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piratewithvigor · 3 years

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My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously.

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged.

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

#I made this instead of doing homework #Classic Rock #Meme

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megazeo · 7 years

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MST3K: The Return: Thoughts

So, I finally finished Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Return on Netflix today. My thoughts are as such - And be warned, there be spoilers here.

Things I liked (essentially everything):

One of the things I was worried about most, the cast, is great. I've come to really like Jonah, I absolutely love Kinga and Max. Hampton Yount and Baron Vaughn do a great job as Crow and Servo (though I ultimately prefer Hampton/Crow, who sounds like a younger Trace). It was great seeing Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy again as well. I actually liked Growler and even kinda hope he sticks around. It'd be interesting to see a new Bot on the Satellite, interacting with the main three. We've gotten new hosts and Mads before, but never a new Bot. It could be an interesting dynamic. Heck, bring Waverly back, too. He could be the "Kenny" and be killed off by Servo and Crow every episode or so. The new Satellite is cool as are all the little details in the doorway sequence. It's a little too Robot Chicken-y for my tastes, but overall I like it. For a second I was worried about the new theme song: "Next Sunday A.D., there was a guy named Jonah, not too different from you and me, he worked at Gizmonic Institute, just another mug in a yellow jumpsuit"... I was worried they had just reused Joel's theme but replaced his name with Jonah's. I literally said "Oh thank you" out loud when I heard the "the distress call came in" section.

I really like that this seems to be a mash up, in-universe-wise, of the Joel and Mike eras of the show. Jonah is an employee of Gizmonic Institute, but Pearl, Brain Guy, Bobo, and the Observers factor in heavily as well. It's a nice touch and really helps bring the universe together. I mean, I know it's only MST3K and all, but still. The Skeleton Crew playing old MST3K songs for the 'commercial breaks.' This is a really cool tip of the hat to the show's musical history. I like that most of the original show's old running gags and catchphrases were present: "Rat Patrol, in color!" "Hikeeba!" "Watch out for snakes!" "They tampered in God's domain." I think the only one that didn't get used was "I'm huge!" and I might even be mistaken about that. I love the name "Reptilicus Metallicus." I can't believe they ended on a cliffhanger my God you can't just do that how am I supposed to wait for Season 12?!

Things I absolutely hate:

Gypsy's new voice. I knew Rebecca Hanson was taking over as her and I had no problem with that - Crow and Servo were getting new voice actors, so clearly Gypsy would as well. But whereas Hampton and Baron are doing the voices of the characters Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo, Rebecca is doing the exact opposite as Gypsy. Gone is her iconic, dopey, "sad cow" voice and instead she is given the blandest, "white woman-est," "soccer mom-est", most uninteresting voice possible. Why couldn't Rebecca just do Gypsy's voice? This is really the only thing about the new season that I cannot stand whatsoever.

Things that need a little work:

I like Gypsy's "ceiling mode," but I'd like it better if they alternated between that and regular standing Gypsy. She's supposed to be going around working on the ship, right? It'd make sense if sometimes she was down on the floor and sometimes she was up on the ceiling.

Servo's arms. Look, if they want to have Servo's arms function and be able to move and hold things, that's great. But part of Servo's charm was his silly useless dangling Slinky arms. But now his arms are always those stiff, unmoving silver ones. Unless they're filming a scene that specifically requires Servo to use his arms, they should always just use the Slinky arms by default.

All the A.D.D. shit going on in the theater. Look, I get it. MST has a budget now. But the original MST3K was hilarious and all they did was sit in the corner. Sure, every now and then there was the occasional sight gag - like the trio ducking if something shot towards the screen, or when Joel "grew" in Godzilla vs. Megalon, or that time Mike ran from the car in Final Justice - but those were few and far between and didn't happen twenty times per episode. Watching Servo fly around on screen, Gypsy come up and down with her basket, Crow climbing up on grape vines, and all the damn props Jonah and the Bots use, is just unfunny and distracting. I'm not here to watch shadow puppets, I'm here to listen to... puppets... in shadows... You know what I mean! The only time the "Servo flying around" thing was funny was when he pretended to lift the space rocket in Time Travelers. And while the drones in Avalanche were funny, it completely goes against Crow's and Servo's character - How many times while watching a movie did they wish for the main heroine to strip down? They'd hardly be the first ones in line to cover up female nudity. And what is with that damn basket Gypsy keeps bringing into and taking out of the theater?! It wasn't explained the first time she did it in Reptilicus and it isn't explained the last time she does it in At the Earth's Core. At first I thought it was part of her joke in Reptilicus, but then it kept happening in every episode. Does it serve a purpose? Why can't she come in without it? And why does she always have to appear at the start and end of the movie? Why can't she come in randomly at different times?

Whenever Joel, Mike, and the Bots wore costumes for host segments, they would often keep them in the theater and wear them while watching the next section of movie. Sadly, this tradition is not kept for this season. It would've been fun to see Raccoon Crow and Servo or Steampunk Crow and Servo in the theater. The Robot Roll Call. I like what they were going for visually, but I miss the Bots' names popping out. Obviously they wouldn't want to use the same big foam words on strings as before, but I wish they'd display their names in some fashion, like cartoony graphics popping up on screen or something. Also, I'm sad that they broke tradition and didn't keep Joel's voice for the Roll Call. Now, as much as I love the Skeleton Crew playing old MST3K songs, they only play the same six songs: Livin' in Deep 13, Creepy Girl, To Earth!, United Servo Academy Men's Chorus Hymn, The Canada Song, and Sidehackin'. All great choices, but good lord, only a small sample of MST's classic tunes. Where was Tubular Boobular Joy, Sodium, Where O Werewolf?, The Greatest Frank of All, Happy Upbeat Song, Tribute to Pants, Who Will I Kill?, Stay!, Idiot Control Now, or, heck, even the main Love Theme. As much as I love the song, by Episode 5 I was sick of hearing Livin' in Deep 13. Also, it was disappointing that for The Christmas That Almost Wasn't they only played (Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas and not Merry Christmas If That's OK. Ardy reporting to Kinga that parts of the movies kept spilling out felt like it was building up to something and then it never did. I like the idea of Synthia but she needs to be used more. We get no explanation as to why the Bots are back in space. Did Kinga bot-nap them? Did she build her own versions? Did they get bored of Earth and send themselves back into space? We have no clue. "It's just a show, you should really just relax," you may be saying, but even the original show would explain it when characters had major things happen to them. Imagine if the show never told us how Joel left, or how Mike arrived, or how Mike and the Bots returned from the edge of the universe.

Overall, despite a few hiccups that definitely need to be addressed, this is a very solid resurrection of everyone's favorite show about a man trapped in space with a bunch of robots making fun of cheesy movies. Here's hoping it's not too long before Season 12.

#me #mystery science theater 3000 #mst3k #mystery science theater 3000 the return #mst3k the return #netflix #movie reviews #tv reviews

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