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immortalcoelacanth · 4 years

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Ascendance of a Bookworm Oneshot: Regret

Ascendance of a Bookworm has a criminally minuscule amount of fics written for it, and as I’ve fallen in love with the anime and manga I’ve decided to add my own contribution! Or several! Depends on how the muse goes. The light novel is taking a bit of work to get through so this oneshot, as well as any others I write, will be manga/anime focused.

Word count: 898

Summary: Regret - A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. As he watched Main lay unconscious on the ground, with a worried Fran hovering over her, Ferdinand felt regret.

Only the sound of a quill occasionally scratching against either wood or parchment could be heard in the office belonging to the head priest. His attendants were busy completing the tasks that had been assigned to them. One cleaning up the mess that had gathered throughout the day while the other organized documents and other important things. Ferdinand was currently working on finishing up some calculations, jotting down the total on a wooden slab while noting the important bits of information on a sheet of parchment.

Unfortunately, despite his intense focus on his task, his mind soon started to wander and the typical, apathetic mask he wore began to crack. His lips twisted, turning into a frown as his brows lowered. The grip on his quill tightened as he instinctively recalled the events that had happened not too long ago.

The sight of Main, collapsed on the ground after having spent her time repenting.

His critical thinking and observations skills were something Ferdinand had worked hard to develop over the years. Taking note of the smallest of details and storing them away for later recollection was vital when navigating the political minefield that was the church. One wrong move, one misspoken word could lead to nothing but future suffering and more hassles that would have to be dealt with. In a place like this that was practically ready to explode due to the overinflated egos of the blue robed priests, such skills were mandatory for anyone.

So why, why in those moments had he forgotten about Main’s poor health?

It was a point of personal frustration for him, a sign of the lapse in his judgement and thinking skills. He was present during the negotiations, played a vital role in establishing what Main’s duties were, all with her sickly state in mind. He knew how the Devouring had affected her, stunting her growth in combination with the poor conditions she had grown up in. She was frail, fragile, and yet he had still punished her in such a way.

Main… was an intellectual, wise beyond her years and articulate, acting more like an adult than a child at times, a strange combination. She was also very headstrong and creative, but she lacked knowledge about proper etiquette. Smart, yet oh so foolish at the same time.

The oddest combination of a peasant mixed with the mannerisms and speech patterns of a noble.

Perhaps it was his personal frustrations that had clouded his judgement? For how mature and wise she acted, it was her naïve nature that constantly seemed to get her in trouble. The damage such a thing would do to her, never mind her family, he doubted she really considered the repercussions of her actions and how she portrayed herself to the other blue robed priests of the church.

Ferdinand was frustrated with her actions and lack of foresight, plain and simple, but that did not mean he disliked her or wished ill upon her. Their relationship was a complicated one, him mentoring her in the ways of the church and noble society while Main never failed to either surprise him or annoy him. It was a learning process for both of them. He valued her company and enjoyed it when she was not rambling about some topic that he could not understand.

The topic’s significance and the words she used to describe such a thing.

He let out a sigh, controlling and suppressing his emotions as his mask fell into place once more. No, it was not just the frustration that bothered him, it was the regret he felt due to his actions. Main had fallen ill because of what he had foolishly done.

His mistreatment of her, despite the reasoning he had used at the time, was wrong and he knew this. Now he had to take responsibility for his actions and make amends however, there was one problem with such a plan.

Nobles did not just apologize.

Gifts were given to express remorse and regret for the actions that had been committed and near poetic apologies were written down to communicate what the gift could not. Nobles only apologized to other nobles or those in a higher class. For a noble to apologize to someone lower in standing than them, to acknowledge a wrongdoing addressed to such a person…

He could already feel the headache forming at the thought of the chaos such an action would bring.

No, the risk was far too high if he were to say such a thing to Main in a place where anyone could hear. It would paint targets on their backs, mark him as being weak, and if the high priest found out the outcome could be catastrophic.

Main was ignorant of such things, which meant Ferdinand needed to be all the more cautious to protect himself and the strange young girl.

He had to be careful about how he went about apologizing, showcasing his intent in a way that Main would understand, even with her limited knowledge of such actions. A way that no one else would notice. Words were dangerous, but perhaps a gift might do.

A gift to provide her with the items she lacked, something that would only be perceived as a helpful gesture, and with Fran’s aid, such a plan would easily succeed with little outside intervention.

A gift to express his regret.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Ferdinand, you painfully complicated being, but I suppose the same could be said for other nobles! Not that I really know at this point, but I’m sure I will soon!

I hope you all enjoyed reading! For those of you on AO3 this will also be crossposted there, so don’t be surprised if you see it!

- ImmortalCoelacanth

#my story #fanfiction #ascendance of a bookworm #honzuki no gekokujou #ferdinand #regret is experienced #introspective

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