new sources of guilt for today:

fell asleep on the couch last night, could not be woken up enough to move, slept on couch for most of night before eventually regaining consciousness and going to bed

because set alarm in context of above, did not remember that i was going to need to get up with or before 🌸 in order to buy milk; accordingly 🌸 bought milk

allowed my dad’s insane thing about vacations to actually come out of my stupid mouth, have probably defused but will maybe have to re-defuse again later, 🌸 took it gracefully but jesus fucking christ

it’s not like i needed another reason to add to the list of reasons that it’s intrinsically impossible for me to stop doing this job but i’m pretty sure i’m hanging on to 🌸’s parents’ tolerance primarily through an adequate display of aspiration to upward mobility and quitting my phd would really bring my, um, solidly middle-class doesn’t-know-about-financial-instruments uncouth jewish executive dysfunction qualities back into the foreground