"A Small Ornate Pocket Knife" (Uni AU P. 18)

Yay Astarion isn't in the hospital anymore! And the girls are back to being dramatic!

no tw!

The next couple of days are... odd, to say the least. Astarion was released from the hospital the next morning, and your little ragtag group piled into Gale's minivan to head back to campus. When you all arrive back at the parking garage, everyone gives sweet small goodbyes and well wishes. Shadowheart and Gale still don't speak though. Then again, their eyes say plenty. Wyll tries to break their tension with that natural kindness of his.

"Astarion, Tav, don't worry about helping finish the project okay? We'll all put the finishing touches on everything."

He glances around at everyone as if to say 'Right guys?' and he gets a couple mumbles and murmurs of compliance.

"Right, of course. As if I'd chip my nails trying to help all of you."

It's that common deflection of his, but you can see through the veil for once. He's grateful, yet still nervous. You almost don't hear all the laughter of the group while you study his face, which still looks a little too worn for your liking.

"Tav? Are you alright?"

Astarion's eyes are fixed on yours now. You get a little red in the face, but nothing too noticeable.

"Yep! Just spaced out, my bad. We headed back to your place?"

"You know I told you I can take care of myself Tav."

"Yes, and then I offered to stay with you today anyways to make sure everything's alright."

He furrows his brow slightly.

"I despise you."

"Mhm, hate you too."

You exchange light smiles as you walk behind the rest of the group. Shadowheart interrupts the soft moment, yelling back to you guys.

"Astarion! Are you still going to make it to Halsin's party this Friday?"

He scoffs.

"As if I'd miss a good chance to dress up and drink."

You had almost forgotten about Halsin's party. He invited you despite your previous affair with each other, and told you to bring along all your Ravenguard friends, which of course included Astarion. It's hard to focus on holidays like Halloween when you spend the night in the hospital, but it will be nice to look forward to something fun for once. After all, getting to see Astarion all dressed up...

"TAV!"

Apparently, Shadowheart is still yelling.

"What?!"

"I saidddd, are you going too?"

You almost roll your eyes, but show restraint.

"Yes Shadow, I am also going."

"Good! What about you Gale? Maybe you can bring your girlfriend..."

He doesn't respond at first, simply sighing loudly.

"Babe, just-"

Karlach's attempts at taming her feisty partner fail.

"What, worried she's too old to hold her liquor? Or maybe the sex isn't risky enough, considering you probably can't even knock her up."

"Shadowheart that's enough."

"I'm just saying, having a Professor at a student party might be a little bit-"

"I said that's enough!"

Thankfully, you're back at the dorm now, which allows Gale to storm off. You decide not to get involved, leaving the rest of the group to go up to Astarion's room.

"And I thought I was catty."

He smirks while opening the door. You hold it for him and walk in after, and proceed to watch him take off his shoes and empty his pockets onto the small kitchenette countertop. There's his keys, a fashionable wallet, and a small ornate pocket knife. You pick it up and flick it open while he lies on the beaten-up couch across the room.

"This surely is a nice knife."

He looks up for just a moment to see what you're talking about.

"Of course. If I'm going to defend myself, I'm going to be stylish while I do it."

"I guess I just didn't know you carried one."

He doesn't respond, leading you to sit on the floor next to the couch.

"So, is it time?"

~~~

Close to an hour later, you and Astarion are sitting in front of his laptop, checking various social media platforms.

"I think we did it. I think supermodel Astarion Ancunín has officially been dissolved."

"I think you're right. One last thing to do I suppose."

He takes out his phone and goes to look through his contacts, until he's met with 'Cazador.' With a few shakey taps, he gets to the blocked button, and eventually puts his thumb down. He then drops it on the floor. You wait for a moment, giving him space to process the decision he's made just now.

"Do you really think it'll work?"

You close the laptop.

"I... I don't know. But we have to try. We just have to try."

"I haven't had the energy to try for a long time."

You expect tears to fall, but nothing comes. He seems peaceful.

"Then I'm happy I could help."

Once again, you linger on each other's eyes, and you study each and every hue that his have to offer. Time stands still, as silly as that sounds. No modeling gigs, no assignments, no senseless drama, at least for this moment. You lean in a little, and he reciprocates. For once, you find a hand traveling to his hair. He's so close, and maybe it isn't so hard to explain after all. Maybe-

And then your phone rings.

"Who the hell..."

It's Karlach.

"Go ahead, you should take it. And thank you, for all your assistance darling. It's been much appreciated."

You quickly walk out of the dorm and answer the phone.

"God damnit Karlach, this better be important!"

I’m so curious to see who you’d ship me with because I completely trust your judgement… so here goes nothing. 🌸💐🌷

-I’m a 23 year old female who’s currently in college for criminal justice and psychology. I’m awful at math but love love love science.

-I love animals, I have lots of snakes, lizards, fish, dogs, cats. I’m not opposed to anything besides spiders

-I love listening to music and my favorite artists are Taylor swift, Hozier, P!nk, and Kelly Clarkson. I like to think I’m a creative person but idk. I like to craft and scrapbook, make jewelry etc.

-im a perfectionist and if Im not instantly good at something I get very frustrated.

-I also have depression (yay) anxiety, autism, and possible ADD. People have told me I’m good at ‘hiding’ it and ‘fitting in’ though.

-im super shy in real life. Like beyond shy. Im not a fan of physical touch but if it was someone I really liked, I wouldn’t mind. My love language is gift giving.

-I like to cook, I play piano and guitar, and I like to go on a lot of spontaneous adventures because if my mind comes up with an idea I have to play it out that moment or I go insane.

-im pretty good at adjusting to any environment and tend to mimic people to fit in. I like to people watch and kind of mirror their personality and actions.

-winter is my favorite season and Halloween is my favorite holiday. I’d say I’m a pretty morbid person by societies standards. Like animals in jars and black clothes… listening to true crime podcasts to fall asleep. Stuff like that. I’m kind of goth, I’d say? I also love makeup and rarely leave the house without it on

oh...oh my gosh...ohohohohoh buckle up, my good buddy pal,, i've got a super fun one for you !!! i'm gonna put a read more, since this one's kinda long !! you gave me a lot of detail to work with !!

✧❁❁✧✿✿✧❁❁✧🧡💛📚🧡💛✧❁❁✧✿✿✧❁❁✧

right off the bat, you talk about studying criminal justice and psychology. which are very respectable fields of education. it sounds to me like you're really takin' your education seriously !! and that's wonderful !! y'know...that kinda reminds me of a certain boy...

so, y'know who also takes his education pretty seriously? a guy who wants to change the world for the better? i'm def thinkin' of pre-death kyle for you. sorry. SORRY, OKAY !! i know what you're thinkin'...oh, zoomies, you're only saying this because i've got kyle in my url. ABSOLUTELY NOT !!

you make yourself out to be such a genuine sweetheart with a wide range of interests !! you're creative and down to earth - both of which are traits i think kyle would absolutely swoon over !! you treat animals with kindness, and you love every single one. c'mon...doesn't he seem like the same ?? if you showed him the super gnarly pets you have, i know for a gosh dang fact he'd think they're the coolest ever !!

mans unapologetically loves music. dude was so open about how much he liked toto. based btw. i can totally see him vibin' to your favorite tunes too. bobbin' his head, singin' along. no matter how feminine the songs seem, he really wouldn't care !! he'd have fun with 'em anyway !!

i think he wouldn't want you to hide how you feel, or mask yourself for the sake of fitting in. he likes you for your genuine self. the creative person you are, with all your talents - writing, music, cooking, making jewelry. he'd want you to be yourself openly and freely. and he'd be super patient and encouraging about it too !! kyle's a sweetheart !! you put two sweethearts together ?? recipe for love !! 💛🧡❤️

Babysitting Skid & Pump w/ Agoti and Tabi

How They Met

In a momentary lapse of your infinite wisdom and judgement, you accidentally scheduled to meet up with Agoti and Tabi on the same day you offered to watch over the Skid and Pump for Lila. Apparently she had to leave town for the day, and the kids had been getting in more trouble than usual.

You were getting ready to leave for Lila’s, only to be met with a screen demon and floating skull when you opened your front door.

After explaining the situation to them, you promised to hang out some other day, when you wouldn’t be busy. Somehow, Agoti interpreted this as an invitation to join you and help babysit, which is the exact opposite of what you were implying.

You were more than a little worried about Skid and Pump meeting your friends. The kids could be quite the handful sometimes, and your friends were prone to… outbursts.

“Hey, Tabi! I didn’t know you had a little brother.”

“Shut the fu-“

“Language.”

When Skid and Pump see Agoti and Tabi, they’re instantly attached.

“Skid, Pump, these are my friends, and they were just leaving.”

“I like your spooky masks!”

“Um, thanks… Why are you two wearing costumes?”

“It is the spooky month!”

“It’s 90 degrees outside.”

“Wanna see something really cool?”

Agoti then proceeds to get down on the sidewalk and start doing push-ups with his tongue. Skid and Pump are instantly impressed.

“Your spooky friend is so cool!”

“They think I’m cool. Whaddya say about that?”

“I say you just licked a public sidewalk and probably need to go to a hospital.”

“Can Agoti and Tabi hang out with us today? Please?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure they have very important adult things to do and need to get going.”

“Not really.”

“Dang-it.”

“Please???”

Skid, Pump, AND Agoti are at your legs, staring up at you with big begging eyes. Tabi is standing behind them with secondhand embarrassment.

“F-Fine!”

“Yay!”

Agoti is constantly bragging and being a show-off for the kids; he’s playing it up more than normal. Meanwhile Tabi’s being a lot more chill, vaguely answering any questions the kids have about him.

“You’re so good a video games!”

“Yeah, I’m a bit of a celebrity. I actually got so famous that these jerks tried to get rid of me. Obviously it didn’t work, though, and blah blah bla-blah blah…”

“Are you a ghost?”

“My body’s invisible. It’s a long story.”

Skid and Pump try to teach them the Spooky Dance. Emphasis on ‘try’.

“How are you moving your arms that quickly?!”

“I feel like an idiot.”

Meanwhile, you’re recording all of it on your phone. Haha! Blackmail.

You spent the day playing video games, watching TV, and hanging around the house.

So, at the end of the day, it wasn’t a total disaster.

Together

After Agoti and Tabi showed that they can act like decent people in front of kids, you agreed to let them join you whenever you’re babysitting.

You thought having three adults keeping track of two kids would make things easier, but they somehow manage to get into more trouble between the four of them.

“You’re supposed to the mature ones! How do you manage to cause this much trouble? On accident?!”

You always end up having to be the ‘Mom-friend’, but it rarely does any good.

“Let’s go to the spooky forest.”

“Yeah! Let’s go!”

“Let’s… not?”

“Let’s put it to a vote! Who wants to go into the cool spooky, haunted, abandoned forest?”

[Three hands immediately go up, followed by a fourth]

“And who wants to stay home and be boring?”

[One awkward hand goes up]

To be fair, Tabi at least tries to be a responsible adult, so it balances out Agoti’s chaotic enabling.

They once took everyone to Zardy’s maze. Never. Ever. Again.

“You’re going to get us lost, just like last time!”

“That was your fault! I knew exactly where we were going, but you kept taking us in the wrong direction!”

“Guys, we haven’t even gone into the maze yet. Look, the sign’s right behind yo-”

*angry SEGA Genesis and angry Russian noises intensify*

You decided to take Skid and Pump through the maze, and just left the two screaming outside the entrance. When you finally got to the end, they were still screaming. Not at each other, but at a scarecrow.

They’re a lot more well-behaved when you’re just hanging around town. Probably because otherwise they’d have to deal with police and witnesses.

If any shady creeps approach your group, Agoti and Tabi will stand right behind Skid and Pump, silently threatening until they back off.

They also do it whenever the Hatzgang starts picking on Skid and Pump, though they tone it down since Roy and his friends are still teenagers.

“Hey kid. You’re not causing trouble for my friends here, right?”

“N-No, sir! We’re just… kidding around. Oh God, please don’t kill me!”

For one Halloween, Skid and Pump dressed up as Tabi and Agoti.

“Aw! You two are look so cool and spooky!”

“How come you never call us cool and spooky?”

“Skid and Pump are cute kids. You two are public menaces.”

You frequently visit the candy store at the end of the day. On the off chance that there’s something the kids want but can’t get, Agoti will pay for it or bribe Kevin to look the other way. Sometimes it doesn’t work and then Tabi will threaten to demolish the store. That always works. You’ve started forcing them to wait outside the store while you buy everything yourself.

Even though Agoti and Tabi’s chaotic personalities feed into Skid and Pump’s mischievous behavior, you can tell that they genuinely like the kids, and you’re happy they get along well. Sometimes.

“Pump, where did you learn that word?”

“I heard Agoti shouting it when he was playing video games.”

“I thought so.”

Meanwhile

“Hm…”

“What’s up, dude?”

“I don’t why, but I think [Name’s] gonna kick my ass tomorrow.”

(Thanks for reading! Please give me things to write about?)

And what a year it has been. I have decided to not be original and follow the steps of other IF authors and have a little final updates on this year.

I don't really talk much about personal things on this Tumblr (maybe I should, maybe I should leave it like this), but it has been a strange year. I moved across the world early 2021, had to deal with a terrible administration to have my papers in orders (it took for some 8 months you guys...), lost some people and almost lost some more, was hella bored waiting for things to come through (completely out of my control), met some new people, had a small culture clash along the way... and, most importantly, survived another year (even with the C-panini looming over our heads - get vaccinated and boosted).

One highlight of this year was coming to this hell of a website and interacting with cool people, exchanging ideas and information, and working in even cooler projects. I think what saved my sanity was starting creating IF stuff. Sure I had to take a (long) break or two along the way, but helped so much with keeping a semblance of a routine (with M's help too).

Since April-ish, I have worked on a bunch of stuff (see the Master list). There is probably too much I want to say about these projects, so I'll limit myself to a few words each. Meeting the Parents was a RIDE, that taught me a coding language or two and some cool praises. Crimson Rose and White Lily has been and still is EXCITING, and reminded me to keep things simple and organized. Exquisite Cadaver was QUICK but not easy, and took me in a deeper dive into coding and macro use. TTTT was PAUSED as soon as it started, but it will come back hopefully sometime next year. And other ideas and projects that are still in the infant stage.

As I dived back into writing, something that I had forsaken for too many years, I learned a lot about myself and what I liked doing. I worked hard... and also barely. I wrote much more than I thought I would, and also barely finished NaNoWriMo. I failed many, many, times and also succeeded (unless you are called Tweego, I will master you next year!). I have given up and started again. I have been excited and annoyed, infuriated and ecstatic, and felt so much that I thought I would not feel as deeply again (fuck you, depression). And I have worked a lot on myself. I don't think I can completely stop comparing myself to other people, in how much or well I write or the numbers I get; or stop myself from feeling undeserving and out of place in this space. But sharing some stuff that is not always shared here and be vulnerable here has helped me tremendously. I can still be afraid to fail, but it is getting easier to get over with it.

This year has been great. This year has been terrible. It is ending just fine, around people I love and care, with some lovely food and drinks. I hope you are able enjoy the passage into the new year as happily as I definitively will.

Boy-o-boy am I excited for this new year!

I can't wait to get deeper into the IF Ocean and its wonderful games. I don't think I have been trying out as many games as I wanted, but I have already set myself some time to look up fun demos to try out and be excited about. I have a saved list already on itch. I also want to be more part of the community in terms of supporting other authors (as much as I can, cause we are all #broke here). Expect some bunch of reblogs maybe?

There are a few projects that I have on the horizon:

First, CRWL Chapter 2 should be out some time in 2022 Q1 (depends on how fast the re-drafting/proofreading goes).

I do want to finish and submit TTTT to the next IF Comp, the code is there and works, I just need to do the hard part of actually writing characters and backstory.

M has been hard at work with his Lovecraftian-inspired IF, which I will code (yay for less work!); I will take whatever is done and probably submit it to a Halloween-themed jam on itch later this year. I have read his file and I have to say... THIS IS SO COOL. Unfortunately, he is going to have busy days ahead so progress will be ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Some other stuff I am looking forward to:

I think one of my games will be hitting a milestone soon.

Next month will be the 6-month anniversary of CRWL, and like MtP I am planning on doing a small retrospection on how well it is doing and some stuff I've learnt working on this project.

Some other IFs I am following are getting an update or are releasing their demos.

Finally making Tweego my b*tch (hopefully... it's really not easy 😭)

My birthday will be coming up sooner than I'd like it too. But I've stopped being afraid of seeing my age grow and not feeling like I am keeping up with my peers. I am really looking forward to my favourite meal 😂

Finally, I've been toying with the idea of getting some sort of Kofi or add a Donate button to my itch page. And a Discord for beta testers. I'd need to mull it over a bit longer.

Anyway... see you all in the new year! Luv ya!

Headcanons for being a Party Member

Stranger Kids x reader

warnings:

a/n: 💖💖 these ones were kind bad but i hope you like!

prompt: anonymous: “Hi! Can you make a headcannon for Stranger Things of just being in the party? Sorry if its too vague. Thank you so much for giving us so much free content!!”

you’ve known the boys for a long, long time

your mom was friends with joyce in high school, so you knew will your whole life

he introduced you to mike and soon lucas and dustin had joined the mix

let’s face it, you guys weren’t the most popular, but as long as you had each other it was fine

“at recess do you want to play castle?”

“yes! but we need to make up our characters”

will the wise was born that day, it just stuck

you guys were obsessed with star wars when it came out

“i’d totally be a jedi” -mike

“mike, you’d cry at the sight of any alien creature”

“not true!”

“i think lucas would be a kickass pilot, though”

“i’d get the princess, too” -lucas

dustin ended up playing lightsabers with you, though

you’ve accidentally knocked down tons of stuff in mike’s basement

“cut it out, you guys!”

“soooorryyyyy”

“you are not!”

AV club was just the 5 of you acting afool under adult supervision

mr. clark was still proud of your young minds, though

D&D campaigns, you were the rogue

you were also easily distracted during the game

“anyone want chips, im gonna get some chips”

“no! you can’t leave now!”

“watch me”

playing with mike’s toys while he’s not looking

battling them with lucas, dustin, and will

until mike started protesting

bike rides around town until sunset

SLEEPOVERS

“who the hell is snoring?”

“i think it’s dustin”

“PILLOW FIGHT!!!”

“kids, time to sleep!” -any parent

“let’s watch a scary movie”

“no! i mean—i’m tired” -mike

depending on which house you were staying in, you’d have a great time

will’s brother, jonathan, was always nice to you

nancy...not so much

“hi na—” *door slams* “oh...”

erica always intruded on your sleepovers at lucas’s

“i wanna play! can i play?”

“no, erica, go play somewhere else”

“you’re so mean, lucas”

“bye!”

dustin didn’t have any siblings, but he did have a cat who was pretty nice

“hi mews!”

the night will disappeared was a night you’ll never forget

you were so determined to find him, he had to be around somewhere

you ended up getting in deeper water than you’d originally thought when you met eleven, who apparently had superpowers

“mike!!! you’re mom is gonna kill you for bringing a random girl in the house”

“i know! shhhhh”

she was weird to say the least

and it was pretty scary sneaking around with her

“dude...she has the force”

“shut up!”

after a long week of fighting with your friends and encountering inter dimensional monsters and the government, you realized your life would never be the same

your mom was pretty protective over you for a while

the party had to come to your house instead for the next few months

“sorry guys, she’s just...really upset about the whole thing”

“it’s okay, y/n. we don’t mind”

being each other’s support system

especially when it came to will, he really worried you guys

“today is will’s doctor visit, hope it goes okay...”

spending HOURS in the arcade, struggling to beat other people’s high scores

“i’m gonna do it! i’m gonna get the top score!”

“in your dreams, y/n”

hAlLoWeEn

you knew you weren’t supposed to dress up at school but no one was paying attention to you when you told them

unfortunate.

there was a new girl who mike hated right off the bat

but lucas and dustin wouldn’t stop fighting over

“you two are the worst, you know that?”

trick or treating and dumping your candy later on to trade, the most effective way to get the best halloween

“nougat, disgusting. anybody want it? i’ll give it to you for free”

*dustin and you simultaneously* “ME!”

dustin’s “pet lizard” scaring the hell out of you

“dart makes me...uncomfortable”

max pulling you aside to ask why mike hates her

“uh...he’s a dick? i don’t know”

you and max ended up getting along pretty okay, though

she did complain about mike a LOT though

and when lucas filled her in on the demogorgon/upside-down/eleven situation, EVERYONE was pissed

you guys realized that the upside down stuff was not over and there was an epic teamup with all of you yaaaay

steve harrington adopted you it’s true

eleven came back

that was cool

you gave her a hug bc like duh??? you missed her

steve babysitting you guys and then getting beat up by max’s stepbrother, billy

“can i hit him? i wanna hit him”

“do it!”

doing dumbass shit in the tunnels that ended up working out anyways! yay!

“we’re all gonna die we’re all gonna die oh my god i’m too young to die”

“Y/N STOP”

in the end everything was (mostly) okay but like, that was scarring

summer rolled around and el and mike were dating, max and lucas were dating, and dusting came back from camp and claimed to be dating some girl from faaaar away

“liar”

“i’m not lying!”

steve sneaking you into movies

he also gave you (and only you) free ice cream but only bc he knew you wouldn’t tell anyone else

robin and you talking while you hid in the break room to eat your ice cream

“so...what do you do for fun”

“kill monsters”

“oh...okay”

kinda sick of the party’s shit for a while, so dustin and you were off scheming with the scoops employees

bad ideaaaa!! the russians!! you were almost killed!!

rescue mission for steve and robin

“they’re high as shit”

“nO YOu aRe”

“wonderful, we’re screwed”

losing them fhdhdhsh

“y/n?!”

“what? i’m not a babysitter!”

being chased by russians but also the rest of the party showing up and updating you but also adults finally making an appearance and you wanting to cry because like what the fuck is happening

being chased by the mind flayer

“GUYS IF WE DONT MAKE IT I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW I LOVE YOU”

“Y/N. STOP SAYING THINGS THAT MAKE US THINK WE’RE GOING TO DIE”

eek that night sucked

you also almost fell down the hill that cerebro was placed on

and then uhhh hopper died so that was really bad and will ended up moving away with el and everyone was very sad

your mom cried when joyce left :(

you cried way too much

might i add going over to lucas’s to hang out with erica bc now you guys are friends lmaooo

“why are you here, y/n?”

“erica wanted me to come over”

“you two are impossible”

and to end this on a high note, the remaining party members in town were finally working through their differences as you all grew up and knew that it’d be impossible to separate for good

also pizza nights every week (sometimes accompanied by an older teen bc why not)

“if you guys eat all the damn pizza we’re gonna have a problem”

“we can’t help it! we’re growing!”

taglist: @locke-writes // @queenofthehairharrington // @praellee // @bonniesbabybunnie // @lotsoffandomrecs //

What Does The Fox Say?

Pairing: Dean x Reader Warnings: Crack. Orgy. Sex Party. Don’t let your nethers tingle, it’s barely flirting. SYNONYMS. Word Count: 2,300ish.   Summary/Prompt: There’s a case. Witches or something, and they’re killing people, specifically furries, maybe. As such one Dean Winchester goes to a furry sex party to look for clues... A/N: Written for @kalesrebellion​ “Bring On the Giggles” challenge. I think hope my synonyms for this challenge will be fairly obvious. Also, shoutout to @winchesters-meaty-feast​ who entertained my panic as this deadline loomed and pretty much talked me into birthing this ~thing. Sidenote - no disrespect to the furries who walk among us. It’s all exaggerated crack!fic. Peace and love. Yiffy on friends.

From the outside, it looks like any other two-story townhouse. There’s a car parked out front, normal mailbox, the works. Regular suburban home. The first clue that something out of the ordinary is happening inside—where the ordinary is mom, dad, and two-point four ankle-biters having dinner—is the windows. They’re all covered, curtains or blinds, it doesn’t matter. This is what it looks like when humans try to cover their tracks. Monsters choose places that are already deserted and forgotten. Humans hide in plain sight and end up sticking out like a sore thumb. Plus Dean has spent all day talking to furries about this house. Yeah, that’s the biggest clue, not the damn curtains. He’s had multiple lectures, not only from Sam but the furries, people, themselves. It’s not all about porn. They’d told him adamantly. Showed him drawings and all these things they’d made each other, and pictures from their conventions. We’re not all perverts! They could say it until they were blue in the face (they had), but Dean’s standing here looking at this house, knowing what’s inside, and it’s hard to believe the furries-are-innocent propaganda. It’s even harder to believe he’s walking in there of his own free will. The things he’ll do to save lives. Sam told him to change because “Freeze, FBI” might not go down well at this particular house party. What’s he supposed to change into? A Halloween costume? That suggestion earned him yet another talk about respecting people’s interests. Whatever. He gets it, they don’t all have full fursuit things and even the ones that do, don’t generally fuck in them, and really? Is it really fucking necessary that he knows this much about furries? At least he can put on a plain black tee and some jeans and Sam only half presses his lips together in disapproval. What is his brother expecting him to wear to a furry sex party? Cat ears? (Dean is offended by the implication even if Sam didn't say it out loud). Eventually, shuffling his feet, he makes it to the door and knocks. He doesn’t want to be here but Sam’s working another lead on the other side of town at a D&D meet up. All jokes about dungeons aside, Dean would have given up his music privileges all the way back to Kansas to switch places. Once again, scissors bit him in the ass. The door opens a few inches, enough to see, hand to god, a guy in white rabbit-ish body paint. He raises his eyebrows in Dean’s direction like he’s asking for something without saying the words. The guy definitely doesn’t twitch his nose and it definitely doesn’t remind Dean of that bunny from Bambi. Oh shit. The password. Right, because that was how you made a gathering like this more legit and less embarrassing. Dean’s throat tightens like the words don’t want to come out, or like he doesn’t want them to exist, “Yiffy Ki Yay.” Furry sons of bitches have even ruined Die Hard. The guy nods and pulls the door open enough to let Dean slide in, but not reveal too much of the clandestine activities to the outside world. Not that anyone on Maple Avenue is looking into this particular door. Either the neighbors know better or they don’t care. Although now that he’s inside Dean can see his nameless host is also wearing tall, white ears and furry cuffs on his ankles and wrists. The first of what, Dean assumes, will be many red flags that he should leave. Not that he heeds the warning. “First time?” The rabbit asks while Dean attempts to scan as much as he can see without a slack jaw. “Yeah,” he breathes out. Dean has been around the block. He’s seen the inside of more than just strip clubs. His number one use of the Internet is porn, his second? More porn. This is something else. He’s not judging, well, he's trying not to judge and failing miserably. These people aren’t hurting anyone though. In fact, someone might be trying to hurt them. Or the D&D players. They were still on the fence about how the groups were linked beside the weird deaths. Granted some of this party seems very vanilla from what he can see. He catches a glimpse of the dining room, which has been cleared of most of its furniture, and there’s your everyday orgy of mangled limbs. Those limbs happen to be a little furrier than normal is all. Thankfully not everyone is dressed as an animal. Not that anybody will be telling Sam that he was right. Some people are dotted around watching, or drinking like the sex isn’t happening, and some of the people getting involved are in plain clothes. Or, naked but not wearing any sort of animal accessory. At first glance, there’s a part of Dean that thinks he can appreciate the hedonism of it, without being bogged down by the fact that they're all cosplaying as goddamn animals. Animal enthusiasts, he corrects in his head before Sam telepathically delivers a bitch face from across town. And then he’s walking through the kitchen and there are two people nuzzling each other. People might not be the right word because they’re dressed as cats. Holding each other and stretching and bending their limbs. All feline movements and what he thinks is a purring noise, but he can’t confirm or deny because of the music coming from the cheap speakers on the counter. It might be sweet if it wasn’t in the middle of a sex party. Yeah, this is still going to take some getting used to. The rabbit is yammering, mentioning ground rules that Dean is only half listening to while he tries not to stare at the cats. He’s listening enough to follow the rules but actually, he can’t bring himself to look away from the most PC thing happening in the joint. “Did you get that because I heard the door…?” This time Floppy speaks with enough urgency that Dean snaps his focus back to the white rabbit. “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll-” he wants to say ‘mingle’ like it’s a seventies swingers party and his biggest concern is where his car keys are. He licks his dry lips and they still feel like sandpaper, “-look around.” He does need to look around, talk to people, do his job. That’s why he’s here feeling like the spare dick at a fucking contest. Dean knows his limits though and before he investigates he's gonna need a beer.  Once he’s got a bottle in his hand, which he got from the fridge because he doesn’t trust anything that was sitting on any surface, even unopened, he starts climbing the stairs. The tinny music, the sound of bodies slapping against each other, and the low din of people talking like normal adults all fade with each step until he’s at the top. Practically not at a furry orgy anymore. Except it’s a new horrific game now. What’s behind door number one? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembers Whiskers going on about the rules of the rooms. Lock up if you want privacy. Unlocked and shut means viewers welcome. Open doors are an invitation to play. That’s the word Thumper had used, play. The first door is locked. He skips the second because he can hear what's going on inside and even if he was in the mood to creep (he’s not), you don't walk in on the money shot. The third room is a bathroom, a stark reminder he's in a house that people live in. The fourth door he tries is blissfully empty. It looks like a guest room. Walls that are basic beige and nothing identifying. Then he sits on the bed and presses his back into the wall. He realizes this bed has probably been used for the activities he’s already seen tonight. Out of sight, out of mind. Dean takes out his phone and stares, annoyed, at the screen. Sam hasn’t messaged him, so the case isn’t solved and he doesn’t have an excuse to leave. He takes a swig of his beer and types with his free hand, trying to make an excuse. Find anything yet? Another long drag while he waits, forcing the drink down his throat in the hopes of some small semblance of dutch courage. Or in the hopes that everything is solved, so he can go back to the motel and beat his meat to hentai like a normal person. No, but this is actually really interesting. You? Dean’s fingers twitch wanting nothing more than to throw the phone against a wall. If he wasn’t obligated to text back to illustrate that he’s still alive then he might leave Sam high and dry. As it is his reply is short and simple. Nothing. He feels no need to mention that he hasn’t actually looked yet. Dean puts his phone away and throws his head back against the wall at the exact moment the door opens. She stumbles in with the ghost of a giggle on her lips. He’s expecting there to be someone following her considering the party he’s attending. Two people blundering into a room looking for a place to get some privacy. Except she’s alone and she’s not concerned to find him alone either. Her eyes widen a little but her smile is soft, “sorry, you’re not waiting on someone are you?” “Me?” He asks, concerned that he has picked up some paraphernalia along the way. Anything that might suggest he’s a part of this. She continues to wait for an answer to her question instead of answering his. “No, Nah. Just taking a breather.” “Thank god, me too.” She blows out a relieved puff of air before shutting the door behind her. In doing so she flashes him her tail. She’s a fox. Or some version of a fox. She hasn’t gone as far as body paint. Her outfit almost seems costumey rather than serious. It’s this orange mini dress—if it could be called a dress for how little it leaves to his imagination—with a bushy, foxtail attached. He hadn’t noticed her ears immediately, but now he’s seen them, there they are. Ginger and pointed on top of her head, and when she turns back to him he finally notices the little, black nose she has painted on. She sits down next to him, scoots herself on top of the sheets making them bunch under her. She doesn’t seem to care about him having dibs over the bed or room and it only takes a few seconds for him to not care either. In this close proximity, inches apart, he doesn’t see a fox, even if she is definitely dressed up as a fox. He sees bare legs crossed at the ankle, her dress fighting to contain her cleavage and the sheen of her skin from dancing. She’s holding a red solo cup, he assumes half full of alcohol considering the pink flushing her cheeks. “I’m going to take a guess,” she leans until her shoulder is pressed against his arm, “you’re either a first-timer or you’re lost.” Dean laughs because he feels lost even if his cover is supposed to be the former. “First time, that obvious, huh? Thanks for pointing it out. Real considerate of you.” She bites her lip enough to get him looking at her mouth. Thinking about her mouth. “Wolf?” “What?” “I get it, first-timers are still trying to be normal, but the dark colors and the brooding loner thing you have going on in here. A wolf missing his pack?” She brings her knees up and bends her legs under herself while she guesses. Twists her body in his direction. He can’t tell if she’s joking. It sounds half ridiculous and makes him think of the kind of wolves he hunts. Dean lies anyway, “ding ding. Tell the woman what she’s won. Or do you prefer..?” Dean waves a hand to her everything fox related as if he might seriously start using ‘fox’ instead of ‘woman’. His gesturing hand lands on her waist while the other takes another swig from his brown bottle. “‘S fine. We’re all still people underneath. I’ve got a job and everything.” She rolls her shoulders like she’s showing off for being employed, which shuffles her whole body half an inch closer to his until her knees are touching his thigh. She’s facing him, his arm still lazily, half wrapped around her as she raises her cup to her lips. “Oh yeah, what do you do, sweetheart?” He lets the syrup fall from his mouth because foxes like honey.

She laughs, the sound tinkles in the space between them. “I’m a diner chef. Nothing exciting unless you like to eat?” His tongue peeks out between his teeth, his lips smirking suggestively. “I’ve been known to enjoy a-,” Dean's eyes flick down her body to where her dress is stretching over her thighs, and then back to her face, “fur burger.” Nowhere else on the fucking planet would he get away with saying that. Only at a furry sex party. She doesn’t just smile at his line though, she hums, pleased he’s playing along, and slides a hand along the outer hem of his jeans. Fingers slowly crawling up his leg and tracing the denim.

One blink and the air is thicker, heavier, and Dean doesn’t give a shit when it happened.

Her eyes flash playfully as she finishes her drink. “Mmm, the only way to make sure a burger is done is a good thrust of a meat thermometer.” 

5eva tags: @divadinag​ @darthdeziewok​ @fluentinfiction​ @witch-of-letters​ @supernatural-teamfreewill-blog​​ @magnitude101999​ @alexwinchester23​ @jesseswartzwelder​ Dean babes: @thewinchesterchronicles​ @akshi8278​ @erins-culinary-service​ @bloodydaydreamer​ @iamabeautifulperson18​ @ellewritesfix05​

Hi! I was wondering if I could request a matchup? :)

My name is Cecilia, and my pronouns are she/they! I am a Aries sun Aquarius moon and Leo rising. Im Bisexual ( I don't really have a preference in gender tbh) and im a ENFP-T. When it comes to the physical aspects, I am 5'8, I have dark brown hair and eyes and I have freckles on my face (like my face is FULL of freckles). I'm also chubby and I have the fear of accidentally squishing people if I sit on their laps or if they carry me 😀. And I'm kinda blind lol I use glasses bc I can't see shit without them 😃. I would like to add that im mexican with spanish and Italian roots. I am an amvibert, but depending on my moods and my hormones I can be more inclined to being a extrovert or introvert. When someone meets me for the first time you will either get the first impression that im a rude and sarcastic person that doesn't care about anyone and I will kill you (basically a person with a resting bitch face) OR I am one of the nicest human beings that you will ever meet on the planet earth. There isn't really a in-between. BUT, usually when I warm up to people I can be really chaotic and fun. oH I also am a really clumsy person (I will trip over air, literally...). But I tend to be a very snarky and loud person, and some people might not really like that. Some people also say that I act like this or try to have this personality bc im trying to be "qUiRkY aNd dIfFerEnT", but in reality I'm literally just plain weird 😐 (like actually what normal person screams at 3 AM bc they just felt like it, scares everyone in the house and goes back to sleep like nothing happened-). Some of my hobbies are to listen to music, read books, ride my bike, roller skate, play video games, watch horror movies, drink orange juice at 3 AM while singing and dancing along to the titanic flute song, and scaring children and my dad😄. I also really enjoy learning new languages and for now I speak 4; Spanish (which is my native one), English, Portuguese and Russian, I'm trying to learn Japanese. I hate strawberries, thunderstorms and hateful people.

Thanks and have a nice day, take care and stay safe 🥺💓

❝ Hi I wanted to know if I could participate in your 200 follower even :). I sent a matchup some days ago but forgot to ask if I could participate. Anyways thanks and have a nice day! Happy 200 followers lovely!!!! ❞

a/n: hello, lovely! dw, you didn’t forget to ask if you could participate! also, welcome to my blog! hope you enjoy your stay here~ <3

i match you with...

Sugawara Koushi!!!

chubby? plus size? say no more than the ever so chaotic Suga

he also has that two-faced persona when meeting people; either feral or momma suga, there’s no in between

he thinks your cute when you lit trip on nothing but air, dw he won’t make fun of you

instead, he will kith kith on pain away like a fking dream boat that he is 😘😘😘

meeting each other

you guys met during Halloween when you scared his students away from him during his break

he thanks you and insists on taking you somewhere to repay you cuz those damn hooligans always pester him (lmao he sounds old 🤣)

you’re just like: yay, free food cough him cough

falling in love

i feel it in my bones that you two hardcore pin for each other, like date already 🤦‍♀️

everybody is so shocked when they ask you, if you’re dating Suga and you’re like no

i lowkey think they would ship and otp you guys LMAOOOO

confession

i feel like this is one of the coincidences that you two would confess on the same day

idk how and why, it just happened

just goals, like you two are the literal definition of relationship goals

as a couple

he likes doing your hobbies along with you as a stress reliever

very chaotic!!!

but he will stop at a reasonable time when he feels it’s getting out of hand

loves being a little spoon 🥺🥺🥺

he whispers sweet nothings to you that makes your heart go 💗💗💗💕💕

he got that tongue technology 👅 this is a joke and a reference to Suga from BTS (i couldn’t help but add it 🤪)

— other potential candidates: osamu, daishu, & kageyama

hello. over my tumblr break a few months ago i got bored enough to count the frequencies of every word in joe iconis songs and i don’t know what else to do with this info so here y’all go. every word in joe iconis songs with 10+ occurrences in descending order but i also factored out the 250 most common words in the english language badly (warning, this is a 484 item long list).

1 ('i', 2375) 2 ("i'm", 708) 3 ("it's", 366) 4 ('oh', 312) 5 ('gonna', 204) 6 ('yeah', 175) 7 ('got', 163) 8 ("you're", 160) 9 ('am', 160) 10 ('na', 149) 11 ('wanna', 130) 12 ('hey', 129) 13 ('love', 127) 14 ('feel', 122) 15 ("i'll", 117) 16 ('things', 111) 17 ('really', 97) 18 ("i'd", 97) 19 ('bang', 93) 20 ('girl', 87) 21 ('ever', 86) 22 ("can't", 84) 23 ('better', 78) 24 ("there's", 78) 25 ("she's", 78) 26 ("i've", 75) 27 ('whoa', 74) 28 ('baby', 73) 29 ("that's", 70) 30 ('gotta', 69) 31 ("we're", 68) 32 ("ain't", 63) 33 ("won't", 63) 34 ('cool', 61) 35 ('song', 58) 36 ('away', 57) 37 ('anymore', 56) 38 ('because', 55) 39 ('ya', 55) 40 ('always', 54) 41 ('remember', 54) 42 ('gone', 51) 43 ('guess', 51) 44 ('person', 51) 45 ('woman', 49) 46 ('sing', 49) 47 ('blood', 49) 48 ('stay', 48) 49 ('care', 48) 50 ('into', 47) 51 ('mind', 46) 52 ('whatever', 46) 53 ('jeremy', 45) 54 ("didn't", 45) 55 ('wish', 45) 56 ('feeling', 43) 57 ('ooh', 43) 58 ('cuz', 43) 59 ("you'll", 43) 60 ('ribbit', 43) 61 ('everything', 42) 62 ("you've", 42) 63 ('done', 41) 64 ('nothing', 41) 65 ('fine', 41) 66 ('girls', 41) 67 ('something', 40) 68 ('please', 40) 69 ('hate', 40) 70 ('walk', 40) 71 ('nanana', 40) 72 ('going', 39) 73 ('maybe', 39) 74 ('hear', 39) 75 ('used', 39) 76 ('fall', 39) 77 ('wrong', 38) 78 ('fire', 37) 79 ('rather', 37) 80 ('around', 36) 81 ('shit', 36) 82 ('ba', 36) 83 ('heart', 36) 84 ('leave', 36) 85 ('ah', 36) 86 ('being', 36) 87 ('oh-h', 36) 88 ("he's", 35) 89 ('till', 35) 90 ('fight', 35) 91 ('face', 35) 92 ('la-la-la', 35) 93 ('da', 35) 94 ("let's", 34) 95 ('sure', 34) 96 ('hope', 34) 97 ('nana', 34) 98 ('guy', 33) 99 ('knew', 33) 100 ('wanted', 33) 101 ('shoot', 33) 102 ('em', 32) 103 ('rich', 32) 104 ('together', 32) 105 ('looking', 32) 106 ('myself', 32) 107 ('knock', 32) 108 ('chop', 32) 109 ('makes', 31) 110 ('since', 31) 111 ('whiskey', 31) 112 ('uh', 30) 113 ("they're", 30) 114 ('gimme', 30) 115 ('rick', 30) 116 ('somebody', 29) 117 ('those', 29) 118 ("doesn't", 29) 119 ('red', 29) 120 ('totally', 29) 121 ('hell', 29) 122 ("what's", 29) 123 ('hall', 29) 124 ('die', 29) 125 ('annie', 29) 126 ('bad', 28) 127 ('stop', 28) 128 ("you'd", 28) 129 ('listen', 28) 130 ('mamma', 28) 131 ('la-la-la-la', 28) 132 ('do-do', 28) 133 ('tonight', 27) 134 ('okay', 27) 135 ('hair', 27) 136 ("c'mon", 27) 137 ('roll', 27) 138 ('without', 27) 139 ('michael', 27) 140 ('christine', 27) 141 ('bounty', 27) 142 ('almost', 26) 143 ('another', 26) 144 ('kinda', 26) 145 ('mine', 26) 146 ('rock', 26) 147 ('records', 26) 148 ('music', 26) 149 ('lonely', 25) 150 ('words', 25) 151 ('heard', 25) 152 ('yo', 25) 153 ('madeline', 25) 154 ('says', 25) 155 ('band', 25) 156 ('lots', 25) 157 ('alive', 25) 158 ('god', 24) 159 ('times', 24) 160 ('battle', 24) 161 ('skin', 24) 162 ('dada', 24) 163 ('revolution', 24) 164 ('institution', 24) 165 ('broke', 23) 166 ('talk', 23) 167 ('eyes', 23) 168 ("who's", 23) 169 ('hold', 23) 170 ('burned', 23) 171 ('morning', 23) 172 ('chill', 23) 173 ('pretty', 23) 174 ('car', 23) 175 ('young', 23) 176 ('la-la', 23) 177 ('tired', 23) 178 ('nation', 23) 179 ('friend', 22) 180 ('everybody', 22) 181 ('rehearsal', 22) 182 ('true', 22) 183 ('inside', 22) 184 ('squip', 22) 185 ('ready', 21) 186 ('best', 21) 187 ('understand', 21) 188 ('else', 21) 189 ('lot', 21) 190 ('party', 21) 191 ('ignore', 21) 192 ('bit', 21) 193 ('cut', 21) 194 ('gets', 20) 195 ('sometimes', 20) 196 ("isn't", 20) 197 ('whole', 20) 198 ("everybody's", 20) 199 ('starts', 20) 200 ('feels', 20) 201 ('everyone', 20) 202 ('room', 20) 203 ('dry', 20) 204 ('nice', 20) 205 ('juvie', 20) 206 ('sleep', 20) 207 ('wonder', 20) 208 ('size', 20) 209 ('ass', 20) 210 ('welcome', 20) 211 ('seen', 19) 212 ('weird', 19) 213 ('soon', 19) 214 ('yourself', 19) 215 ('alone', 19) 216 ('flame', 19) 217 ('taking', 19) 218 ('friends', 19) 219 ('enough', 19) 220 ('born', 19) 221 ('lordy', 19) 222 ('hunter', 19) 223 ('relate', 19) 224 ('yai', 19) 225 ('today', 18) 226 ('loser', 18) 227 ('bitch', 18) 228 ('until', 18) 229 ('arm', 18) 230 ('comes', 18) 231 ('dead', 18) 232 ('told', 18) 233 ('ow', 18) 234 ('honey', 18) 235 ('years', 18) 236 ('whack', 18) 237 ("we'll", 18) 238 ('n', 18) 239 ('nerd', 18) 240 ('fell', 18) 241 ('dad', 17) 242 ('pants', 17) 243 ('huh', 17) 244 ('nobody', 17) 245 ('mad', 17) 246 ('getting', 17) 247 ("wasn't", 17) 248 ('scared', 17) 249 ('wait', 17) 250 ('body', 17) 251 ('quite', 17) 252 ('hands', 17) 253 ('ohh', 17) 254 ('hurt', 17) 255 ('deserve', 17) 256 ('ride', 17) 257 ('game', 17) 258 ('survive', 17) 259 ('upgrade', 17) 260 ('free', 17) 261 ('certain', 17) 262 ('wha-oh', 17) 263 ('cigarettes', 17) 264 ('writer', 17) 265 ('bands', 17) 266 ('hunters', 17) 267 ('hang', 16) 268 ("wouldn't", 16) 269 ('age', 16) 270 ('cry', 16) 271 ('sky', 16) 272 ('past', 16) 273 ('behind', 16) 274 ('someone', 16) 275 ('saying', 16) 276 ('black', 16) 277 ('job', 16) 278 ('la', 16) 279 ('fix', 16) 280 ('alright', 16) 281 ('shot', 16) 282 ('bar', 16) 283 ('deal', 16) 284 ('respect', 16) 285 ('dog', 16) 286 ('flicks', 16) 287 ('strong', 15) 288 ("haven't", 15) 289 ('glad', 15) 290 ('next', 15) 291 ('escape', 15) 292 ('fun', 15) 293 ('though', 15) 294 ('promise', 15) 295 ('hide', 15) 296 ('ammonia', 15) 297 ('likes', 15) 298 ('thinks', 15) 299 ('yes', 15) 300 ('nurse', 15) 301 ('looks', 15) 302 ('halloween', 15) 303 ('twice', 15) 304 ('bout', 15) 305 ('sight', 15) 306 ('along', 15) 307 ('forget', 15) 308 ('voices', 15) 309 ('bathroom', 15) 310 ('master', 15) 311 ("shiro's", 15) 312 ('badass', 15) 313 ('rosalie', 15) 314 ('setting', 15) 315 ('road', 14) 316 ('dude', 14) 317 ('brain', 14) 318 ('kid', 14) 319 ('drink', 14) 320 ('means', 14) 321 ('guys', 14) 322 ('bed', 14) 323 ('doing', 14) 324 ('breathe', 14) 325 ('happy', 14) 326 ('scream', 14) 327 ('mistakes', 14) 328 ('anything', 14) 329 ('goes', 14) 330 ('blue', 14) 331 ('pretend', 14) 332 ('social', 14) 333 ('shout', 14) 334 ('geek', 14) 335 ('buddy', 14) 336 ("everything's", 14) 337 ("helen's", 14) 338 ('golden', 14) 339 ('movin', 14) 340 ('st', 14) 341 ("anne's", 14) 342 ('finally', 13) 343 ('choose', 13) 344 ('smoke', 13) 345 ('voice', 13) 346 ('terrible', 13) 347 ('happened', 13) 348 ('pass', 13) 349 ('street', 13) 350 ("couldn't", 13) 351 ('wall', 13) 352 ('instead', 13) 353 ('clear', 13) 354 ('tight', 13) 355 ('damn', 13) 356 ('susannah', 13) 357 ('smile', 13) 358 ('waiting', 13) 359 ('ground', 13) 360 ('remind', 13) 361 ('coolness', 13) 362 ('sad', 13) 363 ("things'll", 13) 364 ('brother', 13) 365 ("it'll", 13) 366 ('somewhere', 13) 367 ('veins', 13) 368 ('cat', 12) 369 ('weather', 12) 370 ('children', 12) 371 ("weren't", 12) 372 ('fucking', 12) 373 ('sorry', 12) 374 ('clean', 12) 375 ('pour', 12) 376 ('different', 12) 377 ('singing', 12) 378 ('coming', 12) 379 ('thinking', 12) 380 ('trying', 12) 381 ('sick', 12) 382 ('bone', 12) 383 ('least', 12) 384 ('lisa', 12) 385 ('nothin', 12) 386 ('dear', 12) 387 ('white', 12) 388 ('hot', 12) 389 ('charlie', 12) 390 ('family', 12) 391 ('door', 12) 392 ('korean', 12) 393 ('dodo', 12) 394 ('c-c-c', 12) 395 ('yours', 12) 396 ('c-c-c-come', 12) 397 ('wants', 11) 398 ('bloody', 11) 399 ('called', 11) 400 ('forever', 11) 401 ('sweet', 11) 402 ('soul', 11) 403 ('swear', 11) 404 ('touch', 11) 405 ('easy', 11) 406 ('days', 11) 407 ('stage', 11) 408 ('across', 11) 409 ('woah', 11) 410 ('crazy', 11) 411 ('town', 11) 412 ('dress', 11) 413 ('top', 11) 414 ('loves', 11) 415 ('rage', 11) 416 ('phone', 11) 417 ('super', 11) 418 ('feet', 11) 419 ('mess', 11) 420 ('penny', 11) 421 ('stars', 11) 422 ('supposed', 11) 423 ('miss', 11) 424 ('college', 11) 425 ('hates', 11) 426 ('quit', 11) 427 ('history', 11) 428 ('cage', 11) 429 ('falling', 11) 430 ('mcfly', 11) 431 ("i'mma", 11) 432 ('played', 11) 433 ('touching', 11) 434 ('band-aids', 11) 435 ('fox', 11) 436 ('thank', 11) 437 ('pitiful', 11) 438 ('covered', 11) 439 ('open', 10) 440 ("they'll", 10) 441 ("we've", 10) 442 ('feelings', 10) 443 ('gun', 10) 444 ('living', 10) 445 ('wow', 10) 446 ('book', 10) 447 ('wonderful', 10) 448 ('blame', 10) 449 ('brooke', 10) 450 ('space', 10) 451 ('slow', 10) 452 ('longer', 10) 453 ('naked', 10) 454 ("he'd", 10) 455 ('star', 10) 456 ('shirt', 10) 457 ('looked', 10) 458 ('i’m', 10) 459 ('standing', 10) 460 ('break', 10) 461 ('lame', 10) 462 ('ten', 10) 463 ('york', 10) 464 ('met', 10) 465 ('dreadfuls', 10) 466 ('mountain', 10) 467 ('push', 10) 468 ('two-player', 10) 469 ('war', 10) 470 ('talkin', 10) 471 ('throw', 10) 472 ('normal', 10) 473 ('hat', 10) 474 ('christmas', 10) 475 ('silver', 10) 476 ('freak', 10) 477 ('mom', 10) 478 ('garage', 10) 479 ('become', 10) 480 ('flesh', 10) 481 ('bastard', 10) 482 ('broadway', 10) 483 ('amphibian', 10) 484 ('outlaw', 10)

To Do List:

What's up, my Herd of Nerds?

Anyway, as you can tell, tomorrow is AU Sunday. But, because it's one after a 'my input' one, it's a follower input AU day! Yay!

So, send me your AUs and I'll put all of em in a hat to pick one randomly. The winner is picked and posted and we'll all try and make headcanons about your AU.

Done:

Zombie Apocalypse AU :: (https://hermitcraftheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/618314308275863552/zombie-apocalypse-au-masterpost)

Pirate AU ::

Currently In The Raffle:

-Toy Story AU.

-Ever After High/Descendants/Vaguely 'nex gen priness' AU.

-Eldritch Horror AU :: Or if that's a bit too out there, a more normal Monster AU. I don't care, but in my heart, I know Cleo is some kind of eldritch horror. Zombie is far too easy.

-Eldritch Monster AU! Hermits are all Lovecraftian horrors who all individually decided that they wanted to pretend to be normal and are all trying to hide their otherworldliness. I also feel like Mumbo or X or someone as the one actually "normal" player on the server would work well. Most hermits don't know that everyone else isn't normal either, but some find out about friends maybe.

-Rabid Debate Club AU :: Random weird au idea where it's basic hs/uni au but like two of them try to start a debate club, then invite some friends just so there's enough people; cut to like two months later, it's all the hermits just fighting over whether or not pineapple should go on pizza or not lol it isn't very good i'm sorry but ya know rabid debate club AU.

-Animal/shapeshifting AU :: (Suggested Twice.) Every hermit can shapeshift into one token animal. (If it's something like "dog," they can only turn into one breed and color of dog, EXAMPLE: doc can shift into a black sable belgian malinois, but not anything else.)

-Wedding Planners AU :: Hermits work in various unrelated businesses such as a bakery, flower shop, etc., but see each other semi-often bc they're semi-often called upon to work together by another hermit's wedding planning business (obvs if you couldn't tell i know absolutely nothing abt wedding planning & businesses n shit lol but it's the /concept/ of it yannknow)

-Avatar: The Last Air Bender AU. (Suggested Thrice.)

-Fusion AU :: (Also suggested by Anon.) (Suggested Twice.) What if Hermits could fuse with each other? (Viva and Jumbo fused into MumboJumbo.)

-SCP AU :: The hermits have spooky powers and are kept locked up bc of it (or they have to keep the world safe from monsters and cursed objects!)

-RPG AU :: I feel like someone already thought of that but I am just wondering about it lately :p -🍋

-Adventure Time AU :: The hermits live in a post-apocalyptic world and the Lich (bad guy) is making everything decay. They need to gather all the gems (belt colours) to unlock the Enchiridion (a book) and have one wish each granted from Prismo (multiverse wish granting dude) before the Lich does. Only 4 elements can enter the multiverse: Slime (The Lich & Jevin), Redstone (Tango or Mumbo?), Ice (Stress), and Dirt (Grian, much to his dismay). Only the elementals can see the book. Grian's the protagonist with his sidekick Scar. He originally started collecting the belts because they were shiny but eventually decided to read the book and find out what they were for when Scar said he didn't see it. Doc, False, and Iskall are major obstacles because they don't believe the book exists.</p>

-Total Drama Island AU.

-Magical Girl AU :: Zedaph's the lead magical girl and rounds up a bunch of other magical girl hermits.

-Pokeman AU :: What are the Hermit's roles in this world? Who's the Champion, Elite Four. Are they scientists? Trainers? Do they compete in competitions, do they specialize in types? Who's everyone's starter? Has anyone encountered any legendaries?

-College AU

-High School AU

-Wizard101 AU :: I (🦊) recently got this AU idea and recently started going off somewhere with it in terms of writing, but, like, Hermitcraft meets Wizard101. Tons and tons of magical shenanigans, monster hunting, and idk what else.

-Magic AU

-My Hero Academia AU :: Headcanons can be about which hermits would have what quirks and occupations based on them.

-So I'm writing an AU where there's a second game of Demise but 5 years later. So far the first 2 hermits (Joe and Xisuma) have died, and their dead forms are cracked with an arrow in his chest (Xisuma) and cyborg (Joe). So since it's Saturday, I'm looking for what some skins would look for.

-City AU :: I mean this is really just a normal everyday AU.

-School AU.

-Terraria-Minecraft Fusion AU :: Who chooses what class? what events do each hermit prefer? how to they deal with the world infections? preferred biomes? Favourite NPCS? It has potentiallllll.

-70s/80s Teen Horror AU :: (like Stranger Things, Carreie, The Lost Boys, Halloween, etc.) -🦇

-Demi-God AU :: Sort of like percy jackson (everyone being the children of different gods from all different cultures.)

-Supernatural AU

-Marching Band AU :: Xisuma is the band major and all the show music is the remixes. I need to come up with some ideas for uniforms. Outfits and flags for the colorguard too.

-Different Eras AU :: (Suggested Twice.) All the hermits are from different time periods or eras. Like Wels is from the mediveal/dark era, Mumbo is from 1890-1920's, Iskall is from 2030, TFC is from 2020(?), Cleo is from 2130, etc!!! Like the mobs/animals became feused with humans, is when the mob players came from.

-Star Trek AU :: Like maybe they could be on one ship and each have different roles like engineers or doctors? I don’t know if this has been suggested but hope you enjoy! - 🐦

-House Mates AU :: ApartmentAU but scaled down?

-Atlantis AU :: (Could be merged with Mermaid AU???)

-Fighting Game AU :: Some influences would be Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and Ultra Instinct, that kind of stuff.

-Time loop AU :: The hermits each have to deal with their own time loop.

(All those above in red are from our community's lovely Anons!)

-Superhero/superpower AU :: They each have a unique power/powerset that is in some way connected to their personality. (ie Mumbo *could* control electricity because of his love of redstone) Some Hermits may even choose to be "villains" and prank their other servermates. If you need power ideas, I've got a couple. (12u3ie)

-Daycare AU :: The recap peeps are the caretakers :P (-@tikauniverse.)

-Incredibly Long Cross Country Train Ride AU :: they all are in the same train car, telling stories of where they’re going, backstories.)

-Stuck In An Airport AU :: pretty similar to train au but they can be going diff places.

-Doctors AU :: they’re all doctors working at the same hospital.)

-Circus AU (Also suggested by an Anon.) (Suggested Twice.)

-Spy AU (Also suggested by @shadeswiftdraws.) (Suggested Twice.)

-Runaways AU :: The hermits are all teenagers who have run away from home, they all live on the streets until TFC takes them in. Head canons can be about backstories, living on the streets, or when they’re with TFC.

-Criminals and Police Officers AU

(-@lookitsspacekween)

-Dancer AU :: I mean, I already got a list kind of planned out, but headcanons for why specific styles are chosen would be appreciated! :) (usedtobelucythefallenangel)

-Broadway/Musicals Hermits AU :: The hermits are all casts of various musicals and when this newly-built theater opens up they all fight for which musical gets to play in it first (they have a riff-off maybe?) musicals mainly included are Hamilton, BMC, DEH, SiX, Beetlejuice, etc (feel free to add more!) (-@heyitsroby.)

-DnD AU (Also suggested by Anon.) (Suggested twice.)

-Mermaid AU :: In honor of the end of Mermay

-Space exploration AU :: There could be different ships, command centers, aliens.... Maybe someone could even get stranded/crash on a new planet? Who knows, could be fun.

-Paranormal/ghost hunter AU :: A couple Hermits could be the ghost hunters going to haunted locations to prove/disprove their hauntedness, others could be camera crew, owners of haunted buildings, or even the ghosts themselves.

-Camping/Vacation AU.

-Summer Cottage AU :: They all spend summers/weekends along the same shoreline and do different summer activities together. Outdoor fun and shenanigans!

-Space AU :: like star trek or similar.

-I would say evil clone au but I think that's pretty much the entire Hermitcraft tumblr right now lol. (Suggested twice.)

(-@shadeswiftdraws.)

-Magic AU :: Magic exists and all the hermits have powers. They can also summon a weapon but what that weapon is depends on the hermit. I'm thinking it'll take place in a sort-of Demise 2 in S7 with a big war. So far I've got: Grian - Cloning himself to his different personas (each has a different power). Xisuma - Making barriers, teleporting, and transforming into different mobs. Scar - Making mutant plants & boosting other hermits' attack & health. (-@datsaltyperson.)

-Demon AU :: Something enters the overworld and turns into a supernatural style-demon through Dimentional Distortion. Who gets posessed first, who goes crazy, and who actually kills it? Honestly I think that, if anything, Tango would know how to gank it, for obvious reasons. (-@fireflower-dusk.)

-High Street AU :: Everyone owns a different shop on the same street or some run a shop together (-@violets-arepurple.)

-Cat AU :: Either they're were always cats, or Hels turned everyone, including himself, into a cat, and they have to survive and overcome challenges in the Season 7 world. An example of a challenge would be Cub's a Sand Cat(the cats that always look like kittens no matter how old they are and live in deserts), and everyone's not sure if he can actually swim, so they have to find a way for him to get around without involving water. (-@scp10000.)

-How about a secret AU.. Every hermit has their big secrets and when Grian joined. He doesn't really know anything about those secrets even till season 7. Not many hermits talked to him in S6 anyway.. Mumbo was the closest to him so they would have regular chats For Iskall is mostly business related things Grian wants to know why so he set out on a quest to force the others to at least talk to him so he wouldn't be lonely. (-@babylightstudentbiscuit.)

-Hermit Family AU :: Xisuma is very busy dad but when he isnt busy the kids and younger hermits annoying the hell out of him. Grian once asked to use Xisuma's computer and crashed the whole thing trying to download illegal gamesites and get money off the internet. Mumbo and his trains run through the entire house and Xisuma trips on them daily. (-@gamerutx.)

-College AU!! But they are not students. THEY ARE THE TEACHERS (-@ivi-prism.)

Ones I planned to do anyway but Hermitblr Hivemind and all that:

Battle of The Bands AU: i believe u once mentioned a bands/ battle of the bands au... thats my jam... (Anon.)

For a prompt could you do a Halloween one in the semi-charmed world? like even though bucky hates humans he loves Halloween and tony is fascinated but so confused

Dear god, I know I got to this like three months late but its... been a fucking time for me. But I got to it! Also, this exact ask is why I like asking for prompts. Y’all ask for such interesting and creative things that I never would have thought of otherwise :) @boompowkablam Also I had like 3K for this written but then Tumblr ate it so I kind of rage quit for awhile.

(Semi-Charmed for those who haven’t read it)

*

Tony isn’t sure how he’ll take it because he knows, he knows, that Halloween has got to be a sensitive topic for him when people run around pretending to be werewolves and whatnot. But it’d be nice to have him come along to an event even if he’d get it if Bucky said no. He doesn’t much look bothered though and that’s... Tony doesn’t know what that means.

“Okay,” he says and Tony blinks several times in confusion. To be fair even Steve looks shocked and Steve knows Bucky best, he’d be able to predict his answer better than anyone else here.

“I uh- really?” he asks.

Bucky shrugs, “its probably the only night of the year that humans might not actively try and kill me. I mean, yeah its because they’ve decided for one night a year I’m a costume to wear but I’ll take that over genocide,” he says. “And all the little skeletons are cute. And the candy.”

Tony frowns, unaware that Bucky knew much of anything about Halloween traditions. His knowledge of humans is hit and miss and generally relies on the one extended run in he’s had with them that... really wasn’t that great. And then him, of course. “I uh, okay, sure. Turns out my assistant is a witch so you two can bond. I totally called that anyway, there’s no way she can be that good without magic,” Tony says, full well knowing that she doesn’t use magic in her work. Apparently her talents are in elemental magic, whatever that means for her specifically.

He’s a little surprised when Bucky reaches up and pulls him into his lap by his waist, settling his head on Tony’s shoulder. “You seem surprised,” he says like everyone in the room feels any differently.

He shrugs a little, “I mean, I didn’t really expect you to say yes. I know you don’t like humans much, we’ve given you good reason not to, so I didn’t think you’d want to spend an extended evening with them. Not that I mind, it’d be nice to not bring Pepper as a date, except she has a date so uh. I’d be alone, but you agreed to come with me so yay!” he says, waving his hands around a little.

Bucky’s arms tighten around him some. “You do so much for us. I thought it might be nice to do something for you. And I miss candy.”

So its that weird fiercely egalitarian thing wolves have going on, that explains a lot. “Bucky, you don’t owe me anything,” Tony murmurs softly but Bucky looks away, jaw clenched. He sighs, “you don’t, Bucky. Comparatively I have a hell of a lot more than you do in resources anyway, it wouldn’t make sense to expect equal contribution when you don’t have the amount to give that I do.”

“That and you underestimate how much emotional connections seem to mean to Tony,” Sam says. Tony gives him a dirty look about it but he rolls his eyes. “Well its true. I don’t know what the hell happened in your personal life before we showed up but none of it was good,” he says.

Bucky squeezes his waist because he has a good idea of what happened. Tony hasn’t told him the whole of it and Bucky has never asked him to, but he knows about Howard, the years of emotional manipulation from Obi, the way all his personal relationships ended in disaster barring Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy, how two of the three of those people are on his payroll. Doesn’t exactly set a good precedent for his future relationships and Bucky has always been patient. Its not like he hadn’t needed patience too. Its not like he’s without trauma.

“Well, we did meet him because that business partner of his was trying to kill him,” Nat points out.

Sam gives her a look. “I got branch to the face. I know.”

*

The lighting is dimmed and the music isn’t too loud, mostly as a curtesy to Bucky not that anyone else needs to know that. It fits the atmosphere anyway. Bucky, for all his genuine fascination with Halloween decorations and fun witch facts, sticks close by him not that Tony minds.

“-Keep your mouth shut until- oh Tony, hi,” Pepper says, smiling at him. He squints.

“Why is your date Rhodey?” he asks.

“Who the hell is this pasty looking fucker that looks like a himbo fucked Motley Crue member?” Rhodey asks, glaring at Bucky. Bucky’s hand tightens around his own but he has no reference for who Rhodey is so Tony figures he should clear things up fast.

“Rhodey, this is Bucky. Bucky, this is my best friend who’s stupid and over protective,” he says, giving Rhodey a look.

Rhodey looks offended. “I’m stupid? Who’s dumb ass decided it was a good idea to hack the Pentagon for funsies?” he asks.

“Yours, dipshit, you were the one who dared me. Why do you act like you never participate in my dumb decisions? That hurts, platypus.” He presses his hand to his heart in mock offense even though they both know Tony is the dumber one but Rhodey is always along for the ride and occasionally he’s the instigator. Bucky has inched behind him some, presumably smelling something telling on Rhodey and Tony is thankful he doesn’t have that kind of sense of smell. No damn privacy though apparently wolves learn to ignore it. Tony slips his arm around Bucky’s waist in an attempt to comfort him.

Rhodey goes to open his mouth but Pepper jabs him in the ribs with her finger. “Stop it Rhodey, Bucky is fine. Tony’s happier with him around and I’m offended that you think I’d do nothing if I noticed he weren’t. I’ve gotten rid of worse,” she points out. Minus Obi, who she later explained had creeped her out but not in a way she attributed to any of the activities he’d been up to. In her defense no one else anticipated that either.

Rhodey squints at her, “have you?” he asks and Pepper gives him a look. “Okay, you have leave me be,” he says, immediately backing down.

Tony snorts, “wise choice. Pepper is a fearsome creature who shouldn’t be trifled with. And Bucky is great, if a little skittish.”

*

He finds Bucky with an arm full of candy snickering at some little skeletons handing from the stair way. “Humans, you’re all so dramatic. This is cute though,” he says, gesturing around.

“You should see Christmas. People only kind of celebrate Halloween but Christmas? The whole Western world loses its shit for like three months.” Not his thing, even before his parents died a few days before Christmas, even before he decided he was an atheist, Christmas never really was his thing. Forced him to spend time with family so he always held that against the holiday. Halloween? Optimal. No one forces him to spend time with family, there’s free candy, and adorable children running around in costumes, what’s not to love? Well, the horror movies that inevitably come with the holiday but other than that.

Bucky frowns, “isn’t that a Christian holiday?”

Tony shrugs, “arguably its a capitalist holiday, and Christmas was technically appropriated from pagan origins so its not really a Christian holiday at heart, but yeah. Its about Jesus.”

Bucky snorts and starts laughing, “god, that looked like it caused you pain to say. I take it you’re not a fan of Christmas?”

He shakes his head, “no, but the decorations are beautiful. And I’m sure you’d like the desserts.” Seems how Bucky has a thing for sweets that he didn’t know about. He’ll be sure to bring more candy to him just to watch as he looks on in pain as everyone gets their fair share.

“I think your best friend wants me dead,” Bucky says eventually.

“Nah, he’s just over protective,” Tony tells him, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s waist.

“No, I can smell some nefarious intentions on him. But my sense of smell only gives me general feeling, not specific thoughts. Pepper doesn’t seem concerned though.”

She’s not, Tony knows, because she’d been happy that he’d found someone that made him happy. Not, Tony supposed, that she felt the need to inform him that she’d been dating Rhodey until now apparently. He’s going to be in for a shock when he discovers she’s a witch but he figures he’ll leave that to Pepper.

“If he tries anything smack his left ear. That’d piss anyone off, but we got into a nasty accident when we were teens, that ear is particularly sensitive. He’ll probably hate you for life if you fuck his hearing, but he would have been the one to start is so he can blame himself if he decides to be an ass,” Tony says. He doubts it’ll come to that, Rhodey’s just not good at trusting Tony to make good life choices in romantic partners. Anything else, sure, even if it is stupid he’s got Tony’s back. But romance? He doesn’t trust Tony whatsoever with that. Claims Tony has a bad habit of choosing people who’d rather see him hurt than loved.

Bucky curls his arm around Tony too, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Can I steal one of these skeletons to stick in Sam’s closet?” he asks and Tony starts laughing.

“Yeah, take ten and wait till I show up I want to hear him scream.” Bucky eyes up the nearest floating ghoul and glee.

“Oh he hates this shit, it’ll be hilarious.”

*

Rhodey doesn’t look impressed and Tony sighs. “You don’t know him,” he says.

“He’s barely spoken two words all night and he’s jumpy as hell. Is he on drugs or something?” Rhodey asks, giving Bucky a suspicious look. Poor thing is stuck between admiring the decorations, its not like Tony didn’t go all out because he doesn’t do things halfway, and being worried he’ll get like... shot or something at any given moment. The bonus is that ‘werewolf’ isn’t exactly written on his forehead so its not like anyone knows.

Tony rolls his eyes at Rhodey though. “Jesus Christ, for a guy who’s in the damn military you’re shit at recognizing the signs of PTSD,” he says.

Rhodey looks back over to Bucky, softening some. “Where’d he go?” he asks.

Some human experimentation center from what Tony has gathered, not that he knew those were a thing before Bucky but still. That’s not his story to tell. “Um, Iraq I think. He doesn’t like to talk about it and he’s a bit of an agoraphobe.” Its not inaccurate, not completely. And it makes Rhodey stop looking at him like he’s about to corner him and interrogate him, which Tony knows Bucky won’t respond well to. “Oh,” is all he says and Tony is happy to leave it at that.

When he circles his way back over to Bucky he looks less on edge. “What’d you say to him?” he asks. They both know who Tony means.

“I um. Made up a military career. Congrats, you went to Iraq and now you have PTSD.” And now they can never tell Rhodey the truth because he doesn’t want to listen to him whine about falsifying military enrollment.

Bucky, however, doesn’t look impressed. “You told him I contributed to American Imperialism?” he asks, offended.

Tony sighs, “how the fuck did you not know what Lindt chocolates were, but you know about that? You know what, who cares, he’s not looking at you like he’s about to pull a pitchfork out of his ass and use it on you. That’s a win for me.”

“Its not a win at- really?” Bucky hisses, back to his normal, grumpy self.

“Well it was either that or the truth and I figured that’s more for you to say and technically I didn’t say you were in the military, he made the assumption when I mentioned PTSD so basically this is his fault. I just said Iraq and he made some more assumptions.” He thinks he did okay.

Bucky crosses his arms over his chest, “I can’t believe you’d seriously tell him, or imply, that I was in the damn military. Sam has nothing but regrets from his time there.”

Well, that explains that. “Don’t mention your distain to Rhodey, he’s in the Air Force and he’ll get cranky.” Bucky gives him another look and Tony sighs, “you can take the cob webs home too, Natasha would love them.”

It at least results in a small smile from Bucky, “yeah, she’d probably stick them in Clint’s room when he’s asleep. He’s not a spider fan.”

Druck season 2, episode 8 reaction

Things go to hell pretty quickly, except Björn, who doesn’t go to hell fast enough.

Episode 8

Clip 1 - Happy ending for now

Mia and Alexander head into school together. Their little sideways smiles at each other warm my cold heart, I’ll admit. She hands him his keys so she drove his car. There was a windshield wiper situation, heh. Really I just love how they’re looking at each other, like they’re deeply pleased to be with each other. I know that seems obvious, but for some reason a lot of fictional couples spend so much time having drama that they don’t seem to actually enjoy each other’s company. Something I like about Mia and Alex is that I do think that they enjoy just hanging out and talking to each other about whatever. It’s not just about attraction, I do feel like there’s some inherent compatibility there.

Mia is rocking that red lipstick, by the way. It seems particularly bold today, reflecting her mood, I guess.

Mia and Alex hold hands when they get inside and people stare, I assume because Alexander Hardenberg is holding hands with a girl. He’s dating someone? Not just banging her??? And it’s Alexander Hardenberg of the Hotel Hardenberg fortune, you know, he’s a big deal at this school.

Also, they’re basically announcing themselves as a power couple, lmao. Let me put it this way, if fandom hadn’t come up with Winterberg as a ship name, the students themselves would have, because that couple is a big deal.

LMAO, Druck gets in its own version of the “I’m so hungover from the weekend”/”It’s Wednesday” exchange from Skam when Kiki says she’s still hungover from the Tangore party and Mia says that was two days ago. I fucking love that they managed to work in that iconic line somewhere without totally copying the scene. (Again, I have to ask: what was Julie’s inspiration for that moment? Did those girls win a walk-on contest?)

Mia and Alexander are going to the movies on Thursday, Valentine’s Day. You know, they’ve actually established movies as a thing that both of them enjoy, a common interest? I know liking movies is not exactly an obscure trait, but we’ve seen Mia and Alexander have a movie night where they both discuss movies briefly, and a day where they watch a film in bed together, and now they plan to go to the movies on Thursday. Mia has a pic of an outdoor movie screen on IG. I forgot if there were anything else, but it’s a small detail that makes it feel more like a real relationship.

We get a Kiki/Carlos conversation as they walk away, so super POV break, although not unusual for Druck. Kiki asks Carlos what they’re doing for Valentine’s Day and he says that’s just something the Americans invented, like Halloween. Carlos, I’m not gonna stand for lumping Halloween and Valentine’s Day together like one isn’t an extremely fun day where as a kid you wear a costume and get a lot of free candy and the other isn’t an extremely bleak day where as an adult you wear sweatpants and eat a whole bag of candy you bought yourself while you try not to think about your love life or lack thereof.

Kiki says she likes Halloween, however, and Carlos pretends to be a zombie and attacks her. It is extremely cute. I’m glad the German Magnus/Vilde equivalent proved to be so delightful, I wouldn’t even mind seeing these two being gross at each other. (I mean. Don’t push it.)

Mia hugs Hanna happily, and Hanna says, “Happy Ending?” which in a fictional context with three episodes to go might as well be putting a curse on Mia. She also knows that Mia and Alex are going to the movies on Valentine’s Day. Already? Alex just said that downstairs? Mia says Kiki is unbelievable. So Kiki just texted that to the girls right then and there, in the middle of a zombie attack no less. That is a special skill 

There’s some very cute girl squad interaction, Sam filmed Mia and Alex holding hands, all the girls are so happy that Mia is happy, everybody’s cool with each other, no more drama, yay!

Except some drama, because Mia asks Hanna about Jonas, Hanna is stressed because Jonas is all freaked out because boy Sam flirted with her. I love Jonas but he needs to chill. Poor Hanna has other things to worry about, and you’re not dating anymore so she can flirt with anyone she wants. 

Clip 2 - Violence is not the answer but hit him harder

Alex twirls Mia adorably. I’ve said this before but they’re a really enjoyable couple on just a clip-by-clip basis, watching them interact. A scene of them doing mundane tasks like grocery shopping or doing laundry together would probably be entertaining. Assuming Alexander does not pay someone to deliver his groceries or do his laundry.

He’s taking her to an indoor skate park. He did have that skateboard in his apartment! They managed to work in a skater despite German Jonas being more of a musician.

Alex says he goes here to blow off steam. Mia asks if he means from school, and I do not think he actually means from school, probably all his family and personal drama. He clearly knows some guy there and is friendly with him. It’s great that we see Alexander have like … actual interests and hobbies considering that was one of my gripes about William, I had no idea what he did in his free time.

Lol, watching someone else skate is not the most exciting date, like what a typical sidelined-girlfriend activity. I mean, I do think in a relationship you want to learn about your partner’s hobbies and it’s probably really exciting for Mia getting this insight into Alexander, fun to just watch him when they’re in the glow of their new relationship. But on Skam and the remakes we had the Evas watching their Jonases skate, basically them being passive, the Jonases being active. Though I feel like that was part of the point about that relationship, with Jonas having more of an identity and Eva just being a tag-along, and the context is pretty different here with Mia and Alexander. But damn, what’s with all these dudes bringing their girlfriends to dates where the girls are just spectators to the guys’ fun? Where are all the girls and their skateboards? Or where are all the guys watching their girlfriends play sports? It’s not really a criticism of the show, just an observation. We know Mia is driving Alexander’s car so I’m going to headcanon that she also borrows his skateboard. 

Lol, Mia even sees the women on the sidelines and is like, are you the players wives and girlfriends? There’s a whole group of women just hanging out and watching their guys do stuff! But they seem nice and offer her a drink.

So I actually missed the first time around that there’s a text message where they plan this outing. It’s Mia who asks about watching him skateboard. She also asks if she can try and he teases her by saying it’s just for boys. Lol, I love that it played out like that and that it’s her idea. I’m sure in the future once their relationship heals, Mia will get her own chance with the skateboard. 

We see Alexander skateboarding and being dorky, Mia smiling as she watches him. It’s all fun and games until Björn shows up. The upbeat 50 Cent song fades out and there’s a brief moment where there’s like a tense sound effect as Mia waves to him. It’s gone when Alexander skates over, so it’s like it’s establishing specifically this ominous connection between Björn and Mia, which we know turns into something awful later.

Alexander is pissed and wants to know how Mia knows Björn, and she explains that he was in the flat when she stayed over at Alex’s place. Alexander is being somewhat alarming with his demanding answers from Mia, although his anger obviously is not targeted at her and is motivated by this scumbag not only being in his presence, but having some sort of acquaintance with another person he cares about. After losing Sophie, the thought of losing Mia because of Björn is terrifying. Like I get why Alexander freaks out, knowing that Björn was in his flat, and not only that, but when Mia was alone there and didn’t have a clue who this guy really is and that he’s dangerous.

Alexander walks over and hits Björn with a skateboard twice, so Björn is crumpled on the ground gasping for breath. We get that ringing in the ears sound which is both Björn dealing with getting whacked and Mia having a harsh reality crash into her beautiful love story. People pull Alex away and someone says to call an ambulance, Alexander runs off. He shoots Mia some glances before running, so I’m wondering if he realizes he fucked up, or is just concerned about her well-being, or scared what she thinks of him now, all the thoughts running through his head.

I mean, … violence is not the answer and I do think Alexander should face consequences for that action because that’s just how it works. BUT it’s hard for me to be appalled at this knowing what Björn did to Sophie and later did to Mia. He’s an abuser. Even when this clip first aired and we didn’t have the full story of Björn’s history, I was like, well, if Björn raped/assaulted/did something bad to Alex’s sister, and she’s dead because of it, then I have a hard time judging him for this. 

But I also don’t care for William smashing the bottle over that guy’s head, which is essentially the equivalent scene. Is that hypocritical? I’d argue that they’re two different circumstances, and that William didn’t need to do what he did. I think a big difference is that the situation with the Yakuza boys might have been able to be prevented before it got out of hand just by going to the police, which William dismissed at the time as naive. Alexander didn’t need to attack Björn either, but Björn probably wasn’t ever going to face justice for abusing Sophie and influencing her death. Again, not that it’s justified, but I can admit that on a gut level I get it more.

And honestly, looking at the whole season, a lot of it has to do with the respective degrees of investment in this situation by Mia and Noora. The Yakuza plot seems very impersonal because Noora doesn’t have a solid connection to it herself; the whole time she’s a bystander. She watches Chris get out of the car with a black eye, she sees Isak get into Chris’ car, she observes the fight. Sure, Chris and Jonas get beat up and William might face punishment, but she feels so outside what happened. Mia, on the other hand, gets very personally involved in the Björn drama. Björn preys on her, and even aside from that, Mia is more up close and personal with the effects of Björn’s behavior on Alex such as the panic attack. Ultimately it just feels like the Yakuza dudes are a nebulous menace with nebulous motives, I don’t even know the name of the dude who got a bottle smashed on his head, and that makes less aligned with William and more skeptical of his motives in attacking that guy, but I do have a clear idea of who Björn is, why he’s a bad guy, and what he did to Alexander and his family, and later Mia, and so I just find this more engaging and Alexander more sympathetic, even if I get that these are both inappropriate actions.

Intellectually I’m like: violence is bad, vigilante justice is bad, don’t do that, Alexander needs to learn to control his anger. Emotionally I’m all: kick his ass.

Clip 3 - Someone needs to adopt Michi

Mia comes home and flops on her bed. She’s been texting Alex and trying to get in touch with him to no avail. Alex, dude, that is a bad move. Even if you need to cool off and clear his head, you’re leaving your girlfriend in the dark over an extremely shocking, possibly traumatizing moment. Plus, you know, leaving her open to sympathizing and possibly being manipulated by Björn, the guy who ruined your life and Sophie’s.

Linm comes in and offers her soup in Chinese. Michi comes in because he heard someone offering food. Relatable as fuck, my boomerang friend.

Actually he came in because he said Hans went to get pizza but Michi doesn’t know if he’s coming back. DUDE, Hans, did you really go out for pizza but not see if your boy wanted any? You ditched him?

Also, this seems like a parallel to Mia and Alex, which I thought might happen. Hans ditched Michi like Alex ditched Mia. Michi asks if Alex cheated on Mia, with what seems like a casual tone, like it’s expected, which is depressing if you think he’s used to that in his relationship. Mia asks him to leave, lmao. 

Mia tells what happened at the skate park to Linn. Linn asks what happened to Björn. You can see Mia get an idea. Oh no, don’t talk to Björn before Alex gives you the story! We know where this is going!!

Clip 4 - Fuck Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day. Mia walks through the rain as we hear her leaving Alex a message about being worried about him. The music has some apropos lyrics: “And if you dream you fix me / And if you stay you hurt”

Mia waits outside of the movie theater, like they planned. They’re showing Casablanca. I’m trying to think up some symbolic reason why it might be that movie, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen Casablanca. Errr, it doesn’t have a happily ever after for the couple? 

The marquee says “Valentine’s Day Surprise” which is not inaccurate, lol, it’s just a fucking shitty surprise for Mia. She waits for him. Another happy couple shows up and rubs their romance in her face. Always a great feeling on V-Day! A dude in an Alex-typical coat and hoodie strolls up just to rub his Alexness in her face. She’s being hit with reminders of her fraught love situation like pies to the face.

Mia gets a call, not from Alex, from Hanna, saying she got a message from Jonas telling her that if she went to Sam’s gig, that’s it for him. WTF, Jonas? “It” as in him and Hanna? Stop being a drama king. You guys broke up. IDK if there’s a clarification in German, but could he also be like his well-being/stability is over if Hanna goes to the gig? Because that’s even more extreme. No matter what, it’s manipulative. He’s putting something about his quality of life on Hanna, like what is she supposed to do? Not go because it will make Jonas upset?

Mia is getting emotional about being stood up on Valentine’s Day and seeing happy couples show up to the theater isn’t helping. She throws away her card and the movie tickets and leaves.

Bad move, Alex. You could have at least sent her a text. Even if you didn’t want to explain, just say you can’t make it to the movie so she doesn’t wait outside in the rain on Valentine’s Day. 

Clip 5 - Happy ending my ass

Mia goes to see Björn, who’s in the hospital. She got the info from a girl at the skate park. The lighting in this room is very warm and bright and I wonder if that’s intentional, to create a sense of security and trustworthiness and to influence us into thinking this guy doesn’t seem so bad. It just struck me immediately when you compare it to Mia outside, or previous clips of her waiting for Alex at the theater. 

Mia wants some answers. Björn says he was dating Sophie, who lived in Bali, and when Mia asks if she came back, Björn is like … she died. Shit, so she is dead. I thought they might make her alive but dealing with serious consequences of being with Björn. I will say I am surprised Mia didn’t find any news of Sophie’s death during her Google stalking, or from people gossiping, but I can also buy that the family tried to keep it quiet, especially because of her manner of death. He says that Alexander told her something totally different, and the way he says it, he’s presenting it like, of course Alexander has lied to her, not surprising, like he knows Alexander is the untrustworthy one. We hear that same ringing sound that happened when Alex was attacking Björn, because again, it’s Mia’s world getting rocked, it’s the happy ending being overturned, she’s learning upsetting things about Alexander.

Mia is upset and Björn comes off all comforting, saying it’s not her fault, the whole family is broken. He tells her about the dysfunctional family dynamic and describes Alex’s charming act. Obviously this applies more to Björn rather than Alexander, down to Sophie falling for the act, but it’s unclear how much Björn knows he’s fucked up or whether he’s just projecting like an IMAX. Or you know, lying. 

Björn says Sophie committed suicide and that she always suffered from depression but it didn’t fit in with the image her family wanted. Björn and Sophie planned to go to Bali and travel after graduation, but the family didn’t like Björn and constantly tried to get her to come back. I bet Mia is reacting to this strongly because of her relationship with her own family. She also has parents who try to get her to fit into their own image and come back to them when she’s living independently, parents who don’t seem to really get her. It seems like they were most concerned about Mia being away from them because of how people talked about it, not necessarily because they missed her.

You can see why Mia believes him, because this dude isn’t like, radiating an evil aura. He’s very convincing in his manipulation. He seems sincere about caring for Sophie and very broken up about what happened to her. And Alex did lie to Mia about Sophie, and he had a sudden incident of violence, and Björn happens to be hitting close to home when he describes Sophie’s relationship with her family. I get that we know as a viewer that Björn is bad news, but Mia? Mia doesn’t have the benefit of knowing she’s on a TV show and that this storyline played out with a Norwegian girl already. 

As Mia leaves, Björn tells her to stay away from Alex, he’s dangerous. And Mia has reason to think this is correct. I mean, she went to meet Björn at a hospital, because Alexander put him there.

When Mia steps outside, she finally gets a text from Alex saying he was at his parents’ place to clear his head and he wants to meet. LMAO, dude, it’s not like you went to a spa to take a break from studying for exams, you ran off and ghosted your girlfriend for days after beating up a guy in front of her. You need to offer a way bigger apology than that. Especially because you want to meet with her? Do you think she necessarily wants to meet up with a guy who’s physically violent?

I like Mia’s face as she walks away. She’s not crying or anything, but she just gives off this sense of being torn and turning over what she just heard in her head. She puts in her earbuds and even though she’s not literally muffling Alexander’s voice like in that previous clip where he meets her in front of her place, in a way it feels like it’s a sign of her blocking him out. She doesn’t wait for his response after she tells him she met Björn, that’s all she needs to say and she’s done.

Social Media/General Comments:

As I mentioned above, Mia and Alexander planned the skateboard date. I wonder what fun activity Alexander will observe of Mia’s? He’s already seen her piano-playing, the true reveal will be when he walks in on her ironing to classical music. Now that tells you a lot about a person.

Mia tried to get answers from boy Sam about Alex’s whereabouts and what the hell happened, but Sam does not tell her anything except to find out from Alex himself. I can respect that, honestly. It might be frustrating for Mia, but Sam isn’t giving away his best friend’s sad backstory without his permission. 

Both of Mia’s parents contact her this week:

Her dad makes small talk and then asks if she knows where her mom went, never a good sign. That makes it seem like the mom walked out on him.

Her mom wants to come to Berlin and hang out with Mia. She complains about Mia’s dad getting on her nerves and how they’re so different and she doesn’t know why she got with him. You know, all stuff that you should maaaaybe not dump on your teenage daughter about her father. Tell that shit to a friend. Also, there’s something childish about it, not just the complaining, but that she wants to hang with Mia as a way to escape Mia’s father, not necessarily because she wants to see her daughter.

Druck conveniently did not have to provide any footage from boy Sam’s secret concert by having the invitation state NO PHOTOS - NO INSTA. Saved them the time and expense of staging a performance just for the SM content.

Jonas was bitter about the concert but what else is new. Stupid sexy Sam and his stupid sexy music, being in proximity to Hanna.

Hanna went ahead and posted a picture of her and boy Sam at the concert despite Jonas warning her that it’d be over if she went, which is a power move if there ever was one. I love Jonas but fuck if Hanna needs to listen to his dramatic ass. 

So Mia had a crappy V-Day where Alex ditched her, Hanna had Jonas drama weighing on her, Amira and Sam seemed unimpressed by Valentine’s Day, judging by IG posts that suggest so. In fact, I think the only couple who had a happy Valentine’s Day, whatever they did, was probably Kiki and Carlos. 

I’m not German so please feel free to correct me on stuff like cultural context and translation issues.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

My Reaction to “Gotham” S5E2

In Which Harvey Continues to be the Best Goddamn Thing in This Show

I was a lucky son of a duck and managed to get this reaction while the episode was airing live on FOX last night.  For episodes 3-12, I will be waiting for Hulu to receive them because of an upcoming spring semester at college.  So for episodes 3-12, I will be in the dark until Friday or Saturday (so no spoilers from y’all).

Also, on TV, there are so many GOD.  DAMN.  COMMERCIALS.

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

*Recaps shows the chopper*  OK, so who freakin’ shot down the chopper?

Oh, Tabitha...

*We see a whole bunch of injuries on Will’s back*  What the...

“They call themselves the Soothsayers.”  The Sooth- what?

“They’re digging some sort of tunnel.”  *gasps and reels back*  It’s Jeremiah!  ‘Cause he has a tunnel!  Oh my God!

What’s the tunnel for?

OK, never mind then, I don’t think Jeremiah’s in charge of the Soothsayers

“The second you [Jim] step outside that door, someone’s gonna take a shot at you, and if it’s not you that’s getting hit, it’s the schmoe standing next to you.”  *laughs*

*Jim hangs up on the radio*  Who’s on the other end?

“Four shells each.  Half a mag each.”  Wow.

“Will says the Soothsayers are here, which means we have to pass through Sirens territory.”  Ooh.

“She’s [Barbara] gonna be thrilled to see you [Jim] after what happened with Tabitha.”  Ooooff...

Wait, so is the Dark Zone like around Gotham?  At the docks or...

What?

So this is Robinson Park, OK... so this is where Ivy is.

Oh, these sets look nice.  Getting some serious Arkham Knight flashbacks.

Swore I just saw someone move in the background...

*Bruce catches a guy trying to sneak up on him*  Yeah.

“They came for help too!”  What district are they from?  Why are they British?

*jams along with opening theme*

*silently headbangs to heavy metal cover of "Ring of Fire” by Social Distortion playing in Barbara’s club*

*Everyone stops dancing when Jim arrives*  Oooohhhh... ooohh hoo hoo hoooo...

“It’s a police matter.”  “You know, they should really write that on your tombstone.”  *laughs*

“Drive right into this nightmare you’ve created.”  Actually it’s Jeremiah... kay...

“HAVE AT HIM!  RIP HIM TO SHREDS!”  Ooof.

*Panning shot of an absolute dark Gotham*  Oh my God.

*laughs*  There’s just this one random burst fire hydrant!

So is this whole episode gonna be them [Jim and Harvey] fighting their way out of the Dark Zone?

*jaw drops when someone shoots an arrow at Harvey*

“It’s a freaking arrow, Jim!  IT’S A FREAKING ARROW!”  *scoffs in shock*

Whooooo I remember her [the Day of the Dead lady] from the trailers!

Yeah, that’s the same... freaking tunnel

“The smoke... you [Gabriel] should take it.”  No.

“It’ll give you energy-”  Oh my God, is that Viper?  Is that Viper from S1?

“-see the future.”  What?

Or does Jeremiah shanghai this whole tunnel later this season?

“Once this tunnel is complete, we will have exclusive access to the mainlands.”  Oh my God, they are going to the mainland!

God, that guy [Sykes] just spit everywhere!

Sykes?  Isn’t that the bad guy from Oliver and Company?

“In Penguin’s grace, we will remain.”  Ohh, that’s a good line.

“What are the cattle prods for?”  “Fun.”  *scoffs in hilarity*

“If he [Sykes] moves, kill him.”  Oh ho!  Jim’s not messin’ around!

Yeah, that’s that same tunnel that Jeremiah [and Ecco] are in in some of those pictures.

AN:  Take a shot every time I mention the damn tunnel.

So is Gabriel Will’s older brother?

“Why would anyone be a cop in a world like this?”  “Well, the Halloween shop was all out of gas masks so it was either this or Sexy Nurse.” *reels back in chair from laughter*

“Let take ‘im, boys.”  CHEESE IT, BOYS!

*Sykes and his men try to take the kids*  Oh no.

*Jim comes to the rescue*  Yay.

*One of the car tires get shot*  Ooohhh...

*Commercials start*  OK... OK... so... what?

Wait, so is Jeremiah gonna leave for the mainland?  Like “Syke, I’m gonna get out of here!”

Noo... because his mission is Bruce so I don’t think he even wants to leave Gotham.  It’s the whole “I don’t wanna kill you!  What would I do without you?” mantra going on.

Whaaaaaatt...

What is she [Ivy] wearing?

“You have to believe me.”  “Forgive me if I find it hard to do so.”  COLD.

“It wasn’t me.  It was the park.”  *in unison with Bruce*  The park?

“The plants are my protection.”  ...OK.

“Maybe we can help each other.”  Bruce...

TELL HER IT’S SELINA!

“There’s a seed.  It’s growing under the oaks.  It’s said to have magical qualities.  When digested, it goes to the damaged tissue and bone.”  A seed?

Wwwhhhhaaaattt?

Ed?  Hello?  How are you?  Where are you?  Are you in the library again?  Why are sleeping with your glasses on?

What is going on?

That [library] looks like Oswald’s old house [the van Dahl mansion]

Oh my God, are we gonna see Ed peeing?

EEUUGGHHH we don’t need to be seeing this...

Oh my God, there’s someone in the frickin’ [bathtub]...

“There’s nothing there.”  *laughs*

Waaaaiit... what’s going on?

[Ed] You’re gonna attack him [the Street Demon] with a toilet plunger!  *cackles*

“Did I uh...” *chuckles*

“We’re gonna have to do all this again?  Guess so...”  *scoffs*

What is that place?

“It’s not safe out there.”  No dip, Jim.

“Maybe there’s still good people left in Gotham.”  Mmmmmm....

Yeah, you’re [Jim and Harvey] gonna leave three kids there [in the lobby].  All alone.  In a strange building.  Great.

Harvey, you’re a blessing.

Yeah, you’re gonna leave the three kids there.  Right.  Great idea.  Great idea.

These sets are fabulous.

“Hello?”  Blaaggghh!  Jump scare!

“GCPD.”  Take a shot!

Was that a crow [in the background]?

There’s just a bunch of random folded clothes everywhere.

*Harvey finds the dinner table full of body parts*  Oh my God...

Are those teeth?

*Harvey finds a plate of bloody fingers*  :0

Oh my God, freaking- they’re freaking cannibals?!?

*gasps when Mother attacks Harvey*

*has to leap out of seat to cool off when commercials start*

Oh wow, I love Sweeney Todd.

*ends up coughing up a lung*

So far, again, this feels like a foundational episode.  It’s just like “OK, we gotta work on this, we gotta make sure this is safe,” and yeah.

I wonder if the Jaime Murray character is gonna show up at the end of the episode or something.

AN:  You may think that... but no.

I also wanna know what kind of crack these writers were on for this final season.  Tze Chun had the good shit; I dunno about the others.

*gasps in disgust when Ed hits the Street Demon in the mouth with a wrench.”

“[Ed] You wanted to know where the Street Demons base was.”  Why?

“Aaand you wanted to make sure the boss would be there.”  Why?

“OK, how did I [Ed] seem?  Was I... confident?  Flamboyant?  Charisma for days?”  *giggles*

“Or was I conserved, kinda repressed, a little nerdy?”  *laughs*

Soo... did Hugo combine the two personalities?  ‘Cause the pushing up the glasses is a new thing.

*gasps when Ivy kills the men who were holding her.”

“[Bruce] You are so utterly naive.”  Oh my God.

“[Selina] She is paralyzed and has lost the will to live.”  “Good.”  What?!?

“That bitch destroyed the last of the Lazarus Water.”  ExCUSe me?!?

“Let her suffer.”  Noooo...

You can tell that Peyton List [Ivy] is just wearing a whole bunch of face powder on.

“I am feeding the earth these wretched creatures.  It consumes them.”  She has lost her freakin’ mind.

*Ivy starts caressing Bruce’s neck*  Do not prick his neck.

“Those men you killed were right.  You are a witch.  A murderous, callous witch.”  WHOOOOOOO- oh my God...

Hoo!

“What’s your name?”  “I- I can’t remember.”  What?

“She found me?”  “Who?”  “The ghost!”  The ghost?

“She makes me call her.. Mother.”  *reels back and puts hands in the air*  It is Mother and Orphan!

Wait, is that the kid?

*The kid stays behind*  It is the kid!  That’s Orphan!

Oh my God...

“The lights will make you dizzy.  And then you’ll go to sleep.”  Oh this is cool..

“Jim, I don’t feel so good.”  Wow, I love Infinity War.

Actually no, I hated it.  I was sick the first time I saw it.

*gasps when Mother sneaks up behind Jim*

They really do need to put a flashing lights warning on this.

*gasps when Mother fights off Jim and Harvey*

*Harvey tries to leave*  There’s an open window!  You broke a window!  Go through the window!

*looking through the Gotham tag on Tumblr during commercials*  Wow, someone wrote some fanfiction quick.

Oh wow, I love Ghost Adventures!

*gasps when Ed and the Street Demon find the Street Demon leader wiped out.”

[Penguin Was HERE] Really?!?

*imitates the guitar riff going off*

*Ivy leads Bruce to the seed*  Oh my gosh, that’s so pretty

*Ivy gives Bruce the seed*  I ain’t eatin’ that...

“One thing’s for certain... the seed will alter her [Selina] forever.”  Great.

“Some say, the darker angels of our mind-”  Great.

Also, yay for natural lighting finally in this show.  I love it when they use natural lighting in the show.  It looks so nice.

“What’s the matter, Bruce?  Don’t know if you can trust me?”  I don’t trust you.

“I don’t.”  “Good.  then you’re finally becoming a man.”  Ivy, you’re like his age.  shut up.

*Ivy sits in one of the low sitting trees*  OK, so if the tree branches just grab her and just sink down into the ground, this will be the greatest thing.

“Detective Gordon, your hand’s bleeding.”  Uhhh...

*Sykes and his men arrive*  Oh my God... monster truck!

“Wait just a minute!  Please...”  Whoaaa... who are you?

I don’t know who that is.  She [the Day of the Dead looking lady] looks cool though.

*commercials start*  Who is this?  Who are you?

Five bucks:  Barbara comes in and saves the day even though she still hates Jim.  She hates everybody.  She comes in like “I’m just here for the kids, not you.”

Oh noo...

“Did you [Bruce] find the witch?”  “It was Ivy.”  Great!  Alfred’s like “Oh bloody brilliant!”

“What choice do I have?”  Bruuuce...

“I want to help Selina as much as you do but Ivy’s a maniacal, cold-hearted killer.”  You met her like twice, Alfred!

But true, she is.

“So if Ivy wants to kill me, she can have at it.”  Oh my God...

Who wrote this episode?  I’m gonna have words.

*Bruce gives Selina the seed*  Yeah, you’re gonna shove that down your throat.  Great.

Is she gonna chew it?

*Selina starts chewing the seed like a gummie vitamin*  OK then...

It’s the Spiderman bite except in fruit form.

*freezes when Selina starts seizing*

“God, what have I [Bruce] done?”  *extremely sad face*

“I’ll tell you what!  I’ll [Sykes] take his head!  And you can have the rest of him!”  *scoffs in shock*

*gasps when Jim shoots the Day of the Dead lady*

Is that a monster truck?!?

My sister:  Is that a tank?!?

That’s a monster truck!

*both immediately at loss of words when Barbara hops down*

Wow, I love Hot Wheels!

*jaw drops when Jim uses his last bullet to kill Sykes and defend Barbara*

Wow... that just... came out of nowhere!

“Wow.  Wasted your last bullet for me.  Must be love.”  No it is not.  Barbara, how dare you say that?

*Barbara tells Jim she wants to kill Penguin.”  Great.  Great plan.

Wait, you’re gonna invite Barbara to the Green Zone?  Yeah, great plan, Jim.  Great plan!

*Jim and Co. arrive at the Green Zone*  Whoa!

He [Lucius] looks fab!

Wait a minute, is this [the Green Zone] that apartment complex that got blown up in the trailer?!?  Are you freaking kidding me?

They’re gonna freaking blow this place up later in the season.  God dang it.  Who did it and why?  Who does it and why?

We stan one future police commissioner.

“See you around, killer.  We have some unfinished business, you and I.”  Nooo you don’t.  Cool off!

Oh crap, is she [Selina] gonna be gone in the morning?!?

Oh my God, Bruce hasn’t slept in like 48 hours?!?  Great.

*gasps*  She’s [Selina] not there!  Did she go out the window?

Did she pull a “Dark Knight Rises” and back flip out the window?

“Bruce...”  Oh no.

She [Selina] looks like Michelle Pfeiffer.

“[Selina] How do you feel?”  “Different.”  Why are her eyes closed?  Open yo eyes!

“I’m better.  Even better than before in fact.”  Mmmmm no!

*Bruce hugs Selina*  Yay hug!  We like hugs!  We like some hugs!  Yay!

Oh my God, she’s gonna go on a murdering spree and kill some people, isn’t she?

*Selina’s eyes*  WHAAATT the frick?!?  Wha-

WhaAAAAttt?!?

*gasps when Ecco pops up in the promo for next episode*

*ejects out of chair to cool off*

AN:  Ecco, your man better treat you right or I’m gonna fight him AND the writers.

We’re getting WhaAAAtt??? WHaaaAAT?? 

Oh my God...

How Tom Stole Christmas [An Eddsworld Story]

It was a snowy Christmas Eve in England and everyone was excited since it's almost that time of year again. That's right, it's going to be Christmas, a holiday where you can go full out on decorations similar to that of Halloween. On Durdam Lane, all residents decided to make Christmas a bit bigger and brighter than before. Christmas lights on gutters along with lawn ornaments showing either jolly Old St. Nicolas, a reindeer, or a snowman. Despite everyone getting their work caught up there was one person that wasn't in the spirit. That one person had to be Thomas Ridgewell also known simply as Tom. You see Tom had always hated Christmas ever since he was a small child and that he is known to be a Jehovah's Witness. Ever year, Tom attempts to kill Santa and he usually fails; however, this time was different. "Hey Tom, if you're just going to stand there you might as well give me those Christmas lights by you. We're decorating the tree" said Tord. "Yeah, a tree that I found" said Matt with a smile. "Yeah, yeah, I got it" said Tom. Tom picks up the Christmas lights before going over to Tord and handing them to him. Edd wanted to celebrate Christmas with a bigger tree....which was so tall that it was able to fit inside his own house. At first Tom only had a look of disbelief before realizing that Edd had invited Tord over and not to mention, Tom hates his guts but he'll let it slide....for now. "Thanks for your help Tord" said Edd. "No problem Edd. I'm glad that I was able to take time off especially for the holidays" said Tord. "Yay! Oh that reminds me, I've made everyone hot chocolate" said Matt. Matt then hurries over to the kitchen to get the hot chocolate while Edd, Tord, and Tom sat down at the table. "So with that out of the way, what should the next big thing be?" asked Edd. "I don't know, you've planned this didn't you? It's best if you decide" said Tord. "Ah you're right. After having hot chocolate, do you guys want build a snowman together just like old friends?" asked Edd. "Sure, whatever I guess" said Tom. "Oh come on Tom, what's with the sour mood? You never turned down something like building a snowman before" said Tord while nudging Tom's arm with his elbow. "Oh when did you know, commie?" asked Tom. "Guys, I have the hot chocolate. Careful, it's hot" said Matt. The boys took each a mug of hot chocolate of their own and talked on what it seemed for about 10 minutes. "Can we go build a snowman now? I'm starting to get bored staying indoors" complained Matt. "Sure. Let's get building guys" said Edd. Soon the boys finished on what was left of their hot chocolate and started cleaning up before getting on their coats, hats, boots, and anything that they need for the cold weather outside. "Hey Tom, aren't you coming?" asked Edd who noticed that Tom didn't put anything on. "You guys go on ahead. I'll just stay here and do something else" said Tom. "Okay then, we'll come back inside if it gets too cold or that Matt hurts himself somehow" said Edd. Edd, Matt, and Tord soon goes outside to start building a snowman while Tom goes back to his room. While inside his room Tom looks out the window to see a snowman being built by Edd along with Matt helping him, suddenly they were both hit by snowballs only to see Tord. Then all three then threw a snowball fight leaving Tom disgusted at the sight. "Sounds like someone's a little unhappy am I right?" asked Future Tom. "How did you- yeah I'm unhappy and you should you know. It's Christmas a holiday that I despise with a burning passion" said Tom. "Heh of course I know. We're the same person after all" said Future Tom with a slight chuckle. "That's not even the worse thing. On Christmas Day, everyone on this stupid block will all come together in the town square and make a whole lot of noise which I hate" said Tom who shivered at the thought just before adding on saying "And let's not forget that all of Durdam Lane will all join hands together and sing Christmas carols once it hits that 8 o' clock in the morning mark". "They've always done that. I never understand why though. Do they realize that it's freezing in the morning?" asked Future Tom. "I'm not worried about that. It's just the fact that they'll sing, and sing, and sing, sing, sing, sing, and sing. I've put up with this nonsense for how many years of living here now? There has to be a way to stop this celebration. What do I have to do steal....Christmas? Oh yeah....." said Tom as he suddenly came up an idea. What Tom came up was an idea alright, a real grinch-tastic idea that's pure evil as he gave off a sinister grinch smile while a lightbulb appeared above his head. "Looks like you have an idea" said Future Tom. "That right! I'm going to steal Christmas once and for all, come on we have work to do" said Tom. Both Tom and Future Tom left the room to start getting materials on what Tom needs to steal Christmas. First he brought a sleigh more like had Future Tom threaten the show owner with a laser pistol, then Tom brought some sewing needles and a couple of thread, and finally some large sack bags along with 10 flamethrowers. Soon afterwards, Tom begins sewing together a replica of Santa's outfit till he was done. "Are you done yet? I can't keep looking through magazines forever" said Future Tom. As a response, Tom opens the door to his room allowing Future Tom to come in and see Tom wearing his Santa outfit along with a white beard. "So what do you think? Do I look like Santa?" asked Tom. "Yes you do. I am impressed" said Future Tom. "Hehehe....thank you" said Tom with a smile. "Tom, we're back from the snowball- I mean mall" rang Matt's voice. "Oh crap! I don't have time to change out of this. Can you do me this one favor and be me?" asked Tom. "Sure" said Future Tom. Tom then quickly goes over to his closet and closes the door. "Oh there you are. I thought you would come out of your room after we came back, but that doesn't matter. While we were on our way back, I slipped on some ice and now my hand is all red. I'm fine for now, but it hurts" said Matt. "Oh that's very unfortunate and fortunate to know. What do you want?" asked Future Tom. "First off cool visor and second, we're going to be watching Christmas movies and I was wondering if you would like to watch them with us" said Matt. "Uh yeah sure. I'll be right there, just give me a minute or two" said Future Tom. "Good! We'll be waiting for you. Don't be late" said Matt before turning to leave. "Man that was close" said Future Tom. Suddenly a hand grabbed Future Tom by the neck only to reveal Tom who looked angry. "What did you just agree to? You know I can't stand Christmas" said Tom while gripping his hand tighter. "I'm sorry.......it's just that in the future, I have a new found appreciation for Christmas....." said Future Tom as his breathe was slowly cutting out. "That may be true, but as of now on this present day, I still hate Christmas. Understand?" asked Tom. Future Tom nods his head just before Tom lets go of of his neck. "Now if you excuse me, I need to....watch Christmas movies. I'll be back tonight just so we can start our plan" said Tom. Tom soon leaves the room and heads to the living room.

3 Years! Sorry this is a long post and you may have to manually load the last couple of images!

That’s right, I have hit my 3-year mark of being on HRT. Halloween is my hormone-iversary! It just happened to be the day that my HRT prescription was first filled and available to me. The 3-year mark for HRT is widely considered to be about the point in time when HRT has done most of its work for those transitioning. As I prepare for my surgery in two weeks, this is a look back at the events and pics in and around the month of October for the past 3 years in the life of Ari..

-----2014-----

The Good - 2014: 

Since February of 2014, I began to be much healthier after deciding to finally accept and address the fact that I was transgender and planned to share that with other people. I took it slow, but I immediately started to care about actually taking care of myself and my body once I had finally forgiven myself for being transgender (it sounds ridiculous I know). By the time the photos above were taken, I had already lost about 30 pounds and would eventually lose over 65 pounds.

By October 31st, I had visited the Howard Brown Center in Chicago multiple times and I got my first HRT prescription filled on Halloween (it just happened to be that day - easy to remember though!). My plan at that point was just to be on HRT and hope that it helped me with my dysphoria. It turns out it was a night and day difference and in a matter of weeks it was as if the lights were on for the first time in my life.

Major Stresses at the time - 2014:

Out to my spouse, only one friend, and one family member

When I come out to my spouse, she tells me she can't be with a woman, so I do not view fully transitioning as being in my future

I had to go to Howard Brown and seek help on my own because I am desperate for the dysphoria to be addressed

I feel utterly alone in dealing with all of this and along with suffering massive guilt at the same time because I blame myself even though I should not

-----2015-----

The Good - 2015:

I spend the first part of 2015 becoming more androgynous.

I am out to my children, but I switch back to guy mode whenever I am around them to give them time to adjust.

Being out and about finally as myself, I begin to make friendly acquaintances with some employees at grocery stores, salons, and clothing stores I frequent. 

My hair is slowly growing out but my signature curls are already in full effect.

Also - I finally like Halloween, now that I feel like myself under the costume! So, yay for costumes!

Major Stresses at the time - October 2015:

Over 5 months of marriage counseling failed to do anything about the fact that I was and would always be transgender and my spouse did not want to be with a transgender woman. The decision had been made in September to get a divorce and knowing my marriage is over I decide to begin working towards fully transitioning.

Moved to a new apartment all by myself with no help. 

Dealing with being surrounded by smoking neighbors in my little one bedroom apartment (YUCK!!).

Supporting two households on my one income.

Going through painful electrolysis on my facial hair.

Spending time still attempting 'boy mode' when with my kids and parents so they can have time to adjust.

Being gendered as male or female on any given day while out shopping, just living my life.

Being regularly misgendered by my parents and siblings during visits and one of my closest family members has rejected me completely

-----2016-----

I declare 2016 "The Year of Ari.” I was determined to allow myself to fully come out to the world.

The Good - 2016

In March, my Kids tell me I can pick them up "As myself." From that moment on.. no more boy mode! In May, I complete my official name change! I was also totally out at work by this point but I was working from home so I only see co-workers occasionally for major events or work trips. I have been out swimming again in both one and two piece (but still mid-riff covering) bathing suits. I published my first article as a contributor to The Huffington Post. I switched from electrolysis to laser hair removal on my face. By the start of summer, I have begun to see a therapist with the intention of meeting the WPATH guidelines for gender confirmation surgery. By focusing on being more social and going to meetups (thank you Meetup.com!) throughout 2016, I have built a network of friends in and around what I now consider my home town. 

In the fall, I began streaming on my Twitch gaming channel - but not at all on a regular schedule.

Major Stresses at the time - October 2016:

Divorce nearing the end phase and dealing with lawyers and legal speak is not something I handle well.

Under major financial distress

A shortage in Estradiol medication causes me to have to switch from injections to patches and my numbers drop severely low. Dysphoria hits me hard for a solid month.

Still being regularly misgendered by my parents and siblings during visits and one of my closest family members has still rejected me completely

-----2017-----

Ari is now officially single again

The Good - 2017

My relationship with my kids is as amazing as ever and my teenage daughter and I connect in new ways and have lots more to discuss ;) After all, we are both going through puberty at the same time! My son and I are also doing great and you can occasionally witness us playing games as a team on my Twitch channel (though he is off camera).

My divorce was finalized at the beginning of 2017.

I declared this the Decade of Ari, because one year was not enough ;)

I am once again working in the office two days a week (I am actually enjoying it!), though the rest of the week I work from home.

I am pretty much "there" as far as facial hair removal goes, but I still deal with some slow growing colorless hairs on my chinny chin chin (these hairs are by-products of earlier electrolysis that laser won't help with). I want to have electrolysis on my face soon to finish off those little buggers.

I went mostly blonde! At least for a while :)

I have begun dating again!

I am streaming on Twitch on a regular basis.  

Thanks to donations from many of you, I received just barely enough assistance to make my surgery happen. My goal has not been met, and there is still a large financial burden I am having to meet. (if you want to help and can, here is the link: http://youcaring.com/helparianaout )

Major Stresses at the time - 2017:

Preparing for Surgery (so anxiety inducing) - planning, calling, managing, attending appointments, more calling, more managing, and more calling, more appointments...

As a pre-surgical requirement, I had a mammogram and in doing so also had a breast cancer scare (it turned out to be nothing after a followup mammogram and an ultrasound, but for 9 days I suddenly began having to think that my surgery might never happen and I might have to instead begin to battle cancer).

Three long sessions of electrolysis performed on my crotch for surgery prep = enough said!

One of my closest family members has still rejected me completely

Thank you for taking a look back with me. I am sorry for monopolizing your dash for this long post. I am very grateful to my tumblr community though and I wanted to celebrate this with you. A hormone-iversary feels like a re-birthday to many of us who transition and it is special. You may notice that I smile a lot and I try to maintain a positive attitude no matter what is happening in my life. It has been the central key to getting where I am now. It helps that through all of the trials, simply being able to be myself brought out so much happiness that I could always find that feeling again. :)

I am also grateful for every donation I have received. As I mentioned, there was just enough donated (by the slimmest of margins!) for me to be confident enough to move forward with this. 

On to surgery and on to seeing what 2018 will bring!

-Ari

For more about my story and for my transgender advocacy website: http://arianadanielle.com

For donations: http://youcaring.com/helparianaout

For my Twitch channel: http://twitch.tv/maidenariana

I almost forgot!!

What would a Halloween Hormone-iversary be without Costumes! 

Yay! I love dressing up for Halloween now that I can finally be me while doing it!

Happy Halloween everyone!

#RE-BLOGS OKAY ONLY IF YOU ARE NOT A PORN BLOG

WIG REVIEW: AVENGERS - INFINITY WAR

OH GURL, I finally saw Infinity War! Yes, I’m a full week late to this party but y’all know I had to wait that long to see this with MoviePass. Was it worth the wait? Decidedly: no. I mean, it’s the Marvel Universe and and the wigs are always terrible! But the twist here is: SO WAS THE ENTIRE MOVIE. LET’S DISCUSS.

SO MANY SPOILERS AHEAD.

Straight up: this movie is about jewelry. The only other movie I have wasted so much time at that devoted so much time to jewelry was Titanic and it’s hard to say which movie I hated more? I guess still Titanic but I honestly don’t know. They are both really long, cost way too much money, and involved deaths that didn’t need to happen. So that’s the whole thing with Infinity War, right? We were promised that beloved (?) characters would die and they do but also NOT REALLY. BUCKLE UP FOR THE MOST EXHAUSTING RECAP OF NONSENSE EVER.

So blah blah blah Thanos is this intergalactic psychopath “played by” Josh Brolin but mainly played by a computer, as with most characters in the Marvel Universe. Anyway, he needs to get all 6 infinity stones to complete his blinged out Dr Claw from Inspector Gadget hand. 

That is basically the entire plot of the movie. Thanos is basically Liberace but slightly less gay and with no apparent piano playing abilities who I guess hates overpopulation and is a complete psychopath? You do the math on this one.

The movie starts exactly where my beloved Thor: Wignarock left off with Loki’s increasingly terrible Disaster Artist locks billowing in the space wind as Thanos demands some effing bling. Tessa Thompson is somehow not there because she has much more important things to do. Loki delivers some infinity stone he just had laying around someplace because sure and promptly dies (?) All deaths in this movie are highly questionable but this one seems possibly legit and I’m fine with it because this wig is terrible and Tom Hiddleston can do better. Same goes for Idris Elba who also dies (?).  I’m very happy that these two handsome men have been freed from the shackles of the Marvel Universe and the bad wigs that go with them. Thor and The Hulk are also there but are somehow spared by Thanos because his deal seems to be only killing HALF the good guys but only sometimes and don’t ask why because you certainly will get no answers. 

Moving on, the Hulk crashlands into Dr. Strange’s olde curiousity shoppe and gurl I can’t even with this lewk. I’m all for capes ALWAYS but this HAIR. There are many jokes about Dr. Strange being a wizard and he does look like a very bad magician always. Anyway he gets the 411 on this bling situation from the Hulk which is troubling since possesses some of that bling. It should be noted that the bling he possesses can alter time and space so you’d think the bling could just protect itself and everyone around it but I guess that is too logical for this movie? So instead he decides to go ask another mad genius with a goatee for help!

OMG GOOP IS BACK. HAHHAHAHAHHA. LOOK AT THIS EFFING WIG. 

YOU CAN SEE THE LINE OF THE WIG WITH HER REAL HAIR UNDERNEATH. Ok, I understand that building entire characters and planets out of computers is $$$ but for the characters that are played by people, could we maybe get a wig assist? MARVEL UNIVERSE FOR SHAME.

But this wig is not long for this Marvel Universe since Iron Man decides to form a goatee alliance with Dr. Strange because of course. Look at these weirdos! Side note: these are absolutely the kind of dudes who always go to see movies at Film Forum. Anyway, Robert Downey, Jr’s dye job alone is very upsetting but THOSE GLASSES. NO.

Anyway, the goatee alliance proves terrible at protecting NYC streets despite the fact that DR STRANGE’S NECKLACE CAN CHANGE TIME OMG JUST USE THE NECKLACE. Instead, Dr. Strange is beamed aboard a spaceship where he is given the worst acupuncture treatment this side of Hellraiser. 

Iron Man and Spider-Man somehow save the day by literally stealing a plotpoint from Aliens and then all three make a lot more stupid movie references while also completely failing at doing anything productive involving highly important timeshifting bling.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Scotland, a Transilvanian Witch and a robot twice her age with a flashlight in his forehead have found love outside a kebab shop. 

BUT NOT FOR LONG because WWII wet rag Chris Evans who inexplicably has given himself a butch makeover and ScarJo in the best hair she’s ever had in the Marvel Universe show up to tell them that they need to destroy said forehead flashlight because it’s one of the bling Thanos needs for his bling claw. This is where all logic really goes out the window. The Avengers refuse to sacrifice the “life” of Robot Paul Bettany for the good of, well, THE UNIVERSE so instead to go find help in extracting the bling AND saving a robot’s life in Wakanda because apparently the only capable person in this entire movie is our gurl Shuri.

Anyway, back in space, The Guardians of the Galaxy save Thor who has just been floating around half dead since Thanos left. This means that Chris Pratt and Chris Hemsworth meet face to face and they’re definitely the best looking and funniest in the Marvel Universe so fine. Still, Gamora’s upsetting Halloween Adventure wig continues to exist. Look at these guys looking at it. NO. Anyway, the Chris party is shortlived as Thor needs to go get a new hammer.

But who could make a new hammer? PETER DINKLAGE OF COURSE. The episodic nature of this movie already feels like a sci-fi version of Game of Thrones so why not? He’s the best part of that show and this movie, obvs. He plays a giant dwarf (?) created through highly questionable photoshop not unlike my #2 favorite character in Thor: Wignarock - that GIANT EFFING WOLF. Anyway, this is the best picture I can find of his insane mountain man wig which is very awful. Regardless, he makes Thor an axe with an assist from Groot and also an assist from Thor getting a really terrible sunburn to make it all happen. Whatever? OH: also that raccoon gives Thor a new eye which somehow matches his other eye. Bye, eyepatch!

Anyway, The Guardians go to see Benicio del Toro in his batshit crazy space wig which is so terrible as to maybe be amazing. He definitely has given Thanos some bling that alters reality and they fight and blah blah, Thanos ends up stealing away Gamora, aka his adoptive daughter but not before she tells Chris Pratt she loves him! Yay?

Oh but then in order to get the soul bling (which is not what I imagined), he DEFINITELY throws her off a cliff. But is she dead? DEATH IS NEVER CERTAIN ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THAT REALITY BLING SO EVERYTHING CAN BE CHANGED AND WHY ARE WE EVEN STILL WATCHING THIS NOW SINCE THERE ARE NO ACTUAL STAKES.

Anyway, Chris Pratt and co meet up with the goatee/Spider-Man party and everything devolves into “witty” repartee and terrible decision-making. Thanos shows up and that insect chick puts a spell on him but for some reason they don’t use this magic slumber to kill him, just to try to get his bling claw off and they fail because Chris Pratt can’t control his DAMN TEMPER BECAUSE GAMORA IS MAYBE DEAD BUT PROBABLY NOT SO JUST EFFING CHILL DUDE. Anyway, to save Iron Man, Dr. Strange ends up giving up his bling so Thanos only has one bling left to get...dun dun dun.

Back in Wakanda, Paul Bettany’s bling is being extracted by Shuri but meanwhile, they are totally under attack by some horrible space dogs because obvs. Fighting alongside Wakanda’s already awesome fighters are Chris Evans, ScarJo and the Winter Soldier hisself. GODDAMN THAT IS A TERRIBLE WIG. I mean, truly truly truly outrageously bad.

Also outrageously bad? The fact that all of Wakanda is under attack JUST TO SAVE ROBOT PAUL BETTANY. SO MANY INNOCENT WAKANDANS HAVE TO FIGHT AND ARE KILLED BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO KILL A ROBOT AND WHY DID ANYONE IN WAKANDA AGREE TO THIS INSANE PLAN EVEN MICHONNE FROM THE WALKING DEAD. WHAT IN THE VERY HELL. It should also be noted that Black Panther is the only movie in the Marvel Universe that wurqs wig-wise so truly, this is all really plummeting their stock.

So Thor shows up and almost saves the day but then Thanos shows up and then everyone realizes that they have to just destroy this robot anyway to destroy the bling and this was all a huge and terrible waste of time because OBVIOUSLY.

This makes that Transilvanian witch in a horrible horrible horrible red wig that Robot Paul Bettany loves very very sad because somehow a witch is the only person who can destroy bling in this movie which is a plotpoint I appreciate but then she has to also destroy her robot lover but like: IT’S THE ONLY WAY WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST DO THAT BACK AT THE KEBAB SHOP. WHAT IN THE VERY HELL, AVENGERS?!

So then everyone just keeps fighting Thanos even though he is completely unstoppable but like...maybe just fighting him hand to hand will work? (It doesn’t work). Nothing works! Nothing wurqs! The Avengers are completely useless and Thanos just peaces out and then things get completely mindbogglingly stupid:

HALF THE POPULATION OF THE WORLD INCLUDING HALF OF THE AVENGERS JUST DISAPPEARS INTO SMOKE LIKE AN OFFBRAND EPISODE OF THE LEFTOVERS WHICH I’VE NEVER SEEN AND DEFINITELY WON’T NOW.

Huh? Yes, this was Thanos’s plan all along! But obviously, these deaths are not real! I can’t even tell you who got whisked away and who didn’t because one of the people blown away was Black Panther and THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THEY ARE ACTUALLY KILLING OFF BLACK PANTHER. Also before he’s blown away, Dr. Strange says something about how this was the only way (after earlier doing like 14 million calculations) so clearly: they win in the end.

But not the end of THIS movie. No! No! The Marvel Universe refuses to be self contained to one movie. So the whole thing just...ends! For now! Like one big hanging chad of death until the next Avengers movie (A YEAR AWAY) when definitely everyone will live again. THE MARVEL UNIVERSE JUST MADE DEATH NOT A REALITY AND WASTED ALL OUR TIME IN THE PROCESS. There has not been a more ridiculous cliffhanger ending to a movie since The Empire Strikes Back and absolutely both endings are true garbage filmmaking THERE I SAID IT. 

At this point, I ask myself: HOW MANY DAYS HAVE I LOST TO THE MARVEL UNIVERSE? How many overlong movies have I watched to prepare for other overlong movies THAT DON’T HAVE AN ENDING? HOW DOES THIS CYCLE CONTINUE? WHEN WILL WE BE DONE? NEVER! BECAUSE WE’LL KEEP SEEING THEM BECAUSE WE DON’T VALUE OUR TIME AND BECAUSE WE’RE GARBAGE PEOPLE. THE END.

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

Love, Simon KLANCE AU

Blue is all I think about. His grammatically correct sentences. His mutual love for green space goo. His taste in music. You see, I am an open book. I have lots of friends, I am an avid, yet not the best, thespian, and have a great, loving, understanding family. But, you see, in my story I haven't yet released a certain chapter. There is something I am not ready to tell the world of watching, judging eyes. I'm gay. It feels weird to even think about it. Even though I have a great life with the people I love and share my deepest feelings on a regular basis with my best friends, Shiro, a guitarist with the voice of an angel, and Shay, a snarky girl with a knack for sarcasm, and Allura, a new girl with a heart of gold, I feel caged. In a prison where I have the key, but can't bare to unlock the door. But then there's Blue. Only with him do I feel like I am truly free. The only problem is that I've never met the guy. We email every day in hopes of learning about one another yet don't want to meet. But, even though we have distant communications, I feel like I know him so well, and that he knows me even better.

"Hey Keith," said Lotor, a guy I didn't really know all that well but seemed decent. "Uh you left your email open on one of the computers. Who's Blue?" I knew I should've waited until I got home to email Blue but I couldn't resist my self so I used a public computer at my school's library.

"You read my email? What the heck man?"

"I didn't really mean to but, uh, anyways you're friends with Allura right?"

"Yea but still why in the the name of Altea would you read my email?"

"Well since you're friends with her I think we can do eachother a solid. You help me get with Allura and your dumb little emails stay private. If you don't help me I release the emails."

"Did you take pictures of my personal emails? That is so messed up dude."

"I'll let you think about it." Lotor left. I couldn't believe I was being blackmailed into setting my friend up with somebody so I could be safe from myself. My prison cell walls grew thicker and now I was being shackled to the wall.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: All Hallows' Eve

Dear Blue,

Do you celebrate Halloween? In my house Halloween is a sacred day of a certain type of magic. We always dress up in the craziest things we can find. One year, my little sister, that will remain unnamed, dressed up as a literal trash can. Like? My mom usually goes as a new alien every year. My favorite costume of hers was her galran costume. I mean it was spot on. My dad is southern so usually he is cowboy or country singer. But he has gone astray from his yee-haw ways. Like one year he was a smurf. Don't know why he chose that but he did. And my older sister Acxa really likes to out-do everyone else. But this year he's in college so I'll have to provide for the family. I'd love to know what you're dressing up as this year. I'll give you a hint for my legendary costume: it's simple but classic.

Love,

Romeo

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Re: All Hallows' Eve

Dear Romeo,

Yes I do celebrate Halloween, but not in the colossal way that your family does. Also, a trash can? That's just crazy. Sadly, I am not dressing up this year because my mom has a work party so I will be home alone handing out candy to trick or treaters. I know, pathetic. I mean someone has to do the job. And I'm guessing that you are going as a sheet with two holes in it, alternatively known as a ghost. Simple yet classic, right? Anyways I hope you're costume provides for your family and that you are granted many a treats.

Love,

Blue

"Hey Keith! Let's go!" Said Allura. We were running late for musical practice and if we did not arrive on our cues, let's just say it would not be favorable.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. You can go ahead since you're the one with an actual part." This year the school play is Newsies and Allura plays Katherine, one of the largest roles. Whereas, I play Romeo, a background kid with a couple of lines. Still, I was there for the experience not for a leading role. Allura left and right as I looked away from her figure turning a corner I saw the face of a sniveling, blackmailing, little turd.

"Any updates on whether or not you'll be taking my gracious offer?"

"Do I have a choice?" I turned away from him because I knew that if I saw his face one more time I would definitely slap him, or punch him, or both. I really need to work on my impulse control.

"Technically you do, but I'm pretty sure that you favor one of the options quite greatly."

"What do you want know?"

"Is Abby going to any parties or events in the upcoming days or weeks because if she is, I'd strongly recommend that you invite me along for the ride. Of course, you could deny me my wishes but I think you wouldn't, you know for Blue's sake."

"Halloween, Shiro's house, 9:00 PM." I bitterly and reluctantly told him.

"See you there." He turned and left, on his way to practice where I'd have to pretend like I thought he was a friend of mine and cordially invite him to a social event where he doesn't belong. Thank God for acting.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: I don't even know

Dear Blue,

Have you ever wished you were a kid again? Like being an infant was the best. No worries, no problems, just life. When my sisters and I were young Wednesday fantasize about a place where everything was green space goo. We lived in a green space goo (GSG) castle with a GSG moat surrounding it and all of the townspeople were made of GSG. And the meals were simply divine. For breakfast we had GSG pudding with GSG chocolate milk, for lunch it was grilled GSG sandwiches with a side of GSG soup, and for dinner it was just three platters of straight-up GSG. Man, that was the life. Anyways, I know this email was extremely weird but it was all I could think about today since problems are starting arise throughout my life (yay!). Now I am signing off for the day so I wish you a many great fortunes for the day.

Love,

Romeo

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Re: I don't even know

Dear Romeo,

Well that was random. But like in a good way. It's like I'm learning more about you than I know about myself. And I want that. And now I'm making myself over-worked on whether or not you'll like me saying stuff like that. Well now I am having a mental breakdown and if I don't send this to you in exactly 30 seconds I will combust with worry. So, bye :).

Love,

Blue

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: *faints*

Dear Blue,

Please keep saying stuff like that.

Love,

A happy little Romeo

Today in school I saw Blue everywhere. In a kid's smile, a friend's laugh, even a teacher's lecture. It was like all I cared about was Blue. Which is honestly not wrong. With Blue I know that I am safe and happy. In the outside world there is so much hurt, but with Blue it's like I'm free and not caring about anything except for my feelings for Blue. If this is what it feels like to be in love, then sign me up. I couldn't bare to think about a day without any correspondence with Blue. It would be like pizza with no cheese; still a pizza, but has no purpose. I just want to let everything go except for Blue. Is that too much too ask?

^work in progress; hope y'all like it

INFO: I do ship KLANCE but the rest of the pairings and familial relationships are mostly based on who I think would make a good character fit. If you have any suggestions please message me!