard and, as if by magic, gets everything James claims to want. He has a branch line, gets consistent recognition for being Really Useful, and no one's ever double or triple-checking to make sure he's doing his jobs without complaint or fuss. He's even got guys who laugh at his jokes! No one ever laughs at James's jokes... It's hard to watch the guy you dislike get everything you think you want.
Of course, James doesn't actually want a branch line or responsibility or any of those other things. What he wants is the belonging, the simple satisfaction of having confidence in who you are without the cherry red veneer James has to throw on top of everything. When Duck rolls on by with his slip coaches and seaside line and the respect and admiration of everyone he works with, James gets a glimpse at what his life could be if he'd only set aside his pride and insecurity. But it's not that easy, is it?
It would be easy, however, to take this in a shippy direction. For James, any strong feeling (positive or negative) about another engine tends to turn quickly to a desire for acceptance, but I fear it's doomed to be one-sided in this case. Duck has guys who like him a lot more than James does, and they're all ten times more responsible and less troublesome than the NWR's number 5. Handsomer, too, in Duck's estimation.
TOAD:
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PUT. THE HAMMERS. DOWN.
No, listen! I'm completely serious! Toad is so good for James in Toad's Adventure. And why wouldn't he be? Toad is good for everyone, but especially James.
He only takes Toad on because he has to have a brake van, but by the end of the ordeal not only does James learn a valuable lesson about how accidents are more easily forgiven than simple neglect, he also has gained such a great amount of respect for Toad that he sets him up to tell the whole story to a rapt switching yard. This is such a cool move by a guy who has gained a reputation for being incredibly Not Cool, especially not to his own rolling stock.
Toad is an interesting pick to me because he's a veritable font of wisdom and practical advice, and James is great at taking that sort of knowledge to the next logical conclusion. James the Critical Thinking Engine. Toad would be indispensable for him to have around consistently but he also never poses the kind of threat to James's ego that another engine might. Toad can also stick up for himself when it matters, so you won't see him rolling over if his engine starts to mistreat him. Maybe not the best for shipping, but it's a relationship dynamic I really like.
Thanks for the ask!
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smashy-headcanons · 7 months
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So I watched the Super Mario Movie finally
(Actually I watched it on and off with some friends but wanted to wait until I saw the full thing until I said anything. Also at the time of posting it's actually been like a month and a half oops.)
This does mean that I'll be allowing posts about it (I will make sure to tag spoilers tho).
Many excitements, many concerns, all questions finally answered (for now). Of course, I have many thoughts. Sooo, dump time!
I consider the movieverse to be an AU rather than directly tying to the game universe. Yoshi's Island supports the idea of Mario and Luigi being born in the Mushroom Kingdom (or that universe, anyways) while the movie has them living in a more realistic setting.
As we expected, Jack Black as Bowser? 👌
I originally thought that there would be multiple power stars instead of just the one, and that Bowser would be going kingdom to kingdom to collect them. I feel like it wasn’t given as much importance as it probably should have gotten.
SMB Super Show theme makes a return! They’re really pulling stuff from everywhere.
Just so I don’t sound like a broken record I’ll only say it once. The role for Mario should’ve gone to Charles Martinet. Pratt wasn’t grating but it really did just sound like Just Some Guy the whole time. I get Mario is our isekai protagonist but come on.
Following up on that thought: Good fucking lord the “do you think the accents were a bit much” line pissed me off SO much. Poking fun at your franchise is one thing, but announcing the first movie for the franchise in 30 years, giving the titular character’s voice cast to a guy who sounds nothing like him for the sake of Big Name Actor instead of to his original voice actor, telling people upset at the choice to essentially shut the fuck up, and THEN proceeding to joke about the— Jesus Christ I can’t type this anymore. On to the rest of the review.
Ohhh my god the Bros.' relationship is SO good in this movie. Luigi's adoration of his bro, Mario's adoration but also embarrassment at Luigi bringing up their mom, Mario IMMEDIATELY getting ready to throw hands for Luigi's honor, their MUTUAL protectiveness towards each other, it's all just *chef's kiss*.
When they announced Spike as a character I didn't think it was going to be Foreman Spike from Wrecking Crew (good reference tho) I thought Spike was going to be this thing
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As unexpected as it came to me, I actually really liked them making Mario the underdog of the family. It adds motive to Mario's eagerness to be Helpful and gives him a good reason to stay in the Mushroom Kingdom at the end. I can also see this attitude shifting to Luigi in the sequel.
Pauline cameo hell yeah.
I actually like Toad in this movie--both his voice AND his role.
I love that they made the Dry Bones so... eerie. I would've liked to see some sentience from them (at least in a later scene), but I can understand that doing so would likely take away from the eeriness.
If you wanna see Mario being a pathetic wet paper towel then you will enjoy this movie.
I have... mixed feelings about this version of Peach. On one hand, I love that she's taking a more proactive role and that we get to see her as both a ruler and protector of the Toads. On the other hand, I'm. not particularly fond of how she treats Mario in the first half. Peach as a character has been defined by amicability and kindness towards both new and familiar people from the beginning, so her initial rudeness doesn't feel very "Peach", if that makes sense. It makes sense that she'd assume Mario to be an enemy, but after that point it stops feeling in-character.
The more serious tone they gave with Bowser was also something to wrap my brain around. Over the course of the games Bowser's been gradually "declawed" as a villain, so I love that they really put emphasis on his cruelty.
I'm surprised they actually touched on Peach's origins, if only briefly.
I love Donkey Kong's portrayal in this movie. A lot of games don't give him much personality beyond "monkey lol" so I love that they took his other personality traits and expanded on those.
Cranky Kong running a kingdom wasn't the role I expected, but it is a fun take that I like.
Wrinkly Kong isn't dead lol
Diddy Kong having to be told to be quiet was a fun touch.
Funky Kong cameo improves my opinion on the movie. However he is hard to get a look at and doesn't have speaking lines, so that score must sadly be reduced a little.
One of the few allusions to Bowser and King Boo's alliance we get. King Boo didn't stick around to help during the fight, but he did make it to the wedding so that was cool.
RIP to King Bob-omb. Poor dude didn't deserve what happened to him 😔
Peaches (the song) was funny but not what it was hyped up to be.
Sequel with Yoshi hinted after the credits 👀
No Bowser Jr. or Koopalings despite everything. I'm wondering if they'll put him in the sequel.
Uhhhh I'm not sure what else I can remember, but this is long enough as it is. I had some nitpicks with it but I did like it despite my complaints.
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beoneofus · 9 months
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What do you think the boys’ favorite hobbies are?
I was gonna make a joke about paul's being masturbation but let me be actually serious 😭.
okay, okay. so I've kinda thought about this...
marko likes art, and I see him being into many different varieties of it. however, I don't think it's necessarily his favorite hobby nor past time... that's his passion. his favorite hobby; sunrise watching. he can't be on the sun or near it, but watching from afar through cracks in the cave soothes him. it doesn't necessarily make sense either, but he remembers as a human that the color orange always signified a warmth in him. that's why he uses it a lot when he paints, when he draws, when he looks for a new patch or pin to add to his jacket. I don't think the little vampire actually remembers much of his past because it was so long ago, he just knows that the most enjoyable moments were circled around orange and warmth. so he loves to watch the sunrise, because the color is so pretty - the way the sun beats off of the horizon is gorgeous, and he can only imagine how the feel of the heat from it actually feels. he misses it, being able to soak in the sun, but just watching it gives him closure.
for paul, I see him as someone who loves to collect things. you'd think he'd love to maybe play an instrument or do something music related, but once again that's his passion. when he's high, he often gets lazy and likes to either lounge around or go on a short walk because his legs don't hold out for long; with this, he learned that there's some pretty rad things out in the world. for instance, leaves. he finds the texture and colors of different ones really cool. however, I think his favorite thing to collect would be insects or small critters. they become his little buddies. he actually ended up adopting a toad he discovered in the grass not too far from the beach. it was so chill, that paul just had to keep the dude and name him olly. sick, right? he thought so too.
dwayne is definitely the one to revolve his being around things soothing yet... mysterious, in a way. so he took on the art of scribble journaling. he writes out his feelings, thoughts, takes on thw world and so on - but in a messy manner, with doodles and jagged drawings in between. he also likes to add stickers sometimes, but of course they have to fit his persona or else the entire journal is ruined. overall, he's a quiet guy, so I think him documenting shit is a perfect fit. correct me if you think otherwise.
ah, david.. now this is pretty hard to say. he's easy to read on one hand, but on another I'd have to say he's a tough case to crack. buuuut... I think david may be into something mediocre and calm, yet fun in a way. perhaps thrifting; fixing up old leather jackets, boots. I can see him adopting old wear and fixing it up to be more durable or overall new looking. it'd be a surprise at first when the others’ find out, but david wouldn't be too bothered. I actually see this as something he'd truly enjoy, which is why it won't be a problem to share it with his coven. cause, let's be real, the man has a funky style we all adore. It's his calling to be one with the wardrobe.
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