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#also thank u julie for being such a comfort to draw after a long break <3
thesunwillart · 2 years
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“miss her and her little legs but crazy big dreams” 
so true madison so true. happy 2 year anniversary jatp. you’ve changed my life for the better <3
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brerediddy · 6 years
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more than survive - chapter 5
Jeremy attempted to get through the rest of the weekend without a mental breakdown. He was pretty proud of himself, overall, because he’d managed to only have five panic attacks. It wasn’t ideal, but it was okay due to the fact that his world was crashing down around him. He had finally encountered a villain who was smarter and stronger than his worst dreams. Not only could he not feasibly defeat him in a single battle but now he had to work with him, for god’s sake. He had no choice: not when Michael was on the line. Jeremy had researched everything he could on the SQUIP but couldn’t find anything other than a news article about his destruction in the city. He sighed and shoved the mouse aside. He couldn’t keep thinking about this. He’d spent all of Saturday worrying and pacing.
Jeremy opened up Skype just out of curiosity. As the application opened, he stared at the green “online ” symbol next to Michael’s name. He wondered if this is how Gatsby felt. He desperately wanted to see him, to talk to him, to ensure that he was okay. Just as he was about to make his move, his monitor lit up as a ringtone began to play.
Incoming Call From: Michael
The other boy worried on his lower lip and accepted the call, pushing his hair off of his forehead. He hoped he looked at least semi-okay.
“Hey,” Michael greeted, a relaxed smile on his face. “I was bored and I saw you were online.”
Jeremy fought back a grin and immediately felt more at ease. “What's up?”
The boy shrugged. “Hanging out. How’s your weekend been?”
“It’s okay,” he lied. He didn't want Michael to press more because then he would actually break down. To elaborate, Jeremy added, “I mean, it's been pretty lazy. I feel unproductive.”
“Hey, that's alright. Being lazy is good sometimes,” Michael intoned. He was playing with something out of view of the camera but Jeremy had a suspicion that it was his Rubik's Cube. He always needed to have something in his hands, moving and twisting. “But I know what you mean. Whenever I’m too lazy, I get frustrated. Usually, though, I just play a level or two of Donkey Kong and I feel better.”
Jeremy nodded in agreement. He scratched at the back of his neck, unsure of what else to say. A weight was heavy on his chest but he couldn't tell Michael. Not like this. And he couldn't exactly say, ’Hey, you know that new SQUIP guy? Well, he knows your name because, by the way, I’m Spider-Man—and he threatened to hurt you if I don't follow his orders. See you at school!’ All he could do for the time being was wait for the SQUIP to contact him. He would complete the task and keep his best friend safe. And said best friend wouldn't have to know. Easy, right? Then why did he feel so nauseous?
“Jeremy? Hello?” Michael’s voice pierced his anxious resolve.
“Sorry. Um, bad connection, I think,” he spoke. “Were you saying something?”
“I asked when you started working out.”
Jeremy furrowed his brows in confusion. “I haven't? Michael, you know that I would never willingly exercise.”
“Where'd those arms come from, then?” Michael asked, staring unashamedly at Jeremy’s body. “And your chest, man.”
“U-Um,” he stammered. He had picked up a lot of strength with his web-slinging and cardio from his various battles, but he didn't think it was anything noticeable. “Actually, come to think of it, I have worked out with Rich a few times. He invited me and I didn't want to be rude.” Jeremy couldn't look Michael in the eye. Although the attention was a bit unexpected, he couldn't help but enjoy that Michael had noticed.
“Ah,” he nodded in response. “I got you. But, hey, you're kind of...attractive, I guess ? Is that weird to say?”
Jeremy swallowed heavily. “No, it's not weird. Thanks for thinking I look decent.”
“Better than decent,” Michael hummed. After a split-second, he seemed panicked and stopped messing around with his Rubik's Cube for the first time during the conversation. “N-Not that you didn't look fine— good, before, either.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um. Yeah. I’m going to stop talking now.”
Jeremy felt heat rise to his cheeks and he shrugged. “Thanks,” he said. His mind vaguely flashed back to when Michael had called Spider-Man hot. Maybe the suit wasn’t the only factor. Maybe Jeremy had a shot? “Anyway. What have you been up to this weekend?”
The other boy shrugged as well, mirroring Jeremy and going back to his Rubik’s cube with impressive focus. “I’ve just been laying around, really. Where were you yesterday? You, like, hardly texted me.”
He considered the fact that he’d spent the previous day as a literal ball of anxiety and wondered how much he should tell Michael. He had already decided not to let him in on the threat because, honestly, did Michael really need that stress in his life right now? Jeremy didn’t think so. Although he couldn’t explain the cause of his panic, Michael always helped to calm him down and Jeremy needed to feel calm. He shook his head and finally responded, “I was pretty anxious. It just wasn’t a great day.”
Michael nodded in understanding and lifted his eyes to search Jeremy’s face. He said, “What were you anxious about?”
“Just, like, life in general. I think,” Jeremy lied. Although he supposed that it wasn’t exactly a lie.
The other boy hummed and Jeremy heard a noise which must have been Michael setting the cube down on his desk. “Have you considered talking to anyone about it?”
“I talk to you,” he responded steadily. He knew that it wasn’t what the other boy meant, but that didn’t stop him from meeting his best friend’s brown eyes a bit defiantly.
“Jeremy,” Michael spoke, slightly drawing out the vowels. “You know that I love to listen. I do. I’ll listen to you speak forever...but I’m also not a therapist. I can’t help you if your anxiety is getting bad again.”
“You help me more than you think you do,” he responded.
Michael tried to ignore the small swell in his chest as he set his jaw. “I’m not telling you that you have to go. I’m just saying that it’s an option you have, if it keeps bothering you.”
“Thanks, Michael,” Jeremy acknowledged offhandedly, hoping to drop the subject. He let out a long breath and said with a bit of a kinder tone, “I’ll let you know if it gets bad enough for that. I think it’s just temporary. There’s just...a lot in my life, right now. That’s all.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know.” Jeremy rubbed at his temples. He let out a breath before saying, “Hey, whatever happened with that vinyl you were trying to get ahold of?”
Michael knew that the other boy was changing the point of conversation; he wasn’t stupid. But if Jeremy didn’t want to talk about his anxiety, then he didn’t have to. Michael wouldn’t force him. He just didn’t want his best friend to reach his breaking point like he had a few years prior. He couldn’t see Jeremy in that state again—jumpy and shaking and staying in bed for days at a time. He couldn’t watch him go through that. Regardless, the boy wasn’t comfortable talking about whatever was troubling him. Michael had to respect that. He reached for his Rubik’s cube again and began to spin it aimlessly. “I couldn’t get in contact with the seller. I feel like I probably lost the bid.”
Jeremy placed his elbow on his desktop and rested his head upon the palm on his upturned hand. “That’s too bad. Except now I have something to get you for your birthday.”
Michael smiled softly and responded, “Well now that you’ve told me, it won’t be a surprise.”
“You and I both know that you’re going to forget about this conversation long before July.”
“Touché.” Michael ran a hand through his hair, pushing the strands that had fallen into his eyes back to their rightful place.
Jeremy couldn’t help but watch the movement and admire how effortlessly cute his best friend was. Once he realized that he must have been gazing for far too long for it to be considered normal, he swallowed his feelings quickly. That was a problem for Future Jeremy.
-
The next morning, Jeremy thought that he had awoke to his usual alarm and slowly rolled over to turn off the harsh ringing. When he did, he could see that he was actually receiving a phone call and it was only...five o’clock in the morning? What the fuck? He didn't have to be up for school for another two hours and the number calling him was unrecognizable. As soon as his sleepy brain caught up, his stomach dropped. It had to be the SQUIP. He swallowed nervously, propping himself up on his elbow. Taking a deep breath, the boy answered the phone.
“Jeremy, good morning,” the familiar tone registered. He still sounded cocky and Jeremy still wanted to punch him.
“What do you want?” He tried to keep the anxiety from his voice, but he figured that his facade was not very convincing.
“Meet me at the eleventh street lot,” the SQUIP requested cooly.
“But th-that’s closed down. And locked up.” Jeremy hated his stutter. It came out at the most inconvenient times. He ran a hand through his hair and spoke, “I have school. I’m seventeen.”
“You can go to school in the afternoon. I’ll only need you for a few hours.” The SQUIP hummed an odd distortion of the Jeopardy theme. “So what do you say? Eleventh street lot in half an hour. Oh, and don’t bother with the costume. It’s just a waste of time.”
“Do I have a choice?” Jeremy sat up in bed, blinking a few times to make sense of his surroundings in the dark.
“No. Well, yes, technically. But we all know what the consequences are if you make the wrong one, don't we?” And with that, the phone line went dead.
Jeremy threw his phone down a bit harshly onto his pillow. He hated this. He hated everything about this. He supposed the only good thing about the situation was that, in spending time with his enemy, he was bound to learn more. Maybe he could figure out a way to defeat him. The boy groaned as he stood up and then, on second thought, turned back to grab his phone. He needed to keep Michael informed so that his best friend would stop looking at him with worry and instead go back to looking at him with fondness.
He typed a quick text saying that he wasn't feeling well and he wouldn't need a ride to school. He added that if he felt better in the afternoon, he would walk and meet him for lunch. As he set down his phone, he took a deep breath to steel himself and began to get ready for the (long) day ahead.
Jeremy arrived at the location exactly twenty-seven minutes later. It was still dark but the beginning of dawn could be made out along the horizon. He tried to hide a small shiver at the cool breeze of the morning air. The SQUIP was already there, leaning against the padlocked gate and staring at his hands. He looked the same as he had during their last encounter, except that he now wore a blue scarf that swayed in the slight wind.  
“Punctual,” he drawled, not looking up from his nails. Jeremy noted that they were painted black. The SQUIP spoke, “I like that. It’s a good quality to have.”
“What are we doing here?” The teenager crossed his arms over his chest defensively, burying his hands in the sleeves of his sweatshirt. “It’s locked,like I said.”
“Watch and learn, kid,” the man said as he finally met Jeremy’s eyes. As expected, his eyes were brightly glowing blue. He held out a hand to hover over the lock and seemed to focus his energy, biting his lip ever-so-slightly. A small source of gray light appeared and suddenly, the lock fell onto the ground; broken.
“H-How’d you do that?”
The SQUIP gave a grin that looked more like a sneer and said, “Like I said, you’d be amazed at what you could do if you just put your mind to it.”
“You sound like an annoying infomercial.” Jeremy felt his phone vibrate in his pocket but he ignored it. He didn’t want to move his eyes away from the person in front of him.
“Aren’t you going to get that? It could be Michael,” he taunted.
“I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
“How romantic,” the SQUIP remarked flatly. He pushed through the gate and into the lot. Greenery pushed through cracks in the cement and a half-deconstructed brick wall split the space into two.
“Why did you choose this? Isn’t it, y’know, pretty public?”
“No one comes here. No one even comes down this street. I’ve been monitoring it for a while. It’s wide open but actually private enough to work.”
“Speaking of work…” Jeremy began, but trailed off. He didn’t know what he wanted to ask. He didn’t know where to begin or what was expected of him.
“Ah, yes. I’m glad you asked,” the SQUIP nodded. “For today, I just want to observe. I’ll ask you to do things that will showcase your powers and you’ll obey. Got it?”
Jeremy could feel his heart in his throat but he agreed anyway. He had no choice, right? He couldn’t piss this guy off, it was way too risky. Just think of Michael. He had to do it - for him.
“Shoot a web at that wall and swing up to the top.” Jeremy did as he was asked and he was met with a sound of approval from the man. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”
-
When Jeremy arrived at school that afternoon, he felt sore and tired and disgusted with himself. He'd voluntarily shown his arch-enemy the full range of his powers. That was probably a bad call on his part. He pulled off his sweatshirt and shoved it into his locker, slamming the door shut when he was done. Jeremy stared at the metal hinges for a moment, feeling like he was missing something. He let out a long groan when he realized that he’d forgotten a pencil and pulled it back open. His muscles ached from exerting his powers for such an extended period of time. He had also been running on a seriously small amount of sleep, which he figured wasn't a good combination. Caught up in his own thoughts, the boy didn't notice Michael’s presence next to him until his best friend cleared his throat.
“Michael!” Jeremy started, trying to keep himself from jumping in shock. “When did you get here?”
“Uh, a few minutes ago. I saw you going to your locker so I followed. You okay?”
“Me? I'm fine. Tired. But fine.” Jeremy nodded once to himself and then again to Michael. “What about you? How was class?” He rooted through his textbooks to find his pencil and ignored the ache in his bicep.
“Fine. Jake got our entire English class out of a pop quiz today,” he responded. He played with the strings of his hoodie for a second, not entirely looking at the other boy. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah, much better. I just needed to sleep a little bit, that’s all.” Jeremy emerged from his locker victoriously, closing the metal door and holding his pencil with pride. “Found it.”
Michael gave him a smile and said, “Congratulations, Sherlock. Hey, by the way, did you get my text earlier?”
“Shit, sorry. No. I haven’t checked my phone.” The boy reached into his pocket and fished out the cell phone. He turned it on and saw the message:
5:31 AM        From: michael mell straight from hell    
hope u feel better soon bc i got a new game and we should give it a shot after school
Jeremy looked up from his phone excitedly. “What’s the game? We should totally play. Is it zombies? Or, uh, robots? Those are your forté but maybe it’s like, aliens or something. That would be cool,” he rambled. Finally, he felt the slightest bit back to normal. BSM (Before Spider-Man) normal. Here he was, in the middle of the school corridor, eagerly discussing video games with his best friend. Nothing else mattered except the thought of spending the evening drinking slushies, eating cheese puffs, and playing a game.
“Aliens, actually. Something different!” Michael exclaimed. “It’s supposed to be like Space Invaders but modernized, I guess. It seems super cool.”
“Do you want to grab snacks after school and then head to your place?”
“Absolutely.” Michael slung an arm around Jeremy’s shoulders casually, turning down the hallway to head to their next class together.
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